BTW

Tea’s Inaugural Post

beeteadubz — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 03:12:53 +0000

Bee interrupted my world shortly after my seventeen-month birthday.

For our entire lives more was expected from me, on the basis on height and not on the basis of age. Which was a rip-off because Bee was a shrimp basket. This responsibility seemed like a chore until the first time someone wronged her at school, then it became my god-ordained, Katniss Everdeen duty to avenge her innocence.

I’m certain this is a common experience for those with younger siblings, complex loathing mixed with fierce loyalty to the little monster that used your toothbrush to scrub the toilet. In honor of my little monster, who wanted to start a blog…I present my top five underrated younger siblings:

Prince Harry: Everyone overlooked the kid for his seemingly more attractive older brother, then BOOM…puberty was good to Prince Harry.
Honey Boo Boo: Everything about Honey Boo Boo is underrated. And I do redneckognize.
The Youngest Hanson Brother: So, I forgot your name (Zac)…and when I google’d you I found out you aren’t even the youngest. Poor little guy.
Doug Pitt: His name is Doug. And he’s currently working on a birdhouse.
Natali Germanotta: Lady Gaga’s younger sister told Teen Vogue, “”Whenever I wear something crazy and my dad gives me a hard time, I say, ‘Well, at least I’m not walking out on the street with red pasties,’ and he’ll be like, ‘Good point.’”

5 action movies to add to your Netflix queue

beeteadubz — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 14:54:16 +0000

Just when you thought you’d exhausted Netflix’s collection, here’s 5 actions movies worth adding to your queue. In no particular order:

1. The Man from Nowhere: Who doesn’t like a little organ trafficking? This is one of those redemption action movies I love so much minus the predictable Hollywood plot line. Yes, you have to read subtitles (it’s in Korean) – think of it as educational.

2. The Wild Hunt: Two words: scewed up. This movie takes you on a twisted, dark path of dorkery and gore that only a gamer could come up with. Did I mention it focuses on a RPG festival where the lines between reality and fantasy get a little… bloody. Even if you don’t have a drop of dork in you, you still need to watch this. Seriously.

3. Monsters: This movie imagines a not-so-distant future where the world has been overrun by gigantic, tentacle-wielding aliens. It focuses on two Americans who have to make it through the ‘infected’ area (central America). It’s surprisingly believable, gritty movie.

4. Black Death If you like festering boils and widespread plague, this movie is for you. Seriously though, it’s tough to find a medieval era movie that doesn’t remind you of a bunch of cosplay kids goofing around at the park. This movie is well-done and features everybody’s favorite stoic warrior ~~Eddard Stark~~ Sean Bean.

5. IP Man A primer for would-be kung fu movie fans, this movie filled me with a sense of Chinese patriotism. You’ve got a little history to justify the screen time (you’re learning something – it’s good for you) but then you also have lots of fighting – kung fu style.

5 Things I have insulted without actually trying

beebrauer — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 14:50:09 +0000

1. Top Gun – no, I have not seen it. At this point, it’s more out of spite than anything else. Plus, GQ says that Top Gun ruined movies. And I trust GQ over some dude named Goose, so….
2. Sand Volleyball – I mean, I’ve been forced to stand there during ‘activity time’ at sleep-away camp, but I didn’t play. Not unless covering my head and dodging the ball qualifies as sand volleyball.
3. Grey’s Anatomy – You know those people who say they don’t have time to watch TV? Not me. And those people that have to, like, fold laundry or be ‘doing something’ while they watch TV? That’s not me either. Point being, I do not need another show to be addicted to.
4. Sorority Houses – A) I don’t like matching t-shirts in fluorescent colors. And B) I barely survived growing up with 3 sisters. I am not fooled by their sisterhood and what not.
5. Yo-Farm – stop giving me goats, I will not hoe your field for you. However, I must admit, I am intrigued by Yo-Farm’s ability to get people to trade their dignity for virtual pumpkins.

