Discipleship Family Ministry

Free Youth Ministry Resources!

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Credit: Creative Commons (Mark Holloway)

In tough economic times and shrinking budgets, who doesn't love free youth ministry resources? If you're a youth worker who's facing a small budget, but you want to have a BIG impact on the students in your church and in your community, here are some fantastic Free Youth Ministry Resources you can implement in your ministry immediately and make you a much more effective youth worker:

Caring, Loving Adults. I know what some of you might say: a team of adults doesn't cost zero dollars to maintain. Sure, the ideal situation is that you can take your team to training events, buy them a helpful book on youth ministry, and maybe even send them a $5 Starbucks card at Christmas just to say "thank you" for a great year of ministry. But even if you've got zero budget dollars, you can still have a great team of adult leaders.* Not only can you have some amazing leaders who are willing to spend time each week loving teenagers, but many others who might not be up for leading a small group will be more than happy to provide cookies or other snacks for your next event--that is, if you would only ask.

Prayer. This is a resource I know we don't take advantage of nearly enough. No, it's not practical to spend all of our ministry time praying (it wouldn't be the worst thing we could do, though). But what if we spent a little less time reading books on leadership, hanging out on Facebook, and looking for free game ideas on the internet, and instead spent a little more time praying for our students, families, and volunteers, as well as praying for God to shape us as leaders? I'd be willing to bet we'd see a huge change in the right direction.

Coachability. As a youth pastor, I hope it's okay if I say this to you: I wonder sometimes if youth workers are some of the least teachable ministry leaders around. I think we as youth workers sometimes have an attitude of, "We're the only ones who understand teenagers and really want to reach them for Jesus." When we have this attitude (which has at its root a whole lot of pride), we stop looking to others--especially those outside of youth ministry--to help us grow as followers of Jesus and as leaders. And know that as I write this, I'm well aware that it's something I've struggled with a lot as I've grown as a leader.

There you have it: some of the best youth ministry resources around. Which resources would you add to the list?

*One required cost of recruiting an adult leader is a background check, which some ministries ask potential volunteers to pay for.

Video of the Week: What is a Trader from RightNow.org

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

This is a great video with an amazing description of what a missionary is:

Hat Tip: Brian Kirk

Dear Youth Pastor (Youth group betrayal)

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Note: If this is your first time reading "Dear Youth Pastor," please read this post first.

Dear Youth Pastor:

This week, I received a crushing blow from one of my students. At least, I thought she was one of my students. Let me try to sort the details out.

Cindy had been coming to our church youth group for about a year. She'd been pretty committed, and I thought she was one of our core students. She came to our Sunday morning Sunday School, was a part of a small group, always attended "CLUB Jesus" (our Wednesday night event), and usually went with us on Sunday mornings to breakfast when we'd skip out of worship service every other week.

Last month, she only came to one of our CLUB Jesus nights. I figured that she was grounded again, but when I asked her about it a couple of days ago, she admitted that she had been attending another church's Wednesday night program.

I tried to hold it together, but I think my face betrayed me, because she quickly started trying to explain. She said that she really liked our church, but her friend had invited her to her church's Bible study on Wednesday nights. She really felt like she fit into the smaller setting, and would probably keep going to it with her friend. She tried to soften the blow by committing to being at our church on Sundays, but the damage was done. Where did I go wrong? Was it something I did?

Sincerely,
Broken-Hearted in Broken Arrow

Broken-Hearted:

I know this may not help right now, but this happens to all youth pastors at some point. None of us are immune. Sometimes, things don't go our way, and we lose a kid--to another church, of all places! It's important for you to be able to move past this and look to the future, so that this kind of thing rarely--if ever--happens again. Here are some things you can do:

Keep your priorities in order. Your job is to grow the biggest youth group possible. It sounds like you lost just one student, so make sure you go over your attendance numbers again, and keep letting your students and your church know just how many students are coming to your ministry. If numbers are down a bit, try having a big, free event with food that lots of students are sure to come to. It's best not to make it too preachy or bring up Jesus much, if at all.
Remember, youth ministry is a competition between you and all the other churches in town. It's easy to get complacent when things are going well, so you need to always be on the lookout for the coolest event, and you need to continually up the ante to keep your youth ministry as the most relevant youth ministry around.
If you sense that your students have lost sight of why your youth group exists (which, of course, is to be the biggest ever), make sure you continue to reiterate that their spiritual health is dependent on how committed they are to the youth ministry. You might also need to check around and see if other students are attending another youth group during the week, an adult Bible class at your church, or even a Bible study before school hosted by another church in your area.

I'm sorry you've had to go through this, but it will make you stronger in the long run. Just keep your eye on the prize (bragging rights), and things will turn out okay.

Sincerely,
Youth Pastor

Dear Youth Pastor is a public service to the good people who read this blog, and letters are published every Thursday. To ask Youth Pastor a question, just email him at DearYouthPastor@hotmail.com.

A Word on "Dear Youth Pastor"

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

A couple of years ago, I wrote the first "Dear Youth Pastor" letter when I was in a snarky mood. (If you've never read a letter to Youth Pastor and his responses, you can find those letters here.) I did a few more here and there, but the letters didn't become a regular feature on this site until the beginning of this year, when the letters started appearing on Thursdays.

