Baby Love Slings

Home

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 15:18:00 +0000

It's not that I don't love Chicago. I really do. I love being in the city. I love the lake and the museums. I love living in the suburbs with all the conveniences and fun things to do. I love the schools my boys go to, I love our new church, I love my job and living so close to all these things. I even love the snow. Really. It is so beautiful when falling and when it rests on the bare tree branches to create a beautiful wintry scene. I love sledding and snowmen and all that winter fun. I really do love living in Chicago.

But then....
Then I come home.

I come to Florida and I step foot on the beach. I smell the ocean and hear the waves. I see the dunes and the sea grass waving in the breeze. There is just simply nothing like it. At the risk of sounding overly cheesy or cliche', it is like being at the ocean just sweeps through my soul taking away my stress and anxiety or discontent and leaves me feeling clear and calm and like I am where I am supposed to be. It is soul-cleansing for me and restorative in ways that nothing else can be.

It is at the ocean that my soul finds rest. That my mind is at ease. That I can calm my thoughts and worries and hear Jesus whisper words of peace and love and confidence.

Part of it probably is just the getting away. Here we are away from most of our to-do's and places to be and all of that. But that too is good. SO very good.

I'm so thankful for these times I have with my boys on the beach. I want them to have the same love for this place that I do, to feel it permeate their little souls too. I can already see that happening and that too is therapy for this beach mama's soul.

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Boys in Lights

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 16:40:00 +0000

One of my favorite things to do while decorating for Christmas, is to let the boys sit in the midst of the lit Christmas lights and watch the soft light reflect on their sweet faces. I started this when Caden was a baby. I hope to do it every year.

Caden 2008 (3 1/2 months)

Lucas 2008 (2 1/2)

Hadley (4, 28 in dog years)

Lucas 2009 (3)

Caden 2009 (15months)

Caden 2010 (2)

Lucas 2010 (4)


2010

Lucas 2011 (5)

Caden 2011 (3)

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Believing With Head and Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 16:30:00 +0000

We recently joined a new small group at our new church. After a couple years in a house church with people who knew us deeply and knew our story, the prospect of entering into a vulnerable relationship with new friends was both exciting and a bit frightening. In the first couple weeks, this group dove right in, choosing a book to study together and taking turns telling the stories of our spiritual journeys. The first couple to share astounded me with their openness about a topic I think I would have been too afraid to share with relative strangers. The next week, another shared about a place of spiritual woundedness that was causing him to ask some pretty deep questions about God and His plan.
Then, it was our turn. I always have to gear myself up a bit to be able to rewalk that journey. It feels so complicated and raw and hard to fully put into words. Plus, my body begins to physically feel again all the emotions of the years, all the anxiety and sadness and questioning. I am always afraid that new listeners will not see the significance of the events or that I will be so afraid of them not thinking it is all significant that I will gloss over the story and walk away feeling I did not do it/him justice.
Well, it went fine. And they did think it was/is significant. And for the first time, they asked us some really great questions about the impact on our current life. No one had ever really asked us those things before. Maybe because the times we have told it before we always much closer and more fresh. But 7years out, it felt good to examine things more from the broader picture.
"How has it changed how you pray?" "Do you question the goodness of God?" "Can you say that God is trustworthy?"

All questions I have probably asked myself at one time or another. But not ever had to answer out loud. In front of people I just barely met.

How has it changed how I pray?

Do I question the goodness of God?

Can I say that God is trustworthy?

I could type here the answers that I gave to the group. But in all honesty, I am not fully sure how to answer these questions. Through the conversation though, I came to realize that I really don't trust the goodness of God to me. I can say to a friend, without wavering, that God will be with them in a tough time. And I mean it. I fully trust that God will heal my dear friend in CA and bless her life of service to Him. I expect God to lead my friends who are entering a season of drastic life-change, that He will provide for them and keep their family safe and whole. I know that He will make His path known to my sister who has had a rough road the past few years but is, by His grace, coming into a season of joy. But me... I am not so sure about that. I don't know if I trust God to be good to me. So it is not at all a question of IS God good. I know He is. But I am not confident that He will choose to shower that goodness upon me.
I sit in the dark at the bedsides of my boys and pray God's protective hand upon them. Lord, keep them safe and well. Protect them from my faults and from the world that may try to harm or persuade them. Guide their steps, shape their souls, infuse them with your love and peace. Fix their eyes on you. And I trust that He will do all these things. I don't really have a choice to think otherwise. But can I say that He is trustworthy? Yes, I guess I can. He is Holy and just and worthy of all praise and adoration. And trust. I know this with my head. I just have a hard time letting that infiltrate my heart.

I am not so blind that I am unable to see the vastness of His blessings to me. I have parents who are still married and adore each other and would move moon and stars to take care of me and my boys. I have a husband who tries so hard to love me in the ways that I ask him to and is devoted to our family at a level that I cannot comprehend. I have 3amazing boys who my life would be empty without. I have a good job, a warm home, a car that works. I get to go to Florida several times a year and soak in the restoration of the ocean. I am a blessed girl.
But I have these hurdles. Hurdles created by things on my journey that feel insurmountable. They keep my knowledge of God as good and trustworthy from moving from head to heart. I am certainly not proud of this. It is a huge weakness and flaw. And my extreme self-reliance makes it even harder for me to ask God to help me rely on Him and trust Him... see how I am kinda stuck there?

