Mommyish

Fewer Precious White Children Being Born As Babies Of Color Reach All-Time High

Koa Beck — Thu, 17 May 2012 17:07:31 +0000

The privilege of white children starts in the womb. Even from birth, children of color are somehow shirked of basic health care just as they’re coming into the world, learning quite early that their lives aren’t nearly as valuable as that of white children. And yet with historic news that babies of color account for over half of infants born in 2011, that privilege stands to be reexamined.

USA Today writes that although minority births declined last year, white births declined more so by about 10%. That tips kids of color just over the half mark:

Hispanics, blacks, Asians and other minorities in 2011 accounted for 50.4% of births, 49.7% of all children under 5 and slightly more than half of the 4 million kids under 1, the Census Bureau reports today.

But non-white children don’t seem to receive as good care, nor their mothers, than their privileged counterparts. Rachel Maddow reported not too long ago that Mississippi has the worst infant death rate in the entire United States, adding that “if Mississippi were a country, it would rank below Sri Lanka and below Botswana. It would be 83rd in the world in terms of infant mortality.” But upon leaning further into the numbers to understand this fundamental threat to Mississippi mothers, it becomes evident that white mothers don’t face nearly the same health risks:

“…you end up very quickly realizing that the issue is in racial disparity… the reason Mississippi is the worst in the country, the reason Mississippi has worst than Botswana`s infant mortality rate, is because African-American women have more than doubled the infant mortality rate of white women there. And it makes the state the worst in the country.”

Mississippi isn’t alone either, as the risk to black children has been noted across America, according to The Seattle Times:

A college-educated black woman in the United States is more likely to lose her baby than a white woman with only a high school education. An African-American woman who starts prenatal care in her first trimester is more likely to lose her baby than a white woman with late or no prenatal care. A black woman who does not smoke has worse birth outcomes than a white woman who smokes.

Yet despite disparities like the aforementioned, USA Today reports that for the first time in history, minority children are outpacing whites in the delivery room, which carries “huge implications for education, economics and politics.” While some of those challenges include reportedly accomodating larger kindergarten classes, others put a rather large spotlight on the injustices mothers and children of color confront from as early as prenatal visits.

(photo: Tiplyashin Anatoly/ Shutterstock)

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End Of An Era: Greg, Jeff And Murray Leave The Wiggles

Shawna Cohen — Thu, 17 May 2012 16:47:39 +0000

It’s the biggest break-up since the Beatles! The Wiggles as we know them are no more. Okay, so they’re not exactly The Beatles, but the children’s musical performers are among the world’s highest paid entertainers (we’re talking $25 million in earnings each year). And there is not a single family out there with preschool-aged children that hasn’t heard of The Wiggles (whether they like them or not is an entirely different story).

New broke today that three members of the Australian group are “retiring.” Jeff Fatt (the purple guy), Greg Page (yellow) and Murray Cook (red) are bidding farewell, while Anthony Field (blue) remains. He’ll be joined by a new lineup that includes the group’s first female member since it formed in 1991 – 20-year-old Emma Watkins, who ’til now was a backup dancer with the group (she’ll play yellow). Filling in the remaining two spots are “live team” members Lachlan Gillespie (purple) and Simon Pryce (red).

In a farewell video, Cook tells fans, “The touring and performing over the past 21 years has meant that we’ve spent a long time away from our own families and friends. We miss them and want to spend more time at home, which is a major reason why three of us decided it was time to hand our skivvies to a new generation.” Cook isn’t kidding: in 21 years, the group has sold 23 million DVDs and performed more than 4,000 live shows around the world. I don’t blame these guys for wanting a break.

Of course, there are countless preschoolers who will now mourn the break-up of what they consider to be the world’s greatest band (though kid are adaptable – they’ll probably love the new troupe just as much). Parents, on the other hand, are rejoicing. Just kidding – some adults truly are fans – but I know that I personally would place The Wiggles smack dab between Barney and Yo Gabba Gabba on a scale of annoying children’s performers.

That said, my kids have grown up with The Wiggles, and we all know every word to every song – as do my kids’ friends, teachers, swim instructors, t-ball coaches, camp counselors and pretty much any other human being that has every come into contact with a child under 5.

So, yeah, this is big news in the children’s entertainment industry. Those wishing to catch them live one last time can get tickets for the Celebration Tour, which takes place later this year in the UK, US, Canada, Singapore and New Zealand before its final round of dates in Australia.

