tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315Sun, 27 May 2012 14:16:29 +0000comfortNVCAdominationTestimoniesrescuersgenerosityargumentshuman needsempathic responsespiritual challengesOn KillingJason Marshgracecollaborationvulnerabilitysharif abdullahGeneral Strikecarecommunitylife choicespower differenceswarsafetyforward panicdreamingpracticeconflictstruthagreementsrepressiondependencespiritual pathresourcesPrivilegeJewsevilGood Do BadworkplacetrainingCharles Eisenstein1%rosenbergTrustingBayNVCsingiving upOccupy Movementchoiceemotional intelligencegoldstonejesusgender inequalityspiritualdepending on othersA Force More Powerfultransformationworld that works for allgovernmentviolencepossibilitieswasting timeself-sufficiencyrestorative justicefaithideascampsalt marchesSamuel OlinerautonomyMahatmaMoraltiypriviledgeGOMnormspowerlovedalitsjudgmentBarefoot Collegelearning edgeVietnamreflectionThe Limits of Empathyresolutionsnegotiationsgift economymartin luther king jrcreating communitysubversiveNVC in businesscourageoaklandbay areaagent of my liferumisubmissionleadershipunderstandingClear VisionTransformaionradical consciousnessConsciousnessSupportwaterdialogueperfectionkillingself-understandingosama bin-ladenUnpacking the Invisible Knapsackpower-overagreementracial inequalityresolving conflictsObamaGrantPearl Olinerresponding to people in powerresilientcalleddifferencesIndiaactivistNonviolent Communicationdiversitydomestic violenceIn Your Own WordsNVC in the workplaceuprisingsocial movementsRichard Eskowisrael/palestineMilgramgivingWalter WinkparentingNonviolenceDavid Brookscompassion99%inner peacepunishmentcommitmenthow we shiftfaultfrancois beausoleilfinitudeEgyptian RevolutionInner FreedomArab SpringcharityfocusdisempowermentGhandiGentlenessrebellionHeartblameTea Partyemotional needsteenagerPeggy McIntoshfearoccupy wall streetsolidaritynight schoolsconsciousentitlementdiscouragementclass privilegemanagementsocial transformationfull expressionmoralityFreudmediationblind spotscancerattachmentorganizationsengaging with people who have harmed uscurse wordsauthenticityrequestsbossmaking collaboration realgandhimale privledgeCivil Rights MovementScott Olsenahimsacommodity based economyparentdemandsThe Color of FearcontroversybossesOakland PolicerelationshipsIs there No Other WayDelhipower to create changeDemocratsCivil Rightsfreedomvaluescity workersAlice MillerchallengesEmpathy Teamtragedyemotionsocietyholocausthumilitythriving relationshipsgroup dynamicsnuclear powerThe Fearless Heart CoursesufferingCollaborative Decision Makingselfish genefuturewaitingIndependence DaycooperationauthorityRobert BalesparadoxThrivesecurityRevolutionhuman dignityeconomyking jrseparationpower of wordsMichael Naglerlanguagereasongratitudeneedspractical inclusionequalityIdo Selasalarydespairbullyingconflict resolutionfukushimaRepublicansfacilitationDecision MakingrespectMehserlegood willNew York TimescopingJames GilliganthrivingoccupywallstreeterrorsThe Powers That Bebeing seen for who I amauthoritariantom shadyachubrismatteringFrank Ogawa Plazaassumption of innocencetikkun olamactivisEgyptian RevolutionOccupyOaklandnonviolent resistancespiritual practiceresponsibilityOccupy OaklandTelecoursetrustisolationconnectionBrene Brownrepentancechangeconsciousness Transformationsocial problemsdefensivenessorganizingcomplexityyom kippurhitlermutualAmbedkarprotestspresenceimagining a different responseshameempowermentself-acceptanceverdictwhat I wantfeedbackwaging nonviolenceGujaratactivismaccepting our limitationsdesireworking togetherdiverse groupstogethernessSmall StepsWhite Priviledgei amhuman natureempathytikkunwomenscarcitychildrenFor Your Own Goodresiliencejudgementvisionpersonalemployeespoliticscultureurge to controlinterdependenceMayor Jean QuangoalscommunicationreasoninguntouchalbessorrowNVC AcademyconservativesoptionsNVCLiberalsDavid Grossmanexpressconflictparentsstructural powerintimacyproductive meetingscriticismwantingDalit Freedom NetworkConsensusaggressionindependencedon't give upconflict. lovesociologyhttp://baynvc.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)Blogger139125http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/http://creativecommons.org/images/public/somerights20.gifbaynvchttp://feedburner.google.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-8945710598313272167Fri, 25 May 2012 20:31:00 +00002012-05-25T15:21:31.314-07:00bullyingby Miki Kashtan “There are people in this world who can show their wounds only by inflicting them.”  -- Aurora Levins-Morales, Medicine Stories I have been deeply touched by the many responses to my recent post about bullying. So many questions and topics have come up, that rather than responding to specific comments, I thought I would collect them and respond in one post. I see the entire http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/05/more-about-bullying.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-5879671894356385739Tue, 22 May 2012 21:14:00 +00002012-05-22T16:12:12.089-07:00Nonviolent CommunicationNVC Academycollaborationtikkun olamMichael NaglerGhandiTransformaionemotionWalter WinkreasonA Force More PowerfulNVCIs there No Other WayNVCAThe Powers That Be by Miki Kashtan When I discovered Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in 1993, I had no concept of the rich world that would open up to me over time. My intellectual and moral lenses were transformed beyond recognition through this encounter with NVC. When I thought of what to write my Ph.D. dissertation about, NVC informed me every step of the way as I critiqued, then offered alternatives to, http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/05/embracing-nonviolence.