Usually, I just post the letters and responses without an explanation--because if you have to explain satire, it's probably not good satire. But I've received a couple of comments from readers that have made me think otherwise. Here's a comment regarding Youth Pastor's advice to a struggling youth worker on how to appear cooler to students:

This sounds disgraceful! I would never do any of these things, as all of them would cost me my job and the respect of youth and their parents. Kids gossip too much to make these things a good idea.

And here's a comment regarding Youth Pastor's advice for how to stay away from youth ministry networks:

When did networking become such a bad thing. Also when did reaching students for Christ become such a territorial rivalry? Networking is a good thing. Many of the top guys in youth ministry agree with this. Doing ministry in a city is not a good thing. It leads to burn out and stress. Telling a guy not to network is not a good thing. You should encourage him to maybe change the format of the meeting in discussing where everyone can help to bring more students to Christ in the city. It is not about being the best youth pastor or youth group in town that shows no humility just arrogance. Your advice is just appalling

Given those comments, I assume there are more folks who don't comment that misunderstand what "Dear Youth Pastor" is all about. So, in case you're wondering, "Dear Youth Pastor" is not to be taken as good advice; it's meant to make a point with a little bit of humor. Hopefully no one has actually taken any of Youth Pastor's advice seriously (if you have, you'll probably get fired soon). And don't forget that you can email Youth Pastor with any of your own questions.

Rejoice or Complain?

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Credit: Creative Commons (flesh_kill)

In honor of President's Day--an extra ski day for some, a day to reflect on our nation's heritage for others--let's talk for a few moments about the comfort we have as American followers of Jesus (if you're reading this from Canada, or England, or even Kenya, this still may apply to you). I'm not referring just to material comfort, although that's a part of it. We have to freedom to follow Jesus without a whole lot of consequences that threaten my family's or my well-being. I, for one, have a comfortable job as a pastor that includes retirement contributions and fantastic health coverage for my family. And I know that not every follower of Jesus in America is comfortable by any stretch of the imagination. However, I will assume that anyone reading this blog is more likely to be doing so sipping a Venti Caramel Macchiato than they are to be living on the streets of San Francisco. And you most likely aren't being flogged for telling people about Jesus.

Recently, I've been studying the book of Acts--a short history on the early beginnings of the Church. I decided to spend some time in Acts because I've felt a bit stuck as a leader lately, and I had hoped that reading about the early spread of the Good News of Jesus, his death, and his resurrection, would provide some inspiration as well as some insight on how I can help our youth ministry grow both spiritually and numerically. What I've learned the most about, however, is myself.

Take, for example, Acts 5:12-42. Things seem to be going great for the early Church, people are coming to know Jesus through the spreading of his teachings and miraculous healings. Pretty good stuff, right? And then, things start to go downhill. The Jewish religious leaders in Jerusalem considered what the apostles--who were also Jewish--were teaching about Jesus to be heresy. There was One God, and Jesus was not that God. They also didn't like someone else stealing the religious spotlight of the day, because THEY were in charge. So, they tried to put a stop to the whole Jesus thing. Most (or perhaps all) of the apostles were arrested, put in prison, and eventually flogged for telling everyone about Jesus.

Rough day, right? I've had some pretty bad days as a pastor. Tragic events, difficult relationships, and even a church closing. But nothing like what's described in Acts 5. And how did the apostles respond?

Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the sake of the name. -v. 41

Seriously?

They rejoiced that they were worthy enough to suffer for the Good News of Jesus.

Let me just assume something about you. (If I'm wrong, please leave a comment or email me to let me know.) When things go wrong in ministry, your default reaction is to complain, not rejoice. Just think about all the things that can hurt you as a youth worker:

A parent calls to complain about youth group last night.
You stand up for something that is right, only to be chastised (and even fired) by those you serve with.
As you teach about Jesus, a student who doesn't follow Jesus interrupts you to inform you that you have no idea what you're talking about, leaving you in tears.

If you're like me, you won't rejoice. One of the first things you'll do is to pick up the phone (or open a new email message, or get on Facebook) and complain.

This week, when something difficult or hurtful happens to you as a leader (and it will), try something different: rejoice that you are counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name of Jesus.

Church Signs, Eternity, and Evangelism

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

I thought we'd start off this week with a good discussion. I came across a church sign (see below), and I think it will make for some good conversation. The photo may or may not elicit a strong reaction, so a few ground rules:

1) No cheap shots. Stick to discussing the sign and the questions, not passing judgment on others.

2) If #1 is unclear, please take a moment to read Matthew 7:1-5.

Without further ado, here's your sign (sorry, couldn't resist):

QUESTIONS:
Is this sign an effective evangelism tool?

Is this sign a biblical evangelism tool (meaning it does not go against Scripture, and may even be supported by Scripture)?

Video of the Week: Lutheran Satire on Jesus' Resurrection

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

I love watching Lutheran Satire's YouTube videos. Hans Fiene, who creates them, is VERY Lutheran, and the videos are hilarious. They are also quite over-the-top yet brilliantly subtle at the same time, which makes it fantastic satire. Viewers who aren't familiar with Lutheran (or Anglican, or any other liturgical tradition) worship and theology may not appreciate every video because Fiene deals primarily with Lutheran themes.

