Information About Real Estate | Property | Land and Homes

No people with memory loss in my back yard

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 17:54:00 +0000

In the midst of doing research on how NIMBYs fight facility for housing the elderly, I came across this story from last March in the Minneapolis Star Tribune:

When a released sex offender plans to move in next door, or a drug-treatment center is scoping sites for a new halfway house, a neighborhood's red flags invariably follow.

Now, the list of objectionable neighbors is growing.

In the face of overwhelming opposition from residents in an upscale community called Stonemill Farms in eastern Woodbury, plans for a 45-unit assisted-living facility for people with Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia have been put on hold.

The Alzheimer's facility is the latest in a growing list of projects across the metro that are meeting resistance from neighbors who perceive a threat to their communities or fear their property values will erode.

A decision on whether to recommend the Woodbury project for approval was to go before the city's Planning Commission on April 5, but the developer on Wednesday asked for more time to address issues, including concerns raised by neighbors, said Eric Searles, associate planner for Woodbury.

The move follows nearly a month of intensive protests and petitions by neighbors who mainly object to locating the facility in a failed retail site near a day care center and across the street from an elementary school. Many have also expressed a sense of betrayal that the original plans for the community never envisioned an assisted-living facility.

The facility would go into a dead retail center: turning vacant space into useful space usually improves neighborhoods. The idea that Alzheimer's patients pose a risk to children is beyond preposterous. I understand having land use controls so that property owners don't have to deal with genuine nuisances, such as oil refineries. But what kind of people seek to deny the infirm a decent place to live? One hopes that once these neighbors are stricken with Alzheimer's, they retain enough of their long term memory to remember how badly they behaved.

The Windy City House Jamie Dimon Can't Seem to Sell

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 14:16:00 +0000

SELLER: Jamie and Judith Dimon
LOCATION: Chicago, IL
PRICE: $9,500,000
SIZE: 13,500 square feet 8 bedrooms, 9 full and 2 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Depending on what side of the financial fence the children sit, Jamie Dimon–Chairman, President, and CEO of J.P. Morgan Chase–is either one of the smartest men to ever put on a pin striped suit or he's the devil incarnate, a Machiavellian hornet more concerned about the size of his own bank accounts than the health of the U.S. economy.

Whatever the children may think of him, he is one of the luckiest and most financially fortunate men in the world. In 2006 Fortune magazine estimated Mister Dimon's total compensation tallied up to a staggering $41,200,000 making him, shockingly, only the 19th highest paid man in America. By 2008 according to Fortune, amid the economic meltdown of the U.S. economy created in large part by the financial malfeasance of institutions such as J.P. Morgan Chase, Mister Dimon's income had dipped down–the poor lamb–to a mere $36,000,000. According to a September 2009 article on the New York Times blog Economix–which cites the Census Bureau's annual report on income, poverty, and health insurance–that was than 700 times the median household income of $50,303 for Americans in 2008.

Listen bunnies, Your Mama does not begrudge anyone wealth or creature comforts but there is something that makes our soul ache with unfairness and shame that in a country where working families can't afford decent meat or a new pair of shoes for their children bankers by the hundred are raking in far more money than they or their families will ever need. We realize that many of you will not agree and we'll probably take some heat for saying this, but when push comes to shove, a banker really doesn't work any harder than a farmer, a teacher, a small business owner or–dare we say–a writer who types their fingers to the nubbins every day to bring the children some juicy celebrity real estate gossip.

In the fall of 2000, shortly after being named CEO of the Chicago-based Bank One and relocating from his native New York City to the Windy City, Mister and his wife Judith shelled out $4,680,000 for a titanic 26-room mansion on the super swank Gold Coast. At that time the purchase price was, according to Mister Big Time, one of the highest amounts ever proferred for a private home in the history of Chicago. While the purchase of a home of this expense and consequence was an indication to some that Mister and Missus Dimon were in Chicago to stay, the well compensated financier and his wife opted not to pull up their residential roots in New York City where they hung on to a multi-million dollar Park Avenue cooperative apartment.

In 2004 Bank One was purchased by J.P. Morgan Chase and, having been appointed to the position of president of the ever expanding financial institution, Mister Dimon returned to his New York City roots where in November of 2004 he and the wife dumped $4,875,000 for an apartment immediately adjacent to the one they already owned on Park Avenue. It is said–and reported–that Mister Dimon combined the two apartments into one CEO-style spread that includes a sound proofed room where he likes to listen to Frank Sinatra at full volume.

A couple of years later, in late 2006 according to prop records and previous reports, he and the wife forked over $17,050,000 for an approximately 30 acre piece of property in the unincorporated Westchester County hamlet of Bedford Corners, NY. Your Mama doesn't know if the property then or now has a house on it, but it's not a stretch to imagine that since buying the bucolic spread Mister and Missus Dimon renovated an existing mansion or built themselves a large and wildly expensive residence commensurate with their extreme wealth and exhalted position within the Wall Street world.

All of this brings us back around, children, to Mister and Missus Dimon's dee-luxe digs in Chicago. In the spring of 2007, no longer in need of their gigantic Gold Coast townhouse, they heaved the beast on to the market with an asking price of $13,500,000. Thirteen and some million clams for a townhouse in New York ain't but a pittance, but in Chicago the Dimon's desired price made it one of the most expensive properties on the market. However and but alas, more than three years and several cyclopean price chops later, the Dimon's four floor plus a full finished basement townhouse remains on the market as one of the most expensive properties for sale in Chicago with a still sky high asking price of $9,500,000.

Listing information for the lavish family (and live in staff) friendly corner property shows that there are a total of 8 bedrooms and 9 full and 2 half poopers including a blow it out of the box full floor master suite. The imposing, dignified, and somewhat dour looking house that gives Your Mama a vague vibe of an academic building at an expensive east coast college was built in the 1890s and sits just two short blocks off Lake Michigan. Put on a sweater butter beans and try to imagine the icy winter winds that come whipping off that body of water and right up against the windows and doors of this house. A few more blocks away is the pretty and pristine Oak Street Beach, arguably Chicago's best beach particularly if you're among the city's hoity-toity like to be seen in a $200 bikini crowd.

Anyhoo, The fully renovated and lavishly if not particularly excitingly decorated Dimon digs maintain a fairly typical townhouse layout with utilities mostly lined up along the back wall, formal public rooms on the lower floor, family quarters on the upper floors, and staff and services down in the basement. Before y'all get a'beefin' and a'tryin' to school Your Mama on how townhouses traditionally had staff quarters shoved up into their low-ceilinged top floors, we know. However it is our non-scientific assessment that in order to take advantage of the best light and air available to tightly packed townhouse properties, many if not most newer or newly renovated townhouses keep the top floor for private use and stick the staff quarters downstairs.

The children will note that the Dimon's townhouse is not equipped with an elevator which means LaVeda the Laudress spent many an hour haul and heaving the laundry and linens up and down 4 damn flights of stairs. We don't dare breathe a word about the lack of an elevator to our sassy and demanding house gurl Svetlana lest she start hollerin' and hysterically turning cartwheels of furry and indignation in solidarity with LaVeda's stair climbing misfortune that makes her little more than a damn beast of burden.

The main floor has a large foyer that steps up to a "reception hall" fitted with a gently curving staircase, powder pooper, elaborate moldings and plaster ceiling details, and flooring that is probably some kind of rare and hideously expensive wood but looks in the listing photo like the sort of cah-cuh colored linoleum Your Mama's step-father's step-mother had in the kitchen of her triple wide back in the 1970s.

The reception hall is flanked by the 30-foot long formal living room on one side and the 29-foot long formal dining room painted an unusual but pleasant shade of pumpkin on the other. The living room has a wood burning fireplace which is nice for those severely nippy winter days and nights Chicago is famous for, and both rooms have heavily detailed moldings and curved walls with huge windows that look out on to the street. On the far wall of the dining room are a pair of symmetrically aligned doors. One opens into a library with leaded glass windows and built in bookshelves and the other opens into a hallway that connects to the eat-in kitchen and service areas of the house including an attached two garage. A stair hall off the kitchen serves as a staff and delivery entrance that opens directly onto the street and also allows the staff to discreetly climb from the the basement to the third floor without having to be seen by the high-fallutin' occupants and/or their tony guests.

The master suite sprawls across the entire second floor and consists of a huge, 600 square foot bedroom with sitting area and fireplace, separate paneled sitting room, a half bathroom just off the bedroom plus a lavish pooper with double sinks and a private compartment for the terlit, a long and wide hallway where the two main walk in closets are located, an office with built-ins, and finally a large room with private pooper at the back that can, technically, be closed off from the master suite. However, were the room to be closed off from the master suite, it would only be accessible by traipsing through the master suite or via the back stairway. Iffin anyone were to ask Your Mama–which of course no one did–it's rather coarse for a person wealthy enough to own a home of this magnitude to expect their guests to schlep through the kitchen and up the staff stairs in order to get to their overnight accommodations so our meaningless recommendation is that the homeowner retain that room and pooper for private use.

The third floor family and guest accommodations comprise three bedrooms each with walk-in closet, built-in cabinetry, and en-suite pooper. A fourth, smaller bedroom requires its occupant to wander down the long hallway in order to access terliting and bathing facilities. Two generously sized walk-in closets and a study niche complete the floor. Upstairs on the fourth floor we find a 600+ square foot media room that opens onto the roof terrace, an exercise room and pooper, and a room with a massive built in wet bar. Listen puppies, no one likes to tip back a gin & tonic or four more than Your Mama but even still we always find these vast rooms in private homes devoted to mixing and imbibing booze to be unnecessary and, yes, a bit unseemly. They're sort of like advertisements that you are a drunk.

Down in the basement–which thankfully has a fair amount of windows–there is a discotheque, a wine room, mechanical and service areas, laundry facilities, and a couple of storage rooms. We're going to look beyond and move right past the vexing silliness and utter absurdity of having a "discotheque" in one's home. There are are also two staff bedrooms each with private pooper and a windowless staff kitchen large enough for a good sized dining room table. Your Mama thinks shuffling the live-in staff off to dark basement accommodations is, generally speaking, an ugly and embarrassing practice that too easily and not surprisingly festers a roiling resentment. That said, these two staff rooms in the Dimon townhouse are in fact exceedingly generous in size, particularly compared to the cell-sized holes many rich folks relegate their live in staff members about whom they'll disingenuously tell people are like family members.

Your Mama would bet a dozen donuts that after three-plus long years on the market Mister and Missus Dimon are eager to unload their Chicago townhouse. However, in the event they are not able to sell the house at an acceptable price that will pocket them a few million bucks they do not need, Mister and Missus Dimon unquestionably have the resources and luxury to own and maintain their real estate white elephant from now until the end of time. Like Your Mama said , he's one of the luckiest and most financially fortunate beehawtchas on the planet.

listing photos and floor plan Sudler Sotheby's International Realty

As I read the Washington Post "Top Secret America" series...

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 04:24:00 +0000

...I can't help but wonder how much deadweight loss this is all creating. The theatrics one encounters in airports also seems like it creates frictions that must have an impact on the economy--the ability to travel freely matters to economic productivity, and we travel less freely than we did ten years ago.

Fans of Ronald Reagan maintain that he got the Soviets to destroy themselves by making them spend so much on their defense (I think containment might have also had something to do with it). While as a fraction of GDP, our defense, security and intelligence spending is much smaller than the Soviet defense apparatus, the "invisible" impact of this stuff on the economy must be material. I some days wonder if we are doing exactly what Osama bin Laden wants us to do.

The $65 bathroom make-over...

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 03:00:00 +0000

As I sit here amidst the prettiest piles of photo shoot chaos - admiring the lights of the Christmas (yes, Christmas!) tree that glows in my living room, the perfectly styled dining table and my new ginormous light fixture that hangs above it (I love IKEA!) - I am amazed how inspired one can become when you know someone as style savvy as Matthew Mead will be photographing your home. So inspired, in fact, that you just might wake at dawn on the day of his arrival and decide to begin a spontaneous bathroom make-over, even though the bathroom is not on the list of rooms to be photographed! It seemed not to matter to me that my floor had not been cleaned and no surfaces dusted in many days due to a five-story deadline the day before for another magazine. Sometimes a creative spark just overrides good, old-fashioned common sense!

(Before):

(After):

I had been mulling over a particular wallpaper and finally picked it up at Home Depot and decided it would look best as a feature wall of sorts (read: I am too lazy to paper more than one wall when matching is required) in our main bathroom. Then I swung by the paint department and selected a seriously sunny spray paint to revive my chandelier, toilet paper holder (whose finish was in critical condition) and a cheap little table I picked up at Wicker Emporium five years ago.

