But this time. This time it’s different. This time we stand on a precipice together. The whole world. Waiting with bated breath. Some are affected more drastically than others, but no one has been left untouched by this season. And it is in this season that we have the opportunity to rewrite the rhythms and routines of our lives. To choose with purpose, not just what is easy, what everyone else is doing, what we’ve always done, but what is good. If we seize this opportunity, we get to decide what things truly belong in our lives and what things to let go of. What things are most important and what are simply the “tyranny of the urgent.” We get to Marie Kondo our practices, not just our possessions.

There is no fear of missing out, because the rest of the world sits right here along with us. Oh, we might be able to play the comparison game on social media, but no one else is doing anything in the outside world either. There is no pressure to do, have, or be anything that doesn’t exist in the four walls of our homes.

We also have the opportunity to be primed and ready, for when the floodgates are open, and our world picks back up again, spinning on as it has before. Here, we can choose what goes with us through that door, and what stays behind with the “pre-Corona” world. What will you take with you?

Forecasting is when you figure out your total income and expenses for the whole month at the beginning of the month and plan everything out according to that.

Pros: Forecasting allows you to see exactly where your money is going all month long. It gives you a big picture view. If you have a buffer built up, this system is pretty easy to maintain and can be forgiving when you overspend in a category by allowing you to roll that over into the next month. If you’re pretty self-disciplined already, the heightened awareness forecasting provides may be enough to keep you on track to meet your goals.

Cons: The problem with forecasting is that the cash you’re budgeting at the beginning of the month may not actually be in your hand at the beginning of the month. It relies heavily on having a buffer and being at least one paycheck, if not a whole month (or even more) ahead. If you’re currently living paycheck to paycheck, this system is probably not going to work well for you…yet. You may budget $500 in groceries for the whole month, but you only have 1 week’s pay available. You aren’t going to be able to spend all $500 and still cover your other costs as effectively. A work around for this would be to budget per paycheck until you could create a buffer and get a paycheck ahead.

Systems that use this approach:
Paper and Pen
Mint.com
An excel or Google Doc
Quicken

The Envelope System can be either virtual or physical, but the concept is that you cash your paycheck and literally (or virtually) split it into envelopes of money to be used for specific line items.

Pros: You are literally only spending the money you have on hand. When it runs out, you either have to “borrow” from another envelop, or go without! This is a really good method to use when beginning, especially if you have no buffer and/or no savings. If you’re trying to get out of the paycheck to paycheck cycle and need self discipline in the area of finances, this is going to build that. It’s just like how repeatedly exercising a muscle makes you stronger!

Cons: All systems require you to engage for them to be successful, but the envelope system in particular requires even more intentional micro-management. Again, if you’re goal is to build self-discipline, this may actually be a positive! If you’re not, you may find it overly tedious. Using an old-fashioned physical envelope system where you don’t even keep receipts can actually be relatively simple to manage outside of regular trips to the bank. But if you’re having to re-enter or re-adjust as each paycheck is deposited, it can seem like one more thing on the to-do list. You might even be tempted to quit. Please don’t! Trust me, the process is definitely worth it. The goal is to get ahead enough that your finances become boring and you don’t have to pay as much attention every single day. Eventually you can just do a weekly check-in. Of course, there are always seasons when you have to watch it a little closer or reign things in.

Systems that use this approach:
Literal Envelops
YNAB.com
EveryDollar.com

No matter the approach you take, it’s important to remember that there will be a learning curve. Not only for the technical aspects of your chosen software or method, but for learning to live on a budget at all if this is your first time! There will be bumps in the road whenever you try to form a new habit, but it does get easier with time. If after a couple of months your system is just not clicking for you, try another. Some systems work better for certain types of people.

You may need to make difficult choices like curbing certain spending habits or setting rules for yourself. But keep it up! As I said before, the goal is that your finances will become boring. Then the excitement will come from knowing that you’re meeting your financial goals rather than the stress of not knowing what’s going on with your money.

Next up… What now? Best Practices.

But where do we start?

Take stock. First, you need to know where you stand. Find out exactly how much you owe on your debts. Look back at your last month or two and figure out where you’re spending money. It’s best to know your typical spending habits in order to make changes, because a budget that is a complete lifestyle change is going to be a lot harder to keep than one that is a slight shift. Many bank and credit card websites will show you a general tracker that shows you how much you’re spending where.

Write it out. Get out paper and a pencil (preferably one that erases easily) or, as is Ansen’s preference, open an excel file. Now, start with your income. Do you get paid every week, every 2 weeks, or twice a month? Total it for the month and put that at the top. Two earners? Side jobs? Put those each on their own line and subtotal it.

Now put your fixed expenses. This is your rent or mortgage. It’s also any automatic or recurring bills: internet, cell phone, utilities, car payment, student loans, etc. Use your bank or credit card statement to look back at the history of these. For something like utilities that can change, go with the average (and round up). Subtotal all of these.

Next, put your variable necessities. This includes things like groceries, household products, pet products, and toiletries. These are your flex categories and can be a little bit more difficult to pinpoint, but it’s not impossible! Again, go back to your previous statements and see how much you spent in these areas. What does it cost for toilet paper and shampoo, for food, or for light bulbs? Add these up. You can lump these together, or you can separate them out, as per your preference. Our personal motto is that the broader the category, the more random stuff that gets put there, so we like to get pretty specific.

Then add your savings/debt reduction goals. If you want to save for a down payment on a house, or for a new car, that cruise you’ve been dying to take, or even just a new thing for the home, it needs to be in the budget. If you want to get out from under the weight of that credit card or those medical bills, it needs to be in the budget. If it’s not in the budget, it will either never happen or you’ll end up paying more for it through interest. Something is always better than nothing. You can use undebt.it as a resource if you need help determining the best course of action (like which to pay down first), but don’t get too distracted here for now.

Next, put your yearly expenses. These are things like Amazon Prime, car tags, magazine subscriptions, or t-ball sign ups. Take these and divide them by 12 (or if they’re due soon, divide by the number of months between now and then) and add them as a new line-item.

