Dear Molly,

Spring has come again and today it’s been 18 years since you were born and died.

It is a big milestone and you are not here.

I took a mental health day off work to give myself space to feel how I feel — which includes deep sadness and many other emotions. I am grateful to be able to do that.

I continue to wonder who you might be now, if you had lived longer, and don’t think about that as much as I used to.

However, during these big birthday years, when so many of those who would be your peers are moving forward into their young adult lives, I am more aware of your absence.

You’d legally be an adult and eligible to vote.

Likely, as senior in high school, you could be making a decision about where to go to college, as well as what to study/major in. Alternatively, you might be on a different timeline or choosing to pursue other paths.

What I most want for your siblings, Skylar and Gail, is for their lives to align with their values. I encourage them to be grounded in love, kindness, curiosity, empathy, generosity, justice, joy and authenticity. I do my best to meet my teenage and young adult children where they are and help them to navigate the wonders and challenges of life. If you were still here, I’d wish for and try to do the same for you. Parenting is far from easy and I am grateful for the privilege, as well as the grace, to learn and grow with your dad, Skylar and Gail as we go.

The last year, especially recent months, has felt unusual, in that some of the long held traditions and routines we established around celebrating holidays and visiting your grave were interrupted. Thus, all four of us have not been there together since close to the anniversary of your birth and death last year. Likewise, I have not prioritized getting there myself since then. It is definitely the longest I’ve gone in 18 years.

Life got away from us in the last few weeks and we didn’t make a plan to visit your grave in advance of or on your birth/death day, as we have every other year (even when we were out of town on the actual date). That feels both very understandable and frustrating. Initially, I didn’t think we’d get there today and possibly not make it this weekend, which we know (and I told myself) would be okay. However, I woke up this morning feeling sad and realized that I wanted to go. These grief rituals are meaningful to me and, especially with it being 18 years, I am glad that we are course correcting.

After discussing as a family, before Gail left for school, we decided that Skylar and I will pick up Gail after school to drive there. Gail will likely read more of my mom’s/your Grandma Jacquie’s letters to her mother/my Grandma Dee on our way there and back, which we really enjoy doing together. We are almost done with 1994 and they go through 1996 (though I don’t think there aren’t many from that year).

Depending on how your dad’s remote work day goes, as well as how he’s feeling, he may join us or not. I am reminding myself that we all continue grieve and process our journey with you in ways that work for us. We will still celebrate and honor your memory in other meaningful ways all four of us together.

After 18 years of grieving your death, preceded by your incredibly brief life, I don’t have a lot left to say.

I pass by and look at this photo of Skylar, Gail and me at your grave every day. It is one of my favorites and was taken on Mother’s Day in 2013. It sits in a 5 x 7 frame on top of a small bookcase, which belonged to my paternal Grandma Mite, on the landing halfway up the main staircase in our home.

Tonight we have tickets to see Hadestown the musical at ETHS, which feels serendipitous. The story and song lyrics capture living through tragedy, grief, hope and love so well. Last year we also saw ETHS’s spring musical, Mamma Mia, on your day. We will likely go out to dinner beforehand. Skylar suggested Culver’s or Shake Shack, imagining you’d enjoy eating there as much as your siblings do.

I’m also sharing one of my favorite pictures from our family’s epic trip to England last summer, of our Fab Four with a statue of the Fab Four in Liverpool. I think it captures each of our vibes and personalities well at our current-ish ages and stages of life.

I chose the Road to Hell (Reprise) from Hadestown for Skylar’s 17th Birthday post song, in October 2020, saying towards the end of my letter to your older sibling, “we keep singing, even when it is sad, and even when we know how it ends (at least for some of those we love).”

I am sharing the song lyrics again here, along with a lyric video, from the Original Broadway Cast Recording (OBCR) of Hadestown, as they capture our heartbreaking and life affirming journey with you, dear Molly Marie. I love that we will get to wrap up the 18th anniversary of your birth and death tonight with getting to hear and see it performed live on stage in our hometown.

A’ight
It’s an old song
It’s an old tale from way back when
It’s an old song
And that is how it ends
That’s how it goes
Don’t ask why, brother, don’t ask how
He could have come so close
The song was written long ago 

It’s a sad song
It’s a sad tale
It’s a tragedy
It’s a sad song
But we sing it anyway

Cause here’s the thing
To know how it ends
And still begin to sing it again
As if it might turn out this time
I learned that from a friend of mine

See, Orpheus was a poor boy

Anybody got a match?

But he had a gift to give

Gimme that

He could make you see how the world could be
In spite of the way it is

Can you see it?
Can you hear it?
Can you feel it like a train?

Is it coming?
Is it coming this way?

On a sunny day, there was a railroad car
And a lady steppin’ off a train
Everybody looked and everybody saw
That spring had come again

With a love song
With love song
With a love song

With a tale of love from long ago

It’s a sad song
It’s a sad song
It’s a sad song

We keep singing even so

It’s an old song
It’s an old song
It’s an old song

It’s an old tale from way back when
And we’re gonna sing it again and again
We’re gonna sing, we’re gonna sing

It’s a love song
It’s a tale of a love from long ago
It’s a sad song
We keep singing even so
It’s an old song
It’s an old tale from way back when
And we’re gonna sing it again and again

We’re gonna sing it again

I love you and I miss you, Molly.

I know that Dad, Skylar and Gail do too.

We will keep singing, again and again.

You are always in our hearts.

Love,
Mom

I have you in my heart. ~ Philippians 1:7

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remembering Molly:

17 Years

16 Years

15 Years

14 Years

13 Years

12 years

11 years

10 years

9 years

8 years

7 years

6 years

5 Years

4 Years

3 Years

2 Years

1 Year

Molly’s Birthday

Always in Our Hearts: For Molly and Babies Benson from Kathy Benson on Vimeo

Thursday, 4-11-96
2:35 PM London
8:35 AM E-Town

Well, I took my last final! (pretty painless – though I sure studied long enough for it…) I really did learn a lot from that architecture class! I sold my books back & am close to £35 richer for it! I wish I could keep the books for souvenirs & all, but I don’t have room & can use the extra money!

After the exam I checked e-mail. While in there I had to say goodbye to Paul. I know I’ll see him again when we get home cuz we live so close. He was leaving about now for Leeds & then won’t be back until after Ruth & I head out on Sat.

I got e-mails from Mom, Meg, Kelly, Ruth, Deb, Nina A., Elena, & Brad Cook! Kelly said she is gonna try to meet me at the airport w/ M & D on the 6th! That’d be so cool!

I am on the tube running errands, so I will write in here in increments probably today…

More later!

CHEERS!

2:50 PM London
8:50 AM E-Town

Back on the tube… The message from Nina was nice & newsy. Elena was concerning Ruth & my coming to Madrid (we can’t stay w/ her cuz she lives with a family, but she will try to help us find somewhere…). Ruth & Deb’s were both about room picks. It looks like I may end up living in a quad w/ Sue, Annie, & Suzie. I suppose that’d be fun & Suzie & I could help each other w/ the transition!

Brad’s was interesting. He said he had no excuse for not writing me until now… I would agree w/ that. He also said he may study abroad again next spring in Austria or Germany. Nice to know he is still alive & kicking.

Well, mission accomplished! I just road all the way to Tower Hill Tube Station to get 2 patches of: Wales & England from a souvenir shop I’d seen ‘em in back when I’d been at the Tower of London a few weeks ago. Now I have patches from all the countries I have been to so far outside of the USA: Wales, Ireland, Scotland, & (of course) England! Yea! Eventually I will sew them on my backpack…

Since I have a bit o’ time on my hands as I sit here waiting for the Circle Line to take me back to Notting Hill Gate & then the ride as well… I will finish about this weekend at Ron’s & who knows, I might even get to have a go at finishing my last installment about Scotland, before I forget all the details & fun we had!

Well, I loved Ron’s family! They were so welcoming & great! They are bunch of pack-rats though, it was so hilarious! Their little bungalow is full of stuff, mostly junk to an outsider but it all has meaning to them! They frequent garage-like sales weekly and accumulate the most random things! Ron’s mom is especially into collecting things… She collects: ceramic houses, thimbles, China w/ blue designs, owls, and a million other things! They found out I use to collect elephants and before I left gave me one they’d picked out for me at a gift shop on Monday! How sweet is that? Ron’s sister Ginny, at 16, was nice & a typical British teenager! (She wore those plaid pants that are real “in” here now & had posters on her wall of “Take That” & “Boyzone!”)

Friday night when I arrived we had dinner at their house, Ron, Molly (his mum), and Art (his dad). We had lamb and potatoes and it was yummy! (No BSE!) The conversation was fun and we had wine w/ dinner!

After dinner Ron took me to a pub to meet one of his best friends (since childhood) and the friend’s fiancé. They are getting married in 2 wks. and Ron is part of the wedding party (an usher). The stag/bachelor party for Nick (his friend) is tomorrow night! Nick was all excited that I was wearing a baseball hat when I got there, cuz I guess I fit his American stereotype or something?! I was only wearing it cuz it had taken me so damn long to pack everything, that day, before I left, and get it all in that suitcase, that I didn’t have time to shower!

There is some stuff I am gonna add in here, that I didn’t type in my e-mail about the weekend to M & D, Meg, & Kelly… it has to do w/ Ron and my friendship rising to a new level throughout this weekend.

Quick Note from Present Day Kathy: I won’t actually share details here, but am noting that weekend was when Ron and my relationship started to be more than friends.*

Saturday Ron and I went down to Portsmouth and to Southsea. It was on the coast & really beautiful. It was sorta like a boardwalk w/ a carnival and lots of food vendors! We walked along the coast, on an old castle wall, and out to the dock to look at some old and famous ships! Speaking of which… NEWSFLASH: the RMS Titanic sailed from SOUTHAMPTON!!! I got to see the general area where it sailed from in Ron’s hometown and the big memorial in the center of his town for those who perished when it sank! Most of the engineers on the ship died in the sinking and most of them were from Southampton! I never knew or at least didn’t remember/make the connection that it sailed from there!!! How cool is that?!

Well, almost back to Notting Hill Gate! So I’ll finish later…

CHEERS!

8:15 PM London
2:15 PM E-Town

Picking up where I left off…

Saturday night after another fun and amusing dinner (turkey & salad & more wine) with his parents and also his sister and one of her friends, Ron and I went to an Easter Vigil Mass in the next town over called Bitterne, where his dad grew up.

His family is Christian (Church of England) but not religious… to quote his mom: “We go on the important days: weddings, funerals, and Christmas.” But Ron knew it was important to me to go & so he helped my find a Catholic Church & sat through the 2 ½ hour candlelight vigil w/ me! He is so thoughtful like that.

His family also gave me a huge Cadbury Chocolate Easter Egg (the “Roses” kind) for Easter! That is sorta the tradition here, instead of Easter baskets… The Cadbury factory is in Birmingham, England so they are huge here & monopolize the chocolate market here!

On Sunday, Ron & I walked around Southampton and he showed me where he went to college and the sites of the town! I got a “happy meal” from McDonald’s since Lent was over! We also went to the cemetery where most of his relatives are buried. All of his family is from Southampton or the surrounding communities. I had thought it’d be cool to see where they were buried, especially considering my fascination w/ cemeteries. Later Sunday afternoon I typed my paper and his family gave me some hints about it while I was typing. Ron sat there the whole time I typed and gave me comments which were very helpful! Did I mention what a sweetie he is?

By the time I had finished my paper his extended family had arrived! His father’s sister and husband; his great uncle and great aunt; and his dad’s second cousin and husband! Well, they were some real crazy characters and big big talkers! It was a fabulous and very entertaining evening! We had a huge and yummy buffet dinner which they simply referred to as TEA!!!

After dinner we played “Jenga” for a few hrs. and then a card game called “Chase the Ace!” It was so much fun and I sorta fantasized that I was married to Ron and was part of the family! They kinda treated me that way too! They stayed from 5:30 PM till a little after midnight and we were all exhausted by the time they finally left, but such fun!

After that we hung out for awhile with Ron’s M & D (Ginny had gone to bed earlier) and helped clean up some from the party.

Well, I am almost back to Notting Hill Gate! I am on my way back from visiting Jillian at her flat at Goldhurst Terrace. It is weird that after all the time we spent together this semester I just now got to see where she lives/lived!

More later…

CHEERS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note from Present Day Kathy: This was a very bittersweet series of entries to revisit, as learning of my old friend/(not his real name) Ron’s death in July 2018 (four years after he died from brain cancer in 2014) inspired me to revisit, reflect on and share my London Semester Journal entries. The weekend that I began to describe in this entry, which I spent in Southampton celebrating Easter with Ron and his family, was a highlight of my time studying/living abroad. I have been working on/tinkering with this present day part of my blog post for several days, as there is a lot here.

Also, since I started sharing my journal entries eight years ago (in September 2018), not that long after the original Serial podcast was released (actually I double checked to find that it was released in October 2014 — almost four years later), I am reminding myself and anyone who doesn’t get the reference, that “(not their real name) alias” is how Sarah Koenig would always refer to the people she gave aliases too on the pod.

One of the many themes I see from 51, about 21 year old Kathy, is how frugally I was living and/or trying to live. I get why I chose to sell my books back at the end of the semester (as I often also did at the University of Illinois, though not always and still have some to this day). Back then £35, was about $53 (based on a $1.51 exchange rate) and roughly my budget for one entire day of travel (including lodging, food and activities) with (not her real name) Ruth. We used a guidebook called Frommer’s Frugal Traveler’s Guide: Europe From $50 a Day and tried to stick with that budget as much as possible. I know I’ll get to that more when I reach my entries about our Eurorail travels/adventures and I recall it was one of the topics we had some friction about — as at times our priorities differed for how we wanted to spend that $50 some days and also wanted to stay together for the most part. I looked it up and £35 in April 1996 would be about £78 (a 2.2x increase) or $105 today. The exchange rate now is closer to $1.35. As I understand that, it indicates the Pound has weakened against the Dollar over the past three decades. In talking about it with my accountant (a.k.a. husband Bob), he suggested that Brexit had an impact on that since it happened in 2020.

