My Journey To Recovery

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Gunung Tahan - The Story

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 04:06:00 +0000

Surrender

"By surrendering control, we gain a far greater power."

When we were using, we did everything we could to run things our way. We used every scheme imaginable to bring our world under control. When we got what we wanted, we felt powerful, invincible; when we didn't, we felt vulnerable, defeated. But that didn't stop us - it only led to more efforts to control and manipulate our lives into a manageable state.

Scheming was our way of denying our powerlessness. As long as we could distract ourselves with our plans, we could put off accepting that we were out of control. Only gradually did we realize that our lives had become unmanageable and that all the conning and manipulating in the world was not going to put our lives back in order.

When we admit our powerlessness, we stop trying to control and manage our way to a better life - we surrender. Lacking sufficient power of our own, we seek Allah swt, needing support and guidance, we ask Allah swt to care for our will and our lives. We ask others in recovery to share their experience with living the NA (Narcotics Anonymous) program instead of trying to program our own lives. The power and direction we seek is all around us; we need only to turn away from self to find it.

Just for today: I shall not try to scheme and manipulate my way to a manageable life. Through the NA program, I shall surrender myself to Allah swt's care.

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Hola. I realize that I've been silent for quite some time now. Distractions at home (read other projects as in Internet Marketing) have pulled my attention away from blogging.There is so much hope for me today. It was a challenge that I needed desperately and was given to me as a gift. Each day I want more of what it has to offer. I want so much to learn, and I have a long way to go to reach the understanding I'm searching for. That's okay; at least I'm searching.

Anyway, below is an article that was written by Mr. Briggs who taught Chemistry when I was a student at Sekolah Menengah Sains Negeri Sembilan (Negeri Sembilan Secondary Science School) back in 1973 till 1977.

Incidentally, he was also the Organizer for the expedition to Gunung Tahan back on 2nd April till 12th April, 1976. It was one of the proudest moment in my life when several school-mate and I reached to the peak of Gunung Tahan.

Below is the account of that expedition taken from PESAKA, the school's magazine. Fyi, no words was deleted or added. The post was written as it is. So, without further ado let's carry on with the story. Okay, here goes...

... Gunung Tahan (7174 feet) is West Malaysia's highest mountain. The mountain is situated on the Pahang/Kelantan border in Taman Negara (National Park). From Kuala Tahan, headquarters of Taman Negara, it took us 41/2 days to reach the mountain peak after a 40 mile walk through the jungle. The whole return trip from Kuala Tahan took 9 days.

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Departed SMSNS at 07.50 hr on 2 April by minibus. Arrived at Game Department jetty at Kuala Temberling at 13.00 hr. Where we boarded our boat to Kuala Tahan. The boat trip took 4 hours as the river was unusually low and we went aground several times. Arrived at Kuala Tahan at 17.40 hr. We stayed in the hostel for the night.

Day 1 (3 April) We set out from Kuala Tahan at 10.45 hr with our Orang Asli guide, Nibong. We arrived at our campsite by a small stream at 16.15 hr. After dinner of soup, rice, dried fish and cocoa, we settled down to sleep at 20.30 hr.

Day 2 (4 April) We left some food suspended from a tree for the return journey. Nibong warned that squirrels might eat the food but we decided to take a chance. We set out at 09.00 hr. All day we walked up and down a total of 27 small hills. There is no water on the route so we have to carefully conserve the water in our bottles. This was the toughest day. We became very tired and had to take frequent rests. Most of us couldn't eat any lunch although it was only a handful of nuts. Several doses of glucose and salt pills helped us and were good to of boost morale. We arrived at our campsite by the S. Tahan at 17.00 hr.

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Day 3 (5 April) Again we left food for the return journey. We departed at 10.00 hr and had relatively easy day walking alongside the S. Tahan. The river was only 3-4 ft. deep and we crossed it six times. There was no lack of water on that day as all the river water in the park is drinkable. We saw some old elephant droppings but no sign of any other animals. We camped at 14.15 hr on a very attractive site by the river. We all enjoyed a swim and one of us managed to catch a fish (it didn't taste very nice). We were bothered by bees. They were after the salt in our sweat but rarely sting. The altitude was only 500 ft but it was cold at night. We enjoyed our campsite so much that we spent a whole morning relaxing there on the return journey.

Day 4 (6 April) This day we climbed up 5000 ft into the mountains. We started at 08.45 hr and walked up a mountain ridge we reached a place called Gunung Pondok Dua at 3000 ft at 14.00 hr. Here we filled all our water containers for there is water until we reach the G. Tahan pleteau 24 hours later.

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A few minutes after leaving G. Pondok Dua there was an abrupt change in the vegetation and we saw our first pitcher plant. We climbed up along a ridge until we arrived at a tiny campsite on Gunung Tangga Dua Belas at 5164 ft. It was 17.45 hr and we were too tired to go any further, so we stopped for the night. The campsite is about 30 ft by 8 ft on a ridge with a 2000 ft steep drop on either side. The view was spectacular. On one side there is a massive rock face about a mile away that drops down into the S. Teku, where we can just see and hear water crashing over waterfalls. On the other side several mountains stand out from the plain below us, and ahead of us the ridge stretches up to the summit of G. Gedong at 6776 ft which just hides G. Tahan from our view.

We collected together all our water and used part of it to make soup and some boiled mee. There was no water available for washing as we needed the little we had for drinking the next day. The night was very cold but the ground was soft: we were sleeping on a spongy soil made from recently decomposed vegetation.

Day 5 (7 April) We got up before dawn to watch the sunrise and the mountains slowly emerge from the mist below us. After a quick breakfast of cold milk and 'muesli' (a mixture of oats, nuts and raisons) which provide a lot of energy, we set off at 08.30 hr. We made our way along the ridge for 2 hours until we reached a rock face below G. Gedong. Here we climbed up the rock, which is vertical in places, to emerge on a shoulder of G. Gedong at 6000 ft. We were surrounded by mist and couldn't see more than 100 ft in any direction. Most of the soil has been washed away over the centuries, exposing bare rock, so all vegetation is stunted (less than 2 feet high). There are a lot of picher plants which obtain nourishment from trapping and dissolving insects in a sticky fluid.

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We walked down onto the plateau and dropped our packs by a small stream where we will camp for the night. Taking our bottles and some chocolate we set off for the summit of G. Tahan. The climb is really easy and some of us raced ahead to reach the peak first. We all arrived by 16.00 hr. We were lucky it was clear and sunny so we could see for miles into Pahang on one side and Kelantan on the other side. After collecting samples of quartz crystals and taking photographs with the trig point we left G. Tahan at 17.00 hr to reach our campsite before dark. That night dark clouds swept over us and provided our first rain.

Day 6 - 9 (8 April - 11 April) The return journey to Kuala Tahan was along the same route and was uneventful. All the food stores we left at the campsite were found intact. It rained the last two nights which brought out the leeches and this caused a slight problem as the blood coagulent to stop bleeding had been left behind at school by mistake.

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We left Kuala Tahan by boat at 10.30 hr on 12 April. The journey down the Sg. Tembeling took less than before as the water level had risen over the last 10 days. The battery on the minibus was flat but we managed to push start and we arrived back at SMSNS at 18.30 hr.

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Conclusions: It was tiring but we enjoyed our expedition. Personally, I was pleased that the boys did everything for themselves, such as the cooking and all chores, which is valuable educational experience in itself.

For future parties, the importance of detailed planning cannot be overemphasised. Weigh must be kept to a minimum as you have to carry food for 9/10 days at the beginning.

It is important to be reasonably fit and have determination not to give up when the going get tough. We were lucky to have good weather most of the time but it is easy to imagine how unpleasant conditions could become if it rains most of the time.

There is no real risk in climbing G. Tahan. You are obliged to have a guide and you are unlikely to even see any animal. There is very little vertical climbing and not much danger of a serious ill. However, the group leader should impress on everyone the importance of not taking unnecessary risks: if one person badly sprains an ankle, it can wreck the whole expedition.

J.B.

Author Note: There was one other Orang Asli's guide. When we were told his name is Pipit, we had a great laugh. Mr. Briggs being an Englishman was astonished and asked why we were laughing?

I guess Mr. Briggs found out later why we were laughing and most importantly found out that the meaning of pipit in the Malay tongue? Fyi, the word pipit when translated in the Malay's language (mostly used in slang), it's referring to the male organ as in penis!

I take it that was the reason why Mr. Briggs failed to mention the other Orang Asli's guide in the article. Maybe he thought using the word was not in good taste. Bear in mind, we were still school kids (in the teachers' eyes) at the age of 15 and have to be guided from hearing the sex words. Little did he realize that we know about sex more than we were suppose to know. Yeah, much much more...

The Pride & Joy Of My Father

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 02:07:00 +0000

Our Own Recovery

"The steps are our solution. They are our survival kit. They are our defense against addiction, a deadly disease. Our steps are the principles that make our recovery possible."
Basic Text, p. 19

There's lots to like in Narcotics Anonymous. The meetings, for one, are great. We get to see our friends, hear some inspiring stories, share some practical experience, maybe even hook up with our sponsor. The camp outs, the conventions, the dances are all wonderful, clean fun in the company of other recovering addicts. But the heart of our recovery program is the Twelve Steps - in fact, they are the program!

We've heard it said that we can't stay clean by osmosis - in other words, we can't just attend meetings, no matter how many, and expect to breath recovery in through the pores of our skin. Recovery, as another saying goes, is an inside job. And the tools we use in working that "inside job" are the Twelve Steps. Hearing endlessly about acceptance is one thing; working the First Step for ourselves is something very different. Stories about making amends may be inspiring, yet nothing will give us the freedom from remorse that taking the Ninth Step ourselves will give. The same applies to all Twelve Steps.

There's much to appreciate about NA, but to get the most from our recovery we must work the Twelve Steps for ourselves.

Just for today: I want everything my personal program has to offer. I shall work the steps for myself.

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An Explanation

What can I say, except to say I'm sorry? It has been quite some times since my last post. To tell you the truth, I've been very very very busy lately. You see, I've been blogging for about three years now and I've managed to earn quite a considerable sums of money via blogging. Not bad for an addict who knows nothing about the Internet but for the last three years!

And now I'm about to create my very own online store as an affiliate, selling other people's products. Tell you more about it later on another post.

Beside the above ongoing projects, I've also been very busy helping fellow Bloggers who are having problems with their BlogSpot's templates. You can see me on CARI Forum and eBlog Templates.

Another exciting news, David Cowgill the founder of eBlog Templates has asked me to join him in another break through project of his. That's all I can tell you for now. Will tell you more about it when it is ready, ok?

From KK to PJ

Last Tuesday (March 3rd, 2009) I received a text message from my dear sister Noor Zihan, telling me that my Father has been admitted to the University Hospital in Petaling Jaya. According to my Sister, the Doctor (an Uncle - yeah, another one of the clan) told my Mum to call all relatives to come and visit my beloved Father.

The Doctor claimed he's not a god that hold life and death of a person. In plain English, my Father's internal organs are only functioning at 11% only. It was a very sad day for me, but I can't just leave my Mother-in-law (Mil). You see, Mil is not well too and my sweet-heart wouldn't let me drive all alone to PJ.

She (dear wife) said, she knew I would played a Pink Floyd's album most probably The Wall at full blast and I would drive like crazy. Well folks, don't you listen to her? She always exaggerate things. I always tell her that I am the most law-abiding driver in the whole world because I was born in a car (that's our private joke when she complained about my driving skill)!

Hehehe, back to the story. After a frantic calls to all my dear wife's brothers and sisters, at last Kak Yong agreed to take our place to take care of Mil but I've to wait until she arrived home here in Kuala Kangsar. I was so grateful to her for helping me in these dire emergency. She was willing to travel all the way from Shah Alam so that I'm able to visit my Father.

Kak Yong reached Kuala Kangsar around 8.30pm and after Isyak praying together with my honey-pie, I started my journey south around 10pm. Like I said above, I'm the most law-abiding driver in the whole world especially when my dearest is sitting beside me. I drove slowly all the way. No Pink Floyd, no Lynyrd Skynyrd no nothing accompanying me throughout these journey.

Actually my thought was somewhere else, back to the days with my Father since I was small till the present day. I can still remember how proud my Father was with me. Maybe it is because I'm the eldest and his only son. He would proudly tell to all my relatives and his friends how I would be a somebody when I grow-up.

Thinking about it made my tears flowed uncontrollably. Even though it was dark in the car, I could sense my beloved wife knew what was going on in my mind. I could feel her holding my hand, squeezing it every now and then all the way. No words was necessary. I was grateful to her for just being there with me.

Uphill Downhill

I could see his happy face when I told him that I've scored 4 'A' back in the year 1971 when I was in Standard Five. Then in 1972, I received the news that I've been offered a place in a newly formed boarding school, Science Secondary School (Sekolah Menengah Sains). Another 'pulut kuning' for me. My father held a large 'kenduri' to celebrate my successes for gaining a place in an elite boarding school. Almost all my relatives were presence, including my Father's friends. Yeah, I was beaming with pride too.

