Charm City Moms

Dads, come back to the fold

2008-05-13T10:09:44Z

Fathers, I feel for you. Last week, geared to Mother's Day, must have felt pretty darn estrogen-heavy. You must be glad it's over. And that it's Father's Day Tuesday.

Our Guest Dad, returning contributor Joe Burris, will be along soon. In the meantime, since you've so patiently listened through all the momcentric talk, I'm throwing the floor open. What fatherly things are on your mind?

And if you'd like to be a Guest Dad in the future, please send me an e-mail with a sample post.

This Thursday's tip sheet

2008-05-12T19:43:17Z

I think this is the Thursday to come up with the list eapopp suggested of favorite area pizza places that kids love.

Pizza is certainly a staple for many families, though with the economy pinching all of us, it's apparently becoming more of a weekend treat, according to this piece on progressivegrocer.com. All the more reason to choose your pizza place wisely.

Dining at Large has done a general fave-pizza place list before, but ours will probably be geared as much to how easy it is to eat there with kids as it is to the taste of the pizza itself. Of course, we want the best of all worlds: great pizza in a place where the kids can ~~run wild~~ feel comfortable.

Post your favorite places below, and tell us what you like about them.

(Photo of Pasticcio pizza in Canton by Sun photographer Lloyd Fox)

International adoption agencies are feeling constraints

2008-05-12T15:16:36Z

According to a story in yesterday's New York Times, international adoption agencies are feeling the pinch of new rules and increasing constraints from some countries, causing some to close. In some cases, the story says, parents who were in the middle of the process were left in the lurch, and out thousands of dollars.

I'd like to hear from some parents who are trying to adopt from overseas -- or who have recently done so -- about how the process is going. Are you being told to prepare for longer waits? And how does that affect your decision-making about adoption?

The Monday Consult: Easing transitions

2008-05-12T10:10:27Z

This week's question comes from Edamommy, who has been having trouble getting her almost-4-year-old daughter to make transitions from the house to school, a friend's house to home, etc.

Margo Sipes, executive director of Downtown Baltimore Child Care, has seen many children and parents struggle with transitions over the years. Here's her post about what to do:

(No, that's not Edamommy's daughter clinging to her mommy. It's just a Sun file photo.)

"Change can be difficult for many people children and adults alike. Here are some questions to ask yourself as you as you try to work through this issue.

Am I moving slowly enough? Children’s brains do not process information as quickly as adult brains and adults often expect a faster response than is appropriate when they give a child a direction. Try waiting for two or three beats longer than you think you should when you ask your daughter to do something. A five minute warning is a good way of preparing your child that a change will take place, but avoid using a count down. Repetition may raise her anxiety level.

Does my child have enough control in the transition? It might be helpful let your daughter in on the plans. Talk about what’s going to happen before the transition takes place. For example, in the car on the way to preschool, tell your daughter, “When we get to school, you’ll hang your coat in your cubby, we will read one story, I’ll give you a goodbye kiss on both cheeks and then I’m going to leave for work. What story would you like to read?” Repeat the process every day so that it becomes a routine. Continue with the planning by letting her know what the whole day will look like.
If your daughter balks, don’t give in and read two or three stories. Rather, be firm but calm.

Do I let my child know I understand how she feels? Validate your daughter’s feelings. You might say, “It’s hard to leave when you are having so much fun, isn’t it?” But stay firm and if she resists, give her a choice where all the options are acceptable to you. You might say, “It is time to leave now. You can walk to the car or I can carry you. I’m sorry you are sad, but it’s time to go.” Your tone should be firm but calm and then follow through, even if she makes a scene.

Can your child trust you? Most of the suggestions above are techniques that lead to the development of trust. Don’t ever threaten to leave your child if she doesn’t come with you. Trust is mightily important in the parent child relationship, and if your daughter is feeling insecure or frightened that she will be abandoned, it can exacerbate the problem. Avoid that technique altogether. Rather, give her something to look forward to, special time with you, the love of her life. You might say, 'When we get all buckled up in your car seat, we can sing a song together as we ride. Which song do you want to sing today?'

With a little time, patience, and consistency, these simple techniques are usually successful."

What's worked for you?

The surprises of motherhood

2008-05-11T11:04:07Z

Happy Mother's Day!

I hope that while you were luxuriating in bed this morning, sipping the hand-squeezed orange juice that was brought to you with the newspaper, you read the great essays on mothers that appeared in today's Arts & Life section of The Sun. If not, you can read them here.

