My 20+ year long man-crush on Howard Stern is by no means a secret to anyone who knows me. It’s nurtured daily by tuning into Sirius Satellite Radio (and now America’s Got Talent). I listen with headphones as I do image processing, often laughing so hard I annoy my wife. I look forward to long trips in the car alone, so I can get caught up on reruns of the show. It is what it is. But never in a million years would I actually ever expect to meet Howard in person. And that’s just what happened yesterday.

I was on Long Island for the final day of a week-long photography training with the insanely talented photographer Doug Gordon. Doug is well known in the world of photography as one of the top wedding shooters in the country, but also known as one of the most likable and down to earth. He has a long list of accomplishments, three portrait studios on Long Island and last year joined an elite group when he was awarded the Professional Photographer Leadership Award from the United Nations. Doug also happens to be Howard Stern’s personal photography teacher.

Anyway, back to my story. In a nutshell, yesterday my worlds collided. Doug was demonstrating a “Trash the Dress” session and I was completely engrossed. I was somewhat distracted by a very tall guy standing in front of me, blocking my view. He had a hoodie on and I didn’t give much thought to it except to think to myself “I don’t remember anyone quite that tall in our group this week”. 10 minutes passed and I still had no clue. It wasn’t until Howard asked Doug a question that I figured out who he was. If only someone had a video on my face.

I composed myself as best I could. Not an easy thing to do. I quickly came to the realization that Howard was honestly and genuinely there to learn about Trash the Dress. He was focussed at the task at hand and his questions to Doug were not only relevant, but highly technical. He wasn’t on the beach as Howard Stern the King of All Media, he was there as Howard Stern the photography student. For me, that made everything simpler as anyone who knows me can tell you – I can BS about photography ad nauseum. So we spoke about Aperture Priority vs. manual, what were the best batteries to use at a wedding, discussed Doug’s unusual use of cropping photographs, etc etc. Then Howard pulled out his iPhone and showed me pictures he just took of his wife Beth (model, HGTV host) that were going to be on the cover of a magazine in a few weeks. And as I’m huddled around his iPhone I trying to keep calm because I’m screaming inside “You are now standing with Howard looking at his iPhone…breathe!” It was absolutely surreal.

Since then I’ve replayed our conversation in my head again and again, but still really can’t believe it. For those who don’t “get” Stern I won’t spend time trying to convince you otherwise. For fans, let me say this – Howard is exactly what you’d expect: thoughtful, funny, focused, humble and bright. It was an honor.

If I could make everyone look like Brad and Angelina I would, but I rather people were able to recognize themselves when I’m done.  It’s cheaper than plastic surgery and lasts forever.

Could you just Photoshop that thing off?  And while you’re doing that, could you make me look younger?  And thinner?

Personally I’d like to know when did Photoshop become a verb.  It has become an all encompassing magic phrase that people throw around without really knowing what it means.  Mostly it’s a cure all for anything you don’t like in a picture or in life.  I have clients who use it freely whenever they have a request – and there is apparently no limit to what this Photoshop can do.  Even my wife uses it in normal conversation – for example when I try on clothes that don’t fit she’s looks at me and laughs: “Can’t you just Photoshop a few extra pounds off so you can fit in?”  Not funny.

So unlike the mall based portrait stores who expressly do not Photoshop portraits but instead tell customers that they can do it themselves at home on their computers (true story) – professional photographers do spend a good amount of their time getting training to properly enhance images.

In fact this morning I was on a live feed with one of the greatest instructors of all time, Mr. Scott Kelby hearing about the highly anticipated Lightroom 4 release and how to utilize all the cool new features.  While I was learning I put together a long anticipated before/after comparison shot of what I do in Photoshop so that people can get a realistic view of what can and cannot be “done”.  My goal with editing is to leave a person looking like the best possible version of themselves, while still being recognizable.