This video is on Jesus' resurrection, and if you love your apologetics mixed with humor, you'll definitely love this:

Dear Youth Pastor (Youth Ministry Networks)

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Dear Youth Pastor:

Last week, I was invited by another youth pastor in town to a youth ministry network meeting in our town. I'd been invited before and never attended, but when I heard this meeting would have a free lunch, I decided to go.

When I arrived at the meeting, I made sure to get my lunch first and sit as close to the exit as possible, hoping to sneak out as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I was not fast enough, and before I could finish my pizza everybody began going around the circle and "checking in." I made the mistake of sitting next to the network coordinator, and so after he said how things were going for him, he asked me to go next.

Of course, I began by sharing how great things were going in our youth group, how attendance numbers were up (they usually always are in my youth group), and how many complements I'd received lately when I taught at Sunday night youth group. Of course, everyone was stunned into silence at how amazing I'd been leading my church's youth group. I figured that would be the end of my "check in," but the network coordinator finally spoke up and said, "I'm glad things are going well ministry-wise for you. But how are you doing?" He even asked how my marriage was going! I don't know what any of that has to do with how awesome my youth group is. I then had to listen to everyone else shared how they were doing--some of them barely even talked about their youth group attendance! The worst part is that at the end of the meeting, there was an update about a joint evangelism event most of the churches in town are doing next month for the teenagers in our area. How in the world can we compare attendance numbers when everyone joins together for the same event?

Is this normal? Should I be concerned that so many youth workers in town get together so often to pray for each other and team up on events? I'm very concerned.

Sincerely,
Disconnected in Des Moines

Disconnected,

What you've described is actually a common occurrence for many youth ministry networks. I've been to a few myself, with similar results.

No matter how nice the other youth workers seem (or how often their church provides a free lunch for you), don't forget that they are after the same teenagers you are. You can't let your guard down for even a second. In addition, many times those meetings will try to take your focus off of ministry and onto other things, like your marriage, your family, your prayer life, and even your own relationship with Jesus. You may even be asked to pray for a rival youth worker in town if your youth ministry network encourages prayer partners.

I'm afraid the only thing to do is to resist the free food and never go back to a meeting again. If you do get approached to attend a youth ministry network meeting, the best thing to do is loudly reiterate how amazing things are going for you in ministry and how you don't have time or need to go to those meetings. Remember, youth ministry is best done alone, not together. How else are we supposed to know who the best youth group and youth pastor in town are?

Sincerely,
Youth Pastor

Dear Youth Pastor is a public service to the good people who read this blog, and letters are published every Thursday. To ask Youth Pastor a question, just email him at DearYouthPastor@hotmail.com.

Sermon: Faith when things are desperate

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

I had a good time preaching this past weekend on 2 Chronicles 32:1-22. It was a tough subject, and hopefully I didn't offer any cookie-cutter responses (such as, "Have faith; things will get better!").

"Desperation"_Feb. 5, 2012 from The Heights Community on Vimeo.

10 Things they won't teach you in seminary

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

When I first started discerning whether I might be called to be a pastor, the youth pastor I volunteered with would have conversations with me over coffee about ministry. He would often give me nuggets of wisdom he called "things they won't teach you in seminary."

I've discovered there are indeed several things ministry leaders encounter that they just don't teach you in seminary, so I've compiled a list of them here. Some are funny, some are serious, but they all come from my own experience.

10 Things They Won't Teach You in Seminary
1) If you "rabbit trail" during a sermon in front of a middle school audience, you may never recover.

2) Pastoral emergencies usually happen a) during a date with your spouse; b) at 2:00am; or c) when you've set aside an entire afternoon to finally get caught up on planning and office work.

3) Make sure you specify before a game of spoons at youth group that biting is not allowed.

4) When you don't know what to say to someone who is hurting, keep your mouth shut, and give them a hug if appropriate.

5) The time God seems to change your plans is when you think you've planned the best lesson or sermon you've ever done.

6) When two teenage guys are messing around and accidentally land on and destroy a coffee table at the coffee shop your youth group meets at, the best thing to do is apologize, have the students offer to replace the table, and find a new coffee shop to meet at.

7) How to hook up and pull a trailer.

8) The student who gives you the hardest time usually asks the best questions.

9) It's very, very, very difficult to put your family before ministry, but you need to fight to make sure they are a priority above your job.

10) No matter how long you're in ministry, you never have it all figured out.

BONUS: Your best and rewarding moments in ministry will often come after a long week in which you wonder repeatedly if God really called you to be a pastor, and if what you're doing really makes any kind of a difference at all.

Your turn: what would you add to the list?

Video of the Week: Dancing in the Minefields by Andrew Peterson (Official Music Video)

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

I'm in a particularly musical mood as I queue this week's Video of the Week. I love Andrew Peterson's music, and I love this song--it's a great video, too. Jennifer and I had dinner this week with a couple I have the blessing of marrying this summer. As Jennifer and I shared some stories from our marriage and how marriage is different than we ever imagined, I thought of this song.