Lastly, put your non-essentials. This is where you put things that are not essential to life, but are nice things to have. Think wants versus needs. This might be cable, Netflix, Spotify, the Target splurges, the eating out, the coffee shops, etc. If there’s something significant you spend money on then give it a place, even if it’s just $5 a month.

Prioritize. Compare your income to your expenses. If you’re making more than you’re spending, congratulations! If there are more expenses than income, you will need to decide your priorities. No one can tell you what those ought to be, only you can! If you just can’t live without Amazon Prime, or you just can’t eat out less, by all means, give those a place, but you’ll have to find somewhere else to cut. It can be tough to make those choices. Choosing to give up Sunday lunches out so that you can pay down debt (and hopefully resume the tradition later on) is well worth the trade off in the long run. You may need to tweak numbers. Remember, it’s a living document and will change as your priorities change.

Live it. Give it a month or two trial and live it out. There are a couple of ways to track your budget, which we’ll talk about in the next blog. I’m not saying try budgeting for a month, I’m saying try YOUR budget for a month. If you way over-spend on a category, either adjust spending or adjust budgets for the next month. Tweak your numbers. You may need a different system. It may take a couple of months to get the hang of a particular system, or to decide it’s not the best for you. It may take 4-6 months to feel comfortable with the new parameters you’ve given yourself. After so many years of budgeting, I just know what it feels like to spend $X a month on groceries, but it definitely took some practice. At first, I employed my mom’s trick of bringing a calculator to the store and literally totaling groceries as I went and then making tough decisions about my impulse grabs if I was over, or being pleasantly surprised I could grab that ice cream after all.

Up Next… What system do I use?

And if you’re one of my college students, this is especially important. It’s never too late to start, but having a head start is even better! If you’re coming away from school with student loans, it can seem overwhelming, but budgeting will make it so much easier. If you think, “I don’t have any money, so I can’t budget,” then keep reading.

Let’s start at square one. What is a budget?

A budget is simply a plan. It’s deciding where you want to spend your money… before you spend it, even if you’re not actively earning (I’m looking at you college students). It is not a cage to keep you confined, rather, it’s freedom to know that everything is covered and yes, you can buy that thing! Having a plan removes the guilt.

Let me give you an example: babysitting. It can get expensive and until recently, we didn’t really have a line-item for it. But we realized that if we want a date night, we’re going to have to pay a sitter. And if we don’t budget for it, we’ll feel guilty, not knowing where the money to pay for one is coming from. But as soon as we carve out a place for it in our budget, the guilt is gone! Did we have to take a little from some other places? Yes. But in the end, it’s so worth it to know that at least once a month, we’ve got a date night. Guilt free!

A budget is a living document. It’s not meant to be rigid or written in stone. It’s meant to flex with your priorities. If you find yourself constantly going over in a certain area, you can adjust for it. If you find that saving for a car is suddenly a high priority and cable TV isn’t, cut the cord and put that toward your car. If cooking is just not your thing and you eat out a lot, that becomes a priority.

A budget allows your long-term priorities to balance with your short-term priorities. When Target splurges and Amazon impulses eat up your money, you need some checks and balances to ensure that you’re also still saving for that car, paying off that debt, or pursuing whatever goals you have. A budget can put that into perspective. Can you splurge at Target sometimes? Sure! But a budget lets you know when that splurge is going to impede your progress on your goals. Then you have a decision to make. Choosing one over the other isn’t wrong or bad, it just comes down to your priorities.

A budget allows you to put the big rocks in first. We’ve all heard the analogy of life with the container and the rocks. If you want to fit in as much as possible, you start with the big rocks, and then the medium rocks, then the small pebbles, and finally the sand. But if you start with the sand (aka Target splurges), by the time you put in the big rocks (the mortgage), you might not have any room. Accounting for those fixed expenses first assures you that you’re going to have a house to send those Amazon impulses to.

Next… Where do I even start?

-Potty training the toddler

-Decorating the guest room

-Going to bed on time (yikes, this one is a toughie)

-Figuring out a cleaning routine that works for me

-Going on a cruise with the hubby!

-Kindergarten in the fall

We’re also really passionate about budgeting and we are looking forward to sharing that passion with our friends and family, which we’ve already had some opportunities to do recently. I don’t say this from a prideful place of “we’ve got it all together” or we’re somehow the all knowing budgeters, but from a place of humility. I know from personal experience the fear and weight debt can place on a family. But I also know the freedom and clarity that budgeting can afford as well. I want that feeling for everyone I know. I don’t want you to be walking around with constant guilt and regret about your spending habits, but to make your choices with confidence, knowing you have a plan and everything is covered.

So, things are about to get a little financial around here. In a good way. I want to post about things that can be helpful for taking control of your money. First off, what even is a budget? Then, where do I even start?

With a lot of help from my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, we made a coffee table to celebrate my birthday last month.

We used an Anna White tutorial, which was fairly helpful, but seems a bit too simplified. Just some tweaks we made: First, we were concerned that the bottom shelf would separate over time and with any amount of weight on it. Having two little ones, that’s a real possibility. So we added a piece of scrap wood underneath, between the two. You’ll see it a little later when I’m showing the color treatment I used.

Second, I accidentally bought 1×6’s instead of 2×6’s. The buy list on the tutorial says there should be five 8′ cut to 56″. This seemed like a lot of waste to me, so originally I bought 6′. But since I was making my table 4′, I took four back and got two 8′ pieces to cut in half then the last 6′ cut to match. I actually like the look of the thinner wood, but it took some finesse to figure out how to attach them properly. There is a thin strip of scrap wood that they’re all attached with 3/4″ screws to on the back side while they were upside down. Leaving it upside down, we positioned the bottom on it and screwed it in from the bottom with shorter screws than were recommended. So far, no shifting, but we have been careful not to pick it up by the top alone, just in case. Also, with the thinner wood, we couldn’t add the cute little brackets because they would stick out over the edge, but I can live with that.

