ASKJDOG Datacenter Server

Months ago I decided it was time to move all my websites to a new state of the art server. With all my personal and client sites, this is a LOT of websites, and a big job.

Everything runs on content managers, and databases these days, so you don’t just copy the files, and re-upload them to the new server. There’s a lot of database work involved, especially to keep the sites current with the latest technologies.

So to cut a long story short I’m about half way through moving the sites. Recently I moved the old Arizona PUA Lair website, and gave it a revamp in the process. That was about a 40-50 hour process as there were some database issues.

My idea (for now) for http://ArizonaPUA.com is primarily the Discussion Forum for local Arizona guys to meet, but it in fact used by people all over the world, with almost 20,000 posts about dating, and pickup. The main website was actually the very first PUA Magazine styled website, and has been running since 2004. It was outdated, and difficult to navigate, so I gave it a fresh, albeit tabloidesque feel.

For ASKJDOG, I also want to modify it a little, but for right now I’m in the process of backing up, and transferring to the new server.

I just felt I should give all the regular readers an update as to why things have slowed down here lately.

I have also been taking on fewer and fewer coaching clients, while I refocus my career in Engineering. I love teaching and helping deserving men with their dating lives, but I also really miss using my brain for engineering in the corporate work environment.

All the best,
Justin.

Related posts:

1. Welcome To The New ASKJDOG Website

You meet a girl you really like… she’s attracted to you… You start to hit it off, and it’s certain you’ll be seeing her again.

Awesome!

Now what do you do?

Here’s the thing… most guys are so focused on just getting the date, they don’t bother to learn anything about how to give a woman pleasure, or how to be a masterful lover.

And I’m not just talking about rapport or vibing or what to do on a 2nd date… I’m talking about creating a powerful, exciting sexual relationship with a woman.

I’m talking wild-screaming orgasms and rip-up the sheets wake the neighbors sex.

Let’s not kid ourselves here… Men want to be with women because we want to enjoy wild-sexy-fun with them.

But here’s something most guys don’t understand, or don’t believe…

WOMEN WANT HOT SEX!

And I’ve got news for you, women WANT it too. In fact, they want it even more than you.

But they have been trained by society to never act on these desires because they will be labeled a slut.

You have to know women want sex and know it’s your job to get her to open up and let her wild sexual side come out to play.

BE THE LOVER SHE NEVER FORGETS

There is one man who has made it his life’s work to teach men and couples how to have wildly exciting relationships. His name is David Shade, and he shows men the secrets of how to be the kind of lover women NEVER forget.

His methods are lethally effective. In fact, he warns men to be sure and ‘choose wisely’ because the women will become ADDICTED to the pleasure you give them.

He has a new book out called:

“the Secrets of Female Sexuality:

I highly recommend you grab a copy, it’s a book all men should read.

And, I recommend you get it on Wednesday October 7, because David is having a special celebration for the new book.

Buy it on that day and you’ll get access to over $300 in bonus gifts from some of the top dating & relationships experts.

Also, if you buy it today, you’ll have a chance to win copies of David’s other products.

He will be picking winners every hour from 10 AM to 6 PM Eastern from those who buy the book and register for the bonuses.

Full details and a list of all the bonus goodies are here:

http://bit.ly/wsRA5

Sincerely,

Justin “JDOG”

P.S. No matter how wild your fantasies are about women… David has done them in real life. Using his methods you can get your woman to do ANYTHING you desire in the bedroom.

P.P.S. The book is only $13.58 and you get over $300 worth of bonus goodies. It’s a helluva deal. But only on Wednesday October 7.

Related posts:

1. How to get a woman to be very naughty with you

I’m going to tell you about why you should want to pay VERY close attention to a man who can teach you about how to give your women Incredible Pleasure.

The man is David Shade. He teaches men how to give women mind-blowing sexual experiences in the bedroom way beyond anything she has ever experienced with any other guy.

