So… yeah.

I shut down one business, I started a new one, it’s been all systems go – there is SO MUCH TO DO!

I have many, many lists. Lists work for me. Also, I am fortunate and blessed with a bunch of wonderful, strong, enthusiastic and supportive friends and colleagues (and often the friend and colleague are one and the same person).

Nevertheless. Overwhelm has been gripping me.

So towards the end of last week, my strategy to deal with overwhelm was this: go on strike, and watch lots of Eddie Izzard standup comedy (and also Dylan Moran). In a fascinating turn of events, those were the times when calls came out of the blue, people offered me work, and things fell into place – well, to some degree anyway.

Hmmmm. Interesting.

And then yesterday I went to the regular get-together of my Feng Shui group. I call it that for ease and clarity, but really it is a Homesouls group, based on the book The Secret of Home: Homesouls Guide to Abundant Living by Lindsay Halton. Homesouls is a form of Feng Shui, but modern, pared down and beautifully simple: the main tenet is that just like your physical body reflects your emotional, mental and spiritual states, by extension your physical space and environment reflect your subtle states and the patterns being played out in your life. By adjusting your space and focusing on an area in a different way, you bring subtle changes to your life.

Your living or working space (for me, they are the same) is divided into 9 sectors and they each correspond to an area of your life as well as a time of year. As we cycle through the seasons we enter and exit each dominant energy in turn. At the moment, we are in wind. Wind is matched by the colour orange, and is to do with drive, change, planning, opportunities, alchemy and growth.

On a separate but relevant note, my friend Jess quoted this recent tweet by Robin Sharma: ”@_robin_sharma: There’s a stratospheric difference between learning a new idea–and living a new idea.” That’s exactly how I feel at the moment. There is change going on, and I know it is going on, and I can sense it happening around me, but I don’t feel like I am living it, embodying it… yet. Things are out of focus. I’m feeling fuzzy, out of sorts – everything isn’t wrong, but it’s not quite right either.

Even my clothes don’t work for me, I either don’t like them any more or somehow they don’t fit and feel right any longer, but I don’t know what I want instead. It’s like I don’t know exactly who I am. And for an organised tidy freak like me, who knows where everything is, and who usually feels in flow and like life is unfolding gracefully… it’s somewhat distressing.

(#middleclassnightmares. I know.)

I don’t feel in sync with my life.

And I don’t know how to get there. I can but wait. The process is painfully slow. (Patience is not my strong point.)

Anyhoo.

So I was at my Feng Shui meeting yesterday and we discussed wind and I had a good ol’ moan about all of the above. And then we did rune readings. Sheila picked a Celtic rune for me, and then I picked a Homesouls rune, and the readings are echoes of each other.

This is the Celtic one:

“A counsel against expecting too much, or expecting in the ordinary way, for the old way has come to an end: you simply cannot repeat the old and not suffer. Reversed, this Rune (it was upside down, i.e. reversed) puts you on notice to call in your scattered energies and concentrate on your own life at this moment, your own requirements for growth. More important, Perth (the name of the rune) counsels you not to focus on outcomes, not to bind yourself with the memory of past achievements; in so doing, you rob yourself of a true present, which is the only time in which self-change can be realized.

You may feel overwhelmed with exhaustion from meeting obstruction upon obstruction in your passage. Yet you always have a choice: you can see all this apparent negativity as ‘bad luck’ or you can recognize it as an obstacle course, a challenge specific to the initiation you are presently undergoing. Then each setback, each humiliation, becomes a test of character. When your inner being is shifting and reforming on a deep level, patience, constancy and perseverance are called for. So stay centred, see the humour, and carry on regardless.”

This is the Homesouls one:

“At this time you must see your current situation as transient, a time to pause and wonder at what is going on in your life. Look inward, question what is real and refine your way of seeing and your way of being. 

The situation you are in at the moment cannot be controlled by your will. Trying to take control or to have things your way simply aggravates the situation. Try to step back from the situation to see the bigger picture.

What will it take for you to surrender to the situation?

Don’t dwell on what you do and what you achieve. Follow the calling of your Soul, and return to the cradle of your innocence to refine the expression of your nature in small ways. Feel your Soul calling and choose a better way to live through your experience. 

Be gentle, adaptable and ready to do what must be done with honour and dignity.”

I am leaning into the winds of change.

I am letting things work themselves out, taking the pressure off (everything), allowing (everything).

Keep you posted.

.

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The *beamazingtoday* personal development and training business is no more. As of, well, now.