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-6767296446568595984Fri, 18 May 2012 21:46:00 +00002012-05-18T14:53:00.226-07:00restorative justiceempathybullyingby Miki Kashtan For most of my years in school, I was ostracized, teased, and tormented by others. More often than not I wasn’t invited to participate in anything social, be it play or, later, parties. This went on for years, with two periods that stand out in particular. Before I was eleven, I was blackmailed by a classmate for three months, and subsequently banned for some weeks by everyone http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/05/ruminations-on-romney-bullying-through.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-5528700055214427243Thu, 10 May 2012 18:40:00 +00002012-05-10T11:48:57.700-07:00trustproductive meetingsmatteringby Miki Kashtan In my last post I wrote about some of the ways that I see Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as being remarkably practical. That piece was set up as a response to the frequent critiques of NVC that come my way, sometimes even from long-time NVC enthusiasts. In this post I want to address this critique from a different angle.  I have, indeed, often seen dialogues that take way http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/05/why-does-it-take-so-long.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-5572013134737455266Thu, 03 May 2012 18:08:00 +00002012-05-03T11:08:44.377-07:00productive meetingsrequestsinner peace by Miki Kashtan One of the most common critiques I hear of Nonviolent Communication is that it’s simply not practical. “It would be great if this can work,” the line often goes. “Too bad that in my (school, family, organization) we don’t have the luxury of taking all this time to do all this endless dialogue that it takes to get anywhere. No one would have the patience, anyway.” I have my http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/05/is-nvc-practical.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-6697807060322654400Thu, 26 Apr 2012 19:53:00 +00002012-04-27T08:29:31.923-07:00vulnerabilityauthenticityBrene Brownshame by Miki Kashtan Any of you who’ve been reading this blog for a while or know me otherwise have heard me talk countless times about how vitally important the path of vulnerability has been for me. I’ve been walking this path for twelve years now, about as long as I’ve been using and sharing Nonviolent Communication in the world. The vulnerability path has been the occasion for profound http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/04/vulnerability-difference-and-belonging.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-7107059964750934344Thu, 19 Apr 2012 19:20:00 +00002012-04-19T12:33:43.184-07:00empowermentOccupy Movementcollaborationleadership by Miki Kashtan For some years now, I’ve been learning through ongoing experimentation what collaborative leadership means. It’s not been easy, because our either/or lens on reality renders the space between coercive leadership and no leadership elusive, almost invisible. Which is not to say it’s not there, as so many successful leaders know. What it means is that we lack forms, models, and http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/04/leadership-empowerment-and.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-1894748234456029172Thu, 12 Apr 2012 19:24:00 +00002012-04-12T12:30:18.283-07:00blamechoiceempathyself-acceptance by Miki Kashtan Whether in families, workplaces, or courts, finding who’s to blame and what the “appropriate” punishment would be is a central preoccupation when our own needs or those of someone we care about are not met. This habit goes so deep that for many of us it becomes completely automatic to the point of having no awareness that we are doing it. Even when we wake up to the costs of http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/04/no-more-blaming.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-1807319685316936207Thu, 05 Apr 2012 20:50:00 +00002012-04-05T14:05:56.771-07:00good willparentingcurse wordschangeautonomyentitlementagreementbossindependencefeedbackNVCrosenbergparentmutualpunishmentchildrencommitmentresponsibilityemotional needsby Miki Kashtan Recently I heard from one of my friends about the challenge of dealing with a 15-year old who was using curse words at the rate of two a sentence. My friend, let’s call her Jenny, was very distressed about this, and wanted my help in figuring out how to get this behavior to stop. This got me thinking. It was evident to me right away that if the same behavior came from herhttp://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/04/when-we-want-people-to-change.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-6558052044213903700Thu, 29 Mar 2012 19:52:00 +00002012-03-30T01:48:55.003-07:00Good Do BadThriveCharles EisensteinAlice MillerDavid Brooksviolenceforward panicJames Gilliganselfish geneFor Your Own GoodholocaustNVCFreudsinevilJewssociologyRobert Bales by Miki Kashtan Seriously, don't you wonder if anything can be written about this topic that hasn't already been said many times over? I did, too, until I encountered Nonviolent Communication while I was in graduate school pursuing a doctoral degree in sociology. I wasn't studying good and evil, at least I didn't think I was. I had no idea, at the time, that my interest in the http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/03/some-thoughts-on-good-and-evil.