As David likes to say “You’ll ruin it for every other guy”.

But first, I need to warn you of 2 important things.

1. David’s methods only work for women you plan to see more than once or twice. This isn’t about one-night-stands.

2. You can create a stalker. This is not a joke. When women get a taste of this kind of PLEASURE, they become addicted to it. As David likes to say “Choose wisely”.

So, just what kind of ’secrets’ will you discover? Here’s one of my favorites. It’s a simple formula for a man to get anything he wants from a woman.

Are you ready? Here it is…

Focus on giving your woman pleasure, instead of ‘getting’ something from her. Make sure you know for a fact she’s having real honest to goodness knee-buckling multiple orgasms!

When you do this…

SHE WILL WANT TO RECIPROCATE!

She will go out of her way to make sure you are the happiest man on the planet. And likely in ways you hadn’t imagined possible.

Think about this for a second, and you’ll realize the power of it because 9 out of 10 of guys don’t do things this way.

Most guys are only interested in getting their own rocks off, so if a woman enjoys the sex… it’s pure luck for her.

When you focus on her sexual pleasure, you will INSTANTLY stand out as being different from every other guy she has ever met. She’ll think she’s won the best-guy-ever lottery. (and she will BRAG to her friends)

Then, when she’s open to new adventures with you… the sky’s the limit.

And another thing you’ll learn from David, women are WAY more naughty than men. Their dark fantasies would shock you.

But they will never be that naughty with you unless they feel safe with you and that starts with you focusing on their pleasure instead of ‘getting’ something from her.

Then David can show you how to get her to actually ACT on her fantasies (and yours).

Like I said… David is a man you want to know about. That’s why I recommend you get his new book, the Secrets of Female Sexuality.

Book Release Celebration with Bonuses and Giveaways!

To celebrate the release of his new book, and to make sure it gets ranked well on Amazon… David has put together some killer bonuses from his friends who are experts in dating & relationships.

Everything from books to coaching calls, with a value north of $300.

Also, every hour from 10AM to 6PM Eastern Time, David will be giving away a copy of his “Select Women Wisely” program, a $147 value.

But, only if you buy his book on Wednesday Oct 7, 2009 and register for the bonuses.

You can see all the bonuses, and find out full details about how it works at the URL below.

http://bit.ly/wsRA5

Bluntly, this is essential reading for any man who really loves women. You should own it and read it cover-to-cover. The fact that you get over $300 bonuses when you buy a $13.58 book is like icing on the cake.

Cheers.. Justin “JDOG”

P.S. You must buy the book AND register for the bonuses on the same day, Wednesday October 7. (The earlier in the day you do it, the more chances you have for the giveaways.

Related posts:

1. Be the best lover she’s ever had

It’s all too easy to pick fault with ourselves, whether that’s by second guessing our decisions, or by dwelling on our insecurities. I’ve been writing lately about various aspects of Inner Game, from dealing with Approach Anxiety to pushing through the discomfort of rejection.

On a similar track my mind was day dreaming today about a certain woman. Pondering the beauty of a woman is an all too easy pass time for me. From the soft lines of her face, to the allure of her eyes.. her full lips that I can’t stop thinking about.. I kept glancing at them when she was talking to me. Her smooth skin.. the curves of her body. Deep breath…….aaaannd continue.. In fact if we didn’t have to talk to each other I could happily have a conversation in my own head while gazing at a woman’s beauty.. hmm and I could quite easily do that right now, so before I completely lose my train of thought here.. What does she see in me? What can she see in me? Does she have to like my physical looks? Can she feel these types of feelings towards any aspect of me? ..and perhaps most importantly.. Do I like me?

What is there about me that she can find beautiful in some way, if I were to look through her eyes, and listen through her ears? This doesn’t have to be about physical looks either. However, I am of the opinion that once you start connecting with someone, you do start to change the way you see them to some extent. Your perception of their beauty actually changes. If you really connect then they appear more attractive to you overall, and you feel more comfortable in their company. On the flip side, when someone’s personality is off in some way, or they fundamentally conflict with your core values, then you may perceive that person as less attractive. Can you think of times in your own life when either of these were true? Take a moment to think about this, before you continue to follow along with what I’m saying.

