Crushable

Michael Lohan Manages To Slam Daughter Lindsay Under The Guise Of Defending Her Acting

Natalie Zutter — Wed, 30 May 2012 17:11:07 +0000

Yet again, Michael Lohan has proven himself to be incredibly shrewd: He’s put himself back in the press by simultaneously upholding daughter Lindsay Lohan as a talented actress and slamming her as a drug addict; and he’s cast himself in the role of sympathetic dad.

Michael exclusively told Celebrity VIP Lounge that yes, Lindsay was under the influence of something during her lackluster gig hosting Saturday Night Live several weeks ago, but it’s not what you think! She wasn’t out irresponsibly partying the day before; instead, she’s a victim of her handlers. Just like Britney Spears circa her shaved-head meltdown, poor Lindsay does whatever her people tell her to do, which apparently includes staying dosed on prescription meds:

“I have to say this…on SNL, Lindsay was not using any illicit drugs or drinking but she still is on prescription drugs that they gave her. And the meds that they give her are meds that they say she needs, but she doesn’t need them. But they kind of make her flat. She’s not acting at a full potential. It’s like the screen is down over her.

“And now when she did Glee I said, ‘Linds, get off the damn medication and let people see who you really are.’ And for a couple days before Glee, she went off this stuff. And there were tears in my eyes when I watched Glee. THAT was Lindsay. Yeah that was her acting. That is Lindsay Lohan at the Parent Trap, Freaky Friday and Mean Girls potential. That is what she was.”

I dunno, we were pretty underwhelmed with Linds’ guest-judge role. Also, Michael acts as if he’s upset about Lindsay’s current mental state and got all choked up when he saw the glimmer of her 2005 self, and yet all he’s done is undermine her here. He’s admitted that he has no say in his daughter’s life — because of how badly he’s screwed things up — and only perpetuates our notion that she’s a dead-eyed zombie.

Most likely Michael calculated these quotes to hit the blogosphere around the same time as the news that his ex-wife Dina Lohan will be appearing on the new reality show Hollywood Exes. Even though he was never Hollywood to begin with, which is clear with his repeated attempts to stay relevant by capitalizing on his kids’ fuckups.

Photo: The Daily Crabbie

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Jim Paratore, Creator Of TMZ And The Man Behind Ellen Degeneres’ Success, Dies Of A Heart Attack

Alexis Rhiannon — Wed, 30 May 2012 16:52:20 +0000

Jim Paratore, the man probably best known for creating TMZ, died yesterday of a probable heart attack at age 58 while bicycling in France. Jim literally changed the way celebrity news is reported on, bringing in the age of total gossip saturation and in-your-face reporting that almost every gossip site uses today.

In 2006, Jim he left his job as President of Telepictures in order to get involved in digital business and pitch TMZ to the networks. He was able to get interest (obviously), and was a huge force behind the creation of TMZ.com and later the TMZ television show. He’s the reason that we know every waking move that Lindsay Lohan makes, and every working paparazzo should say their thank yous to this guy for keeping them employed.

Aside from his work on TMZ, though, Jim was also instrumental in the careers of many familiar names today, such as Ellen Degeneres. When Ellen first announced her homosexuality back in the day, no networks were willing to take a chance on a gay television personality, so they rejected her show. (This was in a different age, back before LGBT citizens enjoyed equal rights. Oh wait.) It was Jim Paratore who put his neck on the line and talked executives into it, convincing them that Ellen was worth the risk…and also incidentally earning them a lot more money in the process when he turned out to be right. He’s obviously still a huge influence in Ellen’s life to whom she’s extremely grateful, because after news of his death spread, she tweeted:

My friend, producer and champion Jim Paratore died today. He gave me a chance when no one else would. I love you, Jim.

— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) May 29, 2012

Through his work at Telepictures, Jim was also involved with shows like The Bachelor, Rosie, Extra, Jim Mathis, People’s Court, and of course, Ellen. In the words of TMZ.com:

“Jim was a triple threat — an amazingly creative guy who never let convention get in the way of a good idea. He was also a great producer who could execute the ideas that were in his head. And he was the best salesman in the world — Jim could convince anyone of anything.”

He is survived by his wife Jill Wickert, and his daughter, Martinique Paratore. And Lindsay Lohan. Thank you for leaving us Lindsay, Jim.

(Image: TMZ.com)

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6 Burning Questions I Have After Watching The Real Housewives of Orange County

Katie Garrity — Wed, 30 May 2012 15:57:14 +0000

Well folks, we’re 16 episodes into this crazy little thing I liked to call The Real Housewives of Orange County, and this episode proved to be all sort of crazy. The women pack their (very expensive) bags and head to Costa Rica for some nice R&R. Between zip-lining, drinking mojitos, and making each other cry, I don’t know when they had time to actually relax, but that’s just me. Before I go into my questions, let me give you a little breakdown of these women’s individual mental breakdowns in Costa Rica.

