tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315Sat, 25 May 2013 01:37:36 +0000right and wrongcomfortNVCAdominationTestimoniesrescuersargumentsgenerosityhuman needsempathic responsespiritual challengesOn KillingJason Marshcollaborationgracevulnerabilitysharif abdullahGeneral Strikecommunitycarelife choicespower differenceswarsafetyforward panicdreamingMartin Luther Kingpracticeconflictstruthagreementsrepressiondependencespiritual pathresourcesPrivilegeJewsevilGood Do BadworkplacetrainingCharles Eisenstein1%Patch AdamsrosenbergTrustingTom AttleeBayNVCsingiving upOccupy Movementchoiceemotional intelligencegoldstonejesusgender inequalityspiritualdepending on othersA Force More Powerfultransformationworld that works for allgovernmentviolencepossibilitieswasting timeself-sufficiencyrestorative justicefaithBuddhismideascampsalt marchesSamuel OlinerautonomyMahatmaMoraltiypriviledgeGOMnormspowermarketingconstructive programlovedalitsjudgmentBarefoot Collegelearning edgeVietnamrole-playreflectionThe Limits of Empathyresolutionsnegotiationsgift economymartin luther king jrdemocracycreating communitysubversiveNVC in businesscourageThanksgivingoaklandbay areaagent of my liferumisubmissionleadershipunderstandingTransformaionClear Visionradical consciousnessSupportConsciousnesswaterdialogueperfectiontabookillingself-understandingUnpacking the Invisible Knapsackosama bin-ladenpower-overagreementracial inequalityresolving conflictsObamaGrantPearl Olinerresponding to people in powerresilientcalledIndiadifferencesactivistNonviolent Communicationdiversitydomestic violenceIn Your Own WordsNVC in the workplaceuprisingsocial movementsRichard Eskowjusticeisrael/palestineMilgramgivingWalter WinkparentingNonviolenceDavid BrookscompassionfamiliesHierarchy99%inner peaceCommonwealpunishmentcommitmenthow we shiftfaultfrancois beausoleilfinitudeEgyptian RevolutionHealingInner FreedomArab SpringcharityfocusdisempowermentGentlenessrebellionHeartTea Partyblameemotional needsteenagerdebtPeggy McIntoshfearoccupy wall streetsolidaritynight schoolsconscioushungry ghostsentitlementdiscouragementclass privilegemanagementfull expressionmoralitysocial transformationFreudmediationblind spotsattachmentcancerorganizationsengaging with people who have harmed uscurse wordsbossrequestsauthenticitygandhimaking collaboration realmale privledgeahimsaScott OlsenCivil Rights Movementrightscommodity based economyparentThe Color of FeardemandscontroversybossesOakland PolicerelationshipsIs there No Other WayDelhipower to create changeDemocratsCivil Rightsfreedomvaluescity workersAlice MillerchallengesEmpathy Teamtragedyemotionsocietyholocausthumilitythriving relationshipsjudgmentsgroup dynamicsnuclear powerSociocracyThe Fearless Heart CoursesufferingCollaborative Decision Makingselfish genefuturewaitingIndependence DaycooperationauthorityRobert BalesparadoxThrivesecurityRevolutionhuman dignityeconomyking jrseparationpower of wordsMichael Naglerfairnesslanguagereasongratitudeneedsdepressionpractical inclusionequalityIdo Selasalarydespairbullyingconflict resolutionfukushimaRepublicansfacilitationDecision MakingrespectMehserlegood willNew York TimescopingJames GilliganthrivingWalmartoccupywallstreeterrorsThe Powers That Bebeing seen for who I amauthoritariantom shadyachubrismatteringFrank Ogawa Plazaassumption of innocencetikkun olamJonathan HaidtactivisEgyptian RevolutionOccupyOaklandhospitalnonviolent resistancespiritual practiceOccupy OaklandresponsibilityTelecoursetrustconnectionisolationBrene Brownrepentancechangeconsciousness Transformationsocial problemsdefensivenessorganizingcomplexityyom kippurhitlermutualAmbedkarprotestspresenceimagining a different responseshameempowermentself-acceptanceverdictwhat I wantfeedbackwaging nonviolenceGujarataccepting our limitationsactivismdesireworking togetherdiverse groupstogethernessSmall StepsWhite Priviledgei amhuman natureempathytikkunDynamic FacilitationwomenscarcitychildrenFor Your Own Goodresiliencejudgementvisionpersonalemployeespoliticscultureurge to controlinterdependenceMayor Jean QuangoalscommunicationreasoningothernessuntouchalbessorrowNVC AcademyconservativesoptionsNVCLiberalsDavid Grossmanexpressconflictparentsstructural powerintimacyproductive meetingscriticismwantingDalit Freedom NetworkConsensusaggressionindependencedon't give upcodependencyconflict. lovesociologymoneyhttp://baynvc.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)Blogger196125http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/http://creativecommons.org/images/public/somerights20.gifbaynvchttp://feedburner.google.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-5138985002658028838Wed, 22 May 2013 23:16:00 +00002013-05-24T12:11:39.778-07:00by Miki Kashtan When my sister Inbal and I, along with our late colleague Julie Greene and with John Kinyon, founded BayNVC in 2002, one of our top priorities was to create ongoing generations of leaders. This was the reason that we established the BayNVC Leadership Program. That this program is still running beautifully, and without us!, led by our former students, suggests to me that the http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/05/leadership-101.