The essays are centered on the theme of the surprises that come in relationships between mothers and their children. Sometimes those surprises come when the kids are little, sometimes when they're grown.

I've had a few. ...

(Click below to keep reading.)

(Photo of virtual flowers from me to you, taken a week ago at Sherwood Gardens in Baltimore.)

I was surprised -- still am -- that it was so hard to work and raise kids. (For some reason, when I was single, I thought this had all been figured out.) I was surprised -- still am -- that I could ever love anybody this much, even when they're exhibiting their least charming behavior.

What are the surprises you've experienced? (And please don't tell me one of them was that your kids thought a hamster would be a great Mother's Day present.)

More on moms' groups: Can we be friends?

2008-05-10T11:56:16Z

The deluge of comments under my post about mothers' groups got me thinking that Charm City Moms should explore a little more the kinds of connections mothers form with each other, and how these friendships change as the kids grow.

I find it interesting that mothers' groups have become more and more necessary to people as our society seems more hurried and more disconnected.

It seems like it should be easy for mothers to be friends, and sometimes it is. Who understands what we're going through the way another mom does, especially if the kids are the same age? But sometimes it's not easy. Ever tried to approach a group of moms on the playground who already know each other? It can be downright scary. Let alone if you're a stay-at-home dad trying to break into a group of parents, as our Guest Dad Will Morton noted a while ago.

Part of it is that parenting makes many of us anxious -- and, dare I say it, judgmental. We want to do everything right, and to appear to do it right. Sometimes if a mom appears more perfect than you, you may not want to be friends. If she brags about her kids too much, you might not be able to stand it. Or you might think she's too lax. Even though your kids like each other, you worry about the example she sets -- and what might go on in her house if you left your child alone there.

She might think you're judging her because she works and you don't. Or because she stays home and you work. And vice versa.

And then there's the time factor. If things get really busy and you don't have time for some of your mom friends, it's another thing to feel bad about.

How do you choose your mom friends? How many can you handle? What makes you stick with one, and keep her for years?

The Mother's Day tea -- an (almost) live report

2008-05-09T17:17:41Z

I just got back from the Mother's Day tea at my son's preschool. It was totally cute and festive, as you can see from our place settings. (Sorry the picture's a little blurry, but a 4-year-old was squirming on my lap.)

I was charmed that the teachers had each child give mom (and/or grandma) a paper flower, lead her to her place and pull out her chair. My son discharged this task very solemnly.

They made us placemats in which each child said what his or her mom was an expert at. I got "brushing my teeth," meaning his teeth. Hey, at least I'm good at something.

The white bag to the left is a portable "breakfast in bed" with a banana and a cereal bar the kids had assembled. A great idea. We were supposed to save them for Mother's Day morning. But my son couldn't wait; he wanted me to eat it right there in front of him. So it goes.

Have you been to a Mother's Day event today? Post your report below. If you have pics of your gifts to share, email them to me.

(Photo by me)

And another Mother's Day food offer...

2008-05-09T14:48:26Z

Restaurant critic and blogger Elizabeth Large has the details on another local Mother's Day free food offer, this time at Don't Know Tavern in Federal Hill.

More things to do this weekend

2008-05-09T11:00:46Z

It's the time of year when the things to do start to multiply as the temperature climbs. Here are a few more events you might want to know about:

--The Belvedere Square outdoor concert series "Summer Sounds at the Square" kicks off tonight at 6 p.m. with the Crawdaddies. (Concerts will be cancelled if it rains. For updates, call 410-534-BELV.)

--SquidFire, which makes baby clothes sold at Ladybugs and Fireflies and Corduroy Button, is holding an art mart in Mount Vernon Square from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Saturday featuring functional items from 40 artists.

Not-quite-a-mother's day

2008-05-08T18:50:37Z

Our expecting friend Amy asked an interesting question the other day that you may have missed:

Any suggestions on how to gently decline Mother's Day wishes when one is still about a month away from being a mom? I know folks have the best of intentions, and I am probably just being superstitious, but it doesn't quite feel right yet...

I never faced this one myself -- because my first baby was born in early spring, I wasn't pregnant on Mother's Day. But I'm sure many of you were. What did you say when someone wished you Happy Mother's Day before you were actually a mom?

I guess I would have done what I did when people meant well but had other kinds of unwanted things to say or do. Like touching my belly when I didn't really know them. Or saying I was obviously carrying a boy or a girl. Or telling me their delivery horror stories.

I'd just smile, smile, smile, until they stopped or went away.

