As expected, AI was everywhere. Being an “outsider”, I could see not the fear of losing jobs, but as an upcoming wave embraced by the youngsters like how other generations adapted television, PC and internet, and mobiles. I could see how the boomers were also advised to adapt to this new trend under the pretext of leadership and being role models. More than the talks, the ocean of women under one roof gave highly energizing vibes. Many women attended thinking mainly of the job fairs, looking for opportunities, for the companies at the EXPO, and hence would’ve got disappointed as the numbers were less. For me, it was a fresh change of environment, reminiscing of the past, yet inspiring to the core. The presence of highly spirited women like Shreya Krishnan, Rashmi, Jacintha and other speakers were in itself a ray of sunshine. And like a sunflower, I was attuned to those sparks of hope on all those three days.

After Day 1, I got comfortable enough to select which sessions to go for, mainly that talks about confidence, soft skills, leadership skills and which not to attend like core technical topics regarding cloud storage and cyber security. Not that the topics were uninteresting, but this year, I realized my scope is to just dip my toes in this world and get the breeze from the water. Taking one step at a time.

Day 2 and Day 3 had the EXPO which had stalls from companies offering courses, registrations, and such, along with EntrepreNaari Mela, a flea market by women entrepreneurs. I also enjoyed the music sessions by Amira Gill and Gautam Krishnan, that served as refuge from the intellectual talks, laughed during the therapeutic conversations by Dr. Ushy Mohandas for grounding ourselves, and almost cried silently when Anil Thomas spoke about Imposter Syndrome.

What I couldn’t do or rather hesitated to do was to network with other women, or get connected “officially”, as I didn’t wanted to share my Linkedin. Yet. I think I did not want to reduce this grand, inspirational, sisterhood event into a fake networking/business/corporate event where people exchanged numbers or followed each other for name sake or number of likes. I came back with huge energy wisdom to tap into, to float on the surface of this water while I decide which coast to move forward. And that in itself maybe a big step forward for me this year. A perfect closure sign from the universe to think about future during this December vacation break – what next for the next year and the year after…

The web series, TSITP, shows Belly, who has to decide between two brothers vying for her love. Not at all original, I know, but that maybe the beauty of it. I notice the patterns that keep repeating in stories which we call as cliches. These normalcy of the cliches maybe what is attracting us to them. Unless you are a Nolan fan who likes to eat your own brains for breakfast, I think I prefer such simple stories. The same old tropes like friends to lovers or enemies to lovers, the overused love triangles etc. 

She is of that age that I grew up on DDLJ, KKHH, the Titanic and other famous movies. The difference is its all American web series and books that occupy her world. I was limited to just Nancy Drew and the Brontes. I don’t have the heart to limit the new adult books that contain too much of smut that would make our ancestors hide in shame even in their graves. If they could read those, what is stopping them from watching all the series and shows available all over social media. And so we watched it together over the American Summer. 

Obviously the first question is whether I am TeamConrad or TeamJere. There was a similar war we had over Edward and Jacob. But the Rene Jacob twist threw me off very badly. How can you explain the wolf vampire connection of “you were hitting on me because of my unborn daughter? oh please!”. I learned the lesson then and there. No teams anymore. In TSITP too, I was Team Belly, and wanted her to jump out of the Cousins Well and explore more. And thanks to the social media hullabaloo, I found out that there were many parents who voiced the same. Unlike the olden times, the Instagram reels and Twitter comments make the viewing much more involved. We both were sharing reels explaining the analysis and some memes too. There were talks of therapy, grief, red and green flags, and such heavy topics could be easily discussed because we have such references now. 

Long back, when the nude scene in Titanic was aired on national television, I remembered how uncomfortable it was to watch with family even if nothing was shown because of Indian censorship. Now I am okay to watch anything with her. Way better than the violent killings and gruesome rapes that are being shown on films these days. Let them know that sex love and kisses are so normal in real life, and there should be no shame around it. 

And now that the movie is announced, the wait continues. But till then, we would be watching some other series for now. 

