Awake In Rochester

Army psychiatrist goes on shooting rampage

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:49:00 +0000

An Army psychiatrist who was about to be deployed to Iraq allegedly armed himself with two guns and opened fire last Thursday on the grounds of Fort Hood, Texas the country's largest military base, killing 13 people and injuring 30 others.

The suspected gunman who was wounded is Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan, 39 who worked at Ft. Hood hospital. The facility has an extensive program to help soldiers deal with stress of returning from war.

While military, and security agency's try to figure out why he did it. It only confirms my suspicions that...

COUNSELORS ARE NUTZ!

Please Pray! I've Been Rejected!

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:56:00 +0000

SSI-Denied! Medical insurance-Denied! Mental Health help-Denied! Financial help-Denied!

It was some of the worst news I've gotten in the mail. It was declined, not because I was not eligible, (God knows I am), but because I couldn't get to see the doctor that they wanted me to. I called before the appointment to reschedule, but they never returned my call. Also some paperwork that I sent in might have gotten lost. I called my social worker, and even wrote her, but she never got back to me. I think I've been assigned to another social worker.

One of my worst nightmares is that I would reach out for help, but not be able to get it. I hope this isn't my nightmare come true. It looks like I'm falling through the cracks in the system. I will try another social worker. But if I can't get in touch with her, I don't know what I'll do!

It is difficult to advocate for yourself when you are depressed, and don't even feel like getting out of bed sometimes. I've waited till the last moment to seek help. PLEASE pray (or send good thoughts) that I get the help that I need and SOON! I was starting to feel a bit better because I had some hope of being helped. A light at the end of the tunnel. Now that hope is fading.

What would you say to your doctor if...?

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 17:24:00 +0000

I'm finally reaching out for help with depression & anxiety. In a few days I will talk with my doctor about it. I suspect a hormone, or chemical imbalance of some kind. It's a free clinic and need to ask for specific tests. Unfortunately, I don't know much about depression & anxiety. What specific tests do you think I should ask for?

Wow! I really need to get educated on this stuff and fast. Do you know of any good books on the subject, especially depression? Right now it's the depression that I have to reduce in my life ASAP. It is kicking my butt.

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It's Heeere! Swine Flu is hitting Rochester, NY

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:54:00 +0000

Yes, H1N1 is here. It has recently started to spread. "Doctors are warning swine flu cases could peak in the next three to four weeks."

“We're in a bit of a quandary because the vaccine isn't large scale. Many high risk kids haven't been vaccinated before this hits,” said Dr. Neil Herendeen of Golisano Children's Hospital. “Most people are going to do well. They'll get through this with mild symptoms."

The increase was seen in hospitals as employee call-ins jumped. "Rochester’s largest hospitals are implementing policies that limit younger visitors access as a way to protect vulnerable populations from the H1N1 virus. Strong Memorial and Highland hospitals enacted similar restrictions today. At Strong, visitors 17 and younger are prohibited from the obstetric floor and from Golisano Children’s Hospital. Other area hospitals are following suit."

"Several local schools are reporting an increase of the number of students with flu-like symptoms, and local college campuses are also concerned about the spread of swine flu.Monroe Community College says its exposure to the swine flu virus has been minimal." "Some school districts, Pittsford, Penfield and Canandaigua have sent letters home to parents saying they've seen an increase in kids out with flu like symptoms. Rush-Henrietta says two of their schools have a 15 and 16 percent absentee rate. The rest are normal. Greece and Brockport schools report a normal absentee rate. The U of R has the highest number so far with 91 cases and seven students asked to stay in their rooms. At RIT, 14 cases and Nazareth has 25 cases to date."

Just a reminder that Monroe county is no longer counting flu cases, (at lest not publicly), so we won't know how many have the h1n1, or know of deaths in our area.

Related Topics..

Flu Hits Canandaigua Schools Hard, but remains open

Get Flu information from Flu.gov

New York suspends mandatory flu shots

Have a BOO-utiful Halloween!

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:01:00 +0000

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A Snapshot of H1N1 (Swine Flu) from WHO & CDC

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 20:27:00 +0000

The following information is based on finding from the World Health Organization (WHO) & Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), and some other sources. Some of the information is new. It gives us a snapshot of H1N1 as we currently know it.

1) H1N1 has been labled "moderate" instead of mild by WHO because "WHO is concerned about current patterns of serious cases and deaths that are occurring primarily among young persons, including the previously healthy and those with pre-existing medical conditions or pregnancy."

2) "46 percent of 1,400 hospitalized adults did not have a chronic underlying condition."