Anyone have advice for Amy?

(Photo of Bono kissing Gwen Stefani's belly at the 2006 Grammy Awards, by Richard Hartog, Associated Press)

Tip Sheet Thursday: What we want for Mother's Day

2008-05-08T14:53:55Z

I found it telling that when I asked mothers, on and off Charm City Moms, what they really wanted for Mother's Day, not one person mentioned a physical item. What we want for Mother's Day is....

--Time. Some of us, like CKisMom and Annelies, want a peaceful day to hang out with the family.

--Time. Some of us, like mrg and MarylandMommy.com, want time to ourselves to do anything we want. (And in my opinion, it needs to be a long stretch of time. Sometimes when I have the gift of a few hours with no agenda, I'm so paralyzed with the possibilities that by the time I've decided what to do, time's up!)

--More time all the time. And others, in a perfect world, want more time every day, preferably time not filled with errands or carpools. Count me in this group. Lila said it best: "A 25th hour."

--Pampering: Yeah, it may be a cliche, but we'd really like to get our nails done, or have a facial or a massage.

--A personal trainer. This is (the other) kate's wish. It would be mine, too, if only I had time (see above).

--A professional organizer. Laura wants her scrapbooks/photo albums organized, eapopp wants her windows cleaned, and I want a dining room table with no papers on it.

--A date for a nice dinner. Several people mentioned this, and I'm there with them. Not only do I want a date with my husband for dinner out at one of my favorite places (the ones where the Dining at Large people would scream if they saw children), but I also want someone else to hire the babysitter, make the reservations, get the kids bathed and fed before the babysitter gets there, have enough cash on hand to pay the babysitter, and drive the babysitter home afterwards. While I sit around in my little black dress nursing a nightcap.

There, we've said it. Now, how do we feel about having the kids make us breakfast on Mother's Day? Pro: It's so sweet and fun. Con: We might have to clean it up afterwards.

Discuss.

(Sun file photo by Doug Kapustin)

Things to do this week

2008-05-08T12:18:32Z

This weekend you can learn about screen painting, party on the water in Middle River, and have your portrait painted by the kids at the BMA for Mother's Day.

There are also several school festivals. We'd love to hear about your upcoming school festivals, either in the comments or via e-mail.

(By the way, an apology to all of you who commented last evening and had to wait until now for comments to show up....my phone AND Internet service were out at home. Ack! Verizon, do you hear me now? Please come soon!)

Friday (May 9):

Big Book of Animal Tales With the Maryland Zoo: Singing and storytelling at the Pikesville branch of the Baltimore County Public Library, 1301 Reisterstown Road, Pikesville. Sessions start at 10:30 and 11:30 a.m. For ages 2-6 with an adult. Reservations are required. Call 410-887-1234 or go to bcplonline.org.

Family Fun Night: The Bounce About at the Town Mall of Westminster, 400 North Center St., Westminster, will provide family games, prizes, moon bounces and more, from 4 p.m.-7 p.m. Visitors can also meet Elmo. $4 for the first half hour and $3 for each additional half hour. Call 410-751-6489.

Click below for events Saturday and Sunday.

(Photo of a lighthouse screen by Baltimore painter Tom Lipka, by Sun photographer Jed Kirschbaum)

Saturday (May 10):

Baltimore County Waterfront Festival: Middle River’s Wilson Point Park hosts a variety of family activities, including water-taxi tours, arts and crafts shows and live music. The program also includes nature and environmental displays, local food vendors, water rescue demonstrations and more. The event runs 10 a.m.-6 p.m. at Wilson Point Park, 1101 block of Wilson Point Road, Middle River. Free. Call 410-887-3871 or go to baltimorecountymd.gov.

MayMart: This annual spring festival and fundraiser at Roland Park Elementary and Middle School features food, games and rides, along with booths with homemade crafts and white elephant items for sale. Admission free; tickets can be purchased for games and rides. 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., on the school grounds at 5207 Roland Ave.

FriendsFest: Friends School of Baltimore hosts the event, which features art exhibits and sales, food vendors and live music. Runs 10 a.m.-3 p.m., at the school at 5114 N. Charles St. $5. Ages 18 and younger free. Visit friendsbalt.org.

International Migratory Bird Day: The National Aquarium in Baltimore, 501 E. Pratt St., celebrates birds with activities inside the aquarium and outside on Pier 3 from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Activities included with admission, which is $21.95 for general admission, $20.95 for seniors, $14.95 for ages 3-11 and free for ages 3 and younger. Call 410-576-3800, 410-727-3474 or go to aqua.org.

