Atlantis

The Memories

2012-01-28T10:00:00.001-08:00

Another week has, sadly, passed away

Time really really flies, or is it just me feeling the race against time due to the stress level that I've to handle?

Maybe...But look at the animals, like dogs, living for about 15years I guess?

So yea, I shouldn't whine about it, never should

After the Chinese New Year, things settled down really quick, most of the teacher got down to business, they're serious about our A Levels

I didn't know why, but I've also gotten serious too, today it's my first time doing homework on Saturday, left with Chemistry I guess, and to brush up on my economics

During my school life, something really caught my attention and I want to write down eventful stuffs, at least when I look back, hey, I didn't know I did that!

First one

This occurred to me during Physics Lecture

I sort of didn't understand what the lecturer was talking about during the midway, so I asked my tutor during the lecturer

And after he explained to me my question, then I didn't know why he said this to me

He said that I've improved, as in being more enthusiastic in terms of learning which he had failed to see earlier, and he said that was a good sign and I should keep it up

At that instance, my mind went blank, and the lecturer was still talking, and I think I've missed that part

But then again, I didn't know what to reply, maybe I hardly gotten any compliments? Aha

So I just said thanks, really, I'm stuck for words

For now, did he said that just to motivate me or just to really compliment me is still a mystery to me, I'd rather not know, at least it's a spur to me, let me try to get an A alright?

Don't laugh

Second one

My Chinese Chess tutor said to me that my openings are now more stable than in the past

Then he added on that my mid games are still pretty weak which ultimately lead to game loss

Straight, it hurts, but it's the most effective way of learning things - the hard way

I've also a friend which plays Chinese Chess, and he's also one who is willing to pump in some time for a game or two

Aha, mate!

But then again, another friend don't even bother to play carefully

Why talk about him eh?

Third one

NAPFA is around the corner, and I've been seeing more and more people started training for it

Because having a silver or better will allow us to get into the camp 2months later than those who didn't

2months, wow, it's just so worth my time to train now

Can I survive the onslaught by my brain which it will keep saying, dude, let's take a break

Especially the 2.4km, every now and then, they'll motivate me to stop

It reminds me of yesterday

Mr Joel and I ran 2.4km around Vista Park, running intervals

Because intervals will make our body feel more lethargic after each round, and that's like Woohoo

We aimed for less that 2mins per round, guess what? I did it

Initially at the start, he was in front of me leading, after two rounds, my body started to fail me, it gets tired

But then again, it was the mutual trust that we ran for, if he didn't stop, I can't

That's what kept me going, and it was damn tiring, especially at the 4th round, worse part of the running

Round 1 & 2 was around 2mins and lesser, barely scrapping through

Round 3 & 4 I didn't know why I sped up, hitting under 1.45mins per round

That's like sooo ...

Round 5 & 6 hitting under 1.50mins per round know average

Achievement Unlocked, it was fun, but when I've reached home, I only felt like eating then sleeping, really, that's how exhausted am I

But then again, I'll try my best for the best!

Fourth one

So far I've gotten back my Home coming results, Physics - C

Pretty much an irony because there's only one guy who got A, then 2 got C inclusive of me

Another girl PWNED me, I need to start vying already, my security has been too loose aha

Chemistry got an A! 32.5/40

Damn yea, I'm proud of it! But then again, when I've looked, some got like

36,38...

That's what happens when you're in an elite class, I felt like I'm a piece of rock

Worst part is, one table has five seats, 3 girl on my left, 1 girl on my right, I'm like, aww, girls???

I think the teacher wants to give me some chances eh?

But I don't need it

Economics - I got no hope and right now exactly, I'm still very ashamed, stressed out

Fifth one

I found out in my class, Alex could be the guy if you want to pour your hearts out to

At first I was like asking around whose girlfriend or so, and he started asking me

So yea, I told him about me, he listened, quite a rare breed nowadays if you were to ask me

I told him I'm still unable to release myself from the past

He just told me to go for it again, with his serious look

I wish to, I don't want to regret it for life

But my workloads, coupled with her great display picture

Hmm, it also occurred to me that she should be freed from the past, and right now this moment, she has such a great guy with him now

It feels sour, but then, it also proved that everything is fated

Why am I always leaving things to fate?

Possibly when it comes to the matters of the heart, fate plays an important role

But then again, it might be just me, if I fail, its fate, if I succeed, I carve out my destiny kind of crap

But then, I saw this interesting saying on the websites

If it's meant to be yours, it will come back to you even if you lost it

Yes, you may say I'm consoling myself, I don't really mind

I just want to say, whoever you're with, I'm glad you've made the best decisions from the available options presented to you, and I hope everything turns out sweet for you guys

I never forgotten about you, but maybe it's just time to let go, since I stand 0% chance aha

I just hope for the best between you guys even though it's akin to having a million katanas going through me, but it ain't important

I hope you guys have great fun together

Location : 579-580 Woodlands Drive 16,

Beginning of the End 2

2012-01-22T09:55:00.001-08:00

It just occurred to me that I'm sort of weird, because in just a single year, I celebrate two countdown

For most people living on the western sides, they just had 1 countdown, New Year

Aha, we're so special that we get to have another Chinese New Year

And it only meant that we have extra holidays, not too shabby either

And so according to my time zone, its an hour and 30mins past the year

To be exactly official, 11pm is already the New Year aha, Lunar I presume?

Alright, I don't want to dwell in these nitpicking aspects

So I've seen some people wanting to themselves to be better in the upcoming year, you name it, and the funny thing is that they just wished for it during New Year, sort of weird if you ask me

So, on the eve itself, we didn't went to relatives house for whatsoever reunion dinner or such, we settled it at our own house

Partly due to my mum's side of relative were at another country

And on my fathers side, our family had a dispute with them, because they tried seizing the "fortune" after my grandparents left the world

And it cause quite a lot of problems, such as the reunion dinner and such

It just teaches me that a will is essential, preventing any sort of disputes, if I'm going to have one, most probably donating it would be a better choice, in my opinion

I sort of envy those people who have healthy and moving grandparents with them, they get to communicate with them, talk to them, asking about how their tough life were

Because in my mother's side, grandmother went before I came into this world, grandfather left me before I was knowing what happened

On my father's side, didn't had much chance to speak to my grandfather, only left either my grandmother, who was unfortunately bed ridden

Lots of problems soon came by, it is going to be endless, the mockery by these relatives and such

Yes, it is difficult, but life still moves on as usual, the Earth doesn't stop spinning because of me

So to those who still have a part of their relatives, I hope they'll cherish them

Maybe it's because I've lost some things in life, and the scarcity issues always led to me not take things for granted

But then again, occasionally, I do make some mistakes, I ain't no saint

So yea, 5 of us sat down at a round table eating some good stuffs

like Sharks Fin ( I know it's cruel ), Abalone and such, once in a lifetime stuff

Even so, everyday feels like a reunion dinner to me, most of the time, my dad would come home for dinner, and I felt that I'm more blessed than other people

Cherish what I have now, and try to get more without losing the old stuff

So we just sat down, chilled and chatted

Around 11pm we then prayed to the ancestors, this is why I sort of like the Chinese Culture, we never forget our roots (No puns or anything offensive meant)

So the more realistic part comes, dad and mum handed the angpows to us, giving us some well wishes

Dad just told me to control your anger at times, and yea, didn't know why, I'm getting more and more hot-tempered, maybe due to the fact that I'm holding back too much, and venting the anger on the wrong target, aha human

And he hoped that I do well in examination, he hit the jackpot, thanks Dad!

My mum didn't say much, but I'll know what's expected of me aha

And we've continued watching the shows to wait for the countdown at 12am, such irony

Probably they're dead beat, and snoring like logs now

So tomorrow, or should I say today, they'll be going to the temple, aha

Its a good time to stretch my muscles, and to sooth my mind, which is sort of in a mess, needs a defragment right now

And the day after, my relatives will be dropping by, I guess that equates to a sumptuous feast awaiting, and I'm looking forward, which also meant that my homework is going to suffer, aww

But then again, it's something for me to have my brains relaxed a bit, save more brain cells I supposed?

Alright, time to snore

I don't know if you're looking at this, but if you're reading, I just hope that you'll have a Happy Chinese New Year too!

The irrational feeling is being stirred again

Location : 580 Woodlands Drive 16,

That was like Round 1

2012-01-19T10:20:00.001-08:00

Aha!

Finally I've completed all my Homecoming Formative Assessment!