I do recall when making decisions about buying things while living in London and traveling around the UK during my semester abroad, doing the math in my head based on the exchange rate, to help me know what I was “really spending.” If I recall correctly, in spite of my efforts to be frugal, I ultimately returned home (in early May 1996) $8,000 in debt to my parents. Though I don’t think I started paying them back until after I finished grad school (in May 1999) and started my first full time job in the “real world” with the Skokie Park District. So, it is possible that $8,000 also included some money that I believe I borrowed during grad school. I am pretty sure I started to work on reimbursing them while living at home from May 1999 – September 2000, when Bob and I married. I may have notes or more information about this somewhere and can always update this if/when I come across that. I am grateful that that my parents could afford to lend me the money and that they didn’t just give it to me (though at the time I probably wished for that). It did teach me a lot about money management, though not as much as it might have if they weren’t in a position to lend me that much or any.

Saying goodbye to (not his real name) Paul, is another reminder that for the most part I have not kept in touch with the close friendships I made during my semester abroad. I get that it is difficult to maintain relationships with lots of people from different ages and stages of our lives and it is still bittersweet to recall how much various people, including Paul, meant to me when I was in my early 20s. We did keep in touch initially, as our hometowns were not far a part. However, especially since email was in its infancy and social media did not exist, our connection didn’t take long to fade. Though I have been in and out of touch with a few of my friends from my London Semester Abroad via social media over the last 20-ish years, Paul is not one of them.

As for the topic of “room picks,” that was the way my sorority sisters and I, who were “living in house,” got to “choose” where we would live from semester to semester. It was based on seniority and since I was going into my senior year, joined Alpha Phi as a freshman, and not a lot of seniors “lived in,” I was pretty high up on the list. One of the reasons I chose to live in senior year was to help me reintegrate after being abroad. Originally, (not her real name) Sue and I had planned to live together in a double during my senior and her junior year. However, something shifted while I was gone (I don’t recall what or if I even knew at the time) and Sue, along with (not her real name) Annie, suggested the quad with (not her real name) Suzie and me. Since Suzie and I were both studying abroad during spring semester of our junior year, living together after that did sound like nice idea. Also, thinking about this from present day, it is interesting to note that Sue (didn’t realize I made Suzie’s and Sue’s aliases so similar) would introduce me to Bob less than five months after I wrote this journal entry. Sue was dating one of Bob’s roommates (who she went on to marry as well), which was certainly a significant factor in Bob and I meeting, as well as the life we lead today. Also, Suzie had a role introducing Sue and her husband, as well as knew Bob before I did/was friends with him. So many connections and synchronicities there!

(Not his real name) Brad was an old boyfriend who I met at the University of Illinois during our freshman year (we lived in the same dorm). We ran into each other and started dating during the summer of 1994 and remained friends after we broke up that fall. Somewhat related, Gail and I (with Bob and Skylar listening in sometimes too, especially when we are driving places as a family) have still been working our way through my mom’s letters to her mother, which cover a different 30 year range (roughly 1965 – 1996), and recently we made it to 1994. In those, Mom had mentioned my relationship with Brad, which was interesting to read about from her perspective. That said, I am curious about why some old flames have stayed with me more than others over the years. Brad is not someone I ever recall wondering much about or wishing things had played out differently. I did learn things from the time we were together, which I appreciate, and I also find it fascinating what it is about some people and connections that I continue to think about now and then, including Ron. It may have something to do with the relationships I had where there was more and/or less closure. Brad and I definitely had that on our relationship and then remained friends for awhile after we broke up — which mostly worked for us.

It was fun to recall my quest to acquire patches for my backpack from all the countries I had visited in Europe up to that point. I did pick up additional patches in France, Spain and Italy during (not here real name) Ruth and my travels. I never did sew them onto the big bluepack (or the smaller one that zipped off of it) that I used that semester and many times since. However, several years ago I finally sewed them on to a newer one that I have used some for hiking and travel. Since 1996, I also got to add patches for traveling to Mexico (in 2015 and 2018) and Poland (in 2019). Though I did not buy them in those countries, I ordered them online after that fact.

It was sweet to recall how much I adored Ron’s family and amusing how candid I was about all the stuff they had in their home. I feel like I could say those things knowing that I was (and continue to be) similar to some degree. I’m sure I didn’t intend to be disrespectful by calling them “packrats,” as I identified that way myself back then. Bob would likely say that I am still one today. Also, I appreciate that I understood the things they were buying and holding onto held meaning for them. Similarly, as a very sentimental/nostalgic person, I struggle to get rid of things in our home.

It was also interesting that I wrote I “used to collect elephants.” As, I think Ron’s parents buying and giving me one that weekend rekindled my doing so again. I know I ended up buying a small set of glass blown elephants in Venice, Italy a few weeks later. That was the last city that Ruth and I traveled to before I headed back to Southampton, followed by flying home on May 6th. After I found out about Ron’s death in 2018 and reread my journal entries, it sparked another resurgence of my elephant collecting which has continued on since.

I am glad that I wrote down so many details about my meals with the (not their real last name) Weasley family and who all I got to meet that weekend, as 30 years later there is so little that I can actually picture in my own memory. I don’t recall meeting Ron’s friend (not his real name) Nick and his fiance or even being at the pub that night. Interestingly, Ron’s and his sister (not her real name) Ginny’s brother (not his real name) Charlie and I were never in Southampton at the same time in 1996. I believe he was away at school/university and I actually slept in his bedroom both times that I visited that year. That said, I finally got to meet him, along with his spouse and their children, when I was in London for work in September 2024 and took a day trip to Southampton. It was really nice to connect with Charlie in person after all of those years, as well as to pay my respects.

I looked up what “(no BSE!)” might be referring to, as for the life of me, I could not recall what I meant by that. As soon as I saw my internet search result = Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (BSE), or “mad cow disease,” I remembered that was something people worried about back then. Hence, my comment — since the Weasley family served lamb the first night.

Titanic! As I have previously shared about, rather extensively here on my blog, I have been intrigued and fascinated by the story of the Titanic, learning about the passengers and their fate for as long as I can remember. In eighth grade, one of my friends and I did a big research project about the Titanic. Working on our “exploration” project about the Titanic is still one of my favorite memories of learning and school during my teenage years. 84 years ago the week I wrote this entry and 114 years ago today, Titanic sank after hitting an iceberg the night before. Somehow, I didn’t put this all together until I arrived in Southampton 30 years ago and Ron started showing me around. I’ve been determined to finish and post this entry on this April 15, 2026 in honor and memory of Titanic.

During our family’s epic trip to England last summer (2025), I took them to many places I’d been before including some of those where Ron and Ginny had brought me. One of those was the Titanic Engineers’ Memorial (pictured below).

Understandably, my memories from 30 years ago are fuzzy and I didn’t remember how Ron and I came upon the Titanic Engineers’ Memorial in 1996. So, I took the photos below in part to remind myself for the future that it is actually right off a main street, as opposed to in the middle of park (which it is on the edge of/adjacent to).

The next photo shows it from a greater distance and also captures a banner on a street light advertising the school of higher education where Ron attended and graduated from in 1995. They have since changed the name and I still appreciate remembering that part of why Ron was walking me around this particular area of his hometown was to show me the campus where he studied.

In 1996, I couldn’t believe that was the main and only major memorial to the tragedy in Southampton. However, by the time I returned over 23 years later (in November 2019) they had opened the Sea City Museum (on April 10, 2012 — to mark the 100th anniversary of when Titanic sailed from Southampton) including a major exhibit called Southampton’s Titanic Story.

Ginny took me there in November 2019 and I’d been looking forward to bringing Bob, Skylar and Gail ever since. We visited there on our second day in Southampton last July, prior to walking around the city and locating the Engineer’s Memorial. I continue to be moved and heartbroken by how hard the tragedy hit the town/port from which Titanic sailed, a place that has become special to me.

Here are 20 more of my favorite photos from the Sea City Museum’s exhibit, which captures some of what makes it so meaningful. I could’ve done a separate post just about Titanic’s connection to Southampton and my related experiences there over the years. However, I am choosing to lean into the long form of this entry.

It begins with a scale model of Titanic made with Legos.

This photo is especially meaningful for me to see, as Ron (in 1996) and Ginny (in 2025) each brought me to the area where Titanic sailed from and I appreciate being able to see what it actually looked like in April 1912.

Gail checking out the Lego model of the Titanic, as we watched a video about it.

I have mixed feelings about things like this. In November 2019, I got to tag along on one of Bob’s work trips to Warsaw, Poland, before I met up with Ginny in London and then traveled back to Southampton (for the first time since May 1996). While walking around in Warsaw, I came across another model of Titanic, in a jewelry store/gift shop window, that had been made out of amber. I was equally in awe and perplexed by seeing it.

I appreciate the bittersweet beauty of this painting of Titanic.

I also empathize with George Fraser’s choice not to finish it.

This room in the exhibit is especially moving.

As this point in my life, working as a Career Advisor with students studying journalism, media and integrated marketing communications at Northwestern’s Medill School (since September 2023), this part of of the exhibit hit me even more when I got to see it again in July 2025.

This quote really captures the scope and impact of Titanic’s tragic fate on Southampton

So. Many. Red. Dots.

This room is both fascinating and heartbreaking.

I appreciated learning more about the history of the Engineer’s Memorial in this part of the exhibit.

The memorial has held up pretty well since it was built and installed 112 years ago.

This was so interesting to see after having been there twice (once in 1996 and once in 2025).

I loved coming across this forget-me-not pin, as those flowers are meaningful to me for several reasons. It is one of my Alpha Phi sorority’s flowers. Also, after our baby Molly was born and died on April 17, 2008, some friends that I met via online support groups, while trying to conceive, bought and sent me a beautiful forget-me-not necklace. The pendant on that one is made out of jewels. After my dad died on July 1, 2021, some of my A-Phi sorority sisters bought and sent me another beautiful forget-me-not necklace. The pendant on that one has an actual forget-me-not flower pressed inside glass.

This caption introduces a wall of photos, which includes as many of the crew members as they were able to acquire. It also shows who died and who survived.

I don’t believe we have to find a silver lining in every cloud and this was more like a horrendous storm in that analogy. That said, I recognize there is meaning that can be found through thinking about the many lessons learned from Titanic’s sinking.

This next photo is the view one encounters after leaving the exhibit.

Later that day, on July 3, 2025, Bob, Skylar, Gail and I had an incredible experience with Ginny, who works at the docks in Southampton. Ginny didn’t share that it might be a possibility until the last minute, as she didn’t want to get our hopes up. However, once Ginny was able to arrange/confirm it, she invited the four of us to visit her at work and even took us on tour of where Titanic sailed from!

One of her colleagues does a spiel, about Titanic’s sailing from the dock there, at times for clients when they visit and he did that for us (pictured above). It was fascinating and bittersweet to be standing there where so many people stood over 100 years ago before Titanic set sail from Southampton. To be clear, the author of the article I linked to is not Ginny’s colleague. However, I wanted to highlight that the photo in his piece (that was taken in April 1912) was taken from a very similar perspective as the photo below of Bob, Skylar, Gail, me and Ginny on the dock near one of the bollards that Titanic was moored to. 1989/14 year old/8th grade Kathy would have been blown away by that experience! 2025/50 year old/adult Kathy certainly was!

Moving on from Titanic, but, unfortunately not from tragedies and the grief the accompanies them. It gave me chills when I first revisited this entry in the summer of 2018, after learning of Ron’s death — to know that Ron had taken me to one of the three places where some of his ashes are now. Julie took me there again in November 2019, as well as to the park where more of his ashes are. I took my family to both places in July 2025. The third place that was meaningful to Ron and his family, where the rest of his ashes reside, is Cox Tor in Dartmoor National Park. I hope to go there someday. If/when I get back to England, visiting Dartmoor and hiking Cox Tor is high on my list.

Ron really was a sweetheart and remembering he sat with me for 2 1/2 hours during an Easter Vigil mass and again for a long while the next day while I worked on/he helped me with my history paper exemplifies that. Ron was also an awesome tour guide, when I think about all the interesting places he took me to see. This isn’t my last London Semester Journal entry about my first visit to/weekend in Southampton, let alone my last about time that I spent with Ron while I was across the pond in 1996. So, I am not going to spend more time reflecting in this post about the evolution of our relationship back then. Also, I feel compelled to note that Bob continues to be supportive and understanding about my complicated feelings related to Ron then and now. I don’t know how I would be if the tables were turned and am grateful that Bob recognizes that many things can be true at the same time, which doesn’t take away from our relationship of almost 30 years (in September) and marriage of over 25.

That said, I appreciate this opportunity to remember how much Ron and I enjoyed spending time together. We were friends for almost a year before we got together and that was a strong foundation to start from. However, the big pond in between our home countries, along with technology being nowhere near where it is today, made keeping in touch a lot more difficult after I returned home that May. As Ron, Charlie and Ginny’s dad/(not his real name) Art said, when we talked briefly about Ron and my relationship not working out, during my first visit back in November 2019, “it’s a long way to swim.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reminder: Unless I’ve been given permission to use people’s actual names, in most cases I’ve removed or replaced the names of the real people who were part of my journey/experience there, in effort to protect and respect their identities/privacy in my London Semester Journal entries. I will also not share details that I think and feel are too personal for anyone I interacted with, my loved ones, and me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s the back story of My London Semester Journals from 1996, including what prompted me to revisit and decide to share them here in 2018. And here’s a list a list of the entries, which I will update as I share them.

Yesterday, Rory McIlroy won the Masters golf championship for the second year in a row — making him one of four players to do that back to back. Last night, after we got home from Skylar’s Improv Level 5 Grad Show at iO Theater, Bob and I watched a recording of the final several holes (having managed to stay offline and avoid spoilers). However, being past my bedtime, I was tired and kept dozing.

At one point when I nodded off, I *saw* my dad (who died in July 2021) sitting in his recliner in the den, at my childhood home on Isabella Street, where he loved to watch golf on TV.

Then I woke up and heard the commentators talking about how Rory and his dad (who are from Northern Ireland) had played a special round of golf together a week ago Sunday at Augusta.

Shortly thereafter, Bob and I watched Rory clinch his win on the 18th hole with -13. All of that felt meaningful and magical, especially since my dad taught me to play the game we both enjoy(ed) so much.

I am participating in my friend Mel’s writing exercise/blog hop called #MicroblogModays. Click on the hashtag to learn more about it. Here’s the link to this week’s post and list of other blog entries. Join us!

19 years ago today, on April 10, 2007, I began blogging.

Though I don’t post as often or consistently as I have in the past, I am still grateful to have this space to share and process life.

On past blogoversaries I have shared things that I have learned from blogging and 14 years ago, since my blogoversary fell on the second Tuesday of April, I chose “Blogoversaries” to be the Time Warp topic for that month.

13 Years ago, I decided to keep it simple and choose one word to describe each year of my experience blogging. I’ve continued to add another word every year since.

