The Baby Parenting Coach

What Baby Really Needs

Ingrid — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 03:11:06 +0000

A survey of how babies are parented around the globe quickly reveals that beyond adequate shelter and food, little else is agreed upon as physical “necessities” for raising a young child. All the choices in clothing, gear, and extras are additions to the business of parenting. Although in the industrialized western countries the focus can become fixed on the material choices, the truly significant pieces come from within the parents. Regardless of where you are in the world, regardless of where you are on the income scale, if you are stable with food and shelter, you are a candidate for being a wonderful parent.

How can I make this sweeping statement, pushing aside all material choices in favor of a more primary, more fundamental choice? It is because your awareness of your own true nature and how you bring that to parenting is infinitely more significant than any material choice. When you embrace a willingness to relax and possibly not know what’s next, the opening of your mind and heart gives you access to wisdom beyond virtual reality. Moving beyond a limited point of view allows us, as parents, to expand our focus rather than narrow it. As we expand our personal selves, we begin to see the true nature of our baby. The harmonization that is possible within ourselves then carries over to our interaction with our baby.

Not many parenting guides encourage you to let go of all your concepts and scripts and welcome the mystery of your own being. It is, in fact, the ideal set up to experience your new baby in the most clear depth of awareness, free of conditioning. Our young children often draw us into the present moment very effectively. Responding to life in this powerfully spontaneous way is also a model for us to access something that is not mentally created. Wisdom, innocence, and love come with your new baby. Take the time to tune in and tap into it as you parent.

Talor Zamir Interviews Ingrid

aviva — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 22:55:00 +0000

Click here to hear Ingrid interviewed by Talor Zamir!

Mindful Parenting

Ingrid — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 00:09:32 +0000

If we define mindfulness as calm awareness of the present moment, it’s easy to see how that frame of mind could serve us well as parents. To be in the moment is in of itself a gift, and then to allow that to be our main way of interacting as a parent takes us into realms of possibility that may be overlooked otherwise. So much of what happens in a typical day with a baby or toddler is spontaneous, is unplanned, and is precious. By precious I mean it is fleeting in the overall developmental stages and growth you will see in your child. A certain way of playing, although it may be incorporated and built on, will never look quite the same as when your 6 month old does it! Being present to experience and enjoy with her is a gift.
However you find to remind yourself, enjoy as many sweet moments in the present as you can. Discernment is a quality that can help maximize your enjoyment. This is the ‘prioritizing’ portion, where your decisions and judgment calls (is it important or necessary to be at the playground “on time” or are your friends mothers who also allow for some ‘flex’ in their scheduling?) and you can choose where to spend more time, when to hurry.
Underneath it all, your own success in self-nourishment as you parent will determine the degree to which you successfully nurture your child. All the images and cliches about taking care of yourself first are valid, and the challenge is to understand your own thresholds and create the combination that works for you. If getting a shower first thing in the morning is key to your feeling good about yourself for the rest of the day, then making that a priority is definitely worth it. If you can delay other things in the interest of flexibility to accommodate your child’s needs, you’ll soon see the opportunity for an exchange. Mindfulness can only occur when you feel relatively balanced and whole yourself, so making it a priority to address your most important needs is a necessity.

Pay attention to and appreciate the positive situations, events, and relationships in your life. Each time you do you’ll reduce the true source of your stress — negative emotions — and be more in the moment.

Become more aware of the situations, events, relationships and thoughts that evoke stressful feelings. Again, choose to be in the present.

Parenting Confidence

Ingrid — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 17:09:10 +0000

At the end of the day, confidence is the single most important aspect of how to approach parenting. Confidence does not by any means imply that you have all the answers, that you know what to do in every (or even most) situations, or that you ever stop learning. What confidence means is trusting yourself to proceed in this remarkably challenging and rewarding endeavor with the inner knowing that you have what it takes, that you have appropriate resources on hand, that you understand your own self well enough to modulate, reflect, and be flexible.

In many cases (my own included), becoming a parent gave me a sense of connection to something much larger that I had always desired and sought in my life. Suddenly the tangible, clear application of my actions and intentions was right before me, and it parlayed me into a sort of direction and bliss that I had never experienced. I am by no means saying that is was simple or that I understood much of what I was experiencing. All I mean is that when my older son was born over 26 years ago, I had an instinctive “awakening” that it was my mission to do whatever I could to take the best possible care of him (including resolving some old family of origin issues of my own). I do feel that over time, and with the birth of his siblings, I understood more and more what exquisite teachers I had right in my own little family!

