I was talking to friends a couple weeks ago and although I have no idea how the topic came up, I was SO RELIEVED to hear I’m not the only person who does this.

This is all I’ve got today – I’m trying to, you know, PARENT better.

p.s. Six coins – 72 cents – in my car radio ended up costing $492 in repairs. TODDLERS, MAN.

Happy Friday!

Thank you so much for subscribing to bebehblog! I appreciate your readership. If you liked Especially the Juicy Pear Ones, please click over and share your comments or email me anytime at bebehblog@gmail.com xoxo Suzanne

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Especially the Juicy Pear Ones originally appeared on bebehblog on February 3, 2012.

Today I’m stuck home with a busted car and a baby trying to bust some new teeth through her poor swollen gums and I feel like busting out the vodka to go in my third cup of coffee.

(The car people just called. They think the huge electrical freakout happening to my minivan has been caused by…coins. In my radio. One guess who’s responsible. I…have no words.)

The upside to being home is I don’t have to fight with the toddler. Because the fighting? Is driving me insane. And the not listening. And the running away. And the tantrums. I spend too many hours a day with all my muscles tensed in anticipation of the fight I know is coming any second. I am exhausted before he even DOES anything wrong. My current methods of dealing with the poor behavior are time outs he doesn’t care about, making idle threats, hissing through my teeth, counting to three and then counting to three again and then counting to three again, picking him up and dragging him out of Target, ignoring while I die of shame and bribery.

I’m not even going to pretend I know what I’m doing anymore.

Since I seem to have lost my copy of How Exactly To Parent Your Child So They Always Act Perfectly But Don’t End Up Needing Therapy (I’ve heard people from certain internet message boards get a copy right after they give birth)(Or maybe the childless people are hoarding all the copies – based on their internet comments they certainly THINK they know everything), I think it’s time to put my Amazon Prime membership to use and order up a big stack of parenting books. I am open to suggestions. All suggestions. YOUR suggestions.

So far I’ve got “Unconditional Parenting” – recommended by my friend Robyn – on the crunchy, hippie, new-agey end. And I don’t plan to send Evan out back to cut his own switch, so I won’t need Grandpa’s imaginary book “This Is Going To Hurt Me More Than It Hurts You”. But I figure the more books I read the more likely I am to find something that sounds like a) I (we) can do it and b) might work on MY kid. Or maybe my brain will explode. But at this point that feeling inevitable.

Thank you so much for subscribing to bebehblog! I appreciate your readership. If you liked Hit Me With Your Best…Parenting Book, please click over and share your comments or email me anytime at bebehblog@gmail.com xoxo Suzanne

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Hit Me With Your Best…Parenting Book originally appeared on bebehblog on February 2, 2012.

On Monday, I attempted to take photos of the toddler holding still, smiling, with one fist held out.

I ended up with 87 photos like these (and luckily one that worked).

Dancing

Jazz Hands

Thinking about punching someone

This is his "say cheese" face

Be my Valentine?

Thank you so much for subscribing to bebehblog! I appreciate your readership. If you liked Wordless Wednesday: Valetine’s Outakes Edition, please click over and share your comments or email me anytime at bebehblog@gmail.com xoxo Suzanne

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Wordless Wednesday: Valetine’s Outakes Edition originally appeared on bebehblog on February 1, 2012.

So. My resolutions-goals-plans-whatever get a resounding “meh” right now.

My two big setbacks last week were discovering my BMI still puts me firmly in the “overweight” category and trying to order a dress online that required me to take my measurements, after which I promptly declared my tape measure defective and cried into a bag of candy.

I don’t know why the BMI thing made me so upset. BMI is stupid. I don’t even BELIEVE in BMI as a scale of health. I bet you $100 that when I get to the doctor on Thursday I am declared insanely healthy and my weight isn’t even mentioned. And yet when I saw a link on some website to calculate my BMI I clicked through and did it. Now I feel like all the weight I’ve lost up until this point doesn’t even count because I’m still OVERWEIGHT.

But then there’s the trouble with taking my measurements. I can’t say I don’t believe in inches. It’s one thing to know what size pants I wear and quite another to know how wide around I am in concrete numbers. I can scoff at arbitrary, meaningless clothing sizes easily – I’m swimming in my only pair of dress pants but an old sundress in the SAME SIZE won’t even zip halfway – but an inch is an inch is an inch. (Of course, then I compare the number showing on the tape measure to the ones on the size chart online and oh look, that website thinks I’m a fatty too. Congrats, Chubby, here are the ugly tunics and mom-jeans we’ve decided are the only things we approve for you. Go sit in a corner and feel shamed.)