I find that when you’re emotions are in sync with those of another, as Daniel Goleman describes “synchrony,” that person becomes more attractive in your mind. From my experience this is also true when you had initially found that person to be unattractive. Have you ever heard someone speaking about a date they went on? “We didn’t really connect,” Susan said in a negative tone, her facial expression reflecting her feelings. One would sense she found him unattractive, but the picture she showed was of a guy with model good looks. Upon further discussion she did indeed find him unattractive. His personality, and the things he spoke about made her feel the emotions she associates with someone who is not physically attractive to her. I’m always curious when one of my girl-friends goes on a date, to find out what she was drawn to, or what made her find the guy undesirable.

Finding someone more, or less attractive when in synchrony doesn’t have to be from a sexual perspective either. You might start to appreciate the attractive qualities of someone of the same sex as you. Similarly, it may be a much older person whom you picture as a grandparent figure. Perhaps the bags under someone’s eyes start to reflect their depth of character in a charming way. Or maybe you become aware that their eyes themselves possess a certain quality that is quite beautiful. When they smile you find yourself smiling, filled with warm emotions, while noticing a playful glint in their eye for the first time. Isn’t this attractive? Opening up your awareness to appreciate the beauty in others, is a wonderful mechanism for opening up your appreciation of your own attractive qualities.

There is something to be learned from my friends who practice yoga, when they greet each other by saying Namaste – “The light within me honors the light within you.”

A fitting variation may be:
“The beauty of me admires the beauty of you.”

Opening up your awareness also involves being able to listen and accept the compliments that you receive. Doubly so for repeated compliments from women. If more than one person has told you something to the effect that; your smile is charming, or that you are intelligent, fun to be around, you make the person feel comfortable being around you, or any other quality of yours is particular attractive, then believe it! Even if at first you don’t think that it’s actually true. Realize that from someone else’s point of view it very well might be.

A man I very much admire once said to me, ” Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. If you don’t like the person staring back at you every day, then you better find a way to like that person. You’re going to be seeing him for a really long time.”

If someone were to ask you what your favorite attribute is about yourself, do you have an answer?

1. I think my eyes are attractive. I don’t get instant compliments about them, and for a brief time I even wore colored contacts to cover them up. When a girlfriend is in my arms during an intimate moment, while we are gazing into each others eyes, then in that moment I often hear how beautiful my eyes are.
2. I know that I’m a great conversationalist, granted I’ve made a conscious effort to improve my communication skills. I do get compliments about this on a regular basis. Would this make you appear more attractive to a woman? Absolutely!
3. I know that people instantly feel comfortable around me. I’ve heard this countless times from women, and also from students when teaching workshops.

There I gave you three personal examples. Only one was a physical attribute, and objectively compared to people with absolutely stunning eyes, mine are just average. I find them a beautiful part of me non the less.

May the beauty in others admire the beauty in you.
May you find the beauty in yourself, and in others.

~ Justin

Related posts:

1. Interesting Video On Being Beautiful
2. Self Esteem & Sexual Communication
3. Having Leverage On Yourself

What are your thoughts about this video? Post your comments below!

I have a question for you. How well do you truly understand women? More specifically, do you have any idea what it’s really like to be a very beautiful woman? How does she feel inside from being stared at wherever she goes?

Does she get tired of being hit on constantly, but at other times find herself seeking the validation she is so used to? What are her frustrations, anxieties, and difficulties that arise just because she is more attractive? Or is her life perfect 100% of the time, because let’s face it most guys will do anything for her, right?

