Here’s today’s question on getting those all-important digits.  If you want her phone number — the following is a great and powerful way of standing out from the other guys…

**  Your Letter  **

“Hey Adam,

I’m pretty good at starting conversations and I’m not bad at leading a woman into an emotional-subject conversation, but I suck – read SUCK – at asking for her number.  I get all nervous, like I feel like I’m raping her or something.  Any advice on a casual number close?”  – Thanks man, Jared”

**  MY RESPONSE  **

Jared…

Rape?  Really?  Well, let’s start there because your problem lies there.  You are somehow flipping from connection and contact into WANTING something from her.  You feel like you are illicitly TAKING something from her.  When in fact you are OFFERING her something.

Here’s your reframe:  by getting her number, you’re giving her an opportunity to go out with on another night (or later that night!).  You’re offering her a chance to meet a guy who can open up new worlds for her.  Show her new places. Lead her into deeper conversations than she has had with others.  Have a great sensual, sexual time with you because you’ve honed your erotic skills  (www.EroticMastery.com – seriously, if you haven’t downloaded this program, you’re cheating yourself AND her.  The information and techniques inside changed MY life, as well as the men who have listened to it)

Now, you or ANY MAN reading this, need to look inside and ask honestly: what do I have to offer a great woman?  Identify your attributes: kindness, humor, adventure, knowledge, experience, affection, erotic mastery, depth — whatever it may be.  And then identify what you want to improve in ANY of those areas (and then go out and improve on your skills, here or elsewhere).

If you stay focused on why YOU are the prize – she will feel you to be the prize — or at least will give you the benefit of the doubt until you prove otherwise.

Now, here’s a great way to get her number, without doing a dorky “number close” – which I witnessed just the other night and made a note to share it with you as soon as I got home.

I just learned it slamming along the music clubs on a humid 6th St. in Austin with some buddies from around the country.  One of them, a fast talking New Yorker met a sweet Texan girl (big hair) and had her laughing in the first few minutes.  AS SOON AS SHE WAS LAUGHING… (i.e. in a happy, receptive moment-state) – he said…

“Hey, we’re having a great time and you know I want to see you again when it’s not so loud . We both know I’m going to ask for your number sooner or later, so let’s just exchange numbers now, so we can just be normal”

And of course she did.  Let’s break down the messaging:

1. He framed the moment: we’re having a great time and told her she wanted to see him again (in case she didn’t realize it

2. He suggested intimacy and care: “when it’s not so loud.” — which suggests he wants to know more about her, to actually LISTEN to her, which of course all women want from men.

3. He spoke for her again and called out the elephant in the room (showing meta-situational wisdom) “you  and I both know I’m going to ask for your number sooner or later”

4. He didn’t ASK for her number (taking or, for you Jared, “raping’) and instead offered a fair exchange of numbers, theoretically keeping the non-rapey equilibrium.

5. “So we can just be normal” – ahh, this was the genius capper.  This phrase subtly suggest that they are in an “abnormal” state at the moment, a disequilibrium that needs to be resolved.  He is offering her resolution, calm, peace – NORMALITY, for godsakes – once she gives him her number.

**

Do you see how many dynamics you can engage with just one simple sentence?  Just as in Deep Attraction Online, where I show you how to stand out from the online crowd with powerful, sensual, subtle and suggestive language, so too you can stand out from every other chumpy guy out on the town who puts himself into the submissive pose of ASKING for a phone number.

By contrast, offer your insights into the moment, offer your number in exchange, and offer the experience of a man who knows what he wants and just gets it.

Try it.  And let me know how it goes.

Your friend,

Adam

p.s. – do you have another great way to get digits?  To get her contact via facebook or email?  Do you make orgasmic sounds when you bump?  I always say I’ll bump if SHE makes orgasmic sounds.  Then, of course, I say it didn’t come through, She has to bump – and moan – harder.  God, apps make life fun. If you’ve got a great technique or insight on how to get a woman’s info, put it into the comments below, and share your wisdom with the other guys, you selfish bastard!

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There are three parts to crazy, hairy (or shaved), unpredictable,

natural, fun, playful and easeful success with women:

1. Skills to Attract

2. Skills to Emotionally Connect.

3. And my personal favorite: Skills to Inspire.

If you live your life INSPIRED, women will be drawn to you.  To

your vitality.  To your optimism.  To your love of life.

In fact, I dedicate a HUGE part of my life to spend time with men

and women who inspire me – who break me into whole new ways of

being.

One of those people is Tony Hsieh, founder of billion dollar

company, Zappos.

The dude is a visionary – his whole life, his whole success and his

whole business is built on the principles of having and giving WOW

Experiences, maintaining “weirdness” and going 1000% overboard to

keep his customers in a state of delight at how much over the top

service they get (see the parallel to intimacy yet?)

