ashlingfall.blog - Art and Illustrations by Thea Chow

Bouncing back...and upcoming plans!

2009-10-28T14:34:00.003-04:00

Hi all! You may have notice that I had a huge rant about being sick, and took it down. I did it because I have been trying to keep my writing more concise on this blog. Also, I feel like I was whining.

But the point I made was simple: I got really sick because I haven't been eating or sleeping properly. So I have decided that from now on I am going to put my health on top priority, even if it means it will take me a bit longer to reach my goals.

Right now, I am still sick. Which sucks. But I am getting organized for the next couple of months, and am extraordinarily excited!

Dream Game

First off, our assignments are changing from weeklies to more project-based, which means more time for creativity and awesomeness! I hope to be especially devoted to my production project: developing my "dream game" complete with concept designs, plot, the "world" etc.

NANOWRIMO

This ties in to something I've wanted to do for a while, and will actually take the plunge to do so this November: NANOWRIMO! For those who are not familiar with this event, it is short for: National Novel Writing Month. It's a non profit organization that's been running for a few years. Each November, writers and aspiring authors set a personal goal to complete a 50,000 word novel within 30 days. If you make it, you don't really get anything besides a "winner" title. It's not a contest, but something you do for yourself. A sort of marathon for writers.

So I'll be participating in that. Even if I don't manage to "win," I know it's better to have tried than not at all. And I look at this as an opportunity to develop my story...which will tie back into the art I'm doing for school.

Drawing and drawing and so on

So all of that don't sound like much, but by the end of the year, it should form fertile ground for lots more drawings and paintings. (especially with the dream game assignment.) When the time comes, I will see what direction I am headed. I suspect I will start thinking about portfolio/demo reel/graduation.

Meanwhile, I am going to concentrate on getting better so I can start those plans =)

Woodsgirl - sketch

2009-10-14T18:56:00.002-04:00

Just an idea, not much of a story behind her.

3D - Animation - The Balloon Tree

2009-10-12T20:21:00.004-04:00

Ironically, I had an easier time animating than dealing with composition and camera moves -_- gah!!!

If I have to change it I would fix up the beginning segment, make the foreground less distracting, and eliminate that weird pan. etc etc.

But, t'was fun...to a certain extent XD

Butterfly Trail - Final

2009-10-10T22:55:00.004-04:00

This is as far as I took the painting. The changes are subtle: refined the face and colors a bit more, cleaned up the outfit so it's not as shreddy. (like storyteller had pointed out in her comment XD) There are some exciting projects coming up that require concept designs. I am curious to see what I am able to come up with at this stage.

School's been kicking my ass for the past couple of weeks. (I have a feeling this isn't the first time I've posted that sentiment, more like the 1000th time) But, in a painfully masochistic way, I am happy. I want to get better.

Journal No. 01 - I can't draw

2009-10-06T16:28:00.003-04:00

This may sound silly, but today I suddenly realise that I can't draw very well. But that's ok! See, I have been looking at it the wrong way and frustrating myself. I have lots of trouble maintaining a sketchbook and have always felt that I wasn't as good or passionate as the artists who are able to fill up books upon books with doodles and sketches. I have often doubted my abilities because I think I'm capable of better work when I am painting, as opposed to drawing. And it baffled me because I felt that painting was a natural "next step" - something you master after you have gotten good at drawing.

It seems, though, that that is not the case. Maybe I got that impression ingrained into my mind because most of the painters I admire can draw amazingly. But today, as I was sketching away and getting frustrated at my line work, I realise that my approach was merely backwards. Most people I know start out drawing with pencil and paper, but from what I can remember, my first few art pieces (the ones that I actually liked) were all paintings. I am a color-pusher and I love the feeling of broad strokes paint being manipulated and shaped into form. Because of that, I never properly trained myself in line. I have relied all too heavily on color and a bit of tone to define form. When I do draw, I tend to scribble and cross hatch, in what I believe is a subconscious attempt to recreate the "space" that paint offers.