I got another 'pulut kuning' back in 1975 when I scored an aggregate of eleven for my LCE (Lower Certificate of Education). I can see my Father happy face when I told him that. I was happy too because I've made him proud of me. Then I made another head-line in 1976. That was the year when I and a few fellow students followed Mr. Brigg (our Chemistry's tutor) to an expedition to climb Mount Tahan (Gunung Tahan at 2187 m, is the highest peak in Peninsular Malaysia). It was a gruesome 7 days journey to the top, but at the end it was worth it. Then Spectrum, a member of NST (New Strait Times) published about our journey in an article called Lure of The Mountain. Immediately, we became mega-stars, an elite group of Sekolah Menengah Sains.

That episode affected my Father as well. Another proud moments in his life brought about by, ahem... yours truly. I guess that was the last time I became the pride and joy of my Father. By that time onward, I've started smoking drugs regularly. Before, I only took it during the weekend. Then came MCE (Malaysia Certificate of Education). I didn't get a credit for my BM (Bahasa Malaysia) which relegated my result to a Second Grade. For that I lost the chance to further my study oversea where most of my friends went either to the UK or US. Even though I did managed to enroll to ITM (Institiut Teknologi MARA), it was never the same. From there, my life turned downhill.

I'm pretty my Father was heart-broken because I've made the wrong turned. I wish I could turned back the clock and starts all over again and to be the pride and joy to my Father again. It was such a sad, sad situation. Upon seeing my Father laying helplessly on the hospital's bed, I was choked to say anything. I felt even though I managed to say I'm sorry to my Father a hundred times, it will never be enough...

Before I took my leave, below are a few pictures taken during my trip from Kuala Kangsar to University Hospital in Petaling Jaya.

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Picture was taken on the first morning I arrived from KK after spending the night in my Sister's house in Bukit Jelutong, Shah Alam - March 4th, 2009.

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Picture of my Mother, two of my Sisters (the youngest not in the picture) and my Brother-in-law who took turned between themselves to be with my Father and sleeping at the hospital - March 4th, 2009.

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Here is my precious Wife, the anchor of my life sitting serenely at the front porch of my parent's house in Lenggeng. After leaving the house for several days, my Mother decided to go back home in Lenggeng. Again, I traveled on south to Lenggeng so that my dear Mum could took care of her Siamese cats, chickens and whatnots - March 5th, 2009.

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Hugging my beloved Mum, before embarking on another journey up north back to Kuala Kangsar - March 6th, 2009.

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Father was sad when I told him that I gotta go back home to Kuala Kangsar because Kak Yong who was helping me taking care of Mil has to go back home to Shah Alam. While hugging my Father, I managed to whisper (I was choked to say anything) asking him to forgive me - March 6th, 2009.

Urgent Appeal: Palestine Relief Fund

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 02:47:00 +0000

Growing Up

"Our spiritual condition is the basis for a successful recovery that offers unlimited growth."
Basic Text, p. 43

When our members celebrate their recovery anniversaries, they often say that they've "grown up" in NA. Well, then, we think, what does that mean? We start to wonder if we're grownups yet. We check our lives and yes, all the trappings of adulthood are there: the checkbook, the children, the job, the responsibilities. On the inside, though, we often feel like children. We're still confused by life much of the time. We don't always know how to act. We sometimes wonder whether we're really grownups at all, or whether we're children who've somehow been put into adult bodies and given adult responsibilities.

Growth is not best measured by physical age or level of responsibility. Our best measure of growth is our spiritual condition, the basis of our recovery. If we're still depending on people, places, and things to provide our inner satisfaction, like a child depending on its parents for everything, we do indeed have some growing to do. But if we stand secure on the foundation of our spiritual condition, considering its maintenance our most important responsibility, we can claim maturity. Upon that foundation, our opportunities for growth are limitless.

Just for today: The measure of my maturity is the extent to which I take responsibility for the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Today, this will be my highest priority.

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Yesterday I was honored with the arrival of an email from the Desk of Elviza Michele Kamal. Yeah, you got that right. The same Elviza Michele who graces on our National TV1's Blog programme which was aired last November 23rd, 2008. For those who had missed (definitely Mat Salo for one) that programme you can watch it now on Video Blog.

She is also the BlogMaster of the awesome Write Away. Mat Cendana, a dear friend from Recovery described our mutual friend way better on his Recovery From Drug Addiction. Head over there now. You can thank me later for introducing a great writer to you all.

In a very small way I hope by spreading this message I could help at least one Palestinian's child. I couldn't bear to read and hear about the bombardment on Gaza whereby most of the innocent victims killed were children. I'm not ashamed to tell you that I even cried my heart out on my beloved lap almost every night as though they were my own children being killed by the Israelis.

Well, enough of that. Crying will not solve any problems. We have to take some kind of action. Below is the rest of the message. Read on my friends;

If your heart bleeds for the atrocities bestowed on Gaza by the Israelis, do lend them a hand. Let us part with whatever we can afford to help Palestinians in their time of grief.

Image from Elviza's Write Away.

Mercy Malaysia has, on 30th December 2008, formed an Emergency Response Assessment Team to face the humanitarian crisis in Gaza strip. The team has been promptly dispatched to Egypt led by President, Datuk Dr. Jemilah Mahmood and Exco Member Norazam Ab. Samah.

Image from Annie's Letters

The air strike and ground offensive on Gaza - as reported by AlJazeera - have killed more than 700 Palestinians, 219 of which are children. More than 3000 have been wounded.

Image from SignOnSanDiego[dot]com

Image from Sabbah's Blog

Therefore, Mercy Malaysia appeals to generous Malaysians to send it cash donations. Contributions will support Mercy Malaysia to procure emergency surgical kits, medicines and hospital equipments to help the hospitals in Gaza.

Cheque is to be made payable to “MERCY MALAYSIA” and addressed to Mercy Malaysia, Level 2, Podium Block, City Point, Kompleks Dayabumi, Jalan Sultan Hishamuddin, 50050 Kuala Lumpur.

Cash donations can be made via on-line transmission or deposit at CIMB Bank Account No: 1424-000-6561053.

Donation form can be downloaded from here.

Further enquiries are to be directed to +603-22733999 or info@mercy.org.my

Oh yeah, I have also opened a new thread on CARI Forum. Hopefully to get some positive feedback from those Bloggers over there.

Last but not least, let us make a difference by whatever little we have. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for your generosity.

Another Giant Step

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 02:59:00 +0000

The Group

"The Twelfth Step of our personal program also says that we carry the message to the addict who still suffers... The group is the most powerful vehicle we have for carrying the message."
Basic Text, p. 65

When we first come to Narcotics Anonymous meetings, we meet recovering addicts. We know they are addicts because they talk about the same experiences and feelings we've had. We know they are recovering because of their serenity - they've got something we want. We feel hope when other addicts share their recovery with us in NA meetings.

The atmosphere of recovery attracts us to the meetings. That atmosphere is created when group members make a commitment to work together. We try to enhance the atmosphere of recovery by helping set up for meetings, greeting newcomers, and talking with other addicts after the meeting. These demonstrations of our commitment make our meetings attractive and help our groups share their recovery.

Sharing experience in meetings is one way in which we help one another, and it's often the foundation for our sense of belonging. We identify with other addicts, so we trust their message of hope. Many of us would not have stayed in Narcotics Anonymous without that sense of belonging and hope. When we share at group meetings, we support our personal recovery while helping others.

Just for today: I shall reach out to another addict in my group and share my recovery.

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Image taken from Overcoming iPhone App Store Addiction

Many of my faithful readers have been asking me where are all their links?

I'm sorry guys (and to the gals too), all your links will be put up again as soon as possible. I got to tell you, all links that I've accumulated for the past few years had grown to an enormous length thus making uploading this blog tiresome for those few who still on dial-up connection. Really, no pun intended to anyone.

I realized that and I've to take out all your links before disheartening other readers to come to this special blog. I've been thinking for a suitable mean on where to put up all the links back and I've decided to make a special post for those linky love you've given me.

Couldn't find the source of this image

Please take note, the committee has decided all links listed must be reciprocated or it will be deleted without warning. Any links request will be entertained especially if your blog (niche) is about recovery, hope, experiences and the like. Please leave your request by sending me an email or you can leave your request on any comment column of this blog.We cannot deny other addicts their pain, but we can carry the message of hope that was given to us by fellow addicts in recovery. We share the principles of recovery, as they have worked in our lives. God helps us as we help each other.

I also like to take this opportunity to wish blessed Christmas to all my readers who are celebrating Christmas and to your loved ones too.

I saved this great news for last. After a long deliberation, I've decided to take this blog to another step forward. My Journey To Recovery has got her own brand new domain name. Her new URL will be http://www.myjourneytorecovery.net/ and she will be hosted by Blogger/Google for now before taking yet again another giant leap.

Imej from ShOrEbReAk ReHaB's MySpace profile

Transferring to a new domain name and hosting is no small matter. Hopefully My Journey To Recovery will start to be of service on January the first, 2009. But not to worry, I got a little bit of help from The Wise Ol' Vic. All his blogs are now hosted with Blogger/Google and he has got great many experiences doing so easily.

Well, that's it for now. See you next year on a brand new domain name, http://www.myjourneytorecovery.net/

Greetings and lots of love from Kuale Kangsor, MALAYSIA.

p/s Unfortunately, myjourneytorecovery[dot]COM has been taken leaving me with no other choice except to apply for a DOT NET.

Links for 2008-12-23 [del.icio.us]

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 00:00:00 PST

I'm Baaack!
Busy, Busy, and Very BusyIt has been quite some times since my last post. I know many of my faithful readers has been wondering where the hell have I been? I was around, alive and kicking!Nowadays, wh...

Family Day 2008

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:44:00 +0000

Living with unresolved problems

"It makes a difference to have friends who care if we hurt."
Basic Text, p. 54

For most of our problems, the solution is simple. We call our sponsor, pray, work The Steps, or go to a meeting. But what about those situations where the burden is ongoing and there's no end in sight?

Most of us know what it's like to live with a painful situation - a problem that just isn't going to disappear. For some of us, the problem is an incurable, life-threatening illness. Some of us have incorrigible children. Some of us find that our earning simply don't cover our expenses. Some of us care for a chronically ill friend or family member.

Those of us who have ever had to live with an unresolved problem know the relief that comes from just talking about our problem with our recovering friends. We may get some comic relief. Our friends may commiserate or cry in sympathy. Whatever they do, they ease our burden. They may not be able to solve our problem for us or take away our painful feelings, but just knowing that we are loved and cared about makes our problems bearable. We never have to be alone with our pain again.

Just for today: Those problems I can't resolve can be made bearable by talking to a friend. Today, I shall call someone who cares.

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The Gathering in Pictures:

Date: Saturday, August 2nd 2008

Place: Impian Morib Hotel, Morib, Selangor.

Occasion: The late Haji Abdul Manan's Annual Family Day.

Mood: Happy, memorable and enjoyable day! :-)

The whole clan met last April and decided for the year 2008, our annual Family Day had to be held earlier. It seemed that almost every family will be busy with their own agenda at the end of the year.

Your Honour of the family has lead the petitioned and it was accepted unanimously by the whole clan. Unfortunately for this year's Family Day, two families (The Doctor who will be needed in the operation room on the said date and The Navy whom I guess their battleship claimed more jurisdiction than us mere family) could not attend.

Now there were only seven families left and not all of them were in full strength except for Yours Truly. There's only the two of us, Arah and Man the smallest contingent of gung ho participant for the Family Day. Nonetheless, we were having an enjoyable and memorable moments as usual whenever the whole clan met.

Here's the legend:

Thursday - Yours Truly and the Matriarch of the family began their journey early in the morning from Sayong, Kuala Kangsar going south on the highway (accompanied aptly by the song, Highway Star by Deep Purple much to the disapproving looked by the Matriarch) heading to Batu Cave where The Corporate of the family reside.

Thursday and Friday - As usual, ArahMan7 and his beloved wife will go on a shopping spree whenever they were in the vicinity of Kuala Lumpur. Their favourite haunting places were at Low Yat for computer's thingy and Central Market where ArahMan7 will spent hours looking at books (there's an Indian Muslim's bookstore where they sold second hand's books).

Friday - From 1st until 3rd of August, PC Fair 2008 was being held at Kuala Lumpur Convention Center (KLCC). Thus, right after Friday's prayers, both ArahMan7 and his honey-pie was seen at the PC Fair 2008 until closing time!

Saturday - (Morning) The whole families started moving out in convoy to Morib.

Saturday - (Noon) Registering at the front-desk headed by Your Honour.

Saturday - (Afternoon) The opening game began with the youngest members of the clan. They started running to the finish line while carrying a ping pong ball on a spoon. All games was organized by the courtesy of the Impian Morib Hotel's personnel. Games included were carrying ping pong's ball on a spoon for the kids, giant wooden sandal (terompah gergasi), carrying ping pong's ball with chop-stick, walking on three bricks, carrying a ball between participant's heads, penalty shoot-out and treasure hunts.