Rowhouse Rembrandts: Parents and children can participate in the Screen Painting Workshop, which is part of Rowhouse Rembrandts, a celebration of Baltimore’s urban arts. The workshop takes place 10 a.m.-11:30 a.m. at the American Visionary Art Museum, 800 Key Highway. For ages 5-12. Call 410-244-1900 or go to avam.org.

Sykesville Flower and Artisans Festival: Many local flower vendors and artists will fill Sykesville's Main Street for the event, which includes children’s activities such as face painting and balloon art. Local DJ Jerry Thrasher provides the music. The festival runs 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Free. Call 410-549-3095 or go to sykesvillebizassoc.com.

Sunday (May 11):

Mother's Day Garden Container Days: Moms and kids can decorate plant containers and fill them up, take hayrides, visit farm animals and picnic by the pond. Sharp’s at Waterford Farm, 4003 Jennings Chapel Rd., Brookeville, hosts the event, which runs noon-5 p.m. Admission free. Fees vary for containers and plants. Call 410-489-2572 or go to sharpfarm.com.

Mother’s Day in the Museum: Visitors can create portraits of their mothers using materials provided by The Baltimore Museum of Art, 10 Art Museum Drive, starting at 2 p.m. Free. Call 443-574-1700 or go to artbma.org.

Lucky 500 goes to...

2008-05-07T19:01:47Z

Kristin, with one of the many valentines to BaltimoreMommies. There were also lots of good words for Maryland Mommy, Maryland Mommies and ChesapeakeMommies today. Boy, it can be a little tough to keep you all straight! Thanks to all who helped us strive for 500 comments, and added some good resources and funny posts in the process. I hope you'll stick around and get us to 1,000! And now to the matter of Kristin's fabulous prize....

She gets a choice of one of these books:

--The exciting new version of What to Expect When You're Expecting, by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel, with hip expecting mama in jeans replacing lady in the rocking chair. (You probably don't need it, Kristin, but this would be a nice gift to have on hand the next time a friend or relative announces she's pregnant.)

--The Cowgirl's Cookbook: Recipes for Your Home on the Range, by Jill Charlotte Stanford. Looks like fun.

--Cheese Hors d'Oeuvres, by Hallie Harron. Kristin is required to invite us over for a cocktail party if she chooses this one.

--The Official Guide to Dysfunctional Parenting, by Frederick Muench and Gregory Nemec. I don't need this guide; I worry that I could have written it. But Kristin may be a very good and conscientious parent, in which case she requires some help to mess up her kids.

--The Pretzel Cookbook, by Priscilla Warren. Because life with kids gets twisted.

Which one would you choose? Tell us below. And Kristin, you can let me know your choice either by commenting below or by private email.

No coat, no outdoor play?

2008-05-07T18:15:19Z

This New York Times piece today has some surprising news about how often kids in day care and preschool get to play outside. According to a survey of staff members at child-care centers, sometimes the whole group would have to stay inside if one child didn't have the right clothes for the weather.

File under things you didn't want to know: Kids also apparently eat mulch. And throw it at each other.

I've always felt fortunate about the outdoor play time situation at Govans Presbyterian Preschool in Baltimore, which our kids attended for years (my son will age out in a month). They seem to go outside every chance they get, and the creative games they come up with when left to their own devices on the playground are amazing. My daughter still wistfully looks back on all the play time they had there, even though she's almost finished with first grade.

I tell myself this is a very good thing each night when I shake all the sand out of my son's shoes.

How do you feel about the outdoor play situation at your child's day care/preschool/school?

(Sun file photo by Algerina Perna)

It's comment contest time!

2008-05-07T14:40:49Z

Ok, folks, we're getting pretty close to 500 comments, so you know what this means....a chance for a fabulous prize (OK, you get to choose from some books, including cookbooks) and bragging rights if yours is the 500th comment.

We'd better get the party started now, because it's almost Thursday and I have scant fodder for our tip sheet on what we want for Mother's Day. If you don't answer the call, I'll have to make up a list of everything I want. And then think of the pressure on my poor husband. (Hee hee.)

By the way, if you're vying for the 500th comment title, please include your e-mail address in the commenting box that asks for it. (If you're not sure where that is, review this guide to comments.) You can still use your handle or just your first name, of course, which is all that will show up here on the blog. But the e-mail address (which I promise not to share with anyone) will let me get in contact with you to make arrangements for you to receive your fabulous prize.