Bafflegate

Haine & Pair

2009-03-29T19:43:00.004+01:00

When things hurt us most, we often trick ourselves into believing that feeling anything is feeling well. It's almost a survival instinct - we feel that something that provides the sense of being alive, regardless of how it hurts us, is better than anything that doesn't. Because at least that which hurts us has an immediately identifiable corollary of reminding us, through pain, that we don't have to feel that way. I often think that when people wish for pain, they have a silent hope that if they take on as much pain as possible in one sitting, then perhaps they won't have to deal with it anymore. Whether they think that they may create a karmic shift that leaves them spared from any further episodes, or if they will build a tolerance to that level of pain - and subsequently be able to walk through those fires without blinking.

Yet, when we convince ourselves that we have a form of protection from a specific type of pain, we most likely leave ourselves susceptible to a completely different, perhaps more potentially damaging brand of pain.

It's a hard realization, that life's ratio of pain to pleasure is perhaps as wide as 80:20 - but the pride comes in holding onto the right experiences. When we wallow in misery, whether our own accumulated experiences or those impressed on us by someone or something else, we leave our minds on pause - while our bodies continue to age and be battered. So that when we finally return our focus to our present state, we have what seems to be only more damage to sift through.

As silly and cliched as it has become, carpe diem is still a worthy way to conduct one's life. If nothing else it gives us only that day's rises and drops to deal with, and no extraneous stresses - good or bad.

But don't take the statement as it is used in modern terminology, as a rallying cry. No, take it in the terms presented in its birth: Seu pluris hiemes seu tribuit luppiter ultimam quae nunc oppositis debilitat pumicbus mare Tyrrhenum: sapias, vina liques et spatio brevi spem longam resces. dum loquimur, fugerit invida aetas: carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.

Whether Jupiter has allotted to you many more winters, or this final one which even now wears out the Tyrrhenian sea on the rocks placed opposite - be smart, drink your wine. Scale back your long hopes to a short period. While we speak, envious time will have already fled. Seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow.

And if you really stop to think about it, those who have found themselves victims of real, scarring pain have no reason to trust tomorrow - because as history is always an indicator, there will most likely only be pain. Today is all that matters, steal it - make it yours, and trust nothing that anyone tells you about time or healing.

Song o' the Day: the Temptations - "Ain't Too Proud to Beg"

2009-02-13T19:35:00.001+00:00

One of the most under-estimated groups in all of Motown's storied history also happens to be one of its most successful. The story of the Tempt--

[Note: We interrupt your regularly scheduled post to bring you this retarded short story written from the perspective of a thirteen year-old.]

PROLOGUE

A boy was born in a cradle. He was going to fight a witch. But not in this story. SCREW HIM. And we will.

CHAPTER ONE: Hormones begin to take charge in the nunnery.

“Oh, Brunhilda. The sun has suddenly changed. As have my...My thoughts concerning my nunning duties. I think of... carnal things.

"Carnivals?"

"Not carnivals. Carnal. CARNAL.
Father Frank looks so... Well, never mind Father Frank. He’s kind of fat. But if he lost some weight I’d totally do him. WAIT. Brunhilda. I’M A NUN.
I can’t think these things!”

Our heroine for the time being, Helga, clasped her hands to her bouncy bazoombas in anguish and stared at a crucifix, which was conveniently located in front of her, as it was, after all, a nunnery that she lived and lusted in.

“Oh, Brunhilda. What can I do? I feel I can’t stay here! My life is just... OH. ANGUISH AND AGONY. I must go pray. And whack off. I mean, pray. Just pray. Brunhilda, my character changes so quickly. Help me, Brunhilda. Help me!”

Brunhilda, a tall Scandinavian woman who rarely missed a meal, responded, “Eh?” She was, after all, very deaf. And very dumb.

Helga threw her arms in the air, causing her bazoombas to ripple gloriously underneath her nun suit. “I CANNOT TAKE IT! I quit! Farewell, nunnery! Whom I’ve never the time to learn the name of. I know Father Frank, though. Almost a babe. Fack. I mean... Rack?"

... And indeed she did, have a rack. Which she was going to learn how to appreciate, sometime. Possibly in the following chapters, as they are full of raunchy sex.

CHAPTER TWO: Helga appreciates her bazoombas.

“Oh, yes,” thought Helga, traipsing down the nunnery’s mountainside. “This was the best choice. Let me sing a tune. For I cannot possibly express my happiness in mere words.” She threw down all her luggage, and promptly wailed. Upon this, a young shepherd boy, who obviously was packing, heard this almost unbearable wailing coming from the direction of the nunnery.

“Oh, Christ. A dying animal.” He, too, dropped all his shepherdly things, which I assume would be sheep, to run and assist the “poor creature”. Finally, out of breath, he approached his victim, which he had discovered was not an animal, but a woman with large bazoombas. “Golly wolly,” said the shepherd boy. “What nice bazoombas you have.” Helga, overcome with joy and horniness, took a step backwards, and promptly fell off a cliff. The shepherd, dropping his jaw at this surprising sight, wondered where the cliff had come from, and then went home and jerked off.

CHAPTER THREE: I got bored of those characters. Here are some new ones.

This chapter is bold. Bold and saucy.

Why?

I’ll tell you why.

Because it tells the tale of two librarians on a search for WELL-HUNG... portraits. Ha, ha. Got you. You thought I was talking about sex.

Well, I am. These librarians are kinky.

So kinky, in fact, that their names are Pervy McPervperv and Sister Slutty. (Sister Slutty, of course, having once been interested in God, because he was hot. And naked a lot.) So anyway, about these librarians. Well, let’s hear what they’re talking about.

“Oh, Sister. I desire sex.”

“I agree. Sex would be nice.”

And so, there you have it.

“Wait, author! We enjoy penis!”

I know, librarians. I’ll get it to you.

“We want it NOW.”

FINE.

Two young men decide to stroll into the library. One is tall, dark, and handsome - the other is not. But the librarians care not, for they would do anything with pants.
Sister Slutty batted her eyelashes.

“However may we assist you in your adventure?”

“Greetings,” said the tall, dark one. “I’d like to check out a book."

“WE’d like to check out a book,” added the not one.

Pervy McPervperv smiled coyly. “Which book?”

“The one that involves us DOING YOU.”

CHAPTER FOUR: Raunchy sex.

Oh, goodie. The sex.

Well, both librarians decided now was the time. The men had been so polite in giving them their wish. So, they had to find a good place for banging. Well, the kiddie section was kind of free... Seeing as how children don’t read. So, the strangers took one another by the hand, and promptly porked. It went like this:

THE TALE OF PERVY MCPERVPERV

Pervy McPervperv decided that she wanted the tall, dark, and handsome one. Who was, incidentally, named Slurvy McSlurvslurv (he was Slavic). They had a nice, useless chat about the weather, and then the fun began. First, Slurvy decided the pants just HAD to go. On both parties. So, he ripped them off, because by golly, he was just too excited to unbutton them. There they stood, pantsless. But with socks on. And shirts, too.

“Okay. Off with the shirts and socks, then?”

“Well, okay.”

They both stripped. Not themselves, or anything - BUT ONE ANOTHER. OOH. Pervy lusciously spit all over Slurvy, who we’ll now be referring to as “Sly”, and he enjoyed it a lot. He moaned, wildly, like a wildebeest in heat. “Oh, yes,” he cried! “Yes indeedy! This doesn’t suck at all!”

“Oh, but it WILL,” Pervy assured him, licking his tall, dark, handsome shoulder. “Oh, hooray,” Sly said. “I like your bazoombas a lot.”

“Thanks, baby,” said Pervy, who had forgotten his name. “They’re on loan.”

This turned Sly on more than ever before. He madly reached his tall, dark, handsome hand down to her Pervy thighs. She yelped in surprise, and then, because it was cold (OR WAS IT?) shivered crazily. “Oh, darling,” said Sly. “Are you doing alright? Also, are you a virgin? Because if you were, not only your bazoombas, but your purity will soon be placed upon my PENIS!”

“The bazoombas too?” asked Pervy. “Well, if you’re into that.”

He was, reader. He was.

After messing with her thighs some more, and fondling her heavily padded, yet still naked bazoombas, Mr. Winky was awakened. “What, ho, friend,” he called metaphorically. “We have a mission to accomplish.”

“Hello, hottie!” yelled Ms. Vagina. “Please, come in, won’t you? Come in out of the rain.”

Mr. Winky thought this was a great idea, and promptly stood up straight. Manners, of course. Sly and Pervy continued to moan, oblivious to the conversation of their genitals. “Ride me, cowboy!” yelled Pervy stupidly. (She obviously came from Texas. Also, ha ha - I said ‘came’.) Sly inhaled deeply, and mounted Pervy’s trembling body. His soft mouth blew all over her bazoombas, creating a rippling affect, which felt like yum. Yay yum. She felt toasty all over, and then, suddenly, THEY KISSED! They hadn’t before, you see. All that bazoomba action leaves little time for the lippy lips. But, now was that time. Also, I’m rambling. AHEM. NOW FOR THE CLIMAX!

“Holy cow, baby! Here I come!” Mr. Winky shouted.

“GOD! YES!” replied Ms. Vagina. “Hurry, oh DO!”

Pervy arched like a cat, saying, “I feel like a SEXED UP KITTY!” This slightly disturbed Sly, but he continued nonetheless, as her bazoombas had not decreased in size.

“KNOCK KNOCK, HONEY! OH YEAH! OHHHHHHhhhh GOD yes!” Mr. Winky screamed. (Sly said nothing.) Ms. Vagina was muffled for the time being ,but she still managed an “MMM!!” as this was a nice feeling that she didn’t feel often, because her owner is a librarian.

“SHALL WE DANCE?!” Mr. Winky demanded, rapidly wiggling about.

“MMM,” consented Ms. Vagina, and insertion was complete. Both parties wriggled about happily, like fishies and stuff. It was one hot party in the library. And they were the only two people invited. OH YEAH.

Meanwhile Sister Slutty and Not One played a game of Go-Fish, even though they took a small break to watch their friends, and the “fish” were really naked ladies in suggestive, saucy poses. “We’re horny too, dammit,” said Sister Slutty. “Let us in on the fun!”

And they did.

“Why, WELCOME!” shouted Sly, because he was happy.

Not One, whose name was Ipcus, looked at Sister Slutty, who looked right back at them, and the two began to madly lick each other’s buttons.

“Oh, your buttons are so round and BUMPY,” said, Ipcus, biting them off like a little ferret who likes to bite buttons.

“Why, yes, as are yours,” agreed S.S.

“ALLOW US THE SEX, YES?” shouted Dick, Ipcus’ fiesty young friend from below. And, without warning, Ipcus picked up S.S. and slammed her lithesome and suddenly naked body to the floor and jumped upon her like a dog.

“HA. YOU LIKE IT LIKE THAT, DONCHA?” Dick said, balling his fists and getting ready for a cockfight (oho!).

“Oh, Ipcus! You’re so manly and aggressive!” S.S. swooned as he cupped his hands around her bazoombas.

Ipcus, in a sudden fit of manly desire, shouted, “PUT YOUR PURITY ON MY PENIS.” And then he placed kisses of a butterfly sort all about her navel. S.S. shuddered happily, and then began to nibble a small piece of cloth which was lying nearby, because she liked to nibble fabric during sex-- WHEN SUDDENLY, Dick decided to TAKE CHARGE.

“I am captain of this ship! WE SOW SEED NOW!”

Kunt batted her eyelashes metaphorically, because literally, that’s just gross. Then she applied lipstick, which was conveniently located inside of her. You see, Ipcus was kinky. And he thinks lipstick is sex. Which most obviously it is.

So, anyway.

Dick and Kunt decided that it was time to join forces and fight crime via life creation.

“OOH!”

“AAH!”

“AHOOOOOOOOGA!”

“BLARG!”

“SHIBBIDY-DOO-DAH!”

“HUMMINA-HUMMINA!”

“I LIKE IT WHEN YOU TOUCH ME THERE.”

“I KNOW YOU DO.”

“PLEASE CONTINUE.”

“ALL RIGHT.”

“... HUMMINA-HUMMINA.”

And this went on for some time. Finally, Dick ran out of juice, and Kunt got tired.

MEANWHILE. Back at the Perv Palace….

Sly and Pervy McPervPerv were also getting tired, and such as it may be, running out of juice. It looks as if the two librarians were going to have to end their once-in-a-lifetime experience quickly, lest the men get disgusted with them and their talking genitalia. Both parties of both people whispered a few nasty last words to each other (“Bottom.” “Sticky.” “Boob.”) and licked each other goodbye. Tall, Dark, and Handsome waved charmingly, and Not One belched. But it was kind of charming, too. Kind of.

“Well. Wasn’t that splendid,” Sister Slutty mumbled.

“Indeed, yes.”

AND SO ENDS our tale of wild, and utterly unbelievable sex. Perhaps, one day, if you’re good (and good-looking), something like this will happen to you (but probably not in a library). And hey, if you’re not - forget about it, reader. Because you can always become romance novelists, just like Danielle Steele!

THE END

Song of the Day: Rilo Kiley - "More Adventurous"

2008-12-09T09:51:00.001+00:00

It isn't a bad thing to like (or even love) Jenny Lewis. I chose this song over her more recently released solo song "Acid Tongue" because A.) its lyrics are closer to that of a 'traditional' country song, and B.) if you are in any way an indie rock fan, chances are that you've heard "Acid Tongue" roughly eleven thousand times by now. So I take this opportunity to remind you just what the fuck is really up with Jenny Lewis.

... Or really, Rilo Kiley. A quick note - the album was titled More Adventurous, because the group decided that they needed to become just that, more adventurous with their songwriting and recording styles. And some adventurous things about the song itself include the fact that the 'steel guitar' sounds are not actually being produced via an acoustic guitar played with a steel, but rather by some clever slide guitar on an electric played by lead guitarist Blake Sennett.

The lyrics speak from the perspective of a woman who is speaking to her lover (or boyfriend), seemingly listing things that she could deal with and live without - so long as their love remains constant throughout said ordeals. Two things in this song have always stuck out to me. First, even though this song has been explained to me several times via several sources, including the band members (I've seen, read and heard interviews about it. I wasn't just chilling out with Rilo Kiley one day), I still feel that it would work best as a male-female duet.

Why? Well, if you break down the lyrics it just makes more sense as a conversation, rather than a speech - especially if you look at it all as something being observed by a third party. Picture that you're at a party, and you come to find yourself sitting on a couch adjacent to a couple sitting in a corner having a quite little argument. You don't notice them at first, but at some point begin listening intently to their conversation, even though you start doing so in the middle of a sentence:

"(...) And it's only doubts that we're counting/On fingers broken long ago/I read with every broken heart we should become more adventurous (...)"

Really, that could make sense as either a man or a woman speaking - so long as the person in question has a pretty well-developed flair for the dramatic. Let's just say that it's a guy speaking a girl for the hell of it. Either way, I'm sure you've had an argument somewhere along those lines during a relationship - whether or not it actually involved the other person.

See, whether or not you are currently in a relationship - if you've ever been in a failed one you know that there are unique traits that only the two people involved will really recognize as they come up. And within every failed relationship there comes a point where one person feels as though they are only digging themselves into a hole that leads to nowhere. Moreover, they are digging said hole with a spoon. So not only has the relationship taken on the feeling of pointlessness, but a brand of pointlessness that is only equaled by how time-consuming it has become.

