Are We Still Cool?

Our apple-picking potty sitcom

cool dad — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 22:05:35 +0000

Last Saturday, the Cool Fam went apple picking with our church. About 200 church members descended on a farm in upstate New York to pick apples and enjoy their apple-derived treats like cider, donuts, and Macbooks (not really).

Rains fell on and off, but it didn’t dampen our mood. It was fun to gather with friends from the various neighborhood plants of our church in a setting vastly different from the mean streets of Manhattan.

I volunteered to drive one of the 15-passenger vans that carried Upper East Side residents. From my years in the band, I have literally dozens of miles of van-driving experience.

For singles and young marrieds, the 1.5-hr drive was a pleasant jaunt through the changing leaves of rural New Jersey and upstate New York. For our van – The Family Van carrying 9 adults and 5 kids – the trip to the farm was surprisingly chill. Everyone enjoyed the Kincaidish scenery. Cool Baby slept.

The return trip was a different drive. Dark and rainy. The roads were jammed with eager visitors and weary Manhattanites. One 10-minute stretch was sitcom-like in the way it embodied what parenting often is. Picture it with me:

The Family Van inches back to its NYC home with miles of cars on either end of it. The rental van’s worn-down wiper blades fight a losing battle against the persistent rain. Two bench seats behind me, Cool Baby pleads with Cool Mum for more cheese; cheese that our friends are graciously providing us. I’m running late for an engagement party for some of our first NYC friends.

Suddenly, the toddler in the seat behind me announces to his parents that he has to go potty. Now. They pull out his portable potty, pull him out of the car seat, and sit him down. A few seconds later, I smell the funk. At first, I didn’t realize what was happening. I wondered if the Chick fil-A I had in the mall was disagreeing with me. Then, I realized it was the little guy behind me marking his airspace. My friend riding shotgun coughs mid-sentence, causing us to erupt in laughter thinking that the odor was gagging him.

The timing of all of this going down at once was uncanny. My friend said that the moment qualified for a sitcom. We all agreed. We need more sitcoms about the ridiculous lives that parents lead! You know, in addition to the 300 that are already on TV.

Despite the hitches and odors, the day was a fun one, getting to know new families and friends. There’s something about a road trip that bonds you with people unlike any other way.

So that was our first of what may be many apple picking trips. And how did I like them apples? Even with traffic and toddler flatulence, just great.

I’m an aficionado of efficiency

cool dad — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:04:26 +0000

Life has been somewhat crazy and upside-down, but all in a good way. I’m waiting for the subway train to come, questioning myself because I’ve let a couple of local trains (that make every stop) pass by while waiting for an express train (makes only certain stops). I’ve been waiting so long that I think I made a mistake by letting all of those locals pass by.

My degree from the University of Florida is a bachelors in industrial engineering. One cornerstone of IE is efficiency – finding the most efficient ways to do tasks to save time and money. Though I realized about 3/4 of the way into the degree that it wasn’t my calling, efficiency is hard-wired into my personality.

I constantly question my decision-making, wondering if I could have done something better. As I type this on my phone (in order to maximize my commuting time), I’m weighing getting off to transfer to a local train, which will stop closer to my office, or staying on the express, which will get me a further stop faster.

At grocery stores, I scan the checkout lines and switch lines depending on variables like:

Number of customers
Volume of customers’ merchandise
Speed of cashier
Width of conveyor belt
Age of bar code scanner

OK, I’m not an engineer, so those last two aren’t true. But I really do watch for people who get in the other lines at the same time as me to see if they leave before I do.

Maybe I’m just trying to make the most of my time. Maybe I have mental issues. Maybe I’ll read some psychiatry journals on the pot to study up on it.

Are you an efficiency freak like me? What extremes do you go to?

Transformation, one wireless plan change at a time

Cool Grandmum and naked New Yorkers

cool dad — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 16:59:17 +0000

There’s more Cool Fam in NYC! At least for the next few days. Cool Grandmum and Cool Cuz – on Cool Dad’s side – arrived in NYC on Thursday. CD’s family used to live in the Northeast, so this is a return to old stomping grounds for CG. These past couple of days have been a mix of city living (laundry and groceries) and tourist living (Times Square and museums) for them.

On Friday night, the rain held back, so after a cheap but tasty meal of chicken, rice and beans, and plantains, followed by New York-style cheesecake, we three Filipinos went to Times Square while Cool Mum and Baby relaxed at home.

