So here’s an update, almost 3 months later! Well, I did end up signing up for a membership at the gym (yes, after years of always saying “I think I’ll sign up… just not yet”, I actually went through with it) and ended up going with Goodlife Fitness as my gym of choice. I’ve tried smaller gyms but the lack of convenience didn’t work out. I’ve tried Extreme Fitness, which has nicer equipment and facilities, but I’ve heard bad things about their selling tactics (plus, there are less locations than Goodlife). And I’ve tried specialty exercise studios, which have the same issues of lack of convenience and locations near my work/home as well as the higher price point. So Goodlife it was!

When you read about the following classes below, and the names don’t really give you a good indication of what exactly the class is about, you can check out the Les Mills site for further info.

Bodyattack

This is my favourite of all the classes I’ve been to at Goodlife. I call it the “Richard Simmons style of exercising” but for more uncordinated people. You see, jazzexercising would be maybe most equivalent to Bodyjam, which is a dance-cardio class. But as much as I enjoy Bodyjam as well, I found that I really lack the hand-eye-limbs coordination required to not look like an idiot and get completely lost. I’ll still attend a Bodyjam class when I get a chance, but I still prefer Bodyattack the best.

Bodyattack has some silly moves that, when I’ve demonstrated to people, they end up laughing hysterically at it/me. You do moves like shuffling around, running forward while punching, running and clapping, “the Superman”, weird kicks that look like a jig, and other moves that make you look rather silly. But it is definitely one hell of a workout because I end up sweating like crazy and tired to death afterward.

There are some coordinated moves (nothing terribly hard to pick up for novices or people who lack coordination), some running in circles, some ab/core exercises and then stretches at the end.

If the idea of a “Richard Simmons style of exercise”, but with more running, appeals to you, I say go for it!

Bodystep

I have an aunt who has taken this class week in and week out for 10 years, as she’s told me. She also fell off her step and broke her leg recently in that class. So… this has made me more apprehensive about continuing on in Bodystep.

I think one needs to be fairly well-coordinated to do well in Bodystep because some of the moves on the step are really quick and require fancy footwork to bounce from one side to another. Not to mention, you also have the added element of danger because if you miss a step in a Bodyjam or Bodyattack class, you just fall down. Miss a step in Bodystep, you tumble off your step and it could get ugly.

You’ll end up sweating a good bucket of fluids in this class and your legs can end up feeling like jelly afterward.

Bodypump

Everyone I know who has tried to get me to join the gym has raved about, or at least highly recommended, this class. I’ve gone to a few classes and I’m sure it provides benefits to toning your arms since you’re lifting a barbell throughout the class, but bleh, not super stoked about it. Not to mention, everyone looks so hardcore with their weight-lifting gloves on and I feel like a pauper for not having them too (note to self: look into buying some weight-lifting gloves, for reals).

Bodycombat

This one is fun if you ever were into Billy Blank’s Tae Bo classes and I totally was. I remember in high school, our gym teacher used to just pop in the VHS (yes, I’m that old) and make us do the moves in gym class. Come to think of it, he was kind of lazy for doing that. But either way, I had fun air punching and kicking so it was alright with me.

Bodycombat uses the same idea. You’re doing all these different martial arts moves to music so you’re not just randomly punching and kicking, but also shuffling around to the beat. It is also quite the intense cardio workout. When you think you can’t continue on, and you have to do reps of roundhouse kicks, you’ll feel like dying. But carry on and persevere, you’ll find a second wind (especially if people without any concept of personal space -even when there’s tons of space on their other side- keeps encrouching into your area, then the possibility of them getting a swift kick or punch makes it all that more enthralling!).

Bodyjam

As alluded to in my Bodyattack part, this is a dancing class that requires a lot of coordination. If you lack coordination skills, you either 1) end up looking like an idiot as you do *something* that resembles what the instructor and everyone in the class is doing or 2) stand there, analyzing the steps and trying to jump in somewhere once you think you get it… but no, you just missed it and they moved onto another move so back to standing and figuring out what you’re supposed to do.

I used to be the biggest fan of Bodyjam but after a good few tries at it, I have lost my enthusiasm.

General exercise regiment

Now that I am actually a full-fledged gym member, I will often go to the gym just to workout sans group exercise. I just found, before, that there was less motivation for me to actually exercise on my own because it got monotonous and rather predictable. You do 30 minutes to 1 hour on the eliptical, then bored. Maybe some time on the treadmill. Bored again. I didn’t really have any fitness goals or know what I wanted to accomplish at the gym (besides not being bored by the same old same old routine).

Then I came across Mark Malkoff’s Six-Pack Abs in 30 Days self-challenge, where he went from a guy who never worked out to a guy with actual six-pack abs. You may be familiar with Mark from The Colbert Report or his other stunts such as visiting all the Starbucks in New York City in one day and living in IKEA for a week. Anyhow, after I saw that, I was inspired and that became my new fitness goal. But instead of six-pack abs in 30 days, knowing me and my laziness, I went with six-ish pack abs in 30-ish days.

@niftytastic Thanks, Bev! @nylean24 can help you with the 6 pack. He did wonders for me.

— Mark Malkoff (@mmalkoff) January 27, 2012

Though I haven’t gone as hardcore as Mark to obtain that six-pack with all the ingestion of protein/eggs, I have taken *some* steps to get there. Like, for example, I’ve pinned some good articles about toning your abs and getting that washboard stomach on my Pinterest board! (Check it out if you’re so inclined). But seriously, I do the ab targeting exercises (usually at the end) in my varous group exercise classes and actually make an attempt at it, even though I feel like death at the end. But for my routine, I primarily use the abdominal weight machine where you crunch down while contracting your abdominal muscles, as the weights lift up. Next, I’ll head over to the Captain’s Chair and do some leg raises, maybe doing around 10 before I’ve over-exerted myself. Lastly, I’ll usually stop by the exercise ball and do some crunches on it.