Vicki’s love tank is full (of crack) and acts like a hyper eight-year-old the entire episode. Tamra is being incredibly critical and mean. Heather is (once again) the voice of reason. Gretchen is acting different without Slade attached to her hip, and Alexis is getting verbally ripped to shreds by each of the housewives. Now onto the questions!

1. Do Heather and Terry have the cutest baby ever?

While Heather is trying to pack for the trip to Costa Rica, Terry comes into her huge closet with their little baby girl! When I saw that on the television, I actually typed out: ”TERRY WITH A BABY!” She is the cutest baby ever. And Terry is the cutest housewives husband ever. He is a D.I.L.F. I am not even going to lie about that. There it is, readers, I love Terry Dubrow, and I am not ashamed to say it. Him playing with his daughter was just an extra bonus for me.

2. Why all of a sudden is Alexis allowed to travel without Jim?

For the past couple seasons, Alexis made it a huge deal that she had never spent more than night apart from her husband since they got married and that they didn’t like to travel without each other. Why all of a sudden is that not an issue and she’s allowed to do whatever she wants now? It makes me wonder if Jim and Alexis saw how ridiculous they were being and got bad backlash when it came to their “traditional marriage” and decided to reevaluate how they worked as man and wife. Interesting.

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Kate Middleton’s Stripper Cousin Is Trying To Get In On ‘The Kate Effect.’

TheGrindstone — Wed, 30 May 2012 15:26:25 +0000

Why should Kate Middleton get to have all the fun? Katrina Darling, a distant cousin of Kate’s, is trying to capitalize on the fame of her royal cousin. Last year Katrina was discovered to be a burlesque dancer in addition to her job as a portfolios analyst at Barclays and with her royal connections she became quite a sight to see. So now, in order to capitalize on this small connection to the ‘Kate Middleton Effect’, she has decided to quit the sensible banking job and pursue the dancing career full time. But don’t worry, she also has a reality show and a clothing line in development as well, according to The New York Post. More »

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5 Facts About 16 And Pregnant Star Kristina Robinson, Her Dead Fiance And The Grandmother Who Accused Her Of Murder

Jenni Maier — Wed, 30 May 2012 15:14:39 +0000

Last night’s tearjerking episode of 16 and Pregnant made me want to drive down to Texas and give teen mom Kristina Robinson a huge hug. Of all the horribly sad stories I’ve heard on this show, this one’s by far the most heartbreaking. Not only does Kristina experience an unthinkable tragedy before she gives birth, but she also must deal with that tragedy’s aftermath while raising a premature baby.

Her story certainly put my life in perspective and reminded me how lucky I am to have a functioning and supportive family. So grab your tissue box because the facts I’m about to share will make you want to cry for Kristina.

1. John Todd Hight, Kristina Robinson’s fiance and father of her unborn child, tragically drowned at the beach while on a vacation with Kristina and her mother in May 2011. Naturally, no one in either family took the news well and their respective relationships with each other began to fall apart as reality settled in.

Kristina struggled so much with her own mother after the death that she moved into Todd’s brother Daniel’s home. She attempts talking to a therapist at one point during the episode but it’s unclear if she planned to continue with that after the cameras left.

2. Before Kristina got pregnant, she was a straight-A student who participated in several extracurricular activities. Obviously the pregnancy slowed her down and during the episode she begins to question if she even wants to finish high school. She visits a community college to discuss her options, but her lack of enthusiasm makes me doubt she followed through.

3. Just when you think things can’t get any more bleak for the very clearly depressed Kristina, she goes into labor two months early. While the doctors manage to stop her contractions, they make her stay in the hospital until it’s time to deliver the baby. A month later she delivers her son Lukas Todd via c-section. Because the baby arrived 6 weeks early he only weighed 3 pounds, 3 ounces and therefore had to go straight to the neonatal unit. So even though Kristina’s finally allowed to go home, her son must stay in the hospital until he’s bigger.

4. Although the episode ends on an uplifting note with Todd’s mother Tina Hight holding her new grandson, it’s apparent that this newly formed family will need a lot of therapy to recover from Todd’s death. Especially since Kristina refuses to return home to live with her mother.

However, with that said, Kristina’s recent tweet from April 12th shows that she married TJ Head. While it’s unclear who TJ Head is or how he knows Kristina, we hope that he’s a good husband and father to his very young family.

