bennyandbex

A Niece is Born

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 15:59:00 +0000

April 2011

Our friends, Monique and Dan come to our house for dinner. I tell them I have "big news" and proceed to brag about the musty antique player piano that I proudly purchased from a local estate sale. Monique is impressed. Dan sits down at it and plays. They ask lots of questions about how I heard about the sale, how old the piano is, and are quite impressed to see that the "player" component is still intact and playing ragtime just as it did in 1926. They let me drone on and on about how awesome I think this piano is. After about 20 minutes of this, Monique informs that she, too, has big news. Hers is growing in her belly and set to debut in January 2012.

January 14, 2012

Monique is two days past her due date. Every day for the last 14 days, she gives me a morning update about how she is still with child and still feeling good. I applaud her but secretly believe she is either (A) lying or (B) superhuman. She proves the latter later in the evening.

A text came over at at around 5 pm this evening that says, "Linds, she's coming!" I go into anxious freak-out mode and practically forget I'm in the middle of preparing a meal for my mother-in-law and kids. The next two hours are a blur as I serve dinner, eat poorly, and jump in the car. I bring my Kindle and the intentions of camping out in the waiting room until baby cries for the first time.

I meet Monique, Dan and Helen Joy in the hospital waiting room. Monique beams her best "I'm anxious and stoked" smile, Dan is completely "in the zone", patting her belly and half-watching the 49ers/Saints game on TV. Helen Joy is a picture of pure peace and calm, smiling her warm HJ smile and clutching her camera bag in anticipation of photographing her friend's birth experience, start to finish. While we wait, she snaps a photo or two. Monique is still smiling and joking through her contractions.

A nurse fetches Monique, puts her in the hospital wheelchair, and gives her instruction while she wheels us down the hospital halls. The three of them walk together in a row, pushing Monique and chatting and I bring up the rear, taking in the whole experience. HJ and I stop at the maternity ward waiting room and watch a movie while the expectant parents get triaged and settled. The movie is Mrs. Doubtfire. HJ and I aren't really watching it, but rather talking about babies and sharing "war stories" about our two deliveries. HJ and I have always been friends through Monique. We hang out when Monique is involved. We have a lot in common with each other, have two boys, almost identical in age, and find out through our waiting room chats that while our experiences are quite different, our family dynamics are quite similar. I cherish the time we spent together, waiting to support our beautiful, mutual friend that we both love equally as much.

After the 49ers take a surprising win against the Saints, some waiting, a brief visit with the laboring (but still smiling) Mama, and a nap, we are invited back into the room by Dan. He asked if we'd like to come keep them company for a bit. Little did we know that we wouldn't be leaving again. It's about 11:30 at this point.

The next several hours are pretty much a blur. Monique was dilated to a six or seven and still joking, cracking an occasional smile, and remarking how the contractions are beginning to hurt. She stopped talking through them but still maintained 100% control over each and every one of them. I was amazed to watch her go into meditation mode as each one came, like ocean waves, and consumed her whole body. She would close her eyes, hold her enormous belly, and sway rhythmically in complete silence. Like a tidal wave, she let the contraction lead her, and went exactly where it went. She personified the term "go with the flow" and popped back into the moment at the exact instant the contraction relaxed. It was brilliant. I watched this for hours in complete amazement.

The room began getting tense as the contractions got stronger and closer together. HJ captured lots of powerful shots, offered support, and took over the nurse role while I sat still. It's not that I didn't have a strong urge to help somehow, but I had no idea how to offer comfort - I've never been in labor. Not the serious "my body is snapping in two" stage of labor anyhow. Completely unable to relate combined with being in complete awe of this woman kept me frozen. Frozen, and feeling awkwardly in the way. I think I stood in every corner and position of this particular birthing suite over the eightish hours I was in there.

I saw my best friend as the most beautiful woman in the world during this process. She was stripped, raw, and completely real during these moments. We've known each other for over half our lives and been through about everything friends can go through during that time, but I had never seen her the way I saw her tonight. My friend is the quintessential Libra. A balanced, controlled people-pleaser who is "on" all the time. The kind of girl who is always ready for the camera, smiling when the shot catches everyone else by surprise. The person everyone claims to be "best friends" with because she is just that relatable, no matter who her audience is. I watched her transform into a creature who was 100% invested in herself in those moments and to say it was a religious experience for me is an understatement.

During my silent observance, I thought about all the things we'd been though together over the years. We met in 7th grade gym class as two insecure, scrawny pre-teens that had our eccentricities as a common bond. We were a bizarre duo - always picked last for the team due to our un-athletic natures. Team captains would agree to take one of us if the opposite team would take the other. Our revenge was always teaming up regardless and playing for the wrong team. We brought barbies to school and played with them in class, from opposite ends of the room. We passed notes, wore the same clothes, and spent weeks on end at each others' houses over the summer. We cried on each others' shoulders when our boyfriends dumped us. She held my hand, figuratively and literally when my family moved, and continued spending summers and winters together, even though 800 miles separated us during the rest of the year. I went to her piano recitals. She came to my college graduation. We got excited and squealed for each other the summer we both got engaged and did the same thing on the day of each others' weddings the same year, one year later. Our experience was just a hair off from marrying twins and having a joint wedding the way we joked we would. Born as South Florida girls, in hospitals just miles down the road from each other, we found ourselves living across the street from each other, in a tiny town hundreds of miles away. A few years later she witnessed the birth of my second child through a plate-glass window. She saw Beckett James before I did. And also my spleen, uterus and God knows what other internal organs that were exposed during my c-section. And here we are again. Only the tables are now turned and I am witnessing her second daughter taking her very first breath, catching a glimpse of her ice-blue eyes, inherited from her Mama, before her Mama sees them. It was breath-taking. Aptly named, River Eisley is born, into a pool of water, with ice-blue eyes and a serenity and calmness about her that I have never seen in a newborn, ever.

I love my friend and will always cherish the moments she let me share with her on that January night. I've always loved her and stuck her up on an imaginary pedestal, thinking she was the coolest, all the way back to our 7th grade gym days. But today I love her just a little bit more and feel a renewed sense of sisterhood with her. She is even more of a rockstar today than she was last week, or in 1995 and I am infinitely excited for she and her beautiful little family. River Eisley is a sweet little burrito of joy in her hospital swaddle, and appears to already have the go-with-the-flow, fluid personality her Mama owns. They couldn't have picked a more appropriate name and River could not have picked a better set of parents. Congratulations, dear family. I love you all. Welcome to the world, Sweet River!

River Eisley

January 15, 2012 - 4:33 am

8 lb, 11 oz

21 1/2 inches

Resistance

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 22:28:00 +0000

He doesn't walk. Those kids in the distance? They walk. One even took his sweet time doing it, but eventually, he became upright. This one? He doesn't play by the rules. Sure, walking is easier. Yes, it's more efficient. It's definitely socially acceptable, but who cares about these things anyway? Certainly not Beckett.

We're sneaking up on 15 months with this little rugrat. He has succeeded in turning our world upside-down, inside-out and we wouldn't trade it for anything. But lord knows this kid is contrary. And daring. Walking seems out of the question, but climbing, exploring and generally getting into trouble is his middle name. We thought it was James, but it's not. It's just not.

We are getting to experience what having a young toddler (or stubborn crawler over the age of one) is all about. Ben never trifled where he wasn't supposed to. He was a quiet observer. We didn't have to babyproof our house, really. He knew of a little thing called boundaries and respected them at all times. Beckett, not so much. We are not the boss of him. My new world consists of catching him as he's about to fall down mine shafts and grabbing power tools out of his hands just as he's ready to find the on switch. He is very curious. Also, I was kidding about the power tools.

Coincidentally, we are also not the boss of this guy:

The terrible threes have nothing on the terrible twos. I read something very accurate about three recently. Three is two with intent. Amen. My sweet, special little blond man has turned into the king of NO. He doesn't want to do anything we suggest. Even if he agrees to it, the word that comes out of his mouth is NO. He alternates this with "bye-bye" to add a touch of adorable to his insubordination.

Us: "Ben, let's go to bed."

Ben: "NO BED! Bye-bye, bed!"

Us: ...

Any suggestions? Yelling at him is ineffective. Asking him to comply over and over is pointless. Bribing him does work sometimes, but I don't think this chapter is in any of the parenting books. We do use brute force. Going back to the bed example, if he doesn't feel like going, we put him in it ourselves. Over and over again until he gets tired and falls asleep. If he doesn't want to take a bath, it'll take two of us, but we make sure he gets clean one way or another. After a battle, we remind him that we are bigger and smarter and we will always win, and to just throw the white flag now to save us a lot of energy in the future. Surprising, I know, but he just won't listen. I'm reading a book right now called 1-2-3-Magic and it will supposedly help with my parent-of-the-year techniques. Wish me luck!

