Taking this analogy further, it used to be thought that leprosy was a degenerative disease that, in itself, caused the flesh to deteriorate. Doctors eventually discovered that what actually was happening is that nerves were no longer sending signals of pain so that the afflicted individual would do things like continue to walk the normal way on badly blistered feet. This would cause wounds to worsen and acquire infections, which would then been the primary culprit in causing degenerative tissue damage.

Going back to emotions, frequent feelings of anger or sadness in a relationship typically are telling us that there are things about the relationship that need improvement for us to feel happy (and probably our significant other as well!). For example, perhaps we are upset that our partner is spending too much time away from home and at work. Feelings of guilt after wrong-doing are, importantly, telling us that we shouldn’t have done that particular action. Often those feelings of guilt (which can be attributed to our conscience) are letting us know that we should apologize, make restitution, and avoid that same course of action in the future. 

Certainly, our emotions can be misleading and exaggerated at times. But we cannot discover this unless we first look inward and ask ourselves, “What am I feeling right now? Where is this coming from? What do I need to do to address these feelings?” One of my favorite quotes that I use as a guiding principle in my own life is from Albert Einstein:

A problem cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created it.

Regarding our emotions, we cannot learn what our emotions are telling us unless we first listen to them. If we merely stay at the level of being mad, for instance, we will continue to be a victim of such emotions. It is only when we reflect upon the message such emotions are sending us will we begin to determine what to do next. We should all practice doing periodic “check ins” with ourselves throughout each day. As we become more adept at knowing ourselves, we will be able to more effectively adjust our course in life to reduce our suffering and our increase well-being. 

I always enjoy reviewing studies and the current literature and then putting my own twist on it. After all, everyone will have their own path to pursuing their own happiness. However, the model does leave room for individuality of happiness and this is key. For instance, what is fun to you, may not be fun to me and the same goes for what an individual appreciates. So, with this in mind, it may be a helpful exercise to explore various ways that you can keep having new experiences and adventures. This could be a list of new hobbies, sports, outdoor activities, and of course, entertainment (music, movies, books, etc). These experiences can be experienced over and over through photographs or journaling to bring back those happy memories.

We could also benefit from making a list of all the things that we need to appreciate that we have in our lives to fulfill the second part of the model. It is important to recognize all the good things/people/experiences that we have in our lives. Sometimes writing out a list and creating something tangible can allow you to see how much you appreciate. This can really change your perspective, as well as your mood. So, the next time you feel like pursuing happiness try experiencing something new and then appreciating the happiness that it brought to your life!

Reference: K. M. Sheldon, S. Lyubomirsky. The Challenge of Staying Happier: Testing the Hedonic Adaptation Prevention Model. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2012; 38 (5): 670

“[...]happiness is a fundamental human goal and universal aspiration; that Gross Domestic Product (GDP) by its nature does not reflect that goal; that unsustainable patterns of production and consumption impede sustainable development; and that a more inclusive, equitable and balanced approach is needed to promote sustainability, eradicate poverty, and enhance wellbeing.”

You can read more about this in the following Shambhala Times article.

A new economic paradigm is necessary because it is becoming increasingly clear that our current paradigm is not working well for us. The interesting thing is that sustainable practices that take care of the natural environment, altruistic, ethical business practices, and compassionate, long-term goals are more conducive to our personal happiness. Reversely, looking out for our own personal gain and maximizing profit in the short term, regardless of the consequences of these practices on the welfare of others, does not seem to lead to happiness and wellbeing. In fact, these “selfish” economic practices seem to be an important contributor to the huge environmental and social problems our world is facing today.  

As Dr. Brooks described in his previous post, the recent research on happiness and wellbeing shows clearly that our connections with others and having a sense of meaning in our lives are the most important factors in our personal happiness and wellbeing. Aggression, selfishness, and greed, on the other hand, separate us from others. Even though it may lead to material wealth, looking out for “me” at the expense of others only serves to separate and isolate us, and does not meaningfully contribute to wellbeing and happiness. You can read more about these ideas in this article I wrote before. 

