Deborah E answers the question, "Hi. I am a college student, aged 20 yrs, and a lady. I am in relationship. Ok, to what extent should we go with my boyfriend and how frequent shall we spend time and during those times spent together, what shall we do?"

XXX

          

Deborah E answers the question, "What if you think it is time to give up a talent and just call it quits because no one knows about the talent?"

XXX

          

Deborah E answers the question, "I have this really cool boyfriend. We have been going out for two weeks now. We've been friends for, like, 10 yrs. Everything was really cool for the first week, but now he isn't calling. Oh, he did have this girlfriend for 3 yrs and I think he might be calling her."

I'm sorry to be the one who tells you this, but sweetie, he simply isn't that into you!

If your boyfriend has been dating another girl for 3 yrs, great! He is the committed type. But, wait, he is probably still committed... committed to the ex-girlfriend.

Here is my advice. Set him loose. You do the loosening, in a kind, but direct way. That way, if he is into you, he may come back, because of how you handled the situation confidently and without all the weepies (you can do that behind the scenes). But, don't get your hopes up. Go find a honey that can love you, and only you.

          

Deborah E answers the question, "I am extremely depressed and I have hurt my family and friends to the point that they wont talk to me anymore, I could even lose my job because of it? How can I fix things?"

I'm sorry that you have had such a difficult time. I understand that it is not only the pain the you are feeling but the circumstances that you feel you may have caused by your pain. The whole thing can seem overwhelming.

First, let's get the reality part out of the way. I'm sure that you probably already know this, but it isn't going to be solved overnight. It took steps to get where you are at now and it will take steps to get back to a more comfortable place.

If your family has never been supportive and has been any portion of the cause of your depression, then we don't want to rely on them to be where you feel you need them to be for you. However, if they have simply reached a spot where they no longer know how to help you and

          

Deborah E answers the question, "My aunt keeps posting insults on my facebook, referring to my boyfriend. I don't know why she has to be so judgmental. And why does she have to post it on my Facebook wall? Oooh, she makes me sooooo mad. What should I do to stop her?"

That is a difficult situation and I understand your frustration.

First, I assume you have already done this, but just in case, have you tried talking to your aunt, either by telephone or, at the least my message? Obviously, we all believe the "right answer" is to try to talk face-to-face, then telephone or skype, and finally, email, IM, or message, but sometimes that does not work or we end up talking AT each other instead of listening and trying to resolve the issue.

If either one of you is not fully interested in resolving the conflict and really protecting the relationship,

          

Deborah E answers the question, "We are not happy any time we meet under one roof so what do we do?"

It is hard when people are not happy meeting under the same roof. It makes it very difficult, especially when you really care about someone, love someone, and want things to be better. Sometimes even civility and polite behavior would be an improvement over the circumstances you are currently experiencing. But, then, there are times when seemingly kind behavior is only a mask that covers something even more devious and ugly beneath it and one can find themselves not only unhappy in the current environment, but days, weeks, months later, as they process possible negativity that they have experienced.

We don't want to start off assuming that it is anyone's fault, as all of us could use some improving, couldn't we? However, regardless of whose fault it is, or whose fault it is not, you need to examine what you need, can live with, and cannot live without.

          

Deborah E answers the question, "We live together with our two month old son though we are yet to get married. My boyfriend is a serial cheater and this hurts me a lot. I am tired, frustrated, depressed, and want to walk out of the relationship. Please provide advice to me on this."

I feel for you and the pain that you must be going through. It appears you have invested a lot into this relationship and probably are a woman with a high capacity to love and to hope. These are excellent qualities to have, so pat yourself on the back for your perseverance.

Judging from your use of the word, "serial," it appears that possibly your boyfriend is not taking steps to correct the behavior. Possibly he does not view that it is wrong, or he does not feel that it merits the amount of effort to change it. If he is truly trying to change (i.e. seeking a counselor, finding an accountability method, etc.), then this would be a different story. However, I am operating from the assumption that there are no real efforts or desires to change the behavior and that is why you used the word, "serial."

          

Deborah E answers the question, "I want to reduce all of my negative thoughts and want an adviser where i can talk all of my problems. I need more time and if i get any response then i can tell all of my problems."

I am glad to hear that you want to reduce your negative thoughts. Sometimes that is a lot harder than it seems. Also, it is much easier to think positive thoughts than to try not to think negative thoughts. In other words, fill that cup with the positive so the negative is replaced with that positive thinking.

It seems as if you may be tiring of talking out the problems with no feedback. Sometimes it is difficult when we meet with a counselor or adviser because we feel like we have to talk and talk and talk to explain where we are coming from, just to get to the point where the real issues lie, the "heart of the issue." We invest so much time into the telling of our story and feel that we are not getting enough of a response or feedback to feel better and get those positive thoughts growing. Finding that good "fit" as far as counselor or adviser is similar to the amount of effort and work it takes to find that one mate for life. That is a lot of work!

          

Deborah E answers the question, "How do I overcome abuse, in general?"

First, we need to determine if it is overcoming current abuse or past abuse. If it is current abuse, there is really no getting over it until you remove yourself from the abuse. If it is obviously abuse, you need to get out! If it is not abuse, but uncomfortable, then we would need to consider coping methods in dealing with the less-than-ideal situation.

I have a feeling you are referring to exactly what you said here, abuse.

Overcoming abuse is a process. It does not happen overnight. At first, when one discovers that they are free from abuse, and at a point where they are free to recover, the desire is to instantly feel better (common to us, as humans), and to have clarity on what we are

          

Deborah E answers the question, "What is a relationship?"

According to dictionary.com relationship means "a connection, association, or involvement" and "connection between persons" and "an emotional or other connection between people."