Brainpop Shiva Nata is the new business. I’ve decided that since no-one else is doing it, I shall bring Shiva Nata to the UK on an epic scale. Brainpop Shiva Nata was founded on 6th April 2012.

The *beamazingtoday* website remains, and is now a space for my ponderings, writings, musings and general me-ness. I shall keep doing the monthly newsletters because they’re fun, and I shall blog occasionally.

So, um, yes.

That’s it.

As you were. Chat to you soon.

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It’s been quiet times on the Be Amazing front lately. Not that I, or you, have been being any less amazing that we normally are, you understand, it’s just that we’re so amazing that we can afford to take it for granted and put our amazingness on the back burner for a bit.

So for the past few weeks I have been focused on setting up Brainpop Shiva Nata - which is now live in terms of the website, and the GORGEOUS venue for the daytime classes. There are still things to do of course, like find a venue with a stage for the evening classes, and promote the London workshop. And also take care of the usual running-the-classes bits like making new handouts and curating the playlists.

But in the meantime, there isn’t a single person out of the 30-odd who’ve tried it since my first class 5 and a half weeks ago who hasn’t enjoyed it; and my star pupils in the private sessions and in the 6-week course are positively charging ahead and making all sorts of outstanding progress. I am *so* proud of them all.

So all in all, after a few craaaazeeeee weeks, I am feeling content, and although it’s Thursday I’ve got a sort of Friday night feeling. You know, the one you get at the end of an intense but great week, when you can put your feet up and reflect and feel satisfied.

Which is weird, because on Tuesday there’s a launch event at the Full Moon (the great venue for the lunchtime classes – it’s got a starry night sky ceiling!), and there will be journalists there and now suddenly I am a bit nervous of looking silly if no-one turns up. (So if you fancy coming, or sending people over, that would be mightily appreciated. The details are below.)

So, yeah. That’s it for now.

Some day soon I shall blog about lessons learned and finding balance and who’s in my dream team and insightful stuff like that. But for the time being, imagine me with my feet up on my desk, one leg crossed over the other, and raising my mug of tea at you in salutation.

May I prematurely wish you a very good weekend indeed.

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“If money were no object, I would…”

Hold on a minute! Money IS no object. It isn’t an object. Really. Yes, it’s coins and bills and things but really, REALLY, when you look at the big picture, money isn’t an object, it’s a concept, a collection of digital blips, an energy, an abstraction.

MONEY IS NO OBJECT.

Does that change anything for you?

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Is it busy-ness? Busywork, keeping busy, so-much-to-do-no-time-to-think.
Is it drama? I’m so stressed! Everything is going all wrong! No-one understands! Aaaaah!
Is it numbing it, putting a lid on it through smoking, medication, drink or drugs?
What does it for you? 

I used to smoke, until I recognised why I was doing it. I stopped smoking-when-stressed, the day I decided to engage with my pain and observe it with an open heart.

I still go into drama and freak out. But only privately, and only at my nearest and dearest who will never tell the outside world about that part of me. To the outside world, I do the “swan on water” thing of presenting a serene composed smile, while paddling madly underneath.

‘Cos the thing is! The thing is…

… when you recognize your pattern and acknowledge the strategy you turn to in times of pain (unwittingly, in a fraction of a heartbeat, before you can even take stock): you allow yourself to notice when you’re doing it. You give yourself permission to see it for what it is. You don’t need to fight it, force yourself into a different pattern, berate yourself. Just observe it.

… when you observe it, you might see what is behind it. (Fear. Overwhelm. Perceived lack of control. Whatever.) You might choose to engage with a different strategy instead. Yoga. Dance. Meditation. Shiva Nata. Writing. Drawing. Sculpting.

Or not. That’s okay too.

… when you notice it, and you tell others about it, they understand you better. They witness your process. You also wean yourself off the power of the strategy. You can’t hide behind it, see, now that people know what you’re up to because you told them.

So yeah.

I just told you I still do the drama-behind-closed-doors thing. Less than I used to, admittedly, but it still catches me unaware and sweeps me into its whirlwind of panic, ego, stress and shouting. And slamming things. You’re not likely to see me do it, by definition, but telling you works anyway.

The way this works?

I’ll still do it, no doubt. But I’ll notice sooner that I’m in the middle of doing it, and I’ll remember to check in and see what is *really* going on, and how I can hold my pain with open-hearted curiosity and compassion. And bit by bit, every time a bit more, I will catch myself earlier and earlier, until the drama no longer works for me.

And I’ll find another strategy, no doubt, because that’s what we humans do, eh?
And when I do, I’ll try and remember (eventually) to share it. 

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