Belief in myself!

Progress!

2026-10-30T05:54:02.242-05:00

Project self-rehabilitation has been going ok. Nothing fantastic and the progress is slow, but I am seeing progress.

The more time that passes, the more I doubt that the doctor looked ‘deep enough’. I think that the ortho specialist saw arthritis and stopped looking and thereby missed something else happening. And I don’t deny the arthritis diagnosis; it was just a repeat of what I already knew. But popping in my knee when I do certain movements…yeah, the ones accompanied by the sharp take your breath away pain…. yeah, that’s new and unique. Ohhh and it radiates up and down my leg. Hmmmm But that is neither hide nor hare….my response is still the same.

Self-Rehabilitation Time!

I have been continuing with my plan to work various muscles to help balance out my muscles. I’m talking to you, glutes and hamstrings! Yes, I’ve read the reports that my glutes may be weak causing the quads to overwork…causing an imbalance that affects the knee. (Ok, that was a dumbed down explanation, but it works!) So, I am working on my glutes. Because of the pain in the knee, I must watch what I am doing…..don’t want to aggravate it, I want to help! So, I have started with really basic exercises….and low and behold they HURT to do. Which tells me that my glutes need some help! As for the hamstrings…. well…. Almost every physical trainer that I have read talks about the quads but never mentions the hamstrings. Yet I know that sometimes I can FEEL the hamstrings in the back of my leg as I’m sitting. Hmmmmmm Then, just last night I read something in the book that I am reading, Built from Broken.

It talked about and imbalance between the quads and the hamstrings…if the quads are overpowering the hamstrings…. or if they pull a fast load quick and the hammy’s aren’t ready, it can cause issues that reverberate down the leg and really mess up the…..you guess it, the knee! Hmmm…so I am starting some basic hamstring work. I am not jumping into any machines at the gym….first because I can’t lower and rise from a seat without either good pain and a loud grunt or some assistance (hello grab bar in the work bathroom!). But secondly, I am doing this rehabilitation slow and measured…. Large/high weights isn’t the answer….that is what I was doing the night this happened. (pushing large weights on ‘leg day’….as per my trainer’s advice) so simple body movements right now to pinpoint the weak spots in my body!

I have been trying to walk as much as possible. Self-explanatory of course……

I have been trying to use my muscle roller more consistently on the leg muscles…because another Physical therapy dude mentioned knots in the muscles of the leg that can wreak havoc. So, I am rolling those muscles…CHECK!

And of course healthy eating and water consumption. I am doing pretty good with my food and water intake. The weight is coming off…..slowly. I get frustrated with how slow it is coming off. I think it’s my age, it wasn’t this hard way back when. But that’s ok, we aren’t looking backwards, only forward.

And it is coming off!

Self Rehabilitation

2026-10-17T15:08:02.689-05:00

It has been almost 3 weeks since I went to the orthopedic doctor, and he dove in with the diagnosis of relatively serious arthritis and the plan of waiting for the pain to become unbearable and then we will start pain management treatment and start on the path toward a knee replacement. I have accepted the diagnosis, but I am not accepting the future he described without a fight.

Firstly, I am in total agreement with the doctor’s diagnosis. I fully accept and understand that I have some serious arthritis in my knees. That is not disputed. I will even acknowledge that the week of intense pain was a baker’s cyst that ruptured. The diagnosis fits with my symptoms. So, I accept that just fine too.

What I do not accept is his prognosis for my future. “Wait for the pain to escalate’ is quite simply not acceptable. Furthermore, I feel as if the doctor saw my knees in the x-ray and glossed over the pain that I was experiencing up and down my leg. He saw advanced arthritis and looked no further.

So where does this leave me?

The first and largest (pun intended) thing is to lose weight. I got serious immediately upon the doctor’s dire prediction for my future. In the first few days I lost 2 pounds. Yay me! And then came vacation! I had plans to splurge a little but mostly keep my eating under control. Toward the end of vacation my water consumption really suffered though! I am proud to say that we went on vacation and ONLY gained those two pounds! Immediately upon the end of vacation, I got serious again and I am proud to say that 4 days after vacation ended and I am not only right back where I was the first day of vacation, but I am also ½ pound lower! I am 2.8 pounds down from where I was 19 days ago and 11 of those days were vacation! I have to say, this is probably the first vacation EVER for me where 4 days after vacation I am not multiple pounds higher and in fact lower than my pre-vacation weight! Go me!

The second thing is that I have really started to look at other causes of the pain. I find it hard to believe that I was walking and moving fine a month or so ago and overnight the arthritis took a nosedive to the point that I can not walk and can’t rise out of a chair without an intense flash of pain. Couple that fact with the instances where I have talked to Jason about how my calf muscle feels so tight or that the movements that I can feel pulling that then causes the knee to hurt. Thus, I am mostly convinced that the bulk of my pain is somewhat muscular in nature.

I have researched and stumbled upon what may be quackery…but here goes.

I stumbled upon one person who is supposedly a Doctor of Physical Therapy. (I say supposedly because it is online and I haven’t felt the desire to research his credentials.) This doctor dude indicated that knee pain is usually not pain that starts in the knee…the knee is just the part that gets the attention. He said that the pain is from the quads in the thigh. He said that they get tight and hard knots form. Thos knots then cause more and more tightness and pulling/compressing and it throws everything out of balance and that imbalance is what is causing the pain (and most likely the arthritis issues in the first place). Hmmm……I can buy into that theory. So much so that I pulled out a massage stick that I bought years ago when I was running and started running it up and down my quads…..and placebo effect or not, I think it may have worked …….a bit. So I plan on continuing that process. (I haven’t paid any money to see the ‘full program…..just researched what I could online) But he says nothing that I could find online about the calves…and my pain seems to radiate there too.

But then I stumbled upon another potential quack. Another Doctor of Physical Therapy. (Supposed, because once again…online.) This due also states that it’s not the knee that is the issue but that it is the muscle. I believe this dude actually used the phrase that the knee is reactionary to other issues. This guy talks about quads AND calves. HELLO, tell me more! So I read further. And didn’t get much more…other than the fact that if those muscles are weak or over stimulated…seized or loose…….or if one muscle is weak and one is strong that it is causing imbalances that are causing the knee to hurt. I haven’t ruled out paying for the $20 online class for this one. But then again…quackery?

So where does that leave me?

Continue to lose weight
Massage rolling my muscles
Creating a routine where I am stretching and building those muscles SAFELY (and not full bore ahead to 100 plus pounds of weight which is what the personal trainer did). And to make sure I am working ALL of those muscles!
Movement….walking as much as I can. (and getting that exercise bike back into my daily routine…..and or getting to the gym for the bike/elliptical)
I am forcing myself to try to do as much as I can without the aid of grab bars, altered movements, etc. Don’t get me wrong, it hurts….but my theory is that movement will help!

I’m telling you……I accept the diagnosis. I do not accept the prognosis. So it’s time for my self-rehabilitation.

Not Without A Fight

2026-10-03T07:29:26.587-05:00

In my last post I wrote about my updated diagnosis. I wrote about the prognosis, which wasn’t a shock…not really. Yet I was shocked.

You see, I was diagnosed with arthritis 27 years ago when I was 29 years old. I learned ticks and hints to keep my knees from hurting. In fact, there were long stretches in that period where I barely felt any twinge of arthritis pain. Let me tell you, those periods were glorious. However, I wasn’t really doing anything to forestall the arthritis getting bad. I wasn’t really doing anything but living my life. Sure, I knew that the arthritis was there…. but in the far distant future we would deal with that. That was my thinking! My head was firmly in the sand and ignoring the problem. I wanted to lose…and I knew that my weight would help the knee issue. But well, you can see how that has turned out for me.

So that is where the stupid comments came from. I knew that I was hurtling toward a more dire diagnosis…..I just ignored it! Stupid.

The diagnosis that I received this past week was dire. The doctor held out no hope that this pain would ease up. We are now in treat the pain mode with an expected acceleration of methods of treating said pain.

But here is where I am struggling now. “It’s JUST arthritis” Yes, that is what I overheard someone say. JUST….JUST…JUST. (Ok, ignoring the ruptured baker’s cyst…..) BUT that is what is making my blood boil. Because it is not JUST arthritis.

It’s terminal! Not in terms of death. But this very well could be the death of my Zumba classes that I just rediscovered (and that I love). This diagnosis could very well be the end of my hiking up mountains. This diagnosis could very well be the end of any pain free day. It is very terminal to my way of life.

That is depressing! I am not ready to give up hiking. I don’t want to give up Zumba. I have been hoping to lose a bit of weight and start running. Things I love. Things that may never happen again for me. It could be quite terminal for those hobbies!

But I have to tell you, I am hoping and praying that he is wrong. I am hoping that this really is a flare up, just like I have been having for years (albeit a worse one that started with that baker’s cyst issue). I am hoping that the pain eases.

I accept it. I have already started different supplements…or as I call it my potions and lotions. I have also gotten quite serious about actually losing the weight. Recommitted (again). I recommitted 4 days ago and I am down 2 pounds. Early days yet, but I'm tickled with the 2 pounds!

I also have been researching moves that a PT would use for someone in my situation…because obviously what the personal trainer was not the right thing. (HA). So I have a whole list of knee exercises for people with arthritis to build strengh (And they don't include the personal trainers method of deep knee squats and lots of resistance training on those knees.)

I have been reading and researching some other things about arthritis .....and read somewhere that my current flare up could be because of an imbalance in my muscles....the thighs and/or calves being too strong and putting pressure and more weight on the knee (ok I explained that horribly). THe answer.......build up the booty muscles....the glutes. I watched a few of videos from a PT and the comments were very encouraging. Let the butt help carry the weight.

I may be depressed, but I am not going to go down without a fight!!!

Stupid....Stupid...Stupid

2026-09-28T18:00:33.230-05:00

Plans…why do I even make them. Seriously. I come up with so many plans, so many ideas, so many thoughts and then I fail. What in the world is wrong with me? I must be just plain stupid!

So it’s been 18 days since I last wrote and the leg saga is still ongoing. After those first awful days where I could barely function, things started to feel better……kinda. I got to the point that my knee only ached while I was walking…and no real issue while sitting or immobile moments. However, random acts just drive a searing pain through my knees. What things? Ohhhh standing up from a chair…. lowering myself to a sitting position on a chair. Going to the bathroom was absolutely the best. (note the sarcasm). Steps…. or even a curb…. not fun. Any step that is not a normal to small step. Turning and changing direction. Also, painful. Manageable right?

But then let’s add in the ‘wrong step’…. the “too many steps’….or just the “insanity that seems to happen to me.”

The wrong step. I was walking through the yard about a week ago and wasn’t paying close enough attention…. apparently! You see, I stepped on a walnut that had fallen from the tree, it threw me off balance, and I thought I was going down. (Just imagine the staggering stumbling forward). Let me tell you, PAIN! I was on the phone with a friend and that friend heard me and literally was saying, “I’m calling an ambulance for you.” That wrong step set me back a few days where no matter what I did it jus HURT!

Too many steps? Well, that is self-explanatory……too many steps, too much incline….too much uneven ground and eii yii yii!

The insanity…. well let me tell you that getting zapped by the electric fence around the chicken yard was torture! That electric jolt seemed to go straight to that knee! I had literal tears for about 15 minutes! And the next couple days were extra rough.

