It’s more like learning a musical instrument. Have you ever heard a beginner learning to play a string instrument? It is painful. But they can’t learn without taking the instrument out of the case. They can’t get better before they get worse. And finally there is a point where, with practice, they sound less terrible each time. Eventually, they sound great. But it takes a lot of practice time to get that way and stay that way. Funny, we are often exasperated all too quickly when we must continually give the same lesson. [Aren't you glad our heavenly Father gives us a different example to follow?] We imagine our children have learned nothing from our instruction. We look at a moment, instead of the trajectory. Of course, we should examine our teaching methods, and continually refine our approach as we meet each developmental challenge. It’s good to practice helping our children, trying to position ourselves on their team, and not on the other side. Sometimes we think we’ve arrived with a particular success, and we forget that success doesn’t mean perfection. Then when the child sins, we despair because we thought we’d not have to deal with that problem again.

And don’t WE learn to walk in the spirit by fits and starts?

Do not be weary in well doing! When my eyes stay too long on my own imperfections, I am not resting in the sufficiency of Christ. I put a burden on myself that God didn’t intend for me to bear (didn’t the Pharisees do that to others? I wonder if they put those burdens on themselves, too?)Similar Posts:

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Now I don’t blame them for not perceiving the truth. Sometimes it’s hard to discern, and we all wrestle at times with the correct action in the face of doubt. Is this child rebellious, or sick? Did he really think I was giving permission to eat that cookie? Should I show mercy at this time? On the other hand, sometimes the truth is so “obvious” we don’t even see it as a question. That was the Israelites’ problem. The text says that men inspected the old and moldy provisions, and did not ask counsel from the Lord.

This morning I’m asking myself what things seem so obvious that I’m not bothering to pray about them. The answers seem as real and obvious as the moldy food and rags for shoes that the Israelites inspected. School choices? A particular interpretation that I’m certain I understand? My rights in an argument? My approach to a child’s problem? There are also situations I’m wrestling with and haven’t bothered to pray about, some because they’re so small, and some because they’re big. I can’t afford to skip praying about them. For the things I am already praying about, I need to remind myself that God is indeed the revealer of secrets, as Nebuchadnezzar recognizes (Daniel 2:21 and 47). I can trust him to show me what I need to know at the right time, but I must be asking him. This passage in Joshua illustrates that God doesn’t always show us knowledge and wisdom when we don’t care to find or believe the truth.

This bread of ours we took hot for our provision from our houses on the day we departed to come to you. But now look, it is dry and moldy. ¹³ And these wineskins which we filled were new, and see, they are torn; and these our garments and our sandals have become old because of the very long journey.”

¹⁴ Then the men of Israel took some of their provisions; but they did not ask counsel of the Lord. ¹⁵ So Joshua made peace with them, and made a covenant with them to let them live; and the rulers of the congregation swore to them.

¹⁶ And it happened at the end of three days, after they had made a covenant with them, that they heard that they were their neighbors who dwelt near them.¹⁷ Then the children of Israel journeyed and came to their cities on the third day. Now their cities were Gibeon, Chephirah, Beeroth, and Kirjath Jearim. ¹⁸ But the children of Israel did not attack them, because the rulers of the congregation had sworn to them by the Lord God of Israel. And all the congregation complained against the rulers. Joshua 9:12-18

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Now, truthfully, you can give a child a book in a overbearing way (“You should read this” or “You have to read this”) or in a respectful way (“I think you might like this book because…” or “I think you would find this book helpful because….”) On the other hand, since there are plenty of times where it is necessary to require a certain behavior, it is worthwhile for me to consider the power of suggestion as a tool to teaching.

So I’ve been experimenting with this approach. I put Christian biographies in our bookshelves, mixed in with the picture books. That’s for my daughter who reads like me. She discovered I put a few Warren Wiersbe commentaries in the shelf, too (The “Be” series is a little above her head, but is quite simple and accessible). I noticed she found How to Study the Bible by Torrey that I placed there awhile back. So this strategy works great for her.

My son is a different nut to crack. He doesn’t “peruse” the bookshelves, and he also resists nagging. Hmph. I have found that I can leave a book on a table and say something about it that will pique his curiosity. I’ve also found that he does pay attention if I make a recommendation if I connect it to something he’s said. For example, I asked him awhile back what God was teaching him. One of the things he mentioned was that he knew he should be reading/listening to the Bible more. So the other day, I told him that his Aunt Shannon wrote  a book that he might like that would help him with his goal of reading the Bible more. [Notice that I was identifying HIS goal. This is what my mom would say is a part of cultivating teamwork.] He picked up the book, started reading it, and it’s now in his bedroom.