The confidence which serves us well as parents is the wisdom and insight to see ourselves, our partners, and our children as the purveyors of the ultimate learning experiences we most need. Then we can parlay whatever behaviors, challenges, and perplexities we think we see before us into the most amazing self-exploration opportunity available. Our own growth is inevitable, and as it occurs, it supports those with whom we are closest.

Parenting confidence is essential to the most important job you’ll ever do. Be sure to equip yourself with the tools, resources, and support systems that work best for you. It’s a journey with limitless opportunities!

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‘Self Hug’ for Parents and Toddlers

Ingrid — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 01:05:34 +0000

Alan Watts spoke of an “integrity of pattern” when describing the energetic dance in which we all participate. As a fan of his old programs from the 1980′s, I recently heard that phrase and related it to the ‘self hug’ I recommend to parents of toddlers. Restoring our own “integrity of pattern” means re-aligning ourselves with our highest and best intentions, our innermost knowing, and our richest resources. It gives us access to the underlying wisdom that easily becomes obscured in the course of a day (parenting a toddler or not).

As easy as it is to lose sight of this inherent well of knowing we all possess, it’s also simple to restore ourselves to that place and then draw upon it during the course of our day. Mom and Dad engaging in a ‘self hug’ means taking a few moments to let go of immediate stressors, finding a neutral space within, taking a few deep breaths, and visualizing something refreshing and revitalizing. It’s deceptively simple and effective, and also is easy to teach your toddler. I’ve seen 3 year old’s already proficient at using this technique on their own, after practicing with an adult a few times.

The sense of knowing one can modulate one’s own state is a powerful tool to give ourselves and our children. You can make a game out of it, personalize it for your child, and invoke it for yourself as needed. It’s contagious in the best possible meaning of the word! Try it today.

Parenting Power

Ingrid — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 23:08:05 +0000

I recently heard a discussion on the radio about the loss of creativity in the workplace as a detriment to our economy. Seems there is a preponderance of one-dimensional employees with little or no creative capacity. Seems that researchers and investigators are now finding this phenomenon does not impact our economy positively. It’s hard for me not to inject some sarcasm into my comments, since the creativity in most of us is deleted, pruned, or at least substantially diminished in our very early years.

Once again, a phenomenon that affects us all is only being recognized and discussed long after the most promising time and opportunity to address it has passed. To discuss loss of economic productivity in the marketplace and trace it back to lack of creativity in employees is a very backward approach to a very fundamental issue. What about the quality of life these employees must have had before they ever reached adulthood to be so abysmally devoid of an inherent aspect that we all have at birth? Why is no one asking what happened that we have an adult population with a marked absence of creativity?

Isn’t it alarming that the parenting of infants and toddlers does not include any substantive discussion of the enormous power of parents at this time in their parenting careers to impact creativity for life? This is the most optimum time in which to give a new human being the necessary neural circuitry, nurturing, and fertile foundation for developing and accessing creativity for life. It’s not about Baby Einstein, or any of a large array of superficial ‘educational’ toys for very young children. Parental understanding of what is happening developmentally is crucial to the kind of experiences that truly build cognitive functioning, along with all the adjunct developments in a child who is balanced and whole. That beginning is where creativity thrives and flourishes. Without the understanding necessary to appropriately incubate and nurture this vital part of the new human, it gets suffocated, shut down, and over time, completely eradicated. Hence our current, not surprisingly creativity devoid workforce!

Babies: Trusting Yourself to Parent

Ingrid — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 14:52:36 +0000

At the end of the day, even with all the parenting resources available today, it’s our sense of trusting ourselves that empowers us. Creating an ongoing format to enhance that confidence is a powerful tool to have in our parenting repertoire. It might be as simple as talking over your options about a particular challenge with a trusted mentor. An ongoing moms group that enables listening and sharing in a supportive way may be a good source of feedback. There are a variety of options for developing this important trait in your parenting.

As with many aspects of parenting, there is opportunity to constantly add to your ‘toolbox’, refine your insights, and upgrade your skills. Raising kids is the ultimate growth experience. They are growing – you can, too! Seeing the inevitable challenges as opportunities for your own personal growth is an attitude worth exploring.

You may wonder how a baby’s sleep habits could be an opportunity for your growth. Well, there are a great many different ways of responding, reacting, and handling sleep patterns and habits. The behaviors of your infant may summon responses that are unique. Singing a particular lullaby may work better with one child than another. The variations and opportunities for creativity are huge. Have fun with it, explore, be flexible and open, and see you own potential expand. That’s the best start to trusting yourself as a parent.