Today I am adding my word for this year.

Year 19 (2025 – 2026): Improvising

Year 18 (2024 – 2025): Questioning

Year 17 (2023 – 2024): (Un)learning

Year 16 (2022 – 2023): Cycle-breaking

Year 15 (2021 – 2022): Untamed

Year 14 (2020 – 2021): Persistence

Year 13 (2019 – 2020): Boundaries

Year 12 (2018 – 2019): Reflecting

Year 11 (2017 – 2018): Priorities

Year Ten (2016 – 2017): Awareness

Year Nine (2015 – 2016): Accountability

Year Eight (2014 – 2015): Coaching

Year Seven (2013 – 2014): Accepting

Year Six (2012 – 2013): Living

Year Five (2011 – 2012): Moving

Year Four (2010 – 2011): Adjusting

Year Three (2009 – 2010): Believing

Year Two (2008 – 2009): Healing

Year One (2007 – 2008): Hoping

Thank you so very much for being a part of my journey as readers, fellow bloggers, family and friends over the past 19 years!

If you are a blogger, what words come to mind when you think about your blogging experience?

Wednesday, 4-10-96
11:40 PM London
5:40 PM E-Town

This week has pretty much been full of my preparing for & taking finals! I am gonna copy into here highlights from an e-mail I wrote to Mom, Dad, Meg, & Kelly about this weekend & early this week cuz I am tired & don’t feel like thinking up new words to describe stuff!

Oh, I was able to sweet talk Jill & my way into the computer lab yesterday afternoon & I had received 22 messages since I last checked about this time last week! A few from the fam! The rest from: Kelly, Hillary Hunt, Maureen, Jim, Lloyd Bradford, the Ma-Wan-Da chica, Deborah, Joe, and a random cool surprise (Noah from NFK #48 Team)!  Among other things Noah shared that he’d broken up w/ his girlfriend!

Okay, what’s the deal w/ blokes of my past suddenly writing me after having broken up w/ their gals?!

I also got a message showing me that Gwen had successfully registered me on UI-Direct Monday! She got me 3 LEIST classes I needed & a RELST class I wanted!

Yesterday I also got a fax (3 pgs. long) from Lori! It was such a great surprise to see it yesterday morning in our mailbox & nice to know she made it home safely & is settling back in!

When I got home last night from replying to all those e-mails Ruth & Nick were sitting out front on the steps & so I shared it w/ them for Lori had mentioned them a few times in it!

After the hours doing e-mail (some sorta business related — a-phi housing stuff etc.) I treated myself to a happy meal (my 2nd since Lent had been over… :))! I ate it while chatting w/ Nick & Ruth on the front steps!

Oh, other snail mail this week: a letter from Dynamite, a thoughtful Easter card from M & D, letter from Suzie in France, & a postcard from Meg when she was in South Africa! The postcard had elephants on it!

Today I took my London History paper & then pretty much devoted the rest of the day to studying for Architecture tomorrow… I did take a few breaks to eat, run errands, & return some snail mail correspondence.

I finally wrote back to Helen & Simon Barnes (my host family)! I also sent a post card to one of Mom’s colleagues classes @ Lincolnwood that has a map on their wall of the world w/ postcards they have received from different places! She had suggested & I agreed it’d be fun for me to sent them one from here!

I also wrote Ron & his awesome family thank you notes. Tonight I called Graham & we are going to meet @ Leicester Square at 2 PM in front of the ODEON! It will be fun to see him! He got off the phone quickly & I had 30p credit left… So I called Ron! It was short & sweet, but he seemed happy to hear from me & I was glad to hear his voice too! He made me promise I’d send postcards from Ruth & my travels. He also said “look after yourself” in a really sweet tone. He had been given today off & said he’d slept in & was still recovering from this weekend!

So without further a dew…  Excerpts from my fam e-mail:

As of yesterday I had 2 finals down & 2 to go! (Now I have 3 down & 1 to go! :))

My British Society one yesterday went pretty well! I wrote about (for my choice 3 out of 10 essay ques.): the decline in Britain’s Economy; Social Class Divisions in Britain; & the influence of Media in Britain. Today’s History of London had a similar format & I wrote on: the Dissolution of the Monasteries; the development & impact of Bloomsbury Square; and the living & working conditions in Victorian London! Tomorrow’s architecture final is a slide comparison test w/ essays as well.

This morning w/ my final I handed in my history essay/paper! What a load off… I ended up getting to type it after all which was awesome! Ron’s family had a computer & I typed it there on Sun. afternoon before their extended family showed up!

Well, my hand is exhausted & cramped from all the writing I have been doing these last few days! So I think I’ll review arch a bit more & try to get some sleep…

I will pick up where I left off about this wonderful weekend at Ron’s & eventually Scotland ASAP!

CHEERS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note from Present Day Kathy: I have gotten back into a grove with my London Semester Journals and am really enjoying revisiting and reflecting on them 30 years later, especially as the dates are corresponding so closely this week. I find it hilarious that back then I thought 22 emails in one week was a lot to receive! Not to mention that (not her real name) Lori sent me a fax!

Also, it’s fun to recall how back then I enjoyed trying to sound British at times — sprinkling in terms such as “blokes” (in lieu of guys) in my entries, after having been in London for over three months. Related, it was something that an old flame and a former crush both reached out to me while I was across the pond to connect, after having broken up with their partners.

As for “snail mail,” as we used to refer to it, once email came along, it was nice to see who I was hearing from — including (her real nickname) Dynamite (my paternal grandmother who started being called that as a cheerleader when she was in high school). My sister and I used to call her Grandma Mite (for short). She died in May of 2000, four months before Bob and I married and three months after my maternal Grandma Dee died that February. It was really sad that they both died the year of our marriage. I also appreciated that Meg sent me a postcard with elephants on it from her trip to South Africa. As I likely mentioned her before and know I will in future London Semester Journal entries, I have collected elephant figurines since I was in grade school and in more recent years display them in my parents’ glass display cabinet in our eat in kitchen.

When I saw that (not his real name) Graham and I were planning to meet up at the ODEON in Leicester Square, it reminded me that an ODEON was one of the tour stops on a Rock n’ Roll London Walk that I went on during my work trip there in September 2024. However, I looked it up and the one I saw on the tour was the ODEON Covent Garden. It was pretty run down at that time (as you can see in the photo here, with the “OD” missing from the sign). This is what I posted (via Facebook and Instagram) about the walk on Friday, September 6, along with some photos:

I went on my first London Walk this afternoon = Rock n’ Roll London. Our tour guide was Adam and it was awesome! Adam showed us so many significant spots around London for music groups/artists, such as Denmark Street, SoHo and Carnaby. Adam shared London centric stories about The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Jimmy Hendrix, Ronnie Scott, David Bowie and more. He even showed us where the famous Oasis album cover photo was shot! For those who have seen the movie Last Christmas, Adam also showed us Phoenix Park, which is featured in it. I appreciated being able move more after sitting on the plane for so long/overnight. This particular tour also happened to leave from near to the hotel where I was staying, which made it easy for me to do, soon after I checked in. I plan to go on one or more of these walks during my time here, as there are so many interesting topics and it is such a fun way to learn about London!

Friday, September 6, 2024, the day I arrived in London for that trip (my second time back to London after my semester abroad), was also the 10th anniversary of (not his real name) Ron’s death (from brain cancer), which felt serendipitous and very bittersweet. I appreciate what I shared in this entry about Ron and my brief phone conversation the night I wrote it. I do recall how much I liked the sound of his voice and when he would say, “look after yourself.” As I know I will share in a future entry, I did end up sending postcards to Ron and his family, along with my family and a few others, from each country (not her real name) Ruth and I traveled do on our Eurorail adventures through France, Spain and Italy. I also found it amusing that Ron told me he “was still recovering from this weekend!” We did pack a lot in to my Southampton visits (both that Easter weekend and my last in England, before traveling home in early May 1996). Ron took me on many fun outings/showed me some really interesting places in and around where he lived/grew up and went to school in the south of England.

I cracked up when I saw that I wrote “without further a dew” in this entry, instead of  “without further ado!” I got it right in a previous entry, which makes it even goofier that I got confused in this one. It reminds me of the time my sister and I were hanging out, when I was around the same/college age and I asked her if she wanted to go buy pints of ice cream. However, I pronounced “pint” as if it rhymed with “mint” and my sister still teases me about that to this day!

I also found it interesting how long it took me to get to the email excerpts, after I suggested that was going to be most of the entry.

I thought it was so cool see the essay questions that I chose to answer for my final exams and can only imagine how tired my hand must’ve been from hand writing all those essay questions and journal entries. I am not sure if ever got the graded exams back. I imagine if I did, that I would’ve kept them. So, I’ll add that to my growing scavenger hunt list of things to look for in the coming days. I especially got a kick out of knowing that I chose an essay question having to do with media in Britain, since 30 years later I work as a Career Advisor with Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism, Media, Integrated Marketing Communications.

I believe the photos above were taken around the time I wrote this entry, with my friend (not her real name) Jill — who I had all of my London Semester courses with — and three of our four professors.

It’s also funny to me that I was still determined to write more about Scotland, which, as I shared in my last entry, I am fairly sure I never got back to in my London Semester Journals.

I am sharing this one day shy of the exact date that I wrote it 30 years ago, as tomorrow (4-10-26) is my 19th Blogoversary and I plan to share my annual post celebrating that then. That said, I will likely transcribe/share more of these entries in the coming days/weeks since I am really enjoying doing so close to the dates I was living them three decades ago. Until next time, as I used to often sign off my London Semester Journal entries… CHEERS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reminder: Unless I’ve been given permission to use people’s actual names, in most cases I’ve removed or replaced the names of the real people who were part of my journey/experience there, in effort to protect and respect their identities/privacy in my London Semester Journal entries. I will also not share details that I think and feel are too personal for anyone I interacted with, my loved ones, and me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s the back story of My London Semester Journals from 1996, including what prompted me to revisit and decide to share them here in 2018. And here’s a list a list of the entries, which I will update as I share them.

Monday, 4-8-96
7:55 PM En Route Back to London
1:55 PM E-Town

OKAY, WITHOUT FURTHER A DEW…
THE REST O’ SCOTLAND:

So Saturday morning (3-30-96) we went on this great, though very long, tour of Edinburgh! Our tour guide was a real character! He was very proud to be Scottish to say the least… At one point, after saying anything important in our world was most likely made by someone Scottish…, he said something was actually done by an Englishman. He said, “He was from England, you may have heard of it… a little peninsula to the South of Scotland!” Our tour included more than we ever needed to know about Edinburgh, but we really enjoyed learning all the random fun facts along the way from the New Town, the Old town, the Castle, & down the Royal Mile to the Palace! Our guide even demonstrated w/ a straw how a reed works for bagpipes which was amusing! He blew through it as he cut it up w/ scissors!

Towards the end of our tour we met up w/ Mel who had been in Glasgow meeting some of her family. Mel had taken the train to meet us & a friend of hers from college who is studying in Glasgow joined her.

We planned to meet her at the Castle when it closed at 5 PM. After the tour we all decided to pretty much do our own things & meet at the Castle at 5 PM. Nick, Lori, & I chose to have a relaxing sit down lunch at the “Royal Mile Pub.” Though our waitress wasn’t the most competent server ever, our meals were enjoyable & after walking for 3 hrs. it was great to take a load off… I think I had a cheeseburger & chips.

It was also nice, as always, to chat w/ Nick & Lori who are such fun & great friends. We noticed the music at the pub to be sorta random & not completely fit w/ the atmosphere! Ironically or bizarrely this happened in many of the eating establishments we went to this weekend!

After lunch we met up w/ Mark from Pembridge who had taken the train up to meet up for the day & to stay till Sunday as well. He agreed to meet us at 5 PM at the Castle too. Note, I really enjoyed the time we spent w/ Mark, he was cool & didn’t seem like he was trying to impress anyone like he usually does! I even had some interesting convos with him.

Well, almost back to Victoria Coach Station from a lovely & wonderful Easter/Bank Holiday in Southampton w/ Ron Weasley & his silly/fun/sweet family! I will tell of that & attempt to finish the long winded account of Scotland ASAP!

CHEERS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note from Present Day Kathy: So much about revisiting these journal entries is surreal for me and the synchronicity of this week lining up with when I wrote them 30 years ago adds to that. The end of this one cracks me up, as I am pretty sure I never finished telling about Scotland and didn’t even try after this entry! I did a quick skim through the rest of my second London Semester Journal and didn’t see any more references to Scotland. As I mentioned in my previous entry, time was really flying at this point and it was all I could do to try to keep up with more recent experiences. The further away I got from my friends and my awesome weekend road trip to Scotland, the lower it apparently became on my list of priorities to write about.

That said, I do have some photos that capture our time in Scotland (beyond what I recounted in my journal), which helps to jog my memory a bit. So, to the best of my ability, I will fill in some blanks along with sharing those photos.

Interestingly, the third photo I shared in this post shows me in front of Edinburgh Castle and my entry ticket. However, oddly, I didn’t mention going there directly in this journal entry and I don’t recall much of anything related to visiting. The ticket makes it seem like we might’ve gone there in the afternoon and/or referring to meeting (not here real name) Mel there at 5:00 p.m., makes me think we may have gone there after lunch? Hmmm… I know I have some random receipts and things somewhere from my time abroad that could have more clues. I suppose if/when I come across them again, if they yield more clues, I can update this post with additional information.

As I have mentioned in previous London Semester Journal entry posts and I know will come up again later, one of the many cool and bizarre experiences I had several times while studying abroad was running into friends from home who were also living and learning across the pond in Spring 1996! If I recall correctly, when we were checking in to High Street Hostel, where we stayed in Edinburgh, the first night or some other time when we were in the main area of the hostel coming or going, I noticed a familiar face. It was a friend from high school, who I had actually gone to a formal holiday dance with in December of 11th grade/our junior year! He was also studying abroad (I don’t recall where now, but I think it was in England). We invited him to come out with us that night, which he did! He is in the photo below with the koala sticker over his face, along with my friends and me.

In previous London Semester Journal posts I used smiley face emojis to cover people’s faces. However, recently when I was looking to do that again I initially couldn’t figure out how to do it, as I had before, and ended up trying these animal “stickers.” Then I kinda liked being able to choose different animal stickers over the same people’s faces when sharing more than one photo from the same time/experience with them.

