Discipleship Family Ministry

Video of the Week: "Gotcha Day"

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Fri, 17 May 2013 10:30:00 +0000

If you aren't too familiar with adoption, "Gotcha Day" is often used to refer to the day an adopted child is given over to his or her new parents. Many families celebrate the day each year like you would a birthday. Check out this video of one family's Gotcha Day...better grab a tissue:

Three Questions to Ask Before Your Next Sermon, Message, or Small Group

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Mon, 13 May 2013 10:30:00 +0000

Whether you've preached hundreds of sermons to thousands of people or you lead a small group of seventh grade boys, it's easy to get in a rut when it comes to preaching, teaching, or leading a discussion. Maybe you're feeling like you're not having as much of an impact as you used to, or perhaps you've noticed that people aren't really engaged or connecting when you're speaking or trying to lead a discussion. Or maybe you haven't noticed that all of your messages seem to sound just about the same (believe me, the people who are listening to you have noticed!). To keep things fresh, here are three questions to ask yourself as you prepare your next sermon, message, or small group discussion:

Have I learned anything?
Communicators--small group leaders, senior pastors, and everyone in between--are more likely to communicate with passion and clarity when they are learning as they prepare. If you can prepare a thirty-minute sermon without learning anything new that you can apply to your own life, you probably won't have much in the way of life-altering truth to share with those you're speaking to.

Do I believe it?
Before you get mad at me for accusing you of not trusting the Bible or breaking at least three articles in your church's statement of faith, answer this question: Have you ever had to preach a sermon that your head believed was true, but that you just couldn't get any passion for? Sure, your head might believe the content of what you've prepared to say, but you may not own it. Whether people can articulate it or not, they can tell when you don't really believe what you're saying. So own it. If there's something you're not sure of in a passage or that you struggle with, say that. Don't pretend like everything you're talking about is a neat and tidy set of obvious beliefs you figured out ages ago and have never wrestled with.

Does it matter?
Great theological thinking and funny stories don't mean a thing if you don't help your group or audience understand why what you have to say matters to their life. Look, I know you're armed with a New Testament dictionary and some great Bible software. By all means, put it to good use (see the first question on this list). But if you're not helping people be doers of the word and not just hearers, then you're just creating really smart hypocrites who deceive themselves (see James 1:22). Let me just put it this way: if because of time you have to choose between explaining the Greek root of a word or giving a great application to your message, choose the latter. Every time.

Video of the Week: Just Like Me (Mother's Day Tribute)

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Fri, 10 May 2013 10:30:00 +0000

Fun Mother's Day video from Igniter Media...check it out:

Infographic: The Facts on Human Trafficking

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Wed, 08 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

A cause that teenagers in our church have gotten behind recently is the fight against slavery and human trafficking. Unfortunately, some people have dismissed the recent interest in fighting modern-day slavery as the "cause du jour." Personally, I think a big reason human trafficking and sex trafficking have gotten so much air time recently is because for so long, we've ignored the issue, and abolitionists have opened our eyes with cold, hard facts to what we haven't wanted to see. Here's a great infographic from the Dream Center on some of the facts about modern-day slavery:

Three Ministry Lessons from Jesus

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Tue, 07 May 2013 10:30:00 +0000

I've been spending some time lately thinking about the way Jesus reached people during his ministry on Earth. When people talk about doing ministry like Jesus did, they usually highlight his one-on-one relationships or how he ministered in smaller groups. But Jesus also ministered to larger groups, too. Here are three things I've noticed lately about how Jesus ministered to large numbers of people:

Jesus wasn't afraid to draw a crowd.
Jesus attracted large numbers of people during his ministry on Earth. People were attracted to Jesus, and Jesus was ready to teach them. Of course, there were times when it seems like he didn't attract a crowd on purpose (see Mark 6:13-21). Jesus saw value in drawing a crowd, and he saw value in taking advantage of the opportunity when there was a crowd. Jesus offered as much compassion and attention to a crowd of one as he did to over 5,000 people, so we know there is value in both. But if we are to take Jesus' model of reaching people seriously, then we shouldn't be afraid to draw a crowd, either.

Jesus wasn't afraid to love 'em when they got there.
Jesus cared for people whether there was one of them or 5,000. And he didn't have bouncers at the door, or reserve seats in the front rows for people who would look better on camera. He healed, he taught, he fed, he looked people in the eye. If they were willing to be in the same room as him, he took the time to love them. If your church or ministry starts to draw a crowd, chances are there might be people there you didn't invite or expect would be there. Jesus didn't pick and choose who could come, and neither can we. And if you want a lot of people to come, make sure you're ready to care for them. Jesus was. There's a distaste among many ministry leaders for models of ministry that involve attracting a crowd. But I think if we get to the bottom of it, most people assume that ministries and churches that draw a crowd aren't able to care for them when they get there, and discipleship and ministry are necessarily shallow. But it doesn't have to be that way. If you're willing to draw a crowd, you've got to be willing to roll up your sleeves and love 'em when they do come.

