The following material is based on the article titled “На букву М” (The M-word) from Russian Newsweek, which, sadly, was closed 1.5 years ago. We translated it and provided our own comments to some parts of the text.

The M-Word.

By Evgenia Pismennaya, for Russian Newsweek.

About a year ago Vladimir Pishev had a couple of ordinary ladies from Petrozavodsk visit his restaurant in Vologda. They asked for a full menu layout and obviously weren’t going to order from it. After he refused to hand it in, the ladies just looked up and saw—like in many fast-food restaurants—a detailed menu of everything there was to order. And it was nothing new fast-food-wise: hamburgers, french fries and sodas of all shapes and sizes. Because in this industry being a sophisticated chef with secrets to keep will drive you out of business. Kind of McDonald’s—that’s how Vladimir describes his restaurant.

The mystery ladies opened their own McDuck restaurant in Petrozavodsk last year. Now Kind of McDonald’s in Vologda suspects Kind of McDonald’s in Petrozavodsk of plagiarism. For they not only borrowed the menu and the concept, but also took along the duck to sit on the logo. As for the motto, they came up with I’m Liking It. Very much like the real thing.

Galina Berezhnaya, director for McDuck in Petrozavodsk, says the café is actually an “original social project for children and young people that would allow no heavy drinking or partying.” But the Petrozavodsk McDuck in fact is very low on the originality scale. It is hardly the first attempt to make money by copying the world’s biggest fast food chain.

McDonald’s in Russia is developing very slowly—mostly on its internal resources (and no franchising), only in major cities or, sometimes, near the major highways. To boot, the original McDonald’s is not going to sue anyone for copying anyway, says Nina Prasolova, spokesperson for McDonald’s.

Bears: I’ve got some examples on low McDonald’s expansion rate. Sochi has been having the one and only McDonald’s for many years now, and that place is now like a center of town, everything is literally happening in or around that place. Not to mention the lines. And in Krasnodar, where I was born, McDonald’s appeared shortly after I left school—and that wouldn’t be more than 7 years ago. Sochi is probably the biggest Russian resort near the Black sea. Krasnodar is the region’s biggest and most developed city, counting over 750,000 of population. And yet, only 1 restaurant per city.

Moroz: It might seem strange of McDonald’s not to sue any of the copycats. But it actually is very far-sighted: the day will obviously come when Golden Arches logo will be seen in every major and even not-so-major city all over Russia. Copycats by that time would give people the idea that hamburgers and fries are not so bad after all and McDonald’s, having finally come, will enter the pre-warmed place and amaze everyone with an outstanding service and food quality. My guess is that it’s just the matter of time.

“That is something to give you a good start,” thought certain entrepreneurs and started to fill the blank spaces of provincial areas with McClones. If you look closely at their performance, though, you will see that none of them are particularly successful, even the long-standing McMaster in Cherepovets. It has been making hamburgers for 8 years running, and still remains borderline profitable, say its owners.

The money invested into McDuck in Vologda never returned. “You can’t challenge the provincial thinking,” says Vladimir Pishev. “They’ll always think it’s easier to have a normal 3-course-meal instead of turning to a fast-food thing.” His restaurant is only visited by hundreds—and not thousands—of clients every week, most of them coming during the weekends. For most of the provincial residents, fast-food is still a form of entertainment, so no wonder these cafés are empty on weekdays.

Bears: That’s nothing new, in fact. Even in Moscow, at the beginning, fast food venues were merely places of interest.

Moroz: And now they are places providing huge income for their owners and managers. That’s why Moscow look like one big fast food, with all its potatoes, hot dogs, pancakes and hamburgers. McDuck visitors think it’s better to eat home-made food? Here, we even have fast food restaurants making ‘home-made’ food. Why bother cooking at all?

“You guys have no time to eat out there in that Moscow of yours,” says Pavel, resident of Petrozavodsk. “That’s why you have to eat sandwiches as you go around the city. While here we can easily get home for a lunch break and have a decent borsch, like we should.”