3) It's more virulent then expected. "One quarter of Americans sick enough to be hospitalized with swine flu last spring wound up needing intensive care and 7 percent of them died." "What is striking and unusual is that children and teens accounted for nearly half of the hospitalized cases, including many who were previously healthy."

4) The hardest hit have been children & young adults. Almost half of those hospitalized for H1N1 are under 25.

5) More children have died now in the very beginning of this flu season as died during all of last yeas flu season (in the U.S.). "86 children (have died) since April (CDC). That's a startling number because in some past winters, the CDC has counted 40 or 50 child deaths for the entire flu season — and no one knows how long this swine flu outbreak will last.

6) CDC says that nearly 1 in 3 pregnant women hospitalized with H1N1 have died in the U.S. (28 out of 100 died).

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Folks this H1N1 pandemic is shaping up to have a bit of a bite to it. I hope that you will consider getting the flu shots that are offered this year. With the two flues and not many clinics that make vaccine, there could be a shortage especially since there is global demand. Please do not put it off until later. There might not be vaccine later.

Many who die of H1N1, dies of ARDS (acute respiratory distress syndrome). Of those who have ARDS 30% to 50% die. It is obviously very serous. I have added an article below about it. You might also want to take a look at the video. It is excellent.

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How H1N1 Can Kill by Dr. Jennifer Ashton (CBS)

"Federal officials said a vaccine to help prevent the new flu is expected to be ready by mid to late October. But still some people are wondering how you can actually die from the H1N1 virus.

CBS News medical correspondent Dr. Jennifer Ashton sat down with Early Show co-anchor Harry Smith and took a closer look at what happens to the body.

Germs are everywhere - in our homes, offices, and schools. While some are harmless, others can be deadly, like the H1N1 virus or swine flu.

It spreads when a carrier coughs or sneezes; another person touches the object or surface with the flu virus on it and then touches his own nose or mouth.

The virus is inhaled by the body and goes straight to the lungs. The virus attaches to the lung cells, infecting the body. Over the course of days, the blood vessels in the lungs or the air sacs are damaged. Fluid leaks from the blood vessels into the air sacs of the lungs. While some air sacs fill with fluid, others collapse altogether. When the air sacs collapse, the lungs can no longer inflate as they normally would with oxygen. The lungs become stiff.

Without air entering the lungs, the amount of oxygen in the blood drops. If diagnosed early, some patients will get extra oxygen supplied by a breathing machine; others may fall into a coma. Patients die from H1N1 because their lungs give out via lack of oxygen or drowned by fluids.

At this time, 50 percent of H1N1 deaths are due to viral pneumonia and half the fatalities have been in people with pre-existing medical conditions like obesity, diabetes, and pregnancy.

An animation was shown that demonstrated the affects of ARDS (acute respiratory distress syndrome).

"Is that flu or is that pneumonia?" Smith asked after viewing the animation.

"Well, what that described is a situation we referred to as ARDS where the lungs literally become like sponges and can't exchange oxygen. That can happen with the viral pneumonia, a bacterial pneumonia, but half of the deaths due to H1N1 have been due to this viral pneumonia leading to that kind of pulmonary failure," Ashton explained.

Last week, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported to Ashton that it has studied the autopsy results of the people who have succumbed to the H1N1 virus, and found that about half of the cases are in people who were either obese, had diabetes, or were pregnant and suppressed their immune system.

"So they were at a higher risk going into this virus, which, again, we have to emphasize in most cases have been mild, but they were at higher risk going into severe complications that then led to their death," she added.

According to Ashton, there's a "variable time course," where sometimes it happens over hours, days, or weeks. But Ashton stressed that once ARDS sets into the lungs and the patient is put on a ventilator, multiple organ systems then begin to fail and the mortality rate can be as high as 30 percent to 50 percent. "

Random Ramblings #7

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 19:27:00 +0000

I'm still using the Library computer - It's frustrating because I want to stay in close touch with everyone. I am timed so I often can not visit your blogs like I want to. :( I'm working on the problem, and hope to have my home computer running again. Thank you to those of you who are still visiting me even though I can't visit you as much now. I appreciate it!

Beautiful Summer - We had a beautiful summer in Rochester. It was the 5th coolest summer, and I loved it. We only hit 90 once! It was comfortable for the most part. I didn't even have to run my A/C.

Bees Galore - I've heard there is a shortage of bees, but not here in Western, NY. Due to the unusually cool summer we have had plenty of bees, hornets, and wasps. It's a problem for some home owners, but great for our farmers.