Jesus wasn't afraid to tell the truth.
Jesus was terrible at P.R. He probably didn't have an agent, let alone a publicist, because sometimes he would alienate the people who wanted to follow him by what he said. There were times when his teaching caused people to stop wanting to be around him (John 6:60-66). Jesus even set expectations on his followers that kept some from following him (Luke 9:57-62). Once you start gathering a crowd, it can be tempting to want to keep them there by holding back. Jesus wasn't afraid of losing followers who didn't like the truth. Now, this doesn't give us permission to be jerks or to label everyone who leaves as someone who is afraid of the truth. Sometimes people don't want to come back because of us, not because of Jesus. But when we simply relay the same truths that Jesus taught, some people will find that hard to swallow. Jesus wasn't afraid of that, and neither should we be.

Video of the Week: END IT Movement Gives Glimpse into Sex Trafficking

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Fri, 03 May 2013 10:30:00 +0000

This is a raw and difficult-to-watch video about an effort by END IT at the Final Four this year in Atlanta to shine a light on the reality of slavery and sex trafficking. Check it out:

Are You Playing Offense or Defense?

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

If you played sports as a kid, you know that a solid defense will help you win a lot of games. But in most sports, it's also true that if you're only focused on hunkering down and playing defense, you aren't going to be doing a lot in the offensive department. Yes, defense is important, but if your primary goal is to not fail as opposed to succeeding, you've got the wrong posture. The same is true in ministry. Too often we have a posture of defense rather than offense; we try not to fail rather than try to succeed at what God has called us to do. Here are some indications that we might be playing defense rather than offense:

Keeping, not Reaching
If you're more concerned about keeping the people you have in your church or ministry rather than reaching people who don't know Jesus, you're playing defense. You shouldn't be trying to alienate people on purpose, but we can't be constantly be trying to keep everyone from leaving by keeping them happy. The people we aren't reaching should worry us a whole lot more than the people who have left or might leave.

Pleasing, not Growing
Your job is not to please people (no matter what they might tell you). Your job is to help them to grow, and that's going to displease people from time to time. By all means, be loving, be gentle, and never forget that you need grace and forgiveness as much as anyone else (1 Timothy 1:15). But being nice doesn't mean that you can't be truthful. Be focused on what the people you lead need rather than what they think they want to hear.

Maintaining, not Risking
When we experience times when things are clicking and people are being transformed, it's tempting to figure out what we're doing and just keep doing that. If you've got something that's going well and reaching people, by all means milk if for all it's worth. But when you find a program or strategy that works, chances are that there will be a time when it stops working. Breakthroughs in ministry usually require a good dose of risk, and so we can never stop risking. If we do, then it might be that we're just holding on something that used to work.

Cussing, Making Out, and Teenagers Who Don't Know Jesus

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 10:42:00 +0000

Last week, one of our leaders let me know that she had heard from a parent that the behavior of some teenagers in our during our large group time had made their kids--and the parent--feel a bit uncomfortable. Most of the reported behavior had to do with foul language in our student café and talking during the message, although one issue had to do with the fact that two teenagers--who are dating--had gotten a little too friendly with each other during youth group. (Side note: I've caught a lot of kids sneaking off to make out as a youth pastor, but to my knowledge, this is the first time someone had the guts to try it in the youth room--while one of our student pastors was giving the message.)

The parent (who was encouraged by our leader to talk to me directly, and I hope they will) had some valid points. Two kids making out in the youth room during youth group would concern me as a parent as well, and so I addressed the issue with the two students. And yes, when I hear a student throwing out a cuss word every other sentence, I'll ask him or her to tone it down. But as I was thinking about the parent's complaint, a thought came to my mind:

If we're doing our job as youth workers, then we'll always have some teenagers in our church that some folks might consider "disruptive."

For a while, our team has been working really hard at making our youth ministry a place where people who might not know Jesus feel welcome. This school year, we've seen a lot more guests than we have in previous years. In addition, there's a small subset of our group who make it clear every week that they disagree with me about this whole Jesus thing, not to mention most of the things I teach about sex and marriage. But still they come and listen (even if they do wander out of the room about halfway through my message). I recognize that such an environment will create some very uncomfortable situations from time to time. But if you're dealing with some "disruptive" teenagers in your church, that might be a sign that things are headed in the right direction. (Never mind the fact that we all know "church kids" who have a tendency to get into more trouble than the kid who came for the first time with his girlfriend last week who wanted to know where he could smoke a cigarette.)

In a way, I was a little grateful to hear of this parent's complaint.

Now, that doesn't mean that I'm going to start using "Number of kids making out on Sunday morning" as an indicator of growth anytime soon. I'm also not saying that I think we as a youth ministry have arrived or that we have it all figured out. If you followed me around for a week, you'd know that was far from the truth. But if there is ever a day when all of the teenagers who attend our church do exactly as their told, sit nicely in rows through a whole sermon, and don't cuss or smoke (or go with girls who do), then I'll know I'm not doing my job as a youth pastor.

Of course, there will be people--probably some parents--who might be uncomfortable with some "questionable" language and behavior in your youth group. And now that I'm a parent, I get that. However, part of our job as ministry leaders is to help people understand why we want teenagers who are far from God in our churches and our youth ministries, and what exactly that might look like. It's also our job to cast a vision for a church that's safe for all teenagers--a church that might be a bit messy at times. It doesn't mean that anything goes or that we overlook behaviors that really shouldn't be going on because they are unsafe or keep others from being able to experience God in a meaningful way. After all, one way that we love teenagers is to set healthy boundaries for them. But if our churches and youth ministries are places where teenagers who may not know Jesus feel at home, then our churches and youth ministries may not be as neat and clean as we might be tempted to want them to be.