It is only He who can heal me- heal my wounds and my Lupus and my fear of not being able to take care of my own self. But am I letting Him do that? How DO I let him do that?

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Halloween 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 11:30:00 +0000

As probably anticipated, both boys wanted to be superheros this year....again. They were Batman and Robin last year, which I loved. And they were super-cute again this year but it was the first year that they haven't worn coordinated costumes. Sure, both superheros. But not connected to each other... you know what I am sayin'? They are past the stage of letting others choose for them.

But, I loved it just the same. Gotta love the "muscles"!

Need a Sling? Click here! Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Overdo Update

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 20:25:00 +0000

Updates on me/us:
The boys are getting bigger by the second... but that is nothing new.

Lucas is loving school and really thriving there. He went from being able to read a handful of words to being able to pick up most of his books and work through them. It has been phenomenal to watch. I put it right up there with watching his first steps and hearing his first "Mama." Hearing him sit and read a book aloud to his brother brings a permeating grin to my face and makes me burst with joy and pride. Also, admittedly, it makes me feel like maybe I am not totally screwing up this whole motherhood thing. At least he'll be able to read. :)
He is becoming more thoughtful and responsible- slowly but surely. I am very grateful for that. I think it is part due to getting older and part thanks to his classical school. Either way, it is nice to see this change starting in him.
Oh, and he just lost his first tooth. And he's half way to six... Slow down, would ya!!

Caden loves preschool, although you wouldn't know it to see him get dropped off. He does fine once I am out the door and is all smiles when I pick him up. But cries hysterically during the actual separation. He has some pretty significant separation anxiety, still. Now that I think about it, he has kinda always been like this. When he was a baby, he cried when the babysitter left once. He just doesn't like anyone to leave him. He always says he is sad when we drop Lucas at school, but then we have a great time together and he doesn't want to go back and get him later. It is the leaving that he doesn't like. Hmmm.... thoughts anyone?
He is also in the midst of the terrible-threes. Everything is "NO, I WON'T do that! I will NEVER (fill-in-the-blank)!" But he is oh-so-cute and just makes my heart melt. I know God designed it that way- cuteness level must equal stubborn level so we don't totally throw the towel in when they get like this. He puts his arms around my neck and just pulls our heads together until our noses touch. He is in the that half baby-half big boy stage and I am trying to cherish the baby as long as I can.

After a summer of stupid Lupus flare symptoms, I am finally getting my joint pain under control. It took adding a new medication, Methotrexate (an oral chemo med). I couldn't tolerate the Prednisone a second longer so I weaned myself off that in August. Then in September, I started the Metho. The side effects are crappy but thankfully waning a bit. I am not sure how long I will be on it. I initially thought it would be only short term. But I am realizing that since it is working and the nausea/vomitting is getting better, I might not be so quick to come off it for fear that the symptoms would just come right back. My only concern is this: one of the reasons we took this next step in treatment is that it became clear that the Lupus was no longer content to mess up my joints and had moved to my muscles (aka: severe muscle fatigue and stiffness and even breakdown). I still seem to be having some of those symptoms and in fact, the stiffness is getting a bit worse. SOOOO... I am not sure. Maybe this is the right drug for me, maybe this is the right diagnosis for me, maybe I am on the right track.... but maybe not. It sucks to feel so unsure at this point so far down the Lupus road.
I stopped running back in June after I did the 10K. It was doing the 10K on like the hottest day of the entire summer that sent my body into full-flare-mode and I am still trying to get back to where I was last Spring when I felt my best. I am slacking on the gluten-free thing but really want to get better at it 'cuz I think it really does make a difference and might help get some of this predinsone/haven't been running weight off.

We started going to a new church, joined a new small group, and are planning to spend a week over Christmas at our favorite place to getaway. So that's where we are these days... consider yourself up to date! :) Love to y'all!

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Like Brother, Like Brother

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 04:45:00 +0000


Lucas age 3, 2009


Caden age 3, 2011

This is just how much of a nerd I am... I dressed both my boys in the same outfit for their first days of preschool. Yes, I know. Nerdy motherhood at its finest. But it gives me a perma grin that I am totally not ashamed of. I do it because it is cute and I love matching clothes, but also just so I can do posts like this. Putting these pics side by side brings a continuity to my life is some way. I love that they are at the same preschool, playing with the same toys and being nurtured by the same teachers. I love that Caden has Lucas to look up to and that Lucas loves to share his knowledge of this school and his teachers with his younger brother. I love that sparkle in Caden's eye when he realizes that he is now getting to do all those things he watched with envy as Lucas got to do at school. And it brings an unspeakable warmth to my soul to listen to Lucas ask Caden about his day and if he got a book from the library or played at the water table. They are sharing life together and I absolutely love it! They adore each other. I mean, they fight. But they truly are each other's best friend and I hope it stays that way forever.
But really, I just love it when they match. :) I hope this makes you smile a little too.


Lucas loved the farmhouse and all the animals. It was an immediate favorite.


Caden playing with the same farm animals

Lucas getting his post-1st day treat


Caden and his cone- I HAD to keep up that tradition!

Sweet Mornings

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 16:04:00 +0000

With Lucas starting school this week (more on that another time), Caden and I have had some really precious time together. We have taken walks and had breakfast together and sat and played Justice League. As emotional as the week has been for me, having these sweet times with Caden has been therapy for my soul. Here are some pics from our walk this morning:

Caden wanted to collect sticks. Our collection got so big, that he had to get out of the wagon and walk. hehe!!