Saturday - (Night) BBQ and prize giving. The Academician was unable to retain their championship this year because of the obvious reason stated above. This year's championship goes to The Corporate of Batu Cave. Despite that, ArahMan7 still managed to win two games, walking with the giant wooden sandal and treasure hunt. Both games The ArahMan7's were joined by The Attache.

Sunday - (Morning) Water-polo played by the whole families at the Hotel's swimming pool.

Sunday - (Noon) Check-out after lunch.

Sunday - (Afternoon) Still on a shoping spree, ArahMan7 and his darling was seen at Shah Alam Civic Center attending a mobile phone's expo and getting their attires at Zara and Pierre Cardin.

Sunday - (Late at night) Heading back to Batu Cave.

Monday - (Afternoon) On the road again up north to Kuala Kangsar. This time accompanied by Si-Burung Bebas, a song by Lynyrd Skynyrd (I wish Mat Salo could see me impersonating Van Zant belting out Free Bird in voice-less and I could see my mother-in-law could only rolls her eyes heavenward).

Below are some pictures taken on that memorable day. Just like the Longgeng folks who used to say, "a picture paints a thousand words," therefore I gonna let these pictures do the talking. K, here goes:

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Your Honour attending the front desk, registration and doing the head-count with her daughter.

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Let's the games begun! Expertise of using a pair of chop-stick applied here. Try holding it with a ping pong ball while running to your partner and your partner doing the same thing ran back to the finish line? It ain't easy I can tell you that, but we had a great laugh seeing some participants tried to cheat. You were suppose to stop and picked up the ball on the same spot where the ball dropped. But then I guess, rules were made to be broken, huh?

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The much awaited, the penalty shoot-out. Ever tried kicking a balloon? That's how soft the balls were. No fancy foot-work needed. Just kicked the ball as hard as you can toward the goal hoping that the goalkeeper will get confused because the ball won't travel in a straight line!

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Love this game. I guess no explanations were needed here. Just let your imaginations roamed wild especially when your partner in these game were your loved ones. Fyi, ArahMan7 is still the most romantic couple for this year's Family Day, hehehe!

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ArahMan7's were joined by The Attache to win this giant wooden sandal's (terompah gergasi) race. Skilled and high command of coordination and cooperation were essential. Need I say more? (Cewah! Mentang2lah team dia menang!) ;-)

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Once again, ArahMan7 was the sportsman of the year (twice in a row) receiving his prize from The Academician.

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After dinner and prize giving, everybody was tired. The new champ (The Corporate) team members sitting around lazily and their prizes.

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The most romantic couple enjoying quality times and lunch together. Gonna make it an habit, spending QT each month just the two of us. Sound great, huh?

More pictures are available on Flickr, "Before And After Family Day 2008." Video will also be made available soon. No promises though (if only I can find the time to edit and publish it possibly on YouTube).

Well, I guess that's it for now. I hope you enjoy this post as much as I do. I'm sure you would like to read last year Family Day's post. Look no further, just click this link here, Family Day 2007.

See you when I see you!

Grateful

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:59:00 +0000

Attitudes

"We can also use the steps to improve our attitudes."
Basic Text, p. 53

Ever have a day when everything seems to be working against you? Do you go through periods when you are so busy taking people's inventories you can barely stand yourself? What about when you find yourself snapping at your coworker or loved one for no reason? When we find ourselves in this bleak frame of mind, we need to take action.

At any point in the day, we can set a few moments and take a "spot inventory." We examine how we are reacting to out-side situations and other people. When we do, we may find that we are suffering from a plain old "bad attitude."

A negative out-look can hurt our relationship with our Higher Power and the people in our lives. When we are honest with ourselves, we frequently find that the problem lies with us and our attitude.

We have no control over the challenges life gives us. What we can control is how we react to those challenges. At any point in time, we can change our attitude. The only thing that really changes in Narcotic Anonymous is us. The Twelve Steps give us the tools to move out of the problem and into the solution.

Just for today: Throughout the day, I shall check my attitude. I shall apply the steps to improve it.

------------------------------------------------

I was about to type a new post but the subject seems to elude me somehow. It has been like that for several days now. I told Ahmad Cendana about it during our earlier conversations via the SMS.

In fact it was the first of many text messages between us after giving him my phone no. and street address. It could has been earlier had I not mistyped my own phone number. Yeah, it's true! I guess I must be sleepy or something. Or maybe I should cook-up some excuses like I used to do when I was still using. It was always the easiest way out, pointing the finger to others.

In his message that took place on October 25th, 2008 at 03:02:01am (hehehe, I've saved it) he said, "Just write what you feel and think, about ANYTHING. It should not be on any set topic, like a karangan (composition). At least that's how I try to do at the Recovery site...anything that comes from *the heart*".

Thank you, my friend. I shall always bear that in mind. Anyway, I read a quote somewhere (still can't figure it out where did I read it?) that aptly say, "if you can write one sentence, then you're already a writer" or something to that effect. I know I can never be as good as the English folk does, but people like Ahmad Cendana, Mat Salo (incidentally a very distant relative from Langiang), Elviza (of Write Away's fame) and Puteri Kamaliah (another distant neighbour in Kuale Kangsor) just to name a few, can still appreciate and understand what I've written. Thank you guys. More will be written about them in the near future as my way to say I am grateful.After almost a year of living on the road (I thought I was doing a favour to my family - don't want them to be ashamed and dragged them into the mess), in and out of jail, in and out of rehabilitation centers, I returned to my hometown, broke, sick, and beaten. Of course, my old friends from secondary school were still around, so I figured that I'd be taken care of. They didn't respond to me the way I'd anticipated. Frankly, they didn't seem to want to have anything to do with me, so I switched crowds. Humiliated, I ended up moving in with my family, because they were the only people that would claim me.

[... be right with you after this little advertisement. If you don't want to miss any future post and are looking for a way to be notified of new content, please subscribe to this blog's full RSS feed. Rest assure, it will be sent directly to your email inbox every time the BlogMaster add something to the blog. No hassle!]

Right, that's over with! Where were we? Ah yes! I want to share with you another Ahmad Cendana's clear and deep perception of writing better. His advise to me, "No, you can be better. Read and read, especially BOOKS and printed matter. Anyone can be better than another . And I would be happy for that. Anyway,I might be better than [and be] this year's Booker Prize winner, who knows? Just read, and write...repeat, repeat..."

And I'm sure you will be Booker Prize winner in the near future, if you didn't win it this year. I shall always pray for your success. Your success will be mine too especially among the addicts. I'm positive that you will be the much needed role model to our mutual friends who are still on the street. They can also be successful and be whatever they want as long as they are free from drug addiction (or whatever addiction it may be).

I received an anonymous email today. It was kinda scary after reading it especially so whatever was said rings true. It reminded what my elders in TC (Therapeutic Community) when I was in Penjara Khas Seremban (special penitentiary for drug related crimes) who used to say, "There's no graduation in drug addiction." It means to show that as long as I shall live, I've to be extra careful. In short, I can relapse and turn to drug addiction any time without me even realizing it. It's scary, huh? Especially so when I realized the sender of the email was...

Your addiction.........................

I hate your meetings. I hate your 12 steps. In fact, I hate anybody who has anything to do with a recovery program. Allow me to introduce myself…

I am your addiction.

I am know to many in your program as “cunning, baffling and powerful.” And yet, I did not come uninvited. You chose me. In fact, you welcomed me with open arms.

I was your courage, your strength and your hope. I took away your feelings of being shy, angry, lonely, tired, hungry and happy. Eventually, I took away any feeling you ever had until you were nothing but an empty shell- void of any feelings at all.

When we first met, you said that you didn’t deserve all the good things you had in life. I was the only one who agreed with you and was more then happy to take it all away from you. But now you claim to have found a better way? You say that you have found a Higher Power? HA! I thought I was your higher power.

Wasn’t it me you used to turn to every morning and pray that I would stay down in your guts?

Wasn’t it me that you used to ask to steady your nerves and give you courage to face the world again?

I thought it would be you and me forever - friends to the end. And damn it, I almost had you until the end. But I let you slip away from me. I had you wrapped around my finger. I could make you beg, borrow and steal just to have me. I had you at the point of believing that suicide was the only way out…

…until your so-called Higher Power came to the rescue.

But that’s OK. I’m Patient- I can wait. You can’t see me, but you’ll always remember me. And every once in a while, I’ll remind you that I’m still here- waiting for you to return. So until we meet again… (If we meet again), I wish you a long painful, suffering death like you could have had with me.

From The Narcotics Anonymous Program

Well, it's nearly 4am. I'm about to join my enraged beloved wife (for not given her the usual night-night kisses and hugs)

That's it, folk - ta ta, ti ti, tu tu...!

[... am tiptoeing to bed lest she knows I'm way pass my sleeping hour. Well, it's just one of those nights you only have your pillow (bantal peluk, bantal bucuk - take your pick) for company! Or should I say the standard, "Not tonight, Hon. I've a headache."...]

Making Money With BuluhMas

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 03:46:00 +0000

But they come & go

Even since the news hit the masses last Monday on October 13th, 2008, I was bombarded with questions via email and hand phone. Unfortunately my hand phone was out of order since last Saturday (as I stated on FaceBook) and I guess it's more practical to make a post about it to answer to all my friends inquiry rather than answering it one by one.

You can read about BuluhMas being busted by Central Bank of Malaysia (Bank Negara Malaysia) here on The New Straits Times Online, and here on BNM Press Statements and here on Utusan Malaysia Online or you can just Google it.

This post is not about the legality of BuluhMas. The law can deal with it. If they say it's against the to make money with BuluhMas, so be it! If not, I can still live my life happily ever after. But one thing for sure, BuluhMas had been good to me. I didn't miss from getting paid, yet.

When I was still using heroin heavily, I would not tolerate if I were to be asked, "What going on with BuluhMas? I heard their office had been raided by The BNM!"

I simply felt the questioners are just being sarcastic. I could see them standing akimbo, sneering at me. "See, I told you so..., " I heard them say.

In a worst case scenario, it usually ended up with a fist fight. Oh boy, what a nut case I were before? I don't know, I just thought I were doing the right thing. I could never listened to any advises, no matter how sincere it was given. I just felt they were all being sarcastic and insincere. They were just jealous and wouldn't let me have my peace of mind!The story of my street using is pretty normal. I used anything and everything available every day. It didn't matter what I took so long as I got high. Drugs seemed good to me in those years. I was a crusader; I was an observer; I was afraid; and I was alone. Sometimes I felt all-powerful and sometimes I prayed for the comfort of idiocy - if only I didn't have to think. I remember feeling different - not quite human - and I couldn't stand it. I stayed in my natural state ... LOADED.

But now after several years of living clean and sober, I felt different. I'm grateful for their thought and concerned about me. If I meant nothing to them, would I be receiving those kind messages? It's a nice feeling. I'm being loved after all. Thank you.

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The simplest prayer

"... praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out."
Step Eleven

How do we pray? With little experience, many of us don't even know how to begin. The process, however, is neither difficult nor complicated.

We came to Narcotics Anonymous because of our drug addiction. But underlying that, many of us felt a deep sense of bewilderment with life itself. We seemed to be lost, wandering a trackless waste with no one to guide us. Prayer is a way to gain direction in life and the power to follow that direction.

Because prayer plays such a central part in NA recovery, many of us set aside a particular time each day to pray, establishing a pattern. In this quiet time, we "talk" with God, either silently or aloud. We share our thoughts, our feelings, our day. We ask, "What would You have me do?" At the same time we ask, "Please give me the power to carry out Your will."

Learning to pray is simple. We ask for "knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." By doing that, we find the direction we lacked and the strength we need to fulfill God's will.

Just for today: I shall set aside some quiet time to "talk" with God. I shall ask for God's direction and the ability to act on it.

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Well, that conclude our session today. As usual, before I take my leave here's a warning to parents about 'Pharming' brought to you by The News Room.

Selamat 'Aidil Fitri

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 10:59:00 +0000

Right Back Up

"There is something in our self-destructive personalities that cries for failure."
Basic Text, p. 77

"Poor me; woe is me; look at me, my life is such a mess! I've fallen, and no matter how hard I try, I continue to fail." Many of us came to NA singing this sad refrain.

Life isn't like that anymore. True, sometimes we still stumble; at times we even fall. Sometimes we feel like we can't move forward in our lives, no matter how hard we try. But the truth of the matter is that, with the help of other recovering addicts in NA, we find a hand to pull us up, dust us off, and help us start all over again. That's the new refrain in our lives again.

No longer do we say, "I'm a failure and I'm going nowhere." Usually, it's more like, "Rats! I hit that same bump in the road of life again. Pretty soon I shall learn to slow down or avoid it entirely." Until then, we may continue to fall down occasionally, but we've learned that there's always a helping hand to set us on our feet again.

Just for today: If I begin to cry failure, I shall remember there is a way to move forward. I shall accept the encouragement and support of NA.