The next photo captures what we witnessed in the streets of Edinburgh as we were packing up our rental car to leave/drive back to London (on Sunday, 3-31-96). It happened to be Palm Sunday, which felt meaningful and serendipitous for me — to see a procession of people with palms walking around nearby, especially as I didn’t prioritize trying to get to church/mass that day since we had a long return road trip ahead of us. I also Googled the sign in the second picture below, which reads “Paisley Close,” as I don’t recall why I took it. This is what I found. I wonder if our tour guide took us by it on Saturday and/or if there was an entry in one of our tourist guidebooks that mentioned it and I wanted to a get a closer look. It’s also possible I just thought it looked interesting.

The next photos include (not their real names) Nick, Ruth and Lori (clockwise after me) with our rental car, which as I previously shared we nicknamed the “Black Sheep,” before we hit the road back to London, along with a few snapshots of what an absolutely gorgeous day we had for our trip!

I vaguely recall that we stopped in a small town on our way home for a bite to eat and being such a beautiful day, hung out for bit, including by a body of water there (which Dr. Google tells me is/was the River Tweed). Thanks to the postcard (see below) I picked up back then, I gather it was called Berwick or Berwick-upon-Tweed. You can see from the photos how sunny it was and I love how relaxed, as well as happy, my friends and I appear. Though you can’t see the third photo below well, I love how Ruth, Lori, Nick and I ended up posing for it in such a cozy way. It has almost a Breakfast Club or another John Hughes movie vibe to me.

According to Wikipedia, where there is a lot more about the town of Berwick:

“Berwick-upon-Tweed (/ˈbɛrɪk/ BEH-rik), sometimes known as Berwick-on-Tweed or simply Berwick, is a town and civil parish in Northumberland, England, 2.5 mi (4 km) south of the Anglo-Scottish border, and the northernmost town in England. The 2011 United Kingdom census recorded Berwick’s population as 12,043.

The town is at the mouth of the River Tweed on the east coast, 56 mi (90 km) south east of Edinburgh, 65 mi (105 km) north of Newcastle upon Tyne, and 345 mi (555 km) north of London. Uniquely for England, the town is slightly further north than Denmark’s capital Copenhagen and the southern tip of Sweden, further east of the North Sea, which Berwick borders.”

For the next three photos, that I took of my friends in Berwick, I was channeling my ammetuer high school photography skills and took artsy/cool ones of each of my friends — Ruth sitting on the grass by the riverside, Lori dangling her feet over the river bank and Nick walking along the river.

Lastly, I am not exactly sure where the next three photos were taken. However, I vaguely recall that we stopped to see part of Hadrian’s Wall up close. The photos being overcast, it’s hard to tell forsure, but I think that is was at least the top one below is of. I also think the one of Lori and me is sweet. I apparently climbed into the tree and posed hugging her from behind. Revisiting these photos, though I don’t recall much about the details of that day/our road trip home from Scotland, it is still clear to me what a strong and authentic bond I had formed with my friends/housemates from Pembridge Gardens after three months spending lots of time together.

Interestingly, out of nowhere as I was typing this, a memory popped into my brain about there being a little notebook that I kept during my semester abroad where I tried to track the photos I took and matched them to numbered roles of film. On some level I knew it would help me make sense of them all later. I shared this tonight with Bob and the kids at dinner, which caused us to reflect on and discuss how different photography is now because of smartphones. Skylar and Gail cannot even fathom a world where you couldn’t take a ton of photos at once (not having to worry about using up film) and then see how they turned out immediately! Which reminds me that one of my college friends used to always encourage us to take two photos (with film) when doing a group shot, “in case someone blinked.”

I continue to be incredibly grateful for my London Semester Journals, as well as the many nostalgic photos I have from this very special time in my life 30 years ago. I am determined to wrap this one up and post it tonight, so it will happen on the same date as when I wrote it three decades later. What a gift to be able to do this. Writing begets writing and I am enjoying doing this again more often lately. I have so much love for 21 year old Kathy, as well as 51 year old me, and appreciate getting to see how far I have come since April 8, 1996.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reminder: Unless I’ve been given permission to use people’s actual names, in most cases I’ve removed or replaced the names of the real people who were part of my journey/experience there, in effort to protect and respect their identities/privacy in my London Semester Journal entries. I will also not share details that I think and feel are too personal for anyone I interacted with, my loved ones, and me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s the back story of My London Semester Journals from 1996, including what prompted me to revisit and decide to share them here in 2018. And here’s a list a list of the entries, which I will update as I share them.

Friday, 4-5-96
5:15 PM en route from London to Southampton
10:15 AM E-Town

Time is going by at lightning speed now… I have so many things going through my mind from traveling, to finals, and so on…

I have to hand write my London History paper, which is a pain, but it is making me appreciate the technology of computers which I guess I have grown to take for granted!

I still want to finish telling about the awesome Scotland road trip, but first will quickly recap the week! Tuesday Lori went home & saying farewell to her was pretty much the theme of that whole day & a few days prior to it…

I went to daily mass with Jillian & then to the “ISA farewell dinner!” It was at an Indian Tandoori food restaurant & the food was pretty yummy! I had “Tandoori Chicken Tikka Malaysia,” as recommended by Corinne! It was a good choice! I also had some “nan” (basically pita bread…) which was good too & some ice cream (strawberry & vanilla) for desert! I sat in between Rachel & Lauren. I sat across from Mathew & Corinne. I sat near Mel, Paul, Ruth, & Dave Heron. Also the ISA head honcho sat across from us too. So the dinner conversation was very amusing! It was great to hang out & chat & chow w/ everyone! We all stuffed out faces & stuck around for about 3 hrs.! Everyone was mingling & table hopping, it was great! There were lots of kodak moments being captured by my study abroad mates, but some how I managed to resist the temptation & not take any pictures! This was a good show of restraint seeing as I am on my 18th role of film! When I was finally ready to head home, so were Ad & Paul. So we all walked home together. They were all syked up cuz they were going gambling later that evening at a casino they’d just joined! At the casino it takes 48 hrs. for new members to get clearance to gamble… so the boys had had all that time to get excited for it!

When we got home I fully intended to work on my History paper. But Lori’s empty side of the room just depressed me… So Ruth & Nick convinced me to come up to Room 12 & hang out w/ everyone! So I did & that was cool. One of my housemates/friends (who isn’t also empathetic) was even being empathetic to my dealing w/ Lori having left!

I turned in early & right before I went to sleep, about midnight, Ad & Paul came by to show me their gambling outfits! They crack me up! Paul has on his new funky blue butterfly collar shirt w a black sports jacket & black pants! Ad had on a suit & tie! They are just too cool for me w/ their stylin’ casino wear!

I have slept so well every night this week… I think it’s cuz my days have been so full by the time I get to bed my mind & body is screaming for rest & so I am asleep very soon after my head hits the pillow!

Today is a beautiful day! I believe Spring has actually sprung here in England… Ever since Tues. it has been pretty sunny & plesant temperatures! I am on a National Express coach to Southampton to spend Easter w/ Ron Weasley & his family! It was very nice of them to welcome me into their home for the holiday weekend & I am looking forward to it!

Jumping back to Wednesday of this wk… in the morning I went to the “Imperial War Museum” w/ my history class. It was a powerful place & I really enjoyed it even though war & combat stuff isn’t something I like to think about too often… it is depressing. There was stuff about WWI & II & the Holocaust & Secret wars & Evacuees (children who had to leave England — mostly London — during WWII). I was very moved by all the exhibits I observed there.

Wed. afternoon I went to the Guildhall library to do some more research & photo coping for my history paper. Then I went to campus to get my bus ticket & e-mail.

When I got back to Prebridge my Eurorail pass had arrived! It had come via Fed Ex thanks to my awesome mommy & daddy! Receiving it made the upcoming 3 wks. of traveling I will be doing w/ Ruth around the Continent so real!!! WAHOO!

Then Nick & I went to the Apollo Victoria theatre to see “Starlight Express” the awesome Andrew Lloyd Webber musical on rollerskates! Our seats weren’t the greatest & we both have wanted to see it for years… so our expectations were fairly high to begin w/! But, the show was great & the set fantastic! It was slightly kid-like in level of content, but we didn’t mind & were just amazed at how they managed to sing & dance while on roller skates!

When we got in I turned in almost right away for another good night sleep! Thursday morning I had to be at school by 9AM for a 4 hr. Architecture review/walking tour of London to prepare for our final! Paul was at my door around 8:15 AM & we were off to school. I received a fun letter from Sabrina that morning! She had made an envelope out of a magazine ad w/ a kayaker on it & said it was me! I got a letter from Casey & Mike too (it may’ve been last week though… I forget now…)

This week I also got letters from Jake Ryan & Charlotte! I got a ton of e-mails too, but pretty much from my usual devoted and dear family & friends… None from (a person I was hoping to hear from) though! Hmm…. Last wk. (that person) e-mailed me every day and this wk. not even one. Who knows w/ (that person)?!

As of yesterday, I can’t do e-mail until next Thurs. Unfortunately I was not able to inform all of my friends back home of this, so hopefully they’ll assume I am busy or something…

The architecture field trip was long & tiring but cool in that it really brought together everything we have learned this semester! We went to all the buildings pretty much we have studied & discussed, their creators, styles, & such… It was a great review for the final & fun to get a bit more of an idea how London is layed out (it’s hard to tell sometimes when you take the tube everywhere!). As the class went on many of my mates dropped off till by the end it was just Ruth, Jill, Paul, our Prof. & me!

Jill, Paul, & I walked down to Big Ben et. al. before catching the tube home since it was such a beautiful day! We ran into Andrew (of Lori & my “Welsh friends”) working at a Newsagent at Westminster tube!

I worked on my history paper that afternoon & then met Jill at Newman for “Holy Thursday” mass at 7:15 PM.

On the way to campus & mass on the tube I had the bible Fr. Tim had lent me this semester. I was praying & reading to get in touch w/ God on the holy day… I chose to read from John about the washing of the feet which I knew would take place that night at mass. (I was reminded of this fall prior to NFK #48 when Fr. John & Judy washed all our — the team’s — feet at the team mass before the retreat… very powerful!)

I also read one of my favorite parts of when Jesus is praying before he is to be betrayed… my aches for him as he prays “not my will, but yours be done!” I love that line/verse…

As I read I felt my mind drifting… I thought about how I wished I could’ve read at church at Newman sometime this spring, but never had never gotten around to reading once for Fr. Tim first so he could hear me. I realized one can’t do everything & re-focused on my prayer & reading of scripture associated w/ Jesus’s final hours.

When I arrived at Newman & walked in carrying the Bible, Lawrence (of “Growing in Faith” & Canoe Club) was coming down the stairs. He stopped me & asked if I could do him a favor… to READ SOME VERSES! (after the mass in the Seminar Room — which would be set up for workshop during Holy Weekend…) How is that for prayers/thoughts being answered?! When I thought about reading on the tube I wasn’t even asking God, just thinking about it! Pretty cool…

So anyway, Lawrence showed me two passages from Matthew he wanted me to read! One was when Jesus goes to pray “not my will but yours be one” at Gethsemane & his disciples fall asleep. The other passage was one of the 3 times Peter betrays Jesus.

Jill was happy to learn I was going to read after mass in the worship room after mass where people could pray for as long as they wished after we proceeded in there after mass… She agreed to stay w/ me & pray & listen.

Mass itself was pretty cool too. We sang a lot in Latin & the feet washing touched me a great deal… By the time Yvonne (who finally seemed genuinely nice to me — I use to feel she was sorta stand off-ish), another American (I could tell by his accent), & I were reading I felt really in touch w/ God!

Reading those passages was really powerful… Wow!

When I was done reading I knew Jill wanted to leave… So I prayed for a bit longer & then we quietly excused ourselves… On our way out we stopped to talk w/ Fr. Tim. I learned he would not be around next wk. & realized that I had to say farewell to him… I got all choked up & gave him a big hug & thanked him for everything! I really grew a lot in my faith this semester… and Fr. Tim played a big role in my growth! I thank the Lord for bringing him & the other clergy & students at Newman into my life here… My faith life, which I was able to nurture in a special way at Newman, really got me through the rough times here during my study abroad experience! It also gave me a venue to praise God for the many blessings he has granted me on this journey & every day of my life! Thanks be to God!

I got back to Pembridge about 9:30 PM. I called Ron W. to work out when he’d pick me up from the bus station today etc. Then I was back to work on my History paper! I worked on it while watching “Platoon” in the lounge from 10PM – 12AM!

Platoon is such a great & moving film… but very disturbing as well! Since I was more focused on my paper than the movie it didn’t get to me as much as usual! I was up late working on the paper & beginning to organize & pack for this weekend!

Packing for this weekend also pretty much entailed going through & packing everything… cuz I am leaving dad’s brown suitcase at Ron’s family’s this weekend & while I travel! So when I go back to London on Mon. night I will take only my big ol’ backpack!

It too me all day today to get myself together, do laundry, run errands, & pack! It was quite an ordeal figuring out what to take & leave etc. But I did — all by myself! I did need Mel to sit on my suitcase so I could get it closed! That brown suitcase is fairly temperamental & was a royal pain in my buttox from Pembrige to the Victoria Coach Station! But I made it & hopefully won’t have to deal w/ it like that again if it works out for Ron to take me to the airport when I return from traveling w/ Ruth!

I believe I will pick up a new & bigger “carry on” bag in Southampton this weekend to make all my stuff less cramped…

Ruth’s sister is here visiting. It was nice to meet her. She seems cool, religious, a bit like me in some ways, & even brought Ruth & me “Twizzlers” for our travels!

Okay, so I made it to the coach & can finally relax… Oh, I bought the “Trainspotting” soundtrack & “Take That’s Greatest Hits” today for myself! They should make for some nice musical memories of my London semester…

[Noting that up until this point, the entire entry was written in green ink, from my four color Bic pen — which is still my fav/go-writing utensil today. This next paragraph was written in red ink, from the same pen.]

Scotland, Scotland, Scotland… What an amazing & memorable weekend no wonder it has taken me so long to write about it all…

[Noting that I then proceeded to return to green ink.]

Opps! One more thing about this past wk.! Last night I talked to Mom & Dad! Always wonderful to hear their voices… Mom is on Spring Break from school & enjoying herself! Dad took Wed. off & they went to the Art Institute! How cute! Fun, fun! Mom said Lori had called while on her layover in Chicago! How cool is that? Mom said she sounded real nice & mentioned our fabulous time in Scotland & my being a bridesmaid… I think that is so thoughtful of Lori to call & fun for Mom to hear her voice & chat etc. Mom & Dad & I had some details to work out. It was a long convo & we decided to save $ I would not call on Easter. I did give them the Weasley’s # just in case though… When I said goodbye I did feel sad. I miss them & will miss not spending Easter w/ them… But they will be in my thoughts & prayers as always… and I will be home in a little over a month!