It seems that a new economic paradigm based on human happiness and wellbeing should go hand in hand with a new paradigm of human nature: one that assumes human basic goodness and connectedness, rather than selfishness and separateness. I promise to write more about this topic in a future post.

I’m sure it drives Dr. Seligman a little batty when he hears how some people mischaracterize his work. Positive psychology and his work are not about sticking our heads in the sand and ignoring our problems or discounting the suffering that is an inherent part of life. Rather, for about a century psychology was almost entirely focused on what is wrong in people’s lives – the depression, anxiety, neuroses, disabilities, disorders, and psychoses. Dr. Seligman along with several other prominent researchers in the field such as Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi founded positive psychology to counteract the dominant focus on the negative aspects of the human condition.

Dr. Seligman is NOT saying we should ignore our negative feeling states and just plaster fake smiles upon our faces. While it is important to experience suffering when it arrives, it is also important to learn how to avoid being stuck in it. Moreover, as Dr. Seligman points out, learning how to incorporate the strategies of positive psychology into our lives will help us to move beyond merely being “less depressed” and on to the next level – flourishing. Some of these strategies include keeping a gratitude journal, practicing deliberate acts of kindness on a daily basis, savoring (e.g., the taste of chocolate, the fragrance of a rose), identifying and using our signature strengths, and incorporating activities that provide meaning and purpose into our lives.

Dr. Seligman points out that there are 5 aspects of human well-being, and he uses the acronym of “PERMA” for these:

• Positive emotions (i.e, the “feeling” of happiness)
• Engagement
• Relationships
• Meaning/purpose
• Accomplishment

Now, one can argue that all of these facets to well-being (PERMA) are each still very much connected to happiness. For instance, the reason we accomplish difficult tasks is that in some way it makes us feel happy (even if the process to getting there is arduous). The “sense of accomplishment” we get is a form of happiness. Similarly, we seek out relationships with others because these help us to feel happy. Minor quibbles aside, PERMA is a useful guide in that we can use it to monitor our lives to insure that we are living in a manner that engenders PERMA.

The positive psychology-derived philosophy and strategies are now being used and researched within education, computing, medicine/health, and the military. For instance, the military is now having enlisted men and women participate in Master Resilience Training (MRT). Importantly, psychologists and the military brass are finding that MRT reduces both the incidence of post-traumatic stress disorder and suicide in military personnel, among the countless other benefits. The old adage does hold true:  ”An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

I found Flourish to be quite inspiring on a number of levels. As Dr. Seligman recommends, I hope that our politicians will begin to use some of the findings from positive psychology to guide public policy. In particular, perhaps instead of merely measuring the effect of policies on our Gross Domestic Product they will begin to focus on the effect of such policies on our Gross Domestic Happiness. Yes, I realize this is quite a shift, and it is extremely complicated. Still, such a philosophical shift could help us all to suffer less and flourish more. And that sounds good to me!

There are several laws that govern the education of students with disabilities in the United States, including The Individuals With Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) and section 504 of the Americans with Disabilities Act (504). According to IDEA, local school districts are responsible for identifying students with disabilities within their jurisdiction, and for providing a Free and Appropriate Public Education in the Least Restrictive Environment. This means that a student with a disability should get an education, free of charge, designed to meet their individual needs, as much as possible in the general education classroom with same-aged peers. Students are identified with a disability through a Full Individual Evaluation (FIE), conducted by a multidisciplinary team (consisting of a school psychologist, speech therapist, occupational therapist, general and special education teacher, etc., depending on what the referral question is). When a child is suspected of having a disability and is referred for an assessment, the school district has 60 calendar days to complete the assessment. Parents can refer for an assessment, as well as the student’s teacher. As soon as the parent signs the consent form to complete the assessment, the 60 day clock starts ticking. As long as students are in special education, they should receive a new FIE every three years. Once a year the Admissions Review and Dismissal (ARD) committee meets to determine whether the student continues to meet eligibility for special education and to design the student’s Individual Education Plan (IEP). Parents are important members of the ARD committee, and nothing can happen without their consent. Parents can also call an ARD meeting at any time if they wish to make changes to their child’s IEP.

