F… forever with his family

A… always there for you

T… the person who believes in you

H… hero until the end

E … encourages everything you do

R… remains a constant in your world no matter your age

However you are celebrating Father’s Day this year… I hope you enjoy the laughter, BBQs and time together!

Happy Father’s Day!

3 years ago I wanted to write and learn something new so I started a blog. How the name came to be is a long story that is really laced throughout the website. A precious story to me…

The very first post on Be Positive Mom® was about being sleep deprived. I had just returned to work following the birth of our second baby. I read that post the other day and had an urge to edit it.  I resisted because since post marked the beginning…

I dug up a few images of the first theme for the site. My hot pink laptop girl was the first avatar and theme that represented Be Positive Mom®…

The original blog button…

I still write about being a working mom, positive stuff, grief and the occasional shout out via book reviews.

It’s been so much fun collaborating with other moms to bring you The Working Mom Interview series. I am thankful for the connections I’ve made worldwide over the last 3 years and it’s all because of blogging.

Just think, it almost all stopped before it got started. I began to wonder early on what people close to me thought about my blog and started to second guess it all. I had a moment or two when I truly considered taking the site down.

Then something crazy happened. I received several negative comments from a lady who thought I was ridiculous writing about being a working mom AND being positive about it. How could I!?

So I did what any rational blogger would do… I wrote about it. Amazingly, I received so much support from people who had never met me and those who are in my life personally.

From then on, I kept blogging and I took to heart what the wise old Dr. Seuss said:

June marks the 3rd anniversary of this site and a new beginning for my family. We are relocating to Arizona from the Bay Area. I’m sure I’ll have some relocation stories and tips to share.

Another year for Be Positive Mom® awaits… A new chapter,  crazy adventures and lots of laughs to come!

Happy Anniversary!

Mission statement?

I attended FusionCon this year in Scottsdale, AZ and was amazed by the small business stories shared throughout the three day event. One successful business owner took center stage to tell his story about how he was able to turn his company around, starting with core values.

The issue was that he neglected to identify the company’s core values from the start. Morale was low, employees had little direction and sales were dismal. He went through the process of identifying his company’s core values. He realized his employees needed to be just as passionate about those values and company mission in order for the team to be successful.

So how did he identify if potential new hires were aligned with the company’s core values?

He asked interview candidates, “What are your core values?”

And many times over, candidates were dumbfounded.

I sat in my chair thinking about how I would articulate my own core values if I was asked that very question. I know what I stand for of course. But, could I state 3 – 5 personal core values clearly and make that connection with a company? I dig some digging and brainstorming following the event.

Defining our values gives us purpose, motivation and direction.

It can build confidence and make things clearer, more focused.

If you are a working mom who is thinking about your next career move, defining your personal core values (first) may help you find your next career fit. Interviewing is not always easy. Yet, it’s not just about a potential employer figuring the candidate out. We should be learning about the company and its representatives as well. What do they stand for and how does that fit in my own value system?

If both sides are not aligned, it can make for a rough road ahead. When they are aligned, it can be employment nirvana. OK, maybe not nirvana… at the very least, it’s a good thing for all.

3 Easy Steps to Identify Your Personal Core Values

1) Brainstorm First
Clear your mind and space. Pull out a piece of paper and pen (or your tablet if you like to type these things). Jot down all of the things you value. Let the words flow. Some words that pop up may surprise you.

2) Select Three
Have you ever noticed the power of 3? Three things, concepts or ideas are easiest to identify and remember. Circle or highlight the top 3 things that are of most value to you. If it helps to rank first, you can set up the list in an order that feels right for you. Arriving at 5 is perfectly fine, too. It’s your list, your values!

3) Live and Revisit
You are already living them so being true to those values will feel right. Revisit and realign as needed.

Wondering about the business owner who asked the core values question during interviews?

His business turned around. His employees enjoyed working for him and new employees were as passionate about his business as he was. He aligned the company core values and mission with hiring, creating company goals and leading his team.

It all started with that first step of identifying the core values.

Have you identified yours?

If you would like more detailed approaches to help identify your personal core values, Google the term “personal core values” and many, many pages pop up. 

Mothers are sweet, like flowers in bloom.

Mothers are beautiful, they light up every room.

Mothers are caring, in every single way.

That’s why every mother deserves this special day!

~Author Unknown

Happy Mother’s Day!

What’s National Mom’s Nite Out?

