I used to be desperate for any advice on how to meet girls: for a long time, I tried repeating all the funny, witty lines and routines that I’d read in books, but nothing ever got me very far. Then, one autumn evening, it hit me.

A risky move: going back to questions.

I was at a point in my studies about women and attraction where I had built up a solid personality and confidence. Practice had made me good in social situations, I had my life stories together, the social intelligence to tell them at the right moment and the enthusiasm to tell them with intrigue. So that evening, I realized that I was ready to go back to a basic concept that would have gotten me blown out of any conversation before my studies: asking questions.

You and me baby are nothing but mammals

However, before I tell you more about that, let me ask you a question: how do you think animals communicate? They don’t have words, language, phrases. They don’t have “pickup lines” and “openers”. Yet the males somehow manage to attract females – all the way to the big ol’ “f-close”. Fancy that! Now I want you to get the idea out of your head that just because we humans are more evolved than animals, we’re completely disconnected from the animal world. “You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals”, remember that song? There’s a comic strip where you see a man getting mad at his dog, telling him in great detail why he’s not supposed to do whatever he did wrong. In the next panel, you see what the dog actually hears: “wah wah wah”. That dude is clearly doing something wrong.

Now, when you communicate with a woman (or anybody for that matter), guess what. Words are ultimately meaningless (which is why irony works, by the way). They are not what you communicate! What you communicate is your confidence, your tenure, your intention, your emotions, in effect, the whole vibe you give off.

So when I was getting ready for going out on that autumn night, I realized that I was actually really comfortable in my own skin. I had learned about the dynamics of attraction, I was largely aware of what was going on behind the scenes of an interaction, I “understood” what women were saying and what kinds of signals I was sending. In the recent weeks, much of what I’d been studying had pointed to the direction of “just be yourself”: something that friends used to tell me back in the old days when I had no game at all. “Being myself” never got me laid back then… But now that I was my improved self, I decided I would try asking more questions again. Only this time, there was a new twist:

Don’t open with a line. Open with a purpose.

Many guys tend to ask questions in a mere attempt to spark some conversation: “So where do you work?”, “What’s your name?”, “How old are you?”. The problem is, oftentimes, they don’t really know where they’re going with this: all they know is that this girl is hot and they want to be around her. The girl will sense that aimlessness, and she will lose interest. Now, when you have an actual purpose, that will show through your conversation, and it will make you interesting and attractive. When I ask girls questions now, my actual purpose is:

- I like the looks of this girl and I want to know more about her personality to see if she matches to what I’m looking for in a woman.

With that, I can be much more goal-oriented than I was before. Now here’s the thing for you: you should sit down and work out some of the purposes you would have when opening a girl. A couple of really good ones are:

- I want to have a good time (because without that, nothing will really work out).
- I want to find a friend with benefits.
- I want to meet fun people.
- I want to find a soulmate.
- I want a girl that shares my love for music.

Find out about your own intentions. Do you want a girlfriend? F-buddy? Female friend? Or simply build a social circle? Whatever it is, once you have it figured out, you’ll no longer worry about what to say to a girl. Words will come naturally, because they’re no longer the focus of the conversation. The focus is no longer on the words you utter – it’s on what you actually say.

Gambler, who’s pretty much my pickup genius friend, just came out with a really under-the-radar way of approaching girls without setting off her automatic rejection mechanism!

See, as much as I hate to admit it,
the ‘Old Chris Calo wasn’t always good with women.

I remember getting rejected all the time and I felt so bad!

In fact, I probably felt WORSE than most guys and that’s what really pushed me to “figure all this out”.

True Story: I once approached a girl in a bar in a very nice manner, I did all the things right but then she said: “Hey, I’m sure you’re nice but I don’t want to talk to *you* right now, can you leave?”

Even though I’d tell myself, “Ok, she doesn’t matter, whatever” it still hurt and I’d think about it all night. Getting blown out for no reason really sucks, especially when the girl is being nice about it :\

To be honest, I didn’t realize what I did wrong for an entire YEAR (that’s how long I was thinking about it)

And you know what? Gambler’s new under-the-radar report explains WHY in only a few pages…hah, I wish I would of had that back then!