As far as defining the relationship further, we need to get the generalities out of the way. Are we talking about a relationship between father and son, mother and daughter, teacher and student, or boyfriend and girlfriend? These relationships have similarities and they have differences.

For example, if we are discussing teacher and student, we would not talk about intimacy issues, similar to what would be discussed with a

          

Deborah E answers the question, "hi, ma'am. I love one girl, she was working in my company. I love her from my heart. We enjoy every moment. One day her friend told she was date with other friend. He is from 1000km away. I ask her about it. She told it's my life's bad moment. i moved with him and stay 4 days but she told nothing happen between us. I forgive her and I told her, "I am with you forget all else." After some days she start avoiding me. My question is why she start avoiding me, even when I help her with money and I give her everything? Why she did like?"

The reality is that love cannot be purchased. Granted, all relationships, to some extent, involve a "master transaction" or transactions. In more common and acceptable terms, "give and take." One would hope that these transactions, are done out of love for one another, a deep love. It appears that you are motivated by your deep love for this girl and that is highly commendable. However, if this girl does not feel the same kind of love for you, that you find for her, then she may not feel the passion that would motivate her to be kind to you.

There are other motivations for participating in the "give and take" beyond deep love, even if that is the preferred motivation. There is also obligation. For example, a couple may marry because one person has more money than the other, but it is possible that the other person feels obligated to treat the first person kindly in order to retain the position of being married (and having access to the money).

          

Deborah E answers the question, "I recently dumped my boyfriend. We were together for more than a year but we're just 16 so it was probably not "love." Anyhow, I dumped him because I thought that I was over him but now I feel very lonely and I feel very guilty, too! What do I do?"

Break-ups are always painful, even if you break-up for all of the right reasons and know, 100%, that you did the right thing by breaking up. The challenge when you are the "dumpee" (person being dumped) is a feeling of what-can-I-do-to-get-em-back. The challenge when you are the dumper (person doing the dumping) is was-that-really-the-right-thing-to-do.

I would not criticize you or claim that it was not "love" solely based on your age. It is true that you have not lived on this earth as many years as some of us, and your wisdom, let alone common sense, is still growing, but that is true of all of us. We are continually on an improvement path, a path of deeper understanding and wisdom (IF we allow ourselves to be).

          

Deborah E answers the question, "Kindly tell me, When will my second marriage problem be resolved? Is it near or do I still wait longer? Thanks."

I commend you for your effort in relationships. Your mention of this being your second marriage shows that you are not afraid of entering into relationships.

You use the word, "When" versus "How" which is a focus on a timeline, almost an endurance of this marriage rather than a focus on the steps that it takes to resolve the issues that plague it. It appears that you are attempting to endure the relationship so that you do not call it "quits" before it is time, causing people to think that you have not put your best effort forth.

==> Sidebar: Someone once told me that all divorces have a portion of responsibility on both sides. There is no such thing as 100% fault

          

Deborah E answers the question, "I'd like to know more about persuasive speech of boy-girl relationships."

Persuasive speech for relationships. The first thought that comes to mind is, for what purpose? I know it doesn't sound like that should matter. After all, you are asking how to do something.

The reason that it matters is because you have to look at the end result of your efforts to succeed with persuasive speech in a relationship. When persuasive speech is used in a seminar, or for a sales pitch, the end result is to sell the product (or speaker, or book, etc.). People hearing the persuasive speech expect to be "sold" and if they feel that things were not completely straight-up, they realize that it was a "sales pitch."

          

Deborah E answers the question, "My husband does not buy anything for me, not even clothes, but I always buy for him."

It is very nice of you to show your love for your husband by buying things for him. Hopefully, he appreciates it and realizes that you are showing your love for him.

Notwithstanding ulterior motives and manipulations and the like, the giving of gifts generally demonstrates love, however, the converse is not necessarily true. The lack of giving gifts is not a demonstration of a lack of love. That said, it would remain obvious that if someone does not love someone else, they are unlikely to give gifts.

Gary Chapman teaches the "5 Love Languages." One of these languages is gift giving. People demonstrate their love via the top one or

          

Deborah E answers the question, "I want to chat with lady for free. I have no money to be a member of a site where I have to login."

That is a tricky question as there are so many different ways to meet men and women.

You referenced web sites and looking for a free online source. Realize that you do "get what you pay for," so a free online service may not be the quality (i.e. screening, etc.) that you are looking for, in a service. Also, it may not provide the matching metrics needed to find someone who is compatible. eHarmony is a service that brags about their scientific approach to finding someone who is a good compatibility match for each person, based on their profile. However, I realize that eHarmony is a not a free service.

          

Deborah E answers the question, "I had a breakup with my boyfriend. He has moved on but I haven't. I loved him very much but I fear that I will never fall in love again. There is another guy in my life now. He loves me but I don't know what i feel. How do I cope up with my feelings?"

Interesting thing about relationships. It is easy for those of us who are not a part of the broken relationship to say, "Oh, you broke up, did you?" We see the relationship that existed yesterday doesn't exist today. It is binary. It is a radio button. It is on, then it is off, like a light switch.

In reality, life is not like that at all. We humans have feelings and those feelings don't turn off like that light switch. Sometimes they linger for a little while, sometimes they linger for a lifetime. Those of us who have lived many years past the first relationships do not necessarily stop loving that person, but it becomes a perspective thing. Those first relationships and loved ones may continue to hold a special spot in our hearts and our memories as we remember, with fondness, the time that we had with them. That is not wrong, it is a part of the wonderful capacity that we have to love. However, we do need to be concerned if it interferes with our ability to grow or impedes us moving forward in life.