So after that DOH! moment, I realise that I need to start practicing "real" drawing so I don't need to be afraid of lines anymore, nor get frustrated and doubt my abilities to improve. Of course, there are many other areas I need to work on, and even painting is a series of constant realisations for me (the more I paint, the more I find out just how much more I have to learn.) But I know that drawing/linework is one of my weakest areas, and so I must bring it up to par.

I know the way I write may sound like I think I'm a special case, but that's not true. It's a personal lightbulb moment for me, but I'm sure many artists start out the same way (paint first, line later.) I think every artist starts out differently, but in the end we all need to improve the same set of tools as we strive for constant growth.

Butterfly Trail WIP

2009-10-01T13:09:00.004-04:00

So after a sleepless night, I'm early for an update, YAR! lots to fix here, as you can see. I may redo it, tweak it, or start on a new painting. I have learned much from this piece despite its unrefined state.

More newbie 3D models

2009-09-28T23:25:00.003-04:00

The ruins are part of an animation assignment, so I still need to refine the set and build some trees/bushes/skies.

I am slowly wrestling my time under control. My sleeping schedule screwed up, I wasn't able to cook everyday, and my face was breaking out *sniffles* =( but that was last week. It will take some adjustments but I need to find a way to integrate digital paintings and life drawings back into my life. There is a life drawing marathon this weekend so I may go to that....depending on the work load.

Rambling done! And -barely- made my update deadline. I feel like I'm cheating when I update with 3D work, because my intention is to have new paintings every time. But I'm doing my best. =)

A Magic Box

2009-09-20T18:06:00.003-04:00

Yeeaaww box! exciting, I know =P

Probably the first and last time I'll get to paint a texture without any photo elements edited into it. It seems that textures in 3D are expected to be as realistic as possible, unless it's stylized. For our next assignment we will need to use photos of actual textures and edit/tweak it to suit our needs. I don't think I will mind it too much, seeing as it involves photoshop and my beloved tablet...and some painting...which is more than what I get to do in the other classes. =)

First 3D model

2009-09-16T18:50:00.004-04:00

The anatomy is incomplete, and the colors make my eyes bleed. But, this assignment was really good for me in terms of getting comfortable with the program.

(Ok I lie. HARDCORE STRUGGLES! >_< ZORZ!)

We had only basic shapes and a limited set of tools/modifiers (bend, twist, rotate, scale, etc) to model a character and a piece of their environment. I'm struggling with learning 3D, and can only hope that I will get the hang of it soon. Some of my classmates came up with really amazing pieces, which is inspiring for me.

I hope in a few months I can look back at this post (laugh at my n00bness) and see my progress =)

Face Study

2009-09-12T20:30:00.007-04:00

An idea for either Huojin or Sho's face, this is just the beginning. Depending on where this character goes, they will have different expressions than this deadpan.

Wow, I can't believe I made the deadline I set myself for this week. I know a face is not much, but baby steps! I had classes all week and man, it's intense! I love it! I'm so fired up and inspired right now. I'm going to push myself this year. That, and I want to do more paintings like my last one, as well as continue my story. It's going to be craaazy!

=D

Have a great weekend! <3

Jayden - Monochrome Version

2009-09-07T22:25:00.005-04:00

This is as good as it's gonna get by tomorrow, with classes starting and all. I will go back to this character for sure, but not sure if I will continue this painting. I know it can be a lot better, but I feel like it did what it was meant to do. (namely, get me familiar with his character, and his outfit! I will add and change a few things, right now it's still not 100%) So we shall see what happens! I'm excited about working on more paintings! =)

Jayden WIP

2009-09-05T21:07:00.005-04:00

I wanted to finish this today, but it looks like it will be a while longer. I used reference for the face, since I need the practice, but I'm designing the outfit =) and it will be a full body pose. After I half-assed the "Sho" character in terms of painting/design, I want to see how far I can go if I focus on a character and try to flesh it out to the best of my abilities.

