Believe and Achieve Coaching

Mid-Life Crisis at 32

2012-01-18T07:51:00.000-08:00

Anyone can have a mid-life crisis. You don't even have to be mid-life. You just have to be at a place where you want something new -- a job, a relationship, a day job at ebay. Anything that will alleviate the boredom, the anxiety, the distress of being trapped in the box you call your life. Now, it may not be all that dramatic for you. You may be more the eating- Mallomars-in-bed-and-watching-TV-all-day type. But however it manifests for you, one day you may wake up and want it to go away.

You've always been successful before. Grad school Cum Laud, a Porsche at 25...but now you have a dilemna. Do you duck out of your responsibilities and head for the south of France, or do you DO SOMETHING--ANYTHING!

Coaching gives you the start, the lighted match, the spark, to get it going. Every client of mine is different, yet all are the same in one respect. They come for coaching in order to get into ACTION. Because action leads to results.

The results you get may not be the ones you started out to find, but you will have started the flow of energy and kicked old entropy out the door.

This post is dedicated to James: The action master of them all!

The Hippest Chick

2012-01-18T07:40:00.000-08:00

From what I'm reading, 500,000 Americans are now getting hip replacements every year. Not one to avoid a trend, I too, had my hip replaced -- my right hip. Now, you may be saying, "Couldn't find a cheaper, easy trendy thing to do, maybe yoga or pilates?" I could have. But since I needed it done anyway, I did it. The trick was in the preparation. The most important part of anything in life is the MENTAL part (after, of course, the Spiritual part. But that is another post entirely...)!

I got ready for surgery by doing what any self-respecting woman would do -- I bought a new dress and a new purse. And I had my bathroom (just my section) painted pink!

I also got new towels and bedding and a rolling cart for next to the bed. And invited friends to the hospital. My best friend from childhood for the surgery through the next day, my cousin the Dr., for the first night (he brought dinner at the behest of his girlfriend), and a good friend for the second night when my husband went to a business Christmas party. (It's cool -- I made him go).

So, I arranged to make myself as comfortable as possible, and then used the best mental trick known to man: I went into denial. Not the river in Egypt, the place that said that everything is normal and that I love sleeping on my back.

Additionally, I used Angel Therapy (Doreen Virtue), Guided Imagery and Color Therapy. And I hired someone to help out with meals, etc.

And I promised a friend that I would write about it. To help other people. So, if you are looking at joint replacement therapy, and feel you could benefit from some coaching by someone who has been there, please call us: Believe & Achieve Coaching, www.bealeeve.com!

How's Your Diet?

2011-02-07T17:14:00.000-08:00

It's the first week of February. Have you stuck to your New Year's Resolution about shedding those last ten pounds? If you are still in the game, but faltering, do this now: Go to your kitchen and dump (that's right) all soft drinks down the drain. Trash the chips and get rid of the ice cream. Get in a good supply of bottled water and fresh fruit and vegetables. You are eating to live, not living to eat! If you are not happy to hear these words, then think about why. If you are someone who can eat two chips at a sitting, you can have them in the house -- if not, they have to go. The number on the scale will be a bigger reward than the junk you are putting into your body. And stop eating after 6 p.m. If you do that, you are guaranteed to cut a lot of calories. Make the goal the reward and find some friends to support you! As always, if you need motivation, get Coached!

How to Start Your Week

2011-02-07T17:06:00.000-08:00

If you are having the Monday, post-Super Bowl blahs, here is a quick fix. Throw on some sweats (if you're not at work) and get out of the house. Go to the market and buy some fruit. The fragrance alone will help. If you are at work, try drinking some orange juice or eating fresh fruit. If it's not on your eating plan, try some fresh vegetables, combined with a short walk in the fresh air. This is a good way to de-pizza and beer yourself and change your head-space. Have a great week! And if you need help with your goals, Life Coaching may be for you!