"I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard
Is a good place to begin

'Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price
For the life that we have found

So, this week's video is dedicated to my love, Jennifer. I'll gladly walk with you in the shadowlands--in some ways we already have. If you're married, take a few minutes, sit down with your spouse today, and recount the ways God has brought you through the minefields:

Dear Youth Pastor (What in the world are mission, vision, and values?)

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Dear Youth Pastor:

It has been a very difficult week. This past Tuesday, I had a meeting with my senior pastor. He wanted to talk with me about the meetings our staff and board have been having for the past couple of months about "why our church exists." He began to talk with me about how the meetings have been exciting for him, and how he felt compelled to lead our church in thinking and praying through what we are really supposed to be doing as a church because he had been convicted that his own spiritual apathy had been reflected in the spiritual apathy of our church. I don't remember what he said after that, because I had to look up what "apathy" meant on my iPhone. When I looked up again, he was asking me what I thought of the mission, vision, and set of values that we had "put down on paper" as a result of the meetings. While trying to remember what we had put down on paper (I had spent most of the meetings on my iPhone doing really important ministry on my Facebook app), I told him I thought they were really good.

Then, he threw in a zinger.

He asked me how I thought the mission, vision, and core values related to our youth ministry, and how I would structure the ministry and plan events so that it reflected the mission, vision, and core values. Wow! I had no idea that what we were talking about in those meetings would affect the youth ministry. I figured things would be business as usual in our corner of the building: we can't plan events more than a month ahead of time; how are we supposed to know what the cool thing to do will be? And core values? B-O-R-I-N-G! Clearly my pastor doesn't understand the go-with-the-flow mentality of youth ministry. Now I have two weeks to write a ministry plan AND a budget that "contextualizes" our church's mission, vision, and values in our ministry to students. I don't even know what that means! What should I do?

Sincerely,
Perturbed in Percy

Perturbed:

You are certainly not alone in having a senior pastor who insists on meddling in your ministry by using words such as "mission," "vision," "plan," and "liability forms." The good news: you just might have a senior pastor who has simply read an article in a magazine about leadership or attended a seminar at a conference that inspired him to take the actions you describe. With any luck, it is just a short fad, and he will be back to preserving the status quo in no time at all, leaving you to your corner of your church's kingdom.

A few tips to help you along:

Go ahead and write out a plan. Not a real plan, of course. Simply write down what you think your pastor would like to hear, and use lots of action words; preferably, use words that are included in your church's new mission and vision statements.
Budgets are not all that bad. Sometimes, it can help you get more money! Make sure you let your board know how much money the youth ministry budget has had in the past (all the better if your church's treasurer is not diligent in keeping records, so you can go by "memory"), and note that there is so much you could be doing if you only had more money.
Remember, the plan is only paper. Keep it vague, and chances are after you've given the report, no one will ever ask you about it again.

Of course, if your senior pastor is really serious about making changes in the church, you might be in for some trouble. And let me tell you, it's all downhill from there. Rather than get excited about the crazy events you dream up or how many people attend your free pizza nights, your pastor and board will want to know how the ministry is doing in terms of the church's mission. They'll start asking you about how lives are being "transformed" and whether you think the ministry is focused on fulfilling the Great Commission. Whatever that is. Let's hope that won't happen to you.

Sincerely,
Youth Pastor

Dear Youth Pastor is a public service to the good people who read this blog, and letters are published every Thursday. To ask Youth Pastor a question, just email him at DearYouthPastor@hotmail.com.

When You Feel Stuck

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Credit: Creative Commons (Toronto History)

Lately, I've felt...stuck. Stuck in ministry, that is. There's no one thing that I can put my finger on that's really, really broken in our student ministry. It's just that I feel like we're not making the impact we could be making, and that as a leader, I need to help our team figure out where we need to go next. The feeling is actually quite hard to articulate, and it's something I've spent a lot of prayer and thought on lately. I'd be willing to bet that others have felt this way before, or may be feeling this way right now. Here are some things to do that are helpful when we feel "stuck" as leaders:

Ask: Why do I feel stuck? Do you feel stuck because you realize that there are hundreds or thousands of students in your community who don't know Jesus, and you feel burdened to reach more of those students? Or do you feel stuck because your pride hurts from lower attendance numbers or slower growth? Sometimes we're just longing for another shot of momentum to stroke our egos and feel important.

Pray: Obvious, yes. But worth mentioning, because if you're like me, you're a problem solver. I studied math in college, and I love solving problems. Many times, I approach my role as a leader the same way and continually try to puzzle things out. There's nothing wrong with solving problems, but I often forget that it's the Holy Spirit that leads, not me and my tiny little brain.

Tell others how you're feeling. For a long while, I kept my feelings of being stuck to myself. Recently, I've made a point to simply share with some of our volunteers, my wife, and the people I work with, including our lead pastor. I've gotten a lot of great input and some valuable encouragement. Many times, the challenges of leadership put me into isolation mode, just making matters worse.

Glorify God and celebrate what's going well. No matter what's going on, God is working, and we need to glorify him for that and celebrate the bright spots, even if there don't seem to be that many. If we only praise God when ministry is going well, then maybe it's not God we're worshiping, but ministry.