I urged restraint and modesty, but I could not stop CG and CC from getting close to the scantily-clad street performers. Here’s what’s sure to incite scandal in the simple Florida heartland where they live:

To be honest, Cool Grandmum and Cool Cuz were very hesitant to take a picture with The Naked Cowboy. He had a good crowd around him, and young ladies with heeeuge smiles were running one after another to him. Even a little boy got a photo opp. CG and CC were about to back out, but I pressed on, even giving them a dollar to tip him. They finally succumbed to pressure and are ever so glad they did.

Some interesting facts about The Naked Cowboy:

His real name is Robert John Burke.
He has a bachelors’ in Political Science from the University of Cincinnati.
He is an ordained minister.
He regularly performs in New Orleans for Mardi Gras and other events around the US.

Some interesting facts about Cool Dad:

My middle name is John.
I have a bachelors’ degree from the University of Florida.
I’ve been a worship minister of a sort for the past 12 years.
I’ve been to New Orleans a couple of times.

I think it’s obvious that the quest to find my calling in life is over. Get ready for the biggest thing to hit New York City since the Simon and Garfunkel reunion in Central Park.

Sorry, but I couldn’t find any pictures of me playing guitar in my underwear. Thankfully, those were all purged as part of the settlement. Or at least that’s what the judge told me…

Cool Duel – Which one is cooler: Twitter or Facebook?

cool dad — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:33:53 +0000

I haven’t done a Cool Demographic Survey on this, but I bet most of you use either Facebook or Twitter. Many of you probably use both.

Cool Mum consistently uses Facebook to keep friends and family updated on our (mis)adventures here. She’s not a Twitterer. And chooses not to be for fear of Cool Baby scaling the Empire State Building a la King Kong while she’s tweeting her latest celeb sighting. He does have apeish tendencies after all.

I both tweet and ‘book in waves. I love to communicate, but as work and other projects come and go, so does the time that I can spend on those sites. Maybe if I picked one site to focus on, that would help.

So, help a cool dad out. Of course, I need to be on the site where the coolest, hippest, and bestest happenings are going down. Thus, the need for a social media Cool Duel.

Which one is cooler: Twitter or Facebook?

You’re stuck with one fast-food place for life – which would you choose?

cool dad — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 15:42:44 +0000

I’m in Florida for the weekend to see U2 in Tampa and spend time with family and good friends. And CHICK FIL-A. I’m scheduled to have it in about 23.27 minutes, but who’s counting?

As we’re 13 months into our move to NYC and my search for direction in life and I meet people from all different religious, ethnic, and socioeconomic backgrounds, I ponder the deep transcendental questions of life, like If I could eat at only one fast-food restaurant for the rest of my life, which would it be? Ok, so I’m a little food-obsessed.

My quick answer to this question might surprise you. It’s not Chick fil-A, unless I suddenly start jonesing for heart surgery. It’s Subway. I’ve heard more than a few people call Subway gross, but here are a three reasons why I would choose to Eat Fresh for the rest of my life:

1. VARIETY

Subway offers flavors from around the world, like Italian (BMT, Meatball Marinara), Asian (Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki), Germany (Black Forest Ham), and the States (Philly Cheese Steak). Tastes from Russia (Beet Salad) and the Philippines (BTT [Beef Tripe and Tomato]) have gotta be around the corner.

2. NUTRITION

This is sadly where Chick fil-A loses out. I have to go fried every time I go there. It’s almost not right to get a regular sandwich. And even on the rare occasion that I go grilled, waffle fries are a must. If you disagree, please take this time to repent.

Subway has healthy options, and I actually like them, like the Turkey Breast and Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki. If I feel like indulging myself, I can go for a chocolate chip cookie or seven.

It also helps that unlike most fast-food places, they make your food right in front of you every time.

3. VALUE and CONVENIENCE

At $5.00 for several footlong subs, I can afford to eat there on more than just birthdays. And they’re everywhere.

CONCLUSION

If I put more thought into it, I might choose a nicer sandwich place like Quizno’s or Firehouse Subs. I haven’t eaten at them enough to be familiar with their offerings. And again for health reasons, I think that I would go with a sandwich place over burgers, Mexican, pizza, etc. If I felt like having something a little more elaborate, then I could always make it at home.

So, with no disrespect toward favorites like CFA, Chipotle, and Backyard Burger, I would choose Subway if I only had one fast-food option from now on.

If you could eat at only one fast-food restaurant for the rest of your life, which would it be?