The only catch with IDEA is that a student only qualifies for special education if there is an “educational need.” So if your child has a disability and is really struggling, but is barely passing with all Cs, the school would say that your child does not qualify for special education services because there is no educational need; your child is passing. It may also be that your child is very gifted in some areas but has a learning disability that he or she is compensating for, resulting in average school performance (and possibly a lot of frustration for your child). In these cases, your child may still be able to get accommodations through section 504. These accommodations could include (depending on your child’s need) extended time on tests, taking tests in a quiet room, being able to take frequent breaks, having access to snacks, etc.

When IDEA was reauthorized in 2004 schools were allowed to use another way of identifying students with disabilities besides providing a Full Individual Evaluation, which is called “Responsiveness to Intervention” or RTI. RTI is a school-wide system that is implemented to identify students that need help as early as possible and ensure that all students get the help they need, so that students who do not qualify for special education or 504 don’t fall through the cracks. RTI usually consists of three tiers of intervention. The first tier is to provide high quality, evidence based instruction to all students, and to regularly track the students’ progress. The bottom 25% of the class in a given subject area would then receive tier 2 intervention, which is a more intense, small group setting instruction within the general education setting. Students who do not respond to tier 2 instruction (i.e. the fail to make sufficient progress) would qualify for tier 3 intervention, which is basically a referral for special education evaluation and possibly special education services.

Although the concept of RTI is very good and helpful, it can have unintended negative consequences for some families. Many of the families I work with run into this situation: they suspect their child has some type of learning disability, and they would like to have their child evaluated for 504 or special education services. However, the school tells them they have to go through the RTI process first, and their child cannot be evaluated at school for another year or so. Apparently is so common that RTI is used to delay identification of children with disabilities for special education eligibility that the Department of Education came out with a statement recently that schools are not allowed to use RTI to delay assessments for special education referrals. So as a parent, you should know that you have the right to refer your child for an evaluation to determine if he or she has a (learning) disability and once the referral goes through, the school should complete the evaluation within 60 calendar days.

So, to recap:

• School districts are responsible for identifying students with disabilities within their jurisdiction, including children who are younger than kindergarten age, and children who go to private schools or are home schooled.
• Once a child is referred for an evaluation the school should complete the evaluation within 60 days.
• RTI cannot be used to delay an evaluation.
• If your child does not qualify for special education he or she may still be eligible for 504 accommodations.

At the ApaCenter we can help you if you need a consultation, if you have concerns about your child, or if you are having difficulty getting services for your child at school.

I was speaking with a friend of mine recently, who has done a lot of work in a hospice, providing guidance and counseling to people who are dying. He said something that was very poignant: “I have never met anybody who on their deathbed said that they wished they had spent more time in the office, or wished they had made more profit.” He continued to say that all the people he has worked with had expressed that they wished they spent more time with the people they love.

Research on happiness and wellbeing suggests that money does not significantly contribute to our happiness once our basic needs have been met. Instead, the top two influences on our happiness and wellbeing are our relationships with others and having a sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. Of course it is important to do well at our jobs and to meet our financial obligations, but this should not come at the expense of what really matters: our relationships with the people we love. It can sometimes be very challenging to find the right balance, but it is extremely important to do so. Ultimately, when people can find this balance, everybody benefits. Because workers who feel relaxed and fulfilled are also more productive!

Many of us here at the ApaCenter serve clients who have an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). For those who are not familiar with the disorder, it is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by severely impaired social, communicative, and behavioral functions associated with sensory sensitivities and a restricted range of activities, preoccupations, and interests as well as stereotypical behaviors. Over the last 10 years, the prevalence of ASD in the United Sates has increased by 78%. The most recent Center for Disease Control (CDC) survey found that 1 in every 88 children has an Autism Spectrum Disorder. So what are some reasons for this drastic increase? It could be that knowledge and awareness has caused this increase or it may be the broad umbrella category that describes ASD such as Asperger’s Syndrome and Pervasive Developmental Disorder.