Unless you have dated a few desirable women then I would think that you wouldn’t really understand the reality of what it’s like to be a woman of particular beauty. If you have studied the female mind, and enough seduction related materials then perhaps you have started to get some insight, but without spending a lot of time around beautiful women, either as a platonic friend (by your own choice,) or through dating, then it’s difficult to have a deep understanding.

I remember several years ago seeing part of a Dr. Phil show, where a stunningly beautiful women, who seemed on the surface to have an idyllic life, just completely broke down on camera. I didn’t get it at the time. I didn’t get that her life could be anything other than perfect. Most people find it difficult to relate to the problems that come alongside beauty. Much in the same way that beautiful women have no concept as to what it’s like being an average, or less than average looking guy. She has no frame of reference. She doesn’t need one though, as she’s not trying to get with the average guy.

Attractive women may get what they want a lot of the time, and they might get treated better than most, but there is a flip side. She has to screen through mountains of men who fake kindness and sincerity, to find the ones who are genuine. Does she find that she frequently gets played by the high valued men in her life? She may find it constantly more difficult in the work place, and not because of men, but because other women are jealous of her looks, and therefore make her life difficult. There may be an emotional separation between her and her best girlfriend. She always gets the attention from guys, who directly hit on her, while treating her girlfriend like chopped liver. This causes difficulties, and is one of the reasons why we say to open the friend first. Win the friends over before focusing your attention on the hottest girl in the group. Realize that there are a myriad other difficulties attractive women face.

Is she brushing you off because she dislikes you personally? Or is she tired of having 12 guys hit on her today with lame approaches, and no obvious regard for her as a person? Perhaps she just needs to make the best use of her time, and has programmed herself to shut down certain advances form ANY guy. Think twice before calling her a bitch.

Understanding her reality will skyrocket your chances of getting further with her. When women feel that you understand their world they will instantly be set at ease, and they will want to connect with you. It is the rarity. It was my good friend Ross Jeffries who first shared this concept with me. Ross calls it “Being An Authority On Her World.” If conveys so many positives about you. She will think, “wow, this guy really gets me!” She will know that you must have dated a lot of beautiful women, therefore there is unstated preselection being conveyed. For you Mystery Method guys out there that would be a DHV (Displaying Higher Value,) while hitting one of the primary attraction switches.

Granted it’s a catch 22, because in order to raise your chances of dating beautiful women it helps considerably to have previously dated other beautiful women. So what can you do about it? Choose to develop platonic friendships with such women for starters. Take an interest in the female mind.

I did find one guy’s video response to the Sundance clip on youtube, sorry I couldn’t embed the video as embedding was disabled according to the author’s settings. If you’re interested in another guy’s thoughts on this then click the HERE.

Related posts:

1. Find Something Beautiful About Yourself
2. How Important Are Looks?
3. Dating In The Dark Review

I was having an interesting chat with one of my wings recently. He said that I was unusual in the way that I stuck with learning, and practicing even when I wasn’t getting the results that I wanted. He said that from his time in the community most guys will get disillusioned and quit. He put it stronger by saying that most guys just can’t deal with getting emotionally pummeled on a regular basis from all of the rejections. So they quit before ever getting to the point where they actually start to “get it”, and they never really see consistent positive results.

So I described to him my motivation to keep going. It wasn’t a strong desire to have sex with swimsuit models, although who wouldn’t want that. Yes, wanting hotter women was a factor, but not the factor which kept me going. My emotional leverage was actually comprised almost entirely of negative feelings. I was so completely miserable that I didn’t want to live the rest of my life that way.

For a long time I came off creepy using too much NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming.) I used a lot of canned game, peacocked far too much a lot of the time, and eventually I did start seeing some good responses, but It took me a long time before those smiles, and laughs turned into me actually dating or sleeping with the girls that I was meeting.

I had to recognize the little victories, such as; disarming the AMOG, or getting a girl to laugh or listen to me longer than normal. I also had to shut out the pummeling from my mind, and had to stay focused on what was working, and what I was learning from each interaction. I kept a journal, and would often be seen vigorously writing in my moleskin about the girl I just met.