There are other ways to teach indirectly. Can you think of others?Similar Posts:

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• That’s anger.
• You must obey when mommy says come.
• You must share the toy.
• Mommy is happy when you obey.
• We do not bite our friends.
• We do not bite mommy.

As our children have gotten older, and as their ability to reason grows, I’ve found it helpful to consider teamwork more as I instruct. I want my children to learn how to grow spiritually, but I’m at times stuck considering how to encourage this behavior.

On one hand, I want authentic spiritual activity. If I require Bible reading time, prayer time, singing in church, sharing when they don’t want to (with the threat of discipline, they’ll comply), talking about spiritual matters, and so on, I run the risk of creating a Pharisee, right? A child who can DO all the right things, regardless of whether his heart is in it or not.

On the other hand, I’ve discovered that my children sometimes WANT a thing that they lack the maturity to follow through on. If they’re glad I made them save up their money for a desired toy, instead of spending it all on candy and flimsy trinkets, doesn’t it follow that requiring some spiritual things will help them know the delight of accomplishing spiritual goals as well?

Seems as they get older, establishing an atmosphere of teamwork makes a lot of sense. Working together for a common spiritual goal sounds great. But sometimes, they don’t talk about spiritual things. If I try to help them, they sometimes retreat. I am not always successful, but I want to establish an atmosphere of teamwork in my home. The goal is still important, even if I often fall short.

You know those habits that cause you grief? I can help with that. What have you tried to overcome the problem? How about if we try something else? (When I’m trying for teamwork, I’m less likely to be satisfied with a terse Bible verse and correction. I see more quickly when my solutions are inadequate, and I’m driven to search for better answers.)

What do you want to accomplish spiritually? What are you learning? What are you struggling with? I will be quick to hear and slow to speak. I will help you. I will uphold you. I will not leave you. I will turn off the computer, put away the phone, stop making dinner. I will take the time to ask God for help, to search for answers when my approach becomes combative. 

I want my children to see me as an ally as they wrestle to be patient with their siblings, as they learn to keep their rooms clean. That’s what Jesus did, right? Doesn’t he delight to hear our requests for spiritual needs? If he doesn’t need our help, why would he desire our cooperation?

 And Jesus answered and said unto him, What wilt thou that I should do unto thee? The blind man said unto him, Lord, that I might receive my sight.

⁵² And Jesus said unto him, Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole. And immediately he received his sight, and followed Jesus in the way. Mark 10:51-52

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Lee’s dad is on the administrative team at Maranatha Baptist Bible College. Lee went to college there, and I taught there for three years while Lee was in medical school. Going on campus is a lot of fun for us adults. I get a chance to chat with friends that I worked with, see a few previous students grown up with families and a part of the college in other ways. I see the children from church grown up, too. Lee sees his friends and old teachers, those who loved him and cried over him, and are delighted to see him. It is fun to talk with Lee’s dad about the vision and goals of this small liberal arts college. They don’t always accomplish everything they’d like, but they are constantly evaluating those goals and how they’re doing reaching them. Fun.

I was fascinated to watch our children as we interacted with the school functions (we went to a college play, and ate on campus several times).  Laurel asked her grandpa, “Is this a Christian college?” The children were trying to understand the simple questions that keep us adults talking late into the night. What makes a college Christian? How is it different than any other college? What do these college students do all day? Is our mission effective? Does it make a difference when a student attends a Christian college?

I had deliberately planned our trip so that they would have the opportunity to see some of the answers to those questions. They attended the college play. We ate on campus. Normally, we would have attended chapel, but that didn’t work out this trip.

Is it any wonder that they like what they see? Or that they say, “I want to go to a Christian college like you did”?

• I’m interested that simply visiting a college at this time in their lives was so influential in their thinking.
• Although I have no idea what Christian colleges will look like when they’re older, I like very much for them to have Christian college as a desirable and attainable option.
• I’m thankful for my early exposure to Christian colleges. I think it would be worth seeking out for my children at this age, even if I didn’t have family near a school like that.
• Not everyone has a positive experience in Christian college. I did. That surely shapes my approach to college in our family. I am routinely grateful for my education and degree from a Christian college.
• Will we require college? Yes, for our girls and son both. Not every kid should go to college, but in our family, college is the default setting. That said, there are many reasons that a student won’t need college. I’m not setting hard and fast rules right now. On the other hand, when our children ask, “Will I go to college?” We simply answer, “Probably. We’ll see what God does when you get to that point.”