Opera - I've never been crazy about opera music in general. I was watching part of a crazy opera on T.V. The storyline was- ...The woman pretended to be a military man. The man posed as a women. They were cousins, and falling in love. To make things more confusing they were women in real life, and both sang soprano. ...I think my brain blew a fuse trying to process it all. I wonder if people like opera more for the totally insane plot rather then the music?

Roasting Vegetables - It's easy, and adds so much flavor! Heat the oven to 450 degrees F. Place the veggies in a large pan. Toss with the olive oil or (melted butter), salt, and pepper to mix and coat. Spread in a single layer in the pan. Roast for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are lightly browned and tender. Of course you can grill them outside too. Yummy!

Getting Help - I'm finally asking for help from Social Services. It scares me to death! Please pray that everything goes through, and that I can get $ help, and mental health help very soon. I'm not looking forward to the winter. The depression is bad now, and tends to get worse in winter, so I really need some help very soon. Please send your good thoughts and prayers. I've hit a snag.

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Two Specials on H1N1 (Swine Flu) Thursday Oct. 8

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:24:00 +0000

The Doctors are in. If you want to be more informed from doctors on H1N1, then turn your T.V. on Thursday Oct. 8th!

CDC's Dr. Richard Besser will be on ABC "Good Morning America" at 7:00 A.M. (EST), (channel 13 locally), and will answer questions concerning H1N1. Richard Besser, MD, served as Acting Director for the CDC and currently serves as director of the Coordinating Office for Terrorism Preparedness and Emergency Response (COTPER) at the CDC. He joined ABC News in September as a senior medical editor and correspondent.

That same evening at 9:00 P.M. (EST) on WXXI (channel 21 locally) is "Second Opinion: H1N1 Special Edition. an hour-long special. "This special edition features a panel of national experts along with a studio audience that had the chance to ask questions about H1N1 and seasonal flu. The panel also answered viewer questions supplied by other PBS stations." "Hosted by Dr. Peter Salgo of New York Presbyterian Hospital, Second Opinion: H1N1 Special Edition will offer clear, accurate and timely information on H1N1 symptoms, treatment, vaccines, public health policy and available resources."

photo credit here & here

CDC: 1 in 3 Pregnant Women Hospitalized with H1N1 (Swine Flu) Have Died

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 16:12:00 +0000

Historical one of the highest risks groups in a pandemic are pregnant women, and women who have recently given birth. Unfortunately this H1N1 pandemic is no exception. During a news briefing Thursday, U.S. health officials said the virus has hit pregnant women especially hard. Nearly 1 in 3 pregnant women hospitalized with H1N2 have died in the U. S.

Tom Skinner of the Centers for Disease control said that “Since the virus was first recognized in late April, early May, 100 pregnant women across the country have been hospitalized due to the novel H1N1 flu and 28 have died,”

There are two basic reasons for this. Pregnant woman have an immune system that is slow- it’s like their immune system is on standby – and it’s not as reactive as a non-pregnant person’s,” Dr. MannyAlvarez said. “And because of that, viruses, especially flu viruses of any sort can create a very severe infection.” The second challenge women face is as the baby grows inside the womb, the anatomy of a woman’s chest changes. “Their whole respiratory volume changes,” Alvarez said. “So if they get a secondary infection, such as pneumonia after the flu, it makes it very challenging and problematic for doctors to get airflow back into the lungs.”

“Just yesterday, a patient informed me that her son had the flu, so we immediately began administering antiviral medications, until the new vaccine becomes available.” Unlike other patients, pregnant women cannot get the nasal spray FluMist, Skinner said. “They must get the injectable vaccine, which will hopefully be available starting next week,” he added.

Folks, I hope that you will all get vaccinated, especially pregnant women. Historically the first wave of a pandemic is mild. It's the second wave that starts to show some teeth. We are only in the very beginning of the second wave so we are not sure how bad this flu can get.

Fox News- CDC: Nearly 1 in 3 Pregnant Women Who've Contracted H1N1 Have Died in U.S.

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2 Students Die of H1N1. One at Cornell University (Rochester)

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:10:00 +0000

Swine flu is spreading like wild fire in the U.S.. Thousands of students have H1N1. Some schools in the U.S. have only been in session about 3 weeks. In Rochester the children have just gone back, yet we already have one death in Rochester at Cornell University.

Some of the hardest hit areas are Washington State University with more than 2,ooo students who have reported flu like symptoms. The University of Maryland has 435 cases to date. Cornell University in Rochester N.Y. has reported more than 520 cases and one death. A freshman at Troy University in Alabama died a week earlier. Current totals are over six thousand students that have H1N1. Click here for a current report by the American College Health Association.

