A bum ankle isn't going to stop us from covering all the key stories this weekend.

Market Update
Due to the latest figures on U.S. unemployment, we have been forced to shed 10.2% of the words in this week's

In a digital world galore filled with voice recognition software, high definition television, tweets, texts, onboard car computers that know when you've been in an accident, GPS baby strollers and instantaneous communication methods never dreamed of on most planets visited by the Enterprise, you'd think we could avoid 11-digit dialing.

Isn't there an app for that?

Numbers don't lie. Ben Gordon is averaging 24 points in five games for the Pistons and he's shooting 51 percent from the field. John Salmons is averaging 11 points in five games for the Bulls and is shooting 29 percent. That's 29 percent! Where do I get my refund?

Wow is Lovie Smith getting torched by the media. Some are calling him boring, others a liar. Fans think he has no passion. Is this the same boring and passionless Lovie that got the Bears to the Superbowl? I'm just asking.

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The Sox traded or were close to sending Chris Getz and Josh fields to the Royals for Mark Teahen. Fields was done here. Getz stole 25 bases in 27 attempts last season. If Teahen is here to play right field that would mean Scott Podsednik will be looking for a new home. That would also mean the Sox would have lost 57 stolen bases. If Teahen plays third, then Gordon Beckham is going to second.

Here's the word I got on Teahen; very inconsistent, not very good with men in scoring position and doesn't take advantage of hitters' counts. This was a guy who, in 2006, hit .290 with 18 homers and 69 RBI in just 393 at-bats. Since then he's had more than 520 at-bats in each season and hasn't come close to those totals. Last year he hit only .271 and mustered only 12 homers and 50 RBI. Let's call this a minor deal and move on, shall we.

I'm proud to announce another first here at the College Football Report. The same folks who brought you The Brown Shoe Award now present . . . the ShamNow Trophy. And the inaugural winner is . . . the NCAA's "Committee on Sportsmanship and Ethical Conduct"! According to its webpage, the Committee exists to develop "a positive sporting environment for intercollegiate athletics." The Committee consists of 11 members who meet twice a year, issue an annual report, and - "if necessary" - hold one conference call. (I think CFR may need to hand out an award for bureaucratic efficiency as well. In my experience, comparably sized committees in the workplace can't decide between Jimmy John's and Potbelly's for lunch without a conference call.)

To help spread the sportsmanship message, the CSEC provides an Online Toolkit. Let's take a look at the Toolkit's contents:

Seems like we've been down this road before. Or have we?

For the second straight year, the Breeders' Cup World Championships come to us Friday and Saturday from the Oak Tree Meet at Santa Anita in lovely Arcadia, California.

The pervasive issue once again will be the track's Pro-Ride artificial racing surface. In an America where Thoroughbred racing evolved for generations on dirt surfaces, we again have the added monkey wrench of handicapping some of the best horses in the world on a surface engineered to assuage the guilt of the human species.

Last Sunday, the stars aligned perfectly. My son and wife went elsewhere and the Steelers enjoyed their bye week. Add both together and you get the coveted Power Bye Week Nap. The problem: I slept through most of the Bears game. Luckily, my subconscious picked up the slack and followed the game in my dreams:

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Dream: Bears offensive coordinator Ron Turner sat quietly in a cage.

Meaning: Bears could not make right choices to convert red zone visits into TDs.

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Dream: Lovie Smith failed an easy math quiz.

Meaning: When you have the elite #6, you should have at least that many wins by this point.

As 2009 comes to a close, we at Beachwood Music are hitting some highlights from the past year in Bloodshot land.

Of course, the year was dominated by the label's cross-country birthday parties. More than 20 different bands played at nine sites.

The celebration started in Pittsburgh in early July and ended with Tempe's bash in late October. There still remains a possibility of a Seattle stop.

The Deadstring Brothers win the award for presence as the Detroit rockers played in seven of the nine cities. Ha Ha Tonka, Bobby Bare and the Wacos jammed at six, while the Bottle Rockets and the Dex Romweber Duo entertained crowds at four.

Beachwood Music spent a few minutes with Bloodshot co-founder Rob Miller as he looked into the rearview mirror.

Terrific news today for the Beachwood and other similar projects around town. We would like to express our gratitude to the Chicago Community Trust. From the CCT:

The Chicago Community Trust Announces Community News Matters Award Recipients

Innovative program to spur the growth of new sources of high quality local news and information about the Chicago region selects 12 award winners

November 5, 2009, Chicago - The Chicago Community Trust, our region's community foundation, today announced 12 recipients of $500,000 in awards under an innovative new program, Community News Matters, to spur the growth of new sources of quality local news and information about the Chicago region.

The award winners were selected from among 86 requests, totaling $5.7 million.

"The response to this program demonstrates without a doubt that the Chicago region is loaded with talented people and smart organizations determined to find new ways to serve the public's information needs in these times of enormous change in the media landscape," said Terry Mazany, President and Chief Executive Officer of the Trust. "The Chicago area has become a real laboratory for development of the future for community news and information."

The health care debate continues in our worthless legislative branch. One version of the bill sticks most of the cost with those who make over $1 million. Most NFL players loved the idea, until they realized that a good number of them make over $1 million. As a result, some players have resorted to the following to help stop this:

* Brian Urlacher argues on Facebook that socialized medicine isn't that helpful. For instance, his team doctors failed to help his wrist and now all he is living on his Aflac insurance.

* Tank Johnson writes Op-Ed piece bemoaning that he can no longer afford bullets for his guns.

And they need reconnoitering.

And the top of the order remains an issue.

Will the White Sox continue to employ Scott Podsednik?

Will the Cubs go back to a healthy Alfonso Soriano and take yet another step backwards?

Wasn't the leadoff problem the same one haunting both teams last year?

"More than $4.7 million in federal stimulus aid so far has been funneled to schools in North Chicago, and state and federal officials say that money has saved the jobs of 473 teachers," the Tribune reports.

"Problem is, the district employs only 290 teachers."

Beachwood readers - through ProPublica reporting posted on our Politics page - already know that the stimulus numbers touted by the Obama administration are bunk.

"Block 37 wants to open by Thanksgiving."

And we've got the exclusive list of stores, offices and attractions you can expect to see.

1. The Invisible CTA Superstation. Watch - or don't - as invisible CTA train cars whisk invisible travelers to O'Hare on important invisible trips.

2. The Block 37 Haunted House. Stocked to the brim with decades of failed plans for Block 37.

3. Walmart Outlet Store. Staffed by a single worker - Ald. Anthony Beale - whose (on-the-clock) hours are kept to 39 a week.

Let's just state it plainly: The mayor is a liar.

But he plays dumb with the best of 'em.

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Journalist convention somehow prevents traditional reporters from calling the mayor a liar. Maybe he "misleads" at best, or makes "conflicting" statements, or is not just "not entirely accurate."

But if you believe in objectivity, you have to report that the mayor is not just a liar, but a serial liar because that's what the objective facts show. To say otherwise is to subjectively spin - out of cowardice.

We put the word "drunkard" into the search bar on Amazon and came up with 67,967 results. Here are the top 20.

1. Drunkard by Neil Steinberg.

2. The Drunkard's Walk: How Randomness Rules Our Lives by Leonard Mlodinow.

3. The Modern Drunkard by Frank Kelly Rich.

Culled from Texts From Last Night.

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(513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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(252): I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.

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(256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.