A really tough week here in the USA…no kidding!

So when Thursday rolled around, I couldn’t wait to get to my weekly gig at Martin’s Homeless here in SF. I KNEW I’d feel better when I left. I always do.

Lincoln was right. It DOES “feel good to do good”. As you know, I’ve posted about Martins a few times here – about all of the life lessons I learn from our guests and my fellow volunteers.

PRICELESS!

We feed about 600 hungry people in a typical lunch meal. They get the food, our love and our respect. We do just as well, maybe better.. WE get the love back , PLUS the high we feel from doing this beautiful work.

This week there was a bonus though. The kids at St. Cecilia School, made and delivered sandwiches for our guests which we offered them along with their soup and salad. Many youngsters decorated their offerings with messages of greetings and love.

Love manifests in many ways. This is a beautiful one. I took these pics to share with you.

If you are feeling a bit down in the dumps by all the terrible stuff that has happened this past week, I hope this brings a smile. It did me.

No surprise – again it’s the kids showing us the way out.

Practice Tip:

In a funk? Current events gettin’ you down? DO SERVICE. I GUARANTEE RESULTS.

Dear Reader, please be kind to yourself, (and someone else too).

Metta,

Michael

2013 Guy

Dear Reader,

Yeah, I know, it’s been a while. No “excuse” really. It’s not as though I haven’t been thinking about things (too much probably), but I reckon I’ve been in that place where, because I don’t know whether anyone actually reads this stuff, I figured: “why post your thoughts? It’s just a ‘vanity thing’.”

But now, I’ve come around to: “So what? Even if that’s true, you’re still free to post. You are not doing harm; and besides, maybe someone WILL read it, perhaps enjoy or even benefit in some way. How do you know who’s reading what?”

So, voila! I’m back!

So, to put you in the picture – so to speak – I recently sent a batch of (really) old slides to be digitized, and I just got them back, copied them into iPhoto and had a look.

1960 Guy

Truthfully? My first thought was “WTF – who ARE these guys??!!”

Jeez! I do have to admit, deep shock at being confronted with the passing of time in this way, and right in my face(s) – not an exercise I recommend for the faint of heart.

1970's Guy

And this from ME – the “so-called” BUDDHIST – the guy who meditates, thinks about this stuff A LOT, and visits his mortality DAILY.

I’ve got these two differing visions of my own death:

In one, my imminent death is a massive, onrushing locomotive, roaring down the tracks right at me, its beam of white light shining right on me, telling me “it’s time, you’re on!!”

At other times my death is this quaint, vague concept: something far out there in time and space, that I fantasize about, read poems and books about, (post blogs about), and meditate on, but still, not quite real; something which happens, absolutely, but always, ALWAYS to someone else.

PLEASE don’t read any of this as a complaint. It’s not. Not at all! The years have been very, VERY kind to me. At the top of the list, my sweet bride (just have a look). But for sure, this a great heads up:

1970 "Just (and still) Married" Guy & Bride -YAY!

The 1960 guy…illusion. The1970’s guy…illusion. The early 2013 guy…already illusion. The (hopefully) 2014 -? guy…ditto!

We’ve all heard the oft-used expression: “There’s no time like the present.” We need to change that to: “There’s no time EXCEPT the present.”

So, if there is a possible teaching for us in any of this, this is probably the best time to offer one.

I’d like to do so by sharing a story and then a quote with you: 

First, the story:

Zusya, a teacher and Rabbi known far and wide for his wisdom and human heartedness was dying…and weeping too. “Why are you crying Rabbi?” asked his disciples. “Because”, answered Zusya, “very soon now I’m going to face my day of judgment”. “But Rabbi, Your whole life has been exemplary! You couldn’t have been more like Moses, than Moses himself!!” “Yes, I know, but that’s exactly the problem. They’re not going to ask me why I wasn’t more like Moses. They’re going to ask me why I wasn’t, more like Zusya.”

My purpose in sharing this story is definitely not to suggest that we paralyze ourselves with thoughts of past regrets – quite the opposite actually. It’s to invite us to ask ourselves this potentially life-changing question:

“What can I do now to live without continuing to accumulate NEW regrets?”

And now the quote: It’s from Goethe. You probably know it. He underlines the truth that the only REAL moment we ever get is THIS ONE.

“…Concerning all acts of initiative…there is one elementary truth, that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.  All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred…Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. BEGIN IT NOW.”

Just before I get to the customary “practice tip”, I’d like to invite you to listen to a poem written and read by W.H.Auden. It’s a favorite of mine.

**BTW, insofar as playing all the media is concerned, the usual caveat applies: if you are reading this in your email, and the media isn’t there, or won’t play, click on the title of the post which will bring you to my site. You will be able to play it from there.

And while you are reading the practice tip, you’re likewise invited to listen to a song recorded in 1969 by “The Fairpoint Convention”, which I’m pretty sure you will recognize.

Practice Tip:

At the top of this post I mentioned that I visit with my mortality daily. I’m going to share with you my personal practice of how I do that.

I’ve been told by some friends whom I’ve shared this with, that they find the idea of this practice depressing, gloomy, and even melancholic. That is totally not my intention. If doing this, or even the thought of doing this makes you uncomfortable, DON’T.

For me, it has the totally opposite effect. It supports me to savor, and live in gratitude for every day offered to me by my creator. Gratitude is my address.

It’s a “Buddhist” thing – a kind of “mantra” I suppose,  called “The Five Remembrances” which I recite daily before I get out of bed, when I’m in that “zone” between sleep and consciousness, when I’m just aware that my creator is allowing me another day of life. Here it is:

- I am of a nature to grow old. There is nothing I can do to escape old age.

- I am of a nature to become ill. There is nothing I can do to escape sickness.

- I am of a nature to die. There is nothing I can do to escape death.

- Everything I care about, and everyone who I love, is of a nature to change. There is nothing I can do to prevent being separated from them.

- My actions are my only sanctuary. My actions are the ground under me. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.

Dear Reader, it feels really good to be back with you.

Please, PLEASE, be kind to yourself.

Live in love,

Metta,

Michael

“Real happiness doesn’t come from getting things. Real happiness comes from letting go”. (Pam Weiss)

A year or two ago I was attending one of the regular Wednesday night SF Insight group classes led by Pam Weiss, my coaching – (and important spiritual) teacher.

Have I ever mentioned in any of my posts that most of my important teachers have been women? Well, after Laura and Julia, my sweet wife and daughter, Pam is pretty high up there on that list.

