And that Bafana Bafana performance.

Eish.

It was hard to drag myself out from under the covers this morning.

I feel for the kids’ school, who – with mid-year exams now finished and the World Cup starting – organised a Football Friday special to get the gees going and have a bit of fun and colour around the place before the end of term, only to have to contend with the remnants of a proper Cape Storm going through, darkness until 8:30am as we’re a week away from the shortest day of the year, two red cards and an xG of 0.07.

Some of the questions were a bit off, some of the answers felt a bit off, and the scoring system felt a bit like it was made up as we were going along. But a good laugh, and a good win, and everyone went home happy (until Bafana Bafana ruined it all).

Remember the quiz mantra:

A quiz is no fun if no-one knows any of the answers, but equally, a quiz is no fun if everyone knows all of the answers.

This quiz was generally very easy, but with the odd absolutely impossible question thrown in. And we learned a bit about colloquialisms in Geography lessons in the 1980s South African education system while we were at it.

Niche.

Somewhat unrelated: what are the other two dots and why aren’t they labelled?

But it was Question 3 in this round that took the proverbial biscuit…
(and apologies for the state of this image, clearly taken on a potato).

Although there were a lot of remarks at the time around question 3, the guy in charge never really explained whether it was meant to be a gimme, a trick question (it wasn’t) or whether it was just a mistake. And so the confusion continued.

And what the hell is a survivor’s anthem? Bewildering and odd. But that wasn’t unusual throughout the evening, to be honest.

Such a weird night out.

Oh: 1984, Rubik’s Cube, the 1990s and I Will Survive. (In case you were wondering.)

.

* It was absolutely surreal.

The 2026 FIFA World Cup kicks off tonight on June 11th with a repeat of the match that kicked off the 2010 FIFA World Cup on June 11th 2010 – South Africa v Mexico. And it will be 40 years on from June 11th 1986, when South African coach Hugo Broos played in the 1986 World Cup in Mexico for Belgium against Paraguay.

But that’s enough loosely related June11th trivia. On with the story.

South Africans will loudly support the South African national teams wherever and whenever possible, as they should. But honestly, there are very limited chances of Bafana Bafana making it out of the group stage this time around. It will take something very special or very unusual. Not that that can’t happen. And so you never say never, but also… well… you might actually say never in this particular case.

And this knowledge seems to have affected the overall happiness of the playing squad, according to this highly scientific measurement of overall playing squad happiness. That is, how many of the players are smiling in their photographs for the official Panini FIFA World Cup 2026 sticker album.

And for South Africa, it’s a phat zero.

Eish! Wena!

It’s a damning statistic. Bafana Bafana and Canada with no happy players at all, while each and every one of the Uruguayans is beaming. That’s likely because Uruguay in the same time zone as many of the matches, so they don’t have to hope that everyone back home gets up at 4am to watch.

France are smiling as pre-tournament favourites. Japan because it’s respectful, and Scotland because they get to spend a week away from Scotland. Colombia are right up there too, but that’s probably just the drugs.

But even Iran score 4/18, and have you seen what’s going on over there?

Helpfully (and actually also downright weirdly), there’s a whole Youtube video with the stickers for each of the SA squad, and honestly, it really does look like it’s actually a real chore for them to have been selected to represent their country.

“Hey Siyabonga, could you just work out the somewhat testing maths problem we’ve put
on the big screen just over my left shoulder?” *CLICK*

“Lyle, guess who has to go straight back to Burnley when this photoshoot is done?” *CLICK*

“Mohau, if you look out of the window over there, you’ll see that someone has parked your car in.” *CLICK*

“OK Bathusi. Let’s get the shot. Oh, by the way, your cat just died.” *CLICK*

It’s not exactly Happy Shiny People Holding Hands, is it?

Representing their nation at the biggest sporting event EVER! (albeit that it’s actually a bit shit) and this is the best that they can manage? Abject confusion, abject misery or abject confusion and misery?

It’s (quite literally) not a pretty sight, and it does nothing to encourage the nation to find that gees and get behind the boys.