The Cornell student was 20 year old Warren J. Schor who died on Sept. 11 at Cayuga Medical Center. There are conflicting reports. Some say that he an underlying medical issue, others say that he was perfectly healthy.

At Troy University 18 year old Andrew Salter of Valley, Alabama died.The family confirmed that he had no underlying medical issues. Ironically he decided to major in nursing. He is the 4th person in Alabama to die from Swine flu to date.

You can read more...

The Washington Post: Colleges Seeing Lots of Early Flu

The Daily Collegian: Cornell flu death opens eyes

WSFA 12 News: Swine Flu claims Troy student's life

American College Health Association

Happy Suicide Awareness Day! Yippee! (Sept. 10)

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:33:00 +0000

I'm aware of suicide. I think about it all the time. Ha, ha. Er, if you want to read a GOOD post on Suicide Awareness Day then visit Dr. Deb. Meanwhile, I'll head to the semi-dark/sick humor side. If it scares you then...BOO!...don't read it. ...Wimp!

True Story - An old man's family wanted to put him away in a nursing home, so the guy built a "death machine" that repeatedly fired a 22 caliber gun at him. I guess it was his final F/U to his family. I don't condone what he did but at lest he was creative, original, and good with his hands. Hm, maybe he can fix my toaster? Oops, to late!

Thought - IF depression is a disease, and suicide is a part of depression; does that mean that those who die from suicide die from a disease?

10 Waring Signs of Suicide

1) You tied your tie, and it ends up looking like a noose.

2) When you hear the word "suicide" you turn and reply "Yes" as if your name was called.

3) You have 4 library books about suicide at home (Yeah!)

4) You click your heals three times repeating, "Please God take me home". (Amen!)

5) Your favorite "South Park" character is Kenny. "Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" "Those bastards!"

6) You have scars on your wrists, and tell people that your writs were run over by a bicycle.

7) Last week you became deliriously happy while planing your suicide and gave all your possessions to charity.

8) You had sex with your husband for the first time in 8 months. It was a "goodbye fuck".

9) During your depression group you take a poll asking for the top 3 ways they would "off themselves."

10) When a burglar robs your bank, you stick your finger in the barrel of his gun and say, "Make my day!"

Thought - I once related to those grieving for someone who committed suicide. Now I relate to the people who committed suicide.

True Story - Kevin Hines jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and lived. He said that he wouldn't have jumped if ONE person had bothered to say "hello" to him. After recovering from a broken back, and months of rehab, Kevin now talks with those who are suicidal.

Poem - Its all gone up in smoke. My life's become a big joke. People no longer see me, just depression city. Sick of worrying, crying, and the weight. The sight of me I really do hate. Wish it would be over soon. Maybe it will be before noon.

HEY, if you can relate to this post, (especially the last part), then you are a sick puppy and in need of help. Make an appointment with a local counselor, or if you need help yesterday call 1-800-273-TALK(8255). You might be aware that I'm not crazy for shrinks, (except maybe for Dr. Deb), but do as I say not as I do, and you'll be alright. Get help if you need it!

SONG - Never Too Late by Three Days Grace (YouTube)

Note: This blog owner will self destruct in three days! Ha, ha, just joking! This blog owner admits to watching to many sick South Park programs.

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I missed my appointment with Super Shrink

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 17:29:00 +0000

When my social worker made the appointment, she told me to be sure to show up. Unfortunately, I had very little gas and only $3. I knew that parking might cost more then that. I tried to bum a ride, but no luck. UG! I called to reschedule, but Super Shrink's secretary wasn't available, so I left a message. I never heard back.

Maybe it's just as well. I'm scared to see Super Shrink. This is no ordinary shrink. He (don't know the gender) has extraordinary powers! This person can test me, and label me disabled due to mental problems, (by the power vested in him by the State of New York. AMEN!). Well, I probably am, but I don't necessarily want that on my permanent record, (wherever they keep them.) I mean, I really could use the money form SSI, but at what cost? To have the stigma of being labeled mentally ill on my permanent record? (I think "Fruit loops" is the technical term).

Super Shrink represents the State of N.Y., therefore has Super powers. This Shrink probably has the power to lock me up in R-wing faster then a speeding bullet. I don't think I'm Fruit loops enough to be locked up, but what if he is an overzealous type? Then I could end up in a nightmare. What if he gets a free decoder ring with every 500 people he puts away? IF I see Super Shrink I'm going to ease up on my answers a bit, especially in a certain area. If he asks, "on a scale from 1 to 10 what are you"? If I'm an 8, then I will probably tone it down to a 6. I don't want this dude to get a decoder ring at my expense! NOPE!