A boy and his pup- they have a special fondness for each other.

After our walk, we sat on the sidewalk and played with superheros. It was too nice to stay inside but we had to get our Justice League time in. :)

Caden starts preschool in a few weeks and I will resume my normal work schedule. But even then, we will have one morning a week for us to spend just the two of us. And I can't wait. :)

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Caden Turns Three!!

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 12:33:00 +0000

It's Caden's turn to be interviewed. I started with Lucas when he turned 3 and today is CADEN'S BIRTHDAY!!! Hooray! We have a fun day planned with the family today- lunch with daddy, Pirate's Cove amusement park and then dinner out somewhere. I love this little guy. He certainly tests my patience and pushes my buttons. But he is so sweet and snuggly and has sings the most angelic little songs. I think Caden might could have a career in music... or maybe football. Or both! :)
So here they are... the thoughts and likes of 3yr old Caden.. enjoy!

Favorites:

cereal- Fruit Loops (he says as he eats the Trix he picked out for his birthday cereal. Although to his defense, I am pretty sure he thinks all "yummy" cereals are Fruit Loops.)
vegetable- carrots
drink- juice
toy- Batman
TV Show- Batman Beyond (which he saw maybe once on demand... but they have a book about it and just read it this morning)
game- Candy World
movie- Rio (he just opened one of his birthday presents- the Rio DVD)
book- Kung Fu Panda
restaurant- Two Toots
holiday-Christmas
animal-Elephant

If you could change your name, what would you choose? Thor, because I like him. Or a Kung Fu Panda name, like Tigress.

What do you love about each person in our family? Daddy- hugs, Lucas-great hugs, Hadley-I like when him scratches his back. Mommy- I like to play with Momma

Where would you like to go on vacation this year? Vacation Bible School

What are some of your wishes for this year? My wish, that I could go to the moon.

Is there anything are you excited about? Pirates Cove! And that we are staying together (then I got a really big hug!!!)

What can you do when you are 3 that you couldn't do when you were 2? I don't know... get presents? Or Flynn Rider or something... (we just saw Tangled)

What will it be like to be 3? I don't know yet. (fair enough!)

What do you think is the greatest thing about you? Playing. I'm good at eating. (that's debatable) And I am a good singer. (then breaks into song!)

And here are his 3yr. old thoughts on Mommy....

1. What is something mommy always says to you? "Get out of there"
2. What makes mom happy? Talking
3. What makes mom sad? when she gets mad
4. How does mom make you laugh? She does lots of funny things, like laughing.
5. What was your mom like as a child?I don't know...talked about babies (hmmm... interesting) (then he started singing 'Rock-a-bye baby)
6. How old is your mom? 2
7. How tall is your mom? Big
8. What is her favorite thing to do? Play superheros
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? Play drums (Just for the record, I have never played drums in my life. Not even once.)
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? Famous for her little boys
11. What is your mom really good at? Yoga
12. What is your mom not very good at? Hiking (HAHA!! Where did that come from? I couldn't make this stuff up, y'all!)
13. What does your mom do for a job? Go to Work
14.What is your mom's favorite food? Salad
15.What makes you proud of your mom? Awesome things
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? Super Girl
17. What do you and your mom do together? Play superheros
18. How are you and your mom the same? Sleeping
19. How are you and your mom different?When we aren't sleeping together
20. How do you know your mom loves you? Play with me, and comfort me (aww!!!!)
21. What does your mom like most about your dad? Hugging
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? go to Pirate's Cove
Is there anything else you want to say that I can write here? Sorry
(HA!! I guess the way I phrased it was similar to when I am trying to remind him to apologize for something. I guess you can also tell that he has to do that a lot! )

It was funny to watch Lucas listen to Caden's answers. He even remembered some of the order of the questions, asking Caden the next one before I could get to it. He had a hard time not answering for Caden and I had to remind him several times that this was about hearing what Caden had to say. It was fun to look back and see what Lucas said when he was three.

Happy Birthday, sweet Caden. My snuggly, smart little boy. He does love to sing, loves to play superheros with Mommy and Brother and gives some of the best hugs in the whole, wide world. May you always greet the world with smiles and joy. I can't wait to see you grow and become all the you are made to be.

Need a Sling? Click here!Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

A Perfect Day

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 03:57:00 +0000

On Caden's last day of being 2, we took advantage of one of the MOST PERFECT days you could ever hope for and went into the city. We took the train with our buds, walked down to Millenium Park and just had a fabulous time. Games and crafts and blocks in the FamilyFun Tent, lunch at the Bean, an impromptu performance of the CSO (ok , so they were practicing but it was still pretty cool!!), and then an extended amount of time to splash and play in the faces fountain (it probably has an official name that I just don't know). It was perfect! The weather was great, we were with out best buddies and it was a very fun day!!
Tomorrow is Caden's birthday.... gosh. I can't believe he is so big. He has told me twice this week that he really wants to be a "big guy." But I just want him to stay little a bit longer. he is probably my last "little" and am not ready for that stage to be done. Although, I must announce that he is 95% potty trained and I am pretty excited about that!!
Anyway, more on Caden's birthday and his first interview tomorrow but for tonight... some pics from our very fun and practically perfect day.