Lastly, the X’s on the end were a bit tricky. We were using their miter saw, which made it really easy to cut pieces… but it only goes up to like 50 degrees. The long edges of those X’s needed a 60 degree cut. So we learned, via youtube how to make a jig to angle the wood a bit more. With each piece, we measured, then cut and installed, and then measured the next part. If you try to simply cut everything first, it may not go as well. In addition, we did that with any pieces that were supposed to be the same length. We measured the first and cut it, then used it as the template for the rest. They came out practically all the same, whereas measuring each one and cutting there may have been some error with the blade width and which side of the pencil mark was cut, etc.

So then, what to do to finish it? I had heard of this oxidization on the original plan, and I loved the look it. I’ve stained before, and it was an ordeal, so I thought maybe this would be a bit simpler. With this first picture, I had painted the strong tea to help with the tannins of the wood. It didn’t really make a difference after it was dry, and in the long run may have not made much difference in the coloring either.

After the tea had dried, I started with the oxidizing solution. A few weeks before, I had put a piece of steel wool in a glass jar with vinegar and put the lid on to sit. I made the mistake of buying the #3000 instead of the #1000, but it actually worked just fine. I decided to try it out on the bottom first. You’ll notice the little brace we made so the bottom shelf wouldn’t separate.

Here we are fully “painted” with the vinegar solution.

But then I noticed something I was not happy with. Everywhere it dripped was darker. And since it’s very viscous (unlike some stains), it dripped everywhere. Even if you brushed over something accidentally, when you came back, it would streak darker. Sad day. I let it dry and gave it some thought.

The next day, I returned with a vinegar wet rag and gave those places some attention. The extra vinegar (and sometime the solution) would loosen up the extra particles on the dark spots and with some extra rubbing most of them smoothed out. I’d paint over them, and let them sit to soak into the wood, and then I’d rub them out with the rag. My hands were dry as all get out (should have worn gloves!) but I fixed it.

The last step was to seal it. I decided to go with a clear wax to seal in all this glory because I really don’t like working with polyurethane. I’m not sure it will hold it’s shine with all the children that will play on it, but it definitely rehydrated the wood after drying of the vinegar. It’s a nice smooth surface and if I ever decide to do a gray washing on it, it can be painted over (and might even help with the distressing.

I spent $59 on lumber at Lowe’s (accounting for returns) and $5.95 for screws. For finishing, I spent about $10 for steel wool, vinegar and sandpaper. For a grand total of a few cents under $75. Well worth it!

That’s from a country song I used to know. (And to be honest, if I thought about it hard enough, I’d probably still remember every word.) But it’s true. I remember thinking 30 would be forever away and, man, I’d be old then. But here I am, turning 30, and I’m not old. Not really at all.

On some level, I suppose I’m a little sad about turning 30. Like, I’ll never be a 20 something again. And a lot of great things happened in my 20’s. I went to college. I got married. We bought a house. I started my career. We had a baby. We had another baby. We bought another house. I made a lot of great friends. I’ve been to lots of fun places.

But truth be told, I’m also kind of relieved. I feel like it adds some credibility to my life to be 30. Somehow, I’m seen as more mature and wise. More capable. I’ve got some experience under my belt. People ask me for my advice. Like, I’m officially a real adult now. Maybe I was just born an “old soul” as they call it, but I’ve always valued maturity and wisdom. Maybe it’s my pride and self-righteousness that says immaturity is unappealing. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m a first born and all that comes with that. Or maybe I’m just boring.

I’m not sure what it is, but I think my 30’s are going to be pretty great too. I’m looking forward to them, even maybe the gray hairs (which I don’t think I have yet, by the way). Here’s to 30.

So just for those who don’t know, our schedule is slightly shifted back from the “norm”. While my kids sleep until 8 or 9 in the morning, we don’t eat dinner until 7 at night. There are pros and cons to every schedule. Here’s the deal though. Avie’s school starts at 8:30. So, you do the math. Getting up between 8 and 9 just ain’t gonna to cut it. BUT, I’ve been practicing. Sort of. I’ve moved my alarm clock across the room and set it for 8am. And for the past 2-3 weeks, I’ve been getting up when it goes off and then getting ready, because I’ve always heard that getting up before your kids makes for a much happier mama. I’m not sure which is worse, though. Getting up early, or being woken by your children. Pretty sure just waking up at all is the problem.

I digress. Getting up at 8am is going… ok. I hate it every morning. But I like the fact that I actually get stuff done from time to time now. And then my entire afternoon is shot. I take a nap almost every day to make up for it. Because, try as we might, going to bed before midnight is just not happening. It’s not really Ansen’s fault, but he doesn’t have to get up at 8am and wouldn’t choose to any more than myself. If either of us want alone time, or project time, or just to watch a show or movie, it’s got to be after bedtime. And bedtime can only be so early, seeing as how dinner is so late, or we eat without daddy, which is not really an option for me.

Now, next week, when school actually starts, I have to be ready by 8… not just awake… if I want to have any chance of getting Avie up and ready. She is fighting this new routine of getting up, dressed and eating before noon, tooth and nail. It’s not even that she’s not awake, but that she simply would rather play or do other things than the things I’ve asked of her. You know, like, “put your clothes on. And no, a swim suit doesn’t count. You can’t just wear a shirt with no pants. Please dress yourself before you dress that Barbie. I’m sorry, but pantyhose do not count as pants. For the love, just put on the dress you picked out last night.” Which we do, by the way. Every night. And somehow, every morning, it was the worst decision she’s ever made.

Schedule changes are just not fun. But we’ll get through them. And maybe someday, when she starts elementary school, we might be morning people. Oh, who am I kidding. I’m going to be 75 going to bed a midnight and waking up sometime near noon.

Walking in the door:

Looking back at the door:

From the living room into the dining room:

The kitchen:

The girls room:

And the other side:

Master:

Master bath (loooove this tub!!):

Guest room (a work in progress):

Now we’ve done a few little projects to make it feel more like home, but I’ll have to share those another time. For now, here’s a few things we set up while moving in that are especially fun.

To start, this is my “baking cabinet”. All baking products go here. Just below, my Kitchenaid. Those cute little baskets our friends left for us? They hold the Kitchenaid attachments. This was my mom-in-law’s idea so that I could whip up a batch of cookies in 15 minutes or less if I remembered the morning of, that I needed to bring cookies to kiddo’s event. Haven’t had to do that just yet… but it’s certainly been practical.