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-1350761767934528593Thu, 16 May 2013 19:25:00 +00002013-05-22T08:37:13.313-07:00by Miki KashtanI have been on the vulnerability path for many years now. I have talked in front of groups hundreds of times. I write a blog, which makes me in principle visible to anyone. Still, when I am in a group that I am not facilitating (it does happen!), it’s still sometimes challenging for me to express what I want. "Self-Effacing Woman" by Soraida Martinez In the workshops I lead, http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/05/taking-ourselves-seriously-enough.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-583177038640645004Wed, 08 May 2013 18:00:00 +00002013-05-16T13:28:31.451-07:00 by Miki KashtanSaying “no” to anyone, about anything, tends to be challenging. We know how uncomfortable it is to hear the “no” we would say. We want to avoid that discomfort and the consequences that might come our way for being “exposed” in our unwillingness. Many of us genuinely wish to be always caring and available, and find it strenuous to face a situation in which, for whatever reason, http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/05/saying-no-without-saying-no.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-794875147084632373Fri, 03 May 2013 16:25:00 +00002013-05-03T09:25:02.873-07:00needsfairnessrightsjustice by Miki Kashtan Although Nonviolent Communication (NVC) has the word “communication” as part of its title, I agree with Kit Miller, friend and fellow on the path, who says that “NVC is an awareness discipline masquerading as a communication process.” On the path of transformation, both personal and societal, that I envision, I see a two-way street between our words and our consciousness. In http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/05/does-anyone-deserve-anything.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-1054437637949663364Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:32:00 +00002013-04-26T16:42:37.292-07:00relationshipsworkplaceby Miki Kashtan In an astonishing number of situations, knowing the “why” – why someone did what they did - is what helps us make meaning, be motivated, transform our assumptions, or open our hearts. At the same time, the “why” question – “why did you do that?” - is often the most difficult to hear, leading us to defensiveness and contraction. Both parts of this paradox have clear reasons (http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-paradox-of-why.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-5545293659924492456Thu, 18 Apr 2013 03:51:00 +00002013-04-18T13:25:29.708-07:00trustresiliencemarketingloveby Miki KashtanIn the last few weeks, since I returned from Europe, I learned so much through the experiences that I found on my path, without planning to learn anything, that it became clear I wanted to write about the experience of learning all the time. I decided I wanted to expose the bits and pieces below for the purpose of showing, both myself and others, how everything that happens, happy http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/04/learning-from-life-journal.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-6592151947832082213Thu, 11 Apr 2013 18:15:00 +00002013-04-11T11:41:34.053-07:00 by Miki KashtanFor years and years I’ve been mystified by the idea of acceptance. I could point to it as a need on the list that people who study Nonviolent Communication consult for their learning and growth. I could understand, in some general sense, what people mean when they say that they want to be accepted. I even included a commitment called “Accepting What Is” in the 17 Core Commitmentshttp://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/04/mourning-our-way-to-acceptance.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-8500914964767157839Thu, 04 Apr 2013 18:22:00 +00002013-04-11T14:01:40.545-07:00productive meetingsworkplaceby Miki KashtanManagers, at all levels, often tell me how little patience they have when they hear complaints from the people they supervise, how their disempowered nature drags them down. Those who get pegged as repeat complainers are often avoided by their coworkers. Outside the workplace, I also hear the echo of all the times I’ve heard parents tell their children to stop complaining, http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/04/behind-every-complaint-theres-vision.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-3960285630116816170Thu, 28 Mar 2013 16:55:00 +00002013-03-28T10:52:06.583-07:00 by Miki Kashtan It was only when I sat down to write this piece, some version of which has been brewing for some time, that I realized that it is, in some ways, a direct continuation of what I wrote about last week. It is a piece that’s about how we came to make money so central to our lives that it masks the fundamental dependence we have on each other. It is also about how our http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/03/money-and-web-of-love.