Yea, no doubt that it is an achievement, at least to persevere till the end

But then again, it did not went as expected, for this time round

So day 1 was just General Papers, and to be honest, I don't know what is the author trying to convey at the end of the passage, aha another regret being formed

So moving on to Day 2, it was Economics and Physics, the double whammy

On the day before, I tried to memorise all the knowledge required for it at my fingertips, and I did felt the confidence bar increasing

But all changed when I sat down in the lecture theatre, I did not know what the question was asking, whole essay fell like dominoes

It sucked, and my mood was seriously affected, and I ended up writing some crap and worst of all, I did not complete my essay in time

For the FIRST TIME

That feeling, didn't worth a mention here

I think I've messed up pretty badly, I expect a U or so

Gah

And recently our teachers mentioned that the trip tp HongKong will be postponed to May

And just look at my HCFA, it was a joke of the year, I seriously dread how my economics tutor is going to look at me

I don't want to think

Physics on the other hand was relatively okay-ish

Although no guarantees that it'll be good, but it'll be way better than my economics

Enough said

Day 3 was mathematics, and I somehow knew how to do most of the questions in the revision package, but the playing field was levelled, it got harder

And I almost got wiped out

Day 4, which is today, finally, finally I've completed my Chemistry

It seemed, again, okay-ish

It just proved that I did worked, but not hard and smart enough

I guess, I'll carry on with the revisions even though it's new year, I seem to lag behind the elites not just a margin

I need to chase it back

So yea, tomorrow is our school's Chinese.New Year Celebration, many of us aren't looking forward to it

But wait, I doubt we'll even have these celebrations when we're in Universities

So why miss the chance now?

It might be the last, instead of just wailing, I'm sort of looking forward to it

Last year in a school, everything will change as we progress know life

No more such devoted teachers who will keep encouraging us to study, no such stuffs

In the reality, fend yourself

On the physical note, today our teacher has given us 2 options, to run 4 rounds under 8mins or run full 6rounds

The former looks delighting, but its a torture for me to run at that pace

To the people that participates Jn sports activities, good for you

But for me, I'm in the chess club

And the night before I slept like 2.30am, I'm too afraid that I'll suffer from exhaustion

But still, it did not deter me from running that time

When I came back, the world was upside down, expected

But then, I'd congratulate myself for breaking the limits within me

But then, my life is akin to study, exam, study, exam

Seems quite mundane and repetitive to me

Yes, its good to be mundane, the questions examiners set are similar

But I seemed to burn out faster than before, that passion to achieve quality grades seemed to be eroded

But after some thoughts, it grew back

Aha, that's great

On the musical side, I'm going to start learning cello, to gain another talents to flaunt Aha

I also started to hear Mayday song, a Chinese band song

I guess the lyrics are so connected with me, especially the song named

五月天 - 我不愿让你一个人

The MV is about this guy and the girl lead their separate lives, though the guy still likes her, but silently wishes her happiness, it struck a cord with me

But then again, I felt the same way

也许未来,你能找到更爱你的人

下段旅程,你一定要过得更幸福丰盛

Location : 579-580 Woodlands Drive 16,

Setting the Right Footing

2012-01-09T01:04:00.001-08:00

Alright, a day ago I was still on my couch munching on some tibits, and right now, I've completed the first day of school

I don't know how many times have I emphasized this to myself, but time do fly, at the snap of a finger

I wasn't really expecting for today, bit it came nonetheless

And I had to welcome it with warm arms, nothing lesser

So first day of school was rather fun for me, simply because I was deployed back to my old school to publicize for our school

All those who graduated with us and coming into this JC were also pulled in, and those old times kind of stuff also came in

So we went into the school and sat down at the backrow with a table to make a "mini-booth'

Our teacher in charge was Mr Lin, and another female teacher

Mr Lin, Haha, fun I'd say

But as for the female teacher, I've personally never interacted with her

But she was damn friendly, she kept talking with us, asking us about our school and stuff

Most teacher in charge for others don't bother talking, they had that face of 'the faster it ends, the better'

Well that did changed my opinion

You could argue that she's young, but in my sense, age doesn't matter

I don't want to start a debate with myself

So I've saw those anxious looks, some were entirely scared, some were 'heck-care'

Some even came in late, seriously, does the results mean anything to them?

So it was a change in perspective, I'm watching their agony, how funny

The percentage of distinction remained low, which was what I've sort of expected

But when the top students were revealed, some familiar faces went up

That moment of glory, is what I'm lusting for

And somehow my brain told me

You want it? Go get it!

It was certainly motivating for me, and I really yearn for that moment where you prove yourself to be the best

I've wished I did well in Os, for now, part of me feels incredibly easy

No joke

I think when your at a higher level of education, we'll start thinking

So easy why can't I do it

It actually forms a regret, which I'd never want to leave that in my life ever again

NEVER

I want to get there

And I'll get there

So when the results were given, some cried, some were jumping with joy

Crying mostly not due to their tears of joy, but due to failure, maybe not scoring what they wanted

My heart goes out to them, but at the same time, it just mean that you didn't work hard enough

For some, they swear and curse, seriously, why play?

And I saw my friend, taking back the result slip, getting an E8 for English Language

He said he expected it, it was the second end of the world for him

He asked me where can he go?

And I never had an answer to that question

What should I say to him?

He spent 6years, wasted 2 years already

And the other subjects didn't seemed to fair well

I just told him to consult the teacher, I felt helpless, because I felt that J might mislead him, he can't afford that mislead

I also saw my friends barely scrapping through, and they were happy, because they can leave the school for good

They aren't ambitious, but they are easily contented

I salute to them, but I don't think I'd want things to turn out too simple

In this world, the reality has coerced me to make things perfect, no blemish or flaws allowed

I need to strive, HARDER

As the crowd dispersed, so does or booth, not much people wanted to ask us for the open houses

When the teacher asked me to give the open house fliers, some were crying, if they did not do well, by asking them to join or open houses is akin to rub salt onto their wounds

I can't and won't

Ended up passing those to some NA classes, especially guys

They'll take, setting aside their pride

Mmm Hmm

Alright, time to study, I want to be that guy on the stage, to be recognised

I'm deprived of it

Location : 579-580 Woodlands Drive 16,

The New Beginning

2012-01-01T02:47:00.001-08:00

1st Day of 2012

The bad news always seems to strike me down beforehand

On the day for countdown, I received a long text message, not about looking forward to the New Year, but to tell me that one person in Shen Zhen has died from H5N1

The next course of action taken by the school was to immediately cancel the trip to HongKong

And I wonder what would happen to all our hardwork previously, the time spent preparing all the work there

When things happens, it happens all too suddenly

It wasn't the cancelling of the trip hit me hard, it was the fact that this H5N1 never seemed to spare me

I ain't getting that virus, its just that 4years ago we also had a immersion trip, to both Tioman Island and China

Just because I can't get the immersion trip that year, when i came into this school, I'm looking forward to a second one, and hence forming part of the reason I took Economics as a H2 subject

A great news to be shared to me on the day of counting down

I think I'll just take it as a great way to prevent myself from contacting that virus and more time to spend on homework, be optimistic I guess

So yea Douglas invited me to the countdown at Woodlands, I just have to mention everybody's name

Jun Jie, Sheizal, Hairi, Douglas, Shahrul, Wei Chang, Jia Jin, Zhi Wen, and 1 more

In case I really forgotten 20years down the road

Basically we walked around the 'already-closing' shops, around 10pm

There aren't that much places to go around, we can't stand the heat by the crowds, and the performance was so-so

Though they did try

So we found ourselves in the MacDonalds

Bought a couple of drinks and sat down there cracking jokes, hoping time would fly, nothing constructive

And I hardly participated in the topics, they talked about what the guys would usually talk about, some elements of cursing and swearing were evident

Even so, some of it were really funny and I did laugh - Grown ups

So Zhi Wen was the boss here, he said 9pm he would arrive, end up 10pm

A common problem seen in our culture maybe?

So we walked through the night market, with the crowd, business was brimming for them

And my friend got 'PWNED' by this vendor, admittedly, that Vendor was kind of rude

It's like what I've seen during shopping malls, whereby salesman often give you the 'fuck off' look when you ain't interested in their products

our country needs to be better in their service aspects, considering the fact that we aim to be better in the service sector

So most of them left by 11pm

Which I think it was quite weird, since they planned to celebrate, why leave at halfway?