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So I resolved to read this verse to my children, and ask them what they could meditate on. We discussed it before school. I asked them to read the verse together (Laurel doesn’t read, so she listened), and then I asked them what meditate meant. They suggested a few ideas, thinking and praying and a few other ideas. I asked them if they had heard of the cow illustration. They said they had heard it, but it was clear that they had little idea how it related to meditation. I think because the emphasis presented is thinking the same thing over and over again, without any variation. That might be a good metaphor for some people, but I understood their confusion since I never could understand how repeating a verse without thinking about it could help me. (As an adult, I do understand now the point of the illustration. It’s a good one.) In any case, I showed them  how we meditate by turning a verse like the one we read into a prayer. Help me to meditate on your word… Help me to obey the things I meditate on…. (Psalm 5 shows how meditating turns into prayer.)

Give ear to my words, O Lord,
Consider my meditation.
² Give heed to the voice of my cry,
My King and my God,
For to You I will pray. Psalm 5:1-2

Then I asked them why we meditate, and had them look at Joshua 1:8 again to find the answer. They thought it was the good success part, but I told them that good success was a result, but not a reason. The reason we meditate is to help us obey. So we talked about how planning to obey a verse is a really great way to meditate on it.

Do they not go astray who devise evil?
But mercy and truth belong to those who devise good. Proverbs 14:22

I was excited about this conversation. We didn’t talk about memorization and meditation. Maybe we’ll do that next week. I’d also like to collect some meditation verses for my list. This might be a good search for them.

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It’s not really enough to simply tell myself, “Self, be more merciful to your children” (praying for God’s help, of course), and then go on my way without really thinking about what being merciful looks like.  So I’ve been paying attention this week to how I interact with my children.

I’ve discovered that learning to show mercy involves a lot of trial and error. Sometimes I think I’m showing mercy, when later I decide that I needed to approach the situation differently. Sometimes I’m too harsh, and I know after the fact that I should have shown mercy. I don’t think there’s any way around getting it wrong sometimes. If I don’t practice showing mercy because I’m afraid of being an indulgent parent, then I end up not applying a direct command from God and I’m too harsh. That’s not being merciful as God is merciful. If I show mercy willy nilly, without considering why I’m showing mercy, then I run the risk of misrepresenting God, too. For your consideration, here are a few examples that have come up in the last seven days or so.

• We were working all morning. I had told the children we would stop and take a break once their rooms were clean. They were about three fourths done when friends came over to play. Wouldn’t mercy let them stop for a break early? (I did forewarn them that when friends went home, we would get back to work.)
• After a morning getting after one child for leaving toys and clothes wherever she lost her train of thought, I noticed she had left her plate at the table after lunch. Instead of calling her to get it, I figured she had heard enough of my corrections that morning, and put it away without commenting.
• Son worked on his homework paper marginally diligently. At some point, he started working more faithfully. When all was said and done, I told him how happy that I was that he had been faithful. My first inclination is to point out “Except for….” or not consider what he did do, because truthfully, he was distracted about as much as he was not distracted. I think it must be mercy to say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant” when the job wasn’t perfect.
• I had opportunity to not bristle when a child (as if on cue) asked what I was making for dinner and then in the next breath declared the meal undesirable. I can be kind— my reaction is to say, “Tough. You can go to bed without supper if you don’t like it.” A kinder approach would be to say “Wait until you’ve tried it”
• Son couldn’t find his AWANA book. I made the choice to help him look (even though he wasn’t looking very thoroughly).
• On the way to feed the dog, my daughter told me that her brother was eating something in bed. I asked him “What are you eating?” After a long pause, he said, “M&Ms.” I then reminded him he’s not allowed to do that, sent him to put away what he hadn’t eaten, and considered the matter closed. Right now, I’m working more on transparency when I ask them what they’ve done. (I realize that transparency doesn’t completely eliminate consequences. Adam and Eve are a good example. But at this point, I think I’m trying to separate two virtues (telling the truth, and not doing wrong in the first place).
• Mostly I’ve been challenged to help them when they didn’t deserve help, walk them through schoolwork that they could have done without me, praise them for imperfect work, and pick up things that they have left out. As I consider the examples I’ve collected, I realize that I don’t always extend this mercy (perhaps then it would not be mercy). Perhaps showing mercy needs to have a purpose in mind. If I picked up the paper plate left on the table because I was too lazy to take the time to teach my child, then perhaps I’d just be an indulgent parent. If I picked up the paper plate because I sensed that this morning my children had already been tested to their limit, then perhaps the purpose makes the act merciful.