Besides the whole “six-pack abs” goal, I just want to work on my core. I did a fitness assessment at Extreme Fitness and apparently I have a weak core and it’s causing me to slouch more. So whenever I get a chance, I’ll use the lat pull-down machine.

Results?

I don’t know if my core is any stronger or if I’m actually slouching less. But in terms of toning the abdominal area, I think I’ve seen some results already – that, or I am slightly delusional. Either way, I’ve only been at it for about two months so maybe in three months, I’ll have that six-ish pack abs!

There are certain obvious non-traumatic things that make me cry like, for example, movies like The Notebook and The Help, songs like Eric Clapton’s Tears in Heaven and those commercials with the sad abused animals and the Sarah McLachlan song playing in the background. Let’s ignore those because those are just givens (unless you are a robot and have robot emotions).

The scene in Love Actually when Mark shows up at Juliet’s door with the sign “to me, you are perfect”.

This would be the quintessential moment that any guy would have me swept off my feet. Maybe even if he was obese and was incredibly boring, but not smelly because I have standards. Love Actually, overall, is one of those movies I pop into the DVD player whenever I want a pick me up and when it gets to this scene, I always start blubbering like a baby.

23 by Jimmy Eat World

The lyrics of this song make me a bit weepy, not full on cryfest (because I listen to this song a lot on my commute and there’s nothing more weird than a person crying on the subway or bus… trust me, I’ve been there. Shut up, I was reading My Sister’s Keeper and it made me really emotional).

The lyrics:

First, it makes me sad that I’m no longer 23. Old
Second, I can relate to these lyrics.
Third, it reminds me of when I used to listen to it non-stop while I was in university and then, alas, back to the first point, it makes me sad that I’m old.

These Tim Hortons commercials

I swear, whenever these commercials come on, I can start ugly-crying in two seconds flat.

Websites like Dear Photograph and Post Secret

Whenever I check these sites, I always see at least one photo or one postcard that I can really relate to or just really touches me in a way that makes me feel like we’re all connected and have similar life stories. Then a few moments later, I’ll be at my computer or iPad, crying and feverishly looking for a Kleenex.

One of the first Dear Photograph submissions that really made be particularly weepy was this one:

For Post Secret, every Sunday, I log onto the website to read over the secrets. Sometimes they made me laugh, sometimes they make me disgusted, sometimes they make me sad, sometimes they inspire me, and sometimes they hit a nerve and BOOM, cryfest. I used to save the postcards that used to be particularly poignant for me but I’ve since stopped.

One of the last postcards I saved, and meant something to me but not too personal as to air my own secrets on here, were these from 2007.

For the past year or so, I have had lofty fitness goals. In these lofty fitness goals, I liked to imagine myself as a fitness guru who was awesome at everything. Could I be a yogini (female equivalent of a yogi)? HELL YA! Could I zumba like nobody’s business? You betcha! Could I go to spinning class and not want to collapse and die at the end of it? For sure!

Sadly, none of this is really true but I still have these lofty fitness goals and in 2012, I am determined to keep at it.

Here is a list of all the things I’ve tried, with varying results:

Spinning

Spinning looks easy to me. I can ride a bike, I can ride a bike while standing up on said bike, why wouldn’t I be able to go spinning?

It was the most horrific, difficult experience of my life [hyperbole]. I was sweating buckets and my legs were turning to jelly. I appreciate the instructor who kept coming round to my bike to offer me helpful hints like “keep your back straight” and “go with the flow”, but I was pretty sure I was one more pedal away from having a heart attack.

At the end of the class, I could barely stand straight and the next day, I was unable to even get out of the bed or sit down. And this was supposed to be the BEGINNERS CLASS! I later learned that beginners class means nothing in terms of difficulty and that we are just free to exit the class early if unable to continue on. But you feel judged when you leave early, so I stuck around to the end, as I huffed and puffed and sweated an inhumane amount of bodily fluids (TMI?).

Would I do it again? A BIG RESOUNDING NO!! NEVER, EVER AGAIN! In fact, I told my friends if I even entertain the idea of giving it a second shot, I pre-emptively give permission for someone to slap me.

Pole Dancing

Also took a beginners class. Also thought I would be AH-MAZING at it because it looked pretty easy. And also, NEVER AGAIN! I thought it would be really fun because I used to like sliding down the pole on the playground and this is KINDA like sliding down a pole? Somewhat, maybe? So many problems with this attempt.

Where do I begin. First, I think with my body DNA, I am just not meant to pole dance. Pole dancing requires not just a lot of upper body strength – of which I have none – but also a certain body chemistry, that is, dry hands to allow one to grasp the pole securely. Sweaty hands = slippery hands and slippery hands mean possible pole dancing related injuries!

A good portion of the class was spent wiping down the pole with a spray and paper towels while the rest of the class attempted different tricks (is that the word? Tricks? Eh, just consulted with Wikipedia and yeah, tricks it is!). I got a lot of words of encouragement from the instructor and even had some help from fellow classmates, who were likely pitying me and my lack of ability to even spin around the pole. Even with a squirt of some stuff that is supposed to dry up your hands and make it powdery to grip the pole, I still kept sweating through my hands and sliding off it. Sometimes causing pole-burn on the insides of my wrists, while doing so.

So basically, I spent the entire class wiping down my pole and standing beside my pole. Still, at the end of the class, the instructor said me and my equally pole-dancing-failure friend did an EXCELLENT job for first-timers! Yes, acknowledgement of my try! (Only child syndrome?)

Would I do it again? NO!! Unless I suddenly manage to get rid of the sweat glands in my hands…. and buff up my upper body strength (possibly with the use of protein shakes).

