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5 Reasons Why There’s Never Been A Better Time To Start Married Dating

Ashley — Thu, 09 Sep 2021 15:32:34 +0000

Out with FaceTime dates and Zoom Booms— it’s “hot vax summer”! Social distancing puts people out of touch with many pre-pandemic practices like sex and dating but as the world reopens, people are bouncing back. With everyone finally getting out, meeting new people, and trying exciting things, there’s never been a better time to start married dating. If you’re still on the fence about a tryst, here are five reasons to jump at the opportunity.

1. You’ve Been Vaxxed And Waxed

You probably spent most of 2020 bored, alone, and regretting every time you turned down plans before the pandemic. With vaccination rates soaring and lockdowns finally lifting in many places, the world is your oyster. If you’ve been vaxxed and waxed, why not get out there and experience some normalcy? There’s never been a better time to spice up your life, so make your 2020 self proud by saying “yes” to an extramarital fling.

2. Excuses, Excuses

Lockdowns were tough for everyone, but especially for people living in close quarters. If you’re married or have kids, you spent much of 2020 longing for some “social distance” of your own. Finally, things are re-opening and that means one thing for two-timers: plenty of excuses to get out and see your affair partner. Take advantage of being able to go to “the gym” or “brunch with friends.” Your spouse won’t suspect a thing.

3. People Are Feeling Extra Frisky

Over a year of isolation and subpar marital sex has stirred up people’s sexual appetites. With 35% of our members saying that their biggest post-lockdown fantasy is multi-person sex and 62% already having better sex than they were before the pandemic, it’s safe to say that the data points to a raunchy summer. Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty by trying out a threesome or public sex. You’ll make our members’ wildest dreams come true and have fun while doing it.

4. It’s The Golden Age Of Dating

Everyone in the dating world is putting themselves out there. So much so that some have dubbed this period the “golden age of dating.” With that said, it’s never been easier to spark an affair. Eager daters are extra responsive. 43% of people say that they’ve seen a decrease in ghosting since the pandemic. You can also look forward to some exciting dates. After a year of socially distanced picnics and awkward walks, your date will want to take you somewhere special. Don’t miss out!

5. You Deserve It

Whether you’re a frontline worker or an unhappy spouse, it’s been a stressful year. Unfortunately, as you try to relax, you may find that bubble baths and Netflix aren’t enough. After a year of uncertainty and worry, you deserve to unwind no matter what it takes. 84% of our members consider having an affair a form of self-care and we recommend that you try it out.

Take it from us, it’s time to get back into the world of married dating. If the pandemic taught us all one thing, it’s that life is short. Have an affair.

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7 Ways to Prioritize Self-Love During Social Distancing

Ashley — Mon, 04 May 2020 13:00:00 +0000

A guide to remembering yourself in an uncertain time

This period of social distancing and isolation may have started out as a dream for those introverts who love when plans get canceled, but as time goes on and news develops, it can be easy to lose the light at the end of the tunnel and forget to take care of yourself – mind and body. The situation is bigger than us, but we do have to put ourselves first sometimes with some self-love.

Take some time to prioritize yourself and read our comprehensive list of quarantine dos and donts to strengthen your mental health, as well as a few NSFW tips to keep your sex life active. Adjusting to these new living conditions means taking care of yourself, and we’re here to show you how.

1. Get Moving

One of the best ways to keep your spirits high is to stay active. According to a study by the University of South Australia and MSH Medical School Hamburg, just 150 minutes of physical activity per week can result in better mental health among adults aged 18 to 64. During exercise, endorphins that aid in regulating our mood are released and can help battle the blues you may be experiencing.

According to the study, it takes only 21 minutes a day to reap the benefits of exercise! So while you’re binge-watching Friends or The Office for the twelfth time this year, spend an episode getting some exercise.

For some people that means heavy cardio and full-body strengthening. For others, it can be a walk through the neighborhood (just remember to socially distance). Whatever your preference, a good chunk of time dedicated to your body will have your mind thanking you.

2. Develop a New Skill

Everyone’s specific situation is different, but it’s a given that most of us have a lot more time on our hands. Use that opportunity to learn something new. Maybe you’ve always wanted to bake a cake but never had the time to try, or maybe you’ve had a guitar that’s been gathering dust in storage because you never got around to it. All the resources you need are at the tips of your fingers thanks to the Internet, so get to it!

From learning a new language, to baking there are tons of new things you can try now. Most of us have a DIY project we’ve been putting off for months. Sure, it may be tempting to watch movies and mindlessly browse the web, but how about investing in yourself?

Even something as simple as reading a book can lift your spirits. Since going to the library or book store isn’t an option, you can easily download one online. For the ones less inclined to read, audio books or podcasts are a great way to immerse yourself in a new world.

3. Clean and Organize

Let’s face it: There’s always something that needs to be cleaned. It may be time for you to declutter your closet or get on your knees and start scrubbing the floor. Keeping your space clean and tidy can help with the feeling of being closed in and trapped – something many people with anxiety or depression face. If your space is fresh, organized, and clutter-free, your mind will be, too.

4. Avoid Too Much News and Social Media

It’s important to stay informed about what’s going on in the world, but there is such a thing as too much information. Fake news and panic can spread faster than many things. It’s important to limit your exposure to news that may make you fear for your health and safety, as well as social media users who fancy themselves a credible source.

The Internet can still be a great place when you need a laugh, you just have to know where to go. Instagram and Twitter are chock-full of hilarious content to both entertain and remind us that whatever we’re going through, we’re not going through it alone. And cute animal videos are always an effective stress-reliever.

5. (NSFW) Get Down and Dirty

Whether or not you’re isolating with a romantic partner, you should set aside some sexy time. There is evidence that orgasms can improve your mental and physical wellbeing. Some believe orgasms can regulate your emotions, improve digestion, induce relaxation, and strengthen your immune system.

If you’re with your significant other, check out our Ultimate Guide to Keeping Things Sexy During Social Isolation to keep you entertained in quarantine. If you’re flying solo, here are the top tips and tricks to virtual sex to keep your personal sex life alive during these times.

6. (NSFW) Keep the Lines of Communication Open

Maybe you and your significant other are keeping your distance, or maybe you’re together but you’ve got some needy company (ahem, your children). Keep the spark going by taking your sexy time from the bedroom to your phone.

For separated partners, sexting and virtual sex is very important. Sending your partner a racy text or getting off for them while they watch can help make the time spent apart that much more bearable. Plus, the suspense and anticipation leading up to the next time you see each other gets hotter and hotter.

For partners with children, having sex can be hard when no one’s leaving the house. In this case, sexting can come in handy even if you’re in the same room. You may not be able to easily act on your desires, but let your partner know you’re thinking about them by sending a suggestive message – maybe include a sneaky picture of you biting your lip.

7. Take a Break

Even if you’re doing all the right things and taking care of yourself, sometimes your mind and your body just need a break. Turn off your phone, step away from work, lock yourself in your room – whatever it is you feel you need to do. Spend some time breathing deeply or even take a nap.

Let yourself relax because you deserve it. In a period as uncertain and worrying as this, we’re all entitled to some alone time to recharge and be our best selves. That may take you an hour, or it may take you a couple days. The most important thing to remember is that self-isolation doesn’t mean you’re alone.

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Everything You Need to Know About Virtual Sex While Isolating

Ashley — Mon, 27 Apr 2020 13:00:00 +0000

While everyone on earth is social distancing and quarantining, it’s important you spend time focusing on something that will keep you sane through all this chaos: Sex. People with affair partners, partners they aren’t with, and partners that you’ve recently met online will need to adapt to your sex life.

COVID-19 means no more one-night-stands, no-strings-attached sex, and physical affairs, but it does mean a lot more virtual sex! According to a recent survey of our members, more than a quarter (27%) of Ashley Madison members are switching over to virtual affairs. In the same survey, nearly a third (29%) of Ashley Madison’s female members reported that they are now having virtual affairs. Are you looking for virtual sex tips? Read on to keep things exciting during the lockdown!

What is Virtual Sex?

Virtual sex covers any sexual acts done through an electronic device and usually, when people refer to virtual sex they are talking about either phone sex or sexting.

Sext – Verb

The act of sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit messages and photos between electronic devices.

“My husband is taking a nap. Want to sext?”

Phone Sex – Verb

The act of communicating over a phone call to arouse and to be aroused.

“While my spouse was sleeping I had phone sex in the living room.”

Phone sex and sexting are the most popular methods of sexting, but there are many other ways to have some virtual fun with your partner(s) or even solo. Whether you’re writing erotic blogs, exploring online roleplaying, or sexting, there are three rules apply to all virtual sex. Following these rules is crucial to the success of any virtual sex.

Basics of Virtual Sex

1. Be Comfortable

The most important aspect of virtual sex is that you feel comfortable. If you don’t feel comfortable sending a photo of yourself to another person, then don’t do it. If you’d like to send an explicit photo to your partner, ask for consent before sending it. Consent is sexy! Messaging “How would you like to see an x-rated photo of me? ” builds anticipation, makes your partner feel special, and is common courtesy. If you aren’t comfortable with any aspects of virtual sex make sure to communicate your boundaries to your partner.

2. Ensure Trust

Part of what makes sex so exciting, is the trust that two or more partners have for one other and the vulnerability they share. With virtual sex, that doesn’t change. You’ll be sharing intimate details and photos, so if you feel nervous, or have some reservations, ease into it. If you still feel like you can’t trust them, let them know you don’t feel comfortable going forward.

3. Find Privacy

If you’re not home alone, it’s important to find a moment when you won’t be interrupted. The last thing you want is your spouse or kids to catch you with your pants down having virtual sex! Take all the necessary precautions to ensure you hide the digital lipstick on your collar.

Erase your history
Hide or disguise your notifications
Set up a new email address in a different name
Use secure and discreet apps

While these precautions may seem like a lot of work, you’ll thank yourself later. Find out more in our Ultimate Guide to Keeping Things Sexy During Social Isolation.

Perfect Sexting

Now that you know the three basics of virtual sex, it’s time to explore sexting. Many virtual sex situations will begin with sexting, and a lot can separate a good sexter from a bad sexter. If you’re new to sexting, here are 7 must-know tips.

1. Have a quick response time

It can be impossible to keep things hot and steamy if you’re only responding every 2 minutes. Before you start sexting, ensure you and your partner have free time to devote to a lengthy sext conversation. Make sure you give the conversation your unwavering attention. By responding promptly, you will set your sexting off on the right foot.

2. Start things slow

While it might be tempting to start with the sexiest questions, it’s in your best interest to save them for later. Sexting works best when there is an intense build-up, just like in real sex, so start with some verbal foreplay! Ask some establishing questions; what are they wearing, how are they feeling, what are their fantasies? The pictures you send should also escalate in intensity. Start with a cute selfie, a muscle or cleavage picture. See where things escalate from there.

3. Be specific

The more specific you are, the sexier things get. Don’t say “I want to f*** you”, instead, let your partner know how, where, and why. Tell them exactly what you find attractive about them in specific terms. Giving precise compliments like “Your _____ looks amazing,” can go a long way. If you’re describing a situation, don’t spare any details.

Incorporate sexy sounds as well – moans can be written as “Mmmm” and are a big part of sexting.

Here are a few examples to get your started:

“If I was there I would…”

“Mmmm, your ____ really turns me on.”

“I love thinking about your ____ on my ___.”

4. Don’t get hung up on the vocabulary

While it may feel strange sending graphic and sexual messages at first, use the words you would normally use in person. Get over your fears and use words like ‘cock’, ‘tits’, ‘ass’, etc. Your partner will appreciate it.

5. Let them know you’re having fun

While sexting, it can be difficult to know how your partner feels about the conversation. Messaging “You’re getting me so hot and bothered,” is an exciting way to let your partner know you’re having fun on your end.

6. Make it collaborative

A message like “Where would you touch me first?” makes sexting feel much more collaborative. Collaboration is much better than one partner describing their fantasy.

7. Establish a persona

An advantage of sexting is that you can be anyone. A cowboy, a nurse, a motorcycle gang member…The possibilities are endless! If you like roleplaying in the bedroom, you’ll love playing a persona while sexting.

Step Up Your Phone Sex Game

Now that you know all the tips for perfect sexting, you need to know what to do when sexting turns into phone sex. Whether, you’re dialing in or video chatting with a partner, it’s important to know the Seven tips for stepping up your phone sex game. Follow these tips to ensure hot and steamy phone sex.

1. Relax

If you’re a phone-sex virgin, your first time can be nerve-wracking, so stay stay relaxed. Be confident, after all, the person on the other side of the call chose you.

2. Say what you’re thinking

While sexting allows you to poetically craft sexual stanzas in your messages, phone sex is much rawer and requires immediate reactions. Say what’s on your mind at that moment. Honesty and openness are sexy.

3. Be vocal

The worst possible thing you could do during phone sex is be silent. Keep things fun with some erotic moaning or sensual whispering. The person on the other line needs to hear your excitement.

4. Use toys

Spice things up by bringing in toys. If you’ve never used an adult toy before, there’s no better time to start than with someone you trust on the phone. If you’re someone that uses sex toys, why not incorporate them into phone sex? Adult toys and phone sex go together like bread and butter.

5. Turn the lights off

If you’re nervous about trying phone sex you should try dimming the lights. Turning your lights off will not only set a sexy mood but will also help you relax.

6. Wear something sexy

Even if your partner cannot see you in your lingerie or sexy outfit it is still important to wear something that makes you feel attractive during your call. Wearing something sexy can help set the mood and can also make you more confident and attractive.

7. Make a confession

While you’re being open and honest why not let your partner know a secret fantasy or a sexual story you’ve never told anyone? Learn more about keeping lines of communication open with your partner here.

Keep your sex life active with these tips! Keep sane during COVID-19 and have the best virtual sex of your life.

Find out why so many other Ashley Madison members are switching to virtual sex.

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8 Tips to Make Your Relationship Social Distancing-Proof

Ashley — Mon, 20 Apr 2020 17:00:00 +0000

COVID-19 got you stuck in the house with your spouse? Here are ways to ensure your relationship is social distance proof to survives the pandemic.

As the leading discreet married dating website, we’ve heard from millions of members as to what causes marital strife. In these trying times, we’re here to help (affair-seekers or otherwise).

A quarantine can test any couple – even the strongest relationship. As a result of a pandemic, you are likely in close quarters with your spouse for an indefinite period of time. You’re now both working remotely, practicing social distancing from friends and family and potentially trying to keep your kids busy all in the same space. Minimizing conflict and keeping things fresh are your main goals to not only survive but thrive during this time.

You are in this together and you want to come out of it as a pair. Now is the time to put in the extra effort and get creative to keep your household intact – post or even during isolation. Here are 10 ways to alleviate strain on your relationship while staying home.

Communicate

Social distancing is sure to be an emotional rollercoaster, and as a couple, you are in the same boat together. When tensions rise, neither of you have the luxury to take space.

Communication is the key to avoiding escalation. These are stressful times, and it is normal for you and your partner to feel overwhelmed. Show your support by checking in with your spouse regularly. Ask them how they are doing or see if there is anything you can do to make them feel better. Avoid minimizing their feelings with phrases like “there’s nothing to be afraid of”. Instead, acknowledge their fears and concerns by saying “I know you are scared”. Calming down your spouse will help keep the peace between you two.

Communication is not one-sided. You too should be open and honest with your spouse when you are feeling anxious or need help. The benefit of being in a relationship at a time like this is you can work on intimacy and vulnerability as a couple.

Explore Each Other… and Your Desires

Boredom is the greatest enemy of sexual desire and satisfaction. While you are working out the kinks of being isolated together, why not get kinky? There is no better time to focus on your sexual connection when neither of you have commitments or anywhere else to be. You may not be able to go outside, but exploring each other in the bedroom sounds much more exciting to us.

You may find you are experiencing an enhanced sexual desire during these apocalyptic times. Don’t worry – it’s completely normal! Strong emotions like fear can amplify arousal. When people are faced with their own mortality, they tend to want more casual sex. A heightened sense of fear mixed with an increase in leisure time is the perfect recipe to try something new in bed. Need some spicy ideas on how to act on those desires? Read our Ultimate Guide to Keeping Things Sexy During Social Isolation.

Change Up Your Schedule

Working remotely generally means flexible work hours. Sex does not always have to happen after the steam whistle blows. Book a meeting in both your schedules or better yet make it an impromptu rendezvous during the day.

Ever fantasized about an office romp? Play out that fantasy you wouldn’t dare do at your 9 to 5. Your coworkers won’t find out. Unless you are into that!

There’s a reason 50 Shades of Gray is so popular. Fantasies about power dynamics are very common and very arousing. BDSM is alluring because one partner relinquishes all sense of control. You are forced to stay home because of COVID-19, why not reclaim your dominance in the bedroom?

Put Down Your Phone

For the majority of us, it is easy to gravitate towards our phones when we are bored. Our phones can occupy a lot of our time and take away from relationships. Be mindful of the time you’re spending on your device while at home. Set boundaries with how much screen time you allow yourself in a day. Do not let it distract you from your partner. Be cognizant of when your partner is in the room. Give them your full attention when they are engaging with you.

You’ll have plenty of time to talk and get to know each other during this experience. It’s okay to be on your phone, but know when it’s too much. Spending a lot of time on your device could have your spouse feeling neglected and unimportant.

You Don’t Have to Go Out For Date Night

Who says date night has to be out on the town? The best seat in the house is in yours. Carve out quality time to date one another.

Fortune favors the bold. Get creative on how you set up a night in. Open a bottle of wine and cook that dish you have mastered. If you have a backyard or balcony, set up lights and candles for a romantic night of stargazing. Most likely you and your partner have been working in sweats all week. Get dressed up for your big date. Whatever fun night you come up with, your partner will no doubt appreciate the effort.

Our recommendation? Make it a movie night… make a movie and watch it together. A sexy feature film starring you two in the bedroom is sure to be a memorable night.

Learn Something New

Learning something new can be a powerful way to bond as a couple. While you have the time, sit down and brainstorm new activities or projects you would like to do together. There are countless tutorials online to teach you a new trick in the kitchen or a new move for the dance floor.

Even if the lessons don’t pay off, you will enhance the quality of your relationship and make new memories. In 2000, The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published a study that found couples who engaged in a novel and arousing activity reported an improvement in their relationship quality and passion. When you’re trying to beat boredom, escape the mundane and strengthen ties by learning something new.

Looking for an arousing activity you can work on together? Why not start with perfecting your skills in the bedroom! Try out new positions or work on old ones you don’t quite have the hang of. You will come out of quarantine more relaxed and more experienced than others.

Give Each Other Space

Maintaining individuality is key. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to – or should – do everything together. It’s okay to do some things on your own. Being in tune to your partner’s needs of when they want and don’t want attention is an art. Perfecting time alone is just as important as working on your time together.

In a time that is both emotionally and physically draining, you and your partner will eventually crave alone time. Sense when your partner is retreating and respect their time alone.

Give them the space to be by themselves. Allow your partner to sneak away for a solo workout or with a good book.

Communicate kindly with your partner when you are in need of solo time. Mutual consideration of each other’s time alone is important when isolated together. A good sign of when both of you are in need of time away is if you two start bickering. A little absence is sure to make the heart grow fonder – especially when both of you are in quarantine. Learn more about self-love during social distancing here.

Bare All When You Argue

If all else fails and you must argue, do so naked! We can’t guarantee you won’t have conflict while isolated at home, but we are certain you will make up faster if you are in your underwear.

You can survive this together! Try to keep things light and sexy in your relationship during this time. Imagine the two of you a year down the road with today’s memories you will look back on. Stay healthy, happy and horny!

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Ultimate Guide to Keeping Things Sexy During Social Isolation

Ashley — Mon, 20 Apr 2020 12:00:00 +0000

Whether you’re single or have a partner, socially distancing or stuck in your home with your significant other, there’s no reason your sex life should suffer during COVID-19. While many of us are used to going out and meeting people before we bed them, it’s no longer an option. But there are still plenty of sexy times to be had. In this comprehensive guide, we will list all the ways you can keep things spicy in the bedroom (or other rooms of the house)!

Meet People Online

Now is not the time to meet new people in person. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a little online fun! Ashley Madison is great for meeting other married people who are looking for an online affair and know how to keep things discreet.

Dive into the exciting world of online dating, where you can interact with people without leaving your home and exposing yourself to COVID-19. Remember the good old days when a phone call was the standard for getting to know someone before meeting them? Take a trip to the past and dial in! Video calls are the next logical step after a phone call. Remember, just because you’re at home doesn’t make it ok to wear sweatpants on your sexy video date. Dress up just like you would for a real date!

So whether you’re meeting someone new online or keeping in contact with your current partner, use the power of technology to keep it spicy!