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Song - Last Resort by Papa Roach

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 20:55:00 +0000

I find an odd comfort in relating with those who understand.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3soskkvYBgM

WHO Warns Of Severe Form Of Swine Flu (H1N1)

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 15:33:00 +0000

The following is from the New York Times. Here is the first part -

"Doctors are reporting a severe form of swine flu that goes straight to the lungs, causing severe illness in otherwise healthy young people and requiring expensive hospital treatment, the World Health Organization said Friday.

Some countries are reporting that as many as 15 percent of patients hospitalized with the new H1N1 pandemic virus need intensive care, further straining already overburdened healthcare systems, WHO said in an update on the pandemic.

"During the winter season in the southern hemisphere, several countries have viewed the need for intensive care as the greatest burden on health services," it said.

"Preparedness measures need to anticipate this increased demand on intensive care units, which could be overwhelmed by a sudden surge in the number of severe cases."

Earlier, WHO reported that H1N1 had reached epidemic levels in Japan, signalling an early start to what may be a long influenza season this year, and that it was also worsening in tropical regions.

"Perhaps most significantly, clinicians from around the world are reporting a very severe form of disease, also in young and otherwise healthy people, which is rarely seen during seasonal influenza infections," WHO said.

"In these patients, the virus directly infects the lung, causing severe respiratory failure. Saving these lives depends on highly specialized and demanding care in intensive care units, usually with long and costly stays."

MINORITIES AT RISK

Minority groups and indigenous populations may also have a higher risk of being severely ill with H1N1.

"In some studies, the risk in these groups is four to five times higher than in the general population," WHO said.

"Although the reasons are not fully understood, possible explanations include lower standards of living and poor overall health status, including a high prevalence of conditions such as asthma, diabetes and hypertension.""

Click here to read the rest of this article.

WHO article "Preparing for the second wave: lessons from current outbreaks"

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I'm a Private Person! Please Don't Share!

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:26:00 +0000

As you may notice, I don't post a description of myself, my name, or photo. I have shared information with very few people on the net with their word that they would not pass it on. This is a reminder that if I have shared personal information with you, that I expect you to honer your word and to keep my privacy intact! I have been stalked before, and don't want a repeat.

Personal Update - Depression is Worse

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 20:01:00 +0000

I've spared you. ;) I've written half a dozen post drafts pertaining to depression, and suicide. I knew that I couldn't post them because I would lose some of my readers, but I have a lot on my mind and heart these days. I just want to share a little of it with you.

I wrote a very frank letter to Liquid Illuzion. For those of you who didn't know her, she was a loving, talented, caring person, who was bi-polar, and sadly took her life. I miss her. I wrote the letter because I thought she was one of the few people who could understand where I'm at. I probably won't post the letter because it is brutally honest, and might be hurtful to her friends and family. However, the process of writing the letter was positive for me. I cried like a baby and got a lot out that I haven't been able to express to anyone else. (Funny, I thought I was all cried out.) I really feel that she's been with me lately.

So how am I? The depression has been noticeably worse in recent months, and certain unhealthy thought come to my mind to often. This isn't good for several reasons bedsides the obvious. 1) I often am unaware that I'm in depression because it has become my norm. So when I'm aware of it, that means I've entered into a deeper stage of depression. 2) Usually in summer the depression decreases. Winter is my most difficult season because I have winter depression on top of the regular depression. That makes me wonder if I'll make it thought this winter, if things continue.

Life if now a constant struggle. It's exhausting! Life is one huge unsolvable problem. I feel so hurt, like I'm bleeding inside. I feel like a burden to those who have tried to help me. Frankly, I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm no good for anyone, especially myself. The person that I've become is someone that I don't recognize anymore. Well, that's just a small fraction of the stuff that I've wanted to post, but you get the picture.

I went to the Health Department for food stamps, and such. I mentioned the depression, and they are sending me to a shrink for evaluation. This ought to be interesting. As you know, I don't have much faith in shrinks because I knew two crazy counselors. I figure that If those counselors with all their knowledge can't help themselves, than how can any counselor help me? Who knows? This might just be a quick evaluation to satisfy the health department and that's all. So I'll jump though their hoop. I'll give you an update if it's worth mentioning.

Related Posts: This Isn't Me and, I can't do this anymore...

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Wordless Wednesday - Liquid

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 18:56:00 +0000

Wish I could talk with you. I think you would understand. Not many can. (I'm referring to depression & suicide issues)

Photo of Liquid Illuzion, photo credit - Writing in Faith (Sandy Carlson)

Friday Funnies - 10 Reasons Why Women Should Date Women (lesbian)

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 15:06:00 +0000

10) You have someone who can talk about things other than sex and sports.