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-3370201519940752671Mon, 25 Mar 2013 19:47:00 +00002013-03-25T12:47:59.762-07:00by Miki Kashtan When an email was forwarded to me a few months ago about a woman who has been sharing Nonviolent Communication in the Middle East, I really didn’t imagine what it would lead to within weeks. I only knew that I was touched deeply and wanted to do something to support this woman. Tanya Awad Ghorra lives in Lebanon. She studied Nonviolent Communication (NVC) for ten days in 2009 http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/03/tanya-little-story-of-hope.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-952964722659951821Thu, 21 Mar 2013 03:49:00 +00002013-03-21T00:32:04.539-07:00 by Miki KashtanAlthough I have been writing some version of this piece in my head for some time, today is the first time I am venturing to actually write it. This is not a hopeful piece, and in this medium I usually shy away from sharing, in full, the pain that lives in me about people’s lives the world over.  I know that many people read this blog and come to study with me because they are http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/03/sad-reflections-about-work-meaning-and.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-607503211709167592Thu, 14 Mar 2013 18:33:00 +00002013-03-14T11:34:10.116-07:00right and wrongchildrenby Miki Kashtan A few years ago I published an article in Tikkun magazine called Wanting Fully without Attachment. In that article (an excerpt from a book in progress called The Power of Inner Freedom), I describe the foundation of what I see as the spiritual path underlying the practice of Nonviolent Communication. It is a passionate and courageous path that calls on us to keep opening our http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/03/do-i-want-it-or-should-it-happen.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-3690573104017783297Thu, 07 Mar 2013 18:47:00 +00002013-03-07T11:08:15.378-08:00 by Miki KashtanCollaboration, like empathy, is something we hear about more and more as a general abstract good, and yet are given so little by way of the how. What happens as a result is that we try to collaborate without knowing how, or we don’t even try because we are too consumed with fear, overwhelm, or outright judgment. Collaboration is the purest antidote to either/or thinking because http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/03/when-collaboration-gets-hard.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-5890488287238653228Thu, 28 Feb 2013 20:11:00 +00002013-02-28T12:11:03.592-08:00consciousness Transformationworkplacepower of words by Miki Kashtan  I can’t think of much personal advice that we hear more frequently than the idea of not taking things personally, and still, despite being told repeatedly and even being committed to it, we rarely know how to implement it. Why is it so difficult, and is there any clear practice that can help us get better at it? Why We Take Things Personally Unfortunately, the answer http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-nuts-and-bolts-of-not-taking-things.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-6488816531171875306Thu, 21 Feb 2013 20:34:00 +00002013-02-21T12:59:02.702-08:00blameempathyresponsibility Aung San Suu Kyi's response came from within herself and her Buddhist tradition by Miki KashtanOne of the core milestones on the path of consciousness transformation is the moment when we can fully integrate the radical awareness that our emotional responses to the world and to things that happen to us are never caused by another person. This awareness stands in stark contrast to our habitual http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/02/blame-responsibility-and-care.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-2313983324358943268Thu, 14 Feb 2013 18:08:00 +00002013-02-14T11:03:33.957-08:00SociocracypowerHierarchy by Miki Kashtan Like many people I know, I used to think of hierarchy as entirely synonymous with power-over, and of both as fundamentally wrong. It still takes conscious, mindful practice to remember that I no longer see it this way. Because it’s not fully integrated in me, I am delighted to be writing about this particular myth, imagining that my own faltering understanding might improve as http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/02/myths-of-power-with-3-maligning-of.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-8228340938967486353Thu, 07 Feb 2013 14:24:00 +00002013-02-07T07:18:29.934-08:00Collaborative Decision Makingworkplace by Miki Kashtan Throughout human history, stories have been a source of inspiration and bonding. Especially in these difficult times, when we need inspiration about what’s possible, when so many of us are hungry for some faith that collaboration can work, I feel so happy to have some examples that nourish me in my own work. This is, simply, about what work can be like when we embrace a deep http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/02/holding-dilemmas-together-in-workplace.