Something New with Your Partner

So you’re working from home and so is your partner. Maybe you’re not working, but you’re still at home. Either way, you have more time on your hands than ever before to bestow upon your spouse. Instead of driving each other crazy with each other’s presence, why not take this time to explore sexually? Perhaps there was always something you’ve wanted to try in the bedroom, but lacked the time or initiative. Hey, if you never try, you’ll never know!

To get started, write down a list of 5 things you’d like to try in bed. Have your partner do the same. Check if any of them match up, and gently talk about the ones that don’t. Which ones are a maybe? Keep an open mind and go slow, because consent is sexy!

Cyber Sex

You’ve met someone online and want to get it on, but alas, social distancing is getting in the way. Maybe you have a partner to get it on with, but again, social distancing is stopping it from happening. Whatever your situation, the power of technology can ease your desires. Cyber sex has been around since pretty much the beginning of the internet and it’s here to stay. All you need is an internet connection and a video chat app. WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, Skype or even Zoom are all possible options for an online quickie.

If you’re having an affair, this is probably the only way for you to connect with your affair partner. Discretion is paramount here – the best time to video chat is when your spouse is out of the house. Try taking turns to get groceries, so that you have some time alone to devote to your affair.

Read our comprehensive guide to cyber sex here.

Read Erotic Literature

Before cyber sex, phone sex and porn, there was erotic literature. Sure, porn may be the obvious choice, and so easily accessible too. But why not tap into the power of your imagination and let the written word whisk you away to a land of erotic dreams? While we strongly discourage you from going to the library or the book store, there is plenty of erotic literature you can read online. From the ‘Story of O’ to the Kama Sutra, there are thousands of works of erotic literature out there. Give this literary genre a chance and see if it can ignite a spark in the bedroom.

If you’re feeling extra adventurous and creative, why not try writing your own? This is a chance to let your imagination run wild on paper.

Watch Porn

This is an obvious solution not only for yourself but as a way to connect with your spouse or affair partner. While it may be satisfying to consume copious amounts of pornography on your own, it could also be used as a means to explore sexually during COVID-19. Consider watching the same porn as a lover who’s socially distancing for a shared experience. Explore the categories together and learn something new about one another.

Feeling adventurous? Consider filming and editing your own porn. This can be done solo or with a partner, even in isolation. Now that you have more time on your hands, this may just be the sexy and creative project you’ve been looking for.

Listen to Sexy Music

Light some candles and turn on the R&B. Or whatever genre puts you in the mood. Maybe it’s metal, house or classical, but whatever tunes get you going can keep your mojo alive while you’re social distancing. There are whole playlists and categories dedicated to music for sex on streaming platforms or you can kick it old school and put on some records if you’ve got them.

Not only will the sensuality of music help set a sexy atmosphere, but it can also empower you to dance and discover your body in a sensual way.

Masturbate

Last, but not least is the ancient art of self-pleasure. For many of us, masturbation was the initiation into the world of pleasure and has remained a mainstay in our sex lives. Now it might be the only way to relieve the sexual tension in our lives. Whether by hand or toy, it’s a safe and easy way to enjoy carnal pleasures during COVID-19 and social distancing. Try combining it with erotic literature or porn.

The Final Word

In these uncertain times, your sex life can flourish or flounder. Use this guide to keep the spark alive whatever your situation may be. Alone or partnered, you can still enjoy sex and find ways to explore your sexuality. Necessity is the mother of invention, and while social distancing can seem like a restriction on your sex life, trying something new can be an aphrodisiac all on its own. Why not get out there and explore?

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5 Tips for Carrying Out a Discreet Virtual Affair

Ashley — Fri, 17 Apr 2020 14:32:48 +0000

How to keep your outside partners a secret while stuck inside the house

For many, an affair is a much needed supplement to an otherwise functioning marriage. Now more than ever, couples are going through the ultimate stress test for their relationship through social distancing – being under the same roof 24/7, with kids who are home from school indefinitely, and mounting uncertainty about what the future holds.

But what does this mean for your affair? Is it possible during this period of social distancing to maintain an extramarital relationship you derive real value from? One that you’ve come to rely on? Can you maintain that same connection with someone who not only meets your physical needs, but has also become a confidante, and still manage to keep it a secret?

Rather than giving into the uncertainty of the present, take action. If you want to preserve your marriage, extramarital affair, and your sanity while in isolation, we’ve come up with 5 tips that should help you discreetly navigate this transition and adapt to the new reality.

1. Establish Expectations From The Start

As with any relationship, communication is key, and the earlier the better. There is no denying that a major component of your affair has shifted – the ability to meet in person. Since affairs are essentially a parallel relationship to your marriage, it’s important you express what this change means for the both of you and how you plan on dealing with it. If you want to keep the relationship going, it will take some increased effort on both ends not only to maintain the connection but to make sure nobody finds out. Be vigilant! This will mean changing the ground rules of how and when you can message each other, which tools you use and how to keep the sexual energy thriving in a virtual-only capacity. Learn more about keeping the lines of communication open with your partner here.

2. Carve out “Alone” Time

Since you’re now most likely sequestered with your spouse around the clock, it’s important to create opportunities for your private time. In order to do that, you need to give your spouse the same courtesy. Suggest an hour a day when each of you gets completely uninterrupted space in a separate part of the house where you can meditate, read, take a bath, watch a show – you name it. Try this out the first few days to make sure neither of you are interrupting (or being interrupted!) or running into each other. When this becomes an established and welcomed part of the routine, that’s when you can have that quiet phone call with your virtual affair partner, write that sexy email, or take some risque photos. No one will be banging on your door or looking over your shoulder during any sexy chats.

3. Incorporate New Rituals

Scheduling dates in person is out of the question for the time being, but maybe you can create new discreet rituals with your virtual affair partner that keep you both engaged. Sure, an affair is largely centered on physical touch, but you’re also each other’s much needed escape from reality at this point. Don’t worry too much about the long term. Instead, keep things light and offer them a fun distraction. Maybe just once a day. Something as little as texting each other one thing you’re grateful for amidst all this chaos can go a long way. Sometimes, it’s just a small gesture that keeps us going and reminds us what we liked about that person from the beginning. People need connection now more than ever, even if you can’t see each other face to face. Don’t give up on this person or the relationship, and you’ll thank yourself later. A little goes a long way.

4. Open Up, Don’t Bottle Up

With all that in mind, don’t focus all your energy on one virtual affair relationship and put undue pressure on yourself to keep it going throughout social distancing. Cast a wider net if it’ll make you feel less anxious. This likely sounds counterintuitive given you’re probably feeling like you can barely maintain your marriage and one virtual affair, but it’s crucial now to maintain contact with the outside world. This is especially true when we’re feeling cooped up inside our house arguing with our significant other over whose turn it is to make dinner for the third day in a row. Meeting new people might feel pointless, but in a way, it’s the best time to forge meaningful connections without fogging our vision with sex and physical connection. Just look at the recent success of reality show Love is Blind, where entire relationships were forged in isolation pods where people communicated through a wall without having even seen one another! While the concept seems insane at first, it led to long term relationships in the real world. When we’re stripped down to just the basic forms of interaction, it really allows for a true connection to develop without other distractions like physical appearance and social status. And for those who just need that dose of excitement without carrying it through to a physical affair, virtual connections give us that hope that other people are in the same boat as we are and can relate to us. Don’t underestimate the power of the human connection.

5. Be Mindful

Last but not least, be mindful. Yes, we’re in a strange time right now, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we need an entirely new rulebook for carrying out a discreet virtual affair. The same rules of common sense apply. Don’t leave unlocked phones laying around. Don’t leave your email open on a family computer. Don’t have conversations out in the open. Create a schedule of your day and book in time for your affair partner like you would any other meeting or appointment and find some space and time to connect when you can sneak in some moments just for yourself. This might require a bit more creativity than normal but look for the fun in it. At the end of the day, our relationships are all we have to keep us going right now and this might just mean adjusting our participation in those relationships instead of stopping them altogether.

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6 Sexy Valentine’s Gift Ideas for Your Affair Partner & Your Spouse

Ashley — Mon, 10 Feb 2020 16:54:51 +0000

Give and you shall receive. Are you looking to spice up your marriage this Valentine’s Day? Do you want to explore more in your affair this Mistress Day (Feb. 13th)? The key to sexual satisfaction could be the gift you get your partner(s)!
Here are the 6 Hottest Gifts for whoever you’re planning on celebrating Valentine’s Day (or Mistress Day!) with.

Valentine’s Gifts for Your Spouse

There’s a lot of pressure to get that perfect Valentine’s gift that strikes the balance between sentimentality, functionality and sexiness. Your partner wants to know they’re still desired (even if you’re having an affair). Long-term partners can fall into a routine, and it can be difficult to find the time to make each other feel sexy, desired, and confident. So, when Valentine’s Day rolls around, it’s important to capitalize on the opportunity to connect with your lover. With the right gift, your Valentine’s day can be the spark you need to reignite your marital sex life. Here are 3 gifts you can get for your spouse this Valentine’s Day.

1. Pheromone Necklace

Jewelry is a classic Valentine’s gift, and the right piece of jewelry can make your wife feel more confident. So why not go the extra mile and get your wife a necklace that not only intensifies her beauty, but also makes her smell irresistible too? The pheromones emitted act as a sexual signal that can leave anyone lustful, so be careful who your wife wears this around…

2. Lingerie

Whether it’s a racy bra and panties set, a lacy teddy or a robe, the gift of lingerie never gets old.

Black for mystery. Red for sensuality. White for simplicity.

Just, please. No crotchless panties.

You may think lingerie is a gift for women only, but in a marriage, the act of putting on lingerie to arouse your husband is a Valentine’s gift for him too. It will make both of you feel confident, and remind both of you of your sexuality.

3. Massage Oil

Relax and get sensual. The physical connection you get from a massage doesn’t need to lead to sex, but it often does.

In a busy marriage, balancing kids, work, and your own needs can leave you and your spouse feeling tense. What better way to release your tension and get some stress relief than an intimate, and sexy massage? Discover your partner’s body again.

An added bonus is that if your foreplay game is weak, there’s nothing like a massage to get it going.

Valentine’s Gifts for Your Mistress

You may not be able to spend time with your affair partner on Valentine’s Day, but February 13th known as Mistress Day, is the perfect day for them. Get your affair partner a Valentine’s gift that you both can appreciate, one that leads to all sorts of crazy sex!

1. Sex & Mischief Intro to S&M Kit

Looking to dip your toes into the waters of sexual experimentation? There’s no better way to try something new in the bedroom than to gift your affair partner one of these beginner kits.

Eye mask, handcuffs, vinyl whip, oh my! Shake up your sex life in a big way with someone you are sexually compatible with. There is no better time to introduce BDSM into your sex life than on Mistress Day! Certain studies even claim that it can help reduce stress and its negative effects. Make sure you discuss boundaries first, have a safe word and take things slow, especially if this is your first foray into BDSM. Oh, and have an excuse for those marks and bruises come Valentine’s Day!

2. Sexy Advent Calendar

This is the Valentine’s gift that keeps on giving. There’s a sexy advent calendar for everyone, with items that span from lingerie to whips and everything in-between. No matter your comfort level, there’s bound to be a calendar that fits your fantasy.

While most associate advent calendars with the holiday season, there’s no reason not to use these sexy calendars year-round. Say goodbye to the traditional advent calendars of the past and bring on the sexy advent calendars this Valentine’s Day!

The best part of an advent calendar is that it allows you to experience something new and fun every night. On any given night, you may be opening the door to a sexual re-awakening.

Explore your kinks and desires as you embark on a sexual journey you will not soon forget.

3. Remote Controlled Vibrator

Looking for something that is equal parts fun as it is satisfying? The remote-controlled vibrator is a must-have for any woman that values her pleasure. The best part is, if you have control of the remote, you can pleasure your partner with the utmost precision.

Can’t make time to visit your affair partner? No matter, because now you can satisfy them no matter where you are! You can even be in a different country and be pleasing your affair partner more than their spouse ever has!

The Greatest Valentine’s Gift of All

But the number one thing you should be gifting to any lover this Valentine’s Day is…An orgasm! Based on the Good Wife study conducted by Ashley Madison on their female members, 40% of respondents said their partner rarely or never makes them orgasm and 47% said their partner rarely or never goes down on them. This Valentine’s Day, give the married women you’re sleeping with something they’ll appreciate – the big O.

So get your affair partner that remote-controlled vibrator or spice things up with lingerie! Remember, when women orgasm, everyone wins!

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9 Creative Spring Date Ideas

Paul — Thu, 16 May 2019 18:49:27 +0000

Spring is finally here, so why not get out, meet someone new, and plan a special rendezvous with your secret side someone. While every park bench and restaurant patio is filled with first dates, you may be stuck in the same routine looking for something more exciting. Why wait for date night? Don’t let your marriage get in the way of your dating life. Here are the 8 best date ideas for you and your affair partner this spring.

Movie Theatre – The beginning of spring also marks the beginning of summer blockbuster season. While there are a few movies where you are bound to bump into an acquaintance, there are a few movies where you might just have the whole theatre to yourselves. Skip out on the Avengers and opt for “Amazing Grace” or “Student of the Year 2”. Don’t worry if you missed “Student of the Year 1”, it’s not the movie you’re there to see.

Hit the Open Sea – Get away from the land for a bit with a romantic boat ride. A boat tour may be a little pricey but it will be worth it to ensure privacy without settling for a less than perfect date. Just make sure you bring some extra clothes in case you get wet.

Catch a Sports Game – The beauty of going to a baseball game is no one can tell for sure who you came with. Buy seats together with your date but walk in separately. Just avoid getting on the Kiss Cam and you will have a great date.

Bar or Club – It seems like there is a bar for everyone these days, from college bars to cougar bars and everything in-between. With all these options, you’re bound to find an obscure bar where you’ll know no one. As long as there is dimmed light, music, and a dance floor it should be a great time.

Go to a Park – It’s spring time and one of the best things to do is go see the flowers in bloom. You don’t have to miss out on seeing this on a date. Check out a park that none of your friends frequent, or check out a hiking trail outside of town. You shouldn’t have to miss out on spring just because you’re married.

Travelling for Work? – A business trip could be the best opportunity you’ll have to have an affair. Use Ashley Madison’s Traveling Man feature to find someone where you’re going. Make the most of your business trip.

Library/Book Store – While it may not be the world’s most romantic date spot, you certainly won’t bump into anyone you know as long as you don’t know any librarians. As long as you keep it down a library can be a very intimate date spot.

Spa Day – A little alone time, just you, the masseuse, and your affair partner can be a very intimate outing for you both. Maybe pick a spa with a private Jacuzzi to really fire up the lust. Breath in, breath out, and allow yourself to relax.

Take a Class – Doing something specific like taking a class for something you’ve never done before can be a fun way to expand your horizons, step out of your comfort zone a little and learn more about your date. Thin about taking a cocktail class making or wine tasting class, maybe go to a craft lesson. Something that you can be silly with and enjoy yourselves while investing in some time together.

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We’ve Reached The 60 Million Member Mark!

Paul — Mon, 18 Mar 2019 14:38:10 +0000

Operating in 52 countries, Ashley Madison is the world’s leading married dating website ^[1], and we’ve just reached 60 million members since 2002!

Taking a look over the past year, we decided to release another annual report, shining a light on the reality of infidelity. The 2018 Report on Customer Statistics’ findings verify more than 14,500 new member accounts were added on average each day and further revealed that for every active paid male account there was 1.11 active female accounts created in 2018. This report validates and clearly demonstrates the health and vibrancy of this unique community of like-minded people.

Our goal for producing this annual report is to provide insight, transparency, and clarity for those looking to understand the world of infidelity. With more than 5.3 million new members in 2018, Ashley Madison continues to be the leading married-dating website.

We’re providing a valued service to our members, enabling more than 39.5 thousand affairs per day[2], averaging more than 440,000 new signups per month – surpassing the 60 million member mark this past February[3].

Infidelity is here, and it’s not going anywhere! To access Ashley Madison’s 2018 report, click here.

“Our unique community of like-minded people continues to grow across the globe,” says Paul Keable, Chief Strategy Officer, Ashley Madison. “We offer discretion to those seeking infidelity, and clearly, with strong results underscoring the company’s growth, what we offer is in demand.”

According to the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, infidelity rates have spiked by 40 percent since 1990. Wednesday Martin, author of “UNTRUE,” cited that 50 percent of women have admitted to having intercourse with someone besides their spouse while married.

In early 2018, we worked with Ernst & Young LLP (EY Canada) to confirm its 2017 member statistics. E&Y Canada produced the 2017 annual report showcasing the true nature of infidelity as seen through the members of Ashley Madison, a growing community of like-minded individuals looking to find infidelity through the discretion that comes with the ability to screen their affair partners before they make a move.

Want to learn more about the E&Y report? Read here.

2018 Ashley Madison numbers at a glance:

5,309,395 new accounts were registered on Ashleymadison.com
There was an average of 14,546 new member accounts opened each day
For accounts created in 2018, the ratio of active paid male accounts to active female accounts was 1 to 1.11
On average there were 442,449 new monthly sign ups in 2018

AshleyMadison.com is the original destination for married dating and the global leader for affairs. With more than 60 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premiere destination for married dating.

^[1] Based on the number of members that have joined since 2002.

[2] Number of affairs is based on unique connections, as represented by a net new conversation between members (with each sending and receiving at minimum one message).

[3] Number of accounts created since 2002.

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3 Tips for Keeping Up Your Affair in 2019

Paul — Wed, 16 Jan 2019 20:09:05 +0000

New year, new me? Like a lot of things, a New Year’s resolution can start strong and finish…well…quickly. Which is why a lot of people resolve to just continue doing more of what they’re already doing.

For the members of Ashley Madison, this rings true as most told us they don’t plan on leaving their affairs in 2019.

In fact, this year our members hope to find more affair partners (58%), increase the number of new experiences with their affair partner (27%), spend more time with their affair partner (17%), and to put more effort into being discreet (16%).

Why the commitment to their affair life? For starters, more than a quarter (27%) say it’s simply because they’re having a lot of fun! For another 13%, they say they’re hooked and don’t want to stop now, while another 13% say they are having the best sex of their life. They like the thrill of finding someone new who can satisfy those needs that go unmet in their marriage. And that’s what it is for a lot of members, they like to spend time with someone outside of their marriage and can then return home to their marriage more complete and satisfied.

Here are some tips for keeping up with your affair this year:

1. Be discreet.

When it comes to infidelity, discretion is the name of the game. You need to take precautions that will one; allow you to find a potential extra-marital partner, and two; allow you to have a successful affair, that is an undiscovered affair.

You can’t just walk out on the street and find yourself an affair partner. Well, you can, but the chances of finding someone outside of your social circles, someone who doesn’t have ties to anyone you see or talk to or that your spouse sees or talks to on even a semi-regular basis is slim. Giving yourself the time by having patience to find the ideal person who is looking for a similar relationship is what will be the most advantageous to you. Thereafter, the upkeep of said relationship(s) becomes the number one priority. Making sure you aren’t talking on the phone with them around your spouse, meeting in places that your spouse frequently visits, and ensuring you have the open door to spend time with your new partner without any questions being raised are all top of mind priorities for beginning and maintaining your extra-marital endeavor.

2. Put yourself out there

To find an extra-marital affair, you have to be able to be open and honest with the people you come in to contact with. On Ashley Madison, people who typically have a successful affair have and create a profile that accurately depicts themselves, who they are looking for and the kind of relationship they are hoping to start.

To create a fully developed profile, ensure you populate the following fields on your account.

Ensure that you are uploading a picture of yourself, which can be masked or blurred to ensure your own privacy.
Write a couple of sentences about who you are and why you’re looking for someone outside of your marriage.
Outline some of the things that you fantasize about, some of the things that turn you on, because that may just attract someone who can fulfil those fantasies, matter even as a fantasy of their own.
Message other members with intention. You don’t want to go straight to the “let’s fuck tonight” opener. Say hello, ask them about themselves, read their profile to see if there is anything that stands out to you that you could start a conversation about. Maybe they aren’t feeling very appreciated by their spouse, maybe you are too. Maybe they are in a sexless marriage, maybe you are too.
Be mindful of the times and limitations they have within their own life and marriage when it comes to responding to your message. Some people can’t monitor their inbox all day, or even every day. Sometimes people have designated times of the week that they can freely explore their Ashley Madison account. Try to be accommodating in this area, without raising any red flags in your own life and marriage about your activity.

3. Plan an exciting trip

Much like the other members of Ashley Madison looking to keep the excitement of their tryst going this year, plan a trip or a date that is out of the ordinary. Creating events that both of you are interested in and maybe have yet to do only fuels the fire for the relationship. Not into a long-term relationship for our affair? That doesn’t matter, maybe you take a trip to a beach or go for a hike, opening the door for some exciting new locations to explore your partner’s body.

