Bash.org latest

951096

<izi_> I like my servers like I like my women. monochrome and text only.

951043

< pthreads> dude, I haven't even had a fucking oven for a year
< pthreads> we move in 2 weeks to a place that has an oven finally
<@sakuramboo> but, you live in germany
<@sakuramboo> after WW2, ovens are hard to find

951040

<mjew1> new speakers showed up
<mjew1> gotta figure out how im gonna wire them up
<bunni> you put + in to +, and - in to -
<mjew1> i know that
<bunni> dont mix them up, otherwise the audio would be backwards
<mjew1> fuck you
<bunni> :D

951001

<@Kropotkin> I hate looting corpses for anything other than an upgrade. I usually just loot the gold and small items... just feels more realistic to do that than strip someone naked all the time. I mean, this is Skyrim, not Baltimore.

950977

<hextasy> so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

950944

<Toba> i like my coffee like i like my women: earthy, french, and on my desk at work
<nightshroud> But be careful or you may end up with burning pain on your lap area.

950920

<Uprising> I just want to work somewhere that actually counts
<jamesstanley> try the office for national statistics

950902

<TrailMix> Sorry Santorum, you have to carry your dead presidential campaign to full term.

950832

<benjameno> how do i catch autism
<benjameno> i've tried speaking esperanto and using free open source software but it doesn't seem to be working

950581

< Ergo^> Six Stages of Debugging
< Ergo^> 1. That can't happen.
< Ergo^> 2. That doesn't happen on my machine.
< Ergo^> 3. That shouldn't happen.
< Ergo^> 4. Why does that happen?
< Ergo^> 5. Oh, I see.
< Ergo^> 6. How did that ever work?
< MatthewWilkes> 7. svn blame
< miniwark> 8. one day we will write tests

949959

<DevXen> Today I was at the store and saw a Darth Vader action figure that said "Choking Hazard." It was great.

949924

<Grimhound> You know. You'd think that the human body, being the product of millions of years of evolution, would eventually learn to dull pain when it becomes a chronic thing.
<ryzorg> that seems true
<@AndrewPH> that would be counter productive

949802

<hq1> i promised myself not to touch java EVER in my life again, i'd rather drive a taxi

949797

<@cougem> at 4am this morning i got a call from another hospital saying they were sending in a patient with a hole in their aorta
<@cougem> which as emergencies go is about 1 level below 'his head has fallen off'

949643

<hafiz> <b>hello</b>
<hafiz> I NEED ZEND EXPERT!!!!!!!!!!!
<zomg> <blink>that so</blink>
<DASPRiD> <marquee>what for?</marquee>
<zomg> <font size="1337">Please ask your question on the channel, not in my PM</font>
<zomg> I really, really hope his irc client actually displays html

949621

Rachel: I'm board.
Jeff: I'm chalk, we should get together.
Rachel: BOARD! Like I don't have anything to do, not BORD, like a chalkbord. Learn to spellcheck.
Jeff: Oh god I hope you don't breed.

949560

<lrvick> whoa
<lrvick> i just found a usb magstrip reader
<lrvick> i never knew i had
<lrvick> i wonder if it works like a keyboard...
<lrvick> %B4744740232448132^VICK/LANCE R^1506101000000000087800878000000?;4744740232258132=15061010000000000878?
<lrvick> well
<lrvick> damn
<lrvick> apparently it does
<Science> What did we just read?
<lrvick> no comment
<Science> CC info, gotcha
<ThantiK> lrvick...
<ThantiK> you swiped a VISA...
<ThantiK> 4744 is VISA start code for credit cards.
<ThantiK> A bank of america one, specifically.
<ThantiK> Might wanna change that now, lol - all of us probably have IRC logging turned on. You just threw your debit card info into all of our machines.
<Science> WELL NO ONE WOULD HAVE KNOWN IF YOU HADN'T SAID IT MAN

949486

<Me> the nigerian prince scam is old
<Me> today you do it like this:
<Me> hi, im an arabic dictator, and i have to get my vast fortune outside the country soon

949439

lemonlimeskull: Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney to take on Barack Obama.
lemonlimeskull: We have to stop letting George Lucas name our Politicians.

949412

<Kerrija> On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

949335

<M07w> you haven't been on the internet until you've seen a disembodied breast wearing a pair of panties

949214

<azonenberg> wordpress is an unauthenticated remote shell that, as a useful side feature, also contains a blog

949197

<blaxthos> you want bash.org should participate in the SOPA blackout protest on 18 January ? (+) for yes

948884

<&Siyo> i successfully stopped a print job once
<&Siyo> AM I GOD?

948693

<mrfun> speaking of max, i boned a duck
<hamumu> are you sure you're speaking of max?
<mrfun> took most of yesterday to bone and do two anims, geez
<mrfun> but he's limping around in torque
<hamumu> this is sounding worse every sentence

948683

<Yokujou`> iPhone autocorrect: Because "Asperger's Cock" is exactly what you were trying to convey.