Be faithful. Jesus didn't call his followers so that they could always be successful by the world's standards. Many times (more than we'd like to admit in the American church), following God means being faithful in discouraging and challenging circumstances. If you feel stuck and things are challenging, then perhaps what you need to work on more is faithfully following the lead of the Holy Spirit. I, for one am glad that the Jesus' disciples and the earliest church leaders didn't quit when things didn't exactly seem to be going their way.

QUESTION: What do you do when you feel stuck?

How Much Is Enough?

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 12:40:00 +0000

I first saw this parable (sometimes called "The Parable of the Mexican Fisherman") on a poster at a Jimmy John's sub shop and have been meaning to post it here. As far as I can tell, the author is unknown, but if anyone knows the source, I'd be glad to know. Enjoy!

How Much Is Enough?
An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna.
The banker complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The fisherman replied, "Only a little while."

The banker then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish?

The fisherman said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The banker then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life."

The investor scoffed, "I am an Ivy League MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, and eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. "

The investor continued, "And instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would then sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution! You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The fisherman asked, "But how long will this all take?"

To which the banker replied, "Perhaps 15 to 20 years."

"But what then?" asked the Mexican.

The banker laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions!"

"Millions. Okay, then what?" wondered the fisherman.

To which the investment banker replied, "Then you would retire. You could move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, and stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

Adopting in a Broken System

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 00:48:00 +0000

Note: Every weekend we'll (Jennifer and Benjer) share a bit of our journey to adopting a child. This post is by Benjer. To read more posts on adoption, visit our adoption page.

"Do for one, what you wish you could do for many.”

Those words are from Andy Stanley, the pastor of North Point Community Church outside of Atlanta, GA. And as we continue our journey to adopt a child, they are very important words to me. Because when it comes to adoption--like so many other things people do in the world to help others--the issues that are involved are far more complicated than we wish they were. We live in a broken world, and there are a lot of hurting people in all cultures that need help. It's easy for one person to look at all that could be done and feel overwhelmed.

When it comes to international adoption, the issue is definitely complicated. It's not just that there are so many millions of children in the world that don't have parents. UNICEF estimates that there are currently 18 million children in the world who have lost both parents, and an additional 135 million who have lost one parent. Those statistics alone are overwhelming. What makes the issue so difficult is that broken, sinful systems make it almost impossible to bring about positive, lasting change.

As Jennifer and I spent time considering whether to begin the adoption process this past fall, we consulted people who had adopted, both here locally and on adoption blogs. We came across several arguments against international adoption--some well-formulated and some that were simply thinly veiled racism. One of the most popular arguments is that the amount of money that an international adoption costs would be better spent as a charitable contribution to the country we hope to adopt from. After all, wouldn't it be better to write a check to support infrastructure in that country or pay for programs that would prevent the very circumstances that creates so many orphans in the first place?

On the surface, that seems like a valid point. But it doesn't take much to realize that money alone doesn't solve problems. If it did, there would be far fewer homeless people in Haiti today. Billions have been pledged or given to relief support, much of which at best was wasted and at worst went straight to people's pockets who needed the money least. In addition, the why-not-send-money-instead-of-adopting argument is as silly as saying, "Why not stop hiring firefighters, and instead put that money into fire prevention education and techniques?" The answer: because a lot more people would die in fires, that's why.

The orphan crisis is complicated. There isn't a clear-cut, one-size-fits-all solution to the fact that millions of kids don't have parents. But the worst thing we can do when faced with a daunting, complicated, and much-bigger-than-we-can-handle problem is to assume that there's nothing that we can do.

The reality is that right now, there are millions of children without parents. In many countries, orphanages are overflowing because culturally, people simply don't adopt children from outside their family. You don't need to visit too many orphanages or hear a lot of stories to understand that things are very broken. And it all seems so overwhelming to me, because I'm a fixer. I love to problem solve, and it drives me nuts when there's not an achievable solution. So, I'm going to take Andy Stanley's advice. There's one boy in Bulgaria who needs a home, a family, and a father to say, "I will always be your Daddy, and you will always be my boy." We will do for one what we wish we could do for all.

To read more adoption posts and to sign up for email updates, visit our adoption page.

Video of the Week: Youth Ministry Boot Camp

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Funny video from Youth Specialties on a "Youth Ministry Boot Camp." Love the last scene. Check it out:

Dear Youth Pastor (Why would I want volunteers?)

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Dear Youth Pastor:

During my annual review last month, my senior pastor asked me to spend the first part of the year recruiting more volunteers for the youth ministry program. Since I started working at my church a year an a half ago as the youth pastor, we have unfortunately lost some volunteers. However, I didn't think too much about it; I have been able to pick up the slack by doing all the teaching, making sure the room is set up for youth group, and planning the upcoming retreat by myself. Personally, I thought things had been going much better since I started doing more! Nevertheless, my senior pastor insisted I "build a team of trusted volunteers."

I put an announcement in the church bulletin asking for new helpers a few Sundays back, and five adults said they wanted to help. They have actually been nice to have around at youth group. They shovel the sidewalk on snowy Wednesday nights before youth group and hand out pencils and Bibles, and it was nice to be able to tell someone to clean up the unfortunate mess that occurred during the popular "Drink a gallon of milk during Bible study" game. However, this week the new helpers became meddlesome. I received an email from a mom who's been helping with a suggestion (what do moms know about youth ministry?) on how to get students to interact more during youth group. To make matters worse, two of the new helpers have asked to help lead during an upcoming series, and one actually had the nerve to meet with a student during the week for coffee to pray about a difficult situation the student had been having at school. That's my job! What can I do?