At the end of the day, whether you meet with someone once a week at a hotel, or see them several times a week for dinner, getting creative with the types of things you do and places you go with your affair partner will help bring you closer together and likely more turned on by each other.

So, this year, take care of yourself and find what really makes you happy, no matter who that is. Make this the year of you.

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Women Are Happier in Affairs, Study Finds

Paul — Thu, 30 Aug 2018 20:39:02 +0000

Life happens.

Sometimes people live unhappily for many years. It’s the prospect of things getting better that keep people in the relationship. Or sometimes it’s the fear of breaking up the family or starting over. But it doesn’t always get better on its own.

It takes work.

Sometimes it takes more work than people are physically and emotionally capable of.

That’s what happened for Brandy. She worked in the Air Force, taking tours overseas in Germany and various placements across the country. By the age of 30, she retired from the military after having her second child.

“We had to move home,” Brandy tells a journalist from Marie Claire. “My husband really resented that, and we were already on the road to divorce. Our sex life was never very good, and he was uncomfortable talking about sex or doing it.”

Similar to many other people that experience a marital life that turned in a direction that they never expected it to, Brandy eventually found Ashley Madison.

Brandy’s story, although unique in its own way, isn’t much different than many other women who choose to use our site to find an extra-marital relationship. Brandy’s affair allowed her to stay in her marriage longer, which was something that was a priority for her, all the while getting the sexual connection she craved. It made her happy.

You’re Not Alone

With divorce sitting between 40-50% in the US[1], marital happiness becomes the topic of choice for Alicia Walker, Ph.D., an assistant professor of sociology at Missouri State University. Her study looked at those who are married and seeking affairs to investigate the factors which influence the individual’s overall perception of life satisfaction before, during, and after their extramarital affairs.

The finding of Alicia’s study is extremely telling of how married men and women subjectively experience an extra-marital relationship.

Alicia Walker’s study found that while affairs do tend to make respondents happy, a number of factors influence perception to life satisfaction during an affair.[2]

Factors include[3]:

The belief that an outside partner is required to remain in a primary relationship.
A desire to remain in the primary relationship
At least biweekly sexual events with an outside partner
A belief that the individual loves their outside partner
Seeking out the partnership due to sexual dissatisfaction within the primary relationship.

Arguably the most intriguing finding of Alicia’s study is that even after the outside partnership ends, respondents reported a higher life satisfaction rating than before the outside partnership.

What? Infidelity leads to happiness? Couldn’t be.

Well, it’s true. It’s science.

Positive Change in Sex Life

Affairs aren’t always about replacing something or someone. In fact, more than half of females (52%) and males (56%) say they continue to have sex with their spouse while still engaging in extra-marital affairs.

So where is the value in affairs and how can infidelity help? Almost three-quarters (72%) of females say their overall attitude has become more positive since engaging in extra-marital affairs with a further 59% saying their spouse has noticed their positive change. This is compared to 68% of males who say their attitude has become more positive with 52% saying their spouse has noticed.

What Fulfillment Looks Like

Our members have told us what it is they like about having affairs that then allows them to return to their marriage and their household unit as a happier more satisfied partner. Not surprisingly, for the majority, it came down to the fact their sexual needs were met (76%). For others, it made them feel more alive (51%), they felt desired (48%), their emotional needs were met (37%), and they regained their confidence (29%).

How to maximize your affair

If you’re making the choice to step outside of your marriage to find something that you’re missing in your life, you’ll want to ensure you get the best possible result. After all, it’s a risk to choose infidelity especially if protecting your partner from hurting is a priority for you

Here are some tips when seeking an extra-marital affair to ensure you maximize the result in the most positive way possible.

Identify what you’re missing

If you can understand what it is that is lacking in your marriage or life, you will be able to better judge if stepping out of the marriage is the right course of action for you. Sometimes it’s a simple as a conversation with your partner that will help alleviate some of the difficulties you’re facing. But for many people, those conversations happen time and time again with no result. If you feel you’re stuck in your marriage and your spouse isn’t even attempting to work on making your relationship better, then maybe other measures are needed and seeking the comfort of someone else is what will help.

Identify what you’re looking for

When you know what you’re missing, you can figure out exactly what it is you need and how you can take action to get it. If you engage in an extra-marital relationship and just kind of go whichever way the wind blows, you likely won’t find what you’re looking for and all you’ve done is risk your primary relationship, especially if you’re partner doesn’t know about your engagements with other people. Whether it’s sex, someone to talk to, someone to make you feel desired and special, or even just someone to chat with online, make sure you know what you’re looking for so that you can get the best result.

Be upfront about what you’re looking for

When creating an online dating profile, be sure to make it clear what you’re looking for, and who you’re looking for that with. This will help you streamline your efforts to ideally find what you’re looking for as soon as possible. It will also allow you to by-pass all the unwanted conversations with people who just aren’t quite there for the same reasons you are.

Manage expectations

Be sure to manage expectations with your extra-marital partner as well as your own expectations. If you’re looking for something short-term, let them know that the relationship you may have established with them won’t be on-going. This will help you cut ties with people that you’re not looking to have lingering in your life. If you’re hoping to return to your marriage after an engagement with someone else, be sure to let them know that maybe you don’t want any contact during certain hours or days, this will help ensure optimal discretion.

So, when it comes to cheating, is the risk is worth the reward? If the reward means being happy again, then it seems like the answer is yes.

About Ashley Madison

AshleyMadison.com is the original married dating destination. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for polyamory, open relationships, and surviving a sexless marriage.

[1] http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/

[2] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-018-9545-z

[3] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-018-9545-z

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Back-To-School Season Means More Freedom For Moms, Here’s Why

Paul — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 19:47:36 +0000

The end of summer means that moms are ready to get the kids out of the house and into a routine again. But what exactly will they do with an empty house?

We asked our members how they plan to occupy their time when classes are in session and it turns out back-to-school for kids means back-to-bed for moms—with someone that isn’t their husband.

According to the survey of more than 1,600 members of Ashley Madison, 68% of women look forward to having their kids back-to-school after the summer holiday, likely because they can have more freedom to do what they please. However, it’s not just more time to run errands or get work done that these women are after, almost half (49%) of female members surveyed plan to spend more time with their extramarital affair partner when the kids are back at school.

“It’s a long-held belief that women take on the lion’s share of the emotional labor within the family and over time this can be taxing on women and put a strain on the marriage when the basic female needs of mothers go unmet or unnoticed,” says Dr. Tammy Nelson sex expert and author of The New Monogamy. “When the kids are out of the house, busy moms can finally breathe again and reassess their own needs.”

Mom’s empty house means someone else’s spouse

With 64% of women admitting to having affairs when kids are at school, when exactly are they arranging these meetings now that the house is empty?

More than half of polled members (53%) indicated that daytime is their preference when meeting with an affair partner, perfectly timed against when the kids are out of the house and hubby is presumably away at work.

Nearly one-third (32%) of women polled indicating noon as their ideal time slot to schedule a meeting with their side-partner with 16% of women opting for the morning.

Now, the kids are usually in school for 5 days in the week. So how often are these moms meeting with their affair partner? More than a third (39%) of female members say they meet their affair partner once a week with a quarter (25%) saying they meet their affair partner twice or more per week. So it’s certainly not every day for most, but it does come down to taking advantage of the kids being out of the house. Besides, it can’t be all sex all the time.

It’s important to recognize mothers as women with needs that span beyond running a family unit.

Often times, women struggle to have fulfilling sex within their marriage because they are prioritizing the happiness of their family over their own, which is why some may eventually stray and find themselves on infidelity sites like AshleyMadison.com. Back-to-school is the perfect time for them to refocus some of their energy on themselves.

Will you be capitalizing on a kid-free house during the school week?

If the answer is yes, you won’t be the only one. With kids going back to school, and noon being the most desired time for an affair, it looks like mom is taking some time to pack her own lunch box, with a treat.

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How to Mix Fitness with Pleasure

Paul — Fri, 23 Feb 2018 21:05:42 +0000

Stay fit by…having an affair?

Now that the buzz of the new year has come and gone so have many New Year’s resolutions like getting fit. But for many of our members, they’re not failing at all…they’re actually staying faithful to their fitness goals by being, well, more unfaithful.

For many, entering the dating field again when you’ve been out of it for so long encourages you to put your best foot forward. When you’re in a sexless marriage that’s gone stale, many people get into a rut and put less effort into their physical appearance. Having someone new in your life is just the nudge many people need to get in shape. What does this entail exactly? Nearly half (41%) of respondents are exercising 2-5 times per week and 80% consider themselves to have an average level of physical fitness. What’s more, 71% consider their extramarital partner to be fit and/or seek an extramarital partner that is fit. Not surprising because let’s face it, healthy is hot.

Staying fit isn’t easy, but it’s much easier when you have someone that will keep you motivated to reach that goal. Roughly three-quarters (70%) of our members say they use their extramarital partner as all the motivation they need.*

Working out or “Working out”?

So where does one find a fit extramarital partner?

For our members, their search stays online because according to them when they do go to the gym 73% say they are there strictly to exercise. Moreover, 72% are not likely to exercise with their spouse or their secret partner.

However, even though they aren’t consciously seeking an affair at the gym, there are still certain exercises that work as a turn on for gym goers. The top exercise that turns people on most is yoga/stretching (51%), followed by squats (19%).

Top exercises that turn people on the most when someone else performs them

Yoga/stretching – 51%

Squats – 19%

Other – 13%

Bicep curls – 6%

Stationary bike – 3%

Stay fit, doggy-style

If you dread spending countless hours on the treadmill, consider the cardiovascular benefits of sex. Researchers have found that “men who had sex two to three times per week had a significantly lower rate of cardiovascular disease than men who only had sex a few times a month or less.”

Consider these sex positions with your (extramarital) partner as an alternative to your average fitness routine.

Top 5 Favorite Sex Positions for Males**

Doggy-style – 53%

Cowgirl – 37%

Missionary – 36%

Sixty-nine – 31%

Legs over the shoulder – 30%

Top 5 Favorite Sex Positions for Females**

Doggy-style – 57%

Missionary – 33%

Legs over the shoulder – 28%

Cowgirl – 25%

Legs up – 25%

Simply having sex isn’t going to get you in the best shape of your life, but it will certainly help. According to researchers at the University of Montreal, “the level of intensity that is exerted from sexual activity could be higher than that of walking but less than that of jogging.” So just like exercise, the longer you do it the more calories you burn and those extra calories can definitely add up.

Check out some ways to last longer in bed.

Affairs allow people to break out of their routine with someone they may or may not see again. Mix that with a lack of inhibition, and the motivation to stay fit and you’ve got yourself a greater willingness to infuse more adventure and creativity into your affair rather than having to improve the sex inside the marriage. It’s likely why 53% of respondents refrain from trying new sex positions with their spouse while 93% say they do try with their extramarital affair partner.

So whether you hit the gym or hit the sheets, be sure to mix fitness with pleasure in 2018.

*Survey of 1,112 members of Ashley Madison between January 3, 2018 – January 4, 2018.

**Survey of 1,456 members of Ashley Madison between January 11, 2018, to January 15, 2018

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The Secret Behind the Zodiac Signs

Paul — Tue, 23 Jan 2018 19:58:39 +0000

Astrology isn’t for everyone. Yet people always seem to know their own sign. So even if you don’t believe it, sometimes you might find yourself glancing at your horoscope when you reach the back of your morning newspaper. Truly, these horoscopes can’t be anything more than a guess. However, they always seem to be able to offer something relatable.

But why do these astrological descriptions leave out the secretive side to each zodiac?

Ashley Madison, the world’s leading married dating website [1], revealed which signs are most popular among its members.

Here are the top 5 zodiac signs that sign up for AshleyMadison.com.

1. Capricorn December 22 – January 19

Symbolized by the horn-headed sea-goat, are known for their determination and dominance, along with being practical and willful. But despite their buttoned-up conservative nature, Capricorns have a reputation for being one of the most highly sexed and sensual signs of the zodiac, according to Larry Schwimmer, President of astrodecisions.com. These horn‘y’ headed sea goats aren’t into PDA, but behind closed doors, they have a roaring sexual appetite.

Sexual Match: Virgo

Sex Position: The Wheelbarrow

2. Aquarius January 20 – February 18

Known for their ability to deftly move around problems with unorthodox solutions, Aquarians are unconventional lovers who come across as being very casual rather than overtly sexual. “But don’t be fooled, underneath that “let’s be friends” demeanor, is someone who is enthusiastic and imaginative when it comes to sex”, says Schwimmer. However, they can be emotionally detached when in a sexual relationship and like to try new things as a way of keeping the sex interesting and innovative.

Sexual Match: Aries

Sex Position: G-Whiz

3. Pisces February 19 – March 20

Pisces are highly artistic and easily expressive and this transfers to their sex life. With their sensuous and bewitching nature, Pisces have no trouble attracting sexual partners. They are romantic and playful, yearning for a soul mate who appreciates the importance of love more than sex. They are extremely sensual. Once their intuition tells them they’ve found the right romance, they become sexually imaginative lovers who love to please their partner. A Pisces lover will sexually enchant and beguile you, keeping you coming back for more, according to Scwhimmer.

Sexual Match: Cancer

Sex Position: Magic Mountain

4. Taurus April 20 – May 20

Taurus are among the most sensual of all zodiac signs. However, spending money on them can be a big turn-on, too. Because they can be a bit lazy, they tend to wait for sex to come to them, rather than pursuing it. But when they’re engaged, they require a partner who can keep up with their endless passion. “Taurus are very practical, so no need to worry they will have a condom at ready,” says Scwhimmer.

Sexual Match: Aries

Sex Position: The Stand and Deliver

5. Cancer June 21 – July 23

Since Cancers are ruled by the Moon, their sexual passions are aroused after they’ve been wooed and made to feel emotionally comfortable. They are highly intuitive and able to sense how to please all your sexual needs as long as they feel safe and secure. Schwimmer says that “if they feel loved, their approach to lovemaking is creative and sensual, as well as passionate and lustful.” You can get them in the right mood with a thoughtful gesture of flowers, a sentimental gift or cooking a delicious meal. The latter may make them suggestible to other satisfying oral stimulations.

Sexual Match: Capricorn

Sex Position: The Om

Is there a reason why the top three zodiacs for most signups are in sequence from the beginning of the year?

Interestingly enough, Ashley Madison has seen an 8.1% increase in new signups on the website between December and January over the past five years…meaning that these zodiacs might be cashing in on some New Year’s resolutions in hopes to unlock that secret sexual fantasy they’ve been holding back.

Sources:

https://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/zodiac-sign-youd-best-sex/

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19915368/zodiac-sex-positions/

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/larry-schwimmer/your-horoscope-what-does-_b_8862284.html

[1] Based on the number of members who have joined since 2002

About Ashley Madison

AshleyMadison.com is the original destination for cheating and the global leader in extramarital affairs, infidelity, and adultery. With more than 56 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for married dating online, and the creator of one of the most popular affair apps.

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7 Tips for Your Fantasy Role Play

Paul — Mon, 30 Oct 2017 15:48:31 +0000

As Halloween approaches, Ashley Madison, the world’s leading married dating website, surveyed its members* to find out whether they use Halloween as a chance to spend time with their spouse or turn a trick for a treat. According to the data, more than half (55%) of members who are either married or in a long-term relationship are planning to use Halloween as a chance to find someone new.

Shopping for a costume this Halloween may not be as innocent as it seems. For some people, when looking for that perfect costume it takes some consulting with their spouse beforehand. But these intentions for a costume idea, a potentially sexy outfit, might actually be to impress someone else.

Confessing to playing dress up

Dressing up in a favorite costume allows people to play out their fantasies with their assumed alter egos in the form of their own affair-y tale. Considering that 48% say that they want to engage in some role play with an extramarital partner, this game of dress up on Halloween comes with ulterior motives. Compare this to the 26% who say they don’t use role play with their spouse but are willing to try, we can see that more people are open to sexual exploration with someone new rather than with their spouse, and Halloween acts as a conduit to bring that to life.

“Our members have told us that they believe incorporating things like sex toys and role play would have a positive impact on their relationship with their spouse. But if their spouse is not willing to experiment, they will find someone else that is,” says Paul Keable, Vice President of Communications at Ashley Madison. “Halloween acts as a time when people can fulfill those fantasies they’ve been seeking and create their own affair-y tale.”

So, what exactly is role play you might be asking? For those who don’t know, it’s basically a game of seduction where you and your partner enact different characters, dress up and make sexual advances at each other. Most of the time, sex just happens without any preparation or planning, and it can feel routine and boring. With sexual role play, this doesn’t happen because the whole point is to be part of an act that will eventually end with sex.

The whole time you’re thinking about nothing but sex, and getting more and more aroused thinking about it. For some ideas to get you started, check out this list of role play ideas.

In light of these members and their hopes to engage in more role play with their extramarital partner, Ashley Madison asked its members to identify their favorite costume. For males, the top choice is to dress up as a pirate (19%), while females say their top choice is to dress up as a police officer (15%). Perhaps females really are more frequently taking charge of their sexual desires and bringing some authority into their sex life with their choice of costume, bringing their fantasies to life by putting these lawless pirates in their place between the sheets.

Top 5 Costumes for Males

Pirate – 19%

Superhero – 15%

Gladiator – 11%

Medical Professional – 9%

Vampire – 8%

Top 5 Costumes for Females

Police Officer – 15%

Greek Goddess – 14%

Superhero – 13%

Fire Fighter – 12%

Pirate – 11%

For those who are looking to try some role playing but don’t know what to do, Ashley Madison is here to help. Here are 7 tips to help you and your secret – or not so secret – lover spice things up in the bedroom.

1. Figure out your fantasy

You need to ask yourself what really turns you on. You don’t need to get hung up on how at this point, just figure out what it is that gets you hot. This could relate to a previous experience you had or a moment that you thought you surprisingly liked. If you can’t figure it out, do some research – look at picture, go to your favorite porn site or see what google has to say. Here is a list of some common fantasies that might spark your creative thinking.

2. Talk about it!

Now it’s time for you to talk about it with your partner, whether it’s your spouse or your extramarital partner. That might seem easier said than done but chances are they’re likely going to get turned on by you talking about what turns you on and the things you want them to do with you and to you.

You might be thinking – what if my partner thinks that they need them to take on a different persona in order for me to get turned on with them? Easy. Talk about your fantasy in a way that involves them. For example, “I had this really hot dream about you last night. You were a professor and I was your student…” If you include them in your fantasy it’s more likely they will be interested. You also make it clear that your fantasy is just that, a fantasy.

3. Establish some boundaries

In most role play scenarios; one person is dominant and the another is the dominated. The person in the submissive role has the real power. Be sure to decide who is going to play what role and what activities are allowed and which are off limits. Maybe you decide to create a safe word to let your partner know they’ve gone too far. But to be safe, it’s a good idea to discuss these boundaries before finding yourself in full character.

4. Prepare the scene

Role play doesn’t necessarily require a wardrobe and props. But if you want to get fully submerged in the role, it’s not a bad idea to set the scene for your favorite fantasy. You want to make it as real as possible, right? Some key props will go a long way.

5. Consider the conversation foreplay

The main idea of doing some role play is to end with sex. So, make sure to use the lead up conversation or scenario as foreplay, being playful in anticipation. Even when you are originally discussing this with your partner, you might be surprised how excited you get thinking about bringing this fantasy to life and enacting your favorite affair-y tale.

6. Approach it as an experiment

This is a chance to have some fun and get to know not only yourself better but also your partner. Allow for some laughs, allow for some mistakes, and don’t invest too much in making it all about the BEST sex ever, you might set yourself up for disappointment. Just relax and have fun.

7. Debrief afterwards

An important part of role play is communication. When it’s over, talk with your partner about what worked and what didn’t. You both may have realized new things that you like that you may not have known about before and also things that you don’t like that you might have thought you did. All in all, this conversation will likely make it better for the next time.

* Survey of 2,495 members between September 18, 2017- October 11, 2017

*Based on the number of members who have joined since 2002

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How Safe is Your Extramarital Sex?

Paul — Fri, 13 Oct 2017 18:38:13 +0000

Ashley Madison, the world’s leading married dating website*, surveyed more than 3,000 members to find out just how safe their sex is. According to the data, the ‘no glove no love’ policy is paramount among surveyed members as 76% say they use a condom during sex with their affair partner. If danger isn’t their middle name while surfing the wave of infidelity, it seems that safety sure is as Ashley Madison members caution on the side of safety when it comes to playing in the sheets.