So about a week ago I decided that enough was enough. The urgent care had said to seek further advice if it hadn’t gotten better within about 10 days. I waited close to a month. But I went to an orthopedic specialist today.

The diagnosis…….

First of all, apparently it was a baker’s cyst. But those really bad early days where I couldn’t function. Apparently that was when the baker’s cyst ruptured. No worries…..once ruptured the body steps up to the task of taking care of the fluid that is now running loose through your body.

Secondly, the arthritis that I have been dealing with for YEARS has apparently gotten a LOT worse. I was 29 when a doctor first told me I had arthritis and there was no discussion about anything but management of the pain. I lost all the weight and the knees felt fabulous. I regained and the pain came back.

Apparently it came back with a vengeance. The doctor advised that while its by no way the worst case he has seen, there is significant amounts of arthritis…..in all three (apparently there are three areas) areas of my knee.

We are still on the over the counter meds to manage. But the doctors words were, when it gets unbearable (he also used the phrase, ‘when you can’t sleep at night from the pain’) then come in and we sill start steroid injections (offers a few weeks of pain free) and when you need more we will move to the hyaluronic acid injections. (He freely admitted that the injections will hurt). There may be the addition of a ‘pain management doctor’ at some point to possibly do some kind of nerve reatment. And as a last resort a knee replacement…both knees.

I liked the doctor. He actually talked about the replacement as a total last resort and did admit that it was 50-50. Some people are absolutely in love with the results and do both readily. Others do one and refuse to do the other. (Not good odds.)

We talked about some other things to do in the meantime. Things like the arthritis creams, the over the counter pain relief (and if I start eating ibuprofen like candy to start getting my kidneys checked regularly), braces and of course staying as active as possible.

But he also recommends

Collogen powder
Glucosamin chondroitin - He actuall said this stuff really makes a difference. He said his aged dog who hobbles around got into and ate a full bottle and for the next three weeks the dog acted like a puppy! (Course the dog also had a bad case of diarrhea….but I don’t plan on taking a whole bottle)
Vitamin D
Red Light Therapy
Ice and/or heat – depending on what feels good (ice always at the beginning) Ice to reduce inflammation….heat to loosen the muscles

He said losing weight would ‘help’ because any weight loss helps. But he said it would most likely not be the solution to my woes…the damage has been done.

So where does that leave me right now?

Still in pain…but focused and determined to get back to moving as much as physically possible.
Heading to the pharmacy after work to pick up the supplements
Checking into the red light therapy room that my gym offers (and I have access to at my level of membership
100% focused on losing weight.

So here I am. Stupidly, I knew this was hurtling toward me. I’ve known since I was 29 and originally got diagnosed. Yet I allowed the weight to come back. Maybe not allowed….I mean I didn’t invite the weight back, but I didn’t do what I needed to do to stop it! So here I am…….DANGEROUSLY close to the REALLY bad side of arthritis…..at age 53.

The plan

2026-09-10T08:50:00.000-05:00

This Baker's Cyst thing is really cramping my style. I was on a good path. I was making headway with my weight loss efforts. Now I am on restrictions with what I can do. Now I am in pain when I even try to walk. Now............. ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

In my post where I talked about the issues and how it unfolded I wrote about how I have a plan for my eventual return to Zumba. I am super excited just thinking about returning! It will come....in time!

But in the meantime I knew I needed a plan because I don't want to erase all the good that I have done for myself in the meantime! So I came up with a plan!

The first item in my plan is that I need to keep moving. That is the most important thing. With that said, I need to be using my exercise bike It is low impact and 'should' be a good plan. Of course this is in theory, as I haven't tried to ride yet with this bum knee! I have a tv in the office but it is not plugged in and I have no roku/firestick for it. So getting a tv hooked up to watch in there is on the to do list.

As soon as my knee is good enough for me to actually be able to sit and stand without serious pain (and without me thinking that I am going to have to ask someone to help hoist me up from the sitting position) I plan to hit the gym and work on arms, shoulders, backs, etc. I will add the leg training in asap.

The third thing is my diet. The trainer wanted me at 1600 calories which hasn't typically worked for me. I was trying it while I was trying to build muscles. But with this new (hopefully temporary) phase, I have decided to restrict the calories down again. Not so low that it's dangerous. I know that 1200 is the lowest an adult should ever go. But I need to go into a larger calorie restriction to get this weight off.

You see, this knee issue is a symptom of a larger problem....arthritis. I can work through arthritis pain and have for years. I can not work through this bakers cyst pain.....it's almost virtually impossible to walk when your knee buckles. It's early impossible to do anything when your breath catches when you go up or down a step. It's just not doable. So I have to attack the arthritis the only way I can at this moment and that is through my eating!

Luckily for me they always say that weight is lost in the kitchen and not the gym!

I went to the gym for my scheduled training session and to officially cancel. We talked about where I am and what is happening. We talked about my plans going forward. I actually listened to what he said and then told him my plan. His big thing was to keep moving in anyway I can! He wants me to walk (8000-10000 steps a day as soon as I can conceivably manage it) As soon as I am able with the knee to easily stand and sit I am to get back to the upper body strength training.

We talked about what my workouts will be when I get back strength training. My training profile will remain active so I will still have the access to my workouts. (Although I will be making a copy /screenshot just in case it is deleted.) Furthermore, I talked to him about the possibility of paying for a single session here and there....and that is a clear possibility. He is the one that brought it up that I can make an appointment with any of the trainers when I need/want some help....which is cool because I can try out other trainers and their styles (I will pay more for a single session...the deals are in the monthly commitments). I thanked him for getting me back to a point where I COULD do some strength training (emotionally at least hahaha).

I told him my plan to cut calories further, no lower than the 1200 in an effort to get the arthritis under control. When I said that the arthritis isn't going to get better until I get the weight off he agreed and said, "at the worst it will be more manageable with each pound you drop". He said the larger calorie restriction was a good idea.

So not that I needed his advice or approval, I got it anyway. It is nice to have confirmation that my plan is on point.

Now just to carry out my plan and get this weight off so I can get back to the 'scheduled program!"

Progress Found

2026-09-08T08:23:00.000-05:00

This last week has been crazy in terms of my efforts to be healthy. I am not going to talk about it again because I already covered it in my last post. But just suffice it to say that it was bad. On Friday I woke up and I consciously made a decision to throw up my hands and indulge.

Water? I didn't fill up any water container to take to work. I jumped right to soda. Diet soda at least, but still soda!

I didn't even take soda from home. On no......I stopped on the way to work and bought a really big diet pepsi. And of course I didn't just buy a drink. I got a bacon egg and cheese pretzel melt AND some hash browns!

Lunch wasn't any better. We ordered out. I got a big pretzel with cheese dipping sauce (and some honey mustard sauce dip......) It was delicious! I topped off my diet soda with another can or two in my cup along with some fresh ice.

I had a few pieces of candy in the afternoon (starburst).

And for dinner I had pizza. A LOT of pizza. And more diet soda for course!

I probably ate 3000 calories for the day. And let me be clear, I felt horrible! Not emotionally, physically! I felt so sick!

It made me think though. I used to eat like that all the time. I haven't eaten like that in years, but I used to! It used to be nothing for me o start the day off with a big breakfast, eat lunch and a full dinner. I think in the past I have even wrote on here how mid afternoon I would even contemplate (and complete) a quick stop at a fast food joint to get a mid afternoon snack....nothing big, maybe just a burger and/or fries.

Yet I ate less than that on Friday and I felt sick. Above all else, it showed me that while my body is not dropping the weight lie I want, at least I can see progress in how I am eating! (and what I am capable of eating!)

Not So Much

2026-09-05T12:02:18.130-05:00

It has been a fabulous week for my weight loss efforts.......not so much. It has been a fabulous week for working out.......not so much. It has been one of my all time favorite weeks this year......not so much!

This week started out perfectly dandy. I saw the trainer on Sunday and had a great workout. My arm was feeling pretty good and I was set to slay the week! While I was with the trainer I did mention that my right knee was really bothering me, more so than normal and at the back of the knee not the normal arthritis location. We talked a bit about zumba and how that could be part of the stress and I did advise that I do tone it down quite a bit and I reminded him that zumba (and running) is my heart....it's the exercises that I find myself happiest.....and that this strength training stuff was only a necessary evil. We left the session with the comment that in my next session we were going to focus on legs so that he could see what was happening. Perfect!

Monday my eating was healthy and I headed to the gym in the evening for my next solo strength session to be followed up with my hour of zumba. My knee was feeling icky. Icky enough that I took a knee brace to the gym with me to utilize for support during zumba. See, I was prepared. I powered through my strength session (which was a leg workout) and was honestly pretty happy with how my knee felt. It was no worse than when I had walked into the gym. Yay! On to zumba! I actually did talk to the instructor before the class and told her that I wasn't sure how it was going to go down because my knee was crankin'! I put my knee brace on and started the class. The class was fun.....not so much! Yeah, within 15 minutes I was in PAIN. I thought about leaving. After-all, I had let the instructor know that it may happen. But I didn't want to give up. I stayed. Another 15 minutes went by and it was bad. I was still pondering leaving, but well.....I was in the front and didn't want to make a spectacle of myself. I stayed. I was barely doing the movements...there was no pep in the step and even my arm movements were surely lackluster and not at all energetic. I made it through that complete workout! I even made it out to my car without my knee buckling causing me to fall flat on my face. I dropped into my car because no, there was no graceful slipping into the car. I drove home. And when I went to get out of the car I KNEW I was in trouble.

It was bad. Bad enough that I immediately started to cry, you know the kind, just silent tears of pain that streak down your face while you do what you need to do. (I think the last time was when I went over the handlebars of the bike landing on my face and then rode my bike a few miles back to the car.) I took advil and crossed my finger for a healing night of sleep! Yeah, that plan....not so much!

Tuesday morning was torture. So bad that I was one of the first people seen at the urgent care center. If you know me, you know that if I willingly go to have a medical professional look at me, that it's bad.

So apparently I have a bakers cyst. The best way to describe a bakers cyst is that I have a leaky knee. Ok, thats' the fun way to describe it. The more serious way is that when there is an injury to the knee (or an arthritis flare up) the body produces a fluid to help cushion and repair....but sometimes it 'leaks' and creates a cyst. And that is my problem. The cyst can be up against pushing on those muscles and lots of other things. Ohh and painful. Lucky me.....not so much!

Tuesday was pure torture with walking. I could barely do it. Each step was like an ice pick straight into my knee. Wednesday was slightly better.....and each day has improved a bit. But back to normal....not so much. It supposedly takes a while to rectify itself. Most of the times the bakers cyst will rectify itself and the fluid will eventually be reabsorbed into my body. If it doesn't get better, there are surgical options (yeah, I don't want that!) It's been a painful week.

So no exercise......unless you count hobbling around as little as possible exercise.

Neither did I feel at all even remotely inclined to cook. So we ate some processed foods and some other less than healthy options.

I go back to the trainer tomorrow. (I need to sign the paperwork to cancel...as my two months are almost up and I have not seen the amazing results that he said I would have......although the computer body scan thingy showed that while I haven't lost weight....I was actually up a pound or two that I gained about 5 pounds of muscle....but do we trust a computer scan?) I know that a lot of the exercises on my leg day routine I can actually not do at the moment. Deep knee squats......not so much. That booty machine.....yeah not so much either. And I honestly don't even think the big step up thingy (is it 12 inches...or 18 inches??) is even possible as I struggle to take a short normal step or even a curb at the moment. So he has his work cut out for him to come up with alternatives that I CAN do!