• What we spoke about.
• What I did right
• Which language patterns did I use
• She was totally into me when I did the trust test
• What I could have done better and can improve upon next time. NOT what I did WRONG!
• and so on

There were times, perhaps after a few months of thinking positively, where I would get disillusioned myself. Thinking such things as, “It doesn’t work.. yeah girls like me socially as a friend, but they are still not sexually attracted to me.. it works for some guys because they are better looking!” Then I would want to quit. I would start thinking negatively about my self image again. Aarrrgh.. I wanted to scream!

So what stopped me from giving up? I had such strong emotional leverage that I wouldn’t allow myself to stop trying. I didn’t want to go back to feeling completely shitty about myself. So I forced negative thoughts to the back of my mind.. forced a smile, and kept chipping away at it. I had ups and downs.

Over the years I’ve had this conversation with many friends who have far more life experience than I do, about the concept of emotional growth through pain. Anyone who has been through difficult times, and recovered from it will most likely agree that there is some merit to the phrase, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

Granted my motivational strategy was to the most part moving away from a place of strong emotional pain. Anthony Robbins, Richard Bandler, and others in NLP circles suggest that a healthier motivational strategy would be comprised of moving away from the place of pain, and moving towards a place of happiness or pleasure. Bandler, I believe coined the term a propulsion system to describe this.

Their theory is that if you only move away from pain then you may fall into the trap of wanting to replace it so badly that you don’t take the time to define where you actually want to be. Which can lead to landing in another painful situation, and therefore just bouncing around life that way. Of course they were talking in more general terms of goal getting, and making positive life changes.

Another key component of staying on track was creating a healthy Review Process. What I mean by this is that you have a choice when learning. You can either replay all the things that went wrong, and loop through all the embarrassing things you did in the interaction.. or you can externalize the review process and replay it like you are analytically watching an educational story in your mind. Rewarding yourself for the things that you did right no matter how small, and noticing where you can improve next time.

To summarize the two points that I’m making in this article:

1. Find your way to have strong emotional leverage on yourself. Whether that’s moving away from pain, moving towards pleasure, or a combination thereof. One book which helps people create this for getting into the best physical shape is, Body for Life: 12 Weeks to Mental and Physical Strength by Bill Phillips. I would say that 80% of the book is purely to help the reader create a strong motivational strategy to help them stick with the program. The system itself is solid advice on exercise, and eating right. It works but it’s nothing new, just sound practice taken from successful bodybuilders in the 80’s. By the time you get to the actual fitness program, having done your part during the motivational strategy primer, you are far more likely to reap the rewards from sticking with it.
2. Adopt a Healthy Review Process. This will help to minimize negative self talk, and help to stop you from reinforcing negative beliefs. Do this right and you will actually start to create positive reinforcement for yourself.

To learn anything to a good level it often takes years. It’s a fundamental principle of existence that to achieve anything of real value in life you have to be willing to put in the effort, and really work at it. You also have to be prepared to fail… a lot! The most successful people have a different viewpoint of failure, they call it learning how to be successful. Hmm.. I wonder if such people have already adopted a healthy review process?

Related posts:

1. Dealing With Approach Anxiety
2. Find Something Beautiful About Yourself
3. Self Esteem & Sexual Communication

I have a strange curiosity.. no, not about soccer moms.. I know they can be cute.. nope, more fascinated by Twitter Moms

From reading their blog yesterday I discovered that smoking a doobie to relax is a common pass time for soccer mumsies, whether it’s legal medicinal or bought from a dealer New Jack City style!

Perhaps you don’t find this all that shocking? For all I know you’re sitting there nodding.. knowingly. Either way.. is Twitter Moms just for mothers, or could it possibly be a place to cruise for some hot milf action? Perhaps it is, and more liberally minded ones at that.