Today, Tony is giving a FREE teleseminar…

I’m going to be on it – and I thought you might like to be as well.

Here’s why I think you should pop on this call…

It’s easy to get stuck in ruts.  In fact it’s INEVITABLE that we

get stuck in ruts – mental ruts, habit ruts, social ruts, dating

ruts, sexual ruts…

And it takes an act of conscious WILL to break forward into new,

inspired ways of being.

It just so happens that I was reading Tony’s book “Delivering

Happiness” on the plane out to Austin last weekend, and someone

commented “that must be a good book” – because I was still reading

on the escalator down to baggage claim.

Check this out: I’ll write more about this later, but here are 10

core principles of Zappos Mission.  Notice how they ALL apply to

dating and intimacy!

1. Deliver WOW through service

2. Embrace and drive change

3. Create Fun and a Little Weirdness

4. Be Adventurous, Creative, and Open Minded

5. Pursue Growth and Learning

6. Build Open and Honest Relationships with Communication

7. Build a Positive Team and Family Spirit

8. Do More With Less

9. Be Passionate and Determined

10. Be Humble

If you can, jump on the call at 5 Pacific time, 8 Eastern.

Here’s the link: http://www.happinessbooktour.com/

See you there.

Your friend,

Adam

ps – I just noticed that there is a business advice membership club that they will probably be offering at the end of the call.  But I imagine it will be a soft sell and no one is compelled to buy.

ps – please comment below on this:  WHO INSPIRES YOU?  What

business leaders?  What men?  What women?  Share their names and

maybe what they’ve written – and please add WHY they inspire you.

I like to think of this as a community of mutual inspiration as

well as mere success with women.  That’s just the natural result of

living an inspired life.  Peace.

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Okay guys, now let's get counterintuitive...

Adam,

I’ve been reading your weekly messages and posts. They’re great. Thanks for all the great advice. I just had a question for you:

So, there is this woman whom I dated/lived with for 2 years. We broke up about a year ago but we still hang out and still acknowledge to each other that we’ll someday end up together. On occasion we still kiss and make-out a bit. But she says as of right now that there is no spark between us anymore. Which makes it difficult for her to want to have sex.

I was wondering if you had any advice to bring that spark back? I know I can do it and I love this girl a lot. I just want to make her feel good. You see, since we’ve broken up I’ve been trying to better myself with these personal quests and I’ve been reading through messages and posts from gurus such as yourself as well as a lot of sex books. So I want to give her my new talents! Any help would be much appreciated! Thanks for your time.

Jordan

MY RESPONSE:

Hey Jordan,

This one is easy.

You know how you want to go out for a great meal?  The best restaurant in town?  What DON’T you do in the hours before that meal?

You don’t eat crackers.  You don’t nibble on almonds and raisins.  You stay away from the Ben and Jerry’s in your freezer.

In other words – you don’t snack.  You stay hungry.

And you start craving that meal that is waiting for you.

By hanging out with her and making out with her, you are giving her crackers.  You are sating her need to feel loved, accepted, valued.

But you’re sating that need just enough to prevent her from craving the meal.  The meal of you.

Or to use your metaphor, your dampening her wick so the spark can’t catch.

You’ve got to disappear a bit.  You can be direct and say, “I care about you so much.  You are so deeply in my heart.  It’s really not possible for me to just hang around with you right now.  My love for you is too strong.  But we may just not be right for each other.  You seem to feel that way.   Maybe it’s just a passing doubt, but maybe it isn’t.  I love this life and I am committed to loving someone fully.    So I’m going to take some time off from “us” in order to stay committed to my highest goal — to give my time, to give my heart fully to someone who feels the same way about me.  I will always care about you.”

You don’t have to use exactly those words, but you get the point.

Then –- and here is the key — vanish!

You can text, but if she wants to hang out or meet, stay with your commitment.  You can say you need a week or a month or three months – but whatever you say – mean it.

Or she’ll never believe you about anything.

Then – I assume you’re both on facebook – go out and have a FABULOUS life.  Post happy posts, post happy pictures of you being awesome (but not with your arms around other girls).

If she really does love you, if she really wants to be with you, she will mount a campaign to get you back.

Then you have my permission to wow her with your awesome sexual skills.  J

Your friend,

Adam

ps — HEY EVERYBODY — a brilliant beautiful woman friend of mine is just now finishing up a book on exactly this subject — how to rekindle the spark with that amazing girl you either intentionally or stupidly let go — or lost.  please post your IDEAS for her – as well as your QUESTIONS below.  This is going to be a powerful, savvy and sexy book — just like the authoress!!!!!

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I am not generally a fan of absolutes.  They tend to end in airplanes crashing into buildings or abortion doctors getting shot.

But there is one absolute I support – and that is taking absolute responsibility for your life. Absolute responsibility for your financial success, your social success, your sexual skill and presence. Which all comes down to absolute responsibility for your inner world, your inner monologue.

