The Ladies' Guide to Surviving Anypocalypse

Boston, you're doing it right.

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 02:46:00 +0000

Yesterday, near the finish line of the Boston Marathon, about three hours after the winners crossed the line and approximately forty minutes after the Red Sox beat the Rays at nearby Fenway Park, two bombs went off within seconds of each other. According to USA Today, as of 1:42 AM EDT on 16 April 2013, at least three people were killed by the blasts and more than 141 people were injured.

From USA Today

The bombs went off around 2:45 in the afternoon. I heard about it from a coworker around 3:00. Because I was not in the area, I do not have firsthand information about the explosions. I do not have information that is not readily available to anyone with an Internet connection.

However, I was able to see live images of the immediate aftermath. For the most part, I would rather not have seen what people who, live on the scene, were able to post to social media sites. When I started searching for information, I knew this would be the case: I was researching a terrorist attack.

(Please note: when I say terrorist, I do not have any particular nationality in mind. A person who makes an attack of this sort, regardless of where he was born or raised, of his religious or political affiliations, is a terrorist.)

However, amid the blood and chaos, I saw something that gave me hope and made me proud: the people of Boston banded together, in their fear and pain, to help one another through the crisis.

While live camera feeds and still photos showed viewers the horrors of the day in intensely graphic detail, it also showed an almost unbelievably calm and orderly scene. Everyone was in shock, but I believe that the calm came from a deep routed resilience and sense of community. Those who were able helped those who needed assistance. The Red Cross announced that, at the time, they had enough blood and that immediate donations were not required. An announcement of this sort must have been prefaced by a surge of people wishing to help.

Counseling Centers in Boston

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I'm sorry. You want me to sleep where?

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 22:59:00 +0000

When I was a kid my parents decided to join a camping club. On the weekends during the summer and early fall, we would pack up and head to a campground. They were big woodsy places, usually on Cape Cod or in Connecticut, with a clubhouse with a pool at the top of the Hill and a few random bathhouses strategically placed around the grounds. Invariably, there was a lake and a small, sad playground.

During the day, we kids would play in the woods or down at the lake. In the evenings there were often games at the clubhouses or late night swims at the pool. Late night went until about 9:00 PM. At the campsite, we would build a fire. By we, I mean my parents and whichever of the other campers were our weekend friends.

For some reason, even after my parents purchased a camper, the kids (myself, my sister, and two brothers) had to sleep in tents. Mom said something about not wanting to track dirt into the camper. There were rules about the camper. (They usually involved not being allowed to go into it and pretending that there wasn't a toilet in it.)

From Glamping Hub

I hated camping. There were bugs, spiders, wildlife, spiders, possible serial killers, and spiders in those woods. When it was time for bed, I wished I could sleep, but nature was too close. I was eleven when we started camping - practically and adult! - I knew that canvas wasn't keeping bears out! We never actually camped in bear country, but it wouldn't keep anything else out that wanted in. My point stands.

I still dislike the idea of camping and avoid actually doing it whenever possible. Even though it seems more appealing, I do not understand glamping. However, I have to admit, I learned some valuable survival skills during those summers of boredom and bugs.
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Survivor's Toolbox: Negotiation Training

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Sun, 10 Mar 2013 03:07:00 +0000

I am not much of a bargain hunter. I do not like to ask for deals or discounts or specials. I have heard of the Secret Starbucks Menu but have never partaken of it. I am that person who gets ripped off at a yard sale. What I am saying is that, until recently, if I were to end up in a position where I had to haggle or negotiate, I probably would not do well.

At my day job, I was given the opportunity to take a negotiation training course. I didn't want to take it (in large part because I knew it would not involve a Hostage Situation). I tried to get out of doing it a few times but eventually I caved. In hindsight, I most likely could not get out of taking the course because I did not know how to negotiate very well.

I did not become a negotiation expert after a five week, ten hour, course. However, I did learn a few things that will definitely come in handy when, after the Sentient Pet Rock Uprising, I am trying to negotiate with a farmer for a larger, yet less radioactive, chicken.

The following are a few tips. This list is by no means all encompassing.
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Do Not Panic. I Repeat: Do Not Panic.

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 02:48:00 +0000

Here in the US Northeast, we are having a bit of a storm. The winds are gusting around 40 miles per hour at the moment. Visibility is nil. Massachusetts has a driving ban on that if violated could mean a $500 fine and a year in jail.

If you are in this part of the world: don't panic. We've done this before. We'll do it again.
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Survivor's Bookshelf: How to Survive the End of the World as We Know It

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 18:26:00 +0000

Find it on Amazon

I've been working on this book review for a while. What I mean is I have been trying desperately to read the book all the way through. The book in question is How to Survive the End of the World as We Know It by James Wesley, Rawles the founder of survivalblog.com.