Do I really know if there are hoards of single mothers on there.. no.. lol.. but I did like the movie About A Boy, where he discovered the joys of dating single moms. Memorable quote, “I am an island. I am bloody Ibiza!”

No related posts.

When I teach workshops I talk about many ways to deal with approach anxiety. Here are 10 quick tips on how to stop approach anxiety.

1. Act Like It’s A Game – When an interaction is over, just hit the reset button, and try again. You learn and get further in the game each time you hit that reset button. A game should be fun, not emotionally weighed down. Your out there to have fun, and other people’s reactions are unimportant.
2. Remove The Outcome – For some it helps to remove the outcome. By this I mean that they initially (while learning) should have only one goal, and that is to enjoyably learn from the interaction. Others may want to keep their eye on the ball by challenging themselves to get further, such as by setting a desired outcome in their mind before opening. That might be to bounce the girl to another venue, or to simply initiate some sort of touch during the conversation.
3. Warm Up Sets – are a great way to get into a talkative state. Generally, open three groups of people, and talk about anything and you will find you are warmed up and ready to go. Their responses are insignificant as this is just an exercise for you that they are oblivious to. Talk about random things, your grocery list, or run material on them. It really doesn’t matter. Of course any chance to refine material is a good one. You can also use the 3 second rule, where you have to open within three seconds of seeing a girl you are interested in. You can also open the first set on the left when entering any location.
4. Adopt The Right Beliefs – Having a good set of beliefs about yourself, about how the interaction will go, about women in general, amongst other things, will color every interaction. First we review your current beliefs to see if they are helping or hindering your dating life. Then we spend some time considering new beliefs, and reframing old ones. An example of a hindering belief might be, “I don’t deserve a girl like that.” You would be better suited to consider writing some empowering beliefs down, and visualizing what it would be like to truly feel this way about yourself, such as “I know that girl will enjoy getting to know me.”
5. Positive Mental Rehearsal – Visualizations, meditations, and exercises to boost your mood, and trigger an optimum state of mind for meeting women. Similar to how a musician will pump themselves up before going on stage. This may include state amping exercises.
6. Newbie Drills & Baby Steps – For those who suffer from higher levels of anxiety using newbie drills and very small chunk steps seem to work well getting them comfortable with opening. This may include light hearted social experiments to see people’s reactions. Small chunk steps examples would be such things as; giving people high fives in the street, just asking people directions, or asking how their day is going.
7. Desensitize To New Environments – Feeling some level of anxiety in new situations or environments is part of normal emotional circuitry, and the best way to get a handle on it is to spend more time getting comfortable in those situations.
8. Dealing With Social Pressure – Sometimes it can feel like everyone in the room is staring, and guess what, sometimes when you are talking to the hottest girl in the room that may actually be the case. Doing things to get used to social pressure can be a great exercise.
9. Know What To Say – Knowing what to talk about, thereby removing some level of uncertainty, can significantly help with your approaching. This is one of the main reasons why we have canned openers, and routines. It allows us to start conversations with something that is tried and tested. Without having to think about what to say you can swiftly start a conversation about something that has a higher chances of getting her interest.
10. A Heathy Review Process – It would be difficult to learn ANYTHING in life if we emotionally beat ourselves up about it every step of the way. With most things people learn in a healthy way, not so with dating and relationships. We tend to reflect on ourselves with every mistake. Putting this into perspective, and reviewing what went right, and what could have gone better after an interaction can be a useful learning tool. We need to be able to do that while still feeling good about ourselves.

Related posts:

1. Having Leverage On Yourself
2. Direct Opener By A Natural
3. Playing Dog With God

If you haven’t already heard, “Dating In The Dark” is a new reality dating show, where couples meet and go on dates in complete lights out darkness. Made possible with some very nifty infra-red video cameras. On the surface it seems like an idea with some great potential, and while it can be thought provoking at times it falls short of anything more than a dull and superficial social experiment. In a nutshell Dating In The Dark can pretty much stay in the dark, as it fails to shed any new light on what role looks play at the beginning of relationships.