But just as they are challenging, they are equally as adorable. They are two peas in a pod. Yin and Yang. Peanut butter and jelly. My guys look out for each other. When I put them in time out in the dog cage, they cuddle. Just kidding. But they do hang out in the dog cage. Voluntarily. This is them shutting the door to keep Mommy (and the dog) out.

You have to love these two. Even when they are yelling NO and engaging in risky behavior. It all comes with the boy territory. And their age. This too shall pass, right? Right?!

finding pecky

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 15:58:00 +0000

Weight loss. A sore subject that's been a battle since motherhood. I used to be a skinny kid. I was also a skinny teenager. The girl you secretly hated because I ate ice cream for breakfast and still rocked a bikini. I even maintained it through college, somehow, despite my predominantly fast food diet. I owe this to scheduling my classes on opposite sides of campus almost every day.

Several years, many cheeseburgers and two kids later and I was not rocking that bikini. I lost all of my pregnancy weight with both kids, but what was left over was a stretched out empty belly and redistributed fat, in all the wrong places. I never bothered to lose weight while breastfeeding. I knew I would just get frustrated. A lot of people claim that breastfeeding helps them lose weight. This may be true for me too, if I wasn't so hungry the whole time. So when Beckett finally weaned himself, I ran out of excuses.

I am finally starting to recognize myself again. I haven't hit my target weight yet, but am getting closer and closer every week. The transformation-in-progress hadn't hit me until I saw pictures of me taken earlier this week. I am 18 pounds down from my pre-pregnancy weight today. And 50 pounds lighter than I was the day Beckett was born. I'm happy to see my own face when I look in the mirror now, and not the bloated, overtired and sad version of myself. Check this out:

October 2010 (size 14):

October 2011 (size 6):

It is Fall

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 21:51:00 +0000

So I broke another blog-promise. I think I'm back though, for real. It's warmer inside and even the kids agree that playing toys indoors beats the cool fall wind in their face and having to wear long sleeves. They HATE long sleeves. Both of them. They both pull on the bottom of the sleeve until their arm is free and get frustrated with the fact that their shirt is only half on, so the whole thing comes off. I've discovered them shirtless after their "nap" several times this month. And yeah, "nap" time is quickly becoming a memory... two boys in the same room when they should be resting? Fail. I'm listening to them right now. Constant chatter and the occasional BOOM as a random toy hits the floor or wall. If crying doesn't follow, I know it wasn't someone's head.
My favorite season is here. And I haven't taken many pictures. No good ones anyway. Our annual trip to the apple orchard has been suspended because the last time we went, we came home with a puppy instead of a bushel of fruit. Jacob was not pleased. I keep telling him it is not my fault because I'm genetically predisposed to pick up any stray looking animal I come across. It's a compulsion - saving one animal at a time. He's ready to call the show Hoarders. I am a solid contender.

The newest Turner:

Her name is Apple because she was discovered among the apples. Creative, huh? These pics were taken a week or two after she found us. She is much bigger than this now.

Project Manager:

The boys are fantastic. They had a ridiculously busy summer, traveling to the coast and back twice, up and down the mountain who knows how many times, and a couple trips to Atlanta and back. Ben had an intense therapy regimen for a couple months, doing speech twice a week and occupational therapy once a week. He made tremendous progress so we are rewarding him with a little break. He is speaking in sentences now, and using words to communicate EVERYTHING he wants, needs and notices. He is also Mr. Independent. Ben initiates games, wants to get in his car seat by himself, and chooses what he will wear the next day. He also believes he can be left alone on grocery store aisles, prefers NOT to hold hands when crossing a street and has determined that candy is a suitable breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yay. The toddler attitude is officially here. His newest obsession is automatic doors. He is amazed at the intuition of these clever doors, knowing the exact moment someone wants to enter a store, and also knowing to close behind them. I basically have to drag him away from this fabulous invention EVERYWHERE we go. And then run back and retrieve him when he gravitates back toward them. I officially hate all Targets, Wal-Marts and every grocery store ever. My former favorites, because the other thing these places have in common is shopping carts. The perfect way to tote around two wiggly children. Unless one of them is the boss of you and can do. it. himself. Ben is almost three. He will tell you this, but he will hold up two fingers. Or four, depending. He started school in September and doesn't turn around to say goodbye when I drop him off. He's got a group of friends he sits with at a table in the back and wants to "go to school, have fun" every morning when he wakes up. I am happy that he is happy.

First day of school:

Making healthy choices with Jack at Publix:

Doing what he does best: following Jack

I promise he has more than one shirt:

Beckett is officially 12 months old. Or one year old if you want to be a jerk about it, reminding me that over 365 days have passed since he joined the family. It's gone by astronomically fast. I'm pretty sure I was just carrying that little bowling ball around, on my cankles, and pulling up my elastic waist-banded pants every few steps. Beckett is our comedian. His favorite activity is smiling and laughing. Anything that makes him do either or both is good with him. He likes to make everyone around him smile, likes to flirt, mimic, crawl like an Olympian, and eat like Kobayashi. He is not Irish, but his eyes smile. He has disproportionately small, chunky Hobbit feet and wears clothes Ben wore last fall. At the last weigh-in, he was a solid 24 pounds. He is very close to walking and can take a few steps unassisted. His favorite show is called Super Why. If he hears the theme song play, he will emerge from whatever corner he crawled to and sit like a potted plant for exactly 30 minutes. That's our biggest-little. The other 50% of B squared.

The Comedian:

Baby's first spaghetti, an Italian milestone:

One year old and already partying hard:

Making another mess:

I'm happy it's fall. I like eating apples and smelling cinnamon. I love pumpkins. And corn mazes. And my favorite part is that I am NOT pregnant for once. Summer is over, the birthday season is upon us, and soon we'll be doing the holiday thing. Stores already have Christmas trees set up and ready to go. But... you'll hear from us before then. For real this time.

terrible blogger

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 05:23:00 +0000

Remember me?

Hey y'all. Nope, haven't forgotten about the blog. I'm just that lazy. Really, after the first month of missing regular posts, I got overwhelmed with the idea of catching up. But a sweet little birdie in Tallahassee reminded me to check back in. So here I am!

Our absence from The Internets is due to much activity over the last few months. Warmer weather means Team Turner is rarely inside. Or home for that matter. I could recap everything we've done for you but that could get majorly boring. And remember the post about avoiding mega-blogs? As my mom says, I'll just give you the "Reader's Digest" version. In pictures.

Someone got his first "I'm not a baby anymore" haircut:

Got lost at the Carolina Cup and threw a tantrum:

Dressed for success:

Helped Mommy in the yard:

Went to church as a family:

Hung out with our sister from another mister, Avery:

Went to Atlanta to play with Jack:

Watched this and many others bloom:

Grew and ate these:

Fed him:

And him:

Watched a 4th of July parade with a cousin:

Went rootin':

Turned 7:

and 9 months old:

And lots more. We just got back from a week-long trip to the mountain compound where lots more pictures were taken and family fun was had. In fact, we've been home so shortly that my camera still hasn't come in from the car. Lots of Mimi, Poo-Poo and auntie love was had, four wheelers were driven, and lbs were gained from neverending plates of food. A typical Turner get-together. And with just enough time to catch our breath, do some laundry, and pay some bills, we are heading down the mountain for our annual beach trip. It's like a week in the mountains but with less dogs and more sand.

There has been no shortage of milestones in this house since we checked in last. Another hero has joined Ben's team to help him with occupational therapy. We started a few weeks ago and in that short time, he's done all kinds of new activities we never thought we'd see him do. Ben is now master of the stairs, the playground slide, and the ball pit. Never thought I'd be so happy to have my kid swim around in dirty plastic balls, germs, possibly urine and who knows what else. He took his first trip to the mountain amusement park, Tweetsie Railroad, and was brave enough to scream through a few rides. I like to think of it as immersion therapy. His OT might think it was a Mommy Dearest move. Either way, he clapped for himself when he was done being tortured. His speech is continuing to improve, and Jacob and I are kicking ourselves for not videotaping his sessions from the beginning. It's amazing to think that this is the same Ben as the kid who only said five words this time last year. Five prompted words. The same kid who doesn't stop talking and singing now. He's also turning into somewhat of a musical savant. He has near perfect pitch, can keep time, and seems to understand basic music theory. We recently rescued a beautiful antique player piano from a neighborhood estate sale and have enjoyed watching Ben stand there, hammering out notes while singing the song in his head. He definitely isn't hitting the correct notes, but he's almost in key and keeps pretty good time. Piano lessons are in his very near future.