Building houses with the blocks in the Family Fun Tent

Caden's serious, mature side as he sits and listens to the Chicago orchestra practice in Milennium Park

All sorts of splashing fun in the faces fountain

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Taking Gratefulness to New Heights

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 03:55:00 +0000

I cross posted this from my DupageMamas blog today. I think it bears repeating...

My baby is about to turn 3 this week. People are always telling moms of young kids to enjoy these early years because the time goes fast. Too fast. I used to just smile and humor whoever was saying it this time. But these days, I breathe deep and nod my head because I am seeing how true that is. Too true. My hubby and I took our boys to a movie in the park last night. As we sat in the dusk light, waiting for the movie to start, my little guy was in my lap and my older son sitting between my Hubby and I. I felt a wave of something rush over. Looking at my boys, I just felt so, so grateful. Grateful for this fun summer moment, all sitting in the grass together eating candy and watching this movie. Grateful for our little family, for these boys and the Hubs. This gratefulness brought along with it it's cousin contentment and I sat there and just drank it all in.

Because of the movie, the boys went to bed late but yet they woke up at the exact same time as usual. This made for some general crankiness today. Last night's emotional rush was lingering still but was somewhat lessened by having to referee fights and squash the whining. I left Hubby to do lunch and naps and headed for the Flashes of Hope Peds in the Weeds picnic for families of chronically and terminally ill children. My good friend Carrie runs the FOH Chicago chapter and I offered to volunteer at the photo shoot they ran at today's event. (If you don't know about Flashes of Hope, check out the website. They provide free professional pics of kids and their families.)

Seeing these kids and their families today was more than inspiring. I have been hugging my sweet 3yr old tighter this week anyway for lots of reasons. But coming home today, I made sure to take both boys and squeeze them until they almost popped. Then came that rush of gratefulness all over.

I had a brief conversation today with a mom of a 2 and a half year old boy with some complex medical issues. She didn't get into it, I didn't ask. It didn't matter. He was one of the most delightful, precious little boys I have ever met. He radiated happiness and joy, and so did his 3sisters and 2brothers. It was quite evident that they are all so grateful for each other, no matter what life is bringing their way. It was truly inspiring to watch this family love each other and this little boy so much that is was palpable to a bystander like me.

Life throws a lot at all of us. Sometimes, it is easy to tell myself that I have had more than my fair share. But all I have to do is look around and get my eyes off me to realize that is so far from true. I have SO much to be grateful for. My boys are the biggest thing but not the only things by a long shot. I felt grateful for them last night. But being at this picnic today took my gratefulness to new heights.

Thank you Carrie and FOH for the joy you bring to these families. And thank you for letting me be a tiny part of it today. I walked away feeling more like myself than I have felt in awhile. Funny how that happens when I get my eyes off me.

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

The Heart of This Boy

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 15:19:00 +0000

Rather abruptly at lunch yesterday, Lucas announced that he really wants a sister. But not a baby sister "from my tummy." He wants us to adopt a sister that is closer to his age so he has someone to play with. He said he had been "really thinking about this." I could see it on his face. He was very serious and thoughtful. It was not a whim discussion. And although his comments caught me off guard, they did not catch me by surprise.

He has said before that he would like a sister, but has never been so specific about adoption and wanting an older girl to join our family. I know that part of this adoption idea being sparked in his head comes from asking about a book I just finished that tells the story of a family's adoption journey. But it wasn't like he was borrowing an idea. It was more that one had been uncovered and he now had words for it.

His words were both tender and funny. He has figured out where "our girl" would sleep and sit in the car and at our table. He has an idea of what her name should be but he's not ready to share that yet. The longer we talked about it, the more he wanted to say. It was as if he could picture it more and more and couldn't contain how much he would love if it all actually came to be. I kept asking why he thought he wanted a sister, specifically one his age. After saying "I just do" about a dozen times, he finally got quiet.

"Sometimes, I just feel like I don't want to be the oldest. Like if my brother were here, I would have someone to be with me." My heart stopped for a moment. There it is. The root of this is a longing that I totally get. I feel it with him, I just didn't know he felt it like this. He misses his brother.

When asked why missing Micah makes him want to have a sister and not an older brother, his reply brought some much needed tension release to the moment. Pointing at Caden he says, "Well, I have already seen how that goes and I think I want to try a sister this time." LOL! (disclaimer: These boys LOVE being together and LOVE playing together. Caden is just a bit intense for Lucas sometimes and a bit frustrating at this stage.)

I relayed this conversation to Hubby later in the afternoon, but more in a "hear the cute things our son said" kind of tone. When really, his words have touched a deep place in my soul. I don't know if we would ever adopt another child or not. Reading this book has certainly revived a desire I have had since high school to share our family's love with a child who may be in need of some. But parenting these boys is hard and makes me wonder if I have what it would take to parent through an adoption and be the right kind of mother to a girl of any age. But Lucas' words still ring in my ears. Is God using my 5yr old to water a seed?