(Light, before):

After:

The result? Well, a couple of hours of wallpapering, a quick spray painting job, and a new shower curtain (purchased at Cost Plus World Market in Phoenix, AZ.) - in between many loads of laundry, dusting, sweeping and vacuuming - and I completed my poorly timed but ultimately rewarding bathroom make-over.

How did I spend my money?

$40 = wallpaper (one double roll: Home Depot)

$10 = spray paint for chandelier, small table, and toilet paper holder.

$15 = shower curtain

What about you?

What is the least you have spent on a room make-over?

Dennis Hopper's Venice Compound on the Block

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 20:51:00 +0000

SELLER: Estate of Dennis Hopper
LOCATION: Venice, CA
PRICE: estimated at around $6,200,000
SIZE: 6 structures on 5 parcels

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Intense, gifted, and kinda freaky 2-time Oscar nominated actor Dennis Hopper perished from prostate cancer at the end of May 2010.

Hopper is believed to have left the bulk of his fortune estimated at around thirty million clams, to his three adult children, his 7-year old daughter, and two grandchildren but by mid-June the family was locked in a bitter battle over Mister Hopper's estate because his estranged 5th wife Victoria Duffy–Hopper had filed for divorce just months before he died–was contesting the will claiming that a 1996 pre-nup entitled her to a one-time payout of $250,000 from his life insurance policy plus 25% of the estate that includes a modern art collection and homes in both Los Angeles and Taos, NM.

Amid that turmoil and barely 6 weeks after Mister Hopper went to meet his great producer in the sky, the Museum of Contemporary Art, Los Angeles' controversial new director Jeffrey Deitch launched a controversial survey exhibition of the late actor and artist's work curated by pajama wearing art superstar Julian Schnabel who, the arty-farty children might find amusing to know, deigned to travel to the art world hinterland of Tinseltown for the opening. In Your Mama's ignorant and utterly meaningless opinion, the photographs are fantastic, the paintings no so much.

Anyhoo, now word slips down the celebrity real estate grapevine and out through a gazillion online portals that Mister Hopper's long time compound in Venice, CA is scheduled to go on the market at the end of the week for somewhere around $6,200,000.

The compound, located a few short blocks from the beach, covers a total of five parcels and includes 4 tightly packed but separate residences plus a swimming pool and small grassy yard. Property records show that the first piece of Mister Hoppers real estate puzzle was purchased in July of 1985 for just $21,000. Mister Hopper hired architect Brian Murphy who designed an chunky, industrial looking mass with a corrugated metal skin and an undulating roof dotted with large skylights. Property records show the structure measures 4,896 square feet and includes 4 bedrooms and 2 poopers. At that time Venice was a nitty-gritty outpost where most celebrities and real estate snobs would not have dreamed of going let along living. Nowadays Venice is still a bit rough around the edges–Beverly Hills types Your Mama knows still insist on referring to it as an oceanside ghetto–but it's none-the-less chockablock with celebrities and progressive architectural statements and experiments.

In his last interview for Vanity Fair magazine, writer Bob Colacello described the interior of Mister Hopper's house as having a "loft-like living room" in which, "There were artworks everywhere–on the wall, on the floor, on tables–including a painting of eyeglasses by John Baldessari" who, coincidentally, also currently has a large and much acclaimed retrospective of his work going on only it's at the Los Angeles Contemporary Museum of Art (LACMA).

In March of 1999, according to property records, Mister Hopper purchased an adjacent property that currently contains two wee cottages separated by a grassy yard with a long, lap-like swimming pool (below).

On the other side of Mister Hopper's big corrugated metal box, which presents a formidable and windowless facade has an incongruous and humorous white picket fence that runs along the sidewalk, are three similar looking houses designed and built in the early 1980s by Venice-based maverick architect Frank Gehry and two of Hoppers friends who referred to them as the "three little pigs." One is made of concrete, another plywood and the third is sheathed in green roofing shingles. Eventually Mister Hopper came to own all three of Mister Gehry's little pigs.

The first one he bought was in October of 1997 when he paid $325,000 for a 1 bedroom and 1 pooper house that measures 1,401 square feet.

It's unclear to Your Mama when Mister Hopper purchased the second little pig and how much he paid but records do indicate the 1,143 square foot structure was in his property portfolio before September of 2000.

He finally snagged the third of the little pigs in February of 2008 paying $1,300,000 for a 1 bedroom and 1 pooper house with 1,330 square feet according to property records.

According to Mister Colacello in Vanity Fair, Mister Hopper used one of the little pigs as an office, one is occupied by his 19 year old son by his 4th wife, dancer Katherine LaNasa, and after Mister Hopper and his 5th wife Victoria Duffy went splitsville she and the couple's 7 year old daughter moved into the the third little pig.

Based on previous reports it's not clear if the entire compound–all five parcels and 6 structures–is to be sold or if the family plans to retain the parcel with the pool and/or all or some of three little pigs. However, according according to the listing agent, the Brian Murphy designed main residence can be purchased separately from the rest of the compound.

Mister Hopper was buried in Taos. Hollywood lost a great one with Mister Hopper's passing.

aerial photo: Pacific Coast News
swimming pool photo: AP/Coldwell Banker Previews International via Housing Watch

Ronne Wood's Ex-wife Lists Family Mansion

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 13:53:00 +0000

SELLER: Jo (and Ronnie) Wood
LOCATION: Greater London, UK
PRICE: £13,000,000
SIZE: 9-13 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: No band epitomizes the quintessential–and some might say cliché–rock and roll lifestyle of booze, drugs and loosy-goosy groupies than The Rolling Stones. In fact, they kind of invented it. In the 1960s and 70s the band happily wallowed in a life of debauchery and lasciviousness. In the process they became wildly rich and internationally recognized icons who are still so popular that even as senior citizens can fill stadiums around the world with thousands upon thousands of screaming fans that include frightfully young and scantily clad women willing to flash their chee-chees and fornicate with band members upon request.

In the mid-1970s The Rolling Stones were in need of a new guitarist and the scratch to that itch was Ronnie Wood. Although new to The Rolling Stones, Mister Wood was no stranger to the proverbial rock and roll lifestyle having previously picked, strummed, and laid it down something fierce for The Birds, The Jeff Beck Group, and Faces.

In the 1970s Mister Wood made his first baby with his first wife Krissy. They were divorced in 1978 shortly after he'd already met his next wife, the formidable and delicious looking Jo Wood (née Karslake) who he married in 1985 and who brought to the union a child of her own from a previous marriage. Ronnie and Jo had two children together and as of today they have 6 grandchildren. Ten or so years ago the blended, Brady-bunch style family settled into a gigantic house about 9 miles outside Central London in the leafy south west suburb of Kingston Hill.

Being married to a hard living rock star and horny groupie magnet can't be easy but to her credit Jo stuck it out for more than 20 years. However, in the spring of 2008 the grizzled and thin as a microphone stand Ronnie Wood started up with a barely legal Russian cocktail waitress named Ekaterina Ivanova. According to Mister Wood's publicist, he met the nubile and eager young blond in "a dodgy escort bar at four in the morning when he was boozed out of his mind." Oh, ouch. In July of 2008, shortly after getting with his 19 year old lover–some reports say she was 18, and others 20–Mister Wood checked himself into a rehabilitation facility for about the 112th time in an effort deal with his excessive drinking.

When he left rehab Mister Wood did not, reportedly, return to the family fold in Kingston Hill but instead ran into the arms of his Russian lover who is 3 times younger than the sixty-something year old Mister Wood. Lo-ward have mercy. Your Mama's all for a May-December romance poodles. The Dr. Cooter is, after all, a bit older that Your Mama. But as far as we're concerned, the gap between 19 and 60 is simply a chasm too wide to be traversed with any kind of dignity. Under no circumstances, puppies, can an age differential like that be anything but unseemly and embarrassing. Ever.

Anyhoo, Missus Wood, after 20-some years of marriage filed for a dee-vorce that was finalized towards the end of 2009. The out of court settlement reportedly grants the now ex-Missus Wood half of Mister Wood's estimated $37,000,000 fortune, plus a monthly allowance, and ownership of the family mansion in Kingston Hill. Long before the dee-vorce was finalized, much to the chagrin of his children, Mister Wood had moved into a mock castle with a turret in the Claygate area of Surrey with his dewy Russian waitress lover gurl.

Previous to the couple's dee-vorce being finalized, eco-conscious ex-Missus Wood–who created a line of organic beauty products and maintains extensive organic gardens at her home–gave an interview to The Sunday Times that indicated her plans for the future of the family mansion included renting the place out for "green" weddings and other events to the tune of £35,000–or about fifty grand in U.S. dollars–per day. However, thanks to Kitty Litterinlondon Your Mama has learned that ex-Missus Wood had a real estate change of mind and recently opted to list the dee-luxe family manse with an asking price of £13,000,000, a number that Your Mama's currency conversion contraption reveals amounts to $19,842,600 at today's rates.

Listing information for the rambling, elegant, and wonderfully quirky Wood mansion shows the property sprawls across 2.31 acres and includes a total of 9-13 bedrooms and 8 poopers spread throughout the 3-floor main house, cottage, lodge, garage building, and pool house.

A few minutes perusing the floor plans included with the listing materials, however, and Your Mama counts 3 kitchens, 7 bedrooms, 7 full and 6 half poopers or water closets in the main house, another 3 bedrooms and 1.5 poopers in the cottage, 2 bedrooms and a pooper in the lodge, a single half pooper in the garage, and what essentially amounts to 1.5 poopers in the building that houses the indoor swimming pool and spa. Altogether that adds up to 12 bedrooms and 10 full and 9 half poopers for a total of 19 terlits. That's more than enough, Your Mama imagines, to require the Wood family keep at least two full time minimum wage gals who do nuthin' but scrub the terlits and clean the damn kitchens.

Based on the marketing materials and according to our admittedly rudimentary calculations, the Wood house measures 11,590 square feet not counting the additional 675 square feet contained in the basement rooms that include a wine cellar and a couple of storage areas. The cottage, according to listing information, measures 1,414 square feet, the lodge 813 square feet, the garage and workshop 804 square feet and the detached building that houses the swimming pool another 3,425 square feet.

The front door opens into an itty-bitty vestibule that opens into the commodious reception hall through a pointed Gothic arch door that introduces a vaguely ecclesiastical architectural theme that repeats itself throughout the Wood mansion. The reception hall doubles as the formal living room and has paneled walls, worn hardwood floors that lend the room a lovely patina, a leaded glass bay window, and a fireplace with fleur de lys accents that curves gently but forcefully out into the room.

Many of the ground floor rooms spoke off from the reception room including the formal dining room with fireplace and pretty but too-puny chandelier, a billiard room with beamed ceiling, fireplace, and raised seating area, morning room with a fourth fireplace that overlooks the rear terrace and gardens, a solarium with stone flooring, fireplace and dramatically peaked glass ceiling, and the stair hall with an antique chandelier, painted paneling, Easter-y lavender carpeting–at least we think it's carpeting or maybe it's painted hardwood–and towering arched windows that one might easily expect to find in a cathedral.

In addition to three powder poopers/water closets, the ground floor also contains a family room with extra wide plank hardwood flooring, fireplace, and playfully if not entirely pleasing colorful melange of upholstered furniture, a breakfast room with built in bar of reclaimed wood planks, and a colossal kitchen with a pressed tin ceiling, stone flooring, large larder, and walk-in refrigerator.

The second floor includes a study and gym with private facilities, 1 small bedroom and three larger bedrooms, two of which are suites and all of which claim their own crapper. One of the suites has a sitting room with kitchenette, bedroom and pooper, another has a fireplace and connects to the study through the pooper, and the third, the one Your Mama thinks is ex-Missus Wood's boo-dwar has an attached pooper with an exquisite copper soaking tub/shower, small balcony, and a custom fitted dressing room larger than most bedrooms.

The mansion's third floor contains two bedrooms each with private pooper, a large loft room of unknown usage, and a two-room suite with kitchenette, pooper, and private balcony. The home's 2-room laundry facilities are located on the third floor, a location that would aggravate our imperious house gurl Svetlana to no end unless a dumb waiter was installed to haul the linens and things up and down the three-floor mansion.

In addition to the cottage and lodge buildings that each contain additional bedrooms and poopers, there is a long, narrow garage and workshop as well as a detached indoor swimming pool enclosed in a glass roofed building that contains a couple of sinks and terlits, a shower, dry sauna, and steam room. The remainder of the grounds have expansive lawns, mature shade trees, a pond, and a extensive organic gardens where ex-Missus Wood grows her own vegetables.

