Aunt Peaches

The Tao of Mr. Rogers

2013-06-17T12:32:00.001-05:00

My friend Karen sent me a link to this quote last week, just at a time when I needed to read it: I take this as a reminder to improve my 'tude. Not just because it'll make me feel better, but because it will have a positive impact on those around me, which will, in turn, reflect back on yours truly. It's like an emotional investment strategy. And a pretty smart one at that. I can’t find my favorite Mr. Rogers quote (wtf Interwebs?) but I know he said it because it has stuck in my...

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Father's Day

2013-06-16T05:02:00.000-05:00

It's been a few years since I was able to spend father's day with my dad, but I like to take a part of this day to be thankful for him just the same. It's a sad day, but it's a happy occasion to look back and remember how much I was loved. So happy Father's Day to all the dads out there, and all the kids (big or small) who were fortunate enough to have a great dad in the first place. This is a happy day indeed.

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The Weekend of Recovery

2013-06-13T12:27:00.002-05:00

Every year around this time, I make a list of 20 things I want to accomplish in course of summer, and, of course, I usually complete about 10. Yes sir, overachiever, right here! There is one item that has been on my list since 2004 and has never reached the summit: Reupholstering. I have two side chairs that came to me 100% free and 200% ugly. Both are arm chairs, great lines, groan-inducing comfortable. Since paying someone else to reupholster is just about as expensive as purchasing new...

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A Hole in the Head

2013-06-11T09:49:00.001-05:00

The ginger jar bug bit me. It bit me good. It started as a single red urn in the back of the pantry, then someone gave me an orchid in a blue and white ceramic pot, then it was a $2 vase at the thrift store…then Sunday morning I gathered them up to cluster some peonies from the garden and boom. It’s here. An accidental assemblage. And now there is no turning pack. I have climbed aboard the ginger jar express train to Granny Town, pit stopping in Cat Ladyville. Toot Toot! I think this...

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Twenty Dollars in My Pocket: Salsa Verde

2013-06-07T11:58:00.001-05:00

I’m pretty picky when it comes to online shopping (read: I’m cheap and I hate paying shipping). For me to purchase something online it needs to be a BARGAIN and it needs to be rad. Not like regular rad, like, Uncle Jesse Rad. After looking over my UJR notes from the last month, specifically at items priced under $20, it would appear I have two interests: Things That are Green and Things That are Mexican. I’m calling it Salsa Verde. ONE Emerald City Necklace $19.99. Okay, shipping...

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Funk Your Junk

2013-06-06T14:25:00.000-05:00

Happy Thursday! I'm guest blogging over at ElizabethBanks.com with these nifty bracelets. Check it. Simple stuff. Just a little silicone from the hardware store and some broken earrings, buttons, and beads. You can handle this one, I promise. Then after you make a bracelet, make yourself some nifty matching shoes! Admit it, you need this. PS: Hunger Games fans, while you are over there, check out the premiere issue of Capitol Couture. Swoon!

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Workin' on My Fitness

2013-06-05T13:45:00.002-05:00

I was looking for a non-cardio exercise routine I can keep up with on a regular basis. Y’all, I found it. I sooooo found it. If you see a crazy lady prancersizing down the street in leopard ankle weights, don’t freak. It’s just me. I'm workin' on my fitness. It’s the prancersize trot. It’s really hot. ps - AND THERE IS A BOOK. Some serious horsey photoshop situation going on up in here.

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Happy Feet

2013-06-04T13:51:00.001-05:00

Here’s a bit I’ll share. Razor blade pedicures. It’s my thing. You go to the tiny back-alley salon, take off your socks, sit back in the chair and sheepishly apologize because they look so gross. You say, “I’m sorry I let them get this bad. Ewwww! ” and she’s like “No problem, Dawg.” and pulls out a flip knife with a straight blade and starts whittling on your foot like she’s peeling a potato. It. Is. Awesome. Fifteen minutes later you come out with the feet of a four year...

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Bramble Patch May 2013

2013-05-31T15:16:00.003-05:00

A quick list of happy distractions over the last month. A snapshot from my nightly walk home. The guy who invented plastic flamingos has been dressing in matching outfits with his wife for 35 years. This is easily The Best Thing I have ever encountered that did not come on a spoon. A boy left his bike chained to a tree when he went away to war in 1914. He never returned, leaving the tree no choice but to grow around the bike. Stunning. Because I have been, ahem, short with...