Needless to say, many parents of children with autism and adults with autism search for competent clinicians who are knowledgeable in this area to conduct comprehensive evaluations and provide evidence-based treatments. It is also important to consider including Speech and Language Pathologists, Occupational Therapists, Behavior Analysts, and Educators to support these individuals.

In general, research has shown that early intervention is key to reducing ASD symptoms and improving functioning and quality of life. So, it seems that early identification is crucial. Infants and toddlers can show early signs of social and communication differences including limited or no eye contact, lack of social smiling, lack of imitation, speech delays, etc. More obvious symptoms begin to emerge and indicate the need for referral and intervention.

In my experience of working and identifying individuals with ASD, I have found it important to spend a significant amount of time on these evaluations in order to identify these symptoms and treat them on an individual basis. If you have concerns or are interested in evaluation and treatment, the ApaCenter may be able to help. Through these evaluations, we collaborate with other professionals, develop treatment plans, provide parent training, in-home training, social skills training, and work with the school to provide recommendations for use in developing children’s individual education plans (IEPs). If this is something of interest, call for a consultation.

For research information, go to www.autismspeaks.org/site-wide/autism, www.brainconnectivity, and www.plosgenetics.org/autism/article.

“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

We all get carried away by our emotions at times. Often our emotional reactions do not fit the situation. They are exaggerated in some way. Have you ever blown up because of a small comment that your significant other or a close friend made? Ever get really mad at something rather small that your child is doing (e.g., goofing off instead of getting ready for bed or doing her homework). This is the Truth to which Aristotle points. It’s akin to the old adage that the punishment should fit the crime – a guiding principle within our criminal justice system.

I’m capitalizing the “T” in “Truth” here for a reason. There is a deep wisdom that Aristotle is trying to pass along. And, if we try to live according this wisdom, we and others around us will all be better for it.

Note that Aristotle is NOT saying we should never get angry – just that the level of anger should fit the circumstances and be channeled in the right direction (or at the right person). And this doesn’t just apply to anger – one can substitute worry or sadness into Aristotle’s maxim and the same Truth still applies. Do we worry too much what others will think of us? Become too sad about a low class grade? Again, it is fine to be worried and sad sometimes. We have these emotions for a reason – they can be used to inform and guide our behavioral choices. We SHOULD be worried (or scared) if we see a rattlesnake in our direct path. We SHOULD feel sad when someone close to us passes away. However, we SHOULDN’T feel as IF a rattlesnake is in front of us if we are going to give a 10-minute presentation at a PTA meeting.

Emotional over-reactions can cause us to experience a great deal of unnecessary suffering. Moreover, such overreactions can negatively impact our social relationships (the source of most of our happiness in life) and even cause health problems (e.g., chronic stress can contribute to high blood pressure and heart disease).

So, how do we put the life lessons contained within Aristotle’s quote to work for us? That bring us to another maxim (this one is pithy), but this time from Albert Einstein:

“A problem cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created it.”

In our example with anger and emotional overreactions, we cannot explore the issue of whether our anger fits the situation if we stay at the level of being angry in particular situation. We must take a step back from it all and, in effect, have a little conversation with ourselves.

“Hmm. I sure feel upset about Jane! I can’t believe she is running so late! I’ve been waiting for over 30-minutes! I’d really like to text her and give her a piece of my mind. But wait! Just because she’s late doesn’t mean she’s inconsiderate. Maybe something came up and she is held up. Oh my God! I sure up she didn’t die in a traffic accident on the way here! That would be horrible! I’d miss her so much. I can’t believe I just got mad at her when she died in a traffic accident. But wait! Maybe she’s just running late because she got off of work later than expected…or got snarled in 5:00 o’clock traffic. Or had the time wrong. Or maybe I have the time wrong…DOH! That’s it! She said she would meet me at 5:30 and not 5:00! I’m sure glad I didn’t zing her with a nasty text!”

Ever had one of these things happen to you? I know I have! Unfortunately, sometimes I didn’t catch myself and overreacted…and then regretted it later. I think we can all see that both Aristotle and Einstein were pointing to deep Truths that, if we internalize and live by, we will all benefit. Like most things in life, practice is the key here. With practice, we can learn to recognize our emotions in the moment and, as implied in the quotes from Aristotle and Einstein, ask ourselves, “Does my emotion fit this situation? Are there other ways to look at this? Let me try to step back from all of this for a few moments…to get some space and perspective.”