National Mom’s Nite Out is the first nationally organized celebration of motherhood intended to bring together today’s moms, physically and virtually.  Maria Bailey, Host of Mom Talk™ Radio created the movement about five years ago and the celebration occurs every year on the Thursday before Mother’s Day.

National Mom’s Nite Out unites over 150 social media groups, companies, local playgroups, mommy bloggers and mother social networks in giving moms a well deserved night off. You can join online chats, head out with a group or just take a break.

Learn more from Maria…

My friend, Wendy from Choosing Love, is hosting an event in Gilbert, AZ tonight! Visit Choosing Love to learn how they are celebrating moms in the East Valley.

As for me, the kiddos are heading to Grandma’s house and I am off to dinner!

How are you celebrating National Mom’s Nite Out?

When I first launched Be Positive Mom®, I came across Working Mom Journal and the author, Blessing, online. We exchanged emails, comments and cheered one another as our communities and passions grew over the years.

Just last month, Blessing was in my neck of the woods for a conference and contacted me just before her arrival. Wouldn’t you know, the date, time and location worked for us both!

We met with bug hugs and lots of excitement. It was “me time” and business all in one meeting.

• Discussed Lean In.
• Caught up on our new ventures, work life and all things mom.
• Talked about our blogs and how it takes time to keep a site going. The passion for our communities makes it all worth it though.

Check out our cool shades pic…

Blessing is an inspiration and a lot of fun. If you would like to learn more about the Working Mom Journal, just hop on over to check out the latest. She is also the author of Think Feminist and a powerhouse when it comes to empowering women in the workplace.

Loved meeting you in person Blessing!

Have you met a blog-friend in person or connected with others at a blog conference?

Share with us below!

My first reaction to the book title was similar to most… the reality of leaning in more could certainly mean I’d fall over and hard. Who wants to lean in when you are already maxed out, right?

Not the intended meaning of the title though…

I received my copy and started reading with both excitement and an open mind.

Sandberg’s book connected with me in many ways. She poked fun at herself, wrote about teachable moments and described people who became her mentors over time. It was also packed with statistics about the feminist movement as well as the work/life balance issues of today.

While it’s been slammed as a feminist manifesto, Sandberg herself notes that it is mildly just that. Yet it more so was written to inspire others to achieve the goals they want to pursue and not let confidence or lack thereof hold you back from what you dream to achieve in life.

Sandberg climbed the corporate “jungle gym” for her career and shared the stories about that growth plus defining moments when her gender did play a role.

Wonder why a “jungle gym” as opposed to the corporate ladder? Well simple, the corporate ladder is just straight up or down, unlike many careers which move all over in time. And then there’s that “corporate ladder” visual of the butt of the person in front of you at your face. Yes, gross, but it was actually a joke Sandberg added in the book.

She also wrote about the relationship with her husband and how they support one another at the home and the office. She does strike a valuable point about having the support of those in your personal life, whether it’s a spouse, partner or family member. To achieve your dreams, aspirations and goals, you need support behind the scenes. It truly takes a village.

What’s not in Lean In?

Entrepreneurship. Sandberg’s career has been heavily focused in government positions and corporate roles. Entrepreneurship was not a theme in the book or really mentioned. Many men and women opt out of the corporate world to pursue their own dreams of business ownership. Although this topic is not in the book, her overall message to build your confidence, speak up and pursue your passion is the bigger theme.

Two very important points to take away no matter where you are at…

1)      Sit at the table.

2)      Don’t leave before you leave.

Sandberg describes those points with her corporate experiences. I would also add:

“Sit at the table.”
No matter if it’s corporate owned or if it’s the table you created (a la your own business) find your seat at the table not off to the side.

Challenge. Motivate. Dare yourself to sit at that table, literally. If you saw “Dirty Dancing” (the original and yes, I am dating myself), think of Patrick Swayze’s line, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” Get out of the corner and off the sidelines to sit at that table. Each time you do, it will build confidence.

“Don’t leave before you leave.”
In the book, Sandberg referred to women opting out for family long before they actually have the children by passing on promotions, stretch assignments, etc.

It can also mean don’t cut the losses before you get started and quit. No matter the goal, dream or endeavor, we all have moments that we want to throw in the towel and walk away. Like Dori in Finding Nemo, keep swimming because it may lead you to something new.

Lean In is another valuable addition to my library of inspirational books.

Whether or not you connect with Sheryl Sandberg and Lean In, the common theme among those who achieve their goals is strikingly clear.