Authentic Voice

2011-01-19T16:27:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in the cafe of a chain bookstore, part of a community of people -- some readers, others using their computers, and even a few people having conversations. One woman is on the phone. Is it eavesdropping when her words land on my ears? Now she's gone back to talking to a young man --not her son -- giving him advice about a girl. And in the background, the coffee grinder is intermittently whirring away. This is a snapshot of contemporary American life. The advice lady is at it again. Is she a therapist? His therapist? She's asking him questions, but not like a coach. She's trying to get him to see the "reality" of the situation by asking him questions -- but in kind of a repetitive way. Why would you have such a personal conversation in such a public place? I'm listening -- because I'm hearing it -- for the technique, the vocabulary, the questions, the answers. And thinking about coaching, done over the phone, in complete privacy, completely confidential. I hear judgment in the voice of the woman, and the young man keeps answering. Now they are going to walk -- realizing perhaps that they are being heard. Having an authentic voice has a paradoxical duality. To hear, you must listen -- even to, or especially to -- yourself. Your voice, your soul, your animus, are revealed in your listening as they are in your speech, your words, your voice. Coaching can help you cross the divide between what you hear, what you say, and finally, what you do. (To be continued).

Unanswered Questions, Guest Blogger, Paula Shumaker O'Donnell

2010-12-09T10:44:00.000-08:00

A LITTLE HELP ALONG THE WAY
Because success is a journey...
UNANSWERED QUESTIONS...
Many times in our lives we have questions that don’t have any
easy answers.
Sometimes they are important questions and we would like for them to be resolved.
They can cause heartache, frustration, or anger and can keep us stuck if we
dwell on them.
So what do you do when you are in a situation with unanswered questions?
You make soup.
You clean your house.
You throw yourself into a project.
You pray.
You let it go for a while because there isn’t anything you know to do.
You focus on work and things you can control. You make decisions that are right
for you. You learn that not all of life has answers—easy or otherwise.
But you never give up.
And you always hope...that one day, you will get the answers you were looking for.
Dec. 6, 2010
© 2010 Paula Shumaker O’Donnell, Springfield, Missouri
417-838-0277- MyCoachPaula@aol.com

Jana Brauninger, Musician

2010-11-16T12:15:00.000-08:00

Jana Brauninger--

The other day while practicing I slowly began to realize that all I was thinking about were my flaws. Of course I was working on them at the time, but somehow...something inside me let go of my obsessions and instead I imagined somone amazing playing with ease. That lead me to this inspired question: HOW WOULD I PLAY IF IT WERE EASY?
Everything changed then. Everything.

Jana used her own inner wisdom to shift her reality. If you want to do the same and be supported, Life Coaching is for you!

Thank you Jana for your words of inspiration!

Biulding Your Self-Image, Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

2010-09-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

#996 Building Your Self-Image One Tiny Step at a Time
There are special occurrences, situations, and opportunities that help build your self-image in a short time. However, it is more common to improve one tiny step at a time every day than to have quick progress in this area.

The daily question to ask yourself is: "What small improvement can I make now?"

(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Building Your Self- image and the Self-image of Others" (Artscroll) Chapter 16)

And for help and support in building your self-esteem, Life Coaching!

When you can, do!

2010-08-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

Don't wait for the perfect time, the perfect place, the perfect opportunity! If you have an opportunity for something fun, profitable, growth-creating, helping someone else -- then do it!

Extreme Value

2010-07-30T10:14:00.000-07:00

Not long ago I went to a dressy event. One of the principals was wearing an incredible dress. I thought, "That dress must have cost $1,000." When I complimented her on the attire, she said, "Oh, it was $768." No, I misunderstood. She meant $7.68. Clearance rack from a very high end store. Is this even possible? Her daughter told me that her mother does it all the time....You can live the life abundant and look great on very little if, 1) That is your intention, and 2) You put in the time. Needless to say, the wearer not only had a great dress, she had fun at the purchase as well as the event. Hold that thought! Life coaching for extreme value!

Lift Your Spirits, Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

2010-07-30T08:58:00.001-07:00

#945 Lift Your Spirits
Here are some ideas to help you feel better:

(1) Fill your mind with happiness-producing thoughts. Create an encouraging inner voice.

(2) Remember the positive moments of your life. Re-experience the positive feelings you had when you lived through those moments.

(3) Get in touch with your moments of strength. When you felt strong, how did you create those feelings?

(4) Increase your sense of meaning in life by doing meaningful things.

(5) Create enjoyable mental imagery. Visualize yourself being joyous.

(6) View your depressed feelings as a challenge that can eventually help you to elevate yourself.