Mister and ex-Missus Wood also own a six and some million dollar home in County Kildare, Ireland that is–allegedly and reportedly–still under dispute. Ex-Missus Wood is said to want to sell the property because it is where Mister Wood wooed, made hay, and fell in love with his exceptionally young Russian cocktail waitress ladee-friend. We don't know whether that's true or not but we do know that by late 2009 lecherous Mister Wood and his young Russian hussy had parted ways in a not particularly friendly way amid rumors that a drunken Mister Wood attacked and choked on Miss Ivanova and reports that she was two-timing Grandpa Wood with a much younger male model. Oh what a tangled web we weave...

Mister Wood quickly replaced Miss Ivanova with a hotsy-totsy Brazilian polo coach named Ana Araujo. Not surprisingly, the Russian waitress is hoping to cash in on her affair with the insanely famous Mister Woods and recently entered the Celebrity Big Brother house which is sort of odd because Your Mama thought you had to be at least a c-list celebrity to be on a show called Celebrity Big Brother and not just some gurl who did the dirty with a celebrity plenty old enough to be her damn grandfather.

Your Mama, who does not know a screw from an umbrella, would guess that ex-Missus Wood, an empty nesting dee-vorcée, plans to move to more modestly sized if not less luxurious accommodations, perhaps even something a little closer to the swinging central areas of London. As for Mister Wood, well, maybe he's still stuck up in his mock castle in Claygate or perhaps he's left that behind for a home with fewer memories of his former Russian waitress gurly-pal who is still young enough to be his damn granddaughter.

A Shabby Chic Pad for Peri Gilpin

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 14:11:00 +0000

BUYER: Peri Gilpin
SELLER: Rachel Ashwell
LOCATION: Malibu, CA
PRICE: $3,550,000
SIZE: 1,783 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last week the gal at the L.A. Times reported that She-ra of Shabby Chic Rachel Ashwell sold her land side beach house inside the guarded gates of the celebrity packed Malibu Colony community. Miss Ashwell is, for those ignorant of 1980s decorating trends, the gal who popularized what Your Mama calls "Grandma Sheek," a distinct decorative style that incorporates lots of white slip-covered sofas, chenille bedspreads, country cute-cute vintage linens, heavily distressed bureaus and side tables, and shimmery chandeliers for a soupçon of glamor and shine.

What Miss L.A. Times celebrity real estate reporter did not reveal is the big name buyer who forked over a few million clams for the Miss Ashwell's cottage in The Colony. According to our wonderfully well connected informant The Mistress of Maleeboo–and confirmed with a very roundabout tour through property records–the buyer is gravel voiced actress Peri Gilpin of Fraser fame and her artist huzband Christian Vincent who should absolutely not to be mistaken with hard-bodied dancer/actor Christian Vincent.

Listing information shows Miss Ashwell's Colony cottage was first listed at the beginning of March of 2010 and property records show that the deal closed quickly in early July for $3,550,000. A few quick flicks of the well worn beads of Your Mama's bejeweled abacus shows that the purchase price is $875,000–a not insignificant 20%–less than She-ra of Shabby Chic's original asking price of $4,425,000.

Miss Ashwell bought the beach house in February of 2003 for $1,950,000 and while we presume she occupied the cottage herself at times, it's well established (and oft reported) that she frequently leased the home to celebs. A few of the Tinseltown hoity-toities who dumped big bucks to lease Miss Ashwell's Shabby Chic beach house include back in the saddle pop star Britney Spears who lived there during her pre-meltdown/party with Paris Hilton days, busty party princess Pam Anderson who is known among Colonyites for handing out perfectly packaged caramel apples in their own individually wrapped containers at Halloween, and the dee-voon actress Mariska Hargitay who appeared for years and years and years one of those damn Law & Order programs and who, according to the Mistress of Maleeboo, took up residence in Miss Ashwell's cottage in The Colony while she was preggers in 2006 with her baby boy.

Listing information and most previous reports indicate the modestly sized cottage measures 1,783 square feet and has a total 4 bedrooms and 4 poopers including a master suite with office area and private pooper. There is also a separate 1 bedroom and 1 pooper guest room that opens into the front garden through a Dutch door.

A lavender lined brick pathway leads from the entry gate and two-car garage, through the grassy and rose bush filled front yard and to the front door. Luscious limestone floors have been laid throughout the main living areas of the updated and upgraded but still rough around the edges cottage. The living/dining room has a fireplace and a wall of wood-framed sliding glass doors that open to the backyard, and the kitchen, all white cabinetry, open shelving and Viking brand appliances, is separated from a family room area by a breakfast counter. It's not known whether Miss Gilpin plans to retain the tired ol' Shabby Chic day-core or if–as Your Mama hopes–she'll tinker it into something a little less decoratively cliche.

The backyard, which has lovely views of the mountains that spill down to the ocean's edge and backs up to media mogul Jerry Perenchio's privately owned golf course, consists almost entirely of a large brick terrace shaded by mature trees and ringed by thick foliage. In one corner of the yard, pushed up against the house in the most upsetting and undignified manner is one of those above-ground, plug-in spa contraptions in which some people–including the Dr. Cooter and his cold-blooded sister Tee-Tee–enjoy settin' in what amounts to a boiling vat of their own filth and call it relaxing. No thank you, ma'am.

Property records show that Miss Gilpin and her huzband sold a house in West Hollywood back in 2003 for $1,367,000 and another house on Bowmont Drive in Beverly Hills in March of 2007 for $5,600,000 but the real estate trail goes dead there and Your Mama freely confesses that we don't know where Miss Gilpin and Mister Vincent currently live.

The Colony has a long, long, looooong history of celebrity residents A short list of past and current property owners with recognizable names include Barbara Stanwyk, Gloria Swanson, Jim Carrey, Tom Hanks, Sting and Trudie Styler–who at one point leased their home to Leo DiCaprio, Linda Ronstadt, Roma Downey and Mark Burnett, Mel Brooks, Brian Grazer, Cicely Tyson, Rob Reiner, Jeff Bridges, Paul Reiser, Jason Statham, Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen, Ridley Scott, Eric Roth, Pam Anderson who is allegedly going broke due an extensive and expensive remodel of her land side property, and media mogul Jerry Perenchio owns at least a dozen homes in The Colony as well as the aforementioned private golf course that sits discreetly between The Colony and the Pacific Coast Highway. One of the current Colonyites is Miss Gilpin's former co-star, b.f.f., and bizness partner Jane Leeves (Fraser, Hot in Cleveland) who has spent the last few years re-working her inland Colony getaway into a big yellow monster.

Like many rich and (quasi) famous types in LaLa Land, Miss Ashwell seems to be on a constant real estate merry-go-round. In the early 1990s she quit-claimed an ocean front house on Carbon Beach to her now ex-husband artist/commercial director David Ashwell, and in May of 1998 she paid $1,050,00 for a inland side house in The Colony that she sold in September of 2002 for $2,200,000.

In August of 2004 she scooped up a perfectly private 3,119 square foot house on Westgate Avenue in the Brentwood area of Los Angeles for $3,170,000. Then, in October of 2007, according to property records, the Shabby Chic She-ra dumped $4,150,000 on a 5 bedroom and 3 pooper residence located just behind the Brentwood Country Mart where scads of stars such as Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Garner come to shop and nosh. In July of 20o9, presumably after completing a re-do of her new house behind the Brentwood Country Mart, Miss Ashwell sold her Westgate Avenue property to a cardiologist and a pediatrician for $2,824,400 after listing it 10 months earlier with a much higher asking price of $4,395,000.

listing photos: Pritchett & Rapf via Redfin.

Weekend Wrap Up

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 02:32:00 +0000

All Your Mama's got to say on magician Chris Angel's 22,000 square foot Las Vegas beast is that it looks like the sort of place Ozzy Osbourne and Michael Jackson might live if they were having a homosexual romance.

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Your Mama thought this beehawtcha from Jersey was broke–isn't that what bankruptcy means?–and here she is flaunting her forged iron railings and candelabras in In Touch damn magazine.

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A week or so ago we discussed and dissected the Beverly Hills, CA mansion listed by Dr. Phil McGraw and his wife Robyn. More recent reports reveal the couple have already purchased a bigger and more expensive French Mediterranean style mansion.

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The New York City apartment of late, great buck toothed opera singer Beverly Sills recently hit the market with an asking price of $6.995. The 4th floor 3-bedroom spread is located in the much ballyhooed Beresford building where Jerry Seinfeld and his family live.

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Celine Dion is one of the richest ladees on earth, so why do contractors on her new water park / estate in Jupiter Island, FL have to file liens on the property in order to get paid? We're not suggesting she's out of money–she is most assuredly not–but maybe she needs a new check writer.

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That '70s Show actor Danny Masterson says he was duped by a developer to the tune of $3,200,000.

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Is Lady Gaga goo-goo for the Hampton? Her mouthpiece says she ain't, but other sources swear she's done leased a place for the summer.

How Economics is better than Nassim Taleb says it is

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 16:49:00 +0000

The Black Swan is a great book, and deserves the hype it has received. It also features lots of nasty comments about economics, most of which the profession deserves.

But economics training (or at least my Wisconsin economics training) teaches empirical skepticism (something Taleb advocates) all the time. We worry about mis-measurement of variables, omitted variables, selection, reverse causality, and distributions all the time. We think hard about things we don't observe--in my context, when I think about measuring house prices, I worry about the fact that we only observe houses that actually sell. We do non-parametric statistics, and we reject the assumption of normality on a regular basis.

As a result of all this, economics has actually helped us understand certain things better, at least within the realm of applied microeconomics. One a lighter note, let me state an untestable hypothesis--of all the "silent" music that has been written, none has been better than J.S. Bach's.

Cheryl Hines Lists Not Particularly Funny House

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 14:41:00 +0000

SELLER: Cheryl Hines
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $4,249,000
SIZE: 4,908 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: It's always a breath of fresh air to come across a celebrity who recognizes that the bottom done fell out of the Los Angeles real estate market in 2008 and understnads that while there are signs of life and glimmers of hope the economy still sucks for most people and the days of buying a posh property and then quickly flipping it for a multi-million dollar profit is, for the most part, long gone.

One of those celebrities with a sensible real estate mind would seem to be Emmy nominated actress Cheryl Hines who a little birdie told Your Mama recently listed her house in the Brentwood area of Los Angeles with an asking price of $4,249,000. That, puppies, is a modest gain over the $4,125,000 that property records show she and her man-mate Paul Young paid for the property in June of 2005. A few flicks of the well worn beads of Your Mama's bejeweled abacus shows that's a barely there 3% gain over five years, a picayune profit for a house in this price range and one that will be more than eaten up by the fat real estate that will be paid when the property sells.

Most of the children should recognize Miz Hines, who once upon a time was Oscar nominated actor Rob Reiner's personal assistant, as the actress who portrays Larry David's wife on the HBO's semi-scripted and soo-blimely executed sit-com Curb Your Enthusiasm, a program on which she's starred to critical acclaim for the last 10 years. In addition to her role on Curb Your Enthusiasm, Miz Hines also worked her sometimes improvisational stuff in a fair number of films and television programs such as the animated series Father of the Pride, Herbie Fully Loaded, Goodnight Vagina, The Grand, and In the Motherhood. She even made a brief, 3-episode spin through the excruciating but magnetic family melodrama Brothers & Sisters.

A few minutes research on the interweb and Your Mama learns that Miz Hines is quite the bizzy beaver. In addition to her duties on Curb Your Enthusiasm, she'll be lending her voice to something called The Legend of Secret Pass, co-starring in a new one-camera sit-com called Wright vs. Wrong with Debra Messing (Will & Grace) and the a-may-zing Carrie Fisher, and she is the executive producer of an upcoming do good-feel good reality program call School Pride that follows the mawkish Extreme Makeover model. Instead of doing up houses that the financially less fortunate owners can no longer afford, Miz Hines' reality program will be about community members going in and improving busted up and broken down schools. Listen butter beans, Your Mama is all for fixing up schools, giving kids a clean and well equipped place to learn, and paying teachers a proper wage and all, but we are not interested in a program that mixes good ol' fashioned charity/volunteer work with the shameless manipulating of the heart strings of viewers. We find that sort of mawkish and obvious format tawdry, tacky, and more than just a little unseemly.

Anyhoo, according to listing information, Miz Hines' single story Cape Cod meets rambling California ranch meets a hay barn style residence located in the Mandeville Canyon area measures 4,908 square feet and includes a total of 6 bedrooms and 5.5 poopers. That breaks down, according to listing information, to 4 family bedrooms, a bedroom and pooper for Yorbalinda the live-in housekeeper, and a guest house above the garage with living room, bedroom, wee kitchen and private pooper.

