By Stephan Hume

When it comes to perfection, I have yet to see it. Is it because I am incapable of being perfect, or is it because perfection actually does not exist? By what standards do we define something as being perfect? Is it something quantifiable? When we have had a “perfect day,” what happened to make it so? Did we have a really great hamburger, ace the test, or avoid the lines at Bed, Bath, and Beyond successfully?

The truth is, we are striving for a feeling. The feeling that comes when our expectations meet the outcome we conceived of. This has happened so rarely in the life I have experienced, that it almost seems like perfection is the fairy-est of all tales. Yet, why do so many of us become wrapped up in trying to attain it?

Having high expectations is one thing; high standards tend to make us stronger. But when we obsess over our own idea of being perfect (or even more toxic: someone else’s idea of being perfect), we are left with an endless chase to try and enjoy the lives that are right in front of us. Trust me, I have been guilty as charged more often than I would like to admit.

In my profession, I have watched hundreds of kids and teens work through their own goals and standards. I have seen them nail that perfect guitar solo and they are on Cloud 9. I have also seen them prepare for months the “perfect” performance only to accidentally step on their guitar cable, knock over their amp, or forget the words. What happens then? I can tell you that I have learned a lot about myself in these moments. I cringe because I have been there. I want to jump up on stage and save the day or even explain to the audience that, “this kid usually NAILS this, trust me!” I want to own their mistakes, but that is impossible. I have enough of my own to own, thank you very much.

Clearly these moments, the expected and the unexpected, are what make our lives truly great. The dynamics of what we strive to accomplish are learned best at times when we actually do see something fail to meet the mark. The idea we had of playing the perfect drum fill can die instantly when a stick slips from our sweaty hands. Then what are we left with? Are we not still the same, radiant person?

I once heard the phrase: “Anyone will fall 9 times. The strong ones get up 10 times.” There is a lot of truth in this. Not just in performing music, but in any endeavor, passion, or dream. Young musicians, if you get this early in your life, you will save yourself years of suffering music, instead you will always just be playing it!

In several of the past issues of this column, I have cracked open a lot of specifics. These tips have come from my own experience in the performing music scene, but they largely include insights from coaching young musicians to play in bands. This month I am going to veer away from the nuts and bolts of gear or rehearsal time. We are going to talk a bit about gratitude.

Before you think I am going into a bit of sappy poetry, take a minute to survey your own attitude. Are you grateful? If you are a performing musician, do you take the time to realize how amazing that is? While we can fill books with tips on tuning your guitar, or how to rehearse efficiently, I have realized that how well you approach any of this is rooted in your attitude. For instance:

Are you grateful for the opportunity?

You get to play with other musicians. You may even get to play with them in front of an audience. How cool is that? Sure, it takes work to build your craft. But, have you taken a moment to just be grateful for the chance to do it? After you are done considering throwing your guitar tuner at your friend behind the drum set, try telling him that you are grateful to play music with him. Then, work it out. It goes a long way.

Are you grateful for your fans?

So you are about to go on your worldwide tour. You have your music, your band, your promoters, and your couches to sleep on. Who gave you that opportunity? People obviously have to like your music in order to keep coming to your shows. Or at least they are consistent with faking it. Either way, it brings warm bodies in front of your stage and money in the door. Before you insult your audience for not yelling loud enough after you say, “How is everybody doing tonight?” try simply saying, “Thank you so much for coming to hang out with us.” It turns out people like appreciation more than feeling inadequate in their ability to applaud you.

Are you grateful for the man behind the curtain?

This harkens back to a previous column about how to treat your music venue. Guess what? You were invited to play at one of your favorite music halls, but you are not the one making the whole thing work. Have you stopped to consider being grateful for the sound engineer? How about the stage light manager, the bar tenders, the booking agent? You simply could not have done it without them. Unless you consider a gig in your basement, well…a gig. Always introduce yourself to the sound engineer. Always thank them into the microphone and encourage the audience to give a round of applause for them. It goes a long way to be grateful. It goes even further to say it out loud. Thank you for following this column.