(7) Find some positive way of looking at each event and situation in your life.

(8) Keep a diary of the good things that happen to you.

(9) Keep a self-mastery journal to give you a greater sense of empowerment.

(10) Engage in physical exercises such as brisk walking or running.

(11) List ten reasons why you can feel better even though you are experiencing difficulties.

(12) Each day, do acts of kindness for others.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.193-7)

Action v. Delay

2010-07-27T11:28:00.000-07:00

If you can't get going, get some help. A support system can help you get into action when you don't feel like it. Once you start, the energy of the movement wll propel you forward.

Spend it Wisely

2010-07-20T10:04:00.000-07:00

Time is precious, so spend it wisely. It's one thing that you are not getting back... There were a group of ladies in Florida sitting around playing cards, dissing their husbands for snoring, being lazy, not helping around the house. All participated in the discussion, save one woman, a widow. When she could take the whining no longer, she finally stood up and said, "What I wouldn't give to hear my husband snore one more time." She then walked out of the room. She went to her computer and composed Evites to an Appreciation Luncheon. She invited all the dissed husbands of her ladyfriends. No plus-ones! Her friends were in a huff for a while, but when they relented and came back for cards -- it was with a new appreciation for their better halves. Appreciate what you have. Coaching an Attitude of Gratitude!

Living Poor

2010-06-16T11:58:00.000-07:00

A woman at a cocktail party related the story of what had happened to her family since the economic downturn. Born into wealth, she had grown up with the best of everything -- clothes, education, travel -- she was able to have whatever she wanted. She had gone to an Ivy League college where she met her husband, also from a privileged background. They finished their educations, got married in a lavish wedding and moved into a luxurious house in a gated community. They had a child, a dog and the woman spent her time shopping and doing charity work. She described herself as a walking cliche of the upper class. Then, one day, all her husband's (risky) investments took a dive and they had nothing. She lamented that they were even prohibited by the CC & R's of their community from holding a garage sale. They had lost everything material. She told her then four-year old daughter, "I can't live poor," and she sunk into a deep depression. Meanwhile, she had had a huge household staff that she had to let go, including a nanny from Central America. The nanny said, "I wish I could help you more, but while you are recovering, your little girl can come live with me and my family." The father was spending his time hustling work, and since the mother couldn't get out of bed most days, she told the nanny that she would be grateful for the offer of childcare. She had no idea where the nanny lived, nor the living conditions there. So, the nanny packed up the little girl, whom she had practically raised from birth, and brought her to her own home. This was a small rented house with a vegetable garden in a modest neighborhood. The little girl missed her mother, but she knew her mother was sick and would come get her when she was better. So the little girl began a life of "living poor." Her clothes and toys were brought from home, but as children grow quickly, she was soon wearing thrift shop clothes, and playing with used toys. During this period, the mother would call, but never came by. The little girl noticed at first the lack of "amenities" (no pool, no butler), but soon forgot about the rest. The nanny had to seek day work cleaning houses and the little girl was cared for by her new "abuelita," grandmother. Six weeks turned into six months and then a year and then two. It took the father almost two and a half years to get back on his feet. During this time, the mother, reluctant for her former "friends" to see her in her impecunity, rarely ventured from the rented apartment she and her husband had obtained. Finally, the day came when the family had enough funds to rent a house and lease a nice car. They went to get their daughter. They happened to arrive during a family barbeque, where everyone was singing and laughing and having fun. The mother blanched when she saw the outside of the house. She could only think, "How could I have left my daughter here." The little girl was six now, in school and fluent in Spanish. When the mother rang the doorbell, the little girl was the one to answer the door. She didn't recognize her mother. The mother was mortified by the entire situation and burst into tears. "I have left you in poverty and you have suffered" she said to the little girl. The little girl said, "This is not poverty, this is living happy."

You are living in whatever state is in your head right now. Money buys comfort and convenience and status. But it doesn't cure depression, nor bring you laughter and love. The little girl stayed with the nanny. After two years, at such a young age, this was her home and her life. The mother was relieved not to have the "burden" of raising a child in reduced circumstances with no childcare. Who here was really living poor? Life Coaching to live rich at any income.