So you don’t have to go through the same thing I did, wondering WTF I did wrong all night a few years ago!

- Chris

ps. Yes, Gambler doesn’t allow everyone to download it so that’s why you have to enter your email, it’s his rules, not mine!

Download it here
The-Rejection-Report.pdf

There’s one important skill, though, that sadly gets overlooked too often: it’s building a deep connection with a woman. And that should be a fundamental aspect of your game, the basis and ultimate goal of your endeavors.

Cut the superficial BS.

Gerry Rafferty sang: “This city desert makes you feel so cold, it’s got so many people but it’s got no soul.” All across our art and poetry, the notion of being lonely, but not alone persists. The poets speak of a void that even you may feel inside yourself, despite having friends, possessions, a career and successes: it’s a nagging lack of emotional fulfillment. Why is that? What fits into that hole? What have we lost in our Western societies? The answer: a true connection between human beings, and more precisely, the ability to establish it.

If you can connect with a woman, she’ll love you for it.

Being social animals, it’s part of our natural programming to respond to the interest of others. The feeling of understanding, acceptance and belonging is a powerful one that ties us together, so you’ll want to establish it in your social interactions – both with male friends and women.

The trick is, you must truly care about what she has to say.

Open the window to her soul.

Your first step in the right direction is to shift your mindset from “getting” value to “giving” it. Most of the time, when you shove the same trite lines in a girl’s face: “So, where do you work?”, “Where are you from?” or “I’m an accountant”, your underlying intention is to get something from her. You try to establish a conversation during which you will hopefully impress her enough with your achievements and ideas to get her affection and appreciation.

What if instead, you prompted her to share some truly personal and unique information about herself? You could easily open up the window to her soul instead of asking her for trivial every day banalities.

For instance, talk to her about:

1. Her passions ( What are you passionate about? )
2. What’s on her shelves and bedroom walls ( What does your room look like? )
3. Her childhood memories ( When you were a child, what did you do during sunny afternoons?)
4. Who and what influenced her most ( Do you have any idols? )
5. The most important people in her life ( Who do you talk to the most ? )
6. Her favorite actor, food, musician, artist ( What’s a good movie/band/place to eat these days?)

After you perform that shift in your communication, your quest is no longer about her thoughts or actions: it’s about her feelings and nature.

Your mindset: change from “taking” to “giving”.

So how does this tie in with you giving value to the girl instead of taking it? The answer is: by peeking into her personality, you put yourself in a position where you can give something meaningful to her. It’s the feeling that somebody listens and understands. It’s no longer about “picking up” or “getting laid”, but connecting on a personal level. Your curiosity will turn up facets of her personality on which you two can meet. The whole underlying concept is really simple; it’s personal interest.

Knowing what she likes, what she is passionate about, what has meaning to her, what turns her on allows you to be thoughtful with her. Because you have insight into her reality, you can easily assume her role in an interaction and see things through her eyes. If somewhere down the line, you get to a point where you want to make her a present (don’t bee to quick about this! It can come off as trying to “buy” her), you can pick something that she really likes and appreciates. When you go out, you can take her to places she will enjoy or show her things that you know she’ll love.

Here are two final tips for you:

1. Never be afraid to ask.
2. Feel free to take notes after your interaction!

How to Stand Out From the Rest.

From the first encounter to a night of hot passion, you always, always have the right to ask her about what she likes or desires – and note that her desires may even change, so why not stay up to date? Also, once you develop your mindset and attract more people into your life on a personal level, you will collect lots of tidbits about their personalities. Nothing’s wrong with writing some things down after the date. “Nancy loves chocolate-covered pretzels” is a good bit of “trivia” to remember when you want to make her happy. If you remember that she loves chocolate pretzels after 2 months, it will REALLY make a impression.

Building a deep connection with a woman is easier when you do it face-to-face, so avoid talking on the phone, chatting online or e-mailing too much. The reason is that all our senses are involved in our memories: a bunch of black letters on white background are so much harder to remember and connect to a particular person than the intonation of her voice, the sounds and smells in the air, the feel of the surroundings, her facial expressions and the spark in her eye when she talks about her biggest passions.