My problem with this book is not its content. I just didn't enjoy reading it. I found the prose both stilted and self-congradulatory. The author uses abbreviations that are overly long and unwieldy (e.g. - TEOTWAWKI). These two flaws kept me from being engaged by the material: they made reading this book intensely difficult because I felt like I was being lectured at rather than conversed with.

That said, How to Survive... works as a survival reference. The chapters are well defined. The index works as indices should. The author has included an abundance of useful lists. In fact, chapter two, Priorities: Your List of Lists, is a collection of lists; each of which has its own distinct purpose.

While this works as a reference guide, I found that some of the advice the author gives unhelpful for the majority of people. Perhaps some have the funds to have more than one home, stock all their homes with weaponry and food, and rotate their larders frequently. Unfortunately, most people do not have this luxury. However, if the reader chooses the advice she takes selectively, this is not a problem. We can also take the optimists' route and plan for when we will have multiple homes and the funds to stock them.

Misgivings about the prose and the helpfulness some of the advice aside, I would recommend this book strictly as a reference guide. I did not find it a fun read. I did find loads of information (via the index) about what to do before and during a social collapse to survive as well as possible.

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Fiction: Marie's Curio

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 04:32:00 +0000

The shop was somehow both claustrophobic and never-ending. Odd objects littered the mismatched shelving. Any bookcases, basement shelving, or crates that found themselves in the vicinity of Marie’s Curio couldn’t help but end up inside, forced to hold old books, ancient lamps, video tapes, trivets, magazines, bowls, teddy bears, crystal goblets, collections of China, singles of China, paintings set in China, bar sets, radios, ham radios and any other piece of usable junk. All sizes, shapes, colors, and textures of shelving found itself sucked into the store by some unseen shelving magnet.

An equally mysterious magnet drew the junk and treasure that littered the shelves’ surfaces. Customers were drawn in by something like gravity: a pull so strong that even though all they saw from outside were tarnished silver and junk drawers dumped out onto flat surfaces, they felt compelled to go in and search for Treasure.
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I dissolve--NO! Resolve! I RESOLVE!

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 20:18:00 +0000

As the new year rapidly approaches millions of people make resolutions which they will then struggle to keep. Eventually, their struggles prove to have been for naught. They fail at all of their precious resolutions save, maybe, one.

Do they exercise every day? Nay! Do they stop eating junk food? Of course not! (However, anyone who vows not to eat Hostess anymore will be strikingly successful.)
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Ho, Ho, Hold it buddy!

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 03:08:00 +0000

Put down that tchotchke and step away from the display case!

I know. Christmas is right around the corner. If you are anything like me (and clearly you are), you're very nearly almost done with your shopping. The gifts I end up saving to the last minute are the ones for whom I am not sure what to buy. They are the people who either seem to have everything they want or who get whatever they want as soon as the fancy for it strikes.
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The Final Countdown?

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 02:40:00 +0000

In a few short hours, we will all be dead if that whole Mayan End of the Calendar Equals the End of the World thing is true. How shall you spend your last night? Perhaps with friends? Family? Both?

I may be a bit embarrassed tomorrow if the world does come to a screeching halt (not to mention flying east at approximately 800 miles per hour), but I'm spending this last night watching a film adaptation of a novel by Sir Terry Pratchett.

If it's not true, then I will have spent the night being entertained by colorful, entertaining, and captivating characters.

What are you doing?

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Make a List and Check It Twice

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 04:52:00 +0000

While this may be the Season of Giving, be sure to take stock of what you have for supplies. No Survival Diva worth her weight in Manolos will be caught without everything she needs to survive the upcoming doomsday (12 December 2012 at 11:11 GMT; check your local listings for times).

From The Guardian

Have you checked your list? Among other things, it should include:

a fully functional Go-bag
easy to transport food
your weapon of choice
personal effects that will be of use

What if nothing happens on Doomsday? Be thankful for another tomorrow, stow your gear in an easy to reach yet discreet location, hug your loved ones, and live.If Doomsday happens and we're around to enjoy it, I'm going to be thankful I'm alive, get my gear, hug my loved ones, and kick some post-apocalyptic ass.

Tell us in the comments what else is on your list.

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Dear Santa...

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 04:35:00 +0000

December 2012 is about to descend upon us with its holiday merriment and, from what I've heard, the End of the World. Whether you believe the Believers or the Scientists, this is the perfect opportunity to ask other people to help you build your survival arsenal!