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I am Breaking Up with Diet Coke

2013-05-29T16:12:00.000-05:00

I used to work for a woman who would bring her Kindergarten aged son into the office on occasion. He was one of those unusually well-behaved kids who was happy to play by himself in the corner most of the time. Trucks. Cars. Dinosaurs. Truck driving dinosaurs. Truck driving office supplies. It was pretty cool. One day when his toys were gone and the truck driving staplers had all fallen off a cliff and exploded, I sat down on the ground and we colored together. I drew a sunrise, a house,...

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Uncle Henry

2013-05-28T11:05:00.000-05:00

I bought a painting of Uncle Henry. No, he is not my Uncle Henry, that’s just the name the dude behind the counter at the thrift store called him. Curious, I asked, How do you know his name is Henry? Or that he is an Uncle? We don’t. That’s what we came up with. You know anything else about him? Uhhh….well, I said he is someone’s uncle but the manager say he is bank president. Jeanine say he is grandpa. Jorge, Jorge he say he is in the Serbia mafia and has a tattoo sleeve. A whole...

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Two Dollars of Awesome: Polka Dot Label Vase

2013-05-23T13:17:00.002-05:00

I’m bored. Let’s make fun shit with office supplies. Round labels + dollar store vase/drinking glass = polka dot vase. BAM. And here is some more math: $1 vase/glass + $1 labels + Free lilacs (snipped off tree) = Two Dollars of Awesome BA-BAM-Bop-BAM. BAM! You’re welcome. I love having a vase full of lilacs on the table. They don't last long but it makes me feel like Patty and Selma from The Simpsons are over for dinner. Also, if/when you decide to take the...

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One Big Undulating Ball of Salacious Rhinestones.

2013-05-22T16:39:00.001-05:00

In late 2009 I received a google alert directing me to a news article stating that Steven Soderbergh was shopping around a movie based on the life of Liberace. Yes, I have a google alert set for “Liberace.” You could say I’m a fan. I'm not saying the costumes are bad, I'm just saying they need more sequins. Since that google alert in 2009, following the production of this movie has reduced me to near-stalkerhood. It would be embarrassing if it wasn't so fabulous. First they...

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Let's Talk About People Who are Awesome

2013-05-21T13:42:00.000-05:00

It’s Tuesday. I was planning on another post but it's been a crap day for a lot of people, including me. In light of this, I propose we take a chocolate break and spend a minute talking about people who are awesome. Like… ...for example, Yetta Rosenberg. Homegirl knows how to dress. Why is this show not on the air anymore? So much awesome. So much! Also in the awesome club: People who build fences around trees. Not with trees, around trees. Like this.. These fences...

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My Diet Coke still tastes like pool water.

2013-05-20T11:33:00.001-05:00

There is this thing called bleach dyeing that is all the rage. Or, at least it was all the rage. I’m not sure where it is in the current trend cycle, but when I woke up early Saturday morning with a desperate need for patterned curtains in my living room, it was a means to an end. Have you seen bleach dyeing? It sorta looks like that time your mom spilled bleach on your favorite black sweatshirt, but this time it’s on purpose. Some people splatter it on their jeans, some people draw it on with...

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Happy Weekend

2013-05-17T12:25:00.001-05:00

Oy. Am I glad it's Friday. Work has been busy. Like real busy. And when it’s not busy, I look up and find window washers making vulgar hand gestures and singing Puerto Rican folks songs. Soooo...that's pretty awesome. Speaking of offices, I missed The Office finale last night. Was it good? A friend texted me that there was a wedding with cats in attendance. AGHH! I need to see this!

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Newsprint Cabinets

2013-05-15T10:52:00.002-05:00

So, this thing happened last spring wherein I decoupaged my kitchen cabinets with newspaper. BAM! You didn't see that one coming did you? Newspaper and ready-made cabinets dancing together in some unorthodox swirl of muskrat love. How's that for a Wednesday? Okay, okay, this opens up two lines of questions... 1. Dude, wtf? Why would you want to decoupage your cabinets like some reject TGIFridays? Couldn’t you just paint them like a normal person? The cabinets were melamine...