Anyway, I hadn’t seen her for quite a while, so when we were catching up a bit, she asked me: “What’s up Michael? How’s it going? To which I replied: In regular life, all the important stuff is totally fine Pam. Practice wise though, I’m focused on the work of learning to let go…not so easy.” She looked in my eyes and responded: “Letting go…yeah, that’s the biggie, isn’t it?”

Boy, Is it ever!

For me, letting go of the need to get and pile up more “stuff” is the easiest part. I’ve understood for a long time that more possessions; and wealth beyond a certain freedom and comfort level is not “where it’s at” happiness-wise.

“The heart lets go first. The fingers just follow.” (African proverb).

Experiences and memories though, most especially pleasant ones, are more challenging. Where we humans all live is: “YES! More of THIS…but PLEASE, no more of THAT!” Our task in this department is to be in the moment…then to let the moment go. Definitely harder:

Two weeks ago, I was leaving our Vermont cabin to return home to California. I was having big trouble with that. A significant piece of my heart is in Vermont. It is a special place. I love my time there. I was feeling sad.

What’s crazy though is that it’s not as though I was heading to some terrible place – like a Gulag in Siberia. We have a beautiful, beautiful life here in CA. I’m happy here too.

So, just before heading out to the airport, I spent my last 10 minutes at my favorite place on the planet – our magical swimming hole/waterfall deep in the forest.

Paradise Lost?

I’ll share my actual thoughts…the “voices”:

“Make your choice Michael: You can use this 10 minutes feeling sorry for yourself and sad that you are leaving (grasping, clinging), OR you can enjoy this time by being completely here, right now, then let it go. It’s your choice.

“Do I really believe that the only moment we actually get is the one right here, right now? Or is that just an intellectual concept for me?  Is this something I actually practice? Or just read and talk about?

“This 10 minutes is my whole life in microcosm.”

And speaking of life, what about letting go of that…my life, that is. I’m gonna have to let go of that too. How am I gonna do that?

I’m thinking though, that letting go even of our lives, although obviously way harder still, is something that nature, and the passing of time, and of people who have been important and dear to us, slowly teaches us to do. Contemplating my death doesn’t bring on the panic that it used to when I was 20 or 30.

Attitude helps a lot too. With respect to my own mortality, I find Nietzsche’s advice – to try to live, and then ultimately to leave my life, with a spirit of profound gratitude for my life, but not “in love” with it – of great help and comfort. A mind-set of gratitude precludes “grasping, and clinging, I think.

Hmm..what else is there? Oh Yeah, almost forgot…understanding things. When I was a kid, I thought that as I aged, one of the few good things was that I would be able to understand more and more stuff. It’s not working out that way at all. The list of things I don’t understand is getting longer – not shorter. Big surprise! But…letting go of needing to understand  everything, is the key to not making yourself nuts.

Way, way harder for me than all the above is my ongoing, unresolved struggle to let go of “the way things need to be” (code for “the way Michael needs them to be”.) I’m not even close in that department.

Small case in point…you’ve all been there too: After moving directly from the above described swimming hole, to the Burlington Airport a few hours later, I encountered three or four successive flight delay announcements, with no reason given. From the ground crew, no useful (or even truthful) information, just a series of constantly shifting stories. It’s likely that they don’t know any more than they are telling us – which is nothing.

Fun...Huh? Look Familiar?

After I forget about my connection in Newark, and wonder where I’m going to sleep tonight, I focus on what am I feeling. What I’m  feeling, is anger and frustration. I have given over my power to others who are not being up front with me. They do and say whatever they like. I am stuck. I am stuck and I don’t like it.

This is NOT letting go. It’s the opposite. This is aversion, just another form of grasping.

The Buddha taught that ultimate happiness is calmness. His words: “There is no happiness greater than perfect calm.”

I am definitely not calm – definitely not happy. If he were here, sitting next to me right now, waiting for his flight, would he be keeping calm? Yeah, I bet he would. I admit I have work to do. Maybe another 50 years on the cushion.

And while I’m fessing up about how hard this is, and just in case you need another example – yet another missed opportunity to let go of the way I need things to be…voila! (You’ve all been in this place too, I’m pretty sure):

Our AT&T  (phone, internet and TV… everything) is down… again…on and off for a month and counting. They are driving us nuts. We’ve had no fewer than 7 experts here to figure it out. They can’t. Each one comes, shakes his head, and redoes the work of the fellow from the day before. They are all unfailingly polite, and courteous – all really good people. They just can’t fix the problem.

But for me actually, that’s not the worst part of this adventure into tech-hell. The worst happens when I phone them to schedule yet another expert. AT&T obliges me to SPEAK to their machine.

Why do I have so much trouble with this? Why is it that I am OK with entering data on a keyboard or keypad, but not talking to a machine? Am I alone in this? Is this just me? To me, it feels like they want my humanity. They want my voice.  MY VOICE!

How am I going to let go of that? “Stuff” is one thing, experiences and memories another, my life yet another, but my voice? Must I  let go of that too?

I hear myself yelling “AGENT! AGENT!” at their machine. Laura says, “Do you realize you are yelling at a machine?

I’m wondering whether young people are as bothered by this phenomenon as I am. Yes? No? For sure, the youngsters don’t remember a time when people, not machines, served people. So maybe this is easier for them. I really hope so. Soon, all of us codgers will pass, and speaking to machines will be completely the norm, as if it was always that way.

When is it that Captain James T. Kirk, Scotty, and the crew of the Starship Enterprise will be “boldly going where no man has gone before”…300? 500? 1000 years hence?

For fun, flash forward (then backward) with me, to a quick look at one of Scotty’s adventures back in time – to now. As you see, our successors have no trouble at all talking to their machines. None! Indeed, they PREFER it! Here’s proof. Have a click, a look (and a smile).

Mitt Romney says: “corporations are people my friend.” Antonin Scalia and at least 4 other Supreme Court judges appear to agree with him. But it’s looking like the actual corporations themselves might not, because the few remaining people in those corporations are replacing as many of the other people with machines – as fast as they can. Corporations are machines, my friends!!

So, where is yours truly in all of this? Michael…you need to chill!!

Practice tip:

Just below is the link to a wonderful talk by Pam on this connection between letting go, and real happiness. It’s about 30 minutes long. She offers an entirely different perspective for us on what it means to be happy. It’s about 30 minutes long. I promise you, it’s really worth your time.

BTW, The usual caveat: if you get this post in your email and the link doesn’t work from there, just click on the title of this post. That will bring you to my site, and the link will work. Enjoy!!

http://appropriateresponse.com/_media/recorded_talks/True%20Happiness%201.mp3

As Pam explains so well: joy, (what we usually think of as “happy”), is only the first of four stages on the path to real happiness.