Maybe throwing a condom on for an extramarital affair makes people feel better about the act itself in knowing that they’re being safe – leading them to have a sense of limited risk by protecting themselves from of getting an STI. Ultimately it comes down to discretion, right? So, limiting any and all risks is the key force behind a successful affair. But how does this transfer to life within the marriage?

Affair seekers don’t use condoms…with their spouse

When it comes to wearing a condom in the marriage, 71% of respondents said they don’t use a condom with their spouse. Some say condoms take away from sexual pleasure, others say they don’t need a condom because they’ve been with their partner for long enough to not worry about catching an STI. But are people who are married immune to catching STIs?

After months, years… or even days… of dating, people feel comfortable with each other and trust that they won’t give them an STI, so off comes the glove. Because infidelity can, and often does, arise out of feelings of emptiness – from missing something in their life or marriage that they feel they need – people pursue extramarital relationships at different times in their lives.

Now think about this. If you’ve not been using a condom with your spouse, like the 71% of our respondents, then decide to have an affair all the while continuing to have sex with your spouse, wouldn’t they be skeptical if you all of a sudden said “honey I think we should use a condom this time” after all these years? Safe bet says that’ll probably start an unwanted argument. Which may even get you caught.

So, when we think about it, the longevity of the relationship excuse for not wearing a condom doesn’t exactly cut it.

But on the sunny side more than three-quarters (76%) of surveyed members are using protection when their defying monogamy. Most respondents having extramarital sex are doing it safely and protecting their partner from the risk of STIs. Of course, transferring an STI to a spouse is a surefire way to have your infidelity exposed.

So, our members are doing two things right on the checklist for a successful affair: using protection to safeguard STIs, and using Ashley Madison to keep their affairs discreet.

The domino effect

It’s interesting to think about how important discretion is to affair seekers and how often they worry about their extramarital endeavors being exposed. So, on the topic of safe sex, Ashley Madison asked members which worried them more – catching an STI or having their extramarital affair exposed? The results showed that 55% of respondents are more worried about catching an STI than having their partner find out about their indiscretions. Naturally, this makes sense as it would be difficult to hide an STI from a spouse, so preventative measures need to exist on all fronts.

For a lot of people, it’s easier to experience what’s missing in their marriage by experiencing it with someone else, discreetly, or sometimes openly, while keeping the marriage and family intact. Safe and protected extramarital sex will help keep this balance rather than disrupt it, but only if done properly.

Monogamy is not a natural tendency but rather a social construct. So, if infidelity is part of human behavior, it’s better to engage in it safely. Variety is the spice of life and if you want to keep that spice going alongside your marriage then make sure to wrap it up.

About Ashley Madison

AshleyMadison.com is the premier extramarital affairs website. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier married dating website.

*Based on the number of members who have joined since 2002

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Have an Orgasm for Marriage Sakes

Paul — Wed, 06 Sep 2017 18:38:38 +0000

If you’re in a relationship, whether you’re married or dating, chances are that having a steady and healthy sex life is important to you. Although it’s possible to have a satisfying sex life without orgasms, that’s not the case for everyone. The orgasm is the holy grail and if you bring your partner to the big O you’ve got it all figured out, or at least an important part figured out. But what if you can’t? What if you just haven’t been able to do it for your partner like you used to if you used to at all. Is it leading your partner to stray?

Ashley Madison, the world’s leading married dating website*, surveyed more than 1,300 members to find out whether they are having more orgasms with their spouse or their extramarital partner and why. The result? Women report experiencing more orgasms with extramarital partners than they do with their spouses, a lot more.

If you and your partner have lost that spark and are just not doing it for each other anymore, here are some helpful tips learned from the members of AshleyMadison.com to get you through your bedroom struggles.

Find out what makes your lover tick

Communication is key. Take some time and talk to your spouse about what they want. Even if you’ve been together a long time, people change and so do their needs and sexual desires.

AshleyMadison.com members who responded to the survey said that their partners are unable to make them climax because their partners are too focused on their own pleasure, neglecting the needs of the other. When asked if their spouse was able to make them climax, 49% of female respondents said their spouse only gives them an orgasm “sometimes” or “rarely”. However, 83% said they are able to reach climax with their extramarital partner and when asked about frequency more than half (59%) claimed they experience an orgasm “always” or “most of the time” with their extramarital partner.

If you’re not willing to find out what your partner likes, someone else will. It seems an extramarital affair gets the juices flowing again with 62% saying the top reason they climax more with an extramarital partner is because they focus more on the respondent’s pleasure, not their own. An extramarital partner’s attractiveness ranks second (46%).

Make sure you’re one of the people trying to figure out what your partner likes because you don’t want to make an effort and be left high and dry, and unsatisfied because they went somewhere else. Show them that their pleasure is a prerequisite for yours, and you’ll have them moaning in no time!

Show some enthusiasm

You might be having a long week, or just not feeling all that confident. But a lack of enthusiasm will generally leave your partner feeling underappreciated and worse, undesirable. The more you show you’re engaged and having fun, the less likely they’ll seek that sexual excitement elsewhere.

When asked more specifically why their spouse isn’t able to make them climax, the biggest issue identified was their partner is too focused on themselves (29%), followed by the sex lacking excitement (28%) and a lack of attraction/not able to get them in the mood (24%).

Don’t be shy about voicing what you really want — whether it’s kinky, a departure from what you or your partner’s used to, or even downright weird. If you want it, you should ask for it. Be open and honest with yourself and your partner, and that honesty will help lower your inhibitions so that you can really get into the action. And trust us, you should never, ever knock it till you try it.

Don’t make it all about you

Although you want to voice your likes and dislikes, it can’t only be about you. Make them feel wanted and special and they will not only feel satisfied, but they’ll likely be inclined to reciprocate. Forget to do this and they might find someone else to get it done. The world has enough selfish people in it, show some generosity would ya!

Who doesn’t like to wake up to find your partner already at work under the sheets, so next time think about returning the favor. Take a page from Mick Jagger “if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need!”

Treat them as you want to be treated

Which means NO FAKING IT. Fauxgasms are a short-term solution to a long-term problem. Try new techniques even if you initially feel awkward. The more you keep trying to save your partner’s self-esteem by leading them to believe they are doing a good job, the worse it’s going to be for the both of you.

Four syllables, one word: Cunnilingus. Yes, that word isn’t a huge turn on but doing it for your partner can be a huge turn on for them. According to the survey taken by Ashley Madison members, 70% of female respondents said they experience orgasms most often during oral sex.

Need more proof? A study done by the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality found that women are twice as likely to have given oral without ever getting it in return. The study also found that married women or women living with someone enjoy receiving oral sex a whole lot more than all the single ladies. So, men, this might just be the way to get your partner back in the saddle.

Don’t let yourself go

Sometimes it’s easy to think, “we’ve been married for years, I’m not trying to impress anyone.”

… WRONG!

That’s going to be the exact reason why they’re out looking for moregasms instead.

Show your partner you care not only about your body and health but that you want to be your best self for them. This will likely increase your odds of them pinning you down and ripping your close off for some spontaneous sex.

Keep up with your exercise, eat healthily and maintain your style.

There is plenty of research out there that indicates that consistent or regular exercise is a huge benefit in the bedroom – feel and look stronger, increase your stamina, and be more confident, all of which will help improve your drive and your skills. Here are some quick workouts to mix into your routine and how exercise will improve your sex drive.

Spicing it up

When asked what would help save their marriage, 54% of respondents said that a livelier sex life incorporating things like sex toys, role play, and threesomes would help keep that romantic flame lit. Reinvigorating date night would also be beneficial with 22% saying quality time without the kids would do the trick. Maybe you’ve always wanted to tie your partner up in the bedroom, or have yourself tied up! Either way, at this point it would be worth a try, right?

Don’t get down on yourself, get down on your spouse and give them that mighty O you both have been looking for. Take it from Ashley Madison, its members have expressed their feelings towards what they need and what they’re looking for, helping you give your partner what they need.

About Ashley Madison

AshleyMadison.com is the global leader online adultery, and infidelity. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for married dating. Download one of the mobile affair apps, and get started cheating today!

*Based on the number of members who have joined since 2002

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How to Plan a Successful Threesome

Ashley — Wed, 31 May 2017 19:47:11 +0000

One of the most popular ways to spice things up in a relationship is to dip your toes in the exciting world of non-monogamy by inviting a third person to join you in a threesome for your next encounter.

Whether you’re a couple seeking a third on websites like Ashley Madison or a guest star looking for a couple to join, there are some key things you should know before you give a ménage à trois a try.

Terminology

The first step is to familiarize yourself with these common terms used by the swinging community:

Swinger: Someone who enjoys sex with people who are not their significant others (SO).
Soft swap: When two couples “swap” partners for everything but intercourse.
Full swap: When two couples “swap” for everything up to and including intercourse.
Triad: Sometimes referred to as a throuple, a relationship of three equal partners.
MFM: Two males and one female, while FMF is two females and one male. This tends to be what most men think of when the topic of a threesome is brought up.
Cuckold/Cuckqueen: A person involved in a threesome who will not receive sexual pleasure/favors. (A cuckold is a man, a cuckqueen is a woman.)
Exhibitionist: Someone who enjoys being watched while having sex.
Voyeur: A person involved in the sexual activity as a fly on the wall. Typically, if there is recording to be done you want a voyeur to be the one doing it.
Unicorn: A bisexual woman who has sex with already established couples, referred to as a unicorn because they are so rare.
Unicorn Hunter: A couple looking for the elusive unicorn, with their own set of (sometimes limiting) requirements.

What to discuss before you start looking

Threesomes can be fantastic, you need to lay the groundwork first. You need to have a frank discussion with your partner about what exactly you both want. Some questions you will want to discuss are:

Are we looking for a one-time thing, or do we want to date this person?
Do we want someone we’ve never met before or do we already know someone to ask? (Tread lightly with this.)
Are we secure enough in our commitment to each other to invite another person into the bedroom? Is this just a fantasy that should stay as a fantasy?
What gender are we looking for? Are either of us bisexual or bi-curious?

Whatever you do, a threesome should never be a surprise for anyone. Even when you meet your third on an anything-goes site like Ashley Madison, your first threesome with a new partner will be a little awkward no matter what. Don’t add to the awkwardness by planning it without the knowledge of your partner. You and your partner may have a number of sexual fantasies, so talk them through together and you might be pleasantly surprised to find out what they’ve been wanting to try.

Suggestions for getting over hang ups

A big issue for many people—especially when the clothes come off—is their own self esteem and confidence with their body. Men mostly worry about the size of their penis and sexual stamina while women are generally concerned about their weight and breast size.

Even if your partner reassures you repeatedly that you are desirable, there’s a good chance that you still have doubts about yourself because you’re human. There is no foolproof way to learn how to love yourself and your own body, but what many people have found helpful is to try to stop comparing yourself to others. Whenever you see an image and you think, “Wow, they’re gorgeous!” simply adjust that thought by thinking, “I am also gorgeous.”

Although it may take time, studies in neuroplasticity show that you can create new thought patterns of self-love and kindness. You need to make sure you love yourself well enough to not be threatened by others before inviting someone into your bedroom.

Wording for your profile

If you and your partner have discussed the pros and cons of a threesome and are ready to go forward, the next step is to write an online profile and let others know what you’re looking for.

DO write about what your expectations are, who you are as a couple, what experiences you bring to the table, and why you want to have a threesome. Include pictures of both of you!

DO NOT overemphasize how insignificant the third person is, how they will NEVER come between the two of you (even if that is the case), and do not speak disrespectfully of anyone unless you are looking for a cuckold/cuckqueen situation. The person that you are looking for also has wants and needs, all of which should be open for discussion when you meet them.

If a threesome is one of your top fantasies, you owe it to yourself to plan correctly and take your time to find the right person and the right chemistry. Start your sexploration slowly by browsing profiles on a non-judgmental hookup site.

About Ashley Madison

AshleyMadison.com is the original destination for married dating and the global leader for extramarital affairs. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for polyamory, open relationships, and affair apps.

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Everyday Aphrodisiacs

Ashley — Mon, 01 May 2017 14:39:51 +0000

Eating and sex are easily some of the best things in life. Our members at Ashley Madison are always looking for ways to make their sex lives more interesting, more exciting, and just a little wilder. Which is why we suggest incorporating some of these aphrodisiacs in the bedroom, or just into your diet, to spice things up. Some might even aid in relieving erectile dysfunction or help reawaken desire.

While you won’t find any cobra blood or baboon urine on this list, we wanted to go beyond the typical recommendations and really push some limits.

Oysters

Oysters have long been touted as one of the most sexual foods because of the sensual experience while eating it. The 18th century lover Casanova was said to have breakfasted on 50 of the slippery raw mollusks everyday.

Studies have found that their high concentration of zinc, as well as rare amino acids, can also result in an increased libido, making them the most popular aphrodisiacs.

Hit up an oyster bar on your next date night and see if the studies hold true.

Avocado

Historically, the Aztecs called avocado “ahucati,” (which means testicle) and touted its ability to increase sexual vigor. In Japanese culture, ingesting avocado oil capsules is said to increase sexual prowess, and even Barbara Klein, Ph.D., professor of food and nutrition at the University of Illinois reminds us that doctors and nutritionists refer to it as the ‘sex vitamin.’

Add a little avocado to your smoothies, salads, or whip up a batch of dark chocolate avocado pudding for a sexy dessert.

Chili Peppers

It’s been said that spicy food gets you in the mood, and that’s because of the capsaicin found in most chilis, which mimics bodily reactions during sexual arousal. Spicy chili peppers increase blood flow and make you sweat—tricking your body into thinking that it’s already in the throes of passion.

Try this spicy hot chocolate or a plate of nachos (with guacamole!) with the spiciest peppers you can handle.

Honey

Long a symbol of fertility and procreation because of the process of creating this delectable sweet, honey can help increase sexual desire in both men and women.

The ancient physician Hippocrates prescribed honey to increase sexual vigor, and doctors have concluded that the ingredient boron regulates hormone levels and helps in producing nitric oxide which is released into the blood during arousal.

Whip up one of these cocktails with honey to get your libido buzzing.

Asparagus

It’s not just high in calcium, vitamin E, and potassium, asparagus also contains thiamin and folic acids which all act to increase the intensity of your orgasms. The Kama Sutra even advises to drink it as a paste. While it may change the scent and flavour of your nether regions, the orgasmic benefits of this aphrodisiac side dish may outweigh the switch in smell. (In contrast, if you want your excretions to taste sweeter, eat more citrus-based fruits.)

Roast them with a drizzle of olive oil or puree them in a soup and serve chilled.

Banana

If the scent of asparagus doesn’t turn you on, the simple act of eating a banana can also make your orgasms more intense thanks to the way potassium aids in increasing muscle strength. The phallic shape, and the method of eating it, doesn’t hurt either.

Try breakfast in bed with banana waffles or pancakes. Just be sure to bring extra whipped cream.

Coffee
During a study conducted in Sussex by Mindlab International Laboratory the scent of coffee was found to be a major turn on for women. Drinking coffee can increase stamina and provide a rush of happy-inducing dopamine, while the alkaloids help to maintain sexual performance.

If that’s not enough evidence for you, a study found that female rats injected with caffeine became insatiable sex fiends.

Chocolate

While there is some contradictory evidence on whether chocolate is actually an aphrodisiac, the romantic and sensual associations alone can give a boost between you and your partner. Scientists claim that phenethylamine and tryptophan are the main agents that act in producing serotonin and mimicking the stimulant released in the brain when we fall in love respectively.

Additionally, high doses of flavanols found in the cocoa bean can relax blood vessels and stimulate blood flow to the brain.

Chocolate fondue is a sweet way to spend the night getting sticky together.

The following foods aren’t technically aphrodisiacs, but can still be super sensual when eaten with your partner.

Strawberries

While the French once considered strawberries to be incredible aphrodisiacs, even feeding newlyweds strawberry soup, there is no scientific evidence to back this up. They do contain antioxidants and phytochemicals to help reduce joint inflammation, which could come in handy if you’re working on some acrobatic positions, but the most sensual experience with strawberries comes from feeding them to your partner.

There was even a legend that if you found a double strawberry and broke it in half with someone special, it would bring true love.

To up the aphrodisiac effect, be sure to incorporate strawberries into your chocolate fondue.

Whipped Cream

Unless you’re lactose intolerant, whipped cream will have no effect on your body or boost your libido. It is, however, hella sexy to cover your partner with this sweet dessert and lick it off.

Cherries
While they’re packed with feel-good vitamins (A,C, E, potassium, magnesium, folate, and iron), there’s no evidence that they’ll actually aid in your sexual prowess. Unless, of course, you can tie the stem with your tongue. Works. Every. Time.

Whichever type of aphrodisiac or food you choose to try, even the preparation of a meal can be sexy if you do it together. So go ahead, get messy. We won’t tell anyone.

About Ashley Madison

AshleyMadison.com is the original destination for married dating and the global leader for affair apps. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for polyamory, open relationships, and sexless marriages.

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8 Sexting Do’s and Don’ts

Ashley — Fri, 10 Mar 2017 15:38:32 +0000

Sending someone naughty messages is a great way to liven up any conversation. Whether they’re your partner and you’re looking to spice things up or you’ve never met, sexting can take texting to the next level.

Many members at Ashley Madison include sexting as something that they’re looking for. Sexting can be incorporated as part of the lead-up to a fantasy, as a method to build anticipation for a connection, or as an online-only chat relationship.

Everyone’s Doing It

Almost 90% of adults say they’ve sexted at least once according to research out of the Drexel University, with 82% saying they’ve done it within the last year. The same research found that sexting directly correlated with higher sexual satisfaction, a great reason to get your sexting game on point.

The art of sexting can take some time to master. People either get too shy or come on too strong and vulgar, and the last thing your sexts should do is make anyone uncomfortable.

We’re here to break it down for you with these eight tips:

Start slow

Don’t: *unsolicited dick pic* which may cause the woman of your attention to hit delete—or block.

Do: I’ve been thinking about you all day. I can’t wait to get home and slowly take off all your clothes.

Initiate, but don’t intimidate

Pay attention. The response from your sexting partner should be equally as sexy. If they start deflecting or changing the topic, don’t push your luck.

While someone might have been totally down for some sexy texting, being too vulgar or pushy off the top could turn them off. Bad sext etiquette could cost you that potential date, or completely turn off your partner.

Don’t: C’mon babe, what would you do to me?

Do: What’s your secret fantasy?

Keep your partner involved

Make them feel wanted and desired and that they’re an integral part of your play, because they are! If you make it all about you and don’t reciprocate, or forget to keep them a part of the action, you run the risk of a premature ending to your conversation.

Don’t: A paragraph of text featuring mostly “I” statements.

Do: Back and forth exchanges that include statements and questions.

Mimicry is the highest form of flattery

Everyone has certain words or phrases that they use in the heat of the moment. If you know your partner well, listen for these words and repeat them back to them. Whether it’s something they use in everyday conversation, or phrases they whisper between the sheets, use them in your texting.

If they frequently use words like “hot,” use it, and stay away from words they dislike as well as bad grammar. (We know it can be hard when you’re feeling all hot and heavy, but if they’re typing in complete sentences, you should be too.)

Don’t: R U DTF?

Do: It’s so hot when you do this to me…

Up the fantasy factor

If there’s something that you’ve been wanting to try, sexting can be a good ice-breaker. Whether you want to be tied to the bed posts or you feel that you’ve been naughty and deserve a spanking, tell them!

If you’re sexting partner is a potential date, this could be a great way to broach the things that you’re interested in gently—ensuring that they already know what drives you wild before they even get you in the bedroom.

Of course, if you met through Ashley Madison, your profile is also a good place to list your interests so that you can attract like-minded individuals.

Don’t: So I’m sort of up for anything.

Do: I love being tied up, so start practicing your knots!

Just Don’t: Laughing
Unless you’re clearly having a really out-there sexting session where you’re purposefully being over the top, never reply with “lol.” The last thing that someone who is being vulnerable with you wants is to feel like they’ve said something wrong. Especially through text, laughing can come across as laughing at them, and not with them.

Be Descriptive
Sending pictures can be a great way to get you both in the mood, and men especially are very visually stimulated, but you don’t want to overdo it. Instead of interrupting the flow of conversation to take and send selfies, use very descriptive text to explain what you’re doing right now.

Don’t: Leave them hanging for half an hour while you take pictures.

Do: Describe what you’re wearing, how you’re touching yourself, and how you want to touch them.

Pro tip: Next time you’re getting ready to go out or lazily relaxing in bed on the weekend, snap some sexy shots that you can save on your phone to send during some hot and heavy texting.

Make it real
Sext with purpose and have an end goal in mind. You can always use sexting as a sexy pick-me-up randomly, but it could also be an intense session that leads up to meeting. Whether it’s a new partner or someone that you’re already dating, be clear what you’re looking to get out of this. Use the moment to plan a meeting, and be specific about the time and your intentions.