There is much to be gained from the wisdom of others. But remember that neither Aristotle nor Einstein created these Truths. These Truths existed before them and reside outside of them. They are merely fingers pointing at the moon.

Although there are many forms of meditation, researchers generally classify them into two categories: techniques of concentration or techniques of contemplation. In meditation practices involving concentration, such as Zen meditation, the focus is on a specific event, image, or sound, trying to direct all attention to a single focal point. Contemplative techniques include mindfulness meditation practices and the goal is to be aware of any thoughts and sensations while trying not to become actively involved in the thoughts.

There is a growing body of research on the beneficial effects of meditation as a stress-coping mechanism and improving brain function. Stress and anxiety can overwhelm and lessen the effectiveness and productivity in individuals. These can also contribute to poor impulse control, difficulty with attention, impair working memory, and exacerbate the symptoms of ADHD.

With that in mind, many of these meditation techniques are easy to learn and requires only 10-15 minutes twice a day. There are also findings that suggest changes in the brain within a short period of time. This is particularly encouraging for individuals who are seeking an effective non-pharmacological intervention for managing stress and anxiety associated with ADHD and impaired executive function!

If you are interested in some basic relaxation techniques, visit this website: http://www.squidoo.com/relaxation-techniques-to-ease-stress

Reference: http://cie.asu.edu/volume10/number2/

Learned Helplessness Video

Unfortunately, learned helplessness is fairly common in our schools. One of the problems is the “one size fits all” approach that assumes that children who are a similar age and in the same grade learn at the same pace. It is difficult for teachers who are bound to standardized curricula and high stakes tests to accommodate individual differences and varying strengths and weaknesses and learning styles in their classroom. Therefore, children who are not mastering the concepts that are taught in the classroom at the same pace that the standardized curriculum requires are at risk for developing learned helplessness, losing confidence in themselves, and their intrinsic love of learning.

Here is another interesting video that illustrates this problem:

Sir Ken Robinson – Changing Educational Paradigms

There are several things teachers and parents can do to combat learned helplessness:

1. Encourage your child to follow her passions. Children are natural learners, they don’t need to be “bribed” to learn, they have a natural love of learning. Unfortunately this love can get stifled, but as parents we can protect our child’s love of learning by encouraging and supporting them to delve deeply into whatever fascinates them.
2. Teachers can structure assignments and classroom activities to maximize active engagement of students by:
• Offering choices in activities
• Encourage students to figure out their own strategies and ways to solve problems
• Allow students to follow their own interests and passions within a given subject (e.g. have the student choose their own topic for a paper or their own book for a book report)
• Have students model and mentor each other
• Offer material at the right level of difficulty: difficult enough to be interesting and challenging, but not too difficult so it becomes frustrating
• Design materials and assignments in such a way that students can self-correct their work and maximize success experiences.
3. Parents and teachers can encourage the development of a growth mindset that views intelligence and talent as something that can grow and change as a result of hard work, rather than something that is fixed.
4. Both parents and teachers should avoid rewarding academic performance. This one may sound a little counter intuitive. We are usually told that behavior increases when it is followed by a reward. This is true for simple, mechanical activities. However, research suggests that rewards actually stifle activities that require even rudimentary cognitive effort. Dr. Brooks talks about this research in his post on Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. Be sure to also check out the inserted video – it is fascinating! The main point is that people tend to be most successful when they experience autonomy, mastery, and purpose in their (learning) activities. Having these three ingredients maximizes the intrinsic motivation that make learning its own reward.

Finally, your child or student’s success experiences may be hindered by a hidden learning disability. Having a learning disability can be extremely frustrating and can undermine even the most passionate student’s love of learning. If you suspect that your child or student may have a learning disability an assessment can be a great way to uncover helpful information about the child’s strengths and weaknesses and provide helpful recommendations that can maximize the child’s experiences of success.