I certainly don't know yet. I told Lucas that as a family we could talk more about this and pray about it. I told him he should ask God if this is right for our family and see what God says. But no matter what, if any, concrete action comes from this lunch conversation, I at the very least got a glimpse into the soul of my son and it was precious. So very precious. He has such a tender, little heart that longs for a brother he has never met. This visceral longing that has forever changed me resides also deep in this boy that, in many ways, rescued my soul from darkness. He also longs for a sister and I just can't dismiss that. I think I might long for that too. But the thought of bringing a little girl into our family, no matter the route, is daunting and a bit terrifying to me.
I am grateful for the heart of this little boy. I am touched by his words and thoughts and fully aware of God working in his soul. And mine.

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Beware of the Cat Robot Villian

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 02:41:00 +0000

Tonight, I asked Lucas to go upstairs and have a quiet moment in his room after the third or fourth time of asking him to stop crashing cars and superheros so loudly that I couldn't hear myself think.
Hubby and I could hear him doing something in the kitchen instead of being in his room. When we came upstairs, we found him cutting out random shapes out of paper and taping them to his face. He was making a disguise so he could come back downstairs without us recognizing him. LOL!! This kid cracks me up!! Listen to his own explanation of what kind of costume he was creating and then see little Caden making a ~~costume~~ mess of his own...

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

My Type

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 01:27:00 +0000

I'm seeing a trend here. My boyfriends all seem to have dark piercing eyes and a little wave in their dark hair. Not to mention that good ol' all american look. *swoon*

[ For those that don't know (but most of you probably do), these dreamy boys are Blaine (Darren Cris) from Glee, Finn (Cory Monteith) from Glee, and my beloved Timmy (Tebow) ]

Of course, I only have one true love.....

and I think he pretty much fits the bill too. Plus, he is the most loyal man I have ever known. He, although flawed like me, loves me fully and serves his family with his whole heart and being. Even though his dark hair with a bit of a wave is getting some grays (which I personally find pretty sexy).

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Grateful

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 03:45:00 +0000

This was last year on the Fourth. My parents came in for the weekend, I ran a 5K with my dad, we did the Wheaton parade and the Glen Ellyn Fireworks. It was a fabulous weekend. Look how young those two little boys look!!! I can hardly believe that was just a year ago.

I took both boys for annual check-ups today- they are getting so big so fast! After their appointments, I took them both out to lunch (at Steak and Shake- Lucas' request). Lucas was being a little dramatic about his shots, Caden was tired and clingy. But it was one of those rare moments where I could step out of the moment and see it for the precious snapshot it was. Or maybe it was staying right there in the moment and not thinking ahead to naptime or wine-time or the events of the holiday weekend.

These two boys- these precious, precious boys- they try my patience for sure. Even tonight at bedtime, I was ready to be done for the day and was losing my steam. But I just think about Caden's sweet hugs and kisses at lunch and Lucas asking me to snuggle him during our family movie night tonight. I am a lucky, lucky mommy. I hope I am doing right by them. I pray to God daily to use me as a vessel to bless and shape them as He would see fit in spite of my VERY flawed shell. No matter what else is complicated in my life, I have these two precious souls that God has blessed me with and a Hubby who loves me. And I am grateful for this. SO very, very grateful.

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Doctors Don't Know Everything

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 02:39:00 +0000

Get ready for a bit of a rant.. although I just had a talk with Lucas tonight about not letting one little thing that is wrong color your whole day. So, maybe I should instead heed my own advice instead. Oh, well... I'll do that next time.

If there is anyone out there reading this, and you know me even just a little, you probably know that I love the beach. L.O.V.E. Love. I love the sunshine, I love the heat, I love the sand, I love the sweat, the waves... All of it. I go every chance I get. I stay as long as I can. At least, I used to.
When Hubby and I got back from Costa Rica at the beginning of April, I started noticing a gradual increase in my joint pain/Lupus issues. Long (boring) story short... I am in the midst now of a "flare" up of average intensity (my Rheum's words, not mine). Back on Prednisone, dealing with all kinds of weird symptoms again. Sucks. The worst part is actually that it all started from the heat and sun I got in CR. Then it got significantly worse when I ran the 10K about a month ago. Double sucks.

My Rheum "recommends" that I avoid outdoor running or extended periods in the sun for the next few months at least, until this whole thing calms down. And if I want to keep this thing under wraps once it does calm back down, I probably should avoid prolonged sun/heat exposure in the future. My Rheum obviously does not read this blog or know me very well.

If I am being completely honest, I feel a bit stuck. Would it ever really be possible for me to avoid the sun/beach for the rest of my life? I have two boys who will want to be outside and who I want to grow up loving being on the beach as much as their mama does. And beyond that, I LOVE IT! Why would I do that to myself? It just isn't rational or feasible. Now, I am certainly willing to be a little creative for these years that Lupus is at it's peak. But it is admittedly hard to convince myself that I will one day be without these nagging discomforts and be able to once again bake myself in the sun without consequence.

I know, quit my whining. In a sec...

My doctor may know a lot. But she doesn't know everything. She may be convinced that my life would be better if I did not spend too much time out it the sun. But I am not so convinced. SO much of my life's joy comes from moments in the sun: on the beach, at the park with my boys, exploring something, splashing somewhere. Living.
But yet, this constant achiness/stiffness/fatigue/I-wish-I-could-stick-an-icepick-in-my-wrist pain is just stupid. Stupid.

I know some sort of compromise is the answer. A little less beach/sun in order to have a little less pain. And probably not as much running this summer as I was hoping. I guess I have to push back that goal of a half-marathon for a bit. If I have to.... I just hope the next time I DO get on the beach, I don't look like a beached whale from the lack of running and the months of steroid therapy. OK... rant done.