Look at how the rugby guys do it:

IG: 104blacksheep

OK, so that’s Siya “Smiles” Kolisi and he’s in the kitchen of The Black Sheep, and it’s obviously very difficult to look sad while you’re at The Black Sheep, especially surrounded by that crowd of staff. Just look at them!

But still. Maybe there’s a lesson for the Panini photographers here for future tournaments.

Sadly – and this is realism, not pessimism – I think that the Bafana Bafana photos might be foreshadowing their imminent exit from the tournament. And we haven’t even kicked off yet.

It’s too late this time around, but maybe just a hint of a smile might power them into the knockout stages in Morocco, Portugal, and Spain (and Uruguay, Argentina, and Paraguay) in 2030?

Actually, the only reason I am interested in Travel And Tour World is because of their bizarre SEO-grabbing headlines.

Headlines like:

or:

Mmm… catchy. It really does seem to be the aim to get as many countries into one headline as possible, but this policy then really does limit the amount of extra information that is shared in the actual article. Because you’ve already given us the whole story in the headline.

I love the “all the other countries in the Caribbean” bit here. Mentioning six by name clearly wouldn’t be enough for the reader to get the gist of the story, but mentioning eight? Ridiculous.

Seven, it is. We can easily just lump the rest of them…

There are 13 sovereign countries in the Caribbean, along with approximately 12 to 13 dependent territories (such as Puerto Rico and the Cayman Islands) that belong to the U.S., UK, France, and the Netherlands.

… together. We’ve name-checked all the important ones.

Attached to each of these “articles” is an AI-generated image (of course). And they range from the somewhat unlikely:

All sorts of maritime rules and regulations being broken here. Including that ship with the wake coming out of the bow.

Right through to the downright apocalyptic:

I’m fairly sure that it’s not looking quite that bad in all of the Middle East at the moment. But if you are there and you see a massive yellow suitcase, run.

OK, ok… Calm your tits, mate. Passenger numbers are down a bit because of rising fuel costs. It’s an economic matter.
That doesn’t mean that the stern section of your cruise liner is going to explode. What sort of prompt did you stick into Chat GPT for this nonsense to come out of its rear end? And once you’d done that, why did you think that it was a good idea to publish it?

I’ve switched off suggestions for Travel And Tour World now, because it’s clearly just an AI-generated travel “news” site designed to produce lots and lots of really poor-quality copy with the aim of selling adverts.

A bit like this blog, except I write it and it’s basically advert free.

But the copy bit? Absolutely.

I remember 2010, and all the ridiculous, doom and gloom stories that were being peddled by the international press about the World Cup in South Africa, and so I am trying to take some of the news coming out of the North American tournament with a pinch of salt, but there’s simply too much evidence for this to be made up.

Award-winning Somalian FIFA referee – indeed African referee of the year – Omar Abdulkadir Artan, has been banned from entering the USA to referee at the World Cup.

The U.S. Customs and Border Protection, without naming him, said in a statement that a Somali national arrived at Miami International Airport from Istanbul on Saturday and was deemed inadmissible due to vetting concerns.

“Admissibility determinations are made on a case-by-case basis using law enforcement, national security, and immigration information available at the time of inspection”.

And a spokesman for the agency went on to say that on review, they stood by the decision, because “it was made to protect the safety of US citizens and international visitors to the country”.

What exactly did they think he was going to do? Yellow card the President? Whistle at a skyscraper in New York? Use his notebook to steal secrets from the American military?

It’s so utterly laughable racist.

I have never been less invested in a World Cup, and I will be absolutely delighted when this whole sham of a tournament falls apart completely. It should never have been awarded to the US, and once it was, it should then have been taken away when the orange dictator took over and started bombing everyone, and banning everyone else.

I really hope it crashes and burns, despite FIFA and Donald inevitably trying to spin it as a success.

EDIT: Still looking to confirm this iffy-looking story, but I love the idea…

EDIT 2: So, no. That thing above wasn’t real. I didn’t think so.

But this? Yes, this is genuine.

You love to see it.

Everyone has things that they are afraid of. But there are levels to this.

My “fears” aren’t really things that I’m scared of per se – I’m generally not shaking and weeping (although see below) – but more stuff that just makes me feel deeply uncomfortable. But honestly, that’s probably enough at my age to warrant me simply choosing to avoid them, rather than put myself in those sort of positions. I’ve got nothing to prove here.