As for zumba. That is on hold right now. But I do plan on going back as soon as possible, I just like it! I WILL be modifying it further. I WILL be in the back row instead of the front so that I can dip out without making a spectacle of myself should it turn out to be a no go. I will also be investing in some dance shoes. When I was doing zumba regularly way back when, for much of the time I actually used a more 'dance' style shoe. What in the world am I talking about? It's all about the traction. A normal tennis shoe is made for walking/running and the tread is made to help that forward motion. But dancing there are pivots and turns. But if your shoe has traction that is working to keep your foot moving forward, that means it is gripping and fighting you while you 'turn'. SO basically I need a shoe that has good support but limited traction. I have fleetingly thought about those shoes since I started zumba, but it was always a passing thought. Well it's not passing anymore. I will be buying a new pair and utilizing them.....and maybe for a while just marching out the pivots instead of doing them. But that is all to come. In the meantime, I'm taking the medications, rubbing the medicated stuff on my knee and resting as much as possible.

And this coming week, no excuses. I need to double down and get this weight off. That is honestly the only hope I have of bringing this arthritis under control!

Hitting the Wall

2026-08-25T18:19:00.523-05:00

And it hits. The wall.

I signed up for personal training about a month ago. I was gung ho. I was totally into it. I vowed to give this my everything. I wasn’t sure if it would work, but I was going to follow through and at least try.

It’s hard. It’s real hard.

My arm has not gotten better. Trainer dude told me to stretch it. I have done so. It still hurts! I can see mobility is sometimes iffy. On Saturday I was in my Zumba class and we were doing a song with all arm work and I actually did half of the song with only one arm. I knew that I had a full day of work at home and I honestly knew something was going to have to be sacrificed. The Zumba song was heavily modified so that I could still move my arm later that day. So yeah…..not feeling all that much relief from the stretching. Admittedly, the stretching seems to help at the moment, but the pain comes back with a vengeance…maybe even a bit worse afterward.

The arm thing makes me want to quit! Big time.

Trainer dude is ok. I have listened to his advice and his comments and I have followed them. But I am questioning the cost that I am paying and the value that I am receiving.

Why? Well let me list the reasons. (And let me say that he came highly recommended by some of the gals in my Zumba class.)

Trainer dude ‘forgot’ to put my ‘in between’ workouts…my ‘homework’ into the system. So the first week went by and the workouts that he wanted me to do never appeared. We had our second session and boom…..he knew that there was nothing there and said that he would have them in there shortly. I was muddling through my OWN workout on Wednesday when he walked up to me to say hi…….I pointed out that they weren’t uploaded yet. 10 minutes later he got them uploaded. He claims it was system glitch and he did it…believe what you want. Let me also say that this is not the only time that he has said, “I’ll do such and such and you’ll have a message in a day or two”….and I hear crickets and have to reach out to him or wait until my next session.
I don’t think he is listening well. He wants me eating 1600 calories…..I have NEVER been able to lose at 1600….even when I was really active. I mentioned it to him and he brushed me aside. He did say that month one would not be a month of losing but that it would pay off in month two onward. I feel as if he is giving me his rote answer…..telling me the calories that his software said that I need to eat and there wasn’t a lot of back and forth. His way or the highway. And honestly, I would LOVE to be able to eat at the 1600 mark. SOOOO…it’s month two. I’m waiting!
The arm thing. I mentioned this issue that I have had in the past with my arm. When it happened, he didn’t do anything to adjust my workout …..other than I lowered my weights and then still struggled with it. So, whatever caused it is still out there lurking in the shadows. (In fairness, when I told him that it was bothering me, he offered to cancel the session and send me home……but he had already postponed the session once….and I knew that he had cancelled the next TWO sessions because he was going to be out of town.)
Yes, let’s talk about his vacay. Everyone needs a vacation…. but when we started looking at make-up sessions his schedule and mine don’t mesh…only on the weekend. So, I am down two sessions. Who knows if I just lost them or if we will ever make them up. (And quite frankly at this moment, if we don’t make them up, I am not worried about the loss of his supposed knowledge….and only about the $72 I paid for that hour!
Oh yes, let’s talk about the hour. My last session…which he cancelled /postponed until the end of his day (He stayed late to get my session in that day…. ruined my day but well…. I needed to get it done because of the whole vacay thing and I didn’t want to be down three sessions). We started the workout …and we had run through my workout….and he ‘released me’ as done after about 40 minutes. Hmmm…. but I paid for 60 minutes. (in fairness, the other two sessions were the full hour)
The workouts, let’s talk about them. There are circuit machines/area at the gym. I am basically doing a circuit. Broken down into legs, push, pull. Three different workouts. I leave the circuit area once or twice in all my workouts. I am doing what I did myself all those years ago when I was going to the gym and doing the circuit workouts. I am paying him to tell me to do what I have previously done on my own. During my training sessions with trainer dude he is basically just standing beside the machine and counting my reps. ($72 bucks worth of counting apparently) What’s wrong with this picture?
I have not seen one smidge of progress with my mobility….yet. It’s month two, shouldn’t I be seeing progress?

So let me give credit where credit is due. I had been going to the gym for a few months before I decided to bite the bullet and sign up for a personal trainer. In that two months I had been to the gym 3-4 times a week. The first night I went in and asked at the counter “where is the Zumba being held?”. They pointed me to the area I needed to go and I went. And that is what I have done. I check in and walk back to the fitness room ….when Zumba is done, I tuck my head and walk out of the gym. I have not investigated. I go to my class and that was it. The trainer made me a bit more comfortable in the gym. I at least know where the circuit area is. (Ok, I have been all over the gym now.) It got me comfortable enough to actually go and use the circuit of machines. For that, I am happy and thankful.

But long term? What will happen with trainer dude? The jury is still out. Right now I am leaning toward giving my notice at the 2 month mark… (I need to give a 1 month notice….and I am committed for three months) As I said to a friend last night, “He has a few more weeks to prove his worth, but right now I am not seeing a $72 value.”

An Expensive Egg

2026-08-22T08:30:45.848-05:00

In early April we made a decision. It has been a bit pricey, but it has been fun. Everything also has said that we will recoup some of our expenditures. But well, it's just been an outlay of money. But like I said, it gives us entertainment.

The Background

Jason loves animals. He would have one of everything if he could. Literally. One day he will walk by our shed and turn to me and say, " I've always wanted a donkey. We could put a donkey in this shed and in the front field" But the next time we walk by together he will say, (and I quote) "I think this shed/barn would be perfect for an Alpaca." But we have also had a discussion about how it would be really cool to turn the barn into a rescue sanctuary for birds of prey. And lets not forget the statement "I want an owl!" or the next week, "Sugar gliders! I've always wanted one!"

It is a common occurrence to have him come home from work to tell a story about an animal that he saw and got to interact with as he goes into houses as an appliance repairman. I hear about birds, snakes, dogs, cats...you name it. I even hear stories such as this one, "MaryFran, I was eating my lunch in my van and a baby squirrel fell out of a tree. It laid there and I watched and let me tell you, if mamma squirrel didn't come back, I was bringing that squirrel home because I've always wanted a squirrel for a pet." Mamma squirrel did come back that day, so I was spared. But you get the point. The man loves animals.

Chickens

In early April we were having a conversation and we decided to go ahead with adding chickens to our life. I had thought about it for years (even before I was with Jason) and well, you know Jason had thought about it quite a bit simply because it's an animal! We took the leap and got 4 baby chicks. And those chicks resided in my family room for weeks upon weeks. They were the most coddled and loved chicks for sure.

While they were growing.....in my family room, Jason and I had to get something ready because why yes, we bought chicks before we even had a chicken coop! A chunk of change later and we were the proud owners of a chicken coop and chicken run that resided in our yard. It took a while for Jason to feel comfortable for the chickens to actually spend the night in the coop (remember, these chickens are coddled and much loved.) But eventually they did move to the coop and they have been in the coop and outside now for about 2 or 3 months now. Still growing, still acting crazy and still costing us money....because the money outlay didn't end after the cost of the coop. They need food, and treats and bedding for the coop. They even got an electric fence around the coop to protect them.

The Dog

Side story. Zoey loved the chickens when they were inside. And she continued to love them when they moved outside. She had no problem going into the pen with these wee little babies (they were still wee little when we took them outside). It was honestly adorable to see our big dog intrigued and fascinated with the chickens. But a few weeks after we put up the fence she got zapped. Somehow in her dog brain, she has decided that the chickens are what caused her to get zapped. Therefore, she is now petrified of the chickens...and barely tolerates being in the backyard with them. Big sissy!

The chickens

SO the chickens have been outside for a few months, costing us money. But we have been talking about how we should be getting close to them starting to lay eggs. I have laughed about the fact that Jason has a work convention that he is going to and the chickens would most likely start laying while he is gone, meaning he would miss his first egg. I even laughed and said, "I'll put a store bought egg in the coop and tell you they laid while you were gone just for a laugh." But that trip isn't until next month.

So two nights ago I was making dinner and looked out the door to the backyard. The dog was cowering as far away from the chicken coop as possible and Jason was tending the chickens inside the electric fence. I stepped onto the back porch and innocently asked "have you been checking the nesting boxes regularly in case they start laying."

Jason grinned and turned around and walked back to the nesting box. He opened it up and then looked at me and said, "ha ha ha, you put an egg in there."

Dumbfounded I said, "Is there an egg in there?" He just started to laugh so I assumed he was teasing me. I continued, "No, I wouldn't do that, but it would be funny if I did. Maybe I should do that some day soon."

We laughed a bit and Jason went about continuing to clean the coop and pen while I stood out there talking to him. All of a sudden he turned to me and said, "Seriously though, how long ago did you put that egg in there, so I know what to do with it."

"What?"

Yes, one of our chickens laid an egg!

It is the most expensive egg! Coop + Run + Electric fence + food + bedding + Treats = 1 egg

Last night I let the chickens out and I peeked into the nesting box. We had another one! But those two eggs are STILL expensive. hahaha. :-)

We are pretty sure that it is one or both of the gray chickens....or as I call them, one of the Millies (Millicent or Mildred). The Black Jersey Giants are the same age, but they mature more slowly and usually take 1-2 months longer than the others to start laying. But no fear, I am sure the jersey Giants (Esmeralda and Gertrude) will join in the fun soon.

But yeah, the chickens are laying!!!!

Accountability

2026-08-18T06:50:00.000-05:00

I talked the other day about my plan....my challenge....what in the world was I talking about. I realized after I hit post that I just dropped that one into the mix out of no where. So lets talk about it

When I was on my little mini vacation I went to visit my friend Linda in Indiana. While in Indiana I got to go a few hours south of Indianapolis to visit my friend Julie.

Julie and I have been friends for about 26 years. (Seriously, that number hurt to write...not because we have been friends that long but because how can I be that old!) Julie was actually a bridesmaid during my first wedding.

This was right before we walked down the aisle...and I was apparently leaning back to relax and trying to not wrinkle my dress! Julie is the gal closest to me!

Julie and I don't live close to each other, but we have stayed in contact through email and whatnot relatively consistently over the years. When I lost the weight the first time, Julie was doing the same thing 8 hours to the east of me. We walked through it together....from a distance.