(Photo: wiggles.wikia.com)

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Morning Feeding: You Might Be An Attachment Parent If …

Koa Beck — Thu, 17 May 2012 15:41:58 +0000

…You scoff at relatives who have said to spank your child so they learn (The Stir)

Reese Witherspoon‘s pregnant tennis game (Celeb Baby Laundry)

Top family-friendly resorts (Parents.com)

Four ways to pump up the passion in your marriage (YourTango)

15 weird places Jesus has appeared (The Frisky)

The return of the bombshell (The Hairpin)

Six expert tips to start loving you (YouBeauty)

Going to therapy with my mother (HuffPo Women)

15 totally awesome facts about twins (Babble)

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Hold On There Unique Mom, Turns Out You Can’t Trademark That ‘Original’ Baby Name

Koa Beck — Thu, 17 May 2012 15:17:45 +0000

Although the etiquette surrounding a “stolen” baby name continues to be evolving, mothers intent on cornering that ultra special unique name have exactly one limitation: trademarking. Yes, just because Jay-Z and Beyonce trademarked “Blue Ivy” in the name of brand hawking doesn’t mean that those intent on preserving their child’s “original” name can go the same route.

In light of some parents actually wondering whether they could hold the legal rights to the unique spelling of Khenzie or Maddilhyn, msnbc spoke to Brett Frischmann, an expert in intellectual property and Internet law at Cardozo School of Law. He said that the buck often stops at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office:

…a trademark serves a very particular function in commerce, creating a connection between the name of a company and the goods or services it sells. For instance, you can’t open up another fast food-type restaurant named McDonald’s. That could create confusion for customers.

But you also just can’t just lock up a word (or group of words) from the English language — much less a name for your kids. Professor Frischmann points outs, “You could always name your child Delta and the airline couldn’t sue you.”

Frischmann did add, “99.9% of the time, it doesn’t make sense for parents to trademark their baby’s name.” But you know as well as I do that .01% is probably still lining up with the paperwork, hoping to secure Yoonique.

(photo: christinacjones.com)

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Is Daycare Killing Women’s Careers?

TheGrindstone — Thu, 17 May 2012 15:08:01 +0000

The rising costs of daycare may be hurting career women’s career ambition. Day care costs have increased in the last two years and more states have slashed budgets for full-time childcare programs, leaving working families struggling to pay for huge child-care bills. This takes away encouragement and support from women looking to return to the workforce. Having both parents work is actually proving to be less cost-effective than having one stay at home to look after their children. For some families with two children, getting daycare costs more than rent! So then would a second income even be that important? And it is women that are bearing the brunt of feeling like it is more logical to stay home with the kids. One 2010 survey showed survey showed that there has been an increase of 32,000 in the number of women who have opted out of paid employment to look after their children in the last year. More »

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Being A Mom Has Made Me A Superhuman Multitasker

Ellen Himelfarb — Thu, 17 May 2012 13:35:35 +0000

It first hit me a few years ago when my kids were tiny and I managed to flee the family home in London for my first weekend away. We were two days in Copenhagen: me, two single women and a new couple floating through their honeymoon phase. We landed at 10 p.m. with only enough time to share a bottle of wine with our host and tuck ourselves into bed to rest up for a big day ahead.

Even sharing a bed with a six-foot-one Scandinavian woman, I slept like a log. It was divine. When we rose the next morning at 9 – a two-hour improvement on my usual schedule! – I sucked back a coffee, showered and slipped on my walking shoes. At 9:45 I was ready. The single ladies were still in their dressing gowns nursing cups of tea and baggy eyes. The couple was, naturally, still in bed.

My foot began to tap and continued, relentlessly, throughout the weekend. While my travel companions groaned in the cold Danish winds, stopping regularly for breaks, demanded afternoon “naps” (the couple, obviously), spent too much time in the bathroom and ate with the urgency of a 70-year-old man, I tried to contain my energy, built up over those unusually long sleeps and leisurely breaks. I don’t know who was more annoyed by it all – my friends must have thought I’d developed a furtive cocaine habit. On the contrary: leaving behind all those insalubrious habits for motherhood had given me super strength.

It doesn’t often occur to you, as a mom, how much you accomplish in a day, or how quickly and efficiently. At the end of it you have so little to show for it. But take a mom out of her habitat and it becomes clear how much she can accomplish.