That's basically the same thing that is being said in those lines - 'we have come to a lull so deep that it feels as though I only have faults to count, and only broken fingers left to use'. And instead of turning somewhere else (or even to someone else), the person is saying that while they sit there with a broken heart, all they really want is their former feelings of happiness back. So all they can think to do is try and spice up their bland situation.

"And if you banish me from your profits/And if I get banished from the kingdom up above/I'd sacrifice money and heaven all for love/Let me be loved, let me be loved."

From here, the song gets pretty plain - the girl would now be saying to the guy, "Look, I don't need your fucking money - and I don't need God telling me what to do. All I want is for you to love me, have you got that asshole?" Of course her wording is much more palatable than mine.

"And if my brain quits, well I guess then that's just it/And if my hands stop working you can call me lazy..."

Again, pretty straightforward offering from what would now be the male side of the story. If he is no longer creative, or no longer drives himself the way he used to - then she should totally call his ass out on that.

"And if I get pregnant, I guess I'll just have the baby - let it be loved, let me be loved."

... And while this line may seem a little sudden, I feel that most couples that have existed together for more than two consecutive years have discussed the possibility of children, mostly because it significantly changes their sex life. I mean, let's be honest. If they decide that they would rather not use condoms, whether it be specifically for the purpose of trying to get pregnant, or just because one or both parties don't like them - then the topic will, and probably should come up. Nothing wrong with that.

"I've been trying to nod my head, but it's like I've got a broken neck/Wanting to say 'I will', as my last testament/For me to be saved and you to be brave,
We don't have to walk down that aisle/'Cause if marriage ain't enough/Well at least we'll be loved."

The chorus marks the return of the simile to the song, illustrating the couple's various distresses via the imagery of a broken neck or a last will and testament. It also brings up the other topic that I feel is discussed by tenured couples - marriage, and the fact that perhaps neither of them is very concerned with it, as it is much more important to them to know that they are loved than it is to have a gigantic ceremony. [Note: Attribute the chorus to whichever side you'd like - especially since it comes up more than once in the song, so you'll have the chance to assign it to both parties if you are so inclined.]

"I felt the wind on my cheek coming down from the east/And thought about how we are all as numerous as leaves on trees/And maybe ours is the cause of all mankind;/Get loved, make more - try to stay alive."

I said earlier that two things in this song stuck out to me, and finally I've come to the second. The closing lines of the second verse state "(...) And maybe ours is the cause of all mankind; Get loved, make more - try to stay alive."

See, that is something I struggle with constantly. Some days, I firmly believe that as though it were a natural law - and on other days, I wonder how natural (or healthy) love really is. I suppose it varies with my level of optimism, but the fact remains that our planet doesn't care about our feelings, or even our massive population. We are but organisms, and the only thing an organism really has to do is survive long enough to produce more of itself. But ever since the first two humans tried to make a go of monogamy, the bar was set there - and nobody ever looked back at it. Perhaps we never need to, for if we are lucky enough to find someone we can even tolerate for twenty consecutive years, we have probably won at the game of life.

MUTHAFUCKA.

2008-11-25T10:37:00.000+00:00

[First of two posts today, next one to come in the evening. STAY UP, BITCHES.]

If someone uses the word 'motherfucker' (or alternately, "muthafucka") to describe you - it tends to mean at least one of two things:

1. You just said something stupid.
2. You ARE someone stupid.

And the only way to decipher which usage is intended, is to look at the activator word (or adverb, if you're still in school. Learning rules!) - which is almost always 'this' or 'that'. For instance, if the conversation leading up to the usage of 'motherfucker' went something like this:

Them: "Kobe Bryant is the greatest player of his generation."
You: "I don't know - Allen Iverson was the first to mix street game with NBA-level skills."
Them: "THIS MUTHAFUCKA, HERE!"

[Note: You can use this conversation as a template for your own lives. For instance, you could substitute "Kobe Bryant" for "Nine Inch Nails", Allen Iverson for "Radiohead" and "mix street game with NBA-level skills" with "successfully commit commercial suicide, without the mess of having to quit making music."]

... Then they are simply specifying that not only do they not agree with your specific point, they happen to find the entire foundation of your argument ridiculous. On the positive side, they are not likely to hold your statement(s) against you for any significant period of time.

However, if your conversation sounds more like this:

You: "What are you guys up to?"
Them: "Nothing much."
You: "Want to debate the pros and cons of holding up a Tesco and stealing all the cheesy snacks?"
Them: "Did you hear what that motherfucker just said?"

... Then you are most likely considered the 'stupid' member of your group - and nobody that you consider your 'friend' really likes you at all. In fact, the only reason they still associate with you, is the same reason a pothead tries to make friends with his dealer - so as to always have a steady supply (of weed in the pothead's case, and easy jokes that are all but set-up for them in the case of your 'friends'), and in the hopes of perhaps one day receiving discount merchandise (if you so happen to work at a Gamestop or something like that).

A Brief History of Social Networking.

2008-11-22T10:53:00.000+00:00

Foreword

Unlike online Instant Messaging or Chat communities (such as AIM, Yahoo Messenger, MSN Messenger, or ICQ), social networks (or "virtual communities") can be defined as groupings of people with similar intents, if not interests. Their purpose is relatively simple, to use the internet to allow people to interact with people they most likely would have little or no chance of coming into contact with otherwise, whether due to social cliches, geographical boundaries, or other obstacles. Consider it a veritable successor to or perhaps even "evolution" from having a "pen pal".

The approach of each individual website differs, depending on which type of person or "crowd" that website is trying to attract... And as with just about any type of business, there are often just as many if not more of that type of business that will fail, than succeed. Keeping that in mind, this is by no means intended to be a complete or encompassing report or listing as to every last social networking site ever to grace our beloved internet. That said, let us get to it.

Origins

One of the first notable websites to introduce online social networking would be HoTMaiL Personals, created sometime in 1995 (sometimes shortly following the induction of Hotmail, but before it's commercialization with Microsoft) which allowed users to link personals ads to their already existing Hotmail accounts. The popularity of the website lasted until approximately 2000, and since then the website has undergone several make-overs to the point that any sort of social networking is almost hidden within the mass of Hotmail, MSN and other Passport.net live links (and/or link rot).

An even more notable entry into the ring of social networking sites is the still-running Classmates.com, again, created sometime in 1995. While HoTMaiL Personals took an approach derived from the concept of personal ads (such as those in newspapers), Classmates.com focus of operation was to allow members to find, connect (or re-connect) with, and keep in touch with friends met throughout the various stages of their lives, via school - be it anywhere from Elementary to Graduate (extended to include places of employment and the various Armed Forces). This flexible form of exclusivity allowed for Classmates.com to attract a certain, albeit wide-based, type of user - something that would become more and more common in succeeding social networking sites.

Perhaps motivated by the success of the two aforementioned websites, HoTMaiL Personals and Classmates.com were quickly followed up an almost countless number of successors - from imitators (SixDegrees, Yahoo! Personals/Geocities) to abstract takes on the original form (Live/DeadJournal, Xanga) - which took turn to focus on literature, music, movies and their review(s/ing), as well as online journals (or "weblogging"/"blogs"). For the most part, all of the aforementioned sites have carried on in some form or another (with the exception of SixDegrees.com, which was sold to YouthStream Media Networks in 2000 for $120M USD) - but none would become a true social "meme" until the introduction of Friendster in 2002.

Friendster

Friendster targeted itself at the group which made it's precursors most popular - young adults from North America (most particularly the United States), Europe (most particularly England/United Kingdom) and Asia (most particularly Japan) aged about 18 to 29. Establishing a format that many succeeding sites would use as a template, each user created an online profile (or "identity") by filling out a questionnaire profile and uploading a user picture, then defining a gallery of friends - either by interacting with friends already using the site, seeking out people who use the site, or inviting friends to join. The service would then integrate these galleries, using the so-called "small world phenomenon" to allow people to always interact with a friend-of-a-friend(multiplied to whatever exponential value necessary), and not simply a random or unknown person (such as is often associated with spam eMails or Instant Messaging/Chat programs).

Friendster's approach, blending the successful aspects of its precurors and leaving out the less popular features, would set the standard for almost every subsequent social networking site that would be met with any sort of popularity. Friendster's focused targeting (aiming the site not only at the youth market, but targeting single youths) would also be heavily borrowed by following sites, most notably - MySpace.com.

MySpace.com

Currently the most popular website in the United States (accounting for approximately 4.7% of all website visits originating from the US)*, MySpace.com was born of the integration of "blogging" (as preceeded by LiveJournal or Xanga), user profiles (as preceeded by Friendster), grouping (mostly provided by the seperation of websites - i.e., Friendster for dating, SixDegrees.com for "underground" socializing, or even Ryze for business networking), and an internal eMail system (perhaps borrowing from the original concept of Hotmail Personals).

MySpace has gradually gained more popularity than similar sites (such as Friendster, LiveJournal, or Classmates.com) to get the highest hit count of all English-language social networking websites. It has become an increasingly influential part of contemporary pop culture, especially in the Anglosphere. MySpace currently has just over 95 million members (although the number of "unique" members is almost impossible to determine) and gets about 500,000 new members each week.

... But MySpace was not always the social networking giant it stands as today, nor was it always poised to become such. Before the creation of the current social networking website, the MySpace.com domain name was registered in 1998 to an online storage and file sharing firm. Registration was free and users were able to obtain a small disk quota which would gradually increase if they referred new members to the site. Due to slow service and a lack of revenue, the original site shut down sometime in late 2001.

The current MySpace service was founded in July 2003 by current president Tom Anderson (the popular "first friend" of each profile created), current CEO Chris DeWolfe, and a small team of programmers. It was partially owned by Intermix Media, which was bought in July 2005 for $580 million by Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation (the parent company of Fox Broadcasting and other media enterprises).

Borrowing from the now-popular (or even "standard", as will be addressed later) Friendster format, each profile contains several "blurbs" including "About Me" and "Who I'd Like to Meet", as well as sections detailing the users' musical, cinematic, literary, and other tastes. A standard questionnaire is used to determine details such as marital status, physical appearance, and income. Taking the Friendster format a bit further, each profile also allows for the user to post "blog" entries, further allowing MySpace to be a more "all-encompassing" type of social site.

Although MySpace is more oriented toward the youth market, there are many people who are making careers out of promotion on MySpace. From bands, to celebrities, to exotic car dealers, many people have found MySpace to be an invaluable tool for advocating their goods and services. Like Friendster before it, MySpace has now spawned many imitators (and thus, competitors) - such as Facebook and TagWorld, but the most notable product of the popularity of MySpace has to be the Friendster patent approval.

Friendster Patent

On June 27th, 2006 - Friendster received a patent (US Patent no. 7.069.308) that covers online social networks, one the company had applied for long before its decline and recent recapitalization.

The patent is extremely general in its terms, covering the basic steps involved in joining a social network: entering a personal description and relationships to other users, mapping relationships and degrees of separation, and connecting to others through these friends. In such, seemingly covering the activities of many other social networking sites, especially those such as LinkedIn, that allow people to connect within a certain number of "degrees of seperation", which would leave the proverbial door open for MySpace's "Top Friends" to become a talking point of the patent's details.

In its simplest terms, the patent is referred to as a “system, method, and apparatus for connecting users in an online computer system based on their relationships within social networks." And although the Friendster patent could be challenged in either the patent system or the courts, opponents would face an uphill battle. “Once the patent is issued there is a presumption of validity that follows with it,” said attorney Bill Heinze in representation of Friendster.

The patent is more of a moral victory for the now-struggling Friendster, as even though it still counts 9-to-10 million users, the company has been consistently losing momentum in the global networking market, mostly to MySpace.com. Many users and former users cite heavy "lag" or "loading" times, as well as a lack of the diversity offered by MySpace as reasons for their leaving the site.

This sort of situation treads the fine line between property and intellectual property, which warrants a full-length discussion of its own. Another situation provided by the awarding of the Friendster patent, is the possible monopolization of the social networking class of websites - further pushing the ongoing internet properties debate into the political forum.

Failed Sites

As stated before, for each popularized website, there are quite literally tens of thousands that fail just as miserably as those which succeed (only in opposing terms), and while chronicling the popular websites may be a task of its own - finding all the ones that either haven't or haven't yet made it through the glass ceiling is ten times the effort. Here is a short overview of some of those that haven't:

43 Things
Adult FriendFinder
aSmallWorld
BlackPlanet.com
Babbello
The Black Stripe
Bebo
Bolt
Campusbug
Care2
Cyworld
Crostel
Connecct.ee
DowneLink
DoYouDo
Draugien.lv
Ecademy
eCrush
eSpin
Faceparty
Flickr
Frustuckstreff
Gaia Online
GayRomeo
Gayday
GolfBuzz
GreatestJournal
Grono.net
Hey! ASL?!
Hi5
Hyves
IMVU
Insider Pages
IRC-Galleria
iWiW
JDate
Joga Bonito
LinkedIn
LunarStorm
Miaplaza
MiGente.com
Mixi
MOBANGO
MSN Space
Multiply
Music Forte
MyGamma
MyNetSpot.org
myYearbook
Neurona
Nexopia
OkCupid
openBC
orkut
Passado
Piczo
ProfileHeaven
Rediff Connexions
Reunion.com
Ryze
Sconex
Spark Networks
Studybreakers
Sulekha
Tagged
TakingITGlobal
The Student Center
Thingbox
Tickle
Tribe
WAYN
Wireless World Forum
Xuqa
Yahoo! 360/Yahoo! Personals

... And while it can be argued that many of these sites are popular in a specific region or among a particular group of people - the overall popularity does not match that of the previously referenced sites.

Afterword/Commentary

... Glorifying MySpace, TagWorld, FaceBook, FaceParty - or any other "social networking" site for doing the same job as eMailing does, only with fancier interfaces and graphics - is like saying that not paying as much for water purification to the State, and in turn paying that money to say - Coca Cola or Pepsi, to buy water at a supermarket, is "better" or "Worse". Really, it's all the same.

* - Note that the site's traffic volume is based on incredibly intense usage by a more limited number of visitors. At least five English language sites have a higher "reach" measurement; that is, they are visited by more unique people each day.

The correction of any errors, whether in citation, punctuation, spelling or otherwise - as well as the addition of and new information, provided ample source information, is both appreciated and encouraged.

Both Sides of the Spectrum.

2008-11-20T09:45:00.000+00:00

Things I Know:

- If the Phillies had lost the remainder of Game 5 that was played last night, at least two hundred people would have either died or suffered serious injuries in the riot that would have followed. And that's a conservative estimate.

- "Guesstimate" is the worst word ever devised in any language. Something is either a guess, a conjecture that has no basis in fact, that makes no effort towards proof beyond the sheer force of the guesser's belief that they are right - or an estimate, an approximation made after any length of time spent studying the subject being discussed.

Very different things, those two.

- Relationships (in the romantic sense), are often misunderstood. They are not alternating rounds of effort and ease, but are instead commitments to a consistent effort towards mutual happiness... Or at least they should be. But instead, generally they fall into one of the three following categories:

A.) Two people committed to consistently working towards each others' happiness, with the payoff being more in the other person's achievement of the goal than their own.