Hip Hop Cardio

I am a big fan of Sweating to the Oldies a la Richard Simmons type cardio fitness. I can do that kind of exercise till the cows come home. I am just THAT GOOD at it. I also used to watch a decent amount of So You Think You Can Dance and America’s Best Dance Crew and always was amazed by the hip hop dance numbers. I thought, that looks like fun and I’d like to do something like that. So I went to a hip hop fitness class for fun and maybe, extra bonus, pick up some awesome new dance moves. However, as I should’ve guessed from attempts at playing Dance Dance Revolution, I have very, very poor hand/body eye coordination and I cannot follow dance steps for the life of me.

I tried my best to follow along to the moves and I just kept losing count, never really sure where to step to and basically looking like a turned over beetle trying to flip itself over (best analogy I could think of, sorry). I looked pathetic.

Would I do it again? Yes, I would. Albeit feeling and looking like an idiot, it was fun.

Yoga

So here’s some background: I am a bit addicted to those Groupon type sites and whenever I see what looks like a decent deal on something fitness related, I buy it. I’ve bought 3 short-term gym memberships from it, in fact. One year ago, I saw a deal for a 20 class pass for a yoga studio that was a ways away from where I live and work but I figured, I would definitely make the trek down there at least 20 times. Boy, was I wrong. During the cold months, January – March, I said “it’s too cold! I will go during spring”. When spring came along, I thought “I might as well wait until the summer when I get summer hours and go down to class early”. When summer came round, my new excuse was “I have better things to do to enjoy the beautiful weather than sweat in a yoga class”. Meanwhile, I had every intention to actually start yoga – I bought myself a cute yoga mat and a nice top from Lululemon. I was all ready to go! I just never actually go, per se. Right around end of November, right before my trip to New York City and a few weeks Thailand, I realized that this 20 class pass deal expired January 10th, 2012. I decided YES I WILL START GOING TO THE CLASS AFTER I GET BACK FROM NEW YORK CITY! But then I came back and was too busy getting everything together before my big trip.

Gist of the story is that of the 20 class pass, I ended up onwon attending one of those 20 classes and it was a class called Beginners Joga (basically yoga with more of a focus on strength).

For most of the class, I was able to keep up with everyone else — except sometimes, see above sweaty palms issue, during downward dog, my hands kept sliding out from underneath me. And the whole lacking upper body strength part made holding poses really difficult so I never stayed up as long as the more experienced people in the class. But my favourite was definitely “child’s pose”. I could stay in that forever!

Another thing I enjoyed about the class was the ending relaxation portion. The lights were all turned off, some ambient light from Christmas lights stringed up around the room, some aromatherapy scents sprayed into the air, and us all lying on our mats, thinking of positive thoughts and pushing out the negative thoughts. It was a nice, relaxing exercise. I almost wanted to fall asleep.

Would I do it again? Yes! I’m already on deck to go to more yoga classes this week. I even bought myself a new top from Lululemon just for this occasion (also, I like to shop)

Soon to come in this “I need to get in shape” series: Zumba, Bollywood and more kinds of yoga classes!

I’m planning to sign up for a full year gym membership in the weeks to come so I can track this progress. So yay! Hopefully, I don’t accidentally DJ Tanner myself at the gym (you know the infamous episode I’m talking about).

Saying you’re going to travel by yourself, I find, carries a lot of stigmatism. The general reaction from people finding out you’re going somewhere by yourself is generally pity and some form of the following questions: good lord, do you not have any friends? Is there something socially wrong with you to not be able to find travel partners? Are you that pathetic of a person to not be able to find ANYONE to go with you? Aren’t you scared something is going to happen to you going by yourself? Etc. In fact, my own mother had this reaction.

And that’s kind of a shame because from meeting other solo travelers on the tour, this is hardly the case for why we choose to go on our own.

You can’t always align your travel plans with your friends’ lives and their current life situation

To travel far away from home requires commitment. You need to commit not only a good chunk of money but also a good chunk of time. From my experiences of trying to coordinate trips with friends, more often than not, not everyone is in the same financial situation as you and has the vacation time readily available. Unfortunately, not everyone (myself included) is a lady/gentleman of leisure. If you want to do a spontaneous or last minute trip, like the one I went on, you can’t expect people to just drop a couple thousand and their other commitments to accompany you halfway across the world. Trips with people always requires extensive planning, often months and months in advance. And even with all the planning and waiting for the right time that works with everyone’s schedules, it may never actually happen.

Your friends are likely to also have different priorities than you. You may love to travel and value experiences over material items, but your friends might not. I know with the people I know, a lot of them rather use their money towards things like designer purses, their mortgage, fancy restaurants, clothes, and so on. They don’t necessarily value a vacation as a worthwhile way to use their hard-earned money. I get it, I used to be like that too.

Chances are, you and your travel buddies don’t all like the same things

If you’re going somewhere far from home, you’re spending a lot of money to get there. You also have a finite amount of time there, do you really want to spend it doing things you don’t really want to do? When you’re traveling with other people, compromise is the key to keep harmony. You accompany your friend to places you don’t care for and vice versa. Unfortunately, though, that means it’s precious time spent not doing activities you want to do. And you’re paying a hella lot of money to be there so that kind of sucks.

Less drama

If you are good enough friends to want to travel with someone, in all likelihood, you have meshing personalities. But that doesn’t mean that spending 24/7 in close quarters is going to be without its trials and tribulations. Especially if you’re a girl because, let’s be honest ladies, sometimes we can get catty. Certain annoying habits and quirks can become tenfold more irritating. Short fuses are lit and then there’s dramaaaazzzzzzzz. It happens, I’ve been there/done that. And then the trip is over and there’s sometimes residual awkwardness (or even the end of friendships, happened to me one time after a trip to Los Angeles for just 3 days!).