Second, we put all the pots and pans in drawers. At first, I thought this was a bit weird, but because I was used to only having a few drawers in the old house, I didn’t miss them. AND, it’s been exceedingly practical. Besides the fact that we cannot remember which pot/pan is in which drawer, it’s so much easier to pull out one thing than to have to lift all the pots out and find the one below. Plus things aren’t getting scratched up with other pans sitting inside of them.

I thought I had a picture of my photo collage wall, but alas, I do not. So another time. But did you see my floors? Aren’t the gorgeous! While I don’t love sweeping and mopping more because you can see everything on dark floors, they are beautiful.

So moving itself was about as painless as moving can be, thanks to our awesome friends and family (and my packing strategy). Closing was… not. But it did finally happen. The floors didn’t get finished on time and then of course, 3 days after we move in, the garage door breaks. And, to make matters worse, the garage door guy wasn’t quite sure how to fix it, because it wasn’t installed properly to being with and over time broke the door, rendering it completely unusable for a week and a half.

After 3 crazy weeks of living here, we finally closed, have finished floors and a working garage door. We even cleared out the garage and parked our cars in it this weekend.

The biggest blessing was to actually be able to use our house for one of it’s intended purposes (besides living in it), to host people! Saturday night, we had 3 girls and an adult leader of a youth group stay at our house while they were passing through on their way home from a mission trip. Other people from our church hosted other small groups from this same mission team. But it was so exciting to be able to having these girls in our home, give them a comfy place to sleep (not on an air mattress on a gym floor like they had all week), give them a place to shower and just love on them.

This is why we bought this house. To love on people. And God gave us that opportunity within 3 weeks of moving in. I definitely look forward to more of that.

The funny thing about all of this is that I feel like such a faker. I love our new house and I think it’s fantastic. I love it’s space and how nice it looks. I love how many people we can fit in it (and even sleep in it!). But if I step outside of myself, and try to see myself as any random person would, I feel like a poser. The assumptions that I would make about a person who lives in a house like this that looks like this are not always positive.

The assumption of money. Believe me, we both work and on a ministry salaries. We are diligent with our money and blessed not to have had any major catastrophes, but by no means “rich”. The assumption of having it all together. When those girls walk in to my nearly perfectly clean house, that I’ve spent the whole day tidying up, I wonder if they assume I’m some kind of perfect house keeper. Because you should see us on a regular day. The assumption of peace and calm in our house. The kids were already asleep and I had cleared my evening of any goals other than to be with our guests. On any other given day, my to-do list a million miles long, my attitude is anything but peaceful. It felt like the instagram of my life. Just the highlights. They don’t see the grumpy mom who grouches at her kids all morning. Or the messes that I make because I’m too busy to clean them up. Or the fact that I always feel behind. Always.

While that person who greeted those teens and their leader is who I would like to be all of the time, the reality is, I’m just not. With my college students, I strive to be real and authentic. To show them the other side, as ugly and humbling as it may be. To be honest when I’m running behind or struggling to get through. But I also hope that I’m able to clear my plate and focus on them as well from time to time without bringing all of my baggage into the mix. I hope I can be more like the host I was Saturday night and less like the frenetic, stressed crazy person I am on a regular basis.

Maybe with some practice, and a whole lot of Jesus, I can strive toward that.

Special thanks to my mom and dad for watching our girls as we struggled through a difficult week and made a difficult decision to go ahead with the move even though the closing didn’t happen. And to our friend Chris and my dad who helped Ansen move our ridiculously heavy refrigerator. To my sister, Erica, for watching the girls while we were in and out moving stuff, even though they did NOT want to be away. To my mom, the ultimate tetris player and head perseverer to get everything moved, even when it started raining. To my dad and dad-in-law, Steve, the pack mules for trucking everything into the house. To my brother-in-law, Andrew, for cleaning and replacing every bulb in the house. To my sister-in-law Arielle, for cleaning everything else imaginable. To Arielle and my mom-in-law for decorating my living room. To Maddie, for making my bed. To everyone who kept going back to the old house to get the “rest of the stuff” in the rain, I was so consumed with the kitchen, I didn’t even know who all went, but I’m thankful. Pictures to come!

There was a “hiccup” with some paperwork on our buyers end (and not their fault, I might add). Nothing devastating, but enough to throw closing off… by TWO week! And thanks to the 4th of July holiday weekend taking a day out of the work week, or we could have probably closed last Friday. But now it has to be this Friday due to our buyer’s work schedule. Of course, this has caused a scary domino affect that we can’t close on the new house and our sellers (and friends) had already started the process of a building loan, for which they need their equity. Since we’re already in the house, we are renting from them to help cover their mortgage until it all closes (splitting it until Friday), but the situation is far from ideal for anyone.

It’s easy for our minds to all rush to the worst case scenario. This loan falls threw. We no longer have a buyer. We’re living in a house we don’t own, (with $7K in new floors!) covering their full mortgage. We have to find a way to own two houses and try to sell the other quickly. While we can probably make that work for a while, it’s certainly not optimal and for too long, could be disastrous. The panic set in pretty quick and we were both just sick to our stomachs. Thankfully, our girls were at Nana’s house, so they didn’t have to bear the brunt of our emotional distress. Panic turned to outrage, at the bank, at the loan officer, at anyone who gave us bad news.

But God is faithful. He has turned that outrage into frustration. And that frustration into reluctance. The reluctance has slowly turned into acceptance. And now we have hope because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We hope to hear Monday (or at least Tuesday) that our loan documents are final and we have an official closing date of this Friday. And once we have that, everyone can breathe a little easier.

We keep reminding ourselves that just because God has called us to do something, doesn’t mean everything will go smoothly. It had until this point and we patted ourselves on the back for “following” God (when really, he dropped this house in our laps). How quickly we question if we’re doing the right thing or if we made the right decision when the waters start getting choppy. He is faithful, though, and he will bring us through to the other side. He already has plans for our new house, hosting youth on their way home to Texas from a mission trip in a few weekends. And I know this is why he has given us this house, if we can just trust him to get us through this part. I’ll keep you posted! And picture, I promise.