Video of the Week: Dove Real Beauty Sketches

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 10:44:00 +0000

My wife pointed me towards this video this week, and I thought it was a really powerful discussion starter on who God created us to be, and how we often view ourselves. Check it out:

A Theology of Tragedy in Youth Ministry

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 10:43:00 +0000

There is something about a high-profile tragedy that brings to light the fact that our world is very, very broken. Yes, on some level, we understand that the victims of violence at the Boston Marathon yesterday represented but a fraction of number of victims of the violent crimes that occurred yesterday in our country and our world. But when the violence occurs on such a large stage, we cannot avoid the news and we are forced to grapple with the questions that inevitably enter our minds when we see such brokenness. At our church office, we paid special attention to the news, as Roy Gruber, our lead pastor was running in the marathon. After about twenty minutes of tension, we finally heard he was safe, having finished the race almost an hour before the explosions turned a scene of joy into a cloud of chaos.

When such events force us to pick up the rock of our humanity and see the dark underside, as youth workers we need to be prepared to help teenagers--and their families--navigate through their emotions and questions. This week, your regularly-scheduled-plan will likely be interrupted with questions about yesterday's tragedy or others like it, such as the Newtown shooting that occurred only months ago. Any youth worker worth his or her salt needs to have worked through a theology of tragedy. Otherwise, the words we offer may be empty, irrelevant, and not based in Truth. Here are some ways to help frame the conversations you may have with teenagers this week:

This world is broken because of sin. Yes, this one seems obvious, but it's an important piece of groundwork to lay in any conversation about tragedy. There is good, there is evil, and it's healthy to distinguish between the two. Even in the case of natural disasters, we can conclude that sin is what broke our world.

God is present, and he is good (and this can be seen in the people he created). When we see pain, it's natural and logical to ask where God is and whether he is truly benevolent. Of course, there is no "silver bullet" answers to those questions, but I appreciated what John Piper tweeted yesterday: "In the looping video of Boston's explosion ponder the reflex of empathy of many running toward the wounded not toward safety." Even in the midst of pain, God's mercy can be seen.

Evil of this magnitude exists each day in our world. Forty-four people in the U.S. are murdered every day, not to mention the violence, abuse, and slavery that exists around the world. This is not to diminish tragedies that do happen to catch our attention. My point is that in a month or so, the tragedy of the Boston Marathon will be forgotten my most people and media outlets, and we will also be lulled into forgetting we live in a broken world. A proper view of the world will see that things are not as they should be in our world, and it's okay to grieve.

Jesus came to heal, mend, and reconcile. I was already preparing to speak this Sunday on Luke 4 in which Jesus says he fulfills Isaiah's prophecy of a Messiah who would come to heal, mend, and reconcile:

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
    and recovering of sight to the blind,
    to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Jesus came not just to save us for some far-off world called Heaven. He came to heal, to mend, and to set us free by reconciling us to himself through the cross. Our brokenness will mend, and Jesus is healing our world even now. One day there will be a day when "He will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away" (Revelation 21:4).

Jesus calls us to do something. We are not saved so that we can be arm-chair theologians who can't take our eyes away from the TV screen every time a tragedy strikes that warrants 24-news coverage. We are called to do something. Perhaps there is nothing practical that the teenagers you work with can do to help in Boston, but there are plenty of hurting people in our world and in your community that need to be loved and served. By all means, answer the questions teenagers will ask you this week to the best of your ability. But at some point we have to say, "I don't have all the answers, but I know there's something I can do to love someone in Jesus' name, and I think that's what God is asking us to do." If the teenagers you work with want to respond in some way, help them find a way they can serve others.

Stuff Volunteers LOVE

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 10:43:00 +0000

Do you like your youth ministry volunteers? Do you want them to keep serving with you? Then you'll want to get pretty well acquainted with the following list. Not sure where to start? Here are some directions: 1) Apply generously to everyone on your youth ministry team. Lather if needed. 2) Rinse. 3) Repeat.

Stuff Volunteers ~~Like~~ LOVE

Smiles
Teenagers who say "Thank you!"
Name tags that clearly identify them as a leader (you know you have a few leaders who are in their 20s but look like they are thirteen)
Starbucks when they have to be at church at 5am for the mission trip
Information
A heads-up on what your message will be about at youth group
Thank you notes
Short meetings

Laughing with their teammates
Texts
Short emails if an email is necessary
To know you are praying for them
Calls just to see how they're doing
Not having to pay to go on a summer trip that they are already using precious vacation time to go on
Knowing exactly what you expect of them at youth group
Feedback
Birthday cards
Knowing about events more than a month in advance
Knowing they can call you if a girl in their small group has a crisis they don't know how to handle
Knowing that you'd still love them even if they weren't a youth volunteer

What else to volunteers LOVE?

Evaluating a Year of Ministry

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 10:43:00 +0000

With Easter Sunday in the rear view mirror and a busy summer calendar on the horizon, the next couple of months are probably going to go by quicker than you think. Chances are, you think about and plan ministry in around the school year. That means another school year of ministry is about to come to a close, and before time gets away from you, set aside some time--preferably with at least a few of your core leaders--and evaluate your last year of ministry. Doing it now will let you take an honest look of what's happened in the past year with enough time to plan any changes you want to make in the fall. Here are some good questions to ask as you evaluate:

What was my favorite moment from the past year? What was the most frustrating moment? Start off with some simple gut-level reactions from the past year. You might be surprised at your own answers and the answers of those you serve with.