Alton Brown Bakes Hard Boiled Eggs

beeteadubz — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 19:46:10 +0000

Alton Brown bakes hard boiled eggs. And if you didn’t know it already, everything Alton Brown says and does it pretty much genius. As such, I said to myself, I guess I better bake some eggs.
So here’s what you do:
Using tongs, put those eggies directly on the oven rack (put a pan on the rack below in case one cracks). Bake them 30 minutes at 325. Fair warning, the eggs come out looking hideous, so don’t take them to your monthly Snooty Lady Luncheon.
But if you can get past that weird, brown speckled shell, you’ll find that the egg underneath… still tastes like an egg. My husband claimed they were ‘creamier’ – but does a creamy egg sound good to you?
Anyway, if you ever need to bake herds of eggs at a time, method approved. Otherwise? Stick to boiling ‘em.

Here’s a link to an actual recipe for baked eggs.

Zombies: What’s the big deal?

beeteadubz — Sat, 11 Aug 2012 20:30:15 +0000

For those of you who live under a rock – zombies are in. I”ve heard a few theories on why everyone’s just so darn obsessed with ‘em, my favorite being that it’s all because the Democratic party holds the majority. But let’s face it, our spirits were all down due to some glittering vampires who shall remain unnamed. Aforementioned trilogy unmanned us something horrible and we needed a kick in the movie pants. We needed movies that not only rocked our faces off, but also ate our brains. Hence and therefore, Zombies! Now, some of us, who shall remain unnamed (Kraig LaRosh) have been into zombies at an unhealthily young age, but for those of you who are just getting into it, here are some zombie movie basics:

- Two words: George Romero. Memorize them. Know them and you’re in. Or, just watch Night of the Living Dead

- Zombie Land: yes, it’s a comedy, but strangely (and wonderfully) it appears on pretty much every top zombie movie list ever made.

- 28 days Later: It’s a new-ish one, but it’s in my top three for sho.

For those of you ladies who are still hovering around the edge, afraid to put your manicured toe in the zombie pool, here’s a little more incentive. Brad Pitt. Next summer, he’ll grace the silver screen in World War Z, so you better get used to brrrraaaainnns and quick or else you’ll be missing out.

Extra credit: Wild Zero – a cult film where the zombies are literally rocked to death by a guitar, proving yet again, the Japanese have it all figured out.

Chest Hair: 5 reasons why you need to grow more

beeteadubz — Thu, 09 Aug 2012 20:12:57 +0000

When we were young, our dad used to try to trick us into doing things by telling us it would put hair on our chests. Perhaps, that is the true reason I value chest hair the way I do. In the interest of saving time, we’ll avoid psycho-analyzing that too closely and just focus on why, you dear male reader, need to grow more chest hair.

- Your chest hair makes my hairy legs look delicate and womanly.

- A shaved chest is all well and good, but we both know you’ll spend 93% of your time in Stubble Land.

- Global warming. Bear with me on this one. You + chest hair = turning the thermostat down = happy polar bear cubs… obviously

- You can shave cool patterns into it

- Two words: David Hasselhoff

In the Face of Economic Hardship: less political spewage, more kittens

beeteadubz — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 20:05:26 +0000

We second this. Please, go back to posting kitten pictures and fun facts about your kid’s diaper.

inaugural post

beeteadubz — Wed, 16 May 2012 13:07:08 +0000

There’s this scene in Amelie where she’s talking about her favorite things like running her hands through grain, or watching people watching the movie at a theater. One of my favorite things is to be the first one to use a new tub of butter. It’s a perfectly smooth, flawless surface and I get a kick out of ruining it. I don’t know what that says about my inner psyche, but writing the first post for this blog is a little like that. I get to besmirch a perfectly blank surface. Oh, don’t you worry, there’s going to be a lot of besmirching going on. It’s one of my hidden talents. Looking forward to bloggin’ with ya. –Bee