McStuff at McDuck. Photo via Russian Newsweek

“We are still running in test mode, evaluating the market capacity,” says Galina Berezhnaya when asked about the enterprise potential in Petrozavodsk. In her restaurant, the menu can’t boast a wide selection of items. You’ll find a $2 serving of nuggets, a $1 cheeseburger, a $2 salad, french fries, sodas and milkshakes. The quality, as for the Russian Newsweek reporter, is no different from McDonald’s. They even have Big Brother corporate culture inclusions: McDuck employees must at all times smile to the customers and avoid conflicts at all costs. The restaurant already has its devoted visitors: mainly old ladies who enjoy the peace and quiet of the place. “People don’t smoke or drink here, it’s so peaceful,” they say.

In Cherepovets, McMaster prohibits its customers to smoke too. However, they do sell beer. “We decided to make it McDonald’s-style, but with no children’s games, clowns or gifts. This is not a thing to do in a province,” says the café director Alexander Kuznetsov. He is trying to adjust to the tastes of the locals: together with beer they also sell hamburgers with mustard. “They are very popular. And we like our mustard hot,” businessman boasts.

Andrey Petrakov, executive director of Restkon consulting agency, says that betting on hamburgers is most assuredly a lose-lose move. “It should be understood that hamburgers in Russia aren’t popular. They are popular in McDonald’s where they’re ‘lovin’ it’. Atmosphere and quality are the two milestones of American chain.”

“Today I went by McMaster,” says Pavel Kuleshov from Cherepovets. “Two neon letters on the sign don’t work already. I don’t even remember the last time I went there. The only thing I do remember is that my wife and I got a food poisoning after eating there.” Not so long ago McMaster decided to expand—now they’re looking for the premises for their third fast food outlet.

McClones trying to survive in the province have a reassuring example—McPeak chain from Yekaterinburg. And for its owner Pavel Kukharskikh the McDonald’s business wasn’t just an example—it was almost like Scripture to him. The first restaurant opened in 1998 and soon became very popular. Now Yekaterinburg has 6 McPeaks, and more are to come. “McPeaks are very profitable; around 5000 customers visit them every day. Their total turnover in 2007 is about $15M,” says Olga Apalkova, marketing director of Malakhit, owner of McPeak.

Ekaterinburg is in the Urals

The McDonald’s clone from the Urals is so successful—when the real McDonald’s came to Yekaterinburg, McPeak didn’t lose its customers. “After McDonald’s opened in Mega trade center we started to think what to do next,” Apalkova recalls recent events. “But then we decided to do nothing at all.” Not completely at all—a new item, pelmeni, was added on the menu. Malakhit didn’t feel any downturns in popularity of the Yekaterinburg clone. “We have separate children’s rooms and the menu is a lot bigger,” boasts Apalkova. PR-manager Maksim says that McPeak is really loved in their city. “It’s a fast food place, only better. Main thing—you can smoke and drink beer in there.”

In fact, McDonald’s tried to buy land from under McPeak to build their own cafés. But the businessman rejected the offer and now regrets nothing. In fact he’s researching the possibility of conquering Ufa. They already have a McDonald’s but Kukharskikh feels positive about his decision. Andrey Petrakov from Restkon says that Yekaterinburg strategy has at least one advantage over other clones: McPeak works at the cities with 1M inhabitants and more (to compare, Vologda has 290,000 inhabitants). “Fast food needs a large-scale involvement. It’s necessary that thousands of customers come. Only then business will bring profit” explains the expert.

Petrakov thinks that the era of developed competition is only to come to the fast food market. “No way, we don’t even compare ourselves to McDonald’s.” says Vladimir Pischev, director of McDuck in Vologda. He’s more interested in its rival from Petrozavodsk. “Our people don’t go complex: they just take a photo of our menu and can pick any name at all, McDuck or McDuke—it doesn’t really matter. We tried to make a nice logo, for kids to like—and now have a duck with a ladle. And does the Petrozavodsk duck have a ladle?”