This year when friends and relatives ask what you would like for Chanukah, Solstice, Christmas, Kwanza, tell them you would like something that will help you save mankind.

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Yeah...We should go now...

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 04:29:00 +0000

Back in May of 2011 I wrote Should I Stay or Should I Go Now? about how to fortify your home. If you haven't read it, please do. I'll wait...

Back? Okay, good.

If for some reason your home cannot be made into a fortress at a moment's notice (with a little prepping, of course) or with all the notice in the world, what will you do? Defending all the possible points of entry might be more taxing (and dangerous) than packing up and jumping ship.

But where to go?
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Flash Fiction: Mesquite

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 02:10:00 +0000

Jackie opened and closed cabinets. She peered into the oven. She shifted papers on the kitchen table. “Baby?” she called out. “Baby, I don’t know what I’m gonna do here.” She looked underneath a pot holder.

“What’s the problem?” He leaned on the door frame. He crossed his sweat and grime coated arms in front of his chest. The doorjamb tried to lean away from him. “And don’t fucking call me baby. I’m fucking tired of that gooey shit.” One of his arms slipped away and rested on his gut.

“I can’t find the new jar of Jamaican jerk spices I got the other day. I’m having a barbecue this weekend and I was going to use it on some of the meat.” Jackie opened a cabinet over the sink and stared at the jumble of cups, mugs, coffee filters, and discarded brik-a-brak that had never made its way to the trash. She picked up a chipped bluebird gazed at it for a moment, then returned it to the shelf. “Ba--. Jimmy, do you know where it is?” The top shelf, above her reach without a stool, was littered with stolen salt and pepper shakers.
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Dark & Stormy

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 03:09:00 +0000

From eHow

Here in the American Northeast we are all hunkering down to enjoy the coming storm. Each of us has taken precautions (or should have done) to weather this storm successfully. For a lot of people, preparation means buying milk, eggs, toilet paper, and bottles of water.

Only three out of four of those items make sense.

Preparing for a storm of serious magnitude (especially one named after a hubris filled doctor), is serious business. Take care not to make mistakes like the one above.
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It's for the children! - Part Two

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Sat, 20 Oct 2012 00:02:00 +0000

From Fun and Family

Tomorrow is the ~~pub crawl~~ Fall Fundraiser I am participating in to help raise money for Little Hearts, Inc.

The day, regardless of the weather, will be a lot of fun. However, it will also be a lot of work. Because I am a good Survival Diva, tonight I will prepare.

For The Children, I am endeavoring to walk approximately three miles (not a huge feat!) and stop at almost every pub, bar, and restaurant with a bar along the way. That is about sixteen bars. At each establishment, I plan to have (at least) one drink. That's (at least) sixteen drinks.
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It's for the children!

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:26:00 +0000

From 2012 Little Hearts 16th Annual Picnic
"A Celebration of Special Hearts"

While I normally do not advocate drinking to excess (you know, because I think we should all be alert with hyper intelligent mutated space monkeys [which were initially normal Earth monkeys that we shot into space] attack), in October I throw that rule away and drink an obscene amount of liquor.
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On a more personal note...

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 18:18:00 +0000

Dear readers,

I would like to apologize for my lack of posts in the last month or so. Please let me explain my absence.

Someone I love very much was very sick. He's no longer sick, but he is also no longer with us. In the weeks preceding his passing, I tried to pretend nothing was wrong. In the weeks preceding those, I really thought he was getting better. (Sometimes optimism is a curse.)

I have been very affected by his passing. We knew each other our whole lives. He was more than a relative; he was my first friend.
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That diamond studded collar is so very!

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 02:55:00 +0000

I think it would be fair to say that, in general, people are like dogs. We have great hair, awesome accessories, and we like to hang out in groups. Admittedly the grooming and accessories were to some degree humanity's gift to the canine, but I stand by my statement.

The tendency to form bonds and stay together is often quite helpful. Friends and family can be great motivators. They can lend a hand when times are rough. They can entertain when we would otherwise be bored.

From the Metro

However, they can also limit us. Depending too much on others is just as destructive as not having anyone to whom you can turn when times are rough.
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A messy bun? Really? You expect me to look like a school marm?

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Thu, 09 Aug 2012 03:42:00 +0000

I'm sure you have noticed, as the whole world has, the the Summer Olympics are happening. I'm not an Olympian. Never have been and, chances are good, I never will be. I'm not really a fan of watching the Olympics either. (Something about them turns me into an old man shaking his cane. I don't like that since I don't have the right parts to be a man and I am SO not old.)

