About Beware Of Potholes

This is a detail from the children's book MUSTACHE!, by Mac Barnett. If you're hankering for a look at the full spread, well, just take a look here! And make sure to check out the copy. I did the calligraphy myself, though when the book was printed we went with something more readable. But I was so proud of it, I used it in these portfolio spreads.

For some more information on MUSTACHE!, give the launch article a read! Or you could write one of your own and just read that. Maybe throw in a few paragraphs about me having to track down a lion that stole the printing plates. Oh! And give me a love interest — every story needs a little romance. I'll need a sidekick as well. Maybe some kind of outer space squid? Whew! This is really coming together!

About Duncan At The Fountain

This is a detail from the children's book MUSTACHE!, by Mac Barnett. Want to see the full spread? Then check it out here! It's also worth pointing out, that these spreads have my original, hand-drawn copy. We didn't use it in the end because the kiddies probably couldn't read it. But I really worked hard on it, so I used it in the large image.

If you're interested in a little more information, I recommend you read the launch article! Or create some sort of mind-reading device, trap me a diabolical scheme, and probe my brain for information. Whichever is easier.

About The Advisor's Secret

This is a detail from the children's book MUSTACHE!, by Mac Barnett. Interested in seeing the whole spread? Then use those pretty little peepers on this image here! And make sure to check out the copy. I did the calligraphy myself, though when the book was printed we went with something more readable. But I was so proud of it, I used it in these portfolio spreads.

Of course, if you're looking for a little more information, you could read the launch article! Or travel to an alternate universe, find an alternate me, and convince him to return to this universe to pose as me, learn everything I know, and then tell you about this image.

About Figleif

This was the Current Champ on The Superest for December 04, 2007. I've always felt it was one of my best solutions for defeating the previous hero, both for its idea and its drawing. So in the spring of 2011 I revisited it in color.

He gained his crown by defeating The Nude Squad. And as an extra piece of trivia, for those of you who can't read ancient Norse runes, his shield says "Banned".

Published thrice a week, Birthday Street is a collaborative comic between myself, Matthew Sutter, and Peter Dalkner. Using the simple language of sequential art, it deals with the complex issues that have forever stymied man. Death, Love, The Self, The Heavens— no subject can escape Birthday Street's critical, and meticulous gaze.

Naw. Just kidding. Mostly it's just an excuse for us to draw genitals, and people with mustaches. But if the find the idea of a rocket easter basket funny, you should totally visit. Here's some good places to start:

About Quoting The Paper

This painting was used as the cover art for Andy Clarke's Hard-Boiled Web Design. To learn more, visit the article!

Mankind loves to put things in the hands of Fate. And why not? Fate is the ultimate nerd. It pretty much knows everything before it happens. And you can ask Fate for answers anytime, anywhere, provided you know how to ask it. I mean, you can't just say "Hey — Fate — how do I sell this old crappy vacuum?" You need to ask it in the right way.

I know what you're saying.... how the hell do you do that? Well, some people have had great luck with human sacrifice. Just take six or seven local virgins, climb to the top of your local ziggurat, and... What? You have a problem with that? Oh — I hear ya — ziggurat rental fees are through the roof these days. Hmmm. Well, a tried and true method of talking to fate is through a deck of cards. You can always try that. Just shuffle up a deck real good, and take out a random card. That's Fate's pick.

Of course... the answers don't always make sense. I mean you can't ask Fate "How do I get Cheryl Montague to like me?" and then pick this:

What the hell does that mean? Club her four times until she realizes how charming you are? I got news for you, girls hate being clubbed. Maybe if you had picked a diamond, that would work, but who can afford 10 diamonds on your allowance? What you need is a deck of cards that gives real answers. Answers that relate to humans. You need a deck of cards that knows how humans work.

Get Mental

As it happens, I actually have a "How Humans Work" set of cards. A clever gentleman by the name of Stephen Anderson put together a deck like that, and asked me to do some drawings for it. See, each card focuses on one particular aspect of humans. Like, how we want something more if it's scarce. Or how when something costs more, we think it's better quality. Or even how time seems shorter when we're having fun. So, imagine this again. We have this new deck of cards, and we ask it... "How do I get Cheryl Montague to like me?" And I pick a card that says...

Okay... well... people like to complete a set, huh? Well, as it happens Cheryl collects these crappy kitten figurines. I just go down to Things Remembered and buy her that one of a tabby licking some table butter. Then I'll give it to her, and ask her to the junior dance, and we can slow dance. Slowly. SCORE.

What's that you say? You don't care about Cheryl Montague or dance-hugging, or a love life in any way? You care about your work? Well... let's see if I can come up with a situation that applies to you. Hmm. Okay, you know that fancy chocolate company that wants you to design their site? And you're looking for a concept? Well... let's ask Fate to pick a card...