The second level is a kind of sweetness, or peacefulness (“a bit less ‘sharp’ than joy”). Next comes calmness, and the final stage – happiness, comes with equanimity; which is basically, being OK with whatever comes at you whether it’s labeled “good” or “bad”.

And so, if you – and I – can get to equanimity, we’ve “made it!” We are happy! YAY!!!

But remember, “YAY!!!” is extra. YAY!! Is not equanimity. Nor, for that matter is its opposite: “WHAT…ever”, (which is code for “I don’t care”).

This is the job of a lifetime.

So dear reader, be calm (happy), be safe, be free…and please, be kind to yourself.

Metta,

Michael

 What is “happy” exactly? How will we ever know we have it, unless we understand what it means for us – for each one of us?

What is the point of all this struggle, if, when we have it, we don’t even recognize it?

Is this it? Is it something more? Is it something else?

The 18^th Century British philosopher John Stuart Mill is said to have pronounced as follows: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

Personally speaking, I disagree.

Not only do I believe it is necessary to observe our thoughts and actions, and ask ourselves questions like these; but I also believe that for those of us geographically blessed to be living in the “developed” countries, it is a huge privilege to be living in a place, and at a time when we can  even ask such questions – and actually have the possibility of making some changes in our lives, if our truthful answers to ourselves don’t suit us.

American psychotherapist and author, the late James Hillman takes a more nuanced approach than Mill. He doesn’t disparage asking ourselves if we are happy, but he does oppose “pursuing” happiness for its own sake.

Says Hillman: “I see happiness as a byproduct, not as something you pursue directly.”

So let’s look at this thing called “happy.” What is it?

The answers are literally as numerous as the people we ask, and that point is fundamental, because the answer to this universal question is very, very personal.

 Once we do the work to get clear on what happiness means for each of us, then our own definition will be the correct one. 

Says Aristotle: happiness is “the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”

The Dalai Lama agrees: “I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness…the very motion of our life is towards happiness.”

But these two men, wise as they are, and although stating their view of happiness as the principal goal in life, they still don’t offer us their version of an actual definition.

The German philosopher, Goethe helps out a lot though, with his remark that “our greatest happiness lies in practicing a talent that we were meant to use.”

Tal Ben Shahar, a young Israeli author and teacher, offers one of the most popular courses at Harvard on the topic of happiness. He has written extensively on the subject. Two of his books, “Happier”, and  “The Pursuit of Perfect” both of which I greatly recommend, are excellent resources on this topic.

In his book, “Happier” he characterizes happiness as: “the overall experience of pleasure AND meaning. “A happy person enjoys positive emotions while perceiving his/her life as PURPOSEFUL.”

He emphasizes the importance of the distinction between “happiness” and “pleasure”. They are different. No question, pleasure is one of the important ingredients in happiness, but there are two equally essential ingredients of happiness: namely purpose, and meaning, which bring  fulfillment, without which happiness is impossible.

Remember too, that Ben Shahar’s definition pertains not to a single moment, but to a generalized aggregate of one’s experiences. “A person can (and does) endure emotional pain at times and still be happy overall.”

Practice Tip: 

And what about Michael? What’s my take on happiness? Well, I’m not Aristotle or Goethe, but I took a crack at this anyway – and came up with 3 questions, which I invite you to ask yourselves, and then respond honestly to:

1) Are you OK with who you are? (not comparing yourself to “Joe”, or “Josephine” – or wishing that your life looked more like theirs). Essentially, do you feel you are living in authenticity?

2) Are you comfortable overall with your work, your actions, and your way of being in the world? (Do they feel genuinely your own…and in synchronicity with your deepest personal values?). Does your life feel purposeful?

3) Are you at ease, (relaxed) in your life? (This doesn’t mean you are anxiety free. Of course we all have  problems, and with them, the ongoing stress that comes with our human situation; but you are not, in the  main, feeling fearful, angry or “hungry” or “stuck”

If you can answer yes to these three, you are incredibly fortunate, and I believe, happy.

OOPS!! PS. Just heard from my good buddy Sage, with some VERY wise, profound and compelling comments and feedback (readable below in the comments section), which BTW, I would welcome from all my readers. He said this post was too cerebral. Too much from head – not enough from heart. Soo, I’m gonna add some stuff I was holding back. First the pic, then the story, then the music:

Forest Swimmin' Hole

What you are looking at, is the swimming hole which is about 100 meters from our cabin in the Vermont forest. This is what paradise on earth looks like. Every year, when I take my last swim for the season, I ask myself whether my creator will allow me to return for another dip the following year. This year (s)he said yes. So, one hour ago, I grabbed a bar of soap and a towel, walked thru the forest, got naked, summoned and FOUND the courage (YAY!) to dive in (Brrr…REALLY cold). After I was clean, I sat on a flat rock right in the waterfall, watching the sun dappling thru the trees, in the most profound gratitude and joy, for the gift and the privilege to be living in that moment, in that place.Truly,  I was overwhelmed. Life simply cannot get better than this. It cannot. This, for sure, is – and FEELS – HAPPY!

Now,for the music: Remember this one? While you’re looking at the poems below – “if you’re happy and you know it” – click right here!! 

Finally, and for fun, I recently found out about a Japanese Zen Monk and Poet named IKKYU (1394-1481). His poems are compelling, on point, but funny too, so I thought I’d share a few:

You do this, you do that

You argue left, you argue right

You come down, you go up

This person says no, you say yes

Back and forth

You are happy.

You are really happy.

Why is it all so beautiful

This fake dream,

This craziness, 

Why?

F#@k flattery, success,money

All I do is lie back 

And suck my thumb 

Sick of it whatever it’s called 

Sick of the names

I dedicate every pore 

To what’s here 

The wise know nothing at all.

Well, maybe one song.

Dear Reader, in whatever sense has the most meaning for you, I pray that you are “happy.”

Please, be kind to yourself,

Metta,

Michael

Hello Dear Reader,

Jambo!

Soo good to be back with you! I’ve missed you. It’s been way too long, but I do have a really good excuse: We are just back from a totally amazing trip to Africa – Tanzania actually.

Since we got back, I’ve been asked several times about what was the part that stands out the most, that most impacted me, my main takeaway, so to speak. I’ve been thinking about that a lot before posting this – to decide what I most wanted to share with you.

OF COURSE the animals were incredible – and countless. We were right in the middle of the great migration, and they  honored us not only with their dazzling beauty but with the privilege of allowing us such intimate access and proximity. I can’t believe I got such good pics with my little point and shoot.

