1) Get back in touch with your friends – Hopefully, you didn’t lose touch with your friends while involved with your relationship. Now is a great time to get back in touch spend time with them.

2) Work out – After a week or two of eating comfort foods, hitting the gym or yoga mat is a great way to get back in shape and relieve stress.

3) Fix up the place – Look around your house or apartment. what chores could you do now that you have spare time – like painting the walls, cleaning out your closets, or planting a garden.

4) Volunteer – Are there any community or charity events you can get involved with? Working with a group of people to complete a task can give you a sense of accomplishment and giving back feels good.

5) Dive into work projects – If your work has suffered during your break up, now is a great time to finish any overdue projects or tasks you have been procrastinating.

6) Take up a hobby – what have you always wanted to do but never had time? Take a class, learn a new language, or get involved in local meetup groups.

7) Travel – Pick a destination you have always wanted to visit and plan a trip there, either by yourself or with a group of friends.

Being single is a chance for personal development because you realize you can take care of yourself, do what you want, and be happy without someone in your life, if you choose.

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They are easiest to understand when you see other people entering a rebound relationship. You may see your friends or family members endure a painful break up only to meet someone a week or two later and fall madly in love. Often, these types of relationships seem to move fast, with people professing their love after a short time.

When it comes to identifying if you are about to enter a rebound relationship, it is much more challenging. After all, you’ve just spend the last month or two dealing with the pain of losing someone special and now, this new person has appeared. You want the pain to stop and this new person makes you feel all the wonderful lovey-dovey feelings of puppy love. Suddenly all is well with the world again.

Even if you are convinced the break up was for the best and you’re over it, you still may have unresolved issues that take time to heal. Everyone wonders from time to time whether the break up was their fault, if they are unlovable or incapable of loving, or if they could have done things differently.

Since those thoughts are painful, it’s much easier to find an “emotional Band-Aid” who will push those thoughts out of your mind and tell you that you are wonderful. Your ex just didn’t understand.

Unfortunately, if you haven’t taken the time to decompress from your break up, analyze where things went wrong, and learn from your mistakes, you will likely repeat them in any new relationship. And you will likely lead the new person you are involved with on and possibly hurt them when the newness of this relationship starts to wear off.

Do yourself and your new love interest a favor – take it slow and make sure you are fully over your ex before you get involved in another relationship

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1) Your song – If you were together for any length of time, you probably have a song that was linked to a special moment in your relationship such as your first date, kiss or make up. Listening to this song can quickly turn you into an emotional mess, so try to avoid it for at least a year.

2) Your place – Just as music can bring back memories, so can a special place like a restaurant, park, beach or camp grounds. Don’t go back until you’ve had time to recover and don’t take anyone new there.

3) Wallowing in self-pity – Right after a break up, throwing a pity party with your closest friends is expected. It’s OK to wallow in misery for those first few days. By letting yourself experience all the good times, visiting your old place, listening to your song, and assuring yourself that you will never find another great love again, you can get it out of your system all at once. Then, after a few days of this, you will get bored, realize you are letting life pass you by, and move on in the healing process. Your friends will be extremely sympathetic in the beginning, but as time goes by, they won’t want to hear about it any longer.

4) Facebook – Facebook is evil after a breakup, so do yourself a favor and unfriend your ex. Otherwise, you will check up on their profile regularly and it will only cause you more pain to see them moving on with their lives.

5) Don’t be friends – Don’t be Facebook friends. Don’t be “in person” friends. At least not now. The only way to go from a relationship to a friendship is with time – like six months to a year. You need perspective on whether you still want this person in your life and directly after a break up, at least one of you has ulterior motives for remaining friends (e.g. to not feel like the “bad guy,” to have emotional support as they move on, or to keep the option open that you will one day get back together.)

Yes you can survive a break up, but there will be pitfalls and obstacles that threaten your progress. Now that you are broken up, your number one priority should be taking care of you.

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Before you jump into your next relationship, it’s best to analyze why your current relationship ended and what you might do better for next time.

1 – Look for patterns – If this isn’t your first break up, look for patterns between this relationship and your previous ones. Are you picking unavailable people and then feeling rejected when they reveal they are unavailable? Do you need to be in control? Are you terrified of being abandoned? Knowing your patterns can help you break your cycle and find more compatible partners for you.

2 – Accept the relationship for what it was – Most things don’t last forever. That doesn’t make them bad. Unfortunately, when a relationship ends, many people try to blame someone, take revenge, or label the relationship a “waste of time” because it didn’t turn out the way they had hoped. Every relationship you have offers you a chance to grow and learn more about yourself.

3 – Focus on the future – It’s impossible to go back in time and change things, so accept that things happened the way they did. Besides, why would you want to stay with someone who clearly no longer wants to be with you? It’s an exercise in futility. With time, you will realize that every break up is an opportunity to move forward with your life.