• They dare to dream big.
• When they lack confidence, they do it anyway.
• They believe in themselves and their passion enough to always to keep going.
• And by virtue of their perseverance and attitude, they inevitably surround themselves with people who support and empower them.

So… go ahead, lean into whatever you aspire to achieve. You won’t fall over. If you do, get up and try again.

Just like Dori… keep swimming.

Did you read Lean In?

Please share your book comments or your “dream big” goals below!

Check out LeanIn.org! You don’t want to miss the bloggers sharing their stories… people you know, musicians you love and more.

** This book review includes the thoughts and opinions of the blog owner. No compensation was exchanged for this review. I even paid for my own book… and yes, a hard copy one. I still like to turn pages.

Thanks for joining us Jasmine! Tell us about yourself, your career and business.
I’m Jasmine Bashaj, the owner of So Rad. I design baby clothing styles and the prints that go on them to create seasonal collections that are functional, fun and stylish. I have 3 jobs and 2 kids with another baby on the way. I’m a digital illustrator by trade and I continue to do freelance for a stock company in the US. I’m a professor at a local college in Toronto and I’ve got So Rad to keep me busy – since I’m not busy enough;) I teach Photoshop, Illustrator and a studio simulation class.

Describe your most recent business success and tell us about your next big goal!
Picking up a store in Japan and one is Scotland is pretty cool. I’m also always amazed that I do continuous business with a store in the Yukon. I have a few next big goals. Most of them are creative ventures. I’d like to try towels and bedding. I’m really excited about my fall and winter 2013/14 collection. It’s got a lot of new designs and I’m happy to be taking a slight step back from the staples I usually create.

What does a day in your business life look like?
This depends on the day, depends on if I’m teaching on what is in the schedule. Everyday is different which I love. I did the whole office work gig before and I got bored fast. Some days I head to the sewers to go over what’s being made and check up on production – I love that I can just drive there to see how my creations are turning out. I am generally doing something with inventory or shipping as well and I have recently decided that I want to learn how to sew! That’s right – I am not a sewer, funny isn’t it? I’ve learned so much from the sewers I have worked with and I’ve been very fortunate to have some friends that know sewing well and have helped me along the way.

Is owning your own business as glamorous as it sounds?
I guess it depends on how you look at it. Probably not as glamorous as most might think, but it still makes me happier then any other job I’ve had. I love finding little places to buy things and try things. I also love seeing my creations come to life. I think lot of business owners have a couple skills, and are great in business. For me, I am the artist who makes everything tactile to see how it goes.

What is your favorite travel hot spot?
Anywhere! I love to travel. My husband is from Albania, so that’s the last place we went – for a month! It’s very different from Canada. Nice beaches there as well. Before that was the Mayan Riviera in Mexico – really, really amazing! We’d go back there for our next sunny holiday.

Can you offer any advice for new entrepreneurs?
If something doesn’t work, be open to suggestions and tweaks.

• Research
• Ask around
• Research!
• They say it takes about 5 years, so patience also.

About So Rad

So Rad (shopsorad.com) offers stylin’, creative, simple product designs on adorable dresses, jumpers, play suits, bath accessories, blankets and kimono onesies to name a few. The “ninja-in-training”outfits are just one of the best sellers, ready for take-out in a reusable cotton ninja bag! Products are designed to be functional and help in everyday parental madness.

Each item created was carefully thought out and designed to match features Jasmine Bashaj liked as a parent and found useful in parts of existing clothes, putting it all together in the So Rad collection.

Public Relations for So Rad: Talia Pickett, Pink Pearl PR.

It was Yoooooo Gabba Gabba this week. I took our 3 year old to see her favorite group of characters. We danced, laughed and shook the sillies out with DJ Lance Rock.

It was just like one of their TV episodes… up close and personal though!

I’m going to date myself here… but if you remember Biz Markie from the late 80s, you can check him out on Nick Jr.’s Yo Gabba Gabba, too. He entertains with Biz’s Beat of the Day during the TV show.

Biz made an appearance with his rapper pal the day we were there. We danced to the beats and the kids got to join him on stage.

All of the kiddos had a great time laughing, singing and seeing their friends from Gabba Land!

Last month, my girlfriends and I had a well-deserved moms’ night out to see P!ink. We rearranged schedules, set-up babysitters and got away for the night.

Another great show… beautiful voice, interaction with her audience and a pretty cool stage set-up. It wouldn’t be P!nk without flying through the air and acrobatics. We saw that, too.