As Ansen said, as extroverted as I am, I like systems more than people. So I set up the system before I started packing. Now everything goes smoothly into the system and it gets labeled and color coordinated. I honestly don’t feel like it was much more work than simply packing up, expect maybe the 30 minutes to an hour I used to get everything set up (including the shopping). Without further adieu…

This is my packing notepad. I just bought a legal note pad for like $.98. I’m using this to number the rooms and boxes.

These are my labels to color code each room. There are only 4 colors here, so I had to add a red masking tape and blue painters tape I already had. I decided to go ahead and use these 2 on rooms that have big pieces that I can mark now and easily remove later. The blog I got this idea from used colored duct tape but 1) duct tape is expensive to buy that many rolls and 2) it’s virtually impossible to get it off later. Not that I care for boxes, but for furniture items, it does matter.

Now to set it up, I chose a color for each room. Then I took scissors to the bottom of the note pad. I only left about 3 sheets each color/room (probably should have left more!) And then I cut little tabs on the bottom so I can easily find each section. I used a piece of the labels to label each section so I can see it at a glance and flip right to the correct room.

Each color also has a hundred number attached to it. For example, the living room is 100’s, the girls room is 200’s, our bedroom is 300’s and so on. For each page, I wrote out the number for each box (101, 102, 103 for the living room, 201, 202, 203 for the girls room and so on). I left space between each of them. I started with pen and switched to sharpie so it’s easily identifiable.

Then, I started boxing. Each box only contains what was in that room (so far…) so I mark it with a color label and the corresponding hundred number. This picture shows the kitchen (yellow) and the box numbers (there’s a 400, a 402, a 404, etc.). On my notepad, I go to the color page for that room and the number on the box and write down what’s in it. Some boxes have more detail than others. Some are simply “plates.” Others have a laundry list of contents. Those are usually for the miscellaneous boxes that I just know I’m going to need something from later and hope I can find it.

Now, I’m going to make a color key to put in several areas of the new house for move in day. If we have friends and family helping us unload, they don’t have to ask me where to put anything, it just automatically goes to it’s colored room. Then, when I need to unpack or look for a specific item, I look at my notepad and find that box and there it should be!

I can’t take credit for all of this. I simply put together a couple of different ideas (the color system, and the numbering system) from Pinterest. Now, if I could just find the motivation to get all this stuff in boxes!

*UPDATE*

Post moving, I have to say that this system worked really well. We had a lot of help on moving day, which mean the potential for a lot of “where does this box go” and confusion. But, thanks to the color coding, there were really only a few boxes that ended up in the wrong room. And because I had a list of each box, I knew which ones were the most urgent to unpack. We got the kitchen completely unpacked the first day and lots of boxes into closets to unpack later. But when we needed a bandaid, I knew where they were!

What would I do differently next time? Not much. Mostly be a bit more detailed with the contents of each box. At one point, I needed to find extra deodorant and had to open a couple of different “linen” closet boxes to find the right one because I had too generic of a list. But I also didn’t want take the extra time to list every single item of every single box because that might have sent me over the edge. All in all, this move (itself) went pretty smooth (the closing process, on the other hand).

Let me just preface this with our backstory. The TL:DR version is that we tried to by a house 2 years ago and it all fell through. It was heartbreaking. We were devastated. We stopped looking and just settled back into our house, had another baby, and life went on.

Fast forward to a few months ago. Some friends of ours approached us about buying their house because they would like to build. We were terrified at first to even consider this a possibility because we were still so skittish from our first experience, but we proceeded with caution as they checked out the prospect of building. We love their house and it would be a great fit for our growing girls, giving us the space we’ve always hoped for. We told ourselves, “there are a hundred ways this could not work out and only one way that it could.” That one way would be if it’s where God wanted us to be in his timing.

There are some major differences between the house 2 years ago and this experience. And really, they have very little to do with the houses themselves, but everything to do with our hearts and perspective.

First, we don’t NEED to move anymore. The first time, we thought we just NEEDED to move, that we couldn’t possibly live in our house any longer. We had come to detest our house and it’s small rooms and no extra space. We were certain there was no possible way we could raise TWO children in this 3 bedroom house. Talk about first world problems. We managed to have 2 girls in the same room just fine. Sure it was rocky for a few months while they were learning to sleep together, but we think it’s so important now that even in the new house they’re going to share a room! To be honest, we could probably get by in this house, and be content for another few years. Contentment, that’s what we learned.

Second, we weren’t TRYING. Last time, we searched for months before we found a decent option. It wasn’t a perfect option (though I still think it would have worked pretty well). We made every effort to show our house as often as possible. Multiple open houses. Living in near-perfect conditions (with a toddler no less) for months… exhausting! We were trying so hard (read: worrying so much about something out of our hands).  This time, it just fell in our laps. And everything is somehow working out perfectly without much effort on our part. Seriously, we listed our house for sale by owner wondering if we didn’t need a realtor to get the word out there. We questioned whether we could really get our house sold by ourselves. We listed on Monday and by Tuesday evening we had an offer. By Wednesday, we had a signed contract. And Thursday our custom ordered “For Sale” signs arrived. (Money well spent, right?) We had 5 showings in the first 2 days and then we were done! We haven’t had to live in a show-ready house this time. It’s pretty obvious that someone is working this out for his purpose.

Third, we weren’t TRUSTING God. Last time, we tried to dictate what we had to have in a house. When we lost it, I mourned it for a long time. When I had those moments of sadness, I would simply say, “God, you knew my heart and you know my need.” That was my prayer for months. Rather than trying to explain to him what kind of a house I wanted, or what it must have, I just trusted him to know me better than I even knew myself. This time, we are getting exactly what we need. No more, no less. This house doesn’t have every thing we could ever want in a house. (But let’s be real, what house does? Unless it’s like a million dollar mansion.) It only has 3 bedrooms, which is the same number we currently have. And yet, it has the exact things we wished for. An office and a bonus room, which effectively means (since the girls are sharing a room) that it has a guest room. It’s a great space to entertain with, to have college kids over, to house guests, to live! And we are stoked! There are a million things to do, but that’s another post. I can’t wait to share my super awesome moving plan too!