It means NEVER blaming outer circumstances for your condition – no matter WHAT.

If Viktor Frankl, the psychologist, could find the burning core of human hope and goodness while tortured in Auschwitz – you and I can pull up our belts, press our shirts and head out and find happiness and success with local women.  (If you haven’t, you must read his book, “Man’s Search For Meaning.”  You will NEVER feel sorry for yourself again.)

My buddy (and a new dad!) Carlos Xuma agrees with me.  Here is a short piece of his about choosing which attitude you’re going to have toward life – and which results you will get.

Create the life you want.  Nobody else is gonna do it for you!  Here’s Carlos…

* * *

There are two kinds of men in the world today, and I want you to meet them … because you’re probably one of them. Actually, you’re probably both, to a degree, but you are definitely more one than the other. Each of these two guys is single, intelligent, and generally a ‘nice’ guy.

What they do have is widely disparate ATTITUDES toward life. Allow me illustrate:

—

Bob is just an average guy. He goes to work, comes home, eats dinner. He hangs out with friends at happy hour from time to time. He generally hopes that good things will happen to him.

But Bob is passive. He doesn’t seek out ways to take charge and influence his world. Bob is too concerned with protecting his image of himself.

He goes out and meets women on occasion, but he finds the same pattern evolving: He meets a gal every once in a while, usually by luck. He’ll ask and get her number from her. He’ll call a day or two later, and usually get an answering machine. She never calls him back, and he ends up calling several times before he finally gets hold of her. She’s usually polite, and he’ll muster up the courage to ask for a date. She agrees, but when the day comes for them to meet up, she calls him and says she can’t make it. Or she stands him up. Bob then looks at this as being yet another reason women are unreliable, and he starts to get self-righteous. He’s doing everything right, and THEY are acting all weird. It must be them, he figures.

And his passivity increases. Why bother trying if you just get shot down every time?

—

Dave on the other hand is average, too. But he rises above the average because of his attitude: Dave is active about his life. He takes the wheel of his life and steers it where he wants to go. He knows that if life isn’t going the way he wants it, he has the power to make it happen himself.

He doesn’t sit back expecting his abilities with women to succeed; he actively seeks out opportunities to try and learn from his interactions. When he fails in a seduction, he looks back on what he could do differently, not scared that making a mistake means he’s unworthy as a man.

Dave understands that when a woman acts a certain way, it is usually something he could influence with his approach and attitude. While her rejections do not mean anything to his worth, he does know that he can change his approach and learn to decrease those rejections. The answer isn’t finding just the right woman as it is understanding what parts of him he can develop and present to get more women interested.

Dave seeks out information and guidance to learn and improve. He doesn’t let life happen TO him, he makes it happen.

—

These two men demonstrate the kind of men who eventually get dates and get laid, or the ones that get stuck in the Downward Spiral, becoming more bitter and avoiding women.

The only man who isn’t worthy of a woman is the one who isn’t learning from his mistakes and trying again. He picks himself up, dusts himself off, and tries until he succeeds. He only fails when he fails to keep trying and learning from his attempts.

So which of these two would you rather be?

Notice, I didn’t ask you which of them you ARE. All of us have elements of both men.

And it doesn’t matter in the end, because I’m giving you an opportunity that other people will never offer you in life: You can stand at this crossroads and choose to settle for whatever results you’re currently getting with women, or you can choose to take the path of action. You can learn and improve with your strategy and get more women.

Or … Well, I think you know what lies down that road.

Don’t be the man sitting in front of the wood stove who says “Give me heat first, and THEN I’ll throw in the wood.”

* * *

Be sure to check out Carlos’ program, The Bad Boy Formula, here.

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A lot of guys think that their apartment isn’t nice enough to bring women home to.  Here, Will Ferrell shows that it’s all about attitude and setting the frame….

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In this article, my friend, Liz Leia, confesses to the joys of submitting to the strength and will of a man.

This is a politically “hot” topic so let me give you two quick rules by means of introduction to creating an even hotter, sexy, fun and even ECSTATIC moment with your woman.

First — you have to keep HER pleasure at the forefront, not yours.  You must remain sensitive to her limits, so that you can press through them and bring her into new realms of pleasure and release.  Having a woman surrender control to you is a gift she is offering you, and as long as you remain in a state of gratitude and cherishing of that gift — even through rough sex, spanking, tossing around and dirty talk — you must never restrict your consciousness down to your feral pleasure in the moment.

If she surrenders, she is your ward, for the moment, and you are her trustable steward.

Never lose sight of this, and you will not only give her the experience of a lifetime, but you will expand your own capacity as a present, powerful and masterful man — rather than some guy who gets off on dominating women.

Between those two poles lies the entirety of masculine integrity.