You can do your thing without feeling guilty

If you do a tour like I did and make new friends on that tour, you can hang out with them or not in your free time. You don’t really have any obligations to them or them to you. If your tour buddy wants to go shopping and you want to go lie on the beach, by all means, go for it. But if you are going with a friend, you could ditch them to do your own thing — it just makes you feel somewhat guilty, like you’re not being a good travel buddy and there might be upset feelings.

This is why, after a trip to NYC, I came up with the idea of “Together But Separate™”. It’s the concept of freely doing your own thing on a trip with other people — all without any feelings of guilt or anger. As I had learned, the sucky thing about solo traveling is that eating at restaurants by yourself can be weird (though I suppose one could bring a magazine, Sex and the City style) and it can be a lot more pricey not being able to split costs of things like taxis and hotels. THUS THE GENIUS IDEA WAS BORN! You can still do what you want but still have company (social perk) and save some money (financial perk). I haven’t yet been able to put my idea of “Together But Separate™” into motion because the last time I traveled with people, “Together But Together” was insisted but maybe one day…

Know yourself better

Not to sound corny or like I’m espousing deep life lessons on Oprah’s couch, but I think traveling solo allows one to know one’s self better. You are spending that time consistently with only yourself, without the worries of work, life, and so on, so you tend to be more cognizant of doing things for yourself and knowing why you’re doing these things. You might even have an epiphany of sorts while you’re alone with your thoughts. Maybe make some life decisions you were previously on the fence about. I think it’s overall a good exercise for self-improvement.

More open to meeting new people

As a shy, kind of introverted person normally, I tend to not make much effort to talk to new people when people I’m already familiar with are with me. It’s just really out of my comfort zone and it’s just easier to stick with the crowd that you are already comfortable with. However, when I’m traveling by myself, I’m more or less forced to get out of my comfort zone to talk to different people I meet in my travels. Otherwise, it would be a really lonely trip. As I kept repeating ad naseum on my trip, I’M EXPANDING MY HORIZONS! It takes a lot of effort to go over the formalities again and again but you also get to meet all sorts of interesting people you never would have met otherwise.

There are still drawbacks though. I found that, even with these newly formed friendships, you still kind of crave social interaction with people who know you well, have inside jokes with, can talk about random nothingness with, etc. I had moments where I had a witty comment but didn’t get to share it because I wasn’t sure it was appropriate for people I had literally just met. It’s like the dating phase of a relationship, you just don’t want to show your full-on craycray in that stage.

After this solo-ish (“ish” because I was on a tour but on my own on the tour) experience, would I do it again? Yes, in a tour setting, in a heartbeat. I am even now planning a second Contiki in the near future once the new vacation calendar kicks in. But by myself, completely on my own without a tour group or anyone I know at the location I’m visiting? Probably not. I have known people who have done this before and kudos to them, I admire their resolve and bravery to do that but I don’t think I have the guts to do it. I’m still a wuss at the end of the day.

Day Six: Free Day

Another free day to do whatever we wanted to do. What I wanted to do: be a beach bum and shop. And probably find wifi because since going to Koh Phi Phi, I hadn’t been able to get on wifi and I was having withdrawal symptoms.

While our hotel was right on the beach, there was also a constant barrage of boats docking there and I didn’t really want to be swimming only to be hit by a boat. Long Beach was down the way by the hotel so I made the trek to that beach, as it was a lot more secluded.

And it was! I could honestly stay there forever.

BTW these are my knees… my mom thought it was err, something else.

Then I went to grab food. Surprisingly, not pad thai again but chicken satay with my newly found Thailand obsession, a mango shake.

It was a beautiful view.

I walked around town, shopping and came across Doctor Fish. Little tiny fish that eat off your dead skin — 15 mins for 100 baht.

It felt a bit weird at first, but you get used to the nibbling after a few minutes.

We went to Hippies Bar for some open mic (brutal) and fire dancing show.

A bit disturbing to me, as a person from cold climates, is the amount of geckos that show up at night. They were all creepy-crawling around my door!

Also, observation about the island, everyone seems to have a Hello Kitty bike.

Day Seven: Off to Ao Nang, Krabi

Last few hours on Phi Phi, I mainly just leeched free wifi from a restaurant with another tour buddy, eating some mango sticky rice whilst doing so (and of course, my mango shake). After leeching off the wifi for a better part of the day, we went to the Thai massage place. I had a “face massage” which was kind of like a facial with the amount of goop they were putting on and off my face.

We then took another 1.5 hour ferry to Krabi. I listened to, on repeat, OneRepublic’s Good Life — not to sound lame, but it was the official soundtrack for this vacation and I liked to imagine a montage in my head of the sights I was observing with this song in the background. That way, when I want to re-live this trip and its awesome moments, just press play on the song. Nostalgia in a snap!

We sailed for awhile and then stopped. Turns out, for some unknown reason, they had boarded us into a boat that couldn’t dock at the port so OUT MILES AWAY FROM LAND, we had to get off the boat we were on and get onto a boat that came up beside us. A tiny plank was dropped and we, with our hand held luggage, had to leap across to the second boat.

Our hotel was nice and modern, much improvement from the previous Phi Phi island hotel.

That night, we went to the beach to light these hot air balloon lanterns (or “sky lanterns“) that filled up with hot air and would then lift up into the sky. One was supposed to make a wish as it was lifting off and I was more concerned with my fingers getting burned, so I made my wish hastily.

After dinner, we went to Chang Bar, which had this amusing flyer.

Day Eight: I rode an elephant, bitch!

‘Scuse the language but I was pretty damn excited, I got to ride an elephant! It was awesome! No amount of exclamation points can show how excited I was!

