My Art Comes Before My Grades!

No advice though I just wanted to say, I feel like loving each post in this blog! I’m in Printmaking doing my Thesis now and I’ve lived every single post to the fullest! Though I don’t know about taking it all the way to publishing it in the end without all the bastards for critics and snobs with their top of the line equipment and what nots art school would seem incomplete :) Great job though!

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 02:12:29 -0500

LOL! Thanks! It's been a long time coming. There's a lot more to the book, but I don't want to put...

I’ve got a personal anecdote for you of no small...

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 15:25:00 -0400

I’ve got a personal anecdote for you of no small importance.

When I was an undergrad, I entered a realistic drawing very similar to my illustration here in the undergraduate art show. I got an email later that week saying all selections had been made, so I went down there, feeling confident, proud and excited that my drawing skills would have landed me a little piece of gallery wall space. I’d slaved over that painting. It took several days to complete, and was the best work I’d ever done.

Instead, I found an entire gallery full of abstract throw paintings done on chopped up bedsheets. My painting was in the main hallway with the other rejects, face down on the floor. I knew what had happened. I had committed the egregious error of “not having a message.”

The humiliation. I ended up giving the painting to a friend of mine because I couldn’t stand the sight of it.

It’s been ten years since that sad moment, and now I can effectively say “fuck you,” because guess what? Illustrations like these make more money. Shredded up bed sheet paintings…maybe, after you’re dead.

“I’m like, basing this semester’s work on...

Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:49:00 -0400

“I’m like, basing this semester’s work on lyrics that really have deep significance to my life right now. At the moment I’m like totally obsessed with Peter Murphy. He’s so beautiful and dark, and I am like in love with him so much I want to immortalize his genius on canvas in beautiful calligraphy. It’s like he’s my muse or something.”

"In Hedonism's shaft like look
He wears the id the painter mistook
And with her flame he'll burn its flesh
Burn the freeze transcend the mesh"

A FIELD GUIDE TO ART STUDENTS: THE EUROPEAN EXCHANGE...

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:17:00 -0400

A FIELD GUIDE TO ART STUDENTS: THE EUROPEAN EXCHANGE STUDENT.

The European Exchange Student is invariably good-looking, charming, and better-educated than Americans. Their work has an edge over yours because the professor notices a “different perspective” and praises their “thinking outside the confinement of American principles.” Ignore this, because there is no sense in competing with them. They’re automatically more sophisticated than everyone, even if they actually are considered hillbillies from whence they came. You might as well just try to date them.

Although all European exchange students rank higher in the art school food chain, there is a hierarchy of adoration depending on the country they hail from.

SOPHISTICATED:

United Kingdom (even accents from dumpy cities sound fancy here)
Ireland
France
Germany
Any Scandinavian country
Any Mediterranean country

KINDA SOPHISTICATED

Anywhere in Eastern Europe except Albania
Holland (males…females rank higher)
Belgium

IMMEDIATE STATUS SYMBOL

Dating the European Exchange Student is second only to doing a study-abroad. After a few weeks of canoodling, you have effectively earned the right to flaunt a Continental attitude about your work/life; you will be allowed to prattle on about your broader knowledge of geography, and now you can belligerently bitch about “American attitudes about sex.” If you’re dating an Easterner, you may have an “in” for getting authentic black-market absinthe to whip out at parties and pretend you’re tripping like your whacked-out 19^th-century heroes. It’s great while it lasts, but the European Exchange Student inevitably go back home.

Strengths:

They can bring you candy from home
Have a nice lilting accent (except the Germans)
Dress really well

Weaknesses:

Have significant other in the old country they didn’t tell you about
Sleeping with three other people at any given moment
Mandatory military service

Identifying line: “Vot ees your fascination mit Kardashians?“

Photo

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 16:39:31 -0400

Art School Culture: Fake It 'Til You Make It.

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 14:17:00 -0400

Art school people, like hipsters, exist in a realm where one constantly walks the fine line of...

Introduction To Ceramics.

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 19:47:00 -0400

Art School ceramics students primarily learn the craftsmanship of the ancient art of pottery. They...

A FIELD GUIDE TO ART STUDENTS: THE CRITIC. The Critic tears...

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 16:29:00 -0400

A FIELD GUIDE TO ART STUDENTS: THE CRITIC.

The Critic tears apart everyone’s works in a low mumble, or, if they’re especially bold – during Critique. They’re never satisfied with their own work, and merciless when other people’s work is deemed substandard. Most Critics are found in Painting/Drawing, Photography, and Graphic Design disciplines.

To The Critic’s discerning eye, the worst offenses another artist can commit will generally stick to the following:

lack of concept
lack of technical skill
unoriginality
obtuse subject matter
frivolity

Critics possess a dogged work ethic and rabid ambition, and have no desire to make friends in low places. They only latch on to people whom they deem as allies, and/or people who can “get them somewhere.”

Male Critics are often put on a pedestal by adoring fangirls (both fellow students and female professors) for the following reasons:

declarative sentences
talent and drive
Bad Boy sensibility + Nice Boy fashion sense

The Critic is usually an amazing artist, immune to counteraction - do not confuse them with The Chronic Bitcher (often their less-astute friend).