And, I have to say, I’m completely at peace with that approach.

Well, almost.

Because there’s still a bit of me that thinks that I’m being a bit silly in being uncomfortable about these things. And that if I feel that way, then I should be able to see if I can overcome them and therefore not have to avoid them. I’m not sure that this was a conscious decision, but I seem to have been putting my “mind over matter” skills into play over the last couple of months – and (so far, at least) I’m winning.

Three times now, I’ve put myself to the “mind over matter” test, and come out on top.

I’m not great with heights. I have no real issue with being at a height, but I don’t like getting there or getting down. So I’m generally happy on a ladder, and I’m generally happy on a roof, but getting from one to the other is – for me – absolutely horrific. There have been plenty of occasions when this has been a problem, but the one that sticks in the memory most (not least of my daughter, who watched the whole thing with some bemusement) was at the Cape St Blaize Lighthouse in Mossel Bay, where I lay on the floor at the top for several (or more) minutes… er… shaking and weeping, while simply trying to get onto the ladder to take me down to the floor below.

Obviously, in the end I did do it: this was in September 2022, and I’m not still there.

But it was horrible. And while that was probably the worst example of late, there have been many, many more where I have not been at all happy.

But I am talking myself around, using logic (“How many people have actually fallen here, honestly?”), and this new weird skill I seem to be developing where simply I switch off the outside world and blank everything out. I’ve no idea how it works or if it’s healthy, but in April, I abseiled – forwards, nogal – down a 25m cliff face, using this very method. Looking back at the video of me doing it, it was like watching someone else. And honestly, I don’t remember anything except deciding that I was going to do it and then being unclipped at the bottom.

And of course, I was in absolutely no danger. But then I was in even less danger at the top of the lighthouse, but I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around that at the time. So, heights. Seems a bit silly to me.

Horses, though: different. Fully justified.

I will never ever forget The Juluka Incident Of 2005. A horse (Juluka) (with me on it) galloping out of control through some farmland in Joostenbergvlakte. I genuinely thought that I was going to die, but I stayed on… somehow. Then I had to ride that same horse back to the stables for over and hour – just waiting for him to take off again (he didn’t) – and it was horrible. I went back to the stables there for one more lesson a few days later – because you never end on a bad ride, apparently – and then I stopped riding horses. I haven’t missed it.
And since then, I’ve seen and heard of some nasty falls and injuries from horses. Not me. I’ve been on a horse three times since then. One awful, out of control ride along a beach in Hermanus in 2007 (which I shouldn’t have done, and which left me with bleeding hands from hanging onto the reins so tightly), one gentle walk through the vineyards in Constantia in 2009, which was fine (but I was still very happy to get off at the end), and once on the biggest horse in Africa: 1250kg of Shadowfax in 2022 – but that was walking round a paddock for literally 2 minutes with a groom (Kevin) holding a lead rein. Doesn’t really count.

My wife, meanwhile…

But that’s her indaba.

And then I went for a one-off riding lesson this weekend. Absolutely mind over matter again. We were riding right where I saw someone fall from the same horse and break her arm. And again, I went into that weird state of zoning out from everything except for the teacher’s instruction, and – of course – it was absolutely fine.

Will I be taking up riding again? Hell, no. But look: I got on a horse, despite all the bad horse stuff.

That “trance” thing doesn’t always work, though. Because doing a pub quiz for 80 people (this weekend as well) requires you to be present, in the moment. And when you have to work to find those social skills, you can’t simply zone out and let it wash over you: you need to be there and you need to be larger than life to respond to your audience. I’ve never really struggled with public speaking, because you can zone out a bit on a monologue, but this was very different.

There needs to be character, quick wits and interaction. And so this was hard work for me.

But it went really well. The mind over matter thing was required more in the run-up to the event, and – because it was well- rehearsed, I knew my stuff and had confidence in my questions – it was all fine.

If you’d offered me an escape route 5 minutes before we started, though… I’d still have been very tempted.