5. While Kristina may be happier these days, Tina Hight’s not. She’s so upset about Kristina remarrying so soon after her son died that she started striking out at her via Facebook comments — even implying at one point that Kristina actually killed Todd at the beach. While she later clarified that she said that out of anger at never seeing her grandson, it’s obvious that this family’s nowhere close to healing their wounds.

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Don’t Be Fooled, Tori Spelling Really Does Have A Belly Button

Alexis Rhiannon — Wed, 30 May 2012 15:09:16 +0000

Guys. This is news.

Tori Spelling was photographed yesterday in what has been generously termed a ‘monokini‘, which I think must be Hawaiian for ‘yarn spider belly’, and the interwebs (pun intended) have been abuzz ever since with rumors about her missing belly button. We’ve all been laboring under the assumption that she was human, but if Tori doesn’t have a belly button, then what is she? Is she an alien? Is she aggressive? Friendly? Is she planning to overthrow our system of government and institute a reign of probing terror? Is the Recession her fault?!?

These are all valid points, but you can calm down, because we found her belly button. It was just lurking behind the yarn the whole time. Here, I’ll point it out to you. Imagine that Tori is a black widow spider. Are you doing it? Great. Her belly button is hiding right where her scary hourglass comes together, over her distended spider belly. Do you see it? Apparently Dean McDermott didn’t, because he is walking very close to her, unaware that her venom is incredibly deadly and that she will poison and eat him slightly after the mating ritual is completed.

No wait, I’m exaggerating again. Tori Spelling is not a poisonous spider and she is not going to eat Dean McDermott. She is, however, wearing a very odd swimsuit that actually covers up very little of her crotchal region. (Science words.) She’s also pregnant with their fourth (!!) baby and carrying their third, Hattie, who was literally one month old when Tori got pregnant again. Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew. I don’t even have a valid reason why that’s gross, I just keep hearing Borat‘s voice in my head saying “sleeve of wizard”.

Enjoy that image right before lunch. You’re welcome.

(Image: dailymail.co.uk)

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Dina Lohan Has A New Reality Show, Wants To Remind You That She’s A Waste Of Space

Alexis Rhiannon — Wed, 30 May 2012 14:39:57 +0000

Dina Lohan is a special lady. Special in that every time I’ve almost forgotten that she exists, and that she and Michael Lohan jointly raised the unholy terror to our rehab centers that is Lindsay Lohan, she pops up again and reminds me.

This time she’s wormed her way onto a new VH1 show called Hollywood Exes, which is theoretically about women who used to be married to famous people, like Prince, Will Smith, R. Kelly, and Eddie Murphy.

However, if I may point out for a moment — Dina was never married to anyone famous. I’m sure if she could have married Lindsay, she would have, but she couldn’t, so she didn’t. She married Michael Lohan. A man famous for being a bad father. Who went to jail, who speaks out about his daughter and his wife. The subject of Lindsay’s ground-breaking song “Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)”. So, using the Transitive Property:

Michael Lohan was never famous.
Therefore, Dina Lohan was not married to someone famous.
Therefore, Dina is not a Hollywood Ex.
Ergo…what the hell is she doing on this show?

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t object to this show based on its concept. I’m all about trashy television, and I’m glad VH1 is getting back into the mix. It’s been too many years since Flavor of Love graced my TV screen, and even though I know the world can never top that show, I don’t mind it trying. I just don’t like Dina Lohan pretending that she’s famous for anything other than being a lackluster mother.

In better news, even VH1 is apparently aware of how ridiculous she is, and hasn’t offered her a role as an actual cast member, she’s just been invited to guest star because she’s friends with some of the other cast members, and producers want her to “spice things up”. Read: start major drama.

Okay, VH1, but don’t come crying to me when Dina overdoses on self-tanner and ruins your show. Because I guarantee she’s already planning it.

(Image: alisondawnpr.com)

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Crush Links: Two Links About Miley In One Round-Up? Be Still My Beating Heart

Alexis Rhiannon — Wed, 30 May 2012 13:47:17 +0000

• Madonna has some choice words for Lady Gaga on her MDNA tour. I love a feud. (Lainey Gossip)

• Apparently Jessica Simpson has already lost twenty pounds of pregnancy weight! (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

• Ever wondered about the meaning behind Miley Cyrus‘s tattoos? Neither have we, but he’s a gallery explaining them. (Celebuzz)

• Jessica Biel believes her life won’t change when she marries Justin Timberlake. Okay, so let me marry him. (Have U Heard)

• Did Robert Pattinson hook up with Kristen Stewart before she was legal? Wait, they’ve barely admitted they’re hooking up now. (The Stir)

• New photos suggest that Miley Cyrus is cutting again. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

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