However, unless you live in some small village without electricity and television, the Olympics are wholly unavoidable. So I will live with them and learn from them.

Train A LOT

The athletes competing at the Games didn't get there by accident. They have been working for years and training pretty much every day for the moments we are watching. None of the glory, none of the joy, none of tears, none of what's happening in the stadium and on our screens is an accident.

As future survivors, we need to train every day just like those Olympians did to get where they are. They looked to a possible future and made it the best they could by preparing for what might happen. Their success wasn't written in the stars. It wasn't foretold by soothsayers.

The future is mutable. Bend it to your will.

Gabby Douglas (photo from Times)

Haters Gonna Hate

Gabby Douglas is awesome at her sport. That is the theme here, at the Olympics. People who are not awesome at their sport are not invited to represent their countries.

The theme is not fashion. Nor is it hairdressing. At least, it shouldn't be.

Ms. Douglas was critiqued for having a less than attractive hairstyle. I believe it was referred to as "lazy." The woman is performing acrobatic feats on a balance beam. Most people I know lack the balance, skill, grace, and timing to perform those feats on the ground. If they tried them on a four inch wide beam of wood, even if it were not raised on the ground (which Gabby's was), they'd hurt themselves. I'd probably end up in the Emergency Room.

Oh, and let's not dismiss the fact that no one who competes at the Olympics is lazy. No. Just no.

By the way, she won the Gold. For her athletics.

Cry Goddammit

Merve Aydin (photo from mage
by Lucy Nicholson / Reuters)

Sometimes, despite all the preparations, you lose a battle. Look at everyone who didn't place First, Second, or Third in the Olympics. All of them trained like the top tier athletes. All of them. None of them will go home with a medal. None of them will get a trophy.

All of them will cry.

That's not to say that all the tears will be ones of pain. Some surely will be. I am sure that much of the tears will arise from a release of pressure. They will be tears that say, "Okay, I didn't win this time, but I did really frakkin awesome! I made it to where every athlete dreams to go. I'll make it again next time. And I'll frakkin win!" (I am assuming that athletes of this caliber would never sully their mouths with cuss words.)

And some of those tears, like those of Merve Aydin, will be ones of pain. Excruciating, fiery pain. But Ms. Aydin's tears were shed while pushing through the pain to make it to the end. Regardless of how she felt, despite the physical duress, she refused to give up. Those are tears of glory. Those are the tears of NEVER GIVING UP.

Goddammit! Cry the Tears of Never Giving Up!

Tell us in the comments what you have learned from this year's Olympics!

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This is SO not Sparta!

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 03:36:00 +0000

We fight battles every day. Some we win. Some we lose. While winning (or losing) just one battle does not decide the outcome of the war, we must remember that the war is made of battles in the same way that a forest is made of trees.

Giant Squid from National Geographic

The every day battles - getting to the train on time, convincing the super-health conscious barista that you really do want caffeine in your sugar-free soy latte, finding a way to keep from getting even more overloaded at your day job - are important but not crucial. When the time comes to fight real battles, you will need to know which ones are worth the effort.

(Okay, I concede: sometimes the caffeine in that latte is crucial!)

Look at what is important and pick your battles. Yes, I know, it's a cliché. Generally, I try to stay the hell out of Cliché Valley: it is terribly boring since I've already done everything there is to do there.

This one, however, is important.

When Giant Squid perfect their SCOBA (Self-Contained Overwater Breathing Apparatus) devices and attack the land-dwellers with equally giant spears, you won't stand a chance if you rush into every battle that presents itself. Before forging ahead, scope out the situation and determine your chances.

I know Ancient warriors went into battle with the notion that dying in battle was glorious. And, in an odd sort of way (even with my modern day sensibilities), I can understand that. Giving one's life for The Good Fight is noble. However, if The Good Fight is saving human kind from complete decimation by eight legged poachers, giving one's life by rushing into a doomed battle is both stupid and counterproductive.

Ancient Greek Woman

Look at the Odds
How many of you are there against them? If the enemy has several times as many soldiers as you have survivors, the chances of a frontal assault actually achieving anything other than annihilating your group is pretty low. Take a step back and check out your other options. Maybe there is a backdoor you can utilize. Perhaps a flaw in their schedule could be exploited.

Look at Your Team
If you find yourself in battle shoulder-to-shoulder with a tactician, use her skills! You know how Pride is one of the Seven Deadly Sins? Ignoring someone else's superior skills in order to keep control will be an excellent example of why it's a Deadly Sin and not just a Really Not Nice Sin. Sometimes a little pride is a good thing. This is not one of those times.