Episode 1 recap

Three guys, and three gals move into a house and get paired up with each other. They generally make out, and have as much of a ‘date’ as they can in a sparse pitch black room before they actually see their partner for the first time. Interspersed with all this they go off and discuss what happened with their house mates.

Upon seeing their match they go back and either brag, or complain about their physical looks, before going on a final and normal day date if they decide to give it a shot. Who will stay together, and who will not.. I’m riveted.. ok not really. Whoever thought up this idea certainly knows how to cash in on a cheaply produced show, and for that I give big props.

I did like one sound bite from episode 2, where one of the girls reported that her date made her feel so comfortable.. “..being on my date with him was very comfortable, and being able to feel that on a first date is very important..” or words to that effect. This is the one and rare golden nugget of the show.

Here’s a quick preview of the show:

Related posts:

1. Interesting Video On Being Beautiful

Turn a women on by describing her peak feelings to her.

It has been almost 3 months since my last confession blog post, forgive me for I have sinned been distracted by life’s unpredictability. These past few months have been a difficult and trying time for everybody, in such the depressed and turbulent global economic environment that we find ourselves in. I’ve spent the better part of this time stopping the bleeding of my own finances, and making the decision that it is finally time for me to leave Arizona.

I discovered something today, and without wanting to sound new agey or anything like that, I’m just going to come out and say it. I found Flow. OK, so not my “One Thing” in life to pursue in order to reach complete happiness ala City Slickers LOL… no, but profound non the less.

It’s really a rediscovery that in one small moment you can go from being just ok, just emotionally normal or average, to being transported instantaneously to a place where you are at complete peace, completely content, and experiencing true blissful happiness. Hyper-focused in the moment. To go one step further I feel this should be an intrinsic experience where you are doing something, not where the outcome or good emotions are dependent upon someone else, or anything else for that matter. (Written before reading about Mihály Csíkszentmihályi’s State of Flow Componenets. Check that out for a deeper understanding of what I’m talking about.)

Experiencing this for yourself can totally allow you to be able to describe an incredible experience in a captivating way to anyone, which is especially beneficial when meeting and connecting with women. It can help you understand a girl’s emotions for example, when she is doing the things that she is most passionate about. Being able to describe another person’s experience can be extremely powerful in bringing the two of you closer together. Beyond all that though, it’s just plain good, and bloody necessary to have things you do in life that transport you to a meditation like state.

So how did this all come about I hear you thinking to yourselves. Well, for me it all started last night when I found myself on a rooftop club with complete strangers. We were all getting progressively more intoxicated just like old friends, and that lead to my hangover this morning.. and let me tell you something, you don’t want to wake up on a boat with a hangover!

Wait scratch that.. this story began sometime around a year ago, when I bought my first skateboard at the age of 35. It was odd because I’d never skated in my life, never thought it was cool, nor had I ever been interested in skateboarding in the least. That was until a year ago. I stumbled around on it for a while, and after an intense week of boarding around parking lots late at night I got what I can only describe as heel splints, kind of like shin splints only in my kicking heel. Then I wiped out on it gouging bloody holes into the palms of my hands. I got better at it, but really only skated to starbucks on the odd occasion.

Why did I start skateboarding at 35? I just wanted to. You see I have a tendency to buck the system, to do whatever I feel like doing, or at least learn about and try new things. I hate the idea of being limited by other people’s opinions.. or by my age, or any such other ridiculous things that have an annoying tendency to restrict our lives. Mutterings of “social programming” flutter across the room.

Skating around, wiping out, and getting my infamous ‘heel splints’ definitely lead to some wonderful interactions with women. From joking about me just getting my first board at 35, to asking them if there is such a thing as heel splints as an opener. It made for fun conversation. It was definitely a plus with younger women, and I always like to let younger girls know my age in a casual way early on. Thus it never weirds them out later.