Beckett is almost ten months old. Beckett eats solid foods. Beckett sometimes sleeps through the night. He has come a long way. His little personality continues to develop and he continues to prove that he is just like his Mommy. He is intense and laid back, funny and serious, cuddly and squirmy and so on. A living paradox. With big brown eyes and a smile like you've never seen before. He laughs like Beavis of Beavis & Butthead fame and grins at everything. He loves his big brother like no one else and seems okay with the fact that he takes all of his toys away. Ben calls him Dougie. He can't or won't say Beckett, so he calls him Becky. But in Ben speech, it sounds like Dougie. When you ask Ben what his own name is, he tells you it's "Hents." Not sure how Ben became Hents but it has been suggested that the name of this blog should be changed to "Hents and Dougie." I bet that domain name is available.

So if you looked at the pictures and scrolled to the bottom, here's the summary:
1. I'm a crappy blogger.
2. We've done some fun things this summer
3. My kids are growing up and I'm proud of every detail

I'll try to do better, y'all. No more polite excuses. Fewer three-month time lapses. Deal? Deal.

don't tell me what to do

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 11:05:00 +0000

Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they advocate for healthy, gentle parenting choices compassionately. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
***

Seriously, don't.

It drives me crazy when other parents make recommendations about how I should raise my children. And it seems to be a compulsion that lots of parents cannot resist.

"Oh, he sleeps in YOUR BED?! You should lock him in his own room and let him cry himself to sleep. It's for his own good. Swear."

"You're STILL breastfeeding?! You might want to stop that before it gets creepy."

I didn't realize that so many other parents are experts on my children. I still haven't come up with a snarky response for unsolicited advice, but I'm working on it. It drives me Bananas. Yes, with a capital B. So because of this, I don't return the favor.

I think there is a fine line between advocacy and being annoying. I believe in my parenting practices but you don't have to. If you think Ferber is a genius, I'm so happy for you. Whatever makes your household work. I'd rather lead by example. Attachment parenting tends to attract a lot of attention and questions, so even if I was a "know it all Mama," I probably wouldn't have to go out of my way too much. When people ask me about my babywearing and tell me how much they hate their Baby Bjorn, I'll tell them the benefits of whatever babywearing contraption I'm using. If someone comments on how ridiculously adorable my baby's diapers are, rest assured I will rave about cloth. I breastfeed in public and I wish more people would. I never see it, but I know there are more fellow breastfeeders out there. Maybe a side effect of nursing in public will encourage more mamas and future mamas to do the same. Actions speak louder than words anyway.

Compassionate advocacy isn't suggesting to others what to do. I don't believe my parenting practices are best, but I do believe it's what works for us. If you are curious and ask, I'll talk about it as long as you'll let me. But you can be sure I'll never tell you what to do.

***
Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon April 12 with all the carnival links.)

Natural Parenting Advocacy by Example — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction uses her blog, Twitter and Facebook as her natural parenting soapbox.
You Catch More Flies With Honey — When it comes to natural parenting advice, Kate of The Guavalicious Life believes you catch more flies with honey.
— Patti at Jazzy Mama searches her heart for an appropriate response when she learns that someone she respects wants his baby to cry-it-out.
I Offer the Truth — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares the hard truths to inspire parents in making changes and fully appreciating the parenting experience.
Advocating or Just Opinionated? — Momma Jorje discusses how to draw the line between advocating compassionately and being just plain opinionated. It can be quite a fine line.
Compassionate Advocacy — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting writes about how to discuss topics you are passionate about with people who don't share your views.
Heiny Helpers: Sharing Cloth Love — Heiny Helpers is guest posting on Natural Parents Network to share how they are providing cloth diapers and cloth diapering support to low income families.
Struggling with Advocacy — April of McApril still struggles to determine how strongly she should advocate for her causes, but still loves to show her love for her parenting choices to those who would like to listen.
Compassionate Advocacy Through Blogging (AKA –Why I Blog) — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how both blogging and day-to-day life give her opportunities to compassionately advocate for natural parenting practices.
A Letter to *Those* Parents — Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares how to write an informed yet respectful reply to those parents — you know, the ones who don't parent the way you do.
Why I Am Not A Homebirth Advocate — Olivia at Write About Birth is coming out: she is a homebirth mom, but not a homebirth advocate. One size does not fit all – but choice is something we can all advocate for!
Why I Open My Big Mouth — Wolfmother from Fabulous Mama Chronicles reflects on why she is passionate about sharing parenting resources.
Watching and Wearing — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life advocates the joys of babywearing simply by living life in a small college town.
Compassionate Advocacy . . . That's The Way I Do It — Amyables at Toddler in Tow describes how she's learned to forsake judgment and channel her social energy to spread the "good news" of natural parenting through interaction and shared experiences.
The quiet advocate — Lauren at Hobo Mama cringes when she thinks of the obnoxious way she used to berate people into seeing her point of view.
I Am the Change — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro describes a recent awakening where she realized exactly how to advocate for natural parenting.
Public Displays of Compassion — The Accidental Natural Mama recounts an emotional trip to the grocery store and the importance of staying calm and compassionate in the storm of toddler emotions.
I will not hide behind my persona — Suzi Leigh at Attached at the Boob discusses the benefits of being honest and compassionate on the internet.
Choosing My Words — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares why she started her blog and why she continues to blog despite an increasingly hectic schedule.
Honour the Child :: Compassionate Advocacy in the Classroom — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree shares her experience of being a gentle and compassionate parent — with other people's children — as a classroom volunteer in her daughter's senior kindergarten room.
Inspired by the Great Divide (and Hoping to Inspire) — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis shares her thoughts on navigating the "great divide" through gently teaching and being teachable.
Introverted Advocacy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she advocates for gentle parenting, even though she is about as introverted as one can be.
The Three R's of Effective and Gentle Advocacy — Ana at Pandamoly explains how "The Three R's" can yield consistent results and endless inspiration to those in need of some change.
Passionate and Compassionate: How do We do It? — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares the importance of understanding your motivation for advocacy.
Sharing the love — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine talks about how she shares the love and spreads the word.
What Frank Said — Nada at miniMOMist has a good friend named Frank. She uses his famous saying to demonstrate how much natural parenting has benefited her and her family.
Baby Sling Carriers Make Great Compassionate Advocacy Tools — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shared her babywearing knowledge — and her sling — with a new mom.
Everyday Superheroes — Who needs Superman when we have a community of compassionate advocates?! Dionna at Code Name: Mama believes that our community of gentle bloggers are the true superheroes.
Words of advice: compassionately advocating for my parenting choices — MrsH at Fleeting Moments waits to give advice until she's been asked, resulting in fewer advocacy moments but very high responsiveness from parents all over the spectrum of parenting approaches.
Peaceful Parenting — Peaceful parenting shows at Living Peacefully with Children with an atypical comment from a stranger.
Speaking for birth — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud soul-searches about how she can advocate for natural birth without causing offense.
Gentle is as Gentle Does — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how she is gently advocating her parenting style.
Walking on Air — Rachael at The Variegated Life wants you to know that she has no idea what she's doing — and it's a gift.
Parenting with my head, my heart, and my gut — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her thoughts on being a compassionate advocate of natural parenting as a blogger.
At Peace With the World — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry talks about being an advocate for peaceful parenting at 10,000 feet.
Putting a public face on "holistic" — Being public about her convictions is a must for Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama, but it takes some delicacy.
Just Be; Just Do. — Amy at Anktangle believes strongly about her parenting methods, and also that the way to get people to take notice is to simply live her life and parent the best she knows how.
One Parent at a Time... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that advocating for Natural Parenting is best accomplished by walking the walk.
Self-compassion — We're great at caring for and supporting others —from our kiddos to other mamas — but Lisa at Gems of Delight shares a post about treating ourselves with that same sense of compassion.
Using Montessori Principles to Advocate Natural Parenting — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how she uses Montessori principles to be a compassionate advocate for natural parenting.
Advocacy? Me? — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers that by "just doing her thing," she may be advocating for natural parenting.
Feeding by Example — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip shares her experience of being the first one of her generation to parent.
Compassionate Consumerism — Erica at ChildOrganics encourages her children to be compassionate consumers and discusses the benefits of buying local and fair trade products.
The Importance of Advocating Compassionately — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood acts as a compassionate advocate by sharing information with many in the hopes of reaching a few.
Some Thoughts on Gentle Discipline — Excellent resources - thank you for giving me a new article from Natural Child Project, I love that site!!
Compassionate Advocacy: Sharing Resources, Spreading the Love — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle shares how her passion for making natural choices in pregnancy, birth, and parenting have supported others in Dominica and beyond.
A journey to compassion and connection — Jessica at Instead of Institutions shares her journey from know-it-all to authentic advocacy.
Advocacy Through Openness, Respect, and Understanding — Melissa at The New Mommy Files describes her view on belief, and how it has shaped the way she advocates for gentle parenting choices.
Why I'm not an advocate for Natural Parenting — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog delivers the shocking news that, after 10 years of being a mum, she is NOT an advocate for natural parenting!
Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy — Even in the progressive SF Bay Area, Lily at Witch Mom finds she must defend some of her parenting choices.
A Tale of Four Milky Mamas — In this post The ArtsyMama shares how she has found ways to repay her childhood friend for the gift of milk.
don't tell me what to do — Pecky at benny and bex demonstrates compassionate advocacy through leading by example.

