ashleyannphotography.com

my boys…4, 6, 8

AshleyAnn — Wed, 16 May 2012 12:00:02 +0000

I try to take some posed shots of the kids each year around the times of their birthdays. Well, I’m a couple months behind with the boys. Time kept slipping away, so I finally just shot a few around the house. I think I spent a max of 5 minutes with each boy. They were all dirty and in messy play clothes. I had them change clothes, wipe off all visible dirt and endure photos for a few minutes each. My oldest and youngest son were cooperative…the middle one made me work a lot harder.

The boys don’t appear on my blog as much as FireCracker. They don’t beg me to take their picture like she does! I can’t imagine life without boys. Though I will soon have two daughters, I think I’ll always consider myself a ‘boy mom’. Goodness do I love these little guys….but don’t tell them I called them “little”!

My boys…8, 6, 4.

8 is a hard age to photograph, at least with this guy. I often resort to letting him jump off things.

The majority of the shots were awkward forced smiles or his random faces.

He thought out this series. Totally Cool Dude.

Then there is my 4 year old. Still too young for the awkward self aware phase, but old enough to choose to be goofy or serious.

He brought a caterpillar to his session. I convinced him to let the little guy go.

Totally him.

He is learning the odd faces from his big brother.

And like his big brother, he dictated to me what he wanted too.

Then there is my 6 year old charmer. Crazy photogenic….but was very much not in the mood for pictures. I’ll share about that tomorrow.

All of these photos were shot with my Canon 85mm f/1.8 lens.

And totally unrelated: I am WAY behind in emails. If you have wrote in May, I am working through those.

Sister and her cousins

AshleyAnn — Tue, 15 May 2012 12:00:58 +0000

So…last night Chris and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary with a photo session. Granted, we are nearly approaching our 11 year anniversary, but better late than never. I’ll talk more about the session and why we did it at a later date, but here is a peek my sweet friend & photographer Shannon sent me. This is just from her phone and it makes me so happy. I can’t wait to see what the ones with her ‘real’ camera look like. I wore cowboy boots and a flower garland – it was pretty dreamy…kind of like my man.

And totally unrelated ~ I took some photos of my new niece a little while back. I didn’t want to post them because my sister was using them for her birth announcement. Well, the announcements have been mailed. I’m a proud aunt. I thought I’d share the settings. All the photos were taken with my 24-70mm f/2.8 lens.

ISO 160, f/2.8, 1/200

Skinny little newborn legs…oh how I enjoy a good baby stretch! ~ ISO 200, f/2.8, 1/160

Of course we had to get some pictures of the sisters together! ~ ISO 200, f/2.8, 1/125

ISO 200, f/2.8, 1/125

I thought about sharing some more cute pictures of my niece or ending the post with that one of the two girls. Then I could pretend I’m a photographer that just so easily gets photos of a toddler and newborn together. But, that isn’t so much me. How about a look at what the majority of the attempts to get a sibling shot looked like?

ISO 320, f/2.8, 1/125

And, you don’t think FireCracker was going to miss out on pictures with a baby do you? We tried for some cousin shots. ~ ISO 500, f/2.8, 1/160

ISO 500, f/2.8, 1/200

Toddlers and babies are hard work! We got a couple ‘keepers’ that I’ll let Lesley share if she wants to…I kind of like the “outtakes” myself.

Mother’s Day is hard.

AshleyAnn — Mon, 14 May 2012 12:00:48 +0000

The four kids in my home had been asking all last week, “Is it Mother’s Day yet?”

They were excited to celebrate me.

They snuck hidden handmade gifts under their beds.

They giggled behind closed doors about their plans for me…their mom.

My heart is full.

It was Mother’s Day weekend 7 years ago we lost our second child. Twelve weeks in my womb. The heartbeat could no longer be heard. I remember walking around that Mother’s Day with a little boy at my feet and a baby in my womb that was no longer growing. My poor family – how do you say “Happy Mother’s Day” to a woman still carrying a child she lost?

It was Mother’s Day four years ago that my precious grandma, the one my oldest daughter is named after, passed away.

Despite the painful memories that Mother’s Day brings – my cup overflows and my lips speak gratitude to God for the gift of motherhood.

There are not adequate words to express the joy I have in being a mother. The immense thankfulness I feel for knowing my children.

My home is full of laughter and a bunch of goofballs. I’ve got it good.

And yet, in its fullness, I know there are depths of pain and hurt Mother’s Day brings so many.

I’ve never endured infertility.

I’ve never held a child and then lost that precious one.

I’ve never known a broken relationship with my own mom.

I know for many women, this past weekend was dreaded.

With flowers and cards and pictures celebrating the gift of motherhood….many ache. Many ache for the children they don’t have. Many ache for their own mother. Many ache. Many hurt. And while I cherish the treasures that my little ones gave me, while I enjoyed being celebrated as their mom…I so hurt for those that were hoping to just make it through the weekend.

Mother’s Day is bittersweet.

I hurt for so many women that feel such deep pain on a day when moms are esteemed.

This Mother’s Day I physically ached for my daughter…the one alone in a metal crib with wood boards for a bed. And while I ached for her, I thought of her first mother. A woman I know nothing about. A woman I am forever knitted too – we share a daughter. This year neither of us get to be with our girl. Last year, she carried our daughter in her womb when in the US we celebrated Mother’s Day. Did she know then that their future would not be together? This year our daughter does not have either of her moms holding her.

I have one photo of my daughter smiling. Though it is only a photo, I imagine that smile lights up a room. My heart is broken that her first mother never got to see that smile. Adoption is beautiful, but it begins in brokenness.

I don’t yet know how my youngest daughter will feel regarding how her life story began. But, I know how I feel. I know I want to recognize and honor her first mom. I want her to be celebrated in our home – she gave our daughter a priceless gift. I will get a lifetime to give our daughter kisses & hugs. I’ll get to give her applause, security, safety. I will get to give her tickle induced laughs and pink dresses and water balloons to throw at her big brothers. I’ll have a lifetime of giving to her, but there is one thing I could never give her. The gift of life. Her first mom gave her that and I owe a debt of gratitude on which a price can never be placed.

A balloon, a letter, a prayer and a hope for the mother that gave my daughter the gift of life….every year on Mother’s Day.