But even though viewing the animals was the principal reason we did the trip, to my surprise that part isn’t what’s on my mind, so it’s not the focus of this post.

I’d be over stating it to say my Africa experience was life changing, but no question, it was eye opening and a definite wake up call for yours truly. It’s not as though I didn’t realize how tough things are for the people who live there, & how overwhelming are their challenges and their struggle to meet them. But when all of this is actually in your face and not just on the news, it’s a totally different deal.

We had a number of opportunities to meet and chat with many Tanzanians – school kids and their teachers, Masai warriors and their families; villagers; coffee growers; the blind, deaf and handicapped young workers (sooo beautiful) at the Shanga River House who produce the most gorgeous objects; and way, way more inspiring people. And, without exception, all who we met were  positive, smiling, happy to see us, welcoming, warm and dignified. No moaning, whining, complaining. Never a “woe is me”. Just getting on with it, and doing the best they can in the face of incredible obstacles.

Furthermore, the genuine warmth and friendliness with which we were welcomed by everyone we met is, in my view most remarkable, when one considers that for hundreds of years (up until very recently), and with very few exceptions, the only reasons Westerners (and others) came to Africa were twofold: either to steal something, or to kill something. Despite this, we didn’t feel even the slightest shred of hostility or anger. These people have moved on from  past history.

And, are they ever beautiful. Meet William. He carries a blade and a cellphone, and he can start a fire with a stick and a bird’s nest. I’m honored to call him my friend now.

Have a look!!Wow!!

We are so lucky to live here in CA. With all the depressing stuff that is coming at us through the media, we need to get reminded of that. We (I) really do.

Rick Santorum says that JFK’s ideas make him want to throw up. Well I do admit that Rick Santorum’s ideas make me want to puke. But even Santorum isn’t recommending female circumcision (which should be characterized more aptly I believe, as female mutilation) which to our dismay, we encountered at a celebration in a Masai village (when what we thought we were celebrating was a wedding!)

The Masai still do this atrocity to their girls even though it is illegal in Tanzania, and even though they, the Masai, are lovely, goodhearted people.

The kids we met walk 90 minutes to school, and 90 minutes home…every day…in the heat. Thankfully, not our kids.

And, for some of them, the cup of porridge you see me serving here, may well be the only nourishing meal they will receive that day. Thankfully, not our kids.

Water is a HUGE problem. Wells are prohibitively expensive, so there are very few. Securing your needs for water for your family can use up a disproportionate amount of your daily time and energy. It is not unusual to see women walking many miles with 4 gallon jugs on their heads. I do remember very well, when our water pipes froze occasionally at our Vermont cabin, and I had to carry 5 gallon jugs of water for just a few yards, just how heavy that water is. So I ask, if you are doing that in the 90 degree African sun for hours, how much time and energy is left to you for making a living? We just turn on the faucet and run as much water as we want. How often do we (I) think about that?

And finally, there’s the biggie – the life/death thing: The rhythm of life and death, and the reality of the nearness of the one to the other is so unambiguous in the wild. Watching a lion bring down a wildebeest brings this lesson right in your face and your consciousness. No “pussyfooting” about it. One minute you’re there. Next minute you’re not. Somehow, we humans have this quaint notion that we are not part of all that, or if we are, at least we’re somewhat above it, or a bit removed from it. But certainly, not like the “beasts”…right?

Take me for example. I have these two concurrent visions of my own small death: One, very imminent, is of this huge, loud freight train comin’ at at me, full speed, down the tracks, whistle blowing, big white light shining right on me. I’m right in the spotlight. It’s time. The other vision is way more relaxed – not even a vision really – more like some vague but pesky concept –  something I meditate on, read and write poems about, and greet briefly every morning. For sure, it’s something that happens, but always, always to someone else. So, as oncoming  freight or pesky concept, before Africa I moved back and forth between these two ideas. Now, I have an additional icon (if I needed one), to remind me to live in gratitude for every single day. I was even lucky enough to get a picture of it:

I do admit though, that I’d really appreciate it if these angels would stay put in their tree a wee bit longer.

And so for now, Rush Limbaugh notwithstanding, I’m really happy to be home and grateful to be alive, with people I love, here in this paradise.

I prepared a very small slideshow with a few more of the pics I took. I hope you will find it worth a look. You can also click the audio player just below (right above the thumbprints) to listen to some music while the slideshow plays.

*The usual caveat applies: If you are reading this in your email, the slideshow and music may not work. Clicking on the title of this post will take you to my site. Everything will play from there. Enjoy!

Practice tip:

Dear Reader,  ”Gratitude is basic hygiene for the heart” – so at the end of each day, think of, and jot down, just one thing for which you are grateful. That should be really easy.

And please, be kind to yourself.

Metta,

Michael

Hello Dear Reader,

I just found the piece below, online, and I want to share  it with you. After all, “sharing is caring”, right? It was written by Bronnie Ware, a singer/songwriter  from Australia, who spent several years  in the palliative care field, caring for people who knew they were dying. Her words, below, are excerpted from her recent book entitled “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying”.

Bronnie’s Valuable words:

“For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last 3 to 12 weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”

Wow!! Thank you Bronnie for this superbly articulated wake up call. Time for all of us to start living so as to stop accumulating new regrets.

Practice tip:

This whole thing is a practice tip! What could I possibly add?

I do have a music track for you however. It’s right on point, and it is sung by Edith Piaf –  in one of her rare English adaptations. Enjoy!

(BTW, the usual caveat): If you are reading this in your email, and the music won’t play, clicking on the title of this post will bring you to my site where it will play

Dear Reader, I will be traveling  soon, and won’t be posting for a while. So, until then

Please, choose happiness, and be kind to yourself.

Metta,

Michael

What Are You Waiting For? Just Google It Already!!

Last week, when leaving the SF Fine Arts Museum at the Legion of Honor, I passed yet again beneath this statue of Rodin’s “Thinker”. We all know this guy, forever thinking. He’s iconic, right?

Only this time, I had this thought: What if Rodin had Google? Would this statue even exist? Would he have had the idea to create it? So, to the laughter of a few passersby, who thought I was nuts, I turned around and shouted at him: “What are you waiting for? Just Google it already!!”

Actually, what if our buddy in the above pic is not cogitating on some weighty matter at all? What if he’s simply trying to remember something small – like what his wife asked him to pick up at the supermarket, or, how many times the Yankees won the World Series?

So, I was motivated to post on the currently hot topic of “ideas” and “thinking”, vs “Information” Are we really in a “post idea era” now – substituting loading up on useless information instead of critical thinking?