We went to Nosey Parker, which is an elephant reserve that brings in elephants that have had their tusks taken by evil poachers. They were beautiful creatures and very calm, no random elephant stompings.

An elephant taking a whiz RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!

Trekking through the forest.

On the elephant! I’m not gonna lie, during this whole exercise, I was holding on for dear life to the bars and profusely sweating through my palms. So much so that my camera, which I was also gripping, stopped functioning — likely due to all the sweat leaking through. I was scared of falling off! Needless to say, when the elephant wrangler (?) asked if I wanted to sit on its neck, I politely declined.

View from atop the elephant.

Afterwards, we got to feed the elephants!

Getting back, we had more free time. Went out for lunch with fellow travelers and had pad thai again (and again, say it with me, MANGO SHAKE!)

I went shopping with them for awhile and then I disbanded to go get myself a Thai massage, something I was looking forward to for awhile. The lady made parts of my body crack that I didn’t know could crack. It wasn’t too painful and felt good afterwards. 1 hour of a Thai massage for 200 baht (equivalent of about $6ish CAD).

I wandered around for awhile. Came across this pimpin’ tuk tuk.

Speaking of pimpin’, OUR HOTEL HAD A PRIVATE HOT TUB ON THE BALCONY! A fact I only discovered later when someone was mentioning it and I was outraged that I didn’t have a hot tub too (but I did).

A personal hot tub with a view!

Other observations:

A creepy leaf bug found by our hotel lobby.

And Ronald McDonald bows to people here.

Last meal that night was a pad thai with shrimp (there was a mix up with the orders, oh well, still good).

Day Ten: Goodbyes to new friends and goodbye to Thailand

Next morning, I had to depart earlier than most people in my group because my flight was earlier. At breakfast, I said my goodbyes and then boarded a personal transport to the airport with two other people and the nuttiest driver, ever! At first, he just kept freaking out about how there were now 3 of us and prior, it was supposed to be 2 of us to drive to the airport early. Someone also had to leave early so added to the numbers. He couldn’t wrap his head around this at all! After eventually sorting this number mix up, he was relatively calm and quiet… that didn’t last for long. Suddenly, maybe the Red Bull kicked in, but he got super energetic. Here’s some secret video I took of the hilariousness.

Then we left Thailand, the airport runway being right along the shore.

December 23 – 25th

I got back to Hong Kong and it was rather chilly. By “rather chilly”, I mean it was about 12 degrees Celsius and this is considered BALMY back in Canada but going from 30+ degree weather to that, I caught a cold. That, or I caught one of the circulating bugs that were infecting people on my tour.

The last few days in Hong Kong, my last few days on vacation, were terrible. I felt like death. My mom got so panicked about me getting a fever and not being able to board the plane the next day for my lovely 15+ hour flight back home, that she called my aunt and made her take me to the doctor on Christmas day to get checked up. Let me tell you about healthcare systems. In Phuket, someone on the tour had to get stitches and if memory serves me correctly, it was under $2000 baht so roughly under $64 CAD. In Hong Kong, it costs money to see the doctor, unlike in Canada, but you get all your prescription drugs right there at the doctor’s office and it’s included in the cost. My consultation and all these drugs cost just $260 HKD. That is roughly $34 CAD! Prescription fees alone would cost about $10 and you wouldn’t get that many drugs. I even got lozenges from the doc!

December 26th

Bright and early morning, I went to Hong Kong International Airport for the long flight back home. Unfortunately, it required a layover in Detroit and Homeland Security required us to go through the screening and take our checked baggage (which, may I add, cost me an extra $75 USD to check a second luggage in) out to then recheck back in to its final destination. Seriously, never again. Flying via Canada or direct next time. The savings weren’t worth it.

December 17th was our last day in Phuket. Last day of seeing ladyboys everywhere (though apparently I am oblivious to them and had to have them pointed out to me), seeing scantily-clad women dancing on poles outside, being bombarded by people trying to get me to a PING PONG SHOW or asking if I wanted a tuk tuk. We were going to a more low-key place, Koh Phi Phi island!

Day Four: Off to Koh Phi Phi Island!

We boarded a ferry to Koh Phi Phi island, an hour and half from Phuket. An hour and a half of sea sickness fun! By the time we got there, the sky was dark and cloudy and it looked like it was going to pour. And it did, as we were walking across the island to our hotel.

Our hotel, the Bayview Resort, was on the far end of the island and on a hill beside the beach. Did I mention that the island has no cars, motorbikes or tuk tuks and only way of getting around is by bike or foot?

I’m terribly out of shape so huffing it to my 4th level (the highest on the hill) room was enough exercise to last me a lifetime (when we left the room, we had to make sure we HAD EVERYTHING because there was NO TURNING BACK!) but I could still appreciate the magnificent views from my room.

There was an interesting door that opened up from the bathroom, right beside my bed. Also, note, the sewage system on the island isn’t as robust so toilet paper can’t be flushed down the toilet — the toilet paper had to be put in a trash bin beside the toilet. If you do a #2, gotta use the hose as well.

How the streets look like on Phi Phi island.

That night, we went to Banana Bar, which had really awesome treehouse type roof decks. I felt like I was in something between Fred Penner’s Place and the treehouse in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World. Except with booze and such. However, when you’re carrying alcohol, it proves difficult to climb up ladders so maybe not the most practical.

Then we went to Slinky Beach Bar — a club, as you might’ve guessed, on the beach. Tons of people and since it was right on the beach, you could just people-watch as they did scandalous things not too far from the shore (and oftentimes, right on the shore).

There was a pole in the middle of the place and people kept climbing it. I thought that someone was bound to fall off of it.

Day Five: Speedboat, Snorkeling, Maya Beach, and Monkeys

I’m on a boat
I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherf**kin’ boat
- The Lonely Island, I’m On a Boat

Alas, though, boats and me = not good. But Dramamine is fantastic!

