Band Madness!

Mini Madness: Squarest Band

Dan H. — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 06:25:16 +0000

In honor of my parents’ recent visit to New York and a strange conversation with my mother concerning the Rolling Stones, I’ve been thinking about what I consider to be “parent” music, and not just Rolling Stones, Beatles, Elton John and whatever light folk or quirky side-thing (country, Saturday Night Fever soundtrack) parents just sort of quietly enjoy. I’m talking about absolutely, universally lame adult music that attaches plastic explosives to the bridges across the generation gap. I gotta ask, which is the most notorious “lame” band?

Which is the squarest band?

Dream Band: Songwriters, Round 1

Dan H. — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 06:07:45 +0000

Underappreciated in the public eye, overappreciated at the Grammy Awards (which themselves are underappreciated in the public eye, because they’re worthless) - yes, songwriters truly have it all. They actually don’t, I just figured I’d conclude my introduction to legendary writers with a coldly cliched line. Which actually makes it brilliant, I’m pretty sure. Go vote.

Pick a songwriter: Brian Wilson or Nick Cave?

Pick a songwriter: Ben Folds or Stuart Murdoch?

Pick a songwriter: Paul Simon or Todd Rundgren?

Pick a songwriter: Robbie Robertson or Tom Petty?

Pick a songwriter: Bob Dylan or Otis Redding?

Pick a songwriter: Van Morrison or Elliott Smith?

Pick a songwriter: Neil Young or Cat Stevens?

Pick a songwriter: Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus or Tom Waits?

Pick a songwriter: Bruce Springsteen or Harry Nilsson?

Pick a songwriter: Stevie Nicks or Marvin Gaye?

Pick a songwriter: Ray Davies or Jeff Lynne?

Pick a songwriter: Leonard Cohen or Lou Reed?

Pick a songwriter: John Lennon and Paul McCartney or John Fogerty?

Pick a songwriter: James Taylor or Billy Joel?

Pick a songwriter: Elton John and Bernie Taupin or Roy Orbison?

Pick a songwriter: Randy Newman or Joni Mitchell?

Dream Band: Drummers, Round 1

Dan H. — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 04:00:44 +0000

Thanks for being patient, everyone, but now it’s time to move the arguments to the world of drummers and bassists. Who’s gonna be twirling the sticks for the Dream Band?

Remember two things:

1) You don’t necessarily have to pick the more technically skilled or more revered performer, the only question is, “who would you like to have as the drummer in your band?

2) We’re picking a drummer now, so the Dream Band is probably going to have to rehearse at this person’s house. Have at it.

Pick a drummer: Neil Peart or Carl Palmer?

Pick a drummer: Mick Fleetwood or Mitch Mitchell?

Pick a drummer: Carter Beauford or Danny Carey?

Pick a drummer: Bill Bruford or Chris Frantz?

Pick a drummer: Keith Moon or Charlie Watts?

Pick a drummer: Max Weinberg or Larry Mullen Jr?

Pick a drummer: Ginger Baker or Steve Smith?

Pick a drummer: Jimmy Chamberlain or Terry Bozzio?

Pick a drummer: John Bonham or Alex Van Halen?

Pick a drummer: Ian Paice or Dave Lombardo?

Pick a drummer: Lars Ulrich or Chris Pennie?

Pick a drummer: Ringo Starr or Phil Collins?

Pick a drummer: Dave Grohl or Steve Gadd?

Pick a drummer: Travis Barker or Brad Wilk?

Pick a drummer: Stewart Copeland or Zak Starkey?

Pick a drummer: Clyde Stubblefield or Animal?

Drummers and Bassists Coming Soon

Dan H. — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 04:05:53 +0000

Apologies for the lack of updating, but between getting drunk at the Webby Awards, performing in Sketch Fest NYC, and working for the website that actually pays me, I simply haven’t gotten around to writing a bunch of code involving the names of drummers and bassists. Keep the arguments coming, though, and I promise I’ll have the poll up within the next day. I’m glad you understand, I am guessing.

Dream Band: Frontmen, Round 1

Dan H. — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 07:04:10 +0000

Ability? Image? Voice? Style? Sense of humor? What are we going to value the most when choosing the lead singer of our Dream Band?