948541

<drunkill> fuck printers
<drunkill> I should name mine Bob Marley
<drunkill> Because its always jammin'

948538

<girl> so what's new?
<jsn> just got out of an abusive relationship
<girl> whoa, what happened?
<jsn> decided to stop abusing her

948442

<blaxthos> so tonight i got roped into going to some evangelical church christmas dinner theatre
<blaxthos> "oh christmas, carol!"
<cue> evangelicals are morons
<blaxthos> it was absolutely godawful
<blaxthos> until the last musical number, where the main character realized she has a hole in her heart
<blaxthos> and sang a song entitled "i'm going to fill my hole with jesus"

948428

Psyche: My roommate and her boyfriend broke up recently.
Psyche: This morning a moving truck came to get the boyfriend's stuff.
Psyche: On the side of the moving truck? It was an ad for a disaster cleanup company.

948420

<tfair> is there an amazon service that will have something delivered to you at a random point in the next month?
<tfair> or in the next year?
<dRdR> tfair: that's called USPS

948269

<jeemer> you know, come to think of it i already have a 5 gallon aquarium
<jeemer> hundreds of billions of pets
<jeemer> i feed them malt and they shit out alcohol
<jeemer> its a pretty good system actually

948253

<+GeoFrey> CINCINNATI - A court official in the U.S. says a 13-year-old boy charged with raping a 5-year-old girl at a McDonald's play area is denying the accusation.
<+GeoFrey> lol wtf?
<+farted> I'm lovin' it

948243

Captain Morgan: I swear I'm going to kill whoever lives above me
Saiu: the chair again?
Captain Morgan: it's like he's playing ddr with combat boots
Captain Morgan: and jumping as hard as he can
Captain Morgan is now Away.
Saiu: uh-oh

948110

<Matt> A catholic priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar.
<Matt> He orders a beer.

947988

<skydrome> man why are there so many diff aur packages of chromium :/ so confusing
<xhazk> skydrome: No manual entry for why are there so many diff aur packages of chromium :/ so confusing

947980

<Brownie> That guy's such a nerd, his first words probably were "Hello World!"

947920

<&Cenobite> I'd like to holiday in China
<&Cenobite> I want to see the great firewall
<+user> haha
<+user> you can see it from myspace
<+flying_purple_people_eater> lol
<&Cenobite> user: haha

947918

< Maiden945> oh that reminds me, i got told a story about Jerub on the weekend :)
< dawnstar> it's probably true
< Maiden945> i was told about the time Jerub did a burnout (or tried to :P) out of a ex-gf's street while they were dating lol
< zero> he must have pedalled like crazy for that

947908

<Quizzer> Question 45: What are the first three digits of pi?
<emai420> pie
<emai420> p i e
<emai420> Pie
<emai420> P I E
<emai420> PIE
<emai420> PIE
<emai420> PIE
<Quizzer> Hint: 3.
<emai420> 3PIE
<emai420> 3 P I E
<emai420> 3pie
<Quizzer> Time's up, the answer was 3.14!
<emai420> this si retartet

947876

<socket7> I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai girl. I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection.
<socket7> But she did :(

947873

<+zubby> strawberry barium shake anyone?
* Heartsbane passes.
* zubby just did, too...
<+zubby> had me drink 2 24oz cups of it. fell in love with the nurse.
<+zubby> she kept pulling her phone out... i couldn't mimic...
<+zubby> she asked if i knew how to hack facebook cuz she 'likes to snoop'
* Heartsbane nods.
<+zubby> as we said our goodbyes she let her hair down and i swear it was in slow motion
<+zubby> should i have added the part that i'm shitting what appears to be milk and clay?

947562

<@red> so let me rephrase that
<@red> you showed up at work completely high on acid and your boss didnt fire you because he knows you code better when youre on drugs?
<@bl00e> pretty much

947449

<blaxthos> so what are you guys doing for pedophile christmas^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hhalloween this year?

947444

//
// Dear maintainer:
//
// Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine,
// and have realized what a terrible mistake that was,
// please increment the following counter as a warning
// to the next guy:
//
// total_hours_wasted_here = 25
//

947426

<megate> solve
<megate> The word has 7 letters, preceded by God, greater than God, more evil than the devil, and if you eat it, you will die.
<+Jigsy> Apple only has six letters.

947055

<@gongoputch> so my 12 year old has been BEGGING me for a minecraft server. I told him 'OK', he said YEA!', I say 'but you have to install the OS (FreeBSD), configure it, set up a jail and generally learn enough to admin it.
<@gongoputch> he hates me now
<@gongoputch> BUT - he got it running :)
<@gongoputch> after it was going, he looked up at me and said 'This OS is the logical thing I have ever seen'
<@gongoputch> ... it's little moments like those ...

946779

<Faust> lol
<Faust> when sarah pailn wishes me happy new year it feels like a hate crime
<lumpy_> you arent a jew
<Faust> the fuck im not
<lumpy_> ive never seen you at the meetings

946745

<Vrooom> while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!"

946740

<vanguard> i lie awake at night
<vanguard> thinking about how one day
<vanguard> buy some chance of dumb luck
<Redback> you will write your whole story on one line?