Well, what is my mind for anyway? I reckon it’s there to help me navigate successfully through my life, observe and know myself, give and get love (“heart/mind” on this one), support myself and my family, moderate my actions so as to make the maximum possible number of informed and healthy choices, stay safe, not make too many stupid mistakes (at least not irreversible ones) – all of that stuff – essentially to serve me in these and other domains of life.

Filling my mind with vast quantities of useless information doesn’t accomplish any of those things, thus causing it to become my master instead of my servant.

Do I really need to know who Jennifer Anniston is dating right now, whether Lindsay Lohan is in or out of jail this week, or how many new iPhone apps have just been released? Every time I connect to the internet, I am besieged with some new information about some people called “Kardashian.” Who are these Kardashian people anyway? Why can’t I get away from them?

Knowing this stuff doesn’t serve me at all.

And that, I believe, is the correct distinction, the appropriate criteria for whether I should allow information from the internet, the media, and social networking sites into my brain: Does knowing something serve me, allow my mind to do it’s job, and allow me to serve others? Or not?

To contrast, and for clarity on this point, an excellent example of information from the internet which will serve me and that I do want and need to know about, check out  http://maplight.org/

Here I can find out which corporations and special interests’ paymasters have our elected representatives (their representatives really , not ours any more) on their payroll – to pay them to vote against protecting the air we breathe, or to vote for poisoning the water we drink. Knowing this stuff does serve me, and is worth remembering, because here, there is something I can do, and want to do about it.

So, how’s your memory doing these days?

Need to remember something?  Not to worry! Why bother using your brain? Just Google it! Ta-Dah!!!

There’s legitimate controversy, and work being done on this topic. In one such study released by Science Express in 2011, on this issue of memory, the authors of a paper describe four experiments. The results suggest that people expect computerized information to be continuously available, and they actually remember less when they know they’ll have access to it later. People are recalling information less, and remembering instead where to find the information they have forgotten.

Our memories appear to be adapting to technology, for better or worse. Some argue that the changes to our brains caused by instant access to information are damaging, and are similar to aspects of addiction.

Conversely, other results suggest that actively searching online can actually strengthen some brains.

It seems that Einstein, not exactly a shabby thinker himself you’ll agree, wouldn’t have had a problem with “Googling it”. There is a well-known story about him wherein, on one occasion, upon being asked for his phone number, he pulled out a telephone book and looked it up. When challenged: “You, Albert Einstein, can’t remember your own phone number?” He answered, “Why should I bother to remember something that I can easily find in a book? (Google?)

Maurice Chevalier, (in Gigi), had issues with his memory too. He didn’t have Google either, or the phone book for that matter, but thankfully he did have Hermione Gingold. Way better! Soo sweet!! You fellow codgers will remember this, and if you are not a codger, you’ll like it too. Have a look:

Oh Yeah, BTW, the usual caveat: If you are reading this in your email, and the links don’t work, click on the title of this post. It will take you to my site, where the links WILL work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sISWPzEqHLQ

Are Ideas Drowning in Information?

On the topic of a “Post Idea World”, Neal Gabler, a senior fellow at the Annenberg Norman Lear Center at the University of Southern California writes:

“Ideas just aren’t what they used to be. Once upon a time, they could ignite fires of debate, stimulate other thoughts, incite revolutions and fundamentally change the ways we look at and think about the world… They could penetrate the general culture and make celebrities out of thinkers.

“…If our ideas seem smaller nowadays, it’s not because we are dumber than our forebears but because we just don’t care as much about ideas as they did…Bold ideas are almost passé.

“…The real cause may be information itself. It may seem counterintuitive that at a time when we know more than we have ever known, we think about it less.

“…We live in the much-vaunted Age of Information. Courtesy of the Internet, we seem to have immediate access to anything that anyone could ever want to know.

“…If information was once grist for ideas, over the last decade it has become competition for them.

“…We prefer knowing to thinking because knowing has more immediate value. It keeps us in the loop, keeps us connected to our friends and our cohort…Everyone talks information, usually personal information. Where are you going? What are you doing? Whom are you seeing? These are today’s big questions.

“…What the future portends is more and more information — Everests of it. There won’t be anything we won’t know. But there will be no one thinking about it.

…Think about that.”

Well then dear reader, so what? Do you agree with any of this? Or not? Why am I writing this? Why am I posting on this topic? It’s because, if you, like me, feel you are overdosing on too much information, too much media, and are wanting some clarity, calmness and space returning to your brain, we both need to do something about it:

Practice tip:

Take out the trash!! Recycle your brain!!

To illustrate my point, I’d like to share a sweet story from the “Zenster” bibliography:

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor – a renowned intellectual who came to check him out, and to find out about this “Zen” thing. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, overfilling first the cup, then the saucer, then onto the floor, and still kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “This cup is overfull. No more will go in!”

“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “your mind is full of your own opinions and thoughts which you have brought to this meeting. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

To make this very same point, the late Suzuki Roshi, founder of San Francisco Zen Center, chose these just right words:

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, in the expert’s mind, very few.” Keep your “don’t know” mind!

How to do that? How to de-clutter? Empty out?

It seems counter intuitive, and contrary to something we have been socialized to accomplish: namely, to learn something every day. But instead of that, I offer the following suggestion for you to consider: Why not try to unlearn something every day?

For creating empty, available and tranquil space in your mind, a meditation practice will help – a lot. Meditation isn’t a big deal. Really!!

It’s not difficult, and there is no need to worry about doing it incorrectly. You can start as simply as possible with sitting quietly, eyes closed (if you wish), without any media playing for as little as 5- 10 minutes a day. Just start with that.

And, the next time you are in a waiting room somewhere, don’t reach for a magazine or your smartphone. Instead, close your eyes, simply  follow your breathing (don’t direct it, just follow it), and observe your mind as though you are a witness, not a participant. Just watch the show as a spectator.

If you find yourself thinking, planning, creating a story, getting involved in the performance, or whatever, this is normal. Everyone does that. Even the Dalai Lama does that. It’s our human condition. So, just smile, and gently – without any reproach – return to following your breath.

That’s it. You are meditating.

Start there, and even that short of a session will leave you feeling calmer and refreshed. Then, if you wish, you can do longer periods.

And please, maintain your “beginner’s mind”. It’s your friend.

Dear reader, please be kind to yourself,

Metta,

Michael

Now...this show? Actually WAS "awesome." THANK YOU!!

Are current events getting to you? Getting you down? They are me.