What were the numbers? Listen, if you don't know how many people showed up, whether your small groups grew, or how many of your first-time guests are sticking around, you're missing an important part of the picture. Don't give numbers more weight than they deserve, but if twenty students were baptized in the past year, celebrate! If your small group ministry saw a numerical decline, ask "Why?" Those numbers matter because each one represents a person that matters to God.

What is the one event we have to keep, and the one event that has to go? Make sure you follow up each response with Why? This question not only provides feedback on the events your youth ministry has put on, but it also will tell you how to plan better events in the future that are more consistent with why your youth ministry exists.

Where did we best proclaim Jesus' love and grace? This is a great question to push your team to answer succinctly. If you and your team are willing to answer this honestly, you'll quickly see which aspects of your youth ministry really exist to help people know Jesus and grow in him, and which ones are fluff.

How well did I care for and lead the team? Invite your team to be honest with you and give you an forthright evaluation of your leadership. Decide if they'll be the most honest (and helpful) to your face, via email, or perhaps through an anonymous survey. Ask specific questions such as How well do I communicate with you so that you know what is expected of you as a leader? and Do you feel like you are valued as a part of this team? Sure, not everyone will give you straightforward responses, but the ones you do receive are gold--and probably from the leaders who really love you enough to be honest.

Where did God move? Though this question is the most important one on the list, I save it for last because you're likely to answer it more honestly after you've expressed everything that has encouraged you and frustrated you in the past year. Of course, this question is very subjective and requires an honest, spiritually sensitive person to answer it well. Take the time to think deeply and be vulnerable on this one. It may be that you had a frustrating year ministry-wise, but that you know God used that experience to grow you as a leader. Or perhaps you saw your leaders grow in their own relationship with Jesus in a way that just hasn't happened in years past. Just make sure you don't stay on the surface with this question or go for the easy answers. When God works, often times it's in ways we don't really notice at first.

What other questions would you add to this list?

Video of the Week: Faith Story (Jay Telford)

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 10:30:00 +0000

Jay Telford, a staff member at our church, shared via video during our Easter services this past weekend about what he learned about God when his three-year-old daughter passed away. Powerful stuff. Check it out:

Jay Telford from The Heights Community on Vimeo.

Fun Video Opening for an Easter Lesson

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 10:48:00 +0000

Note: This is an opener that we're going to use as an introduction to our Easter message in our student ministry this week (we'll be teaching out of 1 Corinthians 15). Feel free to use it if you like it!

What would you do with $500,000? Buy a new house? Cruise around town in your dream car? Give it to someone or a cause that you know could use the money more than you? Whatever you would do with that money, I think it’s safe that things would be different--whether for you or whoever you share the money with--in some way, right?

With that in mind, watch this video:
Warning: there is a muffled but somewhat recognizable swear word at 0:15 of the video, but it's during the introduction, which isn't really crucial to the video itself. You'll want to queue the video up the video at 0 minutes, 18 seconds, or edit the word out yourself. You can use this link to start the video right at 0:18 if you like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI7AUgp5fPI&t=0m18s

Question: Is that guy going to get the half million dollars? Of course not! Why? Because he didn't actually make the shot. Now, he thought he made the shot. He was ecstatic! Of course, if there was a real contest and he had really made the blindfolded half court shot, his life would very likely change, depending on what he would do with the money. But he didn’t really make the shot, no matter how sincerely he thought he did.

Here's the point: Easter Sunday is the day that Christians around the world celebrate the fact that Jesus rose again from the dead after dying on the cross a few days earlier. But here’s what we are going to focus on today: Either the event really happened, or it didn’t. If it didn't happen, this whole Jesus thing is no more than a sham, right? But if it did happen--if Jesus really DID rise from the dead--it changes EVERYTHING.

How Much Can You Disagree Theologically with Your Church and Still Work There?

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 10:48:00 +0000

Credit: Creative Commons (hang_in_there)

A topic that often comes up among youth workers is theological agreement (or disagreement) with the church that they serve at. Unfortunately, the topic usually comes up only after a youth pastor is already at a job at a church, either because the leadership of the church changes or because the youth pastor fails to ask some important questions regarding the views of the church he's about to serve at. In addition, I don't think it's all that uncommon for a young youth pastor to take a position at a church and only later discover that he holds some theological views that differ from the leadership of the church. Some of these differences are minor, and others might make you feel like you are being dishonest by remaining in your position at that church when you feel so strongly about an issue. So when a you find that some of your theological views are at odds with the stated views of your church, what should you do? Here are some good questions to ask:

Is it really a theological disagreement? Some disagreements that seem to be theological are really philosophy of ministry or strategy issues. Philosophy of ministry issues are also important, but it's unfair to disagree with your senior pastor's strategy and call it a theological issue. To give a small example, I once served under a senior pastor who was very against guns due to some of his experiences doing inner-city ministry. This affected some of our youth events, because laser tag, paint ball, and even water guns were something he was against. While I disagreed with him, it was only a philosophy of ministry issue, and a small one at that--we simply did not play any games with fake guns. Don't make a strategy issue into a theological issue.