Oh, yeah! One more cool telephone encounter in the past 24 hrs! I spoke w/ Graham Reed (from Camp last summer — lives in Liverpool) this morning! It was so great to hear his voice & feel terrible I did not contact him sooner this semester… it was so hard to prioritize & keep in touch w/ everyone while here! I wish I could of made it up to visit him in Liverpool! But it looks like he may be in London this coming weekend & we may get to see each other some time on Friday! That would be brilliant if it works out… I sure hope so!

[Noting that I returned to red ink.]

Well, once again I must put off finishing the account of our Scotland adventure!

The coach is nearing Southampton & I want to sit back, relax, & take it all in for the last 1/2 hr. or so of my trip there!

CHEERS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note from Present Day Kathy: This was a LONG one! I continue to be amused by how much I used “…” back then in my writing, not to mention exclamation points! However, beyond that I didn’t use as much punctuation as I do today — especially commas, parentheses and dashes. Also I noticed that in 1996 I apparently used Oxford commas and now I do not. That said, it was a journal and not something I ever envisioned sharing as I am doing now.

Also, I don’t recall trying Indian food back then and, not having had it very often since, reading this entry make me want to find and try Tandoori Chicken Tikka Malaysia again sometime soon! We didn’t eat any Indian food while in England last summer, in part because our kids are such picky eaters. If/when Bob and I go back, we’d like to. Also, Chicago has an area known for having really good Indian food which maybe we can check out in the not to distant future.

I have had Indian food several times since working at Northwestern, which I have appreciated. One of the times, in my old role on the program team supporting two professional masters programs (MLDS and MSIT), I worked with international students studying abroad here from India to plan a meal for them to enjoy with their peers. It was such a cool and interesting experience. A favorite memory related to that was when one of the students introduced the buffet items before we began eating, explaining who he had chosen/recommended them. If I recall correctly, he also shared that many Indian weddings are very big (often as many as 500 people) and when you get an invitation, the assumption is that you are welcome to bring more than one guest.

I found my comments about what computers and email (or e-mail, as I wrote it back then) was like in 1996 fascinating. I can only imagine what 21 year old me would think about laptops and smartphones (including the concepts of texting, FaceTiming and social media), not to mention AI! I think I have shared this before in my London Semester Journal reflections and, back then I only had access to email on campus, which was a 30 minute tube ride from where I lived. So different than having everything at my fingertips 24/7 at age 51.

When I started working on this post yesterday (which was Holy Thursday), it took me a little while for the incredible synchronicity to dawn on me. I wrote this journal entry on Good Friday 30 years ago — which included an in depth reflection on how I spent Holy Thursday in 1996. Now, it is Good Friday once again — two days shy of exactly 30 years later! Of course, that led me to consider, compare and contrast what my faith looks like after three decades of living, learning and evolving.

In recent weeks, I’ve been reading/listening to two of feminist theologian Meggan Watterson’s incredible books — Mary Magdalene Revealed: The First Apostle, Her Feminist Gospel & the Christianity We Haven’t Tried Yet and The Girl Who Baptized Herself: How a Lost Scripture About a Saint Named Thecla Reveals the Power of Knowing Our Worth — which have been blowing my mind! Meggan focuses on the women of the early “Jesus/Christ Movement(s),” especially Mary Magdalene and Thecla, before Roman Emperor Constantine took over/made Christianity a patriarchal religion. Meggan also explains what happened to the scriptures that were not “chosen” (over 400 years after Jesus’s crucifixion) to be included in the New Testament, as we know it today. Those scriptures (including many additional gospels) tell a very different story about how we can find answers to life’s most difficult questions (within, as opposed to outside of, ourselves) and the roles that Jesus intended for women and gender nonconforming people to have in life, as well as ministry (including equality and leadership).

I appreciate being able to see how I thought about faith and God back then versus now. At 21, my understanding of “not my will, but yours be done” is very different than at 51. That way of thinking no longer aligns with how I imagine God to be, if they exist. Similarly, back then I believed that God had more influence and control over our lives, which included bringing people into my life and being able answer specific prayers. However, especially after our journey with Molly, I no longer believe in a God that would let our baby die (if they somehow had the ability to intervene). I can’t get on board with a higher power that thinks humans need to learn lessons through allowing their love ones to suffer and die. I definitely attribute little, if anything, to God these days and have a better understanding of my own agency, as well as ability to listen to my own inner voice when it comes to navigating life/difficulties.

I also found it interesting how I mentioned feeling “in touch with God” and things being “really powerful” in talking about my faith journey back then. I still find experiences in life to be moving and powerful, though I connect them less to a God and more to the mystery of life and the universe. At this time, I identify as agnostic — which I think 1996 Kathy would be really surprised to learn, as well as 2006 Kathy. By 2016 I was starting to question my faith and God more, which led me to where I am today.

My growing understanding of high control religions, as well as a God that informs such approaches to life and faith, has been eye opening in the last decade. As with many other areas of life, I have done so much learning and unlearning, which has dramatically changed my view of the history I was taught/socialized to believe since childhood. Once I began to digest that victors get to write and tell more of the stories about what happened — often destroying as much of the other narratives along the way — I realized pretty quickly what I had been missing. That allowed me to transfer that to so many other arenas in life, including faith/religion and government/politics.

There is a concept I’ve heard a lot about in recent years, referred to as “third spaces.” For the first 40 or so years of my life, church and faith based community groups were one of my main chosen third spaces (outside of home and school/work). It was interesting for me to reflect on the third spaces that I sought out and got involved with when I was studying/living in London, especially Canoe Polo Club (more social) and Newman House (more religious). At this age and stage of life, I rarely attend church or connect with people through faith based community initiatives. Most of the last 10 years, as I have become more radical (in the best sense of the term) and progressive, I’ve been drawn to more socialist/abolitionist activist and organizing groups/movements/spaces.

In the last year, I added a new Third Space = iO Theater in Chicago. 49 year old (let alone 21 year old) Kathy would not believe that 50 (and now 51) year old Kathy would fall in love with practicing improv. And, yet, here I am finding so much joy and meaning through “yes/&” with the community I have joined at iO. A contrast that stands out to me when I reflect on how I chose to spend Holy Thursday in 1996 (and most years until the last five years or so), which included going to mass, is where I was last night. I prioritized going to a Level 3 improv make up class (since I wont be at my regular Saturday class this weekend) and attending an improv show to see classmates/friends perform instead. Attending Palm Sunday, Holy Thursday, Good Friday and the Easter Vigil during Holy Week used to be a highlight of my year!

Now, I get as much or more out of being in community with others who value living a life informed by playing together, staying grounded in authenticity and practicing yes/&, as I did when I prioritized attending church and practicing my faith in like-minded communities. To be clear, I always sought out more open minded Catholic/Christian churches/communities to participate in and tried to advocate for change from within (especially when it came to the role of women and more recently gender nonconforming people). However, now even those don’t feel like they fit me or I them anymore.

Moving on, the Architecture course that I took that semester was so cool! I recall loving how many of our class sessions were field trips to see the buildings and styles we were studying/experiential learning! Likewise, many of my London semester abroad courses included such opportunities which left a lasting impression on me.

Some of the time I have been working on this post, I chose to listen to a playlist that I made, based off a music mix on a tape cassette that I made and brought across the pond (to save space, not bring as many tapes). That definitely added to my nostalgia while reflecting and writing here.

Another thing I found interesting in this entry is that I commented on not really knowing how London was laid out, because I took the tube so much in 1996. On my three trips (in 2019, 2024 and 2025) since, I did a lot more walking (in part because I am arguably in better shape now than I was then and enjoy walking more in general) and thus, experienced more above ground and how places are connected.

Lastly, getting to revisit the phone call I described having with my mom and dad towards the end of this entry was a gift — especially since they have been dead for almost three and five years now. It was always wonderful to hear their voices and I loved getting to remember they’d gone to the Art Institute that week together (during Mom’s Spring Break from teaching as a reading specialist in Evanston schools), as that is what Bob and I did last month to celebrate my 51st birthday! Also, it was a bittersweet reminder how expensive it was to call long distance back then — in that that we agreed not to connect on Easter to save money. I love and miss my parents so much, especially on holidays weekends like this. There have been very few holidays in my life that I haven’t connected/spent quality time with my mom and dad, until their deaths. I don’t know that I will ever get used to them not being here and I continue to learn to live without their earthly presence, as I imagine all they would think and say about the world and how I am navigating my life in 2026.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reminder: Unless I’ve been given permission to use people’s actual names, in most cases I’ve removed or replaced the names of the real people who were part of my journey/experience there, in effort to protect and respect their identities/privacy in my London Semester Journal entries. I will also not share details that I think and feel are too personal for anyone I interacted with, my loved ones, and me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s the back story of My London Semester Journals from 1996, including what prompted me to revisit and decide to share them here in 2018. And here’s a list a list of the entries, which I will update as I share them.

Tuesday, 4-2-96
1:45 PM London
6:45 AM E-Town

Well, I just said goodbye to Lori. With the help of ISA office staff & her mercedes cab driver we got her all packed into the car & off to Heathrow airport! It was really sad. It was really hard to see her go. It has been such an amazing semester…

I am on the tube right now trying to write this. There is some really drunk guy near by who won’t shut up. It is making it very hard to concentrate… I just switched cars cuz his antics were beginning to scare me!

This morning Paul, Adam, Lori, & I went to breakfast at the hotel where Paul’s parents had stayed when they visited! It was a continental breakfast & being as slick as we 4 are we snuck in & pretended we were staying there! It was fun & yummy & when we first walked in it was really hard not to giggle! At the table Adam took out his Let’s Go Britain & Ireland & we all talked like we were tourists! It was hilarious to speak of the sites we might go see & act confused about the tube etc.!

Then Lori & I went to Whitley’s mall to run some errands. I picked up a quote book — rather a blank book from a card store & when we got home wrote some of my favorite quotes in it for Lori & gave it to her! She has always said this semester tha she liked that I had one & wrote cool quotes in it… now she has one too!

She gave me a necklace last night which she made for me at “Topman!” It is on a purple string w/ beads & a silver letter “K”! She said I could wear it at camp & it was purple because it was our favorite color!

She also wrote me a very sweet card that I just read cuz she wanted me to wait until she left… the cover said “A friend is someone who still likes you, even when they know you really well.” How true is that?!

Well, the tube was stopped for awhile, I think cuz of that drunk guy. Some policemen even came to get him! More later

CHEERS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note from Present Day Kathy: It’s been one year and seven months since I shared my last London Semester Journal entry/blog post here (in August 2024) and seven and a half years since I began this project (in September 2018). I certainly never imagined I would not have finished sharing/reflecting after all this time and life has a way of diverting us from things we don’t prioritize. I’ve been thinking a lot about my London Semester lately, as it’s now been 30 years since I studied abroad. Also, Bob, the kids and I finally got to take our epic adventure to England last summer! So, I’ve been relishing in the many incredible experiences we had and memories that we made there together. This photo was taken during our family trip in front of 21 Pembridge Gardens, where I lived from January – April 1996, during my London Semester Abroad. It is no longer owned by ISA/IFSA and is a private residence. But, it was still cool to get to see it again. I’ve gotten to return to London three times since 1996 (in November 2019, September 2024 and June 2025) and have made a point to visit Pembridge Gardens every time.

Earlier this month I was curious where I left off and saw that this next entry was a short one, which felt like it wouldn’t be too overwhelming to jump back in with. That said, it was a bittersweet one for me to revisit being that it was my roommate’s departure day. I had loosely forgotten that (not her real name) Lori left over a month before I did. We didn’t actually attend the same school in London, during our time abroad. Thus, we didn’t have any classes together and were often on different schedules.

I believe I snapped this photo of Lori when she was packing to go home. After a semester abroad, figuring out what we could keep/fit in our luggage/bring home was a daunting task. I think Lori may’ve also sent one or more packages home, which I vaguely remember and seeing a box in the picture also supports that possibility. One of the most nostalgic things in the picture (which could be like one of those Highlights magazine search and find pages) for me are the Europa Foods bags, as that was our local/walking distance market on Notting Hill Gate, where we went most days to grab fresh food. I can still recall how yummy the fresh bread there was and how many times I would buy it while it was still warm and eat it on my walk back to Pembridge Gardens where we lived.

As I may’ve shared here previously, my London Semester was likely the height of my young adult naughtiness. Though I could probably count on one hand the things I’ve done/did back then that I am not super proud of, I also appreciate that some might consider such activities to be rights of passage and/or not a big deal. I still have three different style pint glasses that I pocketed from various pubs in London, I smoked more cigarettes during my time studying abroad then I ever did before or again (which still was not much) and then there was this incident with (not their real names) Paul, Adam and Lori at the hotel (where we were not staying/paying) continental breakfast pretending to be tourists for a free meal.

This entry reminded me that I have still yet to find my old quote book that I really enjoyed regularly adding to and sharing with others. I also recently came across a photo of a collage that I made for (not her real name) Deborah, which I recall using quotes from my old book, and that further inspired me to finally start a new one (pictured above)! I started by adding the quotes from the collage and then some from here on my blog and look forward to using it more how I used to. In lieu of it, I typically jot down quotes in the notes app on my phone.

Also, it was sweet to be reminded of the card Lori gave me before she left, which I likely still have saved somewhere. The quote on it, “A friend is someone who still likes you, even when they know you really well,” holds true! I am pretty sure I also still have the purple necklace with the “K” on it that Lori made me and it was fun to recall that, back then, we had a shared favorite color. These days orange is my favorite and purple is a close second, especially working at Northwestern University for almost 5 years now!

As I reflected on in my last London Semester Journal post, it is bittersweet that Lori and my relationship faded within a few years of our time across the pond together. We reconnected briefly at some point via social media and it didn’t stick. Maybe someday we will reconnect again and stay in touch? As my mom would say, “more will be revealed…” In the meantime, I am grateful for the memories and all that I learned from our time being roommates at 21 Pembridge Gardens in London.