Nevertheless, it left us with 5 people, inclusive of me

During the last 30mins everybody was streaming towards the stage in anticipation of the counting down

And it was way flooded with people than I've expected

D. was like going to shout workers party workers party

Aha, it'll get responses especially from the Ministers

During the last 10seconds we've shouted

First time I did that, Aha there are some things which will be first time

So yea the confetti blasted and the fireworks were displayed on the black skies

First wave lasted for like 8seconds

And Zhi Wen was like what the fuck, so cheapskate

After he said that second wave came out

It was a very good moment to enjoy, as we rarely see fireworks with friends

Good things ended really quick, and seemed to me everything went back to normal

Very normal like any other days

So this first day of the New Year I guess I do have some simple expectations

1) To leave the examination room without regrets

I just need to get my ass inside the Business Administration Course

With a good course and a bunch of new high-quality friends, I can be expecting fun in University

But ny friends now I have are still awesome too!

2) To be able to communicate well with my family

I ain't letting any regrets to enter my life anymore

This fearful thought came to my mind

There will always be a time whereby my parents will leave me and it's only me to face the world, the reality

When I am at home, there is someone to ask me how's my day today and such, excluding my future wife

I tend to take it for granted and sometimes even said mum you're damn nag, quit probing or such

Time to realise my folly, and to start cherishing them

3) Form a better friendship

In school, though I'm having a good bunch of classmates, I think I should level them to friends, creating another pillars of support

4) Looking forward to Army

I think that in Army I would be much more organised and rational, that's an important trait I want to have

I guess that's it, I wouldn't want to think of Love and such, it's not the correct time for me, pull it off for another 3 years, after army

My friend said I needed more experience in these areas, my gut feeling says that I should prioritize

If it comes about, I'll give it a try, if it doesn't, it really doesn't matter to me

Still, Happy New Year!!!

Chinese New Year comes next!

Location : 580 Woodlands Drive 16,

Prologue

2011-12-22T08:28:00.001-08:00

2 More days to Christmas!

But for me, it's like any other year's Christmas, spending time with family

But this year, there is an addition to the feast that we have - Logcakes

Usually we don't even buy turkeys or any festive decorations or such

That's why I say this year would be more different

But without presents only, I think my mother bought me too much games, I guess the present would more or less be redundant

Because I'm celebrating it everyday

Aha

Hmm, I also felt that I am more emotionally stable now

I just know it

From my previous entries, I often wrote about the memories

And still doing silly things here and there

And occasionally it diverted my attention for doing particular things

That moment was hysterical

Every night I'd be reminded of here and this got me into insomnia

And finally it was overcome with the help of a music video

Sort of an enlightenment

Few days back when I was browsing for new songs at YouTube

This music got my attention

16million views, that's insane for Chinese MVs

It was 那些年

Somehow it struck a chord within me

The first verse or something was saying about this guy attending the girl's last date

Which is her wedding with another guy

Aha

Then the rest was about the same as other sad songs

Hmm, it felt as if I'm in that piece of shit, or turmoil

But that guy relents, he accepted it, and I felt the same way too

Aha

Maybe I should put down the burden I'm carrying right now

That's what the monks in the monastery would tell me to

Right now I'm more clear headed and not fogged

Previously I even over-played my games to the extent that I broke my 6 hours compared to the past

I doubt I'll need to hide in that virtual shelter again, away from reality

A huge sense of relieve

It just felt good

I've always wanted to ask her something, I guess I don't need an answer for that question anymore

Haha

Since I've recovered my sense of 'consciousness', I'm starting to beef up my physic

I'm like doing 80 sit ups in one go, 25 push ups and increasing by 5 per day for both

It's slow, but prefer to make it slow and steady

And trying to break the under 10mins for 2.4km

And still I am nowhere near, like 12mins plus for me, I'll need a lot more for that, damn

At least I'm doing something instead of lazy-ing at home doing nothing and munching down tibits

A great leap from there

And yea I've gotten a letter from MINDEF, 17 and a half years old already

Can't really believe it, it seemed like yesterday I'm in Secondary School chatting with my school mates and now, I'm going to serve the country

Time flies

But I still think that its a good experience because I don't need to think

In there, train

Thinking is way harder than training, in my opinion

An escape from the reality once again!

Time to beef up!

Sometime down the road I'm going to HongKong for experiential learning trip and I've got a new clique

Gamer too, I think that he clicks well with me, if only in my school we had this earlier...

Well, I'm not going to dwell on it

Lets be more optimistic!

And I'm starting the beginning of a new chapter!

Not going to be slowed down by my past again!

Location : 579-580 Woodlands Drive 16,

Losing

2011-12-17T11:27:00.001-08:00

All this while, I'm either staying at home

Even though its holiday

I get the feeling that the core reason why this is so is because...

Of my limited social circle?

I start to blame it on my luck

Why I have such poor connections with humans?

Is it just me?

Most of my friends seems to be enjoying the holidays

While I'm stuck in this house

With my books and notes accompanying me throughout

I guess I need to explore the world

Especially with more friends

I've got some friends which are

Serious: seems good to me, but then they wouldn't even want to make a step by going to the moves or such

Arrogant: I would't even bother to look at them

Hardworking: They are overly engrossed in their studies

Funny: To be honest, I found none

That pretty sums up what kind of friends I have been with

It sucks

There isn't any buddy who would go out together

It existed

Not in my class

And somehow the grass looks greener on the other side

Without any real deal going on

Once again I'm still left with my console

And yes

I was addicted to it

AGAIN

To grind the time I guess

Time essentially went slow if I stood there motionlessly

Time went fast as days pass

Sometimes when I have too much time

I tend to regret about my actions

Particularly that fondness

It still lingers

And really

I'm sick of just daydreaming about her

I should put my brains to a rest

By executing what I'm thinking

Sounds crazy

Now I'm still brooding over it

Seriously I need to stop this nonsense

Its only two ways to deal with it

1 - Make the move

2 - Shut up and forget about it totally

Dilemma, a vicious cycle I never got out of

Another thought came to my mind

If she just told me that

I'm attached OR I don't like you anymore

I think that will do

I certainly hope that she will say it to me

Because I have never gotten a real answer

One truthful answer will suffice

As I'm brooding over this matter

I've realised

That I began to lose sight of my goal

I want get into Business Administration

Somehow I'm moving off track

Not sure why

But on Monday I'll be having a game of basketball

I hope that will energize me to my normal potential

And not the dull me

I've always hoped that there will be an answer which I've never gotten

Location : 579 Woodlands Drive 16,

Distraction and Diversion

2011-12-06T21:28:00.001-08:00

To start off,
My phone has changed
Been using it for like four years
An upgrade from the keypad to the smart phone
And its a Samsung Galaxy S2, definitely not the most "in" thing we're expecting
That very shortlived exhilaration off getting a newer phone
In the past, the changing of phones were so exciting
Strangely, this didn't affect me much

Maybe I've changed

It's been a year since I've set foot in this school
I was expecting a better life
A journey to adulthood
But as I've grew
Troubles, woes had never failed to locate me
As my mum grows older, she nags more often
And yea I do appreciate her concern
With the competitive environment I'm in
Everybody started working hard to achieve better grades
And I'm somehow coerced by them
If grades didn't proved well
I'll somehow stay back and catch up
Endless worries
They'll stay for one more year with me
To be honest I'm sick of this environment
But I need to adapt to changes
And somehow what motivates me is my future
They are my stakes
And taking the As is akin to a "show hand"
Can't really afford to lose
Grit my teeth for another year I guess

Now I've been trying to break free from my former friends
In hope of finding friends which are the more outgoing type
To maybe spice up my life
Maybe because of my secondary school life I'm a lone warrior
At least they could provide some sparks in my life
Feels good actually

In another note
I've recently purchased many games such as Assassin's Creed Revelation and Skyrim
I still have tons of games yet to be completed
Due to my never ending piles and waves of assignment
Maybe I bought them because I just wanted to hide in the virtual world
Indulging in it, while hiding away from reality
I could still vividly remember when I first confessed to a girl I was playing Naruto
I'm too scared that she would reject me
In the end, she really did
But when I was on the verge of crying
I played on, to stash that flow of tears somewhere
In the end I still cried, albeit there was a delay, the impact was softened
Still, I might be a coward
Now I'm still purchasing games

Am I still hiding from the reality?
After thinking seriously for the past few days, it is
Not because of family, not because of grades, neither was it about friendship (This mostly applies to girls I guess?)
It's still about love affairs
After since that rejection, I have never seemed to move on
Is it a mockery?
It's not the lingering effect, due to the fact that I can't let go
Let's just say...
I still value her...
Recently I've heard from my best buddy
He told me that she had broke up
To be honest, I'm sort of happy
Then again, mixed feelings
I've been like shoving away this topic in my brain for 3 years
I've still not confronted myself about it
As of writing now, I'm confused
Even my best buddy have told me
Your school has so much girls
Why can't I just pick one?
Yes yes there are some pretty and good girls out there
I don't know It's just me
They don't click with me
Should I just see a shrink
Or get me a pill which can dissolve my memory to vitamins
Up to this point, I ain't get a clue on what's next
Even if I've wanted to talk to her again
I doubt I could break the ice
Highly in doubt
I've lost the common topics and such
And she might not even bother me
But it is bothering me
Oh well
Maybe I should just turn in

And push back to another time
When I had the chance, I decided to give up
Wrong move because I'm regretting it now
If time would reverse, I'd stand up and try again
But I doubt I'll get this chance
If things are mine, no matter how far I am, they'll come back to me

Time for another round of gaming, for tomorrow

Delusion?

2011-07-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

Alright
Here's the stuff
I've gotten back my results like two weeks ago
I've been far from my goal
I've told myself I'll need to get A-s, lots of it
Now, what the heck did I attained?
I've failed my expectations
But I've picked myself up
Mmm Hmm, I need to get things started

H2 Physics: U
H2 Math: B
H2 Economics: B
H1 Chinese: B
H1 Chemistry: D
H1 General Paper: S

My teacher met up with me
One Physics and one Civics ( Math Tutor )
Both asked me the same thing
What happened to your Physics
I wasn't able to give a consistent answer to both
To Physics tutor: I think I have not done enough practise
To Math tutor: I think I got drained from the Economics Paper
Assumptions Assumptions Assumptions
I think, I think it should be a taboo for me
My gosh, I just said another

There's one thing I'm proud of
Not to be arrogant, but I've attained 3rd position in the whole cohort taking Economics
The Lecturer announced my score
That moment of escalation
It was hard to put in words
But something came along
The FEAR
The fear of keeping hold of this position
The fear of overcoming the 2nd and 1st
I need to climb up
The higher the better
When I fall, people spectate and mock
Did 3rd just failed his upcoming examinations?
I'm starting to be paranoid
I needed to get my economics spirit back
Far too much I've lost, the tough competition in our school
With foreign talents all eyeing on the position
I'm surrounded, I need to pave a way out

For Physics I've recently completed the Summative Assessment
Like Common Test
I "spammed" the questions for Gravitational and Circular Motion
I went in for the exams, with the tinge of fear
I've set another goal, from grade U to grade A
I need to do this
I need recognition, the most improvement award for physics
I'm pretty confident that I'll pass
I don't merely aim for a pass, I need a A
The lust for A, don't fail me when I need it
The feeling hovers: When I think I'm going to succeed, I'm bound to miss the trap hole underneath, and I'm falling for it

I've got this friend who is somewhat the same religion as me
I've listen to him, hearing him out why he failed
Although he retained for one year
I told him to get new friends, the group of friends which study
He scored pretty badly
He just told me, it's not about him, it's about himself
Alright, I took his words for it
So I told him to have discipline, take actions for his future
He told me these few days he's got headache, body "malfunctioning" and such
What was I going to say?
So I told him I'm not very glad with my results too
Which I'm far from my goals
All H2 A-s, H1 Chemistry B and H1 Chinese A
Guess what he said
Don't push yourself too hard, when you go up too high, you will fall down painfully
Which he states it's what he have learnt
Humans by nature have to keep on climbing
Pushing themselves to greater heights
If we keep on staying at ground level, afraid to take a step to the cliffs
We'll never reach the cliffs
What he said was (in my point of view) pathetic
If I'm staying on square one what's the point of me coming into Junior College?
I'm aiming for a Business Course, I have to do it
The cruel reality coerced me
If he's remaining stagnant, I'll have to bid farewell to him
I only hope he can catch up with me

Superficial

2011-07-02T23:16:00.000-07:00

After the chat with my best friend

Previously

I found out a lot of loopholes

Especially in my characteristic, I knew I had to complete a lot of things

I WAS an introvert, I felt that my life was in the state of despair

The fun crowd was drifting away from me

At that time that "solemn" feeling was there

I knew I had to salvage it

After the whole incident

I knew that I had the urge to learn something

Something I lack in was the persistence to acquire a new set of skills

Basically, to flaunt

That's how the mechanism of the world works

I had a couple of friends they had talent

Some know how to play the piano very well, others had superb physique

What I had?

A silver in NAPFA, superficial skills in playing basketball etc

The list goes on, a book-smart basically

Everyone knew book-smart was important, but they wouldn't give a hoot about it

They wanted talents

I had some, none appreciated it or even cease to exist

I had much more general knowledge, like in deep oceans creatures generally are "soft" or without bones

Who cares? Humans want to see the talents, the more "tangible" sort

I possess none, I knew adobe flash, who cared?

I've made an electronic card, who cares?

This was the feeling which I had until now

Our school had this project work

Then my group came out with a product

My form teacher (Civics Tutor - CT) encouraged us to draw it on a computer

I took 4 hours to complete it on Google Sketch

With my Novice skills

And it got recognized by my CT, he said it was well done

Compared to others who are unable to complete in on the computer

It felt great, I was higher than them in that aspects

Moreover, I've attained the top 3 for Economics in the whole cohort

Best of all, it was announced during lecture

My god, that was the commencement of my "talents"

I did not felt that my skills were buried with the influx of students having varying skills

It's time to lay my eyes on the first =D

I don't know how does human mechanism works

My male friends all communicate with each other efficiently

With the common topic - "girls"

Nincompoops

Their life revolves around looking at babes

Discussing about them

Yet unable to go for them

Redundant speeches

And it poses as a huge barrier of communication

I was limited to my speech, I can't talk about girls/babes whatever you called them

I don't feel like "degrading" myself, if I wanted, how about going for it instead of whittling time away by discussing

And sometimes obscene stuffs

Yes I do agree sometimes it's funny but...

To be honestly, I don't wan to be that superficial to talk about these nonsense

I have little friends which talks about major stuff

Like what recently happened in various countries

Man, I needed more of those people in my LIFE

Another aspect

Yesterday I was summoned to a friend's school to take a look at the videos produced

Nothing was won except the best supporting actor

It wasn't about the end, it was about the time there

When talking, I can't talk to her, I was communicating with everyone except her

She was doing the same thing

My best pal told me a guy should make the initiative

To reconcile first, alright talk was easy although I shared the same view with him

But this whole thing was like a 'mess' I've decided to throw it away and not to re-view it

Yet for it's shocking appearance

Is it intertwined with fate?

I knew some things could be escaped, but others required you to solve it

The thing will come in time no mater how you try to run

Like a wanted person, one day it will be apprehended

Today I was in the same dilemma, I thought I could make an escape

I've decided to solve it, it was a special occasion for today

The best time to solve it maybe?

But I did not know what exactly to send a message

There's a thin borderline which I hope that I don't cross it

I've made too much dumb moves

I'm from strategy club! A paradox!

I sought help from my best buddy

Honestly, it was the cream of the crop (I know it's a cliche)

He helped me by crafting out the message, the main bulk of it (Or even all)

It wasn't excessive nor too dumb

The right level, I've sent it and...

I hope for the best

Thanks to Shahrul

He's one of the best "advisory" you could get in the world

Adios

A Remembrance

2011-06-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

7th June 2011

Before the commencement of the Barbecue I had loads of thoughts

One was I'm not in the fun crowd

Two was what else to do besides the name has stated...barbecue

Three was the fact that my appearance shouldn't make a difference to the whole barbecue

I was hesitant...Honestly

I tried to phone my buddy to ask if he would to go

It did not appealed to him

At least I tried asking...persuading him each time with a different story on why should he go

He did not buy my story

At least I knew the problem was not with me

It was with the food there

I'm relieved, nothing went wrong

I went there alone

It was Duchess Crest or something similar

I had a direct bus but total of 41 stops

And I was going alone...

Seems hell lot of fun

After which I had to walk in to his house which is so secluded

A thought came through

Whats the point of flaunting that your're affluent even though you lived in a condo which is remote?

That doesn't prove anything

Or so I think

I went there with the thought that it's going to get boring

First impression being laid after attending my 2E1 Barbecue

I've got nothing to hide

It was as if the girls having their own barbecue and both me and my friends were left aside

That barbecue was totally screwed

I know that it is dumb of me to link both of them together

But hey, first impression counts...ALOT

Hence for this dumb mindset of mind

I went in there and learnt some things

Take an example

Previously I don't even know how to "create" a fire using just fire starter and charcoal

I've sort of learnt it

Life skill maybe?

I've learn how to barbecue...

It sounds like

"Aint this what I've learn in pre-school"?

Seriously, I did not had the chance even though I went once

Because they just surrounded the pit

Who had the chance?

Oh well, I don't want to indulge myself in the past

So I was in the fun crowd officially?

I found out that we had many erm

Common hobby

Like gaming and playing card game and such

My god...

After trying to join for the past few years

I finally found it (Not bragging but really you get what I mean)

And it wasn't hard to integrate when you have similar lifestyles and such

Hmm..

I think I've raise the level of friendship

Bringing it to a higher level

It was considered a best barbecue I've went

Make it the first and never the last.

What to do?

2011-06-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow I'll be helping Douglas to do his filming

To be exact it's today

Sheesh..

Previously I was full of anticipation

It wasn't till then that amount of anticipation dipped

The moment whereby I saw the email

He told me that the girl acting would be mysterious

And assured me that I'll know it on the day before

Yea I saw it

A "what the ****" moment

You know...

I was thinking maybe it's other girls

Or even from his school

Or such

True enough it was from his school

And from my school (previously)

It literally caused a stir within my brain

I finally calmed it, soothed it, it was still

And at that moment all the time taken for it to settle down was crushed

****!

People may say

Hey buddy, forget about it and such rubbish

You ain't in my scenario!

Step into my shoes, get the big picture!

The amount of avoidance was escalating

And finally came to a halt when I entered Pre-University Education

I really avoided her

She came back

And going into the making of my good friend's film

It's not agony

It's just that my efforts were partially considered futile

At this point in time

The damn loads of images keep whizzing past my mind

Expecting what tomorrow would behold

What will happen, will...

You see...

My brain has sort of malfunction

I'm really pissed

It's not I hate it

But it's just that wouldn't it be better that I delete you from my brain?

Permanently?

I know I know that I'm a wuss

After that incident

I'd never communicated with her

It's going to be tough for tomorrow

I don't think I'm going to brace for it...

I educated my brain

Stop the whirling state of mind and get into Zen mode

Nah, it's the heart...

But this time round I'm a "calefare"

Great deal I've gotten myself this time

I don't talk I just be the sidekick

Better than communicating with...

I'm really not looking forward to today

The feeling is now revoked

What's more when seeing her

Restrain buddy...

Play it by the ear...it's a feeling I cant express....

I'd rather be sucked by the abyss of gaming than to have this stir of feeling

Somehow, gaming is still way less complicated than love matters

Ominous

2011-05-25T20:05:00.000-07:00

I've bought a bagful of hopes

Only to realize it was dashed

Nowhere in sight...sigh...

Finally I have the spare time to sit down in front of my screen

To think and reflect about what I've done

Recently, why have I've been more and more philosophical?

I think in the sense that ..

Its to hard to pen it down

Today was the completion of my JC1 Summer Test

I've got a hunch

Ominous

I knew something was wrong

I knew that I did not live up to my expectations

I knew that I was far off my goals

Too far, too distant

I wondered if I could catch up

And supersede the best...

A week before I've gotten back my Economics Essay

Results were...bad (in my sense)

The model essay was printed out

He wrote like 4 pages being typed out by teachers

And font sizes were small, content was thorough

I compared myself with him

Whose the Giant? I'm merely nothing

He's not the locals ( No discriminations intended)

If I needed to achieve success, I guess the upcoming holidays...

Is all going to be spent on revision

I've seen how the rest fared

I've seen how I fared

It was as if a sky and the earth 's distance

No match, unparalleled

Buddy, it's time to retaliate

Not to be shot like a sitting duck

I'm full of motivation now

Let's make a pact, with the inner of mine

At the end of JC1...

I make sure I get to win the whole class of the elites

11A and 12A

To savour success

Cheers to victory.

Dissolved

2011-04-09T03:32:00.000-07:00

Truely touched How long was this sensation that I last felt? I've watched shows Depicting how poor was people How shabbily the lived I felt a thing for them But that was'nt touched It was just a pity Sometimes I think that Humans pity people Ranging from mockery to sincere But do they even help? Some do some don't It happened this week My brother was being told to stop working Because there was'nt anymore work to be done Was he given the sack? I doubt it...My firm believe He did'nt want my mother to worry So he lied to her That he was working 15days more I was hidden in the shades too Beans were spilled when my mother asked about his pay My father said 1 thing I was astounded Have I failed as a father? That was the sentence which came out I've got nothing to say Made me reflected about the actions I've done Decieving Retortion Defiance You name it, I've got it I did'nt know that such things affected them It was a mere casual remarks about their discipline But they ultimately get hurt Due to my ignorance Learn how to appreciate them I've understood, but I don't understand Learning the way to cherish =========================================================== Mathematics in our school was rather fun Equations, Binomial, Graph, Graph Transformation, Inequalities, Arimethic Progression, Geometric Progression It's all retained in my brain So I recieved back my Formative Assessment Like a test I've gotten 12/15 To be honest, I felt that it was'nt up to my standard Even though a lot of my classmates did'nt do well It's not about flaunting Each has their own ability So I need to set higher quota for it A girl won me by 13/15 Highest I don't care if she is a retainer Now it's like a battlefield I need to coerce myself even more Chinese saying goes Men of great ability are being forced out Lets do it ============================================================= 8 Friday April 2011 Went to the Marina Bay Sands for learning journey Sat at one spot doing all the work Previous cases was when we walked around the booths More enjoyable more sightseeing So we've waited for the events No never did it came Out of time Out of time Out of time Do Humans always defend themselves with the hostage as time? I don't know Humans never knew the importance of time Like in 9 April 2011 today I went to deal with a couple of guys I'm a card trader Or I should phrase it as Card Buyer I bought some cards with some unknown guys They were late First one was late, held up my meeting with the second buyer What the.... Where's the importance of time They knew it was important to be one time Like I knew how important was rice But do we ever practise that? Like I practise to savour every grain of rice? Never will But I've hated it Always ========================================================== Recently had a tiff with my newfound friend I don't know His ideology His character His ability Were none of a concern It was me who initiated that we should go on our own ways Not as in I verbally told them I just stepped aside literally Ate on my own, gotten a plate of rice and sat at an empty table Isolation I wanted to isolate myself I can't concentrate with my friends I can't succeed I can't do anything Constant distraction I'm about to lose my friends in that brink Should I really care? No I crave for that isolation That vanity I felt with those friends I wanted to be a lone warrior I wanted to close each doors leading to my heart Sealed permanetly And I've been enjoying that for the past few days And continuing I'm unable to locate a friend which I can bare out my heartfelt words Except one But he is'nt in my school Complicating stuff I don't know Maybe I should keep up with this I think that it's just my old wounds being unfolded Sprinkling some salts and rubbing it vigorously The root of the problem might still be THAT THAT was what I'm going to solve

Relearning of Something?

2011-03-26T00:33:00.000-07:00

Down with work for the past few days
Not the usual work but just school work
Have I choosen the route which is more tedious?
Which I could have opted for a easy way out
Should I regret?
I guess probably not...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(13March - 15March) 2011
Wasted my 3 days on Outdoor Adventure Camp
I guess I need to reactify the word " watsed "
So my mood was gone with the downpour over the 3 days
Went there the first day
Only to meet up with the Heaven's Solemness
Drenched in the tears
Our clanmates has to contruct a raft
Again it was this. Again.
And the rain never ceased, only to continue to pelt down
It was a mayhem, for me
So there were loads of activity
It was in Malaysia, Johor, Kahang
Impression was'nt really good when I first stepped in
My intuition never failed me
On the hiking route when we came down, a downpour suddenly started
Good gracious, I needed water, not to drench me but to give me a shower
All I can say was the whole trip I was bound to get dirtied
And it was inevitable to dodge even if I tried
What we ate was pure organic food
Rice, meat, vegetable
It was hard to swallow down
And almost choked on it, not literally
The whole camp has allowed me to experience the future's army so-called "dirtyness"
Much less to say I lost my rubber shoes in the pond filled with mud
So I had to ask for another pair of boots from my Trainer
He instructed me to wait and he would get another one
So I waited...
He never came back to me
I got furious, I found him and quaritated him
Where's my boots

"Don't have already, how to find one for you?"

That was his reply
Not that I want to sterotype
I don't like his reply
He was like "Haha, Serves you right for losing you boots and I don't give you a damn"
Others get their replacement while I don't get a fucked up shit
What's with him
My impression of this paritcular ( Sensitive word ) has been really poor
And he exhibits the fact that my speculations were not of the fake types
Dude, you need more training to keep your Trainer title

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(22March 2011)
Specialist Cadet School situated in Pasir Leba Camp
That was where I went with my class
I noticed a lot of things in there
It was like a resort
Facilities were well maintained
Food servings were not canned foods
Bedrooms have thicker matressess
Hell yea, time changes everything
They said that they complained and whined and thus resulted in the major changes
How about they complained that they did'nt want to serve NS
Does it work that way?
So yea we get to fire empty bullet guns
No wonder for the ear plugs
And taste the food
Delux part I suppose
And the nightscope equipment was fabulous
And much more...
So it gives me the mentality that it won't be hell in there
But...on the whole it awesome
Just that what's inside would'nt be seen
I bet on it

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All right, the Project Work has came out
The topic was Risk or Conflict
Choose one
Neither one was easy
I guess...
I have to work even more
Some have superseeded me
I need to win back that title
Which I had lost in that subject
Watch me do it

Gearing Up

2011-03-05T01:10:00.000-08:00

Another month, another day, another second of life
In a flash it's March already
Time does'nt fly when you look at it
Only flies when you look back at it
Alright, I'm getting philosophical
This question has been popping in my brain

What if you failed to do well

All right, I'd admit I was befuddled
Got my head cracking
But I told myself
This should'nt happen
Guess I found a path for my footsteps

Getting on
Alright, I've wasted my Saturday and Sundays
Everytime
Just looking all over the internet
And being engaged in my games
Time has seemed to shorten for me
24 hours a day to me is like 12 hours
I needed more
Everyday barely slept for 8 hours
Alright, that's life, what's with my grumbles
I could'nt spare time for my computer during the weekdays
Which it SHOULD BE THE CASE
Keep that in mind

I've found out something for myself
Which I could'nt study with a group of friends
I need to do it alone
Sometimes with them I've been engaged with all their rubbish
Pathetic
Nothing goes into my brain
Alright, keep it calm
Next time I need to be alone
It's a superb choice
Hmm...

Next week in line would be the filiming of my group's science project
Another time consuming one
Time is really shortened
I need 30 hours a day
Damn it
On average 8 hours per day for sleep
8 hours of schooling
An hour for filling the stomach
2 to 3 hours of studying
An hour for family interactions
So left with 3 - 4 hours of free time
Usually these time will slowly be dissapated
What's with the statistics?
Hmm
I needed more time management programs to be jammed up in my head

Cazzo

2011-02-25T05:09:00.000-08:00

From life, there are differing perspective
Making me fumed
I'm almost whitted out
I've no energy left for endeavor
I've lost too much
You tried condemning me to a pitfall of tragedy
But I'll state that I won't concede defeat
To you at the least
Cazzo.

Things are more or less getting on track lately
CCA has begun falling in place
I've attained what I've wanted
And made a bunch of new sidekicks
Here's my grunts

I felt that I had become a piece of a puzzle
With my edges jagged
I can no longer connect with the original pieces that I was actually from

Woodgrove? Scrap that.
Don't even mention some of them
I made the initiative
Which in my whole lifetime I felt like a nincompoop
I've tried to communicate with them
This particular guy from my Secondary School same class
Tcht !
I was almost going demented I supposed

He sauntered over to me and my pal, all from same Secondary class
So I and my pal sat on a bench we and there was this gap in between
He came over and sat in the middle
His back facing me, euphorically engaged with my pal
Imagine that
What was it like, especially he was my friend
Maybe only I treated him like one, not the other way round too
Many a times I tried to talk with him but he ignored me
Honest
So...
Anger? Frustration? Or even the word Pissed might come out?
By now it should have subsided
Humans
I should'nt be held liable, I tried..

As I was mentioning the CCA
I have this point of view
Fucked up.

Alright this whole piece of writing might express myself as an immature little young boy
Who only knows how to complain
Typical Singaporean, you should'nt be even airing your views
But I want to convert this hatred for my motivation for successfulness

So I'm in Strategy Club
Everyone was inspecting at other people's CCA
So they quaritated about mine
So I blurted out
And their eyes had that sense of "despise"
Alright, I coerced myself to give them a broad smile
I burried my anger, deep down
So comes this Primary Schoolmate of mine
He initially did not recognise me, uptil now still never even did
So he started the topic on
"Chinese Orchestra was better than Strategy Club and Strategy Club is a slacker's club"
Not stating that Chinese Orchestra was the same level as us, but in fact we both share the same thing
We are not competitive in nature
This statement allured me for a rebuttal for his low level thinking
Ridiculous
I verbally gave him a lashing
He was apprehensive and I purposely appeared to be more agitated than I really was
Stunned for words was he and that was a little lesson to him
Not only him too
Others scoffed at our CCA
I heard from my friends that there will be competitions too
Look from the bright side
If we were to win, the title of niche CCA we would be acclaimed
Thats another source of drive for me
To the fuck with those mindsets
Chess is a skill too, this I might need to reiterate for a million times
Might not be enough

Right now I'm going to start cultivating myself not to speak vulgar words
I have the tendency to say it when I'm working on a problem
I need a change
A revolution for my life
To the end with the vulgar word - fuck

So with the part not yet spoken
I made 2 refined friends
Both of them came from Pegasus
Our school term for retainees
But I won't call them that
Anyway I could see that they are have the aeipathy to do well in studies
Could hitch a ride from them
Unfortunately my classmate is unable to aid me
His mathematic foundations is weak
Ugh!
Only my clanmate could help me with chemistry
Then my Civics Tutor Mr Lin
I quaritated some question to me and his answer was
I give you a clue
But that clue was what I already know
But in the end I did solve it
Just needed more preserverance
At least I'm not getting spoonfed
Thats good, I've made a small headway in life
I need to be more progressive

Life seems to be like a battlefield
One wrong move and your toast
With bread and jam

Enjoy the Ride

2011-02-19T00:54:00.000-08:00

Another week has passed
Sigh..
My Flu and Cough has not recovered yet
Only to be exacerbated
I think it would put my immunity system to a test
At the very least it would be enhanced
Hmm...

So yea
I need to accomodate to the hectic schedule of the school
It's rather repetitive
Lecture Tutorial Lecture Tutorial
So it completes a total of 2 years cycle
All right bear with it
Only 2 years, time passes not when I percieve it, only when I look back
Should'nt pose much of a problem
Recently I've just mapped out a goal in my brain
To top in Innova Junior College
Some of my pals sniggled at me scoffed at me
Others gave me some pointers
Relieved to here that, abandoning the ones who scoffed
With that mindset set in place
I could possibly complete more than what's required to be submitted
I'm going to try making a leap to my future
Easier said than done I presume

So the school has lesser CCA choices left for us
I chose Strategy Club
I hope it does not close down on me
Last year I heard from my friends that they left 4 people in that group
Come on...
I'm not going for Chinese Orchestra
They called me upon for their Try-Out
I think I gave them a miss
Not my type
I'm going for something which will consume lesser of my time
Time is precious afterall
With workloads to be cleared
Projects upcoming
It's...
Antangonising

So upcoming there will be science projects
And a dumb N.E. Project
Redundant
National Education?
I'm sure I'm going to be a patriot
With 2 years of National Service
I would give my country a hug
You get what I mean

Let's anticipate for the future

Pretext

2011-02-11T08:49:00.000-08:00

Nowadays the weather is ridiculous

On some moment sleeping on my bed I was perspiring

Another moment I was shivering

No wonder did I became susceptible to the invasion of bacteria

I got a cough, a sore throat and an ulcer in my mouth
Triple combinations

Alright

Sunday

I went to CSI: The Experience with a good friend of mine

4 years and accumulating I suppose?

Let's be honest

At least with myself

For once

I felt like a hamburger

In between two sides and clamped down

I think I would apply the term A and B

A for the good friend who went with me

B for the good friend who I contacted with

So A was suggesting that we went for this exhibition

But B did'nt took a fancy

Each has their own thoughts

I'm a neutral party

So that was the scenerio

Alright one of them had to play the bad guy

But allowed me to remain as the good guy

Guilty was what I felt

Anyway moving on

I really enjoyed the experience

I place 100% of my interest into it

Guess what

Starhub had an additional 30% off the ticket fare

Cool or what?

I'm a loyal fan of Singtel

Treats ain't for me I guess

So literally you become a investigator

You got to solve 3 crime scenes

But you don't really solve

Instead they would enhance our knowledge

To stand from their persepective and look at the scene

And give reasonable deductions

I could say I was rather bonifate that I could have a part in it

At the end of the day the thing you would get is this

From the initial looks

It might not look cool

Anyway it's a Diploma

2 Hours to get 1 Diploma

Worth it, but not certified

I felt that my money was well paid, and the fun we had was incredible

And we exchange pointer of our vocabularies

Man he's good with it

I got to work on it

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Right

School has recently started

The temporary timetable has been released

Looks heartening

Wait till the permanent one falls in place

That would'nt be life for me

Orientation's dance song is still in my head

I need to eradicate if off my brains

So right now I've been trying to be consistent for my daily approaches to life

For an instance

I've been training up on myself

Mentally Verbally Physically

Expect me to throw out some "Never Heard Before Words"

Mentally and Verbally

I've been pressurizing myself to the maximum

Every morning I would stuff a newspaper inside

Practically

Is TODAY

Coerce myself to have a look and get updated with daily lifes

And checking up word of the day on dictionary.com

Or penning down the vocabularies which I never came across before

It's all in my wordbank

I'm trying to expand my knowledge of words

And to be able to articulate those in front of audience

I'm taking my proficiency of english to a greater levels

With all the newspaper I hope it would aid my General Paper somehow

Everydat trying out new questions from different subjects

Economics is completely new and I'm getting the hang of it

Math I'm trying with the questions before they even told us to do it

I feel a sense of achievement

That's my own one-sided thought though

Physically

Really trying to train up on my body

Some simple training

I don't take a fancy to travel to the gym

At home should suffice

Starting with 10 push-ups per day

Increase by 1 everyday

So I did it consecutively 4 days

I'm trying really hard

Researcher stated that to get it work like a habit

It takes roughly 21 days

No worries, I will turn the impossible to possible

And been training my sit and reach section

If I could get an Gold for NAPFA

I would have a 2 months exemption?

1 Year 10 Months

Come on let's do it

To wrap things up

Junior College seems pretty fun

Mugging would be my choice from now onwards

Mug-ged for the past 5 days

I feel good

Maybe there's something wrong with me

Nah!

Since I choosen it, I would strive for it

I just need the stamina

I don't want to be ousted

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My social circle of friends has increased rapidly

I'm thinking of annihilating those redundant friends which I tried to pacify when they were angry

Even though it ain't my fault

Feckless friends in which when they host a event they don't even give a damn call

But post it on Facebook and showing off

To think they called me their best friend

I was in the TEAM

DO THEY EVEN REMEBER?

I guess not

My presence was of no significance

They just took me like a tools of being made use

And to them

I was always an outsider

Let's be real honest

4E1 has been of a no memory to me

Not even a single bit

A lot may be saying

Hey I miss them, you should be too

Cazzo. (Italian Word)

Sometimes I see people on Facebook typing I miss 4E1

The anger in me would boil and be enraged

I really wanted to put

That class was just a platform for me to get into Junior College

The utmost importance would be the fact that my class the guys were like

I'm bound to be outside

They refrained me from getting in there

Cazzo.

Don't say I never tried

L. once told me this

J. said that he did'nt really like me

As in the like term was seen as a friend

L. tried to pacify me

Redundant

I did not even gossip and such stuff

Cazzo.

That was only a minor scope of the life I was in during 4E1

No Value, No Significance, No Life

My Life of Another Day

2011-01-28T20:25:00.000-08:00

Let's get started
Alright it's 2 days after the orientation
I presumed that it was another mundane activity
Lasting for a good 5 days
Guess what?
I've changed my preception of it
Not to the extreme though

So there were like 14 Woodgrovers
A hike from a previous 5 in 2009

I'm Home

Right
So to start off
Basically there are 4 houses
Like my primary school
Reminds me of the old scent
Saggitare Taurus Rasalas Aquilia
So as per always there is always a powerhouse
Like old times
I'm in Taurus
Thats the one holding the 6 year Champion feat
I wonder how do they attain it
Gah!

As usual with the lineups
Ice-Breaking Games
I'm an introvert
Obviously I hate this game
To the core
I prefer the lectures
More of a decent kind
Especially on the part of FORFEIT
Then you would have to do the impractical dance
Humiliation
I suppose so
But our school never practised that
Propitious

To give another add on
The hours are long
7.30am - 5.00pm
Not my cup of tea
At least it's a day camp
All right so no more protest from me

Since I'm in Taurus
It's a major group
Then sub-divided into 8 more clans
I'm in Tephnis

Tephnis + 7 more clans = Tarus
Tarus + Saggitare + Rasalas + Aqulia = Junior College Year 1 ?
Mathematical Formula?

So to be concise there were loads of activities
One part of it was the Mass Dance
The guys paired up with the ladies
I don't think I could escape the wrath
So the woodgrovers came together
Of a house
Yea so it was a more reposed
With friends around
You don't see yourself being one stranger
With my friend taking the lead
I mean why could'nt I?
So the girl dance with the leaders
So most probably I would'nt stand on my own
And leave that girl to dance on her own
It's antangonising
I don't want to dance but she did first
Paving the way I suppose
So naturally I could'nt reject
Pressurizing from the mindset
With the flow of the beats
I would probably follow Nike
Just do it
Since it was a mass dance
I found myself in the crowd

I'm not left out

After much scruntinising
I've established the fact that I want to take C203
Seems like a more decent one
Looks like theres no turnback
It's a do or die situation
And for some reasons
I've been looking how people write at their General Paper Essays
I think I could do it

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since Primary School
People have been going to different Secondary Schools
My good old friend WaiKeong
I left for Woodgrove while he left for Riverside
Hah!
We've been seeing each other in Innova
Not the lovey dovey type
I mean it's like 2 years since I saw him
He's grown much
I could vouch for that
Alright time to resarciate with him

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After seeing some of the CCAs offered
I've think I come to a decision
It's either
Strategy Club or New Media Arts
Innova is the centre of excellence for New Media Arts
Impressive
My secondary school's InfoComm Club was not even recognised
Or even abandoned by the school
I think I could utilize my skills to the maximum
And make sure that the previous school was in the wrong
I don't know why this school also deem Strategy Club as a feckless one
Darn it
Is playing Chess that feckless?
Gah!
Mentality got their brain screwed up!
Need to do more rationalism for which one I'm going to take

Monday it's the Amazing Race segment
4 hours long
I hope it does not rain
Or else I don't know what contingency plans they will make
But surely not that intoxicating any longer
I think I look forward to it
After Monday it's just another last day
Day 5 on Wednesday is just watching the Chinese New Year Celebration
I'm thinking of going back to Secondary School
To visit Mr Koh
And to flaunt my geographical skills

May my life conquer the odds

Assiduous?

2011-01-13T01:00:00.000-08:00

It's been a few days ever since I recieved my results
Going to say that my results were mediocre
Nevertheless
To me
It was just a game
A game where people would strive
I did
On the later part
Was'nt that effective
So I sat down at a corner and evaluated for myself
The pathway I'm going to take
Guess what?

I wanted to give it another shot of Junior College
I want to get into University
I want to get a double degree
I want to get high income
I want to..

It's like a daydream
Thats what I percieved it to be
No doubt
A sudden boil of eagerness to learn
Humbly

I ponder if it would last long
I ponder if it would last for at least 2 years
I ponder if it would boil down just right at the start of schooling
I ponder if it would...

I hope that it last long
Nah
I AM making it last long
Seems like everyone's going in a different direction
When I take the schooling pathway
No way I am going to stay at that spot
Never will
Striving for 2 years
I really hope I can
Accrue some faith and confidence
Thats how you formulate success

The only blockage to me is English
I mean
I am still figuring on it
Anarchy
Polytechnic is sort of like
Flimsy?
To me
I mean it is an easier way out
But the rate which they are eligible for University is 10%
Much lower than Junior College of 50%
Gambling on which one?
Nothing for me to fall back on should I fail at the one with higher percentage of going in
Hah!
Thats reality
High risk
High rewards
I've decided to take the risk
May fate decree that I succeed

Relinquish

2011-01-04T22:12:00.000-08:00

It's been a week since I worked

Ever since I decided to "resign"

A lot of factors I took into serious considerations

All that matters is that it was an insight for myself

Reminiscene

Leave that to the workers

Only thing which I remembered vividly was the heated debate

The topic

Male Chauvnist

I had to agree that I was one

Almost

I mean my opinion was that Males are better than Woman

But not to the point that Woman are weak

So this little girl distorted my words

She also waiting for results too

Receptionist - Harjit of the company came to have a chat

And there I was almost drowned in words

So my mentor LayHong also came

3 vs 1

Solo?

I could say that I was defeated

Ousted

Graduate + O level + Senior Administrative > Mere O Level

What more could I say

But I defended quite well I have to say

But this O level girl did'nt leave a good impression for me

For the least

LayHong said that my stand was unique

Tcht

Everything was pulled in

Ranging from India's female president to own life experience to North Korea's Leadership

Gah!

Had everything under the sun

Truely an astounding experience to learn from

Moving on...

Company's second last day

They decided to organize a party

Christmas + New Year Lunch

I could say that the meeting room was going to...

Rupture

Like over 50+ members trying to gasp a breath of air

By the time I got in there

Only thing left were desserts, rice, noodles and syrup drinks

Seems to have everything I needed?

The side dishes were polished

Nah that was'nt the fun part

They had a lucky draw

Seems cool

Most of the prizes were of a...

Watches

Obviously

There were others though

The grand prize was a $1000+ Champange with a condensor

Nifty

So what did I recieve?

I guess nobody would knew what was in there with the wrapper

I guess this brand is'nt that much of getting a renown

I don't think still people would get this picture?

It's a watch

I mean

What else could it been?

Timex Men’s Shock Resistant Analog Canvas-Leather Strap Expedition Watch

Long name

In Europe, it sells like 50 pounds or so

But in Singapore it sells SGD100 odd
Nice gift to get before leaving the company

Ryan told me that I could re-sell to the company

Half-Price

Or for Ebay at SGD90

Meh

It's a souvineir

And I gave it to my mum on that day which I recieved it

My mum only wore it during 1st January 2011

Meaningful?

But I wanted the Chronograph series watch

I have to say that after leaving the company, I grew much more attatched to watches

Still

Chronograph

Present for a Stranger

2010-12-25T03:36:00.000-08:00

Everyone over the world is mentioning about Christmas

I guess I'm no exception

Hah!

This year was extraordinary

I got some little gifts

No worth much in terms of value

But weights a tons in my heart

Gifts were never present in my life

16 years

The only ones I got are from my loving parents

This Christmas gift was from my colleagues

One was from Jonathan on the left

The right one was from Ryan

How long do I know them

Only a couple of weeks to be exact

Although they gave to everyone within the company

It was...

Different

Jonathan and I had a short talk

Practically nonsense

I teased him by saying I was touched

I can sense that he's a man of pride

But he told me this

A little gift could go an extra mile

By making people a little happy

I could'nt agree more

Truthful

I could say that I do not need those enormous gifts

Small

Yet loaded with sincerity would make me euphoric

Thats life

My life

When I've grown up I want to do the same thing

His character was...

Exemplery

I yearn to be that kind of guy

Jokes a little and be 100% serious in terms of work

And able to socialise well

Socialism was the key thing I'm try to learn

Uptil now

How many girls did I took the initiative to have a chat?

Practically

Male wise, I did a fantastic job

Somehow I can't do it

Acquiring in progress

He's cool, I've to admit

I hope he excels in his work

Cheers

I want to be like him

But I don't want to be him

Befuddle

2010-12-20T05:27:00.000-08:00

2 years, the feeling still lingers...
Much like yesterday, the thought still prevail.
Everyday I was settling myself down at the seats near the windows of the bus.
I peered out of the window.
Gazing into the unknown.
Agony
Her image would definitely materialise in front of me.
Tcht
Time heals the wounds..
I beg to differ.
Until now nothing's changed
Hah!
I don't know why how or when
Am I still fond of her?
2 years ago I told myself
I would get it done and over
2 years after and I am still in this dilemma

Forward

The barrier still exist
It seems to be like you delete it and in it goes into recycling bin
Delete that again and it goes into the second recycling bin
It never ceases
Pathetic
I need to get ahold of myself
How?
The past keeps on being evoked
What she likes to listen etc
Gah!
Useless memories, why just can't they remove themselves?
I tried to play more games
Numbness
Like a marijuana, I played games with more blood spillage
I want to be completely devoided of feelings
The fact still stands still
Unshatterable

I'm still befuddled
When a comely girl whizz past me
I would only deem her as an ornament
But feelings would not occur
I'm sound
That does'nt suit me

I've evolved
From the introverted to frisky
Unsure
But it happened
2 Years ago I don't utter a single word to the opposite gender
Now I actually communicated more
It's just not me
Reversion
I don't know myself anymore
I don't recognise the one standing in front of the mirror
Never did
Jonathan suddenly popped this question to me
Ever thought of getting of an intimate
Stunned
I...
Up till now I am still pondering
Why did'nt I go to the extreme?
I could have been with her
Look at the failure rate
Tcht
People were like..
Date-->2 days-->Break
I'm glad?
Thats the crossroads I am stuck with
Should there be contrition?

It's suffocating
I need to plan
I'm sick
Love Sick
I need a Love Doctor
Self-Medicate.

Workforce

2010-12-16T05:41:00.000-08:00

Damn, it's been almost a year ever since I have written my daily life!
Maybe I lack of the spur I speculate?
Things just look sombering...

It's 16th of December and I am still striving, I wonder will I finally reach an end to this.
Pay wise, no doubt it's one "wow" factor.
And invoices kept flying towards me, like a meteor. It never fails to rain on me, except after noon.
Well, it was supposed to be a challenge, but it turns out that I was supressing the internal of me.
Resentment arose fast. Why?
To be candid, I knew nothing.
It was just the devil of me? No.
To be paradox, YES.
Was I really frustrated about the fact that my boss was a scrooge?
Possible, I never rule out any thing.
A mere dollar pay rise could mean a thing to me, and meant to her another--> yes she is a woman.
I never broach the subject, but my partner did it for me, it failed.
Oh well, PRESERVERANCE dude. Go on, until the end of the month, you will find yourself in another paradise, I assume.

Carry on, I don't want to give it a thought anymore.

I made a few colleague a few days back.
Should it be a colleague? Or should it be just mere friends?
Generation gap.
Come to think of it, there was one whose gap is narrow.
-JK-
Jonathan Kang
He is a jester for the company, he brighten up the day, but too fogged it.
Friendly was his nature, he was the only one in the whole colleague I felt that I clicked with.
Not in the fact that -LIKE-
But the matter of -Friendship- He's good at managing ties. Not the one you wear.
He assured me that he will keep a lookout for better job opportunities for me.
Touched.

There are also other saviour.
-LH-
LayHong, like a guy's name.
Ironical.
Queries? Post it to her.
Reliance is growing, argh!
She was like a mentor, guiding the way for you.
Enlightenment. (Light Bulb)
Everyone has a temper, her's was unleashed yesterday and took everyone by storm.
Yea I felt the heat too..
Unfortunately, there was'nt any fire extinguisher, and the flame proliferated.
Like the haze, it went out too, no hatred forever exist, same fact.
It ended up with me today, I almost got smoked by people's negligence.
*A phone call* --> *Picks up* --> *I want edit the invoice* --> *Middle finger on the sly*
Thats the whole process.
You do all the talking, and I do all the slavery.
You made my life hard, no wonder she fumed, I got it, not that I understood it.

The one who got along with me quite well.
-Ah Teck-
He's both mute and deaf. I emphasize.
I remembered when I was instructed to work with him to find a particular invoice, and we found it, it's all just a "Thank You!" which got me moving.
Gratitude.
Nowadays, when I say that two words, all of them took it for granted.
Granted.
I understood something from him and it boils down to a single point.
Simple words are enough to fulfil a simple man who just has simple wishes.
Simple.
Really I find it a pity.
He works quite hard and he got labelled by the boss.
How so? Interesting thought.
When I first came in, the boss told me to look for him, and I asked who.
She said, the guy who is muted and deaf.
Piercing to the heart.
She's too straight, or is her character straight?
I don't know and I don't intent to know.
Some people are with defects, but still more aspiring than us.
Ashamed.
I look upon them.
They are better. Than us.

It's like after working I attained Nirvana.
I saw alot of character, some exploits while others care.
Pitfalls are everyone, you have to avoid.
Thats when your colleagues come in and aid in your conquest.
Rake in more allies than foes.
Thats where my social circle is lacking.
ENHANCING