The storied football career of Cool Dad

cool dad — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:29:22 +0000

This past Saturday, two groups in our church – the communities of the Upper East Side (woo-hoo) and Long Island City – collided in an epic match of flag football. I played, despite the following facts working against me:

I’m small.
I’m 32.
I’ve played football about 5 times in my life.

My football career had a promising start in elementary school. On the playground, I played quarterback, though I had no idea what that meant. I remember throwing a touchdown pass and not knowing that was a good thing until my team started celebrating around me. It was all downhill from there.

Later, our PE class offered two options: football and square dancing. I chose to dosey-do with the girls. That would’ve been a great choice if

I were good-looking.
We were old enough to like the opposite sex.

Unfortunately, all of the guys who played football developed their ballin’ skills while I only got better at being square. This is what most likely led to The Kickoff Incident:

We were playing football in PE, and there was no square dancing to save me. The opposing team kicked the ball off. Kickoffs are the most chaotic plays in football, where the ball sails high into the air, and the teams collide with startling speed and force.

As I watched the ball start its descent, I noticed that it was unfortunately falling in my direction. Knowing that this was my chance to turn my athletic reputation around and earn the respect of guys not just in my school, but the entire school district, I steeled myself to catch the ball while a mob of my peers were sprinting downfield to stop me.

At the last moment, I realized I was off the hook as the ball would go over my head. Instead of running it back for a TD, it was up to me to heroically block for whoever caught the ball. No one did.

It was either a gust of wind or poor depth perception, but as I prepared to block, I felt a sudden THWOMP! on the top of my head. The football had nailed me squarely on the noggin. I don’t remember what happened after that, not because I was knocked out. I was just shocked that that happened to me with everyone watching. Too bad my PE coaches didn’t videotape their classes; that would’ve been an easy $10,000 from AFV. After that, my playing days were pretty rare and uneventful.

This Saturday, Cool Mum and Cool Baby flew to Florida for the week, so I hit the big game. I didn’t plan to play and talked with my friends on the sideline. But I’m a competitive guy, and I couldn’t resist the draw of a game being played. I put my umbrella down and jumped in.

It was a great time to bond with people in a way that I don’t often get to. I made a couple of tackles and got burned for a touchdown once. No embarrassing incidents, too – if you don’t count me being frogged in the leg by someone’s knee as I grabbed their flag. Even though that someone was a girl, I’m not ashamed to say that I’m still gimpy from the collision. Contrary to popular belief, girls’ knees are no softer than guys’.

Much to the sorrow of the athletic community as a whole, I’ll probably hang up my LL Bean hiking sneakers (I don’t have cleats). It was a good run, with one high followed by plenty of lows. But I have no regrets – each of those games have contributed to the complexity of Cool Dad:

That touchdown pass instilled confidence that even small dudes could play big.
Getting bonked in the head with a football scrambled my brain just enough to become a quirky but decent blogger.
I’m now friends with the young lady who kneed me in the quadricep.

Hopefully, Cool Baby will be spared the same football fate. Actually, maybe we should just keep him off the field altogether. Anyone have a little girl that needs a promenade partner?

Cool review, awarding points: Heavy strollers and Real Housewives

cool dad — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:23:15 +0000

It’s been a mild summer in NYC, and for that we are grateful. I’d heard horror stories of sweltering subway tunnels, where investment jocks and delivery boys sweat together waiting for crowded trains. Well, I barely had any of it. The Cool Fam’s first NYC summer was a cool one.

Now, summer is already over and fall is coming on strong. Aside from stretches of rain, the weather has been temperate and wonderful. Plus, I’ve proactively bought some cool weather clothes, so I’ll finally be fashionably prepared for a season. It only took me a year.

Let’s see how cool we’ve been lately.

SWEET, HEAVY WHEELS

We found a good deal on a fancy stroller that other actual Manhattan families use. We got it because of its superior functionality, not to fit in (at least that’s what we’re telling ourselves). It wasn’t cheap, but this is essentially our car up here, and we needed something safe and reliable. And unlike our previous one, this one doesn’t look like it was fished out of the East River. [+5 cool points]
Unfortunately, while East River-caught strollers can be left downstairs without fear of getting stolen, fancy strollers cannot. That means I carry it up and down 4 flights of stairs everyday. [-3 cool points]

MoMA-MIA, THAT’S A SPICY MUSEUM

Last week, we took advantage of free Fridays at the Museum of Modern Art. The Cool Fam got all cultured up and stuff. [+3 cool points]
We couldn’t quite tell the difference between the art and the coat check. By George, we’re not quite members of the culture club yet! [-5 cool points]

GETTING HIGH IN THE WEST VILLAGE

On the perfect day for it, we strolled The High Line, a raised railroad track that’s been converted to a park in the West Village. Great views of the city and the Hudson River and just a cool place to be seen. [+2 cool points]

After the High Line, we checked out a nearby street fair and saw a camera crew following these ladies.