We were in the nose-bleed seats yet that didn’t stop us from dancing. Some lovely ladies located behind us told our group of wilds moms to stop dancing and sit down. Pretty funny the Gabba Land gang danced more than the people around us at the P!nk concert!

Whether you are taking the kiddos or heading out for some “me time” with friends, a live concert experience is well worth the schedule shake-up.

My little boo is still talking about Yo Gabba Gabba. And after seeing P!nk live, I am determined to see her again, sans the nose-bleed seats!

What concerts do you recommend for kids or moms who need a night out?

Heather was diagnosed with Pleural Mesothelioma when her precious Lily was just 3 1/2 months old. Pleural Mesothelioma is a rare type of cancer caused by asbestos exposure, which kills 90-95% of those who have it. After intense treatment and a long recovery, almost 7 years later she is still here and cancer free!

The amazing thing that comes out of life’s terrifying ordeals is inspiration, miracles and a story to share with others. Heather is doing just that and in her own way. I am excited introduce you to her and how she has helped others with the creation of Lungleavin Day.

You may be wondering what is Lungleavin Day…

It marks the day seven years ago that Heather’s lung was removed in order to save her life during her mesothelioma battle. The celebration she created in honor of that day includes a silent auction and fundraiser for mesothelioma research and awareness education. In Heather’s words:

“…And if I take this tragedy and turn it around to make something good? Then it was all worth it. Lungleavin Day is more than just an anniversary of getting my lung removed, it signifies HOPE, rebirth, moving forward, and conquering those fears that can impede you from achieving what you are meant to do. The night has become a night to be treasured among my circle of friends and family; a night of true celebration and a night of LIFE.”

I decided it was time for me to learn how to play the guitar. So I got a wild hair, bought the guitar and posted my declaration to learn how to play on my personal Facebook page. I received a bunch of “likes” and some motivating comments along with a few jabs. The best comment I received was:

“Just don’t give up or slack. You’ll do great…”

The guitar, picks and lesson book with DVDs arrived 2 weeks ago. I took it out of the box and then by the next day stuck everything in the closet where it has sat since that day.

The issue? Commitment.

That brings me to the title of this post which was inspired by an article I read on LinkedIn this week.

“Want To Be Taken Seriously? Become a Better Writer” written by author, Dave Kerpen. Dave outlines how your writing is a direct reflection of your thinking, no matter if it is in email, a blog or resume.

Although he doesn’t use the word “commitment” specifically in his article, he alludes to the fact that in order to get better at something (in his case it’s writing), you must be committed to what you are doing and continue to do it. In short he suggests:

1) Practice, practice, practice.

My added note… because no matter what you do, practice will ultimately continue your learning, growing and achieving.

2) Say it out loud.

My added note… because talking about your goals will help you stay engaged.

3) Make is more concise.

Dave notes to shorten up when writing professionally or when blogging (which I clearly missed with this post). It can also mean take it one small step at a time. Make it simple. Don’t clutter.

4) Work on your headlines.

My added note… simply means to choose one thing to focus on that is a big piece of the goal.

5) Read.

Educating ourselves no matter what we are working on is always a good thing. Before you know it, you become smarter, wiser and better at what you are doing.

All of these tips can be applied to anything…

These are the Steps I Can Take to Become a Better _____________________ (you fill in the blank).

Would love to see how you’d finish that sentence. Chime in below!

As for my learning to play the guitar, I have set-up a calendar reminder for 15 minutes a day. I’m sure a few lessons will be needed at some point… but it’s a start!

Giving kudos to my source:
Find Dave Kerpen at Want To Be Taken Seriously? Become a Better Writer on LinkedIn.

Since Be Positive Mom® has been around for a while now, I like to look back at past holiday posts and see what I was writing about a year or two ago.

Last year, I included ways to take care of yourself first by enjoying your “Tuesday”, which just happened to be the day Valentine’s landed on last year. We should always take care of ourselves first really. (Pssst! That’s not a bad thing!)

I included my list from last year that includes many ways to take care of yourself beginning with the inside to out.

Valentine’s Day Tips that Begin with You!

Nurture from the inside (emotional):

1. Practice affirmations out loud.
2. Journal your thoughts for the day.
3. Write out your goals for the week and shift your focus towards that goal.
4. Write a “positive” letter to yourself. Start it off with “Your name, this week I want to tell you…”
5. Sneak away for a little “me time” even if it’s a 10 minute break.
6. Call a friend today or meet a friend out. Voice to voice. One to one.