We went snorkeling with pretty fish and then went to Maya bay, where they filmed The Beach. IT IS BEAUTIFUL! Jam-packed with tourists though but absolutely beautiful.

It looked like a postcard.

Back to the boat and off we went to Bamboo Island for lunch. It was less crowded.

I found a dead jelly fish on the beach.

Last but not least on the itinerary was a stop at Monkey Island (which we saw earlier but had just driven by… sailed by?). There were tons of monkeys!

They were cute, but I also made sure to not get too close because I didn’t want to be the victim of a monkey mauling (I heard a monkey mauling did happen to someone while on my trip so it was a legit concern).

Here’s a video of the monkeys.

And for my/your amusement, a sign found by my hotel.

Continuation in Eat Shop Tan – Part III

So I begin 2012 with a post about my trip to Thailand in December 2011 – Thailand mainly, but with a few days bookending the trip in Hong Kong (mainly to shop, hence the Eat Shop Tan). This trip would last almost a month, leaving December 8th and getting back the evening of December 26th. A whole month away from work, a much needed break!

To say this was a trip I had planned meticulously for and thought a lot about would be a lie. It kind of came as a surprise. I was just frustrated with things in my life and wanted a change.

I went from:

I think I’m on the verge of booking a Contiki tour to Thailand for Dec (right after getting back from NYC). Or should I do Europe in summer?

— Bev (@niftytastic) October 3, 2011

To

Just waiting for my vacation request to be signed and then booking my first @ContikiCAN trip to Phuket, Thailand! I’m so excited!

— Bev (@niftytastic) October 4, 2011

Approval for vacation request for Dec 8-Jan 1. Check! Contiki tour to Thailand west islands booked. Check! Just need to book my flights!!

— Bev (@niftytastic) October 5, 2011

I recently had read Eat Pray Love and was inspired to do something similar, but less committal. I knew I wanted to go somewhere where I could relax in the sun in a bathing suit (it was getting dreary in my neck of the woods and all my recent vacations were walking around type of vacations) but also provided something more, in terms of a cultural experience, than a boring old resort vacation. I started looking through the Contiki website for ideas and between the Australia Beaches and Reefs and Thailand West Island Hopper tours, I ended up deciding on the West Island Hopper tour. Maybe if I can get more vacation time in the future, I will go on the Beaches and Reefs tour because it sounds like an awesome time. It’s just that the flight down there from here would be brutal and take up a good chunk of my already lacking vacation time.

I left home on December 8th with butterflies in my stomach and muchos anxiety (thanks to well-intentioned friends and family who had instilled fear in me and were making me rethink my first solo trip attempt) and after a long, long flight -with a layover in Detroit- I got to Hong Kong late at night December 9th. Jet-lagged!

December 9th – December 12th

I mostly ate and shopped over those first few days. I also visited Aberdeen (where I saw a stray dog wearing a shirt! I noticed a lot of dogs, stray or otherwise, wore outfits. My kind of people!) and Stanley.

Aberdeen – a little fishing town

Nearby Stanley Main Street at dusk

Stanley has beautiful homes and really interesting architecture. Places worth millions and that I can only dream of affording!

We went to Murray House for dinner, a German restaurant called King Ludwig Beerhall with beautiful views overlooking the water.

On December 13th, I flew to Phuket, Thailand a day early before my Contiki tour started. A 650 baht (700 baht with tip) taxi ride later, I got to my hotel, the Sawaddi Patong Resort in Patong. It was past midnight and I was tired so I pretty much just fell asleep right away.

Day One: Arrival in Phuket

The next day when I woke up, I decided to check out the area, visit the beach and look for a universal adapter. Let me just tell you, the walk down to the beach and past the shops was a feat in and of itself. I think I cheated death at least 10 times. The motorbikes whiz by at fast speeds and there are no stop signs or pedestrian lights. I stood at an intersection for almost 10 minutes before I could tag along with others crossing the road because I was too scared to cross the road by myself. Those who know me, know that I am really apprehensive about jaywalking and tend to skedaddle across the road like I’m in a game of Frogger (similar sound effects). Needless to say, after my twenty minute walk to Patong beach and back, I decided to spend the rest of my time at the relatively safe hotel pool.

Views from Patong Beach – where I was hounded by a dozen “beach entrepreneurs” selling everything from fruit to knick-knacks to use of beach chairs (100 baht, by the way for the latter. Equivalent of about $3 CAD).

Later that night, we met up with everyone in our tour and went out for dinner at a restaurant on the beach (yes, the same beach I had nervously walked to alone earlier in the day. When walking in a huge crowd, it’s less daunting). Hoover, our tour guide, introduced us to the new acronym T.I.T.S. – This is Thailand, Sucka! – the notion that you shouldn’t expect things to be like how they are at home. A theme that would play out throughout the rest of the trip.

This is where I ordered my first meal in Thailand: thick rice noodles with beef. It was alright tasting.

After dinner, we went to Bangla Road where there are tons of bars, clubs and random girls on poles in plain view.

Drinks are quite a bit cheaper than what I’m used to but my Sex on the Beach drink that I ordered at Aussie bar was blue for some reason.

Later, we went to a nightclub called Seduction where we were approached by this guy, a magician. He was good times!

Day Two: James Bond Island, Koh Panyee and some other islands I can’t remember

Hopped onto a speedboat bright and early!

Whizzed around some cliffs.

Drove by Monkey Island (which we would eventually revisit, later on in this post series)

We got to a little village, Koh Panyee, built on stilts and the only thing we saw (and apparently was the only thing interesting about the place) was a restaurant. We had lunch there and bought some things in the souvenir shop inside, as it helped support the local community so I didn’t feel so bad buying trinkets for people that would likely go into a dusty corner eventually.