A walled and electronically gated entrance shielded by tall trees and thick and mature foliage opens to a wide stone paved driveway and motor court that curls around a gnarled olive tree–that is an olive tree right?–and leads to a barn-like two car garage. A classic, farmhouse style front door with nine-glass panes opens into a generously sized entry with adjoining powder pooper. The formal living room–which really isn't very formal at all in large part to the massive flat screen tee-vee mounted onto the stone fireplace where an actual piece of art ought to be–has distressed oak hardwood floors, built in cabinetry tucked into a niche, beamed ceilings, and a wall of nine-over-nine sash windows that reach deliciously almost all the way to the floor. The formal dining room has an oddly located and narrow niche with shelves for displaying the china or whatever, a low but lovely wood ceiling and, much to Your Mama's delight, s Dutch door that opens into the backyard. Dutch doors are pefect for letting the breeze blow through but still keeping the kiddies and the pets from sneaking out and dumping themselves in the pool.

The wide, galley style kitchen has both granite and butcher block counter tops, Viking brand stainless steel appliances, and over-scaled, cream colored honey bee tile floors that Your Mama thinks need a'changing. The kitchen opens into a window wrapped breakfast room as well as a family room where someone left a horrid and oddly located 9-dollar Home Despot light fixture in the ceiling. Uhm, no. We just can't get past that in a four million dollar house. That's the same stoopid light fixture that Your Mama's lame and lazy landlord installed in our old two-bedroom tenement on the Lower East Side of New York back in the early 1990s. Pleeze. People. No.

Anyhoo, the master suite includes a large and largely uninspired pooper with a giant step up soaking tub sunk into a marble surround and flanked by twin vanities. We're not even going to comment or reference our Big Book of Decorative Dos and Don'ts as to the cliché fuchsia colored orchid sitting in the far corner of the room. There are also dual master closets, according to listing information, and a fireplace shoved uncomfortably into the corner of the room in such a way as to make us feel edgy, off-kilter, and in dire need of a nerve pill to readjust our decoratively sensitive equilibrium.

The guest house above the garage has a slightly rustic, Upstate New York sort of thing going on with a pitched wood beamed ceiling, hardwood floors, multi-paned sash windows, wide wainscot cabinetry, and that dead damn fish up on the wall.

A wide, brick terrace, part of which is covered and part of which has a silly portable fire pit that's designed to look as if it's not portable, extends off the back of the house until it reaches a gently curving quarter wall that separates the terrace from the lawn and swimming pool areas. A myriad of mature trees and foliage ring the perimeter of the yard and ensure the outdoor spaces remain quiet and private should Miz Hines and Mr. Young want to have a romantical evening in the spa attached to the heated free-form swimming pool that's half-heartedly landscaped with river rock and ferns to look like a blue lagoon or something.

Although country casual is not in any manner, shape, or form Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's preferred decoratin' modality, it's always nice to peek into a celebrity home that's not been over-processed, over-blown, and over-styled into a sterile showplace that's sole purpose seems to scream and yell, "Look how rich and successful I am. No, seriously, look at me. I'm rich and my house is huge and there's not a hair out of place!" Miz Hines' house, on the other hand, actually looks like that of regular people–albeit it very wealthy people–largely unbuckled and untarnished from the plasticine glamour that infects Los Angeles and far to often substitutes for actual substance. Can you hear Your Mama Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian? Okaaaay?

Miz Hines and Mister Young's nearby neighbors include a number of other Hollywood types including Courtney Thorne Smith (Melrose Place), 3-time Oscar winning director Oliver Stone (Nixon, JFK, Born on the 4th of July, Platoon), actor Dennis Quaid, and twitchy comedian Gary Shandling.

listing photos: Architecture 8

Live...with Regis, Kelly and Me!

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 11:22:00 +0000

My big brush with celebrities occurred on Tuesday on Prince Edward Island where Regis and Kelly were on location filming their show. My amazing and generous brother-in-law, an important fellow at CTV in Toronto scored us tickets and I naturally took my celebrity seeking mum and gave the extra tickets to two friends who brought along their sisters. It was, in a word, a BLAST! Well-organized, exciting and the perfect way to spend a hot summer's day pretending you have no responsibilities in the real world...escapism at its best!

(Gelman)

(Regis and Kelly: her dress was by Stella McCartney and it was stunning!)

(my friend, Debbie)

My mum has always wished to see a real live "star" and we joke that it is on her "bucket list." Well, she got her wish:

We saw ELEVEN!!

John Corbett (from Sex and the City and My Bog Fat Greek Wedding), Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna, Elisha Cuthbert (from 24 and who knows what else, but she has a hot hockey player boyfriend who was reportedly there but I missed seeing); Caroline Rhea (a comedian and very funny!); Bo Derek, who whizzed by us on a golf cart with John Corbett, her luvah; Ben Mulroney (he needs to ditch his creepy hair like his dad's) from e-Talk Canada; Regis; Kelly and their "side-kick" Gelman, who was looking kinda fine, I might add...who knew? Oh yeah, I almost forgot: I was thisclose to the lead singer of One Republic, Ryan Tedder, and they performed their hit song, All the Right Moves. It was sa-weet...!

And other band members (I won't pretend to know who they are...I'm a lead singer groupie):

How did we get so close? Well, because we couldn't bring ourselves to wait in the line-up for the next show (we had tickets),my mum and I acted like groupies and splayed ourselves against a back fence which, to our amazement, was the exact way the crew led the celebrities back to their trailers!

Would you want to get back into this line in blazing heat and humidity:

We didn't either.

In our new spot, the celebrities would drive by us on the golf carts and we would yell their name and I would get a dud photo of the back of them or (worse) a crew member, with my stupid camera like this:

(Kelly is the gorgeous blond with the perfectly tanned back. Her daughter was beside her)

Funny thing was, there were very few people who were clued into this location and we couldn't believe our luck!

Next up on the bucket list, apparently, is white water rafting. No matter that my mother cannot swim. I am so making one of my brothers take her on that adventure!

What's on your bucket list?!

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Oksana Grigorieva is a Valley Girl

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 18:38:00 +0000

OCCUPANT: Oksana Grigorieva
OWNER: Mel Gibson
LOCATION: Sherman Oaks, CA
PURCHASE PRICE: $2,405,000
SIZE: 3,468 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in January of 2009, when they were still happily carrying on a clandestine affair and long before their bitter bust up that has resulted in lurid accusations, restraining orders, allegations of extortion, and leaked audio tapes of revolting rants, Mel Gibson bought his ladee-friend Oksana Grigorieva a house in suburban Sherman Oaks, CA. Well, actually, Mister Gibson purchased the Sherman Oaks crib in which Miss Grigorieva currently lives but, property records indicate, she does not own.

In case any of the children live under one of them Luddite rocks where there aren't tee-vees or tabloids, the raven haired and large lipped Miss Grigorieva is the Russian born baby momma to two-time Oscar winning actor/producer/director Mel Gibson's 8th child. Miss Grigorieva is a pianist/singer/composer of some sort who in the late 1990s married and made a baby with British actor Timothy Dalton, best known for portraying James Bond in two of that franchise's many films.

Property records show that the newly completed residence Mister Gibson purchased for Miss Grigorieva's use, located on a cul-de-sac in the hills above Sherman Oaks, was picked up for $2,405,000 in January of 2009. This was, mind y'all, before Miss Grigorieva turned up preggers and before either of the two of them publicly copped to or confirmed their adulterous liaison.

Listing information for the property indicates that the single story Frank Lloyd Wright Prairie House meets Arts and Crafts meets Mission style residence measures 3,468 square feet and includes 4 bedrooms and 3.5 poopers. A small gate set into the somewhat forbidding and essentially windowless stone, stucco and wood facade–those clerestory windows don't count–opens into an itty-bitty courtyards that leads to the a front door, an elaborate stained glass confection with a geometric pattern that will repeat itself in various forms throughout the house.

The formal living room has hardwood floors that may or may not be mahogany, a simply designed but forceful stone fireplace that stretches up to the high beamed wood ceiling, a wall of tall mahogany trimmed French doors that open into the home's courtyard, and a trio of stained glass windows with an intricate geometric pattern. Other rooms in Miss Grigorieva's borrowed home, according to listing information, include a formal dining room and a custom, mahogany paneled library with built in corner shelving units and more geometric patterned stained glass.

The primary living area is an open plan great room sort of thing that consists of a large family room with clerestory windows and French doors that open to the home's courtyard, a casual eating area, and a large, cook's kitchen with clerestory windows, custom mahogany cabinetry inset with stained glass panels, honed black granite counter tops, a large work island with vegetable sink, and a suite of Viking brand appliances that include a mac-daddy 8-burner range and commercial style refrigerator/freezer with a glass panel door.

Miss Grigorieva's master bedroom, which Your Mama assume she once shared with her fuming and furious baby daddy Mister Gibson, has a voluminous ceiling criss-crossed by heavy mahogany beams, a long wall of mahogany trimmed French doors topped with transom windows, and a fetching fireplace with stunning period tile surround that is flanked by built in bookshelves. Miss Grigorieva's private pooper has marble tiled walls, a glass enclosed shower, large soaking tub, and a long vanity behind which is yet another geometrically patterned stained glass window.

The house wraps around and opens to a stone courtyard at the back of the house that has a gurgling, disturbingly phallic shaped fountain and built in mahogany benches. A narrow lawn stretches along the back of the house and off to one side of the courtyard, thick and chunky beams act as a sun thwarting trellis over a small patio with an outdoor fireplace and views of the San Fernando Valley and the setting sun.

The former lovers are currently locked in a pitched and savage battle that is only going to get uglier and messier once they start going to court to hash out custody agreements and financial remunerations. Miss Grigorieva signed a cohabitation agreement–essentially a pre-nup for unmarried couples who live together–that allegedly keeps the Russian mistress and baby momma from going after any of Mister Gibson's vast fortune that is often estimated at around a billion dollars. At least Mister Gibson's fortune is worth around a billion dollars until his soon to be ex-wife Robyn takes his cheating booty to the dee-vorce court cleaners and gets half of everything. Anyhoo, it's not clear whether the cohabitation agreement covers the house in Sherman Oaks and besides, Miss Grigorieva is now claiming that she only signed a draft of the agreement under duress which would, apparently, make it invalid. Blah, blah, blah...

Your Mama does not expect Miss Grigorieva to roll over and play dead while Mister Gibson tries to bring her down into the pyre of his own tattered reputation and quickly evaporating career. This is, for all her home wrecking faults, one tough bitch who really hasn't got a career to lose. If she can have her appendix removed without the aid of anesthesia, Your Mama thinks she can probably hold her own against little ol' Mister Gibson and his ridiculous tirades.

Oh lo-ward have mercy bunnies, what a tangled web Mister Gibson weaves. Your Mama wonders if he's spending a lot of time up at his private chapel in Agoura Hills begging for the get his in shambles career back. After all he's got a soon to be ex-wife, a baby momma and 8 kids to support not to mention whomever else suckles on the Gibson financial teat.

Note: The children will recognize that the photos do not show the home as it is currently furnished but rather as it appeared when it was purchased in January of 2009. The photos were provided by an anonymous source.

Marilyn Monroe Died Here

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 15:55:00 +0000

OWNER: Not A Celebrity
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,595,000
SIZE: 2,624 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This pretty, hacienda style casa in the Brentwood area of Los Angeles that recently hit the market with an asking price of $3,595,000 is not currently owned by a celebrity. It was however, once owned by the voluptuous, legendary, and deeply insecure super star Marilyn Monroe. It is, in fact, the very house in which a 36 year old Miss Monroe met her untimely end in August of 1962 due to an (alleged) drug overdose.

The 5th Helena Drive dwelling has a rather complicated history littered with ownership gaps, rumors, and conspiracy theories that Your Mama will to try to sort out, synthesize and condense as best as we can into a bite sized nugget.

It the early 1960s Miss Monroe, born Norma Jean Mortenson and baptized Norma Jean Baker, and her dedicated housekeeper Eunice Murray went a'hunting for a home in Tinseltown. Some reports say that the enigmatic and unstable Miss Monroe craved a crib with a similar vibe as the Brentwood home of her long-time psychiatrist Dr. Ralph Greenson. In addition to Miss Monroe, Mister Greenson, a prominent and accomplished head shrinker, reportedly also treated the likes of Tony Curtis and Frank Sinatra.

Anyhoo, in late 1961 Miss Monroe and Miss Murray came upon a modest Monterey Spanish casa perfectly and privately situated behind tall gates at the tail end of a tiny and quiet cul-de-sac. Most reports indicate Miss Monroe purchased the property for less than $90,000 and in March of 1962, she took a mortgage for which she made monthly payments of $320.