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Sprinklers and other Beach Fun

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 04:23:00 +0000

The boys and I just got back from a fabulous trip to FL. It was really one of the best we have ever had. Some great beach time, some alone time for mommy, no family drama. Just a really, really nice time with my parents and my sister and my beloved beach. :) Here are some of the highlights:

Fun with the water hose and Mimi: the boys started fully clothed and slowly peeled off layers as they ran through the sprinkler. Perfect little boy, summer fun!!

Lucas loves to wear his superhero costumes... even when riding his bike. Not quite the Batmobile, but a sweet ride none-the-less.

A special Green Lantern superhero party with Mimi and Pa!

We had plenty of sunny days on the beach, but one of our favorite times was right after a rain storm when the dark clouds were rolling through. It was warm and shady and the sand was perfect for sandcastles. We caught sand crabs and built sand forts and had an amazing time. It will forever be one of my favorite memories of time on the beach with my boys.

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Tranquil

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 02:10:00 +0000

The beach has always been my haven, the place where I feel most at peace in my own skin. After my run along the beach road this morning, I sat for awhile, taking advantage of this kid-free time in my favorite of all places to be alone. The early sunlight, cool breeze, and the post-run feeling of accomplishment all made for a perfect moment of tranquility in my soul. Not to mention this heart drawn in the sand filled with red rose petals that some kind soul set up to give me a picturesque place to sit and have my moment (hehe!- or else somebody got married here last night!).

As I sat in the sand, I prayed and listened to the waves. I tried to practice the discipline of solitude, of being silent with my heart and head open to whatever God may have to fill me with. I am SO not good at this. My brain can't seem to stop filling the void with thoughts of to-do's or blog posts or etc... After several minutes of trying to clear my head, I turned on this song (Tenth Avenue North) in hopes that it would help my heart speak what I was trying to feel.

Such a powerful song for me. So raw and true. And as I sat on the beach and prayed this song, I felt my soul be at peace. I am a complicated girl. I have deep worries and lingering heartache. I have immense joy and overwhelming gratitude. I have so, so many thoughts and fears and hopes and questions constantly running through my head. I watch these two little men grow and wonder if I am measuring up to this task God has laid before me. If I can EVER measure up...

The more challenges life seems to throw my way, the more I am confronted with my own inabilities. What would happen if I let God's love just wash over me like these waves? Would I ever be able to let go of my "should be"s and "how can I"s and let God's love be over and underneath and inside and in between? I feel His hands and hear His voice standing in this early morning surf. But can I take this tranquility from here out to my day, my world beyond the sand? Usually not very well, but I am desperately wanting to give it another try.

"I hear you say 'My love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt Me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
...these times you're healing and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
...in times of confusion and chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm
My love I will keep you by my power alone

my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between

I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends. "

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Accomplished

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 19:04:00 +0000

I finished a 10K race today. Without stopping. Under my time goal. And it feels good!!

I was so nervous about this one- it seemed like a big leap. I got myself so worked up, in fact, that when I crossed the START line, I was in tears and cried for the first 2-3min of the run. My emotions and adrenaline were all over the place. But I eventually settled in and felt good, even with the heat. It was sunny, in the low 80's with about 85% humidity so it felt pretty warm to me. Especially the last mile or so, I started feeling really tired. It is these types of moments where being stubborn is a positive trait. I told myself, I didn't come this far to quit and just kept going. One foot in front of the other, until I saw the water table at 5.5miles and then I picked up my speed a bit. The end was just around the corner. And then, there it was- the end- with my boys and some friends there to cheer me across.

Today, I feel less like a loser who does all things mediocre. After completing this race, I actually feel like I can do whatever I set my mind to. I set this goal for myself and now I can check this off. After seeing my official time, I started crying again. Relief and happiness. Just grateful for a moment when I see progress in myself, like I do have things going for me.
I texted a friend my official time (since she knew I was stressed about not making it under my time goal), and she told me I should write a letter to myself that I can read on those days when the feelings of pervasive mediocrity come creeping back in. So here it goes...

There are many things in life right now that feel unsure. It is easy to look at the tasks and situations that dominate my life and feel like I am wading through sludge, barely making ground and not ever getting anywhere. But take this feeling of accomplishment and ride it through. I am strong and determined. I can push through difficult things and reach the other side. I have trained myself to run this distance through sheer determination, even when joint pain and busy, tired days have made it even harder. I am proud of myself for what I accomplished today. I CAN do what I set my mind to, and show my boys that hard work DOES pay off eventually.

I know lots of people have accomplished much more and have done this race better than I could today. But the accomplishment of today, for me, still feels good. I am going to let this happiness sit for awhile. And hopefully it will find a nice place in my soul to set up camp for awhile.

I may not do many things well, but for today, I feel accomplished. And it feels good.

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Puddles!!

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Sun, 29 May 2011 21:18:00 +0000

The only thing that little boys might like better than mud is puddles. Well, it is a pretty close tie. And the only thing that redeems rainy weather (again, for little boys- I personally love the rain!) is going out afterwards and stomping in the biggest, splashy-est puddle you can find!