Hiatus

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 17:31:00 +0000

Sorry, y'all, I've been a bad blogger. It's hard to bring myself to sit at the computer and tell stories when it's 75 degrees outside and beautiful. Team Turner has been spending our days in the sunshine, hanging with friends and family, and just enjoying spring in general.

In fact, we're about to head back outside. Ben: Vice President of Yard Operations and Beckett: Project Manager have been helping me prepare the yard for summer. It's still too risky to plant flowers in the mountains because Mother Nature never fails to deliver us a late freeze, but being the proud owners of a couple oak trees that were around during Lincoln's presidency, we have plenty of straightening up to do. Oh, and did I mention dogs and lawns don't mix? We've got some dirt pits in the yard to contend with.

So back outside we go. In the meantime, we're creating lots of fun stories to share for a rainy day. With pictures to boot! Hope everyone else is enjoying spring as much as we are. In the meantime, the Natural Parenting Carnival posts tomorrow - mine and 60-something other blogs on the topic should keep you busy till then.

wordless wednesday

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 18:10:00 +0000

Friendly Reminders

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 15:55:00 +0000

Dear Ben,

Waiting for me to come get you in the morning is a very nice gesture. I am thankful that you do this. Just remember, while waiting in your room, if you happen to find a container of Vaseline, all of its contents do not go in your hair. Even if you think it's wildly entertaining. Stop yourself.

Dear Bex,

1 am to 3:30 am is NOT a full night's sleep. Not even if you wake up happy.

Love, Mama

Half Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 18:35:00 +0000

To my Biggest Little One,

It's been six whole months since you joined us. Thank you, by the way, for deciding on the 17th to come out. You were getting pretty big and it was hot. In some ways, I'm in denial that my baby boy is already half a year old. In other ways, I feel like you've been here forever. You've definitely changed my perspective on raising an infant in your baby career so far. I had the misunderstanding that I was genetically predisposed to give birth to angel children that slept on command and stayed in quiet-alert mode during their waking hours. You don't do either and have all but ensured you will likely never be a middle child.

Sleep is getting more appealing to you. You're only waking up two times a night, on average, and don't fight too hard when it's nap time. This after months of sleepless nights, pacing the floor and bouncing gently for hours on end. And by hours, I don't mean 30 minutes that felt like hours. I mean from 1:30 to 6 am, every.single.night. Your dad and I were even taking shifts until very recently. I'd get the first half of the night, and he'd soothe you until the sun came up and longer. You're welcome. Luckily, you have the best smile in the world and when you flash it, I forget how tired I am and smile back. You're all gums and cheeks and even your eyes smile when you're happy. It's delicious.

Your favorite toy is whatever I'm holding. It's important to you that I'm within your reach at all times which I secretly love, even if I act put-out by it sometimes. I think it's important for you to bond with your other family members so I share you with them often, but I can feel your stare, even when I'm not looking right at you. I am your security blanket and am totally cool with this. And prepared to be your roommate in college because the attachment is mutual. I love my little Becky. Oh, and by the way, I apologize for such an unfortunate nickname. We didn't think this one through when we named you.

At six months, Ben is your hero. You watch him like a hawk all day and lose your mind with excitement if he decides to play with you. You smile, giggle, and kick your legs with glee. Ben adores this and imitates you, which turns into its own little game. He loves taking care of you. He helps me give you medicine in the morning and burps you after a meal. He insists on helping you take a bath and rubs lotion into your skin afterward. If you're playing quietly by yourself and he notices you, he approaches you and says "Hi baby!" and always kisses you, complete with a "muah!" sound. This makes you squeal with delight and makes me happier than you'll ever know. You two already share such a special bond, just like I envisioned when he would pet you in my belly and you'd kick back.

You are rolling over, starting to sit on your own, and trying so, so hard to crawl. I said you'd do it by the end of your 5th month, but I'm quite sure it'll happen by the end of the 6th. And that could be my bad because I've slacked off on tummy time recently. You are grabbing anything in your reach and love to type on my keyboard. In fact, you have an uncanny ability to pull up my html editor and change my toolbar settings. Already a computer nerd, you fit in quite well here.

The last six months have been exciting, educational, challenging and a total love fest, all at once. Every day gets less hard and more fun and makes me look forward to what's next. I love you to the moon and back, Pookie. Happy six months!

Love, Mama

Beware the Ides of March

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 02:54:00 +0000

We're all making this face today. Sickness has made its way to Turner Place and we're all feeling the effects. It started with Ben, of course. He has a new fascination with hani-tizer (hand sanitizer) but apparently this wasn't enough to keep disease away. And what fun would winter be without at least one episode of fever, sore throat and runny, runny noses? So after a few days of Ben sniffling and sneaking sips out of Mama's sippy cup (read: Coke or sweet tea with a straw), Mama fell ill. After a night of hallucinating, soaking my pillow in sweat, and losing the ability to swallow without wincing, I found myself at Urgent Care, getting lots of antibiotics, steroids and orders to sleep it off. "Get some rest", the doctor says. I answer with "I will", laughing on the inside. Sure I will. My kids will definitely allow that.

But thankfully, Jacob stayed home, under protest, so I could burn off the fever and let the drugs take over. I woke up to Ben screaming his head off, taking his train table apart like Godzilla-Ben, Beckett sniffling and crying, and Jacob, pacing the floor, holding Beckett and making the same face I make when he gets home an hour late on a hard day.

Oh, did I mention Daylight Savings Time screwed us up royally? Whoever came up with the genius idea to manipulate the clock a couple times a year obviously didn't have kids. Our first experience with this was our first night as parents. Ben was born at 11 am and that night, we gained an hour. I remember us thinking "Oh great, an extra hour we get to be awake". On Saturday night, we lost an hour so the next day flew by, naps were all screwed up and complicated with sickness. We're still trying to get back on track.

Tonight I have a coffee table full of empty chinese food containers and prescription medication, a 2 year old sleeping in the middle of his floor, wearing the clothes he wore today and clutching a pair of shoes, and an infant who went to bed entirely too late and has been squirming around ever since. Oh, and a messy kitchen, pile of laundry and a Tupperware container full of dirty diapers. A shining moment in motherhood. Looking forward to feeling better and having two snot-free children.

Ode to a Denim Jacket

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 19:45:00 +0000

When my sister was Ben's age, her uniform consisted of a dinosaur t-shirt and red shorts. And it wasn't a girly shirt. The dinosaur wasn't a famous cartoon character that had a name. It wasn't smiling. It was a screen print of a t-rex, with his little arms curled, mouth open, and standing under a very tiny sun. I'm not sure how she came to own this terrible shirt, but she wore it every day for months and pitched a fit if it was unavailable. The red shorts didn't match her "diney shirt", but they always went with it. Strangers would smile at her and ask my mom how old her son was.

Ben's uniform is the denim jacket and jeans, his Canadian Tuxedo. While shopping for winter clothing last fall, Ben spotted the jacket on a hanger in Target, pulled it off the rack, into the cart, and smiled. This was the first time he'd ever expressed a preference for clothing, so I went with it. I made sure he understood the fashion choice he was about to make and tried to talk him into something else, but without success. He cradled the jacket throughout the whole store and proudly placed it on the checkout counter, taking personal responsibility for it. And every day since then, cold weather or not, he's worn this stupid jacket.

I'll admit, it's pretty cute with a pair of khakis and a button-down shirt. But when I try to explain to him that jeans AND the jacket is just too much denim, he brushes me off and insists it complete his ensemble. Sometimes, I hide it so he forgets about it while he's getting dressed. Up until now, I've had to put it on him. But this week, Mimi taught him how to put it on all by himself. So now he even wears it with pajamas. I gave birth to a Canadian.

