The only legacy left from a three-decade war in Afghanistan is conservative mindsets.

Research shows that communication and social interaction can highly boost opportunities for Afghan women in their career and social network building. But in Afghanistan, these two things—communication and social interaction—are what mostly define attitudes towards women in society. A woman must be very cautious in interacting with co-workers and friends.

Most women in Afghanistan can’t even make eye contact or smile when communicating with their male co-workers.

An Afghan woman can’t have a meeting alone with a man in a room; she must be more concerned about the rumors it will create about her beyond the room. An Afghan woman cannot have business meetings outside her office at any cost. She would no longer be considered a reputable woman.

Women are subject to tremendous types of criticism, which gradually causes discouragement to the women in the workplace.

But what I find strange is that most women care enough about this criticism that they will sabotage their own networking opportunities in spite of knowing that they can never stop criticism. Why worsen your opportunities when you know you can never stop criticism.

I have experienced dozens of criticisms and comments about my dress, way of communicating, and a lot more, and I leave them behind.

For example, my next door neighbors have very bad perspectives about working with international NGOs or with foreigners. Starting with the morning pickup when the driver comes to take me to work, they all just keep staring at me and make comments that I don’t even know of.

Arriving in the office, I can’t make eye contact while talking to my male co-workers. If I do, they feel bad about talking to me.

In some meetings  I am the only female. Beyond the office door people can create enough rumors to easily discourage and disappoint a woman.

But I never let these barriers stop my way to success, because after every single disappointment I continue to envision that very prestigious leadership position that I can have in the future if I don’t give up now. The dreams of becoming a leader for my people always lead me to work even harder.

Criticisms aren’t the only barriers that keep women running away of interactions.  There are male colleagues who intentionally discriminate, flirt, and disobey women. Women can’t distribute their phone numbers or contact details openly because they can’t trust everyone.  

Women will less often serve as board members, directors, key decision makers, and top-level managers. One of the basic reasons is they don’t have strong networks and communications.

What has put me deep in thought for a while is how we can ameliorate people’s perspective toward women’s communications and interactions in their workplace and social life and diminish criticism about their interactions. I believe in the magical six-letter word: Change. 

The solution is to enhance a positive perspective toward women’s interaction in this male-dominated society. To be a competent professional, you need to strive to create a strong network. You need to expand your people’s vision about your interactions positively.

The Taliban era is gone, so go on and change the nation’s pro-Taliban thoughts. Prove that your involvement in networks and businesses can have a significant impact on Afghanistan’s development.

By Gullafroz

Photo from the Washington Post

I will be away from you, my friend, but still around you.
My soul will be with you—you will feel it.
Close your eyes—you will see it.
I will be away from you, and you will not hear me,
But my words will be in your mind.

I will be around you, my friend,
Holding you when you feel alone.
I will weep your tears when you cry.
Our memories will keep us alive, always,
Even if we never see each other again.

Feel me when winds come to you.
See me when flowers open their eyes.
When you feel lost you will find me in the sky
An orange moon.
I will watch you all the time.

I will be away from you, my friend,
But still around you—like a butterfly, like a bird.
I will be with you as a shadow when you are alone.
I will not miss you because I will feel you
When I breathe.

I will be away from you, my friend,
But around you also,
Always.

By Shogofa

Photo: Doug Murray/European Pressphoto Agency.

Let’s learn from the gardener
Who has a deep relationship with beauty
A heart full of love
Speaks with grasses
Knows the flowers’ language

Let’s learn from the gardener
Whose dreams are green
Who is never angry with the rose thorns
That prick her hands

Let’s learn from the butterflies
Their method of love
Flying tirelessly
Ending life around a candle

By Kamilah

Photo by melanitaB

Editor’s note: This group poem was written at a writing workshop in Mazar where each participant contributed lines.

All things need to love, to forgive
because life without love
will not be lived. Love is a kind of food,
like no other.
No one can live in our nature
without love and forgiveness.

On a dark day, in that moment
when our lives are unlovely
and we are sad—
Love and Forgiveness
come to us

and say, Hey, hey! We’ve come
to help you, make you strong.
You will be beautiful
and complete with us.
We’ll see clearly that day.
Ahh, the arrival
of love and forgiveness.

Forgiveness can erase
a sadness, make
life beautiful —everyone
loves to be happy.
And real love makes
us happy. If we want,
we can find real love—
the love of our mothers, our books,
our country.
Without forgiveness,
We will never succeed.

With forgiveness,
comfort will arrive
at the main point of our lives,
with meaning.
If we forgive someone a mistake
that person will love and forgive us.
Life is so short
When we lose someone we know the
power of love and forgiveness.

I know the power of love.
For love, we will
sacrifice and forgive
with a tender word.
Your forgiveness returns
to you like a calmness.

Forgiveness is more beautiful than love.
With love, we can live in comfort, but
without forgiveness it has no meaning.

Please come, my dear.
Forgive all people
So, we can become
immortal like famous people.

Forgiveness is the beautiful element
Of friendship.

Love and forgiveness bring confidence,
power, comfort.
With a small smile we can
forgive a big mistake
and bring peace and laughter,
happiness and pride.

Love and forgiveness, the
two most beautiful words.

By the Mazar Writers
Farida, Hawa, Maryam, Nilofar, Zarif, Nekbakht, Suhaila, and Friba

This work was sponsored by the Fetzer Institute.

I

I Skype with my family. They gather in front of the small screen to see me, say hi. My mom knows I am sick, even though I don’t tell her. My sister gives up a night of sleep to do my other sister’s work. She does not spend money, because she knows making money is hard for me. My father tells his brothers and friends I am good. My roommate is concerned about me because I study all night. I talk to a friend on Skype. We have nothing to say, but stay on, do our work, connected. I forget there is another page on the test. The teacher waits for me to finish. I sit somewhere and my friends come by to say hi. I catch love.