Nurture from the outside (physical):

1. Take a walk—before, during or after work.
2. Get a message.
3. Go outside during lunch and hey, why not treat yourself to lunch while you are out!
4. Disconnect during the evening—turn off the TV, phone and computer for an hour.
5. Just breathe and relax. Close your eyes, inhale 1-2-3 and then exhale 1-2-3.

So if diamonds, hearts, cupids, chocolates and flowers are your thing… that’s great, too.

Whether you are sharing Valentine’s with someone special or solo, a feel-good way to kick things off begins with you!

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day!

Stacey Herrera is a mother and life coach ready to share her easy tips for getting motivated. You can find Stacey at One Foot First.

Enjoy the interview and get inspired!

Share with us how you started One Foot First.
I worked in the insurance industry for years, but could never really get settled. I would always get bored with whatever position I was holding at the time, always feeling like I needed more of something. I changed jobs a lot, holding most positions for three years or less.

One thing that was always consistent, no matter where I was – people looked to me for guidance and advice. Even when I was not in a position of authority, I was always the “go to” person for work related and personal matters. For a while I thought I was supposed to be a therapist, so I pursued education in that field. But obstacles always kept the degree out of my reach. Of course now I know that the Universe was trying to lead me in another direction.

One day I was having a pow-wow on the phone with two of my girlfriends, when one of them said “you should start a life coaching business, right now, right where you are.”  The rest, as they say, is history.

It was rough going at first because it takes a lot of work to get a business off the ground, but even more than that it takes patience.

Being a mom and business owner can be pretty hectic. How do you make space to do it “all?”
Balancing motherhood and running a business (or working any job for that matter) is challenging, but completely doable. Now that my daughter is older (she’s 17 now), it’s much easier. But when she was younger, having her on a schedule was essential. That meant making sure that she was in bed, on time, every night. Looking back on it, I wonder how I managed to make it happen, but I did.  See I needed the time after she was asleep to work on writing projects, to do my own homework, etc. I also needed this time to unwind from the pressures of the day, to sit still with my thoughts, and to create. Now that she’s older, I don’t stay up late anymore… now I get up early instead!

Children not only need structure, but they thrive in it.

Having a schedule makes life easier, for the entire household.

What are some simple ways to de-clutter and get focused?

• Making time everyday to connect with your spirit is essential.  Prayer, meditation, chanting, dancing… whatever that looks like for you.
• Journaling is also very important. You need to make space in your head, daily. Get rid of thoughts and ideas that do not serve you. Remind yourself of the things that are working, so you can do more of those things.
• Keep your personal space as clean as possible. A cluttered room makes for a cluttered mind (that’s a fact!).

Why Daily Motivation is so important?
I believe that encouragement is vital to our existence. It would be nice if we could all motivate ourselves all the time, but that’s not the case. Sometimes we need to be inspired, to be reminded that we don’t have to go it alone, and that whatever it is that we are going through is “normal.” I’ve been sending out daily motivation every weekday for well over a decade – I guess that was my first life coaching gig!

Any “me time” tips you would like to share?
I think “me time” is especially important for mothers, because our plates are perpetually full all the time. No offense to dads, but nobody has to tell them to make time for themselves, they just do it.

• Make time for yourself, every single day. If you’re a morning person – get up early to make the space. If you’re a night owl – go to bed late. It doesn’t matter how you choose to use your time. Read a book if that’s your thing. Be still. Catch up on your DVR shows. Do whatever it is that makes you feel how you want to feel.

• Don’t compromise on your time. The people who love you will not always understand, but that’s okay. Make it clear to everyone that your time is your time. And everybody knows that when Mama is happy, everyone is happy. A mother’s energy is felt throughout her home, even when she’s not physically present. When Mom takes care of herself… she’s taking care of everybody.

About Stacey

Stacey Herrera is a mother, writer, and devoted way finder. She uses her life coaching practice to help men and women return home to themselves. She declines all pity party invitations and pursues truth like a bloodhound. You can check her out at www.onefootfirst.com.

The Internet has become a regular part of everyday life. Children all around the world rush to the closest monitor soon as they get home; often it is used for researching topics for school. At the click of a button and a few strokes of the keyboard, our kids have access to unmatched information without ever having to visit the library.

Unfortunately, the Internet also has its pitfalls and challenges. It’s not always safe and children require supervision when using this powerful tool. But what can we, as working parents, do to keep our kids safe when we can always be around?