9) Limited smells of beer & burps that come out the wrong end.

8) Lots of foreplay! ;)

7) You get cards or flowers on days other then your birthday or Valentines Day.

6) No need to watch ball games on T.V.

5) You can act out the twelve days of Christmas using the animals you both have.

4) Your chances of having good sex are good since she has been practicing on herself for many years, & you have the same anatomy.

3) There is actually someone who will share the housework with you.

2) No need to explain "Venus" ways to another Venus.

1) You always have a friend to go to the Lilith Fair, or shop with.

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Random Ramblings #6

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:57:00 +0000

Health Wise

I'm almost over the virus that I had. My sprain is getting better, but taking so darn long. I'm officially out of work. This has caused financial, and depression problems to worsen. I wrote a few blog post drafts concerning the depression, but glad I never posted them. They even scared me. I'm not happy to be alive right now. They say that it is always darkest before the dawn. Well, I hope so, because it's very dark now.

He Was Slapping Her

My asshole of a neighbor had knocked his girlfriend down and was standing over her slapping her. This happened in the hall. I immediately called the police. They arrived in two minutes. By the time the cops arrived they were in her apartment, and questioned them. I could hear the conversation. The dispute was over money, (I think for drugs). My favorite neighbor, and I agreed to call the cops right away if Mr. asshole starts in again. We don't want him getting away with it. (Sorry if my language offends you, but I can't think of a better word for him at this time.)

Rochester Weather - Tornados & Cool

Two tornado's hit the Western N.Y. area not far from Rochester on July 25th. They caused quite a bit of damage in Corfu in Genessee county, and a little in Hilton in Monroe county where they hit. Hundreds of customers lost electricity in those areas. The Darien-Corfu tornado had moderate damage to several buildings and trees and winds ranging from 86-110mph. The path was four miles long and 100 yards wide. The tornado in Hilton caused less damage. It's big news around here since our last tornado in Monroe county (my county) was in 1981.

I've been enjoying wonderfully cool weather lately! We have only had 4 days over 80 degrees (26.6 C) and none in the 90's (32-37 C). We just might break the record for the coldest July in history (since 1871) for Rochester. I just love it! Yes, we have more rain then usual, but it's no big deal. Not much flooding at all.

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My E.R. Visit

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 21:07:00 +0000

I was injured. No big deal, and the details are boring. Because I don’t have insurance I had to go to E.R. to have ex-rays just to make sure that my bone wasn’t broken. Good news – I don’t have a broken bone! It is just sprain. It is healing nicely, but taking time. I will be 100% again. However, I now have flu symptoms. EK! I hope it’s not H1N1 swine flu. The symptoms are mild so I doubt it’s swine flu, but I might have to be tested. I’m trying to reach the free clinic.

If it is H1N1 I might have to take Tamiflu which might not work because you have to take it soon after first sign of symptoms. My first symptoms were Friday, and my free clinic was closed over the weekend and today. So that is 3 days so far. Darn! I hope it’s just a regular bug. If it is swine flu I will have to stay home 7 days as recommended. I’m not having fun right now.

Well, this all shows the need for universal healthcare, and personal healthcare. I applied for Medicare, or is it Medicaid. I get them mixed up. I'm glad that normally I'm in very good health, and can't wait to get back to my normal state. Although I'm not doing that bad now. Hopefully these are just a few minor glitches.

By the way, George Clooney says "Hi". ;)

UPDATE: Hi All,
Thanks for the good wishes! It's not H1N1, but just a bug. My bone will take longer to heal then I thought. I'm out of work for several weeks. (And my agency called recently.) Crap!

EK! Blog buddy Health Psych has H1N1 Swine Flu!

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 18:48:00 +0000

Unfortunately it is official. My blog buddy Health Psych who at PsychoBabble blog has H1N1 (Swine Flu).

She has been in bed for 12 out of 14 days so far. She says that she has a "raging temperature, muscle aches, headache etc etc" ...The "flu might be milder than expected but it's knocking me around quite a bit."

Please show your support by clicking here and leaving her a message. Please say a prayer (or send good vibes) that she recovers soon.

In my county of Monroe, they have decided not to give us anymore information since they declared it an epidemic here. (No thanks to county executive Maggie Brooks.) We do not know if it is still considered an epidemic. If they still regard it as mild. How many people have been ill, or if anyone has died. It is like a media blackout and I don't like it one bit! I would rather know!

Police Call is Resolved. How Depressed Am I?