The truth is no matter how unhappy these stupid numbers make me I have almost reached my deprivation-capacity. I am willing to snack on grapes instead of chips. I am not willing to eat lettuce without any dressing. I am willing to switch to low-fat cheese. I am not willing to give up all dairy. I am willing to watch my portions. I am not willing to feel hungry all the time. I am willing to work out more days a week if it means I can have a burger on the weekends. I am not willing to get up at 4 am to do The 30 Day Shred and STILL skip the burgers.

I consider it a quality of life issue. You know that saying “Nothing tastes as good as thing feels?” Whoever made that up had never eaten REALLY GOOD FOOD.

All those super clean eating raw unprocessed juicing diets might be amazing and everyone always loses a ton of weight but they won’t work for someone who LOATHS them with every fiber of her being. Up to this point I’ve been able to balance my choices and still end up on the winning (losing) side. Having the points from Weight Watches makes it math instead of guessing and I like the structure AND the flexibility. But once I wean Caroline (and the end is near) my body isn’t going to need an extra milk-making calories and I suspect I’ll have to drop dessert AND dairy to stay under my allotted points. Bless me grilled cheesus, I am just not sure I can do it.

The silliest part of all of this is I am still losing weight. My doubts are just SPECULATION about my FUTURE weight loss and depression over the total number of pounds I have to go before I am in the “normal for my height” range. I think I need a smaller goal – teeny tiny, like ONE POUND LOST – next week and a real reward for reaching it. It just probably shouldn’t be cheese.

Thank you so much for subscribing to bebehblog! I appreciate your readership. If you liked My Roadblock is Made of Cheese, please click over and share your comments or email me anytime at bebehblog@gmail.com xoxo Suzanne

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My Roadblock is Made of Cheese originally appeared on bebehblog on January 31, 2012.

Despite my hair not being cut or colored professionally in the last zillion years, I have been enjoying my calm, flake-free scalp thanks to the shampoo and conditioner Head and Shoulders sent me to review back in the fall.

I’m really enjoying it, especially now, in this terrible below-freezing weather. It’s easy to resist the urge to scratch my head like a monkey in public when it doesn’t itch in the first place. And not worrying about flakes on my extremely glamorous winter uniform of black cardigan over nursing tank is a definitely plus.

Sadly my bottles were getting mighty empty (I suspect my husband has been enjoying a healthy, flake-free scalp from their HydraZinc formula as well,) so when BlogHer asked if I wanted to try a NEW Head & Shoulders shampoo and conditioner combo I jumped at the chance. Especially when I heard it was shampoo and conditioner with a fresh, naturally inspired green apple fragrance.

Personally, I would like if EVERYTHING in life came in a fresh, naturally inspired green apple fragrance. It’s clean and tangy and comforting, and just knowing my hair smells like apples makes me want to toss my hair around like a model.

Toss sniff toss sniff sniff toss.

I’ve been wearing it down more often just so I can smell it. The shampoo’s scent is definitely stronger than the conditioner’s-strong enough to have me taking hits straight from the bottle as a morning wake-up call – but they both smell delicious.

My husband accused me of wearing some sort of man-attracting perfume, even though I was wearing sweat pants and no makeup, so I would say it’s definitely not too floral or feminine to share with a dude.

Just like all the Head & Shoulders Scalp Care products I’ve tried it leaves my hair healthy and shiny. It’s even pH balanced and gentle enough for everyday use on color treated or permed hair, so even if I do get to the salon for that color I’ve had my eye on, I can keep using it.

I also love that the conditioner doesn’t weigh my hair down even when I use it all the way to my roots, so I can skip a day (or two) of hair washing and still look great.

And once again, BlogHer and Head & Shoulders want to give YOU a chance to win a $50 Visa Gift Card!

Just answer the following question in the comments to be entered for a chance to win:

What beauty routine do use when you get ready for a date night (and don’t tell me you never get to go on date nights anymore-let’s make 2012 the year we all eat at high-chair free restaurants and see R-rated movies in the theater)?

Rules:

No duplicate comments.

You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:

a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post

b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post

c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post

d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older.

This sweepstakes runs from 1/30 – 2/28.

Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail.

You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

Be sure to visit the Promotions & Prizes page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win! And visit the Life Well Lived section on BlogHer.com for more great tips on looking your best.

Thank you so much for subscribing to bebehblog! I appreciate your readership. If you liked MY Hair Smells Like Apples But YOU Can Win A $50 Gift Card!, please click over and share your comments or email me anytime at bebehblog@gmail.com xoxo Suzanne

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MY Hair Smells Like Apples But YOU Can Win A $50 Gift Card! originally appeared on bebehblog on January 30, 2012.