So when we saw each other we naturally talked about where we were in terms of our health. (She had regained also), SO I proposed an accountability partnership. We would text each other daily to talk about our progress and if we met the goals of the day or if we had failed miserably. We have done pretty good....except for this past week.

We each have different goals....tailored for our own needs and our own circumstances. (For example, she has an apple watch and her goals center around closing the rings. I don't have an apple watch and use Garmin....so my goals are different)

My goals:

1. I am aiming for 5 fruits and veggies a day. I am aiming to be healthy. Eating nutritious food is a big part of that. Sure I want to lose weight too...but being healthy is the MAIN goal.

2. I am trying to get 64 ounces of water a day. Once again....a goal that is healthy!

3. Exercise at least 3 times for the week! When I set this goal I was thinking that I could TYPICALLY do three zumba classes a week and the week that I work Saturday I could slip something else in. Then I got a personal trainer and if I do what I'm supposed to, I get TONS more than 3......

4. Track my food....even if it's ugly. Tracking tends to help me clean up my eating. It is different when you have to actually have to look at it in writing!

Julie and I may struggle with tough love. When one of us has a bad day we encourage and say "it's ok" ..there is no tough love. But you know what, knowing I have to tell her sometimes keeps me on the straight and narrow!

Excuses

2026-08-16T06:32:12.469-05:00

I started the week feeling strong. I had a plan and I was going to slay the week. That is not what happened!

My shoulder/arm hurt!

It was birthday week at work (two birthdays) and at home (one birthday)!

We were super short staffed at work!

I had to work late!

I was tired!

Yeah, yeah yeah, they were all excuses that I had this week!

It was a crazy week for sure. I was supposed to have jury duty on Monday. But on Sunday night when I called, I was excused. That turns out to be a good thing because on Monday we had one person out on PTO and two people called in sick. Had I still had to go to the courthouse for jury duty, there would have only been two people at work. Uhhhh you can't operate with only two people. Three is bad enough, but at least doable. I ended up working open to close on Monday. That totally threw my plans to get off work early, finish prepping dinner and then getting to the gym by 5 for my strength workout followed by an hour of zumba. Kinda hard to do all of that when you don't get off work until 5:15. (and work 20 minutes from home) I did make it to zumba at 6:30........barely.

Tuesday, I could barely function I was so tired. So of COURSE I didn't go to the gym to make up that strength training session that missed the day before.

Wednesday, my excuse was that I was busy....busy making a birthday cake for Jason. And maybe reading.

I made it to not other zumba class. (Saturday zumba wasn't my fault though...I had to work!)

But Yeah....you get the point!

Furthermore,I have plan/challenge that I have been working on since my little 'mini vacation' went by the wayside......what went wrong?

1. I am aiming for 5 fruits and veggies a day.........I was lucky to get 1 serving each day this past week!

2. I am trying to get 64 ounces of water a day...........does diet soda count as water? (It should, however I don't count it as water.....) SO yeah, I drank a lot of soda this week!

3. Exercise at least 3 times for the week? I got in one.......that Monday night zumba class!

4. Track my food....even if it's ugly. Yeah, that didn't happen!

It was bad. I know it.

I can't even say that today will be better. We are heading to Jason's parents house for his birthday lunch with them. There will be food. There will be cake. ARRRGGGHHHH

The plan though is to get in cardio and strength this morning at the gym. And tomorrow.....back to tracking...back to counting water. Back to the basics.

One of these 'restarts' will stick right?

Two steps back

2026-08-11T11:30:51.626-05:00

Training is going well. For the most part. I am still exhausted. I’m still sore a lot of the time. I’m still occasionally taking advil to knock the edge of the soreness off at night so that I can sleep. I’m still not giving up. But seriously, it feels like I take one step forward and two steps back!

But, there has arose a problem or two.

The first thing is my knees. I have mentioned them in the last few posts….and the trainer dude and I are really trying to attack the knee issue. Right now my worst knee is my left one. That is the one that just aches and aches. (Ok, hurts and hurts….cuz it’s not exactly an ache, it’s a little more intense.) But yesterday at work I made the situation worse. I was in my office with a client and had to walk out to complete a task for the client. I came back into my office and sat down on my chair. I scooted my chair in so that I was in position to continue my work with the client and WHACK….I rammed my GOOD knee into the drawers of the desk. OH.MY.WORD! It was bad. Tears coming out of my eyes bad. Take your breath away bad. I laid my head down on my desk (forehead) and tried to regain my senses. The poor client was an elderly man and he was so nice. When I finally lifted my head and tried to get back to business, he kept saying “Take all the time you need.” I managed with him….and for the rest of the day. But lets just say that it’s been 24 hours and that knee still hurts! (Let me also say that I didn’t let it get to me last night and I STILL went to Zumba, but did have to tone it down a wee bit!)

I didn’t make it to do my planned strength workout last night. It really wasn’t m fault though. We had one person out on PTO and two people called out sick. I stayed to help close…..and then we had to pick up the car from the mechanics shop….and well, I had just enough time to get to my Zumba class.

Ohhh the car? It died on me on Saturday. Luckily it was just a battery issue. So my baby has a new battery and fresh oil!

So last week I completed my scheduled workouts. I have three workouts to do each week. Push day, Legs day, and pull day. Push and pull days are both pretty much upper body. No worries. I had it! I was sore after the fact, but not worrisome. I expected to be sore. It wasn’t under I was in the shower on Friday morningwhen I realized that something was wrong. I went to wash my hair and brought both hands up to my head to massage the soap into my hair. The left arm was GREAT! No soreness! I had recovered. The RIGHT arm however. OUCH! It hurt worse than it had all week! Furthermore, I struggled to actually move the right arm up above and behind my head. NOT COOL! I wasn’t recovering, I was getting worse!

Years ago, I had something similar that happened. (May 6, 2019 post ) It started out as a pain reminiscent of muscle pain, just a twinge here or there when I stretched (like to reach a top shelf in he cabinet). In 2019, it progressed to the point that I was in some serious pain, I had numbness even down to my fingers and I had lost almost all range of motion in that arm….my dominant arm. I ended up going to an urgent care and they told me it was a pinched nerve that was affecting everything. The gave me RX strength Advil and muscle relaxers. The meds took the edge off and it slowly got better….somehow, someway.

So when I noticed this pain in the shower this past Friday I knew that it was most likely the same issue. What to do…what to do. On Saturday, I was scheduled for a leg day at the gym. Perfect! Legs wouldn’t affect my shoulder. When I don’t work on Saturdays, I go to a Zumba class…..I went and did that. And made it through somewhat ok. On Sunday I had my session with the personal trainer. I talked to him immediately about it……and we started my workout. It was a ‘push’ day. So arms. JOY JOY. The discrepancy between my arms was CRAZY. Where my dominant arm just a few days earlier was the strong one, now it was the weak link. Furthermore, the amounts that I could lift diminished (not that it was anything fabulous previously, but still!). YIKES! I literally went backwards! The pain in my bicep was no fun at all!

The trainer worked with me and he watched like a hawk. A few exercises in he looked at me and said “it’s not your bicep, it’s your shoulder that is the issue.”

Soooooooo……we spent some time with him showing me some movements to help with stretching and mobility and movement of the shoulder. And they are things I can do at home! So here we go, lets get this arm fixed and back on the forward progression!

I have about 2 weeks until my next trainer session as he is going on vacation….so hopefully I will be back to normal by the time he returns. In the meantime, I’ll be getting in as many training sessions as possible, even if the arms may be a less weight than they were capable of last week!

Fake it Till you Make it

2026-08-10T07:00:00.000-05:00

The personal training experience has worked to make me realize something about myself. In all honesty, it wasn’t a pleasant discovery. It was sobering. It is sad. It is plan and simple embarrassing.

I talked about it a bit the other day when I was giving a run down of my personal training experience. I wrote how I realized that I am ashamed to even be in the gym “pretending’. To be fit and using the machines. While I am there, I am honestly trying to make myself unobtrusive and unnoticeable. I keep my eyes down. I am trying to shrink out of sight.

How sad is that?

I used to not be that way. Years ago when I was going to the gym, I went in boldy.I used the machines. I felt like I belonged. I had no shame. And I was the same weight if not even more than I currently weigh now. Yet, I find myself embarrassed, shy and awkward.

I don’t like this me, this lack of self confidence.

My assumption about this absolute lack of confidence has a couple facets. One, before I lost the weight the first time, I was happy and secure in who I was. I actually didn’t feel fat. I didn’t even feel overweight. I felt normal. But then I lost weight and realized that I had been fat all along. Thing felt fantastic and I loved it. But when I gained weight, I suddenly realized how bad fat really felt. (You see, before it was just normal…I thought everyone felt that way. It wasn’t until I felt how thin felt that I realized how bad it had been.) And let me tell you. I didn’t like how fat felt when I regained. And furthermore, it embarrasses me.

The whole world sees my failure!

The second facet is the fact that in no way am I the same person. I have lost dreams. I have gone through heartache. It is a confidence killer to have a husband that shows no interest you as a physical human….yet that is what I went through in my first marriage. It is confidence busing to have your spouse cheat on you behind your back…..yet I lived through that too in that first marriage. Granted, it is years ago, but those hurts are still buried deep inside me.

Irregardless of the reason, my confidence is nonexistent. It makes my gym visits extremely uncomfortable for me. Luckily with my Zumba classes, I feel uncomfortable walking in…but once I get into my room where the class is held I feel free and at home. But the actual gym area…uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable is no Excuse

I am not letting my confidence issues derail me. I wear a hat (which I always used to do when I ran anyway….keeps the sweat from dripping out of control into my eyes). I let the brim of my ball cap ‘hide’ me. Silly, I now, cuz I’m not hidden at all…but it protects my mind. I do my workout and push through the discomfort. And even with the brim of my hat pulled low, I have noticed that I am NOT the largest person there. I am also not the person lifting the lowest weights. Not that that matters….we all start somewhere. But it does help me to know that I am not the only one in my fitness shape and physical size. (And probably helps them too I imagine.) But not matter what, I am not giving up……I’ll go no matter if I am comfortable or not!

As for the confidence? Well…..I”m going to fake it until I make it!

An Open Book or Not

2026-08-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

This personal training thing has been an eye opener for me. I have made some discoveries about myself and it’s not just in how weak I have let my muscles and body get. The personal trainer dude at the very beginning talked my food. Which while I don’t like to admit it, I know it’s important. Weight is lost in the kitchen, not the gym. So I was happy to know that he wasn’t all ‘it’s the gym only’. However, I had a few issues.

The first issue that I had is that he wants me to eat closer to 1600 calories. I usually aim for 1400 or less. (When counting WW points I am usually right at around 1200-1300 calories). The thing is…..usually anything over 1400 and I don’t lose weight. So I told him that. He actually said “Yeah, you are not going to lose weight at 1600 with your current status” He went on to say that he actually doesn’t expect me to lose weight during the first month. But after the first month, those muscles should get to working overtime and I should start burning fat at the 1600 calorie mark.

SO with fear and trepidation, I have upped my calorie intake. Time will tell. Thus far, I have not lost….but I haven’t gained. I am fluctuating within a 3-4 pound range.

The second thing he said was that he wants my protein intake to be over 100 grams. Yikes, because let me be honest…protein consumption is difficult for me. I don’t like a whole lot of meat…or meat substitutes. Ironically, I had started using a protein drink a month or two before signing up for personal training. That extra protein shake got me up to about 60 grams a day. Still shy…..I am totally committee to this personal raining thing (seriously, for the price I am paying, I’m committed.) SO I am working on that. I am still doing the protein drink…but I am also making a smoothie each morning. That gives me two servings of fruit and I use another premier protein drink which give me 30 more grams of protein. So I am working on it.