---------------------------------------------------

Selamat Hari Raya

When I was still using, I used to feel that way. As though there's no life for me anymore. I sort of lost hope with nothing to look for in the future. So, I kept on using. Sometimes I wished I could just die. I felt so tired of living, living life with the same old routine every single day. Day in and day out I lead the same kinda life. The first thing that I thought about whenever I opened up my eyes was drug - where was I going to get it (to score) or where was I going to get the money to buy it?Recovery is a healing process from which I am emerging stronger and more able to face the tasks ahead of me. It is sad that we must pass through such hell before reaching the serenity of peace of mind in recovery.

Do you know that it took quite some times before I admitted I was a drug addict. I've used, misused and abused drugs and still I did not consider myself an addict. All through it all, I kept telling myself, "I can handle it," or "I'm using it just for fun," or "I can quit any time that I want to!" Because I thought (it was misconceptions about the nature of addiction really) addictions are full of violence, street crime, dirty syringes and rehab centers. And I was not violence at all, I don't do street crime or used needle to get high and I certainly not going to any rehab centers nor jails! How wrong I was?

Just the same, I never thought there was anything special whether it was Ramadan (fasting month) or Eid ul-Fitr? It was all the same to me. I still eat as usual during Ramadan and I don't bother to go to the mosque to perform Teraweh. To me every day is Eid ul-Fitr especially when I got enough money and drugs to stay high all day! No drug meant no Eid ul-Fitr. It was as simple as that.

Only now (for the past five years actually) do I realized how wrong I've been. Ramadan and Eid ul-Fitr are special occasions. I admit for my lack of credibility and I certainly cannot go back to undo any of the damages that I have done. But with all the support I have in my life today, I intend to remain clean and sober for the rest of my life (one day at a time).

To all my friends especially the Muslim, please accept my apology for every mistakes I made whether I realized it or not. Selamat Hari Raya!

I dedicated this post to Ahmad Anon(ymous)), a fellow traveller. Selamat hari raya. Maap zahir batin.

The Two Wolves

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:03:00 +0000

Emotional Balance

"Emotional balance is one of the first results of meditation, and our experience bears this out."
Basic Text, p. 45

Though each of us defines "emotional balance" a little differently, all of us must find it. Emotional balance can mean finding and maintaining a positive outlook on life, regardless of what may be happening around us. To some, it might mean an understanding of our emotions that allows us to respond, not react, to our feelings. It can mean that we experience our feelings as intensely as we can while also moderating their excessive expression.

Emotional balance comes with practice in prayer and meditation. We get quiet and share our thoughts and hopes with God. Then we listen for guidance, awaiting the power to act on that direction.

Eventually our skills in maintaining near-balance get better, and the wild up-and -down emotional swings we used to experience begin to settle. We develop an ability to let others feel their feelings; we have no need to judge them. And we fully embrace our own personal range of emotions.

Just for today: Through regular prayer and meditation, I shall discover what emotional balance means to me.

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An Afterimage

As I was driving down the highway to Ipoh, with my usual speed so as making up unusually good time, a police car came out of nowhere - blue strobe lights whirling, making considerable noise with it siren. My stomach clenched. Gee, was I speeding as though I didn't know?

But then the police cruiser speed on passing me on high gear, chasing down God knows who, leaving me with only an afterimage burnt on my retina and a memory of a time I rarely thought about any more.

A D8 (Malaysian anti-narcotics elite police force) officer took me into the courtroom in handcuffs.Surviving against all odds, we are addicts who meet regularly. We respond to honest sharing and listen to the stories of our members for the message of recovery. We realize that there is hope for us at last. We make use of the tools that have worked for other recovering addicts who have learned in NA to live without drugs. Our primary purpose is to stay clean and to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.

I wore a white Pagoda round neck t-shirt, which was too big on me making me looked exactly like I want the Honorable Judge to look - a sad looking creature who deserve a second or maybe a third chance (I lost counts, really). The D8 police officer, a squat, potbellied man (like he was pregnant 8 months), took me over to the long wooden table next to my lawyer. The D8 man waited until I sat down before he removed the cuffs.

The courtroom was stuffy and overheated, smelt of perspiration and cleaning fluid. I glanced at my attorney, my own brother-in-law Wan Nazri who'd been assigned to defend me by my beloved Mum. He gave me a quick, sympathetic look that told me he wasn't hopeful.

My heart was pounding loudly. The Magistrate was big with a tangle of frizzy red hair (dye?) who wore tortoiseshell reading glasses on a chain round her neck. She was whispering something serious to the clerk who just nodded her head. I stared at the nameplate in front of her: THE HONORABLE ZURIDAH BINTI SUHUD.

Finally, the judge turned towards me, peering me over her half moon glasses. Right on time, she cleared her throat. 'ArahMan7,' she said. 'When I was just a student in the State (I guess she meant USA), I heard a Cherokee legend about a young man like you who keeps getting into trouble because of his aggressive tendencies. The young man goes to see his grandfather, and says, "Sometimes I feel such anger that I can't stop myself."

And his grandfather, who's a wise tribal elder, says, "I used to be the same way. You see, inside of you are two wolves. One is kind and peaceful, and the other one is mean and angry. The mean wolf is always fighting the good wolf." The boy thought for a moment, then said, "But, Grandfather, which wolf will win?" And the old man said, "The one you feed."'

She picked up a manila folder, flipped it open. A minute went by. Then two. My mouth had gone dry, and I was finding it hard to swallow. It was difficult to breathe even. Finally, I took a deep breathe.

'ArahMan7, I have found you guilty of criminally blah blah blah.' My brother-in-law next to me inhaled slowly. 'You should thank your lucky stars that I'm in such a good mood today. (As a matter of fact, I've never told anyone any story, not even to my dear Hubby!) I'm remanding you to a limited-secure residential facility - that is, Jelebu Drug Rehabilitation Institute for thirty six months. And I can only hope that by the time you've completed your sentence, you'll have learned which wolf to feed.'

Image submitted by Pam Henderson of Women's Funny Videos

Below, another great news "Talking To Children About Drug Addiction" brought to you by The News Room.

Letting Go

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 12:56:00 +0000

Changing Motives

"When we finally get own selfish motives out of the way, we begin to find a peace that we never imagined possible."
Basic Text, p. 44

As we examined our beliefs, our actions, and our motives in recovery, we'll find that sometimes we do things for the wrong reasons. In our early recovery, we may have spent a great deal of money and time on people, wanting only for them to like us. Later on, we may find that we still spend money on people, but our motives have changed. We do it because we like them. Or perhaps we used to get romantically involved because we felt hollow inside and were seeking fulfillment through another person. Now our reasons for romantic involvement are based in a desire to share our already rewarding lives with an equal partner. Maybe we used to work the steps because we were afraid we'd relapse if we didn't. Today we work the steps because we want to grow spiritually.

We have a new purpose in life today, and our changing motives reflect that. We have so much more to offer than our neediness and insecurities. We have developed a wholesomeness of spirit and a peace of mind that moves our recovery into a new realm. We extend our love and share our recovery with complete generosity, and the difference we make is the legacy we leave to those who have yet to join us.

Just for today: In recovery, my motives have changed. I want to do things for the right reason, not just for my personal benefit. Today, I shall examine my motives.

----------------------------------------------------

The Law of the Garbage Truck

Beware of Garbage Trucks by David J. Pollay

Below is a very interesting article about the concept of letting go. A very dear friend of mine who would like to remain anonymous sent it to me these afternoon via one of her many emails. I hope by reading the little story will make you understand more clearly about the concept of letting go. When I was still active drugging myself, I found it difficult to accept other people especially those I thought who wanna hurt me. I kept on saying one of these days I gonna make them pay for what they have done to me, but once I forgave them all I felt relieved. Anyway, have fun reading it.

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you're the Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly he/she can get back her focus on what's important.

Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab.Sharing with fellow addicts is a basic tool in our program. This help can only come from another addict. It is this help that says, "I have had something like that happen to me, and I did this... "

For anyone who wants our way of life, we share experience, strength, and hope instead of preaching and judging. If sharing the experience of our pain helps just one person, it was worth the suffering. We strengthen our own recovery when we share it with others who ask for help. If we keep what we have to share, we lose it. Words mean nothing until we put them into action.

Here's what happened.

I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally.

You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did. So this was it: The 'Law of the Garbage Truck.'

I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, 'I'm not going to do it anymore.' I began to see garbage trucks.

I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.

One of my favorite football players of all time, Walter Payton, did this every day on the football field. He would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground after being tackled. He never dwelled on a hit. Payton was ready to make the next play his best.

Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses. Teachers and parents know that they have to be fully present, and at their best for the people they care about.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?

Here's my bet.
You'll be happier.

So.. Love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, TAKE IT!
If it changes your life, LET IT!
Nobody said it would be easy...
They just promised it would be worth it!

"Blessings always look small if we hold them in our hands. But if we learn to share them, we realize how great & precious they are!"

As usual before I took my leave, here's another great news brought to you by The News Room entitled, Program Helps Ex-Convict & Addict Land Job On HBO's 'The Wire'.

Enjoy, my friends. See you when I see you.

Hate Me!

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 00:05:00 +0000

Direct and indirect amends

"We make our amends to the best of our ability."
Basic Text, p. 40

The Ninth Step tells us to make direct amends wherever possible. Our experience tells us to follow up those direct amends with long-lasting changes in our attitudes and our behaviour - that is, with indirect amends.

For example, say we've broken someone's window because we were angry. Looking soulfully into the eyes of the person whose window we've broken and apologizing would not be sufficient. We directly amend the wrong we've done by admitting it and replacing the window - we mend what we have damaged.

Then, we follow up our direct amends with indirect amends. If we've acted out on our anger, breaking someone's window, we examine the patterns of our behaviour and our attitudes. After we repair the broken window, we seek to repair our broken attitudes as well - we try to "mend our ways." We modify our behaviour, and make a daily effort not to act out on our anger.

We make direct amends by repairing the damage we do. We make indirect amends by repairing the attitudes that cause us to do damage in the first place, helping insure we won't cause further damage in the future.

Just for today: I shall make direct amends, wherever possible. I shall also make indirect amends, "mending my ways," changing my attitudes, and altering my behaviour.

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Just because I'm a drug addict!

There was an email from a very angry lady in my Inbox since yesterday. She was telling a drug addict like me is the scum of the earth. She thought that the world will be a better place to live if there are no drug addicts, especially me. She even puked herself dry when she read my posts telling the world how good I've became. She kept on telling reminding me that I am a drug addict, nothing special about me at all.

Dear nice Lady. Thank you for reminding me that I am a drug addict and I know there's nothing great about me at all. In fact I've live in shamed and I've sinned so much for the past twenty-four years living the unmanageable life as a drug addict.

I know no matter what I say or do, you will not believe me. Yours are full of hate and your mind closes up, failing to believe to anything that I do or say. It will only be registered in your mind as a show-off. You truly believed that there are no sincerity whatsoever just because I'm a drug addict? You don't even believed I can stay clean and sober till the day I die? And you've been praying everyday so that I shall fall and relapse?

Believe me, dear nice Lady. You're not the only one. There are many others who has been praying like you. As you know when it come to the subject matter of drug addicts, you picture us as being dirty, homeless, cannot be trusted type and all the negative things you can label on us.Most of us did not consider ourselves addicted. The information available to us came from misinformed people. As long as we could stop using for a while, we thought we were all right. We looked at the stopping, not the using. As our addiction progressed, we thought of stopping less and less. Only in desperation did we ask ourselves, "Could it be the drugs?"

Yeah, that was the stigma I've to shoulder till the day I die. I guess I've already getting used to be called so and so and I really don't mind at all. You can called me anything that you want to, as long as it pleases you. Don't worry, I've been called and referred to many things before, worst than the one you referred me.

I was wondering why do you hated us so much? What have we done to you? Did any of us asked you for some money to buy drugs? Did any of us kicked or stepped on you in a harmful way? Please tell me if any of us forced you to buy things for them? Or any of them threated to expose who you are?

Wait a minute, I think I know why you hated drug addicts. Is your boy friend a drug addict, or your husband, perhaps?? Yes, that it! I've hit the right button. For whatever it worth, everything that happens, sometimes it affects you or sometimes it's just plain none of your business not benefiting or harming you whatsoever. But one thing for sure is that when things happened to you, they are for a reason.

I think I know what you've gone through with your boy friend/husband. I guess he had done any of the things I have mentioned above. In a very serious scenario, he had done all of those things! I'm really sorry, my sympathy for you but I shall not call you stupid or anything like you referred yourself. You've got to stop blaming yourself and calling yourself names. I repeat, nobody was calling you stupid for not knowing how to choose a boy friend/husband? Even myself made the same mistakes too but I didn't blame myself as being dumb because I surely believe when things happened to you, there must be a reason for it.

Now, I'm not saying I'm a very good person and I would really love to be a good person like you. I hope you can teach me somehow...

That's all for now, nice lady. Do write some more. I kinda like it. The more hate you put in it, the more I'm grateful.