Good luck whittling down this incredibly stacked list of lead singers; voting goes through midnight Wednesday, at which point, we’ll start to have some sort of vague direction for what this band’s going to look like, be it rock or metal or punk or some awesome combination of all of those, living and dead. Or maybe we can just elect Jeff Mangum and send the Dream Band into inexplicable estrangement

Pick a frontman: Mick Jagger or Jello Biafra?

Pick a frontman: Zach De La Roche or Dave Gahan?

Pick a frontman: Eddie Vedder or Joe Strummer?

Pick a frontman: Ian Curtis or Janis Joplin?

Pick a frontman: Bono or Shane McGowan?

Pick a frontman: Ozzy Osbourne or Stephen Malkmus?

Pick a frontman: Jim Morrison or Debbie Harry?

Pick a frontman: Elvis Costello or Rivers Cuomo?

Pick a frontman: Robert Plant or Eddie Argos?

Pick a frontman: Liam Gallagher or Zack Morris?

Pick a frontman: Michael Stipe or Steven Tyler?

Pick a frontman: Billy Corgan or Bryan Ferry?

Pick a frontman: Iggy Pop or Michael Hutchence?

Pick a frontman: David Byrne or Scott Weiland?

Pick a frontman: Roger Daltrey or Grace Slick?

Pick a frontman: Dave Matthews or Davey Havok?

Pick a frontman: David Bowie or Meat Loaf?

Pick a frontman: Morrissey or Billie Joe Armstrong?

Pick a frontman: Robert Smith or Robert Pollard?

Pick a frontman: Johnny Rotten or Steve Perry?

Pick a frontman: James Brown or Jeff Mangum?

Pick a frontman: Sting or Layne Staley?

Pick a frontman: Trent Reznor or Chris Cornell?

Pick a frontman: Gene Simmons or James Hetfield?

Pick a frontman: Kurt Cobain or Jon Bon Jovi?

Pick a frontman: Axl Rose or Henry Rollins?

Pick a frontman: Bon Scott or Alice Cooper?

Pick a frontman: Joey Ramone or Ted Leo?

Pick a frontman: Freddie Mercury or Ronnie James Dio?

Pick a frontman: David Lee Roth or Anthony Kiedis?

Pick a frontman: Prince or Wayne Coyne?

Pick a frontman: Thom Yorke or Frank Black?

Dream Band: Lists Revealed!

Dan H. — Thu, 31 May 2007 06:16:24 +0000

Here are the lists for the forthcoming Dream Band tournaments. Leave all complaints, or, if you haven’t figured out how internet feedback works yet, compliments, in the comments!

FRONTMEN

(Vote now!)

Alice Cooper
Anthony Kiedis - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Axl Rose - Guns n’ Roses
Billie Joe Armstrong - Green Day
Billy Corgan - Smashing Pumpkins
Bon Scott - AC/DC
Bono - U2
Bryan Ferry - Roxy Music
Chris Cornell - Soundgarden, Audioslave
Dave Gahan - Depeche Mode
Dave Matthews
Davey Havok - AFI
David Bowie
David Byrne - Talking Heads
David Lee Roth - Van Halen, solo
Debbie Harry - Blondie
Eddie Argos - Art Brut
Eddie Vedder - Pearl Jam
Elvis Costello
Frank Black - Pixies
Freddie Mercury - Queen
Gene Simmons - Kiss
Grace Slick - Jefferson Airplane
Henry Rollins - Black Flag, Rollins Band
Ian Curtis - Joy Division
Iggy Pop
James Brown
James Hetfield - Metallica
Janis Joplin
Jeff Mangum - Neutral Milk Hotel
Jello Biafra - Dead Kennedys
Jim Morrison - The Doors
Joe Strummer - The Clash
Joey Ramone - The Ramones
Johnny Rotten - Sex Pistols
Jon Bon Jovi
Kurt Cobain - Nirvana
Layne Staley - Alice In Chains
Liam Gallagher - Oasis
Meat Loaf
Michael Hutchence - INXS
Michael Stipe - R.E.M.
Mick Jagger - Rolling Stones
Morrissey - The Smiths, solo
Ozzy Osbourne - Black Sabbath, solo
Prince
Rivers Cuomo - Weezer
Robert Plant - Led Zeppelin
Robert Pollard - Guided By Voices
Robert Smith - The Cure
Roger Daltrey - The Who
Ronnie James Dio - Solo, etc.
Scott Weiland - Stone Temple Pilots, Velvet Revolver
Shane McGowan - The Pogues
Stephen Malkmus - Pavement, solo
Steve Perry - Journey
Steven Tyler - Aerosmith
Sting - The Police, solo
Ted Leo - Ted Leo & The Pharmacists
Thom Yorke - Radiohead
Trent Reznor - Nine Inch Nails
Wayne Coyne - Flaming Lips
Zach De La Roche - Rage Against the Machine
Zack Morris - Zack Attack