When you go out and connect to your new acquaintances and old friends, remember that you still need a sexual vibe when talking to a woman: don’t turn into a wimp now. The guy that knows it all without listening to her will not get laid, and listening and being attentive does not mean complying with her every wish and mood or bending over backwards to accommodate her. You are still the master of your own reality. Now go connect with a woman!

Today, I would like to talk to you about exciting conversation topics and interaction-starters. I believe that the bigger our repertoire of these is, the easier it will be to open up exciting conversations. Plus, the process keeps fuelling itself. If you bring up the right topics, people will tell you exciting stories from their lives, and with these, your repertoire will grow. “A friend told me this story (and I’d like to hear what you think)…”

Your repertoire for spellbinding conversation.

Here’s a secret for ya: we all have resources of rivetting and enthralling stories inside of us. All we need to do is tap into them! We already introduced you to some key aspects of enthralling stories in our article “How To Tell a Story That Captivates a Woman’s Attention”, but let’s have another scoop:

- Drama
- Conflict
- Emotion
- Adventure
- Excitement
- Personal transformation (”I used to be insecure…”)

The more your story pulsates with life and emotion, the more gripping it will be – and once you open the portal with these notions, conversation will flow quite easily. You are triggering a human excitement in your listener that will evoke their own stories in them.

Listen and move forward.

From there, it’s all about listening and moving forward: as your conversation partner replicates the spirit of your stories, you take the position of the listener. You take in what they say and let it trigger your next reaction: they bring up their family members, and you have a new topic to dissolve into.

Your vibe: be energetic!

Now here’s the catch: even the most exciting content can be excruciatingly boring if you tell it without any passion or devotion. On the other hand, if you sparkle with enthusiasm, you can even make your job as an accountant sound exciting (even though you’ll still want to pick better subjects if you have them). Here’s a tip: when you bring something up, lead into it with an energetic “oh my God!”.

But HOW do we open up this kind of conversation?

Here are a couple lines you can use to tap into the right kind of mood:

- Who do you love?
- What’s your ideal man like?
- What are you passionate about?
- What’s your favourite spot to get kissed?
- What’s the weirdest place you made love?

Human interest: your constant frame of mind.

All this has to become your permanent frame of mind. If you have to consciously shift into “human interest” mode every time you’re about to interact with somebody, it’ll come off as fake. If the human, emotional side of things is your standard perspective, though, it’ll be natural.

I suggest you take some time to find stories from your life that had an emotional impact, were exciting, adventurous, led you into a personal transformation. Write them down, it’ll make it easier to remember them and you can refresh them at will. As you accumulate interactions, you will never run out of things to say: you open up to people, and as they open up to you, they automatically contribute stories to your repertoire. When it grows, you will have better and better tools for intriguing conversation.

They’re frustrated – and so are men, because they’re constantly turned down or something that starts great fizzles into oblivion before it goes anywhere. Women have their means of being attractive, and you, as a man, are here because you want to learn your own skills. And while you do so, there is one thing you realize: it’s a long road from stranger to lover. Today, I’d like to talk to you about keeping your motivation up through the bad times. As you become a desirable man, you will crash and burn, and it will be painful, but you need to hang in there – no matter what.

Is it worth the pain?

I’m not here to discourage you, on the contrary. Unless you are naturally successful with women, nothing is more important for you than to learn how to be attractive and desirable. Yes, it’s a skill, and yes, mastering it will be beneficial to both you and the women you meet. However, do not kid yourself into believing that this is an easy one to acquire.

Learn your skill step by step.

As you practice, you take things in steps: at first, you may not even know how to approach a woman, you need to get over your anxiety. From there, you want to learn how to start an actual conversation, then how to keep her interested, fascinate her, get her to want to see you again (if you want to see her again). Once you have that down, don’t even dare think that the deal is done. Now you need to learn not to actually get that date, always keeping out of the “friends” zone, then progress from there…

Take every step… step by step.