B.) Two people equally (relatively speaking) happy simply being around each other, as when compared to being entertained by others.

C.) Two people happy enough with one another to not desire for the situation to be changed.

- Playing card games, auto racing and curling should not be considered 'sports'. Because no matter how much demonstrable skill a person brings to the table, 92% of the event is determined in the random chance between their equipment either helping or hurting their cause.

Same goes for Scrabble, because if you get nothing but D's and O's, the best you can hope for is to spell 'odd' and hope that your opponent provides you with good opportunities in their word choices. Which basically means while Scrabble may require more knowledge - even the Quiet Game requires more actual skill.

- Anyone who has a favourite sport is much more interesting for it. Anyone who says they hate all sports, is a fucking tosser.

Dave Chappelle is funny. Nick Cannon is not.

[Note: I chose those videos at random. I'm still totally fucking right.]

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Things That Confuse the Hell Out of Me:

- Why would God allow us to create the technology if we aren't allowed to use it? Why give humanity both the capacity for a growing intellect, as well as the infinite curiosity that we have?

[Yes I'm talking about abortion.]

- If the human liver has the ability to regenerate, why is it not possible to remove any portion of it that becomes cancerous, if the liver would in fact, regenerate?

- How is it that no country has ever come up with this solution for gay marriages: change all marriages to standard unions, and allow churches to select which unions they support?

- Is Joanna from Star Academy 8 a midget? By most accounts both Katy Perry and Leona Lewis are only around 170 cm (5'7"), and they both completely tower over this child. Jesus.

- Apparently you can be friends with someone for years, and know have the slightest clue as to who the fuck they are. This makes my head go numb with delirium. Serious delirium.
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Yes I milked this post out of various YouTube clips... Does that mean I'm a real blog now?

See you on Saturday.

Divine Nonsense, the

2008-11-18T08:03:00.000+00:00

You know, I'm pretty sure if my father could have been responsible for scripting November 4th, 2008, he would have not only had John McCain winning the Presidency - but also had every last person in the State of California vote 'Yes' on Proposition 8.

Yes, my father is a bit afraid of those gays. A homophobe in the truest sense of the word, he knows that their bedroom activities do not include him and would not affect him even if he didn't know about it - but he still fears that if we grant homosexuals the same rights as everyone who 'plays by the rules', he will somehow end up with a dick in the butt.

Is it crazy? Yes. Is it archaic? Yes. Is it funny? Sort of.

It can only be viewed as funny if you think about his fear, and not about his mindset. He truly believes that homosexuals are second-class citizens (of this or any country), which means that he believes that there are second-class citizens. Which is wrong on all accounts, but especially so in a country which pretty openly stresses that it views all men to have been created equal. "Liberty and justice for all" is a great catch phrase for people like my father, because it perpetuates their own freedoms while granting them the liberties of restricting others.

The idea that marriage is anything other than A.) a commitment which requires a ceremony involving friends or family witnessing two people stating what was usually already fairly obvious to everyone else, or B.) a legal phrase that we assign to couples who don't mind the alteration in their taxes or people knowing that they are attempting to stay with one person for the rest of their lives - is ludicrous.

I've heard the argument that there are people who would use same-sex marriages with 'malicious' intents such as guaranteeing themselves insurance coverage from their employers, or ensuring that any children that they have or may have will be the sole executors of their estate, thanks to a friend who is willing to pose as a lover to help meet those ends. Yes, because heterosexual coupling has never produced anything that could even be construed as illegal.

The fact of the matter is that prohibiting gays, lesbians and/or transgendered people their right to marry whoever they see fit is an action that serves only to show the cowardice of those who introduce such a bill, and the weak-mindedness of those who would vote for it.

Actually, I take that back - it also violates one of the founding principles of the United States: separation of church and state. Of course many of the arguments for the establishment of that separation are founded on the idea that a government should have a complete lack of authority in the realm of individual conscience. But keeping with the theme of checks and balances that was also established in this country, shouldn't the ideals of a religion have no authority in the realm of social contracts? Should freedom of religion take priority over freedom of expression - such as the expression of love between two people, regardless of their gender?

I distinctly recall the words of Thomas Jefferson, stating that "no man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever, nor shall be enforced, restrained, molested, or burthened in his body or goods, nor shall otherwise suffer on account of his religious opinions or belief; but that all men shall be free to profess, and by argument to maintain, their opinion in matters of religion, and that the same shall in no wise diminish enlarge, or affect their civil capacities."

... And if we look to the other side of the argument, the non-secular view of the world offers many contradictory points in reference to being with a person of your own gender. Apparently being a homosexual will in turn banish that person to a firey pit of torment for all of eternity not spent on Earth, unless the mass hatred poured out towards homosexuals is to be counted. And speaking of that hatred, don't the same books that state that homosexuality is 'wrong' also speak of not judging other people, as God will do so with infinite wisdom?

This argument could go on forever, and I'm only discussing it with myself at the moment. So to conclude I will say this - I would rather burn in Hell if it allows two people who truly love each other, be they two men or two women, to have the right and the confidence to state and express that love how, when and wherever they see fit.

Malts and Hops and Esters and Alcohol.

2008-11-13T09:31:00.001+00:00

Some of the most spurious statements that I have ever heard said about me have all implied that I do not like to try new things. This is, in fact utter rubbish - but I completely understand where they are coming from when they say such a thing.

I am now twenty years-old, and up until this point in my life I have only very rarely bothered to drink or do any sort of drugs. And when I do take part, I have always done so only in strict moderation. As a personal standard, I don't even intake anything that contains caffeine - no chocolate, coffee, soft drinks or even tea - and have managed to maintain that regimen for the past nine years or so.

Understandably, most people find that to be just a pinch overboard. I often hear such reasonable criticisms as "You don't drink fuckin' tea?!" or "You don't fuckin' drink tea!?" or even "Why the fuck wouldn't you fuckin' drink fuckin' tea you fuck?!?!!" But they never understand that caffeine is the only thing I truly abstain from. I know that the minuscule amounts of caffeine in most foodstuffs aren't really that bad for you, and that chocolate treats are oftentimes delicious. In fact, the only real reason I even started boycotting caffeine, at least at the personal level was due to a bet that I had with a friend in middle school that I couldn't go even one day without having a pop. Then, as things with me tend to do, it all just got out of hand.

But other than caffeinated products, everything else is fair game, so long as it doesn't interfere with my thinking, as I have never been one of those people who finds that drugs heighten perception and analytical abilities. For instance, I will have an alcoholic drink from time to time - whether it be a mixed drink, wine or beer. And while the first two make a bit of sense to me, as they are a flavourful way to take in alcohol - beer has always disgusted me. I have long maintained that beer only tastes good to drunken people.

I find it to be obvious: beer was conceived and designed by drunk people, for drunk people. And my not enjoying it isn't so much that I don't try new things as it is my reluctance to try things that have so frequently disappointed me on every level in the past.

For instance, last night I had a Broon (Newcastle Brown Ale to the rest of you), a beer that once upon a time was brewed right in the grand county of, you guessed it - Tyne & Wear - and while it does have a certain unique flavour to it that is completely absent from many other beers, it still tasted quite horsepissy to me.

I find that it is practically the same across the board - even with beers that are perennial winners of various accolades (such as First Gold, Samuel Adams or even Guinness), they still have the unfortunate taste of beer that one has to get through in order to appreciate the fact that it was aged for sixteen months in an oak barrel, or that they seasoned it with honey and ground almonds.

It's probably that I just do not find hops to be that appealing. That, or it could just be that I'm incredibly lazy, because when the same logic is applied to wines I can completely see and understand what they were going for (and perhaps more importantly, why they would bother). Most likely, it is between the two and resides on the fact that I am lazy, and grapes taste much better than hops. Either way, I'm right - and everyone else is probably too drunk to care.

Black to Back to Black.

2008-11-11T08:24:00.003+00:00

Yes, I've been black - but when I come back, you'll know-know-know.

Instead of jumping into more 'serious' posts right out of the gate, let's have a buffer of more lighthearted material - shall we?

Q: How do you make a six-year-old girl cry twice?
A: Fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick on her teddy bear.

Q: What's the difference between a politician and a bag of shit?
A: The bag.
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A few weeks ago, there was a cruise ship that experienced near-total engine failure while it was heading from Miami, Florida to Kingston, Jamaica. The ship was stalled for the night, sitting in the Bermuda triangle - a fact which the captain and his crew were very wary of informing the passengers about. In fact, they managed to keep the fact that the ship had not moved on engine power for around eighteen hours to themselves, by just keeping the lone working engine on low power - even though any single engine couldn't dream of moving the heavy ship, even on full power.

All night, a very windy storm threw waves into the ship's hull, subtly pushing it off course - and by the time the repairs had been completed in the morning, they found the ship's equipment telling them that they were now turned to face nearly the opposite direction. After calculating the time that would be lost in turning back around and heading in the proper direction, the decision was made to dock at the nearest available port - in the Cayman Islands.

As the ship sailed, the storm continued - and after being hit by a series of particularly heavy waves, the ship's engines again failed. The storm continued, and the crew did their best to keep the ship on course, but due to the storm and their remote location - their navigation and communications equipment, which was never working properly - had completely failed.

The ship ended up tipping over, and sat laying on its side just off the coast of one of the unclaimed islands just east of the Caymans. Three passengers - two men and one woman - managed to swim to the nearest shore. They quickly discovered that while their cell phones had absolutely no chance of working, there was a plentiful amount of food - and even a small freshwater oasis not far from the shore. They made a shelter, and began searching for other people on the island.

A few years passed, and not once did they come into contact with any other human life. The unanimous conclusion was finally reached that they would likely never be found, so they decided to try and forget their past lives and just do what felt natural.

Well, after a few years of having either (or both) of the men at her whim, the woman began to feel guilty about what she had done. She felt that although they had been faced with an incredible tragedy, there was no excuse in abandoning her morals - and just letting herself be used for casual sex all the time. So she decided to put an end to it, and committed suicide. Of course this was very hard for the two men to take. But they banded together and reached the decision that they had been through a lot worse, and that surely they could make it through this.

After awhile nature once more took its inevitable course, and not even six months had passed by and the two men began to feel that they understood how absolutely horrible the woman must have felt about what she had been doing.

So they buried her.
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A guy walks into a whorehouse and tells one of the girls he wants a blowjob. The girl takes him to a room and proceeds suck him off without a condom. While she does so, the guy sees a half-full bucket of sperm beside the bed.

He disregards the strange sight as he enjoys the best blowjob of his life. A second later, he shoots his load into her mouth. She takes every drop, but instead of swallowing, she spits the cum into the bucket.

The guy wonders aloud, "Don't like swallowing, huh?"

She wipes her mouth and replies, "No, another girl and I have a bet. Whoever fills up a bucket first gets to drink both buckets."
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That's all for now, see you on Thursday.

Election Reflection(s)

2008-11-05T15:30:00.002+00:00

This blog has always been a vehicle exclusively reserved for my words and opinions, but when faced with a matter such as this election - I would be remiss to not post the equally (if not more) eloquent words of a friend of mine, whose worldview differs from my own from time to time.

To paraphrase the words of Edward R. Murrow - 'He is a civilized individual who does not insist upon agreement with his political or religious principles as a pre-condition for conversation or friendship.' And while I may not agree with the words he has submitted, I give him this forum because I hold his opinions in high regard, however much they may differ from mine. With that, I leave you with the words of my good friend Shawn.

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Although I am saddened by the reports of voter fraud and intimidation (as well as the lack of reports of said activity by certain newscasters), America has spoken. And for many of us, America was not on our side this time around. We have now elected a president who supports abortion in virtually any case, and although he claims Christianity, he does not show any signs thereof, other than calling his openly racist pastor a "great man".
This may go down as the election where the Moral Majority was not only defeated, but was obliterated first by a lack of acceptable choices, shortly followed by landslide defeat. But what do we do now? First of all, as Christians, we are instructed to pray for the leadership of our nation. That seems like it might be pretty hard to do, but if we didn't do anything we are instructed to do because it might be difficult, where does that leave us?

The Bible also says that authorities and rulers are set in place by God for His purpose (I'm just writing this as a short note, so feel free to correct me if I misstate something). I was at Bible study a few weeks ago where we were expressing our concern about the upcoming election. There was a couple there who had spent most of their lives in foreign nations spreading the gospel. Since we knew that they had a perspective we didn't on American politics, given that they were both Americans and foreigners at the same time, we asked for their input. Frankly, I was surprised to hear their indifference to the whole thing. When they explained, it made a little more sense, however.

What they said was that, on one hand, we had a candidate who supported Christian principals, though not to the extent that many Christians would want, and on the other hand, we had a candidate that would likely fight against Christians on many many issues and chip away at the country's foundation as well as people's basic rights.

Neither one is really that great of a choice (as we have known for quite some time), but then the fact was brought up that there are no mediocre Christians in Muslim or Communist nations. There is no "Yeah, I go to church, but I really only believe some of it." There is no "I'll change later. For now, I'm enjoying living my own life without religion telling me what to do." What there is in those nations is people honestly and earnestly living their lives for their God, and relying on Him instead of their own wealth and comfort.

It has become too easy to be a Christian American. Too casual. My guess is that we will see a decline in the number of people who claim Christianity in the coming years, but I'm willing to bet we will see more Christians.

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Some readers may find themselves cheering in wholehearted agreement with this post. Some may find themselves with views in an almost polar opposition to them. Regardless of your reaction, all are welcome to express themselves in the comments section or even in an eMail to tribalmultimedia@gmail.com

This Week's World In Review.

2008-11-05T05:34:00.003+00:00

"Barack Hussein Obama is the President-Elect of the United States of America."

These words symbolize not only the introduction of a new administration, but also a new era in global politics. No longer are the pep talks of 'anything is possible' generic words used to motivate the children of the world to undefined goals, but are facts of life that no longer require words - but only a motion towards the man who now leads the country. Perhaps this is a symbol of a new trend in world affairs, that color is no longer a determining factor to be accounted among the attributes of a potential elected official.

As I watch these events unfold before my eyes, I am firmly entrenched in the knowledge that we do not yet live in a time where people are judged only in that respect, but I do have hope that this puts us ever so much closer to such a world. A world where all colors, creeds, nationalities and faiths can look upon each other only as fellow human beings in this grand society we have built.

It is no secret to those who know me that I have long since dreamed of a world where the words of Malcolm X would shine on the faces of the population, and I hope from the deepest reaches of my heart that this is a sign that those words, visions and ideals are still alive. I hope that each new day shows us that the closer we can exist with one another as a civilization, the stronger we are as individuals.

I pray that now, some forty-three years after he was forcibly removed from this earth our most misunderstood hero finally begins to get his chance to prove just how true his words were.

Whether or not you agree with his political, religious or personal ideals - the election of Barack Obama represents this: so long as there is an America to talk about, so long as the words "freedom" and "unity" survive - it shall be represented by one thing and one thing alone, "We The People".

During all the time I have lived in America, I have grown more and more confident that those words are all most people want to believe. That "We The People" still have a voice in shaping the world within which we live.
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BaffleGate has been on hiatus for a few months now, but soon I will be right back on task. Promise.

Snoopy D-O-Double-Gizzle.

