That puts them in opposition to President Barack Obama, who announced recently that he thought states did have the right to ban gay marriage. The stagecraft made it seem otherwise, but that's what he said.

* You go to closer-by-subcommittee.

* You have Blake Lalli and Koyie Hill on the same roster.

* Memorial Day is for reflecting on a season already lost.

* Your best pitcher has a 2.14 ERA and is winless in eight starts.

A follower of Zen Buddhism all his life, Jobs was nevertheless the opposite of the calm contemplative; he was, instead, almost always incessantly uptight and on edge, never fully comfortable either with other people or in his own skin. The greatest business leader of his era, he was at the same time a petulant bully who frequently cried when he failed to get his way.

The National Association of Broadcasters sued to stop the rule last week, asking a federal appeals court in Washington to declare the measure unlawful. But even if the lawsuit fails, the earliest broadcasters will have to begin submitting data to a new FCC website is July, three months after the FCC's vote. And it could be delayed until later in the summer, into the fall, or beyond.

The reason for the slow rollout? A law called the Paperwork Reduction Act.

Because something must be done. When the competitive and scorching hot White Sox draw all of 21-, 27- and 22,000 fans Friday through Sunday for big games against their division-leading rival and then the Flubs return home having capped off a 12-game losing streak with a remarkable run of ineptitude in Pittsburgh to find 38,000 waiting for them for a matinee with the stinky Padres on Memorial Day, well, that is just unacceptable.

"Our guess is that the Blues Brothers-scale army of security personnel so visible throughout the NATO conference will be pricey, though presumably the feds will chip in something to defray that particular expense. Just how much we won't know for a while.

"The city's restaurants, retailers, cabbies and museums - idled as Chicagoans avoided the Loop the way a preschooler avoids a salad bar - won't be so lucky. Could these businesses apply for federal disaster relief?"

With this being the given, what is there left to say about the worst team in baseball in 2012? Why, it's what we'll get out of being so horrendous! It'll be the number one pick in the 2013 draft. The baseball draft. We're not even talking about the NFL draft. We're talking about the baseball draft. It's like talking about practice. It's the draft. In baseball. The baseball draft.

1. Crystal Fighters at the Empty Bottle on Sunday night.

Thanks to the Bonus Rule and his electric left arm, Derrington spent the final two weeks of the 1956 season - and the entire 1957 season - as a member of the White Sox. On the final day of the '56 campaign, a year when the Sox went 85-69 and finished third in the American League, manager Marty Marion named Derrington to start against the Kansas City A's. "I was the youngest pitcher to ever start a major league game," Derrington, now 72, recalled in a phone conversation last week.

Derrington lasted six innings in that historic, but long forgotten, game in Kansas City and was tagged with a 7-6 loss.

None of this would have occurred if wealthy, greedy teams like the Yankees hadn't begun to sign and stockpile hot prospects right after World War II, outbidding the competition any time they thought a guy had the potential to become a big leaguer.

Armored Humvees are in Short Supply, October 2003, News Observer: When the insurgency in Iraq started, the U.S. Army didn't have enough armored Humvees to protect its troops. As soldiers died in vehicles not built to withstand combat, the Army boosted their orders. But that takes time. While waiting for requests to be filled, soldiers rigged their own with sandbags.

Please see How We Treat Our Troops.

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See also: How To Host A Safe Summer Cookout

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Song of the Day:

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From The Vault: My Front Page Memorial Day Story In The Chicago Tribune.

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This week's White Sox Report: Bonus Baby Bingo.

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Now back to our original Memorial Day weekend programming.

Biden Time
It's Memorial Day weekend! The perfect time for Joe Biden to sort of miss the point.

Fictions
Sinisterly named educational testing firm Scantron agreed this week to remove a pro-charter school reading passage from standardized tests administered in Chicago. After all, who needs fictional brainwashing when you have a real-world example right in your back yard?

1. The Adicts at the Metro on Thursday night.

Those frickin' Republicans! Oh, wait.