The editorial of Bears & Vodka thanks the late editorial of Russian Newsweek for providing us with their original material. Stay tuned for more updates and don’t forget to follow us on Twitter and Facebook. Until then we remain bearly yours and remind you to stay warm.

His success is best reflected by the fact that Russia Beyond The Headlines invited him to partner up in promoting their new iPad app called ‘Touch Russia’ as well. RBTH is a project of a Russian daily called Rossiyskaya Gazeta and it’s becoming an internationally renowned source of political and social information on modern Russia.

So it is with great pleasure that we endorse Russia Beyond The Headlines and Touch Russia—for your appreciation and enjoyment.

Russians think of corruption as of something that has been there since the dawn of times. According to the recent ratings of Transparency International, Russia is #143 of 182 countries in terms of the severity of corruption, the last on the list being the most corrupted.

And yet when Russians personally encounter minor cases of corruption, they are less likely to fight the bribing tradition and more likely to give bribes. Or so it seems. Like in most third-world countries, many things are better solved with a small bribe than long righteous fight. But these are just minor cases of everyday corruption. Happens to everyone.

A far more sensible subject is the fraud of taxpayers’ money, worth billions of rubles.

Crowbar. Russia’s measure of simplicity.

The process is as simple as a crowbar. I’ll give you a hypothetical example that sums up most of the fraud cases in the history of RosPil.

On the surface

Company X bulds roads. A state organization RusAutoRoute25 needs contractors to fix 30 kilometers of the federal highway from Moscow to Saint-Petersburg. RusAutoRoute25 publishes a tender at the governmental site zakupki.gov.ru, sets initial cost of works (10 bln RUB) and waits until it receives the offers. According to Russian legislation, the lowest bid wins. Company X bids 7 bln, wins the tender, fixes the road and gets the money. Later that evening the news show president Medvedev cut the red ribbon on the newly constructed bit of the highway.

Under the surface

Half a year ahead of the tender, RusAutoRoute25 gets a call from the local officials who say there’s an opening in the budget that could be used for road reconstruction. RusAutoRoute25’s executive calls his son-in-law, the CEO at Company X, discusses the scope of works, its real (5 bln RUB) and expected cost (7 bln RUB) and the sizes of cuts for every participant of the deal (1 bln RUB each). The parties secretly shake hands on one of the family dinners.

Two months later, RusAutoRoute25 secures the piece of the local budget through a combination of bribes, official claims and something obscurely in-between. The next day they file a tender for 10 bln. and some impossible requirement—e.g., a two-week timeframe to complete the works. Two weeks into the tender, when a couple of other companies have spent time building up their 9 bln. RUB offers and struggling with the impossible deadlines, Company X gets into the race with a super-cheap 7 bln. offer. By the end of the month, they are officially selected as state subcontractors. Money gets wired.

Of 7 bln., one billion gets wired back at the officials involved in the scheme. One billion gets wired into the family that supported the deal. Five billion go into work.

Due to “severe weather conditions” and what not, the official deadline is extended to meet the normal timing of work. In order not to feel screwed, RusAutoRoute’s middle management decides to cut some costs here and there, so there’s a bigger share of the budget left to them. Cheaper materials are bought. Cheaper labor is contracted. Since the project’s internal budget keeps dropping by the minute, there is less and less money to pay to the actual road builders. And suddenly there is no money to clean up the snow to put the asphalt on:

Check out the “Russia United” logo on the machines.

When the work is miraculously completed within the 3 bln RUB that it was actually provided with, the press quickly gathers round to make an evening news report. Medvedev is there, speaking about modernization and the importance of being earnest honest and keeping the party’s promises. Old “Babushka” grandmas are at home cheering for the party and shedding a tear of joy. The Company X CEOs are sending their kids to Harvard, so their offsprings could have a future as far away as possible from this corruption clusterfuck of a country.

Raspil (Распил)—fraud and theft of taxpayer money through state purchasing of hugely overpriced goods and services.