2008-06-10T09:38:00.002+01:00

Rating a hip-hop personality is often quite simply a matter of charting the level of success (usually in sales) they managed, and how long they were able to maintain that success. Which makes Calvin Broadus an interesting character in the grand story of hip-hop, in that depending on the level on which he is enjoyed by a particular person, the argument could be made for his either being the most over or under-rated lyricist of all-time.

From one perspective, he has had a very large hand in bringing the current state of rap to the forefront - that of the bling-coated, sex-obsessed 'hoodlums'. Then again, he has only one album that is considered to have much top-to-bottom weight (coincidentally, his solo debut Doggystyle) - despite being aligned with many of the top producers and organizations while they sat at arguably the peak of their creativity and influence (Dr. Dre/Death Row, Master P/No Limit, Pharrell Williams/the new 'free' market).

Today we examine the career of Snoop Dogg through his albums, in an attempt to ascertain how he has maintained his success thus far into his sixteen year career.

The Chronic
[Dr. Dre album - Snoop is featured on twelve of its sixteen tracks]
Sales: 3.00 x Platinum (US)

Widely considered to be perhaps the most influential album on the modern hip-hop sound and culture, Snoop Dogg's heavy involvement in The Chronic earned him the type of success and credibility that many artists have to work years to even approach. But it was not as though this was solely the doing of his being supported by Dr. Dre - Snoop's flow, particularly on the instant-classic "Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang", was both respected and met with critical acclaim for its balance between complex and effortless -- perhaps not a product of, but most assuredly an inspiration to the now heavily prevalent freestyle delivery. And when paired with tracks like "Fuck wit Dre Day", it served to establish his now well-known blunted-out, "don't hafta nothin'"-type persona.

Doggystyle
[executive production - Dr. Dre]
Sales: 4.00 x Platinum (US)

Even upon its release, the sound and feel of Doggystyle was immediately compared to that of The Chronic - which can easily be attributed to both Dr. Dre's production of the album, and the atmosphere held as standard at the Death Row Records studios - as described by Bruce Williams:"Dre’s going to be the first one in the studio and the last one to leave. He’ll start messing with a beat. As the beat starts pumping, the guys start filtering in. Everybody will get their little drink and smoke in. Soon enough the beat starts to make a presence. You’ll look around the room and every cat that was a rapper – from Kurupt to Daz to Snoop – will grab a pen. They would start writing while Dre is making a beat so by the time he’s finished with the beat, they are ready to hit the booth and start spittin'. To see those young cats – they were all hungry and wanted to make something dope. The atmosphere that was there, you couldn’t be wack (...)"
Da Game Is to Be Sold, Not to Be Told [executive production - Master P]
Sales: 2.00 x Platinum (US)

Snoop's first release outside of both Death Row Records and the all West Coast/G-Funk sound that was their signature at the time. Although his next album No Limit Top Dogg would be more appreciated, Da Game would outsell it nearly two-to-one, and would deliver a firm message in the successful mixing of Nu-South production with West Coast lyricism - that collaboration was something to be sought, not shunned, an especially important message delivered just about a year and a half removed from the Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. killings. A message that not only rings true today, but dictates the genre - while hot producers serving as freelance hitmakers to whoever pays, lyricists still show pride in their geographic roots - but without the foolish beefs that cost the genre so much in talent and poor media exposure in the late 1990s.

Tha Last Meal
[released by Doggystyle as supported by No Limit & Priority Records; produced by Dr. Dre]
Sales: 1.00 x Platinum (US)

After a brief return to his G-Funk roots with No Limit Top Dogg in 1999, Snoop started off the new millennium with his first release on his own vanity label, Doggystyle. And with the new label came a new approach that lasts to this day, and is almost universally embraced within the upper echelon of hip-hop - that of the super-pimp-a-listic playa spectacular. It was almost as though Snoop had paid his dues, and could now use his name as a ticket to easy success - using beats from only the hottest producers, and being backed up by an all-star cast of guests (such as Nate Dogg on "Lay Low", Pharrell Williams on "Beautiful" and "Drop It Like It's Hot"). Much like Jay-Z, Snoop learned that he could be honest and rap about his riches and luxurious lifestyle - and that people would still buy his records, so long as the track was club-worthy.

Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle
Sales: ; Awards: 2001 Adult Video News Awards for Best Music, Adult Video News Awards for Top Selling Tape of 2001

In his first move that directly set trends, without being apart of a larger product - Snoop 'hosted' his own hardcore pornographic music video, "Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle". He was quickly followed by artists such as Mystikal, Yukmouth and Too Short - which all assisted in establishing a base of operations for Hustler's new clothing line and record label. Incidentally, while the scenes were filmed at Snoop's house - he is never involved directly with any of them - and most adult film critics have gone so far as to proclaim that the the video bears false advertising (in regard to the 'hardcore' level of the scenes). This video would later be followed up by a Snoop Dogg-endorsed Girls Gone Wild installment, but neither have seemed to assist or harm Snoop's career in any significant way.

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So what is the lesson learned by looking at Snoop Dogg's career? What is his grand secret of success? In a word - consistency. Snoop has never truly reinvented himself as one brand or another of emcee - and while his status elevated, so did the references in his rhymes. His youthful pursuit of money gave way to the braggadocio-styled lyrics of other successful capitalists such as Jay-Z and Lil Wayne. But perhaps most importantly, Snoop has always had a sense of humour towards all of his affairs. Whether through cameos in Half Baked or his plain honesty in interviews (with a follow-up to that available here), Snoop has never hid any aspect of his life from the public - and seems to have been handsomely rewarded for that.

As far as influence goes, outside of his -izzy/-izzle suffixation, it can be argued that most influence in music is done on the other side of the booth - via production, and that Snoop's major contribution in that court has been in his willingness to work with whomever will gain him the surest path to success - a model that is utilized by nearly every platinum-selling artist in any genre nowadays. But regardless of how large the mark may be, it cannot be argued that Snoop Dogg's is a brand that will remain for quite some time, perhaps even after he has hung up the pimp hat and cane for the last time.

"There appears to be an event happening..."

2008-06-06T07:57:00.000+01:00

The working thesis for this particular entry is as follows: "just because you can, doesn't mean you should."

Derrick Comedy: Spelling Bee [NSFW]

Following that clip, and before any discussion takes place, it should first be stated that very rarely is racial humour of any fashion appreciated on a universal level, and that it is the responsibility of the joke-teller to point out the comical nature of the joke, and not the responsibility of those hearing the joke to stop, analyze and then determine whether to be offended or entertained.

That said, holding something up to the light is not the same as making light of it.

The language of hate has many different faces and dialects, and regardless of how easily any given individual can picture a perfect world - the reality within which we live is far from those dreams of utopia. Derogatory terms rarely have a shelf life, and to take on such a subject without first understanding both the history and modern application of such terms is just as, if not more ignorant than simply applying such words in everyday conversation. For as weak of an argument as it is, at least one can make a case of accidental ignorance - if they were raised around such words, and never were introduced to detestable history of their use as a blanket term for people who share only an ethnic background or similar skin tone.

Armed with that knowledge, even the casual use of such words as 'nigger' or 'faggot' can only be defined as direct and conscious ignorance of the fact that all people are born as equals, and that only in our actions can we then separate 'good' from 'bad'. And if the intent is to utilize such terms to get a laugh, then that person or group of people are guilty of satire in it's poorest and least effective form.

But if the joke simply 'must' be made, it should make light of things that even those within the race of focus can appreciate as either ludicrous stereotypes or otherwise harmless observations - and not simply make sweeping generalizations in and of itself.

There is often a sense of entitlement, especially among the black community, to their right to the casual usage of terms that they would never tolerate a non-member of their race to use even comically. It is referred to as 'taking the power away' from the terms, but in reality such actions only serve to grant more power to those who use it 'without permission'. Quite honestly, the level of idiocy exhibited from many musicians and entertainers who could otherwise be considered very capable thinkers is troubling - namely, those who speak out against racism only to cater to the many tenets that make up the stereotypes that they are unfairly held against.

Such behaviour is detestable, yes - but it does allow us to see that in this modern world, we have grown into a global society still filled with two types of people: hunters and gatherers.

In the past, hunters were directly responsible for the survival of not only themselves, but their families - all by spending their life out tracking, stalking and finally killing their prey. And that carcass would serve not just as food, but as tools, clothing and shelter to get that family through a winter that most cannot even begin to fathom - tucked into their warm safe beds, with thermostats just a few steps away to drive off any sneaking discomfort that manages to find its way through their insulated walls.

And while there have been significant developments since that time, particularly in the terms of medical science, architecture and the development of a monetary system - modern hunters still have an important tie to their predecessors. Their lives are dedicated to the search - often forging out on a path less chosen, in order to track and eventually come across their goal: to dominate something much larger than themselves, and use it to provide for those they hold dear.

Meanwhile, gatherers supplemented the time between kills by harvesting nuts, roots and berries from the wild. And while they didn't provide the impressive bulk and diverse functionality that the hunters did with their contributions, they oftentimes represented the only source of food that a family would have during periods of drought and especially trying hunting seasons.

The most important thing about early gatherers was that they worked in conjunction with the hunters to provide, and never saw their jobs as unimportant or not as prestigious as that of the hunters' - they had neither time nor need for such internal debate. Their only concern was that of keeping their family alive and on course, focused only on making it to the next round of provisions from their hunting partners.

And that is the point on which modern gatherers diverge from their historical forebears. Most modern gatherers can only be found following the trails blazed by their hunting counterparts, gathering only enough to support their own needs - and most often spending any time that remains attempting to bring down other gatherers, or defame the accomplishments of the hunters who allowed them to live with comfort in a world they often feel does not meet some mythic standard that is owed to them.

They use every possible means available to enrich only themselves, and curse anyone who questions their motives or methods. They stand as icons of bitterness, upset that they were not solely responsible for creating or developing the ideas and standards they have used to provide a life for themselves, and never truly appreciative of the fortunes they are afforded.

This is the world in which we live today, and this is the world that those of you with children will be leaving to them as inheritance, unless we can agree to take a stand against the benchmarks currently held in regard to such topics. Otherwise, the already bleak future we have as our forecast will only become more dismal and disjointed as time goes on - until we are left in a world of irrationality within which the ignorance of today will only be met by the blindness of tomorrow.

The Collapse of the English Language or; hw txts r fukin up shyt

2008-06-04T12:21:00.002+01:00

At Bafflegate our mission is fairly simple, to examine culture and note how it binds every last one of us - and the trend is usually toward that of either towards oft-unnoticed or especially depressing examples. For instance, today we will examine a popular feature that is included with almost every single mobile telephone manufactured.

Yes, we're venturing into the nightmare born as SMS, but most commonly referred to as text messaging, texting or even - 'txt'. Now, there are undoubtedly some areas in which this particular phenomenon may not exist, but the barrier would mostly be due to the lack of English language (and I can only imagine the hell faced by those trying to include French accent marks) and/or mobile towers (in say, Antarctica) required to be apart of this slow deterioration. In fact, we're considering moving there.

Regardless of who you blame for bringing the charm and personality of instant messaging to mobile service (start with Jan A. Audestad and Friedhelm Hillebrand), the problem is the people who insist on using it in substitution of voice conversation. Text messages are intended to be used when there is no time for a conversation or as a supplement to conversation - not as the means of driving a conversation. Yes, the ability to send a screen-full of text to anyone, anywhere at any time is impressive - but isn't the ability to actually speak with that person even more impressive?

The problem with that is that holding a telephone conversation during a class or business meeting is in no way discreet - thereby not viable. So the 'current' generation is stuck in a rut of making do with text messages during the day, and then going home to chat with everyone on Yahoo! Messenger.

Those who were around in the 1920s may think this sort of thing seems awfully familiar, what with the way that television came along and immediately imposed its will on radio and printed media. Only this has changed the way people communicate with one another, not the subjects from which they can form conversation.

And if the loss of vocal and physical communication isn't enough (ah, so text messaging is the culprit in that film The Happening), a study at Queensland University as declared that text messaging is "as addictive as cigarette smoking [PDF]" - right down to causing jitters when abandoned.

But our argument isn't against the technology, for we must agree that text messaging is remarkably effective in serving its purpose - relaying messages to specific people in a timely and (more often than not) discreet manner. No, our problem is with the style of language developed on internet chatboards, that has made its way to the masses through SMS. Strictly lowercase arrangements of letters vaguely recognizable as their intended words, accompanied by an incredible proliferation of acronyms (at this point, even most grandparents can recognize 'lol' and 'omg' - but neither that, nor even this can even begin to scratch the surface of the manipulations available in 'nu english') - and an abolishment of all punctuation that is not a massive gathering of ellipses, question marks or exclamation points.

Our fear is that in a culture seemingly driven by catch phrases and instant entertainment, will netspeak soon become a dominant language? And if so, does a degree in say, comparative literature become more or less valuable? Would we even begin to see books printed in this bastard dialect of English ("brethin hrd Clev wuz like 'Yoss ur crzy, no 1 wnts 2 kil u'.") - or would that be out of the question, as reading even fifteen pages of it would bore even the writer?

At first, one may think that sounds absurd - but what if the paper was taken out of the equation, and books were constructed to be read like computer or cell phone screens? Does that still sound equally ludicrous? Well, don't start laughing just yet.

In the end, any debate related to text messaging is the same as the debate of any new technology - it will all come down to how satisfied the youngest accessible generation is with it, and which will come first: it being overtaken by the introduction of a newer, sleeker toy - or everyone in opposition to it dying.

Which is just to say that perhaps we need to shut our mouths (or take our fingers off the keyboard) about it, and just go back to using it just as everyone else does. Case in point - during today, there have been forty-one separate barrages into our text inbox (which some may consider a 'light' amount)- countered by a total of zero calls to compliment them. Which is like going to a restaurant and being served forty-one separate plates, each with a single strand of spaghetti on them, with no sauce to be found within a hemisphere. And even if the type of sauce isn't a personal favourite - the drab, bland mess that is created in its absence is hardly satisfactory to anyone's palate.

That's the point we were trying to make all along: it's the sauce that makes life interesting - and if you take it away, at that point a vision of death becomes that of sleep without the impending responsibility.

(Actual) Technical Difficulties

2008-05-29T07:11:00.001+01:00

Due to Blogger not apparently not agreeing with the content intended to be posted today, I submit this: Chuck Klosterman illustrating why he is more deserving of his own podcast (or show of any format) than Bill Simmons.