More accurately though it’s a longboard, and when stood on it’s end comes up to my chest, so as longboards go it’s a pretty long longboard. Try saying that with a mouthful of cheerios. Arizona really isn’t that conducive to longboarding around town so it’s been sitting in my garage gathering dust for months now. That’s my excuse anyway. (JDOG shifts his eyes tellingly.. they dart to the ground)

This Trip Cost Me Nothing

OK so back to my story. On Thursday afternoon I was all packed for my California road trip, and just before leaving, I saw the longboard sitting there all forsaken. It just seemed so.. lonely, and I paused for a moment to remember the fond times we shared together. I said, “fuck it! You are coming with me!” I placed it on the passenger seat and we headed to San Diego.

Point to point the drive took me roughly 7 hours, and included 30 minutes driving through my first dust storm. Happily travelling 80 mph one minute, and then a second later having thick waves of sand slamming into your car aint fun, especially when another second later you realise that you can’t see ANYTHING.. no road.. no other cars.. no nothing. I actually felt a pang of panic hit my stomach knowing that at any moment I could be heading into some mangled pile up. Of course I slowed down, put on the fog lights and was fine.. but if you’ve never driven through a real dust storm on a highway it’s definitely an experience.

Whenever I arrive in San Diego I feel good. Having left 100 degree Arizona heat behind, I welcomed the cooler air, and continued to the marina to my friend’s boat. Yes sir I’m staying on a 47ft motor yacht for the next few days before heading up to LA. How cool is that!

Yesterday afternoon we were having a beer on my friend’s neighbor’s yacht, which seems like the daily activity around here. His 20 year old daughter was with us (grin), and invited me to join her friends on the town. They turned out to be a totally cool bunch that took me from dive corner bar to rooftop club, overlooking the baseball stadium. Once in the club though I joined another group of complete strangers, who I closed out the place with. Very fun and unexpected night on the town. My new best friend became the actress Michelle Ewin.

Flash forward back to this morning. “Uugghh.. I feel like crap.. and why is the room moving up and down.. shit I’m on a boat with a hangover.. I hate hangovers.. and right now boats are not on my favorite list.. uuuggghhh.” A glass of water, 2 advil, a shower, and a queazy skateboard ride to starbucks.. some phone calls.. coffee.. a pastry.. and ok feeling better now.

Since arriving at the marina I’ve been skateboarding all over the place. The long boardwalk makes it the perfect place. This morning was different. I put on my noise isolating headphones, selected a playlist from my iphone, and started skating. All of a sudden I was in my own personal sound bubble, and was literally gliding. I think I left earth for a minute.. on a figgin skateboard. I carved back and forth, whizzing past people walking around on their two legs.. how old school is that.. ha!

“Sometime Around Midnight,” by The Airborne Toxic Event

I was in the zone. I had no care for anything else going on in the world. I was 100% immersed in the moment. I think that I might have actually been kind of dance-boarding to the music. Is that even a term? Not a flattering visual perhaps, but I had absolutely no feelings of self-consciousness. It was really like being on some kind of drug, only better. So this is Flow. I guess it’s been a while. How long has it been for you? Perhaps it’s time for you to find your one thing that transports you to your own state of flow.

This reminds me of a guy I met a few weeks ago at a new skatepark in Tucson, Arizona. He was a short middle-aged fellow, who was sporting some heavy duty pads, and a helmet. He skated a pretty scary 15ft bowl. Only the old timers dare skate that thing, all of whom wore pads. You literally got butterflies in your stomach just standing on the edge looking down, let alone skating it at speed whilst getting air off the coping.

We spoke to him afterwards, and asked him what it was like. “It’s like heaven,” he said. “It’s heaven,” he repeated. I joked to my friend, “Wow.. I wish I did something that feels like heaven.” Well he was really describing being in the zone. It’s a universal experience. Recognize it, do it, and try explaining it to someone else. Then ask her what she does that transports her to this place.

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