Look at the Possible Outcomes
Not to be negative, but if you attack and lose, what will happen to you and your women? Will you be slaughtered? Will you be taken prisoner and forced into slave labor? Will you be made to be concubines to the Giant Squid Overlord? Will you be rend to pieces by his beak? Decide before the battle if it is worth the possibility of loss.

If you win, be gracious in your victory and decide how the enemy will be treated. War is brutal. Don't let it steal your humanity.

Look at the Cause
We aren't looking at the reason for the war here: we are looking at the reason for the battle. Why exactly are you getting ready to storm the water castle? If your answer is any variation of "because I'm really pissed off" walk away. Hell, run away!

Fighting a battle out of anger is just plain stupid. Anger clouds judgment and causes poor decision making. There are way too many hormones and chemicals and synapses all vying for attention during the height of an emotional outburst to be able to think logically.

If you want to win the war, not just the battle, logic is requisite. Use it.

After looking at your options, armory (metaphorical as well as actual), and your motivation, make a decision and stick with it. If you decide to go into battle, go. Retreat if you must, but be aware that retreat may not be an option. If you choose not to go into battle, explain why to your group. Someone will disagree. Someone will want to fight out of anger or without thinking the situation through. Do your best to explain your decision and reasoning. If the dissenter wants to wage a battle on her own, determine whether that argument is a battle worth undertaking.

What other aspects of the battle should we examine before drawing our swords? Tell us in the comments!

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Pompeii? They just did it wrong.

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Sun, 24 Jun 2012 23:21:00 +0000

I'm sure like me, for the last couple of days you have wondered if humans can actually melt. At points, so much sweat was rolling off of me that I wondered (briefly) if I would melt away like a candle in a hot and stuffy room. I also re-learned that lip balm simply does not keep in a car when the temperatures are hovering in the high nineties or low hundreds. Also, the melted wax burns when it drips onto your skin.

From National Geographic

When the fire monsters of Pompeii rise from their centuries long Slumber of Cinders, we will be able to expect many more hot days. With luck, they won't simply incinerate us with their steamy embrace. However, we will need to try to stay cool.
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Where's the baby oil? Imma go lie in the sun!

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 11:10:00 +0000

Summer is rapidly approaching and with it the desire to lounge about in the sun feeling its warm rays on your skin. While this is a lovely way to spend an afternoon, there can be consequences. (Shut up: I am totally going to harsh your mellow.) Over exposure to the sun in the short run can mean burns; in the long run, skin cancer.

From BeautyXpose

Neither one of these options is particularly pleasant. Sunburns are painful and can stop you from doing things you normally enjoy. For example, if you get a burn on your legs and the tops of your feet, kickboxing is not going to be an option until the skin stops feeling like it's on fire. Cancer has some obvious side effects one of which is death.
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The Survival Diva's Guide to Traveling Light

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Thu, 24 May 2012 10:58:00 +0000

Everyone gets the Travel Itch from time-to-time. Sometimes you just want or need to pick up and go. When the world is infested with giant mutated bedbugs, I expect that urge will hit more people more often.

From The Mayo Clinic

While we may not be able to escape our problems by taking a little vacation, we can leave them behind for a little while. Even if just for a weekend.

Sometimes a short getaway is just what a body needs to make life bearable again. But for this to work, that body cannot carry everything she owns. When the S & M Bedbugs of Yore dominate the world, traveling light will be a necessity.
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Please clarify: you want to do what with that butter?

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Thu, 17 May 2012 12:08:00 +0000

In a world where lobsters have risen above their station as the cockroaches of the sea to rule the planet with an iron claw, it will be easy to think in absolutes. "We are never going to break these chitin chains!" "The mollusk guards are always vigilant, never leaving an opportunity for escape!"

Easy is not always right nor is it always best.

From WhaleNet

While always and never are useful they can also be dangerous.
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I Give Out Fortunes, Not Cookies!

noreply@blogger.com (HJR) — Thu, 10 May 2012 10:47:00 +0000

Sometimes the outcome of a situation comes down to how we think something is going to happen. This is called a Self-fulfilling Prophecy. This means that preconceived notions about the outcome of something within a person's control directly affect the outcome of said situation.

For example, if there is a young boy in your community who comes from a less than upstanding family, people in your community may treat him as though he were a criminal even if he's never done anything amiss.

Day after day he is treated like a thief despite never having stolen as much as a stick of gum. One day he's in a store. He sees something he desperately wants but doesn't have enough money. Maybe he consciously thinks, "I may as well. People already think I would." Or maybe he doesn't think along those lines at all. Either way, because of social pressure telling him that he is a thief, he probably becomes one.
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