With the government workflow as transparent as a 900-year-old bog in the middle of a dark forest at night, not much could be done to prevent the multitudes of raspils. Or so it seemed—until recently.

Say Hi to Alexey Navalny, a political activist, blogger, the hero of last week’s installment of the Word of the week. Earlier this year he organized a project aimed at raising awareness and civil action against the Raspils. The RosPil project, a combination of “Ros” (for Russia) and “Pil” (for “пилить”, to steal by sawing off a part of the budget), can be found on rospil.info.

According to the project description, RosPil is a social project aimed at gaining control over spending of budget funds for state and municipal purchasing. It is fully financed by voluntary donations. 6 months into its work, the project collected over 8 mln rubles, spending over 1.7 mln to cease Raspil-prone contracts worth over 40.3 bln rubles (as of December 8, 2011).

The action plan is simple. The site contributors scout the state purchasing resources in search for overpriced bids and shows the suspicious bids to lawyers and industry experts contracted by RosPil. Once experts verify the act of attempted Raspilling, an official claim is filed to the authorities and / or action groups to prevent the bid from being approved. So this is simply an overwatch on state spending—done the democratic way, proudly crowdfounded crowdsourced.

And now you can track the RosPil activities with the new iPhone and Android apps.

Alexey Navalny posing in front of his project—RosPil

As for the personality behind the project, he is becoming bigger by the minute. Alexey Navalny is a widely-known Russian blogger who made himself a name by fighting corruption and raising civil action. Pro-Kremlin speakers call him “an American project”. Liberals and anti-Kremlin forces think of him as of national hero and future president. He can be both, he can be neither. He can still be in jail as you are reading it.

This issue cannot be described in Wikipedia-pragmatic style. It’s serious, emotional and controversial. Many support it, some oppose it, very few remain uninvolved.

I’m talking about the Russian March. This is a radical nationalist event, gathered officially for the 7^th time on November 4, the National Unity Day. Nearly seven thousand people came out into the streets of Moscow and marched through the Lyublino district in the south-east of Moscow.

From such events, you think you can expect chanting about the precious uniqueness of the Russian nation and radical orthodoxy. But seeing photos of youngsters giving roman salutes, chanting Sieg Heil and carrying swastika-ridden flags put me into a catatonic state.

Trying not to sink into radical disapproval, hate and aggression, I will do what I do best—quote those who said it exactly as it had to be said. I am giving you a translation of a radio show called Mishanina (Radio Silver Rain) that aired November 7, as summarized by the radio station’s Dj Lucy Grin in her own show, Peremotka (Rewind). It is kind of a summary of a summary of a summary, but it does what it was designed to do:

Lucy Grin: I sincerely counted on Mikhail Kozyrev and Fyokla Tolstaya in terms of the competent coverage of the Russian March. And I was right to do so. The broadcast was full of emotions and contradictions that I fully support. There are situations when other points of view just can’t be allowed. Russian March is one of those situations. Hitler’s ideas and symbols of his horrid dictatorship cannot be idealized in the country where 20 mln people were wasted at war with the Nazis.

Mikhail Kozyrev: I actually support the idea that the “Sieg Heil” sign is to be criminally prosecuted.

Fyokla Tolstaya: And don’t we have that kind of prosecution?

MK: Our police guarded this march, standing along it all the way. They don’t punish for “Sieg Heil” in this country.

LG: I think that we should address issues of “Sieg Heil” and swastikas differently. I think that the roman salute once appropriated by Italian fascists and then by the Nazi Germany should be returned in our minds to its original owners, Roman legionnaires. This gesture, from heart to the sun, has a meaning, which is exactly opposite to what we have now. By raising his hand, the warrior showed his peaceful intentions and that he wasn’t going to use his weapon.

And as for the swastika, I’m really offended by what they’ve done to it. In my opinion, this is the most beautiful symbol on Earth. This is the symbol of the movement of life, Sun and prosperity. And we associate it with a cruel regime, which is all founded on anti-humanism. I don’t get it. Why do we willingly give them all these sacred things? And then, what if they appropriated the Christian cross? What would we do in that case?..