Avie also loves Rainbow Dash. She loves Elsa more now, but Rainbow Dash was her favorite at birthday time. So we made it a birthday theme. (In case you don’t know, Rainbow Dash is the dare devil pony from the My Little Pony show. Not exactly the one I would think Avie would identify with most. You know, the girly dresses and heels, and the refusal to wear pants.)

The thing with Rainbow Dash is that she is, well… a rainbow of colors. So to make an awesome cake, I needed a rainbow of colors, but only a small bit of each color. I took the easy way out and bought frosting. Then I colored a bit of each color and then used plastic baggies to make piping bags for each color.

During this time, of course, I’m making ice cream cake! It’s a lot of back and forth to the freezer. I may have to make a tutorial some day. For now, the simple process is a spring form pan. Using a spatula, you put slightly softened vanilla ice cream up the sides. Freeze. Then chocolate ice cream in the bottom about 1/3 of the depth of the pan. Freeze. Then mix Oreo cookies crumbled (without the filling) with shell chocolate sauce. This goes in the next 1/3. Freeze. And then top with vanilla ice cream. Below shows a cross section.

Now to decorate! A nice little rainbow, some clouds, “Happy Birthday Avie,” and then Rainbow Dash!

This was for the birthday party, but Avie wanted cotton candy. So I made her her own 4″ ice cream cake with cotton candy ice cream and animal crackers with white chocolate. And gave it a nice little rainbow of its own.

Here’s a cross section of it. She loved it!

Of course, the best part, was the party! We had a few friends over to play and eat cake. (Someone had to eat all that ice cream!)

AND Avie got a sweet play house, which she plays in almost every day! Happy 4th Birthday Avie baby!

This time, baby number two, we thought we knew what to expect. Turns out, we were wrong. We were in for a wild ride. From the very beginning, she’s thrown us for a bit of a loop. Pregnancy was different and harder. She was born 6 days early (sweet relief). Her labor was short and sweet (praise Jesus!!). She was a terrible sleeper, though she’s getting better. She couldn’t handle dairy in my breastmilk. And now, she seems to be outgrowing most of both of those.

At first, she was awake every 2-3 hours, which is normal. And then it was 3-4 hours and we were like “ok, this is progress.” But then it kind of stalled out there. It wasn’t until about January (10 months old) that she started sleeping more like 6-8 hours. And boy was that bliss! I’m happy to say that at a year old, she sleeps from 8:30 (or 9) until about 6, nurses, and then usually goes back to sleep until 8. She still takes one, sometimes two naps. If it’s one, it’s usually significantly longer (like 4 hours a few days ago!). It’s still not perfect, and we don’t go to bed on time often, but it’s significantly better than at 6 months.

And the dairy thing is not an issue any more. In fact, she’s started eating yogurt and drinking cows milk like it was no big deal. Speaking of eating, this kid has been going through a growth spurt or something! She only nursing at bed time and first thing in the morning, so she’s pretty much exclusively on solids now. She love black beans, avocado (at least for a while), banana, peas and bread! Anything that’s small enough to be chomped by her chompers is fair game. She has seven of those chompers too. 4 on top and 3 on bottom. Just waiting for that last one to complete the set for now.

It’s so much fun to watch her personality awaken and come out each day. She adores her big sister and loves to laugh (at her and just in general). Maybe she’ll be the class clown. And she loves to dance. She can stand assisted, but not alone yet. She will walk around things, but isn’t really interested in actually walking. Crawling is much faster. Plus she hates have her hands held, so walking with someone is not her idea of fun.

She’s finally started to do some signs, just in the last couple of weeks. She knows “more” and “all done” which is super helpful. She’s just started “drink (milk).” But she doesn’t have many verbal words yet. They’re pretty much limited to “yeah!” and gibberish. No mama or dada yet, but she’ll get there. I think when she starts talking, she might just start with full sentences because that’s what her gibberish sounds like. She’s also started giving kisses, which is super sweet, if not a little wet, since it’s usually with her tongue hanging out.

To celebrate, we started with dedicating her to the Lord. It was such a sweet thing to have both of her Papa’s pray over her and our family in front of our church. We have lifted her up to God. She is not ours, but his, and we pray that she will know that more each day as she grows.

After church, we had an elephant birthday party!

I’m kind of over big birthday parties (already? I know!) so we decided to keep it to family. It was small and intimate and just perfect.

The smash cake. I dabbled in making my own fondant for the elephants, but stuck with my go-to of butter cream for the cake frosting. I’m just not comfortable enough with fondant to make that leap. Maybe next time?

She looooved it! She ate an amazing amount.

Opening presents was a bit lost on her, so she needed some help from big sister (whether she wanted it or not).

And big sister did get a gift of her own. (Thanks Gpa Max and Gma Sue!)

She got lots of fun presents and some especially some cute outfits. She hugged each one of them.

While it was technically from Nana and Papa, this is my favorite gift. Mostly because I picked it out. It’s her first real baby doll!

Kisses! She loves her all ready. Happy birthday baby cakes!

And then, January 8th, we lost our family matriarch, my grandma, Marjorie Jeanne Bahr Pape. Grammy Marj.

For so long, she was the glue that held our family together. She was persistent to the point of stubborn. She quit smoking in her late 60’s, cold turkey, by sheer force of will. She was fiercely independent and always had a hard time letting people take care of her. But she took care of everyone. Every grandchild spent a week or two each summer. Every holiday was spent at their house, as cramped and cluttered as it was. My own birthday coincided with her town’s biggest celebration: Labor Day. As a child, I’m pretty sure I thought it was all for me.

She took care of her town too. For a number of year, she was city clerk and knew what was going on with pretty much every family in town. Since they didn’t have a fire department in their town, she had a “fire phone” in her house that called in emergencies and she would call whoever needed to be called. She made homemade donuts for trick-or-treaters every Halloween. She made pies for every funeral or celebration. Cooking was her way of showing she cared.