Being The Critic’s friend is a mixed bag: if they’re mumbling their secret criticisms to you and snickering, then you likely won’t fall public victim to their malice on Critique Day…but don’t be surprised if they attack you too, because they don’t care. All that matters to them is good art done correctly, and they’ll never forgive you for not living up to their impossible standards.

For those reasons, the Critic is the most likely out of all your classmates to go on to graduate school to teach in higher education - mostly to continue the pleasure of executing others.

Identifying line: “That looks exactly like they pulled that out of their ass and wiped it on canvas.”

Photo

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 22:32:00 -0400

KNOW YOUR PAINTING PROFESSOR: THE BOHEMIAN Usually chooses...

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 10:06:00 -0400

KNOW YOUR PAINTING PROFESSOR: THE BOHEMIAN

Usually chooses “abstract expressionism” as their primary medium.

Prefers wearing

natural fibers
loose-fitting trousers
clogs
bulky neck scarves
hacked-up birds-nest hairstyles (free-spirited pigtails; hedge-clipper shreds)
whimsical glasses/hats
not above putting knitting needles in hair

The bohemian tends to work exclusively in abstract expressionism, because realism hinders an artist’s unbridled creativity. She often utilizes unorthodox materials such as:

hair (pet, human, pubic)
cardboard homeless shelters
Metrocards
cigarette butts from various receptacles
placentae
ancestral quilts
burial shrouds

She’s often covered in filth of some sort. You want to avoid hugs and contact with her hair. Occasionally she will bring in her pet (large dog; ferret). She encourages music in the classroom, but beware: it’s usually “world music” or Indigo Girls.

STRENGTHS:

appreciates bullshit artist statements
good networker despite slovenly appearance
awesome housesitting opportunities

WEAKNESSES:

can’t/won’t use computers
weirdly OCD about brush types
picks favorites

Identifying line: “The triangle is a metaphor for the womb and the vagina.”

Fine Art Photography 101: Making A Pinhole Camera.

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 00:22:00 -0400

One of the first assignments given to fine art photography students is to construct a pinhole...

When in doubt, you can always cast your ass in something to make...

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 19:22:53 -0400

When in doubt, you can always cast your ass in something to make a statement!

PLACES TO HOOK UP: THE STUDENT COMMONS: Although artists are...

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 17:48:00 -0400

PLACES TO HOOK UP: THE STUDENT COMMONS:

Although artists are notorious for succumbing to passion quite quickly, remember that your school’s common area is the first place people will find you. This only works for exhibitionists and people turned on by the smell of microwave popcorn.

Though the sofa is the most obvious place for a quickie, please keep in mind that the following items are lurking under the couch cushions this very minute:

used tampons
used condoms/condom wrappers
half-eaten Tastykake
cigarette crumbles from soft pack of Marlboros
every type of spare change denomination except quarters
cassette of REM’s “Automatic For The People,” lost by someone in 1993
clay dirt crumbles from someone’s ceramics-major boyfriend
bed bugs

WHICH ONE EARNED THE BETTER GRADE IN CLASS: The well-rendered...

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 01:49:00 -0400

WHICH ONE EARNED THE BETTER GRADE IN CLASS:

The well-rendered pen and ink portrait?

or…

The one with a bunch of words written on it because the artist couldn’t be fucking bothered to paint an actual face?

ANSWER: Both of these earned a C because the professor said she was only accepting work done in charcoal that day. Both were ridiculed in Critique.

Handling The Press.

Sat, 15 Oct 2011 23:35:00 -0400

If you are at an art school within a large university, you have an uphill battle to fight. You...

Typical Passive-Aggressive note found in art school.

Sat, 15 Oct 2011 23:28:10 -0400

Typical Passive-Aggressive note found in art school.

FIELD GUIDE TO ART STUDENTS: THE DARK ANGEL. The Dark Angel is...

Sat, 15 Oct 2011 21:17:00 -0400

FIELD GUIDE TO ART STUDENTS: THE DARK ANGEL.

The Dark Angel is a devoted fan of Tim Burton and Edward Gorey. She is well-read, cultured, and extremely intelligent. She has talent in illustration, design, writing, painting and photography. She is usually either miserable in Painting, or miserable in Graphic Design, or miserable in Drawing. Some professors don’t appreciate her, but others wish more students were like her.

The Dark Angel can be identified by the following:

neo-Victorian mourning attire
handmade arm warmers
frills
gigantic cameos
long Dr. Marten boots with torn fishnets
skull barrettes
Joy Division and Bauhaus posters in studio
obsession with 19th century postmortem photography
utilizing blood in her paintings (usually her own, sometimes an animal’s)
Identifies as INFP on her Myers-Briggs chart
pieces often include doll heads, knife slices, skeletons, adorable monsters
writes sexy True Blood fanfic to relax
morose yet dogged work ethic
4.0 GPA

Identifying line: “I HAVE to get out of this program!”

Quotes From Actual Art Students.

Sat, 15 Oct 2011 15:54:49 -0400

“I don’t think that art can be taught. You can tell the difference between someone...

Fine Arts political affiliations, broken down by department.

Sat, 15 Oct 2011 12:38:27 -0400

Fine Arts political affiliations, broken down by department.

SCULPTORS: The good news is, if someone gets injured while...

Thu, 13 Oct 2011 14:22:22 -0400

SCULPTORS:

The good news is, if someone gets injured while viewing or handling your piece, you can get some free attention from newspapers, magazines, TV news, and defense lawyers!