Technical Difficulties

2008-05-27T10:54:00.004+01:00

I'm not exactly sure if this applies to all of human society, or if it is more restricted to the worlds I have been exposed to - specifically media [including but not limited to those involved television, newspapers, magazines, 'blogging '(for all fairness, this includes myself) and politics]. Really I can only speak about, for, and in concern to what I have come into contact with; I absolutely cannot understand

Organizations such as the Jewish Task Force, have claimed to have uncovered information that "proves" many discrediting thing about the class and/or integrity of Malcolm X - including, quote "The fact that Malcolm X was a convicted drug dealer who sold poison to his own people for profit is a matter of public record. As is the fact that Malcolm X was a pimp and a rapist who violently attacked both black and white women."* Now, I do not proclaim that Malcolm did no wrong within his lifetime - during his affiliation with the Nation of Islam, he was an active and outspoken racist against white people of all nations, merely for their skin colour - just as white were racist unto he, his race and others for the very same reason. Does that justify his beliefs or actions during that time? Of course not, and these are things that he came to realize himself, following a pilgrimage he made to Mecca (the Muslim holy city), and explains within the text of his autobiography;

"You may be shocked by these words coming from me, but on this pilgrimage what I have seen and experienced, has forced me to re-arrange much of my thought-patterns previously held, and to toss aside some of my previous conclusions... During the past eleven days here in the Muslim world, I have eaten from the same plate, drunk from the same glass, and slept on the same bed (or on the same rug) - while praying to the same God - with fellow Muslims whose eyes were the bluest of blue, whose hair was the blondest of blond, and whose skin was the whitest of white... We were truly all the same (brothers) - because their belief in one God had removed the 'white' from their minds, the 'white' from their behavior, and the 'white' from their attitudes."¹

... And considering the widespread distribution of Malcolm's autobiography, especially following the 1992 release of Spike Lee's Malcolm X - this isn't something that can completely be ignored. And assuredly it did not slip past the notice of the wizards at the JTF, considering that another claim they make is, "... When Malcolm X returned from Saudi Arabia preaching the true Islamic message that Muslim hatred must be based upon religion and not race, the Bolshevik news media claimed that he was no longer a racist because he now was willing to accept whites if they converted to Islam. (How generous of him.)"*

Before I venture off too much further into this, let's examine a few things. First, yes - Malcolm X was at one time a drug-using (and probably dealing) "numbers runner" in both Boston and New York, who associated himself with white women simply to offend the upper-class white men of that time. Yes, he got caught and spent some four years in prison - during which time he both embraced his "outsider" persona (the other inmates referred to him as "Satan", most particularly for his red hair), and later - converted to Islam, that is - the version of it offered by the Nation of Islam. He doesn't deny that he was taken in by a more-or-less totally fraudulent organization that basically served to promote the greater glory of its leader, Elijah Muhammad. Upon his being kicked out of the NOI, his mind wandered, leading him to study and try to find "true" Islam (highlighted by the aforementioned trip to Mecca). He began to understand that what he had believed in several periods of his life before then, was either not entirely truthful, not worthy of patterning one's life after, or otherwise misleading in its guise. Gilded as the Nation of Islam may have been, even Malcolm could acknowledge that their existence was a very necessary one - even if only in the "necessary evil" sort-of sense... And those of us with the benefit of hindsight, especially here after his death - can make all the accusations and criticisms that we would like about his path towards what many consider to be a social enlightenment - but rest assured, he saw that coming, too;

"You watch, I will be labeled as, at best - an 'irresponsible' black man. I have always felt about this accusation that the black 'leader' who white men consider to be 'responsible', is the black 'leader' who never gets any results. You only get action as a black man if you are regarded by the white man as 'irresponsible'. In fact, this much I had learned when I was just a little boy. And since I have been some kind of 'leader' of black men here in this racist society of America, I have been reassured each time the white man resisted me, or attacked me harder - because each time made me more certain that I was on the right path in the American black man's best interests. The racist white man's opposition automatically made me know that I did offer the black man something worthwhile."²

So what Malcolm was, is most assuredly not as important as what he became... Rest assured, I do not speak of the policies offered by those in the NOI that betrayed him. The policies that state "one hand washes the other" and "the good a man does in his life, far outweighs the bad" - both must be taken in equal consideration in order to accurately depict and understand that man, and the life he lead. But to fully understand the life of Malcolm X, one must do just that - and consider that while he did begin his adult life participating in socially unhealthy practices, and was - for a time, taken in, used and eventually discarded by an organization centered around specific men, instead of men as a whole... These are not the true identity of the man known as e-Hajj Malik el-Shabazz. Just as those who criticize him, Malcolm acted and spoke out based on the teachings and confidence of his faith... And to criticize him for such is not just hypocritical - but outright ludicrous... And what are these criticisms and accusations? Some of the most recent include such as the following;

"Malcolm X was involved in many homosexual relationships in high school. His schoolmate and close friend, Bob Bebee, recalls Malcolm X forcing another male high school student to perform Sodomite sexual acts. In other words, Malcolm X raped one of his fellow black male students. Malcolm X then bragged about the rape.

By the age of 20, Malcolm X was already a homosexual prostitute.

When he lived in Flint, Michigan, his roommate noticed that he would sneak down the hall every night to have sex and spend the night with a black homosexual transvestite named Willie Mae.

Two of Malcolm X's friends from Michigan met him at the YMCA in New York, where he bragged to them that he made his money servicing "queers."

One of Malcolm X's closest friends, Malcolm Jarvis, remembers Malcolm X boasting that he made a lot of money having sex with William Paul Lennon, a wealthy white homosexual from Boston. Lennon hired Malcolm X to be his butler.

... The indisputable and shocking facts about Malcolm X's notorious homosexual past - including homosexual rape - are covered up by the Bolshevik news media just as the truth about Louis Farrakhan's homosexual activities in the 1960s are covered up."*

So, the JTF have a bit of a 'beef' to chew with Malcolm, and more particularly the Nation of Islam, perhaps even more so with its current leader, Louis Farrakhan - who probably had Malcolm murdered... And how do they go about picking their fight? In the time-tested manner that only a peaceful, understanding group such as the Jewish Task Force of America and say, any given sixth grader in America could devise - by all-but-screaming, "OMG-D UR A FAGOT AND U SUK." Who are their cited sources for these allegations? Along with other nameless friends, they cite Bob Bebee, a "schoolmate and close friend" that is (or at least was) so close to Malcolm, that he is completely left out of Malcolm's own autobiography, and whose name reveals absolutely no hits in relation to Malcolm at any point during his or Malcolm's life, when searched upon in that context. They also cite the 1960s media that also did not take particular liking to Malcolm, his actions, or his previous organization, the NOI... And how do they punctuate their message of "truth"?

"In your heart, you know we're right. And in your guts, you know they're nuts.

Every generous check or money order (which can be anonymous) made out to "JTF" (which is political and not tax-deductible) or to "VJA" (which is fully tax-deductible and non-political) makes a huge difference. You can also send cash donations if you wish.
Do not depend on others to do your part! G-d only blesses those who do their own part!"*

By stating that if you don't pay them some money, you're going straight to hell. Damn, I knew there was a catch somewhere.

... But such allegations as these are not exclusively cast upon Malcolm X, nor are they always motivated by race - although, for the most part, they do seem to only find their way unto those dealing with race relations (particularly in or around the 1960s). Take, for example - Robert Kennedy. Almost always lost in the magnitude of either his brother John's Presidency, or his brother Teddy's amazing ~~alcoholism~~ tenure in the Senate, Robert Kennedy was a necessary tool throughout the duration of John's political career - before his Presidency, and even after his death... And this is where most of the publicity of Robert Kennedy is given light. Why, you may ask? Because of the obvious emotional strain that was put on him during such an ordeal? Because of the heir-apparent nature that it imposed upon him, as the "next Kennedy in line"?

Of course not, the bulk of reporters focused on the fact that Kennedy bonded with JFK's late wife, Jacqueline Kennedy, during their respective mourning... Most particularly on the fact that he vacationed with her and her family, and might have had a relationship that extended beyond mere kinship... But that's only because there's absolutely no evidence, premise, or otherwise to prove it. None of the parties involved seemed too worried about their relationship; Jackie or her eventual husband Aristotle Onassis, nor Bobby or his wife Ethel... And I will add this as a personal note; Robert and his wife Ethel had eleven children. Eleven, and this was in the late-fifties-to-sixties - so it isn't as though contraceptives hadn't been invented - he was probably just too devout in his Catholicism to use them... So, if an affair had occurred between Robert and any of the women he had been linked to, considering these facts - we would probably have at least an abortion scandal to note, if not a now fully-grown child... But, like Malcolm X - he was quick to both acknowledge and dismiss the allegations thrown on him;

"Anti-Catholicism is the Anti-Semitism of the intellectuals."

That takes some courage of its own, when people state that you're sleeping with your brother's widow - to simply cast them aside, dismissing the allegations for what they more than likely are anyway, when it is so much easier (not to mention more appealing) to retaliate, whether through comments or otherwise.

Who is another example? Abraham Lincoln, many people seem to enjoy telling a story that proclaims that Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation either did not set any of the American slaves free, or only set free those enslaved in the then-Confederate States of America as a political "power-play". Let's take a look at the document itself:

"Whereas, on the twenty-second day of September, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-two, a proclamation was issued by the President of the United States, containing, among other things, the following, to wit:

That on the first day of January, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, all persons held as slaves within any State or designated part of a State, the people whereof shall then be in rebellion against the United States, shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free; and the Executive Government of the United States, including the military and naval authority thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of such persons, and will do no act or acts to repress such persons, or any of them, in any efforts they may make for their actual freedom."

Let's see, "all persons held as slaves within any State or designated part of a State; the people whereof shall then be in rebellion against the United States, shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free" Wow, that was simple. Every state, part of a state - every person who was or is enslaved within it... Seriously, are there people losing sleep over this or something?

* - Taken verbatim from the JTF.org website.
¹ - Taken from Autobiography of Malcolm X; ch. 17, "Mecca", pg. 347.
² - Taken from Autobiography of Malcolm X: ch. 19, "1965', pg. 389.

'Decline of Country Music'

2008-05-21T10:15:00.001+01:00

'Decline of Country Music'

More than perhaps any other genre of music, country/western is a genre where the traditions may be valued more than the various albums, artists or songs. The basic idea of country is taking 'traditional' folk music and shaping it to the unique voices that are typically found in country music.

Without diving too deeply into the histories of country music, it is safe to say that the general expectations when tuning in to an artist billed as a country musician is more along the lines of Randy Travis or George Strait. Not just a distinct type of voice, but also a distinct type of music - very heavy on natural stringed instruments and usually very metronomic drumming. The lyrics usually deal with love of some sort - whether romantic love (or the loss of that love), love of country and even love of history or memories.

There are a few embellishments here and there, most often illustrating influence from other genres of music that have either a basis or strong tradition in the southern United States. Typically the additions are simple, electric guitar or more rock-styled drumming, but the standard is set, and has been reinforced over quite some time.

Perhaps the greatest two examples of a 'traditional' country musician are Johnny Cash and Dolly Parton - both achieved tremendous amounts of crossover success relying on their own country roots, and blending that with whatever interested them at the time.

Incidentally, those two also occupy two very different positions in the realm of music. Especially towards the end of his career (during the American Recording era), Johnny Cash was very well known for being able to take a song written in nearly any style by any person, and make it sound good as a country song.

Meanwhile, Dolly Parton has written songs that have been recorded by a very diverse group of people representing many different styles of music - and have been very big hits in drastically different settings than her original.

But it is due to such particularly bright and shining examples that many people express not only displeasure with many contemporary country musicians - but allege that country music has been so far tarnished by pop and rock influence as to never be reclaimed. But, like many allegations founded in the court of public opinion - a crucial point is never mentioned:

Country music isn't going through a pop phase, nor is country music 'selling out' - country music is simply more popular right now. As with any style or genre of music, over time there will be a point where the fan base will not only grow - but those fans who have stuck by it will have matured to the point of being able to buy the albums and attend the shows by way of their own money. So while traditional fans will always be listening, it is that younger market who really pushes styles of music into the forefront - and that is really all we are seeing here, younger fans buying music from younger musicians.

Plus, it isn't as though country music has never seen cross-pollination before. And it is the exposure gained from those more popular artists, regardless of the traditional values they may bring or detract from, that drives any style of music.

Take 'emo' music, for example - which is nothing more than punk musicians recording ballad-style songs. And if many of them are more in mourning than in celebration, well then so what? Does it make Band A any worse by being counted in the same genre as Band B, who just so happens to wear eye makeup? Hardly.

So while Taylor Swift is definitely oriented toward the teen market, and her style definitely reflects that of current pop standards than traditional country values - the same could be said of Garth Brooks, Shania Twain, Toby Keith and Faith Hill - but that didn't mean that Alan Jackson, Jo Dee Messina, Tim McGraw or Martina McBride were any worse because of it. And in reality, it didn't mean that any of the music was 'bad' - it just wasn't something people expected from country music.

And today? There's still 'country' country music - just ask Blake Shelton, Josh Turner or the Dixie Chicks. But remember, expressing anger towards your favorite genre's growing more popular will only result in less exposure, and fewer musicians caring about being 'country' at all.

And besides that - singling out an artist as insufficient, while citing only one reason why has a poor history of working out.

How It Went Down: 12.05.08 - 19.05.08

2008-05-19T09:14:00.002+01:00

If ever one were to try and make a case for the entire world being locked in crisis, right now would be an optimal time to try. As though the natural disaster in Myanmar, and the absolutely atrocious circumstances being faced by those attempting to deliver aid to the still-suffering population weren't enough - a few other situations were thrust into public view:

First, an earthquake measured at 7.9 Mw hit the Chinese province of Sichuan . As of today, 20 May 2008 - over 30,00 are confirmed dead. Add that into the current toll in Myanmar (over 80,000) - and that is over a hundred thousand people who have been killed in a period of just over two weeks. And none of that includes those injured, left homeless or otherwise affected by these tragic situations.

Also, bin Laden has apparently released a new speech aimed towards Westerners - in which he mocks the attempts to find peace between Palestine and Israel. Perhaps finally sparked by this, George Bush has suddenly become a politician.

Add to that the fact that all of this has ocurred during the month of May - the most optimistic name of any month - that is, when taken in the context of, "May the world soon find itself in brighter times." There is little doubt that is a prayer being echoed the world over.

And while there was more going on in the world, that's all from us for today.

The Majesty of Game Seven

2008-05-16T09:31:00.005+01:00

I absolutely love series-formats in sports playoffs. It provides the one thing that any sports fan craves - whether it is while they bask in the glory of a championship, or while they ponder if they will ever reach double-digits in the win column.

It makes excuses impossible.

No matter which sports or teams one follows, one of the most difficult things to watch is a player or coach be interviewed following a particularly heartbreaking loss. As with any loss, it's difficult to single out anything as being the sole thing that lead to their defeat - especially immediately after having had your heart ripped out in front of hundreds of thousands of spectators. If it happens to be a player, then that player was simply too good to be beaten by your team. If it is due to questionable officiating, it is difficult to ever properly express your frustration with the result of the game you play having been taken out of your hands.

And to watch, much less have to experience that firsthand - three or four times over the course of around a week-and-a-half, is excruciating. No matter what it was that caused your side to come up short - the more it happens, the harder it becomes to explain why the proper adjustments were never made.

This is actually a lot harder for most people to comprehend than most would believe. Because the more a person watches or reads about sports, the more the events themselves become just another accessory. Once you read enough about the upcoming final, and how this team has the proper mismatches to beat their opponents - the easier it becomes to visualise it all, to the point where it seems as though it has all happened already.

But for an athlete, each matchup is far from a bygone conclusion - and no matter how hard we believe they are trying, they have most likely done more in their preparation for the game than those watching have in their analysis. And that is not to discount the work that goes into breaking down these games, but the fact remains that it takes both mental and physical conditioning to get that athlete up each day and compete. And even then, it may still take the encouraging words of this coach or that teammate to really make them feel comfortable about any of it. And as they are posed questions such as "how much do you feel that missed shot cost you in the end," as though there was a way for them to go back and correct that mistake.

And trust in this, if there is ever a time travel device invented - the most likely candidate would be an athlete scorned by a loss. Especially those who have lost a seven game series.