The single story, white stucco and red tile roofed house house was built in 1929 and at the time Miss Monroe purchased the property included just 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms plus a detached guest house. Miss Monroe reportedly used one of the bedrooms for herself, the second one for her dedicated housekeeper Eunice Murray and the third for a "telephone room." There was, and still is, an essentially but not quite kidney shaped swimming pool in the backyard that Miss Monroe allegedly never used.

Miss Monroe, internationally beloved but psychically isolated and emotionally needy, threw herself into making a home for herself. She planted an herb garden and in early 1962 traveled to Mexico to purchase authentic furniture, art and tapestries for her new home, the only home she ever owned.

There was a plaque–some say above the front door and others say it was on the doorstep–that bore the Latin phrase "Cursum Perficio" translating to "My Journey Ends Here." Miss Monroe's journey did indeed end here at this house on 5th Helena Drive. Her body was discovered on the early morning of August 5, 1962, after her housekeeper and the unfortunately named Dr. Hyman Engelberg busted through her bedroom window with a fireplace poker and found her dead from an (alleged) overdose of prescription pills. At the time of her death, some of the furniture and other items purchased in Mexico had recently been delivered and were still, reportedly, in their shipping materials.

To this day Miss Monroe's death remains shrouded in mystery and unanswered questions that lean towards conspiracies that usually have something to do with her (alleged) relationships with president John F. Kennedy and his younger brother Robert. More on that later.

According to the Movieland Directory, Miss Monroe's home had previously been owned by the lewd and ludicrously named silent film actor Dick Hunter. Mister Hunter perished in December of 1962 but it's unknown if it was Mister Hunter who sold the property to Miss Monroe.

There were, reportedly, at least half a dozen sales contracts placed on the property on the very day of Miss Monroe's death. Talk about some bad ass and morbid real estate ambulance chasers. However, Miss Monroe died intestate, meaning she did not have a will and her property remained in probate. Eventually a judge ruled that Miss Monroe's home be sold for 10% above the highest offer. The highest bidder, as it turns out, was also the first bidder. The Nunez family, who took possession of the house in the fall of 1963, also became the de facto owners of many of Miss Monroe's household possessions including her damn Hoover brand vacuum cleaner.

Some reports say the Nunez family owned and occupied the house until 1980. Other reports say that the property was bought in 1972 by actress Veronica Hamel (Hill Street Blues, Lost) and her huzband Michael Irving. According to those reports, when Mister Irving and Miz Hamel went to remodel their new home they discovered an extensive and sophisticated eavesdropping and telephone tapping system. A retired (and unnamed) Justice Department official claimed the system was built with parts not available for commercial purchase in 1962 but were instead "standard FBI issue." These claims of a tapping system only added fuel to the already raging fire that Miss Monroe had been surveilled by the Kennedys and/or the Mafia. More on that later.

It's unclear to Your Mama how long Mister Irving and Miz Hamel occupied or owned the house on 5th Helena Drive. What is clear, according to property records, is that in August of 1994 Miss Monroe's former home was purchased from a Mister and Missus Alexander Bull by film director Michael Ritchie (Bad News Bears, Fletch, The Fantasticks) and his wife Jimmie for $995,000. Soon after buying the house the Ritchies relocated to New York and sold the property to an architect and his wife, in April of 1996 for $925,000. The architect and his wife did some remodeling we presume–what architect does not do some remodeling after all–and settled in for the long real estate haul.

There are multiple rumors and reports floating around the interweb–including on the Movieland Directory–that at some point the property was leased to the Marilyn Monroe obsessed model Anna Nicole Smith, a more trashy and modern day version of Miss Monroe who met her own tawdry, drug related end in a South Florida hotel room in February of 2007. However, Your Mama is deeply suspicious about that rumor. Maybe she did, but probably she didn't and if she did we're quite certain it would have had to have been before the current owners bought the place.

In 2006 rumors ran rampant that British born disc-jockey turned tee-vee presenter Cat Deeley (So You Think You Can Dance) had bought Miss Monroe's old house on 5th Helena Drive for around two million clams. However, that is simply not the case because not only are the sellers of the house the same folks who bought the house back in 1996, Miss Deeley, in fact, bought another house unrelated to Miss Monroe in September of 2006, a 2 bedroom and 2 pooper bizness in the Beverly Hills Post Office area for which she paid $2,699,000 according to records and reports.

Now, getting back to some of the conspiracies. Beginning sometime at the end of 1961 the most famous woman of the world allegedly embarked on a torrid affair with president John F. Kennedy. Shortly after she made her famous appearance in April of 1962 at Madison Square Garden where she breathily and sexily sang the Happy Birthday song to president J.F.K., the president and his men put the kibosh on their illicit trysting. Miss Monroe, not exactly the best picker of man-friends, almost immediately began an even more torrid (and alleged) affair with John F.'s younger brother Robert F. Kennedy. It is widely alleged that her relationships with both John F. and Robert F. Kennedy were facilitated by debauched hard drinking actor Peter Lawford who was at the time married to Patricia Kennedy, John F. and Robert F.'s sister and who owned an impressive 14-bedroom ocean front home in Santa Monica, CA where Miss Monroe and the Misters Kennedy are said to have rendezvoused.

Shortly after Miss Monroe's death, bizarre, shocking and almost unbelievable stories began to circulate that Miss Monroe's house had been bugged by either–are y'all ready for this?–Jimmy Hoffa or that horrible, cross dressing Director of the FBI J. Edgar Hoover. These rumors only heated up in the early 1970s when the stories about Veronica Hamel finding a hidden eavesdropping system in the walls began to circulate. Both men, theoretically, would have peed their pants with glee to have heard any conversation or interaction between Miss Monroe, Mister Lawford and both of the Kennedy brothers that may have provided information and evidence that could be used to twist the arms of the Kennedys who were at that time one of the most powerful families on earth. The fact that John F. Kennedy was gunned down in Dallas just over a year after Miss Monroe kicked it in her Brentwood bedroom only added more lighter fluid to the already aflame rumors that Miss Monroe's death was part of some vast conspiracy to bring the Kennedy's down.

Several suspicious circumstances surround Miss Monroe's death that lead people to these dubious but plausible conspiracies. Your Mama could not possibly be bothered to recount all of them but they include that Miss Monroe's autopsy report did not note the presence of the sort of residue that would have been left behind by the 50 or so pills she allegedly popped as well as that Miss Murray waited several hours after finding Miss Monroe's dead body before contacting the authorities. Then there are the missing phone records that would have shown just who Miss Monroe called on the night she died who Miss Murray called on the morning she was found. There, of course, there are the most horrific and salacious theories that Miss Monroe was snuffed out by the Kennedy family so that she would not publicly spill the beans on her alleged affairs with both John F. and Robert Kennedy who both, it is believed by some, may have told Miss Monroe any number of politically explosive tidbits that she may or may not have recorded in her diaries that, apparently and according to some theories, also went missing in the hours and days after her death.

Whatever the case and circumstances, Miss Monroe is long dead and most if not all the players who might have known about any foul play are also gone. That means those who care will probably never know the real truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Currently listing information, the home sits on a 23,000 square foot lot at the tail end of the cul-de-sac, a location that ensures total privacy and offers "lovely vistas." Since Miss Monroe owned the home there have been several renovations and the current configuration offers, according to listing information, 4 bedrooms, 3 poopers, a formal living room with wood burning fireplace, family room–formerly the dining room–an office that opens up to the backyard, a good sized sky-lit gore-may eat-in kitchen that opens to a spacious courtyard garden, a game room cabana adjacent to the swimming pool, and separate children's play room.

The home retains many original details–or at least details that are authentic in style to the original home–including extra-thick walls, casement windows, original beamed ceilings, terra cotta tile floors, and period hardware and tiles.

Whomever buys this house on 5th Helena Drive is buying a whole mess of history and confusion regarding Miss Monroe not to mention her ghost that some stay still haunts the halls of the house. Oh dear. Will the madness never end? Have mercy. Your Mama needs a nerve pill and a nap now.

photos: David Offer Fine Homes

Your Mama Hears...

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:07:00 +0000

...From two solid sources that the buyer of Candice Bergen's recently sold compound, located in a a guarded and star studded community in the Beverly Hills Post Office, is...wait for it...wait for it...are you waiting for it?...Cameron Diaz.

The exceedingly well paid and down to earth Miss Diaz (the never ending Shrek franchise, Charlie's Angeles, My Best Friend's Wedding, Being John Malkovich, There's Something About Mary) now owns a sprawling 3-acre celebrity style estate that includes a single-story, hacienda style main house with (approx.) 5,000 square feet and a fully detached guest house with another (approx.) 2,000 square feet. Altogether there are 6 bedrooms and 6.5 poopers, which is a lot of damn terlits for a single lady.

Miss Diaz (allegedly) hooking up with Kate Hudson's former man-ho Alex Rodriguez does not, by any measure, maker her a spoken for woman. Not that we know shit about anything but Your Mama sorta doubts that bowm-chicka-bow-bowm bizness between Miss Diaz and Mister Rodriguez is going anywhere because the pro baseballer hardly seems interested in settling down when he can have much more fun boinking a-list actresses who seem to throw themselves at him like he was the last man on earth with a functional penis. Who's next for Mister Rodriguez? Jennifer Aniston? Jessica Simpson? Oh. Ouch. Did Your Mama actually say that out loud?

Anyhoo, we digress. Although Miss Diaz's name appears nowhere on the property records that we could find, the paperwork does clearly show the name of Miss Diaz's mother as the trustee for the property. Taking that into account–Miss Diaz's mother is also the trustee for Miss Diaz's other Los Angeles home–as well as the the word of two of Your Mama's more reliable snitches and 1 + 1 + 1 does equal 3. We have yet to suss out a selling price for the property that was quietly listed at $10,250,000.

Miss Diaz's new neighbors include the recently secretly married Spanish calientes Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem who recently forked over $3,300,000 to buy the home of Tinseltown lesbians Sara Gilbert and Allison Adler, notorious romance rusher Jessica Simpson, porcelain skinned and frozen faced Aussie actress Nicole Kidman and her country crooning huzband Keith Urban, Madonna's manager/music mogul Guy Oseary, entertainment executive Tom Freston, actor (Welcome Back Kotter) turned professional gambler Gabe Kaplan, and Bob's son Ziggy Marley.

Larger than life Kimora Lee Simmons owns a house in the same neighborhood as Miss Diaz, but the Bling Queen has done moved on to bigger and better digs and, we hear through the celebrity real estate gossip grapevine, has leased her house out and decamped for a bigger and better and more blinged out mansion about 2.5 miles closer to the heart of Beverly Hills.

Miss Diaz still owns, according to property records, the modern and modest but expensive home located up behind the Chateau Marmont Hotel that she bought in April of 2001 for $1,350,000.

Kelly Rutherford Moves On

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 14:13:00 +0000

SELLER: Kelly Rutherford
LOCATION: West Hollywood, CA
PRICE: $1,399,000
SIZE: 2 bedrooms, 1.75 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Believe it or not kittens, not every celebrity who makes a mint working their stuff on a successful and long running tee-vee program lives like a damn pasha. One of those people, it would seem, is eco-active actress Kelly Rutherford who recently put her updated and well-maintained but modest West Hollywood, CA bacherlorette pad on the market with an asking price of $1,399,000.

Miss Rutherford, a blond beauty with classic old-school good looks, started up her ladder of fame in the late 1980s and early 1990s when she starred on the short-lived Generations, a soap story that, oddly, became such a huge hit in Turkey that even today Miss Rutherford is still a huge star that most unlikely of places. Generations was followed by several boob-toob false starts in the 1990s (The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., The Great Defender, Kindred: The Embraced) that eventually led her to the cult hit Melrose Place on which she starred from 1996 to 2000. The early to mid-naughts brought several more projects that never quite got off the ground and that Your Mama has never heard of (E-Ring, Threat Matrix, The District). Then, in 2007, the fame and fortune dam burst wide open for Miss Rutherford when she landed the plum role of wild child turned uptight Upper East Side socialite Lily van der Woodsen on the ridiculous and ridiculously popular Gossip Girls.

Property records show that Kentucky born and California bred Miss Rutherford bought her West Hollywood bachelorette pad in July 2005 for $1,250,000. This would have been about a year before she married German venture capitalist Daniel Giersch with whom had a very public parting of ways in late 2008 when she was all kinds of preggers with the erstwhile couple's second baby. The split and the subsequent battle over custody arrangements and other assorted nonsense became so ugly that Miss Rutherford actually filed a restraining order against her now ex-huzband claiming he had been following her, her mother, and the nanny causing her undue stress that kept her from lactating. 'Tis true puppies, or at least that is what was reported in the tabs and on the blogs.