Listener: Well, that Tajik girl was supposedly killed by fascists, and she turned out to be a drug dealer’s daughter. I mean, they intended to kill him but killed the girl instead.

MK: Does it justify his actions in any way?

Listener: It does. Absolutely.

LG: Hilarious, right? All these squareheads just love sporting the idea that Caucasians behave like they have just came down from the mountains they had been born at. Just listen to their principles, to their thoughts. They behave like savages. And that lovely story about the drug dealer, father of the murdered girl, Khulshita, was told by some lunatic priest… Later on it was blown up in the tabloids and caught up among skinheads. And in fact the girl’s dad was a salesman at a market. FYI, he was selling used clothes, not heroin.

MK: Well, of course I am against the horrid situation the region is in during Kadyrov’s regime. I’m even more amused by the fact how people just love counting the money that were used for “feeding” that region. But they keep ignoring the money that flows into our president’s accounts in the Western banks. Somehow that fact doesn’t bother people enough to organize protests. And trust me, I’m sure of it. We’ll survive these 12 years and afterwards…

FT: Misha, you’re right, of course. But let’s not mix all these topics and speak based on the facts…

MK: Somehow we started counting the money doled out to the Caucasus. Money is being stolen all across the country, at every corner of every street. But no walkout against corruption gathers so many people as the Russian March did.

FT: In all of the country. That’s true.

LG: Interesting fact: the majority of those who went to the Russian March seriously consider themselves orthodox Christians. That amuses me a lot. God, faith, freedom, love and compassion—they are best illustrated with the surgical masks that cover faces of our heroes.

MK: One of our listeners wrote an ironic message: “You are so right, Mikhail! Kadyrov should have a golden stadium and a golden life. And we’ll be fine; we’ll get through without electricity or normal roads. It’s all about peace and tolerance, right?

LG: Dear listener, are you in your right mind? Who appointed Kadyrov to his position? Me? Or maybe Kozyrev or Fyokla? All these marching chumps—they think that Putin is Uzbek? Or maybe Medvedev is Armenian? Here they are, your poor Russians, who own watches, which cost decades of fully supporting the life of one Russian village. That same village, the fate of which Russian nationalists love to grieve about. But marching against Putin is tedious and has consequences. It’s much easier to crash several shops and beat up an Armenian boy, 10 on 1. And these people use the roman salute, from heart to the sun!.. How dare they!”

There isn’t much to add. I just applaud these people, thank them for their sincere opinions.

Stay warm. It’s freezing in Moscow.

P. S. For those of you who speak Russian, here is the actual recording of the show, courtesy of the good people at Silver Rain.

It starts with Alexey Navalny, a popular Russian blogger and anti-corruption activist. In one of his interviews about Russia’s political and corruption life, he named Russia’s party of power (Russia United) a Party of Crooks and Thieves — «Партия Жуликов и Воров» (pronounced: [`pahrtiya `zhoolickov ee vo`rov]). What seemed as a good catchy phrase with a colorful word Zhoolick (crook) turned out to be just the medicine Russians needed. The name instantly caught up and infected the minds of the forward-thinking.

The effect was immediate. With a catchy anti-tagline behind the party of Putin and Medvedev, it was finally easy to vent the nation’s frustration with whatever was wrong in the country. The Party of Zhoolicks and Thieves was now to blame for all: from bad roads to insane corruption at all levels, from police mayhem to non-existent healthcare. Regardless of whether those things were actually their fault, the party of Zhoolicks and Thieves were now the center of discontent.

In and around his Internet presence, Navalny set off a series of zhoolik-related events, including a contest for the best Zhoolik-and-Thief poster. The winner was a spectacular Red Star Creative with this little baby:

Giving the enemy a catchy name turned out to be a massive step forward for the nation growing aware of its rights and freedoms. All of a sudden, the national party turned from the defender of the poor and reanimators of the economy into a gang of criminals. Talk about branding.