I didn’t want to embarrass anyone so I’m using my own ragged face as an example.  Photoshop does work.  While not exactly George Clooney, I do become a shade less disturbing with some help from all the algorithms in the software.  Am I “perfect”?  No.  And I don’t want to be.

Photoshop is best used sparingly in my opinion – it cannot make you younger, thinner or a nicer person.  It’s just one more tool in the bag of modern day professional photographers to help highlight someone’s best qualities while minimizing the rest.

And then there was Tuesday night.  The story began a few weeks back on January 25, 2012.  At 6:46pm I got an email that read:

“Hi Rick, my name is Jordan.  I’m from Connecticut and I am planning to come to Boston on Valentine’s Day to propose to my girlfriend…”

I could tell immediately that this was going to be another amazing Nadia and David situation.  About a dozen email exchanges ensued and virtually every detail was meticulously considered.  We were all set to go when something hit me:  Was I going to be on the ultimate romantic Valentine’s Day cruise for two full hours sitting by myself?  No beautiful wife to share it with?  I had visions of Captain Stubing pouring guests’ champagne, happy couples holding hands, flowers, chocolates…and me sitting alone in a corner seated at a table for one.  That’s not how I’d like to spend Valentine’s Day 2012.  So I arranged to deputize my wife Jaimie as a Rick Bern Photography official Light Holder.  Now, we had a solid plan.  We arrived on board the Odyssey dressed as normal patrons, despite having a super secret mission.

The arrangement I had with Jordan was to maintain complete radio silence until he found a way to sneak me a text around 8pm.  Specific instructions would follow, but until then we should lay low.  Not a problem.  I figured the gist of it was his proposing, she saying “yes” and everyone celebrating.  Nice and simple.  And I like simple.

What none of us had planned for happened faster than you could say “Holy Seating Arrangement Batman!”  Yes, the hostess (unaware of the secret mission) sat us at a table within an arm’s length of Jordan, and in full view.  It’s a big boat with hundreds of people – but with our luck we were inches from the intended soon to be Ms. No Longer Single.  I tried  to stuff my bulky Nikon D3 and backpack full of gear under our tiny little table by my feet.  Jordan and I carefully acknowledged one another with a split second glance, as professional spies might risk during a mission.  It was a daring move and it went undetected.  I quietly leaned over to Jaimie and whispered in her ear: “Target identified”.  And for the next two hours we enjoyed light conversation, all the while keeping one stray eyeball on the poor unsuspecting soon to be recipient of a Facebook relationship status change who was seated just a heartbeat away.

“Hey, are you guys … MARRIED??”

She responded with a giggle and a firm “NO”.  Right on cue Jordan seized the moment like a pro.  Dropping to one knee, he retrieved a beautiful diamond ring buried deep in his sock and asked for her hand in marriage.  She responded rather loudly (and forcefully):

“Are you serious?  Are you SERIOUS!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!??  Oh my God!!!  I’m going to THROW UP!!!” (direct quote)

I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to see when I arrived at the Copley Marriott that day.  I was introduced to a group of guys who had been to hell and back, with the scars to prove it.  During the shoot there was plenty of jabbing and teasing from the guys, but when it came time to do the job at hand it was all business.

On this Veterans Day I sincerely hope we all take a moment to pay tribute to the 24.9 million members of the US Armed Forces and their families.

It all started with another little email sent Nov 5, 2009.  It was sent to a group and started with: “To my closest friends…”

Up to that point in our near 30 year friendship Sean and I joked and jabbed, poked fun at one another losing hair and getting rounder, remembered the good old days at UMASS Amherst while trying to recount song lists from Dead shows long since gone.  We rarely spoke of big life issues, but underlying our relationship was the knowledge that we were always going to be there for each other.  We had real history, we had many shared memories stored in our brains – both good and bad.

Sean and I stayed in touch like guys do.  Whenever we spoke we were instantly transported back to college banter.  We referred to each other by the same name: “Ras”.  On the phone we would draw our breath out as long as possible: “Raaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssss”, usually ending with both of us in a coughing fit.  It never got old and it always brought us back to sillier, simpler times.