Anyhoo, the warring couple's bitter, bitter, bitter dee-vorce was finally finalized just days ago and, while it ain't none of our beeswax, Your Mama hopes for the sake of the children that the two of them can move on with their lives without continuing to wrap their children up in their dirty laundry or dragging them through the muck and mud of their spectacularly failed relationship. Miss Rutherford, for her part, seems to have landed herself a new man-friend so things are looking up already.

Miss Rutherford–who drives a Prius y'all–briefly listed her wee Spanish style West Hollywood casa in February of 2007 but just a month later had a real estate change of heart and opted to hang on to her small spread where she had lived as a single lady. The modest if not exactly inexpensive property is centrally located on a leafy, tree-lined street and is walking distance to Robertson Boulevard where people like Paris Hilton shop for baubles, beads and other expensive crap at places like Kitson and Lisa Kline and where (in)famous folks Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian, and Jason 'Gummi Bear' Davis go when they're feeling like they want to have their pictures snapped by the paps. Robertson Boulevard, a sad victim of its own trendy success as far as Your Mama is concerned, is also home to the legendary, celebrity choked restaurant The Ivy as well as the Kabbalah Centre where people like Madonna–the undisputed Kween of Kabbalah–go to do whatever it is they do at a Kabbalah Centre.

Miss Rutherford's pretty and admirably unpretentious house–which was once featured in the unfortunately defunct Domino magazine–measures just 1,040 square feet according to the tax man and has 2 bedrooms each with their own updated pooper according to listing information.

The front door, tucked into a puny tile roofed porch, is approached through a lushly planted tropical garden and opens directly into the small living room that features a wood burning fireplace flanked by windows and honey colored hardwood floors laid on the diagonal. It's unclear if the pared down day-core that consists of little more than a couple of matching white slip covered sofas facing off over a spindle legged ottoman covered with a complex print is a reflection of the fact that Miss Rutherford spends much of her time in New York City where Gossip Girl films, if she's done moved on to other digs, or if she just has a simple aesthetic and an aversion to unnecessary clutter and over-done day-core.

The dining room, which looks large for such a picayune pad, has more honey colored hardwood floors laid on the diagonal, a wall of built in cabinets and shelves and a massive sky light that pierces the roof directly above the farmhouse style wood dining room table. Your Mama thinks the sky light is kind of genius but only because Miss Rutherford or her nice, gay decorator thought to cover the opening with a white fabric that mutes and softens the harsh and almost always shining southern California sunshine. Without that fabric covering Your Mama would worry that daytime diners would sizzle and burst into flames the way that bugs do when naughty children hold a magnifying glass over them.

The doorway to the kitchen was wisely widened to pull light and view into the dining room through the pane-free French doors that swing open onto the deck that extend off the back of the house. The small but functional and well-equipped kitchen has limestone counter tops, a huge stainless steel farmhouse sink, and high-grade stainless steel appliances including a 24-inch wide Sub-Zero fridge/freezer combo and a 4-burner baby Viking range. Your Mama loves us some open shelving for displaying dishware and well packaged comestibles, however iffin this were out house–and we wouldn't mind if it were because we are decidedly not a real estate size queen–we would opt to enclose the floor to ceiling shelving that faces out into what was probably originally designed as a bantam breakfast room and we'd immediately remove the sinister looking pot rack looming right above the spot where one much stand to use the stove or oven. Looming pot racks can not, we're quite certain, be good for the feng shui.

Not surprisingly, the pared down but not exactly minimal day-core continues into the bedrooms. The master bedroom–which is only about as a big as a maid's room in many mansions–contains little more than a bed covered in white linens, a couple of tall bamboo nightstands, a small settee, and an elegant Fortuny chandelier that works in lovely opposition to the utter simplicity of the rest of the room. The itty bitty master bathroom was made to appear and feel larger by using crisp white tile and paint, clear glass and strategically placed mirrors. It's a cute little pooper–remember this house is smaller than most 2-bedroom condos–but we're deeply concerned about the proximity of the terlit to the pedestal sink not to mention the danger of bonking one's tender head on the window that opens into the room directly above the terlit.

The large deck, accessible through the kitchen and one of the bedrooms, has a built-in barbecue center with an under-counter fridge for keeping cool drinks and offers plenty of room for summertime grillin' and chillin'. Although it may not adhere to building codes, ideally we'd remove the clunky railing from the deck that steps down into a gravel and flagstone courtyard area surrounded by thick tropical foliage that provides privacy for Miss Rutherford, her children, and guests. The small garage, according to listing information, has been converted to a flexible use space, perhaps as an office, home fitness center, or yoga room.

Even though she spends a great deal of time in New York City, it seems unlikely that Miss Rutherford will pull up her real estate roots entirely in Los Angeles. She is, after all, from Southern California and, as far as we know, her ex-husband and baby-daddy Daniel Giersch still resides in Los Angeles and he has court ordered visitation with the kids.

Speaking of the ex-husband and baby daddy Daniel Giersch, he too has a house on the market. Before the couple went splitsville, they embarked on a massive, multi-million dollar eco-friendly renovation of a home in Bel Air that according to listing information contains 3 bedroom and 4 pooper and "sustainable, non toxic, eco-friendly timeless elements including but not limited to custom floor to ceiling aluminum doors, Turkish limestone, onyx, elephant leather flooring, silk curtains & furniture, slate roof & copper gutters. The lush greenscape is supplied by a gray water system." Well, the gray water system certainly sounds "green" but we're not sure that elephant leather flooring is a particularly environmentally friendly material.

Mister Giersch first listed the very privately situated Bel Air property in May of 2010 with an asking price of $4,850,000. A million dollar chop in early June brought the asking price down to $3,850,000. That seemed to do the trick because just weeks later the property went into contract and is fixin' to close any day now.

Now that Miss Rutherford and Mister Giersch will soon be decamping to new digs not infused with the (bad) energy of the other, perhaps their family feud will come to an end and they'll each find a peaceful, quiet and pap free space to make their own.

Gwynnie Loves Her a Pink Pastel

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 14:29:00 +0000

Your Mama always thinks it's a hoot and a half to have a wee look-see at the always done, done, done day-core of any of the many residences owned or occupied by Oscar winning ack-tress Gwyneth Paltrow because, you know, beehawtcha really gets serious about letting it fly when it comes to working over the interiors of her inner sanctums.

In between thumbing through the latest issue of the The New Yorker and kicking some Chow Lee ass on our iPhone Scrabble application yesterday, Your Mama received an unexpected but delicious dispatch from Iphuhgeenie Ipakacker who thoughtfully aimed Your Mama's admittedly limited attentions towards a blog called The Happy Home. The Happy Home gal, through a process of deduction and cross referencing, managed to ferret out a small photographic cache of good ol' Gynnie's downtown New York City penthouse pied a terre.

Gynnie's homes always look undeniably pretty, well conceived and finished, if a bit unnecessarily theatrical at times. However, iffin Your Mama is being honest–and we always are–they often look to our beady, untrained little eyes more like the sort of picture perfect palaces where a gussied up gal like Gynnie might have her photos snapped for a glossy celebrity promoting publication then they do actual homes.

The rigorously restrained, romantic, and sophisticated if somewhat sterile interiors of Gynnie's downtown New York digs where all done up and did over in a heavily textured and muted palette of pinky pastels, gleaming whites, and shimmering silvers by the former film set designing duo Robin Standefer and Stephen Alesch whose New York City-based full service firm is, for some reason unknown to Your Mama, called Roman and Williams.

Gynnie and Chris's crib New York City aerie, located in the same building as the fabulously faux-humble and wickedly talented actress Meryl Streep, is hardly the only high profile project or home of a celebrity worked over by Roman and Williams. They are the design minds responsible for the renovation of the Royalton Hotel in New York, the quirky but faboo 211 Elizabeth Street residential building–also in New York–that's home to actor Gabriel Byrne (In Treatment) and budding singer Alexa Joel (Billy's daughter), the 4-floor Venice, CA home of Elisabeth "Lisa" Shue and her Oscar winning documentary film director husband Davis Guggenheim (An Inconvenient Truth), the sprawling Los Angeles compound owned by Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor, and boho-glam/hippy-chic west coast abode of actress Kate Hudson.

According to their website, Roman and Williams completed the "total strip down to stud and redesign" of a TriBeCa penthouse for "an actress, her musician husband, and their children" in the winter of 2008. The 4,479 square foot aerie, which the peripatetic Paltrow-Martins purchased in March of 2007 for $5,146,538 according to the peeps at Property Shark, has 3 bedrooms, 3.5 poopers, a slim terrace off the master bedroom and a slightly less slim terrace accessed through the living/dining room as well as the super-sleek, eat in kitchen with it enviably chunky marble counter tops.

Listen chickens, it's all a bit precious, fussy, and far too self-consciously feminine for Your Mama's particular and delicate decorative tastes, and we find some of the bits and pieces a bit hokey and recherche–like that silly porch swing-thing in the living room fashioned from an antique Indian door–but in the end Your Mama doesn't question the genuine decorative talents of the Roman and Williams folks whose abilities should not be judged only on the crisp and cleaned lined but somewhat belabored lady-like interiors of Gynnie's penthouse outpost in downtown Manhattan because, on the other hand, the day-core of both Ben Stiller and Lisa Shue's Los Angeles homes are spectacular.

Can any of the children see the very laid back seeming Mister Martin padding around in his dirty socks in this not particularly casual penthouse? We can't either.

photo: Roman and Williams via The Happy Home

Sweet Trailers...

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 03:00:00 +0000

Enjoy Cupcakes. 

Well, that is a no-brainer, right? But serving cupcakes from an adorable vintage trailer? Well, that idea is the brainchild of Enjoy Cupcakes  owners, Amber Joy and Kevin Vander Vlietwhere. Serving both the Santa Ynez and Santa  Barbara Counties, the appeal of this business model is a sweet success!

And surely only Kansas can have a gem like this:

Fresher Than  Fresh Sno Cones,  located in Kansas City, serves up 100% natural sno cones. So not only do they cool you off, but they are actually good for you, too! 

And one in my neck of the woods, sort of, is this veggie stand on Prince Edward Island. Step inside and select your favourite farm fresh veggies:

Doesn't food just taste better when it is served up with a dash of sweetness and charm?!

Have you any nostalgic travelling shops in your area? Does the ice cream man still coast down your street or pedal up with his cooler filled with icy treats?

Do tell...!

Weekend Wrap Up

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 00:51:00 +0000

Last week Your Mama discussed and dissected the Sunset Beach, CA house that Oscar winning actress Sandra Bullock's cheating chopper customizer ex-huzband Jesse James has on the market for $4,995,000 (reduced from $6,750,000).

At that time we mentioned to oft repeated rumor that Mister James was fixin' to relocate to Austin, TX where he has bidness concerns and where, perhaps not coincidentally, his ex-wife has a large and lavish spread.

According to the peeps at gossip juggernaut TMZ, Mister James had did the real estate deed and bought himself a 7-acre estate in Austin that includes 9 bedrooms and 7.5 poopers, plenty of room for him to ramble around in all by his lonesome or for all his kids and baby mommas to visit at the same damn time.

The $1,980,000 mansion includes a large home fitness center, theater, a six car garage/workshop, several swimming pools and ponds, and outdoor fireplace next to the party-sized spa, a crick crossed by a bridge, rolling lawns, and mature shade trees galore.

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Sounds like the former President Bill "Couldn't Keep It In His Pants" Clinton and his smart and staunch Secretary of State wife Hilary Rodham Clinton just might going country. Well, sort of. According to the New York Post Bill and Hil have their eyeballs on Clover Hill Farm, a dee-luxe 20 acre compound in Bedford Hills, NY that carries a price tag of $10,900,000. The 7,000 square foot main house has 5 bedrooms and 6 full and 2 half poopers.

The bucolic property comes complete with a swimming pool, stables–Your Mama defies any of the children to think of Bill or Hil sitting up on a pony without fallin' out–a koi stocked pond with spitting fountain, artists studio, and two guest houses perfect for the suited up Secret Service mens and/or for the soon to be married daughter Chelsea and her man-mate when they come a'visiting.

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Conservative radio claptrapper Rush Limbaugh can finally pack his bags and move his right wing things out of New York City, a lefty-liberal city he loathes because of its high taxes. According the inestimable Josh Barbanel at the Wall Street Journal–who the children may recall used to pen the celebrity real estate gossip for the New York Times–Mister Limbaugh's Fifth Avenue condo with its surprisingly feminine and muralific day-core is currently in contract for just under its final asking price of $12,950,000. Sayonara Sister Pillpopper.