Jayden is one of my main characters. I won't be writing much about him because I'm still thinking things through. But I have to say, he is pretty special to me because he came from a collab (or collabs) that storyteller and I did a couple of years ago =) Back then there was a duo called Jayden and Connor. I've always wanted to develop Jayden (partly because I really like the name! lol) and I'm glad he found a place in my story. I even tried changing the name to something else when I was making this particular character, but in the end, "Jayden" just...fit.

Final Summer Food Post! Sushi Day!

2009-09-04T21:04:00.004-04:00

Towards the end of summer, I cooked more Asian food. Sushi is something I would not normally make, because it's a pain: way too much prep work and not enough variety (I don't trust myself with handling raw octopus or red snapper.) But my friend and I got together one day and decided to give salmon a go. It turned out to be a fun, mellow day of sushi making, and of course my favourite thing to do in the whole wide world: sushi eating! (aka. stuffing-face-with-sushi) I had fun with plating it as well, especially the wasabi/soy sauce dish =)

Behind the scenes:

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And here are some soups and misc dishes I made. I especially like the Halwa right here in the first pic. One of my friends made it for a potluck once and I feel in love with the taste. It's an Indian dessert. My take on it is not as authentic, but it was sweet and went well with some black tea. Mmmmmm...

Seasoned Tomato Salmon with Avacado on Rice:

Chinese Tofu Chicken Soup:

Rosemary Bread:

Potato Leek Soup:

Miso Soup:

Asian-style Corn Soup:

Stir Fried Chicken with Vietnamese Dipping Sauce:

The sauce was kinda a fail. But I shall try again one day. >_<

And that brings me to the end of summer, and leisure cooking. I hope to continue these food posts occasionally (if I have time to cook,) but it won't be a priority. Art is! GAH! back to drawing =D

Sho at a cave pool

2009-09-03T22:06:00.006-04:00

I've been dragging my heels on this one for too long, so I put some final touches and decided to call it a day. It can be a lot better, but I would like to move on for now.

This is a hidden pool that few know of, and fewer able to successfully get to. It's high up in the mountains, and the water contains a precious mineral that is said to have special properties.

Sho is one of the fastest runners in the city. When he was three, he had an encounter which left him with a double curse: he lost his arms and his voice. His memory of that day is vague. Nonetheless, his speed and discretion makes him highly sought after for special deliveries, and *ahem* information gathering. When he has down time, Sho travels far and wide for clues to his past, and a way to undo the curses. In this painting, he had just arrived to investigate the pool.

EDIT: I guess losing his arms AND voice is a bit far fetched. Poor boy. I'll have to think through his character a bit more XD

Huojin

2009-09-02T22:13:00.003-04:00

The mysterious leader of a certain sect in the lower city. He is a skilled swordsman, and has a collection of blades and other sharp metal things from the Old Era. Not much is known about his motives or origins. He is quite charismatic despite his mellow nature, and is often exasperated by his peers' attempts to elevate him to godhood.

Alice Rose

2009-09-02T20:29:00.002-04:00

Seen here at a dress fitting, Alice is an eccentric, self-proclaimed fashionista and all around busybody from Bellam Court. Currently resides with the inner circle of nobility. Past time? hosting tea parties in her mansion (a gift from a former lover) and dropping random things out the window whenever someone is walking by.

Site Status

2009-08-13T16:29:00.003-04:00

Welcome to a new look! I'm slowly making changes here and there so it may be a bit messy for a while. The links on top are mostly empty, ready to be filled with upcoming art work. For all my old work, I have linked them under "Oldies" on the left sidebar.

Stay tuned for new content! =)

The Last Reflection - Letting go of Fear

2009-08-07T13:08:00.007-04:00

Recently I have re-watched the original Star Wars movies, and delved a bit into fanfiction. I know it's very geeky of me to say, but I've always found the philosophies of the jedi quite fascinating. In a way, it parallels much of the life philosophies that we learn in real, well, real life. There are a few phrases that have stuck with me over the years, and now reemerge as food for thought.

A jedi is always in motion.

Do or do not, there is no try.
Try or try not, do not waver. (slightly contradictory but it sounds good lol)
Choose or choose not, never defer to others.