Since the denim jacket purchase, I've bought two other jackets. Grammie bought one too. He screams if you suggest he try any of them on, so the denim jacket it is. I have a lot of anxiety about this summer and the jacket. Just like the time my sister engaged in a battle of the wills over wearing her diney shirt to a wedding, I envision fighting Ben over wearing his jacket to the park on a 90 degree day. But for now, I'll let it slide.

B Squared Bathtime

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 18:24:00 +0000

When it's been raining for two days and you have two small, antsy kids looking to be entertained, bathtime will buy you at least 20 minutes of entertainment. After that, you have to get creative.

Benny is a rockstar:

And a big brother:

And Beckett is happiest when wet and surrounded by bubbles:

Notice the hand positioning there. Beckett found his "special purpose" and this makes him very happy. You've got to love little boys. We just said goodbye to Mimi and the Aunties after a four day spring break at Turner Place. The guys had lots of fun, lots of pictures were taken, and I slept and slept and slept while enjoying 24/7 babysitting services. And I might even be caught up. Icing on the cake? Beckett SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! And go figure, no voodoo was involved. So there we are - at nearly six months, Beckett finally realized he might be tired after all. Praise Jesus.

Milestones

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 13:42:00 +0000

Yeah, that contained five ounces before Beckett got to it. Turns out, the key to getting a stubborn boobie-addict to take a bottle is NOT maple syrup, it's kicking the boobs out of the house. I pumped, went out for two hours, and came home to a sleeping baby and an almost empty bottle. Thanks to Jenny for the bottle suggestion. And for telling me I needed to leave the house - it worked! Phase one is complete: the kid takes the bottle. Phase two involves Dad fixing a middle-of-the-night bottle for Beckett and feeding him Another challenge begins.

Another set of milestones occurred at Turner Place this week too. This one, however, gave me actual heart palpitations. After 28 months of rear facing in his car seat, we turned Ben around. His seat cover needed a spin in the washing machine, and as I was inspecting it to figure out how it comes off, I realized he actually exceeded the rear-facing weight limit by more than a few pounds. Whoops. Turning him around made me feel uneasy at first, but it's turned out to be kinda cool to look back and see his little face smiling and watching the world out his window. And Jacob, who has been fighting me on this extended rear facing thing is much happier to be able to move his seat back if he wants to.

Not sure about this forward facing business:

But wait, there's more! The same day that Ben flipped forward, Beckett got his very own big boy car seat. Beckett "The Mammoth" Turner was reaching the weight and height limit on the infant seat at a young five months. He got the identical seat that Ben has, and actually enjoys riding in the car now. His screaming fits while riding in the car may have actually been related to being uncomfortable in his baby seat after all - go figure.

Totally into the big boy seat:

My babies are growing up. The palpitations were a direct result of realizing that this Mama thing is going by way too fast for my comfort. Pretty soon, B Squared will be racing to the car yelling "shotgun!" or better yet, be asking for the keys. Ugh!

Sleeping Like a Baby

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 17:11:00 +0000

Whoever came up with that one obviously never lived with Beckett. I'm putting it in the same category as the term "morning sickness", like being nauseous and throwing up into the nearest available container only happens when you first wake up. It's all BS.

March 1st means Beckett is five and a half months. The same age Ben was when he had been in his room for nearly two months, "sleeping like a baby". He cut out his night wakings at this stage and while I realize we were ridiculously lucky with him, we are equally unlucky now. Beckett still wakes almost as often as he did when he was brand new. I feel like I've been really patient with this but I'm ready to move on. In a desperate effort to at least reduce our awake hours at night, I started reading books about scheduling naps and bedtime. I am not a schedule person normally. I don't like structuring my day so rigidly that I'm boxed in. We have naptimes during the day, but they fluctuate with whatever is going on at the time. Bedtime is always negotiable. And this has always worked for us with Ben. I'm realizing now that screwing with a child's schedule and still having them look forward to putting on their jammies and jumping into bed, no matter what time, is pretty much a miracle.

So these books say to put your baby to bed before they know they're tired, and do it at roughly the same time every day. They also encourage bedtime by 6:30 or 7:00. In this house, Dad still isn't home for at least another hour. All of this goes against my mama intuition, but being desperate, exhausted, and over it, we've tried what the books say. And guess what? It's gotten WORSE. One of the books say sleep begets sleep. With Beckett, sleep begets enough energy to stay up all night and party like it's 1999. So after a couple of weeks, I'm back to the drawing board.

After my last blog, I got a lot of creative tips on how to get baby to take the bottle so Jacob can feed him and I can sleep some. Within 24 hours of the post, I pumped, ran to the store and bought a new brand of bottle, and even put a little bit of maple syrup on the nipple so he'd have an incentive. While he was definitely interested in the maple syrup and licked it all up, he still knew the fancy bottle wasn't Mama and rejected it. Another tip we've yet to really push is Jacob giving him the bottle while I'm not home. This one doesn't come up a lot but we're going to make a deliberate effort soon. I haven't slept more than three consecutive hours in over six months. I'm willing to try anything!

In other news... I'm participating in another Natural Parenting carnival event this month. The random, declarative post on family help with all those links at the bottom was my first contribution. In the rare moments of free time I've had over the last few months, I've been reading lots of mama blogs and found a group of them I really enjoy. And every month, this group gets together on a predetermined topic and posts the same day. March's post comes up next Tuesday so check it out, and if you're interested, check out some of the others in the links I post. This group has a lot of fantastic mama-writers, and I've become addicted to many of their blogs as a result. To keep you busy till next Tuesday, you can check out the hosts' pages: Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama.

wordless wednesday

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 18:58:00 +0000

Has it been 5 months already?!

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 06:12:00 +0000

Time flies when you're having fun:

Beckett James is 5 months old! Where has the time gone? My skinny, hairy, yellow newborn has been replaced with this guy - all cheeks and thighs. He turned 5 months old on the 17th, and is learning new things every hour. A couple weeks ago, my biggest little guy rolled over for the first time. He missed the front to back maneuver that most babies figure out in the first couple of months, but has mastered back to front. When we lay him down on a flat surface, his routine is to roll from his back onto his belly and to attempt crawling furiously. He pushes up and kicks his little legs, trying to work out the coordination. My prediction is that by the end of his 5th month, he'll be scooting across the floor.

A happier tummy time moment:

Frustration:

He sits up with some assistance and is working those core muscles about as much as his Mama should be right about now. Beckett doesn't like to miss anything - he wants to be in the middle of all the action and believes laying down in a cradle is for babies. So he's either sitting up, standing in his exersaucer, or flailing about on the floor, practicing his crawl. He loves playing with his big brother and smiles real big when Ben initiates a game with him. Ben has really grown into his role as big brother, taking care of the baby whenever he's asked to, and sometimes just because. If Beckett is crying and I can't get to him right away, Ben rushes to his aid and soothes him. And it usually works. Beckett is mesmerized by Ben, and will always flash him a big, gummy smile. Ben's latest method of soothing Beckett is to hold a toy over his head to catch his attention. He also pets his baby brother and says "hi baby!" followed by a "muaaah" air kiss. Beckett loves this. Mama does too.

Sharing toys:

We started the rice cereal last month and ditched it almost immediately. He did great eating it. And for a few days, it seemed like it was going pretty well. Until he broke out in a scaly, patchy rash on his arms and legs. It didn't even occur to me at first that it might have to do with his food. Who is allergic to rice cereal? Turns out, Beckett is. I called the pediatrician who advised us to discontinue the rice, and start on oatmeal after the rash is gone. We did. And Beckett loved it. Until he broke out in another horrible rash, only worse. I brought him into the pedi's office and confirmed that he is also allergic to oatmeal. So we got an eczema diagnosis, some fancy creams to clear up the rashes, and advice to revisit food at 6 months. Beckett has proven to be the challenge that Ben never was. Anything that went easy with Ben has been rocky with Beckett. His sleep patterns suck, he is the fussiest baby I've ever seen, and now he's got allergies to the two foods that no kid has ever had an allergy to. But, I love Beckett and I love challenges. So we'll continue fighting these little battles. Also because we have no choice.