I know most American sports fans are more used to this format (NBA, NHL, MLB) than not (NFL football) - while most European fans are used to nothing but do-or-die style playoffs and championships. Yet, this year we will all but have a case for such a matchup between Man Utd and Chelsea. Regardless of who you support in the match, or even if you couldn't care less which one of the clubs wins - it is still unquestionably an incredible situation to be in. Should Chelsea manage to avenge their loss in the Premiership, they would do so in grand fashion - winning the Champions League, widely considered to be the most prestigious club title of all.

Really, it's only fair. How many down-to-the-wire series have the NBA, NHL and MLB combined for? At this point most American fans probably take it for granted that their team can even get another shot. They look for those chances, even during their seasons - striving for not just playoff berths, but hoping for the top position in the standings so as to obtain the all-important home-(field/court) advantage. Meanwhile, on the final day of another season in the Premiership - a team can be bounced from the top spot by a team who doesn't even have to defeat them for the championship (unless some very specific criteria are met ).

All said, it can still be argued that this is all made up by things like the Champions League, FA Cup, UEFA Cup - and to a lesser extent, the UEFA Super Cup. But the majesty of Game Seven is still another beast entirely. I'll put it this way - if playing a sport professionally is flirting with glory, then the first six games of a seven-game series are outright foreplay - OVER SIX DAYS. Even most women aren't up to such a task.

Identifying Poverty

2008-05-14T09:43:00.000+01:00

Poverty is defined as,

1.) the state or condition of having little or no money, goods, or means of support; condition of being poor; indigence.

2.) deficiency of necessary or desirable ingredients, qualities, etc.

3.) scantiness; insufficiency.

Regardless of where one lives in this world, they are never too far separated from people living in situations of poverty. A great deal is made about this by people in very prominent positions, but the question remains - what can truly be done to assist those currently living in situations of impoverishment? And how can we prevent any more from meeting such a fate?

The first question one must ask when approaching such a task is how is poverty defined? The current accepted definition within the European Union is a person being below 60% of the median net disposable income - the median being the midpoint of the range of incomes. Under this definition, no fewer than thirteen million people in the United Kingdom alone are living in poverty. That works out to one-in-four people, including one-in-three children.

For those skeptical of the numbers thus far here are a few more - it is thought that over 10.5 million people live in financial insecurity in Britain, unable to save, or to insure their homes adequately. In addition to that, a 2000 survey by revealed that 6.5 million adults have to go without essential items of clothing, such as warm coats, simply because they do not have the money to buy them.

Across the ocean in the United States, one of the main indicators of the volume of population living in poverty is that of food stamps. Since the beginning of the fiscal year (October 2007), it is estimated that some twenty-eight million people in the US are using government-issued food stamps to purchase essentials such as groceries - the highest level since the Food Stamp Act of 1964.

Add into that the widening income differentials faced by third-world countries, where some live on means of less than £1 a day - and new questions are raised. Whose situation is more pressing - that of an impoverished man who lives on the streets of London, or someone who does without in the plains of Africa?

A primary issue that accompanies any discussion of poverty is the unjust accusations and assignments of blame made by those who examine these statistics. There are direct links to employment - especially quality of employment, and poverty.

Perhaps employers ought to take a share of the blame and some responsibility for the poverty? Tackling inequality and low pay, making work more accessible and resisting the temptation to increase the volume of insecure, vulnerable work – these are some of the interventions employers can use to make a difference.

For those living above the poverty line, which more than likely includes most who are reading this column - you can make a difference, as well. Whether through monetary donations, volunteer work or simply taking note of which politicians are more active in the areas of poverty. If nothing else, you will help prevent more of the population from slipping into poverty than already have - perhaps including yourself.

For more information, view the 2007 Human Development Report [PDF] and Millenium Development Goals Report [PDF], both issued by the United Nations Development Programme - as well as the World Bank's criteria for identifying urban poverty.

How It Went Down: 04.05.08 - 11.05.08

2008-05-12T08:26:00.000+01:00

Naturally, the primary focus of the last week was on the deadly tropical cyclone that struck Burma (or alternately, the Union of Myanmar) - and the obstacles that those attempting to deliver aid have had to overcome.

We at Bafflegate certainly pray for the best for all those affected by this disaster, and have made a small donation towards the support efforts, and hope that those who are able to will do the same. However you must convince yourself, whether through focus on the idea every bit helps or that one good deed all but purchases another - remember that even the tiniest of donations will eventually reach the hands of someone who is in desperate need.

There was more going on in the world, but little else that was as important as this.

The Day The Statistics Took Over

2008-05-10T07:26:00.003+01:00

The worst thing that has ever happened to me was when I discovered that the FreeCell game in Windows calculates stats. Now, FreeCell is no longer a game - but a sport, and I am its greatest competitor ever. I have won fifteen hundred more ~~games~~ campaigns than I have ~~lost~~ quit. Currently I am in the midst of a win streak that would make even God tremble - seventy-three wins, in a row. Take that, Salisbury.

I am almost afraid to play the game anymore, for fear of damaging its future. Because, like all games - there is only so much that any individual can do, and once that has been accomplished, there is little to no room for presenting anything else. There is almost always a player who comes along and seems to have no faults - not even just as a player, but as a human being. They are tall enough to see over most, but never so tall as to seem freakish. They are attractive to the point where heterosexual members of their own sex admit that, given the right atmosphere and proper abundance of alcohol - who knows? They are as articulate as politicians, sometimes more so - as they have to deal with a daily media blitz that makes John Humphrys' interviews look jovial. Athletic to a point where they make other athletes pass out in exhaustion, which then lends to their already-present sex appeal due to their physical appearance and charm - "Oh, get them in the sack and you'll wake up with your hair tingling and your genitals so sore you'll wish they had never been sewn on."

After their reign, one can really only play the game because they love it - and true, if you play at a high enough level, others will still gladly pay money to watch and loudly critique you. But still, you cannot present them anything that they haven't already seen in some form - and because of that, you can only serve to remind them of that former greatness. And really, why would I do that to future generations of FreeCell players? I don't think I have it in me.

Enough's enough, I retire.

Today's forecast:
Partly Cloudy with a 70% chance of our not knowing where you're at.

Even Across the Atlantic

2008-05-09T05:56:00.003+01:00

As these words are typed, it is nearly half-five in the morning - and merely 'awake' isn't strong enough to describe our mood - this type of energy is the kind usually seen around noon (excluding today, as I was a bit knackered around noon) - all thanks due to Chris Paul and Tony Parker. The two of them combined for sixty-six points (Paul with 35, Parker with 31) twenty assists (Paul 9, Parker 11), only four turnovers (Paul 1, Parker 3) - and shooting percentages of 50% (Parker) and 60% (Paul).

While not being quite sure how many basketball fans are reading, rest assured that it isn't hard to get into games like this - especially with some of the absolutely mind-blowing displays that were showcased. If ever there was a matchup that fit the billing of Irresistible Force against Immovable Object, this one is it.

The biggest problem the Immovables face in this series, or for the matter, against any physical/scoring point guard on any team at any time - is the fact that while Tony Parker absolutely dazzles on the offensive end, he simply cannot properly guard anyone at his position who can return the favor.

On the flip, the biggest problem the Irresistibles (sounds like a late-60s R&B group, no?) face in this series is if someone figures out Chris Paul's rhythm (as Michael Finley did in the second quarter, and Tim Duncan did in the third), even if only for a moment - the team does not have another self-starter to pick up the slack. As effective and versatile as David West is, he simply does not have the power to create opportunities for his teammates.

And given that scenario, logic would dictate that twelve guys should be able figure out how to stop one a lot easier than one can methodically dismantle twelve.

But sports are not about logic.

Year of the Album

2008-05-07T09:22:00.007+01:00

The music industry has long since developed a reputation for being fickle. Whether it is an artist deciding that their upcoming release (or tour) is their final one, ever - only to have that claim annulled with another release (or tour - usually both). And never bothering to repeal their former statements, as though they presume their public will simply forget - having become so happy with their 'return' to care about such things.

Ever hear of karmic balancing? Well, perhaps the world cannot punish such erratic behaviour without also impacting the balance of karma - but for those who desire a reward for having selflessly pledged allegiance to those notoriously inconsistent artists who have recorded the soundtrack your life, 2008 is shaping up to be your time to claim your bounty. Here at Bafflegate, we've taken to referring to it as the Year of the Album. And we cite a few specific cases that are most responsible for such grandiose terminology:

Primus - [as yet untitled]
While so much related to this project is still unknown, should 2008 be the year that Primus makes their triumphant return to full-length releases (it would be their first studio release since Tim Alexander's rejoining the band in 2003 with five tracks on the otherwise-compilation Animals Should Not Try To Act Like People), it would certainly go a long way towards restoring some sort of balance in the musical universe.

Portishead - Third [released 28 April 2008]
Not only was Third a reward to anyone who had come across Portishead's beautiful renditions of what we can now refer to as trip-hop, a genre whose genesis owes many thanks to Geoff Barrow, Adrian Utley and Beth Gibbons - but it also served as a reward for the group, charting higher (#2 in the UK, #7 in the US) than any of their other albums. And if history is any indicator, the next Portishead release will be fresh and ready for digestion in 2011.

My Bloody Valentine - [as yet untitled]
Since Kevin Shields' announcing that the band was reunited in 2007, the only news we have been provided is that they have been sitting on already-recorded material for the past fifteen years, abandoned a 'half-finished' album and generally sat around wasting time, talent and the reported £250,000 that Island Records invested into them in 1992 - that is until 15 November 2007, when their official webspace started spewing out live dates left and right. So should they stick with their agreements this time around, then perhaps their first release of any sort since 1991 isn't too much to ask - considering it is already ¾ finished, is it?

Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy
Speaking of 1991, no list of anticipated (or delayed, or controversial...) albums would be complete without Chinese Democracy - the standard by which all delayed releases measure themselves.

Honestly, what can be said about this situation that hasn't already been said thirty-to-sixty times over? There are only two points to really be made: [A] Whatever is on the disc is almost certainly going to be upsetting to at least three million of the eight million or so people who purchased either Use Your Illusion I or II, or any other Guns N' Roses recording for the matter. Not by any fault of the music, but more because the consistent word-of-mouth and internet hype it has received for the past fourteen years would be enough to make nearly anything seem drab in comparison.

Point [B], there have been multiple times where the album has been delayed due to some issue concerning its marketing or some other detail not in any way affecting what lies on the master tapes. At this point, how hard would it be to market an album that has been described as some level of masterwork by nearly everyone who has heard it (a total quickly working its way into the teens, by the way), or an album that has received continual promotion - even as the members of the band file lawsuits against their record label and each other to try and deflect attention from themselves?

Not too long ago, Sebastian Bierk (Bach, whichever) was raving about the album in an interview with Metal Edge Magazine that Axl already has three albums recorded - but was just taking his time with their release. Well, that's reassuring. Maybe it has all just been a misunderstanding, Axl's just been trying to get all the pieces of the set in place before he releases any of them. Needless to say, any year that sees the official release of Chinese Democracy (the album, not the actual movement of China to a democratic state) will be marked as the Year of the Album anyway.

Peter Gabriel - Big Blue Ball
Not given quite the same recognition as other albums with long periods of being labeled 'in-production', perhaps due to Gabriel's penchant for sabbaticals between release - Big Blue Ball is and would be an interesting addition to any artist's catalogue, regardless of its release date or proximity to their most previous release. And taking into consideration the unique approach that has been taken by Gabriel to ensure the release of the album, one can't help but cheer his efforts and hope for his success - especially when compared to the efforts of other musicians to get out 'already finished' material.

Dr. Dre - Detox
While Detox is not quite a beast the size of Chinese Democracy, given the almost serial nature of hip-hop artists releases - it seems as though we haven't heard from Dre since 1978. The biggest problem with Detox lies in the various deadlines that have been set by, well - whoever is responsible for such a thing. The original timeframe set the album up for release sometime in 2004, but the usual conflicts were responsible for derailing it - namely, the album not being finished.

Which begs the question, why is anyone telling Dre what to do after all this time? After all his success, not to mention the continual support he gives to the hip-hop community in the form of contributions beats, rhymes and God knows what else to other people's albums - is there really any reason to doubt that whatever it is that ends up on Detox will be less than fantastic? And if these deadlines are self-imposed, then there are no questions - only one statement to be made:

Dre, anyone who is looking forward to Detox would more than likely wait ten more years for the album if you deemed it necessary. Relax.

Ani DiFranco - [as yet untitled]
Perhaps her album isn't as heavily anticipated as its company, that is unless you are a member of the ultra-fanatical Church of the Righteous Babe - but its significance lies in stark contrast to the rest of the albums listed thus far, as it would mark her eighteenth studio release in eighteen years. Granted, should one count compilations such as her retrospectives Like I Said and Canon, or her live albums (in particular Living in Clip and So Much Shouting, So Much Laughter) - she has been responsible for no fewer than twenty-three releases since 1990. If anyone can provide evidence of a more prolific musician in the modern era, please step forward.

And finally, we now present to you a list, by no means comprehensive, of the albums scheduled to be released in this blessed Year of the Album. In order to try and place some sort of statistical evidence behind the theory, we will consider anything above 80% of the albums listed being released as a confirmation of the theory as law. We also pledge to do our best to keep track of the various releases, re-schedulings, and cancellations that are bound to occur - but mistakes happen, and also we sometimes get a bit lazy, so should you notice any glaring errors, feel free to ridicule us in the comments section:

[Albums already released are shown in BOLD, with release dates in parentheses. All other dates are tentative, unless otherwise specified.]