The following safety tips can help.

1) Install a Parental Control Program

We can’t always be there, we know that. Luckily there are amazing tools available that can monitor and even control our children’s Internet activity. Though there are many programs to choose from, you should look for one with the following features:

• Customization: This is especially important if you have more than one child. Look for a program that allows you to customize for multiple ages, filtering exceptions an individual user profiles. Another important feature is the ability to add words and phrases to block lists, as well as make exceptions within the application.
• Ease of installation: Unless you happen to be a computer genius, it’s important to find a program that you can install and use with ease. This includes putting it on the computer, setting the preferences and customizing the features to your specific needs. If you aren’t computer savvy, we suggest you add to this, exceptional tech support options.
• Filtering and blocking: Look for a program that allows you to block or filter games, websites, chats and also mask profanity. In addition, look for the ability to limit the use of the computer, its programs and the Internet.
• Recording capabilities: Not only should a program have the ability to control and monitor, it should have the ability to report. Being able to receive detailed reports about your child using a social network, uploading videos, making posts, viewing/uploading pictures and even instant message conversations are a plus.

2) Computer Placement

Once you have the software in place, make sure you also have the computer in the right place. Set up hardware in an open, common area of the home, not behind closed doors or in bedrooms. This isn’t about you standing over your child’s shoulder. Explain that anything they view online should be appropriate to be viewed in front of the family.

3) Communication

This is one of the most important tips. Make sure your children know that you can count on them to keep the rules and use the Internet in a responsible manner. Always be open and honest in your expectations, rules and consequences. Your expectations should be clearly set and based on the maturity level and age of your child. It’s important for them to understand that the degree of freedom and privacy granted, matches the level of trust they have earned.

4) Transparency

If you do happen to use monitoring software that tracks online behavior, it’s critical that you inform your child. Convey to them that you are striving to keep them safe. You have a responsibility as a parent to protect them, not spy on them.

5) Online Bullies

Personal attacks online, especially with children, are a growing concern. Talk with your child and encourage them to come to you if they are ever bullied, either on or off-line. It’s always helpful to share your own experiences if you’ve experienced being bullied. Let your child know that if they are being bullied, you won’t take action without talking to them first.

6) Talk about Liars

It’s critical that you teach your child that everyone they meet online might not be who they say they are. Explain how easy it is to hide one’s identity. Show them how a person can hide their real name and why they need to be careful in trusting people.

7) Privacy is Critical

Stress to your child how important it is to avoid giving their full name, age, gender, address, school or any other personal information to anyone online. As hard as it is, they need to understand that there are people who hurt children by gathering information about them over the Internet.

8) Pre-Program Play

A simple, yet effective step you can take is to pre-program your computer for the child. Bookmark the sites they frequent and create one-click buttons for easy navigation.

Do you have other suggestions of might be helpful or things that you have done to make your child’s Internet experience a better one?

Leave a comment below and share with us.

About the Author: Porter Olson is a father of two and a tech geek at heart. When he isn’t spending time with his girls he enjoys writing about internet services and safety for UsBundles. 

When I was working full-time at an office and the kids were in preschool, play dates included hanging out with friends I’ve known personally for many years. Our play dates meant I caught up with friends while the kiddos hung out. If needed, leaving my kids with my mom friends was and still is a no-brainer.

Now that my oldest is in Kindergarten, we are meeting new parents and new kids. Pretty cool. This new adventure also includes birthday parties, play dates and sleep overs. Yikes!

I remember back in the day when we didn’t have play dates. We just headed out the door, were told to be home before supper and hung out with the kids from two or three blocks away. Things have certainly changed, haven’t they?!

My little guy was off to his first play date this week with a boy he met in school. We attended the kid’s birthday party at the beginning of the school year as so I was pretty comfortable with the family.

When I was asked about the play date, I assumed I would be hanging out as well. A great way to get to know another mom… love that. Yet, it wasn’t exactly the case. It was an option of course but not really what the other mom had in mind which was fine.

Here’s my sidebar thought…

A play date offered by a parent you just met is much like deciding if you are going on a date with someone for the first time (or at least what I remember dating to be anyway!). It can be a delicate dance.

On one hand, you don’t want to offend someone by asking 50 questions as you try to ensure you are not handing your child over to a nut.

On the other hand, if you ask the 50 questions to confirm all is OK, you come across as the overly worried nut-of-a-mom.

See the dilemma?