My next London Semester Journal entry is a long one, so we’ll see when the spirit moves me to transcribe and share it. That said, I enjoyed revisiting and reflecting on this one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reminder: Unless I’ve been given permission to use people’s actual names, in most cases I’ve removed or replaced the names of the real people who were part of my journey/experience there, in effort to protect and respect their identities/privacy in my London Semester Journal entries. I will also not share details that I think and feel are too personal for anyone I interacted with, my loved ones, and me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s the back story of My London Semester Journals from 1996, including what prompted me to revisit and decide to share them here in 2018. And here’s a list a list of the entries, which I will update as I share them.

“You okay, within reason?” the mammogram tech asked me, almost rhetorically, each time before tightening the compressor even more on my right breast and telling me to hold my breath.

She was apparently really focusing on an area they were concerned about.

I was okay (enough) and it still hurt a lot.

Today I had three of the most painful mammogram images that I recall having taken. They typically don’t phase me that much and I’ve often likened them to getting bitewing x-rays of my teeth.

It’s been almost six years since the last time I got called back after a routine annual mammogram screening and yesterday it happened again.

I’ve been called back four times before (2016, 2018, 2019 and 2020). Two of those times led to biopsies (2016 and 2019) and one of those led to surgery (2016).

I was initially told that the breast center staff would contact me to schedule the follow up and thus thought I had to wait overnight before next steps. My gynecologist didn’t seem concerned, which I found reassuring. That said, between my own and others’ experiences with breast care scares, I was feeling anxious.

This morning I ended up getting a “letter” from the Breast Imaging Center telling me to contact them. I was able to schedule a “Mammo Additional Views” follow up mammogram and ultrasound for this afternoon in the NW suburb of Vernon Hills (about 30 minutes from Evanston). 

I took a half sick day, since they scheduled 30 minutes for the mammogram at 1:00 p.m. and 30 minutes for the ultrasound at 2:00 p.m. I knew that I would get the results while I waited, which I really appreciate in these situations.

When I flash back to my routine ultrasound yesterday morning, I recall the tech (who was super nice and chatty) taking an additional image of my right breast. I don’t recall the exact reason she gave, however it didn’t concern me in real time. I realize now that she may have noticed something. We were chatting about how I was not feeling great, because I got my second Shingles vaccine on Monday around lunchtime and was experiencing side effects (super sore arm and somewhat sick with flu like symptoms), and when she said she hoped I wouldn’t be back for a year I took that as a good sign. I’d taken a planned sick day off work for appointments, both because of my mammogram and in anticipation that I might feel off after the Shingles vaccine (which I did).

The ultrasound tech today was kind and had big hair sprayed bangs (which fit my childhood stereotype of Vernon Hills — where one of my middle school friends, who liked to style their bangs in the shape of a flower, had moved from in 7th grade). After the tech took those three super painful (within reason) images she checked in with the radiologist about whether any more were needed and confirmed they were not.

Next, I was brought to the ultrasound room and another medical team member got me set up on the exam table. I had to wait for awhile for the radiologist, who apparently does her own ultrasounds there, to make her way to the room. As I layed there, I rested my eyes, did some box breathing and thought about the vast number of ultrasounds I have had in my adult life, mostly related to pregnancies and secondary infertility. Though, at this point I have more than a few related to breast care.

When the radiologist arrived she did a fairly quick ultrasound scan and appeared to be taking some measurements of the “mass in the central outer right breast at middle depth,” which is how it had been described in the “Abnormal Mammo” test results from yesterday.

Then she explained to me that the mass is a slightly concerning (I think she actually said “complex,” but didn’t remember that until I read the report later) cyst in my right breast and they want me to follow up with another mammogram and ultrasound in six months, which I already scheduled for Skokie in September — on my mom’s birthday (which I typically take off as a mental health day, since she died in July 2023). I took the Vernon Hills option today since they had a cancelation and could get me in there.

The official test results and message from my gynecologist said that:

“Everything continues to look stable. For ‘Bi-rads 3’ we repeat every six months for two years and if things continue to look stable, then we can switch back to yearly. For now: The radiologist recommends repeating right breast ultrasound and mammogram in 6 months, to ensure everything continues to be low risk for breast cancer.”

More details include…

IMPRESSION: Complex cyst 9:30 right breast 6 cm from the nipple seen on ultrasound correlating to a new mammographic mass. Six-month follow-up right diagnostic imaging is recommended. The findings, recommendations and imaging were discussed by the doctor.

BI-RADS: 3

FINAL REPORT
Mammography Assessment: 3-Probably benign

Recommendation: Follow-up at short interval

Breast Density: Scattered areas of fibroglandular density.

RIGHT DIGITAL DIAGNOSTIC MAMMOGRAM: A mass is confirmed in the outer/slightly upper right breast.

RIGHT BREAST ULTRASOUND: Targeted right breast ultrasound demonstrates a 6 mm x 4 mm x 7 mm slightly complex cyst with internal septations at 9:30 right breast 6 cm from the nipple.

I have had to follow up like this before (though not every six months for two years) and will review my notes/previous blog posts more thoroughly about how my past experiences played out.

I did see that in 2020 when I got called back the cyst was rated as BI-RADS: 2 – Benign and I didn’t have to return for another year. So, I am noting that this one is BI-RADS: 3 – Probably benign.

I found this explanation about BI-RADS (breast imaging-reporting and data system) on the Cleveland Clinic website informative.

This is what it says about BI-RADS 3 – Probably benign finding:

The findings in this category have a greater than 98% chance of being benign (noncancerous). But as it’s not proven to be benign, the radiologist wants to monitor it to be sure it doesn’t change over time. You’ll likely need additional imaging (like mammogram, ultrasound or MRI) in six months.

So, it’s not the best and not the worst news. I’ll take it!

I recognize that the odds are in my favor and it is still hard to wait. I am also reminding myself how common this is, as my sister told me yesterday I have shared with her in the past when she got called back.

I am choosing to focus on the “probably benign” part and am feeling okay, within reason.

*****

Here’s a list of my previous breast (s)care posts, which I appreciate being able to review as needed and hope they help anyone who might find them useful now or in the future:

Cutting to the Chase  (1/11/16) 

Biopsy Day (1/16/16)

Benign Phyllodes Tumor (1/18/16)

What Happens Now  (1/26/16)

Second Opinion Day (2/15/16)

A Good Problem to Have (2/16/16)

Asymmetry (2/17/16)

Surgery On Monday (3/18/16)

All Clear (3/26/16)

A Questionable Finding (12/15/18)

High Probability of Being Benign (12/20/18)

Expect the Unexpected (8/6/19)

Brave and Anxious (8/14/19)

Fabulous News! (8/20/19)

I’m Coping (8/31/20)

Best Possible Outcome (9/1/20)

14 years ago I participated in a year-end blog meme for the first time called Rewind 2011, with fun and interesting questions designed to get writers and readers to reflect on our lives in 2011. I did so again the following year, with my Rewind 2012. After that I took six years off, starting up again with Rewind 2018, followed by Rewind 2019, Rewind 2020, Rewind 2021, Rewind 2022, Rewind 2023 and Rewind 2024. I am always fascinated by how much has changed in my life over the years, as well as the many things that haven’t. I decided to do it again this year and as with my experiences in 2011 – 2024 answering the 35 questions listed below was both interesting and challenging for me. 

For 2025 I cleared many of my previous answers from 2024 in effort to start fresh, as it can be tempting to reuse more than a few (which I’ve done in the past and is okay). I did consult posts from social media, blog entries here and our family holiday letter (that we sent with our card in December) when I felt the need to jog my memory for some questions. I also gave myself grace to not finish it during 2025, hence why I am now sharing it in January (as I did for my Rewinds 2022, 2023 and 2024).

Today happens to be the 85th anniversary of my dear dad was birth. Five years ago we celebrated his last/milestone 80th birthday via Zoom, because of the pandemic. I took a mental health day off from work to allow myself the space to grieve and honor all that made Dad so unique and special. It’s still hard for me to wrap my brain around the reality that Dad died 4 1/2 years ago. Remembering so many things that made him who he was — including his sense of humor, love for the Beatles and so many other musicians, as well as spaghetti and chocolate cake. Taking this day off also gave me the time and space to finish this post, which I have been working on/tinkering with for awhile.

If you choose to participate (either on your blog, via a social media post or you can even send me an email with your answers), please let me know so I can read and comment on yours too.

So here goes Round 10 with “Rewind 2025:”

1. What did you do in 2025 that you’d never done before?
Take improv classes (once a week for eight weeks)! After participating in a professional development improv workshop with the Chicago Career Professionals Network (CCPN) at iO Theater in Chicago in September, as well as attending Skylar’s (our eldest child’s preferred name) iO improv end of session performances on stage earlier in the year (which our family finds entertaining), I decided to start improv classes myself at iO this Fall! I am continuing in the new year with Level 2.

Another thing I’d never done before was on Bob’s and my 25th Anniversary this year. One of the ways we celebrated was by having dinner at a restaurant with a tasting and wine pairing menu. This was a first for both of us. Being a big milestone, we splurged and chose Ever in Chicago — which has two Michelin stars. Ever is featured on, and Executive Chef Curtis Duffy is said to have partially inspired, one of our favorite TV series, The Bear (which is filmed mostly locally in the Chicago area, including sometimes a few blocks from our home/on our street in Evanston). We rewatched the episodes filmed at Ever and I also read Fireproof: Memoir of a Chef by Curtis Duffy with Jeremy Wagner before we went. Being a picky eater, I am not always very adventurous when going to restaurants. However, in this instance, I was determined to try and eat everything that we were served. I am proud of myself for doing just that and actually enjoyed it all!

Each course was served in a creative way and that was part of what made our experience so interesting. As for the wine pairing, I had researched in advance what might make sense for us in regards to that and had determined sharing one (which they allow) was a good plan (especially because I am not a big drinker/a light weight and get full easily). That said, the servers encouraged/talked us into each getting our pairing. They suggested we would be eating and drinking slowly over many hours, as well as that the serving sizes weren’t that big, and thus most people are fine with their own servings. We took their advice, which was a “big mistake… Huge!” to quote Pretty Woman. They served us much faster than we anticipated and they had told us they would. So, unfortunately, 1/2 to 2/3 of the way through our meal I started to feel really woozy and not well. That was extremely frustrating.

We asked them to slow down to the service and I went to the bathroom for a bit. A side note about the bathrooms at Ever, something I knew about in advance from reading Chef Duffy’s memoir, is that instead of playing music in the background, they play excerpts from Matthew Mcconaughey’s book Greenlights. So that was an added layer of bizarreness, when I was in the loo trying to sober up a bit and return to enjoy the end of our meal, including the dessert courses. They did end up comping us the additional wine pairing, which we appreciated. I also asked that in the future if a customer presents like me, they might think twice about suggesting they have their own pairing.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
As I have shared in previous years, I no longer believe in making New Year’s resolutions, as I know that I can start something new and/or make changes in my life at any time. I don’t think I have to wait for a new year to do so and I also appreciate that it can be motivating to use a new year to jump start our work towards goals in our lives. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully none of my closest family members or friends died this year. However, five loved ones did pass away who had a meaningful impact on my life. I get that this is/will continue to be more common as I get older.

In March, my Aunt C, one of my dad’s three younger siblings/sisters died. She was 81 and #4 in the Axe family. She was the fourth of the Axe five to pass, though at the time I thought she was third, more on that shortly. She died three years after Aunt D and almost four after Dad. Though I didn’t know Aunt C well, I am grateful for the times I got to see and spend time with her over the years, including during a visit to our extended Axe family’s hometown of Marion, Ohio for my paternal Grandma Mite’s funeral services in May 2000. It is the only time in my life that I got to see my Dad interact with all four of his siblings together, which I was fascinated by. It was wonderful for me to hear them reminisce about their childhood and adolescent memories.

My most vivid memory of Aunt C is from a business trip that I took to California back in November 2002. It was my first time there and Aunt C picked me up at the airport. Then she drove me to the Golden Gate Bridge, which I wanted to see, as I’d never been. I can still picture us riding in the car and chatting that day. Since I didn’t grow up seeing and spending time with our extended Axe family often, I relished in any opportunity I had to get to know my aunts, uncles and 20 cousins (some of whom I have still never connected with in person). These losses are as much for me about what wasn’t, as what was, and that is what it is.

What makes Aunt C’s passing more bittersweet (as I shared about in Rewind 2024) is that one of her three daughters, C, lost her husband, J, to cancer in August 2024. C was Aunt C’s primary caregiver, outside of the long term care community where she resided towards the end of her life. That is a lot of loss to experience in such a short time. I was looking through photos, to find what I have of Aunt C and came across many from my visit in November 2002, including some with C, Jand their kids when they were little. They are such sweet memories of time we spent together back then and it’s hard to believe that was 23 years ago.

In May, I received a brief email from one of my dad’s cousins with the surprising and sad news that my Uncle G died. That is bittersweet in and of itself. However, Dad’s older brother’s death has been more challenging and complicated for me to digest because I didn’t find out about it until almost a year after it happened. Apparently our cousin tried calling G several times and his phone number didn’t work. So then they called his wife/my Aunt M who shared that he died in June 2024. He was 84. Our extended Axe family had complicated relationships with G and I was still sad to learn this news, especially in the way that I did, as well as that he had been dead for almost a year and we didn’t know sooner. This news hit me pretty hard — a mix of sadness (about his death) and anger/frustration (at the situation and our extended Axe family’s dynamics).

I learned of Uncle G’s death about six weeks after my Aunt C’s death. At the time I thought she was the third of the five Axe siblings to pass and now I know she was the fourth. Dad died first (July 2021), Aunt D (January 2022), Uncle G (June 2024) and Aunt C (March 2025). Their sister/my Aunt S remains. After Uncle G returned home from Dad’s wake and funeral in July 2021 (which we were somewhat surprised he decided to attend), G sent a thoughtful email in which he suggested that when tempted to think, “woulda, coulda, shoulda,”’to replace that with, “I’m so glad I got to…” I really appreciated that at the time and have come back to that advice many times since, especially as I have continued to navigate my grief since Mom and Dad’s deaths.

There are many meaningful memories that I’m so glad I got to have which include Uncle G. G and I had fairly different world views/perspectives on issues/values, which is one of the reasons why I opted not to be in contact more often and likely why he also was not in touch regularly. That said, one of my favorite memories with him is a trip to and hike in the Grand Canyon with Bob, that Uncle G took us on during a visit in March 2002. There are some cute photos from my dad, G and their sisters’ childhood, along with others that I appreciate being able to revisit as I grieve. They include a single birthday card that Dad and G exchanged/sent back and forth for 30-ish years, Dad and G’s shared love of music/singing/playing guitar, as well as two of the several gifts that G made by hand for our family over the years out of Saguaro cactus (which he did so beautifully). I wrote this blog post and shared about what Uncle G crafted for us in 2008 (he accidentally dated the note he sent with it 2007), after our baby Molly was born and died.