When I traveled recently for work, I barely registered the five-hour jetlag, rising at my usual 7 a.m. and plowing through dinner meetings that ended at 11. We spent far too much time riding in cars and sitting at tables under air-con, so I blew off steam at the gym, in the pool, exploring on foot or whipping off freelance work during breaks. Once one of those poor souls who could never sleep in transit, with or without a baby squirming in her lap, all of a sudden I was catnapping at traffic lights, then reemerging, bright-eyed, when duty called. It’s amazing how quickly you can decompress, then pull yourself together when you only have yourself to care for.

My colleagues – women, most of them – praised me with labels like superhuman. “How do you do it?” they’d ask. I wish I could teach them the time-saving virtues of the three-minute shower, wash-and-go hairstyling or packing light with a wardrobe of iron-free clothing. Or why it always pays to carry snacks and water. But some qualities you just can’t learn by lecture. If you could, I’d be the richest “mompreneur” of them all.

(Photo: SFC/Shutterstock)

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‘World’s Most Beautiful Woman’ Apparently Not Losing Her Baby Weight Fast Enough

Koa Beck — Thu, 17 May 2012 13:00:10 +0000

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan may have been crowned Miss World in 1994 and be the “world’s most beautiful woman,” according to Julia Roberts, but the Bollywood actress is now in the cultural doghouse about — what else — but weight gain. Yet unlike what Jessica Simpson endured prior to becoming pregnant with Maxwell Drew, Aishwarya had the audacity to have a baby and not shed those postpartum pounds at the speed of flippin’ light. How you have shamed us all, Aishwarya, with your shameful gluttonous post-baby ways.

Daily Mail reports that the 38-year-old mother spoke openly about not hopping right back on the treadmill the day after labor to actually “enjoy motherhood.” Online videos apparently critique the new mother’s weight gain, comparing her to an elephant, brimming with comments about how it is Miss World’s “duty” as a beauty icon to get skinny:

“She is a Bollywood actress and it is her duty to look good and fit,” one said. Another added: “She needs to learn from people like Victoria Beckham who are back to size zero weeks after their delivery.”

Shobhaa Dé, a columnist for the New York Daily News, describes this flagrant and demeaning attack on Aishwarya’s body as a “western import” to India thanks to the likes of Victoria Beckham, Angelina Jolie, and the innately anti-woman sentiment that ladies should be runway ready shortly after the birth of a baby. Fingers should really be firmly pointed not so much at the aforementioned women, but rather the warped press narrative that never hesitates to frame “baby weight” as a national crisis.

(photo: greatnewschannel.com)

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Evening Feeding: Crazy Fears Moms Have (And Dads Don’t Care About)

Koa Beck — Wed, 16 May 2012 22:13:25 +0000

Moms have some of the craziest irrational fears around (DoubleX)

Is the GOP the real party of women? (DoubleX)

Reese Witherspoon‘s polka-dotted baby bump (Celeb Baby Laundry)

Best hotels for families (Parents.com)

More mothers are getting paid maternity leave (YourTango)

A sex video that will surprise you (The Frisky)

Treading the “water trade” (The Hairpin)

How flip flops ruin your feet (YouBeauty)

You can buy Christian Grey‘s condo? (HuffPo Women)

A day in the life of a parent, according to my kids (Babble)

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Fewer South Asian Girls Sold Into Slavery — I Mean Child Marriage

Koa Beck — Wed, 16 May 2012 21:02:02 +0000

Very few young women are able to find a happy ending following a child marriage. While girls who marry under the age of 18 are suddenly at risk for a host of mental disorders, the union statistically subjects them to higher rates of rape, physical abuse, and pregnancy complications. Not to mention being completely powerless in marriages that deem them no more than domestic slaves. But all parents can perhaps sleep a little better tonight as apparently less girls are being married off in South Asia than in previous years.

Reuters reports that the child marriage decline in Nepal, Bangladesh, India, and Pakistan is “sizable,” with fewer girls under the age of 14 being married off:

In Bangladesh, for example, about 34 percent of women reported being married by age 14 in 1991 and 1994. By 2005 and 2007 that number fell to about 19 percent…For girls younger than 14 years old, the falls in girl marriage ranged from about 35 percent in India to 61 percent in Pakistan. In India, the rate for that age group dropped from about 10 percent between 1991 and 1994 to about six percent between 2005 and 2007.