Before I took my leave, here's another great news brought to you by TheNewsRoom, entitled Former Drug Addict Thanks His Arresting Officer.

5 Ways To Spot An Addict

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Mon, 26 May 2008 11:26:00 +0000

"Good" and "bad" feelings

"A lot happens in one day, both negative and positive. If we do not take time to appreciate both, perhaps we will miss something that will help us grow."
IP No. 8, Just For Today

Most of us seem to unconsciously judge what happens in our lives each day as good or bad, success or failure. We tend to feel happy about the "good" and angry, frustrated, or guilty about the "bad." Good and bad feelings, though, often have little to do with what's truly good or bad for us. We may learn more from our failures than our successes, especially if failure has come from taking a risk.

Attaching value judgments to our emotional reactions ties us to our old ways of thinking. We can change the way we think about the incidents of everyday life, viewing them as opportunities for growth, not as good or bad. When we do this, we learn something from each day. Our daily Tenth Step is an excellent tool for evaluating the day's events and learning from both success and failure.

Just for today: I am offered an opportunity to apply the principles of recovery so that I shall learn and grow. When I learn from life's events, I succeed.

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Not too long ago I received an email from Clare Flynn who offered me one of her articles, 5 Ways To Spot An Addict to be published here. You can also use this tiny url, http://tinyurl.com/66lz5g just in case the one above url was wrapped. So, here goes;

If you suspect a friend, colleague or loved-one is addicted, you might be afraid of approaching the person, how can you tell if someone might be addicted?

Confronting someone based purely on a gut instinct could lead to a big mistake and a real mess if you are wrong, but if you care about this person you desperately want to help.

What can you do?

Top 5 Warning Signs

Here are 5 warning signs that point to addiction:

1. Social withdrawal

Addicts will often withdraw from their normal social circles, becoming distant from friends, family and work colleagues.

As the addiction is prioritized relationships, studies and careers suffer.

Of course people can become distant for many reasons, work stress, worries, illness, but a sign might be evasiveness when approached about it.

2. Personality changes

As someone becomes addicted their personality can change.

Once happy and bubbly personalities can lose energy, have less get up and go, and become less outgoing.

Look for signs of lethargy, and moodiness.

Many addicts become depressed, especially when addicted to opiates which affect your serotonin receptors.

3. Physical Withdrawal symptoms

At the outset you might spot that they are tired all the time, jumpy or just not looking healthy.

Depending on the dependency, the person could suffer from sleeplessness, anxiety, or even apparent illnesses like nausea and diarrhea.

Of course they could just be feeling sick, so look for other signs rather than jump to conclusions.

4. Financial impact

The combination of falling behind at work and funding the addiction can cause a great deal of financial weight on top of the physical symptoms.

Money that should be paying bills, food, and so on is instead going to their new priority.

Are they borrowing more? Do their spending habits seem to have changed? Have they stopped doing activities they used to pay to take part in or attend?

5. Trouble with the law

While not every addict will have a scrape with the law, trying to ease the financial burden through petty crime, and the illegal nature of the addiction or drug source could lead to an increased risk of being arrested.

Also the psychological changes could mean the person gets into fights, accidents or associating with the less upstanding members of society.

Summary

Each symptom in isolation could be just a coincidence but the more factors that seem to fit the more you should be thinking about seeking advice. Just make sure you tread cautiously. The earlier you can detect the signs the faster you can find help, and the less damage there will be for everyone concerned.

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My take:

Here is a true story. One of my client who can't read or don't want to accept the warning signs to addiction ends up marrying an addict husband who treated her like football. I really can't blame her, maybe she like it rough.

But please take heed of these warning. For one, you can seek help for your loved one or at least you don't end up marrying an addict without you knowing it until it's too late. I'm an addict and I've been there and done that. I know how life can be a bloody mess living with an addict, especially with an addict who think he/she is always right and the rest are wrong!

That's all for now, my friends. See you when I see you. Take care...

Beautiful Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Tue, 20 May 2008 02:16:00 +0000

Friends and amends - keeping it simple

"We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to od so would injure them or others."
Step Nine

In every relationship, we don't always handle things the way we would have hoped. But friendships don't have to end when we make mistakes; instead, we can make amends. If we are sincerely willing to accept the responsibilities involved in friendship and make the amends we owe, those friendships can become stronger and richer than ever.

Making amends is simple. We approach the person we have harmed and say, "I was wrong." Sometimes we avoid getting to the point, evading an admission of our own part in the affair. But that frustrates the intent of the Ninth Step. To make effective amends, we have to keep it simple; we admit our part, and leave it at that.

There will be times when our friends won't accept our amends. Perhaps they need time to process what has happened. If that is the case, we must give them that time. After all, we were the ones in the wrong, not them. We have done our part; the rest is out of our hands.

Just for today: I want to be a responsible friend. I shall strive to keep it simple when making amends.

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Quality Times At LakeTown Resort

Last Friday after my beloved wife came back from work, I surprise her like I usually do almost everyday. Usually, my darling would never know what will I be doing or say to surprise her. One day, I could buy her a bunch of pink roses, or maybe a love poem which I stick-on her laptop, perhaps? Nice, huh?

I just love to see her smiling gleefully after receiving my gifts. After doing it almost everyday since our marriage, I could see that she anticipated a gift after a long hard works at her office. Sometime, I would hide behind a wall to see her reaction. When she noticed that I was no where to be seen, I could see her face turned to disappointment. It really breaks my heart to see her like that.

So last Friday, after opening out the door for her and hugging her tight I whispered to her ear; "Why don't we go somewhere nice just the two of us this weekend?"

We could think of several places to go like Lumut, Penang, Langkawi or maybe even to Port Dickson! At last we decided to spent the weekend at Bukit Merah. Furthermore, I've never been there before and I thought it would be a very good idea to visit there now. And yeah, it turned out to be heavenly as I imagined it would be!

For those who were regular readers here, would know how much I love my wife. And I also know many of you has been asking me when I gonna post a picture of my darling. After a long discussion, we have decided to post not one, but a series of pictures of our outing at Bukit Merah's LakeTown Resort, a beautiful place in Perak, Malaysia.

So without further ado, I present you pictures of our trip to Bukit Merah and for the first time, you got the chance to see my Angel. Enjoy it, my friends and don't forget to leave a comment or two on this bloghttp://joanjoyce.com/blog/wp-trackback.php?p=393.

Hubby in the Deer's park
Main Entrance On The Way Up To Bukit Merah
Hubby and Beloved Wife Together At Eco-Park
Even the Deers Love the Wife, Let Alone Grateful Hubby
Memorable Nights At The Floating Chalet

If you like to see more pictures of us, please visit us at ArahMan7 on Flickr.

Mother's Day

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Sun, 11 May 2008 15:53:00 +0000

Balancing The Scales

"A lot of our chief concerns and major difficulties come from our inexperience with living without drugs. Often when we ask an oldtimer what to do, we are amazed at the simplicity of the answer."
Basic Text, p. 41-42

Finding balance in recovery is quite a bit like sitting down with a set of scales and a pile of sand. The goal is to have an equal amount of sand on each side of the scales, achieving a balance of weight.

We do the same thing in recovery. We sit down with the foundation of our clean time and the Twelve Steps, then attempt to add employment, household responsibilities, friends, sponsees, relationships, meetings, and service in equal weights so that the scales balance. Our first try may throw our personal scales out of kilter. We may find that, because of our over-involvement in service, we have upset our employer or our family. But when we try to correct this problem by resigning from NA service altogether, the other side of the scales go out of balance.

We can ask for help from members who have stabilized their scales. These people are easy to recognize. They appear serene, composed, and self-assured. They'll smile in recognition at our dilemma and share how they slowed down, added only a few grains of sand at a time to either side of the scales, and were rewarded with balance in recovery.

Just for today: I seek balance in my life. Today, I shall ask others to share their experience in finding that balance.

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Today is Mother's Day and for once I'm speechless. I just want to take a moment to wish you all a happy mothers day!

Make sure you take some time to enjoy it like I do. Below are a few pictures that was taken about a month ago at my parent's house in Longgeng.

Mom you are a shining star though the world doesn't know your name.
You have no fancy title like Baroness or Dame.
Mom you really are a star, my mother mentor and friend.
A Nobel Prize for motherhood is what I'd recommend.
And if I were rich I'd share my riches with you
I'd take you Mom on a spending spree each day the whole year through!
You may not be famous, as your face is known to few.
But Mom I think you are wonderful and I'm so proud of you!
(Copy and pasted from Mothers Day Poems)

Below is another great news brought to you by The News Room. Enjoy my friends!

See you when I see you.

PageRank 5

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Mon, 05 May 2008 23:25:00 +0000

Just Maybe...

"There is one thing more than anything else that will defeat us in our recovery; this is an attitude of indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles."
Basic Text, p. 18

When we first came to NA, many of us had great difficulty accepting the spiritual principles underlying this program - and for good reason. No matter how we'd tried to control our addiction, we'd found ourselves powerless. We grew angry and frustrated with anyone who suggested there was hope for us, because we knew better. Spiritual ideas may have had some bearing on other peoples' lives, but not on ours.

Despite our indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles, we were drawn to Narcotics Anonymous. There, we met other addicts. They'd been where we'd been, powerless and hopeless, yet they'd found a way not only to stop using but to live and enjoy life clean. They spoke of the spiritual principles that had pointed the way for them to this new life of recovery. For them, these principles were not just theories but a part of their practical experience. Yes, we had good reason to be skeptical, but these spiritual principles spoken of by other NA members really seemed to work.

Once we admitted this, we didn't necessarily accept every single spiritual idea we heard. But we did start to think that, if these principles had worked for others, just maybe they'd work for us, too. For a beginning, that willingness was enough.

Just for today: Just maybe the spiritual principles I heard spoken of in NA might work for me. I am willing, at least, to open my mind to the possibility.

---------------------------------------------------

Wow, I didn't now that my last post got so many reactions from my readers offline. Especially from all my brothers and sisters-in-law. Everyone was home since last Thursday (Labour Day) coming home to visit my dear mother-in-law. One of them even challenged me to reveal who was the said lady?

What can I say? I can only say please, please read the disclaimer I've pasted at the bottom of the post. To satisfy their desire I'm gonna paste the disclaimer again at the bottom of this post too. Read it, there was also written in plain view,

* any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Updates: God's willing, next post will be about the times and life of a short documentary actor's wife. Let see if I can get the video.

That's it, no more personal post after this! Today's post gonna be about this blog's PageRank. But before I proceed any further, I would like to explain what is PageRank?

What is PageRank?

PageRank is a numeric value that represents how important a page is on the web. Google figures that when one page links to another page, it is effectively casting a vote for the other page. The more votes that are cast for a page, the more important the page must be. Also, the importance of the page that is casting the vote determines how important the vote itself is. Google calculates a page's importance from the votes cast for it. How important each vote is is taken into account when a page's PageRank is calculated.

PageRank is Google's way of deciding a page's importance. It matters because it is one of the factors that determines a page's ranking in the search results. It isn't the only factor that Google uses to rank pages, but it is an important one.

Notes:
Not all links are counted by Google. For instance, they filter out links from known link farms. Some links can cause a site to be penalized by Google. They rightly figure that webmasters cannot control which sites link to their sites, but they can control which sites they link out to. For this reason, links into a site cannot harm the site, but links from a site can be harmful if they link to penalized sites. So be careful which sites you link to. If a site has PR0, it is usually a penalty, and it would be unwise to link to it.
(copy and paste from PageRank Explained)

I didn't notice it at first but then my beloved wife came running to me and hugged me playfully. She said, "know something?" And when I shook my head, she continued, "your blog is now at PR5!"

"Nah, can be," I said.

Without saying a word, my darling took my hand and went straight to my domain, where I placed my PC, audio and video gadgets. Below was the image I took using FireFox extension, FireShot.

I still can't believed it yet. I clicked on PR Checker, a free tool to check Google™ page ranking of any web site pages easily and to display your site's PageRank value on your web pages.

Below was another image to confirm that this blog is a genuine PR5 blog. Yipeee! Both of us were so happy that I wrestle her down on the floor (sorry, no snap-shot for this scene). Anyway, just enjoy the view below...

I know, many of you are a bit skeptical about PageRank. There's no big deal about it, it's just a number, right? Yeah, maybe you're right but for me it's another achievement, another milestone for this blog. I don't know whether I should say this (Google spy are everywhere and this blog can get slapped any time) but I was offered to monetize this blog many times over. Get my drift?

That's it folk. See you when I see you.

Below is another great news brought to you by The News Room.

Technorati Tags: another achievement, milestone, pagerank, pr 5, indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles

Be Careful What You Ask For

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 09:26:00 +0000

"What if... "

"Living just for today relieves the burden of the past and the fear of the future. We learned to take whatever actions are necessary and to leave the results in the hands of our God."
Basic Text, pp. 90-91

In our active addiction, fear of the future and what might happen was a reality for many of us. What if we got arrested? lost our job? our spouse leaved or die? we went bankrupt? and on, and on, and on. It was not unusual for us to spend hours, even whole days thinking about what might happen. We played out entire conversations and scenarios before they ever occurred, then charted our course on the basis of "what if... " By doing this, we set ourselves up for disappointment after disappointment.