And with lots of rain and puddles comes lots of worms. Lucas used his best 5yr old powers of persuasion to convince me that this particular worm needed to come home with us and be our pet. "He is small, quiet, and only eats dirt. He won't bother you one bit." We compromised and brought him into our backyard to live near one of our trees. And as Lucas dug him a hole and gently placed in the worm in the dirt, he wished the worm "happy times, little guy!"

And when you put put mud and puddles and worms all together in one spot... well, you get two very happy boys and one very smiley mama. When we got home and peeled off all the muddy clothes (in the garage), Caden says "tanks for de ab-venture, mommy." Makes any amount of muddy clothes worth it.

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Little Mud Monsters

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Sat, 28 May 2011 21:12:00 +0000

We have been waiting SO LONG for some nice spring days. We have had a couple thrown in here and there surrounded by too many cold and rainy ones. So when a nice day come along, you gotta run with it. We took Lucas and Caden to the park yesterday and they found an awesome mud hole. I don't even fight it anymore. I don't even want to. It makes me smile deep into my soul to see them throwing rocks and sticks and grass into a mud pit then stir it with a stick proudly announcing that they have created the "most delicious sea monster soup ever!"

They are, after all, just little boys. And little boys love mud. It is one of the laws of nature.

Today, of course, is rainy and chilly again. But here's hoping that we have more beautiful days of mud-play coming soon.

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Mighty to Save

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Thu, 26 May 2011 19:11:00 +0000

It has been pointed out to me that this blog is a little heavy on posts about Lucas lately and not as many about Caden. This is certainly not intentional or ANY indication of my affection for one over the other. Just happened that way, I guess. But in response to his fans, here is an adorable video of my sweet youngest. He loves to sing, this song in particular. And the Robin costume and sunglasses and mid-song-stubbornry just say it all about this little man.

This is the same sweet little guy that wanted to cuddle with mama last night and then today nailed me in the head with a Batman toy because he was frustrated I wouldn't buy him a StarWars toy he saw another kid playing with. Yeah... that's my 2yr old. (Almost 3 now, I guess.) Super lovey and sweet when he chooses. Super stubborn and defiant also when he chooses. He can bring out the frustration in me way faster than his brother ever did. But I simply adore him and how he loves to rub my thumbnail to soothe himself. Oh, sweet little Caden...

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Preschool... Check!!

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Thu, 26 May 2011 04:05:00 +0000

Lucas officially finished preschool today. He stood up on the stage with two of his favorite little friends, reciting their poems and singing their songs, and just like that my little baby left preschool behind with bigger things on the horizon. Bigger things like kindergarten and all that, but not necessarily better things. Loretto has been an amazing place for Lucas. His teachers are nurturing and instructive and put their whole hearts into being with the kids. We all feel so fortunate for them and can't wait for Caden to start next fall (if he'll potty train).

I cried through most of the program. Happy tears through a smile as big as the room. I was just so stinkin' proud of him and just kept picturing that moment when they first handed him to me in the hospital recovery room. He was this chubby, rosy faced little person who was going to change me forever in ways I could never fathom.
And now he is this smart (and a little sassy, too much sometimes) and tender little boy who is getting ready to take on the world. I asked him this morning as we were leaving for the program if he was ready to graduate preschool. He turned to me and said, "Mom, I was born ready!" And I pretty much think he's right.
I couldn't stop hugging him today, just wanting to cement in my soul the feeling of holding him while he can still fit in my lap. And I have to say that I also hugged Caden a bit tighter today. It won't be too long until I am living this day with him too.

Even as I type this, Caden is asleep next to me on the couch (at 11pm). He came down crying while I was finishing my nightly ritual of watching RealHousewives while blogging or playing on FB. I didn't have the heart to take him back to bed when all he wanted was to cuddle with his mama. And now his precious face is smushed against my arm and he is contentedly back to sleep. I hope neither of them get too old- EVER- to stop needing the comfort of being close to mama. I know I will never -EVER- stop needing the comfort of holding them close.

Happy last-day-of-preschool, my sweet Lucas! You are as vital to me as my heartbeat. I am so proud of the little boy you are and who you are becoming. You are gentle and kind-hearted and feel things so deeply. Your capacity for love and knowledge knows no bounds. My precious little preschooler... moving onto life's next task. Preschool? Check! Bring on the world!

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Half Way to...

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Tue, 24 May 2011 03:54:00 +0000

Today was Lucas' last real day of preschool. Boy, has that snuck up on me. My little baby is half-way to leaving me already. Well, closer anyway. Seems like just yesterday I was stressing about which preschool to choose and now I am working my a** off to make the first tuition payment for private school kindergarten.

Actually, I have been working my a** off at a lot of things lately and yet I don't feel like I am getting very much ahead. I am having one of those ~~days~~ ~~weeks~~ months where it seems that no matter what I am trying to do, I can only get half way. Half way to what, I am not totally sure. But I just know that, if you put all my many task/hobbies/endeavors/jobs/roles on a line measuring success, they would all lie much closer to rookie than to expert.

Tonight, I was in the midst of a million different things, as usual. Caden came toddling down the stairs with such a sweet smile on his face, just wanting to cuddle a little. And of course I obliged. Cuddling that sweet little man close is what keeps me going. These two boys and their daddy are all that really matters to me. And yet, I let so many other things occupy my time and energy and thoughts. And then there is this Lupus thing... and that is a whole other story. Or more accurately, the wrench in the story.