Researchers aren’t quite able to parse out though what exactly has caused this decrease over the last two decades. Although awareness about the devastation of child marriage has grown what with organizations like Girls Not Brides, Anita Raj, the study’s lead author and a professor, says that girls are delaying marriage through educational opportunities. Generally, these girls tend to graduate around 15 or 16 years of age, which presents concerned parties with a new dilemma: marriage rates for girls aged 16 or 17 have stayed more or less the same.

Although marriage under the age of 18 is banned in Bangladesh, India and Nepal, Raj maintains that these regulations are largely ignored. These declining numbers however, demonstrate that opportunities for girls — not just laws — are key to their independence. That and chipping away at the notion that girls are “worthless burdens on their families” ultimately serves to protect many a child.

(photo: photosync/ Shuterstock)

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Sofia Vergara Reportedly ‘Depriving’ Her Son Of A Father By Ending Relationship

Lindsay Cross — Wed, 16 May 2012 20:19:50 +0000

The beautiful Modern Family star, Sofia Vergara, has always been vocal about her years as a young single mother. In fact, she earned my everlasting adoration when she spoke out about all the things that were great about young motherhood, offering a positive example of what’s often seen as a disastrous mistake. Vergara’s 19-year-old son, Manolo, is currently attending Boston University. And from the glimpses that we’ve gotten of him in the media, he seems to be a bright, well-rounded young man.

That’s why it is so disappointing to see that the New York Daily News reported on the actress’s break-up from boyfriend Nick Loeb by saying that Vergara “deprived” her son of a father figure. As the wonderful Laura Donovan said for The Jane Dough, “Though I don’t doubt Manolo grew close to Loeb over the two-year period in which Vergara and her former flame dated, it’s unfair to the high profile celebrity and her offspring to claim that the young man has lost a father figure thanks to his mom’s broken relationship.”

Let me say, I know a thing or two about “depriving” your child of a father. And I know that it is a completely false and unfair sentiment. Before my daughter’s first birthday, I had already chosen to end my relationship with her dad. The fact is that we were not meant to be partners. We were not married when we got pregnant and I think that there was a good reason that never discussed getting married for the sake of our daughter. It wasn’t the right choice for us.

But that decision not to stay together as a couple had absolutely nothing to do with our decisions when it comes to parenting our daughter. My ex is as involved with his little girl as he chooses to be. He has never had a request for visitation denied. Whether it’s on Christmas or in the middle of the day when I’ve already paid for her daycare, he is as much of a father as he wants to be. If he decides not to be too involved, then he would be the one denying his daughter. It wouldn’t be my fault because I chose to end our relationship.

Mothers who make a decision about their personal lives are not depriving their children of fathers. Those men have every right to continue to be a part of their children’s lives. And vice versa, I might add. If a single dad is dating and his relationship doesn’t work out, he is not depriving his children of a mother either.

The entire concept is insulting to both the children and the adults involved in this situation.

Some would say that situations like this are the reason that single parents shouldn’t date. Plenty of bystanders judge single moms for getting back into the dating pool, because they might be setting their children up to get attached to a person who won’t be around a couple years from now. I can even understand and sympathize with a small portion of this conversation, because I know that as a single mom, I was nervous about protecting my daughter from future heartache.

But first of all, Sofia Vergara’s son is 19 years old. He was 17 when his mother started dating her boyfriend. He wasn’t a young child wouldn’t be able to understand grown-up relationships. He would obviously be able to distinguish the complexities of the situation, and to continue on with a friendship with Nick Loeb should he choose to.

Second of all, if you missed out on every relationship because you wanted to protect your child, you could actually be holding your family back from an amazing new addition. When I started dating my now-husband, I was hesitant for fear of my daughter’s emotions. I waited months before I introduced my boyfriend and my little girl. But I am so happy that I was open to a new relationship, because now my daughter has an amazing step-father who loves her with every fiber of his being.

Single parents are always going to protect their children. They’re always going to have a balancing act when it comes to personal relationships and their kids. But their choices should not earn judgment for “depriving” their children of additional parent-figures. A hard-working mom like Sofia Vergara has proven that you can be all the parent your child needs on your own, and I highly doubt that her son feels like he has been deprived of anything.

(Photo: Foodista)

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