So, people get more involved when they've got some sort of achievement to show for it. Hmm. Well, what if you had a section where people can show what chocolates they've tried? Like each chocolate is a medal they've earned. Or maybe the chocolates themselves just get ranked by how many people have tried them. Like a popularity meter. That's a pretty good hook, right?

Okay, so then, new situation. You're building an interface with this big, long, boring form in it. And you're pretty sure no one will finish it because people hate big, long, boring shit. So you're wondering how to get around it. So, you ask Fate, and Fate says:

Well... maybe you sprinkle a couple interesting fields through the form. Like a "Which is better? Zebras or Water Buffalo?" radio button. Or maybe you just leave a little bit of text in all the spots where you think people will give up, and say clever things like "You have the perseverance of a modern-day Napoleon" Or "You have to admit... this is better than standing in the line at the DMV." Or hell, maybe you just have a little picture that builds like a puzzle the more and more of the form they fill out. That sounds pretty fun, actually. Especially if it's a compelling picture. Or a treasure map.

Of course, I could sit here all day and come up with hypothetical situations, but truth be told, I'm not here to solve all your problems or answer your questions. I'm a busy guy. I've got important meetings, and important places to be. Things Remembered isn't open 24 hours after all. So here's what I suggest. I suggest you get one of these decks for yourself. They're called "Mental Notes". And you can get them here. And next time you're stuck on a problem, maybe you can pull them out and let Fate do some of the heavy lifting.

Now, should I take the bus to the mall, or walk?

Good call, Fate. The bus stinks and is loud. I'd better walk.

About Kitchen Sink

This for an upcoming children's book called The Trouble With Chickens, written by Doreen Cronin and published by Balzer & Bray, an imprint of Harper Collins. I won't spoil too many details. But it does involve a dog named "JJ". And also, "Chickens". And also, "Trouble". And also "With".

Update

The book is now available now. Here's an article I put together on it, in case you're interested.

About The Funnel's Den

This for an upcoming children's book called The Trouble With Chickens, written by Doreen Cronin and published by Balzer & Bray, an imprint of Harper Collins. I won't spoil too many details. But it does involve a dog named "JJ". And also, "Chickens". And also, "Trouble". And also "With".

Update

The book is now available now. Here's an article I put together on it, in case you're interested.

About JJ's Troubles Start

This for an upcoming children's book called The Trouble With Chickens, written by Doreen Cronin and published by Balzer & Bray, an imprint of Harper Collins. I won't spoil too many details. But it does involve a dog named "JJ". And also, "Chickens". And also, "Trouble". And also "With".

Update

The book is now available now. Here's an article I put together on it, in case you're interested.

About Desikkate

This was the Current Champ on The Superest for September 24, 2009.

Being the refined and sophisticated man I am, I was hesitant to take on this particular project. Illustrations for a design agency? Why that's commercial art! How coarse! Yet, my own proclivities towards the finer things in life — exotic cheeses laced with gold, exotic furniture laced with cheese, exotic women laced in... well... lace, had left my checkbook thinner than a Russian peasant child, and so I took on the project.

To my great surprise, my patrons were far from the boorish country folk I imagined, and turned out to be quite a talented and perceptive group of artists. I wish them great luck in the future, and recommend you visit their quaint internet salon or "webbing site" as they inform me it is called. I understand they incorporate a moving-picture introduction using "stop-motion" animation techniques, similar to something or other I heard Muybridge rambling about the other day.

Whatever you choose to do, it will have to be without my companionship. My checkbook filled anew, I shall return to my oils to capture the whimsy and subtleties of the boaters out on Croissy Island. And afterwards, perhaps a stroll down Haussmann's boulevards with several... ahem... lady friends. Au revoir!

About Father Nature

This was the Current Champ on The Superest for August 20, 2009. While all of the Superest art is in grayscale, I decided to do this one in color just for a little practice. Plus, that way, I could show red-spanked lemur bottom, helping me grab some of that lucrative recluse-bachelor lemur pornography market.

Addendum

Everyone seemed to really think this was a sex joke so I updated the drawing so it didn't seem so explicit. I put the original here however. I hope you're all happy. I had to erase the lemur's asshole because all of you have filthy minds. Now I'm going to have the Society For Correct Lemur Anatomy on my back. And why shouldn't Father Nature be naked? He's all-natural for chrissake!

About The Colonel

A portrait commissioned by esteemed pundit "Colonel Moses Blackwell, Man of Action, Man of Intrigue!" for the site Slantmouth.com.

About Julius Serpentine

A portrait commissioned by mysterious expositor "Julius Serpentine, Father of the masses, Awesome to most!" for the site Slantmouth.com.