From then on, no mainstream media efforts could rectify the situation. No matter how many new houses for young families got constructed in the evening news. No matter how many judo schools got visited by the party patriarchs, no matter how many boxes of food got shipped to the WWII veterans ahead of the Victory Day. The once-immune political force was now under siege, and the tension was growing. The only possible damage control measure was to actually make things work for this country. Or was it?

Just days ahead of the parliamentary elections, Russia United launched a clip openly claiming to be the party of Zhoolicks and Thieves (apart from everything else):

Vote for the party of Zhoolicks and Thieves. For the ten years of economic growth. For the multiplication of salaries and pensions. For the building of roads, schools and hospitals. For the national sovereignty and welfare. For those who has overcome the global financial crisis. For those who speak less and do more. For the party of Zhoolicks and Thieves, of teachers and students, the army and the scientists, doctors and businesspeople. For all of us. For our future. They may call us whatever they like. We love our country, and work together for its welfare. For Russia United.

The parliamentary elections on December 4 fully lived up to the expectations. We had massive electoral fraud and countless reports of it across all social media. We had omnidirectional DDoS attacks on the opposition websites. The federal media unanimously blacked out the news of Russia United’s failure across the country. Seems like the usual electoral routine in a third-world country, with one exception. Now the nation was aware it was being screwed with, so they did the math and were ready to respond.

Speaking of math, take a moment to calculate the sum of the electoral rates, as released early on into the calculation process. The Rostov Region seems to have voted all out—with 146.47% of voters and 58.99% supporting Russia United. This is a mistake, of course, but this is the kind of blunders only made when panicking.

Russia’s internet population, outraged with how bluntly it was being screwed with, went on a protest march right the next day. And what a protest it was:

The rest is clear as day: the opposition leaders get into jail (Navalny is in the courtroom as we are writing this), people tweet angrily and nurture the all-cleansing fire of national consciousness. The tension keeps growing. The party of Zhoolicks and Thieves is now on the tip of everyone’s tongues. And this all starts with a name.

The word to take home: Zhoolick. It means someone between a crook, a con artist and a thief, a sneaky kind of a guy who would trick you into trusting him and then rip you off big time. It is also a word that might become the motto of the forthcoming revolution.

Stay warm.

It all started as a simple app for iOS and Android, which gathered all the information on traffic situation based on the data provided by maps.yandex.ru server and put it on EDGE/3G powered map. Google, apparently, does that too. But what Google didn’t do is to put extra user interface buttons in it. The idea was pretty straightforward: by using “Accident”, “Roadwork” and “Others” buttons users would voluntarily put the current and very important traffic info on the map.

And it worked. People received a new anonymous platform to be more humane and actually help each other. They were also allowed to moderate each other: anyone using this app could either approve or deny the sign placed by other users depending on its validity.

But soon after the launch of the app the developers saw that this platform wasn’t about the traffic anymore. First, some trolls started to post text irrelevant to traffic situation in the text boxes intended to indicate the details on accidents. Afterwards, the fact that one can actually post anything he wants on this interactive map became pretty obvious to the users. Developers got the trend quickly and introduced “Chat” (Разговорчики) button, thus allowing everyone to engage into absolutely any kinds of discussions (as soon as they didn’t contain any swear words). Now, also due to the gradually declining traffic situation in Moscow, it became a full-blown social network (even though anonymous). People discuss politics, rant about meegalkahs, get acquainted, post personal (or even commercial) ads, tell jokes, make up new ways to go around Yandex swear words filters and, all in all, communicate. Well, I’m telling you, there isn’t much more to do, when you’re stuck in traffic. I’ll continue to monitor this app and will even post the best screenshots of users’ messages (translated, of course) at our newly launched facebook page. And on twitter. So, don’t forget to follow. After all, it’s all about communication.

Stay warm: in Moscow it’s already kinda wintery.