Don’t: Message them when you know they can’t respond (dinner with their kids)

Do: End with “So when are we making this happen IRL?”

So, what are you waiting for? Test drive these sexting tips and your session will surely be steamy.

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The Real Reasons Men and Women Have Affairs

Ashley — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 20:17:12 +0000

Sometimes, an affair starts off innocently enough. A connection is made with someone other than a spouse or partner—a close friend at work, for example. This friendship grows, and both people become more emotionally involved, especially if that support is missing at home. You begin to feel like that person understands you better than you partner, and it’s easy to romanticize without the baggage of a real relationship. It’s a chance to reinvent yourself, and losing yourself in the fantasy is more attractive than dealing with reality.

Other times, people can pinpoint exactly what’s missing in their relationship and seek it out on sites like Ashley Madison.

Couples counselor Mira Kirshenbaum tells Time Magazine:

“The image that I have is like someone who has been wandering around with a couple of empty wine glasses who suddenly meets someone with a bottle of wine. And so they want a little taste.”

Men and women from all walks of life can end up searching in the dark with empty wine glasses when their relationships aren’t supporting them in the all the ways they want and need. But what are the underlying reasons that people seek out affairs?

Users on Ashley Madison search for extra marital partners for a number of reasons. Some are searching for a no-strings casual sex relationship and need the discretion the site provides, while others are searching for the excitement that a clandestine affair can bring. Many members on Ashley Madison emphasize they are happy in their long-term relationships and aren’t looking to change their situation; but are simply seeking a new experience and the excitement that brings.

Do Men and Women Have Affairs for Different Reasons?

According to Psychology Today, there are three primary reasons people have affairs: Relationship reasons (dissatisfaction), situational reasons (work, schedules, location), and individual reasons (personality, religious and political orientation, and gender). In many cases, emotional reasons cause both men and women to stray, but the basis for their dalliances are slightly different.

The main reasons that women stray from their relationship are:

Low self-esteem
Feeling unattractive to their partner, aging, and low confidence can cause women to seek instant gratification and validation through a prolonged relationship that makes them feel desired.

Lack of romance/emotional support
Romance is different for every couple, but if it’s clear that her partner isn’t trying to keep things exciting or isn’t there for her emotionally, women may look outside their relationship.
Feels underappreciated
A woman who feels like a nanny, chaffeur or caregiver may crave the attention of someone who appreciates her personality, attitude and unique sense of self.

The main reasons men stray:

In his book, counselor Gary Neuman interviewed men to get more insight into why men stray. Only 8% said they had an extramarital affair simply for the sex alone.

Emotional dissatisfaction
According to his Neuman’s survey, 48% of men seek sexual intimacy outside of their primary relationship because they’re not being supported emotionally.

Lack of communication
If a man comes home and doesn’t feel heard by his wife, it can lead to alienation within the relationship. According to Neuman, it’s not just about communicating about needs, but an overall feeling of being on the same page as their partner that men need.
Insecurity
According to Neuman, married men usually have an affair with someone who praises and looks up to them. They’re looking to fill an emotional void through validation.

Experts say both sexes seek extramarital affairs due to unhappiness, curiosity, revenge, validation and ultimately a lack of sexual or emotional satisfaction in their relationship. Men and women feeling the urge to stray often start their exploration online using sites like Ashley Madison.

Cathy Meyer, a divorce expert, explains that the forbidden nature of an affair makes it more exciting. For some, an affair offers an escape from the stress and responsibilities of real life, a break in the routine.

Affairs Around the World

In many parts of the world, affairs are not as taboo as they are in western society. A recent study found that:

Thailand has the most marital affairs in the world coming in at 56%
Denmark falls second at 46%
Italy comes in a close third at 45%
63% of French people believe that you can love someone without remaining monogamous
50% of men stray from their primary relationship in search of casual connections or long-term relationships. They even call them “simultaneous multi-partnerships.”

Monogamy has also come in question in recent years due to high divorce rates and studies on monogamy showing that 20 to 60% of all married people will have an affair at least once during their relationships.

This recent shift in attitudes towards non-monogamy has opened the door for many people to explore outside of their relationship without technically having an affair.

Open relationships, polyamory, and terms like “monogamish” have been made mainstream thanks to people like sex columnist Dan Savage.

Savage believes straying outside a long-term relationship can actually have benefits for both parties, and that it may even strengthen the relationship. Many people choose to pursue an open relationship or different forms of non-monogamy via adult-dating websites like AshleyMadison.com.

No matter what’s right for you, you can discreetly browse for potential partners on AshleyMadison.com, a community where you can explore your inner-most needs and desires.

About Ashley Madison

Ashley Madison is a world-famous dating community that operates in 47 countries. Our site attracts non-judgmental people in sexless marriages looking for affairs, like-minded connections and more. Join today at www.ashleymadison.com

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50 Shades of Sex in America

Ashley — Fri, 24 Feb 2017 18:42:24 +0000

There’s a party going on in the South, and the rest of America is invited—if they want to come.

Our first annual Ashley Madison Sex Shades Survey partnered with Léger, The Research Intelligence Group to ask 1,500 Americans nationwide how open they are to trying new things in the bedroom, and what they’re interested in trying.

“Light Kinky Fun” is one of the top 10 preferences on AshleyMadison.com, so we wanted to get a better idea of what this means for Americans. We found that an overwhelming number of people are experimenting in the bedroom with 86% of men and 71% of women saying they are open to trying new things suggested by their partner in the bedroom.

Approximately a quarter of Americans are trying new things like handcuffs, blindfolds, and role play in the bedroom.

Americans—and Ashley Madison members, love handcuffs

Almost one-in-four survey respondents said they have tried handcuffs in the bedroom, totalling 23%. Another 15% say they haven’t tried it, but would like to! If handcuffs are too utilitarian for you, there are plenty of other bedroom restraints you may want to consider: leather cuffs, kits, velcro restraint sets, silk ties, and shibari rope.

Blindfolds in the bedside table

A total of 24% of Americans surveyed say they have used blindfolds—and an additional 19% said that while they haven’t yet, they want to try a little sensory deprivation in the boudoir. Men are the most interested in blindfolds, at 21%, with women finding it slightly less of a turn-on at only 17% interest.

On acting out a role

Nationwide, role play is one of America’s favorite bedroom activities when it comes to spicing things up. Three out of ten men and a quarter of women surveyed say they have incorporated role play to get things going.

It’s safe to say that young lovers are a little more dramatic in the bedroom, with 42% of Americans aged 25 to 34 saying they or their partner have embodied a character to get themselves in the mood.

Men are more open to experimenting

Across the board, men and women answered positively about experimenting in the bedroom. When asked if they are curious about trying new things sexually, 77% of men and 60% of women agreed.

The South is more adventurous—a lot more adventurous

Across the board, respondents from the southern states admit to using handcuffs, blindfolds, and engaging in role play in the bedroom. When factoring in the number of people willing to try what some might call kinky play, more than 50% of Southerners say they’re down.

26% said they’ve used handcuffs; 17% want to
29% have used blindfolds; 22% want to
34% have engaged in role play, 22% want to

The Midwest and The Northeast are Game to Try New Things

The Northeast leads in the role play department at 31%, slightly ahead of lovers in the Midwest, where 26% in the Midwest say they have tried role play in the bedroom. Close to 20% of Midwesterners say they haven’t tried role play yet, but would like to, compared to 14% of Northeasterners.

When asked if they would try something new if their partner asked them to be open minded, 75% of those in the Northeast said they would be game to try and 74% of those in the Midwest also consider themselves open minded.

The West knows what they want—and what they don’t

Across the three categories, those in the Western states were the most likely to state that they haven’t tried, and aren’t interested in trying, certain 50 shades style acts. At 62%, those surveyed in the West say they aren’t interested in using handcuffs in the bedroom, and 57% aren’t interested in blindfolds either.

Nationwide, 86% of men and 71% of women are open to trying something new. In fact, almost no one surveyed said they aren’t receptive to trying something new if their partner asked them to, with only 9% of American men and 18% of women saying they wouldn’t indulge their partner.

Do these stats sound right for your region? How receptive are you to trying something new? Join us on Ashley Madison and expand your boundaries.

About Ashley Madison

Ashley Madison is a boundary-pushing community that attracts like-minded connections, and new experiences. Ashley Madison operates in 47 countries, and has attracted more than 50 million members since launch. It’s quite likely the largest married dating website this side of Venus!

Ashley Madison is owned and operated by ruby, the world’s largest open-minded relationship company.

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6 Steps To The Perfect Online Dating Profile

Ashley — Thu, 16 Feb 2017 16:20:16 +0000

We know how excited you are to jump in and start messaging people as soon as you join Ashley Madison. But before you reach out, there’s one big thing you’re missing: a complete online dating profile.

Many people are so eager to start searching for people the minute they join an online date site that they either leave their profile blank or write something quickly, never giving it a second glance.

That’s okay if you’re just taking a look around, but if you’re serious about your search, your online dating profile is one of the most important tools in your belt. You’re great, and your Ashley Madison profile should reflect just how awesome you are.

Size Matters

You want your profile to be detailed enough to tell people about you, but short enough to leave them wanting more. Online attention spans are shorter than ever, so anything more than three paragraphs is too long. Think of your profile as an appetizer and save the entrée for later.

Show, don’t tell—instead of saying you’re “fun” or “adventurous”, share your favourite brunch spots or talk about the time you backpacked across Europe. Anyone can write “I have a good sense of humour”, but it takes talent to make someone laugh.
When writing about yourself, avoid just listing of adjectives. If you’re stuck, assign an activity or interesting point to each descriptor. Want to say you’re a happy person? Tell them you always have a smile on your face and can find the silver lining in any situation. Want to convey that you’re smart? Talk about your favourite book and why it speaks to you.
Avoid mentioning past disappointments and bad break-ups in your profile or how unhappy you are with your marriage. Keep things cheerful and optimistic.

You wouldn’t list bad workplace experiences on a résumé, so treat this like an Ashley Madison CV. Don’t let yourself be defined by negativity or bad experiences of the past.

Upload a Picture

Everyone likes knowing who they’re talking to. People with a photo are 3 times more likely to get a message. Not having at least a private photo on your online dating profile could lead people to overlook you—and we don’t want that. Some people even specify in their search that they only want to speak to people who have visible photos. Don’t worry about how photogenic you are. Different people have different tastes and not everyone expects to meet a movie star or a supermodel online. A clear shot of you smiling is all it takes to seriously increase the amount of responses you get.

If discretion is a concern, Ashley Madison’s discreet photo tools make it easy for you to control who sees what. You can blur or mask your profile photo or keep your photos in private galleries to share with people when you’re comfortable.

Honesty is the Best Policy

If your profile says you’re 6’4″ when you’re really 5’11”, your cover will be blown as soon as you turn up for your date. Also, starting a relationship—of any kind—with a lie is a sure way to get off to a bad start.

If you want to attract a likeminded person you can really be yourself with, you have to be honest about who you are, your hobbies and interests, and what you’re looking for on Ashley Madison.

It’s important to be honest and open about what type of relationship you’re looking for and the type of people you’re interested in. Your online dating profile isn’t the place to be shy. The best way to get what you really want is to ask for it. Just want someone willing to be available for quick lunchtime rendezvous? Are you in an open marriage? Say so. Looking for someone adventurous to take on a weekend getaway? Tell them. And remember—confidence is very sexy.

Who You’re Looking For

One of the most-overlooked sections of Ashley Madison profiles is also one of the most important: My Perfect Match. If you’re looking for someone tall with a killer sense of humor who’s a good listener, let them know. If you’re more into a tattooed non-conformist who dislikes routine, this section is your chance to speak up.

Once you’ve got these basics down, you’re ready to start searching for and messaging people. If you’re confident in your online dating profile, you’ll be confident in your search. So get out there and find your match!

Another tip: Be clear about what you want. If you’re looking for online chat, let them know that. Want a polyamorous relationship? Say so. Be sure people know what you’re looking for early on to avoid confusion and disappointment.

Nailing the Nickname

One of the first things you’ll need to do is come up with a catchy nickname. This is the name all other members will associate with you, so make sure it’s a good reflection of who you are and what you’re looking for.

If you’re looking for something more casual, feel free to make it a bit more suggestive. Otherwise skip anything with “69” or any mention of sex—even if it’s tongue-in-cheek. And of course, avoid anything that uses your real first or last name.

Greeting

The greeting is a great place to get a little more creative, so put some effort in.

Nothing is more of a turnoff than reading “I don’t know what to write here.”

A great greeting is the best way to intrigue someone enough to read your profile, look at your photos, and send you a message. Think about it: when you’re scrolling online, you open the post with the catchy headline and scroll right past the cookie-cutter phrasing.

Check out our privacy and security tips for more ways to safeguard your identity online.

About Ashley Madison

Operating in 47 countries, Ashley Madison attracts non-judgmental people looking for extramarital affairs. Start your married dating adventures today by downloading one of our affair apps!

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Curious About Kink? Try our Beginner’s Guide from Mild to Wild

Ashley — Thu, 09 Feb 2017 18:28:17 +0000

Looking for new ways to explore and push your sexual boundaries in the bedroom?

Think Kink.

On Ashley Madison, one of the top 10 preferences married men and women say they are looking for is light, kinky fun. Experts say that, with good communication and clear consent, incorporating a little 50 shades style play into your sex life can be more exciting (and less intimidating) than you ever imagined.

Leather and latex aren’t your thing? Kink-inspired adventures can be customized to cover an almost endless range of turn-ons and experiences—from mild to wild.

Even simple additions—like vibrators, ice cubes, massage oil and sexually-charged outfits—can unleash hot and sexy explorations between the sheets.

From light kinky fun to more intense suggestions, the Ashley Madison team has assembled a few tips on how to help you find new moments of erotic fun with your lover or affair partner.

Why are So Many People Talking About Kink on Ashley Madison?

Popular culture and more open, modern views on sexuality is making 50 shades-inspired play more mainstream and “normal” than ever before.

Kink, once a forbidden taboo, is finding its place in the privacy of bedrooms around the globe as more and more lovers become inspired by popular books, movies, TV shows and more.

Experts say this new openness and awareness about kink is encouraging lovers and affair partners to become more open in expressing their sexual needs and fantasies.

In fact, a study published in the Journal of Sex Research discovered that only 55% of couples are sexually satisfied—but those who said they are satisfied were the ones who had more frequent–and more varied–sex lives.

Another modern day revelation is that kink encompasses many shades and doesn’t have to be full-blown BDSM.

Kink can start from experimental, reasonably tame foreplay and progress onward as desires evolve and lovers become more comfortable in discussing their sexual turn-ons.

Our Ashley Madison kink guide starts at the bare VANILLA of sex. If you mostly favor standard sex and secretly dream of boundary-breaking intimacy, this is for you.

Here are a few expert tips on how to start exploring a new world of pleasure!

Beginners Guide to Kink

Starting mild? Talk about the suggestions below with your lover or affair partners to see how far you’ll go.

Mild

Oil Foreplay Massage
Food and Sense Foreplay (Licking, Biting, Edibles, Ice Cubes, Feathers)
Describing Each Person’s Ultimate Sexual Fantasy/Role Play to Each Other

Getting Warmer

Acting Out a Sexual Fantasy/Role Play and Introducing it as a Story
Blindfolded Teasing Foreplay Incorporating Food and Sense
Single or Multi-Pleasure Sex Toys to use During the Role Play/Story

A Little Wild

Male/Female Domination within the Role Play/Story
Impact Play (Spanking, Biting, Handcuffs, Restraints)
Warm Wax Play

Mild to Wild Toy and Tool Kit:

Mild:

Massage Oil
Feathers, Ice Cubes
Licking Chocolate, Edible Lotions

Getting Warmer:

Solo Vibrators/Couples Rings
Blindfolds
Handcuffs
Restraints

A Little Wild:

Whips
Ropes
Hot Wax
Leather or Latex Outfits

Expert Tips & Advice

Start small. Introduce mild, stimulating foreplay in a lit bedroom or go for light, kinky sex in the shower. If it sounds like fun to you and your partner, introduce a variety of edible lotions and potions to take things to a new, sensual level.
Buy some steamy novels and sex guides to help inspire you and your affair partners. Choose one or two new things you’d each like to try and talk it through to make sure you both agree on how and when to introduce those experiences in the bedroom.
If you’re into it, send racy sexts—or leave erotic notes for your partner—to help drive anticipation for your next affair.
Ask your lover about a few of their fantasies and play them out, costumes and all.
Blindfold or handcuff your partner as you perform on them orally.
If it feels good, incorporate stimulating vibrations and love bites as you progress into the hot and heavy activities.

Experts urge couples and lovers to create a sexual story together.

In this story, the couples are the lead characters and progress the plot by building up each other’s sexual stimulation and anticipation through gestures and actions that turn each of them on.

The characters they create are meant to express an attribute of each person’s sexuality, that in which they can explore fully with one another. There are no limits to what each person’s sexual desires entail, as this is a safe zone.

Communication is KEY, especially if your stories become more detailed, with hints of dominance, submission, and sadomasochism starting to be introduced.

You and your partner must develop a safe word and be sure to communicate your thoughts afterward in order to tailor your experience to each others’ needs and preferences. The importance of aftercare should also be something you plan for in advance, because you’ll most likely need to check in with each other and offer support as part of kinkier sexual experiences.

Some couples find it helpful to see a sex therapist to help them explore and navigate new ways to connect – and it can also be helpful to download online sex menus and books to help clarify and define how far you’ll explore the world of kink together.

Experts strongly suggest setting a safe-zone time limit when you first start engaging in kink activities, to allow you to check-in with your partner before things get too hot and heavy.

What if Your Partner Is Just Not That Into Kink?

Kink isn’t for everyone, and if your partner or lover cringes or panics at the thought of transitioning from vanilla sex, you’ll need to respect their wishes, be understanding and go slow.

The fact is that some people are just not that into kink. As reported in The Guardian, research conducted by Queen’s University found that brain waves and sexual arousal directly correlate to what turns different people on. Some people are simply more aroused by adventurous sex, while others get the same levels of arousal from a more straightforward, traditional approach to sex.

If this is the case for your partner, and they’re only entertaining the idea of participating to fulfill your own sexual desires, SLOW the process down and always respect their wishes.

Experts say patience is a powerful and necessary trust builder when it comes to trying new forms of sex play. Communicate clearly throughout and transition slowly into new forms of intimate play. Always make sure your partner knows that they are appreciated, respected, and not being judged for anything they are doing or feeling.

If you’re new to kink and are looking for an affair/polyamory partner (or partners) on Ashley Madison to help you explore; it’s important to be very honest about what you’re looking for—and seek someone out who’s comfortable expressing their own desires in a straightforward and upfront way.

Be sure to fill out the preferences section of your Ashley Madison profile and be clear about what turns you on. (See our Ashley Madison security and privacy blog for tips on safeguarding your identity online.)

Ideally, you should start slowly and seek out someone who catches your eye and is on a similar place on the kink spectrum, or is willing to slowly teach you the ropes. And, as with all connections on Ashley Madison, it’s important to communicate with everyone you meet with respect and no judgment – and follow these tips for safe dating.

Any time you try a new sexual adventure, it’s normal to be nervous, so start slow, stay open-minded, communicate clearly—and take time to educate yourself about the world of kink.

When you and your partner are ready, take the plunge and experience the untapped pleasures and passion that kink-inspired play can bring into your sex life.

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The One New Year’s Resolution You’ll Want to Keep

Ashley — Wed, 04 Jan 2017 20:40:06 +0000

We’ve been through a lot in 2016, so what better way to start the new year than with a vow to be more open minded, accepting, and adventurous in 2017?

Instead of the standard resolutions to eat healthier, exercise more, or spend less money, the team at Ashley Madison is challenging you to try experimenting with a New Year’s resolution you might actually want to keep: being more open minded.

What does it mean to be open minded?

“Keeping an open mind” would generally mean that you haven’t come to a conclusion yet. You are, however, capable of coming to a conclusion about a topic without passing judgement on people who think differently than you. Being open minded about something takes effort, because you need to take the time to explore and accept all sides of the issue.

At Ashley Madison, we believe non judgment and open mindedness leads to a more accepting, diverse and caring society. But what do the experts say about the benefits of being open minded?