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The dee-voon Connie Stevens, a one-times actress/sex kitten who parlayed her fame and brains into a mountain of millions with her Forever Spring skin care and make-up lines, dumped her Manhattan digs for around $7,000,000 according to The Real Deal. The dee-voon Miz Stevens, who bought the 54th floor penthouse pad at the Upper West Side's towering Park Millenium building way back in 1994, reportedly watched the World Trade Towers collapse from her aerie on September 11, 2001.

The 2,479 square foot condo, which has 3 bedrooms and 3.5 poopers, is located in the same upscale Manhattan apartment tower where Oscar nominated actor Alan Alda (M.A.S.H., The West Wing) and his wife own 3-contiguous and presumably combined condos. Also in residence–at least when they're not holed up in their boo-teek hotel sized ocean front mansion in the Hamptons–is potty mouthed and kinky haired radio tycoon Howard Stern and his wife Beth Ostrosky. Greenwich, CT based Regis Philbin also maintains a pied a terre at the Park Millenium building but hunnies we can barely bring ourselves to type his name. Have mercy butter beans, that man is like fingernails on a chalkboard to Your Mama. At least his former sidekick Kathy Whatserface has camp appeal and, much to our delight, acts like a damn fool most of the time. But that Reeg fella? We just don't get it.

Anyhoo, the pending sale was first reported in late May 2010 by the New York Times

Miz Stevens also owns homes the Holmby Hills area of LA and an "enormous log cabin" in Jackson Hole, WY

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Former Dateline dive Stone Phillips recently scooped a penthouse in New York City's Gramercy Park neighborhood according to the New York Times. The 2 bedroom and 2 pooper pad that was last on the market at $4,750,000 has wrap around terraces and southern exposures over the private, residents only park.

The penthouse, which comes with a deeded key to the park, was offered in estate condition. That means Mister and Missus Phillips will likely be spending a many more dollars having a smart architect and a nice, gay decorator do over their new digs before they actually settle in.

Your Mama Hears...

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 18:59:00 +0000

...That actress and "singer" Scarlett Johansson's real estate saga is finally over. That's right puppies, Your Mama was just informed by an informant we'll call Chateau Briand that ScarJo has indeed and finally unloaded her real estate white elephant located in the Outpost Estates neighborhood in Los Angeles.

If the children put on their thinking caps they will recall that Miz Johansson paid $7,000,000 for a 4 bedroom and 5.5 pooper Spanish style casa in May of 2007. This would have been the apex of the now dramatically burst real estate bubble and long before she married her husband Ryan Reynolds whose abdominal muscles ripple like the wash board Your Mama's granny Rayna used to warsh her clothes.

By April of 2009 whispers and rumors started to slip down the real estate gossip grapevine and into Your Mama's bulging inbox that the chesty Miss Johansson–who had by then become Missus Reynolds–wanted to sell the house even though she'd spent a pretty penny or two on renovations and, according to our snitches, had spent very little time actually living up in the Spanish style casa.

Ten months later, in early February of 2010, the 4,352 square foot residence was, not exactly surprisingly, hoisted on the open market with an asking price of $4,995,000, more than two million smackers less than she paid for the place. By February of 2010 the asking price had slipped all the way down to $4,500,000.

Property records Your Mama accessed–as well as information provided by Miss Briand–shows that the new owner is tee-vee writer Matt Tarses and his wife Kathleen who actually closed on the property in mid June, 2010. What records do not show is the sale price. However, word on the celebrity real estate street is that the deal went down for somewhere in the neighborhood of $4,300,000.

If that rumored sale price is accurate, a few quick flicks of the well worn beads of our bejeweled abacus then shows that Miz Johansson-Reynolds took an astonishing financial bath on the transaction amounting to $2,700,000 not counting renovation costs and the fat real estate fees that could have easily cost her another two hundred ground.

Poor Miz Johansson-Reynolds is quickly developing bad habit of losing money on her real estate impulses. In January of 2006 she paid $1,950,000 for a 1,300 square foot loft style apartment at 66 Leonard street in New York City's TriBeCa neighborhood that she sold in April of 2008 for, according to records, $1,898,000. According to The Easter Bunny, Miz Johansson-Reynolds and her hunky huzband have hightailed it to New York City where in April of 2008 she splashed out $2,100,000 for a 2 bedroom and 2 pooper penthouse apartment on East 53rd Street.

Although Your Mama knows nuthin' more than the whispers and rumbles we've read online and in the tabs, the comely couple are said to have recently picked up a farmette in the oil ravaged state of Louisiana that they're doing over with some eco-friendly this and thats including solar heating. Well, good for them if it's true.

Yves Smith on the Default of the Rich

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 14:57:00 +0000

She writes about this morning's story in the New York Times:

Another message here is that high income borrowers aren’t taking the Freddie/Fannie/bank bluster about strategic defaults seriously. Recall that the latest threat was that they would pursue deficiency judgments, as in sue borrowers who defaulted where the proceeds from the sale of the home, net of expenses, did not cover the mortgage debt. Now in some states that is not permitted (purchase money mortgages in many states are non-recourse, but refis never are). But independent of that, it is expensive to pursue defaulting borrowers, and if the borrower really is broke (say he had medical emergency, a business failure, or a costly divorce) litigation is just a costly wild goose chase. The most obvious group to pursue, nevertheless, would be defaulted owners of big ticket homes in affluent areas. They clearly regard the odds of legal action as low.

She slips in an important sentence--that refinanced mortgages lose their non-recourse status. Refinancings swamped purchase money mortgages in 2004 and were a substantial share of the market in 2005-2006. It would be interesting to see an estimate of the share of mortgage debt outstanding in "non-recourse" states that actually now come with recourse--I would imagine it is well over 50 percent. One might think that "sophisticated" investors are more likely to refinance than the general public (I did a paper with Lacour-Little some time ago that suggested that this was true), and so that "strategic" default could be particularly costly for this group. Certainly, if I were a lender and observed a borrower with a $1 million plus loan with recourse, I would go after the borrower for a deficiency judgment.

There is a broader point here as well. I have been reading arguments that America got itself into trouble because it is too borrower friendly, and that countries that avoided trouble, such as Canada and Germany, did so because of recourse. But the fact is that for all intents and purposes, the US is a recourse country too.

Adam Carolla Lists Starter House In Los Angeles

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 14:55:00 +0000

SELLER: Adam Carolla
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,395,000
SIZE: 2,281 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.75 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: He may have rather stoopidly and controversially called Hawaiians "retarded" and "the world's dumbest people," but, children, comedian, ack-tor, and radio personality Adam Carolla is all kinds of rich anyways. Beehawtcha may have pissed off an entire state–not to mention an entire country–but he is none the less laugh, laugh, laughing all the way to the damn bank.

Back in 1996, not long after pairing up with publicity seeking celebrity rehabber Dr. Drew Pinsky on the long running Lovelines radio program, Mister Carolla took some of his earnings and purchased himself a starter located house high above Beachwood Canyon in Los Angeles, CA. While Mister Carolla and his family have long since moved on to bigger and better digs, the Beachwood Canyon crib remained the property in his portfolio. However, the talk radio titan* has, apparently, decided to lighten his real estate load because he recently put the property on the market with an asking price of $1,395,000.

*Okay, maybe Mister Carolla isn't really a "titan" of talk radio in like that poser Howard Stern who caters to the lowest of lowbrow taste but hobnobs with the hoity toity in the Hamptons, but he's still enormously successful.

Mister Carolla, a bizzy entertainment business beaver if there ever was one, got his big radio break on Jimmy Kimmel's erstwhile radio program Kevin and Bean. He went on to yakkety yak for 10 years on the radio with Dr. Pinsky, co-hosted a popular sketch comedy program called The Man Show with his new b.f.f. Jimmy Kimmel, and created and performed on the tee-vee program Crank Yankers on which scary looking puppets made crank calls to unsuspecting victims. In 2005, after leaving Lovelines, he started up his own eponymous radio program. In 2009 the show was converted to a wildly successful 5-day a week podcast that quickly became the most downloaded podcast on the iTunes. He's also done voice over work (Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, Family Guy) and in 2008 he appeared on that way past its prime program Dancing With the Stars on which he mamboed and tangoed but was ultimately done in by the Paso Doble.

Property records show that Mister Carolla bought his Beachwood Canyon aerie in November of 1996 for $350,000. Lo-ward have mercy buttons, remember when y'all could buy a nice if modest house in a good part of Los Angeles for well under half a million smackers? Anyhoo, property records show the fully renovated French Normandy style residence was built in 1924 and listing information indicates it is an original Hollywoodland home.

Hollywoodland, for those not schooled on the history of the Los Angeles real estate world, is the architecturally diverse subdivision situated in the peaks and valleys in the rugged and scrubby hills above Hollywood. The now iconic Hollywood sign, which originally read "Hollywoodland" and was covered in flashing light bulbs, was erected in the 1920s as an advertisement to attract arty-farty and urbane home buyers to the development. While not nearly as posh or as expensive as Beverly Hills or Bel Air, Beachwood Canyon remains one of Los Angeles' most Los Angeles of neighborhoods, iffin that makes any sense.

Mister Carolla's crib, according to listing information, measures 2,281 square feet and contains 3 bedrooms and 3 poopers. The house sits atop a towering stone rampart and is accessed via a stone staircase that wraps around the rampart and leads up to a gated and hedged yard. Even more stair climbing is required to haul yer hiney up to the front door.

While it would most certainly be lovely to live on a private promontory high above the street, our imperious house gurl Svetlana would never permit Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter to live in a situation that would force her to perspire just from dragging the damn groceries up from the street to the kitchen. If there was some sort of dumbwaiter or funicular to carry the comestibles up to the house from the street she might relent. But even then probably not since she's still have to get her not interested in exercising at all for any reason self up the stairs.

Anyhoo, the interior spaces of Mister Carolla's former home include a step-down living room with a high-beamed ceiling, hardwood floors, fireplace, wet bar, and a tall arched window with views of the glittering lights of Tinseltown. There is also a den/family room with a second fireplace and built in entertainment center, and an eat-in kitchen all done over with a built in boo-fay and plate rack, white raised panel cabinetry, and high grade stainless steel appliances including a 4-burner baby Viking range. The master bedroom, according to listing information, has a third fireplace and, we presume, a private pooper.

Listing information indicates that the entire house was renovated and retrofitted in 1997 with a new HVAC system, foundation bolting, slate roof, electrical and plumbing upgrades and a beefed up security system.

The yard wraps around the house and offers a few small but flat lawn areas, a flagstone terrace with built in barbecue pit–or whatever that brick thing is–and an awning shaded patio that leads to a small deck with city views where the former traffic school instructor and staunch atheist sunk a hot tub and probably spent many-a-evening staring at the starry heavens. The children will note the gigantic flag pole prominently installed in the front yard. Although he may not believe in capital "G" god like most Americans still do, Mister Carolla is still a patriotic person. This is, after all, America, land of the free, and one need not believe in Jesus to be a good American.

Mister Carolla currently lives in a walled and gated property high atop the Hollywood Hills that he purchased in April of 2003 for $1,630,000. The Spanish style house measures 5,345 square foot house with 3 bedrooms and 6 poopers. Your Mama happens to know that, like at his former home in Beachwood Canyon, Mister Carolla flies the American–and the I-talian–flag at his current crib.

In March of 2007, according to property records, Mister and Missus Carolla paid $3,600,000 to purchase a contemporary ranch house in the Point Dume area of Malibu. As it turns out, the Carolla couple's beach house in the Bu, which has 4 bedroom and 3 poopers in the main house and another bedroom and pooper in the detached guest house, is currently for lease for July and/or August at $10,000 per month.

photos from Teles Properties listing

Two more thoughts about The Big Short

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 18:08:00 +0000

(1) One of Hayek's most compelling arguments for the virtues of markets over government is that markets (via prices) reflect the constantly shifting preferences of millions of agents, and as such are both efficient and democratic. But the market for Collateralized Debt Obligations and Credit Default Swaps did not reflect the preferences of millions--they reflected the views of a very small number of people, some of whom had enormous market power (for awhile, anyway). A takeaway from the book is how large institutions could rig prices of over-the-counter investments for long enough periods to do substantial damage.

(2) While I loved the book, and will indeed use it in class, it may suffer a bit from ex-post thinking. The heroes of the book, Michael Burry, Steve Eisman, Greg Lippman, bet early and often against subprime mortgages, and made lots of money as a result. Ex post, their bets seem obvious, and perhaps ex ante, they should have seemed obvious. My strong suspicion is that Burry--who went to the bother of actually reading and analyzing offering circulars--really did know that he had a positive NPV bet ex ante. And loan originators surely knew they were underwriting junk, because documentation was so week. But perhaps not even Burry knew how big his pay-off would actually be.