Emotion is not to be suppressed.
Emotion is not to be embraced.
Emotion is to be refined.

Become free of fear. Do not let what you fear dictate what you can or cannot do. To be free one must become strong. Strength in heart, mind, and body. It is not an end of fear, but it is a big step. After strength will come the ability to know when to surrender. But always, always be moving.

The last part I have added on my own. And suddenly, everything became clear to me. As an artist, as a friend, as a daughter, as a lover, as someone who is ambitious yet falls prey to procrastination, I have struggled with doubts and fear in all of those roles. Constant thoughts and counter thoughts, action and self sabotage, moving, then stopping again due to fear.

And that is what it comes down to. Fear.

Even now, the biggest looming issue in my mind is such: I have one more year left, and then it's do or die. If I do not succeed in this year, I would have wasted years of my life pursuing art, and I will just fade away in some low-paying job struggling to draw on the side, and then, failing. This is one of my biggest fears. And in thinking so, the pressure has increased tenfold. I am driven harder to sketch and draw, but I torture myself with thoughts of failure.

I'm not saying that this is an excuse to just take it easy, but I think it's time I learn to let go of these fears. Simply put, with a bit of perspective, I realise that even if I do not succeed in a year, I will in two, and if not in two, then surely in five, and along the way I will continue to grow and my interests will evolve and my knowledge and character will deepen. My life will not end in one year when I graduate, the way I keep thinking it may. I will live, and keep moving towards my goals even if it takes me a bit longer. Even if there are problems I forsee if I don't reach my goals, I believe there is always a way, and I will cross the bridge when I reach it. I must focus on the Now.

And then, the rest is faith.

Simply put, this is the culmination of all my thoughts and worries over the past two years. I'm sure I'm not the first, nor the last to come to this conclusion. But here I am. I want to become a stronger person, and a stronger artist. Strength in body, mind, art, and strength of character, these are the things I want to develop. And I will not give myself a time limit, and then beat myself up for not achieving everything I want to. I can only do the best I can and let the wind take me where it will. Without the constraints of time, brought on by fear, I may be able to do more and reach higher even if there is failure along the way.

I have noticed that if I do my best in any endeavors, even if it does not work out, I feel at peace and willing to let go and try again. It is when I don't do my best and then I fail, that I face self-blame and guilt.

I feel like I have been paralyzed/frozen all summer long, and perhaps even before then, but now I have reached the thawing point.

This will be the last reflection I post on this blog, at least until the next crossroad I reach in art (hopefully that will be when I graduate.) Now that I have sorted this out in my mind, there is no more room for doubts, or words of uncertainty, complaints, or fear. I suppose when I feel down I will refer back to this post, and I hope it will help anyone else who might have been dealing with similar feelings.

Stay Strong. Keep Moving. Be Fearless. Be a Good Person. Know where you are going. And Have Faith in yourself. But most importantly, even if you fail in all of those, don't be afraid to get back up again. Even if you have made lots of mistakes, it's never too late to start making things right.

Green Person Creature Thing - WIP

2009-07-25T22:55:00.003-04:00

I wanted to make more progress today, but this is as far as I can get. (which is nowhere...it's the bare bones of the idea I have in my mind.) I'm working on the lake as well...the creature will be part of that illustration. Still a long way to go! =)

Lake - WIP

2009-07-24T21:32:00.001-04:00

sloooooow progress...I hope this will turn out well. =)

Various Pasta and Rice Dishes

2009-07-14T21:52:00.006-04:00

Chicken in White Sauce. I wanted to make an Alfredo Sauce, but I'm not a huge fan of heavy cream or cheese, and had neither at the time. It turned out well, obviously not as rich, but still tasty =)

Curry Chicken. mmmmm I love curry. My family doesn't like spicy foods so I rarely get to make them, but I was feeling rebellious that day =)

Meatballs with Veggies in Marinara Sauce.