Sincerely,
Lone Ranger in Laramie

Lone Ranger:

It's easy to get discouraged when people who are supposed to be helping you begin to venture onto ground that should be reserved for professional youth workers like you and me. If you do not get a handle on the situation, the suggestions will keep coming, and your volunteers may start to do things differently than you would do them. This is a serious threat to your authority as the youth pastor, the only one in the church who really understands your youth. Thankfully, the remedy for your problem is quite easy to implement. In fact, it involves doing nothing at all in some situations!

Do not return your volunteers' phone calls or emails. Just pretend the messages don't exist, and soon, the volunteers won't either! If you have very persistent volunteers, just tell them that you only communicate via an obscure invitation-only social networking site that's all the rage with the kids. Tell them that they'll have to wait to get an invitation to the website before they can drop you a note.
Allow a volunteer to take charge of something, but provide no support and no resources. Chances are, the volunteer will eventually become frustrated and quit.
Whatever you do, refrain from any kind of encouragement or praise. A word of encouragement is often enough fuel to keep a volunteer going for a few more weeks and is exponentially more potent when delivered in the presence of others within the church.

Remember, you're the professional, and you get paid to do all the work. Follow these easy steps, and before long, you'll be back to doing everything yourself! And we all know that when it's done your way, it's done right.

Sincerely,
Youth Pastor

Dear Youth Pastor is a public service to the good people who read this blog, and letters are published every Thursday. To ask Youth Pastor a question, just email him at DearYouthPastor@hotmail.com.

New Doesn't Impress For Long

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Think about the last time you went into a coffee shop. Chances are, there were at least a handful of laptops open with fingers tapping away at the keys. You may also have noticed a few people with smartphones or iPads in hand, ~~downloading a Dostoevsky classic for their Kindle app~~ playing Words with Friends, connecting to internet via the shop's free WiFi or a data plan.

There was a day when people didn't bring electronics to coffee shops. They brought books, played a game of chess with a friend, or perhaps wrote in a journal. But then came 1999. In 1999, an important technology became reliable and cheap enough to be included in personal laptop computers. At MacWorld in 1999, Steve Jobs announced this feature in his trademark casual manner as "One More Thing." Here's the video (3 minutes 26 seconds long):

The technology Jobs introduced as part of the iBook line, of course, was WiFi: a wireless internet connection. The crowd cheered when they realized that he was not connected to any wires as he was surfing the internet. This was big news, and a very welcome addition that soon became standard on all laptop computers.

Imagine if today you walked into a computer store and asked to look at notebooks, and the salesman bragged that a particular laptop was "fully loaded and equipped with WiFi technology." Well, I'd hope so, you might think. And doesn't a car come equipped with a steering wheel? What laptop doesn't have WiFi?

WiFi was new. Once. The thing is, New doesn't impress for long. Sure, something new has it's moment on the stage, and for a while it's appreciated and fawned over. But soon, New just becomes...expected.

In ministry, New doesn't last for long. Now, this doesn't mean that New is a bad thing. New can build momentum. New can make people consider going back to church after several years away. New can be fun. (And yes, it's okay for something in church to be fun. Really.)

New can be useful. People came to Jesus because he did things they had never seen before. He taught with authority. He performed miracles with striking regularity. Those things helped people become reconciled to their Father. But not everyone who came to see stayed. And when they inevitably asked for more new things, he declined to give them the show they wanted and instead pointed them toward the Scriptures. Because he knew that New would not change people's lives. It was only a door, an invitation. He knew that for people to be really transformed, the had to be reunited with the Father through the Son. For the Son of Man came not to impress, but to save.

So, New is useful, but it doesn't impress for long. If you try to impress people with New, they will use up whatever New you give them, and then demand more. If you give them more New, they will continue to be impressed. If you don't, they will move on. After all, whatever New you create will one day be like WiFi: expected and taken for granted. So instead of using New to impress, why don't you use New as a door, an invitation? Because in reality, there is nothing new under the sun. But there is Someone who makes all things new, and people need him far more than they need to be impressed.

We Cancelled Wednesday Nights (and lived to tell about it)

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Credit: Creative Commons (Jesse Wagstaff)

This past fall marked a pretty significant change for our high school ministry: we stopped our mid-week program on Wednesday nights. Before this school year, we had Sunday morning large-group (our most well-attended weekly program), a Wednesday night program (not as well attended but pretty substantial), as well as a small group ministry, where groups met on various nights of the week. It was a lot, and I had planned on making the change for over a year before pulling the trigger. Having two large-group events (Sunday and Wednesday) made our small group ministry seem like an add-on, when according to our stated strategy they should have central focus in terms of our programs.