I know. I know. Some of you may be thinking that he’s my child and I should do everything I can to protect him. Totally agree. Yet it’s also about relationship building with the people and kids your children will be with throughout the school years. It’s also important to get to know other parents, even if the schedule is tight due to work, other obligations or whatever.

A few tips my good friend shared with me, plus a few of my own…

• What’s your gut telling you? (intuition, that voice, etc.) Listen closely because it’s your guide!
• Ask up front if it’s a drop-off or a mom hang out kind of play date. If you are texting or emailing and not sure by the way it is written, then simply reply, “Email [or text] is hard to interpret, do you mean…” and be specific.
• Set-up the drop off/pick up. Be prompt if someone else is hosting the play date.
• Food allergies, toys, ground rules, other items to note should be given to the mom ahead of time.
• Be specific about TV, video games and other safety concerns before you let your child go.
• Be sure your child wants to go. He or she’s reaction to the mention of a play date with Little Johnny may be a good indicator that you should pass.

In the end, he had a blast and didn’t want to leave. It also gave me extra time that day and now we get to take a turn at hosting.

Something that is new can seem scary and yet the experience may turn into something valuable you didn’t expect… like new friendships.

What are some of your tips for managing play dates?

Wishing you a prosperous and peaceful 2013!

 Happy New Year!

Cheers!

Image from Hotestcard.com.

It was a tough one for so many especially in the last few weeks with the Sandy Hook tragedy. If you read my last post, you may have noted that I took a break from social media most of December.

I started to see things being posted that were feeling a bit off-putting to me and then the tragedy posts just became too much to witness.

Social media is an excellent avenue for bringing awareness to causes, promoting brands and connecting with others from all over the globe. The proverbial line became drawn when I started seeing brands using a tragedy such as Sandy Hook to promote their own products or services. A wrong move in my social media consciousness….

So I started thinking about my gratitude and lessons learned this year as I wind down 2012.

My list made me smile, laugh and even cry. The things that we can be most grateful for today may have been the hardest lessons we learned from yesterday. Hopefully that makes sense!

I took much needed break from blogging and social media this month. Probably sounds crazy when it comes to analytics, Google rankings and number of followers.  They serve a purpose when it comes to social media marketing for business. Luckily for me and my little blog, it’s not about those things.

I am just grateful you are here… and grateful to hear from so many people and from faraway places. It makes me smile when I think about starting the blog a few short years ago and how connected it has become.

OK…enough about that. It’s time for you to celebrate with your wonderful family and enjoy the holidays!

We are pretty darn lucky to have some many beautiful people around us, aren’t we?!

Happy Holidays!

I’ll be back next week with my 2012 Gratitude List (some of them may come as a surprise, too!).

Until then, savor the good eats, relish in the fun moments and take the time to feel the warm holiday spirit that is all around us!

Enjoy!

By Christine Arylo author of Madly in Love with Me

Be kind to others. Show up and be supportive. Be there unconditionally and without judgment when
your friends are having a hard time. Tell your friend the truth, even when it’s hard. Remember to
celebrate you friends. Cheerlead for them. Inspire them to go for their dreams. Respect you friends,
honor them, appreciate them, be compassionate – in other words love them.

These are the rules of being a good friend. And while you may not be perfect at always showing up as a
good friend for others, you know how to love others well. And when you do show up as a good friend,
you feel good about yourself. Proud. Like you are doing a good thing, being a good person. Because you
inherently know that giving love to others is a good thing.

But take that love and friendship and apply it to yourself and something different happens. Suddenly
you feel guilty for taking care of yourself, selfish for choosing yourself first, and shy about tooting your
own horn. Giving love to yourself in the forms you need it most – compassion, appreciation, nurturing,
pleasure, etc. – feels wrong, weird and uncomfortable. In situations where you’d have no problem telling
a friend to take a break, stop working, leave a relationship, or go for her dreams, you find yourself
totally unable to give yourself permission to do what you really need. Until now.

Today, I invite you to take a stand for the most important relationship in your life – the one with
yourself – by saying YES! to becoming a really good friend – maybe even a best friend – to yourself,
and start giving yourself the love you need, no matter what. There’s nothing selfish about that. For the
better friend you are to yourself, the more you fill yourself up with love, the more you will be able to
give to others. You will be both a giver and receiver of love!