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-7499027844056416352Tue, 27 Mar 2012 19:55:00 +00002012-03-27T13:37:27.754-07:00perfectionself-acceptancevulnerabilityspiritualby Miki KashtanLast week, I posted a very personal entry. I told about my inner process while it was still unfolding, not waiting for anything to settle so I could package it. Since the topic was vulnerability, my own path of it, I was at one and the same time being on my path and writing about it. I got more views on this piece than just about any other previous post. I also got many comments, http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/03/postscript-to-public-self-revealing.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-3647142600429169934Thu, 22 Mar 2012 04:08:00 +00002012-03-22T15:27:59.055-07:00blind spotspersonalperfectionspiritual pathself-understandingself-acceptancevulnerabilityfrancois beausoleilchallengesinner peaceby Miki KashtanOver the many months of writing this blog, I have alluded often to having chosen vulnerability as a path of spiritual practice for myself, most recently when I wrote about the freedom of committing to a path. As I’ve been on this path for almost 16 years, I wasn’t expecting to be bumped back almost to the very beginning. This is precisely what happened to me over this past weekend http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/03/discovering-new-frontiers-on-my-path.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-3138709532504189030Thu, 15 Mar 2012 20:46:00 +00002012-03-15T14:31:21.316-07:00spiritual practicevisionresiliencecommunitysocial movementschangefaithsolidarityhuman dignityhuman natureneedsgratitudeconflict by Miki Kashtan I have often wondered why it is that there is so much strife and conflict in so many of the communities and movements I know of. This has been especially challenging to grasp when the groups I am talking about are generally committed to a vision of a peaceful world and the individuals in them aspire to personal integrity and compassion in their relationships.I am very well http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/03/resilience-when-working-for-change.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-1245723631899949938Tue, 13 Mar 2012 00:14:00 +00002012-03-12T17:23:36.458-07:00Indiagandhiwaging nonviolenceBarefoot CollegeMoraltiyby Miki KashtanOne of the challenges that nonviolent campaigns face is how to engage those in power. Whether it be the British officials, as in Gandhi’s case, or the 1 percent, as for the Occupy movement—seeing and appealing to the humanity of those whose actions we oppose is central to practicing nonviolence.While I have known this for years, it wasn’t until a recent trip to India, where I http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/03/pushing-powerful-into-moral-corner-at.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-6424500612007743249Thu, 08 Mar 2012 22:59:00 +00002012-03-08T15:18:21.306-08:00sorrowresolving conflictsengaging with people who have harmed usassumption of innocencesufferingaccepting our limitationsdomestic violenceimagining a different response by Miki Kashtan “If we could read the secret history of our enemies we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” -- Longfellow Recently I received an email from someone I will call Julie in which she expressed her profound reservations about two of the seventeen core commitments that form the basis of the Consciousness Transformation Community and http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/03/by-miki-kashtan-if-we-could-read-secret.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-6787615805139992151Fri, 02 Mar 2012 18:51:00 +00002012-03-02T12:23:41.550-08:00womentrustmale privledgeempowermentpowerhumilityempathycollaborationurge to controlresponding to people in powerpower differencesmediation by Miki Kashtan Many years ago I was embroiled in a very complex legal battle with a landlord. A big part of the challenge for me was that both the landlord and the partner I was living with at the time had been trained as lawyers, and I was quite alienated from the language and mindset of the interactions. I was female, inexperienced in landlord disputes, and with zero knowledge of the law. Myhttp://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/03/power-collaboration-and-control.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-4167116876737522276Tue, 28 Feb 2012 21:38:00 +00002012-02-28T14:48:05.265-08:00empowermentNonviolent CommunicationdalitsGujaratgandhiuntouchalbesAmbedkarDalit Freedom NetworkequalitymoralityMahatmaby Miki KashtanWhen I first heard that Gandhi was viewed as “the enemy” by many Dalits in India (formerly called “untouchables”), I was dumbfounded. How and why could Gandhi be seen as having betrayed the Dalits when he opposed untouchability even in the face of active discomfort on the part of close associates?Last month, while I was in India teaching Nonviolent Communication to 120 people, http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/02/gandhi-and-dalit-controversy-limits-of.