10 Years - Division [released on 13 May 2008]
3 Doors Down - 3 Doors Down [released on 20 May 2008]
32 Leaves - (as yet untitled) [currently recording]
8Ball & MJG - We Are The South [greatest hits, released on 18 May 2008]
9th Wonder - The Formula [w/ Buckshot; released 29 April 2008], Wonder Years, Sweet Lord [w/ Murs; release not scheduled]
AC/DC - (as yet untitled) [in production, release not scheduled]
Aerosmith - (as yet untitled) [in production, release not scheduled]
AFI - (as yet untitled EP & LP) [release not scheduled for EP, LP currently being recorded]
AJ McLean - Kinky Advice or Real Men Wear Dresses (rumoured) [release not scheduled]
Aimee Mann - @#%&*! Smilers [released on 03 June 2008]
Akon - Acquitted [release anticipated 2008], Double Jeopardy [release not scheduled]
Al Green - Lay It Down [released 27 May 2008]
Alan Jackson - Good Time [released 04 March 2008]
Alanis Morissette - Flavors of Entanglement [multiple international releases scheduled, from 30 May to 10 June 2008]
the Alchemist - Chemical Warfare [release not scheduled]
Alice In Chains - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Alkaline Trio - Agony and Irony [scheduled for release 1 July 2008]
the All-American Rejects - (as yet untitled) [tenatively scheduled for release 'mid-September 2008']
André 3000 - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Ani DiFranco - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Animal Collective - Water Curses [EP, leaked onto internet 12 March 2008; release May 2008], (as yet untitled LP currently in production)
Anti-Flag - The Bright Lights of America [released 1 April 2008]
Ashlee Simpson - Bittersweet World [released 22 April 2008]
the Ataris - (as yet untitled) [tentatively scheduled for 'Spring/Summer 2008']
Atmosphere - When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold [released 22 April 2008]
Autolux - Transit Transit [release not scheduled]
the Automatic - This Is A Fix [scheduled for release 'August 2008']
Avian - Ashes And Madness [release not scheduled]
AZ - Undeniable [released 1 April 2008]
B-52's - Funplex [released 25 March 2008]
Ben Folds - (as yet untitled) [tentatively scheduled 'September 2008']
Ben Kweller - Changing Horses [release expected 2008]
Beyoncé Knowles - (as yet untitled) [pre-production]
Big Boi - Sir Luscious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty [scheduled for release July 2008]
Big Pooh - Dirty Pretty Things [tentatively scheduled for 2008]
Bishop Lamont - The Reformation [release scheduled 2008]
the Black Angels - Directions to See a Ghost [digital release 15 April 2008, CD released 13 May 2008]
the Black Crowes - Warpaint [released 3 March 2008]
Black Eyed Peas - The E.N.D. [tentatively scheduled for 2008]
the Black Keys - Attack & Release [released 1 April 2008]
Black Milk - The Set Up [w/ Fat Ray, released March 2008], Demanded & Mighty Flow [release not scheduled], Random Axe [w/ Sean Price & Guilty Simpson; [release not scheduled], (as yet untitled EP w/ One Be Lo; release not scheduled)
Blood Red Shoes - Box of Secrets [released 14 April 2008]
the Bloodhound Gang - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Bob Mould - District Line [released 5 February 2008]
Bolt Thrower - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Boyz II Men - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Brian McKnight - Life Has Changed [release not scheduled]
Bubba Sparxxx - The Impolite Gentleman [scheduled for release August 2008]
Bullet for My Valentine - Scream Aim Fire [released 28 January 2008]
Bun B - II Trill [released 20 May 2008]
Busta Rhymes - I'm Blessed [formerly known as Back On My Bullshit; scheduled for release 17 June 2008]
Cage - Depart From Me [release not scheduled]
CAKE - (as yet untitled studio album) [release not scheduled], Live at the Crystal Palace [live album; release scheduled for 2008], Motorcade of Generosity [re-release; scheduled 'Autumn 2008']
Carly Simon - This Kind of Love [released 29 April 2008]
Cat Power - Jukebox [released 22 January 2008]
Cavalera Conspiracy - Inflikted [released 24 March 2008
Children of Bodom - Blooddrunk [released 09 April 2008]
CKY - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Clipse - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Coldplay - Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends [scheduled for release 12 (UK) and 17 (US) June 2008]
Courtney Love - Nobody's Daughter [release not scheduled]
Cradle of Filth - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Cryptopsy - The Unspoken King [released 23 May 2008]
the Cure - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Dabrye - Get Dirty [EP] [release not scheduled]
Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip - Angles [released 12 May 2008]
Daughtry - Chris [release not scheduled]
David Banner - The Greatest Story Ever Told [scheduled for release 15 July 2008]
Days of the New - Days of the New IV ['purple' release not scheduled]
Dead Meadow - Old Growth [released 5 February 2008]
Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs [released 12 (UK)/13 (US) May 2008]
Deicide - Till Death Do Us Part [release not scheduled]
Deitrick Haddon - Revealed [release not scheduled]
Del tha Funkee Homosapien - Eleventh Hour [released 11 March 2008]
Disturbed - Indestructible [released 02 June 2008]
DJ Muggs vs. Planet Asia - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
DMX - Walk With Me Now and You'll Fly With Me Later [tentatively scheduled for release 'August 2008']
Dolly Parton - Backwoods Barbie [released 26 February 2008]
Dope - No Regrets [scheduled for release 10 June 2008]
Dr. Dre - Detox [tentatively schedule for 'June 2008']
Dragonforce - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Dreamtale - (as yet untitled album) [release not scheduled]
Dredg - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
the Dresden Dolls - No, Virginia... [scheduled for release 19/20 May 2008]
Drive-By Truckers - Brighter Than Creation's Dark [released 22 January 2008]
Dub Trio - Another Sound is Dying [released 29 January 2008]
Duran Duran - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
E-40 - The Ball Street Journal [scheduled for release 'Fall 2008']
Edenbridge - MyEarthDream [release not scheduled]
Electric Apricot - Electric Apricot: The Quest for Festeroo [released 18 March 2008]
Electric Six - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Eminem - King Mathers [rumoured title; release not scheduled]
Erykah Badu - New Amerykah Part One (4th World War) [released 26 February 2008], New Amerykah Part Two (Return of the Ankh) [scheduled for release July 2008]
Eve - Here I Am [release not officially scheduled]
Everclear - The Vegas Years [covers album; released 15 April 2008], (as yet unnamed digital release) [release not scheduled]
Evergrey - Tom [release not scheduled]
Everlast - Love, War and the Ghost of Whitey Ford [scheduled for release 24 June 2008]
Exodus - The Atrocity Exhibition... Exhibit B [release not scheduled]
Fat Joe - The Elephant In The Room [released 11 March 2008]
Filter - Anthems for the Damned [released 13 May 2008]
Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes [released 03 June 2008]
Flo-Rida - Mail On Sunday [released 18 March 2008]
Flogging Molly - Float [released 04 March 2008]
Foreign Exchange - Leave It All Behind [release not scheduled]
the Foxboro Hot Tubs - Stop Drop and Roll [released 22 April 2008]
Foxy Brown - Brooklyn's Don Diva [released 13 May 2008]
G-Unit - Terminate On Sight [scheduled for release 01 July 2008]
the Game - L.A.X. [scheduled for release 08 July 2008]
Gavin Rossdale - Wanderlust [released 03 June 2008]
GemStones - The Testimony of GemStones [release anticipated 2008]
Genghis Tron - Board Up The House [released 19 February 2008]
George Strait - Troubadour [released 01 April 2008]
the Giraffes - Prime Motivator [release not scheduled]
Goldfrapp - Seventh Tree [released 25 February 2008]
Good Riddance - Remain In Memory - The Final Show [live album; released 18 March 2008]
Gnarls Barkley - The Odd Couple [released 18 March 2008]
Green Day - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy [release not scheduled]
the Gutter Twins - Saturnalia [released 04 March 2008]
GZA/The Genius - Pro Tools [release not scheduled]
Hate Eternal - Fury and Flames [released 19 February 2008]
Heaven and Hell - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
the Heavy Circles - The Heavy Circles [released 12 February 2008]
Heltah Skeltah - Dirt [rumoured title; release not scheduled]
the Hold Steady - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Ice Cube - Raw Footage [scheduled for release 17 June 2008]
Iced Earth - Revelation Abomination [tentatively scheduled for release 'Fall 2008']
Ill Bill - The Hour of Reprisal [scheduled for release 17 June 2008]
In Flames - A Sense of Purpose [released 04 April 2008]
Insane Clown Posse - Return of the Dark Carnival [release not scheduled]
Isobel Campbell/Mark Lanegan - Sunday at Devil Dirt [released 05 May 2008]
Jack Johnson - Sleep Through the Static [released internationally 1-5 February 2008]
Jadakiss - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Jakob Dylan - Seeing Things [scheduled for release 10 June 2008]
Jason Mraz - We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things [released 13 May 2008]
Jennifer Hudson - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Jenny Lewis - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Jessica Harp - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
the Jesus and Mary Chain - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Jim Jones & Styles P - The Ghost & The Capo [release not scheduled], Back 2 Back [release not scheduled]
Jin - Birthdays, Funerals, And Things In Between [release not scheduled]
John Mellencamp - Life, Death, Love and Freedom [release not scheduled]
John Williams - (Academy Award-nominated score for a film to be determined)
John Zorn - The Crucible [release not scheduled]
Jon Oliva's Pain - Global Warning [released 21 March 2008]
Judas Priest - Nostradamus [scheduled for international release 13-25 June 2008]
Juelz Santana - Born To Lose, Built To Win [tentatively scheduled for release 'Summer 2008']
Juno Reactor - Gods and Monsters [released 22 April 2008]
Kenny G - Rhythm & Romance [release not scheduled]
Keithian - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Kid In The Hall - The In Crowd [release not scheduled]
Killer Mike - I Pledge Allegiance to the Grind II [scheduled for release 08 July 2008]
the Kills - Midnight Boom [released 10 March 2008]
King's X - XV [release 16 May 2008]
Kool G. Rap - Full Extended Clip [rumoured; release not scheduled]
Ladytron - Velocifero [released 02 June 2008]
Less Than Jake - GNV FLA [scheduled for release 24 June 2008]
Lil Wayne - Tha Carter III [scheduled for release 10 June 2008]
Lil' Jon - Crunk Rock [release not scheduled]
Lil' Keke - Loved By Few, Hated By Many [scheduled for release 'Summer 2008']
Limp Bizkit - Rock Im Park 2001 [live album; released 13 March 2008], The Unquestionable Truth (part 2) [release not scheduled]
Linkin Park - Live from SoHo [EP; released 04 March 2008]
LL Cool J - Exit 13 [release scheduled for 08 July 2008]
Ludacris - Theater of the Mind [scheduled for release 'September 2008']
Lupe Fiasco - LupEND, (as yet untitled album with GemStones & Shayla G) [release not scheduled]
Lykke Li - Youth Novels [released 30 January 2008]
Madonna - Hard Candy [released 25 April 2008]
Malcolm Middleton - Sleight of Heart [released on 03 March 2008]
Margo & the Nuclear So & So's - Animal [release not scheduled]
Mariah Carey - E=MC² [released 15 April 2008]
the Mars Volta - the Bedlam In Goliath [released 29 January 2008]
Martha Wainwright - I Know You're Married But I've Got Feelings Too [released 10 May 2008]
Martina McBride - Live in Concert [live album; released 29 April 2008]
Massive Attack - Weather Underground [rumoured title; release not scheduled]
Mastodon - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
Matisyahu - (as yet untitled) [release not scheduled]
the Melvins - Nude With Boots [released 08 July 2008]
Memphis Bleek - The Process [scheduled for release 'Late 2008']
Metallica - (as yet untitled; release not scheduled)
Meth 'n' Red - Blackout 2 [release not scheduled]
Michael Jackson - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Michelle Branch - Everything Comes and Goes [release not scheduled]
Mike Jones - The Voice Of The Streets [released 08 July 2008]
Mike Patton - A Perfect Place [soundtrack composition, released 11 March 2008]; Mondo Cane [scheduled for release 'Summer 2008']
Miley Cyrus - Best of Both Worlds Concert [live album, released 11 March 2008]; Hannah Montana 2: Non-Stop Dance Party [released 29 January 2008]
Millencolin - Machine 15 [released 22 March 2008]
Ministry - Cover Up [cover album; released 01 April 2008]
Missy Elliott - Block Party [release scheduled for 17 June 2008]
Mistah F.A.B. - Da Yellow Bus Rydah [release anticipated 2008]
Moby - Last Night [released 31 March 2008]
Money Mark - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Morcheeba - Dive Deep [released 04 February 2008]
Mos Def - The Ecstatic [scheduled for release 'Summer 2008']
Motörhead- [as yet untitled; recording]
Murs - Murs for President [release not scheduled] (see also 9th Wonder)
Muse - H.A.A.R.P [live CD/DVD; released 14 March 2008]
Mute Math - [as yet untitled; release scheduled for 'September 2008']
My Bloody Valentine - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges [released 10 June 2008]
N.E.R.D - Seeing Sounds [released 10 June 2008]
Napalm Death - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Nas - N***** [scheduled for release 1 July 2008]
Nelly - Brass Knuckles [scheduled for release 24 June 2008]
Nick Lachey - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Nicolay & Kay - TIME:LINE [released 01/12 February 2008]
Nicole Scherzinger - Her Name Is Nicole [scheduled for release 30 June 2008]
the Nightwatchman - [as yet untitled; tentatively scheduled for release 'Late 2008']
Nine Inch Nails - Ghosts I-IV [released 02 March 2008]
No Doubt - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
No Use for a Name - The Feel Good Record of the Year [released 01 April 2008]
Oasis - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Obie Trice - Bottom's Up [release not scheduled]
the Offspring - Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace [scheduled for release 11-17 June 2008]
Opeth - Watershed [scheduled for release 03 June 2008]
Our Lady Peace - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Panic at the Disco - Pretty. Odd. [released 21-29 March 2008]
Papoose - The Nacirema Dream [release not scheduled]
Pastor Troy - The Rapture [release not scheduled]
Pennywise - Reason to Believe [released 24-29 March 2008]-
Pearl Jam - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Pete Rock - NY's Finest [released 26 February 2008]
Peter Frampton - [as yet untitled; currently recording]
Peter Gabriel (f. Various Artists) - Big Blue Ball [scheduled for release 28 May 2008]
the Plain White T's - [as yet untitled; scheduled for release 'September-October 2008']
Portishead - Third [released 28 April 2008]
Praxis - Profanation (Preparation for a Coming Darkness) [released 01 January 2008]
the Presidents of the United States of America - These Are the Good Times People [released 11 March 2008]
Primus - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Prodigy - H.N.I.C. Part 2 [released 22 April 2008]
the Prodigy - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Protest the Hero - Fortress [released 29 January 2008]
Punch Brothers - Punch [released 28 February 2008]
the Pussycat Dolls - Double the Trouble [rumoured title; release not scheduled]
Pyramaze - Immortal [released 30 May 2008]
Q-Tip - The Renaissance [release anticipated 2008]
R. Kelly - 12 Play: Fourth Quarter [scheduled for release July 2008]
Ra (Norwegian version) - Opus Iridium [compilation; release not scheduled]
Ra (US Version) - Black Sun [scheduled for release 09 September 2008]
Rachel Yamagata - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
the Raconteurs - Consolers of the Lonely [released 25 March 2008]
Raekwon - Only Built 4 Cuban Linx II [release not scheduled]
Raheem DeVaughn - Love Behind the Melody [released 15 January 2008]
Rakim - The Seventh Seal [release not scheduled]
Rancid - [as yet untitled; release anticipated 2008]
Remy Ma - PunisHer [release not scheduled]
Rhymefest - El Che [scheduled for release 'Summer 2008']
Richard D. James - [as yet untitled (multiples)]
Rick Ross - Trilla [released 11 March 2008]
Ringo Starr - Liverpool 8 [released 14 January 2008]
Rise Against - [scheduled for release 'Summer/Fall 2008']
Rob Zombie - [as yet untitled, in production]
the Roots - Rising Down [released 29 April 2008]
Russian Circles - Station [released 06 May 2008]
Rustee Juxx - Indestructible [release not scheduled]
RZA (as Bobby Digital) - Digi Snax [scheduled for release 24 June 2008]
Sabaton - The Art of War [released 30 May 2008]
Saigon - The Greatest Story Never Told [scheduled for release 'July 2008']
Santogold - Santogold [released 29 April/12 May 2008]
Scar Symmetry - Holographic Universe [scheduled for release 20 June 2008]
Scarlett Johansson - Anywhere I Lay My Head [released 20 May 2008]
Science Faxtion - Science Faxtion [scheduled for release 27 August 2008]
Scissor Sisters - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs - We Invented the Remix Vol. 2 [release not scheduled]
Sean Paul - The Next Thing [release not scheduled]
Sean Price - Mic Tyson [release not scheduled]
Sepultura - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Seth Lakeman - Poor Man's Heaven [scheduled for release 30 June 2008]
Seven Mary Three - day&nightdriving [released 19 February 2008]
Sevendust - Chapter VII: Hope & Sorrow [released 01 April 2008]
Shawty Lo - Units In the City [released 26 February 2008]
She & Him - Volume One [released 18 March 2008]
Sheryl Crow - Detours [released 05 February 2008]
the Shortwave Set - Replica Sun Machine [released 05 May 2008]
Slayer - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Slim Thug - Boss Of All Bosses [release not scheduled]
Slipknot - [as yet untitled; scheduled for release 11/12 August 2008]
Smashing Pumpkins - American Gothic [EP; multiple releases since 01 January 2008]
Sneaker Pimps - SP4 (and/or) SP5 [release not scheduled]
Snoop Dogg - Ego Trippin' [released 07, 11, 31 March 2008]
Social Distortion - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Sons and Daughters - This Gift [released 28 January 2008]
Soulfly - Conquer [scheduled for release 29 July 2008]
StainD - The Illusion of Progress [release not scheduled]
the Standard - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Stat Quo - Statlanta [release not scheduled]
Static-X - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Subtle - ExitingARM [scheduled for release 13 May 2008]
the Subways - All Or Nothing [released 30 June, 01 July 2008]
Sun Kil Moon - April [released 01 April 2008]
T.I. - Paper Trail [scheduled for release 12 August 2008]
Tantric - The End Begins [released 22 April 2008]
Tegan and Sara - Live Session EP [release not scheduled]
the Teenagers - Reality Check [released 17, 18 March 2008]
Termanology - Politics As Usual [rumoured; release not scheduled]
Testament - The Formation of Damnation [released 29 April 2008]
Thee Silver Mt. Zion Orchestra & Tra-La-La Band - 13 Blues for Thirteen Moons [released 10 March 2008]
Three 6 Mafia - Last 2 Walk [scheduled for release 24 June 2008]
Thrice - The Alchemy Index Vols. III & IV [released 15 April 2008]
the Ting Tings - We Started Nothing [released 19 May 2008]
Timbaland - Timbaland Presents Shock Value II [release not scheduled]
Trina - Still The Baddest [released 01 April 2008]
Tupac Shakur - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Twiztid - Toxic Terror Tour [EP; released during Toxic Terror Tour], Unstable Rituals [release not scheduled]
Týr - Land [scheduled for release 30 May 2008]
UB40 - Dub Sessions [online album]; Twentyfourseven [release not scheduled]
the Used - Shallow Believer [B-Sides compilation; released 19 February 2008], [as yet untitled LP; release not scheduled]]
Usher - Here I Stand [released 27/28 May 2008]
Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend [released 29 January 2008]
the Verve - [as yet untitled; release not scheduled]
Webbie - Savage Life 2 [multiple releases since 26 February 2008]
Weezer - Weezer (the 'Red Album') [scheduled for release 11/24/30 June 2008]
the Whigs - Mission Control [released 22 January 2008]
Whitney Houston - [as yet untitled; scheduled for release '03 November 2008']
the Who - [announced; release (obviously) not scheduled]
Willie Nelson - Moment of Forever [released 29 January 2008]
Wolf Parade - At Mount Zoomer [scheduled for release 17 June 2008]
Young Jeezy - Brothers in Arms [w/ Akon; release not scheduled]
the Zutons - You Can Do Anything [released 12 June 2008]