The Critical Thinking Community defines open mindedness as “an intellectual virtue that involves a willingness to take relevant evidence and argument into account in forming or revising our beliefs and values, especially when there is some reason why we might resist such evidence and argument, with a view to arriving at true and defensible conclusions. It means being critically receptive to alternative possibilities, being willing to think twice despite having formed an opinion, and sincerely trying to avoid those conditions and offset those factors which constrain and distort our reflections. The attitude of open mindedness is embedded in the Socratic idea of following the argument where it leads and is a fundamental virtue of inquiry.”
Psych Mechanics, a blog dedicated to how the mind works, says, “Open-mindedness is one of the most important personality traits that one must seek to acquire. A closed-minded person can never be truly free for he dwells in the prison of his own ideas.” They go on to say that being open-minded means not blindly accepting something as truth.
Meanwhile, more simply put, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines being open-minded as being receptive to arguments or ideas.

In terms of sexuality, being open minded can mean any number of things. It could mean that you’re more open and receptive to exploring your relationship boundaries and new forms of sexual expression

Being open minded could mean considering relationship types that vary from the heteronormative, monogamous, ‘til death do we part-style relationships that have traditionally been the standard. It could mean an affair, open relationship, poly dating, being monogomish, heteroflexibility, or however you choose to define it.

It also means that those who adhere to traditional standards can be open minded by being accepting and supportive of the fact that while these relationships may not be for them, they are right for some.

How to be more open-minded

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to becoming more open minded, but by simply thinking about it and learning about things that are intriguing to you is a step in the right direction.

There are a few exercises that can help you build open mindedness, according to the University of Pennsylvania’s department of positive psychology project, Authentic Happiness.

Think about an emotionally charged topic and look at both sides of the argument. Write down valid reasons that can explain why each side is correct. If you have a staunch opinion on a topic such as abortion, religion, or sex, that would be a good topic to choose so that you can directly place yourself in the shoes of someone with a differing opinion.
Think about a time when you felt wronged. Whether intentional or inadvertent, come up with at least three reasons why the other person may have done this.
Think of a topic that you regularly argue with someone about and come up with reasons why they may feel the way that they do.

Stepping into another person’s shoes when it comes to viewpoints that are unfamiliar to you is a great way to start building more of an open mind when it comes to both new experiences and disagreements.

The Critical Thinking Community also has a number of tips that could act as a roadmap to opening your mind.

Ask questions and seek more information by having a constantly curious mind. Instead of taking something at face value, delve deeper into the topic.
Don’t be reactionary and jump to conclusions. Stop taking things at face value—ask those questions, consider both sides, and read more than one source about an issue so that you have a well-rounded idea on which to form your own conclusion. See things from each side of the argument/issue just like in the exercises above.
Have humility—recognize privilege, biases, and try to understand how they inform your viewpoint on a specific scenario.
Don’t behave like a troll and call out internet trolls.

Our Challenge to you

While being sexually open minded is great, all of us at Ashley Madison are challenging you to be more open minded in all your life experiences. Try new things, acknowledge certain biases you may have about activities, and try to overcome them with hands-on experience.

The following list is by no means comprehensive, but a good start for those who are looking to be truly open minded in 2017.

We wish you the best life experiences, so get out there and live.

Make personal choices:

Buy a new food at the grocery store
Go to that new restaurant
Put your dancing shoes on and head to that new club
Take in an alternative art show
Go to concerts of genres that aren’t your go-to for easy listening
Venture away from your local bar
Do something different on a weekday night
Try something new in the bedroom! (more on that below)

Make choices that affect how you interact with other people

Seek out people who have different worldviews and listen to their experiences
Add some new flavour to a vanilla sex life by experimenting with intimacy that pushes your relationship boundaries in a new way
- How to Explore Your Sexual Boundaries
Make an effort to learn more about non-traditional relationships such as polyamory
- More Than Two
- Love More
Learn about different sexual identities and orientations
- A comprehensive list of LGBTQ terms and definitions

For those that are still exploring their sexuality and experimenting with the idea of non-traditional relationships or extramarital affairs, you’ll find millions of like-minded people at AshleyMadison.com.

About Ashley Madison

Ashley Madison is an open minded married dating website where you can explore those moments that take your breath away, and learn all about new ones that you can explore. Download one of our affair apps for your mobile phone, and see if you’re really open minded.

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Dating After Divorce: 5 Tips to Get Back on the Wagon

Ashley — Tue, 06 Dec 2016 19:52:17 +0000

Whether your marriage lasted two years or twenty, a divorce can be emotionally draining and the idea of dating after divorce may seem daunting. The good news? You’re in good company with lots of people looking to get back out there and date again who aren’t really sure where to start. On Ashley Madison, there are open minded individuals looking for a number of different types of connections, from hookups to marriage and everything in between.

While the divorce rate in the United States has hit an all-time low of 16.9 divorces per 1,000 people, the rate of divorce in older generations has actually gone up. Younger generations are getting married less, but staying together, whereas baby boomers are discovering that their marriages weren’t meant to last 50 years (or more).

When your divorce is fresh, the idea of dating can seem exciting, terrifying, overwhelming, or downright impossible. We’re here help you feel confident and make sure that you’re ready to get back in the dating pool.

There is no “perfect time” after a divorce to start looking.
You need to be in touch with how you really feel because crying over dinner while talking about your past is not the best way to get back into the game. Give yourself time to grieve the relationship and get over your ex, but not too much time that you settle into singledom.

Take care of yourself
Stress and negative emotions can easily wreak some havoc on your body and your health. Get back to the gym, be mindful about what you put in your body, and do things that make you happy.

Dating after divorce doesn’t need to be about immediately finding the next “one,” have some fun with it on AshleyMadison.com
Instead of jumping out of one long-term relationship and into another, give yourself time to explore again. Have some fun while you re-learn who you are and what you really want from life. Date people you wouldn’t normally, do activities that are a bit out of your comfort zone. You might surprise yourself.

Keep it casual for the first date.
Whether or not you’re looking for something serious, you want to make sure that you mesh well in person before you commit to a lengthy date. No one wants to feel obligated to stay for dinner in an upscale restaurant if they’re not feeling a connection, so opt for a coffee or cocktail first and you can lengthen the date if things are going well.
Your family—and your ex’s family—doesn’t need to know that you’re back on the market.
You may be ready to move on, but it could still sting if your ex finds out through the grapevine. Your children, your parents, and your former in-laws don’t need to know that you’re dating, so until you’re ready to introduce someone to them, keep it on the down low. If you have a discreet profile on Ashley Madison, you can protect your ex from such a surprise.

Ashley Madison is one of the world’s most open minded married dating sites. Operating in over 50 countries, our site attracts open-minded people looking for affairs, relationships, and more. Download the iphone or android married dating apps, and get started today!

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The Practicalities of Polyamory

Ashley — Tue, 15 Nov 2016 15:18:36 +0000

When you’re looking for new partners on Ashley Madison, it’s integral to understand the importance of open and honest communication while laying ground rules and establishing boundaries.

The definition of polyamory is essentially “sharing” your love partner with others in an open, fully disclosed relationship. You, or your partner, or both you and your partner are in multiple relationships, and it can get tricky simply trying to organize your week so that no one feels left out.

Open the lines of communication:

Whichever type of polyamorous relationship you end up in, most successful open relationships are highly negotiated—and highly organized. You need to clearly define everything from when you see someone to how much contact everyone has pre-agreed upon as appropriate requires some serious negotiation. Polyamory and open relationships require clear communication and understanding from all parties in order to be successful. The popular poly blog, More Than Two, even suggests that communication is the #1 rule in polyamorous relationships.

This means that you need to be clear with your partner about when you’ve met someone, where you’re going, and discuss the things about this potential new partner that make you feel giddy. Whether you’ve met your potential new partner on Ashley Madison, in real life, or through any other means, share these details with your current partner and bring them along for the ride.

Unlike monogamous relationships, polyamory dating requires clearly laying out boundaries and sharing your feelings clearly with each partner, in a way that everyone involved understands and accepts.

But when it’s been a hectic week at work and you’re trying to fit in date nights and find some time to yourself, juggling the demands of polyamory can be difficult. Add on to that those feelings of being let down when you come home from work expecting your primary, live-in partner to be home and they’re out, and what you had thought was a perfect relationship dynamic quickly backfires.

Share your calendars:

One simple tool that polyamorous couples swear by is the Google Calendar. Available in the palm of your hand, you can view your significant other’s calendar, share your calendar with your other SO, and share calendars across the board so that everyone is kept in the loop.

There are a couple of simple ways to keep everyone on the same page—or rather calendar, while keeping your time and expectations managed. You can:

Share your calendars freely (or, if you’re the hinge in a V, share with your SO and your OSO). This is the best option for those who aren’t in a triad or quad because your significant other (SO) and your OSO may not be in a relationship with each other and don’t need to know the details of each other’s calendars.
On the other hand, you could get together to plan out the week as a group. This means that you’re all talking about your calendars, your free time, and your expectations on a regular basis and not playing it by ear.

Whichever option you decide on using to communicate and organize your relationships, schedule date nights in advance and honour your commitments!

There are a number of additional options that you can consider when you share your calendars with your partners. Based on your agreed upon level of shared information, of course, you can:

Share your calendars publicly so that anyone you share your calendar with can see details of your events.
Keep it private so that your calendar is blocked off. Anyone you share your calendar with can see that the time is blocked off, but unless the event is shared with them they won’t know what’s happening.
Pick and choose which events you want public or private. If you feel guilty about blocking off time for yourself, instead of making an event called “tub time” you can easily just show yourself as “busy.”

Your other significant other wants to spend just as much time with you as your significant other, so remember to keep everyone’s wants and needs at the forefront of your week planning.

Remember to plan time for yourself:

The worst thing that you can do is to overbook your calendar. Establish boundaries in advance that you and your partners understand will be your required downtime. Whether you decide to cuddle up in bed all day, read a book, or simply need time in your week to run errands, find time for yourself. Digitally blocking off time for this in your calendar makes it clear that you plan on practicing some self care during that time, it’s clear that you don’t want anyone else to infringe on that.

The best way to avoid conflict is to face it head on.

This means that everyone involved feels heard, feels understood, and feels satisfied with the amount of face time they’re getting. The only way that you can make sure that everyones feelings are accounted for is to keep those lines of communication open. If you want to spend more time with one partner, discuss it! Your feelings are important to your relationships. When everyone is on the same page, you can breath easier because your feelings are validated and understood.

Find your new partner on AshleyMadison.com

We understand that not all polyamorous couples want to broadcast their relationship preferences to the world. That is why Ashley Madison gives you the discretion you’re looking for to seek out a new addition to your life. Curious? Log in to Ashley Madison, create a free profile, and take a look around.

About Ashley Madison

AshleyMadison.com is the original online destination for people in sexless marriages and the global leader for extramarital affairs. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier married dating website for men and women.

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Join millions of members and explore the possibilities today.

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How To Pick The Best Dating Site Username

Ashley — Fri, 28 Oct 2016 14:56:08 +0000

The process of picking the best dating site username that describes who you are, what you’re looking for, and is also attractive to other users can be a true creativity challenge. Especially on Ashley Madison when you’re also looking for discretion.

A recent study by Queen Mary University of London researchers shows that your username is integral to your online dating success. The researchers pored through 4,000 psychological, sociology, behavioral science, and pre cognitive science studies, to scientifically define what makes for a great username.

Don’t worry, we’re going to break it down for you so that you’re don’t panic and end up with a cringe-worthy moniker like “coolguy69”.

ABCs not Zs

According to experts at Queen Mary University, people are attracted to names and usernames that are higher in the alphabet. So, a username starting with the letter ‘A’ is more appealing than a username starting with the letter ‘W’.

Consider the 70:30 rule

Don’t just type in some random letters. Your username and profile should stick to a 70:30 ratio of who you are and what you’re looking for, instead of completely one or the other. Think something along the lines of AdamsHappilyEverAfter.

Be Positive

The research shows that being a downer in your username probably won’t attract the kind of people you might be looking for. Daters were much more likely to engage with and respond to positive profile names. So take a pass on Depressed_Dude in favor of a more optimistic username.

Be Genuine

Of course people embellish their profiles, but the more genuine you come across right off the bat with your username, the more likely you’ll be viewed as someone trustworthy enough to start a conversation with. If your username gloats about your job, your wealth, how hung you are, or how big your chest is, it’s going to come off as superficial and, most likely, a downright lie.

Be Witty

If you’re funny, show it. Don’t be afraid to be cheeky, just steer clear of being offensive or vulgar.

Keep it Clean

Vulgar usernames sometimes work for a woman’s profile, but infrequently work on a man’s. You would be surprised how often we see men trying to find women and failing on Ashley Madison because of their crude username. Because of the barrage of messages that women get on any dating site, you could be weeded out immediately if your name is “DirtyBoi69”.

Balance fun, flirty, and realistic

To sum it all up, the best advice in choosing the best dating site username is to balance fun, flirty and realistic – and to take a few minutes to brainstorm some good options before you begin the sign-up process.

If you’re feeling some username regret, no fear! You can easily change your Ashley Madison username by logging in and editing your profile.

In addition to your username, your image and descriptor are equally as important — and if you’re sending a message it’s important to be more thoughtful than simply saying ‘Hi.”

We’ll be covering these topics in upcoming blogs, so stay tuned! In the meantime, carefully think about your username and create a profile that gets you noticed.

Operating in over 50 countries, Ashley Madison attracts open-minded people looking for connections, open relationships, and extramarital affairs. Join today to find married men and women interested in dating.

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Our Favorite Fall Date Ideas

Ashley — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 18:47:03 +0000

While it hasn’t started to feel like fall just yet, we can feel it just around the corner. After the hot and muggy days of summer, the nights and mornings are crisper and we’re ready to bust out our comfy socks and sweaters.

We understand that not all of our readers or customers on Ashley Madison live in ever-changing climates, but for those of us who are obsessed with all things fall, it’s time to plan some cute and cozy dates. Whether it’s your first date or your 100th, there’s no time like fall to cuddle up or take a hike.

Our Fave Fall Date Ideas:

Pumpkin or apple picking
Berries and apples and gourds, oh my! Fall is harvest season, and there’s no time like autumn to head out to a farm and pick them fresh. Whether it’s corn you’re after, sweet and delicious apples, or the perfect pumpkin for carving, getting out of the city to spend the day on a farm is a picture-perfect way to enjoy each other’s company.
Countryside drive/hike to watch the changing leaves
Whether you live in an urban or rural setting, fall is the perfect time to get back to nature because the changing leaves are absolutely gorgeous. Grab your partner and sneak a kiss under your favourite foliage.

From a simple walk through the neighbourhood park with a coffee, a drive to an undiscovered (by you) town, or a hike through the trees as they change, this special fall magic is everywhere.
Head to a football game
Football season is upon us! You don’t have to be a huge fan of your local team to appreciate the thrill of a game and the cheering crowd. Don’t forget to pucker up if the kiss cam comes around!
Fall festival/county fair
Fall was traditionally the best time for county fairs to celebrate the achievements of farmers and for them to participate in competitive exhibitions. Now they’ve transformed into live entertainment and rodeo shows complete with rides, food, and games. Grab your partner, get in line, and learn a new dance move—or just hop on some rides if that’s more your style.
Start getting ready for Halloween by binge-watching some scary movies
Those cool fall nights make for some great cuddling. Add some hot chocolate or popcorn and it’s the perfect night in on a crisp fall evening.

We recommend horror movies, but you could pick whatever’s good on Netflix, get cozy and comfortable under the blankets, and enjoy some quality time with your honey.

The end of summer doesn’t have to be a let down with fall dates like these to keep you and your partner—or potential partner—snuggled up close. If you’re still looking for someone to snuggle up with, there are numerous people on AshleyMadison.com looking for connections with like-minded individuals.

What’s your favourite thing to do in the fall? Let us know in the comments below.

About Ashley Madison

AshleyMadison.com is the original destination for married dating and a global leader for open relationships. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for sexless marriages, affair apps, and polyamory.

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Temporary marriage: “I do,” but not necessarily ’til death

Ashley — Tue, 20 Sep 2016 13:16:53 +0000

We all know the statistics—marriages just don’t last forever anymore. In the U.S., the divorce rate ranges from 50% for first marriages to 74% for third marriages. The third time isn’t always a charm, and it’s not just a problem in the U.S.. In 2014, 47.5% of Swedish households consisted of a single adult without children, and first-time marriages end in divorce 60% of the time in Belgium.

Marry young, divorce young?

According to DivorceStatistics.info, people ages 20-24 want to end their marriage more than any other age group with 36.8% of married men and 36.6% of married women ready to call it quits. The reality is that some unions are simply not meant to be long term, and often people get caught up in feelings of love and romance and forget that relationships take work—and lots of it.

Enter the concept of a trial marriage. A union that’s based on a contract or agreement, so that couples can cohabitate and test their relationship, and they can walk away relatively unscathed if they decide not to continue.

What is a trial marriage?

Dating back to ancient Celtic times, during the July harvest Lughnasadh festival in Ireland couples could enter into a trial marriage of one year and one day, until the next festival. After that point, they could decide whether to walk away or stay married.

The romance of marriage isn’t completely removed from the proceedings. Hand tying became part of the tradition thanks to the similar Scottish handfasting ceremonies. Physically tying a couple’s hands together during the handfasting and Lughnasadh festivals symbolizes the union and declaration of their unity.

While never accepted by the Catholic church, pagan and wiccan communities still practice handfasting ceremonies that can be tailored to the couple, whether as one component of a legal marriage, or a symbolic union that signifies “a commitment as long as love lasts”.

Neo-paganism isn’t the only culture that has considered the concept of trail marriages. One that’s highly contested is the muslim Mu’Tah. In order to remain in religious accordance, muslims can enter into a trial marriage with the permission of their parents or guardians as a contract. This not only allows them to cohabitate and date in the traditional western sense, but acts as a respected union. Once the trial period is over, the couple can chose to remain married or go their separate ways.

Wait, aren’t we doing that already?

Absolutely! Couples who live together before getting married are essentially testing their relationship to determine if they are, in fact, compatible.

It’s religion and societal influence, however, that is forcing couples into traditional marriage instead of cohabitation or trial marriages. Couples who move in together are sometimes seen as “living in sin”, while those young and naive newlyweds are perfectly in accordance with religious law—simply because they were joined in holy matrimony. Yet it’s those same young newlyweds who haven’t fully tested their relationship that end up in unhealthy relationships that often lead to divorce.

Trial marriages and cohabitation may be the answer for a growing divorce rate. Realistically, challenging the societal norm of marriage may actually reduce the pressure on couples who are in unhappy or unhealthy relationships. Straying from the norm when it comes to relationships may mean that more people may actually have a chance to stay together, or get out before it’s too late.

About Ashley Madison

With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier married dating site. Download the affair app, and get started today!

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How To Prep For A First Date

Ashley — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 13:59:06 +0000

First dates can be nerve wracking.

While some dates are doomed to fail before they even begin, there are some simple things that you can do to prepare for your first meeting with your potential paramour.

Ensuring comfortable atmosphere, keeping up casual conversation, and maintaining that aura of effortless calm seems like the kind of advice you can never actually use in real life. These so-called tips are right up there with “just be yourself.” When someone says that, it makes it virtually impossible to actually just be yourself because you’re thinking too hard about who you even are!

Well, we’re here to turn that trite advice into actionable tips that actually make you and your date comfortable.

Pick the right spot
According to psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania, people know within the first three seconds whether or not they would like to sleep with their date partner, but moving successfully forward after those first three seconds requires clearly understanding the chemistry between the two of you. The atmosphere is important, and the type of experience you choose can determine how easy it is to get to know someone.

Dinner and drinks is the obvious go-to, but if you’re looking to give them a night they won’t forget, consider a more interactive event such as hiking or taking a course together. In environments where you’re moving around a lot, you have more opportunities and excuses to touch them and gauge their reaction to the closeness of your bodies.

Don’t limit yourself to one place, however. If you’ve decided to play it safe and met at a coffee shop, suggest a walk, or head out for some drinks so that you can can continue to build that intimacy.

Be bold and confident
This doesn’t mean booking a hotel room in advance, but take the opportunity to get close to them, ask questions about themselves and their life, and make moves to consciously flirt. If there are body language cues, such as touching, laughing, and angling their body towards you then they’re flirting back with you, and that’s your signal to go in for the kiss.

If the chemistry is there, if you’ve both talked and laughed all night long, then be bold and go in for it. You never know where an innocent kiss could lead.

Be attentive
Listen, smile, ask questions. Show that you’re interested in what they’re saying, even if they’ve gotten lost explaining the intricacies of setting up a server or defining the case law they referred to in their last case.

Don’t, however, let your date become ruled by questions. It should never feel like a job interview or game of 20 questions. Conversation should flow naturally from one topic to another if you’re hitting it off.

Sometimes, however, conversation may be lacking but the physical chemistry is clearly there. Recognize that for what it is and don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ve started a new relationship when in fact you’ve just found a willing booty call. That can be great too, but not if you’re looking for more.