Is it a primary theological issue? "Primary" theological issues are issues that are foundational to our faith in Jesus. Examples include the divinity of Jesus, the reality of his resurrection, and the inerrancy of the Bible. For example, whether or not the six days in Genesis 1 are literal 24-hour periods might be an important issue, but it is not a primary issue. Don't make the mistake of turning every single theological issue into matter of primary importance.

Does it affect the way you teach? Are you able to teach from the Bible according to your conscience without contradicting with your church's stated beliefs or the views of your church's leadership in a major way? If the answer is "yes," then in all likelihood the disagreement is fairly minor. If the answer is "no," then you need to talk about that with your church leadership. There will always be minor theological disagreements among church staff members. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill and leave your church over a minor theological disagreement. (Side note: if there is 100% agreement on everything in your church, then you might belong to a cult.)

Does your church leadership welcome the disagreement? The disagreement might be something that your church leadership is well aware of...and okay with. For instance, I would identify "Pre-Tribulation/Post-Tribulation" as an issue that doesn't require 100% agreement on a church staff. Of course, you might feel differently if it's an issue that you feel very strongly about, but the point is that there are some secondary issues that your staff may have already decided to "agree to disagree" on. It's not that they don't feel those issues are important; it's that they don't feel that disagreement on those issues should keep them to from serving together on a church leadership team. That's a different story than if the theological issue at hand is a part of your church's statement of faith.

Does the theological disagreement make me feel like I can't serve at this church? There may be instances when--in good conscience--you don't feel like you can remain at your church, given the theological disagreement. This is not a decision to be made lightly or without a lot of wise counsel. But if you feel like you need to move on, be 100% honest and transparent with your church leadership, and leave well. Don't go all Martin Luther on your church ("Here I stand; I can do no other") over a secondary issue, but rather pave a road for someone else to take your mantle of leadership. If it really is a secondary theological issue, there is no reason you can't leave well and pray that God would bless your church, even though you don't feel like you can serve there anymore.

Do you have any advice for someone who might discover they have significant theological differences with the church he or she serves at?

Video of the Week: Student Life Camp Promo Video

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 10:30:00 +0000

I saw this cool promo for Student Life Camp earlier this week called Jeremiah 29:11. Check it out:

Jeremiah 29:11 from Student Life on Vimeo.

Hey Youth Pastor: You're Spending Way Too Much Time With Students

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 10:46:00 +0000

I was a sophomore in college when Peter, a long-haired youth pastor approached me while I was attending a church pancake supper. I'm not sure what it was that made him talk to me of all people, but I'd imagine it had something to do with the fact that I was the youngest person in the room by far, except for the teenagers running the pancake supper fundraiser. He asked if I wanted to be a leader in the high school ministry, and since I was a new believer who wanted to be a high school math teacher, it seemed like a good fit.

My first week at youth group, Peter handed me a 10-dollar bill and told me to choose one of the high school guys to go out to coffee with. The point was clear: my job was to hang out with high school students. That set the stage for an incredibly fun three years at that church doing youth ministry, hanging out at the bus station where kids would wait up to an hour for their bus, mentoring kids at coffee shops, and doing all sorts of "relational" ministry that probably would get me fired today, such as driving to see a movie with nine kids in the back of a pickup truck. By the end of those three years, I was hooked on youth ministry, and I got a job at a local church as a youth director when I graduated from college.

Ten years later, I still love the "incarnational" part of youth ministry: going to soccer games and high school musicals, having a coke at McDonald's with a few students, leading a small group of seniors, and being present in a student's life when their whole world comes crashing down in some way. That part of youth ministry is important, and any youth pastor who wants to do ministry like Jesus did and really love teenagers needs to be willing to be with teenagers. If that's not something you like doing on some level, you probably shouldn't be in youth ministry.

That being said, there's something you need to hear:

You're spending too much time with students.

To some youth workers, that will seem like a sacrilegious statement. Isn't spending time with teenagers what student ministry is about? Isn't that why we became youth pastors?

I understand you love being with students. I do, too. A highlight of my week is Tuesday night, when I get to lead a small group of juniors and seniors in high school. I love tutoring at a local high school each week. And if I had to choose between being cooped up in an office or being at a soccer game cheering on a student, I'd probably pick the soccer game every time. But you shouldn't be spending all your time with students, and here are some reasons why:

Preparing solid messages takes time. It doesn't matter who you are: if you're winging your messages every week or just throwing something together at Starbucks a half an hour before youth group, you're not taking your biblical responsibility as a pastor to teenagers seriously by "accurately handling the word of truth" (2 Timothy 2:15). Even if you're using someone else's curriculum, a certain amount of time is needed to give your students your best. You may not be in a full-time ministry position where you can devote several hours each week to serious study and message prep, but we all know the difference between throwing something together at the last minute and a lesson you've given some amount of serious thought and prayer to.

Developing a team of leaders takes time. If you have charge over a youth ministry (whether at your local church or in a parachurch organization), part of your responsibility is to raise up and train other leaders. It doesn't matter if 2 or 200 teenagers attend your youth group; a leader who isn't gathering other leaders around him or her isn't really a leader. Teams are much more effective than individuals, and if you're feeling burned out because of all you are doing in ministry, one reason might be that you're trying to do it all yourself. And before you protest that Jesus was all about being with people and not building organizational structures, don't forget that even Jesus sent out his disciples to do work that he was most likely very capable of doing himself (see Luke 10:1-23).