In June, G, who I knew from our Beverly neighborhood in Chicago via St. Barnabas Parish died. I was never a big fan of the song “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield until G shared why it was so meaningful to her on my first St. Barnabas CRHP women’s retreat in 2011. G was part of the giving team and gave a moving and inspiring witness/talk about her life and faith. She ended with the song, which in the context it was shared changed my perspective on and ignited my love for the lyrics. There is so much more I could share about the wonderful person G was and the disbelief, sadness and anger I feel that she died — after a long battle with cancer. However, for now I will say how thankful I am to G for the endless and wonderful ways she impacted so many people’s lives in the Beverly/Chicago/St. Barnabas community for the better. I will continue think of her whenever I hear “Unwritten” and do my best to live that message her your honor and memory.

“Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten”

In July, one of my dear friends who lives across the pond in England/J’s partner A’s teenage son L died unexpectedly in an accident. It happened while we were there, after we had spent time with J and A, however they didn’t tell us until we returned home, as they didn’t want it to impact how we experienced the rest of our time in England. We are sad that we never got to meet, spend time with and witness L performing in person (he was a singer and guitar player in a rock band). We have watched videos A shared and were impressed with how talented L was.

In August, one of my NU/Medill colleagues N died unexpectedly. Though we didn’t work that closely together, we did so sporadically related to the Medill Explores/Travel Colleague programs (which I have participated in several times and mention in #5). N and I could see each other’s desks from from our offices, which were across the hall from each other, and would often run into each other coming and going. We also chaperoned adjacent trips to London together in September 2024 and communicated more often then, as well as prior to the trip I chaperoned this year locally in Chicago.

In November, M, who served as a former Pastoral Associate at the Sheil Catholic (Newman) Center at Northwestern University, died. She was such an important part of the Sheil community, where my family practiced our faith throughout my childhood, adolescence and early young adulthood. When I returned to the traditional workforce/started my job at NU, back in August 2021, she welcomed me to campus with great enthusiasm. After our family moved to Evanston in March 2022, we sometimes attended mass at Sheil and Mary would always greet us/make us feel welcome. For my mom’s second to last birthday in September 2021 (before she died in July 2023), she asked for a new Bible. I asked is she had a preferred translation and she wasn’t sure. We discussed who we thought would give a great recommendation and agreed that would be M! This is an excerpt from M’s response:

“I really like these three translations. New Revised Standard Version (NRSV), New International Version (NIV) and New American Bible Revised Edition (NABRE). These are the most accurate translations. If she wants a more poetic version, the Jerusalem Bible is lovely.”

My family and I ended up getting Mom the NRSV, which she really appreciated, and we now have.

5. What places did you visit?
This summer (in June/July) we took our long-awaited 25-day trip to England! I had been planning it, with input from Bob, Skylar and Gail, for over five years – since it was originally scheduled for August 2020. We visited London, Windsor, the Cotswolds (Stow-on-the-Wold and Bourton-on-the-Water), Bath, Stonehenge (in Wiltshire), Chawton, Winchester, Southampton, Manchester, Liverpool, York and the Lake District (Keswick). We also had unexpected pit stops in Madrid, Spain (though we only got to see the inside of the airport, which is beautiful) and Dublin, Ireland (we did venture into the fair city briefly) when our flights were delayed several times and it took us three days to get home!

My mom/Grandma Jacquie spoke about “peak life experiences” and our time together across the pond was absolutely that. We got our fixes and fills of history (so many museums, cathedrals and other fascinating sites), entertainment tourism (related to Ted Lasso, Harry Potter, Downton Abbey and The Beatles), live theater (Operation Mincemeat, Harry Potter and The Cursed Child and Something About Lennon), nature/landscapes (lots of walking and an incredible “Catbells” hike), delicious food (including three Sunday Roasts and our go-to bread pudding dessert), pints (for Bob) and half pints (for me) of beer and spending quality time with friends who live in various cities there.

In September I got to participate in the Medill travel colleague program again, this time chaperoning a five day local experience in Chicago, with a Northwestern IMC — Medill Explores: Marketing Technology (MarTech) intensive/immersive (masters level) course. It was fascinating and exhausting. I commuted every day (a combo of driving and taking the train) and though I skipped formal workouts in the morning, I got lots of steps in and really enjoyed seeing so much of our awesome city.

With all the discourse (disinformation really) around Chi-town’s safety at that time and since (mostly driven by the current Presidential Administration), I continue to feel grateful to live in a part of this country where many people, communities and elected officials are willing/able to organize and act in line with our shared values when it comes to civil/human rights, justice, resistance, solidarity and mutual aid. Also, the amateur photographer in me relishes in capturing some of the beauty I see when spending time in our city of big shoulders and it always takes me back to the awesome field trips that my fav high school photography teacher would take us on there.

In November, we road tripped to our alma mater with Skylar and Gail, where we got to see our niece perform with the Marching Illini — before, during and after a football game (which they one) that we attended there. We had so much fun following her around campus as they performed. As an added bonus, the Halftime show was “Hamilten: 10 Years of Hamilton!” Visiting the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign is always nostalgic for Bob and me. We stayed overnight this time, which gave us the chance to relish more in our old stomping grounds.

6. What would you like to have in 2026 that you lacked in 2025?
I feel a bit like a broken record in recent years and I still struggle with staying calm/neutral when I am outside of my “Window of Tolerance” and/or as they say in 12 Step programs when I would be better off HALT-ing (which stands for hungry, angry lonely and/or tired). This especially tends to come up in parenting our adult and teenage children. We are trying to help them develop their own healthy habits and routines, which will hopefully lead them to more independence, along with meaningful and fulfilling lives. However, as all kids tend to do, ours push back and test limits at times — which makes interacting with them more challenging. I continue to work on pausing before responding and returning to this wise advice from a friend several years ago:

“When we feel reactive or cynical, it’s often because we are at capacity/our cup is overflowing. Recognizing those moments is key, especially as white people (and people with other types of privilege), and not allowing them to shape our actions.”

7. What dates from 2025 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My 5oth birthday on March 6, our 25th wedding anniversary on September 23rd and Bob’s 50th birthday on October 21st were all wonderful milestones in our lives and our relationship/for our family. On the milestone anniversary eve, our family opened a time capsule filled with memorabilia from 2000, including letters from loved ones, which was a bittersweet and meaningful experience. Bob and I also took our milestone birthdays and anniversary off work to do some of our favorite things, including seeing a show at Second City, playing golf and visiting Frank Lloyd Wright’s Home and Studio, as well as having meals at some spectacular and unique restaurants (including the one I mentioned for #1, which featured a tasting menu with wine pairings).

Also, January 2 and December 20 were two significant dates/turning points for our family that sparked some extremely difficult and uncertain times that we’ve had to navigate together.

8. What was/were your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Surviving another year since my mom (in July 2023) and my dad (in July 2021) died continues to be a big one for me. My parents (who were both amazing and flawed) were my biggest cheerleaders and continuing to learn to live without their earthly presence in my life is not easy. Supporting our 22 year old and 16 year old children on their journeys, often in ways that Bob and I did not expect to be at this age and stage, is also something I am proud of. Working with Bob on our marriage (25 years in)/our relationship (29 years in) and continuing to evolve together. Lastly, pulling off our family’s epic and memorable vacation/trip to England!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Trying to rescue people too often who could benefit more from learning their own life lessons through natural consequences. Also, “translating” too much on behalf of loved ones who might better understand each other in conversations not mediated by me. Though both of these actions come from my good intentions, I recognize that doesn’t always equal a positive or meaningful impact.  

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Amazingly, not really! Which after 2024 (in which I got COVID for the first time and suffered through a long bout with vertigo) was a big relief! That said, I continue to be very proactive with my health care, including having a my first bone density scan this year, along with receiving COVID, Flu, Pneumonia and Shingles #1 vaccines.

11. What were the best thing(s) you bought?
Our big home renovation, which was finally completed last month (in early December), though we’ve been able to enjoy many aspects of it (especially Bob’s and my new home offices) for several months. 

Our 25 day family trip/vacation in England!

Our family continues to experience great joy through going to live theater, concerts and sporting events. Some of our favorite performances from this year, that various configurations of us saw, were: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (Chicago and West End), Steppenwolf Theatre shows (we were subscribers again this year with old/dear friends from when we lived in Beverly/Chicago), Betrayal play (Chicago), Beetlejuice musical (Chicago), DOGMA: The Resurrection Tour, a 25th Anniversary Celebration with Kevin Smith (Chicago), 42 Balloons musical (Chicag0), Operation Mincemeat (West End), There’s Something About Lennon (Liverpool), David Nicholls You Are Here Book Tour (York), Billie Jean play (Chicago), The Fruchroom (Beverly/Chicago), Cameron Crowe The Uncool (memoir) Book Tour with John Cusack interviewing him (Chicago), several improv shows at iO Theater and an Illinois football game (with our niece performing with in the Marching Illini playing the cymbals).

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I am resharing the answer I gave last year, as it still tracks:

“I continue to be proud of Bob and me for how we have met the many challenges we have faced this year, especially as parents. We didn’t anticipate parenting would be as hard as it is at this age and stage. Also, the way we have managed to juggle/balance our many responsibilities related to parenting, our day jobs and the home renovation project, which have been time consuming and stressful.

(Skylar) and Gail both had challenging years and I admire their tenacity and resilience as they navigate their lives, which often haven’t gone as they hoped, dreamed or planned. It is one of many common life lessons, which no amount of preparation and expectation can really prepare a person for the reality of.”

Also, our community members who fought back against ICE raids in the Chicago area, others continuing to stand up to the fascist/authoritarian Trump administration and those practicing collective action, mutual aid and community care, especially with government agencies/policies fall woefully short in protecting and supporting those in need.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I am adapting parts of the answer I gave last year and in 2023, as much of it still applies…

The conservative/biased U.S. Supreme Court and how they are continuing to abuse their power to roll back/take away civil rights for women and trans people (especially when it comes to making decisions about our own bodies/medical care), as well as other marginalized people (especially affirmative action/DEI). Also, the Israeli and U.S. governments that are funding the ongoing genocide in Gaza and Zionists. I continue to be confused and saddened to learn how many people in my orbit that I understood to be progressive, open minded and anti-racist aligning with/supporting the Zionist agenda.

The Republican Party as a whole, their elected officials and those who support Trump. As I’ve shared previously, I wasn’t a big fan of Biden or Harris as presidential candidates either, especially because of their support of the genocide in Gaza and not implementing an arms embargo. Though I voted for Harris/Walz, it was reluctantly and I had hoped if they got elected we could organize them to take action and change some of their plans/policies to be more progressive and inclusive.

People who don’t accept and embrace people for who they are and see conversations around LGBTQ+ as “politics,” as opposed to people’s humanity and identities. People who reject and exclude people based on fear, misunderstanding, misogyny, homophobia and racism.

14. Where did most of your money go? Our house, our trip to England, tickets for live theater performances and food (both groceries and restaurants meals).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our family’s England vacation and our home renovation!

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2025? Beatles songs, as we listened a lot before our trip to England, which included three very Beatles-centric days in Liverpool, especially “Lady Madonna,” as someone in our tour group played it on the piano in Paul McCartney’s childhood home while we were there.

Related, the original cast recordings for 42 Balloons and Operation Mincemeat, as we like to listen to them frequently in the days leading up to seeing the live productions.

Taylor Swift’s newest album, The Life of a Showgirl. We attended Taylor Swift’s Release Party of a Showgirl in the theater, which was fun and I received the vinyl version for Christmas.

The song Tonight Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae, as it comes up a lot on our morning workout playlist and we’ve had a lot of “messed up weeks,” as they sign about, this year. I find it especially therapeutic to sing along to this part:

“La, la, la, whatever!
La, la, la, it doesn’t matter!
La, la, la, oh, well!”

Also, in part because this year was so hard and stressful, I made a “Songs That Soothe” playlist that I continue to add songs to and listen often. This is what I have so far:
– The Show Goes On by Bruce Hornsby & The Range
– Golden Slumbers by The Beatles
– Carry That Weight  by The Beatles
– Take On Me (2017 Acoustic) by a-ha
– Turn the Lights Back On by Billy Joel
– Sunday by Mandy Patinkin, Bernadette Peters & Sunday in the Park with George Ensemble
– Waiting (Reprise) by George Michael
– Within Your Reach by The Replacements
– America by Simon & Garfunkel
– Kathy’s Song by Simon & Garfunkel
– Father and Daughter by Paul Simon
– Father to Son by Phil Collins
– Father and Son by Cat Stevens
– Keeping the Dream Alive by Münchener Freiheit
– Shelter from the Storm by Bob Dylan
– Orpheus by Sara Bareilles

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? sadder

b) thinner or fatter? fatter

c) richer or poorer? richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Purging! We did make some small dents and the closest thing I have to a resolution in 2026 is my intention go through and get rid of/donate more stuff. There is still a significant amount of my parents’ belongings that I haven’t made my way through, in part because it can be a painful/bittersweet project to work on. That said, the more time that has passed since their deaths, I am finding myself more able to approach their things and determine what to do with them.

Also, walking! In warmer weather Bob and I enjoy going for walks most nights after dinner. However, when the weather gets colder and/or snow arrives we are less motivated. As with so many things in life, it can be so easy to get out of healthy habits and this is one we really let go towards the end of 2025.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating past the point of being full (as opposed to aiming for 80%) and retail therapy/online shopping for things that I don’t need. 

20. How did you spend Christmas/the winter holiday season in 2025?
This answer is adapted from a series of posts that I shared on Facebook and Instagram during the holiday season…

This Andrea Gibson poem, which was shared via Megan Falley and their Substack on December 23, really resonated with me on Christmas Eve Eve. Our family’s holiday season did not go how we anticipated and such is life. We are made the most of our unexpected situation, “being here for what is here” (as Dean Spade talks about) and leaned into our nuclear family love, with support from other loved ones near and far. We allowed ourselves to feel how we feel, while navigating difficult and uncertain circumstances, during what doesn’t always feel like the most wonderful time of the year.

Christmas Eve was different this year for us, than how we celebrated many in the past. We didn’t anticipate that until several days before and still found joy and meaning together as a family. We attended the children’s mass at St. Nick’s with the H family/close friends/chosen family (one of whom served), which included a cute nativity play. I also got to see and chat with another old and dear friend there (who was in town from across the pond), which was lovely. Then we had a relaxing dinner at Valley Lodge Tavern in Wilmette, which was festive, cozy and delicious. Lastly, we headed home for a low key evening of opening presents and spending time together.