Auto Pilot

2010-06-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

• AUTOPILOT (noun)
The noun AUTOPILOT has 2 senses:

1. a cognitive state in which you act without self-awareness
2. a navigational device that automatically keeps ships or planes or spacecraft on a steady course (Source: http://www.audioenglish.net/dictionary/autopilot.htm)

Are you on autopilot -- in a state where you are moving through life just to just in done? In today's busy world, it's hard not to be! How do you stay self-aware, as you navigate your course, as you fly your plane through life?

How do you fly your plane? Both hands on the controls -- eyes fully focused?

Remember, when you are flying your plane, the controls are in your hands! You have a handle on it! And if you need to step back and think before take-off, do so.

That's the way you are going to soar.

Life Coaching for those who want to fly.

Trust vs. Doubt

2010-05-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

What does it take you to trust someone? How about trusting yourself? The role of the Life Coach is to help the client believe in herself -- to trust her own judgment and decision-making capabilities. Trust comes out of a belief that people are telling you the truth, that they are trustworthy. Trust is a cultural value and a cultural motif. There is the ubiquitous used-car salesman, the symbol of the deceptive, devious, anything-for-a-buck liar who can't be trusted. Then, on the other end of the spectrum, is the elementary school teacher, the kindly mother or father figure trusted with our children, a person believed to be moral, kind and decent based upon career choice alone.

When we examine ourselves, do we fall somewhere in the middle, or are we paragons of trustworthiness?

In coaching, trust is often used synonymously with self-belief, the opposite of self-doubt. The feeling of trust, or self-trust is empowering to the client, while doubt, the lack of trust, is disempowering. What can you accomplish if you don't trust that what you are doing will ultimately succeed, ultimately work out for the best.

Sometimes you have to consciously choose to trust, in order to keep doubt at bay. Think about it: Everything you have achieved has come out of your self-belief and trust in your decisions.

On the other hand, the positive function of doubt is that it can serve as a warning system to steer you away from making the wrong decision. You may have heard, "When in doubt, don't."

You have an opportunity to find the trust you need out of the doubt you possess. Work on it and let me know! Have a great day Coach Paula

Ground Your Worries --Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

2010-03-08T22:35:00.000-08:00

#789 Ground Your Worries
Frequently people jump to the conclusion that they have a problem, when in reality there is nothing to worry about. To overcome this tendency, make it a practice to look closely at the available facts. By carefully investigating the situation, it will often show that your original worries were groundless.

(Tnuas Hamussar, vol.1, p.132; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.158)

Also, wen you look at the facts, you are taking your mind off the worries. Your mind can only hold one thought at a time. Nx times you are in an uncomfortable situation, work on shifting your perspective in the moment.

If you can be happy and positive in the moment, chances are the situation wil shift itself.

The Lesson of American Idol

2010-03-06T19:18:00.000-08:00

Just because your mother thinks you can sing doesn't mean you're going to get a record deal. Brutal honesty starts at home. If you are that good, find out from a pro,and pursue it. And if you're not, make it your hobby and move on. You can always record and sell your own music, but if that's not going to make you the living you envision, then find another way to incorporate music into your life.

Learn the distinction between reality and positive thinking. Know what you can do, and do it. And know what the realities of your talents are. You have something to give. Find out what your gift is and give it. You will be a lot happier.

Why Do You Care What They Think?

2010-03-06T19:10:00.001-08:00

Do you find yourself trying to please everyone? It's not only impossible, but not in the least desirable. If you give the farm away, what is left for you. Take care of yourself first -- if you don't, where will you get the energy to take care of your loved ones?

A client told me that she had to please everyone at her job. When I asked her why, she looked at me blankly. She thought that if she did enough, magically, everyone would love her.

For self-healing, I recommended mirror therapy. Can you live with what you see in the mirror? If so, if you are in your integrity, then you are on your way to a successful life.

Certainly, you have to please your boss and meet the needs of your clients -- but can you make the whole world happy? Not likely. Spend your time, effort and energy where you will get the greatest return. And be happy!

Planning a Bar/Ba Mitzvah?