I'm glad we made the change. We still have a LOT to figure out, but this was a step in the right direction. But it wasn't easy, and it wasn't a decision I made lightly. While I believed it was a good decision, I knew that it wouldn't be well-received by everyone, because significant change is hard for people, even those who are on board with the reasons behind the change. Here are some lessons I took away from the experience:

Don't be a Lone Ranger when making decisions. When I first floated the idea of eliminating Wednesday nights, not everyone in our youth ministry or in our church leadership was so sure it was a good decision. So, I tabled the idea for a year (i.e. continued to put everything I could into Wednesday nights) and in the mean time had conversations with those who had reservations about it. Sure, not all decisions can wait a year, but for the most part, I've found that it's better to wait when people have reservations about a change. Of course, we can't wait until EVERYONE agrees with a decision before pulling the trigger, or else nothing will get done. But if a leader makes a decision no one is on board with, he or she will find himself without a team.

Listen to push back. The students who attended Wednesday nights really liked it, and were bummed when they went away. I listened to what they had to say, and tried to offer an explanation and paint the big picture. For the most part, people who will push back will stick with you if you take the time to listen to them. And they just might have a point that you need to take into consideration, so have a teachable attitude.

Remember to communicate the vision behind the change. Our primary reason for canceling Wednesday nights was to encourage more students to be a part of a small group. For the most part, the students going to Wednesday nights weren't in a small group, so it was natural to help them replace Wednesdays with a small group. If we make a change without giving people a vision behind the change, they will likely be confused, which may even negate the positive aspects of the change.

Evaluate the change. After one semester, our small group ministry is tons healthier and more effective than it was during the last school year. That's a huge win and probably one of the brightest spots of our past semester for me. Some students still miss the connection that happened being able to get together as a larger group mid-week, so we're trying to figure out if there's a way we can continue to build community without meeting as a large group twice a week like we used to. Make sure you evaluate the change you made to see if it accomplished what you had hoped, or if another change is necessary.

Change is hard, but it's necessary, because as Mark Driscoll has said, "Jesus is the only thing that we promise will never change."

QUESTION: What changes have you made in your church or ministry that were difficult at first but had a positive outcome? Did you have any bumps along the way?

JustOne: An Online Conference for Women in Ministry and Pastors' Wives

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 01:54:00 +0000

The JustOne Conference looks like an amazing, free opportunity to encourage women in ministry and pastors' wives. I hadn't ever heard of it until a couple of weeks ago, and I'm looking forward to watching at least one session with my wife, Jennifer. An online conference in itself is a VERY interesting way to use technology in ministry, so as a person who serves at a church that has recently started using video venues at our campuses (just for the sermons), it will be fun to watch it from that perspective, too. Check it out:

Need encouragement … challenge … connection … and inspiration …

All while sitting comfortably on your couch with a Latte in hand?

The JustONE Conference is a free virtual conference for all Pastors’ Wives and Women in Ministry. This 4 week conference will include over 20 speakers sharing from their personal lives and leadership. Each session will be shown 4 times during the week. So find a time that is right for your schedule, and join in!

This year the conference is based on 1 Timothy 4:12b-16 (The Message) “Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity. Stay at your post reading Scripture, giving counsel, teaching. And that special gift of ministry you were given when the leaders of the church laid hands on you and prayed–keep that dusted off and in use. Cultivate these things. Immerse yourself in them. The people will all see you mature right before their eyes! Keep a firm grasp on both your character and your teaching. Don’t be diverted. Just keep at it. Both you and those who hear you will experience salvation.”

Each week will be hosted by:
Lori Wilhite, Senior Pastor’s Wife at Central Christian Church Las Vegas and Founder of Leading and Loving It
Brandi Wilson, Senior Pastor’s Wife at Cross Point Church in Nashville and Co-Leader of Leading and Loving It

You can register here.

Video of the Week: Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Great artistic representation of the difference between religion and the Gospel of Grace. If you haven't yet seen it, give it a look. If you've already seen it, watch it again:

Dear Youth Pastor (A Parent Wants to DISCIPLE his daughter?)

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Dear Youth Pastor:

I had an unsettling meeting with a parent this week. As I look back, I should have seen it coming. This father approached me a couple of Sundays ago in the fellowship hall. Typically, I avoid all areas of the church on Sundays where I would risk a possible encounter with a parent of a student, such as a worship service or the coffee hour between services. However, I had not eaten breakfast, and in a moment of weakness I snuck to the back of the hall for a donut. The father asked if he could take me to lunch some time to talk about his daughter. Since I had spent all my money at Aéropostale to show students I could be just like them, I took the bait and agreed. So this Tuesday past, we met for lunch at Chili's.

The lunch went well for the first few minutes. He, of course, told me how much his daughter had enjoyed the fall retreat, and how glad he was that I was hired as the youth pastor. But the conversation took an interesting twist: he said he was concerned that he hadn't been as involved as he should be in his daughter's spiritual life and asked how I thought he might disciple his daughter and help her in her relationship with Jesus.

Perhaps I'm confused; I thought I was the youth pastor! Doesn't he know that leading students spiritually is my job? What kind of youth pastor would I be if I didn't single-handedly shepherd each and ever student in my youth group? Please help; I'm worried that I could be out of a job if parents start taking an interest in the spiritual lives of their teenagers.

Sincerely,

Threatened in Thief River Falls

Threatened:

I can understand your concern. It's one thing for parents to be involved in a minimal way--such as drivers where necessary or to cook food at youth events. It's an entirely different ordeal when parents become involved in the spiritual life of their teenager. After all, isn't it called Youth Ministry for a reason?

