Parents all over the world should know that to understand their children, they must be able to view things from their perspective. More often than not, a child will not listen to rules because of the way in which the rules are told and enforced – not because of the actual rule itself.

Parenting styles are a psychological construct describing researched ways that parents raise their children. There are four main categories defining the style in which parents raise their children, which regard strictness and how much independence there is given to the child. The two most significant ones are Authoritative and Authoritarian parenting.

The level of maturity and self-control any child reaches is heavily based on how his parents taught him about cultural issues, government policies, taboos, and problems that take place within families.

Authoritarian parenting is very damaging to the development of a child because it offers no reasoning behind actions, leaves a detached emotional attachment in the family, and there are many cases in which the parents employ their child as a tool to accomplish things they have failed to do in the past.

What is an authoritarian?

An authoritarian is a person who conducts things with little democracy and is willing to take away many privileges to command control. In everyday language, an authoritarian is a person commonly referred to as a control freak, dictator, or other related things.

An authoritarian parent, when teaching their children what to do and what not to do, will rarely ever tell them why. They will not give crucial information that the child needs to know when confronting the situation in real life. If the kid gets into trouble for even the smallest of mistakes, there is heavy punishment – including child abuse. The principle late this style is to be very efficient in disciplining kids and to avoid emotional attachments. It is to command complete obedience without any hesitation. No questions asked.

Believe it or not, the majority of parents in the world use authoritarian parenting. In strict cultures in countries like India and China, it is the norm. The huge problem with this style is that it is very stubborn and unable to adapt to change. People in this category would probably punish their children if they ‘talk back,’ even if it was a reasonable question. The opinion is power; control that goes too uncontrolled.

For example, an authoritarian parent will yell at his or her kid for catching a cold by going outside during a snowy day. But if the kid lays down proven evidence that it is a medical myth that cold weather causes colds and that it is caused by a virus and thus more commonly spread indoors, he is going to be in deep trouble.

These types of parents are too insecure about their locus of control and so they will purchase that statement as a personal attack. For parents that are very worn, such as Indian parents, it is considered disrespectful for a child to do it. But the truth is, it is their pride that is wounded when a child uses common sense to prove his parent wrong.

Children are more mature than parents realize and that is the problem. The more you take away independence from developing kids and teens, the more you take away their abilities to adapt to change. Authoritarian parents are typically very old fashioned, with rules and ideas that are dogmatic and lacking empirical sense.

-If the child asks the parent about why he can’t smoke cigarettes, the parent would simply say, “Because cigarettes are bad, that’s all you need to know.”

-If a boy asks why he can’t go to college instead of being a carpenter like his father and the father of his father, and so on, the father would reply, “Because daddy knows best.”

-Many Indian and Chinese kids have a hard time explaining how a B+ in an advanced placement class in high school still equates to a 4.0 GPA – an A grade. No matter how many times you define, the parents will remain in denial, saying “no, no, that’s not the way the world works.” If the kids issue them they’re wrong, they gain a lecture on why it’s disrespectful to talk back to parents. Is it them being oblivious or is it because of pride that parents can’t accept mistakes?

The problem is that the world changed and it is not the same as it was fifty years ago. Authoritarian parenting worked when it was common for rules to go unanswered and practices to go unquestioned. It may have worked then and probably seemed to work then because it was the only procedure to do things. Its existence depends on its goal of attaining unquestioning loyalty. It is astonishing to see how some parents treat their children like pets, without realizing their talents. Even worse is that the children will never be able to judge through their actions, will have higher chances of marrying an abusive spouse, and have a mental illness past their teens.

However, there is a second category known as authoritative parenting. In the face of those three scenarios, here’s how things may go differently:

-To the child who asked why cigarettes are bad, the authoritative parent will tell him that they cause your breath to stink, make your lungs dark, and shorten your lifespan by several years. And then he’ll stammer him the meaning of addiction.

Authoritative parents give reasonable evidence why the rule is there, giving kids a better view of how it is beneficial as a whole. And unlike kids of authoritarian parents, they will not deliberately break the rule in a rebellious act.

-The boy who wants to go to college deserves a better reply than the much misleading “daddy knows best” phrase. The only way kids can break out of poverty that runs in their family for generations is by being inquisitive about the ‘rules’ and ‘traditions.’ The boy knows that the world is different than the one his parents remember, and that education is sometimes the only blueprint to be successful.

An authoritative parent is aware of that and must realize that he can’t force his child to a career that may keep his real potential from being unleashed.

-An authoritative parent would not take it so personally when their kids argue. Even the word argument is taken seriously by strict parents. This destroys creative potential, is emotionally cold, and arbitrary. Thus, the parent will not be offended and instead listen to the child instead of being extremely patronizing.

The world has changed and so the way parents raise children must change. Independence must be given or lessons can never be truly learned. Cycles must be broken or children can never demolish out of poverty. Critical thinking must be praised instead of oppressed, and hypocrisy should cessation in parenting no matter what the case.

Nobody in the world is perfect. We all make mistakes. Sometimes the biggest mistake a parent can make is to think they are always right about what is best for their children.

Do not execute that mistake. Perhaps it is the ability of children to learn what their parents are too former to learn, that makes them so special.

References:

Baumrind, D. (1978). Parental disciplinary patterns and social competence in children. Youth and Society, 9, 238-276.

“Raising Precise Children — Rockridge Institute“. Rockridge Institute. Retrieved on 2007-09-23.

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