He is still fussy. It's getting better, but it's still pretty bad by most people's standards. Beckett is still a Mama's boy and will only really let me calm him down. Dad does a pretty good job with him too, but if he's having a particularly tough moment, I am the only person he wants. I'm flattered, really. But the situation doesn't lend itself to flexibility. He also refuses to take a bottle. I think we screwed up on this one by not introducing it early on. He's probably had less than 5 bottles in his lifetime, despite trying many more times than that. If anyone has any pointers here, we're all ears. In the meantime, he is still enjoying milk straight from the tap. And I can't lie, I'm loving this, for the most part. I love a good old fashioned nursing relationship between a baby and a mama. And love that it continues to go so well for us.

A sweet moment - (sidenote: Jacob felt like a total creepster taking this picture of us in front of other people)

Beckett has enjoyed several playdates with his little friend, Avery, whom he adores. Avery Belle is Monique's daughter, born in December. Monique is my childhood friend. We met when we were 14ish in middle school gym class. Or maybe it was CCD. Whatever it was, we were bonded from the start. Both awkward teenagers, we were joined at the hip from the beginning. My dad used to call us "the twins". I moved away about a year into our friendship, but we kept in touch and had our moms drive the 50 miles between us nearly every weekend to be together. When I moved again and the 50 mile spread turned into 800, we wrote lots and lots of letters. And visited twice a year. And when we both got married, she and her husband left their lives in Florida to live in my neighborhood. And 16 years later, our kids play together. I think my dad was onto something all those years ago - we've really managed to live parallel lives, no matter what kind of distance is between us.

A new generation of besties:

Ben has been doing fabulously so far in his 27th month. Talk about time flying - that number looks really big all typed out. His language skills are amazing. His level of understanding seems to be improving too. It's like a lightswitch was flipped because suddenly he "gets it". He's understanding new concepts, generalizing them, and remembering things. Tonight, he brought a book to me that we haven't read in months. Kids books offer very repetitive themes, sayings, etc. in them, and in this particular one, it repeats the saying "Go! Go! Go!" So he brings me the book and says "Go! Go! Go!" Yeah, I know, it sounds insignificant, but we haven't looked at this book since right after Beckett was born. And also, I'm his mom and therefore impressed with everything. He's still talking up a storm, and still mostly unintelligible, but improving. His sharing skills are awesome for a two year old, and his overall social skills would make any Mama proud. This past week was unbelievably warm for February. So we took full advantage and went to the park every single day. And Ben played with kids, shared his beloved soccer ball, and ran off some energy in the sunshine.

So excited to breathe fresh air:

Tracing the letters at Avery's Little Corner in Woodfin:

I think this week is supposed to be more like February, cold and wet. But thank goodness for this little weather respite we got. It was a taste of what's to come in the next few months when we can finally get outside and be entertained by more than what's contained in our four walls. The Turners are officially over winter.

wordless wednesday

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 17:36:00 +0000

Avoiding the Padded Room

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 14:11:00 +0000

Welcome to the February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Essentials
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared the parenting essentials that they could not live without.
***

Growing up, I didn't have aspirations to be a wife and mother. When we played "house" as kids, I didn't arm wrestle my friends to be the mom. I never envisioned a princess wedding, which coincidentally, left me clueless when it came to planning one at 24. I didn't have a vision of my future, really. I was always a "live in the moment" type person. Myers-Briggs calls it being ENFP. I call it evading responsibility. But settling into the role of "career homemaker" wasn't on the short list of possibilities.

Despite this, Jacob and I somehow conformed. It started slow. We met in college, dated awhile, and got married. We earned degrees, started careers, lived together and had lots of fun. We even bought a two-bedroom house, not planning on any children during our time owning it. But like a light switch, I suddenly had an intense need to keep the human race going, Turner-style. Nine-ish months later, we were paying some serious hospital bills and figuring out how to take care of a newborn. Two years after that? We're hoping to have a wing of the hospital named after us, and knee-deep in dirty diapers.

The transition into parenthood wasn't as easy as all of the others. Getting married was fun - we opened lots of presents, drank a lot, and no longer had to worry about awkward sleeping arrangements when visiting family. Buying a house was a little trickier, but nothing some upgrades and hiring a lawn maintenance company couldn't handle. Bringing home a newborn? Not even in the same realm. You spend nine (ten) long months getting disproportionately fat, feeling nauseous, emotionally unstable, not sleeping well, etc. And your job hasn't even started yet. The minute your newborn is placed into your arms, you have all of the previous grievances to worry about. AND another human life. Congratulations.

I am a car business widow. Just like my mother before me. Being a car business widow means that your dear, darling, hard-working husband works at a car dealership, so as long as there might be an opportunity to sell a car, the doors are open and your husband is away. When they come home at night, they are tired and worn-out from dealing with the average angry customer, in the same way that the stay at home mom has been dealing with the average angry infant or toddler. This makes for a lousy set of parents at 8 pm when the kids haven't had dinner yet, the house is a mess, and you're wondering how you are going to make it through the next five minutes, much less till tomorrow. Enter: extended family members. Moms, Dads, in-laws, and even a really brave friend or two. Without this, I would be in a padded room.

I love being a mom. I even think I'm kinda good at it. But sometimes even good moms need breaks. Hours of Spongebob Squarepants, DJ Lance Rock, and figuring out new ways to entertain with Plah-Doh only stimulates the brain so much. For me AND for Ben. On good days, playing with toys with a TV break here and there keeps Ben happy and occupied. On bad days, Hurricane Ben with a Beckett kicker comes through the house, ignores the toys, and wreaks havoc on my sanity. I want to be more patient. I wish for it a lot, and I feel like I'm improving some, out of pure necessity. But on days where I'm fantasizing about getting in the car and driving to a new, faraway land and starting over, I call for help instead. And thank the sanity gods - help always arrives just in time.

Our lives have changed lots since our carefree college days. Forget about kids, or even dogs, we couldn't keep plants alive. But life has led us down the formally unexpected, challenging, yet most rewarding and fulfilling job we've had yet: parenthood. And most days, I think we do a pretty awesome job. Let's face it, two boys, 22 months apart is not for the faint of heart. But without help, I would be institutionalized. Sometimes this makes me feel defeated. Other times I feel like an evil genius for thinking up the idea of delegating childcare responsibilities. Either way, I get a much-needed break, giving me the ability to be a better parent. A co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, down-in-the-trenches with Spongebob Squarepants, parent. That overused saying about taking a village to raise a child? Truer words have never been spoken.

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Not Without Him — The love Starr at Taking Time shares with her husband is the foundation of her parenting.
I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without B(.)(.)bs — From an uneducated dreamer to a breastfeeding mother of a toddler, nursing has forever changed Kristy at Strings to Things's relationship with her daughter and her outlook on life.
Raising a Child in the Internet Village — When Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction has a question or concern about parenting, she turns to the Internet. What did parents do before Google?
Partner in Crime and Parenting — Bethy at Bounce Me to the Moon can't imagine parenting without her husband's sense of humor - he brings her laughter and love every day.)
I Make Milk — Patti at Jazzy Mama can't imagine trying to mother her babies without her breasts, but she could do it if she had to.
New Perspectives Bring New Beginnings — MJ at Wander Wonder Discover, who is a former authoritarian mamma, has gained perspective via parenting.
Time Out! — Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog explores how time apart can increase your capacity to give unconditionally.
Unimaginable Without Him — Kristina at heyred designs is celebrating her amazing partner, without whom none of her parenting experience would be possible.
My Parenting Necessity — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl needs "me time" in order to be the Mama she wants to be.
Babywearing As a Way of Life — Darcel at The Mahogany Way talks about the benefits of babywearing in everyday life.
Parenting Partnership — Sometimes Abbie at Farmer's Daughter doesn't appreciate her husband enough, but she definitely couldn't imagine parenting without his help.
Parenting Essentials — Momma Jorje loves her parenting products, but she needs you even more.
My Parenting Must-Have: Support — Joella at Fine and Fair wrote a letter to her daughter about the role that support from friends and family plays in her mothering.
It's More Than Just Hair — Think doing hair is full of fluff? Too girly? Useless? Karli from Curly Hairdo Ideas used to think so too.
The Minimalist Parent — The parents at Living Peacefully with Children embrace a minimalist perspective when it comes to baby gear. A good sling is all they need.
Without My Breasts — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama can't imagine parenting without her breasts; here's why.
Loves Books, Loves People — Seonaid at the Practical Dilettante discovers that the library is a perfect fit for her family's needs.
An Ode to the Maya Wrap — RevMama's next child might be named Maya, because of her fondness for the sling.
Avoiding the Padded Room — Pecky at Benny and Bex is here to testify that it takes a village to raise a child.
My parenting essentials, from Tivo to battery-operated monstrosities — Lauren at Hobo Mama presents a list of parenting essentials you didn't even know you needed (and probably don't…).
Attachment Parenting Through Separation: It Makes It a Little Better — Jessica at This Is Worthwhile talks about how she couldn't survive her separation without attachment parenting and the bond it's afforded her with her 3 year old son.
Parenting Essentials — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares the principles she used to parent her children from infants to adults.
My Parenting Essentials — The things that are truly essential to Kim at In Desperate Need of Entertainment aren't things at all.
I'm No One Without My Sling — How baby carrying is essential to the parenting of Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama.
I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without... — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine talks about what she needs to raise her children.
February Carnival of Natural Parenting — Through her experiences over the last five and a half years, Casey at Love What Is has discovered her most important tool for parenting is using her instincts.