Just a few recent items: The “killers in high places” (as Leonard Cohen calls them) are still murdering their citizens; priests and football coaches are abusing their kids; the black rhino is now extinct; our “leaders” are arguing like children while our house is burning – on and on…

I reckon it’s always been like this, but in the past it wasn’t in our face all the time. Now it is. The media is relentless.

There’s LOTS of good stuff happening out there too – of course there is – but that’s not what they’re feeding us.

What they feed us is fear and hatred – it’s a lucrative product for them.

While online recently, a pop-up offered me a brief questionnaire: 10 questions to check for signs of depression. I said to myself, “What the heck, I’ll have a look”. As I moved through it, I said to myself “Whoa!!! I’m checkin’ off too many yesses here…Uh Oh!”

What to do?

Jennifer Berezan, a beautiful, beautiful spirit, who recorded a totally wonderful CD called “In These Arms,” suggests on one track that our sorrow for all of this might serve us as “the door to an open heart.” It’s a short track – have a listen:

(BTW, the usual caveat: If you are reading this in your email, links often don’t work. If that’s so, click on the title of this post, which will take you to my site, where the links will work.)

Well, without, in the least, judging anyone who needs, and benefits from meds – if you and your doctor agree that it’s working, of course, you absolutely need to do that – I’m generally not one for pills myself. I don’t like pills much.

Indeed, on the subject of pills: Although I KNOW I’m not even on the same planet with Beethoven, Van Gogh, and Tennessee Williams and countless other creative geniuses and thinkers who suffered from depression – either on the extent of their suffering or their immense creativity…

I nevertheless  do sometimes wonder whether I would ever have had the huge privilege to enjoy their priceless gifts of “Ode to Joy”, “Starry Night”, and “The Glass Menagerie” if these works of genius – and innumerable other masterworks which have enriched my life immeasurably – had been created by artists in all fields of endeavor over the centuries, who had access to Prozac.

Unquestionably, these artists paid a big price. I owe them so much gratitude.

All of which segues perfectly to the actual topic of this post, and a response to the question I asked above: So, what to do?

I recommend this menu: an appetizer of “metta” practice, followed by gratitude practice as the main course, and service practice for dessert.

I’ve found out that even one of these helps me, but these three combined help a lot to snap me out of my “funk.”

“Metta” Practice – Metta, a word in ancient Pali roughly translates as loving- kindness. It begins with the cultivation of loving-kindness towards yourself, then your loved ones, friends, teachers, strangers, enemies, and finally towards all sentient beings – not only the humans. You can do this inside a meditation practice, if you have one, or just cultivate this as a state of mind.

If you listened to just the one short track from Jennifer’s CD, (the entirety of which, is itself a beautiful manifestation of Metta practice), you may have caught the words: “May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings, everywhere, be free.” That pretty much says it all.

Gratitude Practice – This one is soo powerful! The title of this post echoes the words of one of my teachers (Norman Fischer) at Zen Center. In a recent Dharma talk he referred to Gratitude as “basic hygiene for the heart”. Wow! That got my attention.

And, recently, I heard Dr. Andrew Weil being interviewed on NPR about his latest book, “Spontaneous Happiness”. He was talking on the subject of non-medication solutions to various illnesses, and on the subject of depression, he went right to the topic of gratitude.

One of his suggestions was the following: Just before turning in a at night, jot down a number of items, events, realizations, or insights from your day which you are grateful for, no matter how small. Weil maintains that there is clinical, mathematical proof, that this works to alleviate the symptoms of depression. People DO feel better after doing this exercise for a few weeks.

This should be sooo easy: If any of us is paying the least attention to what we are doing all day, and to what’s going on all around us all the time, there are countless things – big and small – to be grateful for. The trick is to bring our awareness to them.

Some easy “gratitude examples”:

-to my creator for the spectacular lunar eclipse show I attended at 5:00 AM last Saturday, and my front row seat  on a hill  overlooking the Pacific Ocean

- for the privilege of living in this paradise

- for the privilege of living

- to you, dear reader, for reading this

- for my wish to, and my capacity, to write this

- to my creator, for my fingers

- to, and for, my guests at Martin’s Soup Kitchen

- for having the energy to serve them

Get it? No problemo finding stuff to be grateful for.

But, just in case you need daily inspiration to prime the pump, check out this website created and run by Steve and Jarl – two dear souls and cherished friends. It’s called “Gratitude Twenty Four Seven”. It’s at www.gratitudetwentyfourseven.com. If you decide to sign up, a tip or teaching on gratitude will pop up in your mailbox every day. Have a look!

Service Practice – Our dessert course! Soo sweet! If there is one thing I have learned from my volunteer work at Martin’s, (and believe me, there’s way more) is that service work takes your mind off yourself, your problems, worries, whatever, and makes you focus on others. No matter how tired I feel when I arrive, I am energized and “high” when I leave. Every time. And every volunteer at every non-profit that I have ever worked at walks around with a big smile pasted on their puss.

Lincoln was right: It really does “feel good to do good”.

Dr. Albert Schweitzer is quoted as having told his students: “One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.”

And Rabindranath Tagore summed up the connection: “I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”

Finally, from Mahatma Gandhi: “The best way to find yourself, is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

Feeling blue? Do service. I guarantee results.

Practice tip:

This whole post has been a practice tip, but on the topic of gratitude, and guaranteed to make you feel really happy and uplifted, I’ve embedded here a link to an exquisite video sent to me by a wonderful coaching client – a great lady.

It was created for TEDx by filmmaker Louis Schwartzberg. It’s titled Nature, Beauty, Gratitude. It runs just a few seconds shy of 10 minutes. Take the time. You’ll be happy you did. Really!

Here’s the link:

http://www.ted.com/talks/louie_schwartzberg_nature_beauty_gratitude.html

Oh yeah – and don’t forget to turn off the fear and hatred box!

Until we next meet, dear reader, I offer you my greatest love and respect.

And please, be kind – and grateful – to yourself.

Metta,

Michael

ALREADY "PROMISED??"

Hello sweet reader,

Soo good to be back with you again.

We are just back from an amazing trip to Turkey, where we had a memorable experience in lots of ways. The people we met, and there were many, were universally warm, friendly, kind and helpful. That part (the people part) was, and always is, the best part of any trip for me.

Due to its strategic location at the crossroads of important trade routes, empires, cultures and religions for millennia, Turkey is very, very rich in monumental man made structures to visit, some standing and some in ruins – a tourist’s paradise!

Indeed, it occurs to me that if, over the centuries, all those kings, warriors, sultans, and priests hadn’t built all those palaces, castles, temples, mosques and churches, (using all that cheap slave labor), we tourists would have nowhere to go. We’d have to stay home and read a book!