Right now, I just need to go to bed. Along with being half-way to good at something and halfway to having my sh*t together, I am half-way asleep already and need to just give in. On the bright side, I held a sweet newborn baby girl today and she felt so perfect. :)

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

Our Prayers Are With You

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Tue, 17 May 2011 11:00:00 +0000

I have a good friend whose father just passed away and another friend about to start treatment for breast cancer. My heart is a bit heavy for them both, feeling the weight of their sadness and wanting so much to help. This is a post for my friend Brandie who starts her cancer treatment this week. I posted this on my other blog DupageMamas today. But I thought I would also post it here to drive as much traffic her way as possible. Thanks y'all!

This motherhood journey is filled with the full gamut of emotions. We can feel 100% joyful and then frustrated then sad then grateful all in the span of just a few hours or even minutes. But at least we all understand each other and walk this together. I know that when my day or week is not as I would hope it to be or when I have something to rejoice in, I have my mommy friends to walk beside me no matter what the emotion of the minute is. And I hope they know I am that for them too.

In this moment, one of our fellow mamas is walking through something few of us could ever imagine or fathom. Just a couple weeks ago, our friend and contributor Brandie was diagnosed with breast cancer. So much has been happening all at once with multiple tests and doctor visits crashing in on her life as a homeschooling mama of three very active kids. Brandie is one of those special people who you feel like you have known forever the second you have the pleasure of sitting at a table with her for lunch for the first time. She is genuine and hilarious and one amazing knitter.

Yesterday was Brandie's 32nd birthday- HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRANDIE!!! And tomorrow, she is scheduled for her first surgery to kick this cancer in the a**! There are so many things I wish I could do for her. She is a part of my community, a fellow mom going through a challenging time. And if the table was turned, I know she would show up at my door with her knitting needles and a gluten-free meal. I want to walk with her as much as I can through this really rough time. But there are a couple things we really can do. We are, after all, fellow mamas who know at the very least what it is like to need someone to step in and walk with us through whatever challenge we may be facing.

Today, please take a minute to hop over to Brandie's blog and leave her a message of love and encouragement. Let's smother her with our prayers and healing thoughts as she takes an important step on this journey to beating cancer. It will just take a second of your time and I know it would brighten her day. A mutual friend and fellow blogger, Tracey, came up with this idea for all of us to post about Brandie and send people over to encourage her and lift her up as she prepares for surgery tomorrow. Could you take a second to help us do this for Brandie? (don't forget to mention that you came thru DupageMamas)

Also, if you are the type that likes to tangibly support someone or has the gift of hospitality, consider signing up ti bring her family a meal in the coming weeks as she is recovering from surgery. You may have never met her but still want to bless a fellow mama in this way. I know this too would mean a lot to Brandie and her husband and their three kids. Click this link to sign up for a day to bring them a dinner and give them a tangible expression of our love and concern for her.

Most of all, I know that Brandie appreciates every single thought and prayer sent up for her. Please keep her and her family in your mind as they go through the next few days and weeks. Let's support her however we can. That's what moms do. We walk along side each other to make the journey easier and more fulfilling for us all.

And Brandie- please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you. You can beat this stupid cancer!! God is holding you up and carrying you through. And we, your mama community, will do the same the best we can. We believe in you and think you are amazingly strong! Kick this cancer's a**, Brandie!! We know you can!

Once again y'all, flood Brandie with your internet lovin' today through her blog or on twitter if that is more your scene!

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!

GOAL!!

noreply@blogger.com (Farrah) — Sun, 15 May 2011 03:08:00 +0000

Wow... I haven't posted at all yet in May. There are so many days when I say "maybe I should blog about this" and yet the day ends and all I want to do is lay on the couch and fall asleep. And truthfully, there are so many things going on that I feel like I either have to tell y'all everything or I'm not being really me. I am kind of an "all-or-nothing" kind of gal (if you haven't learned that about me yet) and I need to learn to live a little more in the grey sometimes.

Anyway, I have a "mommy-pride" bursting moment to share to at least get me back in the groove. Lucas started playing pee-wee soccer last fall. Admittedly, it started a little rough. His focus was anywhere but on the field or the ball. It didn't seem to come very naturally to him, but it was his first go at organized team sports and he seem to have a great time. So, when his friends from school were organizing a team for spring soccer, we asked him and he said he wanted to play. And this year, he is doing so much better. :) He is keeping up with the ball better and getting more kicks. Seeing his little face when he gets a kick makes me giggle. He is so excited. And then last week, he got his first goal!!! And today he got another!! Hooray!!!!
I have to admit that I get really frustrated when he is out on the field and not paying attention. He still has many moments when he is distracted by something on the sidelines or he runs right past the ball because his mind is focused on something else (probably superhero related). I try to keep my frustration to myself (try being the key word). He is only 5 after all and has made serious improvements from the fall until now. And I am super-conscious to make my words to him be nothing but encouragement and redirection. But I do need to learn to relax my expectations a bit because sometimes I let the frustration overwhelm me. Again. (Yikes. Seems like an unfortunate trend with me.)
So let me rejoice in his growth!! LUCAS GOT TWO GOALS!!!! YIPPEE!!!!
Driving home from the game today, he said "Now, my favorite times of the week are when I am with Mommy and when I have a soccer game." *melt* What a precious kid!

Need a Sling? Click here!
Subscribe to Me!! Click here for your regular dose of BabyLove Slings!