Ignore the three day rule
This rule must have been created in Victorian times, because at what other time has society been so demure about relationships? In fact, Statistic Brain reports that if a man hasn’t called within 24 hours after a first date, then there’s only a 12% chance that he will actually call. (An AOL survey reports that 91% of men will call within three days if they actually like you.) What are you waiting for? Call or message them to clearly show your interest before they move on to the date.

Unless, of course, they’re married. Then message them discreetly through AshleyMadison.com.

About Ashley Madison

AshleyMadison.com is the original online destination for people in sexless marriages and the global leader for extramarital affairs and open marriages. With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier married dating website.

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Monogamy Around the World

Ashley — Thu, 11 Aug 2016 15:00:03 +0000

Monogamy isn’t for everyone. In France, Germany, Denmark, Finland, and Italy, relationships aren’t inherently expected to be between one man and one woman for the rest of their lives, and these cultures often have a more lax view of sexuality and relationships. In North America, however, the societal pressure surrounding monogamy is strong.

Global Concepts of Monogamy

According to data from a Durex study, 63% of French people believe that you can love someone without remaining monogamous, while 50% of men admit to straying from their primary relationship in search of casual connections or long-term relationships. They even call them “simultaneous multi-partnerships.”

In Germany, 60% of people interviewed said that sex with multiple partners is morally acceptable. German women are more open to straying from their primary relationship, with 43% of women surveyed saying that they have had sex with someone other than their partner.

Meanwhile, in Finland, they don’t often use words like “infidelity” because they are open to the concept of parallel relationships. The idea is that they are free to pursue relationships outside of their marriage ranging from short-lived holiday connections to lengthy trysts. However, marriage in Nordic cultures is cherished and the family unit is held in high esteem, meaning that couples can have both as long as their family thrives.

Meanwhile, the Dutch don’t have such a heavy focus on the traditional family structure. The societal pressure for a nuclear family with a white picket fence, dog, and 2.5 kids that many of us feel simply doesn’t exist in the Netherlands. This makes relationships more fluid. Gay marriage, relationships with multiple partners such as polyamory, and even ageing and remaining single are all accepted.

Sex and intimate relations in Japan are often separated from marriage, from geisha culture and the openness of pornography in public places—enjoyed by both men and women. Meanwhile, over 50% of Italian men admitted to passionate affairs outside of their marriage, yet the divorce rate is the lowest in the world at 11%.

According to the 2007 book Lust in Translation, an “afternoon nap” in Indonesia simply means a no-strings attached pairing, while a short affair is referred to as a “wonderful interval,” while in Nigeria these affairs are called “sexual networking.”

In the west, the perception is a little different:

On the other hand, American and British culture dictates that promiscuity and having multiple partners is looked down upon. This societal prudishness results in public figures being outed for having these connections, shamed into apology, and often removed from their public posts. Widespread judgement of other people’s sexual behaviour results in sex being regarded as shameful, especially for people with multiple partners.

Trust is key in relationships:

The real tragedy in these situations, and the reason behind much of society’s distaste towards these dalliances, is the breach of trust that comes as a result of these trysts. The partner feels betrayed because of excuses, lies, and the deception that went into the affair, which can lead to the relationship breaking down.

The open love and sex-for-pleasure concepts embraced by other countries are not new ones, but successful polyamorous relationships teach us is that in order for a relationship to continue to work, communication needs to be present. The negative connotation of infidelity is eliminated with open relationships, polyamory, parallel relationships, or “wonderful intervals.” Whatever you want to call it, if you and your partner establish boundaries and clearly communicate your needs, a sexual dalliance will be just that—and not a life-shattering event.

Pleasure is allowed, and sex is pleasure.

Once you’ve established the trust of your partner, laid the ground rules, and developed an open and honest understanding of what each are expecting, seeking some extra-marital love can be an exciting and rewarding experience. Whether you’re adding a third to your relationship (or fourth, or fifth) or have discussed an open relationship with your partner, searching for that person still requires discretion so that your single friends aren’t stumbling across your profile.

At Ashley Madison, we understand that your moments of pleasure, acceptance, and love are for your information only. Which is why discretion is so important. Until society accepts the concept of sex for pleasure separate from the vows of marriage, your privacy is paramount to a successful tryst and to the longevity of your relationship.

About Ashley Madison

With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for married dating. Download one of our mobile affair apps and see for yourself!

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Rules For Texting In A Modern Age

Ashley — Wed, 15 Jun 2016 16:48:06 +0000

No one can deny that texting is a core part not just of dating or relationships, but of our everyday lives. The convenience of being able to talk to someone without having to call or retrieve messages is a hallmark of communication in the modern age. It does not come without its pitfalls, however. Texting is an incredible thing—take into consideration that it doesn’t hurt quite as much if you’re rejected over text message or it isn’t as nerve-wracking to ask someone out on a date. The biggest problem when it comes to text messaging someone is that it’s very hard to read someone’s tone. Sometimes you can come across as sarcastic without meaning to or you can sound too harsh. A lot of people rely on emoticons or “…” to help with tone, but that can make you sound hesitant or insincere. Using these sparingly is fine, but use them too much and you risk sounding like a teenage girl.

Texting is becoming more and more common when it comes to setting up dates. This is particularly true for online dating and affair apps. Texting is simple, efficient and cuts out a lot of potential awkwardness. You can also text anywhere, anytime without the worry of being caught. It’s much easier to be subtle about the fact that you’re texting someone than to be subtle about a phone call. For all your boss knows, you’re running the numbers and not asking someone for their number.

We don’t recommend that you set the first date over text, however, unless you met online. It can be harder to get that certain spark that makes someone look forward to a date through a text. If you did meet online, make sure to ask for that first date before you get into a texting habit and lose the momentum of meeting someone new. No one wants a pen pal who has no intention of meeting up.

One key play when it comes to texting that you need to take note of is if you’re caught in traffic and are going to be a bit late, text them to let them know. You can also send out a text earlier that day or the night before just confirming that you can’t wait for your date later on.

When it comes to dating, texting is probably going to be a staple of your communication. You’re not going to be able to be online all the time to talk to your partner through instant messengers and texting is a discreet way to keep in contact. Everyone is on their phones these days so it doesn’t sound strange for you to pull out your phone to check a text. One thing you want to keep in mind, however, is that your texting will leave records behind. You want to make sure that you clear all of your texts with your partner regularly so that someone glancing at your phone won’t be able to see your intimate exchanges. You’re also going to want to make sure that you change the settings on your phone so it doesn’t save who you’ve frequently contacted.

If you have a date with someone, you’re not going to want to wait the three days to contact them that people used to advise in order to not seem desperate. If you wait three days, you’ve already lost your chance. No one has the time to wait that long anymore, and even if they did there’s nothing that shows a lack of interest more than taking way too long to get back to somebody. A recent survey by LoveGeist found that most people tend to get back to someone about a day and a half after they’ve had their first date. So don’t dawdle.

You don’t have to message them the same night and honestly, we wouldn’t recommend that for you, since it can come off as a bit desperate. Only do this if you’re positive that it went incredibly well or your date texts you first.

On that note, here are some things that you never want to do over text.

1. Cancel dates over text. The only time it’s acceptable to cancel a date over text is if you’ve already tried to call them and couldn’t reach them.

2. Fight over text. Fighting is hard and it becomes even more difficult when you can’t really read the tone of the person that you’re fighting with. In order to avoid this, just pick up the phone to call someone if you think things are going to end up in a fight. Better yet, tell them that you’re going to talk about it later. There’s nothing satisfying about a text fight and they tend to last longer than face-to-face arguments.

3. Break up with someone or end an affair over text. This is only acceptable if you’re on a strict NSA relationship and all you have between you is sex. Anything more and you’d better be picking up your phone. The only thing more cowardly than breaking up over text is breaking up over email. Just don’t.

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Online Dating Is The Best Kind Of Dating

Ashley — Thu, 12 May 2016 13:41:00 +0000

There are still people who will just turn their nose up at the idea of online dating. People who’ve been a part of the online dating scene know better, but for anyone who still might be unsure as to whether online dating is a viable way to date, then here’s a wake-up call. People who avoid online dating are the same as people who avoid using the major social media networks—including those used by top employers for recruiting. By opting out of even giving online dating a try, you’re leaving yourself on the sidelines of the way the world is going.

We’re constantly getting more and more overscheduled, so things need to be faster and more convenient—dating is following this trend. According to recent statistics on online dating in the United States, 74% of current singles have tried online dating. That is not a fad or something that will change within the next couple years, but instead shows a new way of interacting and finding people for a romantic relationship.

The advancement of technology and the growing interconnectivity of people all over the world makes distance less of a problem than it was before. We are spending more time on computers and our phones, clocking our memories into social networking sites rather than diaries and scrapbooks, and with the convenience of online dating, it is becoming a more popular method for people to meet each other.

It is easier to make that connection online before meeting up in person, and because we’re able to talk to people through our phones and through online dating sites easily, we’re not wasting as much time trolling bars or attending mixers.

A few years ago, the idea of going online to make a profile was something that was shameful. But now there are so many people who are turning to online dating in order to meet people that the stigma has evaporated, particularly for the younger generation. Now with the lines between dating websites and social networking sites being blurred so heavily that sometimes it’s hard to be sure where one ends and the other begins, people are using technology to find a person who’s right for them.

This is why many divorce cases that are going to court right now are starting to use Facebook as evidence. Why go out of your way to start an affair at work when you can do so from your Facebook profile, right?

Well aside from Facebook being incredibly indiscreet and easy to get caught on, nothing.

If you’re looking for discretion, then online dating websites are a great tool. You need to make sure that the site isn’t connected to any public profiles and before you sign up, but the convenience of online dating websites can’t be argued against when it comes to discreet relationships. Without needing to vary anything in your routine you can sign up for AshleyMadison.com and instantly be connected to millions of people just like you worldwide.

The dating game has changed, and if you’re not evolving with the game then you’re getting left behind. People in bars tend to have their guard up, while online they’re more comfortable and at ease. Play your cards right and you’ll be able strike up a conversation with a few clicks of a button.

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How To Face The Big Changes In Your Life

Ashley — Thu, 21 Apr 2016 14:20:23 +0000

There is an old saying about adversity making us stronger. Despite this, the majority of us tend to avoid anything that will disrupt our routine. From something as simple as our train being delayed or being caught in a traffic jam to a marriage slowly fraying at the edges, we tend not to welcome change unless it is a change that we want such as things that will better our status in life or changes that we have long been working toward.

Unfortunately, the majority of the change that we deal with has nothing to do with these pleasant alternatives. However, once the change starts happening, there are options and only you can decide how you react to said change. This is how you take control of your life and the way you react to challenges and adversity says a lot about your character.

We’re currently in an age where people are more educated than ever before and we have unprecedented access to information on any topic we want. We can self-diagnose our ailments online, we can teach ourselves new skills via YouTube videos, and we are more connected to each other through social media and technology. The brain simply cannot process all the information that it is bombarded with constantly so when you’re faced with the tough choices, like how to save your marriage or whether or not you should have an extramarital affair, you need to know how to process everything that’s going through your head.

We all know how to obtain information, but very few of us have mastered the technique of filtering it so that only the relevant information is left. So when you’re faced with a tough decision, you’re going to want to do the following:

DO take your time
You don’t always have all the time you would like to figure something out. Sometimes there are deadlines or situations that make it impossible to take as much time as you would want, but if you have time to think over what you’re going to do, then take it. Don’t rush into situations or decisions as that’s when we tend to make the biggest mistakes.

DON’T rely only on the advice of others
When it comes to these big life decisions, you are the one who has to live with the consequences, so while it’s a good thing to talk to your friends about the issues that you’re having or to go online to see what other people are saying, you need to make these decisions on your own. You are the only person who is close enough to the situation to have a really good idea of what is good for you and what is not. Advice from people who are close to you can help you think clearly about what you’re going to do—but you don’t have to do exactly as they say.

DO run a couple of scenarios through your head
The more planned out your course of action, the better you will be able to see your plan through. Make sure that you don’t rely on one master plan, since life doesn’t tend to be so neat and tidy, and people who only make one plan can find it unraveling quickly when something unexpected pops up. Be aware of all the variables in your situation and make sure you have a plan B (and C, D, E, and so on).

DON’T be afraid of change
It’s this fear that can end up paralyzing us from taking any significant action. There may be a promotion, but the workload scares you. You may want to start a new relationship, but are afraid of getting hurt. If you plan carefully enough there’s little that will be able to get in your way. It’s the fear of change that can keep us standing still until we begin to stagnate, so make sure that you’re not making your choices out of fear. Change is frightening, but it’s also the only way that we’re able to move forward and grow in life.

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3 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Hit On Someone While They’re Working

Ashley — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 19:52:39 +0000

Have you ever noticed how nice people are when they’re working? There are a few exceptions of course, but they smile more easily and respond better to your comments than they would when you’re at a bar. You might, thinking about things this way, decide that hitting on someone while they’re at work would be the best way to go about finding a date. Who could blame you after all? That woman was so kind when she rang up your order and you felt like you were getting all the right signals. The guy was so friendly when he helped you find just the right wine to go with your salmon.

So why did she shy away when you asked her for her number? Why didn’t he call when you slyly left your digits on your receipt?

You weren’t taking a key factor into consideration when you were working through your equation and that’s the fact that these people are at work.

It’s rare to have any kind of people-facing job that doesn’t involve some form of customer service or catering to the needs of a client. People who are friendly while at work may not be so friendly outside of it simply because they know who they need to be when they step out in front of people. This is especially true for any of us who work in retail or who are constantly dealing with customers face-to-face. Generally being pleasant and attentive to a customer works wonders to diffuse a situation that could have become nasty or even prevent it from happening in the first place.

This means that you could find yourself hitting on someone who is working, but does not want to be hit on for the following reasons:

1) Being hit on at work is awkward because there’s nowhere for the employee to go. They are paid to stand there and listen to your concerns and they need to stay where they are to assist other customers. So while you might think that the woman you’ve been hitting on is staying because she desperately wants to talk to you, it’s more likely that she’s being friendly because that’s a part of her job.

2) It puts the employee in the awkward position of either offending you or lying to you. Telling a girl that she’s pretty may be a compliment that she genuinely appreciates, but if you go beyond that she is either going to have to continue being friendly in order to spare your ego and the potential sale or risk offending you. There are people who will lodge complaints against an employee when they are offended (even if it’s because they were being inappropriate), so it’s necessary to be careful. This is true even if you’re talking to a customer support person on the phone. While it’s nice to be thanked for doing a good job, it becomes very awkward when you tell someone that their voice is sexy or ask if they’re married.

3) They’ve heard it all before. Think of all the people that someone who is in retail or customer service deals with on a regular basis. Out of them, some people are going to hit on the women they find attractive whether it’s inappropriate or not. So if you’re telling someone that they’re beautiful or that their voice is sexy, they’ve heard it before. Sure, the hottie with the beard who fixed your computer is a hero and you’d like to thank him for it, but think about how exhausting it is to have to be nice to strangers all day—and then have to kindly turn down their advances.

Just start a conversation instead. Don’t sexualize the conversation or talk about looks, as that can get creepy fast. There is a chance that some people will want to date you even if they met you in their workplace, but if this is the only time that you’re going to be seeing them or talking to them, we’d say give it a pass. You don’t know the person well enough to read any signals and rather than making their day, there’s a strong chance that you’ll end up making them feel uncomfortable.

Of course, you could always peruse Ashley Madison to find open-minded people who are looking for extramarital affairs that take their breath away.

About Ashley Madison

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Fostering Trust Among Partners

Ashley — Sun, 28 Feb 2016 19:04:55 +0000

The importance of trust when it comes to a relationship cannot be overstated. This isn’t something that people would think that would come into play too often when having a more casual or discreet relationship, but at its most basic level, it is something that people need to pay attention to. You want to make sure that you come across as someone who is attentive and trustworthy. While there are some people who would claim that these traits aren’t needed when someone is only interested in something casual, we’ve found it to be quite the opposite. Not only will being these traits allow you to find someone much more easily, but it’s going to make all of your relationships easier.

When there is trust, even a basic form of trust between partners, then you’re going to have a much easier time. The two of you are both aware that you are for the most part strangers, and yet you are able to foster a trust so long as you play your cards right. This will make your partnerships better—not just inside the bedroom, but also outside. The more that you trust each other, the more comfortable that the both of you will be.

So what can you do to foster a simple trust?

1) Keep your word.
If you say that you’re going to do something then do it. The person who keeps bailing on dates or who doesn’t message when they say they’re going to message is sending a very clear signal that they can’t be trusted to keep their word. While it may not be a message that all of us understand consciously, our brain is trained to pick up on these little signals and help us to process the world. This is the simplest thing that you can do the foster trust and many of us falter right at the gate by not knowing our limits.

2) Know your limits.
Don’t promise that you’re going to be around later that night if it’s going to be a hectic struggle. Don’t overestimate yourself and think that you’ll be able to cram more into a day than you’re actually going to be able to. It’s a lack of knowledge of their own limits that’s a stumbling block for many people who are trying to juggle multiple relationships. We tend to have an idealized view of what we’re able to take on and in doing so, we fall short of these expectations quite a bit.

3) Don’t promise too much.
This might sound like the easiest thing, but it’s one of the hardest. We’re so used to throwing out promises that we don’t even know that we’re making them half the time. Most of the time, other people don’t notice that we’re making them either, so we can keep getting away with making promises that we don’t keep. When you’re in a casual relationship though, or any married dating situation, the promises you make carry more weight and you want to make sure that you’re not promising that more than you can deliver.

All three of these steps tie into each other and you’re going to find that by fulfilling one, you’re unconsciously fulfilling another. Being more careful about the promises that we make isn’t just good practice for casual dating, but also within all our relationships, with our kids, coworkers, friends. While it can be difficult at the beginning, being more conscious about all the small promises you make will help to stop you from breaking the trust of the people whom you care about.

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4 Ways To Be More Confident

Ashley — Fri, 22 Jan 2016 18:05:01 +0000

The mind is a powerful thing. People tell you to visualize what you want and you’ll get it, but we can recognize it takes a bit more than that. One thing that is true, however, is that the mind is where your confidence comes from. Everyone likes confidence. Confidence is something that both women and men find attractive, so if you want to up your online dating game, then you’re going to need to be confident.

This can be hard sometimes, since a lack of connection can make us so desperate for connection, and overcoming our own insecurities as we step into the digital realm to open ourselves up to strangers can be hard.

There are a few simple ways to keep your confidence up without having to change much about yourself. You want to make sure you don’t err on the side of arrogance, but we can all find ourselves feeling better simply by changing the way that we think. Remember that higher levels of confidence have a correlation with ease of obtaining sex, so follow these steps and you should be good.

1) Eyes on the prize.
If you want something, you not only want to keep an eye on what you’re doing, but have a game plan in mind. You want to make sure that you’re not looking at your efforts as impossible, but as positive steps toward what you want, whether it’s a new relationship or a job. Confidence won’t come if you’re constantly undercutting yourself.

2) Be humble in a smart way.
You don’t need to proclaim that you’re the best in the universe, but by keeping things simple, you can sound like you are anyway. If you can talk confidently about what you know or what you’re looking for without boasting, you’re going to sound a hell of a lot better than someone who needs to remind their potential partner that they’ve got a big penis all the time. You don’t need to constantly call attention to your assets, have confidence that your paramour will notice them.

3) Failure is not something to be afraid of.
We all fail sometimes. We all have trouble and need to fix the things that we’re doing, but if you can turn your failure into a learning experience then you’re already doing better than most of us. You can be confident even if you fail and take your lesson in stride. The most important thing to remember, especially if you’re talking about sex and relationships, is that failures are only good for you if you learn from your mistakes.

4) Visualize rather than daydream.
Daydreaming is a wonderful thing, but it doesn’t get anything done. When you’re visualizing, there’s a purpose to what you’re doing and you’ll find that you’re able to make it so that you come up with plans to make things better than they are. If you want to have an exciting new relationship, visualize the affair and how you plan to make it happen. If you just daydream about the connection you want to have, either nothing’s going to happen or it won’t happen the way you want to. Good things take work and rarely fall into your lap even if your confidence level is high.

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Tips For The Perfect Online Dating First Message

Ashley — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 14:33:19 +0000

So you chose the perfect profile picture (public or private, whichever suits your needs), have a great username, and found someone who sparks your interest. Great! Now, not to put too much pressure on you, but this is where many people get tripped up.

The first message stops a lot of conversations before they even start. Here are some things you can do to keep them from hitting the delete button.

Have a point and get to it. QUICKLY.