From listening in meetings, we learn that living in the present, not the world of "what if," is the only way to short-circuit our self-fulfilling prophecies of doom and gloom. We can only deal with what is real today, not our fearful fantasies of the future.

Coming to believe that God has only the best in store for us is one way we can combat that fear. We hear in meeting that God won't give us more than we can handle in one day. And we know from experience that, if we ask, God will surely care for us. We stay clean through adverse situations by practicing our faith in the care of a Power greater than ourselves. Each time we do, we become less fearful of "what if" and more comfortable with what is.

Just for today: I shall look forward to the future with faith in God.

----------------------------------------------------

I'm really sorry that I've been neglecting this blog and to all my recovery friends online and offline. I was side-tracked doing unproductive things. In fact, my life had gone haywire but now, it's all over. I'm picking up my life back again and I shall try never to neglect you again.

Alright now that's over, I want to tell you a little story. Call it an episode of my life or whatever you want to name it, it doesn't matter. Before I tell you about it, I suggest you make a cup of coffee and relax while reading it. Hope you can learn something out of it as I have. OK, here goes...

Once upon a time in a little place called Longgeng, I befriended a young lovely lady. Very vogue and vass (her words not mine and I'm still searching the dictionary for the word, vass) as she described herself. Yeah, I admit. She is a stunning little lady, witty and intelligence.

And don't forget, she is rich (a subject she would adamantly disagree and she would have tell you it is her parent, not her who is rich) and got her own wheel to drive around making all the boys goes "ahhh" whenever she passes by! And I'm proud to be selected one of her many friends coz I'm just a drug addict compared to her other male friends who she never misses to talk about.

Among her friends is a local politician's son living in a house as big as The Buckingham Palace with an Olympic size swimming pool. Then there's an aircraft's engineer (now, that's a big job). There's also one who just got married in a 5-star hotel in a banquet's room full of flowers (the things she always dreamed for her own wedding) and the wedding was given a wide coverage in the local media. Awesome, huh?

Then came this old hopeless romantic drug addict in her life. As times passed by against my best judgment I admit I started to fall head over heel in love with her (oh boy, here it goes!). FYI, I'm gonna blog about "the why" pretty soon. I've already written about "the why" but kept it safe in an air-tight vault underground. Do not worry my friend. Just subscribe to this blog full feed RSS if you don't want to miss the tell-all episode.

OK, where were we? Ah yes, I want to tell you that she did made me happy at one time. I can't just forget that moment and I made a promise to myself. No matter what happen, even if I were to be kicked out from her life I would never forget that moments. I'm really thankful to her for making me very happy indeed.

And I was acting like a small kid after been given a jar full of candies! Oh boy, I was in love and I wanted the whole world to know about it. But she was not like any other ladies that I knew before. She never stopped reminding me to come back to earth, come back to reality. She don't want to be the person to mess up my life with my beloved wife.

What had happened doesn't mean that I didn't love my wife anymore. No, no that was not the case. Right from the beginning of our friendship I've told her how much I love my wife. She was the one who picked me up when I was really down, when I had nothing not even my dignity as a man! That's what addiction to drugs had done to me but she has total confidence in me. How could I leave my wife for someone else who have done nothing yet for me?

But then as selfish as I was, I wanted both of them in my life. I've told my new found friend, if given a choice I would still choose my darling wife. Nothing, nobody can take her place. Should there be a second woman in my life, I wanted my wife herself to ask for her hand in marriage. Would you considered that as a tall order?

At last I found the answer after seeking it everywhere, online and offline. I don't get any support from my own family. Everyone was against my decision to take a second lady in my life. I even wrote to some of my recovery friends listed on My Sacred Links (it's at the bottom on the right side-bar, click +/- to expand the list) and I was grateful especially to my South African's friend, Shadow.

She (Shadow) said in one of her long emails to me, In your case, I would have to think really hard and long about leaving your wife for another. If I understand correctly from your blog, she stood by you, helped you and supported you during your hard time in life. Loyalty, trust and dedication to another person are hard to come by, and I think she did that out of love for you. How important is that love to you, to your life and your future stability? And can you walk away from that and live with yourself? How would she feel about it? How would her hurt affect you? Difficult, hard and not so nice questions that you need to ask yourself.

Lastly, are you okay to trade what you have, for a future of maybe? Maybe find another, maybe then have a baby, maybe that person will not turn out the way you envision, maybe you change your mind about that person, maybe… there are lots of them.

After thinking things over, I've to accept my new lady friend only as a friend, no more no less. And during one of my pillow-talked with my beloved wife, I confessed everything to her. It was my fault that these things happened. If I didn't take advantage of a girl in a very vulnerable state, I'm sure these things wouldn't happened. By the grace of God, I felt very relieved after telling my dear wife about it. My God, how I love my wife that night! It was as though my love toward her has grown stronger and I held her tight in my arm, like I don't want to let her go until we fell asleep in each other's arms.

Then my relationship with this other lady started to go down-hill. She started doing things that displeased me, shouting at me to leave her alone, that kind of things that can made any ordinary person who can't stand her personality gone mad! Then she started accusing me of being sarcastic, never appreciated what I've done for her and branded me as a hopeless romantic!

But I still believed my relationship with her was worth saving. Usually I was the one who backed down during those arguments which sometimes started just because of a very small matter as though she has been asking for it all these while. Asking me to do something out of the ordinary. I was a drug addict and I mixed around with some bad people. Talking with the 'F' words was not unusual for me, but I've stopped being nasty after I've got clean and sober nearly five years ago.

Last Monday, it finally happened. In the morning after I've backed-down after yet from another arguments, it was ok as though nothing has happened. Then it started to turn sour at noon. In her last email, she shouted at me to leave her alone and then it was quiet. Well, as usual I let her be to cool down. I had my lunch and then I spent the whole afternoon trying to reconcile and asking for her forgiveness. I sent her several greeting cards, wrote something funny but still no respond from her.

I was beginning to get angry around 4pm. Let me asked you something. How do you feel when you spent the whole afternoon trying to reach your brother, sister or whoever, but that person ignored your call and kept quiet without telling you anything?

I had it and snapped! I wrote her a very short (about 4 sentences only) email which I'm sure will get her attention, something like I gave her an offer she can't refuse. I'm not proud for what I've done but she has been asking for it and finally I succumbed to her request. I'm sorry if I've hurt her feeling. At least she knows that I can get hurt too and not to treat others who were trying to help her like shit!

I've never asked her for anything. That's why I'm keeping quiet by myself lest she might think it would cost her friendship if I call her up again. I've enough of my share asking for forgiveness to try to make things work. Now it's up to her. In my book, she has never do me wrong and if she did, I've already forgiven her. Let's see if she can humble herself to say she's sorry and call me.

I guess what had happened was for our own good. I just gonna keep quiet (like she had taught me) and picked up the mess of my own doing. Now I've time for my blogs, Internet Marketing and best of all, quality times with my dear lovely wife.

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Ex-friends, lovers and estranged ladies friend who have been cut out of the author's life should refrain from reading this post. If the relationship has ended or about to be ended, there is no reason you should get daily updates on the author's life. If you simply can't help yourself, do it quietly, and never repeat what you read or use it to hurt the author.

The Internet is a place that encourages free and creative expression, and as in any environment where people are given this freedom, conflict may arise. If an author uses language or materials that offend you, leave. Contacting the person or their ISP, demanding they remove the content or change their ways is absurd because you are viewing their content of your own free will by visiting their site. Simply stop going there and you won't have to see whatever it is you don't like about the site.

This information is:

* of a general nature only and is not intended to address the specific circumstances of any particular individual or entity;

* any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

* not necessarily comprehensive, complete, accurate or up to date;

* sometimes linked to external sites over which the Commission services have no control and for which the Commission assumes no responsibility;

* not professional or legal advice (if you need specific advice, you should always consult a suitably qualified professional).

Hard Love

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:43:00 +0000

Insides And Outsides

"Our real value is in being ourselves."
Basic Text, p. 101

As we work the steps, we're bound to discover some basic truths about ourselves. The process of uncovering our secrets, exposing them, and searching our characters reveals our true nature. As we become acquainted with ourselves, we'll need to make a decision to be just who we are.

We may want to take a look at what we present to our fellow addicts and the world and see if it matches up with what we've discovered inside. Do we pretend that nothing bothers us when, in truth, we're very sensitive? Do we cover our insecurities with obnoxious jokes, or do we share our fears with someone? Do we dress like a teenager when we're approaching forty and are basically conservative?

We may want to take another look at those things which we thought "weren't us." Maybe we've avoided NA activities because we "don't like crowds." Or maybe we have a secret dream of changing careers but have put off taking action because our dream "wasn't really right" for us. As we attain a new understanding of ourselves, we'll want to adjust our behaviour accordingly. We want to be genuine examples of who we are.

Just for today:

I shall check my outsides to make sure they match my insides. I shall try to act on the growth I have experienced in recovery.

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We want to be genuine examples of who we are. Those words kept on ringing inside my head for several days now. I kept on asking myself, "Am I a good example for those people who came and asked for my help?"

On several occasions I received emails requesting my help. Almost of of them are drug related. Ironically, it was their women folks who wrote to me, telling me about their husband drug problems. And they were asking me all sort of questions like what should they do, will their husbands recover, should they filed a divorce and many many more.

Sometimes, I had doubt in myself which is NOT me. I tried to answer every questions as honestly as possible, base on what I've gone through. I believe that way I can answer every questions truthfully and not get caught lying.

In some instances, I've to refer with some of my friends for answers which I can't answer or which I have no experienced about it personally. I tried to get all the answers for them, if possible.

One thing I noticed, almost all of them loved their husbands very much even though they knew about their husband's problems. Filing a divorce will be their last option after several attempts to reconcile. But believed me, filing a divorce will be on top of their list when they found out the hard way that their husbands loved their drugs more than their wife. Other instance will be like, the husbands in an unmanly way beat and kicked or even treated their wife like dirt!

That was one thing I really hate, no matter how bad my wife will be (which I'm sure both of my ex and present beloved wife are not) I shall never use my hands nor legs on her. I just don't get it, I knew they were some husbands who beats up their wives during the day and at night they have the gall to make love with their wives! And get this, the wife performed all the mumbo jumbo of love making as though nothing has happened. Sometimes I feel like cutting up their husband's cock and gives it to the dog!

But then, I have to congratulate one or two of them (the wives). They will not stop supporting their husbands even if the husbands was in jail. They went through all sort of channels to know more about their husbands, about addictions, their husbands drug of choice and the like. They have strong faith that their husbands can go through recovery and become like a normal person again.

Yeah, I know. Recovery will not be easy. I've been through some really hard times. I wasn't the fortunate one who knew someone in recovery and all the craving and obsession was immediately removed. I can still clearly remember I was sitting on the toilet's bowl upstairs all day long because I was afraid to go out, lest I shall meet my friends and get loaded again. I kept on mumbling, "Just for today, I shall not get loaded, it will pass, it will pass, it will pass... " And it did passed.

Then less than a year after that, I lost my job, my girl friend, my condo, all in rapid succession. Many will not believed, but I still read the Quran regularly and I believed God will help me somehow and God will not make me suffer more than I can handle. Everything that has been taken away from me, I believed God will replace it with something better. Indeed, it was.

I'm very grateful to have a very supporting family especially my beloved Mummy and friends from the Fellowship. As far as I'm concerned, they have never let me down. Especially when I needed someone to talk to during the early stage in recovery. I would sometimes called them at four o'clock in the morning when I found myself turning and tossing in bed sweating and they've always been there for me. From them I learned, "You keep what you have by giving it away." And so I've been there for others too even if it meant my mobile rings at three o'clock in the morning!

For now I'm turning all my life and my will into God's hand. It also gave me such peace and great pleasures to watch someone who came to me and then grow into a wonderful person in recovery. And then watched that same wonderful person passing down to others the same knowledge that was given to me is such a wonderful feeling. The love and caring in this Fellowship is something you will never find anywhere else, one addict helping another addict.

I've also learned to live life on life's terms. With my brothers and sisters during meeting, I was shown how to accept myself and even how to love myself. With them I continued to grow and my faith with God grew as well. I have no longer to feel that total pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. I never have to hate myself, or be alone or feel unwanted.

And I really enjoy my life today. I never have to hate myself, or be alone or feel unwanted. I have a very wonderful wife who can accept me as I am. We went together to all the exotic places which I can't go before. I also have other outside interests I had never dreamed I would be doing, like this one. I have a blog of my own, my own Internet marketing where I taught other how to make money online which I considered a good job, doing what I love to do.