The third thing actually should have been the easiest but it actually was one of the hardest for me. And let me tell you, it was shocking. You see, I have been tracking my food for years. On my fitnesspal I have been tracking for 18 years (I had to go back and look). I have shared my username and invited people to look and be accountable with me. (If you are interested, my username is mfclingan). I have been an open book. I share and it’s no problem. It’s been public knowledge! In fact, I’ve even shared my food intake at one time or another here! So why in the world did opening up my apps to the trainer freak me out???

I didn’t really have an issue with sharing my stats from my watch. Sure, I had a momentary thought that ‘trainer dude’ was gonna see my pitiful steps. But that was only a moment’s pause. Seriously, he already knew how bad it was just from looking at me. And if somehow he still didn’t get it, he would get it as soon as we had our first training session together. So I linked that account to the trainer app. Done.

But then it came time to share the myfitnesspal app. No problem right? Ohh yeah, there was a problem. I don’t know what happened, but I cringed! And I couldn’t understand it. I mean, I try to be as honest as possible with my food and tracking. So it wasn’t like I was ‘closet eating’. But I was really struggling with sharing my app with the trainer dude. WHY?

Was I not being honest with myself?

Was I afraid he was going to freak out if I ate one bad thing?

What was my fear?

I am still not sure. I do think that while I say that I am brutally honest, that there probably are a few things that I do maybe fudge a bit in my favor. Do I really count each squirt of ketchup? NOPE. Do I really measure out exactly how much pasta I put on my dish? NOPE. So yeah, maybe I’m not as honest. Was I afraid that trainer dude was going to yell at me if I splurged on the weekend and had a piece of cake? Or ate more than one slice of pizza? Maybe. But I have also told trainer dude that “I don’t eat pizza every day…..I don’t eat cake everyday….I refuse to give it up.” I told him that if I am required to give it up that it wouldn’t be a sustainable change and that this is not a quick fix…this has to be a forever way that I can work. He has listened…..probably gathering ammunition to try to get me to change my mind. But I am firmly in the belief that 80% adherence is the way to go…… I don’t know why it freaked me out…..especially considering any one of you can go onto myfitnesspal and see it all anyway.

Food for thought though eh? I opened it up and linked them though. I’m all in on this venture!

Trainer Dude

2026-08-06T06:43:33.284-05:00

Wait! Hold the horses! You mean I'm actually on here writing and it's only been 10 days between my last post and now? What in the world! It's gonna snow or something!

Honestly though, I jest about it ONLY being a week and a half since my last post but that is still pretty lame to go that long. As always, it's not because I don't want to. It's not because I don't have anything to say. (When have I EVER not had something to say.) It is plain and simple that I am so busy and so tired.

Busy and Tired

OK, sometimes I don't rightly know why I am so busy. It feels like I should have all the time in the world. I mean, I do work at full time job. Sure, last week my 40 hours stretched longer (not including the 20 minute drive both ways). But still, that shouldn't take up all this time. I am working on one or two writing projects....in my spare time. (So not too much in the last week.) Sure I have animals to take care of. But it just feels as if I am constantly on the go with no time for anything.

Exacerbating the busy feeling is this overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. I am just flat out tired. I will be in the kitchen making dinner when Jason walks in the house and he takes one look at me and says "You look whupped'. I can only agree. There has been nights where I get home and I just cry. Not because of any issue.....but just because. (OK, so I cry spontaneously when I'm tired.....over anything and everything. It's raining....well that might bring on tears. I can't find the ketchup bottle in the fridge......tears.) I've just been tired.

So why have I been so tired and so busy? The gym. I blame the gym. Or to be more specific, I blame my harebrained idea to sign up with a personal trainer. I told my trainer the other day that I truly believe that he must have been one of those kids that took a magnifying glass and burned ants for entertainment!

Nice enough guy. And honestly, just doing his job. He can't help it that I let my muscles disintegrate to nothing! But still....he's sadistic!

Personal Trainer

As I said, he is a bit sadistic! Literally. We meet once a week and then he wants me to do 3 work outs between our sessions. This past session I arrived and didn't have a water bottle. I don't take it to the hour session. I know me. I'm not going to drink it during the session. (When I link my strength workout with zumba I definitely carry it...because that's a two hour window). I used to rarely drink when I ran.....or when I went to zumba. In fact, if I'm just going to zumba, I take water but I RARELY drink even a sip. However, I do chug it when I'm done. That is just what works for me! (Yeah, I"m weird.....I don't deny it!) So trainer dude was like, "where is your water". I answered honestly and told him in my car....and reminded him that I wouldn't have drank it anyway and would have been a nuisance and if I got really desperate there was indeed a water fountain!. He flat out told me that his mission that day was to make me regret not having my water bottle. Ha. (And nope, didn't regret it.......even though admittedly I was thirsty and downed like 40 ounces of water in the half hour or so after I got home.) See, he is sadistic!

But......lets be honest. I am SORE after the workouts. He pushes really hard. Pushed me on some machines to the point of failure. He is finding out what my current limits are. Because once he found that, when he assigned my workouts for the week, I am lifting just underneath that breaking point. Fine by me because what's the use of lifting something so light that I is barely working. I am paying an ungodly amount of money for this trainer dude......so lets get the most out of it! But that pushing to the limit......seriously, Jason and I were out and about later in the day and I used the restroom while we were out and I told Jason when I came out. "I almost had to tell a lady in there to go get my husband to help me get up off the toilet!" I kid you not.. I was Sore! I didn't even sleep well that night because every time I moved an inch in bed my muscles screamed out in freakish misery! The next night I took an advil to allow me to get a good night sleep!

Trainer dude wants me eating 1600 calories. Typically I don't lose weight at a calorie budget of 1600. But I am listening to him and rolling with it. He wants me to up my protein levels. (ARRRGGGHHH I struggle with protein!) . And he has told me not to expect weight loss this first month.

The trainer dude wants me to do at least 3 strength sessions on my own each week along with at least 3-4 hours of cardio. So I have been continuing my zumba classes (Yeah, lets be honest, that was non-negotiable for me anyway, I like my zumba classes!) With the strength training, I may not push myself as hard as trainer dude does....but I am trying to push myself as hard as I can. Why? It's ungodly expensive and I need to make the most of it and not squander the time that I can afford to go. (Ok, ungodly expensive may be too over dramatic.....but yeah, just shy of $300 a month for 1 one hour session a week......more than I really want to spend!)

That said, what are my thoughts right now after two trainer sessions?

* I have flat out told the trainer that has the three month commitment that I signed up for to show me that it is worth the money! He seems confident that the results will come easily.

* I went into this trainer thing with the plan to be completely all in. So during my initial meeting and first sessions I was very open with him. I flat out told him my diminishing mobility and told him where I seem to be having the most issues. Yeah, he would have eventually found the weak spots, but by me telling him up front we saved a lot of time and he was able to go right to the crux and start working on that. It is the same concept of why I was OK with him pushing me to the point of failure each week.....it saves time and gets us to where my workouts NEED to be faster.

* We are going after my weak spots. So there is a lot of exercises to strengthen around my knees. It has been beneficial to have him walk me through the exercises as I am like "oh yeah, the knee pain kicks in at this point" So trainer dude usually can tell me to adjust the angle of my foot or leg or whatever and we try it again..usually with better results.

* While I don't like the pain and soreness, I know it's necessary.....and in some weird way makes me proud of myself.

* Somewhere, somehow in the last 15 years since I used to go to the gym regularly, I have become embarrassed about myself and how far I've fallen. When I used to go to the gym I marched in boldly and used the equipment and held my head high. Yeah, I don't do that now. That confidence is gone...and I didn't realize how badly it is tucked away and hidden (I refuse to believe it's gone) until this gym experience.

So why am I tired? I personally think it's a combination of two things. One, on top of the 3-4 hours of zumba I had been doing at the gym....I am now going an extra 4 hours a week. That puts a dent in my daily schedule. And secondly, I imagine my body is working overtime to repair and restore those muscles. I'm giving it a few weeks and then we shall see how I feel! Right now, I am just tired! So tired!

I Bit the Bullet

2026-07-25T17:56:00.164-05:00

I may have been MIA on here, but I have been busy and I have not been MIA in my thoughts and quest to get healthy and lose weight.

Mini Vacation

I took a mini vacation to Indiana to see two friends. It was a quick visit as I drove out, which kills the better part of two days. (It's an 8 hour drive). But it was relaxing. It was fun. It was good to have chit chats with my friends.

We did a lot of just hanging out. We did some shopping. I went to a Miniature Dollhouse Museum. We did a little hiking. We took a boat ride in an underground cavern. It was a good little way to unwind and just....be. :-)

The dollhouse museum was awesome. I actually came out of there with a different perspective on dollhouses. I have always been "None of my houses/rooms/scenes will have dolls". I have often thought that the doll detracts from the scene. But then I saw this granddaddy of a house that they have. The dolls MAKE the rooms. It was crazy. The dolls were telling little mini stories here and there. Most of them were in some really neat action pose. It was .....eye opening. For example. I sat (because yes, they have a bench in front of this dollhouse) and looked at the pool room for a bit as did my friend. Later that evening we were sitting talking about the museum and she mentioned the pool room. I laughed and said "Yeah, the guy doing he handstand in the water was so cool" She looked at me weirdly and said, "no, I am talking about the pool with the guy jumping into the water". We laughed and just assumed that there had been two pools and we were talking about different ones. We moved on in our conversation. BUT, the next day I had dumped my pictures on the computer and was really looking at them....and I just started to laugh.....

OH yes, we HAD been looking at the same scene. But there was so much activity and movement that we TOTALLY missed things. In fact, it was like the second or third time I really looked at the picture that I noticed the little girl opening the door to reveal a naked woman! And lets be honest. I pulled the picture into this post and JUST happened to wonder what was there by the diving board. (It's a fallen planter......but my eyes were so busy looking that I didn't see it before!)

So yeah, maybe I should rethink the doll thing!

Or we have the kitchen......

All I can say is....visually rich!

Zumba

So while I did miss a few classes due to being on my mini vacation, I have to say that I came right back home and restarted classes the first available moment I could! I have been consistently going...and enjoy it. I like some of the instructors better than others. Some are more 'twerky worky' as I call it. IT's so much "shake 'dat booty....we wanna see it shake' and hip circles and thrusts that I'm surprised I haven't thrown out my hip! But it's still fun. I have to modify a fair amount. Jumping just isn't happening for me at this point.

The Crazy Dog

SO my dog is crazy! We have an electric fence around the chickens (they are doing great by the way) and the dog must have gotten zapped by the fence. So for days she refused to go outside. The only time she would go out is if I had her on a short leash! And then she would go to squat to pee and then get scared and stop. This dog was holding her pee out of fear. I had to literally walk behind her chanting "go pee...go pee. Pee now...." And then I would treat her with all kinds of rewards when she peed. Seriously! Only me!

She is getting better. Still leary of the fence. But she is petrified of the chickens now. I guess she thought that they did it to her!