It still felt so surreal being our 3rd and 5th Christmas since my mom’s and dad’s deaths. They are always in our hearts and never far from our minds.

On Christmas Day Bob, Skylar, Gail and I hosted and celebrated Christmas with the H family. They were amongst my parents’ closest friends/chosen family and we are grateful for their continued presence, love and support in our lives, especially during this bittersweet holiday season. 2.5 and 4.5 years since their deaths, mom and dad are still so very missed. My sister’s family alternates years spending Christmas with her husband/our brother-in-law’s family in Minnesota. This was a Minnesota family year and thus we gathered with them belatedly on the Sunday after Christmas.

On Sunday, December 28th Bob, Skylar, Gail and I hosted and celebrated belated Christmas with my sister, brother-in-law, their son, our Axe cousin M (on my dad’s side/one of his sister’s grandkids), along with the H family. It also would’ve been Mom and Dad’s 60th wedding anniversary, which was one of the reasons we picked this date to gather.

We ordered pizza (which was our Evanston Axe family Christmas Eve tradition), exchanged presents and spent quality time together. The H family also brought crackers, which they do most years when we celebrate the holidays, and are always fun to open together!

Cousin M (one of my paternal cousin’s daughters) moved to Chicago this summer with a childhood friend, after they graduated from college in the spring. Bob, the kids and (especially) I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know and spend time with her this year. It was also nice for Meg’s family and the H family to get to meet her.

One of several amusing moments on Sunday, was when my sister and I realized we had gotten each other the same cherry themed Kate Spade kitchen towels and pot holders for Christmas! I also got Meg cherry themed Kate Spade salt and pepper shakers, which my sister shared she’d also gotten me (and was saving for my birthday in March)! My sister loves Kate Spade stuff and I have gotten really into cherry themed things since our mom died, as it was her “southern” nickname.

If you haven’t tried a “Danish Kringle” (delicious coffee cake-ish treat) from Wisconsin, I highly recommend! If I had some before this holiday season, I don’t recall. At our work holiday party/potluck earlier this month, someone from Wisconsin brought several flavors. My favorite that day had cinnamon filling. However, they all seem to taste similar and my sister’s family brought one with raspberry.

Lastly, around the holidays my sister and I saw lots of 11:11s, as well as some 2:22s. We text each other when it happens, if we aren’t together, and it works for us to feel like they are signs from our mom and dad.

21. Did you fall in love in 2025?
I feel in love improv, as I shared about in #1! It is something I’ve thoroughly enjoyed watching as an audience member for much of my life. However, I never anticipated wanting to learn to do it myself until the latter part of 2025. Now getting to attend and participate in weekly classes at iO Theater on Sunday afternoons is a highlight of my week!

Another somewhat unexpected love that I found in 2025, was listening to Joan Didion’s writing via audio versions of her many books. So far I have only read her memoirs and books of short essays, which I will share more about in #24. That said, it came as a surprise to me, because I had read her book about navigating grief after her husband’s death, The Year of Magical Thinking five years ago (in 2020) and didn’t love it the first time around. I realized in retrospect that was likely because I wasn’t used to her unique writing style (which I came to really appreciate in 2025) and that in spite of having experienced the deaths of many loved ones prior to my parents’, it wasn’t until they each died that Didion’s writing about grief resonated with me more fully.

22. What was/were your favorite TV program(s)? The Pitt: Season 1, The Gilded Age: Seasons 1 – 3 (I also listened to every single episode of the companion podcast, of which there is one for each episode of the show, which added so much to the already awesome show), The Diplomat: Season 3, The Bear: Season 4, Welcome to Wrexham: Season 4 and Cobra Kai: Season 6. Also, our family rewatched all six seasons of Downton Abbey, starting before we left for England, in part because we knew we were going to Highclere Castle, where it was filmed. We also watched episodes here and there during our trip, to help us wind down before bed. We also rewatched some Ted Lasso episodes before we left, since we knew we were going to visit where some of the show is filmed in Richmond. I am probably forgetting some as our family loves to binge watch TV series together and I may update this if/when I remember more.

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2025?
This answer is adapted from a series of posts that I shared on Facebook and Instagram around the time of my 50th birthday…

On the eve of my milestone 50th birthday I ran into one of my vestibular PTs in the waiting room for my annual mammogram. Which felt like something a 50 year old would experience. Also, I got to tell her that I did all of my exercises that day!

I chose an old fav for my first workout of this new decade of my life = Focus T25: Speed 2.0 with Shaun T! T25 was the first Beachbody/BODi program that Bob and I did when we started working out every morning together, in 2014, and it was a fun/nostalgic way to start my birthday. Also, I got the results from the biopsy of my mole/skin from the previous week and my mammogram the day before and both were clear/no signs of cancer, which was a big relief!

Love cake for breakfast any day and especially on my birthday! Bob baked it (my fav yellow with chocolate frosting) and Gail decorated it — with an elephant (because I collect them) and cherries (in honor of my mom) on it. Bob and I both took my birthday, as well as the day after, off work. Also, Skylar gave me a cuddly stuffed elephant, which is super cute.

Bob, Skylar, Gail and I celebrated my 50th with a delicious dinner at Topo Gigio Italian restaurant in Old Town, followed by the hilarious Second City 112th MainStage Revue: The Devil is in the Detours!

I went to Second City many times in my teenage years and young adult life with family and friends, including my 18th birthday in 1993 and it was part of my bachelorette party/night out in 2000. It was such fun and nostalgic place to ring in this new decade of my life, along with it being Skylar’s and Gail’s first experience there. It also felt so good to laugh that hard, especially in these times. This was all before I felt inspired to take improv classes myself, though in retrospect, it was somewhat foreshadowing.

Bob got me two new charms — cherries and an elephant (that I picked out), for my Pandora bracelet. My parents gave me the bracelet and my first two charms (as a surprise) for my 40th birthday ten years ago. Ironically, Gail didn’t know this when they decorated my birthday cake earlier in the day with both cherries and an elephant!

Lastly, I wrote and shared a blog post (though I didn’t actually finish it until June), Holding Mystery at 50, as I had done when I turned 40 and 45. I appreciate being able to revisit what I was thinking, as well as feeling, back then and how far I have come since. It is a bittersweet and meaningful exercise to see how my life has changed and evolved in five year increments.

24. What was/were the best book(s) you read and podcasts that you listened to?
I read/finished 28 books in 2025 (some I had started in 2024), which was five more than the 23 I read in 2024. As I have shared before, I am often reading/listening (via Libro.fm to support Bookie’s Chicago, which is a great alternative to Audible, benefitting independent book stores) to more than one audiobook at a time. I also read hard copies for those that weren’t available that way (many of which I ordered from Haymarket Books and Bookshop). 22 of the books were non-fiction (which I tend to prefer/be more drawn to) and six were fiction. Of the 22 non-fiction books, three were for David Kaib’s socialist/abolitionist Book Club. I continue to appreciate that the book clubs that I am in move me to read books I might not have otherwise. I also read multiple books by several authors, which I haven’t done consistently in recent years.

I use StoryGraph (a good alternative to Goodreads) to track what I read and this is an excerpt from my 2025 StoryGraph Wrap Up that I shared on on Facebook and Instagram.

My favorites were:
– Love in a F*cked Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell Together by Dean Spade (I didn’t rate/review this one in StoryGraph yet, but it definitely gets 5-Stars!)
– The Message by Ta Nehisi Coates (which I read for the second time and was also one of my 2024 favorites)
– The Grieving Body: How the Stress of Loss Can Be an Opportunity for Healing by Mary-Frances O’Connor (which is a companion to her previous book, The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn From Love and Loss — one of my favs in 2023, that I read soon after my mom’s death)
– Rules to Win By: Power & Participation in Union Negotiations by Jane F. McAlevey & Abby Lawlor (which deepened my understanding of and increased my commitment to the value and necessity of unions/organizing)
– You’d Better Be Lightening by Andrea Gibson (I am late to the Andrea Gibson party, especially since they died this year. However, I look forward to returning to this one, as well as reading more of their poetry and substack writing in the days to come.)

I also especially appreciated what I learned from:
– Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion (which reintroduced me to Joan Didion and made me want to read everything she has written, something I have started doing in the last month)
– My Child is Trans, Now What?: A Joy Centered Approach to Support by Ben V. Greene (which I recommend for anyone who loves people who identify as trans and/or wants to learn more about how to support trans people, especially in these difficult and uncertain times)
– Abolish Rent: How Tenants Can End the Housing Crisis by Tracy Rosenthal and Leonardo Vilchis (a fascinating book about housing and how we can organize to make it more equitable)

I continue to love listening to podcasts and some that I really enjoyed this year include: A Jane Austen Year, How to Survive the End of the World, Movement Memos, Question Everything, Proxy with Yowei Shaw, Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, We Can Do Hard Things and Wisecrack. As with the many TV series my family and I watch, I am probably forgetting some of my fav podcasts and I may update this if/when I remember more.

25. What did you want and get?
For our home renovation to wrap up and our 25 day trip to England!

26. What did you want and not get?
For some people in our orbit that we care about to show their love for and acceptance of our nuclear family in ways they seem to be unwilling and/or ill-equipped to do. Though their behavior didn’t come as a total shock, we had given them more benefit of the doubt in recent months/years than it turns out was warranted. Feeling their judgement and rejection, as opposed to the curiosity, support and affirmation we hoped for, has been very painful.

For far more people to challenge the status quo and push back on Trump administration orders and policies (which are far worse than the status quo). This looks like a lot more collective action, mutual aid and community care in the face of authoritarianism and fascism.

27. What was/were your favorite film(s) of this year?
We don’t watch many new films these days and I am blanking on any that I really enjoyed in 2025. That said, Bob and I did watch many interesting and thought provoking documentaries/docuseries. The kids joined us for some of them. I especially appreciated Come See Me in the Good Light and The End of an Era. Though that might be recency bias, as I can’t recall many of the others, and I may update this if/when I remember more favorites.

28. Did you make some new friends this year?
Many through taking improv classes at iO Theater!

As I said in last year’s post, I also want to be more intentional in 2026 with reaching out to existing friends to invite them to meet up and spend time together. Bob often reminds me that this age and stage of life makes that more difficult, because of all that we are juggling/holding and that’s okay. I appreciate that affirmation and still want to try to prioritize seeing and catching up with friends when possible.

Lastly, I connected with one of my mom’s closest friends, M, over the phone several times. Prior to this, I always thought of her as one of my mom’s friends. Now, I consider M to be my friend too. I’d wanted to reach out for a while and finally did so via a text message in late August. I knew that we both really miss my mom. We loved talking with her and she loved talking with each of us regularly. So, I wondered if M would like to talk with me sometime. I shared that I thought it could be meaningful for both of us, as well as that I missed having an older person in my life that can have the kinds of conversations I used to have with my mom* and I am also a good listener/person to discuss life with, if she was open to that. We connected that same week and it was really meaningful for both of us.

*Noting that I do have another older person in my life (who was also one of my mom’s closest friends/part of the H family) that I have meaningful conversations with and I still felt it would be meaningful to connect with another of my mom’s close friends.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More stability within our family, as that has sucked a lot of Bob’s and my energy. As I shared previously, of course we want to support our adult and teenage children through their trials and tribulations. That said, we didn’t expect much what that would look and feel like at this age and stage of life. We continue to take life one day, one step and one next right thing at a time. We are grateful for the many therapeutic and academic teams who work with us to help Bob, Skylar, Gail and I navigate life.

Related, more stability, acceptance, curiosity and humanity in the world, nation and our communities.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2025?
As I shared recent years, I continue to appreciate clothes and shoes that are comfortable, flattering and fun. In the warmer months/seasons, I especially enjoy wearing Birkenstock Mayari sandals, which I have in three different colors. In the colder months/seasons, my go to shoes have become Dansko Clogs and Oboz hiking shoes.

31. What kept you sane?
Reupping/adapting my answer from 2024:

Therapy was huge and I continue to love my therapist that I started with in 2023. Also, connecting with my best friend/partner/husband Bob and some close friends (sometimes in person and often via text/group chats). Listening to podcasts and audiobooks continues to be meaningful to my mental health as well.

Prioritizing healthy sleep habits — including getting enough (we aim for seven hours on weeknights and closer to eight on weekends) and getting up when our alarm goes off the first time.

Following our daily exercise routine is huge in helping us to feel grounded and sane in the midst of the chaos that we often experienced in 2025.

Noticing how what I consume makes me feel and adjusting (increasing, decreasing or maintaining my intake levels) accordingly.

Also, Bob and I continued to take regular neighborhood walks, which we both really enjoyed.

Additionally, recognizing when I need to slow down/do less, giving grace, as well as space, and doing the next right thing — especially during difficult and uncertain times.

32. Which celebrity/public figures(s) did you fancy the most? Mariame Kaba, Kelly Hayes, David Kaib (I have learned so much from the Abolitionist/Socialist reading group that he hosts and I participate in), Sam Fragoso (host of the Talk Easy podcast), Brian Reed (host of the Question Everything podcast), activists Cynthia Nixon and Morgan Spector (they are also actors in The Gilded Age) and Joan Didion (even though she died in December 2021, I became enamored with her writing this year and have read many of her books/essays).

33. What political issue(s) stirred you the most? See #13

34. Who did you miss?
As I shared in recent years, I miss my mom and my dad so much. Also, many other loved ones who left this world too soon, including our baby Molly, make my heartache often. That said, my parents’ deaths have continued to eclipse those loses at this stage of my grief. 

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson(s) you learned in 2025.
When engaging with loved ones or colleagues who are wound up, try not to respond in a way that amplifies the situation. I especially use this when replying to texts or emails and remind myself that I do not need to answer immediately (usually within 24 hours is reasonable).

Related, when people around me are struggling, I can help/support without “getting in the river” with them. As I wrote about in #9, recognizing when I am doing too much “rescuing” or “translating” and allowing for more natural consequences and intentional communication (without me mediating) between others.

Practicing values aligned behavior and decisions. This is something our family has been working on together and asking ourselves how we make choice that move towards (as opposed to away from) our values.

Improv taught me the value in “yes, and” and I am frequently reminded that more than one thing can be true at the same time.

Thank you for being part of my life in 2025. I wish you and yours a wonderful, meaningful and restorative 2026.