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 17:06:00 +0000

Thank God! A family member paid my debt. He didn't tell me until days later. I guess he wanted to make sure that I applied at Social Services for assistance. I don't like getting a hand out from the government, (it will take 45 days before I receive anything).

So while I was terrified thinking that the cops might bust down my door because of a bounced check, (see previous post) I was trying to locate my carotid artery, and sharpening my knives. Gee, just how depressed am I!?

I keep forgetting how depressed I am until something happens to reveal it. Then I realize that I'm standing on top of a cliff with my toes hanging over the edge.

Why don't I see how depressed I am? Because it has become my normal state. I've been like this for so long that I don't even realize the degree of depression that I'm in.

This police incident just reminded me of how depressed I am. It's become a vicious cycle - depression & anxiety from the deaths of several family members --> less work --> less money & increased debt --> feelings of guilt, failure, self-hatred --> deeper depression & deeper anxiety.

The cycle goes on and on. I slowly sink deeper, and deeper without even realizing it. It's become a way of life until one day I realize that I'm standing on top of a cliff with my toes hanging over the edge. I just don't see it most of the time. I'm under the illusion that I'm coping well enough.

Note: Hyperbole was used in this post and not meant to be interpreted literally.

The Police Called

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 17:11:00 +0000

A police officer left a phone message for me. He said that he was at company ABZ (not real name) and about to fill out a complaint on me because a check that I wrote a year go for $240 that had bounced. He said that if I didn't pay the money that I would be arrested.

What a shock! At first I thought that it was a bad joke so I called 911, but I found out it was legitimate. The officer was off duty when I called.

Can they do that? Can they arrest someone for a bounced check? And if they did arrest me would my career as a Nursing Assistant be over? They do good background checks on Nursing Assistants. I might never be able to get another job.

I called ABZ company and talked with the owner, but didn't get anywhere. I started to panic so I called my cousin. He also called the company, but the owner wouldn't budge.

The next day I couldn't stop crying. I kept looking at the door every few minutes wondering when the police would come. I don't have $240 or I would pay it. I have about $5, and I'm virtually out of a job. I felt like a sitting duck wondering when the police would come arrest me, so I left my apartment for most of the day. My neighbor told me that no one came to the door while I was gone.

The depression & anxiety that was starting to diminished is back in full force now. I've been crying my eyes out, and terrified. I'm not sleeping. I no longer feel safe in my home. I hate myself for being in such a mess. It's always something. I'm just so sick of it. So sick of struggling. Life has become such a struggle socially, and financially that I sometimes just want it to end. I just hate myself.

I'm going to go to Social Services to see if I can get financial help, but I doubt it. I was just there several months ago. I called my agency, but they still don't have work. My cousin says that he will talk to the police officers, but what good will that do? It's nice of him to want to do that, but I don't think that it will make a difference.

So I sit in my apartment crying and wondering if/when I'll hear a knock at the door from the police and be arrested. I'm scared to death! God, how I hate myself. Sometimes I really don't want to be here.

Fire ALL The New York State Senators!

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:42:00 +0000

Question - Who's in Charge of the New York State Senate?

Answer - The Stooges! Knuckleheads! Moe, Larry, and Curly.

Here is what has happened in a nutshell... Democrat Senators were in control until a coup two weeks ago. Two Democrat senators Pedro Espada Jr. and Monserrate switched to the Republican side. Reporters say independent upstate businessman Tom Golisano played a role in their coup. (At least he's leaving N.Y. State soon.) There was rumor of a physical altercation (fist fight?).

Democrats refused to acknowledge the Republican coup, and stopped going to the Senate meetings. The whole thing got kicked up to the courts.

The court decision was something like, ...Hey, knuckleheads, get your act together. YOU senators need to decide who is in charge. ..Around this time one of the Democrat defectors came back to the Demarcate side making it dead even.

This all happened on June 8th. It's been about two weeks since the coup, and basically the Senate has been shut down. Knuckleheads!

Gov. Paterson (Dem) stepped in and said that he will make the Knuckleheads show up even if he has to get the guards involved. One reporter noted that the Governor can make the senators show up , but can't make them vote. Yesterday senators showed up, but it was a two ring circus. "Parallel dueling" sessions were held with several senators talking at the same time.

The knuckleheads are more then an embarrassment to New York state and the U.S. They are selfish, greedy, and power hungry. You would think that after 9-11, The attack on America, that the government would grow up and come together for the sake of the country, but... NO! You would thing that during the greatest recession since the great depression that they would stop being so selfish, but ... NO! You would think that during a flu pandemic that may lead us into a depression. A flu that could mutate into something very deadly, that that they would stop being so selfish, but ... NO! The Senate as a whole is acting like The Three Stooges! Someone please clunk their heads together!!!