DRUMMERS

(Voting will open on Wednesday, June 6th)

Alex Van Halen - Van Halen
Animal - Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem (Muppets)
Bill Bruford - Yes, King Crimson
Brad Wilk - Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave
Carl Palmer - Emerson, Lake and Palmer
Carter Beauford - Dave Matthews Band
Charlie Watts - Rolling Stones
Chris Frantz - Talking Heads
Chris Pennie - Dillinger Escape Plan
Clyde Stubblefield - James Brown, rap samples
Danny Carey - Tool
Dave Grohl - Nirvana
Dave Lombardo - Slayer
Ginger Baker - Cream
Ian Paice - Deep Purple
Jimmy Chamberlain - Smashing Pumpkins
John Bonham - Led Zeppelin
Keith Moon - The Who
Larry Mullen Jr. - U2
Lars Ulrich - Metallica
Max Weinberg - E Street Band, Conan
Mick Fleetwood - Fleetwood Mac
Mitch Mitchell - Jimi Hendrix Experience
Neil Peart - Rush
Phil Collins - Genesis
Ringo Starr - Beatles
Steve Gadd - Steely Dan
Steve Smith - Journey
Stewart Copeland - The Police
Terry Bozzio - Frank Zappa
Travis Barker - blink-182
Zak Starkey - Oasis, modern Who

BASSISTS

(Voting will open on Thursday, June 7th)

Adam Clayton - U2
Bootsy Collins - Parliament/Funkadelic
Bruce Thomas - Elvis Costello & The Attractions
Charlie from “Lost”
Chris Squire - Yes
Cliff Burton - Metallica
Colin Moulding- XTC
Derek Smalls - Spinal Tap
Flea - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Geddy Lee - Rush
Geezer Butler - Black Sabbath
Jack Bruce - Cream
Jaco Pastorius - Weather Report, solo
John Entwistle - The Who
John Paul Jones - Led Zeppelin
Kim Deal - Pixies, Breeders
Krist Novoselic - Nirvana
Les Claypool - Primus
Mark Sandman - Morphine
Mike Gordon - Phish
Mike Watt - Minutemen
Paul McCartney - Wings
Paul Simonon - The Clash
Peter Hook - Joy Division, New Order
Phil Lesh - Grateful Dead
Phil Lynott - Thin Lizzy
Roger Waters - Pink Floyd
Sid Vicious - Sex Pistols
Steve Harris - Iron Maiden
Tony Levin - King Crimson
Victor Wooten - Bela Fleck & The Flecktones
William Mysterious - Rezillos

SONGWRITERS

(Voting will open on Monday, June 11)

Ben Folds
Benny Andersson / Bjorn Ulvaeus - Abba
Billy Joel
Bob Dylan
Brian Wilson - Beach Boys
Bruce Springsteen
Cat Stevens
Elliot Smith
Elton John / Bernie Taupin
Harry Nilsson
James Taylor
Jeff Lynne - ELO
John Fogerty - CCR
John Lennon / Paul McCartney - Beatles
Joni Mitchell
Leonard Cohen
Lou Reed
Marvin Gaye
Neil Young
Nick Cave
Otis Redding
Paul Simon
Randy Newman
Ray Davies - The Kinks
Robbie Robertson - The Band
Roy Orbison
Stevie Nicks - Fleetwood Mac, solo
Stuart Murdoch - Belle & Sebastian
Todd Rundgren
Tom Petty
Tom Waits
Van Morrison

Dream Band Begins!