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-2526862092422899822Thu, 23 Feb 2012 20:33:00 +00002012-02-23T13:16:42.351-08:00trustfacilitationcreating communityorganizationscommunityassumption of innocencevulnerabilitysafetyconflictby Miki Kashtan“I will do everything in my power to resolve every conflict, however small.” -- Thich Nhat HanhI think I am not alone in nursing the fantasy that if I only got the “right” people in some “right” configuration, we would essentially have no significant conflict. Of course I know better. From personal relationships to organizations, conflict is an integral part of life. Still, when http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/02/conflict-and-illusion-of-safety.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-7533437036258275517Thu, 16 Feb 2012 21:30:00 +00002012-02-20T10:32:51.472-08:00DelhiisolationIndiagenerositysocial problemscommunitynight schoolsGhandiwatercomfortdepending on othersby Miki KashtanI landed in Delhi on Friday morning, Jan 13th. By noon I was already in love with India. By the time I left 3 weeks later, I was committed to going back to learn more about life, to offer, humbly, what I have learned about human relationships and systems, and to nurture relationships that have become significant in a matter of days.Except for a small minority of affluent city http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/02/two-faces-of-convenience.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-3415703894611863564Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:52:00 +00002012-02-09T16:33:46.362-08:00martin luther king jrpowercollaborationloveHeartby Miki Kashtan“One of the greatest problems of history is that the concepts of love and power are usually contrasted as polar opposites. Love is identified with a resignation of power and power with a denial of love....What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive and that love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/02/stepping-into-power-while-maintaining.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-4133689226985029758Fri, 03 Feb 2012 16:31:00 +00002012-02-03T08:54:52.531-08:00Clear Visionspiritual pathSmall StepsInner Freedomself-acceptancecalledcommitmentGentlenessfreedomby Miki KashtanIn June, 1996, I had an epiphany. In a motel room in Indiana, the night before returning home from a solo camping trip in Michigan and Canada, I discovered how much I had lost in my life because of so fiercely protecting myself. Up until that day, bringing forth my vulnerable self was to be avoided at all costs, which kept me numb much of the time, disconnected from myself and fromhttp://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/02/freedom-of-committing-to-path.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-1452550717066331039Wed, 11 Jan 2012 17:51:00 +00002012-01-11T10:12:03.012-08:0099%Occupy MovementOakland Policecollaborationcity workersworld that works for allsalarytragedyby Miki KashtanAt first, the numbers were clear to me. There was the 1% of the population, and there were the 99%. The division was based on income and on assets. The 1% made 20.3% of the income in 2006, averaging $1,243,516. They owned 34.6% of total assets in 2007 and 42.7% of total financial assets. The 99% was everyone else. This picture, upsetting as it is, made some sense to me. Then it gothttp://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/01/there-must-be-more-than-100-of-us.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-8891179872141545571Tue, 03 Jan 2012 20:49:00 +00002012-01-03T13:03:47.744-08:00trustTelecourseNVC AcademyThe Fearless Heart CoursecourageNVCby Miki KashtanWhen I look back at my life and examine decisions I’ve made, starting this blog stands out to me as a decision that required a great deal of courage and which catapulted me to a new level of visibility and therefore exposure to the possibility of contributing to what I value. In the very early days I didn’t post anything before having someone read it. I was afraid to expose myself http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/01/invitation.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-8713933606803644356Wed, 07 Dec 2011 22:14:00 +00002011-12-07T14:54:13.695-08:00copinggift economypower to create changecommunityrelationshipsfuturepossibilitiesagent of my lifewaitingby Miki Kashtan(I am back from a three-week hiatus. For the time being, I am not writing about the Occupy Movement, though I imagine I will return to this theme.)In April, 2004, in the last week of her life, my former colleague Julie Greene participated, with my sister Inbal and with me, at one of our intensive residential retreats. We all listened for those few moments when she would wake up andhttp://baynvc.blogspot.com/2011/12/starting-future-today.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-1408422128873681051Wed, 16 Nov 2011 01:23:00 +00002011-11-15T18:15:43.304-08:00repressionfacilitationOccupy OaklandOccupy MovementMayor Jean QuanOakland PoliceNonviolenceoccupy wall streetcampVietnamby Miki KashtanEarly morning on Monday, November 14th, the Oakland Police once again evacuated the OccupyOakland camp. That was the day I was planning to attend the facilitation committee meeting. Being unsure about whether or not a meeting would take place, and knowing how long it would be before I could attend a meeting again, I decide to take a chance and go.The plaza is barricaded on all http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2011/11/in-face-of-repression-notes-from.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)6