And man, those pies. Some people make a big deal of how tricky pie crust is, but pie making has always come easily for me. It must be in the genes. I’m proud to say that I inherited her pie making ability.

She was hardy. She grew up on a family farm during the great depression. She was familiar with hard work and sacrifice. She married her high school sweetheart (the day of graduation, in fact) and they made it work until the end. There were some cold years, for sure. Even as a child, I noticed that. But they loved each other by way of commitment. And in the end, when they came to love Jesus, they came to feel love toward each other again.

She was 59 when I was born, so I didn’t know much of her early life, but I was fascinated. When we were kids, we would sleep in the “back bedroom” all together on a giant bed. Most of the time, Grandma slept at the foot of the bed with us. As we were going to sleep I would beg her to tell us stories of when she was little. She told us about her pink horse (a white horse that loved to roll in the strawberries in the spring) and about the farm. I wish I could remember more of those stories.

But the things I want to remember are the times I spent with her and the things she taught me. She taught me how to sew, first by hand and then on a sewing machine. (She said it was important for me to know how to do it by hand and practice that first.) The time I found a dress pattern in her pattern cabinet and begged her to help me make it. Though she said, “I’m no seamstress!” she still helped me make that dress. The countless times I “helped” make noodles or jelly. How she would always dig out frozen fish that her brother had caught to make me fried fish because I loved it so! How she always, always had cottage cheese (pretty much the only thing I ate as a kid) and pop. But if you took a can out of the fridge, you had to replace it from the wash house. Helping her handwash the dishes, which she did immediately after every meal. (How I wish I had inherited that!) Her black coffee and jellied toast while she did the crossword every morning because she didn’t want her mind to go when she was “old”. Her cranberry-elderberry jelly. Precious memories.

I lost my grandad several years ago, and that was difficult. I still miss him. But I ache with the loss of my grammy. The thing God keeps putting in my heart though, is that they haven’t been lost, but found. They were first found when I was a pre-teen. It’s simply amazing how after an entire life time away from God, through the persistence of their grandchildren, God was still pursuing them and their hard hearts were softened. The change was day and night. They truly understood the debt that was paid and the cost of their Savior.

Like a treasure hunter, collecting precious items and putting them away for safe keeping, He’s taken them to heaven with him. I know this is out of context, but “Store up your treasures in heaven” has an alternate meaning to me now. They have been stored, they are safe. I hope they’re dancing together as praise for their Savior.

Postpartum depression doesn’t always look like what you think. It doesn’t always happen in the neat little 6 week window when your doctor or midwife asks you all the questions to identify it and your husband pays close attention to your every move watching for it. It doesn’t always look as drastic as the tragic stories on the news either. It doesn’t always come with a diagnosis (possibly because of the denial that it’s even happening) or a treatment plan.

Sometimes it manifests itself in the form of apathy after months of sleepless nights. (Harvard says studies show that even short term sleep deprivation can cause depression symptoms here.) A lack of motivation to care about your house, your children, your hobbies, yourself. Not apathy like, “Oh, I don’t care,” but a complete numbness that leaves you looking at this helpless child and feeling… nothing. Except guilt for not feeling anything.

I’ve been putting off this post, arrogantly waiting until I was on the other side. And while I think the deep numbness has subsided (and I truly have moments of joy in my children again), I wouldn’t say I’m “cured.” The truth is that God doesn’t always heal things immediately. He doesn’t always make that baby sleep. He doesn’t always give you instant joy. But He does answer. He just likes to be asked.

Recently, we were reading The Magician’s Nephew (CS Lewis’ prequel to The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe). I won’t ruin it for you, but the kiddos go on a journey to retrieve something for Aslan (the Jesus figure) and find themselves at dinner time without any food. One of them says, “You’d think He would have thought of that.” And another character says, “I’ve no doubt He did. But I have the feeling He likes to be asked.” That pretty much defines the season I’m in right now.

I’m not asking God because He doesn’t know. Or because He’s a big Santa in the sky going to grant my wishes. But I’m asking because He says to.

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8 (NLT)

I’m asking every day for God to make my baby sleep. To stretch my minutes of sleep. To give me joy in being a mom again. To be my joy. To make me care. To be my portion. Every. Day. Why? Because He is my portion for today. And tomorrow, I need to ask again. When the Israelites were in the desert (wandering for 40 years because they disobeyed), God still provided food for them. For that day. And that day alone. The manna (aka “what is it?”) was only good for that day and wouldn’t keep for the next. They had to come back to God daily and rely on Him.

I forgot. Again. That I need Him daily. That I cannot do this. I do not have the strength to simply soldier on. I don’t have the cleverness to figure it out. I can put on a good show for a few days. But I have to ask… and KEEP on asking. And, little by little, my baby sleeps a little better (sometimes). I have moments of gag-me-with-a-spoon gushy love for my kiddos again when I just sit in awe of their beauty. I have moments of clarity or productivity. But more importantly, I have a much healthier relationship with my Father, who is a good Dad because He is calling me back to Himself.

As much as I hate how tired this season is and the pain and numbness that has come with it, I can see now how He used it for good. I’m not to the point where I would say “I wouldn’t trade it,” but I can see how, in spite of it, HE is Good.

Honestly, I was judgey.

But I must apologize and beg your forgiveness if you ever felt that judgement. Because kiddo number two has humbled me in ways I didn’t even realize was possible.

It started with the pregnancy. Nothing saw the same the second time around. There was a lot more throwing up.

This kid didn’t (and still doesn’t) have a great latch. One La Leche League gal I talked to (at 5 weeks) was amazed I had pushed through that long. Luckily, unlike many moms with latch issues, I wasn’t in agony and Arwyn was still growing. I now understand how a mom could give up on this one.

And if that weren’t enough, she doesn’t tolerate when I have dairy well at all. Like… at all. I just knew I had a happy baby in there somewhere, but she was just angry. All. The Time. When a friend of mine cut out dairy for her baby (prior to kiddo #2) I laughed to myself and though, “it can’t be that bad, I would never bend my life to fit a little dictator like that.” I haven’t had cheese in 2 months. I can’t say there haven’t been times I’ve thought about how much easier life would be with formula.