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First, I am increasingly thankful for the Bible on MP3 that we downloaded for our children. It has enabled our children to understand far more of the Bible (because of the dramatic/ interpretive cues) than they would had they simply been reading it on their own. I am thankful for God’s nudging me to make this available to our children. We added the Pilgrim’s Progress to their iPods and allow them to listen to this after bedtime, too. (For the Bible, I downloaded the KJV dramatized version from Faith Comes by Hearing. They now have the whole dramatized Bible in ESV, if you are so inclined.)

They continue to listen to the Bible. When their Sunday school teachers teach on a book, they start listening to it, repeatedly (often, without my prompting).  When Lee started reading through the Psalms with David a few weeks ago, David started listening to his Psalm each day.

I’ve started thinking about the long-term implications of learning the Bible by listening to it. David observed that it’s easy for him to read a portion of scripture that he has listened to repeatedly. That’s true.

We downloaded some sermons on birds for David. His enjoyment of these make me think more about how I can encourage his ability and interest in listening to God’s Word. He asked yesterday if he could record the Bible lessons in his classes at church. I’m not sure if he really wants to listen to them, or if he’s simply interested in technology. I’m waiting to see if he brings it up again.

I’m not giving up on the reading. We need a lot more reading out loud together. I’ve started teaching David how to use the Bible tools on our computer. We have worked on a writing project this year (compiling Scripture topically), and I do think that children who read God’s Word improve their reading ability as a general rule. I suspect as my children improve their academic reading, they may gravitate more toward the written Bible, but I don’t know the future.

Nevertheless, I am not going to make Bible reading an academic goal. I want them to learn God’s Word. If hearing it is the most efficient way, then that’s the road we’ll take. If my children are adults who primarily listen to God’s Word and meditate on it, is that a devastating reality?

And Moses commanded them, saying, At the end of every seven years, in the solemnity of the year of release, in the feast of tabernacles,
When all Israel is come to appear before the LORD thy God in the place which he shall choose, thou shalt read this law before all Israel in their hearing.
Gather the people together, men and women, and children, and thy stranger that is within thy gates, that they may hear, and that they may learn, and fear the LORD your God, and observe to do all the words of this law:
And that their children, which have not known any thing, may hear, and learn to fear the LORD your God, as long as ye live in the land whither ye go over Jordan to possess it.  Deuteronomy 31:10-13

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I suspect you may have made a simple problem more complex than child could emotionally handle. She lied, she needed a spanking, she needed to be reminded that good intentions arent the same as right actions. Hug kiss problem over. Howevr, said child needs to have room checked more often by mom.

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“Note that a good parent-child relationship will make even poor discipline plans work and a poor parent-child relationship will almost always ensure any discipline plan’s failure.”

Today I’m thinking about questions that I can ask that nurture a good relationship with them. It is a challenge to explore why my children do what they do, but it helps me to love them better. Many of these questions come from my mom (she’s good at asking questions. I’m still learning.) Maybe you can add some of the questions you ask to get conversations going in your house.

The first questions are ones that I can (and have) asked my children, but mostly they are questions that I am regularly asking myself about them, looking and praying for insight.

• What are they afraid of?
• What provokes them to anger?
• How do they perceive themselves? (I usually ask them questions after we’ve read a book– Are you like the protagonist at all? In what way? I was surprised one time when David said, “I’m just like the protagonist because he’s shy.” That blew me away, because I wouldn’t have made the connection.) Do they feel successful at their daily events/ chores?
• What makes them sad?
• What motivates them?

Invariably my children express their opinion on everything from soup to people to flowers to games. It’s become a game for me to try to figure out what they like or dislike about a certain thing. Sometimes they don’t know, but if I give options, they usually can give me more information that I can figure out. So my first two questions come after an opinion is expressed (or not. I’ve asked these questions in the car about topics I know they feel strongly about.)

• What do you like about it?
• What do you dislike about it?

The next questions are about their friends. Usually these get asked soon after visits from friends (adults, teenagers, and children).

• What makes so and so a good friend? Do they love their siblings? Do they love God? Do you like the same things? Do you like to play the same games?

Next are questions about lessons/ Bible stories, or passages in the Bible.

• What’s a verse you like?
• What do you like about it?
• What is your favorite part?

A few that are fun to talk about in the context of specific activities (although I’ve asked this question out of the blue and been surprised at their responses):

• What are you looking forward to?
• What did you like best about today?

Questions about church:

• What was the lesson about? (I still have the urge to ask if Sunday school was “fun.”)
• Does the teacher love God’s word?
• What was the best thing you heard during the lesson?

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