Unfortunately, a parent generally has the most influence in a teenager's life, so once a parent takes an interest in the teen's spiritual life, it will be difficult for a youth pastor to retain his or her rightful place as the primary spiritual guide of the teenager. Here are a few tips:

Create as much separation in your church between the teenagers and the adults. If you are able to create the impression that those who are older are irrelevant and out of touch with reality, it will go a long way in making students see their parents as out of touch, especially when it comes to spiritual matters.
Avoid events where parents are encouraged to interact with the students. It's easy to slip up on this one. You plan a great picnic in the park with tons of messy and outrageous games, and before you know it, parents actually stay when they bring their kids. Do your best to make parents feel unwelcome during youth meetings and events.
When meeting with a student who is complaining about something his or her parents are doing, communicate that you would do a much different (and better!) job if you were that student's parent. Subtlety is best here. Casually make disparaging comments about particular parental decisions, and always let students know that you are on their side.

I hope for your sake that this is simply an unfortunate phase in the life of this father. With any luck and a complete lack of encouragement on your part, perhaps he will soon see that discipling his own daughter is a daunting task best left up to you, the professional.

Sincerely,
Youth Pastor

Dear Youth Pastor is a public service to the good people who read this blog, and letters are published every Thursday. To ask Youth Pastor a question, just email him at DearYouthPastor@hotmail.com.

Book Review: Know Why You Believe by Paul E. Little

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 12:58:00 +0000

I've had Know Why You Believe by Paul E. Little on my shelf for years, on only recently picked it up to read it. The edition I read was published by InterVarsity Press in 2000, and was revised and updated by Little's wife, Mary. I devour just about every book about apologetics I can get my hands on, and this book is by far the best "layman's" introduction to Christian apologetics that I have ever read. By no means is an exhaustive reference, but true to InterVarsity form, it's short, to the point, and very clear.

I highly recommend every youth worker to have a copy of Know Why You Believe on his or her bookshelf. It's got solid answers to the most common questions I've fielded from teenagers over the years, such as "Is Christ God?" "Is the Bible God's Word?" "Do Science and Scripture Agree?" and "Why Does God Allow Suffering and Evil?" I also think it would make a great book for a small group of students if they were interested in knowing more about logically defending the truth of the Christian worldview. And for youth workers who feel at a loss in their own lives for how to engage in apologetic conversations (and teach their students to do the same), it's a great resource. There are plenty of used copies available for cheap online!

Should students have to do fundraisers to help fund the YM budget?

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Last week I posted a poll on how much fundraising youth ministries are expected to do in order to fund the youth ministry budget. It reminded me of a time when a person in a church I was serving at suggested that we save some money by cutting some of the youth ministry budget then making up the difference with teenager-run fundraisers. The stated reason was that they ought to be contributing something to what they want to do, since they don't contribute much to the church budget.

If I remember correctly, it was all I could do to just keep my mouth shut and not say anything I would regret.

I'd be willing to bet that many youth pastors have experienced the same thing. Please understand: I don't believe that shoveling wads of money into a youth ministry budget is the answer to reaching teenagers. Too many churches assume if they pay the money to hire a youth pastor and give him or her a big budget, they've done all they need to do to minister to teenagers and their families. However, to think that the youth who are part of a youth ministry should "pull their own weight" and do fundraisers in order to have a youth ministry is just ridiculous. Here's why:

We shouldn't minister to people based on how much they can give to the church budget. Hopefully, your church doesn't support a homeless mission or food bank based on how much the people served give to the church. Shouldn't the same logic apply to teenagers?

Youth Ministry isn't a social club, it's a gospel-centered endeavor to help teenagers know Jesus. At least that's the way it's supposed to be. If you want to see people around the world come to know Jesus, give to missions. If you want to see teenagers transformed by Jesus, give to youth ministry. Youth Ministry--just like the Church as a whole--does not exist for those who are already a part of it. It consists of those who know Jesus and exists for those who don't yet know him.

A tight budget is no excuse for not investing in teenagers. Yep, money is tight, and many times, it's all a church can do to keep the doors open, let alone put money into a youth ministry budget. If it comes down to it and there's just no money for youth ministry in the budget, it's not up to just the teenagers and their families to find a way to love the teenagers in their church, including those who have never heard of Jesus or been to church.

Teenagers should be taught faithful stewardship, not to "earn their keep." What does a teenager learn when he or she is told that to have a youth ministry, they need to provide the funds? Certainly some events require a registration fee, but when teenagers in the Church are told to "earn their keep," they are being taught that they can stick around as long as they are productive. THAT'S LEGALISM AND HARD-NOSED, DAMAGING RELIGION! Why not say to the teenagers of our churches, "We love you, and we want you to know that we want to invest in you." Then we teach them how to be good stewards of the gifts they've been given, including using the youth ministry as a way to help reach their friends, and being faithful stewards of their own incomes by giving of their resources to serve Jesus.

QUESTION: What do you think about teenagers being required to do fundraising in order to have a youth ministry?

Martin Luther King Jr. I have a Dream Speech (Video)

noreply@blogger.com (Benjer) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 12:58:00 +0000

In honor of today's holiday:

"But let justice roll down like waters,
and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream." -Amos 5:24