Serving parents takes time. Parents--for better or for worse--have a far greater impact in a teenager's life than you or I ever will. If you don't believe that, then you likely don't believe in serving and ministering to parents. Yes, there will always be parents you can't reach. But chances are there are several parents of teenagers in your church who would welcome a little nudge to become better disciplers of their kids. This is a huge ministry opportunity that I believe churches miss out on. What if you spent just two hours less per week at football games or interacting with teenagers on Facebook so that you could spend that time pouring into parents. I'd be willing to bet if you made that commitment for a year, you'd be amazed at the results.

Chime in: Do you think youth pastors spend way too much time with students?

Video of the Week: Youth Ministry Epic #FAIL SYMC 2013

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 11:43:00 +0000

I caught this on Josh Griffin's blog earlier this week from the Simply Youth Ministry Conference...definitely good for a few laughs. My favorite by far starts at 1:04. Check it out:

Helping Emerging Leaders Grow

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 12:11:00 +0000

One of the characteristics of leadership is that it is something that cannot be taught in a classroom. Sure, we can listen to a professor or leader give a lecture on leadership, read a great book, or listen to a podcast, but even then, the only way we can really learn what we're being taught about leadership is to actually put it in place.

One of the ways we--as ministry leaders--can help other leaders grow in leadership is to actually throw them into the mix. But since leadership is really something that needs to be learned "on the job" from first-hand experience, throwing an emerging leader into the mix really means giving them leadership responsibility before they are 100% ready for that responsibility. It's definitely a risk, but I'd be willing to bet if you thought about it, it was how you first learned some of your most valuable leadership skills.

Of course, it's a bad idea to take just anyone and put them in a leadership role just because you think they need to be a better leader. While giving someone a leadership role that will stretch them can be transformative experience, doing so cavalierly and without much thought can be a very damaging experience--both for the leader and the people he/she is leading. Here are some things to keep in mind when it comes to helping leaders grow through stretching leadership experiences:

Be a good judge of character and leadership skills. Many might call this intuition, but I believe that discerning whether someone is ready for another level of responsibility involves more effort than it does natural ability. Before you put someone in a leadership role that they may or may not be ready for, spend the necessary time to know who they are and what others think of them. What are their motives for wanting more leadership responsibility? Are they in this to make a name for themselves, or are they a servant leader? You know who they are in public, but what about their private life? Don't make the mistake of putting the wrong person in the wrong role just because you weren't willing to do your homework.

Provide support. Admittedly, I've learned this one the hard way. A great way to take a great emerging leader and an important ministry opportunity and create a disaster is to hand that person their leadership role and disappear. You don't want to be a "helicopter" parent to your emerging leaders, but you can still provide plenty of support by simply checking in to see how things are going, asking if any resources are needed, or just sending an encouraging text to let them know you're praying for them. Don't drop them off at the curb and just drive away.

Create "laboratory" leadership roles. If you want to give an emerging leader a chance to spread their leadership wings but don't have something that would fit them at the moment, create one just for them. Perhaps you ask them to plan a game that goes along with next week's youth group lesson, even if you already have one in mind. Or you could ask them to come up with a 10-minute devotional to kick of next month's service day, though you hadn't really planned on doing one. I'm not suggesting you come up with fake, pointless tasks for them to do, but if you put some thought into it, you could easily create something for an emerging leader to do that would help them grow.

Provide concrete feedback. One characteristic of Christ-centered leaders is that they welcome constructive feedback, even when it's tough to hear. When you give someone an opportunity to lead in a meaningful way under your watch, you're only doing half of your job as a leader if you don't give them feedback that will help them to grow even more. What did they do well? What did you notice that they could improve on? Even if it's just a quick five minute conversation or a short email, your feedback likely means a lot to the person receiving it.

Reward great leadership with more leadership. When someone does a great job under your watch, continue to give them more responsibility as a leader. It's important to note, however, that more leadership doesn't necessarily mean upward mobility, especially in God's Kingdom. What it does mean is that if someone excels in their leadership role, continue to give them plenty of opportunities to excel. If a volunteer does a great job giving a 10-minute devotional, consider asking if they'd like to teach youth group once a month. If you've got a leader who shines when you give them the opportunity, they're likely to go somewhere else if they aren't given more opportunities to lead. It's not that they want to be in the spotlight; it's just that God has wired them to lead, so if you don't let them do that, they'll find some place where they can use the gifts God has given them.

What other ways can you help leaders grow through stretching leadership experiences?

Free Easter Lessons and Devotions from youthministry360.com

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 21:40:00 +0000

My friends (and I really do mean friends...this isn't a sponsored post, just something I think is worth passing along) at youthministry360 have just launched another round of free resources, just in time for Easter. They're giving away three different Easter Bible study lessons, PLUS a set of 10-day Easter devotions for your students. It's solid stuff that will help your teenagers prepare their hearts and minds for Easter. Easter is such a powerful time for Christ-followers. These tools will help you lead students to both reflect on and celebrate Christ's death and resurrection.

To download these free resources, head on over to the ym360 Easter Vault at https://youthministry360.com/blog/youthministry360-easter-vault.

