I’m digging deeper into the decision of whether to start Kindergarten this fall — or not. Look out for 4 in-depth posts on the subject. Check out the video for a sneak-peek!

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

Mahalo to Jill and the gang at KITV!

Despite awakening at 4 am with bloodshot eyes from an allergy attack (perfect for HDTV, right?) — I was psyched to head down to KITV yesterday morning to talk story with the gang about parenting. So mahalo to Jill Kuramoto for inviting me, and a big aloha to Mahealani Richardson, Moanike’ala Nabarro, and Yasmin Dar for making me feel so at home in the studio. Looking forward to seeing you all again next month!

Here’s the link: Dr. Heather on KITV — January 17, 2012

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

Rip it up, girl!

I’m especially proud of this post I wrote for my fab partners over at The Learning Care Group: Check it out, and let me know what YOUR tips are for staying sane when trying to stay on top of it all.

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

Sometimes I need a good cry before a nap, too.

One of the most primitive, innate reactions any mom has is to comfort her crying child. But as we’ve talked about here before, many babies can tolerate — and thrive — with some crying, when their parents thoughtfully decide why and when that might be necessary.

That’s why articles like this leave me mystified — especially when they come from one of my shrink colleagues.  Her bottom line is that CIO is dangerous. She trots out all the old arguments, hailing the Dr. Sears “science” behind her claims, and providing one of the most common misinterpretations of infant research. She makes the mistake that clinical research findings about abused and maltreated babies — babies who were pervasively denied their needs over the long-term — should be applied to NORMAL babies in NORMAL families.

The fact is, there is no evidence whatsoever that occasional CIO in typically developing babies causes any damage. PERIOD.

More importantly, there IS evidence that severely sleep-deprived mothers are at much higher risk of developing an already common –and dangerous — condition: postpartum depression. And PPD certainly CAN lead to long-term damage to both baby — and the entire family. CIO is a method that, when implemented thoughtfully, can often lead to improved sleep (and health and happiness) for everyone.

Firebombs like those thrown in the Psychology Today article only make the burden heavier on moms. What a shame.

Aloha as always,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

PS: Wow, what a response! After commenting here, please also see the comments developing over at the Fussy Baby Site.

See? I'm 5 now!

Remember this guy? This sweet, cuddly, awesome 4-year-old? Well, now he’s a big 5-year-old, and he’s been in kindergarten for about 7 weeks. He started out with an enthusiastic bang, but now we’re dealing with tears and major foot-dragging when it comes to going to school.

I know, I know — I shouldn’t be surprised. “Help! My Kindergartener Hates School All of a Sudden!” is one of my most popular posts — and a very common parenting dilemma. Fact is, young children are totally different animals than “school aged” kids — and by that, I mean 8-year-olds and up. Little kids are still developmentally more like preschoolers. And that means they’re likely to change their minds about — well, just about everything. So, starting off kindergarten all excited — then losing steam after a few weeks — isn’t a surprise. Check out my post (and the growing comment section, with my additional suggestions) for coping ideas.

And hang in there, if you’ve got a balking kindergartener. Usually, if you can support your child through this tricky developmental stage, the protests wind down by Thanksgiving.

In the meantime, Happy Halloween!

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

A Classic Must-Read

I’m reading every parenting book ever written on an obsessive quest to find helpful nuggets and insights to include in my first BabyShrink book. Those of you who know me know that I think much of what’s available these days is garbage. Junk. Not practical. Not worth the money.

But once in awhile, I find a gem. Most of these gems are “oldies but goodies” — dated, in some ways, but true and superb in the way that classics always are.

Louise Bates Ames, PhD, wrote a whole series of parenting books over 30 years ago, with a new book for each year of life. I’ve read most of them, but so far, this is my favorite. It might have to do with the fact that I have a particularly spicy 1-year-old in the house (thankfully NAPPING, at the moment — something I don’t take for granted with her).

Ames doesn’t take 12-24 months for granted, like so many other parenting writers. Ames contends that, in fact, this is one of the trickiest ages to parent – and I fully agree. In this book, she explains why — and gives the simplest, sweetest, most effective suggestions I’ve ever read on how to contend with your newbie toddler.