This kid doesn’t like to sleep. Unlike Avie, she has a paci. And that paci is the bane of my existence because as soon as it falls out, she’s awake until I fix it for her. Every. Night. I’ve even thought about taking it away. But then the thought of the screaming on end without it has stopped me. She often takes naps with me. Co-sleeping. Something I never did with Avie. At this age, Avie slept an average of 10+ hours straight at night. In her own bed. In her own room. Arwyn… 3-5. If I’m lucky. Sister room sharing is out of the question for now.

I don’t write all this to complain. (Ok, maybe just a little.) But mostly to admit that I was wrong. I wasn’t a great mom, I just had an easy first baby. (Now, toddler-hood may be a different story.) I get it now. And if I am ever tempted to be judgey… well, Arwyn will wake up every hour all night for you. To remind me of you, whoever I’ve judged. Please forgive me.

Since little miss Arwyn is now 3 months old, we are officially past what some call the “Fourth Trimester”. And while I don’t adhere to the full belief in the fourth trimester, I think there is something to be said for transitioning from womb to world. Coming out of the other side, I feel like I’m waking up from a long dreary sleep with patches of dreams that seemed real enough. It’s a good think we thought to take pictures of those early days, otherwise we wouldn’t remember them for the sleep deprivation. (Reason #1 I haven’t been blogging!!)

Of course, during that time, she’s been growing and learning and becoming quite the little character. She’s lifting her head quite a bit more and eager to sit up (very supported of course). She has rolled from tummy to back a total of 3 times (though it doesn’t seem to be on purpose yet). And she’s kicking her legs and generally more active.

Her sleeping is starting to consolidate. She’s taking more regular naps and sleeping much better at night. She usually has at least 1 good 4-5 hour stint at a time and then goes right back to sleep (finally!!) for another 2-3 hours… and sometimes she does that several times. From about 10 or 11pm until 9 or sometimes even 10am. One discovery that has helped immensely was the swaddler sleep sack. I pride myself in being a great swaddler, but this one just kept breaking out of it, like at only 6 weeks old. After a friend suggested a Woombie, I found one similar (Comfort & Harmony) on Amazon and while she can still get her hands up by her face, but she can’t startle herself awake.

Arwyn is also excelling at her smiling and noise making. Aside from crying, she’s coos and hoots and even recently started yelling when she wants attention. She may have even laughed out loud a few times. My favorite is when she’s sucking on her paci and trying to coo. It comes out something like “goey-goey-goey-goey”.

Speaking of paci’s, we have quite a love/hate relationship with it. She loves it and I hate it. Avie never took a paci very well and after a while, we gave up. Arwyn, however, is quite attached. It’s required for falling asleep, soothing, and sometimes just for general contentment. In the past week or so, we’ve made some strides away from it by falling asleep without it a handful of times and not getting it when she’s just discontent (unless I just can’t take the noise anymore). But on the other hand, it’s so nice to have something that works when we’re out in public or trapped in the car.

And the thing that warms my heart more than just about anything, is to see these two start to love on each other. Avie wasn’t quite as enamored with Arwyn as we thought she might be. She found her generally pretty boring at first (who can blamer her!), but recently, she has started pulling Arywn’s highchair closer to her when she’s sitting at the table and talking to her more and sometimes even playing. I think their bond will only grow as Arwyn does!

I could go on and on about all the preparations I made to make it a smooth trip, but I’ll stick to the ones that mattered. Avie couldn’t have cared less about the games and toys I packed for her. She only cared about the movies, which didn’t even hold her attention for the first half of each. Pumping in the car saved our trip because we didn’t have to stop every 2 hours for little pants to eat. The audio book I checked out from the library kept Ansen and I entertained and helped the trip go much quicker… despite pausing it every few minutes to attend to someone’s needs.

The point is: We made it.

This was our condo, the Emerald Grande, that we shared with Ansen’s family. It was a 3 bedroom, 3 bath and fit everyone pretty nicely (though not ideally). The common area was plenty big enough and the kitchen and dining room (which didn’t get used as much as we had planned) were spacious.

And this was the view from the balcony of the bay and the gulf beyond.

While the hotel wasn’t right on the beach, it was kind of fun to take the beach shuttle each time. Avie loved the boat.

The beach they drop you at is on the bay side, so it’s much calmer and very easy for little people to play in.

The hotel provides giant umbrellas and beach chairs and even sets them up for you if they aren’t to your liking. Which meant that they happily placed this umbrella down by the water so I could sit with Arwyn and watch Avie play. Uncle Andrew made a “poo” (pool) as Avie calls it and even buried himself. Avie didn’t care about building sandcastles, so much as smashing them down.

On the fourth day there, we rented a pontoon boat and went to CrabIsland, a large sand bar that is just a few feet underwater. Avie loved the “bouncy boat”, but the “other beach that got water in my mouth”. Anyone under a certain age had to wear a life vest while the boat was moving. So of course, Avie did. And when she got in the water, she promptly flipped over and got a mouth full of sea water. I don’t think she had been in the water far enough before then to do that. Arwyn also “had” to wear a life vest. We did for a while and then she got fed up, so I took her out and didn’t bother with it anymore. Honestly, if she had fallen overboard the life vest probably wouldn’t have done much and we’d be in much bigger trouble.

One evening, Mimi and Papa watched the girls and let us have a date night! It was seriously some of the best food we had (and we had a lot of fresh seafood). Ansen had the sea scallops, which we knew would be good. And I had the grilled swordfish. I didn’t know swordfish could be so… delicate. And our desserts were equally as good:

Since everyone got to do something they wanted to do, we even let Avie ride the little train. And we lucked out. The gal running it had to take a break right when we got there, so she gave us one free ticket, so we didn’t even have to pay full price.

The last day we went to the beach again and then walked over (about 1/4 mile) to the gulf side and played in the big waves. Avie wasn’t too sure about them. She and I picked seashells instead. All in all, it was a fantastic trip, despite the car ride… and we can’t wait to go again at the end of the summer!