Back to the speedboat and off we went to James Bond Island. To get to the “proper” part of the island, you had to trek through this mountain with makeshift, narrow steps with a billion other tourists. There were some reinforcements to keep you from tumbling down, but it was really just a hand rail and I had flip flops on. Luckily, I did not die.

The iconic shot at James Bond Island (with my iconic pose )

Now the same shot but with my fellow tour travelers/buddies

Back to the speedboat to be dropped off for some kayaking (except we had someone kayak for us. Which is a good thing too because with my upper body strength, we’d just be going around in circles in the same spot).

Our kayaker was a hoot. He kept asking us if we were on “HONEYMOON” and singing. Of course, he also provided me with a minor stroke when he brought this creepy thing onto the kayak and kept giving it to me by its tail, to make me hold it. I was freaking out and seriously, if he insisted on making me hold it, I might’ve jumped overboard.

On our “honeymoon” (which it appears, they do this leaf heart thing for pretty much everyone). Not feeling so special now…

Taken by another kayaker (with their own version of a heart carved inside a leaf… he insisted on the photoshoot because he almost knocked me across the head with his paddle)

It was a really serene, awesome, wonderful experience going through the caves and taking in the sights. There was a part where we had to flatten ourselves into the kayak and push through a small crevice in the rocks, that was something.

Getting ready to go in…

And squeezing through!

After the kayaking, we went back into the speedboat and headed to a tiny island – the name of which I cannot remember. BUT WHAT I DO REMEMBER WAS MONKEYS!!!

Some random dude had three adorable monkeys that he was obviously exploiting (100 baht per monkey for pictures) and I feel terrible for supporting such exploitation but good lord, it’s a freakin’ monkey. In pants! I spent almost all my money earlier in the day so I could only afford one monkey.

We then headed back to Patong and went for dinner at Jungceylon mall. Downstairs, they have a food court with many Thai food options and I had pad thai (one of my many pad thai meals on this trip). I think we went out that night but I can’t for the life of me remember what we did (as I didn’t take any photos). The rest of the group went to Muay Thai boxing but I did something else… maybe went to sleep early because I’m an old fart.

Day Three: Patong Beach, Ladyboys and “Ping Pong”

This was one of our free days, where we could do whatever we wanted. After a late breakfast by the hotel pool, we headed over to Patong beach where I worked on mah tannnnnn! By tan, I mean my redness because by this time, I was as red/burnt as a lobster. Nonetheless, I knew I couldn’t come back home pasty pale or I’d never live that down.

This was also the day I finally got to take a tuk tuk for the first time! Wheeee! It wasn’t one of those cool, ballin’ tuk tuks with the blaring dance music and the neon lights, but it was still exciting for me after hearing about tuk tuks from other people who’ve been to Thailand.

Fantastic, I don’t have 500 chins in this photo!

That night, we went to two activities you can only do in Thailand: see a ladyboy show and a “ping pong show”. Not to sound like a creep, but these were two things I was really looking forward to after hearing a friend’s stories of her trip to Thailand, where I found out a “ping pong show” wasn’t actually two people hitting a ping pong ball back and forth. Oh no.

Let’s start with the ladyboy show at Simon Cabaret. I don’t actually have pictures from the show because they had very ominous warnings about photography in the auditorium but let me just say the show was super campy and enjoyable. They did Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance and Aqua’s Barbie Girl (amongst numerous other ethnic songs that I didn’t know). I had seats up in the balcony so it was harder for me to analyze the “situation” as to whether and how much they were “passing” but they seemed pretty decently passing. It was such enthusiastic lip-syncing, more enthusiastic lip-syncing than the Britney Spears concert I went to.

After the show, people were invited to take photos with the ladyboys. Of course, that was not without a fee – 100 baht per person fee. I could only afford one ladyboy and the one I wanted, she had to get someone else to accept my money (or something) and then I was suddenly dragged off by another ladyboy. You can’t just politely decline a ladyboy to go to another, it just seems rude. So I just went with her instead.

They sure are aggressive about getting the photo ops in! They will literally grab you if you look even slightly interested in a photo.

And then we went to the “ping pong show”.

You’ll notice I keep putting it around quotations and I’m not doing that for no reason. There are no ping pongs — well, there might have been later on or earlier in the show, I only stayed around for 15 minutes. There are budgies, goldfish, various liquids in Coke bottles, bananas, pins, frogs, amongst other things. But no ping pongs nor paddles!

If you want more details, just Google that up. I’ll just say that I didn’t know one’s vajayjay was so versatile and provided so many career opportunities! While I watched these women with shock, amazement and a little bit of vomit in my mouth, I also couldn’t help but feel pity for them. I can’t imagine they are too happy with their lives but then, it could just be me projecting. The sociology major in me wants to critically analyze/deconstruct this whole cycle and blames myself for financially supporting this industry, but then I remember the milky water liquid that came out… and then I lose my train of thought.

But I still feel really bad for them.

Continuation in Eat Shop Tan – Part II

On her book tour for I Know I Am, But What Are You?, Samantha stopped by in Toronto, visiting a Chapters-Indigo to do a reading and book signing. This is not to say it was entirely surprising, considering that this was her hometown and she does come here quite often (for example, for Coopers’ Camera at The Toronto International Film Festival and her appearance on CBC’s Test the Nation). But I was giddy! Let’s not forget, at the TIFF screening of Coopers’ Camera I had enthusiastically (a.k.a. desperately) tried to meet one of my favourite comedic couples – the other being Amy Poehler and Will Arnett – and had failed miserably in doing so. Alas, I’d at least get to meet one half of the Samantha Bee/Jason Jones duo so yes, I was rather excited.