We live in a world where we are overloaded with tons of information and we have the attention spans of goldfish. This is especially relevant for online dating. Simply saying “Hello” will not be enough to get their attention; it’s vague, impersonal, and doesn’t initiate a conversation. Let them know why you messaged them, or tell them a bit about what you’re looking for.

Now, this does not mean you should say, “You have a great body, wanna meet?” While that does get right to the point, it can also be considered offensive and might get you blocked right away. Read the person’s profile to get an idea of the temperature. If her username is more suggestive, or she explicitly states she is looking for casual sex, your message can reflect that. If not, save the spicier stuff for later on.

Example 1 : Hey there! Liked what I read here and saw you like Game of Thrones. Red Wedding… W.T.F!!!?? If you haven’t seen it, you need to go home and watch it immediately!

Example 2: Hi! I read through your profile and I have to say, only my college English teacher made more use of the Oxford comma than you. My name is Alex. Grammar snob at your service!

It’s ok to bring the cheese, sometimes.

Everyone likes to feel special, but there’s a fine line between cute, flattering cheese and over-the-top, insincere fromage. If done well, you’ll showcase your sense of humor and your tender side. That’s a lethal combo! But tread carefully, because the line between cute and romantic to creepy and needy is very, very thin.

Example 1: You owe me a dollar because your profile melted my heart like a chocolate bar in my pocket on a hot summer’s day.

Example 2: How does it feel to be the most beautiful person here?

Or just tell a joke:

Example 3: How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool. I promise I’m not always this cheesy, but I’ll always keep trying to put a smile on that beautiful face!

Look for common interests.

You’ll probably see a huge number of people who like the same stuff as you. Great! Right? Right! But you don’t want to be an overzealous fan. It’s fantastic if you find a person who likes the same weird things you do, but don’t overdo it here. Simple acknowledgments can go a long way. Common interests are a good way to break the ice and also show that if you do end up on a date you won’t have to endure awkward silence for an hour and a half.

Example 1: Hey there. I’m Ashley. Totally dug the profile, you seem cool. Gotta say, hiking Half Rim was such an escape for me. How did your hike go? Let’s chat sometime.

Example 2: Hi! I noticed that we share a love of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants! (not really). =) But seriously, we seem to like a lot of the same movies/beers/things/ etc. Maybe we should share a beer/thing sometime?

Be natural and poke fun; don’t be creepy or needy, and be concise. Most importantly, have fun! If you sound fun in your message, they’ll be more likely to think you’re fun IRL.

Now that you’ve been schooled in the best kinds of first messages, let’s get started! Head on over to Ashley Madison to find your next potential partner and send them an opening line that truly wows them.

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*Based on the number of members who have joined since 2002

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Member Letter: “My Phone Was Destroying My Relationship”

Ashley — Tue, 20 Oct 2015 13:38:56 +0000

We regularly look to our members to share their anonymous confessions. Whether they’re sexy rendezvous, success stories, or relationship musings like the one below, we want to hear what’s affecting you and your relationships. Read below as one of our members comes to the realization that she’s sabotaging her relationship, and think about sending us your anonymous confession at social@ashleymadison.com.

I always panic when I get caught not listening to someone. I should have been paying attention, but instead I’ve been messing around on my phone. It’s a bad habit that we’ve all most likely been guilty of at one time or another; scrolling through Twitter, constantly checking emails, and replying to messages from friends while trying to keep up with group chats. My phone just constantly calls for my attention, it’s constant blinking and vibrating makes it hard to not reach for it.

Maybe if I check it often enough I’ll be able to pull even more of that feeling of being instantly connected to someone.

I’ve been thinking lately about how much I use my phone and saw a call for anonymous submissions. Maybe this is a confession? Does this count as a confession?

It doesn’t have any of the sexy details that a confession should have but I’ve sinned in my relationships—except my biggest infidelity lies in my constant attention to my phone.

It’s started causing problems in my relationships though, because at dinner or cuddling on the sofa I should be paying attention, but instead I’m constantly searching for a deeper connection. Despite being surrounded by people, I’m glued to my phone. Bombarded by the stimulation that it’s glowing screen provides keeps me entertained, keeps me constantly connected to the world at large, and without that constant stimulation I feel lost.

Obviously the phone is only a signal for a bigger issue in my relationships, and the more I think about it the more I worry. Is my smartphone making me more stressed? Is it making me less connected rather than more connected? Is it bad that I would rather spend time texting multiple people than actually spending time face-to-face with someone?

All signs point to yes and I just wish that I could get all of the benefits of smartphones without any of the negatives. That’s not how life works but I can wish it anyway.

Everything that I’ve wanted can be found in a combination of having a husband and a boyfriend. My husband knows that I’m seeing someone on the side and we’ve talked about it. For us Ashley Madison was a saving grace. When our marriage was losing its spark we turned to each other and decided that having an open marriage was the best way for us to stay together, open and honest instead of having an affair. For the first time in probably 10 years, I feel completely fulfilled.

So why am I still so connected to my smartphone if I’m happy in my relationships?

It has become a safety blanket for me. I can look at my smartphone to let someone know that I’m not interested when they approach me on the subway. I can stay in touch with my friends no matter what time of the day it is. I can never be bored. The downside? My husband gets neglected at the dinner table when my phone inevitably buzzes. My boyfriend is annoyed when I tell him “I just need to send this one last message.” I know it bothers them, and it would probably bother me too, but it’s such an addiction for me.

This is the power of the smartphone, but if it’s damaging my relationships, then I need to take a step back to look at my habits. Tossing my phone away isn’t an option. Just like laptops and the internet, smartphones are a part of our lives, for better or worse.

But my phone was destroying my relationship. My husband stopped trying to make plans with me, and I have this feeling that my boyfriend is going to start seeing other people.

I just need to pay more attention and be more mindful. In any kind of relationship, a little attention can make people feel good.

It’s time to put the affair apps away.

About Ashley Madison

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The Five Killer Mistakes Men Make on Ashley Madison

Ashley — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 18:25:24 +0000

Online dating can be a minefield to navigate. What should your username be? What do you say on your profile? How do you word your first message? Unfortunately, married dating online isn’t like meeting someone at a bar. You can’t just walk up and say “hi” and let the conversation progress from there, and people have a lot more to consider when deciding whether or not to respond to you.

Figuring out what you’re doing wrong and immediately correcting those mistakes means that you have the potential for a much better success rate than if you’ve been making these mistakes. While there are a number of mistakes that women can make when trying to date online, we’ve noticed that men often struggle with the following five areas.

1. Your Profile

Don’t:

Have a boring, average profile!

Women see tons of profiles, and many of them are either mostly blank or full of cliché answers. You have to put some real effort into your profile to make it stand out in the crowd.

Crafting a unique, well-thought-out profile will instantly give you an advantage over 90% of the other men on Ashley Madison.

Do:

Create an interesting/different profile with some humor.

Be sure not to have anything negative in your profile. Example: Don’t talk about how much you hate your job, or how unhappy you are in your life. That will give the impression that you are on the website because of desperation and also make you sound extremely needy and clingy. Keep it fresh, funny, and sexy.

2. Choose Your Pictures Carefully

Do:

Have a good, recent photo!

Try a head and shoulders shot and smiling to begin with, whether you want the picture to be public or private. Pick only your best shots; quality is better than quantity.

Don’t:

Send pictures of your junk in your first message. In case you’re unaware, women are rarely excited by unsolicited penis. Save those for when the conversation progresses in a sexy manner.

3. Manage Your Expectations

Don’t:

Place too high a value on a potential date! This is another common mistake when first starting out.

Your mind plays tricks on you and you can put the other person on a pedestal before even meeting her, especially if you haven’t had a date for a while. Remain focused, but also remember that you haven’t even met her yet.

Also, don’t wait too long to meet! The longer you leave it before you meet, the less likely it is to happen. Forget about emailing for months and getting all worked up over email. As soon as possible, we suggest within the first two weeks, meet for a casual coffee and a chat to see if you like each other. If she doesn’t agree to meet, move on and don’t linger on that rejection. As they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

This will save you a lot of time, energy, and disappointment.

Do:

Treat every potential date as an opportunity for her to impress you as much as you want to impress her, and see if you’re interested in her. But don’t expect to meet the perfect person on a first date. Manage your expectations and you’ll never be disappointed, yet sometimes pleasantly surprised!

4. Plan the Date

Don’t:

Let her choose the location.

This is more important than it sounds. Women like to be led by a decisive married man. So suggest the place, time and date. If she can’t make it when you suggest, reschedule to suit her … within reason. She will get the impression you are not timid and are comfortable making decisions.

Do:

Make the first date during a week night. This will suggest you have a life and are busy on the weekend. Whether or not this is true, show some confidence in your decision and leave her with the impression that your social calendar is actually quite full. Letting the possible partner know that you have a life outside of just trying to find dates will make them aware of your current commitments with family and friends.

Once you’re on the date, be relaxed! Don’t mention your obligations or that you haven’t been dating for a long time. Just have some fun, talk, and let yourself be happy in the moment.

5. Stick to Your Home Location (or Traveling Location)

Don’t:

Message interstate and overseas members!

It’s tempting to do but is a complete waste of your time, energy and focus. Unless you are planning to be in that particular city or state for work, don’t bother trying to build something that in reality will never happen.

Unless you are rich and have a lot of spare time to visit your new paramour, don’t bother with interstate and overseas profiles. Think about this realistically: what are the odds of you two ever actually connecting?

Do:

Only focus on and contact women in your immediate area, or by using our Traveling Man feature to find someone in your vacation or business destination. Keep it within a 50 mile radius from your home, if possible. This will keep your expenses and travel time down.

Avoiding these five mistakes will save you a lot of time, money, and energy with online dating. This will prevent you from quitting before you get the results you desire and deserve. Whether you’re interested in infidelity or adultery – the Ashley Madison community might be just for you!

Most of all, have fun!

About Ashley Madison

Ashley Madison operates in 47 countries, and has attracted more than 50 million members since launch. It’s quite likely the largest married dating website this side of Venus, and a great place to meet married women!

Ashley Madison is owned and operated by ruby, the world’s largest open-minded relationship company. Download one of our our affair dating apps today!

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Kink Talk: Submissives in BDSM

Ashley — Sun, 05 Jan 2014 19:14:39 +0000

There are myths about the BDSM submissive which are as prevalent as the general myths surrounding BDSM. We’ve heard them all before, the idea that everyone who is into BDSM has a dungeon full of whips and chains, but that’s not true at all. A submissive isn’t one specific type of person. To be submissive, you don’t need to like pain (although there are submissives who do) and they don’t always need to perform elaborate rites of submission in order to prove their devotion to their partners.

Being a submissive means you feel a strong need to belong to someone, which is something that many of us feel if we’re going to be honest. Submissives just take it to a another level when it comes to the way they are with their Dominants and Masters. When you’re looking into to becoming or finding a submissive, it’s easy to get caught up in the current hype. Everyone wants Fifty Shades of Grey without doing a bit more reading on the lifestyle. You want to learn as much as you can and not because there’s going to be a test at the end, but because those who are truly into BDSM know it’s so much more than a moody guy in a tie. You’re going to want to know what you’re getting into.

As a submissive, you can be pushed to your emotional and physical limits and you need to have at least an idea of what those limits are. A good Dominant isn’t going to force you to do anything you truly don’t want to do and they’ll respect you. It’s easier if you know some limits before you start—and remember, these can change and evolve with the relationship over time. Even for those who practice degradation and humiliation, there is a deep undercurrent of both respect and trust between the Master or Dom and their submissive. If your partner is submissive, you need to make sure that you’re treating them properly. Part of the role of the Dominant is taking care of their submissive, so throw away any idea of someone who is doing everything for you and that you can just disregard.

Dominants and Masters are very in tune with the needs of their submissives as they are trusting their Dom or Master enough to submit to them in the first place. It’s not something that can be taken lightly. There are responsibilities to both parties and it is important that both of you understand what you are doing to avoid miscommunication.

Respect your submissives and they will respect you. You can’t demand respect simply because the other person is a submissive.

Submissives show their devotion in many different ways. There are some who act out through insubordination—and take the punishment they earn, there are some who show their undying devotion, and some who serve in silent obedience. What type of submissive you are is a process of self-discovery and you can’t let anyone rush you through that or try to take it away from you.

As a submissive you have rights and an great amount of power. You should also have a safe word. If you ever meet a Dominant who doesn’t want to use a safe word at least in the beginning, then you might want to question your involvement with them simply because the safe word is one of the key ways for submissives to protect themselves as trust is built. They are able to stop any session or scene with a single word and any Dominant or Master who won’t respect that most likely won’t be able to respect your other boundaries.

Remember that BDSM isn’t something that you just pick up and then put down if you’re looking to do it seriously. It’s a lifestyle and just like most people wouldn’t pick up and move across the country without looking into where they were going, you want to make sure that you’re not going into the lifestyle without the necessary roadmap and well-planned route.

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Casual Dating – The Final Guide

Ashley — Fri, 13 Dec 2013 13:57:21 +0000

Casual relationships are not a new idea. In fact, the idea of casual dating has been around for a long time simply under different names. Friends with benefits, no strings attached, and even sex buddies fall under the large umbrella of casual relationships. Friends with benefits, however, is probably considered closest to a casual relationship as these relationships are meant to emulate romantic relationships without requiring the commitment of traditional romantic relationships.

The beauty of casual dating is that it doesn’t need to culminate in sex—although most of these relationships are at least on the level of near-sexual. However, there is a lot less pressure far away from the social constraints that come with traditional dating. Casual dating is something which affords both participants more control in a sense. No longer bound by the expectations that have been drilled into our brains by romantic comedies and romance novels, casual dating allows people who are interested in each other to spend time without having to promise eternity in a day.

Casual dating allows a person to have an emotional relationship with someone who is not an official significant other while also having complete control of how far that relationship goes. There is an understanding from both parties at the outset that the relationship is meant to be a casual one without demands. This does not mean, however, that casual dating falls solely in the realm of no strings attached relationships either.

The problem with equating casual dating with casual sexual relationships is that both of the latter focus highly on sex, whereas casual dating can (and often does) contain a strong emotional attachment. This emotional attachment, however, does not become the ball and chain of traditional dating. While sex definitely can be included in casual dating, there is an emotional and supportive underpinning which at its core. Casual dating allows you to get to know someone, to become friends with them while still having sexual needs fulfilled, and without having to worry about things getting messy.

Casual dating can be monogamous, but doesn’t have to be. This goes without saying for those who are seeing multiple people, but even for those who are unattached there is no commitment to monogamy unless both parties are interested in such a relationship. There is an innate honesty and understanding which comes along with casual dating. While sex may or may not be on the table, the idea of having an emotional or romantic need fulfilled is implicit.

To be with a lover without needing them to be your partner can feel liberating. This is particularly true if you wish to experiment with romantic and/or emotional needs which have gone unfulfilled. There is a whole wide world of sensations, feelings, and attractions out there and by keeping the dating casual while seeing multiple people ,you are able to learn more about yourself. That’s what casual dating comes down to in the end—your needs.

The idea that love, affection, and romance are all altars that you must sacrifice yourself upon should be buried in a world that has come to understand that our physical, mental, and emotional well-being are integral to not only our own happiness, but the happiness of those around us. By being selfish enough to care for yourself, you are more likely to be able to take care of others.

The lack of commitment demanded by casual dating also lowers the amount of stress that each participant endures as they are not required to make explanations for their behaviour or to change their schedule around to fit another person. Add in some mind-blowing sex along with fun afternoons of bowling or watching super hero movies, and it becomes hard to understand why you’re not dating casually yet.

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The History of Open Marriages and Connections

Ashley — Wed, 30 Oct 2013 13:45:57 +0000

If you’ve made it to Ashley Madison, you’re probably familiar with the idea of modern or non-traditional relationships.

That may mean an affair, an open relationship, polyamory, or another open-minded connection.

What is the definition of monogamy

Monogamy is a societal construct restricting relationships to two people for a long-term union, taking no other sexual partners. Although monogamy is the norm for many and is required by numerous religions, non-monogamy actually comes naturally to many of us.

The idea of modern or non-traditional relationships has been sweeping society and popular culture as of late, but it’s not a new trend. Open relationships, polyamory, and open-minded connections date far back in history and might even be part of our DNA.

In fact, some researchers believe humans are biologically non-monogamous. A study published in Nature Communications found that as hunter-gatherers, tribe relationships were so focused on reproduction that stronger males regularly mated with many females.

Tribe relationships were inherently non-monogamous

The tribe necessity was to reproduce as much as possible to grow their extended family. A larger tribe was more effective in defending itself against neighbouring tribes, hunting, and created more social opportunities for fun, pleasure and connection.

According to research collected in a Psychology Today article, in countries outside of Western society, 85% allowed men to marry multiple wives, and evidence of polyandry (where women married many men) has been found in up to 50 different societies.

In a tribal society, the idea of a family unit was much larger than the nuclear family concept of today. Every adult had the responsibility of taking care of children, and every male had the responsibility in protecting the tribe. Emotional bonds were formed with numerous members of the tribe, whether they were reproducing or not.

The downside of these arrangements was an abundance of sexually transmitted diseases. The impact on fertility became a risk to reproduction and humans started taking only one partner to reduce this risk. (It’s a good thing we have tools that can now prevent the spread of STIs … )

The science of monogamy

In order to understand how monogamy came about, scientists have looked to the animal kingdom to compare humans interest in forming single-partner bonds.

While birds such as swans often pair up, less than 3% of mammals do. Dolphins, bees, and monkeys can all be found to be rather promiscuous. Whether they’re seeking sexual activity for fun like dolphins, or solely for reproduction, the concept of one sole partner is rare in the natural world.

A study out of the University College of London revealed that, in mammals, the prime reason that monogamy developed in animals was to prevent infanticide by males. This killing off of newborns resulted in males sticking around to protect their offspring, and this key aspect of protection has extended to humans.

Fast forward to the present

We now have the resources to protect our children (if we decide to have them…) and to ensure that we aren’t catching STIs from multiple partners. More and more, relationships as we know it, are taking on a more open-minded, modern twist.

Families are becoming as diverse as the population itself, with open marriages and other more flexible arrangements gaining popularity and acceptance.

Since social views on monogamy are still evolving—friends, family, or colleagues don’t need to know if you’re discreetly looking for multiple partners. On Ashley Madison, your privacy is secure so that you can explore open-minded relationships without judgement.

About Ashley Madison

With more than 54 million member accounts worldwide since 2002, Ashley Madison is the premier destination for married dating. Download one of our married dating apps and see for yourself!

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The Worst Online Dating Usernames

Ashley — Thu, 12 Sep 2013 20:24:49 +0000

Your username is your first “Hello!” to the online dating world, your one chance to make a great first impression—but not every entrance is elegant. When choosing the perfect username, there are a vast number of things to consider.

The New York Daily News found research that shows that shorter names were more successful for 79% of women, while 69% of men with shorter names found more online success. Meanwhile, The Daily Mail reported that ‘unattractive’ names can get up to 102% less message reads and profile views.

With that in mind, here are some of the worst usernames we’ve ever come across online. A word of advice: If you see yours on this list, change it. Now. You’re not attracting anyone with a cringe-worthy username.

tamponNinja

Eww. Ew. Ew. We think this is trying to capitalize on Christian Grey’s success, but this is definitely fifty shades of no.

Lend_a_hand

Do you need help moving or are you looking for a date? Are you the lender or borrower in this situation? Either way this deal sounds a bit one-sided … and creepy.

DeezNutz5151

It’s fine if you’re looking for somebody to help you with those “nutz”, but that shouldn’t be your opener. Spelling and grammar also make a big difference when it comes to getting a reply, so keep that in mind.

IWontMurderYou

Now the only thing the person on the other side of the computer screen will be able to think about is how you are absolutely going to murder them. Not the best way to start a conversation.

needylovergirl

It’s one thing to cast a wide net and keep an open mind. It’s quite another to have no standards whatsoever—and announce that to the world.

HotGirl

Yes, this person sounds very relatable and intelligent. Let’s have a rousing discussion about current events, shall we?

MassivePen1s

The online equivalent of announcing your salary every time you go out to eat. If you have to explicitly state it, it probably isn’t true.

couchpotato85

Netflix and chill appeals to everyone, but you don’t want to sound like you’re constantly lazy and looking for someone to pick misplaced chip crumbs out of your hair.

Big_Slacker420

See above.

“I_NEED_A_GIRL”

Desperation isn’t a good look for anyone. You need to know your own value if you expect someone else to.

1greatdad69

Sure, he might be a great dad. Sure, he might have been born in 1969. Sure, he might like the innuendo 69. However, in no world should “69″ ever follow the word “dad.” No no no no no.

Honorable mentions: CamelToeJockey, poundTown13, ISwallowAllDayLong, and ShartasticX.

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Blog :: Ashley Madison®

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