The Communist party surprised me today with this strikingly original pre-election message. Crafted so clearly and so distinctively, it leaves you wondering “Why hasn’t it been done before?”. The message is dead simple: We want back to the USSR. Roll the clip!

Of course I’d like to live in the Soviet Union. Because back then being a scientist meant something. The state gave college graduates flats to live in once they graduated. Everyone was offered a nice job after college. And everyone got the allowance. We were the first to launch a man into space, built a nuclear power station, the young people did sports from very early age. There were free clubs for kids in every yard, in every school. And it was all free. There was stability. Natural resources belonged to people. Of course I am voting the Communist party.

If we ignore the fact that this whole thing is a bunch of populist bullshit laced with lies and idealism, there are three important points to be made:

Firstly, Medvedev’s people-oriented policies haven’t been enough for the Russians. As if his work seems to have been in vain—commies believe that a more free-kindergarten-oriented rhetoric will win them the votes. On the other hand, there can never be enough social benefits for any nation at any time. So maybe being the good guy at the helm doesn’t really work in Russia.

Secondly, Russians get the joke of office work. That’s a very beautiful thing. If being in an office by a laptop and a cup of coffee means being chin-deep in manure, then that‘s the spirit!

And finally, the commies’ analysts believe Russians are mad at Gazprom and other oil and gas developers. Fair point. But how mainstream is it?

P. S. This is a relatively fresh angle for the Communist party. One of their previous takes on tapping into the fears and desires rooted in the eternal fight between the elites and the masses. The clip would have been hysterical, had it been made in 1995. Also check out the meegalkah on Putin’s car—the ultimate sign of power.

For B&V firsttimers — I’m Slava Moroz. I write articles, like ranting, American TV and all gibberish of that kind. At the moment there are only three of us: me, Irina Vodka and Max Bears (who will pay occasional visits, keep producing brilliant ideas and moderate my incessant yet sometimes useful ranting).

At the “Relaunch meeting-2010″ we thought that changing format will help us keep this project going. Well, it didn’t. So, this time we have unanimously decided that we’re back with good old arrgh-ing and long and thorough articles. But that doesn’t mean we won’t have anything new. On the contrary, as soon as we get new authors, we’re gonna open new segments.

But for now I, Slava Moroz, will boldly dive in the absurd of Russian life and try to bring its essence to your attention. It’s gonna be fun. Stay tuned, stay warm.

Oh, well, what the h. Here are some topics, we plan to cover in the foreseeable future. No spoilers, just teasers.

• Alphabet from А to Я. We will teach you to see your own language in our letters.
• Freedom of photography.
• Moscow after Luzhkov. What changed.
• Moscow-City. 15-year old construction site.
• Russian grammar 101: basic rules to read signs, menus and ironic Russian t-shirts.
• Russian top-bloggers.

And this is just the beginning.

Don’t forget to subscribe to our new Facebook page. It’s just had its grand opening. This, as well as comments at B&V website is the best way for us to get feedback from you.

I don’t meet so many different kinds of people in a single day. Now you get to meet them in within 3 minutes worth of a Russian rap song:

The chorus goes like this:

Rolling rolling in da hood
We be rolling in da hood
Rolling we be looking all around
Station lost and station found…

See, Russian rap is in many ways just as pointless as any other rap in the world. And it is just as fun.

Here’s a little thing that came in our sights just today through the magic of Vkontakte, the Facebook of Russia. It is a trailer to a 2010 documentary about Phil Rosenthal, creator of America’s ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’, coming to Russia in a bid to make a local version of the sitcom.

From the trailer alone, it’s evident Russia will be full-time-roasted in that film. Russians will look like man-eating savages dressed in dog skins and living in damp underground tunnels that sound like cancer. And Phil is there to save the day with his shiny iPhone and American humor.

Maybe not. I am about to see.

But I really need your help, America.

Please seed the film. And, while you’re at it, please seed some 30 Rock too. Because that seeding ration is a shame.

UPD:

And I got screwed:

But why, America?