I found out that it really isn't what we used, how much we used, or how long we used that gets us here. It's the feelings, the hopelessness and helplessness we felt. In the Third Tradition of the Fellowship it states, "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using." I have my friends in the program. They held my hand and told me it was okay, and they gave me that hard love of telling me to sit down, shut up and listen when I needed that too.

Thank you for reading my friends. Before I'm off to another crusade, below is a news about a drug addict kicked habit after her father forced her into rehab. Read about it. Maybe you can learn something about it.

See you soon.

Plantilla Blogy - O2

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:22:00 +0000

Something Valuable To Share

"A simple, honest message of recovery from addiction rings true."
Basic Text, p. 50

You're in a meeting. The sharing has been going on for some time. One or two members have described their spiritual experiences in an especially meaningful way. Another has had us all rolling in the aisles with entertaining stories. And then the leader calls on you... gulp. You shyly introduce yourself, apologetically stammer out a few lines, thank everyone for listening, and sit out the rest of the meeting in embarrassed silence. Sound familiar? Well, you're not alone.

We've all had times when we've felt that what we had to share wasn't spiritual enough, wasn't entertaining enough, wasn't something enough. But sharing is not a competitive sport. The meat of our meetings is identification and experience, something all of us have in abundance. When we share from our hearts the truth of our experience, other addicts feel they can trust us because they know we're just like them. When we simply share what's been effective in our lives, we can be sure that our message will be helpful to others.

Our sharing doesn't have to be either fancy or funny to ring true. Every addict working an honest program that brings meaningful recovery has something of immense value to share, something no one else can give: his or her own experience.

Just for today: I have something valuable to share. I shall attend a meeting today and share my experience in recovery from addiction.

-----------------------------------------------------

Talking about sharing, there's one thing that made me sad. I don't usually expect anything when I shared something, but does it made you feel difficult to say a simple thank you?

I've joined a local forum as a regular member mainly to help my colleague things about Blog*Spot. Furthermore, I believed when the old wise men said, "Sharing is Caring." Then I realized, after all these while I seldom received a thank you note. Let alone to reply to a comment or two that I left on their blogs!

Anyway, how are you my friends? As you can see, I'm very very happy. I've finally finished converted My Journey To Recovery to a new look, using Plantilla Blogy - O2. O yeah, that's a little Spanish for you, ;-)

Click image to enlarge

I can still remembered the first time I saw this template. It was on Eches's blog. And I was quite excited about it too. You see, I had a friend named Eches too. I knew him when I was still new to blogging. I had a little bit of trouble with a zipped file and I emailed him asking for help. That was the beginning of our friendship.

As a courtesy, I dropped a comment or two on his blog thanking him for being a friend, telling him how proud I was to him as the creator of a magnificent template and many many more. But I guess I got the wrong person because I've yet to receive any reply from him. My bad! I should have check about it first, not jumping to conclusion just because the other fellow had the same name! Yikes, it' such an embarrassing situation, claiming an unknown person as my friend! Sorry about that.

Here is a list of persons and things that has helped me to convert O2 to the present state. I'm sorry if your names were not listed. There must be severals reason why it was not listed. Mainly, it might be I'm getting old. I tend to forget things easily.

Plantilla Blogy - O2. Created by Eches for Wordpress. Created for Blogger compatibility by Francisco.
Banner - I used my favourite photo editor, ACDSee.
Search Box - Changed it to Google Search. At least it will add something to my AdSense's coffer.
The Rest - A simple CSS and HTML tweak.

How do you like it? Need any changes on your template? Just leave some comments or shoot me an email. I shall get to you, pronto! Now like Lynn Anderson (remember her?) used to sing, "I never promised you a rose garden", at least there will be some changes on your template, if you will just let me.

Before I leave you to dwell on what you gonna do with your template, here's an interesting reading material brought to you exclusively by The News Room. It got some thing to do with "Civility Online."

See you soon. Greetings and lots of love from Malaysia.

Online Detox Store

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 03:48:00 +0000

Passing A Drug Test

The following post is an advertisement.

Long long times ago when I was still using, I would do anything as long as I could passed a drug test. You see, in my country, Malaysia, it would cost me two wasted years in a rehabilitation's center if I were to fail a drug test!

One time, I did swallowed a handful of salts when I was told salt would cleaned up my urine. Then, I heard the story about copper, and I swallowed that too. Like I said, I would do anything to pass a drug test.

Especially now, staying clean and sober doesn't guaranteed my urine is clean. I've heard so many stories from my former colleagues that they were tested drug positive even though they're in recovery for so many years. Frankly, I don't want to be in that predicaments to be tested drug positive just when I'm about to hold a very lucrative job.

As you know, drug tests are now being implemented almost everywhere: businesses want their employees to be drug tested, schools and colleges practice random drug tests as well. Then, where will my future be should I failed a random drug test especially to a former drug addict like me?

Now it is available for my friends especially in America, Online Detox Store that offer not only drug testing kits, but provide you with solutions so that you can pass a drug test easily, no matter what type it is: saliva or urine drug test, hair drug test or blood drug test. Be safe and be ready, or you might regret it later on.

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Head over to their website now, Online Detox Store or call toll free: (866) 600-8820

My Colorful Life

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 15:14:00 +0000

Learning To Love Ourselves

"What we want most is to feel good about ourselves."
Basic Text, p. 97

"We'll love you until you can learn to love yourself." These words, heard so often in our meetings, promise a day we look forward to eagerly - the day when we'll know how to love ourselves. Self-esteem - we all want this elusive quality as soon as we hear about it. Some of us seem to stumble upon it accidentally, while others embark on a course of action complete with affirmations made to our reflections in the mirror. But fix-it-yourself techniques and trendy psychological cures can only take us so far.

There are some definite, practical steps we can take to show love for ourselves, whether we "feel" that love or not. We can take care of our personal responsibilities. We can do nice things for ourselves, as we would for a lover or a friend. We can start paying attention to our own needs. We can even pay attention to the qualities that we cherish in our friends - qualities like intelligence and humour - and look for those same qualities in ourselves. We're sure to find that we really are lovable people, and once we do that, we're well on our way.

Just for today: I shall do something today that helps me recognize and feel love for myself.

--------------------------------------------------------

When I think about my life now, my eyes became watery. I never thought I would lead a very fruitful life like today. Not too long ago about four years back, I thought my life would always ended up with me in rehabilitation's center or being left to rot in prison. Lastly, I thought I would die in a dirty drain somewhere.

Looking back, I had never felt scared thinking where will I ended up. Whether I ended up in rehab's center, prison or even in death itself. You might wondered why? Well, I can answer that easily. It was because I had lost the love for myself. I hated myself and I had never gave a damn what gonna happen to me!

I was introduced to heroin when I was thirteen years old and I immediately fell in love getting high all the time. Then came the time when I was in the University, I got the distinct impression that I could do anything. I felt like Superman, the man of steel himself. And I truly believed I were Superman for many years to come!

I guess I was inclined to be an addict. Deep inside me I felt unsecured and inadequacy. I had these feeling that something was missing in my life. So, in my twisted way of thinking to cover up all the uneasiness, I gotta get high most of my waking hours. That way, I felt I was able to stand among the giants and be as good as them. It took me twenty four agonizing years and abused before I realized I was living life in sub-human form.

Even though I passed Secondary School with flying colours and followed by my times and life in University on Dean's List, I still thought it wasn't enough. I thought I could do more and I pumped myself with lots of heroin so that I could stayed awake studying twenty four hours. Ironically, I knew that heroin was killing me slowly and I also knew that I couldn't stayed in University without heroin. Little do I realized, I was caught in a deadly cycle.

I'm not going to post in detail what heroin had done to me. Simply put I couldn't function like normal human being without heroin. Heroin were my god and I bowed myself before them. I had lied not only to myself, but to countless others. I used people who were stupid enough to trust me where I conned and stole from them. I knew, deep in my heart, I hated myself for doing what I had done, but heroin had dulled my mind, altering my way of straight thinking. For one, I didn't know how to identify or to express my feelings. Like I had lost love somewhere along the way.

Many people, especially my own family tried to convince me to give up heroin. I thought they were just trying to mess up my normal life! I felt they didn't understand as I kept on insisting there were nothing wrong with my life. I felt normal. I told them I used heroin just once in the blue moon which became all of the time. As I told those lied over and over, I began to believe what I had said to be true.

As times progressed, so do my habit to the level that I couldn't sleep for a week at a time. I would become irrational that I couldn't even carry on a simple conversation. I hallucinated visually and aurally, became extremely forgetful and needless to say irritable and grouchy. Then I would level off, and no matter how much heroin I pumped into my body, I couldn't get any higher. My body would ache for sleep, but my mind was wide awake. I was caught at a halfway point where I could neither stay up nor sleep. It was at these times when inordinate paranoia and depression would set in. Sometimes I would try taking sleeping pills to put me to sleep, but each time I became ill and vomited them up.

To make it short, I got myself caught by the Anti-Narcotics Unit of Kajang in an ambushed while dealing in a drug score. It was cold and raining quite heavily in Hulu Langat. My life had been a let-down, and I was fed-up with everyone especially with my ex doctor wife. She was giving me a hard times and deep in my heart I was happy that I got caught and handcuffed by the police.

Talk to you later. Here's news about Rock Legend, Motley Crue's Nikki Sixx brought to you by The News Room.

1800NoDrugs

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 08:15:00 +0000

Drug Rehab Referral Service

The following is an advertisement.

If you are struggling with the disease of drug addiction or alcoholism, here's a very good news especially for my American's friends. This also involved for those who are searching for a drug rehabilitation center that will help someone that is close, friends or family.

Yeah, I know drugs and alcohol addictions is one of the most dreaded social problems even here in my country Malaysia. But my American's friends are very lucky because there's an easily reachable online service called 1800NoDrugs. Yes my friends, you can call them toll-free and speak with one of their high qualified counsellors.

1800NoDrugs is a drug rehab referral service. A free, non-profit drug rehab and addiction treatment placement service.

Just Call Now! Talk to the Most Experienced Drug Rehab Counselors. 1-800-NO-DRUGS (800-663-7847)
Call 1-800-NODRUGS now
"We offer an International network of drug rehab treatment centers for all types of alcoholism, drug addiction, substance abuse, dual diagnosis, and chronic relapse clients. Finding a drug rehab program that meets your individual needs can be overwhelming. We can help assist you in finding the right treatment solution for you."Now that I know about 1800NoDrugs, I couldn't help it to compare what I've to face long long time ago when I was still using. I wish I had known about it then. Gee, I didn't know that there are so many types of drug rehab programs. I thought there were no help for me and I kept on using until I was caught by the narcotic policemen and eventually sent to a Government controlled rehab center.

Here, their drug rehab program mode were the notorious tough and ragged, where I was forced to march like an elite special force's soldier till I dropped. I'm not going to list what happened to me in detail because those were one moment in time that I wish to forget. What I'm trying to say my friends is that, there are so many rehabilitation centers and all of them offered differing in recovery approaches. Just thinking about all of the above can make an addict who is sincerely wishes to recover become confused but rest assure my friend, 1800NoDrugs can help you to choose which rehab center and/or program that is suitable for you or for your loved one, friends and families.

1800NoDrugs will make certain that you choose among the many rehab centers and programs that:

You have an absolute right to be treated with dignity and respect by the staff members. You may be an addict, but you are still a valuable person and should be treated accordingly.

I still remember what my beloved wife told me long ago. She is one of the top gun with the Ministry of Internal Security once said, "There is no graduation for an addict."

That's why even though it is now nearly five years I'm in recovery from drug addiction I've got to be aware all the time lest I shall fall back to the old way, living life as an addict. And I can tell you my friends, life as an addict was not very pretty I can assure you that. Been there, done that you see. Call 1800NoDrugs and they can tell you that recovering from any addiction, be it drugs or alcohol is more than that. Believe it or not, you've got to have knowledges and educations. You can learn a lot about yourself, your weakness, your limitations in a rehab center.

Just Call Now! Talk to the Most Experienced Drug Rehab Counselors. 1-800-NO-DRUGS (800-663-7847) At 1800NODRUGS.com Drug Rehab Referral Services know the nation’s drug treatment centers, and can place your loved one in the drug rehab center most appropriate for them at no charge.

Back From Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 15:42:00 +0000

An Added Gift

"We see it happening among us every day. This miraculous is evidence of a spiritual awakening."
Basic Text, p. 49

We watch them walk in to their first meeting defeated, their spirits broken. Their suffering is obvious, and their desire for help even more apparent. They collect a welcome chip and go back to their seats, shaken by the efforts.

We see them again, and they seem a little more comfortable. They've found a sponsor and are attending meetings every night. They still won't meet our glance, but they nod their heads in recognition as we share. We notice a spark of hope in their eyes, and they smile uncertainly when we encourage them to keep coming back.

A few months later, they are standing straight. They've learned how to make eye contact. They're working the steps with their sponsor and are healing as a result. We listen to them sharing at meetings. We stack chairs with them afterward.

A few years later, they are speaking at a convention workshop. They've got a wonderful, humorous personality. They smile when they see us, they hug us,and they tell us they could never have done it without us. And they understand when we say, "nor could we, without you."