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Guys will pay dating coaches thousands of dollars a weekend to observe and comment upon what their bodies are doing as they approach and talk to women.

A good dating coach will show you when your eyes flicker or look down, indicating insecurity. He will tell you when you lose eye contact, how you fold your arms across your body in a unconscious self protective gesture, how your breath might shorten, depicting nervousness, how you might laugh too hard, or restrain yourself too much — and reflect how that causes women to tighten up.

A good dating coach will also affirm when you’re relaxed and genuinely present with the woman with whom you are speaking. How you maintain eye contact to you listen to what she says, how and when you respond to what her body is doing, where her eyes are going how she carries herself. If she nervous? If she subtly displaying sexually inviting signals? Touching her hair? Touching her body? Brushing your arm?

But here’s the thing…

You can be your own dating coach — it just means thank you must develop self-awareness.

Here’s how to do it. Clone yourself. That means right now take yourself and create another being exactly like you — and stand him next to you. Same guy.  Same clothes.  Same brain. Now, make that guy watch you all the time and refelect to you what you body is doing at any given moment — and stay in constant communication with him. Because he’s your clone, you don’t actually have to talk out loud to him, which would be weird.

But you do need to develop a very simple self-awareness of what your body is doing.

You need to know when your heart sinks. When your blood races and you start speaking too fast.  When you feel like giving up or when you start to get cocky and overdo it, thus losing connection with the heart of the woman you’re engaging.

You don’t want to become 100% self-conscious and stilted. That is not the goal.

The goal is to be aware of what your body is doing because your body, whether you like it or not, is the vehicle of who you are. It is not you, but it is how people will experience you, especially at first.  Think of it also the flavor, the language, the live television broadcast, the living sculpture of you in the world — and you can be utterly stupid to how it moves, or you can become a skilled artist, a master.

A good dating coach can help.   A good friend can also help. A good woman friend can give you great feedback if you ask for honest feedback and thank her for it without fighting what she says (because she’s probably right).  Have a woman friend observe you as you speak with other women — and listen.

Now, if you really want to accelerate your body awareness, consider taking a dance class — something like modern or jazz dance, samba, tango — not because you’re going to star at Lincoln Center but because it well going to learn how to become the Rembrandt, the Brancusi, the versatile Picasso of your body’s expression.

Take a martial arts class, not so you can slug it out with the noble troglodytes of the IFC, but so your body will learn how to ground, to shoot invisible cables of strength into the Earth, and shimmer with solidity and confidence.

Take a yoga class, not so you can evolve into an impressive pretzel, but so you can learn to stretch beyond the accumulated constraints of your normally tense musculature.

Take a voice class, and learn to speak from your chest, and to let women feel and your lions rumble.

Take a workshop with Warriorsage, or the Authentic Man Program (AMP) or elsewhere, and practice deep, unshakable masculine presence, eye-to-eye, with other men and with women.

Own your body and what it does.  Know your body.  Hone your art.   Sharpen your tools. If you want to take attraction seriously, which means from the first moment you meet her and potentially through all the challenges of relationship and even marriage, where attraction, god knows, often get battered by bills, and clutter and kids and hard choices — make sure you get to know your body and what it communicates. Watch yourself move and breathe. Hear yourself speak. Feel yourself.

In short, and I wish I came up with this phrase myself, but I didn’t…

Know Thyself

And you will be known more deeply, more readily and with more immediate attraction by the women you truly wish to know in return.

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Here are 5 more mistakes that men over 35 make because they are focused on the wrong qualities of themselves and a huge misinterpretation of women and what they truly want.

My intention with these mistakes, in particular, is to introduce you to some powerful and essential REFRAMES – on sex, money, children, safety, aging, timing – to help you ensure the success that you want NOW and not put it off any longer.

The quicker you master the 6 Essential Qualities of the Advanced Masculine, the quicker you will attract the women, or woman, of your dreams.

Remember – as you pass 30 and 35 and 40…

… women need to ADMIRE you as a man, not just think you’re “funny” or “confident.”

Bring out your admirable qualities and hone them.

Watch this video…

Your Friend,

Adam

Click Here To Learn More About Ageless Attraction: Secrets Of The Irresistible Man

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Are you missing out with women?

Spending more nights alone that you want? Or ALL nights alone?

Chances are you are not paying attention to the qualities that you have developed as a man – that is, qualities that you ALREADY have but haven’t learned how to embody or convey.

Watch this video to come back to your core strengths – that part of you that women truly look for (but men hide behind posing and insecurity).

As I say in this short video – “it’s not your hairline that cherishes women.”

Chances are that you’re focused on the wrong stuff. Let me point you back to the truths about yourself – and about women — that you probably already know deep in your heart.

And tell me if you’re making any of these following 5 mistakes.

Your friend,

Adam

Click Here To Learn More About Ageless Attraction: Secrets Of The Irresistible Man

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