CNP: I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without __________. — The Artsymama discloses the one thing that gave her back control of herself as a parent.
Laugh Until I Cry — Laughing with her sons keeps Acacia at Fingerpaint & Superheroes connected and grounded.
I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without — Luschka at Diary of a First Child realizes what the one thing she can't imagine parenting without is, and it turns out it's not a thing after all.
It Takes Two — Here are a few of the reasons why Jenn at Adventures Down Under cannot imagine parenting without her fabulous husband.
Stopping to Listen — Though it wasn't easy at first, Knocked Up - Knocked Over cannot imagine parenting her daughter without listening first to what she is telling her.
The Essence of Parenting — There are many wonderful resources that make life easier for Michelle at the Parent Vortex to parent, but the essence is the relationship between parent and child.
What I Cannot Live Without — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker considers her computer to be a parenting lifeline.
True Blessings: White Noise and Grandparents — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment can't live without her white noise machine and the support of her parents.
The Necessities! — What "stuff" does a natural parent like Lily, aka Witch Mom really need? Not much, it turns out.
Mama Showed Me — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip writes about how parenting wisdom is passed on by example.
Ode to the Loo — For Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch, the bathroom is her safe place, where she can take a minute to calm down if she is feeling touched out.
Go, Mama. Go! — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. has been able to integrate her many roles through her get-up-and-go parenting essential, exercise!
My Other Half — Becky at Old New Legacy realizes what a relief it is to have her husband parent alongside her.
Grace, Love, and Coffee — MrsH at Fleeting Moments realizes that lifelines can take the form of the profound, or the mundane. Both are ok.
Supportive Spouse, Check! — There are so many parenting tools and gadgets that are superfluous, but the one essential, for Danielle at born.in.japan, has been her supportive spouse.
Why I'm a Babywearer — Meredith at Becoming Mamas reflects on the ways babywearing has enhanced her mama baby relationship...and made life easier to boot.
It's Marvelous Out Here, Kiddo! — Rachael at The Variegated Life can't imagine parenting in the big city without the marvels of Prospect Park to share with her Critter.
Yes, Thank You — Amy at Anktangle offers tips on how to ask for and accept help, an essential for successful parenting.
Parenting Essentials Checklist: Mom’s Inner Rebel and Her Kids’ Voices — Olivia at Write About Birth reflects on raising global citizens and saying no to societal norms.
Eco-Mama Online! — An Eco-Mama living in the mountains of a nature island, Terri at Child of the Nature Isle finds it essential to connect to nature and to connect online.
Sorry, We Just Sold the Last One — Nev at The Adventures of Lime confesses she missed out the day they handed out patience.
Laugh — Tashmica at The Mother Flippin' Blog reveals her super power, her talisman agains mean mommy.
My Priceless Parenting Resource — What do books, a magazine community, my mother and the local playgroup have in common? Lucy at Dreaming Aloud tells us...
The Gift of Shared Time — Tree at Mom Grooves strives to experience the world from her daughter's perspective.
Follow the Giggles — Dionna at Code Name: Mama can’t live without the sound of her child’s giggles - come watch her video and you’ll agree!
Can I Mommy Without Boob? — Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama shares her fears about weaning and losing part of that the mother/child bond.

Spring in January

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 01:50:00 +0000

60 degrees in January? We'll take it. We ventured out to Jackson Park today for a little sunshine and playtime. Ben had a blast, attempting the formally intimidating slide, all on his own. Three times. With a smile on his face. He also lasted longer than 30 seconds in a swing, and purposely got woodchips and dirt all over his hands. My little boy is growing up! He ran around with all the other kids, stole a family's soccer ball more than once, and made new friends. Jacob snapped some candid shots of Ben with his new girlfriend that are too cute not to share. Enjoy:

wordless wednesday

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 03:31:00 +0000

Big Beckett, Smart Ben

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 05:13:00 +0000

Beckett's had a big week. His four month doctor appointment was last Friday. My defensive lineman is starting to thin out. He weighed in at 16 lbs and measured 26 inches. Still bigger than his older brother was at 4 months, but much more average in weight (43rd percentile) and way above average in height (80th percentile). He's gotten another clean bill of health, a round of shots, and sent on his way. The doctor suggested we start solids, so trusting his judgement (and my mom's), we did.

Chicks dig him. Even covered from head to toe in rice cereal. He loved it. Ate it like he's been eating solids all along and looked at me like "that's it?!" when it was gone. Both the doctor and my mom said that a benefit to him starting on solids would be extra sleep. I think it may have even worked with Ben. But Beckett, being a misfit, has not followed suit. In fact, I think he's even sleeping worse this week. So eating is just for fun right now. And it helps limit the ridiculous amount of spit-up this kid is capable of.

He's beginning to move with more purpose and is very proud of this. He'll kick one leg, then the other leg and smile. He can grab things you hold in front of him. And everything goes in his mouth. He's not quite teething, but tasting all of his toys. He loves music, like his brother, and seems fond of the same toys Ben likes. This causes a bit of a problem in the Turner house during the day, because Ben wants to play with anything Beckett has. Usually Beckett is cool with sharing but sometimes it doesn't go over very well. But Ben is working on being a nice big brother and looking at toys with Beckett. And he is always quick to retrieve a fallen binkie for his little bro. He'll even stick it back into his mouth if he can reach it. It's very sweet and super helpful.

I read that babies at four months old start to entertain themselves and depend less on others to keep them content. I'm really looking forward to this. Cuddle time is great and everything, but doing it 23 hours a day, every day, is hard when a two year old is running around. Because he's starting to show interest in toys, I think we're close to this milestone.

January 23rd - being cute:

Ben continues to progress with everything each week. He's talking lots now, and saying the sweetest and funniest things. When he wants to greet me, he says "Hi Baby!" and gives me a kiss. His kisses are now his face next to my face, making the "muahhh" sound. He doesn't pucker his lips quite yet. I guess he calls me baby because I call him baby, but still doesn't refer to me as Mama unless he's hurt or tired. He can ask for food and "judice" when he is hungry and thirsty. And always uses his manners with "please" and "thank you". Thank you can either be the words or the sign - this is the only sign he still uses. When he refers to animals, he refers to the sound they make instead of what they are called. Dogs are "woof-woof", but every now and then he'll say "doggie". Ducks are "quack-quack" and he finds this sound to be hilarious. For some reason, cats, bugs and birds are all "ti-ti", but only cats meow. Sometimes I wish I could get into his head and figure out what his classification system is, or what he's thinking at any given moment.

Last week when Karen was here, Ben was working on putting shapes into little puzzle blocks. There was a square, circle, star and heart. He liked talking about the star and the heart and really liked putting them into the blocks, I guess because they were more challenging shapes. When Karen was getting ready to leave, Ben went through all of his usual stall techniques like packing her bag slowly, pretending not to hear her requests, etc. When all of that failed and she was getting up, Ben says "Uh oh heart", and looked really sad. We're still not sure if he meant the literal heart puzzle piece, or if he was heartbroken about her departure, but it was the most adorable moment ever. She even mentioned it yesterday, saying she thought about how sweet it was all weekend long. She and Ben have such an awesome bond, I'm really glad they found each other.

Sunday Driver:

Over the weekend, Mimi and Poo came to Turner Place for a visit. They stayed all weekend long and did lots of babysitting and home improvement projects. It was awesome. Mimi held Beckett a lot so that I could "move about the cabin" as I wished. But she also got a lot of Ben QT as well. They played lots in Ben's playroom and worked some of his activity baskets. Mimi brought Aunt Madi's old felt board and felt dolls for Ben to play with. He doesn't seem to mind that the dolls are completely girly. He likes to dress them in their ballerina dresses and sit them down for a birthday party. Mimi also brought colorforms for his playroom windows. He's currently celebrating Valentine's Day in there. Mimi made animal puppets for Ben so they played with those too. He likes them lots, but has a preoccupation with their wobbly eyes. And all of this while Mama moved about the cabin uninterrupted.