And if for any reason you need help or have questions, their team is great about helping out. Really. This isn't some big publishing house, they're actual youth workers who love Jesus and love teenagers, and they want to help you in any way they can. Like if you took the church van on a trip and you need someone to wash it for you, they'll make it happen. Just ask, and tell 'em Benjer sent you.

Video of the Week: Disabled Basketball Player Scores With Help From Opposing Team

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 11:48:00 +0000

I loved this CBS News story about a Coronado High School basketball player in El Paso, Texas. Take a look:

Guest Post: Are We Caring for the Spouses of Rookie Youth Pastors?

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 11:25:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post for Youth Ministry 360 on the responsibility veteran youth pastors have toward young and/or rookie youth pastors. From that post, a conversation developed between myself and a professor at Western Seminary, Dr. Ron Marrs. For his Ph.D., Ron spent a substantial amount of time studying the experience of young/rookie youth pastors. He wrote about his findings in his dissertation, aptly (and robustly) named "Understanding the Lived Experience of Novice Youth Ministers in the Evangelical Protestant Tradition."

I was really interested in Ron's findings, and so I asked him to share a portion of his research on this blog. He graciously agreed to do so, and his post today focuses on some of the experiences the spouses of "novice" youth ministers had in their early years of ministry.

As a part of my reasearch, between 2009 and 2012 I interviewed 26 people about their rookie youth pastor experience. As part of my research, I also interviewed 24 people who supervised these people in their rookie experience. I found out many interesting things, but the one that burdened me the most was the experience of the spouses. Of the 26 youth ministers in this study, five were single (including the only two women in the study) and 21 were married. Sixteen of the 21 married youth ministers reported that their wives struggled to some degree during their rookie experience. In addition, thirteen of those 16 youth ministers reported not thriving in their position. But rather than simply share data, I thought I'd let you hear from the youth workers I interviewed in their own words regarding their spouses experiences while they were rookies. What follows are word-for-word excerpts from three separate interviews I conducted during my research:

Sample 1: “Another one would be—my wife wasn’t fond of the hours. She’s a stability, consistency type person and I’ll never forget her saying, “We are first—our son”—She said, “I feel like a single mom” ’cause I was usually out. And I was pretty good--if I was out really late doing something--I’d go in the office at noon the next day, but she was not fond of the hours. And that was tough for her. I was not the 100-hour-week guy. I wasn’t trying to be Superman, but if it was a long few days in a row, we’d have a conversation about that.”

Sample 2: “The 2 years in ministry were, that was a huge conflict for our marriage and probably more so because she was working so intimately with me and I almost have to...you’d have to speak with [my wife] about it, but, it was such a tenuous relationship because I had visions of what I would want to do, but I couldn’t communicate them and just the stress of everything made it that much more difficult. (Note: This youth pastor left the church and vocational ministry and his marriage survived the major upheaval that occurred for him in this situation.)

Sample 3: “What would my wife say...well, I think it would be fair to say that she did not enjoy it very much. And there’s a lot of reasons for that. For her it was that church was hard for her to make new friends at. There weren’t people who were her age that were people she’d be friends with. And not having people at church that she was connected with, people she wanted to see at church, she never really developed deep relationships with anyone there. She developed friends outside of the church, other avenues, but she was also more affected by some of the criticisms and conflicts than I was. It was more deep and hurtful for her and she felt it more personally...well, I don’t know how to summarize it. One area would be her attempt to develop friendships with the ladies and their pettiness. And basically they were saying they didn’t want to be friends with her. Those were some of the parents criticizing her because she was too young to know any better or didn’t know anything. She had a desire to invest in some of the girls but they essentially told her that that was my job as a youth pastor to be the one to give the input, not hers.” (Note: They were at the church a very short time and went through a serious time of reflection to see if they wanted to continue in church ministry. Eventually he took a ministry position which was not youth ministry.)

As you can see, the experience of these youth pastors' spouses were less than ideal. What I learned from these interviews has led me to understand that rookie youth pastors and those who supervise them need to be concerned about the spiritual life of the youth pastor’s spouse. However, this is more difficult and gets very complicated if the youth pastor is sideways with his or her supervisor. As anyone who has been in youth ministry for any length of time can tell you, there is a lot that can be said on this subject that doesn't fit in just a blog post. If you're interested in reading the full dissertation, you are welcome to check it out online. It's a good idea to skip ahead to Chapter 5, which is where I share the results of my research.

Note from Benjer: I'd love to hear from others on this topic. If you're married, what has the experience of your spouse been during your time in youth ministry? How do you feel churches care for the spouses of youth pastors in general? Are there any difficulties Ron didn't mention that spouses of youth pastors face?

Video of the Week: The Drop Box

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 11:12:00 +0000

This is a trailer for a documentary about Pastor Lee Jong-rak, who came up with an incredible way to care for Korean orphans who would otherwise be abandoned. The documentary's website states, "In December 2009, a Korean pastor named Lee Jong-rak built a wooden "drop box" on the outer wall of his home. But the box wasn't intended for clothing, food, or school supplies, it was meant to collect unwanted babies."

I can't wait to see the entire film.

"The Drop Box" - Documentary PROMO from Brian Ivie on Vimeo.