And speaking of books, the image just below is the remains of the facade of the library at Ephesus, which was, in the 1st century BC, the 2nd largest city in the Roman Empire, boasting a population of 250,000 people.

"Red" light at the end of the tunnel...

One of the very interesting tidbits about this particular library however, completed by the Romans in 135AD, is that the archeologists tell us that it was connected by a tunnel to the whorehouse…REALLY, NO KIDDING!

Can’t you just hear it? “Honey, I’m just going to pop down to the library for an hour. There’s this hot new book by Socrates I want to check out…wait a minute, I AM SOCRATES!” (He lived there for a spell).

Now THERE is a concept: the library connected to the whorehouse. Think of all the struggling libraries everywhere – starving for visitors and running huge deficits. Overnight, they’d be hubs of activity. With all those new members, plus a small toll to use the tunnel, their financial woes a thing of the past. But at what human cost?

"Group Poop"

Compared to the Greeks though, the Romans were prudes: This next pic, also from Ephesus, was of the…yup, you guessed it – the town latrine. Now the Greeks, who as you know, were renowned for their open mindedness on matters of body and sexuality, shared this facility between men and ladies – no walls, no stalls, everybody together – a social event so to speak (group poop?). The Romans, a bit more circumspect, weren’t having any of it: They put up a curtain between the sexes.

Why, you may be asking by now, am I telling you this, and in this way? Well, for me, the connection which segues this lighthearted look at a 2000 year old  library and latrine to a very modern men’s bathroom at the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul was an incident which occurred at the latter, an event which offered me a very unpleasant opportunity to witness a way, WAY darker side of life for some women in Turkey, and for many too many women in other parts of the world. It made me profoundly uncomfortable and I have been turning it over and over in my mind since then because of what it revealed, hence its import for me.

I want to share it.

Hagia Sophia, (in Latin, Sancta Sophia), dedicated in 353AD, was a church for a thousand years more or less, then a mosque, and now a museum. It is huge and totally spectacular, considered one of the wonders of the ancient world (this world too, actually). Because of this, it’s a “don’t miss”, and was jammed with tourists on the day we were there, as it always is.

Laura and I both had to pee, and the line for the ladies was really, REALLY long. The men’s line was basically nonexistent. So far it sounds pretty normal, right? I kept Laura company in her line while we waited, so I know exactly how long the wait was: 20 MINUTES.

Then I went into the men’s. The urinals were occupied. The stalls were empty.

When I was washing up, a Turkish woman, scarf on head, came inside and headed for a stall. Nobody cared. Hardly anyone even noticed her. I did. It was clear she was in real trouble. She really, really needed to go RIGHT AWAY. There was no way she could wait 20 minutes. Who among us hasn’t been in that situation? Who cares if she went into a vacant stall?

Well, the bathroom attendant – Turkish, 30ish, cared…a lot. He cared over the top. He basically lost it, and went berserk. His was not a “this is the men’s room, please leave” kind of command. This was from deep inside. He was profoundly and personally offended on another level completely. This was about something else. This was in the domain of religion and deeply rooted cultural code or dogma for sure. He screamed at her, grabbed her, and threw her out of the room, as though she was lower than a dog. Indeed, most of us wouldn’t treat a dog in the way he behaved.

Wow!! What a contrast from that shared bathroom at Ephesus 2000 years ago!!

In parts of Turkey today, particularly in the South and Southeast, arranged marriages, many forced, still take place without the consent of the teenage girls (or the boys for that matter), who have been “promised” by their fathers. The girls are obliged to obey. The consequences of not doing so are most dire.

How dire? As dire as it gets.

If you are unfortunate enough to have the wrong set of parents,

and if you have the temerity:

to date (let alone fall in love with), and sometimes even “Facebook” with a boy of whom your father doesn’t approve…

or,

to refuse to marry the stranger to whom your father has promised you at age 2…

or,

to try to save your own life or that of your children, by leaving a husband who may be beating you or your children to death…

Your family will divorce, cut you off, and ostracize you completely, considering you as nothing more than a prostitute. It will be as though you are dead to them.

AND, if you STILL have the courage to persist, you will ACTUALLY BE dead to them, and to everyone else too, because there are still instances – more than we would like to believe – of so-called “HONOR” killings.  Your father AND your mother will arrange your murder. If you run, they will track you down.

When the laws  in Turkey were more lenient for murders committed by youngsters 18 or under, and the jail terms were less, your parents would instruct your brother to kill you. But when recently, in their effort to put a stop to all this, the Turkish government (to their credit) removed  your young brother’s favored legal position, your parents found another way to salvage their “honor”.

So simple: Instead of losing 2 children (you to your grave and your brother to jail), your parents will lock you in a room and apply maximum pressure on you to kill yourself (“jump from a bridge or a building…whatever works – we don’t care…”), thus sparing your brother from a jail term. Nice, huh?

Unbreakable bond??

All this is done in the name of preserving the family’s “honor” in the community, which is why they call this monstrosity “honor killing”. According to a June 2008 report by the Turkish Prime Minister’s Human Rights Directorate, in Istanbul alone there is an “honor” killing every week, and 1000 such reported in the last 5  years. Since it is obviously the families’ intention to cover up these crimes rather than expose them (after all, they KNOW who the killers are), imagine how many of these crimes remain in the shadows. The Istanbul Branch of the Human Rights Association warns of a recent surge of violence against women, including murders and suicides.

Turkey is not alone in all this. There are plenty of similar stories and grisly statistics from all over the globe, including North America and Europe.

Brave men in Saudi Arabia doing their job

Because I am always so conscious of trying to resist being in judgment of others, (after all, if I judge others, who’s gonna judge me?), I have been trying for weeks to find the slightest shred of  “honor” in all of this. Heck, never mind honor, just some kind of “understanding” so I can file this somewhere, anywhere, in my consciousness and move on, but this time I’ve failed.

All I can find is horror, revulsion, and incomprehension. Hence, the title of this post.

Practice tip:

Now, as for my customary practice tip at this time? HA!

How can I, who don’t know where to put all this myself, or where to go with it, possibly offer you advice?

My friend Daniel had a suggestion though, which feels right to me.

He suggested: “invite your readers, the men AND the women too, to search inside themselves and honestly scrutinize their own attitudes towards women and themselves; to discover if they are comfortable with what they find there. I think that is a great idea, so there it is.