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-1266313022470317315Tue, 05 Feb 2013 19:55:00 +00002013-02-05T12:05:46.525-08:00by Miki Kashtan <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Times New Roman"; panose-1:0 2 2 6 3 5 4 5 2 3; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:50331648 0 0 0 1 0;} @font-face {font-family:Tahoma; panose-1:0 2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/02/response-to-comments-on-invisible.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-9056266808578800428Thu, 31 Jan 2013 20:08:00 +00002013-02-05T11:56:24.439-08:00 by Miki KashtanAnyone who becomes acquainted with Nonviolent Communication (NVC) quickly learns about the critical role that human needs play in this approach. In my own mind, placing human needs front and center is the core insight around which everything in NVC revolves. This is the aspect of NVC that challenges prevalent theories of human nature; the entry point through which collaboration http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-what-and-why-in-human-needs.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-4782285795540547637Thu, 24 Jan 2013 21:37:00 +00002013-01-24T17:46:21.045-08:00trustMartin Luther Kingcollaborationtruthlovefaithby Miki Kashtan In 1990 I celebrated Martin Luther King, Jr. Day for the first time, and in the most significant way I remember. The entire day I was sitting with my partner at the time, and we were focusing on our dreams, our big dreams, our biggest dreams, way beyond just ourselves and our own lives.  Although the relationship is long gone, the effects of that day are still with me.http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/01/some-things-i-am-learning-from-martin.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-4907637786252813231Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:57:00 +00002013-01-18T08:57:12.897-08:00empathypunishmentchildrenautonomyby Miki Kashtan Intense and terrible, I think, must be the loneliness Of infants…  – Edna St. Vincent Millay (untitled) ...by the time [the infant] is taken to his [sic] mother’s home (surely it cannot be called his) he is well versed in the character of life. On the preconscious level plane that will qualify all his further impressions, as it is qualified by them, he knows life tohttp://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-invisible-suffering-of-children.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-4692451893369341878Thu, 10 Jan 2013 15:26:00 +00002013-01-10T07:34:53.293-08:00hungry ghostsgraceBuddhismby Miki Kashtan I’ve been somewhat haunted by the notion (or perhaps concept, or metaphor) of the hungry ghost since the early 1990s, when I learned about them during a time that I had some significant exposure to Buddhism through a community of writers I joined. Hungry ghosts, according to my own limited understanding, are mythical creatures characterized by an emaciated body with a huge andhttp://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/01/nonviolence-god-and-theology-of-not.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-4630189111876383966Fri, 04 Jan 2013 23:22:00 +00002013-01-04T15:22:28.003-08:00by Miki Kashtan Last night I bought my first new car ever - a Fiat 500. I want to share some things I learned about how we approach buying and selling, and about human connection in general.  I went to one dealership (at right) to see if what I had in mind in terms of budget would actually get me a new car. I encountered an almost overly friendly car salesman. I was only mildly taken aback, http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/01/what-i-learned-while-buying-car.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-6350152283047828820Thu, 27 Dec 2012 14:00:00 +00002013-01-01T11:51:05.104-08:00nonviolent resistanceMartin Luther Kinggandhipower differences There are topics about which I feel confident and settled in my knowledge and experience to speak with a sense of inner authority. How we transform the legacy of millennia in learning how to respond to those in power eludes me. I keep thinking that I have a piece of the answer, and then I see even more fully how immense the challenge is. Nevertheless, I want to contribute my share to a http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/12/responding-to-people-in-power_27.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5754739242520868315.post-1677308400896975342Thu, 20 Dec 2012 19:52:00 +00002012-12-21T12:13:05.793-08:00 Adam Lanza in sixth grade by Miki KashtanI am a Jew from Israel, where the Holocaust is a core formative story we all imbibed. One of the most astonishing experiences of my life was the moment in which I felt compassion for 7-year old Adolf Hitler. So astonishing, in fact, that I am a little afraid to expose this in public. I was reading Alice Miller’s For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2012/12/adam-lanza-and-all-of-us.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Miki Kashtan)21