As it is, not only do the fundraisers want another quiz already, but the venue that we hired for the evening also want one. The scientist in me wants to agree to both, just to see if next time will be as nerve-wracking (but successful) as this one was.

Look. I’m not sure what the message is here.
I’m not even sure if there is a message.
There’s probably no message here.

You’ve read all this for nothing.

But I do seem to be facing my fears this year for some reason, and at the moment, I’m coming out on top.

Does that mean that I’m less fearful of these things? I don’t think so. But maybe I do feel more comfortable in getting myself over the fear I feel. The fact that I can overcome things that I really wasn’t easily able to face before feels good. That’s got to be a positive, right?
Maybe I can apply it to other areas of my life. Although I maintain that there really is probably no message here.

I’m still not getting back on a horse, though.

And then I find out that I’m not able to do the important experiment that I was planning to carry out tomorrow.

How am I supposed to deduce the molecular composition of my baked goods now?

It’s no wonder that scientists are leaving the field in droves when all the enjoyable research projects are suddenly being pre-emptively terminated by the fun police.

Bruce Springsteen, Leonard Cohen and John Legend were amongst the artists he covered, but it was just a really chilled Friday evening (he only worked out it was Friday 5 minutes before the gig – what a way to live) and a lovely intimate show, with plenty of chat and anecdotes from the man on stage.

Of course, different versions of all the “big” hits were there, too: Indigo Girl, Letters and Close My Eyes, and where they may lack a little in the lyrical sense, the soul, feeling and the gentle passion are really all there. And because of the nature of their tracks, they really lend themselves to acoustic adaptation.

But to be honest, the song that was really the highlight of the evening for me was Watch The Rain. Absolutely beautiful. Mesmerising and goosebump-inducing.

This being Cafe Roux, the audience were generally very well behaved, which was really great. A breath of fresh air. Well, save for Macbeth’s three witches at Table 2, that is. Never, ever underestimate the privilege of a group of white, middle-aged women to ignore the “Ssshhh – please let’s enjoy the music” signs on their (and every other) table, even at R300 a ticket for an acoustic gig, nogal. Honestly – just fuck off literally ANYWHERE else and talk – it’s really not hard.

But let’s (try to) not let that take away from a really great night out.

More of this sort of thing, please.

In fact, maybe I’m already dead, depending on how you want to read this “shocking” “news”:

As Meri Jaan [kitchen knife emoji] (if that is her real name) points out, anyone that took the Covid-19 vaccination won’t live up to June 2026.

Oh no…

Terrifying.

Except that it are already June 2026, and I’m still here, along with all my family and friends who had the jab.

In fact, if we’re all going to start dropping like flies in the next… er… “now”, then there’s going to be an awful lot of work for the funeral trade, worldwide, given that over 6 billion people had at least one jab.

Honestly, I’m quite impressed with the lengths to which people will go to push their agenda. This even includes the correct BBC News font. What it doesn’t include is any genuine information. This isn’t a screenshot, it’s a homemade fake. But then you have to take a step back and think about how this came to be. Someone with mud for brains who believes that the Covid vaccine is going to kill everyone who took it, went to the effort of faking this BBC News image, in order to try and convince the world that there is a genuine danger in being vaccinated.

But even as they were doing it – selecting the font, choosing the words, thinking about what date they should use to scare us all – they must have been disappointed (and presumably confused) that they couldn’t just use a screenshot of an actual BBC News report telling us this. Because it’s not a thing.

How utterly sad and duplicitous must you be, that you have to make this shit up just to try and force other people to believe your opinions?

I had a really horrible time with Covid, but my GP still thinks that the vaccine (which I got after I was infected with the actual virus, but before I developed symptoms) probably saved my life.

Thankfully, many people aren’t stupid enough to believe the anti-vax crap, but it will certainly put some people off having a potentially life-saving vaccination – and that’s criminal, when there’s clearly so little evidence for their viewpoint that they are reduced to hiding in their basement, making crappy graphics and inventing fictional timelines.

Wankers.

I’ll see you in July. Along with the other 6 billion people who got the jab.

I’ll do a proper post tomorrow, but for now, the tentacles at a well-known Portuguese restaurant are calling.