Ben and Mimi:

The playroom has been an awesome addition to Turner Place. It's nice to have a place to spread out with the toys without tripping all over them. And as part of our home improvement projects, it's now insulated and toasty, even when it's 15 degrees outside.

Ben had a hearing test today. As part of the Early Childhood Intervention services we're getting, he was required to get a hearing test. It was supposed to happen months ago, but because nothing has gone as planned with his case, it was put off until today. And he passed! Ben's hearing is perfect. And after being on a waiting list for a few months, he also received a weighted blanket from Project Linus. It's a beautiful quilted blanket with The Cat in the Hat on it, and will hopefully provide some comfort to him when he feels overstimulated. Can't wait to put it to use, and very thankful to the volunteer that made it especially for Ben.

wordless wednesday

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 22:12:00 +0000

The End of the 4th Trimester

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 17:44:00 +0000

Beckett - 4 months exactly:

We've made it out alive! The 4th trimester is over, and as far as I know, there is no 5th. Beckett isn't a newborn anymore. I have mixed feelings about this. I miss my tiny eight pound baby. I miss his squishy face. Unintentional smiles. The way he'd get milk drunk after an intense nursing session. Really, really small onesies. It goes by so fast.

But at the same time, those first three months drag on... and on... and on. Every minute of listening to a colicky baby scream feels like an hour. Juggling two very dependent babies all day long turns into an Olympic event. The reflux is awful. 10 poopy diapers a day is insane. Four non-consecutive hours of sleep night after night will make anyone crazy. All a true test of patience. So coming to the end of the 4th trimester is truly a bittersweet thing for this Mama. I'm glad it's all behind us, but I already miss the good parts.

The face he's grown very accustomed to making:

Beckett has changed from a squirmy baby into a little guy, especially within the last month. He has become very chatty and laughs a lot when people talk to him. Tonight, he was doing a ridiculously adorable screaming laugh every time I said "hi" to him. I wish everyone thought I was that entertaining.

The kind of smile that a whole face can get into:

He has definite preferences for people. And by that, I mean he is a certified Mama's Boy. Beckett tolerates his dad most of the time. But he will choose Mom first every time. He seems to like everyone else besides his parents equally as much. Meaning at any given time, he could either deliver a laugh, or wrinkle his face and scream like you've never heard before. Over absolutely nothing.

Oh here we go again:

He is curious about his environment and loves people watching. Don't get too close, he might cry, but from a safe distance (and in his Mama's arms), he loves watching things happen around him. He loves watching his big brother play, and it seems that Ben almost has a soothing effect on Beckett. If Beckett is somewhere besides my arms, losing his mind, sometimes I'll send Ben to his brother's side. Ben will go to his brother every time, and Beckett has been known to be comforted by this. And it buys me some time to finish whatever it is that I'm doing before picking him up for more cuddles.

Beckett's new obsession is sitting and standing. He wants to do both. Always. When he is in a lying down position, I can see his little shoulders trying to lift up, but to no avail. If he is sort of reclined, sometimes he can pull himself up a tiny bit. When I prop him up into a full sitting position, he puffs up his chest and feels big. Same thing with standing. If those little feet are flat against something, he is totally happy. But being barely four months old, he tuckers out quickly and crumples. And then cries.

Being adorable:

He is still not sleeping through the night. Every time I report on this, the pattern changes, but we are basically up 2-3 times a night, at varying times, for snacks. He's moved out of our bed for the majority of the night. He sleeps in a little mini-crib in our room for the first stretch of the night, and almost always makes his way into the big bed by 4 in the morning. It's been nice to have the best of both worlds - a short nap alone and a little bit of cuddling. He adjusts well where ever he's put down for bed. And doesn't require too much of a ritual to fall asleep. So that's been pretty awesome. We're not schedule or ritual people.

Our next doctor appointment is at the end of the week. More shots have Beckett's name on them. And he'll be weighed and the scale will say something more than 16 pounds. He's a really big four month old, rocking Ben and Jack's 6-12 month clothing already. His size is actually throwing a bit of a wrench in my perfect plan to have my 2nd child in the same season as my first. Being in Ben's 6-12 month clothing, we are inching into his summer collection. The bigger the clothes get, the shorter the sleeves. Luckily Jack was also born in September. And was also a big boy for his age. So we're covered.

We are a quarter of the way through the first year. I can't believe it. Time flies with your first baby. Time REALLY flies with your second. We're right back in the month we were in when I found out I was pregnant. And if I blink, I'll be at Beckett's 1st birthday party, wondering where all the time went.

Beckett's Apartment - 10 weeks:

10 months, 4 seasons and *ahem* pounds later:

Love you, baby boy.

Being Indoors

noreply@blogger.com (pecky) — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 04:20:00 +0000

Ben, a balloon, and the snow - January '11:

Following Murphy's Law, we are in the midst of Hendersonville's coldest winter on record. After being pregnant in the hottest summer on record, it stands to reason that I would have an infant during the coldest winter ever. So here we are, tons of snow on the ground, homebound and looking for creative ways to stay entertained. Being mid-January, I figure we'll be stuck in the house a whole lot more before we see warmer weather and less white stuff in the driveway. So being half stir-crazy and half genius, I constructed a playroom/classroom for Ben.

Activity baskets and bins of toys:

In addition to having a place to house the mountain of toys that Santa brought, our playroom has become Ben's classroom. With the help of his case manager, occupational therapist and speech therapist, we've filled the room with crafts and activity baskets that encourage fine-motor skills and creativity. When official therapy isn't in session, unofficial therapy is - in the room formally known as the sunroom.

For the last two months, we've been working on expanding Ben's vocabulary. We've progressed from being able to count the words in his vocabulary to losing track. He says a lot. Usually one word at a time, but he can put two of them together occasionally. Some of it is intelligible. Most of it requires a translator. But being Mama, I understand everything. Our focus now lies in encouraging two word structures and spontaneous talking. And I am beginning to work with him on phonological awareness. Ben is awesome at telling you the middle sound of a word. The first and last sounds often get omitted. Balloon is "loooo". Green is "eeee". Counting from thirteen to twenty goes something like "uh-ee, uh-ee, uh-ee, tun-eeeeee!". So Magical Karen, our SLP brought me a curriculum in a hefty three-ring binder to jump-start his work with phonological awareness. She said she typically doesn't start working with this until a child is three or older, but is giving her blessing to get started a bit sooner. So these are the things we are working on in the cool new playroom. We're also working on fine-motor skills and sensory tolerance. Feeling a variety of different textures and not freaking out. Learning to use scissors functionally (don't worry, they're the crappy plastic kind safe for little kids). Today after speech, we worked a few activities.

Fine motor skills - peeling the backs off stickers and sticking them to paper - harder than you think:

Using a claw to grab farm animals out of a bin... but not getting it quite yet:

Counting farm animals:

"uh-ee, uh-ee, uh-ee, tun-eeeeee!"

He loves it. And I'm having fun too! We've got a lot more activities to explore and plenty of time to do it, so hopefully this is the first blog in a series about Ben's Sunroom Preschool. If the weather keeps up the current trend of snow twice a week and subzero temperatures, we'll have plenty of time to explore everything.

Another project we're slowly introducing is potty training! Our potty was delivered from Amazon.com last week along with the instructional book "Once Upon a Potty". This clever book talks about certain body parts involved with going potty, what a potty is, what goes in it, and how proud your mother will be when you use it correctly. I remember discovering this book years ago with my middle-school friends and laughing hysterically at the illustrations, the phrasing, and a page about how the kid "sat and sat and sat and sat..." waiting for something to come out. I think about this every time Ben and I read the book together. Coincidentally, he also thinks that Joshua sitting on the potty for a full page is quite funny, and mimics me while I read it. He does not, however, understand the concept yet. Either that or the book's illustrator failed miserably. When he gets to the page where it shows the potty that has been freshly used, Ben's response every time is "Mmmm, yum!". Can't really argue with him here, the potty looks like a white cup and Joshua's work looks more like dessert and less like finished business. Anyway, I'll go ahead and spare you the pictures of Ben's bottom making contact with the potty, but know that we've definitely got a few to add to the photo album I call "pictures I can't wait to show his future girlfriends".

The equipment:

Studying for the test:

See the page on the right where Joshua has clearly missed the target? That's kinda how potty training is going for us so far. But I don't expect Ben to be in big-boy underwear next month. Or even in six months really. The benefit of Mama being home all day mixed with my new disdain for buying diapers inspired me to get the process started a little early.

Lots of learning going on here. We're bringing in the new year right at Turner Place.