They’re apparently part of the The Real Housewives of New York. We should have known that. [-3 cool points]
Actually, I feel pretty good not knowing that. [+5 cool points]

IT’S PEANUT BUTTER BIRTHDAY TIME

We attended a very cool birthday party for one of Cool Baby’s friends. It was fun to talk in relative peace to other parents while the kids entertained each other. Plus, the food rocked. [+3 cool points]
We had just come from church. The other kids wore cool, casual party outfits. Cool Baby mostly wore the peanut butter that he played with in the church nursery. [-3 cool points]
But he was still wicked cute. [+7 cool points]

NET CHANGE: +11 COOL POINTS

I guess as the weather cools, so do we. By winter, we should be rocking!

A brief moment of insanity in the Cool Studio

cool dad — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 15:01:13 +0000

We handled living in a 200 sq-ft one-room studio apartment for 6 months fairly well. However, the time was not without its frustrations and brief moments of where we could have:

a. Screamed.
b. Booked same-day one-way tickets to Florida.
c. Gone a little loopy.

Fortunately, we settled for c. (with maybe a teensy bit of a. as well). Here’s a c. moment for you from 2 months into our time in the Cool Studio.

But don’t worry about Cool Mum. She’s perfectly fine now and wears CB’s Elmo costume on her head only when the situation calls for it.

Meeting moms: It feels like I’m dating again

cool mum — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:10:45 +0000

I’m a mom on a playground. Just minding my own business.

Soon, Cool Baby is playing with another kid his age. They are acting quite civilized, but also having a lot of fun.

I look up and see his mother. She looks cool. We strike up a conversation and find that we have something in common (though not the coolness). I realize that I would love to have another mom friend to hang out with. Or at least to have the Cheers theme song start up in my head whenever I open the park gate.

After some quality chatting, one of us inevitably has to go home. There may be a brief pause as a crucial moment comes upon us.

Do we exchange digits? Or risk never seeing each other again?

If the chemistry is right, there will certainly be an exchange. At least of email addresses. Phone or email tag may follow.

But if it’s meant to be…somehow….somewhere…we’ll end up on a playdate together. And our kids will easily share their most treasured toys with each other while we laugh about how small our apartments are and how much we love our city.

I’m blogging through the pain

cool dad — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 01:52:06 +0000

Ow, it hurts me to write this blog post – not because it’s some admission of hidden uncoolness or that I’m about to call out some friend on something bad that they did/cooked. It hurts me to write this because my lower back is tweaked. My writing chair, aka JEFF, is not helping any. By the way, I didn’t name it JEFF, Ikea did.

I wish I could say that my back injury is from a sick spin move I did in football or when I dunked a basketball wrong. It’s actually from many years of playing wallyball. I’m not ashamed to talk about my wallyball background. It’s a noble sport with a rich history dating all the way back to 1979. We were taught the game in high school, and I evangelized many of my friends to play in college.

However, I was never taught how to properly spike a ball in wallyball/volleyball, so my technique was probably all wrong for all of those years. I think that when I turned 30, I jumped for a spike and felt a little twinge in my back. I played on, like any wallyball warrior would do, and just tried to stretch my back as it was tightening up a little.

When I woke up the next morning, it felt like Kanye had jabbed Taylor’s VMA into my spine. I could barely get out of bed without horrible pain. When my back flared up while walking, my knees would actually buckle from the pain. Since then, I’ve found that during subsequent games of wallyball and carrying stuff around that my back is susceptible in that spot now.

It is certainly no help to my weak back that we live on the 5th floor of a walkup (meaning no elevator) building, and there are heavy loads like groceries, laundry, and Cool Baby to carry up all throughout the week. An apartment on the ground floor or with an elevator would be ideal, as would the lottery win required for us to afford one.

Until then, I just need to be careful how I carry the laundry or swing Cool Baby around. Sadly, that puts my professional wallyball career on the shelf. I would’ve been the best 5′5 Filipino wallyball pro in the last 29 years. I guess I’ll stick to (web) surfing with my trusty friend JEFF.

Do you have any old injuries that flare up once in a while?