3 Simple but Mighty Self-Love Practices for Being Your Own B.F.F.

One of the biggest reasons we fail to be good friends to ourselves is because we don’t know how to
give ourselves permission to take the actions we know would be best for us. Ask yourself these simple
questions on a regular basis, or whenever you feel overwhelmed, lonely or out of sorts. Be honest.
And if the answer to the question is “No” take the love prescription and daring act of love listed to get
yourself the love you need in the form you need it in.

Am I happy?

If the answer is no, you are likely starving for joy. You need self-pleasure. Take this Daring Act of
Love: Make a JOY Portrait, by filling up one piece of paper with all the things that make you happy –
big and small. Then choose three, and turn then into “acts of joy” – actions you can take to create
joy for yourself. Enjoy them within 24 hours, no matter what you have going on.

Am I taking care of myself, as well as everything and everyone else?

If the answer is no, your energy tank is likely depleted. You need self-care. Take this Daring Act of
Love: Give yourself what you need, pronto. Close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, take a
deep breath, and say to yourself, “What do I need right now to take care of me?” Then be quiet
and see what your Inner Wisdom says. Whatever guidance you receive, do that one thing, no
matter what.

Am I willing to disappoint another to not disappoint myself?

If the answer to this is no, you are putting others needs in front of your own, to the determinant
to yourself. You need self-honor. Take this Daring Act of Love: Love-line a friend, and ask them
to give you permission to do what’s best for you. If you are really stubborn, ask them tell you why
it’s okay to give yourself permission to disappoint another not to disappoint yourself, and then you
repeat back what they say. Often, when we can’t be a good friend to ourselves, we need to elicit
the help of others who can be a good friend. This is how we learn to be better friends to ourselves.

Imagine what your life would be like from this day forward if in the moments when your inner critic
wanted to tear you down, in the times you got scared to go for your dreams, or in the instances when
you felt exhausted and needed a rest, you were able to wrap your arms around yourself, and give
yourself permission to do exactly what you needed – without guilt, fear or judgment. This is what is
possible when you make the choice to love yourself unconditionally and as a result choose to show up
as a best friend, no matter what. A daring adventure indeed, but the only way really to live – in love,
with yourself.

Christine Arylo is the author of Madly in Love with Me and Choosing ME Before WE. She is an internationally recognized speaker and transformational teacher for women and girls, and the founder of the international day of self-love (Feb 13).

Visit her online at http://www.ChristineArylo.com and http://www.ChooseSelfLove.com

Based on the new book Madly in Love with ME ©2012 by Christine Arylo. Published with permission of New World Library http://www.newworldlibrary.com.

The Elf is the magical guy or gal who watches over the kiddos and then reports back to Santa.  Last year, I ran out to get one because it was all the rage. The package comes with a story book and a box. You can even register your Elf online.

Here’s the magical part for the kiddos…

Each night the Elf flies back to the North Pole to report your kids’ behavior to Santa. Then, he appears (in a different location) the next day. Tricky, isn’t he?

The different location is selected courtesy of you or maybe Dad and it gives the child the illusion that the Elf has “left the building” to tell Santa how the kids are behaving. Who is naughty? Who is nice?

It is pretty funny how creative people are getting with the new locations each night!

My friend Erin’s Elf is hanging out with Barbie… Lucky guy!

Do you include the Elf on the Shelf as part of your holiday tradition?

As soon as the Christmas boxes came out, my son was asking over and over about the Elf. We named him Oscar.

Today is the last day of November and I have come to realize three things about the Elf tradition.

1. My son is more interested in Oscar than Santa. Really. Santa who?
2. Moving Oscar from location to location each night has given me one more thing to do once the kids are in bed. It also means I need to get creative like my friend Erin! Hmmm. If I only had a Barbie and a Corvette!
3. The Oscar Let Down. One day my son (and daughter) will learn there’s no Santa. For some kiddos, that is a huge disappointment. Now they just may have two disappointments to deal with… Oscar and Santa! Ouch. I’m sure there will be a good learning lesson in there somewhere but for now, that will have to wait.

It is a fun tradition in many ways…the excitement, the lessons about good behavior and the creativity for both mom and child.

Would our Christmas holiday feel complete minus Oscar the Elf?

Sure.

Will we have Oscar join us year after year now that we started the tradition?

Yep, pretty sure he is here to stay for a while. I just need to get him a friend like Barbie to hang out with… plus a sweet Corvette for their ride!

So what’s your take?

Elf or no Elf?

If you Elf, what are some of the fun ways you include him or her into your Christmas tradition?

* This post is not meant as a product review… just a way to poke fun at the Elf holiday tradition!