Three Commitments I Want to Make to My Kids

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 11:42:00 +0000

My sweet, sweet girls

A couple of weeks ago, some (very public) discipline issues in our family got me thinking about how I'd like to handle such situations as our girls continue to get older. As I continued to ponder other parenting situations I might face as my kids grow older, I compiled a short list of three commitments I want to make to my kids when it comes to some situations that can often be very stressful for families. Obviously, it's not a complete list, but I thought I'd share it here:

1) That I won't ever be embarrassed of them when they get in trouble.
As a youth pastor, a tough thing I have to do sometimes is to call or talk with parents when their teenager broke a major rule at an event or mistreated another student. It's not usually a fun thing in itself, but what makes it really painful is when parents seem more concerned about and embarrassed by how their child's poor choice reflects on them as a parent than they are about what their child actually did. I never want my girls to feel like I'm embarrassed of them, even when their misdeed occurs in a very public way--such as when I have to be called away from what I'm doing as a pastor because one of my sweet girls threw a chair in their children's ministry classroom. While I may be disappointed in my kids' actions sometimes, I pledge never to be embarrassed or ashamed of them as people.

2) That I will be gentle with them when they fail.
This one will be the toughest one for me as a dad. Somehow, I started fatherhood already well-stocked with a large number of "you should have seen that coming" or "I told you it would happen that way" lectures in my mental filing cabinet. I have failed a great deal in my own life, and God has always been gentle with me, even in his chastisement. I want to be that kind of dad. When my kids fail, I pledge to always lead with a hug and not with a lecture.

3) That I will trust them when they believe they are following God's lead in making a major decision.
So far, Jennifer and I have two children, both girls. I don't know what other children God will bring us, but already in our small family, we have an others-centered Bethany who I truly believe would travel halfway around the world if she thought it would help just one person. We also have a fiery, determined Samantha who will do whatever it takes to complete a task her heart is set on, no matter the cost. I can already see the day coming when each will believe that God is leading them to do something that Jennifer and I aren't entirely comfortable with (and that neither of us can find a biblical reason for them not to do). Though it will be difficult to allow them to take their own risks for Jesus, I pledge in such situations to do everything I can to help them follow God's lead, even if it means simply stepping out of the way.

An Open Letter to (Some) Parents of Teenagers

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer McVeigh) — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:58:00 +0000

Credit: Creative Commons (sporkist)

Dear Parent of a Teenager:

You don't know me, but our paths have crossed before in shopping malls, on Facebook, and in the grocery store. Do not think poorly of me, but through the years, I have occasionally overheard bits and pieces of some of your conversations about your teenage kids. Quite frankly, some of those bits and pieces of conversations I have picked up on have made me sad.

Please understand that I do not doubt your love for your teenager: As best as I can tell, you have provided your child with a safe home, their basic needs, and everything they need to thrive. There might even be some days when you look at a photo of you holding your son soon after his birth or a piece of art you've kept all these years that your daughter drew in kindergarten, and you remember just why you keep doing this crazy thing called parenting.

Still, I would kindly request that you break the habit of demeaning your teenager in public conversations--especially within earshot of your teenagers or on Facebook, where your teenager will read it. It has become, unfortunately, acceptable and even popular for parents to speak unkindly about their teenagers in a humorous manner. Your teenager does not need to hear you making sarcastic remarks in a public setting about how lazy he or she is or how you're fed up with him or her. I understand that it might have begun as simply a humorous way to cope with the stress of being a parent of a teenager.

However, your words have power, not just when others hear them, but they also have power over you when you say them repeatedly. When you say something often enough, you start to believe it, and I sincerely hope you do not really mean some of the things you've said. In addition, I'd like to point out that if I ever talked as openly about wanting to strangle my three-year-old as you do about wanting to strangle your teenager, I am quite sure that I would receive a visit from our local social worker. I'm not quite sure when it became so in vogue to publicly threaten the physical safety of our teenage children. There is nothing wrong with venting to or seeking the advice from a trusted friend. Parenting is tough, and the more people you can have supporting you, the better. But you and I both know there is a big difference between talking with a friend about how your teenager is failing three classes and saying some of the things you've said about her, which I'd rather not repeat.

No, I am not a parent of a teenager--yet. I have never experienced first-hand the struggles that come with being a parent of a teenager: The emotional roller coaster that comes with their heightened hormones, the inclination to rebel in their quest to find their identity, the slamming doors, or the silent mornings after a terrible fight. Though I am only a parent of preschool girls at this stage in my life, I do not believe that my girls--who still kiss me goodbye every morning and shout "DADDY!" at the top of their lungs when I return home--will be any less of a blessing when they have gained ten years and refuse to kiss my cheek in public. Yes, things will be different, and there may be a day when I reach the end of my rope as a parent. But they are a gift from God to me today, and they will be no less a gift should their teenage selves ever tell me they hate me because I have grounded them the same weekend as their friend's birthday party.

This letter is meant as a loving encouragement to you. I hope you know that I respect you for all that is on your plate as a parent. I'm still figuring out how to hand the middle-of-the-grocery-store-aisle tantrum; I can't say I would know how to handle the parental struggles you've been through. But I do know that you love your kids, and that the words you utter in public probably aren't what you really want to convey about your kids. Thanks for what you do as a parent, for sticking with it, and I pray that this letter would at least make you think twice before airing frustrations about your kids in such a public manner.

Sincerely,
Benjer