Eating

I am still counting my calories. I am still watching what I eat. However, one of my big focuses is on getting at least 5 servings of fruits and/or vegetables. I am trying to get in the habit of eating foods that are going to do something GOOD for my body. I hope that at some point segues to pounds on the scale. Thus far....not so much. (SLOWLY maybe.)

The knees

Yeah, the knees have been pretty bad. It's been misery at some points. They ache. They hurt. The one actually has buckled a few times on me. Ohhh and the one that has buckled...the whole leg sometimes just aches.....all the time. I have pushed through. I know I have arthritis and I KNOW that the only thing to make it better is to exercise. So I keep going to zumba!

Folllow up to the Zap Zap

I had the 6 month follow up to my Zap Zap Procedure to fix to holes/tears in my retina. I am happy to say that the doctor was happy with the healing. He said that there are no new holes! YAY! I asked him if there is anything we can do to prevent more holes......especially since he indicated that my retina is thinning in multiple places. He said nothing...which bums me out. I wish I could do something to help it! (Eating healthy....that's the only 'possible' aid')

Biting the Bullet

So, I bit the bullet. I have been struggling because I KNOW My mobility is not where it should be. I went to that 'mobility' class earlier this year. It is the one that was set for mobility...I referred to that class as the 'hippy dippy' class. (yeah I know...twerky worky and hippy dippy......but those names fit so well!). I went to the class for a few months. But didn't notice any discernible difference. Ohhh and I hated the class. The time went by SOOO slow! The class was 40..and the cool down was 20 minutes. I did however LOVE LOVE LOVE the cool down! :-) But yeah, I digress....the class just wasn't doing it for me. SO I signed up with Crunch Fitness that was set to open in the spring near my house. And then I waited.

It opened...and I immediately started to go to zumba classes. And boy have the knees hurt. I enjoy it though! But I know I needed more. So what in the world did I do? I signed up for a personal trainer at the gym. I am committed for 3 months. It's ungodly expensive...but if it gets me moving int he right direction it will be money well spent. After the three months? Well it depends on how I feel about the time with the trainer and the 'homework' he gives me. Ok, and lets be honest.....with the results he gets.

SO there you have it......my new phase of personal training..........and it starts......TOMORROW MORNING! Yup. I've already had my initial consult and I start training and working out tomorrow! GO me. (or maybe poor me!)

So here I am....still working toward my goals. Still trying to live my life to the fullest. :-)

MIA

2026-07-21T16:39:50.574-05:00

Holy Toledo! Has it really been over a month since I wrote something! How in the world? Where does time go?

Knee-zies

2026-06-10T17:23:38.644-05:00

Zumba is going well! Well as well as it can go for an out of shape, overweight girl with arthritis in her knees. Yeah, I’m loving it!

Exercise

My knees….my knees have taken a hit from this! Yeah they have ached! I’m not listening to the ache though. I know why they ache. I know what to do to make them better…..exercise. So I’m pushing through! Last weekend my knee hurt so bad that I pulled out the knee brace to wear while I was watching tv. Yeah, to watch tv….not even just to walk….to watch tv too! But I went to Zumba on Monday night and did it (with modifications of course).

And something surprising happened!

Yesterday morning (Tuesday) I was walking and noticed my knees felt kinda ok! Interesting! Maybe I turned the corner and my knees have finally gotten the memo that they can scream all they want but I’m not listening!

I’m not calling it a win yet. Let’s see how I feel after tonight’s class. Let’s see how I feel after working outside this weekend. But hey, I have hope at least!

Eating

Eating hasn’t been the best. It’s not horrible though! So there is that!!! :-)

I have only been sporadically tracking my food, but I am on a three day streak of tracking. Go me! Yeah, three days is pitiful….but it’s a start!

I’m trying to ramp up my protein. If only I liked protein rich foods. But no, I like me the breads and pasta.

Garden and chickens

The chickens have successfully been evicted from my house. They have been living in their coop and run for the last few weeks. They are doing great! The garden is completely planted. It’s growing great! I have been making a concerted effort to be more active in the yard…getting movement and activity anywhere I can. (Although I just came home from work, ate an early dinner and fell asleep for a few minutes. I woke up when Jason got home from work. Now I just wait u til it’s time to head to my Zumba class.

I found my home

2026-05-28T19:43:44.276-05:00

Life is busy !!!!

How can the days go so fast but the to do list never seems to get smaller?

Chickens and bees

The chickens have finally been evicted from my family room. Yes, the chickens resided in my house for about 6 weeks. They would have gone outside earlier but it was cold….and then rainy. And well, Jason just didn’t want to put them out in those conditions. I was done with chickens in my house. Seriously, is not a Newfoundland, a cat, some crabs and a parrot enough in my house? Then to add 4 chickens…for 6 weeks! Eiiyiiyii! But the weather finally was deemed acceptable by Jason and out they went! Yay! But seriously, I can’t complain about it….his heart and compassion for animals was part of what made me fall in love in the first place!

So the chickens are out in their run and sleeping in their coop! Last night they finally figured it out and put themselves to bed in the coop. Jason has been having to physically put them in the coop at night. They would stand at the gate crying for him to come get them to I guess take them inside to the brooder box. (He did that for a week or so…would let them out in the day when it was warm but put them back in the brooder at night!)

They are cute…and fun to watch. (It will be some mo the before we get any eggs!) the bee hive is set up…but no bees. That will probably be next spring!

Garden

The weather was crazy through April and May. The garden work kept getting pushed aside. Finally I realized that if we were going to have a garden at all that I had to get working! So I spent one weekend outside preparing the beds. And then this last weekend I dodged raindrops to plant the main garden. I also spent a lot of time putting together a raised bed….filling it with soil and compost (the compost piles are on the other side of the property…) and then planting that. I was so tired! But the garden is planted!

Weight Loss

Non existent! Seriously non existent! It is depressing and disheartening….but I know I haven’t put my all into it. I have been eating about 1700 calories per day. Which sounds great …but I don’t lose at that rate. Sadly. So lose is what I am NOT doing!

I am working to turn it around. Lowering/watching my calories more. That sort of thing. I am also making a concerted effort to move more around the house. More projects and such to keep me active.

Home

A few months ago I decided to join Crunch …the gym/franchise/location that was being built near my house. I signed up and waited…and waited…and waited. I was hoping that they would have some classes that would work with my schedule. Zumba was my hope! They finally opened last weekend and that means I FINALLY got to see the class schedule! There are a few Zumba classes that I can consistently make work with my work schedule…and some sacrifices at home. I was excited but nervous as I was going by myself…and would know no one once I got there. But I did it. I registered for my class and went last night.

The music was loud. The room was full (the Zumba classes have been consistently booked full on the schedule….walk ins are not happening at this time). It was hot. It was so fun! About 15-20 minutes in I was overcome with an emotion. That emotion? I felt as if I had come home.

I always knew that I had enjoyed my Zumba classes years ago when I went. But I thought it was mostly for the social hour. It wasn’t until last night that I knew. Yeah the social hour was good fun….but Zumba is my home.

My work schedule allows me to attend a class on Friday! Fridays will be a sporadic able to visit day….and this Friday is a ‘I can go to class’ Friday! I can’t wait!

My body….handled it pretty well….my legs may be a bit tired.

Life is busy. But it’s going well. This is my time to lose this weight and get back into shape! Even better, I’m excited about the getting in shape! Bring it on Zumba!

A month?

2026-05-12T05:16:00.001-05:00

How has it been a month since I last wrote anything. I swear it was more recent! I will also say this.....I have thought about writing on more than one occasion. Honestly, I just don't have much to say regarding the elusive weight loss. Oh well, and life has been crazy busy!

Crazy Busy

Life has been nuts. Just about a month ago we decided to pull the trigger on something that we have talked about for a few years. In all honesty, it has been something that was in my mind for quite a few years, even in my first marriage. Two things actually.

Number one, I bought a bee hive. I don't have bees yet but I have put together my hive. Why? I know I WANT bees. I predict that I will have bees sometime in the near future. No problem and I was holding tight on getting my hive until I was ready. But the field behind us is being built up as a subdivision. This means we will have neighbors right behind us. I want my bee hives in place BEFORE people buy their properties. I want them to see my hives and know that bees are welcome here. So if they are allergic that they can make an educated decision about buying a house near a bee hive! I figure that may cause less tension then pulling out the hives AFTER neighbors move in.

The second thing that I've always pondered. Chickens. So about 4 weeks ago, Jason and I got four chicks. They have been living in my family room for the last 4 (ish) weeks. Soon they will transition to their coop and run outside and I will be able to reclaim my family room. Chicken coop did you say? Well yes, I did say chicken coop. We didn't have a chicken coop before all this began. So I bought one online that was supposedly for 6-8 chickens. I put it together and holy cow, I don't know what size chickens they were talking about, but there is no way that I would put 6-8 chickens in that tiny coop. I wouldn't even put our 4 in there. Inhumane! So back to the drawing board, another purchase and a full day of construction later and we have a nice coop and run in the backyard. We have a few last minute things to do for the coop...and I do want to paint it (to protect and to match our shed) but we at least have a permanent home for our four chickens. I have referred to the chickens as "Esmerelda, Mildred, Gertrude and Millicent".

And of course we have been mowing and doing yard work. PLUS, I am FINALLY getting my storm doors on the front and back doors! YAY!!!

Work has been busy. We had one or two times where people (multiple on the same day) have called out sick. When three people call out sick on one day in an office where there are only 6 people total, it really wreaks havoc! Plus, I have just been busy. I went to a training about a month and a half ago and I have been putting that knowledge into practice and learning....which is somewhat exhausting. But I'm getting it!

Elusive Weight Loss

It isn't for lack of trying! But yes, my weight loss has been elusive and quite honestly missing. I started with Weight Watchers strong and gung ho. I lost the first two weeks and was doing great. Week three I did the exact same thing and gained.....week four and week five I stayed the course and trusted the program and I hovered with minimal gains and losses....all within the same 2 pound range. I have been stuck there since then. Seriously stuck. WHen I get stuck like that, I tend to give up. "Why bother"

So admittedly, in the last week or two I have NOT tracked my food. I am still conscious of what I am eating, but I have not tracked. (Which for me is dangerous!)

I had joined a gym that is opening up close to my house. I just got word yesterday that they are FINALLY opening their doors later this month. SO I am hoping and praying that there are some good classes that I can get to at least 2-3 times a week. And well, I guess I will be adjusting my menu again to account for some evenings that I am out later each night.

I'm not out for the count...but seriously demoralized about this weight loss thing.

Staying the Course

2026-04-12T06:19:00.003-05:00

I have been meaning to write all week long. Seriously, I kept telling myself that I was going to write and talk about my week 4 weigh in. I kept saying that it was going to happen 'today'. Yet each day I would find myself laying in bed at night with no update having been made. So here I find myself ready to report on my week 5 of my current journey with Weight Watchers.

Weight Watchers Weigh in Week 4

My weigh in for week four was not what I wanted to report. I showed a half pound gain. Well technically it was a shade over a half pound. I gained 0.6 pounds. Gained! REALLY? How was that so? I looked at what I had done. I saw one or two things that I could tweak but for the most part I was on target. I vowed that I would NOT give up! I was going to trust the process and keep going. So onward into Week 5 I marched.