Enjoy.

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

Off to school so soon?

My daughter turns 5 right before the “cutoff” age for kindergarten – so she’ll be able to attend, but I’m not sure she’s ready. Should we have her start this fall, or wait another year?

Sam in Philly

Dear Sam,

All over the country, parents are going through the same dilemma. For many, like those with “early born” kids, the decision is easy. For others who have “late-borns” (like yours, and my fourth child — an October baby) — or for those who’s kids are a tad behind, developmentally — it’s a tough call. There’s no “magic” test for readiness, and no single developmental accomplishment that means your child is 100% ready.

Here is my basic Kindergarten Readiness Checklist of the areas I consider essential to success in the fall:

• Enthusiasm about learning
• The ability to speak understandably
• The ability to listen and follow instructions
• The desire to be independent
• Playing well with others (most of the time)
• Willingness to separate from parents
• Basic letter and number recognition

Here are 3 steps to help you make your decision:

1. Have a basic “Kindergarten Readiness” test administered at your intended school. There are many such tests available.
2. Discuss the results — plus the above readiness checklist — with the important adults in your child’s life, including prospective teachers. Your pediatrician can help too.
3. Revisit your decision over the summer. A child who’s not ready in the spring might quickly become ready in the summer.

Consider YOUR child’s readiness, and make the decision independent of the “trends” in your neighborhood. Ignore the tendency to “go along with the Joneses” – whether to “hold back” or “push ahead”. Whether your kiddo starts kindergarten this year or next is irrelevant compared to the fantastic developments that he’s gone through in the past 4 or 5 years. Remember that tiny newborn bundle they handed you that day 4 or 5 years ago? Look at your baby now! Good work, Mom and Dad!

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

Ah, sweet sleep

kids sleep better. They’ve all evolved into being better sleepers over time.

That’s why I’m so interested in the line of research discussed in this study. Penn State scientists found — despite common parenting advice — that parents’ EMOTIONAL response to their children at bedtime was much more successful than any specific behavioral “trick” in getting children to sleep.

As a shrink, I tell parents that babies absorb their emotional messages. Parents are often surprised when I tell them that even the youngest babies sense their emotions — but it’s true.

In the shrinking world, we’ve been struggling internally for years over the predominant theoretical orientation — Behaviorism, and its spin-offs — and the power it holds over the way we do our work. Those of us who work with very young children understand that simple behavioral and operant conditioning simply doesn’t apply with the little ones. That’s why “Ferberizing” and related approaches are often ineffective.  FIRST, babies need to feel emotionally (and physically) safe. Other learning can proceed from there. But sleep is an inherently scary proposition, and often triggers resistance and regression in children. It’s a weird and scary thing to transition into a sleep state.

So the fundamental message of this research at Penn State is both obvious to me — and very reassuring — as an Early Childhood specialist. I’m eager to see what else they discover in this line of inquiry, and I’ll be sure to share it with you.

Here’s a link to some of my “getting to sleep” advice. What’s yours?

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

So I’m starting a new category on BabyShrink — BabyGeek. It will give me the opportunity to use more than 140 characters to help interpret the most current findings from the world of infant and child development, and the mind-boggling findings from brain and neuroscience. I hope I can make it all interesting for you, too.

And now, for my first moment of BabyGeek:

Early Trauma Damages Babies’ DNA

This heartbreaking study confirms what shrinks like me have long suspected: The mind and body are closely linked, even from the first months of life. This study shows how deeply linked: Traumatic emotional experiences such as institutional care actually damage the child’s DNA. Scientists have been investigating how the length of the telomere (the cap that protects the ends of the DNA strand) is related to health and longevity — and the orphans in the study had significantly shorter telomeres. Here’s the study report.

In college, we used to argue about “nature vs. nurture”. Now, we know it’s nature AND nurture — down to our DNA.

I’m waiting for the research that shows longer telomeres in babies from “good enough” homes.  I wonder what other aspects of parental care will show impacts — positive or negative — on DNA?

What are your thoughts?

Aloha,

Dr. Heather
The BabyShrink

And I hope to see you on Twitter! Follow me here.