Dan H. — Wed, 30 May 2007 06:08:47 +0000

64 lead singers. 64 guitarists. 32 drummers. 32 bassists. 32 songwriters. Five seperate tournaments, whittled down to one person in each category, will be held to determine the lineup for the greatest possible band ever assembled. Either that, or five unrelated human beings who never would have gotten along or sounded good together. But either way, we’re gonna have a lot of fun and a lot of arguments in which one commenter calls another one a pussy along the way.

Once we have declared a lineup for the greatest supergroup in rock history, Chris and I will offer the money we have made off of the Google ads on this site - somewhere between $159 and $90,000,000 - to the Dream Band to form and put on a concert on this site. I know what some of you are thinking, but believe me, rock is not about the money, or about still being alive. The Dream Band is happening.

Jump over to the right and vote in Round One of the Guitarist Tournament! The poll will be open until 5:00 Friday. The rest of the tournament brackets will be revealed later today, and the Frontman tournament will begin tomorrow.

Go vote, spread the word, and let those people having fun vs. people taking it weirdly seriously comments fly!

Ice Cream Challenge: The Beatles

Dan H. — Wed, 23 May 2007 06:09:14 +0000

Well, the Fab Four have officially managed to earn themselves the greatest honor in the history of human culture - a Band Madness championship. To celebrate, let’s shower them with the second greatest honor in the history of human culture - a Wednesday Ice Cream Challenge. Too many good flavors to pick from, but who could resist the rare critical plus commercial appeal of:

I Am the Walnuts
Here Comes the Sundae
Moussie in the Pie With Almonds
Happiness is Some Warm Fudge
Eating For the Lemon-fit of Mr. Ice!
Sgt. Peppermint’s Conely Tarts Tongue Brand

Man, I could go on forever. Someone please start posting some in the comments before I literally call off work and listen to every Beatles album and pretend I’m eating every song that comes on.

Tuesday Rivalry: Neeeeeeeerrrrrrddds!

Dan H. — Tue, 22 May 2007 05:48:58 +0000

We’ve made fun of a lot of people over the course of this tournament - AFI fans, DMB fraternities, Oasis, crappy American bands, Canadian bands that aren’t crappy but who cares cause they’re Canadian - but we haven’t really turned the gun on ourselves yet. We’ll save the indie self-deprication for another day (when Laibach returns), but in the meantime, it’s time to fess up - who’s the nerdiest band, and how many of their albums do we own?

Which is the nerdiest band?

My name is Dan, and I have seen Rush in concert. Yep, they had a big dragon.

Band Madness 2007 Champion: The Beatles

Dan H. — Mon, 21 May 2007 05:26:42 +0000

Beatles 933, Led Zeppelin 551. Numbers that will forever be etched into our memories along with Babe Ruth’s 714 home runs, the December 7, 1941 Pearl Harbor bombing, and September 13th, 1993 - aka, “Mortal Monday” (release of MK 1 for Super Nintendo). The fact that I had to Google the Pearl Harbor date just to make sure should clinch without a shadow of a doubt that I am not a human being of any worth, or, perhaps, that the Band Madness 2007 final score is more seminal than the Pearl Harbor date, and I only have the room in my brain to remember three important numbers (hence, proving the previous sentence anyway.)

Now that I can no longer impact voting by my moderative posts, I’ll say that I am actually somewhat surprised, though very satisfied, with the outcome. I’m satisfied because I do love The Beatles and because they certainly fit the criteria of “who do you like better?”, the tournament’s founding principle, as opposed to “who do people feel obligated to vote for even though they don’t listen to them,” i.e., a lot of bands that went pretty far in the competition. I’m surprised, though, because Pink Floyd looked like such a powerhouse last year, and beat the Beatles head-to-head, plus had a strong online following and a bunch of other strong online followings (NIN, Depeche Mode, The Cure, etc.) probably would have favored Floyd over The Beatles, despite the general public’s obvious persuasion towards the latter. I’m also surprised because I was fully expecting (/hoping?) that a fanbase would hijack the site, which the AFIers did, but general common sense won out in the end, though for the record, I do not begrudge those fans at all, they were terrific commenters and sparked lots of conversation. And not just “AFI / Ramones? AFI all the way!” “You’re queer and your fucking band is queer.”

We have another fantastical tournament on the way later this week (did someone say guitarists??? Besides me just literally typing that word out right now???) but in the meantime, what do people think about The Beatles’ victory, and/or about the ‘07 tournament in general?