When you are in any particular interaction with a woman, you’re “taking steps” on two levels: on the grand scheme of things, you’re moving a bit closer to your ultimate goal of being truly successful with women, as described above. At the same time, though, the interaction itself is composed of small steps. You approach, create comfort, rapport, tension… The most important thing is: focus on the step you’re taking right now, not any desired outcome in the future. That way, you’ll never “lose”.

Theory vs. Practice.

It’s easy: both are necessary. You can read all books ever written on Martial Arts, but you’re still going to suck at it – but practicing without getting the theory into your head is going to leave you beaten up, right? It’s the same with attracting women. Go and read our articles, watch videos, listen to web seminars and interviews, check out David DeAngelo’s material, absorb what the Seduction Community has to give. Familiarize yourself with other material to get “life skills” – Emotional Intelligence, The Law of Attraction, Psychology.

But eventually, you need to go out and jump into interactions with people. Nobody is going to do it for you, and the sooner you do it, the better! Ideally, take advice from an article or book and go out just to practice that particular bit.

With all this in mind, never forget: it’s a long road from stranger to lover. You have bridges to cross, obstacles to overcome, defeat to cope with. It’s not easy, and rejection and failure can bear hard – that’s when it’s most important to keep your motivation up and hang in there. Never give up!

You need to start building your social circle somewhere, and the best (and only) way you can do that is to go out and meet people. Your very first contact can be found any way possible – through existing friends, through co-workers, even going out and talking to someone on the street! The main idea though is to transform this contact into a friend by getting to know them and connecting with them. You may ask, “how can I connect with them?” It may seem daunting, especially if you have no experience meeting people on a regular basis, but turning a stranger into a friend is much easier than you may expect. The simple fact that you’re not trying to attract them sexually makes this much easier for you. All you need to do is be friendly and show interest in your contact. Smile and make small talk with them until you find something they’re passionate about, then allow them to talk about their passion for as long as they want. Everyone’s favourite topic is themselves, and simply by allowing them to talk about themselves and your being interested in them, will immediately raise yourself in their eyes.

Once you’ve established this person as a friend, its time to start expanding. Invite them to events that you’re organizing and tell them to bring their friends along. Sell your event, making it seem as the biggest event of the year, and emphasize how much you’re looking forward to seeing them. This will simultaneously make them feel special, making them more likely to attend, and the more exciting the event sounds, the more likely they are to bring their friends. After all, all everyone wants is to have a good time!

Once you meet their friends, simply repeat the previous steps over and over again, each time expanding your social circle. As you start to build your social circle, you’ll meet more and more people and before you know it, it will start to be difficult to keep in touch with everyone! Make sure you continue to have a presence in their life though. Send occasional text messages or give them calls to see how they’re doing. Try and meet up with them once in a while and send them invitations to events you’re organizing or attending. The more of a presence you have in someone’s life, the more they will come to accept you as a friend.

The key to having people introduce you to their friends is threefold.

1) Be non-threatening. If you seem overtly aggressive when meeting new people, or try and pursue every single one of your new friend’s female friends, they will stop introducing you to their friends, as they have their own reputation to consider. Yes, it may seem counterproductive, especially since you’re trying to expand your social circle in an effort to meet new women. However, it is still possible to pursue women without being threatening. Simply make all interactions light-hearted and fun and women will forgive you for any social faux pas that you might make.

2) Give value. Host parties and other events, introduce friends to people you believe they would like to meet and make sure they feel valued and are having a good time whenever they’re with you. People want to hang out with others who make them feel important and who show them a good time, and they want to bring friends into a world where they feel they will have a good time as well.

3) Compliment people on how social they are and how they seem to know so many people. If you give a person a reputation to live up to, they will try their utmost to live up to it. A small comment like this will ensure that your friends will continually introduce you to new people, so that they can maintain their image as being a sociable, popular person in your eyes.

Once you’ve built up a large network of friends and acquaintances, you will be surprised at how easy it is to meet new people, both men and women. The further out your network reaches and the more social circles you are integrated with, the more opportunities you will have to meet the people that you want to meet, and before you know it, you will be chased by women who know you through your vast multitude of friends.