To be completely honest, when I heard his diagnosis I didn’t know what ALS stood for.  Come to think of it, I still don’t really know.  But now I’ve seen what it does.  When we got together in January 2010 for a “soup party” at his house – a tradition he started to spend time with friends and family – I couldn’t help but notice he was limping.  His spirits were good, his attitude positive, but his body was clearly changing.  We kept joking around and ribbing one another for getting old, not once discussing his situation.  We kept in touch through emails and phone calls.  We made several attempts to do lunch, we planned to go for a walk, we talked about visiting UMASS for a reunion tour, we stayed in contact just as we had done for decades.  In the meantime, my wife and I welcomed our second child, we moved to Needham, we lost my father and yes, Sean’s condition worsened.

When I saw my friend again in February 2011, his wife and three kids had moved to a house that would be easier to navigate with his motorized wheelchair/bed.  My friend who, in my mind, was just recently limping was now almost completely unable to move his arms and legs, reliant on the full-time care of his family and caregivers.  He sent me an invitation to come “hang with my buddies” and enjoy some “pizza and beer”.  When I arrived it quickly became apparent that this was an all guy group meeting to say how we felt about Sean to Sean while he could still respond.  A brilliant idea and an emotional visit, and what an honor to have been included.  A week or so later I returned for another visit.  I vowed to stay in closer touch and visit in person more often.  Time was passing too fast and his time was running out.

Then wedding season was in full swing and Sean and I played our usual email tag, trying to make something happen.  We kept in touch and checked in, but that’s all.  On September 21, Sean had someone type and post on Facebook:

“I found a new, temporary residence!  For the foreseeable future I will be at the Merrimack Valley Hospice House…”

Did he just say “hospice?”  How did that happen so “fast”?

A couple days later I visited him in hospice, not knowing what to expect.  Only a year ago I was at my father’s bedside in hospice but he was 80 and had been sick for a very long time.  What I witnessed was a man my age with three children and loving wife who was laying in bed unable to move, dying.  Yet when I walked into the room, Sean produced the biggest smile I’d ever seen.  His attitude was better than most people I know who are perfectly healthy.  His love for Chinese culture provided comfort and context to his circumstance and various Buddha statuettes were in ample supply around the room.  He had a great window where he could watch the birds and the trees.  He was at peace.  As we spent time together, he tried in earnest to speak.  It wasn’t easy and he became frustrated by needing to tell me a few things.  We laughed and joked around a bit, but we both knew that this was our goodbye.  Toward the end of the visit he asked me to take care of a few things and of course, I agreed.  He then asked me to remove his oxygen mask so I could hopefully better understand his words, so I did.

Being serious was not familiar territory for us, but we did our best to muddle through.  He thanked me for being such a good friend…for being his “brother”.  I thanked him in return.  After a quiet moment, his eyes looked down at me and he said with a smile:

“Not long”.

I felt a peaceful acceptance come over me with those words, and I simply replied back:

“I know Ras, I know”.

Today as I was busy in my life, fresh off a huge weekend with two bat mitzvahs and a wedding, deep into emails and image processing…that’s when I got the word of Sean’s passing.  Although this day did not come as a surprise, I was not at all prepared.  Where did 2 years go?  Why didn’t I find the time to share more with him?  In the end we all have to live our lives to the fullest, or at least do the best we can.  As I write this today I honestly feel like Sean is smiling down on me, getting a real kick out of my trying to write a blog about him.  I’m sure he’d think it was a grand waste of time because there’s plenty better ways to spend your day.

We shot this photograph together on a beautiful day just like today, seated on his porch talking politics after soup.  The amazing thing about Sean was his vast appetite for knowledge.  You could chat on virtually any subject and he had something relevant to say.  I remember as I took this he teased me that it would end up being his obit shot.  And he was right.

So for my brother of nearly 30 years, this one is dedicated to you.  I already miss you Ras, you have been and always will be, my friend.

Ras