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Sequels Wanted

2013-05-14T16:33:00.002-05:00

Sometimes something is so good that I get ticked off when it’s gone. Like, real ticked. I find myself sitting at stoplights thinking, impatiently, When are they going to bring THAT back? Haven’t they made me wait long enough?! Because, you know, they do this to me on purpose. Item 1. Six Feet Under. Best show ever. It’s about a funeral home and it’s rad. Notice how I’m not using the past tense? I just assume these characters are going on in real time, they just aren't filming...

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Pandora for Books

2013-05-13T10:28:00.000-05:00

So, here is a thing that will make you think I'm a jerk face: I hate The Great Gatsby. Considering I already mentioned about this in a previous post, and the fact that I wrote a really bitchy post last Friday, I don’t want to harp on this issue again. Nobody likes a shrieker. However, Leo DiCaprio went and got involved and errrrrrbody I know is talking about it so now I feel compelled to at least provide a reminder as to why this story is lacking. In short: Daisy is...

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The Other Thing They Aren't Selling at Abercrombie & Fitch

2013-05-10T09:43:00.000-05:00

This Abercrombie and Fitch thing... Have you heard about this? I’m guessing you have so I’m not about to drudge up the same old schlock, but here are the guts of it in case you want a refresher: youth clothing retailer Abercrombie and Fitch refuses to carry women's apparel above a size 10 because they only want "attractive" and "optimistic" people as customers. Note: This is not a new thing. This has been going on for years and Abercrombie is not alone in this business practice, however,...

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Imma need $1,150

2013-05-08T13:09:00.001-05:00

I’m pretty sure Donald Trump and I are the only people lusting after doorknockers in the thousand+ dollar range. And it’s no wonder, really. Donald Trump owns a string of second-tier casinos, a real estate empire, does a reality show, and spends his free time banging some Russian glamazon model-turned-wife that looks and sounds remarkably like Natasha from Bullwinkle. I, on the other hand, split my days between Pinterest, the subway, finding new ways to cook questionably-aged...

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Granny Plates Just Sound Sexier

2013-05-07T09:25:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking that the guy who said 'We are all sexual beings' never watched an episode of Antiques Roadshow. I'll also bet that he never went to a flea market, unlike me, who went last Sunday. It was...an adventure. We saw some dirty jars and broken machines. Ate a banana nut muffin, nearly bought a Mongolian sheep pelt, then had an overly anxious vendor dry spit half a can of Pringles on me. Have you ever stood next to a wood chipper when the trunk goes in and a projectile cloud of...

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Rad and Cheap: Weird Art Imma Need in My House

2013-05-06T13:39:00.001-05:00

Doctors can tell a lot about a person's health just by looking at their tongue; You and I can tell a lot about a person's life by looking at their art. Nothing reflects the people who live in a home like the art on their walls. Nothing. Is it a pre-framed print they bought to match the couch? Is it an inherited portrait of Great Uncle Bernie? Is it an exotic wooden mask from East Africa? Is it a picture of their kiddos looking happy? Is it something interesting an abstract...

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Because I'm a Hoarder: Pantyhose Headbands

2013-05-03T09:43:00.000-05:00

This is a really simple trick — I feel bad making a whole blog post out of this. And this is a weird fact about me — I have never thrown out a pair of nylons. Not once. Not since I purchased my first pair with my own money, which was in 1993. Twenty years, y'all! It was a Junior High dance and I wore opalescent white nylons that made my legs white and shimmery like a unicorn. Obviously, it was awesome. My dress was rusty red velvet with a scalloped neckline (just like Chelsea Clinton...

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Tacos for Everyone: Happy Birthday Lola

2013-05-02T09:56:00.001-05:00

It’s now been five years since Lola (formerly known as Lolabelle the Magnificent) arrived home from the shelter. Five years of dancing in the rafters of catladyhood. Five years of waking at dawn to the sound of bathtub yodeling and the scampering of fury, ham hock legs running the length of the house, back and forth, back and forth. Five years of hugs. Five years of hats. Five years of Lola. We celebrate this day of wonder with long naps, bad breath, and a hefty helping of Lola's...

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