– Sabera

II

God listens to me, forgives me. My son wakes in the morning, says, “Hello, hello.” I remember my father, his love, love, love for me. My husband smiles. I see people I don’t know. They are happy, make me happy. I help someone in need, see my eyes in the mirror, fall in love with kindness. When readers from all over the world read my words, I am understood as a woman. When Afghans work together to bring peace in Afghanistan, love catches me.

Let’s be gardeners and make a garden.

Let’s name it Love.

– N.

III

I see the sky, feel my love is like a star. I close my eyes and catch love. When my heart loves someone, I feel life so close. I see that life is very beautiful. When I make someone happy, I am happy. When I cannot speak my heart speech, my hand starts to write. Then, love makes a home in my heart, and I am understood. Life exists for us to be together.

 – Yalda J.

This work was supported by the Fetzer Institute.

Come together, Women. Let’s fill the world in
On love, On forgiveness.
What it is to be honest and sensitive to all.
How easy it is to give a smile, make someone happy,
Instead of causing stress and sadness.

When a woman shares, others take comfort,
Feel secure in her arms.
This is what it is to love,
To forgive.
It is a simple message.

Mothers! Sisters! Women, all around the world!
Come, give a hand to the hands that give love,
Forgiveness.
I am Afghan. You are American. We come from all countries.
We must be the messengers of love
and forgiveness around this world.

Mother of mine, you can be a spokeswoman for peace,
Because you are love, honesty, and sentiment.
You are kind. You sacrifice.
You burn a candle to prepare me to shine.
You laugh and try to create moments of fun to make me happy,
Hold up my hands and imagine success for me.

When I am alone, you are there, your good advice
in my heart. You speak to me about the light I will be.
Make me powerful, teach me to fight life’s challenges,
How to be brave. You have taught me
In spite of being just a girl, I am so able.

My dear Mother, come with me,
Teach all the girls, from every place,
All the girls who need encouragement.
I need you to teach them how to live courageously.
Together, with others, forever.
We can love ourselves and forgive others
because we are mothers, wives and sisters.

When a woman cries in South America or Europe,
When a girl is stopped in Asia or Africa because she is a girl,
When a child needs a piece of bread in Afghanistan,
Nepal or Israel,  
Let us help her.

By Friba

This work was supported by the Fetzer Institute.

You, Love, are wounded in your cage.
I bathe you with my tears.
I, Woman, am armed.
My weapon—forgiveness.
I forget my enemy,
Revenge!

By N.

This work was supported by the Fetzer Institute.

Love and Forgiveness, the title of this body of work, was sponsored by the Fetzer Institute. The essays and poems included here were written by a group of thirteen writers who participated in a three-month online writing workshop project with AWWP mentors trained on the themes.  Other AWWP writers also contributed writing to the project from their workshops.  

The writing has been incorporated into a curriculum on love and forgiveness that can be distributed and used in educational venues throughout the U.S. and Afghanistan, including high schools, colleges, and universities. If you are interested in receiving this curriculum, please let us know.

We published the first installment of Love and Forgiveness poems and stories in April; links to them are on this page. This June 2013 installment includes:

Poems

• Trouble, by Farida
• Teach the World, by Friba
• Forgiveness: A Prose Poem, by Massoma
• Sparrow and Sword, by N.
• Love Lesson, by Nasima

Essays

• Real Wealth Is Love, by Mariam
• Not All Is Forgiven, by Sabera
• How I Catch Love: A Lyrical Essay, by Sabera, N., and Yalda J.

More writing on love and forgiveness will be published in coming months.

Please donate today so AWWP can continue to provide internet and
mentoring to these writers and others like them.

Click here to learn more about donating to AWWP.

UN Photo by Eric Kanalstein; graphic by Blatman Design

I think forgiveness can be very difficult but it depends on the person who hurt you. There are degrees.

I cannot forgive my dad’s friend who tried to take advantage of me. Whenever I think about it, I get angry and want to kill him. The same applies to a man we lived with when I was five or six and he tried to take advantage of me. When he died, I was the most happy person on earth. If there is hell in the other world, I hope he is there and I am sure he is. These are first-degree grievances that I cannot forgive.  

Another time, my cousin hit my mom in front of me. My mom was like his mother. I cannot forgive him. My mom forgives him. I wouldn’t harm him, but I have not talked to him in six years. I just stay away from him. Then when I lived with a host family, one of the family members used a very bad word to insult the Prophet Muhammad and my religion. I was emotionally hurt. But later I was able to forgive the person and forget about it. Now we have a good relationship. 

I have a family of nine members. Even for parents who are educated, it is hard to run a family.

Sometimes if my dad wanted me to study or my mom wanted me to do house chores and I did not they would hit me. I still remember this sometimes. I even cry about how I was raised. But despite it, I love all members of my family and where ever I am, I think of them. They are always in my mind. I could easily risk my life for any of them. Without them, I would be nothing. 

By Sabera

This work was supported by the Fetzer Institute.

My head exploded, full of their talking, talking. They talked and talked and sold me. They  laughed, happy. I was sad and crying, had no power over this. I played, the child I was. I played, but had to go toward the life that would be mine. My head exploded, full of new talking. They talked and talked. I was not a good bride. I was not a perfect woman, because I was thirteen. My head exploded, full of their talking. They talked and talked and beat me. Filled with pain, I was a mother, but had nothing. I had forgiven, all of my life, move now toward my future, happy. My head exploded. My head exploded. I love my infant, my family. I have forgiven all—parents, husband, the government. I am happy. My baby laughs and I laugh. Life laughs, and I am happy.

By Massoma

This work was supported by the Fetzer Institute.