4 – Take time to heal – While it may be tempting to jump into another relationship immediately, rebound relationships rarely last. More likely, they will just be a temporary way for you to postpone dealing with the issues you need to work through to be a happy, healthy person.

5 – Don’t obsess – After any break up, you will replay the events leading up to the break up and ponder what you could have done differently. It’s OK to do this initially, but if you find yourself constantly thinking “if only I had done this or said that,” you are no longer being productive. You can’t change the past. You can only learn from your mistakes so you don’t make them again in the future.

Getting over a break up takes time. But keep in mind, if someone is willing to walk away from you and take the chance that they will lose you forever, they aren’t right for you.

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Avoid Blame

The first step to a positive breakup is to avoid playing the blame game. Since there is only two of you, it’s tempting to shift the full blame onto one person.

For instance, you can make the break up your fault. “I don’t deserve you.” Or “you’re too good for me.” These often come across as insincere but convey the message that you want out now.

You might also shift the blame to your partner. “You cared more about your work than me.” Or “You don’t love me enough.” Or “You’ve put on weight, lost your job, become depressed…” And so forth.

It’s better if you stay away from either situation. Breaking up is never easy and it won’t help you in the long run to assign blame now. The more you blame your partner, the more he or she will want to defend themselves.

Instead, use language like “I feel…” rather than “You are…” For instance, “I feel neglected when you are always at work.” Try to be specific.

Focus on How Not Why

If you have been dating a long time, figuring out how to untangle your lives will be the real challenge. How will you walk away and live your lives.

If you have joint bank accounts or share a home or kids, figure out the logistics before you have the break up conversation so you can offer suggestions.

Asking “why” this is happening will only leave you stuck in the past. It won’t help you move on, so figure out your plan of action.

Just because you break up doesn’t mean the relationship wasn’t special. Not all relationships are meant to last long-term. Though it can be scary, it’s better to leave a souring relationship than to stay stuck and be miserable.

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1 – Apologize – If you feel you have done something wrong and are sincerely sorry, you may owe your partner an apology. Apologies are only useful if you mean them and are willing to make it up to your partner. This isn’t about buying your way out of a jam, but being repentant and letting him or her know that you won’t do it again. People make mistakes and you’ve learned from yours.

On the other hand, if you aren’t sorry, then you are just lying to your partner and will make the situation worse. You’ve probably heard Rihanna sing “Don’t tell me you’re sorry ’cause you’re not. When I know you’re only sorry you got caught.” Your self-serving behavior will only make your partner angrier at you.

2 – Take responsibility for your actions – If you want the relationship to work, then put in the work to fix whatever is wrong. If you don’t want to be in the relationship any longer, then leave. Don’t make things ten times worse by having an affair, getting violent, trying to get mutual friends/family/kids to take sides, or playing the victim.

3 – Take a time out – If you need space or outside factors make it difficult to continue the relationship, maybe taking a break can help. You can’t make someone love you more than they do, but you can give them time and space to figure out what they want.

While these three tips won’t guarantee that you can save your relationship, they can help you determine if your relationship will stand the test of time.

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1. Timing – You find what seems to be Mr. Right, but the timing is wrong. He’s involved with someone else, is still finishing school, must focus on his career, is too young or too old, or something else outside your control. It’s frustrating and you wish that if only you met him years ago, things would be different.

There’s not much you can do if the timing is wrong. Both people have to be willing to make a commitment for a relationship to work. Let this person go. Perhaps things will change in six month or a year, but don’t spend your life waiting for someone to come back.

2. Incompatibility – Sometimes you just have different priorities or belief systems that cause conflict. You want to settle down, he wants to travel. You want kids, he wants to establish his career. Or you have different religious beliefs and one won’t convert to the other’s religion.

There are always compromises in relationships, but if the basics aren’t in place, you won’t last for the long term. Ask yourself if your goals and values are aligned – or is one of you hoping the other will change to make the relationship work?

Having different goals doesn’t mean that one of you is right and the other is wrong. it just means you aren’t right for one other.

3. Not over the ex – It’s difficult to be present in a relationship when you are still pining for a lost love. Sometimes, an old flame pops up when you least expect it and can disrupt your relationship causing old feelings to resurface. At that point, you have a decision to make: should I stay or should I give this previous relationship a second chance?

4. Geography – Long distance relationships are hard work and often involve lots of fantasy interspliced with those few days a month of reality you see one another. You spend your days pining for your lover so on those few rare moments when you do meet up, everything is magical. It’s like a vacation from your “real” life. But it’s very difficult to sustain that kind of lifestyle long term, and sometimes you have to accept the timing is off.

5. Sex and money – The two things couples fight over the most – sex and money – can be enough to drive a couple apart. If you don’t have the same sex drives or style in bed, or if one of you loses your job, has money problems or makes significantly more than the other, problems can arise.

If you are having problems in your relationship, look at the root cause. Is it a timing or compatibility issue? Or is it something you can work through together to build a stronger relationship?

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• You fight constantly about trivial things.
• You stop being affectionate or having sex.
• You wonder what you ever saw in this person.
• You think your friends may have been right about this “loser.”
• You spend more time apart than together.
• You go for days or weeks without speaking.
• You make major life decisions without consulting your partner.
• You start comparing your partner unfavorably to others you could be dating.
• You imagine yourself dating others.
• You look for excuses not to be alone with your partner.
• You stop talking about future plans.
• You avoid answering the phone or returning your partner’s calls.

When you evaluate the state of your relationship, try to look at it objectively. I know that can be hard sometimes, but does this behavior only apply to you or are both of you miserable? Does your partner know anything is wrong – and if so, would he or she be willing to take the necessary steps to fix the situation?

At some point, you will have to bite the bullet and talk with your partner. You can say something like, “I’ve noticed we’ve been fighting a lot or don’t see one another as often as we used to. Our current relationship isn’t working for me. Is this something we can fix, or is it time to break up?”

Relationships do take work, but they should also be positive, supportive and encouraging. If you find yourself feeling more miserable than happy, then figure out what you are willing to do to change your situation – or if it’s hopeless and you just need to break up.

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Men, on the other hand, often seem wary of women who are quick to initiate a talk about commitment. The mention of anything surrounding “where is this going” quickly shuts them down.

This is due to the media stereotypes that “all” women are looking to snag a man to play the role of their ideal husband and life partner. Virtually any man will do, so long as he is willing to follow her schedule of getting engaged, planning a huge wedding, and having kids in the near future.

These expectations create a lot of fear and anxiety in both men and women. Men shy away from commitment because they think it means replacing their fun-filled lives with heavy responsibility.

This, in turn, creates anxiety and fear in the women because she has a timeline in her head of when she expects from a quality man. If he isn’t yet ready to commit, will he ever be? She isn’t getting any younger.

Her increased anxiety over “where things stand” causes her to live in her head, always wondering how he really feels. Often, she will either start to distance herself from her man or will pursue him with more affection – neither of which help bring the couple closer or make her man want to commit.

Rather than force a man to commit based on her time table, the better approach is to relax and don’t force a relationship. Be secure enough to know that you are a good catch and that if things are meant to be, they will just happen.

Commitment conversations usually happen on their own, when both people are ready to “take the relationship to the next level.” There isn’t any awkward pushing and prodding because you both enjoy what you have for what it is, rather than trying to make it into something different.

If you know you are a great catch. If you have a happy, fulfilling life, and you have enough self confidence to know that loves in its own time frame. Then, you don’t need your man to “complete” you or fill a glaring hole in your life.

Love and commitment will evolve naturally.

And when that happens, your man will appreciate you much more because you have given him the time and space to form his own conclusions – when he is ready – rather than badgering him based on your own neediness.

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Unfortunately, men have a different idea of what a “nice girl” is. When men think of “nice girls,” they think of someone who has no life of her own and who can’t make decisions for herself. She’s a girl who doesn’t know what she wants, doesn’t have much self confidence, and who welcomes a relationship with any guy who wants her. She isn’t much of a challenge because she’s willing to drop everything if he needs her and she will bend over backwards at his beck and call.

Some women approach relationships as the subservient partner. They let their man take the reins over who she is, who she interacts with, and what she does. Sometimes they will even stop doing things they enjoy because their man doesn’t want her to continue. They start to dress in the way their man wants them to. They take up his interests and hobbies. And they support him in his life goals – to the detriment of their own self-image and personal goals.

The problem with this approach lies in self-respect. If you are willing to do what it takes to “make a relationship work” with any old guy – to the point where you compromise your interests – you are giving away your power. And no one can respect someone who doesn’t respect herself.

Respect is a crucial component to any healthy relationship, and without it, the relationship dies.

The truth is that quality men don’t want to take control of your life. They want an engaging, positive woman who runs her own life, and whom they can spend time with.

It is absolutely essential to put yourself first, voice your own opinions, and pursue your dreams.

We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. The more you exude uncertainty, indecisiveness, and doubt, the more likely you will attract others to you who will walk all over you. They act by example. If you don’t respect yourselves, no one else will.

The solution to this problem is to develop a healthy disregard of what other people think. Yes, sometimes another person’s feedback is helpful and constructive, but if you constantly assess your own worth based on what other people think, what the media deems as the “perfect” woman, or how others define “success,” you are setting yourself up for failure.

No matter what you do, you won’t be able to please everyone. And the more you try to please everyone, the more you ignore your own needs and wants.

Instead of spending all your time focusing on who your parents, friends, dates, coworkers and others think you should be, respect yourself enough to follow your dreams and prioritize your passions. It’s your responsibility look out for your own best interests.

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