Babies: Look At How We Parent

Ingrid — Sat, 08 May 2010 18:42:13 +0000

What will our future be like? I get a small glimpse every time I witness an interaction between an adult and a baby/toddler. It’s not that I have a crystal ball, but as a dedicated observer and researcher of how parenting affects baby brain development, I continue to see the correlation between parents’/caregivers’ “styles” and the baby’s behavior. The recurring pattern I notice is that stressed, maxed-out parents have babies/toddlers with much more challenging, ‘acting out’ behaviors that then, in turn, contribute to more stress for the adult. The cycle is particularly challenging when parents are already encumbered with sleep deprivation, straining relationships, and the myriad of other ‘extras” heaped on (often) unprepared parents.

I continue to encourage my clients and others to take the time to look at your ‘bare minimum” requirements of what you need to feel good yourself. It can be as simple as a 10 minute walk by yourself in the morning when a neighbor or trusted someone will watch your child. Scheduling “me” time is never more important than when you are parenting. I say that because if you are feeling at all resentful, frustrated, depressed, maxed out, etc., etc., your baby gets it – even at the very youngest ages.

You may be arguing with someone on the phone in the next room – your child knows and senses the stressed energy you carry as a result. She may not begin to grasp the content, but the biochemical and energetic shifts that strong emotions create are transmitted – every time, no matter how well you think you ‘shield’ your child.
Take the time to define your “bare minimum” of “me” time required to operate in a consistently calm and balanced manner. You will reap disproportionate rewards in your child’s behaviors.

Understanding Parenting As If Our Future Depends On It

Ingrid — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 18:38:59 +0000

Much of my focus recently has been on educating about the importance of parenting to support optimum baby brain development. The deeper I delve into research that has, in most cases, been around for many years, the more it is validated for me that what we do as parents/caregivers of the very young is inextricably linked to quality of life for us all. It’s interesting to me that so little connection is made in our mainstream media. It’s as if tantrums, behavioral challenges, ADD/ADHD, teen angst, our overflowing prisons, and the myriad of social problems that we have arrive from another planet, are some external ill that is foisted upon us, and are reason to consult ‘experts’ or other resources outside ourselves. It’s my belief that 90+% of these issues could be addressed in very early childhood. Preparing for and supporting ourselves during this monumental task would make a world of difference, not just for you and your child, but for all of us who live in this society and world with you.

Without getting into the highly private, intense, and controversial areas of parenting styles, I still see an enormous benefit to educating about the critical impact, for life, of what a baby and toddler experiences in the 0 – 3 age range. While we can focus on a variety of ‘superficial’ issues, one parenting method over another, choices that seem vital to the parenting style we want to endorse, we seldom hear or have an open discussion of the impact of subtle nuances on our baby’s wellness. Even amongst ‘experts’, the importance of clarity of our own values and priorities before we parent is seldom discussed.

Learning to recognize, love, and accept that which is difficult, unacceptable, and challenging within ourselves is a fundamental precept to parenting. Support for that process is vital and easily makes the difference between a parent who suceeds and one who is overwhelmed.

Please encourage all those you know who are comtemplating parenthood, are already parents of babies/toddlers, and who are caregivers to seek their most trustworthy parenting voice from their own essence. As always, I welcome your questions and comments.

Parenting Baby with Direct Experience of the Real World

Ingrid — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:54:16 +0000

Today’s media-obsessed culture and fast-paced technology are not appropriate hosts for early childhood. As adults, we participate to the extent we choose, in the frenzy and disconnect that modern technology provides. Our very young child’s development is undermined by the same technologies that make our adult lives more efficient and/or effective (with a big question mark by the last part of that statement, for discussion at some other time).

The fundamental need to connect and bond with a real person is usurped every time a baby or toddler is planted in front of a television, video, or electronic media. In order to learn and grow, children need to connect to nature, family, each other, and to their own creativity and initiative. The great downside of the convenient “babysitting’ use of electronic media is that it robs the child of the direct interaction that is key to development of initiative and creativity.

If you are not familiar with the epidemic absence of these qualities in some of our youth, please spend some time in a middle school or high school. I assure you, it will not be a long wait to see a demonstration of the result of “electronic” overexposure. Qualities like problem-solving, using the imagination, inventing and negotiating rules of a game, all examples of growth and change that tap into qualities developed through real life experiences, are noticeably missing in many youth today.

The ‘tuning out’ and absorption with consumer related topics does not begin in the pre-teen or teen years. Groundwork is laid in the baby and toddler stages, by providing other than direct experience with the real world. The three basic needs of of childhood are: positive relationships with adults and other children, security, and creative play. Please take the time to learn how best to provide this for your baby and toddler. The essential building blocks of healthy child development are in your reach.