The British would never put up with this crap! Prime Minister Tony Blair had to leave office early because he lost favor in the eyes of the Brits. In Britain they realize that the government works for the people, and not the other way around. For some reason we in the U.S don't understand this basic concept and allow way too much crap.

My solution - FIRE ALL THE KNUCKLEHEADS (SENATORS)! Make them run for the senate again with a two week campaign, giving them and their opponents the same money to run on. Why not!? It's not like the N.Y. Senate will get anything done during that time period. Hopefully the people will figure out who the worst offenders are and vote them out. That way we will have a New York Senate that is a bit more for the people, and less like the Three Stooges.

To Contact Gov. David Paterson of N.Y. State CLICK HERE

Read about the Stooges, Um N.Y. State Senators ...

CBS - In New York, Senate "Coup" Takes Down Dems

Capital News 9 -

New York Times - Dueling Sessions Cast Doubt on Any Action by State Senate

Syracuse.com - Fate of same-sex marriage bill in NY State could come down to the vote of one man, Bronx Democrat Ruben Diaz.

NOTE: The Three Stooges were an American vaudeville and comedy act of the early to mid–20th century. They were named "Larry, Moe, and Curly" (Shemp replaced Curly later.) They often used slapstick, name calling, and physical comedy like poking each other in the eye. Moe often clunked the other two heads together calling them "Knuckleheads." They often fought each other, and portrayed themselves as stupid buffoons.

Random Ramblings #5 - Plus Rochester & Syracuse h1n1 Flu Update

awakeinroch@gmail.com (Awake In Rochester) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:31:00 +0000

Loving Spring! - Wow! We have spring in Rochester! It's my favorite season, but sometimes we go from winter to summer. It's warming up a bit, but no real hot weather, and that suites me fine. Sure we get rain, but like I say... better rain then snow.

Here Chippieee! - My neighbor is at it again! She is feeding, and calling the darn chipmunks. She opens her window, calls to them, and then closes her window. Five minutes later she is doing the same thing. Then fine minute later. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. She is driving me crazy! Well, she is my favorite neighbor, and we watch out for each other, so I'm biting my tongue.

"Experience Not Required" - I was reading in the help wanted section and found an ad that said, Nursing Assistants Wanted "experience not required." I have NEVER seen that before in reference to an Aide. A Nurse - yes, an Aide - NEVER. We have to many Aides in Rochester so the employers get to pick. I guess that facility is getting ready for the h1n1 flu. Doors should open up to me soon.

Rochester & Syracuse New York Swine Flu Update - Bravo to WHEC Chanel 10 TV for having good coverage of this! They are the ONLY local station who informed us. It seems that the government told reporters not to say much, so we will not panic. But I worry more when I don't hear. Summarized it says that school # 12 might have a few h1n1 cases, but they are not sure. The health department is no longer notifying schools of confirmed cases. (BOO!) Dr. Ed Walsh, the head of infectious disease at Rochester General Hospital said that "his lab has handled more than 200 flu samples recently and most have tested positive for the H1N1 strain. Officially, the health department confirms only 18 cases in Monroe County. "

Syracuse N.Y. is about 85 miles from Rochester. Some disturbing stats are coming out of Syracuse concerning h1n1. They have 70 confirmed cases with 2 deaths. (About 2 deaths per thousand is expected of mild pandemic.) Nine have required hospitalization. That's about 1 out of 7 people! EK! I hope that they don't end up like New York City. and I hope that Rochester doesn't either. Of the 27 swine flu deaths in the U.S. 15 have been from N.Y. City with 820 confirmed cases. More then 500 people have been hospitalized. Thousands of people have reported flu-like symptoms. Nearly 60 schools have been closed. The city has "spent more than $10 million dealing with swine flu and estimated long-term costs rising to $100 million".
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UPDATE: Monroe County has issued a health alert for the greater Rochester area for the Swine Flu. Basicly it says - Dr. Andrew Doniger County Health Director says "the local influenza outbreak has reached epidemic proportions and it's putting a strain on doctors' offices, emergency rooms and urgent care centers"... "People who have serious underlying chronic health problems could end up in the hospital and have severe complications from the flu."

School absenteeism rates rose to twice the level expected.

..."he is raising the alert level and people should expect to see changes in the way they get health care. In short, if you don't have a serious case of the flu, you may not get into see your doctor right away. That's because they're now prioritizing doctor visits to treat only the most vulnerable flu patients..."