A really serendipitous event occurred for me this week, which may help you do this. We were privileged to spend an evening with Julia Butterfly Hill and listen to her reciting some poetry from her brand new book of poems and stories called “BECOMING”. (BTW, the poems are wonderful).

Many of you may have heard about Julia due to her well known and unbelievably courageous 2 year tree sit in Luna, in Northern California, which action saved a grove of old growth redwood trees from destruction, and brought the attention of the world to this issue.

Julia demonstrates and lives at the highest level of personal and professional integrity of anyone I have ever met – often at enormous personal risk.

She wrote, and read this poem to us. Perhaps it will serve to guide you in your own inquiry into how you see and behave towards women, and if you are a woman, into how you see yourself.

Dear reader, Please respect, and be kind to, yourself

Metta,

Michael

Women And The Earth – Julia Butterfly Hill

You are afraid of my darkness

because that…

is where

the magic is held.

You cannot control it,

so you destroy it

and oppress it

and use a book written long ago

as your excuse

and then blame it on the women…

the loss of the Eden which is me.

See, I am the Goddess…

See, I am the Goddess,

the part of your God

that you wish to get rid of

because I hold the magic…

in the dark, moist caverns

I lie and live and thrive.

I am the womb

of life’s gestation.

I am the darkness

that holds the space for the light.

We could not see the stars

without the night.

Those green shoots,

the children of tomorrow,

they are held within

my darkest depths

until they are called forth.

I am the understanding of balance.

I am the knowing of gods and goddesses.

I am the Great Mystery

and it is this uncertainty

that scares you.

I would rather grab hands

with thousands,

run off cliffs

to be swallowed by the sea,

than to give up

the magic

that is me.

I will be consumed by the fire

that you thought would kill me,

and I will come back

stronger than before.

I am the phoenix

arising from that flame.

And I will hold the hands of thousands,

emerging from the seas,

wetlands, deserts, prairies,

caverns, mountains, and trees…

and I will call forth

the magic

that is me.

How Tranquil Is This?

Greetings from our forest home in  Vermont’s NE Kingdom. Soo good to be back with you, and wow, do I ever mean it. Don’t get me wrong, I always mean it, but this time is especially sweet.

I reckon you’ve heard something abour Hurricane Irene, and her visit to Vermont. Well, she came, stayed around a while, made quite an impression, and in the process became a huge teacher (and coach) for yours  truly. One of a good coach’s main jobs is to help us learn stuff, or remind us of things about ourselves that we may need to learn or remember – some good, some maybe uncomfortable, but all necessary.

So, as you can see in the photo at the top we have this idyllic brook /waterfall which flows past our deck. When we are here, I switch into gratitude mode several times a day for having the privilege to live in and enjoy this paradise. It is never lost on me, and this is just one blessing. Actually, I go into gratitude mode, very often every day, for all the other blessings, too numerous to mention, bestowed on me. I like to say that my entire life is a blessing, and that “my address is gratitude – I live there 24/7.” 

So, when it started to rain early Sunday morning, I wasn’t too concerned, because our cabin has withstood years and years of spring runoffs without incident. But, as the day progressed, with the rain heavy and incessant, and our brook rising and rising and rising still more, I witnessed my mind moving from “no problemo”, to concern, to anxiety, to full blown fear. We could actually lose our home. Really, it was possible.

Just below is a video I took from our deck. I took it shortly before we reluctantly vacated to spend the night just across the brook, but on higher ground, in the cabin and company of our dear, dear friends, Deb and Dan, and their beautiful son (our Godson, I’m proud to say) Ethan.

(BTW, if you are reading this in your email, I don’t think the video will play. You’ll need to click on the title of this post which will bring you to my blog, where you can play it).

Irene, Vt.,2nd

I remember my state of mind (no mind now, just fear), as I tried to decide what to bring. What do you need if your house is going to be gone?  Toothbrush? (Ha! My dentist would approve); Change of undies and socks? Towel? Passport? ID? iPhone? Some food? What food? Ridiculous!  

All my life, when I would see folks who actually did lose their homes in catastrophes in tearful interviews on TV, of course I always felt awful for them, and wondered how they could cope with that, but now that I was getting just the tiniest taste of what it must be like, I didn’t like it at all.

Yann Martel, in Life Of Pi, said that “fear is life’s only opponent; only fear can destroy life”; and Krishnamurti described fear as ”the movement from certainty to uncertainty” – an apt description of this event for sure: I felt entitled to be afraid, but not at all happy in that domain. 

   I tried meditating – something  I would recommend to my coaching clients, or anyone actually, in such circumstances – and it really did help quite a bit, but I have to say that notwithstanding all of the methods and techniques for  handling stressful, fearful times, nothing even comes close to the benefit of the loving support of family and friends. Thank you Monk, Deb, Dan and Eth!!

Dinner was fine, but appetite missing, and between  board games, the NY Times Sunday crossword puzzle (Eth, you are amazing!) and good conversation the evening passed. “Sleeping” was mostly about lying flat, eyes shut, and listening for the sound of our house collapsing.  

Which didn’t happen!!!

At 6:00 AM Monday, we walked down the hill and VOILA!! A HOUSE!! –  lots of cleanup to do, but still there. We were soo lucky! Very, very sadly, many many folks in central and southern Vemont were not so fortunate as we were.

Ah, the sweet joy of sweeping up leaves, clearing debris, and putting your things back in their designated places – the “places” are still there! The joy of switching on the lights and loading a Mozart concerto onto the CD player. The little things, the littlest things, which even I, the guy who imagines he “lives in gratitude 24/7″ never thinks about – and that’s my teaching from Irene: Of course it’s the big things, but it’s the little things too.

It’s so hard to hang onto and live in that state of mind, of gratitude and composure, especially in our media driven culture -  just 2 or 3 visits to the internet, talk radio (the fear and hatred box), and news on TV (What? 70 beautiful children murdered in Norway? Where can I find a container to hold that?) I can feel it all slipping away, right back into my old habits.

What can I  do to stay balanced?

Practice Tip: I’ve decided to take on a self observation exercise wherein I will stop what I’m doing 2-3 times a day, just for a minute, take a breath, and reflect on some of the things – not so much the biggies, like my creator giving me another day,  my miraculous sunbeam Laura giving me her love, and you dear reader, for the privilege of being in relationship with you - but the little things: like how really great this OJ tastes, the pleasure of a good conversation, and a hug from the local postmaster (have you hugged your postmaster lately?) Anyway, perhaps you’d like to try this out. Let me know if it works for you.

Dear Reader, I’ll be out of the country for a month or so – back with you in October. Until then, try to keep your balance, and please, be kind to yourself.

Metta,

Michael