Sweet Potato Ground Beef Casserole. Had to add some random spinach and almond to balance out the meal. =P

I find it sad how I don't really know how to cook Asian foods. I still haven't mastered the art of the stir fry, and the various Asian sauces and dips continue to elude me. Must work on that.

Salmon, Soup, Salad, Fish

2009-07-07T11:02:00.009-04:00

Made this for KP. Balsamic glazed salmon on bed of rice. I am so in love with salmon. But who isn't?

Another family dinner. Lentil and wild rice soup with vegetables.

With some spinach and apple salad on the side. And homemade bread sticks.

A honey cinnamon biscuit topped with some apples and brown sugar.

Easiest meal right here. Simple steamed tilapia with soy sauce and topped with some green onions.

Food is kinda art...I think

2009-07-02T14:23:00.004-04:00

I cooked for my family on father's day. This is chicken in tomato sauce with linguine.

Sweet Potato soup. Also part of the father's day meal. I made the vegetable stock myself =) so everything is fresh and healthy!

Honey Glazed Meatloaf (kinda fell apart so it's more pieces than a loaf lol) Some spinach and carrots with honey dijon mustard on the side.

Braised Chicken Asian-style (eat with rice)

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Well here's what I've been doing whilst not drawing. I pretty much spent a few weeks cooking and taking random pictures of random things. I reread my last couple of posts, and I'm frustrated by how wishy washy I sound on this blog. I guess it's a bit unprofessional of me to appear so unfocused. I know I complain a lot about having "slumps" in drawing, but in reality...I really like doing it, and I want to improve just as much as anyone else. I still don't know if I can commit, but I think through exploring other hobbies, I am starting to miss drawing again. So that's a good sign.

I had a dream

2009-06-16T11:59:00.004-04:00

In it, I heard a voice:

"It's time you start committing to drawing. Are you truly serious? If not, let it go..."

And then I woke up. It haunted me for days because I've always thought that I AM committed to drawing. After 4 years of art school, and numerous art projects before that, and spending day after day in the studio....how can I not be? But at the same time, how do I go days without drawing, and still be alive? Where is the passion? The drive? Why does it hit me so inconsistently. And then, I realize that this has nothing to do with passion....it is because Drawing and I, we are just having numerous one night stands. It's fun, we flirt around and hang out and occasionally kiss, but only in our spare time...at our own convenience. Drawing and I, we're not committed. The status of my love life in career is really...single.

I enjoy the freedom being single gives. I enjoy perusing whatever strikes my interest...chasing after all the shiny, pretty choices available to me, but never settling on one. Because I know that if I commit myself to one relationship, it will tie me down, force me to work and nurture it, and there will be bad times as well as the happy times. There is no instant gratification. So really, I am single, and I am playing with Drawing, and leading it on.

It's time to decide if I want to commit and enter into a real relationship with it. I don't have the answer right now. I've been going through self-doubts, and questioning my interest and devotion to Drawing. Maybe I am better suited to other forms of art: like my first love, Writing, or Fashion, or Photography. But I don't feel ready to give up the feeling of joy when inspiration hits and all I want to do is paint beautiful scenes with vivid colors.

One thing I do know, no matter what I end up doing, I will always be an "artist." I can no longer see the world without getting shivers over a soft gentle sunset or waxing poetic about the sound of raindrops on the roof while curled up in an old attic. It's always been a part of me, and so it shall remain. But do I continue my fling with Drawing? Do I commit to it, or do I let it go so that something better will come along? I will make the decision soon.

I'm sorry for the lack of updates over the past month. I have been taking the time to relax and just enjoy the sun (when it's not raining, that is -_-) and since I haven't done any drawing in that month, I only have these words to share.

Change of plans - cancelling AN

2009-05-17T13:23:00.002-04:00

Wow, I feel so silly lol. But basically due to some unforeseen circumstances, I won't be attending the comic market at Animenorth this weekend. I feel that I should make a note here as a follow up to my previous post. It's disappointing, but all is well. I am taking a brief break to relax and gather inspiration, and then I will be back with renewed enthusiasm and new artwork. =)