Dr. Phil Finally and Officially Lists Beverly Hills House

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 14:50:00 +0000

SELLER: Dr. Phil and Robin McGraw
LOCATION: Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $16,500,000
SIZE: 11,036 square feet, 8 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Way back in early April of 2008, amid much speculation that Dr. Phil McGraw and his Stand By Your Man wifey Robin were on a fast train to Splitsville, Your Mama heard from no fewer than three real estate snitches who whispered in our big ear that the tee-vee psychologist–or whatever he is–had quietly floated his big Beverly Hills, CA mansion on the market as a pocket listing. A pocket listing, for all those not familiar with the term, means that the McGraw mansion was never officially on the market. However, according to Kenny Kissentell, one of Your Mama's saucier and more piquant canaries, the still married couple were quietly seeking offers in the $16-18,000,000 range.

Your Mama isn't sure if Mister and Missus McGraw fielded any offers for their Bev Hills estate but clearly they did not sell the property because now, more than two years after we first heard the real estate rumors of the pocket listing, Mister and Missus McGraw have officially heaved their hulking Mediterranean villa on the market with an asking price of $16,500,000.

Now listen chickens, in the interest of full disclosure Your Mama should say right off the bat that we're not much of a fan of Dr. Phil–who is not actually a medical doctor of any kind–nor do we care for his particular brand of tough talking psycho-babble hyperbole delivered in the most dramatic fashion possible in order to keep the television viewing audience from getting bored and flipping the channel to one of the many soap stories that plug up the airwaves during the mid-day hours. Here's our real beef puppies, we fear deep in our soul that what happens on Dr. Phil's program gets mistaken by his vast audience for actual therapy and, puppies, real therapy it is not. Perhaps we're not giving credit to his fans who may very well be able to properly discern television from therapy. None the less feel that Dr. Phil's program of "get real" advice gives the false and potentially damaging illusion that complex emotional quandaries and divisive marital dilemmas can be fixed in just 40-42 minutes, the real length of most 1 hour long shows minus the time it takes for commercials.

And too, we find it strange and creepy that Not A Medical Dr. Phil recently had his bushy beast of a 'stache shaved off–on national television–by none other than Oprah Winfrey, the woman responsible for foisting Dr. Phil onto the world. Lo-ward have mercy butter beans, does no one have any sense of decency or shame anymore? Maybe next time The Big O can take a pumice stone to his heels or maybe she'll use him as a model to illustrate how best to manscape your man's chest carpet.

Anyhoo, property records and other reports reveal that The Big O's talk television prodigy and his wife Robin purchased their Bev Hills property back in December of 2002 for around $7,500,000...in cash. While listing information for the .72 acre estate does not indicate the square footage of the McGraw manse, the tax man shows it measures 11,036 square feet and includes 8 bedrooms and 7 poopers including a master suite with sitting area, private balcony, and two lavish poopers and custom fitted dressing rooms. For what it's worth, we previously reported that the house had 9 bedrooms and 8 full and 2 half poopers but, in all honestly, our boozy-woozy brain just can't recall from where we got those numbers.

Information we received a couple of years ago from our trio of blabbermouthing birdies indicates the house includes a number of celebrity-style features like a double height rotunda entrance hall with diamond pattern stone flooring and sweeping dual staircases for making dramatic entrances (and exits), a screening room, natch, a billiards room, his and hers offices, staff quarters, and a beauty boo-teek where Dr. Phil could have his pate polished in private.

Other amenities of the completely walled and double-gated property located in what is arguably the best part of Beverly Hills include, according to listing information, a double height formal living room, formal dining room, library, family room, a colossal kitchen, and a half-circle shaped breakfast room with dizzying mirrored walls. There is also a media/music room, den, a home fitness center, covered parking for 5 cars, 3 fireplaces (in the den, library and master boo-dwar), and a detached 2 bedroom guest casita.

A wide and lavishly planted dining terrace extends off the back of the house with an outdoor fireplace and media center for staring at the boob-toob al fresco. A pathway descends to the large, rectangular shaped swimming pool that has kooky and kind of disturbing statues standing at the corners, and a raised, circular spa where Not A Medical Dr. Phil can soak away the stress of dealing with everyone else's stress on the boob-toob. What 16,500,000 smackers will not get you in the case of Dr. and Missus Phil's pile is a tennis court, which is a real shame because as fer as Your Mama is concerned 16,500,000 in Beverly Hills ought to buy a tennis court or at least a long, gated celebrity style driveway and the sort of view that will curl the toes of even the most jaded Angelino.

Where, oh where will Dr. Phil go now Your Mama hears the children asking? Well, in truth we don't know. But if Your Mama had to choose a Los Angeles location for Dr. Phil to next reside it would be an even bigger spread up in Beverly Park because Dr. Phil just seems like the sort of fellow who would get his real estate jollies off on living up in Beverly Park.

What we do know is that whomever snatches up Dr. Phil's real estate sloppy seconds will have a whole host of rich and famous neighbors including Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos, Guess? founder Georges Marciano who lives in Shirley Temple's old Sunset Boulevard mansion, and right behind Dr. Phil's house sits Le Palais du Couchant, the recently completed 3-story, 36,000 square foot "French-Palladian" pile built by commercial real estate mogul Frederick C. Wehba that's currently listed at a teeth chattering $68,500,000.

photos from Hilton & Hyland listing

Jesse James Slashes Asking Price by 26%

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 14:57:00 +0000

SELLER: Jesse James
LOCATION: Sunset Beach, CA
PRICE: $4,995,000
SIZE: 3,626 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.25 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Cheating huzbands are quickly developing into a theme this week. Yesterday we discussed the real estate rumors about serial adulterer Tiger Woods' estranged and soon to be dee-vorced wife Elin Nordegren hunting for a house in Boca Raton, FL and today Your Mama has some real estate low down on actress Sandra Bullock's chopper customizing and philandering ex-huzband Jesse James.

In late May of 2010, amid all the brouhaha and ballyhoo surrounding the couple's dirty laundry and impending dee-vorce, it was widely reported that Mister James heaved the ocean front residence in Sunset Beach, CA where he and his Oscar winning ex-wife once lived together on the market with a rather optimistic asking price of $6,750,000.

Shortly after the 4th of July, according to information provided to Your Mama by Buhteenuh Beachdweller, Mister James and his real estate people wisely opted to chop the price tag for Mister James' beach house all the way down to a still pricey but far less shocking $4,995,000. A few flicks of the well worn beads on Your Mama's bejeweled abacus reveals that the $1,755,000 markdown represents a gigantic 26% reduction from the original price.

Property records show that Mister James bought his beach house, a two story quasi-Mediterranean villa with 3,626 square feet, in September of 2003 when he was still married to his second wife, award winning porno hacktress, tax evader, and huzband beater Janine Lindemulder. Records also show Mister James' crib has 2 bedrooms and 2.5 poopers while online listing information shows there are 4 bedrooms, each with a private pooper plus a powder pooper for guests.

Like in most California beach communities, Mister James' house sits right up on the street and so close to the neighboring house that even a toothpick thin catwalker would have a tough time squeezing in between. On the street side, a gated and lushly landscaped courtyard with a gurgling fountain and curving stone pathway serves as a serene buffer between the street and the stone floored entrance hall that steps up to the open plan living/dining/kitchen area.

The Canterra stone tile used for the entry pathway and floor in the foyer continue up four steps and into the main living space comprised living, eating and cooking areas. The living room is focussed on a massive fireplace with carved stone surround and flanked by built in cabinetry, the dining area looks out towards the beach, and the gore-may kitchen has slab granite counter tops, custom raised panel maple cabinetry, a curving crescent shaped breakfast counter, walk-in pantry, and a full complement of Viking brand stainless steel appliances including a wine fridge and under counter ice making machine.

The main living space opens into an ocean side glass-enclosed lanai worked over with mood lighting and overly dramatic auto-lighting tiki torches according to listing information. Most of the lanai is taken up by the swimming pool and faux stone grotto where, Your Mama assumes, the spa is located. A steep stairway "carved" into the faux stone allows the bold and the brave to clamor up to the top of the grotto at their own risk and hurtle themselves down the short, curving slide, past the waterfall and into the swimming pool.

The children will note that listing photos show a duck paddling in the pool, an unsanitary situation given that ducks are completely non-discriminating about where they do their dirty bizness. But perhaps more disturbing and distressing that swimming with duck excrement is that the neighboring house has a vast window that looks directly down into the lanai that completely compromises whatever sense of privacy is created or felt by the glass-enclosed lanai. There can be no daytime skinny dipping in this pool unless the nekkid don't care to have their naughty bits seen by the neighbor.

Beyond the lanai, a multi-level deck tucked into the dune has built in seating with thick upholstered cushion and provides a scenic and somewhat private perch for ocean viewing and sunset watching. From the deck a sandy path leads through the ice-plant and beach scrub to the extraordinarily wide beach and pounding surf. The near absence of street and/or public parking in Sunset Beach ensure that the broad beach isn't overly burdened by out of town beach goers who all too frequently wear bathing costumes that do anything and everything but flatter their over and under fed bodies.

Back inside, a curving stone stairway with an intricately scrolled iron banister leads to the upstairs master bedroom that has a boxed beam ceiling, hardwood flooring, fireplace, ocean views through large window that slides open to a Juliet balcony, walk-in closet, and a Travertine clad master pooper complete with double sinks, steam shower, and Jacuzzi tub. The master bedroom day-core, we regret to inform, is a not particularly pleasing melange of carved wood chairs that look like they might be from Indonesia or Bali or someplace like that, a couple of woven wicker stools unnecessarily placed at the foot of the bed, and a couple of glitzy and glammy mirrored chests on either side of the bed. Mister James' big bed is dressed with white linens and topped with two large leopard print decorative pillows and two smaller black velvet pillows embroidered with a skull and crossbones that offer an ironic and most assuredly unintended message that the once happy marriage between he and America's Sweetheart is d.e.a.d.

Although there is also a guest bedroom with full pooper and walk-in closet on the second floor, listing information for the property indicates the other two bedrooms have been converted for other uses besides slumber and fornication. There is, according to listing information, an ocean view office/bedroom and a large media/game room that has a coffered ceiling with wedding cake moldings, hardwood floors, built in cabinetry and shelves, wet bar, and a couple of down-filled white slip-covered sofas for laying around and watching the wall-mounted flat screen boob-toob.

Other amenities, according to listing information, include an over-sized three car garage with custom fitted "tool crib," whatever that is, professional quality audio and video systems, and a state of the art surveillance system, natch, with multiple security cameras that ensure any moe-ron who gets the damn fool notion to go poking around the property will be filmed for posterity and arrested for trespassing.

As it turns out, another Sunset Beach, CA property owned by Mister James is also on the market and also recently received the bizness with the price chop tomahawk. Property records show Mister James bought a townhouse with rather unattractively accented on the exterior with river rock in November of 2002 for $777,000 and currently has it listed at $1,195,000 after first popping up on the market at $1,290,000. It's unclear to Your Mama if Mister James leased this house or if it is or was occupied by one of his former wives.

Listing information shows the townhouse measures 2,634 square feet, stands three stories tall, and includes 3 bedrooms, 3.5 poopers, 2 river rock fireplaces–one in the living room the other in the master bedroom–and an attached 2-car garage. Other features, according to listing information include a spiral staircase, hardwood floors, double height ceilings, granite counter tops in the kitchen and on the wet bar, an elevator, a small balcony off the living room, and a roof deck with peek-a-boo bay and ocean views.

It's been widely rumored and reported that Mister James is relocating to Austin, TX where he owns a chopper shop and which just happens to be one of the many places his unsullied by the scandal ex-wife Sandy has a home. We realize that Mister James neither asked for our opinion nor sought our sage counsel on the matter, but Your Mama just cain't keep our big- flap trap shut so we're gonna give the philandering fool some free words of wisdom anyway: Listen up J.J., you done blowed it up with Sandy by getting with that tattooed adulteress and as a result there ain't nuthin' but memories of better days to pick through now. Clearly your ex-wife has done moved on with her life, adopted a damn baby without you, and left you standing there in the dust of one of your tricked out chopper things. We suspect you'd have better luck calling up that home wrecker Bombshell McGee and begging her to take you in than you would to ask for mercy from your ex-wife who has shown nothing but great dignity and resolve throughout this sex mess you made. Okaaay?

Miz Bullock, who regularly rakes in well upwards of $15,000,000 per movie, also owns posh properties in Los Angeles, Tybee Island (GA), New Orleans, and New York City.

photos: Pacific Coast News (top photo only), Surfside Colony Real Estate (listing photos)

Wordless Wednesday...Wedding Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Doncrack) — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 10:56:00 +0000

(all images, Martha Stewart.com)