Just for today: I shall find joy in witnessing the recovery of another.

-----------------------------------------------------

We had a wonderful vacation, just the two of us. Bringing my beloved wife on a trip was such a huge blessing, and it was a dream fulfilled for myself. It's like our second honeymoon. We stayed mostly in our room. Rarely do we go out, but we live like king and queen. Room service took care of our need, what's more can you asked?

As always, I feel the need to make a disclaimer: I’m NOT telling you any of this to brag. However, I do think it’s important to mention occasionally that I am “living the dream” in many ways.

After all, WHY should you listen to what I say about recovery unless I’m actually DOING these things? Most of us in recovery aspire to experience more freedom, never worry about money, spend time with family, take vacations, etc.

Things of I won't never dreamed of doing when I was still using. I've got to have my 'stock' in my pocket before I felt safe to go anywhere. But now I'm free, free to do whatever I want without worrying where I gonna have my next fix!

That's why in my family's photo album, you will notice there's someone missing. Both my parent, especially my sisters has gone to many exotic places around the world except ME! I don't want to be left alone anymore!

Anyway, here's some pictures taken in Langkawi.

ArahMan7 in Langkawi

ArahMan7's Vacation in Langkawi

The Hotel

Beautiful Sunset

Dinner

The latest book book that I bought in Langkawi. I'm a Tom Clancy's fan.

Family's Day

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 12:21:00 +0000

The Gathering in Pictures!

Depression

"We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt, self-pity, or depression."
Basic Text, p. 26

As addicts, many of us experience depression from time to time. When we feel depressed, we may be tempted to isolate ourselves. However, if we do this, our depression may turn to despair. We can't afford to let depression leads us back to using.

Instead, we try to go about the routine of our lives. We make meeting attendance and contact with our sponsor top priorities. Sharing with others about our feelings may let us know we aren't the only ones who have been depressed in recovery. Working with a newcomer can work wonders for our own state of mind. And, most importantly, prayer and meditation can help us tap the power we need to survive depression.

We practice acceptance and remember that feelings like depression will unquestionably pass in time. Rather than struggle with our feelings, we accept them and ask for the strength to walk through them.

Just for today: I accept that my feelings of depression won't last forever. I shall talk openly about my feelings with my sponsor or another person who understands.

-----------------------------------------------------

Date: Saturday, December 22nd 2007
Place: Somewhere in Kuale Kangsor.
Occasion: The late Haji Abdul Manan's Annual Family Day.
Mood: Not depressed, but happy! :-)
Legend:

Thursday and Friday - The family started arriving from all over Malaysia.
There are nine families altogether and every families are designated with colours.
Encik Husni and Puan Sikin are the largest family. Total twelve, enough for three Futsal's teams. For this year this year they are wearing black.
The smallest goes to the family of Arah and Man - Just the two of us! Maroon is our colour.
Saturday - The games begin. Started with Futsal and ended with X-Box's World Cup (soccer).
Saturday - Late in the evening, the whole family gathered for Maghrib's prayer led by Dato' Mushidi. Taskirah by The Eminence Abu Bakar and the matriarch herself, my Mother-in-law.
After Isyak, BBQ, prize giving, karaoke etc etc etc.
Sunday - The cleaning of the late Haji Abdul Manan's graveyard.
Before lunch, tahlil for the whole clan.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday - The Family started leaving one by one leaving the three of us, Arah, Man and Mother-in-law.

Like they said in a song (The Bread if I'm not mistaken), "a picture can paints a thousand words." So, I'm going to let the photo do the talking for me. Here goes:

Some of participants preparing the field.

Prizes to be won.

The games began with Futsal. My team (aptly called Liverpool) got third place. We gonna be numbah one next year!

For our young athletes, collecting as many balls as they can in a basket.

For our young heroine, the three legged race.

Catching the most balls - won by Yours Truly's family. ;-)

The ladies of the house - Threading the needle. Won by the House's doctor. When asked how could she do it so fast? She said she got lots of training during surgery!

I was third for dart throwing. Numbah one, next year!

The Champ in action - Running in the sack. Maroon on the top of the world!

At night we had BBQ and prize giving. Yours Truly, the Maroon's skipper receiving the prize for the best athletic skill, lol!
For the whole Family - We gonna create that category next year. For this year Family's Day, I'm claiming it, lol!

The Family preparing for photo shooting. For now, there are forty eight of us. More will be coming soon, I'm sure ;-)

Malaysian Dotcom Youth Search

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 05:37:00 +0000

Vote For My Journey To Recovery

The message of our meetings

"The fact that we, each and every group, focus on carrying the message provides consistency; addicts cancount on us."
Basic Text, p. 64-65

Tales of our antics in active addiction may be funny. Stories of our bizarre reactions to life when using may be interesting. But they tend to carry the mess more than the message. Philosophical arguments on the nature of God are fascinating. Discussions of current controversies have their place - however, it's not at an NA meeting.

Those times when we grow disgusted with meetings and find ourselves complaining that "they don't know how to share" or "it was another whining session" are probably an indication that we need to take a good, hard look at how we share.

What we share about how we got into recovery and how we stayed here through practicing the Twelve Steps is the real message of recovery. That's what we are all looking for when we go to a meeting. Our primary purpose is to carry the message to the still-suffering addict, and what we share at meetings can either contribute significantly to this effort or detract greatly. The choice, and the responsibility, is ours.

Just for today: I shall share my recovery at an NA meeting.

--------------------------------------------------------

First of all, I would like to share with you a couple of good news. Today, December 18th, 2007 is my third wedding anniversaries. And as a present to my beloved wife, this is what I got to say;

Special Woman In My Life

It's hard for me to find the words

That will very clearly say

How very much I love you

And how you're the meaning to each day.

I'm so very glad I found you

For, with all your gentleness

You have brought joy into my life

And untold happiness.

My life has been enriched

Since the time that I met you

For, in everything we share

I see a love that is so true.

I see a heart that always cares,

A nature that's so kind

Such a beautiful lady

Who I've been so fortunate to find

You make my heart beat faster

With you I am myself

And the love we share I treasure

For it is a love above all else.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! (Taking a bow - to a standing ovations) You're so kind! (Still bowing and bowing. Cat-calling and whistling are heard everywhere, interspersed with the the shout of, Bravo! Bravo!)

(Timidly.) Can I begin my Oscar's acceptance speech now? ;-)

Okay, here's another good news. I heard about these Malaysian Dotcom Youth Search from Steven Wong's blog. For your information, this award is for Malaysians only.

The Malaysian Dotcom Youth Search is the hunt to identify the hottest and most innovative website, made by youths. With thousands of Malaysian websites including blogs and portals emerging daily, we are on the lookout for owners of super cool sites, giving them recognition for their work.

If you are currently into Internet Marketing, and you are looking for oppo-tunities to get funded into your business, here is the event you shouldn't missed. Established in conjunction with Youth ’08 - Malaysia’s Youth Lifestyle Showcase, The Malaysian Dotcom Youth Search is the hunt for websites, portals and even blogs with the ability to generate income and influence communities with an innovative factor.

The Malaysian Dotcom Youth Search is brought to you by YouthMalaysia.com, MIRC Incubator and Nuffnang.com.

I never thought of winning the award. All I can think of is that I'm able to meet the A-listed WebMasters of Malaysia. Less than 24 hours later after submitting my registration's form, I received an email from YouthMalaysia.com, congratulating me for my blog, My Journey To Recovery has been accepted to be among the great nominated sites for the award.

(Click image to see the real things on YouthMalaysia.com)

That's it my friends. And don't forget to vote for this blog.

Below are some news about China and their fight against drugs. brought to you by The News Room.

Have a progressive weekdays.

Addiction Vicious Cycle

noreply@blogger.com (ArahMan7) — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:48:00 +0000

Vision Without Limits

"Perhaps for the first time, we see a vision of our new life."
Basic Text, p. 34

In our addiction, our vision of ourselves was very limited. Each day, we went through the same routine: getting, using, and finding ways and means to get more. And that's all we could reasonably expect for the duration of our lives. Our potential was limited.

Today, our prospects are changed. Recovery has given us a new vision of ourselves and our lives. We are no longer trapped in the endlessly gray routine of addiction. We are free to stretch ourselves in new ways, trying out new ideas and new activities. In doing so, we come to see ourselves in a new way. Our potential is limited only by the strength of the Higher Power that cares for us - and that strength has no limits.

In recovery, life and everything in it appears open to us. Guided by our spiritual principles, driven by the power given us by Allah swt, our horizons are limitless.

Just for today: I shall open my eyes to the possibilities before me. My potential is as limitless and as powerful as Allah swt. Today, I shall act on that potential.

----------------------------------------------------

Before I proceed any further, I would like to thanks to all my friends, in recovery or not who have reached out to me in comments and emails sent to me. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you guys/gals? Your moral supports meant so much to me, and only God can ever repay your kindness. Thank you for making me clean and sober today.

I remembered when I was still using, my life routine centered on where to get drugs. After getting it, came the same ritual of using, the burning of the aluminum's foil and preparing the straw to catch the dragon. Then came the part where I started to plan all sort of ways on how to get more drugs. I would resort to anything, mostly involved criminal activities as long as I can get more drugs.

Today, we experience a full range of feelings. Before coming into the Fellowship, we either felt elated or depressed. Our negative sense of self has been replaced by a positive concern for others. Answers are provided, and problems are solved. It is a great gift to feel human again.

What a change from the way that we used to be! We needed to change ourselves, instead of trying to change the people and situations around us. We discovered new opportunities. We found a sense of self-worth. We learned self-respect. Acceptance leads to recovery. We lose our fear of the unknown. We are set free.

And it's the same old story that goes on over and over again. I would go through the same scripts days in days out. It would only ends when the scene on the scripts changed to three things. It's either I dropped death, or I get caught and sent off to prison or rehabilitation center!

In the beginning, it was really fun. I could stay up late to study for my coming exams, but not long after that habit took a turn for the worse. It seem that I've to take drugs to survive. It has become a necessity without me realizing it. So, I kept on using drugs, continuously on a journey toward hell. When I was high full of drugs, all my troubles and problems seems so far away. I was avoiding reality, pain and misery with the drugs I took. I felt like a king with no problems whatsoever to worry about.

But when I came back to earth, the problems and misery which I thought had gone away was still there waiting for me. That was what kept me on using drugs, to shoo away all the pained and troubles. That was the only kind of life I knew. Gone were my ambition to be successful in life. My only thought were centered around drugs. With drugs I felt alive. No matter what I got to have it!

Thinking about it now, I still didn't realize I had a problem when I lost my job at the bank, my apartment, my car, my every things. I still thought I could handle it, thinking that every things gonna be fine. And I kept on thinking every things gonna be fine for twenty six long years! Gee, what was I thinking?

When every things was lost and gone, my cousin took me in. Introduced me to NA. I was really desperate and I would do anything so that I could be human again! Slowly, I said slowly because I was quite a rebel at first. I thought this was just another B.S program. In my mind I thought how could I be cured if all they do was talk!

After sitting in a meeting, and several meeting after that, I began to feel that people really care for me and were willing to help. The people there in NA gave me hope by insisting I could recover. It hit me hard on the face and I thought, "Wow! Nobody trusted me before!"

People had lost their trust in me for twenty six years, and now these people that I've known for only a few days had given their trust in me. That was truly amazing. I found that no matter what my past thoughts or actions were, these people had felt and done the same. Surrounded by fellow addicts, I realized that I'm not alone anymore. Recovery is what happens in these meetings. My life is at stake here and I found that by putting recovery first, I can be cured.

In these meetings I came to three disturbing realizations:

I am powerless over addiction and my life are unmanageable;
Although I am not responsible for this disease, I am responsible for my recovery;
I can no longer blame people, places and things for my addiction. I must face my problems and my feelings.

The ultimate weapon for recovery is a recovering addicts. We concentrate on recovery and feelings not what we have done in the past. Old friends, places and ideas are often a threat to our recovery. We need to change our playmates, playgrounds and playthings.

When we realize that we are not able to manage without drugs, some of us immediately begin experiencing depression, anxiety, hostility and resentment. Petty frustrations, minor setbacks and loneliness often make us feel that we are not getting any better. We find that we suffer from a disease, not a moral dilemma. We were critically ill, not hopelessly bad. Our disease can only be arrested through abstinence.

Have a good day, my friends.

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User Interface Icons.com - Free GUI Icons
Free icons to use.

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My Youngest Sista
Here's my youngest Sista standing beside her dreamed Mercedes. I can only say, "Keep on dreaming, Sista!"Like what you see here? You ain't seen nothing yet until you hit on this button or the image a...

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Rory - Neopoleon : Oopsies...
Microsoft employed addicted to drugs!

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Living Life On Life's Terms
Active Listening"Through active listening, we hear things that work for us."Basic Text, p. 102Most of us arrived in Narcotics Anonymous with a very poor ability to listen. But to take full advantage o...

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Screenshots: Bloggers sued in Malaysia