Weight Watchers Weigh in Week 5

I was honestly worried about week 5. It started with Easter Sunday. We went to my in-laws for the day. I tried to eat wisely, but admittedly, I ate more than I should have/wanted to. That started my week off rough. Throughout the week I had a few nibbles on homemade peanut butter eggs that my mother in law gave to us. Not perfect, but I felt like I was still in line. Other than that first day of my weight watchers week I was in line with my points (and the corresponding calories, which I can also see on the WW app). I was hopeful, but worried after the gain the week before.

Sadly, I showed a 0.3 pound gain for week 5! ARRRGGGHHHH I'm nearing 1 pound gained as a total over the last two weeks! This is NOT cool!

Not Giving UP

I am NOT giving up. I am determined to keep everything in line and keep tweaking until I figure out what works for me. Weight watchers is recommending over 120g of protein for me. I have long struggled with even getting 60-70g of protein (which is what myfitnesspal usually recommends). So my focus this week is protein, protein, protein.

I can do this!!!!

Weight Watchers Week Three

2026-03-29T06:26:00.001-05:00

I have successfully navigated three weeks of weight watchers and I'm still standing. I'm also still in the game. I haven't given up in defeat. I'm still in the game. This week was hard though. It was really difficult!

Weight Watcher Plans

When I joined this time I noticed that they had some options. Namely three options. The first option was "Maintain". I love that option.....but I"m not there yet. So that was an easy option to rule out. The second option was the option called "Lose" . This is the standard option that I am more familiar with. It is the option that gives you your daily points but then also your weekly points that you can use for extra flexibility (And I quote them on the phrase extra flexibility). You can also earn points by exercise. That was most similar to the plan that I used years back when I lost the weight. The third option was the "All IN" option. This option is apparently a new choice and it still has you counting your points, but there is no extra flexibility. You do not get the weekly points and you do not earn points by so called good behavior (exercise...hahaha).

For some unknown reason, I chose All-In. (Maybe they recommended it, I can't remember.) The first two weeks I followed that plan. It focuses a lot on your protein and your fiber. I struggled to even get close to the protein that they recommended, but I tried AND I worked to keep my points in line. Admittedly, one or two days I was one point over, but I didn't stress about it. I moved on and made the next day better. At the beginning of last week I decided that it was a good week to adjust a bit and try out the 'Lose' option. Because, why yes, you can switch plans at will.

Immediately after switching I could see my weekly points balance. It was NICE seeing that weekly points allowance. I was no longer bumping against my daily limit, I had points left in my weeklies! I was good as gold. I never used a ton of the weeklies, but I was diving into them daily to take a handful. I was playing the game by the rules. But the scales were not being kind to me. I was showing that I was UP on the scales. UP. What in the world? I was panicked. I started to look more closely at my food. The WW app allows you to see the calories, so I had added that for reference. I quickly realized that the change and the struggle began almost the moment that I switched to the "lose plan". I switched back, crossed my fingers and followed the 'all in' plan for the rest of the week. And now I am trusting the All- In plan.

Why was the 'Lose' not working for me? I think having all those 'weekly' free points really messed with my mind. I was eating my daily points and seeing those weekly points gave me the 'freedom' to indulge just a bit more...and extra helping of food, a bite of this, a bite of that. On top of that I was exercising and earning points so my daily points got higher (I could see the increase in my calories eaten). As I was figuring this all out, I remember my first go-round with weight watchers. Way back then, I couldn't eat my earned points OR my weeklies on any consistent basis. I remember being in a meeting and talking about it and most of the other people were there talking about how they ate every stinkin' point that they had. One girl actually told me 'I am sad for you because you can't." But even then I never lost when I ate them.

So all in is the perfect option for me. (In fairness, I don't weight much of my food so I probably eat the weeklies with miscalculations in my portion sizes.)

Temptations

This week was full of temptations. We had not one but two clients bring us sweet treats. Let me tell you, those cookies and sweet treats looked INCREDIBLE. One of my coworkers was having a bad day so a our other coworker came back from her lunch with a whoopie pie for each of us. One of our clients owns a coffee and sweets shop and had just developed their online ordering app and they were ready to dive into having delivery and asked us to test it out. You name it, it was pushed in front of me! I won. I didn't eat any of them! I was tempted a few times to simply take one bite but I didn't do it!

Toward the end of my week I went to lunch at a fast food joint with my brother during my lunch break. I had already switched back to the all-in plan. I was determined to make it work, enjoy my lunch and time with my brother AND not ruin the progress. I did it. I made wiser options when I ordered and I adjusted my dinner to allow for my lunch. I did it!

Exercise

There isn't much to say about exercise. I did it. 4 times in the last week! Period. Done.

Weigh In

Halfway through the week I was stepping on the scale and I was showing a gain. I was so upset! But I changed my thinking and changed that plan and then sat back to trust the plan. I was nervous the whole time because I soooo didn't want to show a gain for my official weight. I had decided to change my weigh in day to Saturday (from Friday) which was totally unrelated to my gain....but nicely gave me an extra day to lose that weight. That extra day helped, I am sure!

Somehow, I managed to grab a 2 pound loss! Somehow. Someway. I have no clue how. However, I am NOT looking a gift horse in the mouth and I am taking that 2 pounds and running with it! That makes 9 pounds in three weeks. I'll take it! My little secret goal for the first few months is 10 pounds a month. So I am totally on target for that for this month! Go me!

Return to What Worked

With my thoughts returning to the first time I did WW and how I couldn't eat my earned points or weekly points. I thought about one of the things that I did that worked for me Each week, on the day that I weighed in, my last day of my WW week, I would have a splurge meal. I weighed in after work at an in person meeting and afterward, I had whatever my heart desired. I had a dessert. I had the high carb, loaded with butter, comfort meal. And I did it every week. I would leave my WW meeting and I would head right to the pizza joint to take home a large pizza....and I didn't eat just one piece. I ate my HALF of the pizza. Sometimes I would eat a banana split, or a big slab of cake. It was my splurge. The next morning I would wake up and my new WW week would start fresh and I would be right back on plan. It worked for me. I still tracked it, but I didn't worry about it.

So I have decided to go back to this. Saturday mornings I weigh. Saturday evenings are my splurge meal. Sunday mornings starts my new week, fresh and new. I am still tracking it...but I'm not stressing about it. And yes, my splurge this week was again a Mini Blizzard to go with my pizza. :-)

A Mini Victory

2026-03-24T06:30:00.000-05:00

After my stellar weigh in I was ready to face week three of my weight watcher journey. Or should I say weight watcher journey part two....or three or whatever number I am on. How about I just call it Weight Watchers Redux? I had some challenges to get through first though. Through one of the challenges that I faced I made a huge discovery.....or should I say a 'mini' discovery'

The Breakfast Reward

In my last post I talked about a bad habit that I had picked up in the previous months whereby I would stop for a fast food breakfast before going to work when I had to work on a Saturday morning. Yeah, I know it's bad. Heck, I even knew it at the time, but that didn't stop me. In my warped brain I thought I deserved it! So when my first work Saturday after rejoining WW came up, I knew that I had to stop that habit. I made sure I ate at home. I told myself I was being ridiculous when I tried to talk myself in 'just a diet soda' to propel me through these few hours of Saturday morning work. And I held firm! No breakfast reward for me. I set myself up for success through. I announced it on here. I also talked to my coworker on Friday night about it and said that I was determined to not do the 'much desired' breakfast. This coworker that was working with me on Saturday morning knows that I rejoined WW. So while she may be a bit of enabler (she freely admits it) she also was good accountability in the fact that I didn't want to walk in with my big drink and thus openly declare that I failed. So I arrived to work with my belly full of fruit and cereal from home and my water to drink. Victory!

Exercise Begins on Week three of WW

I started WW two weeks ago, I am in week three. I knew from the get go that I would be restarting an exercise routine shortly thereafter. And I could have started both at the same time, but I chose to focus on getting into the routine of WW first and then add in the exercise. Seriously, this was always the plan. SO much a plan that the same weekend that I signed up for WW, I also joined a gym that is opening near me. (Hopefully within the next few weeks!)

Well, week three was my set start date for exercise and let me say, I am smashing it! I know I know, I am only a few days into week three, but I have been active.

We went for a hike on Sunday.

I have managed to exercise at 5 every work morning thus far this week. I know that is only two mornings thus far....but still it's a start! (And it is only Tuesday as I write this!)

Mini Challenge

Another habit that Jason and I have fallen into is picking up Dairy Queen Blizzards on Saturday night. Nothing wrong with that, right? Well.....maybe, have you seen the calories/points on those things! Ohhh and I didn't get a small. I didn't even get a medium. I got the large and probably would have gotten an extra large had then offered that size! I avoided the blizzard challenge the first weeks of my WW Redux easily, simply because Jason forgot and I didn't remind him. But the subject came up this last weekend and I had to come up with a plan.

What options did I have? I could let him get one and then sit and watch him eat it. But I have long ago decided that this journey was not going to be one of total deprivation. Total deprivation just results in unhappiness and eventual failure, so that wasn't a valid option. I could get one myself and just damn the consequences. But I really want to lose this weight so damning the consequences didn't seem right. Or I could try to come up with an alternative. I honestly thought about blending a frozen banana to make my own ice cream, but wasn't overly happy with that option. I have long said. I knew that there was an answer out there somewhere, so I turned to the DQ website and the WW tracker to come up with a workable plan.

Well first of all, all blizzards are NOT created equal in terms of calories/points. The Choco Brownie Extreme Blizzard that I had been getting is is higher in calories. (Of course) I quickly figured out that the Strawberry dipped Blizzard was lower! Yay, I like Strawberries! The next thing I noticed was the sizes. The large was still way out of my budget, as was the medium and even the small. But did you know that they have a mini? Yes, a mini! I was leery, not sure what size this was going to be. Was I going to get two teaspoons of ice cream and that was it? I wasn't sure what I was going to get, but that was what worked with my food budget. So a mini is what I got!

I should have taken a picture of the mini beside Jason's large, just to really show the difference. It was small, I won't lie. But it was bigger than I had feared it was going to be! And the best part? It fit into my WW plan (Yes, I used weeklies...but that was the last day of my week and I had them to spare!) Ohh , and it was delicious!

The Mini Lesson

I was eating my mini DQ Blizzard and made a rather startling discovery. OK, maybe it shouldn't be very startling, because I have had similar revelations in the past (such as here) . I admittedly was a bit worried about this small (or rather mini) sized treat. I was afraid that I wouldn't be satisfied, that I would feel deprived. That this would leave me feeling like I was deprived.

Instead, the opposite happened. I ate that mini sized blizzard. It was absolutely delicious. I felt satisfied. I felt good. I felt like I had enough and wasn't still craving or desiring more.

What??? A mini satisfied my desires just as well as a large? I was left pondering!

But then I remembered. My satisfaction comes from those first few bites of bliss. I only continue to eat because I am remembering those first few bites of bliss. I am chasing that bliss. The mini was absolutely perfect because it allowed me to have that 'high' (The angels sing) but then stopped me from chasing the high.

It takes willpower, but the mini is a perfect option!

It has been a week of relearning, moving forward and staying on track!

I feel the need.......The need for Speed

2026-03-21T05:29:00.000-05:00

I plowed right through week two of my re-entrance into the land of WW. I have now completed two weeks of this plan and thus far I am going strong. It hasn't been easy, but I'm doing it.