Silence 

Corrodes relations

Spots of rust 

That we ignore

Like hidden pimples 

That we don’t bother

Till one day

You see

Smoothness is gone

The patch is rough

You repair

Not so easily  

Yet the scars remain

As a reminder…

Silence

Yearning for quietness

We suppress the response

Can’t bear the noise

Yet screaming inside

We walk away

Unable to see

Ignoring the call

Till one day

You see

They are gone

The pathways are rough

You struggle 

To get back

A last attempt 

Yet the words remain

As a reminder…

Yesterday was lagachi parab. The day when the famous food item of hittu and ghashi were made. I don’t remember anything special for this day apart from the making of leaf baskets, the tutorial which was given by Appa. One of the rare interactions with him, of sharing his knowledge and skills through the actions and not through talks. 

The affinity towards religion has come down over the years when I felt the rituals are done too much and with too many restraints. I guess I started questioning God won’t like me for my skills (because of my imperfections even if I tried my best) so what use of makhan lagaana. Once I came out of the well, I see the pattern repeating everywhere. In all religions. 

Then I thought let’s use the religion bahaana for the get together like Navratri but the narrow mindedness and judgemental eyes kept shunning the people who didn’t celebrated any Pooja or rituals. So it became a give and take and I never liked giving. Whats there to give, from my empty basket? I am too shy to offer. And I lamented again at myself for not creating that environment for the new generation I was raising. Like being over protective which, is also not good for her. Will I be able to digest if in future, she went in search of that path I left behind? I remember craving for dandiya nights or holi bash or Diwali parties with family as I never attended those. But instead we attended many other functions which indirectly gave me hints on what made religious beliefs so attractive to the men and women in the community that followed them. 

So maybe even if I miss out giving experiences to her, she maybe learning something else. We never know how each child picks up and how from their surroundings. All we can teach is to have a good kind heart, which is the same in all religions, though people often misinterpret it as usual. 

One of the joggers was a young woman in tight smallest shorts and a tank top. She looked “sexy” even for a straight woman. I wondered what is it that making me jealous of hers, whether its the body or not. But as I dig deep, I realize its the youth, the curvy body blessed for women at that age, and the mindset to ignore what others would think of her and following her heart. Somethings which we miss or regret when we think about the past.

There were couples who kept on talking with each other, stealing their couple time and also exercise in their routine. My mind wandered to a twitter thread (https://x.com/TylerAlterman/status/1925904045488660688) that talked of romantics who believed in power of community as not being reliable. There was an accusatory tone in the thread. Though I agree we (myself considering one of the romantics) are weak, the negative connotation didn’t sit down with me well. The post glorified pragmatic people and the independent ones compared to us, the romantics. I thought we always needed a balance in us. Both romanticism and pragmatism. So maybe the post did hurt my ego and is reacting to it. Or it maybe also a sign that I need to stop my daydreaming and revive my practical side, and do the actions which I have been delaying because of this dream of having friends and community of which I yearn to be part of.

By romantics in the post, I assumed they are talking of people who want to live in a dreamy ideal world connecting to people and forming a community without its hurdles and gaining only the perks. And not the actual romanticsm as in wiki history where they give much importance to individualism and live like a hippie indulged in arts and other streams. I have seen in other generic twitter posts as well where in people admire strong willed introverted people for being independent and not relying on others or who doesn’t work towards belonging in a community.

And then I see the elderly people walking all alone. In some strange flats which they were not part of in their early years. Some very active in the bubble of religion and politics while others with no respite from the end. What do they yearn for? If not for company and the small talk. They did isolate working for too long, earning bread and butter, and now they are having the luscious grand breakfast alone or with the help of a nurse, and some even can’t eat much or enjoy because of age restrictions. Another tweet quoted Nietzsche saying overworking as modern vice. I would not term it as vice as sometimes overworking maybe necessary, but the key point is enjoying life. If those who spend life devoting to work could also make time to enjoy life, making relationships and community that makes you not isolated in the older age, its worth it. Is it not possible to bring about this balance and revel in romanticism than isolating themselves, and achieving success in other professional fields apart from personal life?

The search for other classical film songs reminded me of “Kudumbasametham” and “Sopanam”. The songs in those films were like puzzles for any Carnatic music student. They had the apt amount of easy and complicated sargams. There were movies called Shankarabharanam in old days. When did we stop making such “boring”(as per gen z) films and shifted to violent thrillers? The slice of life films preaching about values and principles would indeed be too much for this generation but snippets of life filled with love and humanity is missing from the cinema. 

I may not be alone yearning for such “art films”. Where do they find their entertainment then? Are you one among them, who dislike violent and gore films and prefer music and life based films? Maybe on YouTube, or OTT? Have you too noticed that they are not advertised much? 

The search is still on.