When The Fall Is All That's Left

2008-05-06T08:44:00.003+01:00

Considering our status as an infant in this ever-expanding blogosphere, it is hard for us to imagine what the day-to-day is like in the life of those elite and famous players in this game called life. Proud, distinguished and accomplished people who have their daily lives thoroughly examined with the highest scrutiny, and put through the most unflattering motions - even if sometimes only for the entertainment of the general population.

Now, while movie stars and musicians often get more attention when their careers (and/or personal lives) begin a steady descent - the topic at hand today is the recent decline of several prominent politicians, some of whom have since vacated their positions - and some who still remain in office. For as compelling as it may be to watch a previously beloved actor, singer or athlete attempt to confront their demons under the attentive gaze of their public - it is a completely transcendent experience to witness the fall of an elected official. A person who was directly given, by way of votes, copious amounts of support and trust in hopes that they would become or remain one of the major factors in advancing the society in which they and their voters reside.

We will examine what brought about the rise to prominence in each instance, and try to determine which were the most destructive forces in their particular case - as well as whether or not any of them are or were potentially able to be repaired or avoided outright.

Gordon Brown
We begin with current UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who has long been depicted as an exceedingly dour individual, even as he is elected to and holds high office. A man who is openly referred to as 'the Clunking Fist' and 'Bottler Brown' - and has been described on two separate occasions as having 'Macavity qualities' by both David Heath and Lord Andrew Turnbull.

He has been called a 'control freak', a policy thief - stubborn to the point of patronising. Some even go as far as to refer to him as having 'Stalinist tendencies', or to say that he lacks any real vision.

But those are all examinations and criticisms of Brown's personality, or things that he has failed to do, that all too often ignore his successes - although even these are the subject of criticism.

The Prime Minister's website highlights four specific achievements from his period as Chancellor: his leadership in advancing the plan to write-off the entire US$40 billion debt owed by 18 of the countries in the HIPC program during the 'G8+5' summit in Gleneagles; his run as the longest continuous serving Chancellor of the Exchequer (in addition to longest serving Labour Chancellor); his granting the Bank of England operational independence in monetary policy - all of which contain little to no shades of grey, and thusly can have no real opposition or critique, at least in terms of his responsibility for the action.

But the last achievement cited, his presiding over the "longest ever period" of economic growth in the United Kingdom, has been called into question not necessarily due to his responsibility for the actions, but his responsibility in said actions.

The claims have been questioned by independent researchers such as Martin Weale (director of the National Institute of Economic and Social Research), Simon Rubinsohn (of the international investment house Gerrard), Malcolm Barr (of JP Morgan Chase), Andrew Smith (of professional services firm KPMG) - and many others.

The focus of concern in most examinations of the then-Chancellor is his continual steadfastness towards optimistic fiscal forecasts that seemingly never turned out the results that were expected, all too often gambling on a stark rise in economic activity at just the right time in order to continue on an upward trend. Though, regardless of how the plans are working, they are doing just that - whether or not they are as miraculous as the Prime Minister would have us believe.

In addition to any faults that may be perceived of Brown personally and politically, a good deal of the criticism directed toward him stems from his relationship with Tony Blair - much of which is usually linked to the so-called Granita Pact.

The basis of the Pact is that Brown agreed to stand down during the Labour Party's leadership election in 1994, which then led to Blair's victory in the general election in 1997. In exchange for his participation in the deal, Brown would be allowed control over economic and other domestic policies. Another facet of the deal was that should Blair become Prime Minister, he would hold the job for an agreed on period of time, and then turn the office over to Brown.

The very idea of such a deal implies that Blair was not confident enough to run against Brown without some sort of insurance. So he offered Brown some form of control over policy, while he was installed as a figurehead. And in such an implication, this would mean that Brown was popular enough with the people in 1994 to cause such a worry in Blair.

So what caused the fall in the general view of Brown, and how deserving is he of such a fate? Given the criticisms, one could be led to believe that neither the public nor his political colleagues knew all that much about Brown prior to his spike in popularity in 1994 - and that he never quite delivered on the promise he showed at that time. This seems to be a rational way of viewing the situation - especially considering that Brown, as a member of the Labour Party, was fighting against not only his own party's history of overspending - but also against the Conservative Party's scandal and conflict-ridden administration.

Should this be the case, then it is hard to argue that Brown has done anything to deserve the poor fortunes he has been given. However minor the increments towards growth have been, they do exist - and it should take more than a sullen personality to attract such derision.

George W. Bush
Even in the grand tradition of governmental leaders surrounded by controversy, George W. Bush stands out as a special case. Rarely, if ever has the leader of a country been so openly mocked by their constituency. Throughout his Presidency, Bush has been the subject of great ridicule - some of which finds its root in his father's term as President, but most of which is aimed at Bush's 'folksy' demeanor that often times makes him appear to be unqualified to lead a McDonald's staff - much less the United States.

But supporters claim that Bush not only understands this, but welcomes such a perception. That those elements of his personality that most would view as humiliating or even degrading, are all part of an elaborate act that Bush puts on to keep everyone from the media, to his political opponents - to even the general public off-guard, and underestimating him.

And there is good evidence to support their theory. After attending Yale and serving in the US National Guard during the Vietnam War, Bush then graduated with his MBA from Harvard Business School in 1975. Between 1976 and 1978, he worked in the oil industry, got married and settled down in Texas - and finally decided to foray into politics by running for an open seat in the House of Representatives, in a race he would ultimately lose to Kent Hance.

But it is the circumstances in which Bush lost that warrant the most examination. As odd and unbelievable as it may seem now, Bush lost an election in Texas due to his seeming almost elitist when compared to his opponent, who only had to appeal to the voters as the product of a local upbringing - which became large piece of the successful campaigns that Bush would launch years later to win both Governorship of Texas and the Presidency of the United States.

Bush has had many controversial moments throughout his terms as President, even if one sets aside the already well-covered 2000 Presidential election and invasion of Iraq. During his administration, the US has seen spikes in unemployment - ranging from 4.1% during January 2001 to a high of 6.3% in June 2003, to a current rate of 5%. The national on-budget deficit has gone from a surplus of US$86 billion in 2000 to US$9.34 trillion currently.

His 'No Child Left Behind Act' has been the subject of much debate, with one of the most prominent and apt statement belonging to Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy -

'The tragedy is that these long-overdue reforms are finally in place, but the funds are not.'

But by far the greatest criticisms of Bush are his usage of the PATRIOT Act and Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act to gather information on seemingly any given individual, under the premise of their being suspected of some level of involvement with terrorist groups. More frightening than his granting his country's intelligence agencies more free reign in their approach to surveillance of the common man, is the Military Commissions Act of 2006.

The stated purpose of the MCA is "to authorize trial by military commission for violations of the law of war, and for other purposes", at best a vague definition - and at worst an illegal one. The MCA also denies also denies those tried by commission access to habeas corpus - and while still declaring torture illegal, does allow for the President to determine what constitutes torture.

In addition to these acts, Bush also faces criticism for many other issues, such as his delay in response, as well as his overall lack of action in the events leading up to and immediately following Hurricane Katrina; his shadowy behaviour and lack of explanation concerning the dismissal of several US attorneys; and in a switch, for his use of military action against Iraq without what many consider to be real provocation.

Much like with Prime Minister Brown, the easiest way of approaching a case like President Bush is to presume that prior to his attaining power he was relatively unknown, and since then has failed to deliver on potential shown and promises made during that time.

However, unlike the Prime Minister - Bush has had not one but two of the more counterproductive terms as US President in all of recorded history, justifying his swing from one of the most popular Presidents (in terms of Gallop polls, around 90% in the wake of the September 11th attacks), to perhaps the most despised (28% approval rating, 69% disapproval as of April 2008).

Still, it is incredible how quickly George W. Bush has gone from a universally questioned, to a universally loathed - to an all but forgotten personality on the world stage. It is almost as though his countrymen are simply averting their eyes from the time remaining on his term, as they await the time in which they will be allowed the opportunity to name his replacement. There is no question that action was necessary following the attacks on his country, and even granting him some of the less questionable events as 'fair' or even 'positive' - he still leaves behind a legacy of a Big-Brother government who was granted an opportunity on 11/9/2001 to quickly grab and maintain even more power than they already had.

Tony Blair
As invisible as George W. Bush has become globally - to a point where he resorts to what can only be defined as publicity stunts, to attract attention, even while he is still in office - upon consideration one cannot help but believe that Tony Blair's fate is at least a tinge worse.

First and foremost, Blair had the misfortune of being a politician in the United Kingdom - home to one of the most unforgiving and straightforward voting populations on the planet. And while Bush is mocked for his behaviour and questioned on his policy, the controversies and criticisms surrounding Blair almost always point to his appearing to be a figurehead whose only aim in the political is that of garnering attention.

Blair is unlike Gordon Brown, whose personality is mocked and whose policies are questioned, but a man who has generally accomplished something of worth. And he is also not quite similar to George W. Bush, who has always had a consistency in his politics and policies, regardless of how damaging they are.

No, Blair is commonly seen to have one good term and one bad term - or, a term in which he brought on positive change in small doses, and a term in which he brought on negative change in large doses.

Under Blair there has been introduced the Human Rights Act, the Scottish Parliament and National Assembly for Wales and a Freedom of Information Act which saw its provisions actually come into effect. There are also been many acts of legislation granting new and broader rights to gay, lesbian and transgender individuals including a Civil Partnership Act and a Gender Recognition Act. Things that were less effective included his handling of the Millenium Dome project, his approach to the Kosovo War, and his removal of peers from the House of Lords (although this is a situation of great debate even to this day.

All of these things were accomplished during his first term in the Premiership, and all of them promote social change and a streamlining of government in the UK. But it is during his second term that he would see any sort of real turmoil.

First, his decision to align the UK with the US in the War in Afghanistan was heavily disapproved of in Britain - although in America he was awarded several honors, including the US Congressional Gold Medal. Blair also supported President Bush's decision to invade Iraq in 2003 - providing the war with forty-six thousand British troops. Following the investigation of the terms upon which the invasion relied, both Bush and Blair came under consider considerable fire, both in their home countries as well as internationally.

What further damages Blair is that the global perception of Bush is as a simple-minded 'non-thinker', and Blair has always been regarded as a persuasive personality - so for him to become as convinced that action was necessary from Britain, when none of the effects that supported the cause had impacted the UK, made him seem almost a 'yes-man' to the President. This and similar events spawned a large public and political campaign to impeach Blair, commonly referred to as the "Tony Bliar" campaign, which continued up until his resignation on 23 June 2007.

Consider that a satirical film based on the notion that his time in office would conclude with his having to face an international tribunal on charges of war crimes (The Trial of Tony Blair) was conceived, scripted, produced and released before he stood down as Prime Minister. While the point can be made that there are many films, television programmes and plays about political leaders that are made during their runs - and that most of those are satirical in nature, very rarely do they take the tone or have an outlook as bleak as the one depicted in The Trial of Tony Blair.

The most incredible facet of the demise of Tony Blair, is that his fate was the most easily avoided. Had he not decided to follow the US into Afghanistan and Iraq - a strong case can be made supporting his remaining in office with public support, even to this day (setting aside any implications from the Granita Pact). Perhaps he may not have been the strongest Prime Minister, but other than those prominent examples - he did little to no damage during his terms. The fact is that once he lost the public's support, he seemed to have little to no effect in his job - even when introducing positive legislation.

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This column was not written in condemnation of any of the individuals involved, but only to examine if their fates were avoidable. What links these men together, other than proximity, is the common tie of perception. In each instance, the public's perception of the man was held firmly as being reality. So as soon as the public viewed each as being incompetent, it would seem that work began to happen around them - as opposed to through them. None of these men were impeached by their governments, but rather by their people - which proved to be infinitely more effective - in the sense of rendering them politically sterile, and vastly more damaging to their credibility not only as politicians, but perhaps also as citizens.

For those who see our world as one controlled by a very select few, should rejoyce in the knowledge that the last three men to hold the most powerful offices in two of the more influential countries on the planet - were all held in check and ultimately brought down by the 'common' people of their countries.