Weigh In with WW

So let me dive right into my weigh in for week two. Week one I managed to lose 3.7. I was worried about this week because I had volunteered to bring dinner and dessert to a girls night. Dessert, really? I was worried about it. But I calculated it and planned for it. I admittedly did lick the spoon when I was done mixing, but I held pretty firm. The dinner I prepared was veggie pizza and I made a peanut butter pie for dessert. The dinner was cancelled at the last minute......so I took the goodies to work and let my co-workers enjoy. The thing was, I had already calculated and budgeted my day to allow for a piece of that peanut butter pie. I wanted a piece of that pie. So I had a piece and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I ignored it thereafter, even as I watched my coworkers eat it and rave about it!

Otherwise, the week was pretty standard. I haven't been perfect with my eating, but I have been pretty darn close for sure! I haven't commenced with the exercise yet. I know that it's an excuse, but this week was just crazy! First of all I had a sore butt.....OK it was the muscle that went form my butt cheek down the back of my leg. How in the wold did I hurt my butt? Well we went bowling. I've got nothing else.....bowling! Secondly, we had a gal quit at work. That put us short staffed so I am back to shuffling between my job and covering for her....I came home tired each night! But getting exercies restarted is definitely on my agenda and plans!

So how did I do with my weigh in this week? This second week of WW, I lost 3.3 pounds. HIP HIP HURRAY! Two weeks of nice, solid and respectable losses! I know that the losses will slow as I lose weight, but for now I am going to enjoy these 3 pound weeks!

Plans and Concerns for Week three of WW

My first challenge for week three will come this morning. I am typing this early on Saturday morning. I am scheduled to work this morning which is no biggie. EXCEPT for the fact that I picked up a bad habit over the last few months. On the Saturdays that I have worked, I 'treat myself' to breakfast out. And by a breakfast out, I mean going through the drive through. Decidedly unhealthy and high calorie/point options. I am praying for strong willpower to resist the temptation! It's a habit breaking day. I can do this! (Why oh why does it taste so good!)

The second challenge is the weekend meals. Typically we do eat out more on the weekends and that includes getting a sweet treat. Of late we had been picking up a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. Not exactly a low points option. Last weekend we had just gotten home and Jason said "Oh, we forgot to pick up our Blizzards" I quickly replied, I didn't forget about it, I just chose to not remind you because I'm not getting one." And that was the end of the conversation. So I made it through last weekend. Who knows what this weekend will bring. I am not planning on being totally adverse to getting a sweet treat here and there.......but it will be a challenge because I don't want to wreck my points/calories either!

I feel the Need....the Need for Speed

I have lost 7 pounds in two weeks. I should be incredibly happy! Yet I am not. Ok, that came out wrong. I am tickled with the 7 pounds. However, I have to admit that I am dissatisfied with the fact that it is ONLY seven pounds. ONLY. I want this weight to be gone NOW. I want to be thin and have this losing stuff behind me so I can be back in maintenance. I want to lose it faster. Why can't I lose 6 pounds a week? Why can't I do this...... I want this process to be speedy. Because yes, I feel the need for speed.

I know this need for speed is irrational. That is not how weight loss happens. Weight loss is a slow non- linear process. But that doesn't stop me from wanting it! It doesn't stop me from wishing for more.

Luckily, I picked up on something the other week when I first wrote that I was joining WW. I was reflecting on how I had originally lost the weight with WW. I decided to go back to old posts and link to those momentous times such as when I first joined WW and then secondly when I made lifetime. That was the purpose of going back, simply to link to the post. However, I noticed something while I was doing it. I noticed the dates of those two momentous occasions.

I had been trying to lose weight on my own. I would lose a bit and then stall out. So I decided to join Weight watchers and wrote about it on August 10,2006 I would actually go on to lose about 80 pounds to get to goal. I wrote and posted religiously throughout my whole journey with WW. Some of those posts are incredibly boring and honestly painful to read as they are so bland. But I literally wrote almost every day. I didn't figure out the exact number of posts, but I can tell you it was over 500 posts. But that is not what got me as I reviewed these posts. What got me is the date of the post where I talked about making lifetime. I wrote that post on August 5, 2008.

Did you catch those dates? August 10, 2006 to August 5,2008. It literally took me 5 days shy of 2 years! TWO FREAKIN' YEARS! When I look back at the journey it feels as if it was only a few months of work. Yet it was two years. Two years to lose 80 pounds. That is an average of .769 pounds a week. One of my greatest life accomplishments was losing that 80 pounds, and I did it with less than a pound a week.

So while I find myself disappointed with "ONLY" 3.3 pounds, I need to remember that 3.3 is a VERY respectable number. If I somehow managed to lose 3 pounds a week I would be at goal in 33 weeks....literally by Christmas. So 'only' should not be a word that I use and I should NEVER be disappointed by any loss. And if I only lose .7 pounds a week, I can still reach my goal.

And for the record I know that there will be weeks where I don't lose and I know that the 3 pounds will get harder to to achieve as I continue to lose weight and drop pounds.....my figure of 3 pounds a week is strictly for statistical knowledge only.

Food Noise

2026-03-14T19:16:00.001-05:00

I joined WW a week ago and I have tried to get to some of the virtual meetings. I am trying out some of the different leaders to see which ones I like (and it’s easier to judge a leader if they are presenting the same information). Therefore, I have attended a few workshops this week. The topic for that first week was food noise. Good subject for sure. I have tons of food noise. I plan my day around food. I haven’t even put down my fork after a meal that totally fills me up and I am already thinking about when and what I will eat next time. Even sitting here typing this, I have already thought about breakfast, lunch AND dinner for today (I started typing this at 7AM). So, this topic was very near and dear to my heart.

After attending a few ‘Weekly Workshops’ throughout the week, I decided to attend a “Deep Dive’ session. I actually really liked this coach’s style and energy (Coach Marianne B) and the interaction was great. She talked about three factors that affect the food noise. Environment, stress and appetite. She talked about how when you are hungry the food noise is incredibly intense. And right then and there I had an epiphany about my food noise and my weight issues.

I have always wondered what happened. How did I come to live the life of an obese woman. I was always more of a petite person as I was younger, not overweight, just healthy. By younger I mean 10, 11, 12 or so. I actually remember referring to one girl at school as fat in my description of her at home. I actually came across a picture of her in my storage recently and I had it labelled as ‘Fat Joy’. How shameful is that? I am actually utterly embarrassed to admit this, but it is the truth. I was one of the normal sized or even smaller people among my friends.

And then something happened. I started to gain……quickly. Within a year or so I was overweight and then shortly afterward, obese. All when I was right around 12-14 years old.

I have long wondered and pondered what in the world happened.

- We moved from Pennsylvania to Florida right about that time. Was it a culture shock?

- That was the age that I was hitting puberty. Was it hormonal?

- I went from a carefree kid playing outside to a teenager more apt to be in my room lounging. Was it just a result of change of lifestyle?

It’s been a big question in my mind for quite a few years. It wasn’t until this week that I had an epiphany.

It was during that deep dive session about food noise that I knew. I knew exactly what had caused my spiral or at least contribute (because I think those other factors played a role for sure). It was a true light bulb moment……before we moved to Florida (before I had weight problems) I had plenty of friends and the cafeteria at school was not crowded, one could actually find a place to sit and I had a group of friends to sit with. I ate lunch every day. But then we moved. I didn’t have friends…and I never made a lot while we were in Florida.

Lunchtime was utterly horrible at my new school. First, try walking into a large room teeming with people you don’t know. Then you get your tray and have to navigate through this throng of people between tables that are placed too closely together to try to fit as many people in as possibly. Why are they so close? We had moved to one of the fastest growing counties in the COUNTRY and the schools were way overcrowded, that included the cafeteria, where I had to find a place to sit. Amongst strangers….other kids that didn’t want a newbie sitting with them, they were saving those precious and few places for their friends. It was the most uncomfortable situation. I remember getting my tray, looking for a welcoming place to sit. Not finding any availability I remember dumping my tray full of food and walking out. It was so uncomfortable that as an 8^th grader I choose to forego lunch. It was less stressful to sit in the quad outside. If there wasn’t a bench available, it was acceptable and not awkward to sit on the ground up against one of the buildings, lots of people did it. Even if I was alone, I could do homework or something in order to not look so pitiful. I didn’t eat lunch.

Don’t feel too bad, I wasn’t utterly friendless, but I never really had a lot. I was friendly with everyone, but I just never clicked with anyone. I was just too different, too foreign, too something. And that’s ok.

That trend continued into high school the following year. The cafeteria was insane. It was not a welcoming place. It was worse though because high school gave us the option to go through the line and buy a snack. This was important because a snack I could take outside to the quad where it wasn’t crowded and where I could melt into obscurity. (Usually with one or two other people that were also just trying to survive.) The snack of choice…. Little Debby Snack cakes, my new friend. I didn’t do that every day because the cafeteria was still way overcrowded to even just walk through and honestly, I had figured out that the lunch money was more aptly used on my own pursuits (books and music).

It is no surprise that I got home from school each day and hit the kitchen absolutely ravenous! I started to make larger snacks. A full box of Kraft mac-n-cheese. A box of taco shells with melted cheese was actually quite delicious and/or apeanut butter and jelly sandwich always hit the spot. Whatever I could scrounge from the pantry was fair game. An hour or two later, dinner would be served and guess who ate a full meal then too? Why yes, me!

That is exactly where my issues started. I learned unhealthy habits. The food noise in my head was intense by the time I got home and the food noise never faded. Once I let it in, it took up residence and stayed firm in my head and that voice has remained there for all of these years.

I have no desire to take medications, even though they say the medications will silence the food noise. I don’t want to be on a medication for the rest of my life and I know that when I stop taking the meds the food noise comes back (just look at what people say when then end up stopping the meds…. they regain). I am still 100% committed to the holistic approach of learning to manage these food noise and my desires. I ‘just’ need to learn how to silence that food noise voice. Just for a laugh, I do refer to these voices as my mini me….and my mini me screams at me not just about food. My mini me tells me that exercise is bad. My mini me tells me that I am not worth it. When I was running regularly, my mini me would tell me that I wasn’t a runner and I looked like an idiot. This little mini me is so insistent that once when I was running the mini me was telling me that I was a fool for thinking that I was a runner, that I looked ridiculous and so many other things that I was started crying, but didn’t stop running weirdly enough. Finally, I had enough and I just yelled out loud “SHUT UP”. (I am trying to find a post, because surely, I wrote about that!)

But yeah…food noise.

Wow….I honestly cried like a baby as I wrote this. This started as a simple epiphany, but turned into a soul releasing cry as I recounted these experiences and relived those emotions of stress.

As a side note: I look back and pity my poor mom because I annihilated the pantry on a daily basis, which had to have affected her meal plans. I may have and probably did ask first for some of those larger ticket items like taco shells, I assume. She never said a word though. I know that she had suffered with excess weight all her life and I know that she had said that her mom had made comments which hurt her self-confidence and she never wanted me to feel fat or inferior. Her silence raised a gal that didn’t care about her weight …. but it also didn’t stop a growing problem. (It wasn’t until I accidentally started to lose weight when I got roped into a weight loss challenge that I began to see and care that I was overweight, until then, I just liked me for me).

So that is the deep thoughts for this week.

I like my official weigh in days to be Friday, so my first ‘week’ on weight watchers was actually only 5 days (from Sunday to Friday morning). I am happy to say that I lost 3.7 pounds.

Not to keep that up!!!!! Lets see what we can do on week two. I know that I will have a bit of a cheat meal once, but otherwise, I’m ready to knock week two out of the park.