2010-03-06T19:02:00.001-08:00

Are you the mother of the B'nai Mitzvah? Going crazy? Need some help in calming down and gaining some peace of mind. Believe and Achieve Coaching provides coaching for mom, the B'nai Mitzvah, the whole family if needbe. It's not the planning aspect -- you can do that, or you hire a planner. We coach you on how to maintain your equilibrium as you are trying to balance many factors -- the budget, the relatives, your own parents, etc. Complimentary session if you mention this Blog! Mazel Tov. Coach Paula paula@bealeeve.com

Fly!...based on a Chassidic Tale

2010-03-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

A man had dream in which he was walking around and around a narrow precipice. He looked to his left, and there was a pit of fire, to his right a void of darkness. He walked in terror and offered a prayer. From the Heavens, an angelic voice sang out the one word answer to his dilemma, "Fly!"

When you have a choice to make, which option will give you wings? Which one will empower you? Make you fly?

Conversation

2010-02-08T08:14:00.000-08:00

Most of life is a conversation. You are speaking, asking, responding, yelling, whispering -- you are engaging with people, animals, businesses, organizations -- others in life. And you get to choose the tenor and mean of the conversation. How will it go? You get to decide by what you say. What you say is largely determined by how you listen, what you hear, how you interpret what you hear, what you believe about what you hear. So, next time you are in a conversation, listen carefully and reflect before you respond. The spoken word is very powerful. It is creative. Help with a kind word. Uplift with an inspiring word. And, those other, not nice words -- banish them from your speech. Think before you speak. Think about the outcome you want from the conversation. What are you giving? That will determine what you will get back. Have a good conversation. Make someone happy today! Life coaching is a conversation and life coaching can help you have many good conversations in life. Happiness to you today and always. Coach Paula

Don't Be Swayed from Your Goals -- Rabbi Zeli Pliskin

2010-02-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

#259 Don't Be Swayed From Your Goals
Be crystal clear on your main goals in life. Then, when a situation arises that might disturb your peace of mind, ask yourself, "How does this impact those goals?"

When you realize this present situation does not have a major effect on what is really important, the problem will shrink in significance and your peace of mind will be restored.

Try it today. -- Rabi Zelig Pliskin

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.77)

A New Year, A New Beginning

2009-12-30T12:24:00.000-08:00

How many people have I heard say that they are happy to be done with this year? A lot, and, it seems, a lot more than usual. It wasn't, they tell me, a bad year, just a challenging one. Between the economy and personal challenges relating to work, family, illness, finances, it seems that many Americans share the same story. But there is no where to go but forward. Time only moves that way -- in this sphere anyway. So, our best option is to move with it, willingly, happily and enthusiastically even. That is not to say there is no room for realism -- but dealing with "manifest reality" is a lot easier if you go forward knowing how you want to shape the next chapter. The New Year is a time for reflection of what has been and a time to resolve what we are going to do to create what will be. New Year's Resolutions don't have to be formal, nor sweeping. You can resolve to meet every day, one day at a time, with a new attitude and a new perspective. I wish you and yours a Happy, Health New Year, one in which you are able to take whatever comes and with presence of mind, and enthusiasm, turn it into the experience you want. May 2010 be a banner year for you! Coach Paula

I Will Not Complain

2009-12-23T18:10:00.000-08:00

This is what a client said to me yesterday, regarding her trials and tribulations at work, with her boyfriend, her landlord, her mechanic, etc., etc. But at times we all want to complain. I had two clients tell me they had termites in their furniture (Is there a conspiracy in the house?), one of them had water damage in her walls, another thought her boyfriend was cheating. One of my brides can't stand her new sister-in-law. But as we deconstructed each situation during Life Coaching, each event, each reaction, the bottom line was, "How will complaining about it serve you?" (Not a question that I asked, only thought about). Although unasked, each answered that very question with a variation on the theme -- their answers paralleling each other to an uncanny degree, "Well, I guess complaining about it won't help." I wish I could take credit for their new awareness(es), new perspectives. But all I did was listen and asked questions relative to how they felt, what actions they were going to take, and what a great (notice I didn't say "satisfactory") outcome would look like. What are the "wages of complaining?" Whiners' Mouth? The contrary to the previous concept is gratitude. You have termites. Be grateful you have a place to live. You have an impossible boss? Nothing says it like, "I'm grateful for my job." Life Coaching is a way in. And a way out of complaining. (This post is dedicated to JT, the model of an eternal optimist).