Getting there at around 5:45 pm, the store was still setting up the stage and seating area so I had some time to wander around before the 7 pm start time. At about 6:15 pm, I noticed the seats were all set up and so I grabbed the seat in the aisle right in the front row – along with another lady who was just there to listen to the reading. 7 pm rolls around and Samanth Bee, looking VERY pregnant, came on stage. First, she started off with some jokes about the ~inappropriateness~ of what she was about to read and secondly, to thank us for showing up (evidently, Leafs great, Wendel Clark, who also had a book signing that night at the Eaton Centre, had a smaller crowd show up for him and she joked about this being the sole reason for her to show up). She started reading a chapter from her book, the one about a family road trip and “carpet munching”. It was loads of laughs. Then at the end, she opened it up for audience questions. People asked, obviously, about her time on The Daily Show and how one can become a correspondent on it like her or a writer on it. She said to just apply, submit a tape, and they are always looking for new people, people who are a good fit for the show. She told us that that is exactly what she did, though they had come up to Toronto for auditions and she had gotten it (however, she suspected that she got it because she looked “news-y” or something to that extent).

When it came time to start signing books, I was basically right at the front of the stage so I was one of the first few people who got to go up. I had my copy of I Know I Am, But What Are You? (which, FYI, I had bought earlier in the day at FULL COVER PRICE! Egads, I never buy at full cover price, always taking the online route, but well, I needed it for the signing and online delivery wasn’t fast enough so I forked over the $30 + tax) and America (The Book). She said that her mother in law or aunt or somebody had the same name as me, I told her how much of a fan I was of her and Jason and that I went to see Coopers’ Camera at TIFF few years back, as I showed her my ticket stub (HA! Proof!) and a promotional postcard. She seemed genuinely happy to hear me mention the film and that I really enjoyed it. Because I was pretty much one of the first few people to go to the table, and no one ahead of me had asked for a photo with her, I was a bit nervous to ask – you know how some celebrities just don’t “do” photos at these things and asking could result in embarrassing rejection. I took a shot anyway and began with, “uhhh, would it be a huge bother if…” to which she interrupted with “no bother at all!” I probably could’ve then swayed from my original question of a photo and just asked for something completely out there, but I didn’t and I got a photo with her. Unfortunately though, the lady who had taken the photo for me had left it super zoomed (my fault, really) and it turned out kind of bad. Okay, quite bad. So for the sake of my ego and your eyes, I won’t post it here

Pictures

Get the book!

Precious Jones, the protagonist of the movie, is an obese, illiterate, abused, neglected teenager. She is verbally and physically abused by her mother, was raped by her father since she was a small child, which resulted in two pregnancies – her first child being born with down syndrome – and she is constantly teased and treated with malice at school and in her neighbourhood. She feels invisible and unloved. Yet, even with all the hardships she has and continues to endure, she still has aspirations for a better life. Even in moments of hopelessness and dire, the film cuts to sequences of her dreams of being a glamorous star, showered with loving attention by her mom, the public and a boyfriend “with real nice hair”.

After being called into the principal’s office, just to be expelled from school for getting pregnant a second time, she starts class in an alternative school where she ultimately meets a teacher named Ms. Rain (played by Paula Patton). This is one of those teachers that are typical in movies about underprivileged children who just need some guidance to make something of themselves, the kind of teacher that get really involved in their students’ lives and tries to really make a difference. Each day, the students are asked to write in a journal, whether it be fictional stories or about their own lives, and Ms. Rain would write back with her thoughts. Slowly but surely, Precious comes out of her shell and a special bond quickly forms between her and Ms. Rain. It is somewhat a clichéd story plot but this isn’t to say that this aspect makes the film any less powerful and engaging. The other students in the class are definitely characters, providing much of the comedy in an otherwise dark and disturbing film.

Performance wise, newcomer Gabby Sidibe and Mo’Nique, who plays Precious’ mother, are outstanding. Their performances are raw and poignant. Even though Mo’Nique portrays a vile and abusive mother, at the end when she is explaining why she sat idly by while her husband raped her child, she’s actually able to incite some sympathy and compassion from the viewer for a character so despicable, so heinous. Mariah Carey also is in the movie, playing a case worker assigned to work with Precious. Surprisingly, especially considering the train-wreck that was Glitter, she does a pretty good job. Not being afraid to “get ugly” (i.e. not glammed up in Mariah’s case), she is almost unrecognizable in the film. Lenny Kravitz makes a cameo in the film too.

The take-away from the film is a feeling of hope. After seeing Precious persevere, in trying to get her life together for herself and her children, even with the odds stacked up against her and the significant baggage she has in her life, it made me feel empowered. And while Precious is a fictional character, there are girls like her everywhere, albeit invisible to most, and I think this ultimately serves as inspiration for anyone feeling downtrodden and pessimistic. Yes, it’s dark, it covers some really serious and upsetting issues, and it doesn’t necessarily end off on a “happily ever after” note nor it is by any means a feel good movie — but it offers a glimmer of hope and that’s just one of the reasons why I found Precious so inspiring.

Trailer

Introductions to Precious

Part 1

Part 2

Photos

Are you a fan of Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku Lovers line? Particularly the fragrances? Or are you just a big fan of Gwen and/or No Doubt in general?

Awesomeness.net is teaming up with Matchstick Marketing to give away a Harajuku Lovers Fragrance prize package to one lucky visitor!

Here’s how to win:

Below are the descriptions of the 5 different fragrances. Each bottle is designed to represent Gwen’s four real-life Harajuku Girls and the fifth one, G, the leader, is (you guessed it) Gwen.

G
The Leader of the Pack
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Only one entry per person via this method.

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Example text: Win a Harajuku Lovers Fragrance prize pack! http://bit.ly/4xWbFv Enter by Sept 20

Here’s how it works: