Bangkok Diaries

Nancy Chandler’s Map of Chiang Mai

DougBangkok — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 04:56:47 +0000

Nancy Chandler’s Map of Chiang Mai is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

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Men are convinced that women cannot read maps. They know this to be a fact.

If you go up to a man, any man, on the street, give him your map, and tell him that you are lost and you want to go to the National Museum, he will take your map, unfold it, and stare at it for three seconds. He will then stab his finger at the map and say, “We’re here right now.” Then he will point at the museum, which is clearly marked, and say, “You want to go there.” Then he will trace your route along the map, and give you precise instructions: “Go down this street three blocks, make a right, go two more streets, turn left, and it will be right in front of you.”

If you go up to a woman, and try to give her your map, most won’t take it because they know they can’t read it. But if you insist, she will gingerly unfold it, hold it at arm’s length, stare at it, rotate it 90 degrees, turn herself so she’s facing the road, rotate the map again, and generally try to figure out how to align the map with the road. Naturally, the printing will be upside down. Eventually, she will say something like, “I can’t tell from this stupid map; it’s that way” and point in the direction of the museum.

The reason this happens is not that women can’t read maps; it’s that women can’t read maps designed by men.

Men are precise, logical animals. They know precisely where they are in space at all times. As they walk along a street, they watch the house numbers, they absorb the names of the cross streets through their pores. They know, at any instant, exactly how far they have come from a known, fixed location, like that main intersection back there.

Women, on the other hand, also know where they are, but not precisely. They know they are somewhere near the cathedral, and that the market is over that way a little bit. They know that if they walk in that direction for a few minutes, and then head towards the river, they will come to an antique shop they visited three years ago.

I am a programmer, and quite familiar with these two methods of locating things: the first is called “absolute addressing”, and the second “relative addressing”. They’re both right, they both get you to where you want to go, but they use different techniques.

The reason a woman can’t read a map is that maps are designed by men to give them the spatial references they need to navigate. A map is no good to a man unless it shows every cross street, all the railway lines, as well as significant things like towers, parks, and hills. Ideally, a map should show house numbers and the direction of one-way streets.

To a woman, this is all confusing detail, which makes the map a chore to read.

This was brought home to me a few years ago, when my wife and I were in Chiang Mai, a town in Northern Thailand. We were in a tourist shop, looking at maps, when my wife pulled out Nancy Chandler’s Map of Chiang Mai. “Let’s buy this one,” she said. She was obviously attracted by the colourful exterior; all the other maps were drab in comparison.

Outside on the street, she opened up the map and held it in front of her. I looked over her shoulder. The first thing I noticed is that most of the streets were not marked; while the main streets were all there, none of the little side streets were shown at all. There was just a lot of empty space, coloured beige.

“This map is no good,” I said, “It has nothing on it.”

“Hold the map,” she said.

I did, and she stabbed her finger at the map.

“We’re right here,” she said.

I looked closer, and she was pointing just to the right of the street on which we were standing.

“How do you know we’re at that spot?” I asked.

She lifted her finger. The tourist store we had just exited was marked on the map, and had been under her finger.

“This is a great map,” she said.

Nancy Chandler’s Map of Chiang Mai is designed by a woman for women. For men, it’s next to useless; for women, it’s priceless.

About the Author:

Douglas Anderson is the author of Speak Easy Thai and the web master of Learn Thai Faster.

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Losing Face

Admin — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 05:34:23 +0000

Losing Face is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

Thank you for reading Bangkok Diaries. If you have a post or a story you would like to share please send us your submissions.

I think a serious basic flaw of Thailand is the “losing face” obsession, which is weaved into the very fabric of Thai life and culture….from birth to death… top to bottom. Nobody talks about it. I am aware that I actually know very little about it. So I will appreciate your comments/experiences on this subject.

Near as I can tell, it works like this. If something goes wrong or something isn’t right….anyone who is held as responsible…guilty or not… loses face. Anyone who is embarrassed or shown up loses which is evidently a pretty serious business to khun Thai. Another unfortunate feature of losing face is that it also appears to be permanent and irredeemable

For example, if you make an issue of there being no fire exits and safety features in a bar ..to the person responsible… they lose face and will hate you, maybe even seriously enough to want to hurt you if you persist in your criticisms. If you tell a staff underling (who is not responsible) they will never… ever!… even dream of telling their superior…because he will lose face and there will be hell to pay…. If the food sucks in restaurant don’t bother to complain to the waitperson (who will never ask you how you like your meal) …they’ll never tell anyone because the cook/owner can’t lose face. Check bin and don’t go back. Thai people don’t beep their horns (thank heavens!) because the driver being beeped at loses face…and it may provoke confrontation and/or violence. It’s likely a good idea if you don’t beep as well.
Unwalkable sidewalks? The head of sidewalk maintenance will lose face. Tiptoe thru the tulips. The blockade at the airport?…Nobody held to account because they’d lose face.

Most farang are aware (if somewhat bemused) that even a Thai prostitute the lowest of the lo-so from the Thai perspective will abandon a promising farang forever perhaps even do him violence.. if he makes her lose face. And the losing face thing.. is waaay ingrained into the class/caste system….probably more than we farang can imagine.

When it comes to serious government/bureaucratic decisions…spending billions on a highway to nowhere for example….a poorly built airport they don’t need…or tourist-hostile immigration laws… its very difficult to reverse, correct and remedy these costly bad decisions because the guys at the top…who made them.. can’t lose face. So the highway to nowhere…which everybody knows was a bad idea.. gets half-built…until it runs out of money…and another crumbling, useless half-assed project blights the landscapeâ€¦.and nobody loses face.

Farang…or anybody?…are helpless to change this.

I love and live in Thailand. I wouldn’t trade it’s lax attitude and lack of common sense for even one of the zoning and police regulations I escaped from in the West… where some touch-hole with a tape measure or a badge.. and a rule-book… reads everybody the riot act.
I’ll take the flaws. But its healthy and wise to be aware of them….and act accordingly. You’ve got to be observant, self-reliant and mindful…I always look four ways (and up and down) before crossing a one-way street. In a place where nobody will take care of you… you must take care of yourself.

Hey maybe I’m full of shit but please be generous and gentle in what you say about this essay. I don’t want to lose face.

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On being a Western woman in Thailand

BKK Blue — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 10:47:09 +0000

On being a Western woman in Thailand is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

Thank you for reading Bangkok Diaries. If you have a post or a story you would like to share please send us your submissions.

It is not always easy being a Western woman in Thailand, I know: I’ve been here for over 10 years. On this Bangkok Diaries website alone, the amount of slander and hate-talk directed at Western women is a good representation of the larger anti-Western women dynamics in the country. In addition, I have seen innumerable Western women being broken as their relationship and family tears apart. It is a fact that very few Western couples can survive several years in the Land of Smiles.

Upon arriving in Thailand, many Western men become like small boys in a candy shop, realizing they can afford all the prettiest sweets on the shelf. Oh the excitement of it all! And the predictable happens. Husband is walking along the Bangkok streets, perhaps after an argument with his wife, perhaps not. Chances are he will rapidly cross paths with a gogo bar, or a smiling Thai girl who will apply all her charm to seduce him. Many Thai girls know what they are doing in this area. Indeed, they can even make an obese Farang believe that he looked like the ideal hybrid of Brad Pitt and Robbie Williams as he blared out “My Way” on the karaoke. If the said Farang has sufficiently low self-awareness and sufficiently inflated ego, and a few drinks in him, it will work every time!

Generally speaking, Thai women are trained to always look pretty, talk softly and relentlessly work on their ‘Wife Curriculum Vitae’ from birth. This includes demonstrating your ability to artfully arrange cookies on the platter, and to spoon-feed living creatures of any age. From an early age, many Thai women are made to believe that their beauty is their biggest asset for reaching success, as my years teaching kindergarten in Bangkok have led me to notice. In brief, Thai women receive a very different education than that of your average modern Western woman.

Western women, growing up after the feminist revolution, have been taught that they need to be strong and tough to reach success. We have learned to play in the boys’ court and by the boys’ rules. We have proven that we can also play the ‘Competition for Power’ game including in the political and economic arenas. And Western feminist courage and thought have in fact benefited men and women the world over. The International Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women has allowed for the increased protection of Thai women in their homes, workplaces, and public arena since 1985.

The point is: Western women have much to be proud of, and they mustn’t apologize for who they are. In Thailand, a Western woman will be made to feel worthless and small. Maybe her ‘Wife CV’ isn’t as good her Thai neighbour’s is. Maybe, after giving birth to 2-3 children, her waistline will be more like her husband’s than a young Thai lady’s. Farang men will constantly denigrate us as arrogant, bitchy, ugly, worthless human beings. Such Farang men clearly have major issues: a sense of entitlement (to sex and dinner, for example), a heightened sense of self-worth (“I am better than my ugly wife”), and a loathing for Western women. Generally, this is accompanied by despise for Thai men, something shared by their Thai wife (“I am better than Thai men”).

In the face of such hate, I sometimes feel so sad, scared, almost crazy. But, there is no need to despair! Western women in Thailand can find a great deal of compassion and companionship from each other. Thai men also have something to offer. Most young Western women have experienced being pursued, if not stalked, by Thai men. A Thai boyfriend will take care of you in a very different way to Western men. Thais have a lot of qualities to offer, such as a devotion to their parents and families, which is too often lacking in Western men. A successful relationship between a Western woman and Thai man is possible: I know of one that has lasted for over 30 years.

Western women and Thai women have a lot to learn from each other. Beyond learning to cook Tom Ka Gai, your Thai female neighbour can probably teach you a lot about taking it easy *jai yen*, or the importance of regular selfless acts *kreng jai*. Upon request, many Western women like me can also give crash-courses on how to be strong, arrogant and bitchy: necessary traits for any woman wanting to make it to top in a man’s world – think Nancy Pelosi, Empress Wu Zetian, Queen Victoria, Margaret Thatcher or Gloria Arroyo. The right to vote, the right to contraception and abortion, weren’t won by sweet-lipped women.

Times are changing: increasingly, Asian women are joining in the quest for gender equality. Thai women’s opportunities will continue to broaden, and they will no longer be as inclined to prostitute themselves, or accept balding Farangs as the most desirable husband. Whether such Farang-Thai partnerships are ‘bad’ or ‘good’ is not my concern. But my 10 years in Thailand have shown that many Farang men will ultimately be disappointed by their Thai partner. Farang men will whine and bitch about ‘how difficult it is to have an interesting conversation with her’, ‘she’s not as docile as I thought’, etc. These Farangs will often end up estranged or despised by their own children and extended family back in their country. In Thailand, a Western woman may lose her husband. But we keep our children’s love and respect. So let’s not lose our self-confidence and compassion. Our ex-husbands may need some in the future.

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Sutthisan Road Gogo Bars : Same Same But Different

Anonymous — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 15:46:21 +0000

Sutthisan Road Gogo Bars : Same Same But Different is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

Thank you for reading Bangkok Diaries. If you have a post or a story you would like to share please send us your submissions.

After a rather boring stroll around Soi Cowboy some friends suggested hitting the Thai go-go bars on Sutthisan Road. We jumped in a cab and made the 15 minute ride out past Saphan Kwai. Unfortunately I don’t remember which bar was which but I thought I would give my thoughts as an overall impression of the Thai go-go scene.

My first impression was that I was expecting a lot less. I was picturing the go-gos to be sort of like larger versions of those karaoke joints with the Christmas lights year-round you see out in the Bangkok suburbs. They were all pretty nice. In fact, some are nicer than the dives on Cowboy and in Nana.

As expected, everything is Thai-style. That means that rather than a gallery where all of the seats face the stage they tended to go with booths more like a restaurant. When they brought out your drinks they brought them on a cart with a bucket of ice (which you are charged for – along with the cool wipes if you take one). They filled you up and from time to time would grab your glass chuck some more ice cubes in it and top off your beer. Pretty much the same type of service you would expect in a Thai bar or restaurant.

I don’t know about other drinks but a large bottle of Heineken averaged about 120 baht at each bar. Yes, that’s about what you would pay for a regular sized beer in Cowboy and Nana. As you’ll see the prices tend to all move in that direction out there.

The girls were not Baccara or Rainbow 4 quality in terms of looks but they weren’t bad either. There were plenty of cute girls dancing at all the places we went to. Speaking of dancing, the girls actually dance in these go-gos. There’s no Bangkok Shuffle going on. They get up there and work it.

I noticed that at every bar went that the first time the mamasan came by the table with a girl (or several girls) they were the worst picks in the place. I guess that happens in a lot of Cowboy and Nana bars but being the only farangs in the place it sort of seemed even more insulting that normal. No worries though. You just decline if you’re not interested and everything is sabai sabai.

The mama/papasans can be a little pushy at times. Nothing like Cowboy or Nana but still a bit of an annoyance. It’s all cool though. No major hassles.

Another nice change is that though girls did come by our table from time to time to see if there was some interest it was certainly none of the pushy stuff you get in Nana and Cowboy. They would walk over and politely stand there while you finished your conversation and then she would ask if she can sit down. I don’t think I heard a girl ask for a drink until we had been sitting with them for at least 5 or 10 minutes. I was told that there is a drink per every 30 minutes charge if you sit with a girl but if you’re chatting up a girl for 30 minutes or an hour a drink or two doesn’t seem too much to ask.

I’ve heard some people say that you should probably speak some Thai before hanging out in these places but my Thai isn’t very good and I got by fine. One of my friends speaks it very well and of course he helped the sanook vibe by being able to joke around in Thai with the girls but even the girls who didn’t speak English very well spoke enough that I don’t think anyone would actually have a huge problem if they didn’t speak Thai.

Most of the places had the dancers in their bikinis or some other outfit. One we stopped off in was fully nude dancing. After they finished the current set a group of about five or six gals took the stage and started soaping themselves up. The stage was covered in suds by the end of the act and staff ran out and squeegeed it clean for the next set.

We did hit one bar that didn’t seem very farang friendly. Nothing was said or anything but the girls wouldn’t even come near our table and seemed to do everything they could not to make eye contact while dancing. After our beers we felt it better to move on than try to figure out whether something was up or not. It was a shame because it was a nice bar and the girls were very cute.

Near 2am we asked about the bar fine policy and costs and where told it was 1500 for short-time (3 hours) or 2000 long-time. Those fees are all-inclusive. That’s the cost of the girl and the bar fine. The mamasan asked me where I lived and when I told her I lived way on the other side of town she asked if I would agree to paying a little extra to the girl in the morning for taxi.

All in all, if you’re looking for something out of the ordinary to do one night, I say give it a go. I’m not sure I would go hang out down there alone since it might get a little boring not having anybody who speaks decent English to talk to but if you have a few friends and are tired of the scams, hassles, and “my friend too” crap that goes on in the Cowboy and Nana go-gos it’s worth checking out. We had a great time and I would definitely go back though it is a bit of a hassle getting out there which is the only real drawback.

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Strangeness on ThaiLoveLinks

Billy Bangkok — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 15:52:37 +0000

Strangeness on ThaiLoveLinks is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

Thank you for reading Bangkok Diaries. If you have a post or a story you would like to share please send us your submissions.

I was sitting in front of my computer trying to get some important work done and I got an email from Thai Love Links telling me that someone had shown an interest in me. Of course, I this was really important work so I immediately stopped what I was doing and decided to check out who it was.

For once, it wasn’t a 50 year old fatty with missing teeth living in the more remote part of Issan. In fact, she was, I dare say, attractive. Cupid must be smiling down on me helping this girl find her way to my profile and then being interested enough to click on the old “Show Interest” button.

So I sent her an email where I thanked her for showing an interest and then thought I would be clever in trying to start a conversation by asking her why she says in her profile that she doesn’t like speaking very much. Seemed like an odd thing to say in one’s profile and considering it was the entirety of her description of herself she hadn’t given me much to work with.

A few moments later I receive this reply.

yes you can finding many thai narak. ladies for your mention it about marriage in finally…but.you shouldn’t destroying them by sex for testing them or taste them….that calling selfish..many farangs like to said like you and do nothing i knew from many ladies on internet………

Just to help you understand a bit of what she’s talking about I say in my profile I would like to meet a nice lady and that I’m marriage minded.

I’m guessing that if this is how she goes around introducing herself she will likely remain single for a long time. But the second question I had to ask myself was why is she even on a foreigner-centric online dating site if this is her opinion of farang men? She’s heard we’re all depraved sex fiends who just want to jump their bones so, of course, signing up on a site and sending indications of interest to guys seems like the most reasonable course of action.

It also caught my eye that she’s 30 years old, living with her family, has employment status set to “Other” and claims to be a Catholic. Based on the wording of her email it doesn’t sound like she has any experience dating farang men so we’ve got a 30 year old Thai woman who has never been married. Thirty is pretty much the cutoff for many Thai guys so I’m going to assume she woke up one day and realized her only hope is Big Whitey. Maybe her parents were pressuring her because, you know, they were hoping she’d marry someone and be able to send a little cash to help support them.

So reluctantly she goes out and signs up on an online dating website and starts trolling for men. But, she doesn’t really like us farangs. She’s happy being single. But she’s not getting any looks from Thai guys and mom and dad are eyeing a new pickup truck so a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

She puts the absolute minimum effort into creating a profile. I already mentioned what her description of herself was. She states in what her perfect match should be:

GOOD PERSON.

She omits an age range she’s interested in and states that she’s looking for “Friends” because she’s still not come to terms with the fact that she has to meet a guy and *yeck* maybe become intimate with him.

So out she goes clicking on profiles and if the guy isn’t someone who wouldn’t make her vomit when the relationship gets to that point where sex is unavoidable (in her mind, after the wedding reception) she clicks on the “Show Interest” button and waits for the replies to start coming in.

Yes, what a catch this one will be for some lucky guy.

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Trying to Understand

Anonymous — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 14:30:36 +0000

Trying to Understand is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

Thank you for reading Bangkok Diaries. If you have a post or a story you would like to share please send us your submissions.

I’m not one of those folks who gets off bashing everything they don’t understand about Thailand and the Thai people but I had two questions I’ve yet to receive a satisfactory response to. They’re not meant to be insulting. I just really would love if someone could explain this to me.

Headaches

Thailand has to be the migraine headache capital of the world. Or maybe I just happen to attract people who have a propensity for them. Seriously though, I’ve never met so many people in such a small sample size that complain that they suffer from migraines. And I’m not talking about the run of the mill headache here. I’ve had more Thai women tell me that they’ve been hospitalized for headaches than anywhere else in the world.

According to some websites on migraines I’ve checked out they say that about 16% of all people will experience at least one migraine over the course of their life. Some will have a migraine headache multiple times over their life but most only have one. Based on that, what are the odds that out of say 100 Thai women I know, AT LEAST 10 (probably closer to 12 or 13 but it’s not like I keep stats) have told me they’ve been hospitalized with a migraine headache during the time I’ve known them. Given that I’ve probably known the girls in the sample an average of less than one year, what kind of amazing odds would there have to be that 10% have all had a migraine in that short of a period?

I can already hear some people chuckling saying that maybe it’s an excuse (oh, not tonight honey, I have a headache haha). But why? I mean, if some girl you haven’t spoken to in a month hits you up and you ask how she’s been and she tells you she’s been in the hospital with headaches for 3 days what point was her to make up a story? I have to believe she’s being honest.

I don’t think it’s environmental because I’ve heard it from girls living in Krabi, Koh Samui, Chiang Mai, and various parts of Isaan.

Am I just running into some freakish statistical anomaly? Do Thais really do suffer from more headaches than most people? Do they carry more stress around as a result of the whole mai ben rai attitude?

Anybody who can shed some light on this care to comment?

Buddhism and Meditation

Maybe this is related to the above question but I recently started asking every Thai friend I run into whether or not they meditate. So far I’ve received 80% no and 20% seldom. But don’t Buddhism and meditation go hand in hand?

I mean, some of these folks are the type who wai every spirit house, temple, and shrine they pass. Some wear big Buddha amulets for good luck, good health, etc. Many regularly go to temple and make merit.

But they don’t mediate.

I’m not passing judgement. I’m well aware that not every Christian goes to church every Sunday, every Muslim doesn’t abstain from booze, and not every Jew holds off on pork. I’m just curious. Because if you ask a Christian why he doesn’t go to church he can probably articulate his reasons. Same for the Jews and Muslims. But when I ask why Thais don’t meditate I’ve gotten answers ranging from “I’m not a monk,” to simply a blank stare as if the question itself was stupid.

I know that Thais don’t practice the most strict form of Buddhism and have a lot of other influences on their take on the religion but when you think of Buddhism you think of meditation.

I don’t even have any theories on this one. I’m completely clueless. Anybody who can shed some light on this for me gets some karma points from me

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Living in Thailand – Life and Death on the Farm

DougBangkok — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 02:58:59 +0000

Living in Thailand – Life and Death on the Farm is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

Thank you for reading Bangkok Diaries. If you have a post or a story you would like to share please send us your submissions.

This story was related to me recently by a waitress who normally works in Bangkok, but goes back to her village periodically to see her children and work on her farm.

“I buy baby chicken in market five baht. She go, ‘cheep cheep cheep’ allatime. She follow me roun’. She think I am her mudder.

“Everywhere I go, she run behine me, go ‘cheep cheep cheep’ allatime.

“At night, I go in house, leave baby chicken outsigh.

“In morning, I come out, she run roun’, go ‘cheep cheep cheep’, follow me everywhere. Very cute, Doug. I very happy. ‘Cheep cheep cheep’ all day.

“Next day, I working, very happy hearing ‘cheep cheep cheep’. Suddenly, I no hear ‘cheep’. I turn roun’, see big sanake. Very big sanake, more than two meter. Sanake eat baby chicken. I freeze, Doug, stand like …, not know English word.”

“Statue?” I asked.

“Yes, freeze like statue. I stand like that long time. Then sanake move, I move, too, find big satick, hit sanake many time on head. Many time, Doug, I hit sanake and he die.

“I sit down, I cry, Doug, I cry long time, baby chicken dead. Why she die so young? I take satick, pick up sanake, throw in klong, let fish eat. Bad sanake.”

At this point, she was crying heavily, but being the insensitive lout I am, I really wanted to ask about karma. I knew she was a Buddhist, it would have been interesting to find out what she thought about the snake’s karma, the chick’s karma, and her karma, but I refrained. Instead I hugged her until she stopped crying.

“Did you buy another chick?” I asked when she stopped crying.

“No, Doug, I have very bad luck all year, not wan’ kill anudder baby. But cannot stay on my farm, too serious (depressed), so I come back Bangkok.”

————-

Doug Anderson is the author of Speak Easy Thai and webmaster of Learn a Language Faster.

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Dancing Fools

Richard — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 07:05:50 +0000

Dancing Fools is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

Thank you for reading Bangkok Diaries. If you have a post or a story you would like to share please send us your submissions.

Another two beers.Another barely concealed look of contempt from a waiter wanting a Twenty Baht tip as he slouched away empty handed. It was midnight at The Bamboo Bar-Pattaya. The place was packed. As the band launched into Hands Up, the old disco favourite, Farangs at the elasticated waistband stage in life flocked to the dance floor with their homely looking forty something Thai girls.

“Hands up
baby hands up
give me your heart
gimmee gimmee
your heart”

Everyone sang along, hands raised at the appropriate moment. It’s a happy scene. As sandwiched as we are at our table, between giant Russians, Sai couldn’t resist and was up on her feet beside me dancing along. I knew that she’d like to be up there on the dance floor with me. I’d seen her earlier through a mass of people, as she made her way back from the toilet, stopping to dance alone on the fringes of a crowded dance floor for a couple of songs.

“You not shy okay”, she said,

As she tried to persuade me to get up and join her. It’s not something I’ve ever really been able to bring myself to do. Not something that i’ve ever been comfortable with. Too self conscious, too English, too late to change now. I wish that i could. As the chorus came around once more Sai was ready and sang along

“hand job
baby hand job”,

Complete with her own hand gesture. The nearest Russian came close to getting showered in beer as i almost choked on the mouthful I’d just taken. I laughed until i cried. Through blurry tear filled eyes I looked at Sai as she danced and laughed. I shouted over the music,

“Sai, it’s hands up not hand job”, holding my arms up in the air as I tried to explain.

“Oh, I think hand job” she replied.

I dissolved into fits of the giggles again and, of course, what else could I do as the chorus came around again but sing along

“hand job
baby hand job”,

Complete with that special hand gesture.

As we wandered back to the hotel along Beach Road i suggest we cross between the nose to tail songthaews to be nearer the sea.

“Why you want walk here?” Sai asked.

“It’s more romantic”, I say, pointing at the lights reflecting on the water out in the bay.

“Lomantic”, she scoffed, as we weave our way between the working girls and mongers.

“Farang ba”,(crazy) she adds, as i knew she would.

It’s about as romantic as a stroll around The Nana Hotel car park at 2.00am except that it’s by the sea, but no less entertaining.

“Sanuk maak”, Sai says of the evening as we sit on the edge of the bed.” Why you not dance with me”? she asked, still puzzled.

“I know, I’m sorry Sai”, I reply, unable to explain.

I find a music channel on the TV that’s playing something I could dance to, if a loaded gun was put to my head, if you could even call it dancing. That sort of late night shuffle as the evening winds down at some function or other and people pair off. A scene that i inevitably observed from the sidelines in my youth when i thought that it mattered. It was never me up there in some smoochy intoxicated embrace. Though i wished that it was i always somehow felt detatched from it. The memories of all those disappointing parties from the past, that I pretended to enjoy, came flooding back as i pulled Sai up from the bed and held her close. As we shuffled around the floor i really expected her to break away and dismiss it as more “lomantic” old tosh but she didn’t. It was me that pulled away and i was surprised to find that she wanted it to continue.

“Again again” she pleaded, with one arm tightly around my neck and a hand on my shoulder,

“I want you teach me”, she said, enjoying this new experience of a slow dance rather than what she was used to.

I laughed, “Sai there’s nothing really to teach”, I said, as we moved around slowly shifting our weight from the left to the right in time to the music.

“Sai qua sai qua”(left right left right) she repeated to herself clinging on tightly with a big smile on her face.

It was all in rather sharp contrast to about sixteen hours earlier when a fast taxi from Bangkok had dropped me off on Beach Road. Sai had been out of touch for several months while I’d been back in England. Her number went out of use so I couldn’t call her, and she didn’t contact me until a couple of weeks before i was due to return to Thailand. She had fucked up big time and was now, it seemed, hiding out in Pattaya too frightened to stay in Bangkok. She wouldn’t go into detail over the phone.

“When I see you I tell you,” she had said.

Though she never believed that i would make the trip to Pattaya to see her,

“I think you not want see me again”, she’d said several times, no matter how many times I assured her I would.

I called her from Beach road and checked in to a hotel that we’d used once before. She arrived in the back of a songthaew about half an hour later with a baseball cap pulled so low over her face I didn’t notice her at first as I waited under a shady palm. She was all smiles to begin with but once in the room she buried her face into my chest and cried, great shuddering sobs that soaked the tears and snot into my shirt. I sensed that it was a mixture of relief that i had actually turned up as promised, and of regret over what she had done. Sai, I knew, was not one to turn on the waterworks at will. I’d only ever seen her cry once before when, after a few drinks, she had told me a little of the poor Issan background she came from. Even with her limited grasp of English she’d painted a scene so vividly of the time she had given birth to her daughter that it still stays with me to this day. With her parents long gone, and a husband who’d left her several months before, she delivered the baby alone.

“Have nobody help me”, she had said as tears streamed down her face.” Mama Papa tai laew (Mother and Father had died) husband pai laew” (husband had gone)

“I stay alone when baby come out”, she continued.

When the words weren’t there she mimed the cutting of the cord and holding the baby that, somehow, said more than words ever could.

Slowly the reason she was laying low in Pattaya began to unfold. One evening, back in Bangkok, she happened to hook up with a girl she didn’t know that well but ended up trawling around Sukhumvit with anyway looking for business. As she tells it they were eventually beckoned up, from a window, to a room either in a hotel or an apartment, I’m not sure which, by a punter.

“Him smoke yaa ba”, she said.

As time moved on it seemed he had no real interest in Sai though she was free to stay while the other girl smoked with him. Somewhere along the line the girl dropped something into his drink and sure enough he was out for the count soon after. Sai, unaware that this was what her “friend” had had in mind, nevertheless split a few thousand Baht 50/50 and left. The other girl it appears stayed on to get whatever else she could. Later the next day Sai recieved a call from a girl who, as it turned out, happened to be staying in the same building. She warned Sai to keep well away from the place and advised her to steer well clear of Sukhumvit altogether. Understandably the bloke who’d been turned over had been to the police. They were now in possession of cctv footage from the building that clearly showed Sai’s face. Sai had had her hair tied back at the time, the other girl it seems had made sure that her hair was covering her face.Sai then demonstrated how this girl had untied her hair, as they entered the building, and bought it all down over her face. Although Sai noticed it at the time the reason why had never occurred to her. Why would it? She wasn’t going in with the intention of robbing anyone, the other girl obviously was.

“She know what she do”, Sai emphasized.

Having been drugged and robbed myself in the past I wasn’t sure how i was feeling about this up until that point. It had certainly fucked me up at the time. As with many other girls it’s all about survival, it’s just that Sai always seems closer to losing that battle more than any other girl i know. The opportunity presented itself and she took the money, I’d say that a lot of girls would when placed in the same situation. The intention to steal it wasn’t there when she went to the room, which i guess counts for something, though i wouldn’t want to rely on that as my defense in a Thai court. When I was caught out the girl had had every intention of doing what she did to me.

The problem, as Sai now sees it, is not going to go away anytime soon. Sukhumvit is where she works, it’s what she knows, it’s where her friends are. As splintered as their existence can be I’ve always been struck by how the girls will help each other out moneywise if they can, even if it’s just Twenty or Thirty Baht so a girl down on her luck can eat. Sai, I know, has both helped others and received helped herself. Now, unable to remain in that area, the fragile safety net she might have had is no longer there. The one thing now that she can’t risk is being picked up by the police in one of their frequent night-time sweeps along Sukhumvit. It’s an occupational hazard to girls like Sai that costs each of them B1000 to get out of Lumpini police station jail. I know because the last time i was in Bangkok I bailed Sai out myself (see my story Mook,Sai and a Sexy Thai Virgin).The fear of being hauled in, as part of the usual routine, and the police matching her up either by accident or design with the cctv footage, or any photo they might have made from it, was too much. Unfortunately she is a familiar face to the boys in brown at Lumpini.A few hours there she can handle, a few years in one of the bigger jails she couldn’t. Whether they could put two and two together or not I couldn’t say. Unwilling to take that chance Sai was on the next bus to Pattaya.

Though i never saw the room she’d found for herself there the description she gave was enough. “An tarai mak maak”(very dangerous) she had said of a small mosquito infested place on a Soi populated with drunks, junkies and snarling dogs. Staying at the hotel came as a welcome relief to her from all that. Though we had an enjoyable time I’m not over keen on Pattaya myself and after a few days i was eager to get back to Bangkok. The thought that I’d return alone I knew would be too much for Sai, even though i promised I’d be back to see her before I flew back to London.The idea of me being somewhere without her I know drives her mad. She made an excuse to return with me saying she had to pick some stuff up from her room in the city. To scared to go anywhere near lower Sukhumvit, and unable to persuade me to leave Soi 8 where I stay, we parted company at Ekamai with the promise that I’d return to Pattaya. I didn’t hear from her for a couple of days after that. She’d said she’d be going straight back but sure enough she called me from Bangkok. She arrived at my hotel on Soi 8 later that evening. I’d persuaded her to come right up to the door in a taxi so she wouldn’t have to walk anywhere around Sukhumvit. As thunder rolled across the city, and lightening flickered like a faulty neon light above, I lent in to pay the taxi driver as Sai got out. She was through the hotel doorway and in the lift up to my room before I’d even received my change. Over the next couple of days i witnessed the genuine fear that she had of just being in that area. During the day she’d reluctantly walk the length of Soi 8 to the skytrain,or to jump in a taxi if we couldn’t get one on the Soi, with her baseball cap pulled way down over her face. But after dark it was a different matter. Walking from the skytrain back to the hotel at dusk one time had got her so scared she didn’t want to leave my room again that night. She was seeing unmarked police cars and plain clothes police everywhere.

“You Farang you don’t know” she said,

after i thought she might be being just a little bit paranoid. She then told me of a time she’d been pulled into an unmarked car once before while just waiting at a bus stop. Strip searched by some sleazy cop for “yaa ba” he then took B500 off her because she wouldn’t have sex with him before letting her go. Over reaction or not I couldn’t say but the paranoia was infectious and I was seeing figures in the shadows myself before i talked her into going back to Pattaya. If she had been picked up while she was with me i would never have forgiven myself for talking her into staying on Soi 8.

“You see crazy lady?”, Jan asks the next day as we meet for some afternoon delight. She always refers to Sai this way though they’ve never met each other.

“Why you want to see her?” she enquires, after i tell her the latest tale, her nose wrinkled a little as she asks.

I have to confess that i don’t know. She’s not the first one to ask. It’s a question I’ve asked myself many times. She makes me laugh yet drives me to despair in equal measure. Whereas Jan provides the perfect GF experience Sai wouldn’t pretend that she even knew how to. For reasons that i can’t explain there’s something that links us together. I guess for now the dance will continue.

Guest Friendly Hotels in Bangkok I’ve tried to put together a semi-complete list of guest-friendly...

More Bad News for Thailand

Admin — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 09:59:43 +0000

More Bad News for Thailand is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

Thank you for reading Bangkok Diaries. If you have a post or a story you would like to share please send us your submissions.

Looks like supermodel Kate Moss won’t be adding at least $40,000 USD to the Thai economy this year.

Supermodel Kate Moss suffered an expensive hangover, as an alcohol-fuelled festive period has reportedly forced her to cancel a USD 40,000 trip to Thailand.

The supermodel regularly jets out to the luxury Thai island of Koh Sumui at the end of each year for a sun-soaked vacation, Daily Mirror online reported.

But Moss allegedly fell ill on Christmas after an indulgent morning of eating and drinking and her rocker boyfriend Jamie Hince banned her from boarding a plane forcing her to cancel her flights, as well as those she had booked for four pals.

“Kate goes away every New Year and booked this year’s trip over four months ago. Unfortunately she rather over-indulged during the festive period, stuffing herself with turkey and all the trimmings, booze and Christmas pud,” a source said.

“After drinking champagne from 10 am onwards, she felt really ill all afternoon. Jamie told Kate in no uncertain terms that she would not be flying anywhere,” the source added.

“Annoyingly she can’t get a refund so, after forking out for more flights, she has been joking that it’s the $40,000 hangover! All things considered, she has taken it really well,” the source said.

More Bad News for Thailand Keeps Coming I ran across a slew of bad news for Thailand:...

Bangkok Diaries Most Popular 2009

Admin — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 10:27:53 +0000

Bangkok Diaries Most Popular 2009 is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

Thank you for reading Bangkok Diaries. If you have a post or a story you would like to share please send us your submissions.

I was just playing around with the stats for the blog and decided to share with you guys what you thought was popular in 2009. I’ve divided things into two sections; Most Popular 2009 Alltime and Most Popular 2009 Posted in 2009. Alltime is old posts that were popular in 2009 and “in 2009″ are the most popular posts posted in 2009.

Most Popular 2009 Alltime

1. Can You Tell The Difference Between a Thai Lady and a Thai Ladyboy?
2. Finding Fresh Young Girls
3. Top Ten Tips to Spotting a Lady Boy
4. Spotting The Lady Boy
5. Female sex tourism in Thailand: My girlfriend had paid sex with a Thai boy
6. How to Meet Normal Thai Girls
7. Why Do Farang Men Travel Across The Globe To Meet Thai Prostitutes?
8. Hot or Not? What Thai Girls Look for in a Foreign Guy
9. Finding a Thai Girl
10. Mook,Sai,and A Sexy Thai Virgin

Most Popular 2009 Posted in 2009

1. Female sex tourism in Thailand: My girlfriend had paid sex with a Thai boy
2. Why Do Farang Men Travel Across The Globe To Meet Thai Prostitutes?
3. Hot or Not? What Thai Girls Look for in a Foreign Guy
4. Finding a Thai Girl
5. Guest Friendly Hotels in Bangkok
6. This Is Why You Don’t Start Fights With Thais
7. An Interesting Way to Make a Living in Thailand
8. Thais Not Forced Into Prostitution
9. Good Thai Girls and Bad Thai Girls – Is There More to the Story?
10. 10 Profile Tips For Thai Girls on Social Networking Sites

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